Life Game (How To Get Girls By Improving Your Lifestyle)
Red Pill Theory | June 1, 2019 | by Avery
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HOW TO GET GIRLS BY IMPROVING YOUR LIFESTYLE

This post is a free excerpt from my upcoming book, _Attraction On
Demand:_

THE DEGREE TO WHICH YOUR MOOD AFFECTS THE WAY PEOPLE RESPOND TO YOU IS
UNCANNY. I CAN€™T COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES I€™VE GONE OUT TO
MEET WOMEN IN A BAD MOOD ONLY TO GET REJECTED BY ALMOST EVERY GIRL I
APPROACHED.

YET, WHEN I€™M IN A GOOD MOOD, NEARLY EVERY WOMAN I APPROACH
TREATS ME LIKE A KING.

EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS. WHETHER YOU FEEL ANXIOUS, ANGRY, OR HAPPY –
THAT EMOTION WILL SPREAD TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

In this article, you will learn a step-by-step system for feeling
great in your own skin. BY IMPLEMENTING THE STRATEGIES BELOW, YOUR
PERSONALITY WILL BECOME MAGNETICALLY ATTRACTIVE TO WOMEN.

So much advice focuses on _what to do to attract women_, but girls
don’t care much about what you say or what pickup techniques you
use, they care about who you are and how they feel around you
[https://redpilltheory.com/2019/03/31/how-to-exude-sexual-magnetism/].
And that’s why you’re about to learn how to become someone who
attracts women naturally, through the energy he projects. 11 Of
course, you should never use your mood as an excuse not to approach
women. Although you will get better results when you’re in a good
state, you will get absolutely no results if you only approach women
when you feel like it (see  article, Comfort Is The Enemy
[https://redpilltheory.com/2019/05/10/comfort-is-the-enemy/])
Fortunately, even if you’re in a shitty mood, you can quickly
snap out of it and enter a positive state by using the strategy in
this article, The Social Momentum Manifesto
[http://attractionondemand.com/2018/12/the-social-momentum-manifesto/].

PERSONAL VALUES AND SELF-ESTEEM

More than anything else, it is the degree to which you are living in
alignment with your values that will determine how good you feel in
your own skin.

Imagine, for instance, that you care about your physical health, but
you regularly eat fast food and sit on the couch 8 hours a day
watching TV. In this situation, the tension between who you are and
who you want to be is going to make it difficult to feel good about
yourself.

To be clear, watching TV in your free time isn’t inherently bad
for your happiness, but when the time you spend watching Netflix is
preventing you from being the person you want to be, then yes,
re-watching _How I Met Your Mother_ for the 7th time is going to
affect your internal state.

> “Learning how to get girls is less about the techniques you use
> and more about the person you become.”

 

Every action we take is either bringing us towards our values or away
from them, and this, in turn, is either making us feel better about
ourselves, or worse.

So, what are values, exactly?

Values are are like an internal compass for who you want to be, and
the degree to which you live in accordance to them influences your
self-esteem.

IF WE BELIEVE WE€™RE LIVING TOTALLY IN SYNC WITH OUR VALUES, WE
FEEL GREAT ABOUT OURSELVES. CONVERSELY, IF OUR DAILY ACTIONS CONFLICT
WITH OUR VALUES, WE EXPERIENCE A RANGE OF NEGATIVE EMOTIONS FROM
FRUSTRATION, TO STRESS, TO APATHY.

By making a concerted effort to determine what your values are and to
live in accordance with them, you will naturally become more
attractive to women. Your positive self-belief will be reflected in
the way you carry yourself: your body language, vocal tonality, and
eye contact will radiate positive energy.

The first key to living in alignment with your values is to become
consciously aware of what your values are. Although we all have
values, it’s not something many of us think about: getting clarity
about your values is the first step towards embodying them. Some
examples of key values for many people include:

 	* Freedom: The sense that you are making the decisions you want to
make in life as opposed to being forced to make the decisions others
want you to make.
 	* Impact: Having a positive influence on others. This can mean
anything from making someone laugh to creating a business that changes
the lives of millions.
 	* Friendship: Feeling connected to people who you have fun
experiences with.
 	* Physical health: Eating healthy foods, exercising regularly,
getting good sleep, spending time outdoors, etc. This value is about
treating your body with respect.
 	* Wealth: On one level this can mean being financially free so that
you aren’t constantly stressed about money
[https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307465357/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=averhayd-20&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=0307465357&linkId=3dd9a9d5d8d0e07ef7d38a56e1b3d9ce].
On another level it can mean being wealthy enough that you can support
others to improve their lives. Of course, this value can also be about
being able to afford a lavish lifestyle with exotic cars and 5-star
meals.
 	* Adventure: Having novel experiences. This could mean traveling to
new cities, hiking, or going to festivals and events. Adventure can
also be found in meeting new people or taking risks (I.E. performing
stand-up on an open mic night).
 	* Relaxation: Giving yourself the opportunity to do things purely to
blow off steam and enjoy yourself. This could mean playing video
games, watching TV or movies, meditating
[https://www.skillsyouneed.com/rhubarb/mindfulness-benefits-meditation.html],
hanging out with friends, or anything that is revitalizing for you.
 	* Spiritual growth: Connecting with a greater purpose, this could be
religious or philosophical. This might mean reading spiritual books,
meditating, getting involved in a community, or finding mentors.

Some values are fairly universal. For instance, most people care about
physical health, wealth, friendships, relaxation, and having an
impact.

However, the degree of importance for these values will be drastically
different from one person to the next. This variance is partly due to
your beliefs, culture, etc., and it’s partly a result of the
degree to which a particular value is being fulfilled in your life. If
you’re financially comfortable, wealth probably won’t be a
value in need of urgent attention. But if you’re living paycheck
to paycheck, making more money could drastically change the quality of
your life.

Similarly, if you’re making six figures, but you haven’t had
sex in 3 years, going out and meeting women is going to have a much
bigger impact on your well-being than doubling your income would. When
any of your key values is being neglected, it can become a bottleneck
for the quality of your life.

By determining what your core values are and what you can do to live
in alignment with them, you will have a clear idea of what actions you
should take (and avoid) to feel good in your own skin.

The first step is to identify what your core values are and what they
mean to you, then you can create a strategy for living in alignment
with those values.

Here’s an example of what this might look like (taken from my
journal):

> IMPACT:
> 
> I want my life to have a positive impact on those around me.
> 
> On a micro level I want to do nice things for my friends and family
> (like buying gifts, giving compliments, or doing unexpected favors).
> I want to connect with the people I care about on an emotional level
> by having great conversations with them. I also want to show these
> people that I care by going out of my way to make plans (like hiking
> or seeing a concert).
> 
> Furthermore, I can offer value through who I am: by being positive,
> passionate, and successful I can bring others up. By being vivacious
> I will spread that energy to others. This is something I can
> consciously cultivate.
> 
> On a macro level, I want to offer value to the world at large by
> writing the best self-improvement books ever written and by being a
> world-class coach who truly transforms the lives of those he
> teaches: not only in terms of getting them laid but in terms of
> helping them develop their self-esteem and ability to live in
> alignment with their core values.

So, you can become consciously aware of what your values are and what
they mean to you by creating a journal entry (like the above) for each
of your core values (don’t expect it to be perfect, you can use
the above examples for inspiration. Just write whatever comes to mind,
you can reiterate this later).

Next, you can specify habits and goals that will help you live in
alignment with the values you identified.

Here’s a few examples of what setting goals based on your values
might look like:

FITNESS:

LONG-TERM GOALS:

 	* Reach 10% body fat.
 	* Bench press 260 lbs for five reps.
 	* Run a marathon.

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

 	* Reach 15% body fat.
 	* Bench press 200 lbs for five reps.
 	* Run 2 miles without taking any breaks.

HABITS:

 	* Run for at least 5 minutes per day.
 	* Lift weights at least three times a week for five minutes.
 	* Count my calories.

WEALTH:

LONG-TERM GOALS:

 	* Get to 5,000 YouTube subscribers.
 	* Publish a video course that earns at least $5000.

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

 	* Reach 1,000 YouTube subscribers.
 	* Have the outline for my video course completed.

HABITS:

 	* Spend at least 5 minutes each day working on my video course.
 	* Spend at least 5 minutes each day working on a Youtube video.

ADVENTURE:

LONG-TERM GOALS:

 	* Travel to two countries I haven’t been to before.
 	* Go on at least 25 hikes.
 	* Meet 1000 new people.

SHORT-TERM GOALS:

 	* Plan my first trip to another country (and buy my plane ticket).
 	* Go on at least 6 hikes.
 	* Meet 200 new people.

HABITS:

 	* Go on a hike at least once every other week.
 	* Meet a new person every day.
 	* Spend five minutes per day researching my trip to a new country.

By creating long-term and short-term goals, and grounding those goals
with daily habits you want to cultivate, you ensure that you will make
sustainable progress towards your goals (even on days when you’re
not feeling motivated).

To be clear, the goal itself is arbitrary, it serves you by giving you
a clear vision of something you want to accomplish: the power of goals
is not in achieving them, it’s that they pull you in the
direction you want to go.

GOALS VERSUS HABITS

Long-term goals are useful, but they can be easy to neglect unless you
also define daily (and/or weekly) habits that will help you achieve
them. For example, if you want to start an online business, you might
create a habit of working on a Youtube video for at least 5 minutes
per day. Or, if you want to lose weight, you might create a habit to
track your calories every day on an app like Fitbit or MyFitnessPal.

Those might sound like small habits, but the hardest part of changing
your behavior is starting. If you set a goal to go to the gym for an
hour every day or to read business books for 2 hours a day,
there’s going to be a lot of resistance to starting that
behavior. CONVERSELY, WHEN YOU KNOW YOU€™RE ONLY EXPECTED TO GO TO
THE GYM FOR FIVE MINUTES, OR YOU ONLY HAVE TO READ 2 PAGES OF A BOOK,
STARTING YOUR HABIT WILL BE RELATIVELY EASY.

Our emotions have a bigger influence over our behavior than most of us
would care to admit. It’s important to make changes that
don’t throw you off your emotional equilibrium too much. At the
same time, you must accept that building any new habit will involve
facing some discomfort. Find the right balance between getting out of
your comfort zone while also taking care to avoid taking on so much
stress that your new habit becomes unsustainable.

Pay particular attention to how you feel before and after you do an
activity – do you feel stressed about the idea of starting? Do you
feel drained afterwards? These are signs that you may want to take a
step back and make your habit easier to adopt by reducing the size of
your commitment (I.E. instead of going to the gym for an hour, change
it to 15 minutes. Instead of expecting yourself to approach 5 women a
day, reduce it to 1.)

BUILD MOMENTUM

Even though pursuing your goals may be difficult at first, with enough
practice, the momentum will take over and making progress will become
effortless.

It’s important that you don’t limit yourself with your
habits (for example, once you’ve meditated for two minutes, if
you want to do more, then do so). This is key because it allows you to
make a shift from meditating because you have to, to meditating
because you want to.

When you start doing something because you enjoy it, it will be easy
to make that behavior into an automatic habit and to build on it over
time. If, however, you’re always struggling to do something and
relying on your willpower, then it will never become an automatic
habit: it will always be something that you force yourself to do.

Willpower is a tool that can get you to take action when you otherwise
wouldn’t, but it’s a limited tool that is unsustainable in
the long-term: trying to use it to do something new for an hour or
more at a time is extremely draining. Trust that by engaging in a
particular activity repeatedly, you will eventually start to enjoy it.
At that point, you’ll want to push yourself further without
needing to rely on willpower.

THE POWER OF VALUES

CREATING HABITS AND GOALS BASED ON YOUR VALUES HELPS REMIND YOU WHY
YOU€™RE INVESTING YOUR TIME AND ENERGY IN A PARTICULAR BEHAVIOR:
the stronger your sense of purpose behind what you do, the more
motivated you will be to keep doing it in the long-term.

Furthermore, awareness of your values will broaden your perspective.
Until you make a conscious effort to acknowledge that relaxation is
important to you, it’s easy to feel that all relaxation is a
waste of time.

I’ve noticed that when I create goals without thinking about the
values I want to strive towards, my thinking becomes very
one-dimensional: I start to focus on the one thing that I’m
struggling with the most while neglecting everything else.

Of course, there isn’t just one important area in our life –
there are many. If you spend a year dieting and lifting weights, you
can get into great shape, but if during that time you neglect your
social life and your business aspirations, those areas will atrophy.

Recently, I spent a year focusing nearly all my attention on my online
business, and although I made great progress in that area, I ended up
gaining over 40 lbs because I neglected my physical health.

Sure, one area of your life may be a priority that you want to put the
most effort into, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to
only set goals and create habits for that one area. Dating may not be
your first priority. It’s okay if you don’t want to spend 10
hours a week approaching women. However, if over the next year, you
don’t meet any new women, your dating life is only going to get
worse (just like my physical health did).

THE MOST COMMON SELF-IMPROVEMENT MISTAKE I SEE PEOPLE MAKE (MYSELF
INCLUDED) IS FOCUSING ON ONE GOAL AND IGNORING EVERYTHING ELSE. Yes,
you should prioritize, but all your values matter, and they will
always matter.

When your physical health isn’t a priority, you don’t need
to work out every day, but it would still be a good idea to go the gym
twice a week and count your calories. When spiritual growth isn’t
a priority, you might not go to live in an Ashram, but you can still
meditate for at least five minutes a day.

There’s an important difference between putting a small amount of
effort into an area of your life and putting in no effort into an area
of your life. Just counting your calories and going to the gym a
couple times a week will help you make progress towards your long-term
fitness goals. Whereas if you don’t workout at all, you’ll
likely start gaining weight.

Furthermore, when you decide it is time to focus on your fitness or
your spiritual growth, doing so will be much easier if you have
already established small habits for those areas of your life.

Don’t take this to mean you should start 10 new habits all at
once. It’s important to strike a balance between fixating on only
one area of your life (and therefore letting everything else slide)
and trying to change everything at once. If you only put effort into
one goal at a time, the areas you neglect will gradually get worse.
Conversely, if you try to take on too much at once, the habits
you’re building won’t be sustainable.

I recommend taking on 3-5 new (small) daily habits, at most. Decide
which of your values are the highest priority right now and create
habits that will help you live in alignment with them. Once you
feel that this set of new habits is a regular part of your life that
no longer requires conscious effort, then you can add a new one.

TRACKING YOUR PROGRESS

It can be helpful to track your progress with a Google Spreadsheet or
an application like Todoist or Trello. By putting your habits into an
app (and ideally, setting daily reminders on the app), you will gain
greater awareness of the progress you’re making. And, equally
importantly, you will be unable to forget what your habits and goals
are.

The more aware you are of your values, the more likely you will be to
make an effort to live in alignment with them. Because of this, you
might find it useful to make a daily habit of re-reading the
description of your core values that you wrote.

Furthermore, you can create a daily journal in which you list out your
values (and your corresponding goals) and analyze what you did well
and what you can improve on.

Template for daily journal:

Date:
Reflection:

Values:

Impact:

Adventure:

Spirituality:

Wealth:

Health:

Relaxation:

I’ve found that one of the most common reasons we fail to live in
accordance with our values is a lack of awareness; making a conscious
effort to think about what your values and goals are on a daily basis
can help combat this tendency.

LIVING IN ALIGNMENT

When we feel that we are reacting to our impulses instead of
consciously creating the life we want, we become distressed,
frustrated, and apathetic.

By taking some time to establish what your values are and what you can
do to live in alignment with those values, you’re giving yourself
a road map for increasing your self-esteem and overall satisfaction
with your life.

As your day-to-day actions become increasingly matched to your values,
your self-esteem will increase, your energy will become more positive,
and the way people see you will completely change.

This all happens in subtle ways, your nonverbal communication reflects
how you feel about yourself. If you feel like you are meandering
through life, or that you are a victim, or that you are not the person
you want to be, these self-beliefs will leak out into your body
language, voice, etc. The opposite is also true, when you feel that
you are moving forward in your life and improving each day, the way
you carry yourself will become substantially more attractive.

Positive energy is magnetic
[http://attractionondemand.com/2019/03/how-to-be-more-attractive-by-exuding-positive-energy/].
By cultivate positivity within yourself, people will experience an
emotional pull towards your presence.

Being positive won’t necessarily make women sexually attracted to
you by itself, but it will open doors: women will listen to you more
carefully, they will hold stronger eye contact with you, and they will
want to spend more time with you.

Negativity, on the other hand, will close doors. I’ve experienced
many situations where a beautiful woman was clearly attracted to me,
but I killed that spark with my own negative thoughts and assumptions.

The interactions we have with others are largely a reflection of our
own internal thoughts and feelings. I used to live in a world in which
I believed people were constantly judging me as inadequate. I was so
worried about being judged that I came across as nervous and insecure.
People could sense my insecurity, so they actually did feel
uncomfortable around me, which (in my mind) proved that my negative
assumptions about others were true.

Yet, today, I see the world as a friendly place, and I generally
assume people are positive and trustworthy. As a result, the way
people treat me has also transformed. I feel better about myself and
other people feel better about me.

To be clear, you can get laid without living in accordance with your
values, or even if you’re living in accordance with shitty values
(let’s say you value doing drugs and getting drunk and you
genuinely don’t give a shit about making the world a better
place).

“Life game” isn’t a prerequisite for attracting women,
but it does help. And the more you’re living in alignment with
your values, the more you will resonate (I.E. have chemistry with)
women who are living in alignment with similar values.

If you’re watching TV all day and working a meaningless job, you
will naturally be more attractive to women who are following a similar
path. If, however, you’re taking care of your health, reading
interesting books, and pursuing your passions, you will naturally
attract women who are doing the same. Living in alignment with your
values isn’t particularly important for attracting physically
beautiful women, but it is important for attracting women who you
respect and admire.

 

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/blog/Red-Pill-Theory/life-game-how-to-get-girls-by-improving-your.22599