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2ndChance_1stMistake Archive

View 0 posts and 108 comments by 2ndChance_1stMistake on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Revisionist histrionics
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 04:46 AM
7

You’re doing it right. File an ex parte order to have exclusive use of the house and get an emergency custody declaration. Kick her out, file for divorce and child support. Hit first and hit hard. She’s already planning to do this to you. Divorce is a street fight.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/23 03:06 PM
2

Get a lawyer. File for an ex parte order for exclusive use of the family house AND AT THE SAME TIME (THIS IS IMPORTANT) Get an emergency custody declaration. Kick STBXW out of the house and keep your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 08:07 PM
0

Your downpayment will count as equity; this plus any accrued equity since the purchase of the home is community property (50/50).
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 08:03 PM
2

If you bought the house prior to marriage, she has no claim to it. She may be entitled to a percentage of the equity.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 11:19 AM
2

I’d be joining the military if I got that judgement. The military won’t let any court take more than 35% of your base pay.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 02:08 AM
22

Wait until the $$$ is in your account. Then transfer it to another account at another institution. Then sign.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 11:39 AM
2

If she's threatened divorce, she's already talked to a lawyer. You need to strike first. Get a lawyer. File an ex parte motion for exclusive use of the house and an emergency custody declaration. Kick her out, keep your daughter, and get on with your life.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 03:41 PM
4

After our divorce (and indirectly a result of it) she was dishonorably discharged from the US Army. She had to move back to California where, to the best of my knowledge, she currently lives in her sister's garage. I haven't had any contact with her for 7 years.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/23 02:45 PM
35

If she needs all of your money to care for the kids, then she has no business being the custodial parent. File for custody.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 03:28 PM
1

Get a lawyer. Get an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the house. Get an emergency custody declaration naming you the custodial parent. Then hit her for child support, include daycare payments as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:32 PM
42

Stand your ground. If you backpedal, you’ll be right back here again in 12-18 months. It’s done. Time to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 04:26 PM
53

Get a lawyer now. Ask the court for an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the family house. Kick her out. Go grey rock. She is not your friend. She is not you lover. She is not your wife. She is now the person who wants to take your stuff: money, dignity, reputation. Divorce is a street fight. Hit first, hit hard, no mercy.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 12:41 PM
11

Some say that it's freedom, others say it's independence. The best way to describe the feeling after divorce is "relief". Just the realization that there is no one you have to consider in your decision making process but yourself. No one to consult. No one to discuss. You just...get to do things. Now I work on my farm. I raise goats, chickens, pigs, rabbits, & alpaca. I make cheese and bacon and grow my own grains for my own beer. When the weather is nice, I sit on my front porch, smoke cigarett…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 08:42 PM
8

Hit first. Ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the house and a emergency custody declaration.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:32 PM
1

It means that you will no longer necessarily have to co-habitate once proceedings begin. Get the order and you can have her removed, even if it’s technically her house too. If she is still talking divorce, then her lawyer is advising her to do the same.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 03:33 PM
5

Dont threaten her with it; it will validate the narrative that she’s created around you. Don’t tell the kids anything. It’s an asshole move and it will erode your relationship with the kids. Kids are smart. They will eventually see through their mother’s bullshit and come to their own conclusion about her and what kind of relationship they want to have with her. If they see you making asshole moves as well, they will distance themselves from you too, and then they have zero good parents. Just le…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 09:40 PM
9

Well done my dude. Live your life and enjoy it. Glad to hear that you're experiencing a healthy relationship, even if you don't see long-term potential. As for confronting the infidelity, let it go. You need to view your XW as nothing more than an incubator at this point. Ignore her and any thoughts or feelings about her: out of sight, out of mind. When you get your kids back after her parenting time, just focus on being a good dad, not on deprogramming them. The damage she does to them while th…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 05:53 PM
3

I would pursue a separate lawsuit against her. She's abusing the family court system to generate wealth at your expense which is harming you (creating an undue burden). Sue her for the cumulative difference between the lower Idaho payment and the California payment and your own legal fees. Try to keep it out of family court if possible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/23 12:57 PM
3

Talk to your lawyer. Get an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the home and kick her out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 10:21 PM
5

Get your own lawyer now. File an ex parte motion for exclusive use of the house. Do not give up the house. Borrow if necessary to buy her out of her half of any equity, but as long as you're in the house, that's status quo, and youl'll have a better chance of keeping it. Argue against alimony stating that she is capable of maintaining her own standard of living. Don't give an inch; she won't.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 01:29 PM
3

She’s going to try to take the house. Get your own lawyer now. You’re about to get hit hard.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/23 05:20 PM
5

Happens all the time, just not on the man’s side.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/23 02:09 AM
22

She got an attorney because she’s getting ready to fleece you. Get an attorney now. File an ex parte order for exclusive use of the house and an emergency custody declaration. If you lay down and try to handle this yourself or try to play nice, you’re going to pay out the ass for the rest of your life. You’re in a street right now. Hit hard and then kick her while she’s down.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/23 06:49 PM
2

www.navy.com/local
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/23 02:21 AM
2

Status quo is that you are the custodial parent. Get a hearing for an emergency custody order to make sure that you have established legal custody. Without that order, she can show up at school and just take them, then it can go sideways fast.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 04:50 PM
-1

I’m telling you, right now, that she had a divorce lawyer 6 months ago. She’s been planning for a while and it’s not going to be amicable. She’s already ensured that is going to be bitter and she’s going to do everything possible to make it as painful for you as possible in an attempt to get you to give up, just to get the pain to stop.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 04:22 PM
8

You need to get a lawyer now. File an ex parte order for exclusive use of the home and get an emergency custody declaration. After that you will file for a) child support and b) spousal maintenance. Immediately stop thinking of her as your wife/lover/friend, etc. She is now someone who will do everything she possibly can to advance her own personal and financial situation at your expense. If that means hurting you to do so, she will. You are now in a street fight. Hit first, hit hard.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/23 03:44 PM
4

She's cheating again/still. Get a lawyer now; it's over.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/23 12:51 PM
1

She gets half of everything in the storage unit.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 06:17 PM
13

It means she’s been planning this for about a year.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 09:32 PM
1

Get a lawyer. Now. File an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the home and get an emergency custody declaration. Once you have the home and the kids, you’ve established status quo which is what family court prefers to maintain.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 03:50 PM
4

Your wife already has a lawyer. She had a lawyer well before the word “divorce” came out of anyone’s mouth.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 11:10 PM
2

It’s a trap. Get a lawyer now. Get an emergency custody declaration and an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the family home. Clear out the joint account and keep all spending records from this point forward. Cancel all credit cards and freeze your credit. You need to be the custodial parent and get child support from her. It’s not a percentage of anyone’s income. It’s an equation based on your share of the joint income and the cost of care. Your STBXW is currently doing all of this for…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 11:07 PM
5

You should keep a copy of the divorce decree and the parenting agreement (if separate). The rest of the files are not necessary.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 08:24 PM
2

Cancel all of the credit cards as well.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 09:43 PM
6

Get a lawyer now. File for an ex parte order granting you exclusive use of the house. Get an emergency custody declaration. Clean out the joint bank account (keep records of spending). When she gets back, have her shit packed and in the garage.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 07:57 PM
2

She’s going to get half the debt and half the assets, might as well pay off the debt. There’s no actual difference, but it will feel like you’re losing less money.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/23 09:50 PM
1

No. You'll won't have a favorable view from the court because the child's mother is currently the custodial parent now. Uprooting a child is bad for the child. The court is always more inclined to do what's best for the child. What's best for the child is limiting the level of disruptive change. Had you filed first, and gotten an emergency custody order, then you would have been the custodial parent.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 03:40 PM
2

This is the situation that you're going to have to live with for the next 18 years. Courts prefer status quo. You can get more time, every other weekend, one overnight during the week (geography permitting), alternating spring/fall break, alternating christmas/thanksgiving. You might be able to get fathers' day guaranteed (depending on the state) and you can probably get 3 weeks during summer. Depending on the state, you may also get parenting time credit (child support credit towards payments.)…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 02:00 PM
5

You need to get a lawyer first and have everything ready and filed before you tell her. If you give her even a little lead time, she will lawyer up and you'll get screwed. The first thing you need is an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the family residence and emergency custody of any children. You can get that at initial filing. Do it before she does, because if you don't she will do it and that's the ball game. Because the courts like status quo. If she gets to stay in the house or g…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 01:54 PM
11

File the papers, when you get to court, request a hearing and the judge will likely issue summary judgment.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 10:35 PM
3

You can file more than one affidavit.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 01:48 PM
2

You're allowed to file your own affidavit(s). Submit one stating that at "x" place, on "x" date, character witness "x" sexually assaulted you (engaged in non-consensual sexual activity with you) after you consumed enough alcohol so as to impair your ability to consent to such acts.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 01:34 PM
2

You don't have to convince yourself of that, you just have to behave as if its true. You have to acknowledge that you still love her, but there's no rule in life that you have to like her at all during this process. The trick to this is to love yourself as much as you love her; it's the only way you'll be able to justify protecting yourself first instead of her.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 12:50 PM
10

Divorce is a street fight. Don’t ever wait for her to hit first. By the time “divorce” comes out of her mouth, she’s already talked to a lawyer about her options. When that word gets uttered, your first step is get your own lawyer, get an ex parte order for exclusive use of the home and an emergency decree declaring you the custodial parent. Hit first, hit hard, no mercy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 11:05 PM
3

You need to be specific. Ambiguity in a contract benefits the party that didn't write it. Be very specific and make sure that it says that "nothing in this agreement can be construed to allow for the other party to claim x,y,z etc.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 03:11 PM
9

You can have a LTR, but as soon as you start cohabitating, you're setting yourself up for the high hard one. If you absolutely must cohabitate, you can establish a cohabitation agreement that spells out everyone's specific responsibilities to the household and to each other. Make sure this agreement outlines that your assets, income, resources and means are your sole property and that the at the termination of the agreement, no one is entitled to anything from the other party. And don't ever get…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 02:40 PM
13

Go, right now and talk to your lawyer. Get an emergency custody order declaring you the custodial parent and get an ex parte order giving you exclusive use of the family home. Stop all direct communication with her. No conversations, no phone calls, no texts, no emails. All communications go through the lawyers. You’re in a street fight. You need to knock her down and kick her in the teeth before she does the same to you.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 07:23 PM
0

Unless the lease provides for “exclusive use”, the landlord can still make dispositions about who can use the property. This means that he can evict one tenant but not the other.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 02:47 PM
0

Having been a landlord, I can assure you, you can evict one tenant and not the other. The landlord can have the "third party" escorted from the premises by the cops. If he returns, he can have him arrested for trespassing. You can't establish tenancy in a leased property without the permission of all of the current lessees.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 12:38 PM
0

If it’s clear that she is the only one violating the lease, then the landlord can evict just one. Since OP will have been the one to make the complaint, that would serve as compelling evidence that he is not in violation. In any case, he may be able to work out a deal with the landlord to terminate his portion of the lease without fault and evict his wife, allowing him to seek other residence without penalty.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 11:45 PM
2

You are now in a street fight. Do not contact her in any way shape or form. No conversations, no texts, no emails, no “if you don’t do this then I will do this. If you are in an unsafe situation, leave. Contact your landlord. If he is exceeding the allowed visitor stay length, the landlord can have him removed. Your wife my also be in violation of the lease terms and he may begin eviction proceedings against her. It’s unlikely he has visibility on your phone. If you are concerned about this, per…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/23 08:09 PM
-4

She's your ex wife for a reason. Her opinion of you is none of your business.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/23 08:38 PM
2

I would do her the favor and move all of her stuff to a storage unit. Give her the key/combination/lock code to the storage unit and tell her you only paid for a month. Let her know that there's nothing in your house that she needs.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/22 08:29 PM
15

Get a lawyer. File first/now. Get an emergency declaration placing the children in your custody. In the filing. You want “shared” custody with you as the custodial parent. As the custodial parent, you will be entitled to support from her. Don’t sell the house. You want to keep that. Borrow against your half of the equity to buy her out. Do not agree to alimony/maintenance; none, zero $0.00.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/22 11:31 PM
11

I see this frequently. Individuals who were raised in an environment of chaos or sustained change don't have the mental or emotional skills to manage a calm and stable environment. They only know how to navigate the chaos, so, they constantly seek change and upheaval because that's the environment in which they are comfortable. As a result, the fulfilling condition of their lives is never "enough", it is only "more".
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/22 02:19 PM
1

I said nothing about falsifying an order of protection. An expensive and vindictive trial is a better deal than years of maintenance and harassment after the trial. Because she's lazy, she's going to go scorched earth on him anyway; a pre-emptive strike is his best bet. Your line of thinking is part of the problem of why men get screwed. You seem to be in the "let's just make the court process as quick and as painless as possible" camp of men facing this issue. This is what the women in the syst…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 05:02 PM
1

Nothing illegal about that at all. An order of protection is only one way to do it. Women do it all the time in family court; they have the court order the husband to remove to a different residence. It's one of the ways that the system is set up to disenfranchise men, but it's really about who makes it to filing first.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 04:02 PM
4

This is a sub for Divorce_Men. Please take your question elsewhere.
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 01:00 PM
1

Which part do you think is illegal?
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 12:07 PM
1

Go to legal. Take an NCO with you. They will not get involved in the divorce on either your side or her side. They will explain to you how it will work since your OCONUS. They will refer you to a lawyer that you can use. It will not be the same lawyer that they referred to her.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 11:28 PM
2

No. Once she leaves and you move into the barracks, you will eat at the DFAC. You won’t get BAS. YOU will get BAH diff, and you will need to give that to her. That’s all she will get until the divorce is finalized. You will eventually get the retroactive BAS owed to you, but she’s not entitled to that at all. BAS is food money for the service member, not for dependents.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 11:25 PM
6

BAS is food money. You get that when you’re not living in the barracks and eating at the DFAC. BAH is housing allowance. You get that when you’re living on the economy (not on base). If you’re living in base housing you don’t get BAH. BAH diff is “differential housing allowance”. You get that when you’re living on base but your dependents are living on the economy. You will get this until the divorce decree is finalized and you give a copy of that to S1.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 11:05 PM
1

UK?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:59 PM
10

She’s not entitled to your BAS. Don’t give her anything but her BAH diff.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:57 PM
2

Hang in there. I know you’re running out of money, but this is her plan. 50/50 custody isn’t actual a thing. It’s known as “shared custody”. You should stand your ground to be the “custodial” parent. The kid is living with you so you have the upper hand. You can petition the court to force a hearing date. She’s using mediation to stall and to force you to spend your money so you feel desperate for a quick solution. Get your hearing, ask for shared custody with you as the custodial parent, reques…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:57 PM
9

You’ll still move back into the barracks. Inventory the household goods before she leaves and determine the cost to replace everything. Go down to Armed Forces Bank IMMEDIATELY after morning formation and open a new account. Get on DFAS and change your direct deposit. Once she moves back to the states, inform your command. You will stop receiving BAH and you’ll start to receive BAH Diff; that’s the only money that she is entitled to and that’s the only money you should pay to her. Have that amou…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:51 PM
3

You need to move into the barracks. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:43 PM
2

There are repercussions if you make it an issue. The family court system assumes that the man just wants to get it over with to get away from the crazy woman, and that we’re tough so we can take it. If you want to make it painful for her, you can. As for penalties, you can make those draw blood as well. My ex got 6 months probation for contempt because she kept bringing petty and capricious suits, even after the decree was final.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:43 PM
8

Don’t do any of these things. A legal separation DOES NOT protect assets from community property laws nor does it protect you from maintenance. There is no such thing as “full custody” in any state in the US. The only custody situation is “shared custody” where one parent is the custodial parent (the parent that the child(ren) live with more than 50% of the time) and the non-custodial parent. The custodial parent is entitled to child support from the non-custodial parent. You can stash all the m…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:40 PM
12

Dude. You need to get your own lawyer, now. Are you on base or living on the economy?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:31 PM
4

Nothing wrong with you my dude. You’re doing it right. The depression will pass. The loneliness will pass. The feelings of hopelessness and isolation will pass. BTW, if she’s lying in a depo, and you can catch her in it, you should. A depo is considered sworn testimony and judges in family court don’t like perjury. Divorce is a street fight. There are no rules. Punch her in the balls (figuratively speaking) and then kick her as hard and as often as you can while she’s down (again, figuratively s…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:21 PM
1

Before you take a vacation, talk to a lawyer and secure exclusive use of the house. Have her served with papers and tell her that she has to be gone before you get back. Make a note of everything she takes with her and then determine a cost to replace (this amount will go against her half of the marital property). If you need to buy her out of the mortgage equity, borrow against your half to buy her out. While you’re on vacation, don’t communicate with her at all. If she reaches out, tell her to…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:16 PM
1

If you haven’t started divorce proceedings yet, then now’s the time. You’ll want your lawyer to request her bank records; anything in her personal accounts is marital property and you’re entitled to half.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 10:11 PM
3

Are you living on base? If so, that complicates matters. You will need to move in to the Q. Family housing on base is for your dependents, not you and she will retain the right to live there until the divorce is finalized. If you're living on the economy, you will need to have your lawyer file an order that gives you exclusive use of the home. If there are children, you will need to file for emergency custody. This will put you back in family housing on base and your STBXW will need to make arra…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 05:20 PM
2

You need to see a lawyer now...today...she's coming at you with both barrels. Change the locks. Stay off social media. Don't post anything. Don't talk to her, don't try to contact her, don't text, NOTHING. If she reaches out, about ANYTHING, tell her to contact your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 05:04 PM
1

This sub is for Divorce_Men. Please take your questions elsewhere. You've been reported.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 09:16 PM
1

There is no such thing as 50/50; there is a custodial parent (the parent with whom the kids live the majority of the time) and the non-custodial parent. The non-custodial parent always pays support to the custodial parent. All you have to do is prove that she's capable of making enough to support herself and maintain a quality of life/standard of living that is not an undue burden.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 09:12 PM
1

Petition the court immediately for emergency custody pending final divorce decree. Do not leave the house. Make her leave and then make her buy you out of her portion of the mortgage if she wants to keep it, otherwise, borrow against the equity and buy her half. Petition for shared custody with you as the custodial parent and request child support. Do not cave to demands for alimony/maintenance. She voluntarily quit her job; use this to prove that she's capable of maintaining her own standard of…
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 08:48 PM
1

Even if it is 50/50, OP can still make the argument that she's not supporting the child financially when she is overnighting with him. He may not win the argument, but he won't fail until he tries. We forget, in all of this, that we are people too. We've been convinced that because the system is designed to screw us, we should just lay down and take it. We need to stand up and show the actual math and tell the world that this is factually not an equal division of burdens.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 01:39 PM
2

It's no longer your job to help her understand (if it ever was). Tell her that you're not going to agree to maintenance and that you're going to fight alimony. Explain to her that she is capable of earning her own money and maintaining her own quality of life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 01:19 PM
2

Child support is based on a formula. The amount of support is calculated based on the both parents' combined income and then your percentage of that is your percentage of the combined income; i.e. if you're portion is 50% of combined income, then your child support burden is 50% of the support amount. There are ways you can argue for a lower amount: Argue for a "parenting time" credit. In effect, every day that you have overnight visitation, subtract one day's worth of child support cost. Argue …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 01:05 PM
23

Talk to your command. On base housing is for your dependents (not you, despite what the other commenters say). You can move into the barracks. Get your own phone with your own account. Get a separate bank account and change your direct deposit. Once you move into the barracks, you will receive what’s called “diff”; it’s basically a subsistence allowance to support your dependents. Pay this to your (hopefully, STBXW); it’s all she’s entitled to. When you file for divorce, file for emergency custo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 11:31 PM
12

At this point, you should stop worrying about what's best for her. Your priorities should be: 1) what's best for you and 2) what's best for the kids. Her quality of life shouldn't even factor into the equation. File for emergency custody, and have the court order her to move out of the family home. You'll be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 03:33 PM
3

It doesn't have to be financial ruin. If you're worried about maintenance (alimony), all you have to do is prove that she's capable of earning enough to maintain a comparative standard of living as a divorcee. If you're in a community property state, sure, she'll be entitled to half of the marital property, but you can require her to buy you out of the house (if there's a mortgage) and require her to assume the payments for any vehicles she keeps. Child support is a different issue. If you file,…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 03:14 PM
2

Her moving is considered a "significant change in circumstance". You will need to prove that the current arrangement is not in the best interests of the kids. Arguably, if you're in a position to improve your financial situation to better provide for the kids and she is unwilling to improve her financial situation to do the same, then that's your argument. Find a lawyer who will take it, or you can file pro se.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 02:06 PM
3

My advice would be to file for a modification to the custody agreement. It should include the following: You are the custodial parent. You alternate Christmas/Thanksgiving rotating every other year. You get spring break, she gets fall break (if there is one). She gets a period of time during the summer that does not interfere with any school related sports or other EC activities. She is responsible for the financial and transportation burdens associated with her visitation/parenting time. You ge…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 01:42 PM
2

Understood. If you get custodial parent, you'll have to fill out a FCP. That will basically put custody of the kids back into her hands for your deployment. I would say brace for heavy rolls. I don't know if they still do this but, in lieu of a sea deployment, have you considered going TAD and doing an expeditionary deployment? They're longer (usually a year) but when I was in they counted towards your sea time, that way, when your ship gets underway, you'll be able to rotate back to shore duty …
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 08:29 PM
2

Also, under no circumstances should you try to reason with her. At this point, you're in a street fight and everything is on the table. Keep a journal of everything you do regarding her and the kids. Judges consider this as de facto evidence of behavior during the process. If you have specific dates and times of when you pick them up, what you do with them and when you return them, as well as documentation of her behavior toward you, it will go a long way to getting a favorable agreement.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 05:12 PM
4

First thing before anything else: talk to your command and get a room at the Q. It's vital that you get physical distance from her as soon as possible. There's no end to the shit she can conjure in her head about the things you do behind your own front door. Believe it or not "pressing charges" isn't quite as much of a thing as we're led to believe. The prosecuting attorney decides if they want to pursue charges. You can ask them to, even now, but they'll only follow through if there's sufficien…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 05:05 PM
4

Perhaps this will encourage her to make more effective personal decisions moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 04:30 PM
2

The court doesn't know (and can't assume) that he'll be making more later. At most, they're bound to prevailing wage in the geographic area where he works. The only way that the court can (reasonably) make him pay more is if there is what is called a "significant change in circumstance". The court just can't arbitrarily make him pay more because it believes that he's worth more. There has to be an argument to support it and that argument has to be supported by facts. Legal arguments, even in fam…
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/22 12:55 PM
2

At that point it's all about who makes the better argument. Did he take the job as part of a convoluted plan to avoid paying support? Or Did he take the job because the market was transitioning, and he had to take a job to build a resume bullet to enhance his earning potential?
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 09:06 PM
3

It's perfectly legitimate to take a lower paying position to advance your career.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 09:03 PM
1

You can request it in all 50 states; many of which are more inclined to grant it than we are led to believe. 6 states will grant it when prescribed in the custody agreement or with cause when a modification is requested. Those 6 states require receipts and bank statements and whatever additional documentation to provide an itemized accounting of the aggregate support paid during the reporting period.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 07:37 PM
1

Not true. You can require her to produce receipts and bank statements showing transaction history. If she can't prove she's spending child support on children, then you can request to have it reduced.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 05:21 PM
2

I divorced 10+ years ago. Before the ink was dry on the decree I was back in the Navy and deploying to Africa. It's what they call "doing a geographical". I came back, went back to work, and became a super chill dude. I experienced a financial windfall, and my ex came back just long enough to try to take some of that. I still have trust issues but I've gotten to a place where I have sexual but not emotional relationships with women. It's cool though because emotional independence is very importa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 03:26 PM
1

Get the bank statements; you should be able to get 50% back. You want shared custody. One parent will be the custodial parent; this will be the parent that the children live with and the one who will receive support. If you are the non-custodial parent, you have the right to request accounting for support payments. This will force her to prove that child support is actually supporting the children. When you receive accounting, challenge/do not accept any expenses marked as "Misc." or "Cash" (etc…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 03:18 PM
3

I took a job several years back that was legitimately to advance my career. I had been working in the finance department as an analyst, but I was seeking more experience in operations. I left my budget analyst position and took on a role as a Shipping/Receiving Clerk making about 30% less. If you can legitimately show that your income decreased for a legitimate reason like that, they judge won't look at past income at all. If you go from $185K down to close to $100K because you needed to take a …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 03:07 PM
2

The TRO only specifies "residence". If the TRO prescribes that you are required to pay half the daycare, then you can petition for "accounting" and find out what the daycare payment actually is. Make sure you're not paying any more than legally required. If you continue paying more, then the court will presume that you have the ability & willingness to pay more. This brings up another point. In the final parenting agreement, be sure to ask for monthly accounting as well. This is to make sure tha…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 02:40 PM
3

The bad news about emigrating from the US is that the gaining country won't let you move there until after the divorce is finalized and if you have any legal obligations in the US, you won't ever get citizenship status. That means that you will still have to pay US taxes, bank at a bank that operates in the US, and that means that you can have a lien placed on your accounts. Just take the hit now and make less until, say 12 months after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 02:18 PM
12

A post-nup will almost certainly be thrown out. Most states are community property states and the default is most likely to be that everything post-marriage is 50/50. That means that you would owe support. The only way out of this is to take a temporary hit to your standard of living/quality of life now. Take a lower-paying position, something around the same range which she earns, then file for divorce (you're heading that way anyway). In order for her to win support she would have to prove dis…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 01:50 PM
5

You're done. Time to dip.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 11:19 AM
2

I'm still nice, but only to a point. During my divorce, my ex was constantly on the attack and it was clear that her goal (during the marriage and in the course of the divorce) was to accumulate wealth at my expense in whatever way she could. A few years of therapy after the divorce helped me realize that she was financially abusing me: (controlling the finances, "giving" me an allowance, and using my GI Bill for her education). Since then, I'm fiercely protective of my assets and my quality of …
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 04:56 PM
3

Thanks. It sucks to think of it that way, but I've found it to be true. The breakdown of any relationship, particularly one where there is such a disparity of resources and income that one person can make the transaction lucrative, is unfortunate. I was a nice, forgiving, easy going guy before my marriage. Now, I don't trust anyone and I can't see myself ever getting to that level in a marriage again.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 06:19 PM
4

Confirmed. I was giving OP the benefit of the doubt that he is doing his business when it comes to the kids. I'm not saying he should necessarily go for the kids, but the custody battle will be his avenue for establishing need for alimony purposes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 05:04 PM
27

Best advice: fight for custody of the kids. You have income, she doesn’t. If she says she has income, you can paint her as untrustworthy because she doesn’t declare it. Your best bet is to make her look as bad (deceitful, untrustworthy, unqualified as a parent) as possible. That will take care of the child support issue. If she does declare her income, you’ll be able to argue need for alimony. You may not get out of it all, but it will make a dent. Oh, and don’t tip your hand. Don’t let on, or t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/22 02:04 PM
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