What if He is Heavily in to Video Games?
The Feminine Woman | November 29, 2011 | by Renee Wade
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ARTICLE UPDATED 2018

THIS IS A GREAT QUESTION FROM A LONGTIME AND LOVELY READER OF MINE,
MASALEEN:

“HEY RENEE!

Hope you’re doing well. I’m still an avid fan, and you
and David become a cuter couple with every video.

My struggle is this. Recently I’ve been feeling a bit estranged
from my man because he feels I don’t understand his love of video
games, and wishes I did. I do my best not to make him feel
controlled; letting him play when he wants to, and with his
friends, etc.

But having him need me to see and appreciate the “depth,”
“inspiration,” and “heart” he feels some games have is
going too far for me. He even wishes I would play a bit so that I
would stop assuming he’s doing something shallow and
meaningless. Is it not enough that I leave him alone when he’s
playing and never complain afterwards? I’m not silently
seething either; I’ve come to accept his need to play.

But now I feel controlled and unappreciated, simply for not
seeing gaming the way he and his buddies do. I am NOT his buddy, I
am a woman and his lover and I have no interest in games. Is this
an inadequate way of thinking? Should I try harder to share in and
understand his hobbies, or am I wise in staying out of his
masculine interests?

I feel many women struggle with men who love video games a LOT.
I don’t know if David loves gaming, but for most women, I know
whose men love it, it is frequently a struggle for her in some way.

Whether you want to address me directly or answer it in a post is
up to you, but I would LOVE if you shared your insights on how
women should handle men and their love, sometimes obsession, with
gaming. It can be an extremely delicate subject for men, making
them put up their defenses easily, so it’s not easy to deal
with the issue.

Thanks for your time, Renee. I really appreciate all you do.
You’ve contributed to helping Mike and I stay as strong as we
are (because don’t worry, we are still madly in love;)”

~MASALEEN

 

*******MY ANSWER*******

HI, LOVELY MASALEEN!

Thanks for your email. And yes, I can relate to this. I laughed
so hard when you said he wants you to appreciate the “depth”
and “heart” that some video games have (no disrespect to men
and their love of video games, that’s just that I’m a woman and
that just sounds so hilarious to me) lol, anyway –

Years ago, David used to play video games a lot. Sometimes
until late when he had to wake up at 6 am the next day for work!
I feel it was his way of escaping from a job that he felt trapped
in and that he hated. (Click this link to take the quiz on “How
Naturally Feminine Am I?”)

So – 

You’ve obviously struggled with this in the past, way before
you emailed me – what I’m saying is, you’ve struggled to
understand why on earth he has to be so “involved” and
distracted by video games and can’t give you the deep love you
want.

To you as a woman, most video games are not full of depth, or heart.

I understand.

You’d rather he came over to you and gave you his full presence
and loved you so deeply (instead of playing video games at that
moment anyway) you don’t know which way is up, or down.

I think intuitively, us women know that video games are just a
shallow way of expressing their masculinity and feeling successful.
After all, you have to turn the game off and go back to real life
sometime soon enough.

And We’d rather not be around him when he does it, we’d rather see
him do something more ‘constructive’. Even if our man is
already successful and constructive out in the real world, it still
hurts to be around him when he actually is playing video games
instead of giving you attention.

Not to mention being asked to play WITH him.

(David used to ask me to play video games with him as well, and
since I wanted intimacy with HIM instead, it felt like my needs
were being dishonored). So I can relate.

FIRST I’ll touch on understanding him, then I’ll give you my
thoughts on what ‘steps’ to take. (read my article about why he
takes me for granted
[https://www.thefemininewoman.com/what-if-he-takes-me-for-granted/])

UNDERSTANDING HIM

1) Video games are an easy way for men to feel successful. It’s
kind of like women emptying their bank accounts to buy all these
clothes and shoes and accessories and make up that they hardly ever
use or wear, in order to feel beautiful and magnify their radiance.
(Click here to download the “Goddess Report”)

When in fact, the best way to magnify her radiance would be to
become a woman who radiates love from within. No amount of clothing
is ever a replacement for that.

And all the while, her man is getting all stressed out and feeling
disrespected because she’s out spending all this money rather
than giving him the love and appreciation HE wants, which would be
one of the real secrets to actually making her more beautiful to
him (at least in his mind, anyway).

_It’s a classic example of men wanting women to think like men and
women __wanting men to think like women._

It’s no different to women trying to drag their men along
shopping with them and getting hurt when he walks off for hours or
looks so ‘absent’ and dumbfounded whilst she’s shopping
for stuff and wants his opinion on what she picks up to try
on (which, if you’re like me, is usually half the entire
clothing store!).

See where am I going with this?

On the one hand, he wants to feel more connected to you, because
he feels you don’t understand him on his level, so he’s trying
to ‘make you more like him’. He feels this will make you
‘understand’ him, and develop a connection, and a
‘commonality’.

But, he’s forgetting that it’s not what you have in ‘common’
that attracts you to each other and made you fall in love in the
first place. It’s your differences. It’s the masculine/feminine
polarity.
[https://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/02/depolarization-mistakes-women-make/]

If you start playing video games with him all the time, soon
enough he’s going to find himself repelled by you and feeling
less passionate about you.

Just as you would if you had a man who tagged along on every
shopping trip. You would like it at first, but then you’d start
to see him through a different ‘lens’. It’d feel different to
you. You’d lose the attraction. (Click here to take the

So in terms of understanding, you don’t want to take away the
pleasure he feels by playing the video games. Let him have that. It
makes him feel good, and it’s a quick way to feel successful.

If you try to take away this good feeling from him, he’ll just
resent you for it. It won’t benefit the relationship. And, no
matter how ‘immature’ his video games habit may be, it’s not
your job, as a woman to tell him what to do, and to teach him about
the consequences of his habits.

You can do it, but just be mindful of the consequences. It’ll
feel good to you at the moment, but it will also just work
against you and make your relationship go backwards.

(By the way, the more you approach the situation with understanding,
in the future, if you seriously feel like telling a man what to do,
he’ll be far more open to it because he can already trust you as
a valuable woman in his life who understands him).

Remember in past emails how I said that masculine energy thrives
on challenge?

Well, video games provide a quick way to overcome challenges
and magnify his masculinity (in his mind), but it’s only on a
very _surface level_.

So, what you’re doing so far is good in that you’re not making
him WRONG for doing this.

_That’s the first step. Not making him wrong. Acceptance.
Otherwise, __you’ll just build resent between you both._

(There Are Exactly 7 Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to
Men. Do You Know What They Are? (& How to Avoid Them Like the
Plague)? Click here to find out right now…
[https://www.google.com/url?q=https%3A%2F%2Fshenwademedia.com%2Foptin%2F7-low-value-signs%2F&sa=D&sntz=1&usg=AFQjCNHqHa_cxziLn9mebmHrnLK1rW9kGg])

SO, HERE ARE THE NEXT STEPS YOU CAN TAKE:

1) Sit with him for 10 or 15 minutes and watch him play the game.

What’s the point of this?

The point is to see him overcome an ‘opponent’. If you can
even pick up when he does that. You’ll have to look carefully.

If I ever do this, sometimes I miss his ‘victory’ moments
because one: I don’t get the game and two – as a woman, I’m
not really as in tune to these kinds of things.

He just wants you to appreciate his successes (yes, they’re
very superficial), but fighting it won’t help. At least it
won’t until you’ve made him feel that you understand him, at
least on some level. (read my article about how to comfort your man
[https://www.thefemininewoman.com/2010/07/how-to-comfort-your-man/])

And when he ‘shoots’ someone dead or whatever triumph he
overcomes, just say something like ‘woah….that was cool….’
or ‘well done’.

IT WILL MAKE HIM FEEL APPRECIATED AND UNDERSTOOD.

Because his own woman is recognizing his ‘victories’ (however
fake they are!)

And don’t sit there for hours doing it. You don’t want to
dishonor your own needs as a woman. That’s not good for either of
you. It also does nothing for the growth of the relationship.

After the 15 minutes or so are up (don’t obsessively time this,
you want to be GENUINE about it. And really put yourself in his
shoes.)

Then get up and say, ‘you know what, I’m going to read a
book’, or ‘I’m going to call a girlfriend now’, cause I’m
feeling a bit lonely.

If he tries to get you to stay, you don’t have to. Honor your
own need for intimacy.

HERE’S YOUR SECOND OPTION:

2) THE SECOND OPTION I HAVE FOR YOU IS MORE_ PLAYFUL_ (OR YOU CAN
USE BOTH STEPS I’VE GIVEN YOU). HERE’S WHAT I WOULD DO IF IT
WAS ME.

When he says_ ‘come play with me, you’ll appreciate the depth and
the __heart of the game!’_

I’d do what I do very often when these high tension situations
pop up – I’d turn around and be playful, and maybe even
literally poke him with my fingers, and say:

_“oh yeah!? come shopping with me and my girlfriends for the
day! __We can buy some pretty dresses and look a wide array of
soaps oh __and maybe even shoes!_

_You’ll see just how pretty and DETAILED all the clothes are!
I __can even SHOW you! Sometimes they add lace detail AND
floral and __buttons AND silk on to the ONE cardigan!”_

And I’d do this just to break his pattern and make him go ‘huh?’

no thanks….lol.

It just changes his state, it gives his brain a ‘jiggle’ in a
fun way, and it breaks the pattern of him trying to get you to do
guy things with him, and is ‘gets the ball rolling’ toward him
starting to understand more of where_ you’re_ coming from,
because you’re actively implying, in a playful way, that if you
were to ask him to do girly things, it would repel him, too.

It kindly reminds him of your differences. And that you
shouldn’t force each other to be the same. Without you having to
go and literally TELL him:

“look. We’re not the same. This is the wrong way to go
about it.’ which will just make him resent you for telling him
what to do.

And make sure it’s done in a playful way.

If you can’t do it without feeling resentful inside, don’t
even bother (I know you wouldn’t Masaleen, I just had to put this
in so other women would know).

The key is to get to _his_ level and establish some connection in a
way that actually _also_ helps you also escalate the attraction
in the relationship.

Because these two things (connection and attraction) are often
in contradiction.

The more connection or ‘commonalities’ you have, the less
attraction you’ll have. (Click here to learn about the 17
Attraction Triggers)

So it’s like a constant (but fun) balancing act when you get
into a relationship with a man.

And also take your time to check out our Understanding Men program.
Click here to read more about this popular program.

The more the balance tips towards attraction and passion, the
more you’ll have attraction, but perhaps the more fights you’ll
have because you’re so different.

So that’s all I have to say about that. Let me know how you
go with my tips.

(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall
deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5
secrets are inside of my brand new DVD, and right now it’s FREE.
Click HERE to get yourself a copy before they run out!)

LOTS OF LOVE,

[email_polaroid][email_polaroid]

P.S – PLEASE LEAVE ANY TIPS YOU HAVE OF DEALING WITH A MAN WHO IS
OBSESSED WITH VIDEO GAMES.

ALSO, LEAVE ANY STORIES OR EXPERIENCES YOU’VE HAD WITH MEN WHO ARE
OBSESSED WITH VIDEO GAMES. THANK YOU! П™‚

P.P.S. Connect with me on social media

	* HERE€™S MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL THE FEMININE WOMAN. 
[https://www.youtube.com/user/thefemininewoman/]
	* HERE€™S THE FEMININE WOMAN FACEBOOK PAGE€¦Â 
[https://www.facebook.com/thefemininewoman]
	* Here’s my Instagram Pages THEFEMININEWOMAN 
[https://www.instagram.com/the_feminine_woman/] & MY PERSONAL
INSTAGRAM.  [https://www.instagram.com/renee_tfw/]


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