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36trombones Archive

View 1 posts and 169 comments by 36trombones on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
0

DISCUSSION36trombones/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 04:55 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
4

You described a lovely, leisurely afternoon, and then you said you couldn't wait to be a homemaker / mother. I just wanted to point out that that's not what it's like being a SAHM. For most SAHMs, an afternoon like that -- getting the house to yourself, and having the whole afternoon to catch up on chores -- would be a bit of a treat. Just like it was for you :)
/r/RedPillWomen04/06/20 11:47 AM
8

This is very sweet and I'm glad you had an afternoon to yourself. Sounds like it was well-deserved and you used it well. Still, I have to stress that being a stay at home mother is nothing like what you experienced this afternoon. Yes, it's wonderful and fulfilling. No, it's not leisurely. If you are prone to stress now, you will still be prone to stress when you are juggling the competing needs of kids, home, husband, and self. I don't agree that being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world, as…
/r/RedPillWomen03/06/20 09:20 PM
5

The only thing I would add to this is...be happy. Men really, really want their wives to be happy. They want to feel like they're providing a good life. So, take good care of yourself!
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/20 01:01 AM
7

From what you've said, it kind of sounds like you're beating yourself up for no reason. Your husband is happy and has told you so. You've made huge steps forward. So...why are you being so hard on yourself? Why are you dredging back up your past mistakes? I think you should work on being kind to yourself. You need to accept yourself and your past mistakes -- we all make mistakes. Forgive yourself.
/r/RedPillWomen26/05/20 09:24 PM
1

I am so sorry for your loss. You are dealing with a lot right now, and it's normal to be overwhelmed and mournful. I am like you where I tend to withdraw when I'm upset. I struggle to understand why this bothers my husband and I have been right there with you, wondering why I can't just be LEFT ALONE when I feel awful. Sure, he leaves me alone, but it definitely bothers him when I get into a funk. This has been really hard for me to wrap my head around.. Maybe one way to think about this is to r…
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/20 02:52 PM
3

It is hard to answer this without knowing more about your situation! I mean, I don't know whether your boyfriend was deliberately ignoring precautions, or whether he was being momentarily careless. I don't know whether your response is logical, or whether you're being irrational and overly anxious. Does your boyfriend agree that he's done something wrong? What has he said about it? Do you trust him? What can you both do to make sure this doesn't happen again?
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/20 09:02 PM
1

Good luck!! Don't feel silly. Your whole world just got turned upside down and you are in the very toughest stage of life with a baby, it would be strange if you didn't worry about stuff.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/20 07:17 PM
2

What a lovely statement: "any relationship is dangerous if you don't know what you want out of life." Yes, absolutely.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/20 07:15 PM
3

I think some of the comments here are very unkind. Obviously Avalon is terrified for her kids' sake and is trying to find a way to keep them safe. Avalon, I can see why you're worried about shared custody in the case of a divorce. I'm sure you know the law, but is it at all possible that you're looking at only the worst possibilities? I obviously only know you from your posts here, but you've said a fair amount here about your husband's abusive tendencies. Have you spoken to anyone in real life …
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/20 07:11 PM
2

I can see how that would happen, yes. It looks almost like people are casting about for reasons to blame themselves. I really appreciate RPW thinking and it's done a lot for me. But I can see how it could be dangerous to someone who's in the wrong mindset. Curious to hear your views on that.
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/20 05:30 PM
6

I agree with DoctorNini. Go slow, use lube, talk to your husband ahead of time. He is probably worried about hurting you or pushing you. I also remember that sex for the first time after baby felt incredibly intimate. Once you get past the fear and the strangeness of it all, it's wonderful. If anything, sex is the best consolation for the trouble and hard work involved in taking care of a baby : )
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/20 12:14 PM
–

I have been very very busy lately, and I've felt myself getting kind of prickly whenever I read about how much "free time" I'm supposed to have on my hands because of the quarantine. It got to the point where last week I tried to convince myself that washing the floor was "self care." Clearly I need to do better. This week I am going back to (hopefully) running detective stories crossword puzzles asking my husband and the kids to do more cleaning writing We'll see!
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/20 08:35 PM
1

I agree with this, especially what you say about the lack of respect. It sounds like OP is in a very very tough situation, and it's hard to find any good in her man from what she's said here. At the same time, it feels like she's almost deliberately hardening her stance against him. I don't know how to explain it, but I always feel funny about it when people start to label each other (like, she calls him a "total people pleaser with codependency issues and a worrier to boot.") If you're angry, b…
/r/RedPillWomen20/05/20 07:35 PM
1

It's hard for me to come up with what "femininity" means in general. I can say what being a woman means for me, but I doubt that's universal. For me, being a woman means being intuitive and aware of change. The positive side of this is being able to "read" other people's shifting moods, needs, and concerns. It means being in tune with your loved ones. It also means being sensitive to beauty and hopefully being able to create beauty. The negative side of all this -- I think women are probably mor…
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/20 06:40 PM
7

I am not sure what you mean by "modern society." The western world has been obsessed with love and romance since at least the end of the 18th century. Just read any book by Jane Austen -- it all hinges around love and marriage. There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel connected to your spouse. Love and intimacy can do a lot to help a couple get through the tough times in a marriage.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/20 04:40 PM
2

Yeah, I wasn't going to suggest sitting on his lap. More like find some kind of side by side activity you can do together. Even if you're just watching TV or a movie, or a documentary about one of your shared interests.
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/20 02:59 AM
9

What does emotional intimacy mean to you? Do you have friends or family that you're emotionally intimate with? What do you get out of those relationships that you aren't getting from your marriage?
/r/RedPillWomen19/05/20 02:31 AM
1

Babies are hard, but I'm guessing it is all MUCH harder now that everyone is on lockdown. When my first was about 7 months old I was spending lots of time with my mother, and also lots of time in our local parks meeting other new moms. I'm not saying that to rub salt in your wounds; I'm just trying to remind you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things are going to get better for you. Meanwhile, look for little ways to make your life better. Do you absolutely need to pump, for exampl…
/r/RedPillWives19/05/20 02:24 AM
1

Hm. It's easy to get sucked in by the computer isn't it. I am that way too. Do you guys have shared interests? Or, can you get interested in his topics of interest? Sometimes my husband will kind of fall down a research rabbit hole and I like to go there with him. It's a nice way to spend time together, learning about one obscure topic or another. Would that work for you guys?
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/20 08:15 PM
3

All I know is what this person has posted to the internet. Which, if you look at their post history, is not very pretty -- she describes being verbally abused by her partner and being generally miserable in the relationship. Of course you might be right. She could also be abusing her husband. Whether or not the abuse is reciprocal, this doesn't sound like a safe or healthy relationship. I find it very troubling that when she posts to RPW, she just asks open-ended questions about how to be a "res…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/20 07:51 PM
2

I'm sorry you're suffering. What was he like when you first got married? Did you two used to spend time together? What did you do? What's changed in your marriage? What's changed in his life?
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/20 05:05 PM
34

There seems to be a trend of women coming here and blaming themselves for their abusive relationships. It's very sad. I really like this sub and I find it useful. I find the ladies here really helpful and interesting. But it's also depressing that some people seem to misread it so thoroughly. People seem to think that if they just "bite their tongues" and act more "respectful," their men will stop abusing them. An abusive man is an abusive man. If you are being abused, it is NOT your fault and y…
/r/RedPillWomen18/05/20 04:59 PM
2

I don't really see how this is your fault. I agree with the general theory that sometimes we create bad dynamics in our homes. Been there done that plenty of times! But I feel like sometimes we expand that theory to areas where it really doesn't apply. Like here. I don't really see how your husband being cranky about little stuff is your fault. Especially since it seems like he stays cranky for a little while after. Maybe he is just a touchy guy, and it has nothing to do with you. Which isn't th…
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/20 05:23 PM
2

Yes -- I like your idea. Or, she could be upfront about the fact that she's writing for a narrow audience. There's nothing wrong with writing for a narrow audience!
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/20 07:20 PM
2

I took a quick look at her blog and stopped short when I saw this: Let me tell you about Mark, a married father of two who I’m in the midst of coaching (along with his wife). Like every other red-blooded male, Mark has single focus: he’s at his best when he concentrates on one thing at a time. And when it comes to earning for his family, again like most men Mark feels a unique kind of pressure—one most wives do not. I don’t care how many “working mothers” (God I hate that phrase; what’s a nonwor…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/20 06:50 PM
1

I couldn't agree more. At my stage it is still much easier to do everything myself. But I try to remind myself of the long-term goal -- creating independent adults. And also the short-term goal of having kids who are really fun to live with because they contribute to the household : )
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/20 06:03 PM
1

Yeah, toddlers make for an intense life. I remember. Mine are 6 and 8 now, so my days look very different than they used to. I used to just muscle through the day, but now I have to make decisions and delegate too. I think OP's kids are bigger than mine. So I was thinking that she can probably afford to take some time for herself and assign them more of the chores. But I figure it's also hard to make that happen, if you haven't done it yet and you're tired and burning out.
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/20 02:28 PM
3

I didn't realize that you guys were long distance -- in that case, it really makes sense that you're sad when phone calls don't go well. I guess for me -- it's really important for me to feel accepted. Like even if I'm tired and not that chatty, it's okay. My husband is fine with this and understands when I just want to play cards or listen to music together instead of getting into a big conversation. I really appreciate this and it makes it far easier for me to relax and open up. In the past, I…
/r/RedPillWomen15/05/20 01:41 PM
3

I'm the female version of your boyfriend. I'm on the quiet side in general, but when I'm worn out, or worried, or a little down, I really don't want to talk much. I guess it's hard for me to understand why this is a problem...I mean, he is still available to you, right? it sounds like he still wants to get on the phone with you, he just doesn't have as much to say. Is he being rude? Is he rushing you off the phone? Maybe it would help you if you figured out why, exactly, this is making you feel …
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/20 10:49 PM
13

I'm pretty sure one of my aunts has undiagnosed autism. I'm saying that based on her behavior as an adult, and on what my grandparents have said about her as a child. She has two children, both adults now, both fully functioning and happy and apparently neurotypical. I think autism is going to look very different from person to person. So you'd have to really look at the specific situation, in terms of your partner's ability to be a good parent, and your comfort with caring for special needs kid…
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/20 05:24 PM
2

Yes. Not to mention all the anxiety about disinfecting things. I am normally kind of lax about housecleaning and this period has been a major change for me. That's what I mean though. I am in constant danger of thinking that whatever doorknob I am polishing represents the full scope of my ambitions. Better polish it perfectly! Instead it is good for me to shift my gaze. "When I'm done with this I'll read Thomas Aquinas / propagate a plant / draw a picture" is a healthy thing to tell myself.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/20 05:13 PM
5

People are giving a lot of good advice about how to save time in the kitchen, so I won't even try to add to that. I periodically burn out too. I seem to go through periods of high energy in which I get carried away and start doing waaaaay too much. Then suddenly I crash and burn. So what I'm trying to do is actually to create new projects for myself, so that I don't look for all my fulfilment in housework. I think that's what makes me aim too high and then crash. Obviously I don't have a lot of …
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/20 04:29 PM
5

I find it unlikely that a 29 year old man really didn't realize that women expect to bond after sex. I guess it's possible that he really didn't know. In the end, what really matters is whether they are compatible. It seems like this behavior bothers her (as it would bother many women), and she needs to evaluate whether this relationship is going to work for her.
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/20 11:14 PM
5

Yeah, that is upsetting. I would be direct with him. You are still in the vetting stage -- if you don't like his behavior, you don't need to accept this relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/20 10:51 PM
3

It's hard to say. Has he been in a serious relationship before? What does he mean when he says it "takes time" for him?
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/20 10:28 PM
11

I have to disagree with this. This man is 29 years old and there is no way that he doesn't know that women want some affection and bonding after sex. Even if he's never had a girlfriend before, women's need for cuddling / hanging out after sex is so well known that it's turned into a cliche. He is choosing to flout the social norm here. This is not a question of him not "instinctively" knowing what she needs.
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/20 10:27 PM
3

That's rough -- I'm sorry. What kind of relationship did you guys have before you started having sex? I know you said he was sweet and affectionate. How often did you see each other in a typical week? How much time did you spend together? Did it feel like you were a couple, or was it more like you were going on dates? I guess I'm trying to understand whether he's always been kind of distant, or whether this really changed after sex.
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/20 10:00 PM
2

This sounds like a great plan! And it also sounds like you two are great at listening to each other's needs and desires. Congratulations!
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/20 04:44 PM
2

I haven't read the book. But one thing jumped out at me from your other responses here. If you guys move out of the city, isn't that going to isolate you? I feel like you can have a very happy marriage even when you don't share the same interests and hobbies. My husband doesn't share all my interests. But if you're far away from the museums and the film houses you love, won't that be hard on you? And it sounds like you'd lose your business and your colleagues too? Not trying to be a downer. Just…
/r/RedPillWomen13/05/20 01:05 PM
1

I don't want to say exactly, but I'm from a big city with a high cost of living. But you know, I made a mistake in my comment. I said you can't make a decent living without a college degree (by decent living I meant live without roommates, set a little money aside every month, eat out now and then). But then I thought about it and realized people in skilled trades can also live decently here, especially if they're union. Electricians, plumbers, metal workers, construction workers. There are othe…
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/20 09:40 PM
5

I spent a few years working after high school. I figured out pretty quickly that I was never going to have a decent life unless I went to college -- in my part of the world, you cannot earn a decent living with only a high school education. That is even more true today. It honestly wouldn't have occurred to me to just get married instead of having my own plan. I don't know anyone who got married before they were in their mid twenties, anyway. Most waited until their late twenties, or later. I wa…
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/20 07:04 PM
2

It's hard for me to tell whether your bragging is really annoying or your boyfriend is on a bit of a hair trigger there. I mean, neither of your examples sound so bad to me. But if this is constant, then you need to relax. Do you have opportunities to use your skills in your daily life? Are you getting enough challenges? If not, look for ways to use your editing skills. I know, the big picture advice is to harness your ego, but I think you also need a healthy way to channel your abilities.
/r/RedPillWomen12/05/20 12:26 PM
15

I knew my husband for a long time before we started dating. We both worked in the same field, had many acquaintances in common, and worked in the same space a lot of the time. I was really impressed at the way he treated other people, especially elderly people or anyone who was a bit of an outsider. He is a big loud charming guy and it was a joy to see him making lonely people laugh, bringing them into the general conversation, helping older ladies carry boxes, whatever. None of this was done fo…
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/20 04:34 PM
38

This has nothing to do with you. Those people saying you should feel flattered are totally insane. This is just something that creepy people do in NY. The next time it happens, get up and move, as discreetly as possible.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/20 03:20 PM
4

You can be careful NOW. Being 30 (or 40 or 50 or 60) doesnt mean that you have to stay in a relationship where you're afraid of being abused, or where you have to stay hyper-vigilant because you can't trust your partner not to relapse. Take care of yourself. Get therapy. Find a way to support yourself financially. Find as much support as you can. It honestly doesnt sound like this relationship is healthy or safe.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/20 02:51 PM
9

Okay. I just took the time to read through your other responses. I see that your guy is a recovering alcoholic who used to abuse you. And you still need to remind him not to take a drink. It sounds like you have more serious problems than you're letting on, and this is not really about his weight, height, or his relationship with your father... Good luck to you. I hope that you get the advice you need.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/20 01:48 PM
7

I dont know the details of your relationship. And I dont know if this is exactly red pill advice, but it seems to me that not every successful relationship is going to look the same. It is okay if you lead in certain ways. It sounds like he is leading in others.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/20 01:28 PM
17

Hm. If he's a responsible, stable provider who accepts you as you are, then does it really matter that much if you have to order in the restaurant? Is this just an idea you picked up from the internet, or are you sincerely unable to respect him because of this?
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/20 12:15 PM
72

So to be clear...you believe that you are objectively better (better educated and more attractive) than your man, but you are too lazy and unmotivated to improve yourself and find someone on your level? This is not about him needing to improve. This is about you needing to either re-evaluate your status, or work on yourself. Right now, you're with a man you don't respect, and that's not likely to end well.
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/20 02:33 AM
19

I got married at 30 and had my first child at 32. I'm now a stay at home and work from home mother. I'm glad I waited -- I didn't have the maturity to share my life when I was young. I'm also really glad that I waited until I met my husband. That said. I think hitting the wall is real, and in part in means losing the elasticity of youth. It's easy to get set in your ways as you get older, and you have to struggle against that. It's also easy to get pessimistic, cynical, jaded, etc. To me those t…
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/20 12:30 AM
3

I dont know the specifics of your situation so it's hard to say. Your post talks about self-improvement but also sounds like you're really wanting your husband to change -- at least, that's the message I get when you ask how you can make recommendations and suggestions to him. Maybe if you added more info the ladies here could help more. Best of luck to you and your family -- I hope your mother makes a full recovery.
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/20 09:57 PM
4

Good luck to you! You're in a very tough spot right now -- you're wrapped up in the needs of a tiny baby, your husband is wrapped up in work stress, and you probably both feel lonely. I'd focus on getting through each day. In a few months baby will be sitting up, crawling, and entertaining him or herself for longer periods of time. For me, life got a LOT easier and more joyous when my babies reached six months. Sorry, editing to add something. I made a lot of dumb mistakes with my husband and on…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/20 05:08 PM
3

My husband is kind of a workaholic too, so I feel your pain! We've always had a schedule in place to stop work from taking over everything. Sunday is family day, no matter what. No work. Every weekend meal is family time. So is weekday breakfast. We have lots of traditions around those times, and around holidays and birthdays. There are of course other times we spend together. But I found that setting those particular times aside made all the difference in the world in terms of my outlook. We st…
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/20 03:42 PM
5

You know what's messed up? I was going to write a smug comment here about how you shouldn't care so much about your looks and how, as you get older, you stop caring as much. Then I realized that even as I've stopped obsessing over my lips, chin, etc, I still fret about how my home and my kids look. It's not easy to stop nitpicking ourselves. I mean, of course we need to take care of our appearance. But it's good to at least try to go deeper.
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/20 07:35 PM
2

It sounds like you guys have really given this some thought! Congratulations!
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/20 04:41 PM
17

You sound so happy! I hate to be the voice of negativity but I do think you should think about the future a little bit...are you and your boyfriend in a committed relationship? Are you planning to stay together long-term, and will he be okay with you not working long-term? Just be careful. Staying at home is really valuable and can be a great thing for both of you. But you have to make sure you're not jeopardizing your future. If you guys aren't sure this situation will last, then I'd suggest lo…
/r/RedPillWomen06/05/20 01:51 PM
1

This makes sense to me. I can see that men dont want to completely break down and let go, even with their wives. I can respect that too.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 08:15 PM
0

Yes. We don't really know what goes on behind closed doors. I just dont see any reason to assume that women are so spectacularly bad in this area. I guess I'm an optimist.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 08:12 PM
1

I mean, I can't say that with certainty. But I also can't say with certainty that every man is going to react perfectly to his wife losing her job. Most of the women I know are working, so maybe that makes a difference too.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 07:51 PM
2

See, what you wrote looks like the stuff I see on MRP. But I dont actually know any women who would react that way if their husband got laid off. I'm not saying it never happens, just that it seems like a pretty extreme response. I feel sorry for men in that kind of marriage. I also feel sorry for any woman who feels helpless and anxious to that extent.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 07:14 PM
3

I hear you. I'm not trying to lead anyone down a path of confusion. I'm just interested in how people think. But yes, my definition of emotional support looks a lot like yours!
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 07:12 PM
1

Yes, this makes sense to me. It is lovely what you say about supporting your husband by accepting how he processes things. My husband will tell me when he's worried or frustrated about something. He doesnt normally want to have an emotional conversation about how it makes him feel. Usually he's just gaming things out or bouncing ideas around. Once in a while I'll say "wow that would've stressed me out / scared me / made me angry" to give him an opening if he wants it. I also haven't really seen …
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 07:08 PM
21

When I was about your age I told my father all the things he had done to hurt me in my childhood. He really listened, and it made a huge difference to me. I know a lot of comments are blaming your mom, and I'm sure that's valid. But you also have to recognize that your father has his flaws. Every man does. I think it is fine to look for a father figure, as long as you're smart about it (I mean, as long as you're not trying to date your father figures). I had a few men like that in my life, and t…
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 05:16 PM
2

You know, my comment may have been unnecessarily negative. Sorry for that.
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 01:15 PM
10

I agree with Tea and with Kara. Be really careful about the men you introduce to your kids, and also teach kids to be aware of dangers. But at the same time, seek out male role models. My parents were divorced and for a few years we didn't see as much of my father. My mother made sure we spent time with her father and with her brothers in law (our uncles). That definitely helped. She also signed my brother up for sports, which was huge for him. What she did wrong: way too much complaining about …
/r/RedPillWomen05/05/20 01:48 AM
1

Am I the only one who felt a little sorry for her husband? I feel like she treats him like an accessory. Maybe it's partly that I dont watch a lot on YouTube so I am not used to the style. I am sure this makes me seem like a crank but it also felt a little too glossy and perfect to me! I would not want my daughter to have that particular ideal.
/r/RedPillWomen04/05/20 05:09 PM
2

It's so true. I also feel like the advice is so generic. I haven't read the main Red Pill sub much so I don't know, maybe the advice there is really generic too. But like you say, it is more upsetting when it's talking about a wife than just some stranger in a bar.
/r/RedPillWomen03/05/20 06:16 PM
5

Yeah, I think you're right. At first glance I was impressed by all the emphasis on self-improvement, but the outlook there is just so bleak and loveless.
/r/RedPillWomen03/05/20 05:03 PM
29

I've looked at the married red pill sub. I find it kind of depressing. It is just so focused on formulas and rules, as if life is just an equation. Kind of like watching Sex in the City or something-- it's fun for a while but ultimately brings me down.
/r/RedPillWomen03/05/20 03:37 PM
20

What if you dated other doctors, or men in high-paying fields? They dont necessarily have to make exactly the same salary as you, but be in comparably challenging, high-powered jobs. Surely they would be more comfortable with your outlook and lifestyle.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/20 10:11 PM
8

My mother is a strict grandmother. I think strictness can be a good thing -- but I wish my mom wouldn't get so stressed out when the kids are messy, or loud, or disobedient. I feel like she over thinks things. The kids love her, and she does a lot of really nice things with them. They bake, garden, read books, etc. But they also are a little scared of her. I dont think it's because she has strict rules. I think it's because of the emotional intensity she puts into it all. Does that make sense? E…
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/20 11:51 AM
–

I want to keep on track with exercise and with my housecleaning routine. But I'd also really like to make time for meditation every day. And I'd like to find a way to help others outside of my immediate family. Some small act of charity.
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/20 04:34 PM
–

Whoa, where do you live that you can still go out to eat? Sorry, obviously you dont have to answer that. I'm just so used to the shutdown here that I can't remember what it's like going to restaurants :)
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/20 04:30 PM
2

Everyone has flaws, or at least qualities that can be tricky to live with. Maybe your husband tends to be a pessimist, or has a tendency to complain. I dont mean that as criticism at all -- on the contrary, I mean that he's only human. I feel like when you're married for a long time it's easy to fixate on the problem areas. I've definitely been there and I know it doesn't lead to any good. So if I were you, I'd let go of the idea that your husband will change and just look for the positive in wh…
/r/RedPillWomen01/05/20 12:45 PM
1

I do understand what you're saying. The only thing I have to add is that, if you are experiencing a lot of discomfort in the vetting stage, then there's probably a problem. It could be that the guy you're seeing isn't quite ready for a relationship. It could be that he doesn't want the same things in a relationship as you do. It could be that you're dealing with a lot of anxiety and you aren't really ready for a relationship. Or that you aren't suited to the kind of relationship that he wants.
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/20 06:54 PM
4

I don't know. Usually, when a man is calling all the time and then he suddenly stops, it does mean that something is going on. Maybe he's suddenly overwhelmed with work. Maybe he's having a family emergency. Maybe he's angry at you. Maybe he's upset about something. If you're in the vetting stage, you should be vetting for how this man communicates and whether you two are compatible. If you have a misunderstanding, are you able to resolve it? If one of you gets angry, are you able to get past it…
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/20 06:01 PM
8

In my experience, men are silent when they need space. It used to (still does sometimes) drive me nuts when I asked my husband a question and he didn't answer. But he just needs some time to digest the question and think about it before responding. In my experience dating, when men dont call (another way of being silent) it means they're not ready for a relationship. Maybe they like you but they have a lot going on; maybe theyre scared of women; maybe they just dont like you that much. It could …
/r/RedPillWomen30/04/20 04:39 PM
2

Yes, I know. And most of the time that's admirable. But in this case, it makes sense to be a little more flexible! I was trying to point out that some families have made it work without waiting, and without sacrificing their long-term security or happiness.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/20 12:41 PM
10

I couldn't agree more. I was horrified by the idea that he literally told her that he isn't crazy about her and had been lying about loving her. Her talk about finding a glamorous guy with a high-powered job is totally over the top, yeah. But it is absolutely reasonable to want a loving relationship.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/20 12:38 PM
7

Why can't you have children until you're 35? Off the top of my head, I can think of one very happy family I know where the guy is just finishing up his residency. They have two kids, eldest is 9. They are very very broke, but obviously that wont last for much longer as the husband is on track to get a good job.
/r/RedPillWomen28/04/20 12:09 AM
3

I'm going to have to disagree here. I'm a stay at home mother to two kids and I adore it. But I would be seriously irritated by some guy pestering me about my coffee intake. At my age, now, I could probably be graceful about it...at OP's age, nope. In my 20s, I once rejected a guy because he tried to tell me how to hold a tennis racket! Some of us are a little extra sensitive to overbearing guys, even when they mean well.
/r/RedPillWomen27/04/20 04:14 PM
1

This is the best response :)
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/20 03:29 PM
5

I was like this. I was in a very serious relationship (planning on marriage) which ended when I was about 23. After that I wanted, desperately, to be alone and independent. I wanted to make my own decisions, own my own things, etc. I'm very happily married now, with two kids and a really good life. That period of independence really didn't hurt me. If anything it prepared me to be a good partner to my husband. That guy who told you to drink less caffeine would've annoyed me too by the way. I wan…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/20 02:19 PM
8

Sometimes people can be kind of oblivious. If the reminders really arent working, can you maybe have him take over one of your other chores to make up for it? Like if you really hate folding laundry, maybe that can become his job? That way, the next time you're washing his moldy Tupperware, you can remind yourself that at least you never have to fold laundry again.
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/20 07:20 PM
9

How old are you? In my experience, past pain tends to surge up again when you go through major life events. Getting married, having children, dealing with illness, job loss, death of a parent etc etc etc. I've seen my own parents deal with pain from their childhoods. They are both successful adults, happily married (not to each other) and have both been in therapy. There is no magic solution. I have a friend who experienced abuse in her childhood, and she told me that the memories came flooding …
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/20 03:40 PM
14

I agree and yet I don't agree... In my experience, past pain doesnt go away for good. We learn to live with it and triumph in spite of the pain, and then it comes back in waves. Thinking of ourselves as victims is absolutely counter-productive. I couldn't agree more. I think many of us go through that phase when we're young, but we have to move past it in order to progress in life. Nevertheless, acknowledging our pain and the ways that it impacts us is important. For example, someone who has suf…
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/20 03:21 PM
1

This is great. I laughed at "some men dig in their heels and argue back about everything because the relationship becomes about winning" because that is so exactly my husband :)
/r/RedPillWomen25/04/20 12:12 AM
3

Thank you for this example! It sounds like you guys have a system that really works for you. I am also stunned that you have the sewing skills to make, not only a dress, but one suitable for nursing :)
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/20 10:52 PM
3

Thank you!! This example makes a lot of sense to me. I can relate. I appreciate this description a lot. I can see that this must have been challenging, but that also hugely rewarding. I read your edit. It didn't sound like you gave up your desires. It just sounded like you guys were at an impasse and you decided to trust your husband. I can relate. Looking at my own relationship, I think we have each come to have our spheres of authority over the years. When our kids were very small, we fought a…
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/20 10:30 PM
2

I'm not OP but I'm following this with interest! Do you (or anyone else) mind giving other examples of submission? The examples you gave above seem more like common sense than submission to me. I mean, it's just basic courtesy to run my plans by my husband. And it's relaxing to not be in charge of every purchase, like in your freezer example. But I get the feeling that there's more to this? I dont know. I've been reading here for a while and I still feel like I am missing something.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/20 09:08 PM
7

This is interesting. Where do you draw the line between putting your husband's needs first and telling him no in order to practice self care? I totally agree that there are times you have to say no. But what's the difference between that, and OP's way of doing things?
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/20 05:47 PM
3

Honestly, you seem like you are STILL stuck in the past. You say that you spent a long time hung up on an ex. Well, now, you seem to be hung up on this other "great guy" who you never even dated. I think you need to work on accepting the world the way it is. Instead of trying to escape into theories and generalizations, you need to focus on being more engaged in your day to day reality. Build deeper ties to your friends and neighbors. Decorate your home. Get interested in your work and your coll…
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/20 01:32 PM
1

I agree with others that if (God forbid) I got divorced, I'd expect child support but not alimony. Of course I dont think it's always that simple. I remember that when my parents got divorced, my father wanted to call his child support payments alimony because it made his taxes easier somehow. I have always been a little puzzled by RP's focus on "divorce rape." As a woman, I've mostly heard stories about men skipping out on child support payments -- I have yet to meet a woman who is living off t…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/20 08:14 PM
2

Does he have a mental disability / mental health issue? If so, that could be making it harder for him to clean and tidy. It also means that following red pill wife advice might not really apply here. A long time ago I knew a really charming guy who was on disability for mental health issues. (He was the brother of an old friend of mine.) He was a really interesting, entertaining guy but he was also useless at anything remotely practical. He did eventually find a very nice girlfriend but honestly…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/20 07:22 PM
7

Am I the only one who finds this post really strange? OP, do you really not have any idea why your husband is so attached to his table? I feel like you're deliberately leaving something out here. I have my fair share of quirks and so does my husband, but I feel like even when he frustrates me, I know where he is coming from. Looking back, there have been a few times when we were really at an impasse and those times were truly painful. Even then, I had at least a sense of what the deeper issues w…
/r/RedPillWomen23/04/20 02:34 AM
5

It's funny how different people can be. I feel like this kind of online cheating would actually bother me just as much as "real" cheating would. It just feels so deliberate and cold, if you know what I mean. Like you can't say that you were seduced, or swept off your feet, or drunk out of your mind at a bar. You deliberately went to a site so that you could do this. I can totally see why OP said she felt like she was cheated on. But yeah, that's just my personal take on it. I can also see how so…
/r/RedPillWomen20/04/20 09:32 PM
7

Yes, I couldn't agree more. It is hugely important for both parents to stay in the picture, and to stay positive about each other. In my experience this is rare, which is tragic. An acrimonious divorce is very hard on kids.
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/20 04:42 PM
3

I agree. And just anecdotally, I think children of divorce can be really good at avoiding divorce themselves. Lots of my childhood friends were from broken homes -- so was I. As adults, most of us are married and none are divorced. I think it's because we knew what divorce is like and were determined to avoid it. That said, divorce happens and I don't like to cast blame. In my limited experience, sometimes people who grow up in great families just assume that every marriage is bound to work out,…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/20 04:41 PM
12

I certainly didn't intend to make any veiled insinuations. My point was that I dont know any woman who intentionally set out to become a single mother. It is not a deliberate "choice" that people make, in my experience.
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/20 03:49 PM
4

Just to give a different perspective here. If you've been in a relationship with someone for four months, as you say, then I dont think it's unreasonable to want to share your painful childhood memories with them. I knew at least some of my husband's issues by that point, and he knew at least some of mine. That said, everyone has their own timeline. And you dont want others to feel like you're just dumping your trauma on them. Maybe start by dropping hints, to pave the way and let the other pers…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/20 02:09 PM
22

I don't think most women who are raising kids alone intentionally set out to be single moms! Looking at the single moms I know, they all started out in committed relationships. In some cases they were abandoned by their partners; in other cases the relationship deteriorated to the point where neither partner wanted to stay. I'm sure there are some isolated cases of women planning to become single moms but I think those cases are few and far between. I didn't watch this whole video but I disagree…
/r/RedPillWomen17/04/20 01:43 PM
6

That stinks. I guess how you deal with it depends on how much it matters to you? I sometimes have similar issues even outside the workplace, where people perceive me as standoffish because I dont gossip. I find it helps to have something personal to share with others, even if it's small. Even mentioning to someone that the baby is teething and that kept you up at night. Some people bond through sharing their pain and they dont like to feel like you're shutting them out. Of course, you don't have…
/r/RedPillWomen14/04/20 11:55 PM
1

My kids are a little like this -- my daughter,6, is domineering and honestly kind of bratty, and my son, 8, can be a little too mild mannered. Lately, I've noticed him telling her "okay, if you keep screaming I'm not going to play with you." That seems to work. Sometimes she quiets down; other times he goes and gets his book and reads. I know it's a tough situation and I dont really agree that it's necessarily all the girls' fault. Sometimes girls are just like transmitters, they pick up any neg…
/r/RedPillWomen12/04/20 08:24 PM
2

Do you feel like there are spiritual benefits for you? And for your kids?
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/20 10:52 PM
2

I really appreciate your honesty! I can definitely see how this would be very difficult. But you are clearly seeing a lot of benefits from it as well. Thanks for responding.
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/20 10:35 PM
3

Is it a challenge? I am quite protective of our family time too, but I would find it tough if I couldn't ever talk on the phone to my extended family, or do a load of laundry, over the weekend.
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/20 10:05 PM
3

I think in certain ways, this lockdown is harder for introverts. I, at least, am used to getting some of my social needs met through casual moments at the store / coffee shop / from other moms at the playground. Now I suddenly have to be way more intentional about making social contact. It's an adjustment. It sounds like you are working VERY hard to be okay at this time. Maybe you need to accept that you're struggling. Keep a journal, make sad or angry art, talk to a friend. And at the same time…
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/20 03:36 PM
18

Is your husband not home very much? I guess I can see how this makes sense if he works a ton of hours but otherwise it seems tricky to never make phone calls, visit family or do chores while he is home.
/r/RedPillWomen11/04/20 02:40 PM
2

I think when you make an internal shift (like becoming less avoidant) it can actually set you back for a while. It's a good thing in the long run. But it can throw you off your game at first. Probably you are still figuring out how you want to behave around men. You've changed your old boundaries and you need to establish new ones. You may be going after the wrong men, or sending mixed messages. Give it time!!
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/20 06:21 PM
3

Hooray!! I dont even know what you're responding to but I love the tone of this. Sometimes we middle aged ladies forget what it was like to be young. This thread has reminded me :) Let's not squash each other's energy.
/r/RedPillWomen10/04/20 03:20 PM
1

Good point.
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/20 03:57 PM
2

I agree. Handling that kind of job while being home with kids sounds almost impossible. What I find weird is that I dont see many people complaining about their work load right now, or their bosses or whatever. Whereas I do see people complaining about their kids and their partners. But you know, I saw your post about getting off of social media and I think you are 100 percent right!! That's the best answer.
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/20 03:50 PM
2

I hear you! I stay home but I also work about 20 hours a week as a writer. So I'm kind of between worlds too. I feel like my kids benefit from the extra time with their dad and their grandparents, and I benefit from the time spent working and thinking. Thank you so much for everything you're doing as a healthcare worker. I'm sure your family is hugely proud of you!!
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/20 03:45 PM
2

I agree that post came across a little condescending. It wasnt my post but I feel like I can relate to it a little, so maybe it'll help if I try and explain. A lot of us who stay home take a lot of crap all the time from people who work outside of the home. I know I shouldn't care, but it gets tiring being told that I am "crazy" or any of a myriad of similar things. So now, suddenly, everyone is staying at home. And some working parents are acknowledging that it's tough and are looking for solut…
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/20 02:11 PM
8

I think the article is trying to say that SAHMs have already learned, well, how to flourish at home. And that's a skill which is very much needed right now. I'm a stay at home mom who also works from home. So I've spent years dealing with the types of issues that come up when you're home all day! I find a lot of beauty in it but I can also remember how hard it was at first, when I couldn't really figure out how to organize my time. I agree with others that the article just ignores all the financ…
/r/RedPillWomen09/04/20 12:10 AM
6

I agree with you. Andrew Yang's ideas make a lot of sense right now, especially for the people who have been left behind by the tech economy. People act like it is immoral for anyone to go to work right now. But for lots of people, not working means not getting paid. Not everyone has a computer-based job. I am glad they've changed the guidelines for seeking unemployment but it is still not easy for many.
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/20 08:14 PM
59

I think a lot of men are also insisting on working through the outbreak. Not because they're stubborn, but because they see themselves as providers and they don't want to sit at home doing nothing. But that doesnt explain why more men are dying from it. It just explains why more men might catch it. I don't know what the reason might be?
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/20 04:11 PM
1

Your example doesnt necessarily sound like he was emotionally distant, but of course it's hard to tell from just a short description. I also used to fall for emotionally distant men. I spent so much time pining after brilliant but unavailable men...I remember it felt like if only I could get them interested in me, the whole world would change and everything would fall into place! Needless to say, this never ever happened. The truth is, I think I am a little emotionally reserved myself, and actua…
/r/RedPillWomen07/04/20 03:05 PM
8

I don't think people are roasting you, exactly. I think the problem with what you wrote is that it's hard to tell what you're looking for. Do you want advice? Do you just want to vent? I think a lot of us feel helpless when we're young. I know I was totally incompetent at your age. You can improve, but you probably need to pick one or two areas at a time to focus on. It sounds like you need a better job and better health? Maybe start by taking walks for exercise and trying to eat one or two heal…
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/20 10:45 PM
3

Was it more feasible in the past for women to stay home? It depends what time period you mean, and where, and what socioeconomic group you're talking about. Much of the time, even when women were staying home with their kids they were so busy with their other tasks (running a farm, doing housework without modern appliances, etc) that they didn't spend a ton of time with their kids. Lots of women in the US and Europe had to leave home to work as servants, or in factories, or in shops, even after …
/r/RedPillWomen04/04/20 01:50 AM
2

I know first hand that it hurts when you open yourself up and get shot down. How do I know this? Because I'm a woman and I've been hurt by a man in this way. When I was 20-something I really believed that men wanted intimate, deep relationships and so I told a man I was dating about my own fears, my dreams, my hopes, etc. What happened? He looked politely uncomfortable and dumped me the next day because, according to him, I "wanted more than he could give." Does this mean all men hate vulnerabil…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/20 11:05 PM
3

I love this. I also feel, though, that your location matters a lot when it comes to saving money. For us, we have chosen to stay in a very expensive city because that allows us to be close to family -- which means the kids grow up close to their grandparents. We are very very thrifty. But no amount of couponing, budgeting, or frugal living is going to really offset our crazy housing costs. And I think that's true for a lot of people. That's why in many parts of the country it really is hard to g…
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/20 03:22 PM
8

You don't sound lazy -- wanting to have babies and stay home with them is lovely. I think though that you are really over-simplifying the past. For most of human history, most women have worked to earn money, whether by farming, teaching, sewing, laundering, etc. As far back as Old Testament days, women worked and earned money -- just look at the description of the ideal woman in Proverbs. So yeah, you can have babies and stay home with them, but it isnt easy. You may have to work part time, or …
/r/RedPillWomen03/04/20 01:26 PM
5

If I understood right, you're pregnant with your second child? Your life is about to change! My 2 kids are close in age -- under 2 years apart. For me, the first year of my daughter's life was wonderful because suddenly I was full of purpose-- I had to keep 2 small kids alive and as happy as possible. I was busy almost every second of the day and it all felt intense and meaningful. For me, that took care of my excess rebel energy. But it helped that I had been doing a lot of self-exploration, wr…
/r/RedPillWomen01/04/20 02:53 AM
4

I love this recipe: https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1015181-marcella-hazans-bolognese-sauce When I don't have wine, I either substitute broth or just leave it out. I think I also use less milk than the recipe calls for -- I normally just add a good splash and let it bubble away.
/r/RedPillWomen31/03/20 03:21 PM
17

You said that you "have to work hard" as if that's a bad thing. It isn't. The ability to work hard is one of the greatest gifts there is. It will serve you well in absolutely everything you do! People who get things easily sometimes struggle when adversity appears. (I don't mean that your boyfriend will necessarily struggle, God forbid.) No matter how brilliant, gorgeous, gifted, whatever you are, there will always be adversity in your life. At those moments the ability to buckle down and work h…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/20 10:15 PM
5

I agree with others. If you are both working, then it's unrealistic to think that you're going to do everything by yourself. I also think you should bear in mind that, with both of you home all day, there is probably going to be more housework than usual (more cooking, more dishes, more wear and tear on the house in general). Sometimes I think we women take too much pride in our roles as cooks and homemakers. I mean it is great to take pride in these things, but not to the point of forgetting to…
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/20 06:51 PM
1

I'll try to check it out -- thanks.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/20 01:31 AM
1

But didactic in literature usually means something which rams ideas down your throat (or at least is quite insistent about ideas). Orwell's essays present ideas, but leave the reader a lot of space to consider them, because the essays are focused on explaining his thought process rather than just repeating ideas. Anyway, you've made me think I should reread Handmaid's Tale one of these days.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/20 12:50 AM
1

It's true. To some extent most books are didactic. But it's a spectrum, with some being much more so than others. And I think some authors really are/were more interested in exploring ideas than in pushing them. Off the top of my head, Jane Austen is didactic and Charlotte Bronte isnt as much. I like Bronte better. 1984 is didactic but George Orwell's essays arent as much. Obviously he is still conveying his ideas but at least in his essays he shows how he arrived at those ideas, so it feels les…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/20 12:15 AM
1

Hm. But can you imagine reading the book and coming away liking the commander? But you're right, it's not exactly that they are black and white, good and bad. It's more that they didn't seem like real characters. They aren't people so much as vehicles for the plot and the message. I suppose that's a feature of dystopian novels. I really don't get a lot out of dystopian novels. Reading them is like being lectured at.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/20 11:30 PM
10

I think some women are intimidated by intellectual discussions. They don't like to fight with ideas, and so they fight back by trying to make other women feel self-conscious or unfeminine. That was often my experience, anyway. The dreariest classes I took in college were the ones that were all women. Instead of debating each other, whoever was queen bee tried to force everyone else into consensus. Not all women are like this. My best friendships are with women who love discussion and debate. But…
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/20 11:03 PM
1

Hey I like the message you got -- thanks for explaining. When I said the book didn't let readers reach their own conclusions, I didn't mean that the ending was predictable. I meant that the reader wasn't free to make up their own mind about whether the characters were good or bad. It was like a children's book in the sense that the characters were fairly black and white and you pretty much have to accept it. The whole time reading that book, I felt really claustrophobic and trapped, like Margare…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/20 10:47 PM
3

Jeez, you keep asking me questions but you arent answering mine! The book's message was that female reproduction and sexuality are being controlled by a patriarchal society. Not every man is evil, but there is an overwhelming sense that women are being kept down and controlled by the patriarchy and by the women who are in line with the patriarchy.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/20 09:52 PM
1

The writing is heavy-handed and message-driven. Almost every sentence steers the reader towards a certain conclusion. The reader doesnt have a lot of opportunities to reach their own conclusions. What did you like about it?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/20 09:42 PM
0

I read it. I didn't say that it was verbose -- I said the writing was clunky. Anyway, I'm really curious what people like about it. Seriously. I don't get the appeal but I'd like to understand.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/20 09:29 PM
1

I agree that it's a mediocre book at best. In my mind it's on a level with Ayn Rand -- a clunky, badly written novel that's aimed at getting across a simple idea. I did not find it believable or compelling. I really struggle to understand why it strikes a chord with so many people.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/20 07:10 PM
7

I could not agree more! OP, don't get into a mothering dynamic with your boyfriend. Even if he says he wants your help, this is not going to be good for your relationship in the long run.
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/20 03:18 PM
4

I don't know if this is a red pill answer, but I think there are times when we need to just quietly look out for our own best interests. I was going to say that this is no big deal until I saw your comment about having asthma and a history of being hospitalized with respiratory issues. It sounds like you are high risk and you need to protect yourself. I can see how your boyfriend is in a tough spot because of his kids and ex wife. Maybe he isnt thinking straight. Can you go to your mom's house w…
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/20 08:50 PM
–

For what it's worth, I had gestational diabetes with one pregnancy and the doctor told me that beans are just about the perfect food, because they combine protein and fiber. And they come in a can! I know it's not easy though. Best of luck to you!!
/r/RedPillWomen26/03/20 01:31 AM
14

I think it's complicated and can depend on the situation. I have a tendency to hold on to things. I'm working on it by: Trying to figure out WHY certain things bother me so much. Like sometimes just a whiff of a problem will overset me, because it taps into a sensitive spot. Trying to figure out when I'm right to be upset. I mean let's face it -- sometimes we hold on to anger because the issue is not resolved. I haven't figured out the answer to this yet. Meditating and exercising. Sometimes I b…
/r/RedPillWomen25/03/20 09:41 PM
2

I agree that it is possible to work part time from home while staying home with kids -- I do this, and I know a number of other women who do also. I'm not earning as much as my husband, but I am contributing. We live in a very high cost of living city which makes it very tough to get by on one income. Of course, you have to find the right job! One which lets you work on your own time, instead of being on-call, and which doesnt require a lot of hours.
/r/RedPillWives25/03/20 02:12 AM
6

I don't believe in ultimatums but I do believe in preserving your own sanity. So in your place, I'd pick a date six months from now. Maybe Labor Day if you want to round up slightly. Tell your boyfriend that he has until then to decide whether he wants to get married. Then, do your best to put the whole thing out of your mind. Enjoy your life. Don't think about marriage. But when labor day comes and he doesnt want to get married, you need to move on.
/r/RedPillWomen24/03/20 03:50 PM
2

The wall is real. It doesn't always happen at 30 -- I didn't feel it until I was 35, and some women don't hit it until later. But at some point, almost every woman stops being the focus of all that automatic male attention. Yes, women can still be attractive past 40. Yes, if we dress well and take care of ourselves and smile, we will still get attention. But it isnt the same. Mostly, this is a good thing. It teaches us to get serious. It makes us pay attention to our families, our work, our comm…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/20 02:03 PM
1

This is so beautifully put. I remember being a teenager and being scared and angry because I couldn't go for a walk in the day time without some creepy old man catcalling me, or someone following me or whatever. At that age the feeling was new to me. I remember crying to my mother about it. After a while I realized that the anger was hurting me. I put it away. I remember that too. I would be devastated if my husband ever cheated on me and yes, I'd be angry too. But the original rage is about fee…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/20 02:50 AM
2

This is just not true about women having it easy in their love lives. I'm an average woman -- not a great beauty by any means but attractive enough to be regularly approached by men. And yet for years of my life, my love life was just terrible. I could go on dates, but nobody wanted a real relationship with me. I know lots and lots of women who had the same experience in their twenties. I get what OP is saying: at least men can take control of their lives and improve themselves. It can be tough …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/20 08:12 PM
5

I don't see any problem in saying that men and women are equally important. From a religious standpoint we are all God's children. It does not mean that we have to constantly advocate for equality. It simply means that we don't have to be the same in order to be valuable. If anything, sayi g we are equally important is meant as an antidote to the 3rd wave feminist idea that we should all behave like a certain kind of late-capitalist man.
/r/RedPillWomen22/03/20 05:43 PM
1

I would say the exception is men who grew up poor. They sometimes prefer to marry women from a similar background. I can think of a few guys who are working as lawyers and bankers and are married to women who don't make a lot of money and don't have a ton of education. Then again, their wives are gorgeous and charming and really good at getting along with all kinds of people.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/20 04:34 AM
2

It's so hard to give advice without really knowing the background :) Obviously you need to figure out whether this really is a "you" problem or whether it is about him. I guess you need to think about whether you've reacted badly to boyfriends in the past. And you need to look at what exactly is setting you off about your boyfriend. You really arent describing anything positive and unique about him -- the qualities you list here are kind of generic. There are lots and lots of Christians in the w…
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/20 04:17 PM
3

Are you leaving something out here? I don't understand what you actually like about this man. In what sense does he treat you well? I am not doubting that he does treat you well, but I'm curious as to what that actually means
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/20 03:06 PM
5

I am like this too. I second what others have said about exercise -- also it helps to cut back on caffeine, although I find that hard! For me, anxiety is tied to a deeper feeling of low worth. So a lot of the time, when I fixate on something anxiously, it's because I'm using that thing as a test of whether I truly am low-value. For example, I get anxious when I hand in a project at work, and I also hate getting any negative feedback. Why? Because negative feedback feels like proof that I am, in …
/r/RedPillWomen20/03/20 01:23 PM
3

I agree that women are in a tough position right now. But I disagree with the way this argument is structured. Today, most women who work do so for economic reasons, not because they want to feel fulfilled. In European countries (like France) where women are offered long, paid maternity leave and are incentivized to have children, people are having more kids. And in the US. in upper income communities, more women are having kids young and staying home with them, because they can afford to
/r/RedPillWives14/03/20 05:59 PM
1

Family is hugely important but it is possible to exaggerate this idea. There are kids with disorders that can't be miraculously cured by a good family. I grew up knowing a few kids who had mental illnesses and stay at home moms -- they continued to have serious problems into adulthood. This piece veers too far towards blaming the parents for everything their children do.
/r/RedPillWives14/03/20 03:46 PM
1

You sound like you are spending a LOT of time on housework! No wonder you feel overwhelmed. If I read this right, you're spending a few hours in the morning doing chores, then more chores in the afternoon and evening. When I was at your stage, with a toddler and a baby, I did basic upkeep throughout the day (washing dishes and wiping surfaces) and then a blitz at night. I did bigger chores when I had extra time or when the kids napped. I really put most of my energy into the kids at that stage. …
/r/RedPillWives13/03/20 12:00 AM
1

I saw this when I was younger, yes. In my experience, it was usually girls who were insecure about their own looks and place in society. They really, really wanted to have a hot popular guy, I guess because it would prove something to them about their own value. Of the girls I knew who did this...some grew out of it and are now happily married to men who suit them...I've lost touch with the others.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/20 12:25 AM
2

Can you listen to music or take a nap in the car on the way? Maybe tell a white lie about doctor's order and just put headphones on? I know it doesn't solve the deeper problem, but sometimes these short term solutions can relieve stress. I agree that your husband needs to take the lead. I have some difficult people in my family too. I actually appreciate them and get a lot from the relationship, but I recognize that my husband doesnt. So when we're all together, he doesn't deal with the difficul…
/r/RedPillWomen09/03/20 04:29 PM
11

It could be worse than that. He could accept her apology, get back together with her, but remain bitter toward her. That kind of thing can be poisonous! I think she should proceed with caution...
/r/RedPillWomen07/03/20 08:27 PM
6

Honestly, I'd guess that your boyfriend is scared about your health! Most people would be worried if they found out that their SO couldn't keep up on a hike. I think it's so lovely that he's encouraging you to get to the gym. I'm sure you'll start to enjoy it once it turns into a routine : )
/r/RedPillWomen05/03/20 11:51 PM
2

? Did you read my reply? I didn't say it turns me off. I just said it doesn't actively turn me on. Plenty of things don't actively turn me on, but we still do them. I agreed that weakness is a real turn-off. Weakness means seeming helpless, repeatedly giving in to despair, whining, playing the victim. That's different from occasionally admitting to worry, fear, etc.
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/20 06:38 PM
3

Yeah. I do see where you're coming from. In part, I do agree with the sub's theory that male weakness can be a turn-off. But I also distinguish between weakness and vulnerability. Vulnerability might not be a huge turn on in the moment, but the ability to be vulnerable is a huge benefit in a relationship. Also. Someone asked me whether I get super turned on when my husband talks about his fears etc. No, i am not turned on in that moment. But it strikes me as an odd question. I am also not super …
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/20 06:28 PM
1

Sure. I'm not really disagreeing with you. Vulnerability is not a turn-on. But I think men sometimes go overboard with the strong-and-silent routine. It can get robotic, and nobody gets turned on by a robot. For me and I think a lot of women, sex with someone I trust is much much more intense. Part of building trust is allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/20 06:09 PM
2

You sound so miserable about sex! If it is really "pure shit" having to initiate and thrust, then maybe sex just isnt enjoyable for you? I'm confused about why you keep doing something that makes you feel so bad.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/20 06:38 AM
1

I get where you're coming from. Yes, I still find him sexy even when he's vulnerable. But I think that's because it's rare and, frankly, even his vulnerability is not weak. There are different ways to express vulnerability, and my husband's way doesn't upset me. I did have a boyfriend once who just let himself act so helpless in front of me..lots of crying and fretting about his family etc. Poor guy. Looking back on it now, he was a perfectly capable strong guy, but I couldn't get past his behav…
/r/RedPillWomen03/03/20 01:07 AM
2

I'm not OP and I have no idea what she meant. But I know that I do like my husband to be vulnerable around me sometimes, because it helps deepen our connection. Usually I'm the one worrying about things while he reassures me. But once in a while he'll tell me that he's worried about something or another and it always makes me feel really trusted. It's nice to have the chance to reassure him, and it's nice to have him open up.
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/20 10:13 PM
4

That's just not true. Looking at her post, it seems that her boyfriend honestly DID say some foolish things to a recruiter. She kept her mouth shut. He looked at her face, assumed that she thought he was an idiot, and got angry at her. She didn't kick him at all. I guess she made the wrong facial expression, but it seems like she already feels terrible about that.
/r/RedPillWomen02/03/20 09:05 PM
4

I think people in a marriage can and should be good friends. They should enjoy each other's company, have fun together, and trust each other. At the same time there is something that just rubs me the wrong way about calling my husband my "best friend." It sounds reductive, as if he is just my favorite one of my friends. My relationship with him is really different from friendship. We are raising kids together. We run a household together. We have sex. Our lives are intertwined. What I do with my…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/02/20 11:48 PM
3

I don't see why people have to go out on one or two dates every week?? Maybe this is a problem with online dating? I'm old and married, so I guess I'm showing my age. But when I was dating, I'd go out with people I'd met through friends or through activities. I had already vetted them to a certain extent, so that we weren't strangers and it wasn't this hostile environment people are describing here. In my circles it was really unusual to date more than one person at once. You'd meet one person a…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/20 01:34 PM
1

In your place I'd be wanting more emotional connection from this guy. If you're always hanging out in a group, it's hard to feel like your relationship is progressing. For me, a relationship is about building connections and really knowing each other. I mean obviously you don't have to be having intimate conversations every minute, but it's nice to feel like you're close and intimate. I didn't really see that in your post.
/r/RedPillWomen26/02/20 07:13 PM
2

I've met people from Singapore and yes, they all describe the culture as intensely competitive and oriented towards academic achievement. It sounds like it's only natural for you to be a little down in the dumps about where you're at right now. I know it's hard, but I would suggest sitting down with a pencil and paper and trying to make a realistic plan for yourself. Try to detach yourself from your emotions while you do this. No beating yourself up. No blaming your parents or your upbringing. J…
/r/RedPillWomen23/02/20 08:06 PM
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