Social Relativity: From Nobody to Superstar
The Power Moves | March 2, 2018 | by Lucio Buffalmano
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Personal value and social status are always relative.

They are relative because there is no set measure and because they
don’t depend only on you.
Indeed, for the most part, they depend on the assessment of the people
around.

You can be a star in one group, and a nobody in another one. In the
short span of a few minutes.

This post will review social relativity from a groups’ perspective.

Contents

	* Social Relativity Examples

	* Interest Groups Afford Power Based On Very Specific Skills And
Traits
	* Some Groups Exclude Based on Lack of Common Traits
	* Rank-Based Groups Afford Status Based on Rank
	* Hate Groups: There Is One Hidden in Any Group
	* Bars & Clubs: Your Status Is Relative to The Other Patrons
	* Forced Groups Are Free For All

	* Environmental Impact On Personal Values

	* Win Every Time: Value Targeting

	* Social Chameleon
	* Group Social Value Drawbacks

	* When Status is LESS Relative

	* Better Specific Currencies or General Ones?

	* Summary

SOCIAL RELATIVITY EXAMPLES

Let’s quickly review different types of groups that will make you
valuable -or useless- within them.

INTEREST GROUPS AFFORD POWER BASED ON VERY SPECIFIC SKILLS AND TRAITS

Some groups aggregate around interests.

Being good at whatever skill those groups value will give you status
within that specific group.

	* In a stamp collection club, the guy with the most stamps will see a
boost in his social value
	* In tuning’s groups, the guy with the most powerful car and stereo
will probably one of the coolest guys
	* And in a group of hooligans it will be fanatism -or violence- that
will determine who has the highest value and most social power

[football fans]

SOME GROUPS EXCLUDE BASED ON LACK OF COMMON TRAITS

Some groups bond around a certain trait.

That trait might not afford an advantage because everyone has it.
But, if you don’t have it, you’re almost automatically excluded.

For example, older people who go to university feel awkward.
Why?

Because they will be the only older ones, same age as the professors
but on the part of the students.

But being of a different age almost automatically makes you an
outsider to that social hierarchy.

Which basically means: you don’t belong.

RANK-BASED GROUPS AFFORD STATUS BASED ON RANK

In companies a lot of your social status will depend on your position
within that company, which is rather formalized through a title.

As John Maxwell
[https://thepowermoves.com/21-irrefutable-laws-of-leadership/] says,
titles don’t make leaders, but titles certainly have a major impact
in the social hierarchy within the company -and in the social status
too-.

HATE GROUPS: THERE IS ONE HIDDEN IN ANY GROUP

Sometimes groups can get nasty towards outsiders.

As a matter of fact, as Baumeister
[https://thepowermoves.com/evil-inside-human-violence-and-cruelty/]
explains, almost any group has in it the seeds to oppose other groups.

HATE GROUPS OFTEN AWARD THE MOST STATUS TO THE MOST EXTREME MEMBERS.
The most extreme member might not otherwise shine in no other way than
his shallow charisma
[https://thepowermoves.com/how-to-be-charismatic/], hate and rage.

Hate gorups are most likely to form when:

	* There is strong pride in what makes them a group
	* They build their pride around out-group enemies
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ingroups_and_outgroups#Outgroup_derogation]
	* There is a high similarity among members
	* Out-groups are seen as dangerous for the group

Here is one example from the movie “School Ties”:

The highest social status is probably going to the one who concocted
and prepared the hate banner.

BARS & CLUBS: YOUR STATUS IS RELATIVE TO THE OTHER PATRONS

Sometimes you will loosely be part of a group simply because of
geographical location or proximity.

In a club, for example, your social status is highly relative to the
people who are attending that club, and mostly based on looks,
clothes, body language
[https://thepowermoves.com/alpha-male-body-language/], mannerism,
display of wealth and group of friends.

Sometimes that will play well for you, some other times less so.

For example, one evening I ended up in a club in Madrid where the
local football players hang out. Most girls in there were hookers
looking for football players.

The social currency there was (football) popularity and money.
I shouldn’t need to tell you I was pretty much a nobody there :).

FORCED GROUPS ARE FREE FOR ALL

Some groups form out of necessity and not of out participants’ own
will.

Some examples are:

	* High school
	* Military drafts
	* Prisons

These groups tend to be highly differentiated and there is little
overlap between what’s popular in one group and what works in
another group.

Popularity is the high school social currency; strength is the social
currency in the military; and violence and alliances in prisons.

ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT ON PERSONAL VALUES

Sometimes you will completely change environment without joining any
specific group.

For example: when you travel to different countries.

Simply being more exotic can get people to notice you more and make
you more interesting.
Or because of stereotypes or real differences, you can be perceived as
“better” than the people around.

Dating is one of the starkest example of social relativity.
A white man, traveling to an African or a South East Asian country
will immediately see his boost boosted.
In some cases, it will _skyrocket_ your value. See this example of
this Philippine woman, who had never seen me nor met me, throwing
herself at me:
[social relativity in dating]social relativity can swing to some crazy
extremes

WIN EVERY TIME: VALUE TARGETING

And now how you can use the theory of social relativity in  real
life.

To get what you want from people, to start friendships or to start a
relationship: get and SHOW THEM THE CURRENCY THEY SPECIFICALLY VALUE.

For example:

GET ARTISTIC VALUE TO DATE AN ARTIST

Do you like artistic folks, do you want to join an art circle and
maybe have an artist as a wife/husband?

Of course they are likely to want people with the same social
currencies that they value.

Here’s what you do: start drawing, acting and attending art
exhibitions.

You’ll pick the lingo, the common topics and you’ll be able to
give the comfort of a shared culture and passion.

Or learn history of art better than most and teach her about history
of art -women dream to sleep with their professors :)-.

GIVE BUSINESS VALUE TO GET BUSINESS VALUE

You want to mingle in business circles and attract a top business
mentor?

Don’t write you seek employment from them, that’s what everybody
does. Speak to him in a currency he wants instead.
Ideally, you’ll go for an emotional bond and connection
[https://thepowermoves.com/develop-deep-emotional-connection/]. Or he
will want to be a father figure to you.

But that’s not easy to achieve.
So the second best option is what all business people appreciate:
“what’s in it for them [https://thepowermoves.com/wiift/]“.

Tell him you’ll work for free for 3 months, and if you’re great
and only if you’re great he can start paying you.

Otherwise, you’ll be happy for having learned from him and he got
free labor.
Now he’s going to listen.

SOCIAL CHAMELEON

Being a social chameleon  is all about understanding what social
currency the people around you appreciate.

And then playing up those qualities while muting the ones they
don’t.

In short: UNDERSTAND THE GROUP’S SOCIAL CURRENCY AND TRADE THAT
CURRENCY.

A breadth of experience will help you develop lots of reference points
so that you will always have something to offer.

GROUP SOCIAL VALUE DRAWBACKS

The very nature of group specificity makes groups’ status less
valuable.

In the Small Pond Syndrome
[https://thepowermoves.com/small-pond-syndrome/] we reviewed how some
people spend an inordinate amount of energy to boost and defend their
social statuses in some specific groups.
Only to one day move out of those groups and realize that what they
had was… Meaningless.

The new group doesn’t know about their previous social status and…
They couldn’t care less.

Now they’re back to nobodies.

That’s why unless you stick to a specific group for your whole life,
I would advise caring little of groups’ internal social status.

WHEN STATUS IS LESS RELATIVE

Alright, here is the good news:

YOU CAN DEVELOP CURRENCIES THAT WILL WORK NO MATTER WHICH YOU JOIN.

In The Social Exchange Rule
[https://thepowermoves.com/the-social-exchange-theory/] we reviewed
that social relationships often obey a non-written rule based on
social value exchange.

It postulates that the more social value you possess, the more you can
demand from others.
We dubbed that social value “social currency”.

In this article, we saw that the currencies always change depending on
the group.

True.
That stands.

However, some currencies are almost always in demand, no matter the
group you are in.

Some examples of them are:

	* Social skills
	* Conversation skills
	* Great looks
	* Lots of resources (or ability to acquire them)
	* Confidence

When you possess them, you tend to do well in most any social circle
you join.

BETTER SPECIFIC CURRENCIES OR GENERAL ONES?

In some  instances groups’ specific currencies, or the qualities
that a specific group appreciates, can count more than the general
ones.

And in extreme examples, even subvert them.

For example, a positive and upbeat personality is what _most_ people
like.
But if you want to enter a circle of emo and Gothic subcultures your
smiles and positive attitude might make you an outcast.

However, as a rule of thumb, YOU SHOULD PUT ALL YOUR EFFORT IN
DEVELOPING GENERAL-APPEAL CURRENCIES.

Those allow you to enter and do well in almost any group.

Developing group-specific currencies instead is dangerous and ties all
your fortune to a single group.
And you’re better off free as a bird than anchored to the same group
for all your life :).

SUMMARY

We have seen that what people value can be highly relative depending
on the groups you join.

Your social status in those groups will hinge on whether or not you
have the currencies that group values.

Most groups however are not very strict and value what most other
groups value.

Focus on those general currencies and you’ll do great.

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/blog/The-Power-Moves/social-relativity-from-nobody-to-superstar.23806