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00Pi Archive

View 0 posts and 221 comments by 00Pi on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I’m afraid that at some point I will have to end my marriage. That fear is heavy. I’m afraid of walking away from the only woman I’ve ever loved. I’m afraid that a divorce would fuck up my son. I’m afraid of losing half of everything I’ve ever worked for and half my salary for a decade or more. I’m afraid that no other women will ever want me. I’m afraid of fucking up my family and losing the only thing that really means anything to me. Another reminder that you’re not alone: resolutions316 wrot…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/04/21 04:20 PM
2

Thanks
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 12:45 PM
2

The “do you like your wife” post set it clearly Did you save this post? I looked for it, but couldn't find it.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 11:34 AM
5

just keep in mind that at some point, all this experience is just something to learn from and move forwards, not to constantly navel gaze into. I agree. Everything’s (literally & figuratively) boxed up and back in the attic right now. You know, I almost referenced you (but ended up cutting that section out for brevity sake). About a year ago, you quoted Winston Churchill: "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened." I di…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 11:13 AM
3

I distinctly remember her walking down the aisle and my brain screaming “do not do this”. I did it anyways. WTF, man!? Glad you got out! I’ll have to reflect on whether I like my wife’s best. Thanks for replying
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 11:11 AM
2

Oh. Interesting…So, maybe my marriage is already dead and I’m clinging onto it like some Rose for Emily crap…? I don’t think that’s the case, but I do get the sense from some of these comments that that’s how it looks from the outside looking in. I’ll definitely reflect on it.
/r/MarriedRedPill28/04/21 11:10 AM
2

I would never ever have the relationship or life I wanted with her. I would never sacrifice what I wanted for anyone else. Right. But what did you want that was so incompatible? (If I recall, the sex came back for you.) Did she flat out refuse to support your mission? Or did you wake up one day and realize that - in your words you didn’t like her - and that you didn’t want the woman you married? (And, if the latter, how did you know that she was fundamentally unlikable - and not being bitchy as …
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/21 08:16 PM
5

Thanks for the feedback - and doffed hat/clothing. I am lost. I keep thinking of that final scene in The Graduate where Ben and Elaine are left thinking: Now what the fuck do we do…? My plan (atm) is simply to start walking in a direction that feels right and to course correct as I go… And, yes, I agree with the sitcom analogy: no matter which direction I take, it’s time that I grow the fuck up… My way of dealing with butthurt is to either: a) do stupid, spontaneous shit under the guise of not g…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/21 06:10 PM
2

You're still struggling with finding out who YOU actually are and what's important to you....Your priorities are different than mine and others. But that's fine if that's what YOU want. For sure…I’m curious (& my apologies if this is getting too personal - or maybe you wrote about this somewhere and I missed it?): What priorities led YOU to choose divorce?
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/21 05:54 PM
5

OYS #39 Age: 43; 74”; 198 lbs; S: 285x5; DL330x6; BP:200x5; Married 8 years; 5 kids under 5 (4 with wife); started OYS March 2019. Mommy Issues: I was encouraged to explore my “mommy issues.” As part of my exploration, I reread a book my mom wrote. That put me in a strange head space. It inspired me to clean up my life, though. The next day, I revisited my priorities. I typed up a proposal for a project I’ve been sitting on for years and submitted it. I broke up with my plate. Then I reached out…
/r/MarriedRedPill27/04/21 10:28 AM
4

Self-validation feels lonely, but there is freedom in loneliness. I am trying to embrace that. It is lonely. But you are not alone. As HOA asks: What are you going to do about it? Embracing the freedom is a good start.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/21 02:19 AM
2

Cool. After skimming your last few posts I got the impression that you were reflecting more than doing. I now see that you are choosing new behaviors based on your self-reflection. Have you read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson? As you practice giving less fucks about your wife’s frame/validation, it could help to also practice giving more fucks about the shit that’s meaningful to your frame (& within your control). You’ll likely find yourself self-validating more as you meet y…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/21 01:48 PM
1

How are you translating these thoughts into actions? Can you id one concrete step you’re taking to practice OI and/or self-validation?
/r/MarriedRedPill15/04/21 01:26 PM
17

“You told an interviewer that you have learned to—in your words—‘love the thing that I most wish had not happened. You went on to say, ‘What punishments of God are not gifts?’ Do you really believe that?” “Yes, it’s a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. I don’t want it to have happened. I want it to not have happened, but if you are grateful for your life—which I think is a positive thing to do, not everybody is, and I am not always but it's the most posi…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/03/21 03:19 PM
1

We're on a "break" ( I’m trying to get Babysitter to join the ranks of my other ex gf’s who I’m just “friends” with as I work on my marriage; I want to see if my marriage is salvageable.) And, yes, I know: my first attempt at that (last winter) didn’t work out so well. (I needed to be better at internalizing a sense of abundance, setting and enforcing boundaries, and getting out of Babysitter and Kid4’s frames.)
/r/MarriedRedPill10/06/20 11:50 AM
2

Thanks for the great tips. You’ve given me a lot to take in. I”ll practice being more mindful about changing my behavior and I’ll check out The Feeling Good Handbook. I was in a CBT workshop several years ago (for depression after my daughter died), and I remember liking the handouts. I think I kept them. I’ll dig them up to see how I can apply the concepts to my current predicament. Thanks for your response.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/20 11:57 PM
2

Okay. Good advice. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/20 12:44 PM
4

No
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/20 12:43 PM
9

OYS #36 (?) Age: 42; Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife) #5 due in July Relationships: It’s been 3+ months since my last OYS. I’m back to focusing on the basics: dialing in STFU, OI, DNGAF etc. I was away for part of March and April, so there’s not much to report (relationship-wise) from that period. (The separation was purely job related, and I left my wife on good terms: I was mostly getting comfort tests; she was even flirting a little.) When I returned, I failed a simple shit tes…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/06/20 11:28 AM
1

Bro, she’s an addict. Addicts lie, deflect, act evasively, and basically do stupid shit. The CDC thinks that it takes the average smoker 8-11 times to quit (and some studies suggest an average of 30 times). I would not take her non-compliance too personally. For the health of your child, you do need to address the issue head-on, though. I would level with her. Explain why you made that comment the other day. Emphasize that she needs to sort her shit and that you want to support her in overcoming…
/r/askMRP05/03/20 07:01 PM
2

Like if a dog was in your way you might give it some water, she would want you to kick it. lol I think my wife comes across harsher on paper than she is in person. She actually has a very sensitive, kind side (will pick up all the worms on the sidewalk when it rains, likes to watch Lifetime movies etc.). But, yes, she is used to “tiger-parenting” - and to working in a male-dominated field. I don’t know if criticism turns her on - but she’s certainly able to handle it, esp. when it’s done playful…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 10:04 PM
1

I think I need to do it to help break the scarcity mindset. I don't know of any other way. I agree - to a certain extent. What struck me as interesting is that you admitted that you already have an abundance (objectively speaking)…So why isn’t it enough (subjectively)? Will attaining more satisfy you? It might if your scarcity mindset stems from doubt that you can provide for yourself. But I don't know how much good it would do if you are trying to fill some other void/prove something else to yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 08:42 PM
1

Keeping kids entertained in the apartment is hard. What do you do in the apartment? Sometimes it helps when I involve my kids in what I’m doing (eg. we’ll make a pizza together.) Or we’ll invent stupid games: such as “don’t bonk the conk” - basically dodge ball with pillows, or “bongo ball” - a small rubber ball that bounces off the walls that they try to catch. Sounds like your kids are older, but maybe you can think up something age appropriate. (My niece likes filming YouTube videos - and she…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 06:15 PM
1

I don’t think she sees me as the prize, and I don’t think she’s worried about losing me. Had a similar thought to Blarg: this sounds like it could be a validation issue…perhaps related to the scarcity mindset you spoke of. You don’t need to cultivate options - but you need to know in the core of your being that you are capable of cultivating those options.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 05:17 PM
1

I am dealing with what I could best describe as ‘internal conflict’. I felt lost in the whole struggle. Have you read Man's Search for Meaning (by Viktor Frankl)? I got a lot out of that book - and existentialism in general. ‘I have been disappointed a couple of times. I am sorry for projecting that on you. Talk to you soon’. I actually felt like I have done something wrong- as if I accused her wrongly. I don’t know what to make of the situation. You don't want to project "needy." I would work o…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 04:46 PM
1

A fetish didn’t occur to me. Maybe…My theory was that she just had a hypercritical upbringing. (I discovered this by parodying my MIL.) But I'll explore this. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 04:10 PM
1

That's probably where it comes from. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 03:15 PM
1

OYS #35 Age: 42; Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 181; Estimated 1RM - B: 203; SQ: 264; DL 304; Currently reading: Awaken the Giant Within By Tony Robbins Marriage: There was a low point this week when I thought my wife was having an emotional affair. (I no longer think this: they talk and text everyday, but not about flirty shit. She’s his badminton/life “coach,” and basically just criticizes him all the time. I think she likes the attention and the opportunity to play the…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/03/20 01:23 PM
1

Thanks. I got 2 things from your comment: I’m still too nice - and it could behoove me to become less of a “homemaker” (I never used that word to describe my role in the family, but it fits). I think I know how to address the former…The latter I’m still reflecting on. (Obviously I set a precedent for myself and it will be tough rolling that back - but I agree that it could help.)
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/20 09:28 PM
2

All good advice. Thank you. My resentment really is irrational. My wife travels a lot for work, and when she’s away I feel zero resentment about doing it all. When she’s home the resentment creeps back in; I fall back into her frame. So, you are correct: I need to figure out what things are important to me - and learn not to give a fuck about the rest. Great reminder.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/20 09:27 PM
2

You remind me of me. (Probably not a great thing - since my previous flair was “train wreck” - but you are in a much better place than I was when I arrived here. It’s just the “SAHD, feels trapped, has strong independent streak, resents wife, would rather be alone” piece that I identify with.) I would second Blarg: you need to build a life outside of your relationship (start recognizing your options, opportunities and agency). Don’t get lost in the books, but don’t ignore them either. This game …
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/20 03:03 PM
1

OYS #33 Age: 42; Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 180; Estimated 1RM - B: 191; SQ: 243; DL 284 Relationships My goal this week was to game my wife. That didn’t work out so well. For one, she was rarely home. And when she was home, she was mentally checked-out (giving monosyllabic answers - and basically avoiding me - staying up late on her phone or computer.) The kids got the brunt of her criticism - but gaming her was like gaming a ghost. By Thursday evening I realized I w…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/02/20 01:38 PM
1

Thanks for this. I’ll keep it in mind. Since posting, I’ve reviewed notes on leadership and frame. At this point, I can’t tell how much my “aversion” is me projecting (dislike for my own shortcomings); how much is because I’ve been a shitty container (and have brought out the worst in my wife); and how much stems from the fact that I plain don’t like my wife…Stuff to work through. I’ll keep the Churchill quote in mind as I do so.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/02/20 04:02 PM
1

I think I half realized this (like I realized it abstractly but not viscerally). Your articulation makes it clearer. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/20 08:54 PM
2

No! Completely unrelated.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/20 04:25 PM
3

OYS #32 Age: 42; Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 179; Estimated 1RM - B: 187; SQ: 236; DL 275; Currently reading: The Way of Men by Jack Donovan Marriage A turbulent week. Nothing major. Just a lot of shit-testing. Awhile back I asked my wife if she had moral qualms re one of the jobs that she’s applying to. I wasn’t trying to be polemical. I was genuinely curious. Now all week it’s been “Why should I have moral qualms? I’m just in R&D; it’s up to other people to use it pr…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/02/20 04:05 PM
1

OYS #31 Age: 42; Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 178; Estimated 1RM - B: 177; SQ: 218; DL 257 Health Starting to feel normal (after being decimated by the flu). Working at getting back to where I was pre virus. Sex Life Met up with Babysitter to visit Kid4. Didn’t intend to fuck her - but somehow we started talking about this fetish she has (which apparently I share) and then we banged the hell out of each other. It was super hot (Rose is right: you can’t beat psychologica…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/02/20 03:58 PM
1

OYS #30 Age: 42; Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 176; Lifts not available this week. Health The kids and I are recovering from the flu. It’s been gnarly. We couldn’t even keep liquids down at one point…And I think I may be relapsing; I have chills and aches again…This year has been a beast. We’ve been sick almost continuously since Thanksgivings, and I seem to catch every third thing the kids bring home. It sucks. Reading I started The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - and…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/01/20 03:05 PM
1

I think it’s more an issue that I tend to have trouble with LTRs - not just marriage. Maybe I don’t need a LTR to be happy - just spin plates endlessly. I haven’t figured that out yet…But I’d like to have the option of having a healthy LTR if I decided that’s what I wanted…I’m not there yet. That’s all I was saying.
/r/MarriedRedPill17/01/20 07:10 PM
1

Just noticed this comment. I don’t give a shit about the label (I don’t think…). I’ve been labeled worse. Sticks and stones and all that. It’s more that I don’t want to actually be that guy…Serial monogamy is whatever. I don’t care if that’s your thing. But to lament about it and be helpless about doing anything about it is issue. I don’t want to bounce around from relationship to relationship because I don’t know what else to do (i.e. am incapable.)
/r/MarriedRedPill17/01/20 04:56 PM
1

So why do it now? Why was it important to give her a 4th? I didn’t want to delay things too long and then regret it. And, yes, I get it: the timeline was on HER terms (due to HER biological clock)… That said, the decision wasn’t completely selfless on my part. I’m happy to have another kid. (Early on in our relationship family size was a power struggle …and I clearly won that battle…) New life is magical. And all my kids have very different personalities; I’m excited to see what this person’s go…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/01/20 04:54 PM
1

You raise good points. I didn’t think it would magically improve my marriage. (Quite the opposite.) But I did know that I didn’t want to deny her something important. Also, I like kids and always wanted a large family. (My wife was the one who wanted to cap things at two, originally.) Parenting has consistently been part of my life dream. Was I acting in my frame or hers? Maybe both? (I have been feeling overextended by my parenting responsibilities recently.) However, having another child isn’t…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/01/20 11:48 PM
1

Good point. I guess I was in my wife’s frame. I have mixed feelings on parenthood. Part of me enjoys being a parent… I can see how that is partially fueled by unhealthy insecurities, though (desire to be loved and needed by whatever means). Basically, I don’t NOT want another kid…But if my wife were 10 years younger, I’d have waited to see how our relationship evolved…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/20 05:25 PM
1

I did the crime before I went dark…but I get your point: I DO need to do a better job at owning my shit - esp. my mental shit. (During the fall I was working hard on “emotional leadership”: helping my wife manage her emotions. Then I dropped the ball - because I got hit by my own depression - and started to focus exclusively on myself, and our relationship suffered. I need to turn that shit around.) And for the record, I don’t regret the pregnancy. As I explained to Horns, that was a conscious c…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/20 01:42 PM
1

Yes. I mean, I think so…Unless she’s a mastermind at deception….
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/20 01:40 PM
-1

I don’t know, bro. My wife’s 37. She desperately wants a daughter. She was home when she was ovulating (which is rare given her work schedule). And we were in a relatively good place (for us). I weighed my options. Deny her and live with the regret of knowing that I took that opportunity from her…or take a gamble on my marriage/ability to unfuck shit. I decided to take the gamble. I did’t expect things to go south so quickly (or for Babysitter to react the way she did)…But I also didn’t expect t…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/01/20 01:39 PM
2

Interesting. I am employed. Just washed up in my career. I need to address that at some point. And, yes, I’ve certainly been considering divorce… I haven’t determined that it’s my best option, though. (What makes you think so? Just curious to hear an outside perspective.) For me the sticking points are: 1) the kids and 2) I have a shitty history with women, and always manage to fuck things up. (Thanks to mrp I’m just beginning to see how.) I don’t want to become one of those dudes who’s been mar…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 06:25 PM
1

lol I never thought about it in those terms. Maybe I give a fuck about the wrong shit. I’ll have to reflect on that. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 06:23 PM
8

OYS #29 Age: 42; Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 178; Estimated 1RM - B: 204; SQ: 264; Reading:The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory & Open Relationships I fell off the OYS wagon momentarily, and it shows. A lot of shit’s been going down. Babysitter and I are taking a break. The relationship wasn’t healthy, and we need space to process and grow. We’re still figuring out what this means for Kid 4. I think it’ll work itself out. We’re not antagonistic. My wife’s p…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/01/20 02:13 PM
1

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. You’ve given me a lot to reflect on. I appreciate it. You’re spot on: I have been feeling disenchanted in an existential, La Nausée way. And, yes: I don’t have much confidence in my mission. I believe its an authentic (albeit irrational) calling - and one I’ve had since I was little. But I also lack confidence in believing that I’ll be able to bring much of it to fruition (despite recent encouragement), and, if so, at what cost. It ultimately requires me to take…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/12/19 07:58 PM
1

He was inconsolable and I didn't know what else to do. (He usually resets once he cries himself out.) I do feel badly putting him into time out, and am open to other suggestions...
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/19 06:37 PM
2

Thanks. I didn’t see how I was projecting until you pointed it out…I’ll work on it (along with the validation seeking) I guess I’m trying to figure out for myself why they fuck I’m married (other than to provide a two parent home for my children - and maybe that’s the only reason I need…) It’s not that my wife doesn’t add value to my life - it’s just that I don’t see how she adds value in a way that countless other women couldn’t (if they had her job). Nothing she does registers high excitement……
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/19 06:33 PM
1

OYS #28 Married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 174; Estimated 1RM - DL: 327; B: 198; SQ: 257; Reading: Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships (This is my second time through); I’m about 9 months into my OYS journey; I turn 42 today. My health’s… …been up and down. Sleep has been crap (thanks to Kid4). Mentally, I find the holidays and winter months a shitty time of year (due to personal associations). I’ve been making mental health a priority - revisiti…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/12/19 01:49 PM
1

Late to the party, but my two cents: While I am not religious, the statistics about children in vs out of wedlock are clear, and I believe the bonds are necessary to raise children. This is exactly why my wife and I chose to get married. Similar to you, we were in an open relationship (prior to marriage) but less bisexual…Unlike you, I was completely rp unaware and beta/bp af. I don't regret my decision, but here are some questions I wish I’d asked myself before tying the knot: Does my wife shar…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/12/19 06:12 PM
1

Perhaps what I thought I was looking for was not actually what I need/want. Or perhaps we need to change the format to bring out the value. …Or perhaps you just need to give it time. Look, I get it. I’m in a similar situation (which is why I resonated enough to respond). Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s great that you’re expanding your social circle….Just keep your priorities in line with your authentic needs & desires. That’s all I wanted to say. (And from your response it sounds like you’re al…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 08:43 PM
1

Most of my social gatherings feel more like obligations than abundance. I’m not sure how I want to change this. Why not give yourself permission to hang out with people you want to hang out with (when you want to hang out with them)? As an introvert, I get the need to fight against a tendency to self-isolate…but it doesn’t sound like you have that problem. If anything, it sounds like you’re siphoning off too much energy into people and activities that ultimately don’t advance your life in a way …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 07:03 PM
2

A better goal I think is to focus on positive interactions within my frame (no matter how shit it is atm at least it's out of her's) and increasing kino. I will also start reading the Game related books. I second this motion. I have not read any game books (probably should), but what I’ve noticed with my (anxious, depressive, highly critical) wife is that until I bring her into a different emotional state - i.e. into my frame - initiations are worth shit. (This presumes that I feel like leading …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 05:37 PM
2

Damn.. it's been 9 months already? It’s been 8 months since I joined oys, but, yeah, time really flew. Stop playing the role then. You’re right. This is straight out of WISNIFG: I have the right to judge my own behavior; make mistakes and be responsible for them etc. Great advice. I could definitely be better about maintaining frame here. Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill20/11/19 05:30 PM
1

Acknowledgment of Paternity. My gf and I were estranged briefly.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/19 09:24 PM
2

I get that. I just never would have responded the way he did. I feel like I’m not unplugged in some critical way, but I'm too blind to see/understand it. One foot in front of the other, I guess. EDIT: I just read the other comments. Looks like I misread the context.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/19 09:24 PM
2

Wow. I am so blue pill. Help me understand this. How does spending a couple hours with your kids (while your wife goes shopping) interfere with your mission? Are the two so mutually exclusive? I’m assuming it was the way that your wife asked (and the way that you responded - by falling into her frame) that was the problem. But couldn’t you have just said: Not now, babe. I have x to do. But tomorrow at y time works for me. Or am I missing something here? In other words, why did you have to ask yo…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/19 06:03 PM
6

OYS #27 Age: 41; married 7 years; 4 kids 4 & under (3 with wife); 6’2”; 174; Estimated 1RM - DL: 319; B: 198; SQ: 253; Reading: Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships My daughter was born! She’s healthy and beautiful. We signed the AoP and I’m on the birth certificate. There’s still a lot uncertain, which I find unsettling…But that’s life. I’m trying to accept that and move on. Shit I’m Owning I’ve been good at focusing on my mission - and have made a fantastic breakth…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/11/19 03:42 PM
1

It’s an ongoing challenge. (I have not had success in the past). I was supposed to set up marriage counseling (as an attempt to get her to see someone)…And with everything else that’s been going on, I dropped the ball on that one (I contacted one therapist - but left it at that.) I’ll make some phone calls today.
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/19 04:36 PM
1

OYS #26 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; 6’2”; 173; deload week: B 135; S 175; DL 220 Relationships: Babysitter’s due date is about a week away, and we’re both on edge. I’ve been meeting her meltdowns directly and honestly (rather than withdrawing - which is my reflex). I was firm about setting boundaries (when she fell into suicidal ideation and when she tried to embroil me into dealing with her extended family). And I’ve been trying to focus on what I can control and what I want (ra…
/r/MarriedRedPill06/11/19 03:19 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/19 02:34 PM
1

I can try. The adoption does not require my consent. However, I can file an objection/request a hearing. Of course I need to be able to prove that the adoption is not in my daughter’s best interest. And, frankly, that’s something I’m still trying to sort out for myself (just on a moral level). My wife has a good heart and I don’t believe she would be purposefully vindictive or hostile toward the child - but she’s definitely not pleased by this situation. Another thing that's been stopping me fro…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/19 10:36 AM
1

I can’t say that it’s what I want (emotionally speaking)…and I sense it’s not what Babysitter unequivocally wants, either (hence the waffling). However, I do think it’s the most logical course given the circumstances. And, yes, my wife was instrumental in shaping the current situation. And, yes, the way it unfolded makes me think that she acted in a manipulative way - or at least retaliatory... That said, she didn't lie, and I take ownership for what’s happened. I know I’ve made some terrible de…
/r/MarriedRedPill31/10/19 12:26 AM
1

Could you be more specific? Any constructive advice? (Questions to consider, skills to practice etc.) As I see it, the only things I have “control” over are my actions and my attitude. My focus has been on acting more openly and directly and out of an attitude of abundance. I’ve also been trying to address the fact that I often pretend like IDNGAF, even though I really do. But maybe I’m misguided in this approach?
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/19 05:04 PM
1

I’m not surprised you’re confused. We’ve been waffling like a Belgian at a bake-off and I’ve been trying to write less about the drama in my life. But to answer your question: Yes, we are trending towards adoption.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/10/19 03:24 PM
2

I'm not doing this just because I want to get my way, or because it makes our time together more fun, or because I want peace in my house. I'm also doing this because I usually have a better long-term plan for her life, than she does - and I want the women in my life to succeed. I'm able to give that love and intention to her because I've become really good at giving it to myself. It's a surplus, and I'm glad to give it. Isn't that what we're here for, men? Great insight - and something I’m just…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 04:40 PM
1

I am on a rollercoaster of emotions depending on the week. Have you tried scheduling quiet time/meditation into your daily routine? Even a minute or so of mindfulness helps me notice my emotions, which helps me regulate them a little bit.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 04:28 PM
3

So whats my take on this? My take is that she's tired of me and our relation, she wants only the family and provider part from me, not climbing, sex and other fun and romantic stuff and I can't change that obviously. She wants out and that's that. I’m lost here. How did you reach this conclusion? She shit-tested you. That’s her job. She wants beta-bux. Okay, biology. And you’re right: you can’t change that. But you can change yourself. I honestly have not been following your story long enough, b…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 04:14 PM
2

Of course, that was when I was solo parenting. As soon as she’s back in the house, she was able to knock me out of my positive mental state, literally within 20 seconds. What a fucking weak frame. I can completely relate, and I can see how ATC would help. Another thing that’s been beneficial for me has been focusing on the offensive rather than the defensive - i.e. focus on bringing her into your frame rather than defending your mental state.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 03:19 PM
2

Reading: Nothing again. I have trouble getting my reading done, too. One trick someone here told me is to bring your book everywhere and to read a few passages in between other tasks. If you're not great at multi-tasking - and have trouble focusing - this is not ideal, but it’s better than nothing.
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 03:09 PM
1

OYS #25 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; 6’2”; 173; Estimated 1RM - DL: 325; B: 191; SQ: 248; Reading: Extreme Ownership Relationships: Last Tuesday, after I got the kids down, I joined my wife in the living room. My plan was to start a conversation - just to break some ice. She tolerated my presence better than I expected. After a few minutes I experimented with some kino. She tolerated that, too…. I asked her if she was up to doing something together. She looked at me, silently, for…
/r/MarriedRedPill29/10/19 02:44 PM
1

Actually, now that I’ve had more time to reflect, I have another thought: it could go back to the resentment I was talking about earlier. Tonight, I asked my wife to hold/play with Kid3 while I bathed his two older brothers. (Kid3 always splashes around, which irritates the other 2 and results in a lot of hair pulling/eye poking etc., so I bathe them separately.) My wife refused to do it - said she was too tired (She has insomnia again). So, I parked him in front of some cartoons (which I usuall…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/19 01:21 AM
1

Hey, RPeed! It’s been awhile. As always I don’t know what you’re driving at. Are you asking why I always feel the need to share the crazy shit that happens with my kids rather than the mundane stuff? If so: When I sit down to write my OYS and reflect on the kids it’s the crazy stuff that comes immediately to mind, so, without questioning it, that’s what I write about. I suppose I could write about the cuddly, good stuff - we roughhoused and then read some books - but that happens most nights, so…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/10/19 12:43 AM
1

Cool. I was just curious. I remembered it was something you were working on. I’m in a similar spot, actually. It’s like I have my vision, mission and projects mapped out…but there are multiple ways to achieve the same goal, and they all have different potential consequences. I need to figure out which way to go… It’s a process, I guess.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/19 06:14 PM
2

You’re right. In the early days I resented my wife. Now it’s more like: Shit. I did it again. When am I going to stop being such a people pleasing pussy and putting myself in these circumstances? As /u/part_wolf writes: “I haven't yet forgiven myself for doing everything for everyone else, for the wrong reasons, and expecting something in return.” The thing is: my wife doesn’t know (or care) what I’m resenting. She just knows that I’m not being a rock - and resents that. And her pissy mood/resen…
/r/MarriedRedPill24/10/19 06:13 PM
3

Nothing I read makes me think you’re taking any responsibility for anything. Maybe. The way I read this, though he’s taking the first step in responsibility: recognizing a problem and owning it. As /u/Blarg_Risen notes, he now needs to take the next step: acting on his recognition. As someone who suffers from resentment, I gained a lot from his insights. I think this post shows honest, introspective work. But the real test always comes with putting that introspection into action.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 02:51 PM
1

How’s your mission coming? Have you had any successes identifying it?
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 02:48 PM
2

Thanks for the encouragement. I do feel like I’m in a better place than I was last spring; less trapped.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/10/19 12:12 AM
3

OYS #24 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; 6’2”; 172; Estimated 1RM - DL: 313; B: 192; SQ: 247; Reading: The Case Against Reality: Why Evolution Hid the Truth from Our Eyes by Donald Hoffman Relationships: My wife returned from her business trip on Friday. Her passive-aggressive mood prompted me to review my notes from WISNIFG and to practice fogging etc. By Sunday it became clear that I needed to step up my game. (She was freezing me out.) One of my goals has been to be more assertive …
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/19 03:10 PM
1

Lol. I got confused by your statement that you saw “no value in giving commitment to a woman who was lacking.” (I still don’t know what you meant by that; the words “commitment” and “lacking” were what threw me off) I can imagine how people with particular worldviews could find meaning in monogamy; it’s not that far fetched. But I agree: from a purely rational standpoint, I don’t see much value in monogamy either. Why are you committed to your wife if you don’t personally value monogamy?
/r/MarriedRedPill22/10/19 12:44 AM
1

I’m still working through this myself, but I do think there’s value in spinning plates. (We’re biologically designed for it, after all). But, as you said, it comes down to a man’s end game - what he values, what type of experiences/relationships he’s looking for/what type of blowback he's willing to risk etc. (One woman obviously can’t provide all types of desire - but I can also understand why a man would want to experience the intimacy & simplicity that comes with a monogamous relationship) I …
/r/MarriedRedPill21/10/19 08:50 PM
2

OYS #23 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; 6’2”; 172; Estimated 1RM - DL: 324; B: 192; SQ: 251; Reading: WotSM (I neglected to finish this; I don’t know how I let that happen; I’m getting a lot out of it). End Game Thoughts (Skip this section if you’re only interested in the shit I owned): Last week, /u/hack3ge asked: What in the mother fuck is your end game here? It’s a good question. I wasn’t able to give an immediate answer (because I got temporarily banned) but the answer I would ha…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/10/19 12:31 PM
1

Thanks for your response. I read TSCOP - but never internalized the commandments. This was a good refresher.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/10/19 01:34 PM
1

OYS #22 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; Estimated 1RM - DL: 315; B: 193; Reading: How to Win Friends and Influence People; re-reading NMMNG Relationships: I started the week out strong -then everything went to shit…But I think things are getting back on track. My goals were to: focus on my mission engage in less covert contracts be more compassionate be less of a caretaker and more of a rock talk to my wife about my overarching expectations (re psycho-emotional wellbeing) I spent Tue…
/r/MarriedRedPill08/10/19 11:41 AM
1

Yes! I was circling around this idea - and you articulated it perfectly. Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill06/10/19 01:01 PM
1

Okay. Thanks
/r/MarriedRedPill02/10/19 01:02 PM
1

Okay. Thank you for all this. I will definitely put some thought into how I'm going to address this issue ...and I'll be sure to make it about HER and not solely about ME.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 10:49 PM
1

Oh boy. You’re right. I didn’t notice that until you pointed it out. Fuck. How ironic. I guess it’s back to NMMNG for me… The thing is: I really have noticed a connection between her anxiety/depression and sex. When she’s not depressed (or crazy anxious) we have sex - and decent sex (not just starfish). So…if I want to address that without falling into a covert contract, I guess I need to do what u/STENZEWA suggested - i.e. I need to get clear about my overarching expectations (re her mental hea…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 08:35 PM
1

Thanks for your detailed reply. When I said “countless” I really did mean countless. My entire day is constructed around covert contracts (unfortunately). For example: If I make an effort to be cheerful in the morning and say “good morning,” I expect her to say “good morning” back; if we’re eating out together and I’m madly trying to manage all three kids (we have a preschooler and 2 toddlers - none of whom are particularly efficient at self-feeding) - I expect her to notice that I’m struggling …
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 08:28 PM
1

You’re right: focusing on myself and my mission is an ongoing struggle for me. I could definitely be better about that.. Thanks for the insight!
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 02:44 PM
8

OYS #21 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; Estimated 1RM - DL: 315; B: 190; Reading: How to Win Friends and Influence People Health Lifting went well this week, despite scheduling challenges. I got my form checked for bench press and made some adjustments. I’m back to counting calories. Relationships: I recently reread the "Bill of Assertive Rights" from WISNIFG. It was exactly what I needed to move ahead. I had forgotten that I have the right to make mistakes, change my mind, be illogi…
/r/MarriedRedPill01/10/19 12:04 PM
1

It’s been helping me… What I like about the program is that it’s methodical: I’ve been able to identify specific areas to work on - i.e. strengthen and/or loosen without having to see a physio (I’m remote and there aren’t a lot of good physios in my area). The difficult part has been staying consistently on top of everything (tissue work, stretching, reactivation). If you’re looking for an alternative to surgery, this is good place to start… But It’s not free…And I think a lot depends on your sp…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/09/19 03:55 PM
1

Thanks. I will.
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 08:24 PM
1

FAI Fix has helped me a lot - I've just stupidly fallen behind. But this is great advice. Thanks!
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 04:29 PM
1

Thanks. I hope so!
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 02:20 PM
4

OYS #20 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; Estimated 1RM - DL: 315; S: 250; B: 190 Health My hip pain is flaring up again. I’m switching back to Bulgarian split squats. I’ve also been told that goblet and front squats work better for my type of injury. I’ll be playing around with that. Diet continues to be so-so. I’m trying to eat everything on my plate, but some meals I just can’t. Shakes have been helping - and snacks. (I’ve always suffered from agita - I threw up nearly every day in …
/r/MarriedRedPill24/09/19 01:04 PM
3

Coming from you that means a lot. I’ll try live up to your prediction!
/r/askMRP19/09/19 11:49 PM
2

I’m still around…
/r/askMRP19/09/19 11:48 PM
2

Yeah, I meant to clarify/edit what I wrote - but Longroad did it for me :) There are a lot of different techniques out there - and some work better for different individuals. I didn’t mean to dissuade you from seeing this particular therapist if it helps. Like everything: abundance mindset. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right fit And I’m glad you’re looking at triggers - that’s always helped me. (I was going to ask, but figured it wasn’t my place. Good luck!)
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 08:02 PM
1

The therapy tools don’t seem to do shit, but I’m trying them anyway. Therapy is hit or miss in my experience. I’ve had some amazing therapists - and some astoundingly crappy ones. (And, frankly, your description of your therapy session reminds me of some of my crappy ones - but I'm not a therapist - so if that approach ends up working for you, great.) From what I’ve read the efficacy of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for treating anxiety/depression is pretty well established - and that's wha…
/r/MarriedRedPill18/09/19 01:15 AM
2

I still resent myself for where things have ended up You need to kill that self resentment…but you already know that. ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE can see how great I am, but my wife is still resistant. Who cares? That’s just validation seeking … but you know that, too. I wasn’t thinking about sex when I wrote that last comment - or about you being the prize, or the 1000 ft rope, or dancing monkeys or any of that (although I see how all that’s relevant…) I was just talking about acceptance in its rawe…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 03:59 PM
2

I feel like I should be doing something more to fix myself Perhaps you’re searching for inner peace - a way to truly not give a fuck (i.e. to genuinely find strength & tranquility in yourself: not just on an intellectual level, but on an emotional, experiential level)…And perhaps the way there is through focusing on acceptance rather than “fixing yourself” (a false dichotomy, really, because acceptance and change are ultimately intertwined.)
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 02:24 PM
4

OYS #19 Age: 41; 6’2”; 169; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; Estimated 1RM - DL: 310; S: 240; B: 190 Physical/Health Lifting - I’ve been showing up, going through the moves. Could I be digging deeper? Yes. So, I need to work on bringing it this week. I also need to find time for my rehab/accessory work. I cut back due to my new schedule and am already feeling the consequences. Diet is decent in terms of protein but not caloric enough…I baked a tray of sweet potatoes and bought some seed butter…
/r/MarriedRedPill17/09/19 12:22 PM
1

Huh. That didn’t occur to me: I thought I was just playing my nice card (I wasn’t invested in celebrating…) But I see your point now that you mention it. Thanks
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 04:13 PM
3

OYS #18 Age: 41; 6’2”; 169 lbs; married 7 years; 3 kids 4 & under; Estimated 1RM - DL: 300; B: 180; S: 235. Kids: Kid1 turned 4 at the end of August. My wife was too tired to celebrate, so we decided to combine all 3 birthdays into one party later this season. (My kids were all born in the fall.) I did take Kid1 and the other children out to the park for an informal celebration with cake afterwards and he seemed fine with this. Just prior to his birthday, we met with 6 specialists at an out-of-s…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/09/19 11:47 AM
5

Meditated 4x in the past week for 15 minutes Has it been helping? For some reason, 20 minutes is the tipping point for me - My mind doesn’t truly settle down until 20 minutes. It’s palpable. ​ What could be causing [the anxiety]? This has been the most elusive. At the same time - these thoughts cause me anxiety - it's almost a feeling of loss since so much of myself was focused on the marriage. You’re in the HUGE process of fixing you’re entire outlook on the world. It would be weird if that par…
/r/MarriedRedPill03/09/19 02:44 PM
1

You're right. Reframing it that way clarifies a lot for me, actually. Thanks
/r/MarriedRedPill23/08/19 07:39 AM
1

No. I haven’t shared much about my ex. It’s complicated. But the tl;dr version: we’ve both discovered that we have a lot to learn about ethical non-monogamy. I’ve added a book on open relationships to my reading list. PIV sex: no. Flirting/other types of playing: yes. We generally don’t keep in touch when I’m out of town - ie. not in Hawaii - and I leave soon, so I doubt she’ll be an integral part of my daily life for long.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 06:31 PM
6

Thanks. Good advice. You’re just 28 weeks too late…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/08/19 08:45 AM
3

If you’re really set on developing your mission I’d push Unchained to the top of your list - even if it’s only to read the chapters on developing a code and mission. They’re gold, imo. (He sets parameters for what a mission is/is not; provides several examples; and outlines questions to get you started on reflecting). Also, in my experience - and from what I’ve been told/read - a true mission is not something to be pounded out in a week. It will probably take a lot of reflecting, but it’s good t…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/19 06:36 PM
2

My sympathies go out to you, man. I can identify with a lot in your post - The death of my child radically changed my wife, and part of my journey has been learning to accept that fact. And, yes, I have definitely had the “I’m starting to not like my wife that much” moments; in my experience they wax and wane. Here’s what I’ve done: I’ve set up appointments with doctors - only to have her cancel them. I’ve physically carried her into appointments to watch her lie - or demonstrate extreme denial …
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/19 05:49 PM
1

Have you had a chance to read Unchained Man yet? There’s an excellent chapter in there on missions - including a “mission discovery exercise,” which I found helpful. I can provide details if it helps - or alternatively you can just get the book. It’s by Caleb Jones.
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/19 04:23 PM
3

OYS #17 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids under 4; 6’2”; 170 lbs; Estimated 1RM - DL: 311; B: 185; OHP: 124. (Still not squatting due to injury). Currently reading: Way of the Superior Man; taking notes on Unchained Man and re-reading Co-Dependent No More. Mental Health: I wrote out a draft of my “code” - the standards by which I’d like to live my life - and have tweaked my mission accordingly. In therapy I’ve been working on identifying emotional manipulation within my relationships. One insight…
/r/MarriedRedPill20/08/19 03:57 PM
7

OYS #16 Age: 41; married 7 years; 3 kids under 4; 6’2”; 169.4 lbs; DL: 315; B: 180; Currently reading: Unchained Man, and enjoying it immensely. SHIT I’M OWNING PHYSICAL HEALTH: Rehab’s going well. I’ve added Bulgarian split squats to my routine. These have helped open up my hip flexors and have been great at strengthening my legs while not aggravating my injury. MENTAL HEALTH: Unchained Man’s an awesome read. I keep stopping to take notes and/or reflect - which means that I’ve been proceeding a…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/07/19 02:35 PM
1

Thanks for the links. There’s a lot to take in here. As always, you’ve been an immensely helpful resource: I’m still digesting the Share Schreiber articles and videos you directed me to. Very rich stuff.
/r/MarriedRedPill18/07/19 12:45 AM
1

I will be looking for a trainer that can make sure that I am doing it properly so I don’t injure myself. Good. I’m new to lifting - so hardly an expert - but my understanding is that focusing on form and maximum muscle contraction is the way to go. I recently read a post by Archwinger Thanks for highlighting this. It’s spot on in my experience. I’ll be interested to hear how you progress with offloading.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/19 01:28 AM
1

A lot of good stuff here. Very inspiring for where I’m at on my MAP.. I'm working to amalgamate that into one solid high value person and that's the heart of my mission. Interesting mission. What specifically are you doing to achieve this? (Personally, I’ve found that the more I identify and embrace my frame the less of a social chameleon I become.) That impacts my thought processes to the point I’m losing a bit of interest in sex... ...(edit- just read... a libido loss is normal when you are re…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/07/19 01:22 AM
1

What purpose does it serve ? Her reasoning is that it’s a dog-eat-dog world and that it’s important that our children learn to fight. I believe what really motivates her, though, is that she knows that it makes my parenting job more difficult (It’s harried when they’re clawing at each other etc). you got to set a hard boundary. I agree (esp. in light of the feedback I’ve received here). I will. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/19 10:38 PM
1

Many professionals have suggested that my wife go on medication…She’s very resistant, though. I’ll keep working on her. Thanks for the advice.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/19 07:16 PM
1

You work on you, Study the ones who have achieved this, emulate them and most importantly VISUALIZE the man you want to be, see him fully. Then be that guy. ​ I've found myself thinking of your comment throughout the day. It's very good advice. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/19 06:53 AM
1

Ok. Helpful analogy. Thanks.
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/19 07:51 PM
1

It didn’t damage you? That was my whole point. I think young children can distinguish words from action and understand paradox. And I think this because I remember doing so as a child. And, yes, I’m obviously in therapy and have “issues” - but I attribute that to other fucked up stuff and not to my mom’s words. I don’t think words are that damaging. Your wife pitting the kids against each other and undermining your words of love is fucked up beyond that. So it appears … I just don’t get how it’s…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/19 05:00 PM
1

Why do you fear divorce? For the kids? Custody and parenting time are my biggest fears. My children are young (my eldest will turn 4 at the end of August). I’d like to remain a central part of their lives as much as possible. ​ It’s not a fear, but I also feel guilty/badly that it’s come to this. My “history” is that I’m a compulsive caretaker (I didn’t realize this until coming in here - but it’s become abundantly clear). My wife and I lost our daughter in a car accident 3 years ago and our son…
/r/MarriedRedPill10/07/19 07:41 AM
1

Thanks for your input and the link. I don't know if I'm getting her best. I didn't think her behavior was so atrocious until I started reading these responses. (Annoying, yes; nuke-worthy, not necessarily.) I clearly have a lot to sort out and think about.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 11:14 PM
2

setting a boundary for this behavior should be PART of your MAP. And sooner, rather than later. That’s unacceptable behavior. Yes, I see that now. I'm re-reading all my notes on boundary setting.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 08:58 PM
1

Her comments are pushing you further into a caretaking role and reinforcing your passivity. Yes! I never noticed that until you pointed it out. Very astute. Thank you. Your theory both amuses and disturbs me. I hope I don’t come across as effeminate in person as I do on paper. Shit.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 07:27 PM
1

This seems to be the consensus. Good to know. I had begun to believe my wife (that I was being overly sensitive).
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 07:25 PM
1

This is her aggressively trying to poison both the development of the kids' healthy self esteem and the relationship between you and your own kids. I do agree that it’s passive aggressive. When I said that thing about it not being bad, what I meant was that I don’t think it’s as psychologically damaging as Babysitter feared. (My mother was always very blunt about how my existence ruined her life, yet her forthcoming comments never hurt me; even as a preschooler, I understood that the truth was a…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 05:55 PM
3

Would you allow anyone in your work environment to talk to you like that. Furthermore would you allow a teacher to talk to your kids like this? Why do you allow your wife? From my wife’s point of view, she’s just making a joke (because it’s obvious that I do love my kids), and that I’m being overly sensitive when I question its humor. Back in November (before I discovered MRP), I asked my wife why she felt the need to always make these jokes (and also why she felt the need to exacerbate the sibl…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 05:54 PM
1

Yes, my flair is accurate. My marriage is messed up, and a lot (all of it?) is my fault. If she literally can't be trusted to handle 3 kids you can relieve her of her duties. I’ve been a SAHD for the last two years. I generally don’t leave my kids alone with my wife, as she admits she can’t handle them. (She’s only been alone with the kids twice - to my recollection - and once was just a 10 minute drive to a gas station - that’s when we discovered that she can’t handle them.) I’ve always done at…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 05:52 PM
2

Whatever happened to your job offer? I start at the end of August. Maybe the solution is to drop the wife dead weight and focus on starting anew with the babysitter. I’ve certainly considered this. I don’t have oneitis for my wife, but I do really want an intact family. (I didn’t have much family growing up, and I tend to fetishize the whole Norman Rockwell dream). That’s what tends to stop me from pulling the trigger. I keep hoping that this is somehow salvageable. Not sure if Babysitter is the…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 05:50 PM
5

OYS # 15 ​ Relationships My relationships continue to be a sticky wicket. I have a lot of shit to own in this arena, and when I reflect on it, it's a little disheartening. But I know what to do: keep my nose to the grindstone - lift, sidebar, STFU, and focus on my mission. ​ I think I'm making progress, but there are still snafus. ​ On Saturday, I left early to go to the gym. About 20 minutes later my wife called me to come home immediately because Kid1 was having a meltdown. Apparently Babysitt…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/07/19 04:04 PM
1

The article you linked to really hit home - and there’s a lot of invaluable info packed in here. Thank you! I plan to re-read it later today and to take notes. I never heard of Shari Schreiber. I’m glad you introduced me.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/06/19 07:12 PM
3

#14 I finally made it to Hawaii. It took three days because United cancelled our flight twice. The good news is that, since arriving, life’s been copacetic. I’ve been spending time with friends and family - not blood relatives, but my “hanai family” (the people who have informally adopted me) - and every day has been emotionally restorative. It’s been helpful to get away and to gain a new perspective on things from a physical distance. ​ Relationships I’ve been planning out each day and my famil…
/r/MarriedRedPill25/06/19 03:23 PM
1

Thanks for the advice and encouragement.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/06/19 11:23 PM
1

Yeah, I can try to multitask.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/06/19 02:29 AM
1

You've given me a lot to think about. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. I'll definitely be looking into this further.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/19 08:53 PM
1

Interesting read. Thanks
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/19 02:43 PM
1

Thanks for your informative response. ​ No, you’re not off. I grew up around emotional and physical abuse. I was never sexually assaulted. However, I know people who were (my brother and mother), which is why I sometimes have difficulty swallowing the more dominant aspects of the red pill. ​ Your theory is interesting: I suppose it’s possible that the car accident reactivated something. My childhood is typically not something I dwell on -quite the opposite - although my therapist is encouraging …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/19 03:55 AM
1

Thanks for the support.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/06/19 12:06 AM
1

That's the latest trigger word for my wife. If I use the terms passion or passionate she goes nuts. Like how dare I imply that we need passion in our marriage? That’s funny. Mine, too. I think the biggest thing for me finding MRP is 1) figuring out what I really truly wanted in life and then 2) getting the satisfaction (i.e. happiness) as long as I'm making steps, no matter how small, to achieve that vision. Well said. I’m with you there.
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 06:19 PM
1

I’m not sure if this answers your question, but every therapist I’ve had - and I’ve had quite a few - has commented on my tendency to intellectualize my experiences. Apparently, I don’t “live in my emotions." (I’m not 100% sure what they mean by this - because I do feel things very deeply - but it’s been commented on enough that I’m going to assume there’s something there.) Of course, that’s not to say that I haven’t been stressed out. But I’m not at a point where I’m suicidal…or harming animals…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 06:17 PM
1

Not currently. (In my 20s, yes.)
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 04:24 PM
1

Your life seems very chaotic. Yeah, until I started posting and reading the other OYS submissions, I never thought of my life as particularly chaotic. I just assumed that’s how life was. Now I can see that I do have a lot of shit to own - and I’ve been trying to reign in the chaos as best I can. I’ve got a ways to go, though. I see that. ​ What's your perception of your life right now? In transition - and the waters are choppy, but we haven’t capsized yet. (Or maybe we have and I’m in denial? Wh…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 03:57 PM
3

I think so. Someone else asked me this via DM…And, until he asked, I honestly hadn’t thought about it. The last time my wife and I spoke directly about my affairs she made it clear that she wanted to “outsource the responsibility of fucking me.” She also made it clear that she didn’t want my activities intruding on her life. So, I adopted a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. (Babysitter and I have been going at it fairly regularly - she’s been horny; I’m assuming because of the pregnancy hormones.) ​…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/06/19 03:46 PM
7

#13 ​ Mission: Plugging away. I’ve been trying to get things in place before I leave for my trip next week. I think I have everything set up where I can continue working on the essentials from Hawaii. ​ My wife… …has upped the shit tests. (She’s been anxious. Her current project at work is ending and she doesn’t know where her next assignment will place her.) For the most part, I didn’t fall into her frame. (She would snap, I would STFU, and we would move on.) However, I could have done better a…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/06/19 04:57 PM
1

I realise I'm a bitch and 100% in my wife's frame and looking for the pussy (crack addicts fix). A couple weeks ago you were thinking of withdrawing affection. How is that going? ​ I'm afraid of conflict, addressing this with nmmng in all areas. Me too! Specifically how are you addressing it? Are you planning on confronting someone or something this week? ​ I feel myself on this backslide now and need to learn to vent my anger and frustration. Two things here. ​ You have every right to feel angr…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/19 07:12 PM
1

I tried to spell it out to my wife about a month ago, and she said that it was too polygamous. But then she reconsidered - provided that we try for another kid. And that’s where we’re at. You mentioned something vaguely earlier that makes me think maybe your wife floated the idea of her giving up the baby to you guys to raise as a solution to the teen pregnancy and the daughter the wife desperately wants. Babysitter didn’t go for it. I sometimes hope I can convince her. It would solve a lot of p…
/r/MarriedRedPill05/06/19 02:23 AM
1

Ha! I hope my doctor's theories are all imaginings. ​ ...Oh wait. Now I get it. lol. It's been a long day.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/19 10:26 PM
2

Thanks for your thoughtful (and thought-provoking) reply. I didn’t realize how little I’ve shared about my plans and desires until you pointed it out. ​ What the fuck do you want? ​ To have my cake and eat it, too. Hence, the inconsistency and passivity. ​ Seeing that that’s not possible, here’s the lowdown: ​ I have no immediate plans to divorce my wife and marry Babysitter. And, yes, you’re right: this is what Babysitter wants. She’s been explicit about this desire from the get go. And I’ve be…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/19 10:24 PM
1

Ordinarily, yes, I'd agree with you. I just feel like I've been overdoing it.
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/19 03:16 PM
3

#12 ​ Mission This was a productive week for me. I made progress with my financial goals, laid some groundwork for future charity work and devoted time to my creative hobbies, which I haven’t done in ages. The creative stuff was fun. I’ve been trying to remember when’s the last time I truly let myself follow my idiosyncratic interests - rather than some form of expectation, distraction, or fear - and the sad thing is I can’t. (Maybe primary school?) So it’s liberating to do so now, but It’s goin…
/r/MarriedRedPill04/06/19 12:55 PM
1

Fair enough
/r/MarriedRedPill29/05/19 01:12 AM
2

Why the fuck didn't you just stop being a faggot and say no? Because “No” would mean the end of my marriage, and I don’t want that (not with 100% certainty). I think my problem is not that I’m afraid to say “no”; it’s that I’m afraid to say “yes” - which is also faggoty…so I guess I just answered my own question :)
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/19 07:56 PM
2

How does thinking on it make me a faggot? Is it that I’m not decisive enough? ( I’m just curious. And, yes, I realize that by asking this I’m an even bigger, incurable faggot.)
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/19 04:11 PM
2

What terms? The poly ones? Yeah, I recently had a conversation with my wife where I tried to clarify my expectations (re marriage) and to understand hers. I was just trying to make the covert stuff more overt because we already act like we’re divorced - emotionally speaking - which makes our marriage very strange. ​ I also wanted her to know that I was committed to being a part of my new child’s life, and therefore Babysitter’s. I told her that I wanted to be able to make a vow of commitment to …
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/19 04:10 PM
5

OYS #11 ​ The retreat… ​ …was helpful. I’m glad I went. ​ The first two days of not talking were unnerving. Then on the third day, something broke through. I don’t know how to describe it. It was like having a dozen TVs blaring in my head - that I’d never noticed - and one by one they got shut off. And eventually there was just this profound silence, and I began to notice things I normally wouldn’t - stupid things (like the sound of whatever I ate traveling down my alimentary canal), and importa…
/r/MarriedRedPill28/05/19 10:57 AM
1

Thank you. I will.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/19 10:26 PM
1

Good point.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/19 08:34 PM
1

The reason MRP is all about the mission and the plan is because a less than optimal plan executed courageously always beats the "react to things as they happen to you" non-plan ​ Yes, I'm beginning to realize this. The pieces are slowly coming into focus for me...A little late, but better late than never, I suppose. ​ Thanks for your advice.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/19 08:31 PM
2

Yep. Absolutely no talking. It'll be interesting.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/19 07:21 PM
2

No, she's not underaged for where I live.
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/19 06:16 PM
3

OYS #10 (May 14, 2019) ​ I’ve decided to take a good hard look at myself and my life this week. I thought I was making decent (albeit slow) progress, but in light of the feedback I’ve been getting (and my new flair) I’m going to assume that my self-perception was skewed. ​ So, I’ve brought everything back to the chopping block. I’ve reconsidered all your advice (which has been helpful thus far - I’m grateful that you pushed me back into the workforce and into therapy); I’ve re-read (parts of) NM…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/05/19 10:47 AM
1

Thanks for that. And thanks for your advice last week, too. (I meant to write back, but with the craziness didn’t get the chance.) I think you’re right: negative emotions are the only way I can feel connected to my wife. I don’t think it’s necessarily due to boredom - just maladaptive behavior…And, yeah, it’s probably healthiest to look away. I would, too, if I wasn’t part of the wreck.
/r/MarriedRedPill08/05/19 05:00 PM
1

Your insane wife? The one who doesn't sleep? The one consumed by the desire for a child to replace the one you tragically lost? The one off her meds again? That one? I can't even imagine what AWESOME details you are leaving out here. ​ I guess my wording was a little weird. Just to clarify: My wife offered to adopt - which I thought was big of her -and Babysitter took umbrage. Nothing too dramatic.
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/19 05:19 PM
1

The only way that you can stop this is to go to the heart of the blaze and put out the fire. ​ Okay. But how do I do this? I thought I was making an attempt to put out the fire (I really am trying to face my problems square-on) but you say I’m just treating the injured. I’m confused. What can I be doing that I’m not currently already trying to do? (And I’m sorry if this is coming off as snide. At ground zero my life is a lot less humorous than you folks seem to find it, and I just want to fix th…
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/19 05:17 PM
2

Much of the same advice that’s given in NMMNG, but taken from a different angle. I’d say the author’s overarching point is that each person is responsible for his or herself. (In the author’s words: “If I make one point in this book, I hope it is that the surest way to make ourselves crazy is to get involved in other people’s business, and the quickest way to become sane and happy is to tend to our own affairs.”) It’s a good read (if you think you’re co-dependent.)
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/19 05:15 PM
3

OYS #9 (May 7th, 2019) Career: My license came through (!) - and I’ve accepted a position. I start in August. ​ Relationships On Tuesday my wife hurt her wrist trying to stop my car as I was pulling out to consult with a family law attorney. (I wanted to gather some info, but it upset her.) I ended up having to take her to the doctor, and never made it to my appointment. She’s okay; it’s just a sprain. The event triggered another lengthy conversation, which was convoluted and emotional, but the …
/r/MarriedRedPill07/05/19 09:25 AM
2

OYS #8 (April 30, 2019) ​ Kids & Career I finally found a nanny that I like. Things are falling into place. Now it’s just a matter of receiving my license. I placed a call to check its status, and haven’t heard back. ​ Babysitter After the ultrasound Babysitter was leaning towards taking the pregnancy to term. Now she’s on the fence again. (Her mom wants her to terminate, and that’s been muddying the waters.) Until Babysitter says otherwise, I’m working on the assumption that we’re moving forwar…
/r/MarriedRedPill30/04/19 10:35 AM
2

Thanks for the advice. I hope the Dr appt was code for Planned Parenthood, because I'm not sure you realize the shit storm you are allowing to develop. The Dr appt was an actual appointment (to confirm things). Abortion is not off the table, but it’s looking unlikely. (She had to have an ultrasound to estimate her due date because she couldn’t remember when she had her last period. That along with the heart beat made her very hesitant about deciding to terminate.) Frankly, I’m on board. I’m pro-…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/19 04:52 PM
1

Does your wife know yet? No. I’m saving that party for when she returns (from her business trip). have you discussed termination? Yes. It’s not completely ruled out.
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/19 04:45 PM
2

OYS #7 (April 23, 2019) There’s not much to say. This has been a week of holding steady. Lifting I’ve been trying to find lower body alternatives to squats that work for me: trap bar deadlifts are okay as are forward and backward sled drags. I scheduled an appointment with a doctor because regular squats still suck: pain with a lot of clicking, ​ Reading I’m reading Co-Dependent No More by Melody Beattie. It’s not on the sidebar - it’s something my therapist wants me to read - but it’s been insi…
/r/MarriedRedPill23/04/19 09:28 AM
1

Am I supposed to respond? I don’t know how to without DEERing, so maybe this is a test to STFU… I never know with you. Since I’m clearly inept: she’s pregnant Nope! I sure as hell hope you’re right. I’ve had a stomachache and haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly since Sunday…I didn’t ask her to pee on a stick for me right there on the spot or anything. I just took her word for it. (She can be a recalcitrant teen, but I’ve never known her to flat out lie. Then again I always used a condom, …
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/19 03:25 PM
1

OYS #6 (April 16, 2019) Lifting The trainer thinks my form looks fine. His take is that I should quit squatting for a week or two to see if the pain subsides, and, if it doesn’t improve, to consider seeing either a chiropractor or an MD for further exploration. While I admire the “no pain no gain” attitude that was voiced last week, I just don’t see what’s to be won by rushing ahead, so I’ll be staying away from squats for the time being. Otherwise, I’m proceeding as normal. Reading Started MMSL…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/04/19 08:46 AM
1

I just addressed a lot of your points with SBIII, but quickly: You should be able to recognize pain vs an injury. Agreed. And that’s my concern: this pain is sharp, hurts like a mother, and has been getting worse, which is why I want to get it checked out. In the meantime, I’m still doing my other lifts. So take the university job. Hell take any job at this point - go flip burgers. University job starts end of August. I’m hoping my license will come through before then…And, in the meantime, I’m …
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/19 03:02 PM
1

True. The guy had great frame.
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/19 03:01 PM
1

Yeah, it’s not the best post. Didn’t intend to give excuses, though; just providing an honest update. A few clarifications: Never meant to imply that I’ve stopped lifting. Just reporting that the sharp pinching pain in my hip does not feel right -i.e. not like you’re normal ache or pain. I was ignoring it, but it’s getting worse not better, so I want to make sure I’m not doing anything stupid. With regards to the job search, I didn’t think transferring the license would be “easy,” but I also did…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/19 03:01 PM
0

OYS #5 (April 9, 2019) Lifting I have a pain in my right hip at the bottom of my squats. I tried to work through it by deloading, but it’s not going away, so I’ve scheduled an appointment with a trainer to check my form. Otherwise, I’m chugging along. Reading Almost done with WISNIFG. Thinking of reading BPP’s Low Sex Marriage book next. (Or maybe MMSLP?) Career The job interview went well (I think). I should know more soon. The issue, though, is my out of state license. It’s a bureaucratic nigh…
/r/MarriedRedPill09/04/19 09:07 AM
1

What I began doing was taking the offensive and making her uncomfortable or angry. I began anticipating the narrative (credit to weak_and_sensitive), then take the lead. Eventually you'll categorize her reactions into one or two groups and you will develop solid responses for each. All interesting. I’ll definitely practice this in the coming week. And I don’t know why she was crying; she didn’t want to talk about it. Like you, I thought it might have something to do with the changing dynamics in…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 09:15 PM
1

Thank you for the outline!! That’s exactly what I’ve been trying to make for myself. You saved me a lot of work. AA and AM are graduate level responses I keep seeing these acronyms. What do they stand for? I tried looking it up l last week, but couldn’t find a definition.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 09:13 PM
1

Here's an example of a mission.. I will build a series of companies in the field of ....... (whatever). They will be highly successful. The income I make will provide me with a lifestyle of abundance, wealth and joy and me and my kids will want for nothing. The example you give is so concrete. My guiding ideals tend to be introspective and abstract. (Eg. I will quiet my mind, open my heart and alleviate the pain and suffering of those around me.) Too wishy-washy? ​ How are your lifts going btw? …
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 09:12 PM
1

you're living your life in a fantasy world of your own creation, which you think models your wife in some way, but instead just mirrors back to you all your own insecurities and fears. What if you lived your life in the actual current moment of reality instead? Very wise. You’ve given me a lot to think about / work on.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 09:08 PM
3

This is you trying to control their perception of you. You can't. I need to burn this into my brain.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 09:07 PM
4

Assumptive statements help here: "That must feel terrible..." "You must be feeling very lonely right now." etc Great advice. I need to learn how to STFU while not becoming completely autistic.
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 09:06 PM
11

April 2, 2019 Mission: I spent this week reflecting on what I want from life (or more precisely what I want from myself). I won’t bother delineating my thought process - actions are more important than words - just know that my first mission will be to unfuck my life, and my first project will be to unfuck my self. I had hoped to make my first mission something more noble and less solipsistic - something related to my kids, perhaps - but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I ca…
/r/MarriedRedPill02/04/19 08:48 AM
1

Thanks for the advice! It encourages me. I was beginning to question whether I should cancel the vacation; my wife seems so critical of it. But it sounds like it will be a good learning experience for us.
/r/MarriedRedPill30/03/19 06:16 PM
1

Thank you so much - and for the Jack10 comment - all of this is very helpful!
/r/MarriedRedPill27/03/19 03:36 PM
1

Okay. I just read the butthurt link. (Couldn't find the Jack10 comment, but I get the general idea.) The lightbulb is slowly going on. I am definitely missing whatever part of my brain is supposed to know all this. Alpha positive seems like some alien species to me... ​
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 08:13 PM
1

I feel happy most of the time. Regardless of what’s going on, I choose to be happy. Last week was the 3rd anniversary of my son’s death and I chose to be happy and make it a good day for everyone. We did things that he liked to do – saw a movie with the kids. It was enjoyable. Wow! You’ve really mastered that whole imagine-Sisyphus-happy thing. I wish I could say the same. That’s great, man!
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 06:25 PM
1

That is your STFU being minimally effective. That was actually a shit test of sorts, her saying, "Why aren't you taking the bait? I need some drama here, bitch-boy!" I asked her if she was now interested in trying therapy, and she said, “No.” And there you go burning it all down. You saw a little chink in her armor and then you rushed in to fuck it up. I need to take the special ed version of this course. Seriously. Is there some info on this shit test business somewhere because I don’t get it. …
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 06:21 PM
0

I‘m considering it. I’d make more money elsewhere, but, as you point out, it’s a good stop-gap measure, and I could maybe do some independent contractor work on the side…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 06:17 PM
2

I agree with you here. It's like he wants to run around and do a bunch of shit so that he can say he "did his best" or he "tried so hard." Like the results don't matter, only that he can't be blamed. That’s very astute of you. I didn’t notice it until you pointed it out - but, yes, avoiding blame (or trying to) is a pattern with me. Where's the vision? Why does he put up with this shit? What does he actually want? I just went on a philosophical rant with SBIII, so I’ll leave it at that. He's gas…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 06:16 PM
1

But you cannot and should not do this by sacrficing your entire life to them. It will do you no good and in turn will cause them more harm than good. You have far more to offer them if you quit focusing on them and focusing on yourself. I read your reply over several times because I know you’re right. There’s a lot of wisdom here. It’s also in direct contradiction to my innate way of doing things. I’m really going to have to practice this. At the minute, you have no plan, no mission and no goals…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 06:15 PM
3

Thanks. I think even I can handle that script. I’ll give it a try.
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 06:13 PM
8

OYS 3/26 I volunteer at a children’s hospital. (It’s something I can do with my kids and it forces me out of my egocentric ennui.) Last week one of the children I support took a turn for the worse. Her prognosis isn’t good, and she’s in a lot of pain. Still, she was high-fiving everyone who entered her room. Her attitude motivated the hell out of me: if this 5 year old can be strong enough to go out high-fiving like a champ, the least I can do is to turn my sorry little life around… Lifting Baby…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/03/19 08:43 AM
1

True dat.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 05:42 PM
1

Part of me agrees with your sentiment (obviously). Another part of me is bothered. And not because of the “retards on the internet.” Hef is a little creepy, in my opinion.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 05:39 PM
1

You are an enormous pussy. Gigantic. Huge. Biggest I've been in ages. Well, …yeah…I got no rebuttal there. And your humility made me smile, which is rare these days. (I hope that wasn’t just a typo.) Find a way to let that girl down easy so she doesn't light the match. Then you need to deal with that wife of yours. Again, no rebuttal. Just: it’s a heckuva lot easier said than done. If I knew how to effectively do either, I wouldn’t be here.
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 05:27 PM
1

Thanks for the advice. It’s given me a lot to think about…And congrats on the win!
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 05:22 PM
1

Considered a vasectomy? Why Not? (Think about that question.) I wouldn’t mind more children in the future. That’s the only reason why I haven’t. ​
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 05:22 PM
1

Consider me warned: I’ll keep an eye on the kids. (Frankly, I never considered her a risk until reading some of the responses here. So, maybe I’ve been overly complacent. She is unstable, yes. She also isn’t busting down walls with an axe Jack Torrance style, either. Better safe than sorry, though.)
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 05:21 PM
1

I think what’s bothering me is that I can’t tell how much I’d care if this were to happen. Part of me thinks: Steve can have her at this point. It would help me rationalize and feel better about a divorce. But if I feel that way, I should probably get divorced irregardless…
/r/MarriedRedPill21/03/19 05:18 PM
2

It is a challenge to write about something other than your wounded birds, when you don't have anything else. This seems to be a running theme for me this week, and rightly so. It's like cleaning out your garage: start anywhere and start grinding away. I like this analogy. Maybe open up a little on your childlike worldview and poor impulse control. Okay. How much detail do you want? You say “a little,” so I’ll give you a sentence: I’m learning to reconcile my monotonous habits of distraction and …
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/19 04:50 PM
1

What's keeping you with her at this point? Is the relationship salvageable... Is it worth salvaging? All good questions. They’re the questions that brought me to this subreddit, actually: I figured the sidebar etc. would give me some structure as I try to answer them for myself…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/19 03:56 PM
2

I really like this response. You’re right: I said that I needed to stop reacting, and what did I do? I wrote a completely reactive post. Huh. This is going to require a major paradigm shift in my thoughts and actions…Cool. I don’t think I ever would have seen that by myself. And, um, I did finish reading NMMNG (#2 in my followup). It looks like I should probably reread it, though.
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/19 03:54 PM
6

OYS 3/19/2019 FOLLOWUP FROM LAST WEEK Scheduled an appointment with a therapist. We meet next Thursday (first available opening). Read the second half of NMMNG Contacted the other gym in the area to inquire about child care. Their center looks similar to my current one, and their fees are higher, so I’ll likely stay where I am. Updated resume and contacted the career coach that came with Wife’s relocation package. (I’m still not sold that returning to my former line of employment is in my best i…
/r/MarriedRedPill19/03/19 08:37 AM
1

All good advice. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 11:09 AM
1

Ah. I think I'm very slowly beginning to get it: so, it's my job to just choose a scenario and go with it...
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 11:07 AM
2

I'm honestly not close enough to most people to know if they respect my decision or not. My guess is that you're probably right. For the record: I don't plan on being a SAHD forever - just long enough to get my 3 year old talking and hopefully (maybe) walking. Obviously, the less disabled he is, the better future's he's bound to have, and as a parent I want what's best for him. If that means sacrificing a few years of respect - so that I can help him do therapy and take him to the best specialis…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 11:03 AM
6

Wow. I'm impressed and motivated. Thank you.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 10:56 AM
2

I appreciate the well-intentioned kick in the pants. It’s what I need. To address some of your points: You need to get a job. I’m considering it. Staying at home minding kids, cooking and cleaning is no place for a man. It is a little unnatural, I’ll give you that. I doubt many cave men tended to infants back in the day… but that guy is not you. Well, you don’t beat around the bush. she will / already does resent you for it. Yes, she does. You’re right about that! Which she also pays for. Well, …
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 04:49 AM
1

You’re spot on about my wife. She sorely resents my being unemployed. We fight about it daily. As far as she’s concerned, anything remotely unpleasant is a direct result of my decision to quit. If she stubs her toe it’s because her mind was too preoccupied with financial burdens to properly look where she was going, and, of course, she has these financial burdens because of me. To put this all in perspective, though: we’re not so hard up that we can’t explore other options. I’ve suggested variou…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 04:37 AM
2

Thanks for the suggestion. Yes, my gym has a childcare center. It works well for my 2 younger children. My 3 year old is needy and anxious, so what usually happens is that I end up getting paged within 15 minutes because he throws a fuss and the center doesn’t want to deal with him. My hope is that he’ll eventually acclimate. (He has at church and preschool; both those places have very consistent personnel, which isn’t the case at the gym, though.) I’ll check to see if anywhere else has a better…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 04:32 AM
2

you're going to fuck up a bunch of people in the process unless you get yourself under control. Yep. That's my fear. I didn't see anything about therapy I did try grief counseling (with EMDR). It was helpful. We then moved and I did not continue: life was busy and I felt I had reached an appropriate level of acceptance. I’m realizing now I was wrong. I’ll do some research on local therapists. ​
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 04:30 AM
5

I’m so sorry to hear that we share a similar story. I wouldn’t wish this hell on anybody. It means a lot to me to know that I’m not alone. Thanks for reaching out. ​
/r/MarriedRedPill13/03/19 04:26 AM
6

MARRIAGE My marriage is “amicably-business-like.” We do care for each other on some level (i.e. don’t hate each other yet) so that’s something, I guess. Our disconnect began 3 years ago when we were in the car accident. Another driver went into cardiac arrest, lost control of his car and plowed into us. Our 2 year old didn’t make it. Our infant ended up disabled. My wife and I got away with concussions and some broken bones. The accident really fucked me up mentally. It’s not the first time I’ve…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/19 09:44 AM
6

OYS: 3/12/19 I found this subreddit a couple months ago and have been lurking as I start to lift, read the sidebar etc. Recent events indicate that I need to step up my game, so here I am. INTRO: Me: 41, 6’2”, 166 lb; Wife: 36; Kids: 3.5, 16 months; 5 months. Married 7 years, together 9. Lifts: B: 165, S: 255; DL:280, OHP: 115 PHYSICAL: Been doing 5x5. It’s going okay. (I tried David Laid’s DUP program, and that was an epic fail: getting to the Y 6 times a week was just not happening.) Even gett…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/03/19 09:32 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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