RPD’s girlfriend and my long, strange hiatus from Game.
RedPillDad | January 18, 2022 | by RP McMurphy
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It’s been a minute fellas. 

I’d like to say I’ve won the lottery or graduated to some next
level of Game
[https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2018/01/21/sex-parties-and-sex-clubs-could-be-the-next-level-of-game/]
I could fill you in on, but the simple truth is that I have a
girlfriend and I’ve been fairly content with life—till now. I’m
also at a point where I’m less interested in “Game,” generally,
than in maximizing my finances and fitness, although it’s been
difficult to make much progress on either because I’ve been: 1. busy
with holiday shit and 2. fucking Fest Girl
[https://redpilldad.blog/2021/11/23/fest-girl-fr-4-0-red-pill-truth-and-fiction-as-the-plot-thickens/]
senseless. Plus, we’ve both had COVID the past two weeks (first me,
then her) and have been quarantined, so as to avoid spreading it to
others. Overall, I want to create a situation and life in which both
man and woman have a safe, stable relationship where they experience
the security and long term joy of a male/female partnership, while
living a sexually free
[https://theredquest.wordpress.com/free-book-on-sex-clubs/] and
vibrant life, but recently that mission has run aground.

I’ve been monogamous for at least three months, a recent record for
me–the longest I’ve been monogamous since 2016; I should get a
medal or Bitcoin or something as a prize. Fest Girl
[https://redpilldad.blog/2021/10/20/how-to-keep-a-girl-coming-back-festival-girl-fr-3-0/]
presented herself as someone who would do non-mono and other
wonderful, crazy things I want to experience, but, before she left
after the first time we had sex, she also issued an ultimatum: “if
this isn’t serious, cool, but I’m out.” 

I bit, and she delivered. Since then I’ve never had more frequent,
dirty, better sex, to the point that, from October 2021 to Jan 2022, I
was blinded by the bounty and booty I was reaping. Sex with a hot
young girl who adores you is addictive, no matter what the reddest
piller wants to say, and it’s easy to be happy with one chick when
all your needs are being vigorously met. Being a player can be
downright lonely, and even though I knew there were perils to spending
so much time with one girl, it felt fucking good. Unlike Forrest Gump,
I’m not sure I know what love is–obsession combined with lust?
Executing everything nearly perfectly with a woman you are fucking who
also feels like a friend? I’m past 40 now and I’m still not sure
exactly what “love” is, but for a long time I was in love, maybe
lust, with Fest Girl, whatever that means.

Quick recap: I met Fest Girl at an Oktoberfest event
[https://redpilldad.blog/2021/10/12/festival-girl-field-report-1-0-plus-weekend-day-game/]
(the kind of events guys should be going to for Game
[https://redpilldad.blog/2021/12/02/what-every-aspiring-day-gamer-needs-to-hear-now/],
rather than relying purely on street approach) and had several dates I
wrote about on the blog. After the last post, we’ve become a
traditional couple: she comes to my place several days a week, we go
out to eat, she’s started cleaning and decorating my apartment,
we’ve met each other’s families, and have gone on two out of town
vacations together. There have also been a couple stretches now where
we’ve been together for nearly a week or more straight.
“Traditional,” except that I keep encouraging her to go to fuck
clubs with me, under the dark tutelage of Red Quest and xbtusd
[https://www.whatisityouseek.com], which she seemed more or less keen
on—less, lately, unfortunately. 

This relationship has been the best I’ve ever had, and I have to
credit Game and Red Pill for that progress. But in other ways, I’ve
unlearned proper girl wrangling, and a lot of the lessons TRP teaches:
I’ve failed to manage Fest Girl effectively. Managing a girl well
means creating the space and distance desire needs to thrive. I also
need space and distance in order to develop skills and implement my
long-term plans. Girls often have short time horizons and consequently
accomplish little
[https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2022/01/13/the-time-horizon-question/].
Men don’t live in the world hot girls do and thus we need to
achieve. I’ve sacrificed my mission to hang around, watch TV, and
fuck, along with my diet, writing, and independence. 

I’ve continued to lift, but I haven’t eaten as well as I should
have, and my body fat has gone up slightly. Overall, I’ve fallen
back into a lot of my blue pill ways and, perhaps unsurprisingly,
I’m not very happy with the results. Instead of setting boundaries
with Fest Girl (“you need to go home this morning. We can have
dinner tomorrow night. I need today and tomorrow to work on my
projects”), I let her usurp much of my time, and then I became
irrationally unhappy with her, for boundaries that I failed to create
and gently but firmly enforce. If a dog or child behaves poorly, the
owner or parent is at fault for poor training. To snap at the dog or
child is to externalize criticism that should be internal–this is my
fault, and I accept the consequences of my poor management. Definitely
an opportunity to learn.

But this is also my first truly intimate relationship since swallowing
TRP. And there’s always some level of sacrifice that comes with
intimate relationships, despite what the anger-phase warriors of the
manosphere will bark at you. What I’m beginning to understand is
that women crave that truly intimate bond of two people against the
world, forging their own little life together, finding happiness in
their relationship beyond all else. As Ester Perel notes
[https://amzn.to/33nh6Tq] however, this intimacy and joy eventually
gives way to comfort, safety, and complacency–there is no distance
or mystery anymore, and in the end this is why people stop having sex
and starting doing other things (like fishing and golf for men; book
clubs and knitting for women–that sort of thing). Golf sucks, give
me fuck parties (although I do like fly fishing when I find the time
to do it). 

I’m fucking hot and young; I have a chick who adores me, cleans for
me, gives me regular back rubs and blowjobs, fucks me when I want. A
lot of guys would be super happy with what I have and I am
too—mostly. But, like the ancient Númenóreans peering west at the
white ships from Tol Eressëa, I am discontent.[1] I’ve been
enjoying my vacation from Twitter because I haven’t read all the
assholery and chest thumping that occurs on there.[2] A lot of Red
Pill bros present themselves as never making any mistakes, having zero
emotions, and being masters of the universe. But they’re not
[https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2022/01/06/reading-the-game-the-original-by-neil-strauss/].
Life is more complex than that. People have emotions, and women are
built by evolution to Game men–to get men to give things to them
voluntarily because they’re soft and sweet and pretty. And of
course, that sweet, sweet pussy.

So while it’s easy for armchair redpill guys on Twitter to call guys
blue pill “pussies” and “soy boys,” the reality is that the
reason most guys end up making mistakes with chicks–lose the frame,
get cheated on, marry the wrong kind of woman (or get married at
all)–is that when you’re having great sex with a beautiful young
woman who says she loves you and seems to mean it, it’s extremely
easy to forget what you know. By failing to set and maintain
boundaries, I’ve gone too far down that road, and for that reason
the relationship may not turn out well in the end, in terms of us
having an ENM relationship. I can tell a positive story about her,
like the one I mentioned above: she’s hot, she fucks, she cleans,
she gives me back rubs, she has great feminine energy—but I can also
tell a negative story about her, and by extension about me. Anyone you
hang out with reflects on you: if you hang out with a “bad”
person, then that is you, too. 

Why might things not turn out well with Fest GIrl? The first problem
is that she’s lazy. She’s never had a real job, has a terrible
sleep schedule, doesn’t work out, and is going to school for a
worthless degree. A second problem is that while still quite frequent
and good/kinky, the sex and blowjobs are dropping off, if only ever so
slightly–but we all know where that’s headed. That’s my own
fault, because I’ve failed to create sufficient distance and space
between us. Her longest relationship is only about six months, and she
may lack relationship skills or emotional maturity. I’m much older
than her and need to provide the framework she may lack. Imparting
emotional maturity is tricky, though, and if we’re being honest
I’m not always showing the emotional maturity I should. I have a
mentor in this respect, but I backslide at times. 

To some degree, declining sexual frequency is natural in any long term
relationship, as the initial frenzy wears off, but that leads me to
the biggest problem, which is that she’s not turning out to to be
the non-mono girl who wants threesomes
[https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2019/10/02/threesome-management-how-to-do-and-arrange-ffm-and-mfm/]
and crazy sexual experiences she promised to be when we first started
dating. It’s common for men to promise commitment to get women to
fuck, and it’s common for women to promise to fuck to get
commitment. Not exploring sex clubs and non-monogamy is OK for now,
and I want to get her there, but if she can’t get there, I will have
to drop her and/or cheat. Or “branch swing
[https://theredarchive.com/archive/40828].” 

As men, we’re always going to want to fuck other chicks in a way
that’s not always true for women–they want to find the best guy
they can and then lock him down. But women have a different problem,
which is that after six months to four years, their erotic interest in
a guy wanes dramatically…

…Unless the couple practices non-monogamy! In my mind, non-monogamy
is THE solution for a long-term partnership. The guy is able to sate
his natural desire to fuck other chicks, and the woman, seeing that
the guy is desirable to other women, sustains her interest–she knows
she has to compete sexually. Women love sexual competition: that’s
why they watch an otherwise moronic show like THE BACHELOR, and read
romance novels in which the heroine wins against other women. I want
to win and help win
[https://twitter.com/balajis/status/1178417524091674624]. She can also
have sex with other men too, of course. I wrote in the first paragraph
that I want an ideal situation:  “both man and woman have a safe,
stable relationship where they experience the security and long term
joy of a male/female partnership, while living a sexually free and
vibrant life.” Now I have to be able to make that happen. 

It was with this long term arrangement in mind that I agreed to
monogamy with Fest Girl initially—at the time it made sense to
provide her the security and intimacy that comes with knowing we were
only going to have sex with each other, while building our
relationship in others ways as well. Unfortunately, monogamy has
become a status quo Fest Girl won’t break from. A lot of this has
been my fault, both in execution and communication, but I’m also
beginning to think it might have been a mistake to engage in explicit
monogamy in the first place. To be clear, I don’t have all the
answers. Did I commit to monogamy because I didn’t want to lose
her–out of a place of fear? To some degree, yes. But she’s also
expressed an interest in having threesomes with other girls, we’ve
done a ton of BDSM
[https://theredquest.wordpress.com/2020/01/04/bdsm-dates-sex-skills-online-dating/],
and I thought she’d naturally progress toward ENM. Alas, that has so
far not been the case.

It’s a conundrum to be sure: 

	* Many women want monogamy, and if you don’t give them monogamy,
many will walk after a month or two (at least, this has been my
experience–why before Fest Girl my record of retaining women long
term was spotty at best). Women want more than sex. For a woman, sex
is cheap. 
	* If you promise and practice monogamy, how many will be willing to
open things up? Maybe not a lot–it doesn’t seem promising based on
Fest Girl’s evolution, and from what I know of women generally, who
think emotionally rather than rationally. I don’t want to bait and
switch, but I do want to pace revealing who I am—something almost
everyone does. The term “overshare” exists because it describes
some people’s propensities to reveal intimate details too soon. 
	* However, if you don’t open up the relationship, the guy will get
bored and/or the chick will eventually lose interest, leading to a
situation where cheating and/or a break-up happens.

A lot of chicks in their 20s become serial monogamists by accident:
they meet a guy, fall in love, the sex is great, he is great, and the
relationship becomes closer and more intimate. Over time, the guy
becomes clingy, she gets bored, sex becomes less exciting/frequent,
and eventually the guy cheats, or she does, and/or they break up
because you don’t want to marry someone when you know the passion
and sex are dying. Having kids ameliorates a lot of this, but today
many women are more inclined to have dogs than children, and guys—at
least smart guys—aren’t going to wife a chick up who doesn’t
fuck well or often because she’s a good dog mom. Women most want the
guys who have options, and yet guys with options often exercise those
options: another paradox of desire. 

When I met Fest Girl and then fucked her, she seemed very inclined
toward non-monogamy, threesomes and sex parties. She said as much,
overtly, on our second date. Given that promising prospect, I gave her
monogamy in the interim to provide the comfort and stability necessary
for that leap of faith to take place, and we spent the next three
months fucking and nesting and having a damn good time. Unfortunately,
the frame me “giving” her monogamy is totally wrong, and I failed
to set the proper frame of us having adventures together, in that
win-and-help-win way. But now, as the NRE fades and I remind her of
the long term frame of the relationship, she’s like, “nahh, I
don’t really want to do that after all.” To that I say: OK, but if
that’s the case, it may be time for RPD to get back out there to
start farming leads and getting back to Game. I may have one or two
more things to try, things she’s agreed to in theory, but my overall
level of optimism is low. I stopped writing for three weeks when
things were good and we were busy, and spending too much time
together. Happiness generates few stories. Adversity forces us to
learn, grow, and change. The fundamental law of the social world is
men competing for attractive, fertile women. If the game theory of
doing so weren’t so complex, we’d probably still be apes, grunting
at one another on the Savannah, instead of building the utopian
paradise we’ve built to impress our girlfriends.[3] 

As Forrest Gump says: that’s all I have to say about that.

As always, thanks for reading fellas, and if you want to get better
with chicks and/or improving your own life, hit me up for coaching
[https://redpilldad.blog/coachingrpd/]. Happy 2022!

[1] And we all know how _that_ one ended. 

[2] If you haven’t read THE LORD OF THE RINGS and THE SILMARILLION,
log off and go read those. Learn something. The Internet has its uses
[https://1729.com], but too many Internet guys seem shallow. 

[3] And exchange nude photos and videos of them. All men show their
buddies nudes of their girlfriends, except me, because I’d never,
ever do such a wretched thing.

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Archived from https://theredarchive.com/blog/RedPillDad/rpds-girlfriend-and-my-long-strange-hiatus.35020