Gary Vaynerchuk EQ (Or Lack Thereof): An Analysis
The Power Moves | December 17, 2017 | by Lucio Buffalmano
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Gary Vaynerchuk talks a lot about EQ.

Then, it shuld follow he has a lot of it, right?

He always says he loves people and always talk about Emotional
Intelligence.

Then… He must be good with people and have EQ in spades.
Right?

Well, no, I don’t think so.

Contents

	* Why Gary Vee Has Low EQ

	* #1. Interrupts All The Time (0 Listening Skills)
	* 2. Seeks Differences (instead of building consensus)
	* 3. Gary Vee Breaks Rapport
	* 4. Gary Vee Abuses “NO”
	* 5. Gary Vee Never Goes DEep
	* Rapport or Honesty? 

	* Gary Vaynerchuk ADHD
	* Gary Vee EQ: Summary

WHY GARY VEE HAS LOW EQ

Whenever I look at videos online, I analyze patterns.

I look for good communication, for power moves, social dynamics and
for dominance signs.

When I saw this interview between Gary Vaynerchuk and Seth Godin I
was shocked.

Rarely I had seen such a better example of… Communication breakdown.

No bashing on Gary Vaynerchuk, but when it comes to how to talk to
people, he does everything wrong here. And you don’t need to take my
word for it: Seth Godin threatens to get up and leave at a certain
point.

We will use Vaynerchuk basic conversation mistakes, plus a few more
examples, to avoid the biggest conversation pitfalls.

So let’s dive in to make sure you don’t make any of those anymore:

#1. INTERRUPTS ALL THE TIME (0 LISTENING SKILLS)

This is one of the most important rules of talking to people well.

And one of the biggest reasons why most people fail to have good
conversations (as explained in the fantastic book Difficult
Conversations
[https://thepowermoves.com/difficult-conversations-summary/]).

Indeed the more we care about a topic, the more emotional we get and
the more we want to interject and dominate the conversation.
However, this is terrible both from a communication point of view and
from a rapport point of view.

	* INTERRUPTIONS LEAD TO POOR CONVERSATIONS

Our conversation partner will not listen when you interrupt them or
monopolize the conversation.

Mental resources are not infinite
[https://thepowermoves.com/the-brain-that-changes-itself-summary/].
And they will be busy dealing with bad emotions towards you, thinking
what to say next or strategizing to win the argument.

When you let them finish instead, and possibly even help them along
the way, their mind will be clear.
And they’ll like you and respect you a lot more, which translates in
more empathic listening.

	* IT’S EGOCENTRIC PEOPLE WHO INTERRUPT

From a rapport point of view, interrupting is terrible because we
don’t bond with people whom we know. We bond with people whom know
us. And care about us.

And when you talk too much, people cannot bond with you.
All they hear is an egocentric “me, me, me”.

The second reason is that when you jump with your own opinion you
_think_ you know what they wanted to say, but you often get it wrong.
And it will feel like the two of you are out of sync.

See an example:

EXCEPTION: WHEN SHE WANNA IMPRESS YOU

Interestingly enough, there’s an exception.

In dating situations it can happen that a girl is so willing to
impress you or fix a previous mistake that she  can’t help but
jump in.

In that case, you should not take it as an affront, but as a sign that
you’re holding sway.
Smile as if to say “you just interrupted me, but you’re adorable
so I’ll forgive you”.

2. SEEKS DIFFERENCES (INSTEAD OF BUILDING CONSENSUS)

Whenever an idea or an opinion run against what we believe in, our
natural tendency is to fight it.
And to prove that we are right.

Ideally, that would be OK and we could all argue hard without any harm
to our relationships.
But that’s not the reality of the world we live in.
So choose: you can either have rapport or you can focus on who’s
right. 99% of people on this earth cannot have both.

From the example above, what good does it make when Vaynerchuk says:

> GARY VEE: Seth I hate science

Seth Godin is talking about science, how can he feel when someone says
he “hates” what he just said is one of the coolest things that
happened to mankind?
Obviously, he feels like there is no rapport there.

This holds true most everywhere -including at work where it
shouldn’t-, but it holds even truer in (early) romance:

EXAMPLE: RIGHT…. AND ALONE

> Many years ago I went back to a girl’s place with a bottle of wine
> as we chatted and flirted
> [https://thepowermoves.com/how-to-flirt-with-a-girl-over-text-9-rules-that-will-get-you-laid/]
> along the way.
> 
> That must have been an easy one, right? Well, it should have, yes.
> 
> But when she aired her very left wing opinions on genders, gypsies
> and “integration policies” this dumbas* escalated what was a
> bonding conversation into a discussion (super un-sexy).
> 
> I started explaining why my ideas were “right”, and I wanted to
> prove it. I wanted to win.
> 
> Of course, there are no winners in those scenarios, only losers.
> Rapport was shattered, romance was gone… And I went home in my
> hand’s company soon after :).

3. GARY VEE BREAKS RAPPORT

Gary Vaynerchuk seem to make it a point to disagree, interrupt and
seek confrontation.

He is a master rapport breaker.

Look at the video below.

Any “rational” person would agree 100% with Seth Godin. And we
could argue he “won” the argument when he refused to give in
-stronger frame- and put science on his side.

The conversation victory comes at the price of destroying rapport.

EXAMPLE 2 – HOW TO KEEP RAPPORT

> This year I had one of the most remarkable dates I have ever had.
> 
> She wanted to become a shaman.
> 
> She had occult talents, was in touch with otherworldly entities and
> she was sure aliens live among us. Or so she professed.
> 
> Of course the dumber side of me wanted to debate that. And to
> possibly prove it wrong (argh!).
> 
> But thanks God this time I knew better.
> 
> I told myself I was going to learn from this and stay nonjudgmental,
> warm and supportive. So I got curios. I inquired, dug deeper, shared
> my local stories of occult and.. Rapport and bonding
> [https://thepowermoves.com/develop-deep-emotional-connection/] sore.
> 
> They sore very high,,, ;).

4. GARY VEE ABUSES “NO”

A “NO” is a conversation stopper and one of the most powerful
verbal weapons.

It communicates you fully disagree, that you know better, and that the
two of you are miles apart (possibly he’s miles behind).

EXAMPLE 1: AUTHORITARIAN POWER MOVE

A “NO” is also often a power move in the sense that it gives power
and authority to the person using it. At the price, of course, of
rapport and harmony.

I’ll give you a real life example.

A friend of mine wanted to recruit me for a start up she wanted to
launch. We had a brief phone conversation, which went a bit like this:

> HER: (…) _And this is my great idea!_
> Me: _Oh that’s cool, seems like mobile marketing will be key to
> get traction_
> HER:_ No, it’s more about partnerships.. _
> ME: _Yeah, that too I guess, both are important. Germany would be a
> great market to start with_
> HER: _No, I want to start with.. _

You will notice I don’t answer with “OK” because that would be
an admission of submission.

It would communicate that I “OK” her correction and submit to her
authority, neither of which was my intention.

I accept instead, confirm what she says as it was also my opinion and
then defend and raise my opinion adding _both_ are important.
And then I move to another topic to take the pressure off and avoid an
escalation.

But again, she keeps “NO-ing” me -probably 3 times during the
conversation-. With every NO she communicates that:

	* I have no idea what I’m talking about;
	* She knows more;
	* She’s the one calling the shots.

Albeit I don’t fully remember the exact words of that conversation I
do clearly remember one thing: I didn’t wanna have anything to do
with her project.

EXAMPLE 2: NEVER SAY NO TO COMPLIMENTS

A “NO” is particularly terrible when people reach out to you with
a compliment, a gift or a peace-overture.

It’s because in those times they are, in a way, either submitting to
us or raising us up.
And they expect a reward.

When a “NO” is the answer instead, it punishes us when we least
expect it and we regret we even opened up (and possibly resent them
for making us feel bad).

[common conversation mistakes example]Whether or not he didn’t
believe in the compliment, replying that way feels like a middle
finger answer. It communicates that I don’t get what he’s doing
and I don’t know what I’m talking about.
And, second layer, if I don’t get what he’s about, it also implies
I’m not close to him.

What to do then? You ALWAYS accept the compliment, even when they make
no sense to you.

EXAMPLE 3: THERE’S NO NO IN SALES

If you’re in sales, you should totally ban “NO” from your
customers’ conversations. Even when it’s called for.

For example, when I was selling a complex product I was often faced
with people not understanding it. And they would repeat back to me
some nonsensical blabber.

The first reaction would be to say “NO” and correct them. Resist
that urge: you never want to break rapport with customers. Let them
finish instead, maybe even nod as they speak.

And then you say:

> _YES, it’s a bit like that. Basically.. _ (repeat your pitch
> in simpler form)

or if they were far off the mark:

> _-Wow, that would actually be a great idea for a new product. This
> product here_… (repeat in simpler words)

OR_
_

> _-Yeah, that’s a bit like what X company does, they’re cool,
> what we do.. _(repeat in simpler words)

Basically, whatever they say, never answer NO.
If they almost got it, compliment them and then add more information.

If they are far off the mark and you can’t think of anything good
about what they said, blame yourself.

5. GARY VEE NEVER GOES DEEP

Gary has a huge issue in connecting and bonding with people.

He cannot listen, he is always itching to interrupt, he shouts to cut
off people and he can never manage to take a conversation deep.

And when it comes to developing an emotional connection, that’s
_bad_.
Because the deeper we discuss things, the deeper we feel like we
connect with someone. Especially if it’s deep _and_ personal.
That’s the feeling that “you’re meant for each other” with a
romantic partner.

The best conversationalists never stop at the surface for too long.
They prod and dig until they get to the core of who their conversation
partners are.
Staying on the surface is a particularly heinous conversation mistake
when people actually _want_ to get deep with you:

EXAMPLE 1 – KICKING BACK TO SURFACE

When people start talking, that’s a great thing.

Often it means they’re about to go deep and open up. That’s when
you let them speak and encourage to go further.

When instead you interrupt them, change topic, start sharing your
opinion or crack a joke you are basically forcing them back up to the
surface.

They feel not only like you don’t get them, but also that you
don’t care.
And it’s an immediate, huge disconnect.

This is exactly what Gary does here. Seth Godin wants to make
important points he cares about. He wants to properly address the
questions coming from the audience. But Gary keeps stopping him.
Vaynerchuk is forcing Seth Godin to stay superficial. And he resents
him for that.

For more examples on creating a deep connection, check:

	* How to develop deep emotional connection
[https://thepowermoves.com/develop-deep-emotional-connection/]

RAPPORT OR HONESTY?

You might have noticed that conversing well requires you to pause the
most controversial sides of your character.

Or to dig deeper in yourself to fish for different shades of your
personality.

Indeed this is an article on rapport, and full or honesty and rapport
do not always fully overlap.

But the two are not antithetic either.

Don’t fall for the lie of those lonely, frustrated few who peddle
full honesty as their great quality.
As they go around hurting people and picking fights all day they’re
just showing rudeness and stupidity -with other more or less severe
personality flaws-.

Indeed, there’s enough overlap between honesty and rapport that you
can have both.

GARY VAYNERCHUK ADHD

Does Gary Vaynerchuk have ADHD
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder],
or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder?

I cannot know that for sure, but it definitely seems so.

GARY VEE EQ: SUMMARY

Gary Vee is very good at screaming from a big imaginary megaphone and
getting people to like is posts and soundbites.

But he is terrible when it comes to developing close relationships.
He certainly doesn’t like to hear from people, because it seems more
like he’s in love with the sound of his own voice.
Maybe Gary Vee really loves people, but probably more those who give
him an audience to parade himself.

Also read:

	* Albert Einstein emotional idiocy
[https://thepowermoves.com/einstein-letter-to-his-wife/]
	* Elon Musk emotional idiocy
[https://thepowermoves.com/elon-musk-emotional-intelligence/]
	* Vaynerchuk VS Tony Robbins
[https://thepowermoves.com/vaynerchuk-vs-robbins/]

[how to talk to people]

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/blog/The-Power-Moves/gary-vaynerchuk-eq-or-lack-thereof-an-analysis.23834