A recent thread had a remarkable exchange:

(Original Poster quoted): "tonight I learned what STFU really means. I doesn't literally mean to close your mouth and not communicate. It means to say as little as you can. To stay out of those choppy waters.

I replied with my customary snark:

"Do people really think when we say STFU we mean to turn into a mute retarded autistic patient?"

The reply:

"Most of us newbs do, yes."

I have to say I was flabbergasted and a bit appalled. This is an EPIC MISCOMMUNICATION and we need to correct it NOW so let's get to it:

THE MEANING OF STFU

STFU is a common response to new guys posting detailed stories of verbal intercourse with his wife. It means: Shut The Fuck Up! However, WAY to many guys are taking that too literally!!!

When a new guy on MRP tells a long story of she said, he said, she said, he said, it is VERY common that he get's the answer: STFU. Apparently some men take this to mean they should either be butthurt and blustering or butthurt and give her the silent treatment.

STFU DOES NOT MEAN IGNORE YOUR WIFE OR GIVE HER THE SILENT TREATMENT LIKE A BUTTHURT WOMAN.

STFU can mean several things depending on the context:

1. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT RED PILL OR ANYTHING RELATED TO SELF IMPROVEMENT. The 1st Rule of Fight Club (and the 2nd) is that YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB. If you are reporting to us how you talked to your wife about solopsism or Red Pill, or AF/BB or even attraction then somebody is going to tell you to STFU.

2. LISTEN TO HER EXPRESS HER EMOTIONS AND ENCOURAGE IT TO A POINT (unless it get's annoying). Much of the time with a withdrawing "low sex" wife, you need to activate her femininity. In order to encourage her to be more of a women, and more feminine, and more expressive of her emotions you need to LISTEN. In order to LISTEN, the first thing you need to do is SHUT THE FUCK UP. However, you are not obligated to sit on the bed while you talk about feelings because VERBAL INTERCOURSE IS OPTIONAL. The balance between STFU and emoting must be carefully calibrated. Almost all of the new guys talk to their wives to much. The problem is simple and obvious: Women talk. Men do. Actus Non Verba. Actions Not Words. You are not her girlfriend. You are her husband and this is a different role. You can listen without talking much and this is important because if you talk and talk like her girlfriend, then she is going to want to fuck you just as much as she wants to fuck her girlfriends. Which is to say not bloody much.
   So...STFU in guy talk can mean Shut Up and pay attention to your wife! You are a hunter. She is your prey. Imagine a group of hunters approaching a herd of Buffalo. The newb comes in and starts talking and the leaders of the hunt put a hand on their lips telling the newb to STFU. They don't mean get mad, sulk, and refuse to participate in the hunt. They mean to STFU and listen. Pay attention.

3. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS, AND ISSUES because it dries up a woman like a severed labia in the Gobi Desert when you emote like a whiny 5 year old! The ONLY exception is when a known Alpha Fuck "opens up" a tiny bit, exposes his hard outer shell, and shows a TINY BIT of his soft gooey center. The book "Models" talks about this. Most of you guys don't have to worry about that. You need to build that hard out cover before you spew goo all over your wife. You need a backbone and a frame before you can start emoting. Most likely, the problem with your low sex marriage is you are emoting to much!! Therefore, STFU.

4. SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS, YOUR PAIN, YOUR COMPLAINTS, AND EVEN YOUR NEEDS. Women don't want their men to whine like a bitch about his problems. You can only identify the problem and TELL her how you are going to solve it. If you whine like a little boy she will want to fuck you just as much as she would want to fuck a little boy. That is to say not bloody much.

5. SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T ARGUE WITH YOUR WIFE. USE FOGGING. If you have not read WISNIFG on the sidebar then that is your bad. We didn't pull these books out of our assholes. They are important. When I Say No I Feel Guilty explains how to FOG. There is no reason to argue with a woman. She can yell and rail and bitch and moan and if you smirk a bit, and Shut the Fuck Up, most of the time the storm will pass quickly. To Fog, you simply agree with her and refuse to expound on her complaints.

Example: She says: "You don't do this and you didn't do that. You never do blah blah blah."

A NEWB says: "How can you say I don't do Blah. I blah blah blah blah and blah. Plus I blah, and blah and blah blah blah blah. Furthermore, I often blah and blah and blah blah."

If you do this you set up a response from her and the emotional argument is on that you can NEVER win. You are trying to logic an emotion and it NEVER works. You will doubtless be told to STFU** when you tell your story on MRP. This does NOT mean you say NOTHING. That would be autistic and/or butthurt and if the goal is seduction and a happy life and marriage it is a completely STUPID lack of response.

Instead, a MRP guy says: "You are right that sometimes I don't do blah." This is "Fogging." You simply reflect her emotions back at her and give her nothing except fog to swing at. Soon she will get tired. Read WISNIFG and STFU.

STFU does NOT mean that you ignore a reasonable request or an attempt to start a conversation. It MAY mean you respond with "K" or "Yes Dear" or "Hmmmmm." You might possibly note that this type of response is VERY different than the infamous "silent treatment!"

Finally, STFU is also confused with Dread Level 4: BEGIN conditioning your:

--TIME

--ATTENTION

--AFFECTION

--PRESENCE

to your wife with her sexual availability to you. These are in ascending order of severity and you need to do this VERY SLOWLY. ONE AT A TIME OVER WEEKS AND MONTHS, NOT DAYS.

I have an entire Chapter on this in My Book but here is the summary:

First, in response to a sexual denial (or repeated sexual denial, or whatever your boundary might be) you BEGIN removing your TIME. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU "STFU" AND IGNORE YOUR WIFE. It is simply that your time is valuable and you don't have time in life to spend it with a wife who is not attracted to you. You have value and will not waste it. Remove your TIME by going to the gym or leaving the room after a sexual denial. DON'T BE BUTTHURT. just understand that your time is valuable and who you spend it on must be reinforcing to you or you will find better ways to spend your time. Be upbeat. Give her a kiss on the cheek and a reason to be happy before you leave.

Second, if this does not begin to change her behavior IN WEEKS AND MONTHS, NOT DAYS, then move to withdrawing your ATTENTION. This is actually pretty close to what a lot of guys understand when they see STFU. She is withdrawing and showing you her "power" so you need to show her that you also have power. You don't have to pay attention to your wife when she is withdrawing. HOWEVER, this is not a license to be autistic or do the full feminine silent treatment like a little girl. It IS a license to begin leaving the house more, turning off your phone more, getting busy with projects in and out of the house much more. It IS a license to express your displeasure but NOT by arguing. No dude! SHUT THE FUCK UP. One word answers and fogging and removing yourself entirely is the prescription at this level. It is more than STFU, but that is certainly part of it.

Third is Affection which is orthoganol to STFU so the basics are that "Affection" means that No sex = no cuddling, no kissing, no hugs = withdrawing your affection. If you do this for long your marriage is toast.

Fourth and very, very last you remove your "Presence." THIS is the total withdrawal of YOU from her life and it is so powerful it is also on the top reasons for divorce- "He wasn't "present." She does NOT mean he worked all the time. She means, he was not emotionally present and expressed no interest in her or her problems. He was gone! IT MEANS THAT HE STFU!!!!!

If you do this it is basically a Hail Mary. You have checked out and checking back in is going to be dicey at best. THIS is the FINAL STAGE before divorce. If she does not respond to selective removal of your "presence" then it is not likely the marriage can be saved.

tldr: STFU does NOT mean you ignore your wife or give her the silent treatment unless you are ready to get divorced.