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123flocko Archive

View 4 posts and 61 comments by 123flocko on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

When I was in the thick of it, I had to lie. One time, near the end, I whispered to my cousin "I'm just the handyman here. The superintendent". It was hard for him to believe because everything else looked so perfect. It's all a show, and it's fucked up because girls get automatic support and guys get blame, disbelief, and suspicion. Hang on tight.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 09:21 PM
1

At 32 you have a LOT of runway ahead of you. Glad you're staying active. Get in to talk with a therapist. A good one can at the very least be a sounding board or an objective third-party to help you sort out your thoughts.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 08:00 AM
1

Everyone's breaking point is different, my friend. Mine was after 8 years. It just got too insane. Every day I was on-edge about what kind of impossible requirements she was going to dress up as her "needs", so she could justify her rage and lunacy by saying i wasn't meeting them. When the abusive craziness finally got physical, I started looking for a different place for me and my son. Thankfully I have full custody and neither of us will ever have to deal with her again. That being said, it wa…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 10:16 AM
2

She only cared about her appearance. We took over-the-top trips that were gorgeous, but she only cared about the pictures. The selfie. Sometimes we would argue because I didn't want to post a picture of us telling everyone how much I loved her. From the AI perspective it was also disappointing and creepy. I told her one time that she doesn't really know how to flirt with me. That she couldn't just sit there with a pretty smile and a suggestive pose and expect me to be all over her. So, she came …
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 04:47 PM
1

I believe that the pain will ease. I'm still working on not comparing my life to others - (the gladiator metaphor). It sucks knowing that so many other people find a way to make it work. You have a lot of things going for you. Job, class, girlfriend, hobbies. Sometimes it's hard to see them or appreciate them, though. My best strategy at this stage is just to drag myself out of bed every morning. It will improve.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 07:46 AM
8

Thanks for writing something so heartfelt. The ups and downs are terrible. You aren't the only one. Reading this actually helped me because it reminded me that I'm not alone in this either.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 06:22 AM
1

Hmm, I didn't intend to post a specific timestamp, but no matter, the whole video is good. Just the way that therapy terms get weaponized is something that always rubbed me the wrong way but I couldn't really understand why. This explains it. Oh and if you haven't seen me mention it before, my STBX is a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/26 11:24 AM
4

Same here. She isn't really good in bed, but if she showed up at my door I would let her in and do it anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 03:08 AM
1

Super weird stuff. 20 years ago if you had told me that this would happen I would have laughed. Not anymore. Over a year after I left, and 11 years since I saw the first red flag, and I'm still in disbelief. I've tried searching for information about this, but everything I find just extols the virtues of a therapist, and goes on about how good they are at having happy and stable marriages. Bullshit. I wonder how many more guys out there have been in situations like this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 04:00 PM
2

She loves her clients and they love her. Highest retention rate in the entire practice. The mood swings, the head games, the interrogations, the screaming, and the destruction were reserved for me. Just... insanity. She's still in my head. The irony of it all is incredible.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 03:03 PM
7

Therapist. Misused the skills.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 03:51 PM
1

Thanks. I hope your circumstances are less turbulent.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 06:15 PM
2

We had been fighting more and more often for years. During one of our last, I told her that I thought we should spend some time apart. She said, "Understand that if you leave, I will not be faithful. I need a man in my bed". Things got worse, I ran out the door to a safe place, and got an attorney. STBX changed all the locks. The attorney sent letters to negotiate our separation and divorce and the retrieval of my stuff. It's still in progress. So, for me, it was a combination of the types of ac…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 05:44 PM
3

Knowing that is over while you're still together is painful and really frightening. What will happen, where will I go, will I be alone forever, etc. I ended up leaving because of violence and abuse so it was more explosive. I haven't found a solution to the loneliness yet.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:14 AM
3

I ran right past so many red flags. In retrospect, It's difficult to say exactly when I knew. Was it the first time she scared the hell out of me with her behavior? Was it the day I started my plan to escape? Was it the day my son and I got locked out and our cell phones turned off? I tried to fix it so many times. I guess the best answer is that it was the day I had no more left in me. I had to give up. I loved her very much but I couldn't do it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 11:01 AM
10

I'm finding that I just don't feel anything. I have been on a few dates, had some conversations, but none of the attraction. I've been leaning pretty heavily on family and friends.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:34 AM
0

I know logically that I’ll be happier away from the abusive cycle. But it’s very scary to take this first step. The abuse cycle is brutal, and addictive to the victim. Recognizing it was the first step. You took some action, that's good. It's terrifying to see that your future will be so vastly different, but any outcome beats staying on the merry-go-round. I made the mistake of trying to reconnect, to reconcile, to work it out. Each time I got hit with the shit again, and then blamed for it. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 10:32 AM
9

Definitely. The first few days after she took the shot she would be nasty, sometimes raging. Add existing chemical imbalance, childhood abuse, peri-menopause...
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 06:55 PM
6

I also chose my son over the marriage. It sucks. You don't want to split but you can't stay together. Try to eat well, talk with friends and family, and stay busy. It's a long road, but things improve. At least now there's peace.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 12:46 PM
2

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 03:23 AM
4

There's more to it. My STBX will say flat-out that for 2 days after each shot she is angry and irritable. The shot changes the chemistry of the brain. So it's a double-whammy. They feel an increased sense of sexual value, and they're also irrationally pissed off at you.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 10:38 AM
4

Man, let me know when you find out. Productivity at work went down. She destroyed my heart. This whole process broke my brain.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 10:41 AM
8

Like /u/Comfortable-Angle660 said, it's probably not worth it to get confrontational with her. I made that mistake too many times. Trying to prove some point. Useless. Document. The one thing I did right was record altercations. I have over 200 recordings spanning 2 years. Get your son to a therapist, even if he isn't feeling or acting weird, and doesn't seem damaged it proves that you're protecting him. I would add, just love your son. Be gentle and understanding with him. He'll figure it out. …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 03:08 PM
1

2 weeks ago my STBX and I got into it on the phone and over text. 4 hours later she says she wants to come to my place because "she wants to be held". I have to say I was flattered. It felt good to hear that. But I'm not her cuddle-slut, especially after the way things went when we still lived together. I refused, and haven't heard from her since (maybe the poor girl felt rejected). I'm learning that the good feeling I get when she says things like that is a result of her abuse. In other news, t…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 11:05 AM
5

Amen. I agree with the benefits of physical activity, but it's not a cure-all, and for many of us it's incredibly difficult. Sometimes just scraping yourself out of bed (if you've slept at all), focusing on your day, bathing, eating, and trying to survive is a challenge.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 07:04 PM
3

We weren't technically separated, but she made me move all of my work computers into my son's bedroom. So i had to work in there, and sleep on the top bunk. I should have argued, but she was threatening to bash her face against the doorframe and call the cops. We were both working remote. I ran a nice network that did a lot of cool things, including supporting our jobs. She got mad because I wasn't spending enough time with her, so she went into the office, unplugged and disconnected literally e…
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 11:33 AM
1

Agreed. If you do it at all, make it all contractual. Everything on paper, receipts, bills, pictures of the work, etc. As to why she wants to remain friends... that's tough. It always felt like a slap in the face to me when a girl would break up but say "we can still be friends". I guess some guys can do it, but I can't. Thankfully we don't have kids together.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 12:36 PM
2

WTF is it with GLP1? Girls who used to feel so fat and ugly now feel pretty even though their husbands married them because they thought she was pretty but she never believed him and now all this back and forth wacky dramatic logic?? Or, is it that the chemicals mess up their brains? (serious). Not selling it, but I sound like /r/consipracy
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:55 AM
3

Fun fact, if you're interested. There was a niece on her side who was about 14, having problems with some boy. My ex says "oh honey, I know so many ways to make sure you get what you want from him. Let's go to lunch and talk.".
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:51 AM
6

It's amazing, isn't it? Toward the end I remember telling her she needed therapy. She would say "I am a therapist". I would respond with "...and an oncologist can get cancer". It didn't go well.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:30 PM
2

It's really cool of you to tell us your story. The lies and the injustice are so destructive. Best of luck with the cancer. Please post updates.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 12:38 PM
12

It was gradual. I went into it with optimism. Sold my house to move into hers with my son about 3 years into the relationship. Stupidest thing I ever did... Things escalated ever so slowly. Verbal abuse, mental abuse, financial abuse, control, manipulation, destroying my and my son's stuff, gaslighting, gossiping, eggshells, and eventually physical abuse. Impossible to satisfy. Mood swings were horrific. I never knew what was going to set her off. I could not believe what was happening right bef…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 12:08 PM
4

Same. It's overwhelming, but this group is really supportive. I have found a lot of comfort in our discussions.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 03:04 PM
6

Brother, I'm with you. The situation with my separation and pending divorce has destroyed me. It feels like my STBX has just broken my brain. The job is fast-paced and stressful as hell. I'm not sleeping, I wake up trembling some mornings. It's hell. Hold on as tight as you can.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 04:14 PM
3

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 06:51 PM
1

Thank you for the kind thoughts and perspectives. I appreciate you all.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 03:05 AM
7

I often force myself to listen to some of the 200+ audio recordings I have of her abuse. Just as a reminder. A lot of folks that support me have advised against that, but it strengthens my resolve. Yeah, it really hurts, but it also reminds me why we left. After a few minutes of listening I'm thinking "wow, no, fuck that!".
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 05:42 PM
1

I have asked many times, "why do I have to perpetually prove myself to you? shouldn't our vows have been enough?". No good answer. Testing, setting traps, the passive-aggressive things... all of it is abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:45 PM
1

I realized that I was always being tested. "I was hoping you would..." Just being told every time what I should have done. /u/Outside-Jicama-8468 mentions "fighting for her" -- mine expected the same. I remember saying so many times that I refuse to fight. Some (insecure?) women need that I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 08:37 AM
3

Thank you
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 07:05 PM
1

Yeah, it's wild. It started for me after my first wife passed. Apparently it's common. I don't know if it's spiritual, or related to circadian rhythm or something, but it's a thing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 11:40 AM
2

Yes. Absolutely. The pain, the thoughts, and anxiety ruin the sleep, which creates more racing thoughts and more anxiety. Repeat. /u/Expensive_Sock_9902 mentions 3:30AM -- same deal for me. No matter what time I finally managed to get to sleep, I was waking up at 3:30. These days it's 5AM. Small win after about 10 mos. I made the mistake of going back to try to talk with my STBX because I felt alone. Because I couldn't sleep. Because I still felt attached. [insert more reasons here]. It blew up …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 11:08 AM
2

It's a tough pill to swallow. That realization that you are, in fact, a victim, and that the relationship is just f*cked. Sunk cost fallacy kicks in. Pride kicks in... "no, not me...", or some other notion that you'll just find a new way to carry it. It's also tough because there are so very few legit opportunities for guys to get support. When the word "abuse" starts getting thrown around, most folks point to the guy. Add the complication of someone who is well-trained in emotional manipulation…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:52 AM
2

The irony is that my son and I are both in therapy to recover from being around a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 09:11 AM
6

My son and I endured an enormous amount of verbal, emotional, financial, and eventually physical abuse. And my STBX is a licensed therapist. 2 masters degrees in psych-related disciplines. She used everything she knew about psychology and mental health to turn my brain and my emotions into scrambled eggs.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:18 PM
2

Do you mind me asking which apps or sites you used?
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/25 12:13 PM
2

I'm curious, because after my 2nd marriage, I am again a single dad... this time in my 40s. How does it work in your favor?
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/25 08:56 PM
2

It was a progession of abuse. Over 10 years it got more intense, more frequent, more nit-picky, and more elaborate. The "rules" changed every day. It was already emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive. When it got physical I knew it was time. EDIT: That was the catalyst. As soon as I started feeling like I didn't want to be near her, I knew it was only a matter of time.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:07 PM
5

I can't even tell. I thought it was over so many times and I kept going back. I kept trying. I thought it might have been my fault (and I'm sure some of it was). At this stage, it doesn't matter. It's done.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 09:33 PM
1

BPD, PMS, menopause, and "the shot"... all at once. I had to go.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 12:15 PM
5

Dude, I'm framing this. The behind the scenes abuse is the most telling part, IMHO. The way they can put up this facade, but then only "when it's time", the mask comes off. Lived it much like you. I'm still in the process. Glad you have a year under your belt. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 01:55 PM
1

Yes, my setup has a synthesizer on the top rack and a larger digital piano on the bottom rack.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 09:55 AM
3

Big TV, 2-tier synth rig, a lot of food, combo propane-charcoal-smoker grill. So many things. All to lift my and my son's spirits a little bit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 02:05 PM
2

Thank you. Strangely, I still feel really bad about making that decision. Isn't it weird? I still feel for her. I wish I could get that out of my heart.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 12:17 PM
2

Thank you. I don't feel so alone after reading this. Did you go forward with the treatment?
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 10:09 AM
2

Thank you. I had been planning our escape for 2+ years. When she did this, I had already signed the lease on a townhouse and was in the process of transferring utilities. It wasn't quite ready yet, but I had the keys. So we went to Walmart, bought sleeping bags, and spent the night on a bare wood floor. Since then we have been rebuilding. She changed all of the locks, and she is holding all of our property. My boy still has nightmares about living in her house. He will never see her again. Never…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 10:07 AM
4

Living outside of the marital home, with my son from a previous marriage (sole custody) for 3 months. Divorce hasn't officially started yet but attorneys are engaged on both sides. Together 10 years, married 8 years. Second time around for both of us. We were both widowed. Over the past few years things got progressively worse. More frequent arguments, more yelling, more violent. She started getting destructive about a year ago - smashing things, etc. The last straw was when she full-strength sl…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 10:37 AM
2

I have audio recordings of the same type of thing.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 07:30 PM
2

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 07:30 PM
2

Fingers crossed. She's clever.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 07:29 PM
1

The house is hers, although legally it is the matrimonial home. The prenup says that I have 90 days to vacate after one of us files for divorce. Nobody has actually filed yet. Now, through letters between our attorneys, she is saying that I already vacated, so I don't have a right to get back in, pack things properly, and "move out". She is completely ignoring the fact that I took my son out the door because of abuse. The cops will only hang around for a couple of hours. We need days or weeks. W…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 07:29 PM
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