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4E4ME Archive

View 2 posts and 680 comments by 4E4ME on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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13

Respectfully, this advice has the potential to backfire spectacularly. OP, I suggest reading The Gift of Fear and then evaluating this guy's potential for stalkong or violence before going on the offensive. Better to grey rock / slow fade, and ask the gym to keep an eye on things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/22 04:18 AM
99

Oh god, my NVX's family did this to me. They could read my insecurities like a book and the entire family love-bombed me in order to offload their problematic brother. Super manipulative family with a narcissistic matriarch and I was so naive that I didn't figure it out until it was too late.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 04:14 PM
825

Pre-nup ended up working against him. Even money he tries to challenge it in order to get more financial support from her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/04/22 03:22 AM
88

My NVX once yelled at me through crocodile tears for not helping him (a grown man) solve a problem that he didn't know how to solve... A week later when I tried to help him with something else he said I was infantilizing him and not treating him like a man. Smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 09:54 PM
332

I remember one case where the woman kept the baby and the rapist sued for visitation rights, so she ended up being forced to coparent with the rapist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 07:41 PM
70

Respectfully, this is not good advice, at least not in my jurisdiction. She will need to legally evict him. OP, please consult a lawyer. Locking him out or otherwise illegally evicting him could eventually result in your friend having to PAY this LVM to leave. Talk about adding insult to injury.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 10:37 PM
25

I don't think you wasted your time, nor hers. Sharing information with her irl isn't much different than posting here, and doesn't really cost anything more than a bit of your time. I agree that you shouldn't allow yourself to become her counselor, there doesn't seem to be any benefit to you in that. Just continue to lead by example.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 04:30 PM
189

I usually wait three to six months, long enough for the person's memory of me to have become vague, and then leave a yelp review of their unprofessional behavior. Unemotional, facts only, but stating that they were unprofessional from the start. I use those reviews a lot and I appreciate when people let me know who I might be dealing with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 10:29 PM
28

There is so much truth in this statement!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 12:32 PM
34

"My feelings on this topic are not up for debate"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 11:43 PM
45

This is why a lot of people move their content to a subscription model. It doesn't stop people from stealing your content, but it cuts down on it a bit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 05:17 PM
8

"As an aspiring HVW..." You told her the truth. You were a good friend to her. What she does with the truth is up to her. But you didn't gaslight her, you didn't manipulate her, you didn't dismiss her. You did the right thing. I think that TV and social media have done us all a disservice, with messages like "we've been friends since 1st Grade and here we are, still hanging out together!!" but never talking about that part where you didn't talk to each other for seven years. Sometimes people ebb…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 04:34 PM
49

The sad thing is, he grew up in a situation where he was never celebrated either. He knew what that felt like. I did so many things to try to celebrate him. He ruined all of those things too. He told me early on that he wanted that joyful life, but I came to understand that deep down he did not believe that he deserved it. So he ruined everything, and then he resented me when I continued to try to live in joy. And this, Ladies, is the origin story for why I always comment that we should never br…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 02:55 AM
125

This is an excellent post. My NVX did this too. I remember that I bought myself a birthday present once (because lord knows that cheapskate never bought me anything for an occasion, only a meal, and only at a restaurant that he wanted to go to, and a cheap one at that, because he wanted to make sure that I knew that he thought I wasn't worth celebrating); I bought myself a little something that I'd been wanting for a while but never bought because he hassled me so much about money (and I rarely …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 08:25 PM
111

Agreed. I cringe so hard when I think of younger me who bought into the patriarchy and actively mocked older women. Those women were queens and I had no idea. The messaging is insidious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 04:03 PM
319

Ah, The American Dream. All of these pickme's want to live in the fantasy that they too can be groomed by a nasty billionaire. If they don't defend the lifestyle of their dreams, then they will have to face their reality, and then actually DEAL with it. There's a lot of people who aren't prepared to leave the fantasy behind. And let's also remember that a lot of those dm's are also coming from other people whose pre-frontal cortex isn't yet fully formed. The majority of women over 30 just don't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 03:48 PM
87

My ex used to love to say "well at least I'm not like (let's call him Adam)" who was an actual punch-his-wife-in-the-face, sleep-depriving, hostage-taking, narc abuser, and I was always like "really? You're not like Adam? Literally the worst POS guy that either of us have ever known, that's who you want to hold yourself up in comparison to? Not a great man, a man of high regard, but only the lowest-of-the-low? And I'm supposed to be impressed with that? It's true, you haven't punched me in the f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 03:55 AM
25

I do not entertain cold approaches. They are not about me as a person at all, they are only about the approacher trying to find a warm body to meet their needs. I don't want someone who just wants someone. So a cold approach is a waste of my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 03:07 AM
84

If you think back to the sports skills that men learn as boys - baseball, basketball, hockey, soccer, football, volleyball - boys literally spend years learning those skills. Practicing, making mistakes, going back out and trying again... no one ever blames the baseball or the football if the game doesn't go well. Coach says "what were you doing out there? You need more practice". They don't get their skills from watching "game films". So why do they think that they can blame the "football" for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 01:55 PM
37

You just know there's a significant age gap here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 05:16 AM
130

I've seen so many girls return to school a literal shell of the happy, confident girls they were right before lockdown. I don't know what they've gone through but they've definitely gone through some shit. Trying to figure out how to be an adult that they will trust and consider approachable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 04:44 AM
229

If that's his impression of what happens to women who give birth too many times, why on God's green earth does he keep getting his wife pregnant?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 01:36 AM
79

Agreed. Unless OP has specialized skills wrt to email/resume writing, I might say something like "what did [husband] say that you should write? You should write that then". I don't think I would spend any more time or effort on leveling up either of these women. They won't appreciate or value OP's effort appropriately, which will only cause resentment. I'm not saying don't be friends with them, but just limit how many of your (OP's) resources you share, given that they probably won't be reciproc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 01:32 AM
46

Resource guarding. Dogs fo that. Dog trainers train it out of them. A pack animal that guards resources gets drummed out of the pack. Fair warning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 01:20 AM
7

If she truly believed that it was an accident she would wear the outfit and put a bandaid on her arm. She's crying out for help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 12:57 AM
3

I've heard men say that fighting with a woman is more dangerous for them in a sense because boys grow up wrestling and doing other very physical play, so they have experience with how much of their power causes injury and where the line is, whereas woman don't engage in that kind of play as much so when they get to be grown and end up in a physical fight they tend to really go all out and cause injury. All of that to say, we can safely assume that he knew exactly how much force he wanted to use,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 12:55 AM
31

He wasn't sorry when she started crying from pain. He wanted her to be in pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 12:49 AM
5

Pls pm her and invite her here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/03/22 12:40 AM
3

Right there with you. I could make post after post. The subject damn near needs a new sub. Unfortunately that profession seems to attract a large percentage of LV people (men and women alike). We have to vet HARD when it comes to taking advice on our personal health.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 11:30 PM
14

I like to reread TGoF about once a year. You just reminded me that it's about that time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 05:06 AM
802

He's literally making up new ways to degrade and humiliate her every day, but she doesn't want to kinkshame him. Huh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 04:57 AM
2

Yep, couldn't figure out why this subject was an article, much less a book. I think it's paid PR by Tinder.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 04:39 AM
13

Spot on
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 03:50 AM
6

Oh I don't think it's funny at all. The audacity had me laughing in shock.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 03:43 AM
238

He wants to negotiate allocating $200? Petty af.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 03:41 AM
42

Ain't that the truth? I do get mad seeing people repeating mistakes that I made. I get mad for them, not at them. I want so badly for young ladies to hear our life experiences and use them as stepping stones, instead of having to slog through the mud themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 06:25 PM
67

Ladies. This is the kind of shit that women fall for when they feel sorry for someone. "He just needs a good home and someone to love him." Stop 👏 bringing 👏 home 👏 stray 👏 dogs 👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:33 PM
39

Or some other woman's (his "other" gf, his mom, his cousin, etc) who found out about the baby and can't stomach him anymore. But he totally doesn't have a secret family to go home to. When I read that line I was like "oh he completely has at least some kind of secret". They always tell on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:27 PM
17

Yup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:24 PM
118

This, btw, is why I do not accept the idea of "just do what your doctor tells you". Doctors are not automatically HV people. I can't tell you how many different doctors over the years that have given me or my family members advice that ranged from bad to life-altering-in-a-negative-way to literally fatal. I can't tell you how many times it has occured in my family that as the patient we have been thrown out of the office, just for asking clarifying questions (not even questioning the diagnosis, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 05:18 PM
32

This, absolutely. And copy a couple of people so that it doesn't get swept under the rug.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:58 PM
64

10 bucks says he's a hobosexual too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:47 PM
76

His whole post is dripping with bitterness. "I'm not a piece of shit, I'm happy about my life choices! And don't you try to tell me otherwise, that's about YOUR past!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:45 PM
34

Omg this made me laugh like Santa Claus
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 04:42 PM
122

Lol, I was in the market today. An older man with a walker asked a woman to help him reach something that was too low for him to reach comfortably. She was very kindly picking up a few things for him, asking him if he needed anything else. He lowered his voice to just above a whisper (because there were other people around and he didn't want them to hear him) and said that he wanted to give her his card and that he needed a good woman in his life and that he liked her very much. She laughed and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 03:38 AM
19

Yeesss. Yes, yes , yes. All of this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 02:21 AM
70

I don't think he would have been as conflicted if she'd brought it to his attention (although I 100% understand why she or any SW wouldn't want to, and I support that decision). He is conflicted because someone else recognized her and then stupidly/smugly forwarded the evidence. The fact that he is conflicted at all demonstrates that he's lost respect for her. He needs to break up with her now, because 1000% as soon as he gets mad about something else he's going to throw this in her face. So why…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 11:12 PM
4

Yeah, but not everyone has a support system that they can rely on. If you come from an abusive background, more often than not your support system will call you childish and say that you are the one who is creating a problem and "well at least he didn't hit you so what are you complaining about, this is how marriage is", and that you need to grow up and go back to your husband. In that case, better to go grey rock and get your things in order, rather than leave that night and end up crying yours…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 11:02 PM
4

"My bangmaid is no longer banging nor maiding. How do I fix it?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 10:51 PM
72

👏👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 11:45 PM
10

Oof, he's already cheating. He wants milk and cookies for the one that turned him down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 11:33 PM
39

What I know is that when people go into recovery, the family goes into recovery too. They begin expressing feelings that it was too dangerous to express while they were in the situation. That might be what's happening. She might be experiencing repressed anger, sadness, etc that she had to swallow all those years when he was doing god knows what. 20 years is a long time and likely there's a lot for both of them to unpack. I will assume that if he's in recovery that he's attending at least 12 ste…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 11:31 PM
19

I understand why younger women are more susceptible, and also women who are in a more abusive situations and just want to gtfo. But by then I was old enough to be jaded and unconcerned with being polite or with "fair" or "reasonable". Still pre-FDS as I was there too long / was there at all. But this is why I like to read and post here, I want the younger women to hear what we didn't hear / weren't taught; that we don't have to be nice all the time or protect others' feelings all the time. We ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 05:38 PM
19

Nah Sis by that time I didn't even give him the chance to try it. I like to have my ducks in a row. My contributions were secured before the conversation took place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 05:04 PM
126

Lol, thanks for the laugh!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 04:08 PM
63

Yeah, wth? When my nv ex tried to tell me how I "could" spend my money I was like "excuse me, I work for a living, this is money that I earned. I pay my share of the bills, that's where your input on my money ends." He was sputtering about our shared financial goals and I told him "I am already contributing to our shared financial goals (true, this was a line item built into our budget). If you think we need to rework our budget then make an appointment with me to discuss our budget, but don't c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 02:56 PM
29

This is an excellent, well thought out post. Thank you for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 02:26 PM
79

I suppose I could tell someone to shut up. But I don't even want that energy in my head. I've gotten very good at stopping conversations mid (their) sentence with "oh, I just remembered a call I need to return", or "oh hey Bill, I'm just headed down the hall, see you later", or even "Sorry, I need to finish what I'm working on, I'm on a deadline". Basically it's just "yeah, I'm not that girl that's going to stand here and listen to you". We are raised to feel bad about being impolite and I just …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 01:37 AM
50

He just told her the quiet part out loud. I hope she understands that real soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/22 11:46 PM
52

They would brigade the post and then switch over their preferred porn site to see if they could find her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 11:17 PM
56

He can't afford to pursue multiple women so he needs to guard his resources carefully. He's a dragon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 10:59 PM
23

I have a good job, and I have real estate, so in a way I am set and could just cruise on my current earnings while I pursue personal hobbies, but the last couple of years have really shown me that I need to have financial freedom from my job, so that if I choose to I could walk away at any time. So I am currently learning more about how to use leverage, how to create passive income, how to use tax codes in my favor, and overall how to create generational wealth. When I used to hear things like "…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 03:31 PM
277

Don't forget that he will be required to sign a pre-nup. Non-negotiable .
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 03:43 AM
21

There was a case in Los Angeles County maybe 10-15 years ago where a teacher, among other abuses, blindfolded elementary-aged students and made them drink cum from a cup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 03:35 AM
34

As though anyone would be interested in their search history. If I'm unlucky enough to be the person responsible for clearing out that room everything will be treated as a biohazard
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 03:25 AM
98

I'm so glad that you know to lock your patio door. A friend of mine in college lived on an upper floor of the building and a guy scaled the wall to break in and rape her. I always keep my doors locked. A "door to door salesman" walked into my house once too - except my husband was home. That incident FINALLY convinced him to keep the door locked, after YEARS of me asking him to. Your son doesn't get it because he's a good person who wouldn't think of climbing a building to break into a home. Let…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/21 04:33 AM
13

Seriously. Maybe he should consider using his toilet paper labeling time to find a better job that allows him to afford an adequate amount of toilet paper for his pregnant wife. What a fool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:17 PM
419

Limbo Champion needs to be a new flair
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/02/21 05:06 PM
95

That means that the group was set up by a man masquerading as a woman. Perv on vulnerable women and make money from it. "Win/win".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 08:00 PM
25

Oh, you haven't seen Big Hero 6, lol! First you go front, then you reverse to "back in front", then you go inside out front, then you go inside out back in front. They saw the movie as little boys and took it to heart!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 06:58 PM
25

I love it when men wear beards because it's like they're wearing giant fucking red flags on their face. It lets me know exactly who to avoid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 05:03 PM
46

Regarding leaving with no discussion, I was just thinking about this; we will talk and talk and talk, begging men to understand, to level up, to treat us with respect and dignity, and they will say the words we want to hear with no intention of addressing our needs. All it does is buy us more time in a bad situation. We really do need to just walk away at the first sign of disrespect. So few of us are raised with that model of walking away, but it's one of the most important skills we need to le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:58 PM
23

Good test
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:35 PM
24

Gross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:35 PM
18

Good test
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:17 PM
104

The paparazzi were trying to coerce her to dress more sexily so they can make money selling her pictures. That's the game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:11 PM
5

🎯🎯🎯🎯 Absolutely projection
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:15 AM
11

Yeah as soon as he said they ghost for petty reasons we know he's 100% horrible personality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 04:13 AM
8

You know what? I'm a pretty good cook - and most of the men I've been with sucked at sex. I think I'll continue to enjoy my meals at home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 03:41 AM
4

Same. "Yes, I can take a joke, I have a wonderful sense of humor. That was not funny, and it wasn't a joke."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:54 AM
3

Can anyone comment with regard to medical records? Can the defense attorney subpoena all historical medical records, or just medical records related to the assault? Can they specifically subpoena mental health records? Is there any statute of limitations as to how far back they can go on mental health records? Can we assume that any records that occured prior to the age of majority are exempt, or are those generally fair game?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:21 AM
10

It is possible to save individual comments. If you're on mobile click the 3 little dots under the comment, it will show you an option to save.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:14 AM
8

I had literally never put this together. It's obvious if you think about it, but the message that is put out to the public obfuscates the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:53 AM
2

Excellent post. Thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:38 AM
5

I've heard some version of this story enough times to know that this lack of knowledge is extremely common. It's easy to look up porn, but too difficult to look up something on basic human anatomy apparently. How embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 06:57 PM
68

What a mind fuck for the kid. To come to the realization that you were effectively only conceived in order to secure a paycheck for your mother. Having to live at least 80% of your life without a father. Probably having been raised by nannies. Fucked up all the way around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 02:54 AM
62

This has happened to my aunt. She is married to a great guy. Very well loved amongst all family and friends. By all outward accounts a HVM. But she has confided to me privately that now that they are retired and he has trouble filling his time (he had a very demanding public-facing job) he has turned to porn and it has ruined their marriage. She was a homemaker and was looking forward to their retirement and more time together and now she can't stand to be in the same room with him. It breaks my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 02:05 AM
83

For my own sanity I have to believe that there are malicious lurkers and there are lurkers who genuinely want to learn something and level themselves up, just as we do. To my knowledge there are no subs that offer the kind of relationship discussion and education to men that FDS does to women. Some come close, but we're coming to the same information from a different direction, and the truly educated person wants to consider all opinions. I know that we are women-focused here, but a rising tide …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 01:26 AM
499

I mean this is cute but it hasn't really completely answered the question. Dear Lurkers: there are two very common risks that women encounter from vanilla sex - yeast infections, and UTI's. You can help avoid both by keeping your penis clean. Yes, your penis does transmit bacteria INTO women's bodies during sexy times. Yes, even if you wrap it up for the actual intercourse (and let's stop right here and remind you that if you're going to be touching a woman you need to wash your hands first too)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 12:09 AM
19

Standard anime geek / pedo - attracting stance
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 10:40 PM
21

"God damn it, I'm not a doctor, I can't diagnose that!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 10:32 PM
4

I just laugh. You've never seen a person so incensed as one whose insult gets deflected with mocking laughter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 08:45 PM
30

Oh god I dated that guy too, so many self-esteem issues due to the smart older sister. Then he'd pull that shit on me, any idea that came out of my mouth was immediately dismissed, but let the same words come out of someone else's mouth and suddenly it's a brilliant idea that he just had to share with me. At some point I had zero fucks to give and I'd start responding "yeah, I thought it was a good idea when I shared it with you a month ago." Dumb fucker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 08:39 PM
35

God help the woman who freely and genuinely compliments a man, she's going to have a stalker for life. "That color looks nice on you" does not translate to "yeah, let's fuck".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 06:07 PM
16

He got triggered by the word "fear" in the title of the article.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:58 PM
100

Yeah women don't just ghost men that made them feel comfortable even though there was no connection. Women ghost men who make them feel uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:17 PM
119

Females Gotta assert that dominance from the start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 05:16 PM
23

🎯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:57 PM
34

Yup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:55 PM
69

She spent fifty bucks just so that she wouldn't feel embarrassed in front of her mother and he went ahead and embarrassed her anyway. What a POS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:54 PM
44

She needs to go away for a week or two and leave that man with a 3yo and 2yo. Maybe then his dumb ass will figure out why his wife is so tired, and what it truly means to feel unappreciated. This guy is a POS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:53 PM
62

Reminder to my fellow recovering pickme's and cool girls: This needs to be the mindset. We have been trained all of our lives that we need to hope and pray for a man's attention. No. Our mindset needs to be Why does HE deserve to be in MY presence? If you were at a grocery store or a party and some lvm started chatting you up, what would you do? That's right, you would walk away. You ABSOLUTELY can simply walk away from a bad date. You don't owe your continuing presence to someone low-effort jus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 04:28 PM
10

These are new terms for me. I get swirler from the context of the thread; what does divester mean?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 06:19 AM
2

Can you point to some reliable sources for research? Trying to sort through the nonsense and hype gets old quickly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 04:50 PM
34

I would love a separate discord or chat with anyone here who wants to talk investing. Too many misogynistic "jokes" to wade through in the more mainstream investing subs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 04:56 AM
4

Love her, I've been a big fan of hers for years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 04:36 AM
36

Bloody fucking hell, the audacity. I'm down with Sis, but also I think she could have given him a bj and just bit him - "well I told you about the anesthesia, I didn't even know I was biting you, oops." He would have deserved it. And then she should have broken up with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:26 AM
114

I say it all the time: Don't Bring Home Stray Dogs!! Those guys who just need someone to love them, just need someone to understand them, just need someone to overlook their shortcomings so that their inner qualities can really shine - Girl he is a stray dog, leave him out on the street and let a rescue organization find him. A stray dog will either weigh you down with all of his problems or he will bite you. Either way you deserve better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 12:51 AM
4

Yes, but I also suspect that this is a woman who needs to pay her rent, and is living a life of scarcity in her head. I hope she figures out that there are ways to get paid without sacrificing her dignity and humanity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 08:24 PM
13

🎯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 08:17 PM
24

Shared accounts? Oh HELL NO! Joint accounts that only cover the bills and long-term joint savings goals, like for a vacation or for a new roof on the house. And you only contribute to those according to the percent of total income that you earn (ie, if he earns 60% of your total combined income and you earn 40% of the total, you only contribute 40% of the cost of the shared bills). Everything else stays in your individual accounts. I have no idea how single-income families manage their finances.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 06:53 AM
51

I don't even say No. Of course I get the inevitable "Bitch!" comment, but you know, that is not about me so it doesn't bother me. That is about that person adding ugly energy into their own life; I do not accept that "gift" from them, I don't allow them to transfer their ugly energy into the world through me. They are forced to retain and live with their own ugliness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/21 06:04 PM
6

"It was a misunderstanding".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:49 AM
18

This. THIS. So much this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:36 AM
59

Same Sis. Had too many friends' boyfriends and husbands coming on to me while her attention was elsewhere. Lost friends. Thought there was something wrong with ME, that I was too friendly (while just being myself) or that I had somehow given off signals. Turns out, nope, my only crime was being female in the presence of a man. I was famously the woman in the group who liked to banter with men, but one day I could see one of my friends pursing her lips at me (but not her husband, of course) and t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:18 AM
32

You know this is one thing that I just don't get. If I would like a man to visit my downstairs, especially spontaneously, I make sure to keep that area clean every day. Men want to complain that they don't get sex, they don't get oral, and yet there are so many examples just like this guy in the post, where if the wife or gf does decide to get frisky she gets down there and it literally smells like shit (or stale pee, or musty ball sweat). Why on god's green earth would anyone voluntarily get ne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:08 AM
17

JFC
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 07:03 AM
2

I have been listening to Mood 4 Eva on repeat for like two weeks straight. Like it's a 55 gallon drum of fresh water and I'm dying of thirst. I just need that message right now, that this is what a HV relationship should aspire to be; each person growing, living their own big life plus a big life together. Lifting their children to higher heights. The idea of men embracing the role of taking care of others. The idea of abundance rather than scarcity. This man is the opposite of abundance. He use…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 05:33 AM
25

This should be on the vetting checklist! "Discreetly check the lint trap".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 05:10 AM
3

Wow. I can't even.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 03:30 AM
1

Oof, that hits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 02:15 AM
26

Fuck, I fought back so hard against this argument with my abusive lvx - he'd always say that because of the way I treated him, that my attitude "made" him abusive (protip lurkers: no one can "make" you do anything - your words and your actions are your own choice); I would always reply "I wasn't like this when you met me, why tf do you think I'm like this now? You have to look at your contribution to the scenario as well" but he would just deny, deny, deny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 01:57 AM
34

🎯
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 12:57 AM
98

I overheard a conference call in which my lvx was being brought up short by upper management for underperforming at work. Of course he'd given me no clue that he was behind or needed extra support during this time. I heard him use every excuse in the book ("well, my kids, and some stressors with our house, and besides other coworker didn't deliver to me on time, oh and also you saddled me with an extra project in the meantime..."). Every excuse. But what I did not hear was "yes, I understand. " …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 12:39 AM
14

The ones I met who were genuine were young. They got reeaalll jaded in their early to mid 20's, and just got worse from there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 05:55 AM
30

I lived with someone like this once. Except when he said he couldn't find something I replied with "well I don't know then". I refused to clean up his messes, no matter how many days he left them there. I cleaned my messes and left the rest. I once had to resort to carrying my toilet paper in and out of the bathroom for several days when I realized that he wasn't replacing the empty roll. He got over that fake incompetence when I refused to play along. There's no reason why we should play stupid…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 03:37 PM
7

Off topic but for the benefit of anyone reading - I recently learned that it's so common for pimps to tattoo their name on the women that they prostitute. Of course the women who are able to escape from that life want no reminders of it. There are charities that give money to women who can't afford laser removal of those tattoos. If anyone is inclined to donate money to such a cause, I encourage you to find one that is operating in your area.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 08:23 PM
19

I saw a guy at a children's amusement park wearing a shirt like this that was very graphic about how he would eff someone up who messed with his family. And his wife had an angry energy too, like I'm sure she bought the damned shirt for him. I mean we were all standing there surrounded by preschoolers. I'm not sure what he was trying to prove, but we just definitely skipped that line and moved on the next attraction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 08:14 PM
40

He probably ignored VDay for her too. Broken up just long enough to avoid buying her a present, kept it "casual" with you for the same reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 07:54 PM
52

Preach!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 07:42 PM
15

This. And when I would sit down and ask him if he recognized the patterns that were being repeated, and if he wanted to do anything about not repeating those patterns, some how it became all my fault. And if only I would change (my attitude, my approach, my tone of voice), he would become a better person. What? And no, he didn't need a therapist. Or a medical doctor. He was just going to become more disciplined about making sure that his needs got met, so that he would no longer be living with a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 07:32 PM
10

I am convinced that anti-aging products don't have any true long-term benefits (though I will concede that they may yield short-term results) and therefore they are just another cash grab by companies owned by men in order to take cash away from women. I am completely over buying layer upon layer of good smelling hygiene products, which are supposed to make me desirable to men that I find undesirable. I switched completely to generic products, and address my skin and health via my nutrition inst…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 01:29 AM
80

Yesterday on a sub dedicated to budgeting concerns a guy was asking if he can survive with two blankets and a pillow, or if he really needs a bed 🙄 Stalked his profile for a minute, obviously he's a young guy with plenty of comments on gaming subs, soft core subs, just exactly everything FDS would know without having stalked his profile. I was close to making a snarky comment about him building a nest, but then I remembered that I didn't want to help him hide his lvm tendencies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 09:51 PM
10

If he keeps talking about the product he can write the cost of the date off as a business meeting, and/or use the expense of the date to offset any income he receives from the product. I'm not even joking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 05:11 PM
8

This is an important tip.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 04:41 PM
13

And throws it back at you, even years later. "I spent $50 on that for you!!" Bruh, that was eight years ago.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 05:22 AM
7

Or call you an Entitled Bitch for having the audacity to ask to have your needs met.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/21 04:13 AM
43

I already made a comment, but here's a different thought; this show was made pre cell phones (or at least, pre-texting). These days pretty much no one honks, but everyone texts when they're outside. I suppose FDS would say to ignore the "I'm here" text altogether, and just wait for the knock at the door.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 03:44 PM
194

I will admit that as a teenager, when I first got my driver's license, I swung by my best friend's house and honked from the street for her to come out. And then I waited. And honked. And waited. I finally went to the door and when I asked her what was taking her so long she shot back "I'm not a dog, you can't just whistle for me to come!". I was SOOO annoyed with her that day. But here I am, all these years later, proving to you that I've never forgotten that lesson. And I never responded to a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 03:39 PM
3

There's always the enthusiastic laugh coupled with "oh my god, I would never embarrass you by offering you money!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 07:40 AM
7

I'd be checking the whole house for hidden cameras.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 06:59 AM
8

I once told my lvx "if you died I'd never remarry" and he said "that's ridiculous, of course you should remarry, you shouldn't put off your own happiness because you're in mourning for me". Omg, my eyeballs nearly fell out of my head they were rolling so hard! Luckily we were in the car so I just turned and looked out the window.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/01/21 03:51 AM
21

Oh dear god. That's a true sickness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 05:11 AM
11

Ugh, you just reminded me of my ex bf who did this too. But the nail in the coffin was that we used to shower together every day, it was a big part of our intimacy, until one day I looked at his feet and noticed that he had a fungal infection. I immediately got out of the shower, and then I told him that he was going to pass that infection to me and that he needed to go to the pharmacy and get some fungal cream. His response? "It's not a big deal." Because he didn't want to go to the pharmacy. I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 04:30 AM
109

Doesn't it seem like OLD are just losing accounts from women left and right? Wouldn't the best business practice be to come out and say "hey we don't support this"? I mean yeah, I know that's not reality but what kind of world are the people running these sites living in?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:50 AM
10

Same, except with sex! I had an awesome sex life before I met my lvx.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 09:13 PM
1

Same, Sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 09:05 PM
21

Ugh. My lvx demanded that I be vocal during sex, or else he wouldn't come. Like he'd just keep pounding away at me until he heard the sounds. He never made me come. Not once. He deliberately and blatantly ignored all of my cOmMuNiCaTiOn about what I liked and what I didn't like ("but you should let me do it because I like it!") so he didn't bother to figure out if I actually came, he just wanted to hear the sounds so he could finish. I had the whole act doen to about 60-90 seconds. I figured the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 08:40 PM
51

My lvx LOVED to say that he was spending his "free" time planning our financial future, which was partially true, he did do that - but only because he absolutely refused to trust me with our finances and insisted that he had to be in charge of it. He also spent maaaaybe 4 hours a week on that task, and the remainder of his time watching reality shows. While I also worked fulltime, and then did all of the physical labor to keep up the house and the yard, but more importantly all of the emotional …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 08:17 PM
92

Waiting for this post to be reported for "hate speech", lmfao!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:13 PM
195

"Sex work is work" unless it's in their own home, where they expect their partner to perform exactly as a sex worker, and then get up and go make them a sammich. Having already anticipated his needs and done the shopping for the ingredients. And having paid for them 50/50. And then she will end up washing the sheets, because you know he never will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 05:14 AM
1

Agreed, but no need to set ourselves up for the easy insult. Even if we are able to shake it off easier than some other women, it still stings in the moment. I don't want to give them even one syllable that they can turn against me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 06:21 PM
85

This is why I don't sleep well. Reliving past cringe. I'm working on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 06:17 PM
22

Yes, but my comment is referring to the play on words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 07:18 AM
52

I'm right there with you Sis but please don't use this line irl, it gives arrogant lvm the opening to call you a bitch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/21 05:20 AM
40

Ain't that the truth? And then when something does eventually remind you of him you will be amazed at how long it's been since you last thought of him. That's a great feeling. OP - Hang in there Sis, that day is coming. I'm proud of you for breaking up with this guy and advocating for your own happiness. This is one of those things in life that no one else can do for you - it's scary at first, but the only way out is through. Everyone here has got your back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 08:55 PM
121

I went through that phase of trying to be chill too. I ended up losing track of myself. I became very unfocused and inconsistent. No wonder men say that women are psycho. When we tamp down our own personalities and ignore our own goals and wait around for someone else to tell us what to like and what to think of course a person would become untethered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 03:35 PM
1

I read this post this morning and I have been thinking about it all day. I believe that this is the most important post I have ever read on FDS. Because I agree that many of us are not raised with an example of a HVM anywhere in our lives, and we fall prey to the idea that they do not exist. Take heed Ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 11:28 PM
137

"Never had to work" more likely "why would you want to get a job? We would just have to spend your salary on childcare. You should just stay home with the kids". And cue her at pickup "my husband doesn't want me to work". His whole posting history is completely generic and predictable. As is his woe-is-me post about how unhappy he is. If they were deliriously in love in days past, his wife didn't just magically turn into a cold fish. But he doesn't want to examine his role in the shift in their …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 11:10 PM
54

Last night I was watching a new reality show in which, in the first episode, the lvm bf legit started screaming at the gf on the phone because she (for a thoughtful reason) chose to go out without him, and she basically just took his yelling (and in a subsequent episode they went to counseling, so they could cOmMuNiCaTe better) and I was practically yelling at the tv - "No Girl! Don't take that! Block and Delete!!", lol! I think FDS has ruined for me mainstream entertainment. But that's totally …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:49 PM
49

Lol! Yuuuuup!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:40 PM
115

Wait, what? Creating more children is the opposite of "cleansing" an ethnicity. Alternatively, I have read that back in the day if an invasion was imminent the men would rush to impregnate their own women so that if the women were raped subsequent to the invasion, they wouldn't get pregnant by the invaders, thereby keeping their own ethnicity "pure".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:20 AM
68

Exactly. If he has allowed his head to be turned in another direction imma dip while he's distracted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 08:12 PM
48

Because it reduces a person to just their sex, when people are so much more interesting and complex beyond what is between their legs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 08:10 PM
2

Which, given the state of his feet, is probably a lot worse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 10:48 PM
8

He was just waiting for you to move in, thereby gaining free use of your furniture, halving his rent, and getting a free bangmaid too. Whyever did you pass on such a catch? /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 10:47 PM
94

The proper response to "I can beat you" is a serious-tone "No, you can't". If they still challenge you then tell them that you don't give your time away for free, and if they really need to prove that they can beat you then it will be for a monetary bet. Make it worth your while too, not some crummy $20. Trainers get paid a lot more to work with people 1:1 and teach them how to play better. Double whatever a trainer in your area charges. Make them show you the money before you play, otherwise le…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 10:38 PM
9

There was a post the other day that said the proper response to "not all men" is "too many men tho" and that is my new favorite clap back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:44 AM
6

Oooh, you mentioned my pet peeve word, "nagging". "Nagging" = "Asking for my needs to be met". Let's reframe that word for the men in our lives (and for ourselves as well). I agree with the premise of your post though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 05:42 AM
19

I agree with this comment so much. My lvx would pick a fight with me at home, and then call me or text me at work to continue the fight. I always wanted to solve the issue (because I stupidly believed the premise of the fight, that there was an actual issue that needed to be addressed), and he would keep bringing in other topics and other attacks in order to prolong the fight. It took me a stupid long time to realize that the real issue was low self-esteem on his part and that he was looking for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 06:31 PM
4

I do agree with your comment. Reading your comment reminds me that I was amused earlier today because I was browsing a DIY sub that is at least 75% male users, and in response to a question that involved neighbors there were so many answers from the men that said "just go talk to them again" and it took everything I had to not reply with some snarky comment about cOmMuNiCaTiOn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 11:10 PM
1

I don't think I've ever seen a truer post on this sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/21 11:05 PM
6

"How you feel and what is real are two different things". Just, no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 12:15 AM
61

I appreciate you! Med school isn't easy to begin with, and tougher still given difficult classmates. But we women so appreciate the option that you and your classmates are giving us to go to a female practitioner. I've switched over as many of my professional dealings to women as I possibly can. I just want to get my business handled, I don't want to deal with god complexes and dick pics in the process!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 08:28 PM
8

Look, the fact of the matter is natural parents living together do (and in fact, more often than not) put their kids needs above those of their partner. Men and women alike. It's just that it's far less common to occur to either partner to kick the other partner out of the house for a period of time (though obvs it does happen, a quick browse of the divorce sub proves that). It's far for more common when natural parents are living together for one to take the kid out somewhere with them. On thos…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 07:30 PM
221

When I was in college I decided that I would never date a lawyer, because they are professionally trained to never lose an argument. After having a few years as an adult under my belt I've decided that I would (additionally) never date a doctor because holy shit I have never met a category of professionals with more of a god complex than these asshats. These are people who have never built a thing in their lives and they seem to think they know everything. That's because that is the power that w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 06:04 PM
14

Hardpass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 05:56 PM
41

"Lack of personal growth". My abusive, had-me-constantly-walking-on-eggshells lvx told me that the reason he decided to leave me was because I "wasn't trying to grow". He wanted someone who "inspired" him. Hm. Funny how that worked out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 07:46 AM
4

I actually really appreciate it when someone lets me know early on that they need to be blocked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:11 AM
12

Lol, I love Judge Judy. True FDS vibes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 09:48 PM
123

"Being in a state of confusion is a sign of abuse". YES. I like to put it this way: if it doesn't make sense, that's because it doesn't make sense. The truth ALWAYS makes sense. If something doesn't make sense it's because you are being lied to. You don't even need to question what the lie is, or why you are being lied to, just recognize that it is happening, and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 05:29 AM
12

A vision board for dating. Excellent!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 06:57 PM
14

When I was just out of school and living paycheck to paycheck I couldn't justify putting money into a 401k. Oh man, if I could go back and do it over again! I would have changed my spending habits, hustled a little bit more, and taken advantage of that 401k. As it is, because I finally got serious and locked down my finances, now I will retire comfortably, but it would be nice to be even a little bit more comfortable. The difference will probably mean I won't travel as many times a year as I wou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 06:23 PM
2

Care to share good sites to follow / to learn more about investing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 06:12 PM
4

It's embarrassing, really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:53 PM
24

I would not be surprised at all if he has yelled at her, telling her that it is her "fault" that she got cancer. Stage 4 cancer doesn't develop overnight. I would not be surprised at all if this woman was feeling sick but neglected to go to the dr in a timely manner because she had no help at home with the kids. I would not be surprised at all if she also avoided going to the dr because he told her some version of "we can't afford dr bills". We seek to put away from us that which shames us the m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 10:53 AM
32

Seriously, their mother is dying. They want to spend time with her, not have her in some distant place where they can't see her at a moment's notice. On top of everything he is doing to his wife, he is robbing his children of their remaining time with their mother. For the sake of not having strangers in his house? This man is mentally unstable. It's very common that men remarry quickly when they've been widowed. It's a good thing in this case, because we are looking at a man who all three of hi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 10:49 AM
63

I doubt very much he explained the situation at all. He planned a whole event at her house without ever discussing it with her. He probably just told his friends that she was being a bitch and "changed her mind" and didn't want him to have a party. LVM never tell the true story, that would mean he would have to own his actions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 05:01 PM
218

Ladies, I present you with the latest iteration of the crazy ex girlfriend: his version of events will be "she freaked out because I wanted to hang out with my boys for NYE and she didn't want me to have friends over".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 12:33 PM
19

"I told her I was serious, she took it in stride, and now we've been together for 7 months. I recently decided that I'd like to buy a new car but I can't afford a car note and pay my rent, so I've asked her to move in with me. My new car is gonna be sooo sweet!!". I mean, where tf else was this story gonna go? This guy is delusional.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:09 AM
14

Exactly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:04 AM
19

This phrase has only recently come to my attention but damn if it isn't dead-fucking-on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:03 AM
6

"I am also the casting director" love it!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 04:01 AM
10

Every time I consider buying myself something expensive (other than a vacation) I put that money away for my next down payment. I'm straight living like "the millionaire next door" but I am so relaxed and happy to fly under the radar, not attracting unwanted attention from men who start thinking that maybe I could support them. I'm laughing all the way to the bank!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:58 AM
8

Wonderful! I love how you just totally took control of the situation and made it happen! For the other ladies here I'd like to share - please don't be intimidated by the idea of a 30 year loan. You can still pay it off in 15 years (or less!!) if you choose to organize your finances that way. I'm not a mortgage broker, just someone who has paid off a couple of mortgages. Happy to discuss with anyone who has questions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:54 AM
15

Level up - get a keypad entry!! Easy to install yourself, you set the combo, and poof! You never have to worry about losing your keys again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 03:50 AM
15

Oh you just reminded me of the time when I was working on my birthday (I normally take the day off) and lvx called me at work and made a big deal about how he'd bought me a cake from a bakery that I really like. He bought the kind of cake that he loves, that I've said many many times I hate. The cake I always bought him on his birthday, because it was his birthday and not about me. Anyway, then he spent the evening telling me that I should like that flavor of cake that he bought, because it's "r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 01:37 AM
21

Not only this, but keep them an arms length away from your social circle. When a man gets all entangled with your friends you have no one to turn to when you need to vent, or when you need real advice, because you become worried about people losing respect for him and/or you, and you end up suffering in silence while he hangs out with your friends. And when you break up with him you break up with them too and end extra lonely - and ripe for falling for another lvm. It's an ugly cycle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:33 AM
19

Agreed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:23 AM
9

How can an 11yo "lead" someone on? Oh, wait, they can't. How did a 16yo not know that this girl was not 16, 15, 14? Oh, wait, he did know that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 04:22 AM
22

Yeah that in and of itself is super weird. Unless you're already really tight with your MIL you wouldn't take her dress shopping. And if you are super tight with her, 4 months wouldn't have passed before this conversation. I'll bet the MIL knows that her son is bs and insisted on this shopping excursion just to figure out what is going on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:04 AM
26

"Does he like the things about me that I like about myself?" Ie, if you are creative, does he appreciate your crafts or does he think it's a waste of time (while he watches 3 hours of Sports Center every night)? If you are a gamer, does he think you would better serve yourself better by spending all of your free time learning about BitCoin and planning your retirement? If you love to work out but don't care much about housekeeping, does he try to convince you to switch those priorities around?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:01 AM
16

I've done all of that except the lingerie. I always refused to spend a lot of money on something that I wouldn't get to wear for 5 minutes, and - surprise surprise - not one guy has ever taken it upon himself to buy it for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:54 AM
26

LOL!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:32 AM
6

Yes! I'm all about abundance now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 05:14 AM
10

The person that you need in the room is the person who can advocate for you while putting their own emotions aside (ie if something scary is happening to you and/or the baby). Because the birth mother isn't always able to advocate for herself in that moment. I had my kids pre-covid but I had to insist that my most level-headed relative (not my parents) be in the room in addition to my LVX because he had already demonstrated multiple times during my pregnancy that he would walk out of the room if…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 10:22 PM
3

Don't forget "misunderstandings"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 08:22 PM
3

I am crazy proud of my 9yo this year. Secretly asked his dad to take him to the store to buy me and his brother presents, brought his own wallet (although dad ended up paying), wrapped the gifts himself, and best of all the gifts took into consideration the things that the recipient would like and so were thoughtful and appropriate. Not expensive, but probably the best Christmas present I've ever gotten in terms of the thoughtfulness. I'll cherish it always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 08:04 PM
6

Oh man, so she was able to afford that phone because of OF income? And her brother is going to use that phone every day and just be okay with knowing how she afforded it? His sister? That's just gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 07:56 PM
2

Fr.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 07:51 PM
4

Seriously - he shouldn't have been looking for a warning, he should have set his family straight well before the event, that he wouldn't tolerate seeing the feelings of someone he loves being hurt, full stop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 07:43 PM
35

"I love how I feel about myself in your presence"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 06:37 PM
55

A new friend once texted my ex asking my favorite color as she was planning to get me a gift. He handed me the phone so I could answer her. Smdh ETA: Ha! Just remembered he didn't even get me a gift for that occasion!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/12/20 06:35 PM
2

If she's going to leave I really hope she does it before she earns any significant money, so he can't hit her up for alimony and child support. It happened to a friend of mine, her husband literally quit his job while she was lying in the hospital recovering from a c-section. She had to go to work rather than stay home with her newborn while he stole money from her and snorted coke in front of the kid. He refused to work, had the audacity to sue her for divorce, and then got payments. Another fr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:45 AM
7

Imagine letting another man pay to raise your children. Because you just flat refuse to do so. And in this case it's his own father. A man who has already raised his own children. How embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 04:35 AM
18

Not to victim blame but all else aside one of my first thoughts was "how does she allow herself to end up in front of him on the stairs after the first occurrence of this behavior?". Again, none of this is her fault, but in a culture where we carry our keys in our hand like a knife, I can't imagine that I would let myself be put in this position twice. And I was super super protective of my person, almost irrationally so, when I was pregnant. Something else is going on here. This woman is worn d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/20 12:21 AM
117

This right here. Your comment is very subtle and almost understated, and people need to hear this message. It's about dignity. IT'S ABOUT DIGNITY!! It's not about the amount of money a man has or that he spends on us, it's about treating us with respect. It's really that simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/20 11:07 PM
10

Not to derail but when I was pregnant I was so resentful that I couldn't talk to my (now) ex about how I was feeling, my anxieties, etc because every time I ever brought up how I was feeling we had to have a long discussion about how my feelings made him feel. I begged that man for years to go to counseling but he seemed to think it was normal to force us all to live with his untreated anxiety disorder...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 03:16 PM
2

The word nagging is a pet peeve of mine. It's not "nagging", it is "asking for my needs to be met".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:40 AM
2

This comment intrigues me. Can you point me to resources where I can learn more about the effects of heightened estrogen?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 08:23 AM
7

In a slightly different context (such as "just fyi I'm planning to go see my friend on Saturday" - "oh okay, that's fine") my answer is always "I wasn't asking for your permission".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:34 AM
5

"I can't afford rent because my ex lied in court and the judge ordered me this unfair amount of child support" meanwhile she's not getting a check from him either and has to garnish his wages. And then this hobosexual goes back to the new girlfriend saying he was unfairly fired and his so-and-so boss always had it in for him - except that the truth is he got bitter about the garnishment and having to support his own offspring so he just quit showing up to work. This is why these guys always go f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 07:08 AM
29

Huh. I was randomly just thinking about this today. So many guys will say "I don't want a woman who is just looking for a daddy for her kids", meanwhile every single mom I know keeps new men away from her kids as long as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 06:59 AM
21

Everything else aside, I remember thinking that it was a really weird premise because when he was dressed as a woman he wasn't actually visiting with his kids. He had to keep up the facade as the strict nanny, which didn't track with his own personality at all. So they weren't interacting with their father; in their own minds they were still with a stranger. But maybe the premise was supposed to be that he was still experiencing the parenting role just by being physically present... but if he'd …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 06:56 AM
13

Indeed!! Last year I pulled the toilet out and replaced the seal, by myself. Based on what I learned via YT. I made sure that I patted myself on the back in front of every man I encountered for a month. I've also fixed my dryer, my oven, and most recently took apart the plumbing under the sink to clear a clogged drain. I've built fences. I grow food. And I'm a trained chef. I've sought out the information on how to do these things by myself, because I had an idea that I wanted to do them, not be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 03:05 AM
6

Ooh, you hit on my pet peeve, the word "nag". I like to say I am not "nagging", I am asking for my needs to be met. I meet your needs every day, you can meet mine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 02:53 AM
2

Damn I thought pharmacies was where most LVM buy their gifts too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:32 AM
75

Early in our relationship my LVM ex put a disappointed look on his face and uttered the phrase "it's not like how my mom makes it" and that was basically the last time I cooked a real meal for him. Enjoy your dried spaghetti and jarred pasta sauce dumbass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:19 AM
4

This happened to someone I know too. But she didn't leave. I can't understand how they slept there or cooked food there, it stunk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:13 AM
10

Meanwhile revenge porn is a thing, underage porn is a thing, straight up rape porn is a thing - so many videos where the subjects did not give consent, and yet p*rnhub still exists, and no one is winning any lawsuits against them. Wherever they have their servers, you could have your servers there too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 03:54 AM
21

A major catastrophe? No, Sis, he's not worried about your well-being, he's fishing for information to find out if you've got a new man. In his mind there's no other reason that you would block him. Doesn't matter, block and delete, and be wary of that friend he reached out to also. Unless they are completely on board with FDS principles don't let them have too much info on your life either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 10:06 PM
36

It sounds like the guy wrote it and even he has run out of ideas for how to force her to atone for making him unhappy, and now he's fishing for creative/fucked up ideas.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 09:58 PM
15

This. We get to have our own boundaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 09:37 PM
6

As someone who doesn't partake in internet porn I only learned about OF here, a few weeks ago. So now it only occured to me by reading this post that OF probably also has men selling themselves there too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 09:30 PM
27

This. So much. But also, even if the kids are looking after themselves it doesn't change the fact that the husband isn't providing any domestic support to his family, so the wife will still be resentful that the kids are essentially picking up his slack. And even more resentful when the husband begins expecting the kids, and especially the 9yo daughter, to start picking up his slack (under the wife's supervision of course). So now she's not only the house manager but also supervising an incompet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 01:15 PM
54

He said she isn't carrying herself with dignity when she goes out to the store. Because he believes that she is a reflection of him when she's out on public, and he's embarrassed of her dresses with ABC's on them. Meanwhile I bet she encounters a lot of smiling children and parents. It's not like she's dragging herself around in sloppy sweats and unwashed hair for god's sake. I really hope she dumps him. He clearly doesn't like the things about her that she likes about herself. She deserves SO m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 04:38 AM
2

This is a very tough question to answer because it's not clear exactly who you want to report him to, what you want to report, or what you want the outcome to be. (For the purposes of this post I am going to assume you are in the US). If he has an ex-wife surely she is aware of his tendencies. What is the custody situation? If it is 50/50 or she has a majority of custody, surely she has made a case to family court already about his tendencies. There is no legal remedy (in the US) to report a par…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 02:59 AM
168

I know a LVM who would look at this and say "what???? No. This isn't real. She made this up. They are working together. This is a prank!". But would never ever ever concede that this could be real. Because it's never happened to him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 01:20 AM
9

Golf pencil
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 11:17 PM
20

Exactly. Just like a liar will accuse others of lying, and a cheater will accuse others of cheating. A person who wouldn't hurt a fly will never say "I'm afraid that I will hurt you". That capacity simply doesn't exist within their nature.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/20 07:56 PM
7

This was me and my ex. Except he'd always say he didn't want anything because he was a fucking tightwad that couldn't bear to spend $1 on a juice, and I always brought him something because he was particularly abusive when his blood sugar got low.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 04:41 AM
8

Facts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 08:56 PM
17

Fr. If I can use YT to find videos to fix my oven and my dryer and replace the seal on a toilet by myself, you can learn how to cook from the tv. Hell, a lot of us didn't have great cooking models at home and learned to cook from the tv too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 07:36 PM
20

I think that in order to appreciate the services that we might be paying for, we first have to know how to do the job ourselves and what it entails physically and mentally. Take cooking for example; it takes real skill to time a meal just right so that everything comes out together. It takes real skill to plan for and shop for a proper meal. It takes real skill to manage the funds properly in order to consistently feed yourself and your family a healthy meal. Once a person knows how to do these …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 07:33 PM
25

Scratch a liar, find a thief
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 07:25 PM
98

I have literally been screamed at by a doctor for asking him why he was recommending a course of treatment (his recommendation didn't track with my symptoms and I wanted him to elaborate). I wasn't refusing the course at that point, I was just seeking clarifying information. Nope, I got screamed at. For daring to question someone who I was paying for their professional advice. Please find a different doctor in a different practice. You don't have to put up with someone who ignores your boundarie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 04:48 AM
100

My kids are young enough that they haven't internalized misogyny yet. I've been debating with myself today about whether I should highlight to them how special this is, or if I should say nothing and just let them live in this new world and just completely normalize it by not making a big deal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 03:02 AM
5

I think your post is great because you are really drilling down to the things that are important to you in a way that most people never consciously do. Your post is actually very motivating. I don't want to invalidate you in any way, but it seems to me that although your post is saying that you are considering resigning yourself to being single, there seems to be an underlying tone of sadness about remaining single, or maybe just frustration. If any of that feels true for you, I think you've act…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 01:12 AM
22

Thank you for posting, I agree that it is very important to tune in to how someone reacts under unusual, surprising circumstances. The mask always slips under stressful conditions, and we have to retrain ourselves not to make pickme excuses for someone who is self-centered and has poor self-control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/20 12:47 AM
3

Solidarity Sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 07:55 PM
2

Lol, that's a good one! I'm sure he liked the idea of being described as mysterious too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 04:15 PM
43

True.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 03:57 AM
3

Make a post asking for help and then defend the dude in comments? You can't have it both ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 03:43 AM
49

It's a good thing that girl didn't ruin his life I guess. He's totally going to be a prudent and thoughtful leader. Because he's got "life experience". /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 03:33 AM
3

Oh hell yeah, I definitely said this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 03:17 AM
119

Kinda wanna go in and make a severing penis reply to every rape comment now, ngl. Just to "make a point".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 03:09 AM
7

He took these pictures of her as though he has something to be proud of. No son, she looks like that because of her hard work and self-respect, you don't get to brag, you had nothing to do with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 03:00 AM
30

Today I was reflecting on the idea that "if it doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense". Which means if something doesn't make sense, it's not you. It's not that you don't understand, or you're too dumb to get it. It's because it literally doesn't make sense, because it's a lie or a manipulation. I used to spend a lot of time trying to make sense of nonsensical things, making excuses for the other person. Now if something doesn't make sense I ask the question once, just to see if the situation…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 02:55 AM
10

This is what I appreciate about FDS - when I've encountered guys like this I KNEW that I was being gaslit and more, but I didn't have the language to properly name it, describe it, address it. So I just ended up frustrated as my ex argued in circles around me calling me all the names you mentioned. FDS is giving me the language and helping me learn to advocate for myself more effectively (and dispassionately).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/20 12:53 AM
80

This is a common tactic of men who pimp out women too. There's even a charity that provides funds for women who have gotten out of that life to have laser tattoo removal. After I learned about men who force women to get tattooed, everytime I see a name tattoo I can't help but wonder if the young woman is okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 05:00 AM
49

(Sorry to be pedantic) It means that you don't agree with his opinions. He doesn't give a fuck whether you have opinions or not; for an LVM women exist to bolster their opinion of themselves, and how right (they think) they are about everything. If you don't agree with him, don't laugh at his jokes, don't tell him everyday how handsome and intelligent and special he is, he will do everything within his power to "put you in your place". I'm sorry that you had a bad night, but I'm happy for you th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 04:17 AM
6

I feel like this comment should be made into a public facing PSA. Like it needs to be posted on every dating sub.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/20 12:55 AM
26

And needed five years before she cornered him into saying that they were engaged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:43 PM
63

She's saying that the baby loves her stretch marks and all because her NVM has let her know that he doesn't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 11:42 PM
3

The only picnic dates I've been on included an outdoor concert that I was very interested in. Just sitting on the ground somewhere with people walking by is never okay for me personally, regardless of how long we've been dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 02:36 AM
1

I'm sure you are absolutely right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 01:33 AM
6

Yeah but if she gets the lift he's going to fight with her over it either because he feels guilty or because he can't control her actions. I really hope she gets some counseling because I don't think anyone should mutilate their body because of men's pornsick opinions. But either way I think this relationship is already over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:15 AM
13

Back when I was a dating Cool Girl I always made a point of showing off my cooking skills. Ugh. I think your strategy is fucking genius.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:00 AM
35

Six months from now: "I just have no idea why she divorced me, it was completely out of the blue".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:57 PM
8

Seriously, somebody tell him that No they can't see it so that he will get fired. Imagine being this idiot's coworker and your manager is handing his files off to you because "he just didn't have time to complete them".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:55 PM
3

Yes, wish I could upvote this comment a thousand times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:39 PM
9

Guaranteed he wasn't just watching porn once a week or even once a day. I'd bet my next paycheck he was spending their money on OF, and probably has a Tinder account too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:37 PM
16

👏👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:28 PM
15

😂😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:27 PM
17

Look, I don't disagree with this woman, or with the other commenters here that their family members have acted ridiculously, but there is some responsibility on the part of the parents if children are acting out this way. I'll give you an example; I was having a conversation with my kid the other day about how we handle disappointments in our house, vs how the family of a friend of his handles things. My kid told me that he was playing a video game with his friend, and he didn't get the avatar t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:04 PM
14

I was so nice and altruistic when I had less experience with men. After a while I developed an attitude. Funny how that happens.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 11:14 PM
20

"Attitude"is the predecessor of the now-morphed term "Karen". Not that I was thrilled with the original meaning of Karen but it has quickly become a misogynist term meant to be used as shorthand tell women to stfu.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 11:12 PM
10

Oh for real
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:56 PM
7

Even in my Cool Girl days I would have read that as a threat. That's creepy asf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 10:55 PM
6

Yuuup
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 07:07 PM
47

My friend's now ex is a demonstrated alcoholic and drug user, and of course horribly abusive. When asked in mediation if he would remain sober while the child was in his custody the dad straight up said "No." My friend had a terrible lawyer who advised her to "be reasonable". My friend wanted her ex to have zero custody because of his issues, but based on her lawyer's advice she thought she should appear to be magnanimous in court. So when the judge asked her how much custody she thought her ex …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 05:04 PM
39

He has the nerve to call her desperate but then act like he has absolutely nothing to do with her mental state. Was she desperate when he met her? Or was she confident and beautiful and independent and he just had to have her? Only to tear her down because of his own insecurities and the knowledge that if she was emotionally healthy she wouldn't stay with him? I'll bet she'll be a lot more relaxed once she's finally single again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 04:56 PM
35

Agreed. In most cases a 40yo or older man who has never been married is a red flag in amd of itself. Like if he was married from 22-24 and then has been single for 10 or 15 years, well, okay, has he been growing and maturing during that time? Maybe that's fine. Or is he a serial monogamist, or is he the guy who resented settling down after college and wanted his fratbro lifestyle back and he became a beach volleyball coach so that he could hook up with new women every season? Context is key.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 04:54 AM
13

I find the fact that you realistically and cautiously assessed your financial situation and made tough choices very HV. You made a financial plan and you are sticking to it, with a long-term plan to move out again, under better financial circumstances. This is a stop-gap measure, not a way of life. You didn't move back in with your parents indefinitely and with no plan. I doubt very much that you are gaming all night and sleeping all day, and otherwise allowing the rest of the household to do al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 04:10 AM
3

Yeah except apparently he's so busy wanking he can't be arsed to get to the store. She threw all of the lotion away TWO MONTHS AGO and rather than go to the store he's using handsoap?? This is the kind of moron who can't find his way home without his gps. We already know she's committed to this course of action. If she was really smart she'd disconnect the wifi every time he goes into the bathroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 06:03 AM
7

Classic abuser language "it only happened because..." "you know I'm not 'really' like that..." Ugh, it's never their fault. Good on you that he's an ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:28 AM
4

Have you ever seen that picture of a homeless guy with a sign that says "To be honest I really could use a beer" or some such? I feel like this guy should just make a post like that. "Honestly I'd really like to get laid tonight". Drop the pretense of a "drink" or a "snuggle". I'd respect the honesty more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:23 AM
7

I mean I don't condone what she did at all... but I kind of love your friend, lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:19 AM
3

Masterful analysis of red flags that are so subtle and can be so difficult to put our finger on. "Well what did he say that made you not like him?" "Well it wasn't exactly the things he said, but the way he said them". I am certain that my pickme self would have fallen for his tactic hard, and it would have been quite a while before I would understand what went wrong. Good on you for catching on early.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 02:07 AM
2

God willing they will become HVM. Right now they are still too young to learn about sex, but I am already trying to figure out how I will teach them healthy attitudes about sex and how I can discourage them from becoming porn addicted as they move into their teen years. Phones at school and less attentive parents scare the crap out of me. If we can successfully navigate that issue I feel like they will have a fighting chance to be normal adults.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/20 01:06 AM
13

Wholeheartedly agree. The two biggest messages that we repeat over and over are "hang out with kids who make good decisions", and "you must respect boundaries". I want those messages to become their inner voice. I want my kids to dream about those messages. I want those messages so so deeply ingrained that my kids smell those messages when they breathe and taste them when they eat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:48 PM
15

You want a laugh at our 80's selves? Go watch the video for Eye of the Tiger. Revel in the "modern technology" of the black plastic background, lol! Switching topics, if I could go back in time I might consider killing whoever greenlit The Real World and therefore launched our current timeline of a reality-tv star president.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:42 PM
25

Someone should do this as a youtube "dating show". Because any real production would have to run it through lawyers and it would get axed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:38 PM
30

I'm sorry that it got shut down, this absolutely should be a thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:36 PM
7

"It was just a joke Mom!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 07:34 PM
4

No that "seek counsel" line is a distraction. What he really means is that he will talk at his wife to make sure she knows who he thinks she should vote for, and if she expresses any disagreement he will get puffy and loud and red in the face while he explains to her why she is wrong and he is right and how she's going to ruin their lives (read: their privilege and economic status) if she votes the "wrong" way. He doesn't respect any woman enough to take her point of view seriously, he just want…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 06:04 AM
27

You would think that they would somehow be required to account for how a service member acquired ptsd while in their employ, if that person has not served in combat. Seems like something that, oh I don't know, maybe a Congressional Oversight Committee should be responsible for. Thank you for sharing your story. I have so much respect for people who speak their truth. It isn't always easy to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/20 04:59 AM
51

This. And there was a post a couple of weeks back where the bf asked his gf if he could choke her, she said no, and then not too long later he just did it anyway. And she was like "and now I don't know what to do". I'm glad that this poster is at least in touch with her feelings enough to know that she won't feel safe if he tries to have sex with her now. She'll always be tense, waiting for that other shoe to drop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 02:46 AM
28

There is so much truth in that statement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 02:40 AM
2

I recently realized while scrolling through streaming apps how many "coming of age" movies there are. Ewwww. Also how movies about a (usually straight, married) woman discovering a taboo love for another woman. Ewww. I know that sexuality is a spectrum but I don't think women who live straight think about sex with another woman nearly as much as men make films about women taboo fucking other women. Off topic but it's on my mind: last night I watched Girl, Interrupted after having not watched it …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 05:44 PM
9

Are those old photos supposed to represent potential? Or what I missed out on? Either way, hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:26 PM
14

Oh but the wrath if a woman were to do the same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 04:24 PM
9

Projection. Fathers have either made false claims, or have used it as a threat to their daughters that they will make a false claim if the daughter doesn't stop seeing the boy. Then they start assuming that other people make false claims too. Meanwhile the statistic of women who have actually been raped or assaulted and never report is exponentially higher than that of false accusations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 03:25 PM
14

They could still commit assault, just not with their dicks. The ability is removed, but not the desire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 03:20 PM
33

Yuuup.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 07:04 PM
35

You know how there are responses other than fight or flight when we are attacked? How people go still or numb or dissociate for a while? She knows what's happening, she's just too stunned and overwhelmed to fully deal with it. We have all been there. Every woman on this sub has a story about how "I wasted way too much time on that guy, even though his shitty behavior was building up in layers". Her journey is starting. We can only plant the seeds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 05:53 PM
43

Men do not believe that these kinds of dangers exist for women, because they don't exist for men. One day I came home from work and my ex told me a story about what happened that day. He had been at home, in a back room, and the front door was stood open, with the screen door unlocked. He said that he heard a weird noise and went to investigate, and found a strange man standing in our living room. He asked the guy wtf he thought he was doing, and the guy said "I rang the doorbell but no one answ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 05:42 PM
20

Oh this so much. "You're not even going to fight for us?" Lmfao, no Brad, you're not worth fighting for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 04:45 PM
8

Let's be real, he was probably fucking her while she was in labor too. Or at least demanding bjs. Imagine being 9mos pregnant and being on your knees. I hope this woman finds a way to get away from him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/20 04:18 PM
11

Glad that you did this when you picked the kids up so that they didn't have to listen to his litany of victimhood and how harsh you are during their time with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 06:20 PM
13

I'm ready to be all in. Lmk if you have resources. I would like to do more reading/learning in this direction. Legit my long term goal is to find a female-only living situation, like a commune. I'm looking for Crone Island.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/20 06:17 PM
12

Yeah except it would say "Rent - free - I stay w/my gf"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 10:02 PM
32

Okay. So yesterday I was sort of chatting with a guy that I know and also scrolling reddit and I mentioned that Poland has outlawed abortions due to medical defect. This guy who l thought was rational said "good, all abortions should be outlawed". I mean that in itself is a wtf statement, but this is someone who has been a party to a medical abortion, so of course it was extra WTF?? Queue heated half hour debate about how abortions should only be available to "responsible people" - again, WTF?? …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 05:14 PM
78

JFC that reads like it was written by the guy and he wants everyone to know what a Nice Guy he is that he informed the woman of the lump. No woman writes about herself like it's an erotic novel ffs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 11:53 PM
3

I mean of course it's trashy but in a way I welcome this the same way I welcome guys who wear the free polos that they get for attending a free seminar from Vanguard or Fidelity, or any guy really who wears a logo for a company that they do not personally own. It's a quick shortcut to let me know who to avoid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 07:08 PM
12

Yeah even as I was typing my prior response I was thinking "but they'll probably have to be naked or at least in lingerie" and the "conversation" would ping pong back and forth between "I'm so lonely" and "will you show me your..." or whatever. I have zero idea about OF except what I read in comments but I imagine there's already some component of that kind of conversation already. Like how you always hear stories from prostitutes about clients who just want someone to hug them. It's sad, really…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 05:43 PM
10

Not very maternal!! Oh girl I hope the meal was at least decent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 04:32 PM
58

Maybe it should be a therapy app. Like only fans but ladies are finally getting paid just to listen to their bullshit. But don't call it therapy because it's effeminate to go to therapy apparently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 04:28 PM
31

🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 04:21 PM
32

They start out thinking that they're going to "save" the woman but end up resenting her because of all of the emotional labor she may require while in recovery, and then tell her that no one wants her because she's "too much work". They really do think that their presence as a "white knight" is enough, while women know the true scope of caretaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 04:21 AM
53

Thank you, I agree that this is important to recognize. My abuser was (is) a very insecure person and always came after me when some other man would joke around in that way that men do when they make fun of each other, but he was so insecure that he always got his feelings hurt and took it out on me. The last time he attacked me he had hosted a party at his new house and the one asshole friend in the group kept putting down the house (said friend was very insecure about his own financial instabi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/20 12:27 AM
6

Those tags tho, JFC.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 06:54 PM
23

👏👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 06:49 PM
6

One thing that is happening is that children are in the house 24/7 too, and parents are getting zero breaks from the kids. A disproportionate amount of schooling and emotional labor is falling to the mothers even as they try to WFH too. So these women are exhausted and they are turning down sex. Another scenario is that the couple used to rely on sending the kids to the grandparents or the cousin's or friend's house on weekends so that the parents could get some alone time and that just isn't ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 07:18 AM
15

"Nice" guys do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 06:56 AM
9

I'm not in that community at all but I am so grateful that FDS has taught me about the concept of trauma bonding. I am still processing how it has affected my life, and my eyes are opening more every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/20 04:16 PM
8

He had no basis to be a snob either, he presented himself as a nice and fun guy but he had leveling up to do in his life. My friend is an absolute queen though, she removed herself from the situation and blocked his number in the parking lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 11:47 PM
26

A friend of mine went on a date with a guy who actually scolded her at the restaurant for asking to have the rest of her plate wrapped up. He felt that it was low class to take food home. Imagine embarrassing someone in front of a waitress just to feed your ego.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:56 PM
56

This is the kind of guy who would tell a girl with an eating disorder that he's not taking her out to eat anymore because it's a waste of money. But he won't act to get her any help because he likes that she's so small.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:53 PM
30

My ex FINALLY went on an ssri and then stopped 3mos later because he couldn't get hard enough to masturbate. He felt that being able to masturbate was more important than his crippling anxiety issues, the ones that made him be physically and emotionally abusive to his family. A family that he dreamed of as a child, that he begged me to have. He never followed up with his doc to see if there was an alternative med that would work better for him. Now he masturbates alone in his own place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/20 07:42 PM
18

It's tough because when we start enforcing our boundaries in a new and sort of sudden way, we feel like we are getting pushback from all corners of our lives; family, friends, romance, work. It can feel overwhelming. If we had been enforcing our boundaries all along, we wouldn't be dealing with so many boundary-pushers all at once; instead we would have dealt with them as they came into our lives, one by one. Like Wonder Woman, ricocheting them off of her wrist cuffs. The good news is, as we pra…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 04:33 PM
3

Ugh. I had a whole reply typed out but I think it's the wrong topic for this sub. I'll follow up via pm instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 03:41 PM
17

Ladies, you see: this story is the perfect illustration of the post a few days ago about not being the bigger person. Because all of the anger and frustration that we bottle up WILL leak out somewhere else. It doesn't just go away. Sis, I am especially proud of you that you didn't wrap those damn toys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 04:57 AM
171

Ladies, please review your shitty doctors on yelp and every other forum available to you. Do do anonymously so that you don't get blacklisted in your local medical community. Please remember these experiences when you vote. ESPECIALLY when you are asked to vote on measures that will make invasive medical procedures "mandatory". We should have autonomy over our own bodies, no medical procedure should ever be mandatory. Not every medicine works for every body, thats why we have multiple medication…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/20 04:44 AM
3

By all means, red flag me and be gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 07:26 PM
3

"... is a direct result of the level of respect that they have for themselves". Preach Sis.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 07:02 PM
9

I thought of that too and actually bought a video recorder back in the day with that plan. But then I realized that he would either destroy the video camera or would assault me, or both, if I'd gone through with it. He had no intention of changing, my input on his behavior wasn't going to make a difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 06:34 PM
2

Agreed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 06:18 PM
21

When I did that I got lectured about my "tone". Apparently he did not have a "tone" though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 06:04 PM
8

It's always the least generous people who demand we be grateful for the crumbs they drop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 06:35 PM
54

The thing that you may be wrestling with right now is that you don't know why he destroyed something of yours. Because he didn't use his words like a big boy and explain to you that he was angry or upset about something. Instead he pulled this "prank" as a way to get you back about something that you did that he was angry about. But make no mistake about it - this was not a joke, it was payback for something. You may never know what this was about, but in the end it doesn't matter. You handled t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 06:04 PM
137

I agree with this comment. When I was with my abusive ex who would throw things around it was always my things that got thrown around and broken. Not once did something of his get broken or even thrown around. One time he broke all of my casual wine glasses on the shelf but not the expensive crystal that had been left to me. After the fact he admitted to me that he specifically avoided the crystal because he knew that it was expensive. Men can't control their anger? Lie. They know exactly what t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 06:00 PM
13

That was always the most disappointing part of dating when I was younger and more naive. Back then I really thought that men wanted real girlfriends, and I was so disappointed everytime I realized that they were just saying whichever combination of words they thought would get them into my pants the fastest. It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize that I wasn't just unlucky in love, that this is standard behavior for a good percentage of adult men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 04:04 AM
10

That's like a scene from a movie. I'm just imagining you lugging your cookware up the sidewalk, lol! Only laughing in solidarity Sis! I've never lugged cookware but I've got plenty of cringey memories 😆😆
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 02:59 AM
3

Loyal is the opposite of unfaithful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/10/20 04:52 AM
5

I really want to believe that this is a lawyer whose business is slow and is trying to drum up a new source of cash flow. Because this is re-goddamn-diculous. Woman want to get away from problem men, not further engage with them by dragging up legal issues. If it's just a guy then his imagination has run amok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 06:33 PM
8

This is the truth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 02:53 AM
9

I was getting ready to leave my abuser and the people that I trusted at the time told me that I was immature and that I needed to put more effort into being a partner. The worst part of this story is that the people who told me this had been through abusive relationships themselves and had gotten out and leveled up their own lives. But they saw my abuser as a "nice guy" and refused to believe that he wasn't. I had trusted them all my life and it hurt so terribly to learn that I couldn't anymore,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/10/20 12:05 AM
2

Displays true confidence by owning their mistakes, and apologizing for them sincerely. Corrects their mistakes without being asked to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:30 PM
18

The only answer to that question is "you already think I did so my reply doesn't matter". Block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 03:44 AM
18

This looks like the main dish at 6yo's birthday party. Half a point for actually cooking though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 05:30 AM
18

She sounds like a 13yo mean girl. This is embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 07:53 PM
23

Got there too late, comments are locked. I hope she finds us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 06:45 PM
17

This is so true. When they display bad behavior and we stick around they lose respect for us and treat us worse, and when we stick around for that they lose even more respect and treat us worse, and it becomes an ugly cycle. They themselves would not stick around for someone who treated them with equal disrespect, so they cannot imagine why we do, and they just can't respect someone who's self-esteem is so low. The kicker is, in a lot of cases we have maybe not great self-esteem, but decent self…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 04:57 PM
40

JFC, that's awful
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 04:39 PM
19

This is such a painfully accurate test. My ex had no qualms about serving himself first and taking the best piece of the meal. He was selfish in all aspects of his life, even when dealing with his children. Completely incapable of demonstrating to his boys how to be a man of character.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/20 05:10 AM
20

"She still looks so young" what a ridiculous, transparent neg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 12:04 AM
13

A sheets-less bed, on the floor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:32 PM
29

My gma used to say "He can get glad in the same pants he got mad in!", lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:31 PM
54

And she should be like "hell yeah it was on purpose. Are we done with this childish bullshit now, or are we competing to see who will be the next one to take an ambulance ride?". I can't believe she threatened him with not cooking anymore but didn't follow through with it. That dude would be starving in my house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:29 PM
96

"I thought it was hilarious that you were defenseless against hot oil, lol!!" That dude is pretty fucking confident in his ability to assault his wife in vulnerable moments. He'd definitely have been scalded by something hot in my kitchen by now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 10:25 PM
18

I saw an NBA player doing an interview on tv yesterday and he just looked so scraggly and unkempt and I thought damn, if he leveled up his appearance a little bit I'll bet there's a fair number of men who would follow suit. But if their heroes can walk around looking shaggy then they think this is acceptable. Men need to hold each other to a higher standard of self-respect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:48 PM
26

I do agree with you, however, please don't put it all on the mothers. LV fathers will insist that mothers don't teach their boys empathy or feminism. They will insist that their boys be toughened up, or treated like a prince. They will insist that their boys not be forced to do women's work. The list goes on. It depends too on how the mother was raised and how the family's support system is too. If the mother is trying to fight the tide with no other support she can talk until she's blue in the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 09:45 PM
99

I always use the analogy of stray dogs here. I think this is what this hurt is (has been) for me; I brought home a stray dog, cared for it, fed it, gave it a safe space, attempted to heal it's wounds. I overlooked the times that it growled at me and attempted to sooth it. Then when it turned around and bit me in the hand, I was like "how dare you bite me when I overlooked the fact that you were a stray dog..." But the hurt and the anger is misplaced when it's directed at the dog for acting like …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 04:18 PM
3

It's his own statement on how he sees himself. If he does not envision himself as a provider he isn't the type of partner that FDS women are looking for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 07:28 AM
29

I've been told that too and it always feels fake and manipulative, whether it comes from a man or a woman. I am always polite, at times I'm thoughtful, but I've never been sweet. And yes, every girl or woman that I've ever categorized as sweet was someone I later realized was being manipulated by everyone around her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 05:30 AM
26

Sis you need to read The Gift of Fear. Ignore and block. Please go back and re-read the language of your suggested reply. I say this with kindness: You sound like you're begging. If you can't communicate with someone without begging, don't communicate at all. Don't give someone that kind of power over you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 02:59 AM
10

"He doesn't earn enough to be a provider" He buried the lede. There was nothing more that he needed to say after that, he just didn't know it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 02:44 AM
253

God how I hope for this woman's sake that they don't get married. Even if they do he will always use this against her. She will always be a liar or a slut in his eyes, and he's never going to let her forget it. And how charming of him to want to go through with the wedding because his parents have already put down deposits and he doesn't know if they'll get their money back. JFC.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/20 02:16 AM
2

LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:32 PM
7

Please write a review of this quack life coach and let women who are genuinely seeking help know just how dangerous she is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 11:26 PM
28

The realest Halloween costume. Cargo shorts and a dirty Star Wars tshirt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:24 PM
12

She sounds like she went and had a talk with the pastor about her frustrations at home and this is the message that the pastor sent her home with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:23 PM
134

And then I complain to whoever will listen that my wife always complains that she is too tired for sex, and that we have a dead bedroom. I don't get it, if she has so much energy to work all day, come home to prepare a meal and clean, talk to the kids, send emails to the school, call the internet company about the service being slow, feed the dog and arrange a birthday present for my mom, why won't she make time for meeeeeee???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 10:22 PM
19

That picture looks like it's there to attract the stray dog pick-me's; "oh, he's a lost puppy, look how he lives, he needs someone to take care of him!". Girl, don't bring home a stray dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 04:57 AM
36

Excuse me for being pedantic: it's not that they can't control their anger. They choose to act out that rage. Being in a car is like being completely anonymous in a practical sense, unless you actually cause property damage for the most part you can drive away and no one will track you down. It is a place where angry people can "safely" act out their rage and get away with it. It is absolutely a choice to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 12:12 AM
2

Yeah, I stopped doing that years ago, after figuring out that my insecurities were being used against me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 07:39 PM
34

Oooohhh, yes, I feel this. "You never want to listen to me" because you want to use our emergency fund to buy pumpkin futures on December 1st, yeah that's gonna be a no from me dawg.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:40 AM
35

Preach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 04:31 AM
11

I agree with the other commenters, we have to advocate for ourselves. Even if we don't do it perfectly, even if our voice is shaking, even if we are crying, or get so mad that we seem to he irrationally raging, even if on the surface we embarrass ourselves. Because in the end the most embarrassing aspect of the interaction is not the whatever we said to embarrass ourselves, it is the fact that, after the betrayal we have suffered from the man, the friend, the parent, the boss, we betray ourselve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 03:58 AM
76

"Oh thank god, I didn't want to be the first one to say it' lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 02:25 AM
54

I had to work hard to get my children. In the end it worked exactly as it was supposed to, and my children are healthy and happy, so I'm happy. My body works, that's enough for me. Anyone who finds my body unattractive can pound sand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 02:17 AM
116

If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 02:07 AM
8

Same, I was also seeking connection through shared trauma experience. I was looking for someone who "understood" me so that I wouldn't have to explain myself too much...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:01 AM
34

JFC are you serious? I've been partnered for a while so maybe your experience is a reflection of being with younger men but I have never had anyone be violent during sex. It's awful to know that violence is being normalized now. Please hold out for a man who will treat your body and your mind with respect Sis, you don't deserve any of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 05:04 AM
47

"Oh cool, one of my FWB's has been asking if you'd be down".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:42 AM
43

This. My LVM thought that I would both raise his standard of living, and cure him of his emotional traumas. I literally had to tell him "I am not a therapist - I am not qualified to help you solve these problems." Of course he was furious - if I really loved him I would try harder to help him. God, it was exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:24 AM
49

Can I piggyback on your post to say: Ladies, please consider NOT dating plastic surgeons (well, ones that specialize in cosmetic/elective surgery). These men are literally disfiguring women, taking advantage of women with insecurities. A man who takes advantage of people in any form as his profession is not HV. I personally think that cosmetic surgeons are sadists, really. Please give it some thought before dating them. How long will it be before they start pointing out your "flaws" and chipping…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 04:14 AM
64

Sounds like Delilah found the clit! Good for gf, too bad so sad for selfish pornsick bf. You made this bed dude, lie in it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 06:01 AM
6

Ha! Last night I stumbled across the documentary about the hacking of Ashley Madison and there's one clip of a Christian pastor/vlogger who was exposed - cut to a clip from his vlog, with his wife at his side where he addresses the camera saying"so you know that I was on Ashley Madison and I cheated, but I asked God for forgiveness and he said he forgave me so I'm absolved now." and it was just soooo "welp, that's behind me now and we're all going to pretend it didn't happen" and the wife had a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 10:55 PM
3

❤❤ I can relate to your journey. It isn't easy and not everyone makes it. Good for you Sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 10:42 PM
2

Yes, and also upvote for Skoda, lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 05:34 PM
7

I accidentally found out that a house I was looking at was owned by a local celebrity. It was just a house in a really nice neighborhood, but not in a gated community or anything. It was kind of scary how easily I found that information and I was even tempted to mail a letter to inform her of how easy it was but then I thought that was just a super weird thing to do and I dropped the idea altogether. But that was the incident that made me adamant about shielding owner info.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 04:23 AM
3

Oh man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 04:05 AM
13

If you buy a house, ownership information regarding the property is public information and easily searchable via your local Assessor's website, or even just by typing the street address into a search engine. I highly encourage people to look into the pros and cons of purchasing property in the name of a trust. You can still find out who the owner of a trust is, but it takes a little more digging and doesn't just pop up on a property search. Obviously, you should name your trust something like "T…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 04:05 AM
7

If you have your phone number attached to your voter record, that's a good bet as to how these sites are able to list your info based on your phone number. I had my phone number removed from my voter record (didn't even realize I'd given it) a couple of years ago when I got sick of all the candidate robo-calls. You can just contact the Registrar's office and they should let you know how to remove it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:59 AM
32

There's that great line - "it's not that you are intimidating, it's that he is intimidated ". HR, absolutely. Early and often. Tell them you just want to do your job without the editorializing. Keep being yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:37 AM
25

I have so so so many things to say about how doctors don't believe us and how their favorite thing to say is "no, the new symptoms you are experiencing have nothing to do with the new drug I gave you. Keep taking it and let's just 'wait and see' what happens with those symptoms. Be sure to schedule another appointment with me in six months so that I can ignore your concerns again." Ladies, NOTHING that physically goes into our bodies should be mandatory. Take depression meds as an example - hell…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:31 AM
209

He really had the audacity to call her a bitch when he started this whole mess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:17 AM
4

Only liars think that other people don't trust them, and feel the need to be convincing. People who don't lie tend to expect people to believe them without any further elaboration.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:35 PM
8

It's not the fact that he can't come up with a romantic weekend, it's the fact that he brought up a romantic weekend and then didn't follow through. He expected OP to plan it after he brought it up. Like he had assigned her a task.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:56 PM
6

Girl, just book yourself an AirBnB and go have a nice weekend relaxing. What are you going to do, stay home and wait to see just how much he can disappoint you? And then be either furious or crying? I am so sorry. Believe me Sis I understand exactly how you're feeling because I lived with that guy for years. The guy who tried to give me cash out of OUR JOINT CHECKING ACCOUNT as a birthday present, saying "here, go buy yourself something". When I complained about the lack of effort the gifts ceas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:47 PM
7

Excuse me, this isn't Uber After Dark sir, you can't just order sex for delivery.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 10:19 PM
9

As though he didn't encourage her to quit her job so that he wouldn't have to pay for childcare.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 08:23 PM
55

What the what now? What classy, educated, accomplished woman wants to be a deck hand on some dusty's broke down boat?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 04:20 AM
3

Kathleen Madigan has a great bit about Laura Schlesinger just deciding for herself that she's qualified to give realtionship advice - "I'm so goddamn right about everything - I'm going to start taking phone calls!". This scenario reminds me of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 02:27 AM
37

When he asks her to marry him his proposal is going to be "you're such a special, caring person. I love how you make me feel. I want to feel this way for the rest of my life.". And she's going to take that shit as a compliment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 01:50 AM
10

This. You're either high class (driven, accomplished) [and in most cases, out of his league in his mind], or you're servant class. There is no middle ground. There are no layers, no nuance, no subtleties. There is no room for human complexity. In his mind your have debased yourself by being a servant, there is no room for the idea that nurturing brings joy, but that there is space in our lives for things other than being nurturing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 10:26 PM
15

This is the top comment in the thread and it still needs to be higher. Ladies, still not sure if he's a HVM or a LVM? Ask him for a meal and a good orgasm, your doubts will be addressed immediately. Don't forget FDS' favorite quote: "If he wanted to, he would."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 10:18 PM
27

To be fair, she might be doing just that. I'm going to say a prayer that she is working on her dream to open a restaurant or a catering service some day; I'll add a prayer that she achieves her dream and that this guy, nor anyone else, will hold her back. She's definitely got skills.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:56 PM
10

So that they can prove that they want a free prostitute experience from us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:45 PM
8

Pushed me so hard that I flew backwards across the room, and hit my spine on the corner of a cabinet, and spent a week in bed feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. But at least he didn't hit me. #notallmen
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:43 PM
30

Spit take!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:41 PM
12

Savage. With the pandemic it is taking months for new furniture to be delivered - no joke, just this week my neighbors had furniture delivered that they ordered in February. By the time he figures out what happened and goes to order new furniture he'll be sitting on plastic chairs until next summer. Sis, whatever you do, leave the bed there. Not the bedframe, just the bed. On the floor. Stripped of any sheets. He cheated on you. Let him know that he made that cold, empty bed, he'll have to lie i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:27 PM
36

Same! He thought he was getting one over on me by saying that I "couldn't have" this, I "couldn't have" that. I let him think that he was getting one over on me but the joke was on him, I didn't want anything in my new life that would remind me of him, at all. The only time he gets any space in my head is when I'm here trying to educate other Sisters but my life is so serene after the fresh start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:21 PM
93

Seriously. I was sitting in a conference room waiting for a work meeting to start and the young guys in the room started talking about prenups and every single one of them said they would demand one before getting married. I was choking on my coffee. These are 9-5 office workers, not celebrities or guys developing the next hot patent. At that point none of them had a pot to piss in, they were all still renting. I let them know that we are in a community property state and that a prenup only prot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 09:02 PM
44

Yes! If they accuse you of being a liar during an argument, they are definitely a liar!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 08:50 PM
6

Your flair says Newbie but clearly you've been practicing FDS principles for a while Sis. It's nice to live leveled up, innit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 03:42 PM
8

I had an ex that did that. He never closed the deal (for his own reasons) but whenever he caught himself flirting with some woman he'd come home and be extra sweet to me. Except I was already over it so he couldn't close the deal with me either, that's when he'd get nasty and start telling me about all of the other women who were so sweet to him and so understanding. Pikachu face when I told him that they didn't have to live with him and that I was sweet and understanding before I lived with him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 03:40 PM
4

How much do you want to bet that guy "has allergies" and/or takes allergy meds regularly?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:39 AM
3

Okay a) I can smell that pillow through the screen, that is so disgusting and b) I suppose she thought she was posting some sort of PSA for other LVM's? But seriously sis, you've got bigger issues to deal with here. All of the pillows in our house get washed on the regular, I've never had to use bleach. Blech.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:38 AM
7

I have a countoured foam pillow that I paid a lot of money for. I don't want to replace it do I take care to keep it in good condition. Not only changing the pillow cases frequently but once a month or so I put it outside in the morning and leave it in full sun for the day. It's lasted me a good while now and it definitely does not smell.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 12:35 AM
51

Yes! A boundary testing exercise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 09:10 PM
12

I note that he said he'd never have to work again. Because carrying on a successful OF channel is still work, every day. So he was basically proposing that he would be your pimp. You sell your body and your time on OF, he doesn't have to work and gets to live off of your income. What a fucking pig. I'm sure he would argue until he was blue in the face that he wasn't trying to pimp you out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 02:48 AM
3

Friendly reminder that you are not "nagging" you are "asking for your needs to be met". I hate the word nagging.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 01:22 AM
6

This right here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 07:05 PM
7

If I were her I'd dowload a few pics of tiny dicks onto the phone, for when he goes snooping. Just to rub it in a little.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 06:59 PM
23

Yes! And non-porn users really enjoy exploring a women's body, and enjoy being relaxed and taking their time. It's truly about the journey and not about the destination. Porn users treat a women's body as a tool, they just want to get the job done. It's sad, they have no idea of what they're missing out on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 06:46 PM
24

Totally. The sex I remember the most fondly were the times where the whole thing was about us having fun together. The times that I remember with the least amount of fondness are the times when an insecure partner made the sex about the sex and not about us having fun together. Blech. As the saying goes, insecurity is the world's worst cologne.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 06:42 PM
1

Do you realize what sub you're on? This guy wasn't avoiding a fine or job loss and he wasn't going to go to jail. He was hitting on me while I was trying to buy groceries. It was completely obvious that I was beyond legal to buy alcohol and he was desperate to get my attention. Don't defend that behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 02:21 PM
-7

The women in his family need to set him straight about the realities of giving birth and living with a baby. ETA: There's a lot of downvotes on this comment, and I get that it's not women's responsibility to be teachers. My original comment definitely wasn't worded well enough, it was a response to the point in the quoted post where the poster said that her husband cited that his brothers said that "this would happen" when she got pregnant. So my point was that if the husband going to listen to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 07:42 AM
19

Love your tall comment, way to turn the tables on that nonsense! 👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 12:15 AM
6

I mean there are so many people in the world who have gone NC with their parents, saying their parents never wanted them, etc. Now imagine some desperate young woman who hears a statement like this from her doctor and thinks that just maybe having a baby really might cure her ailments. Anyone who has ever had a baby knows just how much work it is, and that's when you're healthy and have at least some support. Imagine if you aren't healthy and/or don't have good support. Gee, thanks Doc. Fucked u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 04:44 AM
9

That happened to my mom too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 04:38 AM
12

Oh I love this story!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 04:39 AM
6

I agree with you, sometimes people have living situations that they don't feel match their worth, but they are doing what they need to do while they get their ducks in a row. That's fine and there's no shame in that, not at all. The difference is, a person in that situation who is really interested in you and who is putting in the work to get themselves together will find a way to explain things that makes sense. They will say "I'm sorry, my living situation is a madhouse and not really good for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 04:37 AM
9

This answer. So hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 04:28 AM
4

It's abusive because it's deliberately ignoring boundaries. A person who is laughing and saying get off me you asshole is not having their boundaries crossed. A person writhing as though in pain and begging to be released is definitely being traumatized. Is traumatized a big word? You bet. But it's not up to me or anyone else to quantify someone else's pain or discomfort. If it's traumatic to them it just is, and that needs to be respected. When the perpetrator deliberately causes distress and r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 03:39 AM
6

Lol, because they'd be cutting off their own access to those sites. "Porn on little Johnny's phone you say? That darn kid. Nope, it definitely wasn't me using his phone to look at porn, you know I would never look at porn! Nope, not me!" Most people aren't tech savvy enough to block inappropriate content for their kids without blocking themselves. And then of course there's the "well the kids are going to see it from their friends anyway" contingent which I really do not understand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:09 AM
27

In 186 sqft. That's not even the size of a single car garage. A single car garage is 200 sqft and a 2 car garage is 400 sqft. She called it an apartment but that's just like a 10x18 master bedroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 08:33 PM
23

Same. It literally got to the point where it felt like a chore that I needed to tick off the list so that I could get on to the next chore. I think he liked the fact that I never "forced" him to cuddle either, because I was done and wanted to move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 08:18 PM
5

Well bless his heart.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:31 PM
14

More people would say hi to him if he didn't immediately objectify them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:18 PM
8

Omg
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:14 PM
110

Same Sis. I had to go full on acting mode, it had to seem like a porn to him or else he wouldn't get off and he wouldn't stop, so not only was I reluctant to begin with, it just kept going and I was physically uncomfortable. After a while I got sex with him down to a science and could get it over with quickly. I tried to tell him what I liked and he would do it once, reluctantly, and then never a second time. So I stopped asking for my needs to be met. But since I'd gotten it to a point where I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:39 PM
6

I have been told that it is illegal to film a private citizen (as oposed to a celebrity) without their permission. A friend of mine was in a car accident and was taking pictures of the scene; the other driver had the police look at his phone and delete any photos that she was in (he was allowed to keep photos of the cars) and in doing so the police cited privacy concerns. This is of course dependent on your jurisdiction. If I were you I'd contact a lawyer and find out what your options are. At t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 07:33 AM
21

And your head held high Sis
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 07:05 AM
15

I hate to say it but the internet has turned my opinion wrt abuse - there is no longer anything that is unbelievable. The upside is it gives victims a place to shout their experiences from the rooftops, and an opportunity to lay any shame at the feet of the perpetrators. I hope this woman gets the help she needs, and I hope that asshole chokes to death.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 06:09 AM
92

It sounds more like eating the cookies was an emotional response to being screamed at for being unattractive. It's fucking awful to gain baby weight, struggle to lose it, and then have your partner tell you that they in fact do not love you unconditionally, and that you are failing to meet the (heretofore secret) conditions under which you are worthy of being loved. At that point your mind goes "fuck it, I'll make myself so unattractive that you will never touch me again you selfish fucking pig"…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 02:15 AM
23

Lmfao, I wouldn't take that bet, I'd lose!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 01:43 AM
13

Plenty of people in the world who mop floors and make food without a $60K degree, just sayin'. I completely get where you're coming from though. It's a "Mad Men" model of wifedom; she has to be a model bangmaid at home while still being able to be poised, engaging and entertaining in front of the CEO. As if this guy will ever be dining with the CEO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 01:03 AM
69

Serious (yet rhetorical) question: why in these fantasies do the bangmaids always need to be super smart, college educated? What smart educated woman wants to a maid? Presumably an educated woman gets an education in order to have greater opportunities; I know a lot of educated women and I even know educated women who took a break in their careers to stay home when their kids were little but they were BORED and chomping at the bit to go back to work as soon as their kids went to school. Who the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 09:25 PM
11

"I'm nice what the hell" omg. Protip lurkers: anyone who has to assert that they are nice - isn't. Men and women alike get blocked every day. Nice people accept it and move on with their lives. People who don't accept it are not nice. If you really believe in your heart that you are a nice person just move along, the right person for you will come along. The person who blocked you just isn't the right person for you, period, end of story. You're not going to win anything by arguing about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 09:15 PM
5

That "you're exhausted" comment had me thinking he was going for a rape-while-you're-asleep" fantasy. Like who the fuck wants to keep talking when they know you're tired? Tired people are boring af, let's talk tomorrow, if you're sincere.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 09:02 PM
10

Yep! It's also a tool to see just low your self-esteem is, "Will she still hang around after I've let her know that I'm seeing someone else? Oh she'll be an easy booty call when I'm in the mood. I won't have to put in any effort.".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 10:54 AM
47

I thought so too. And he forgot to add "don't worry, I'll still follow you on my alt account".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 04:22 AM
4

Oh my.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 04:35 AM
3

I used to be a dog sitter and I required an in person interview before I ever agreed to take a dog. My policy was clearly stated in my profile. People were good about respecting my policy and setting up appointments to meet. The only people who would text me at like 2:45 on a Friday afternoon asking me to take their dog, whom I'd never met, for a weekend starting at 5:30pm that day were Pit owners. It was also in my profile that I didn't take Pits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 04:42 AM
3

I have always said that you can never understand what one person brings to another person's life, in the context of relationships that don't make sense. I've just recently learned about trauma bonding and I'm trying to learn more about it, but I suspect this is the reason why we see ourselves or our friends return to situations that they logically know are bad for them. Not that we have to stay and witness it, but it helps, a little bit, to understand why it happens. I'm trying to bring the term…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 03:41 AM
15

He's so charming, I really cannot understand why no one has snatched him up already. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 03:23 AM
1

You bring up a good point. I've been there where I was just exhausted by the time I left, and so broken down. Unfortunately that set me up for being in a bad place mentally and emotionally and needing support - but of course being in a bad place meant that I accepted another LVM, and the cycle began again for me. Maybe if I hadn't let myself get so exhausted, maybe if I'd trusted my instincts at the first sign of red flags my path would have been different and I would have saved myself some hear…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 02:25 AM
25

Off topic but I love the autocorrect and I move that we change the terminology to Pickles. 🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 02:17 AM
7

This
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 09:35 PM
20

And in some cases dads insist that moms don't force their boys to participate in household chores, beyond maybe taking out the trash and picking up after the dog. Maybe washing the cars or cutting the lawn. But laundry? Sweeping the floor? Scrubbing a toilet? Heaven forfend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 09:15 PM
44

Not that this makes it any better at all, but I think the truth is closer to "we had genetic testing done in the first trimester to rule out serious defects" (very common these days, especially with parents-to-be who are mid 30's and older) but then flipped it for his followers calling it paternity testing. I doubt very highly that it was just a straight paternity test but the results are the same regardless of what you call the test. Still, it's positively vomiticious that he would use somethin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 08:13 PM
7

Yes!! Love her. This album is in my regular rotation when I put my headphones on at work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 04:32 AM
7

Ooh, yes, very well put. I am all about boundaries, and negotiating boundaries is exactly what children do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 04:30 AM
11

I think you can use the phrase in your post - "I wish you well." And then block. You said yourself that even though he's not a bad person the two of you together are toxic. So no need to prolong the inevitable or allow yourself temptation when you are feeling low. Just block and get it over with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 02:34 AM
16

Wtf, just because, he didn't even offer anything in exchange? A treat, a promise to take you out to a museum or something, a nice coffee drink at least, just literally zero? Dang dude, this isn't your mom, she's not going to cook for you just because.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 02:20 AM
39

Yeah it's like they think getting a woman pregnant is an accomplishment. No, raising a child and raising them well is the real accomplishment and it's exhausting. Once you've been a part of that kind of commitment you realize it isn't fair to you as a parent, nor is it fair to your existing children, to bring another child into the mix. Making the choice not to have more children when you know you really do not have the mental and emotional resources to give to everyone is one of the most loving…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 07:42 PM
8

I think your instinct to change your number is correct. You don't need this happening again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 07:36 PM
22

Boys and young men get raped too. Do they get up in the morning and report their assault and tell the people around them and then proceed it and then they're all better? If these guys cannot fathom a woman's experience, maybe they should examine it from a male victim's experience. If they see it from a male victim's perspective maybe that would validate female victim's experiences in these guys heads.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 07:27 PM
2

This comment needs to be higher
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 01:21 PM
32

Sis are you letting him in the house when he picks up/drops off? No, that is your serene space now, he doesn't get to cross the threshold. Send the kids out when he pulls up. Meet the kids at the sidewalk when he returns them. Never let hom in your home again. Keep his negative energy out of your space.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 06:11 AM
5

"For the chance that the woman might reciprocate"... Nope. Prostitution is a sure thing. It is negotiated up front. If the prostitute disagees with the terms, the customer doesn't pay. Using the quoted example, the man is paying for the privilege of presenting himself in his very best light to a woman whom he hopes to wed and spend his life with. If there is any thought of prostitution, it is because the man has misrepresented his intentions to his date, and he is frustrated that his date did no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 10:36 PM
19

Ugh. Lawyers go to school to learn how never to lose an argument. I stopped dating lawyers a long time ago. They are like a dog with a bone, they'll never let go. They will argue and argue and argue until you just give up, they never seem to realize that their personal life operates on different rules than their professional life. This guy just kept throwing arguments at you. Way to go dude, you've just proven that you refuse to accept boundaries! What a catch you are! OP, you handled the whole …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 01:13 AM
3

OP I suspect you and I are at similar life stages. I appreciate your post and I applaud your good sense; no need to ruin a good time by letting a man into your financial affairs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 01:05 AM
11

He NEVER needs to know that, any more than he needs to see a copy of her tax return. If they aren't married, it's none of his business.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/09/20 12:58 AM
5

Good for you! I've done some solo traveling. Stay safe, lock all of your locks, and do not open the door for anybody. Call the front desk to send security if someone knocks on your door. But that happened one time, and thankfully I didn't open the door. It's not going to happen to you but I always caution people anyway. Enjoy yourself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/20 05:25 AM
33

I agree wholeheartedly with your post. That being said, men who refuse to wear masks are doing us a favor by letting us know how selfish and self-centered they are before we are even forced to talk to them. Thank you, Next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 10:00 PM
7

A few "solar laps" ago
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:01 PM
9

"Well I might as well 'cause I won't be fucking you Dusty" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 08:00 PM
3

Truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 07:43 PM
164

"What's a Harvard grad doing in [your town]" and "it's easier to level up [in the US]" and "aren't you supposed to be saving the world" are all negs and betray his insecurities. You're not a bitch, he's just a straight waste of time. Block and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 02:35 AM
6

Geez if doesn't sound like he even wants to date anyone. It sounds like he's just looking for free therapy, or rather a free place to vent his shittiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/20 01:50 AM
32

And dirty sheets
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 11:20 PM
37

As I've gotten older ime it is harder and harder to find a man who appreciates exploring and discovering a woman's body. Most my partners years ago would take their time and enjoy the journey. Now it always seems to feel like the guy thinks a woman's body is just a tool that he uses to get the job done. Again, ime, there is a direct correlation to the rise in internet porn, its availability, and its increase in shock value (and I have read that there is a correlation between porn usage and the i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 10:59 PM
24

I agree, but in her story the gyno will have to be a man, because if the dr is a woman the guy probably won't take the advice!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 10:43 PM
56

I always say "don't take in stray dogs". Don't take in someone you feel sorry for, someone who you categorize as "misunderstood", someone who "could be great once I show him that he deserves love". Blech. Leave those stray dogs to the rescue organizations Ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 03:09 PM
50

He would take the things she has and give them away to any other person who came with their hand out? I wonder what he would say if she gave him the same ultimatum "sell or donate something that you bought with your own money because you aren't using it to my satisfaction". I'm sure that would go over really well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:49 AM
9

Agree with the other commenter, it's a deliberate act to let the person know that they aren't special, to put them in their place, to cut down their self-esteem basically. For just one day a year you ask to be celebrated, a LVM will go out of his way to demonstrate that you are worth so little in his eyes that he will do the opposite of celebrate you, and basically say fuck you for even asking to be celebrated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 11:03 PM
77

22 vs 38? Poor girl doesn't know she's a bangmaid. Bangmaids aren't supposed to have thoughts or feelings, that's why he doesn't care about hers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 10:56 PM
17

Oh, he doesn't like that you are leveling up in your career. He's feeling threatened, and all of this "maybe I'll grow to love you" is negging to see if you will lower yourself before him. I'm sorry Sis, this sucks so hard. Hugs to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 09:08 PM
66

"He says he can't do this by himself..." LMFAO!!! This translates to he thinks the wife should do it all by herself, while he goes out drinking with his piece of shit lying cousin. And even money his mother is caring for that child while his wife is out of the house. And we don't even know how many lies he told while the child's mother was alive, about where he was spending his time or their money. This guy is a dumpster fire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 08:52 PM
11

A long-ago ex of mine talked for months about getting his first tattoo. I kept my mouth shut, offered no opinion either way. He never asked either. He ended up getting one that covered about 25% of his back. I saw him the day after and finally he asked "my opinion", clearly wanting me to tell him how great I thought it was. I said "Oh I don't really like tattoos". He was so upset. "Why didn't you tell me before??" "Why?" I said. "You didn't get it for me...right? You've talked about this tattoo …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 08:39 PM
9

This
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 08:19 PM
42

"There's nothing you can do about it" Said King George to the colonies. Revolution is real son.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 07:39 PM
6

I love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 01:29 AM
35

Yessss. And you know she is performing well when they are willing to support her in this cause. They could have just as easily have fired her as soon as they heard he applied for the competitor. Which makes his actions all the worse. Why would you deliberately tank someone's career if you're a "good guy"? If he really didn't value the relationship he could have just as easily owned his feelings and left the marriage amicably.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 01:27 AM
28

He will though. His stupid ass will sue her for alimony. I hope she has a stellar lawyer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 01:24 AM
12

She needs to divorce him regardless. Anything less than "oh, shit, really, it would tank your career? I'll stop the process right now" means that he does not have the marriages best interests at heart. They are either a team, or they are not. He is not a team player.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 01:23 AM
22

You know what's (not so) funny? When I was in school I thought people in positions of power were very knowledgeable and very skilled. I believed that they really must work hard, all day long. To be sure there are such people, but it is ASTOUNDING how many just aren't. For a long time I wasn't sure I belonged, like I would say or do things that seemed like common sense and people would trip over themselves saying what a great idea it was. At that point I was like okay, I need to review the compan…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 12:33 AM
22

I had an ex say something similar to me. I got the chance to say to him "Really? That's the guy you're comparing yourself to, the guy that we know who beats his wife? Don't you want to aim a little bit higher for the person that you will compare yourself to?". To his credit, it did give him pause. But not for long enough I guess, hence - ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 12:24 AM
1

They took shameful advantage of you if they made you pay 1/3 of the expenses. If you were in a position to pay anything, you should have been paying according to the % that you earned of the total combined income of you and your ex. So you were making roughly 20% of the total combined ($60K and $14K) between you and the ex. So you should have been 20% of the total cost of the shared expenses. And then you factor the roommate in separately. It's a method that Suze Orman advocates for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 09:33 PM
2

Actually I highly doubt his statement at all. It's most likely all bravado for the sake of his base, and she obviously supports his tactics for the sake of the $$$. More likely what happened is they had genetic testing done. Which is initiated for a different reason, but can technically be called a "paternity test".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:25 AM
8

I'm not following her career right now but I really hope that she is behind the scenes actively mentoring women who want to step up into public roles. I totally get why she doesn't want to be in the public eye, but she's got great insight and experience to share.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:49 PM
7

Thank you for this comment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:46 PM
33

Like a fucking boss.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 01:37 AM
6

Yep. I've been in similar situations. Now I avoid other women's husbands and boyfriends as much as possible. In mixed company I very rarely mix, I am cordial but try to just hang with the ladies. This was my policy way before I found FDS, and honestly it began because I didn't want to lose my girlfriends because some jerk boyfriend hit on me (as has happened in the past). I was too naive to even realize that just being nice was being interpreted as flirting, but after finding FDS I'm even less f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 09:25 PM
3

Well, you're definitely in trust his actions and not his words territory.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 07:07 PM
20

"They convinced us to be afraid of ourselves..." Different context, but this line reminds me very much of when I was pregnant and trying to decide natural/home birth vs hospital. I watched Ricki Lake's movie The Business of Being Born and it really opened my eyes about how we are taught to be afraid of the birthing process, something our body is naturally designed to do. Don't get me wrong, if natural remedies worked every time then modern medicine never would have been developed. I get that. Bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 07:04 PM
6

Lots of good advice here already. I agree with the other commenter, the age gap is the bigger concern. With an age gap AND a wage gap you've got a lot to keep your eye on; stay true to your goals and your values and don't allow him to try to talk down to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 05:41 AM
41

Your post isn't really about grey hair at all. You should be more than borderline offended by your friend suggesting this guy to you, because by the sound of it he has nothing to offer to your life. Either she knows that and does not care, or she's blind to it and likely a person who does not make good decisions. Either way, I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on her role in your life. FDS principles apply to our friendships too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 04:44 AM
17

Yes but that's an amount that family court orders. Whereas if he has the family living with him he can refuse to buy new clothes, toys, etc. The mom will always figure out how to meet the child's needs in the absence of a decent budget, meanwhile he has more cash leftover to indulge his addiction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 08:38 PM
12

She stands by his side while he has nothing to offer, and it won't be long before he looks down on her for it, insults her for it, calls her a loser while she works two jobs and tends the house and kids, tells her that no one else will want her, cheats on her, pushes her around when she confronts him on his cheating, tells all of their friends that she is the one who is cheating on him, and calls her a no good disloyal lying golddigging bitch when she finally leaves his sorry ass and he has to m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 08:03 PM
3

Good call
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 07:53 PM
8

Yeah, but even money her next post is "AITA my parents are pissed at me that I ruined their friend's marriage and also their friendship with him". I really hope she has a good family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 07:51 PM
37

And so that he doesn't have to pay alimony and child support. A true life example of "it's cheaper to keep her".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 07:35 PM
18

This.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 07:33 PM
3

And the smell! Oh god the smell in those bed island rooms...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 06:12 PM
3

Can't buy class it seems.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 11:22 PM
4

Seriously, what person sits down and says to themself "ooh, I'm going to send something to this other person, to make them upset on purpose". A LV person does that. And also junior high school children. So which one of these people does this guy want to be? His actions show that these are his only two choices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:04 PM
4

The oral thing is only not a red flag if it was immediately followed by "and I don't expect to receive it either." Ymmv as to whether you need it in your sex life (for some it's a dealbreaker and others can live without it), but it's unacceptable for a person to say I won't do it for you but I expect you to do it for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:54 PM
6

Same, whenever my partner says "I'm tired, maybe I won't go" I always try to talk him into it. Even more so in these covid days, especially if he's talking about skipping a zoom call. We all need extra support these days and the two of us can't just talk to each other. For a while he used to tell me "guys aren't like women, we don't talk about our feelings like that" but with some encouragement and a lot of effort over the last couple of years he's actually developed a couple of small cohorts th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:30 PM
18

I love all of those women who paved the way for our rights a little more every day. Thank god we are able to create an independent life for ourselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:08 PM
42

She's supposed to give up a good career and go volunteer. I can't even.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 03:04 PM
119

I would take back my gift to him. Not as a tit-for-tat "you didn't get me anything", but because everytime I saw him wearing that watch it would remind me of his thoughtlessness, and then my feelings would be hurt all over again. I wouldn't subject myself to those hurt feelings every day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 02:26 PM
9

Scarface.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 10:59 PM
11

He's looking for a "cool girl" who "gets" his sense of humor. The rest of us need not apply.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 08:10 PM
38

It is always stunning to me that some men have such a lack of etiquette and impulse control that they think it is appropriate to publicly express, uninvited, their thoughts on another person's body. It's like being around a three year old: "You're fat!" "Your breath smells". "You're short". JFC, they've really never learned that we keep our opinions to ourselves? It's just plain childish.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:52 PM
20

"I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did" As if it was just a matter of circumstance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:33 AM
13

We have an 8yo friend that is watching YT videos and mimicking sexy dances. She makes videos on her mom's phone and her mom thinks it's okay because it's just on the phone and she isn't posting them. But I'm like "aren't you the person who is fanatical about locking your bedroom door because you don't even want her to see her own dad in his boxers? So WHY is it okay for her to watch these dance videos to begin with?". So I have to be really careful of what the kids watch in the other room while …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:24 AM
17

I don't have girls but I swear to god if I did I would also shop in the boys section, for bottoms at least. I see 12yo girls walking around in shorts that barely have more coverage than bikini bottoms and I'm like goddamn, child, you have zero idea (because they are still innocent) of all the big bad wolves that are looking at you right now. I cannot believe that parents actually pay stores for that crap. Because their girl has to be the "popular girl" and not "the weird girl" and we're all forg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 09:30 PM
20

I like this retort actually. If I were dating I would use it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 09:04 PM
27

Love it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 02:19 PM
7

Women who become unemployed while married to wealthy men usually have some kind of pre-nup where a preset amount is deposited each year or predetermined time frame into a separate account that only has her name on it. You don't become the unemployed wife of someone wealthy and have zero cash at your disposal. Also let's just back up and own the fact that she will not become a regular SAHM. She will have a housekeeper at a minimum, but probably also a nanny, at least parttime, and a variety of ot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 05:04 AM
1

Here is a stupid question that I've never had the nerve to ask (because it's so dumb): I've never done OLD. It is a paid service, yes? I see posters say all the time that they delete their accounts, make new accounts, etc. So this excuse about not being able to change the age is pure fiction, yes? Like if there was a critical mistake at worst you can delete and re-make your account, yes? Or am I to assume that the guy is not only LV but also grossly incompetent at technology?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 10:54 PM
12

"If that makes me a bitch..." in a man's world ".... Okay." Who cares? No woman is trying to hold her down for following her ambition. No woman is calling her a bitch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 09:12 PM
3

Spit take! Lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 06:52 PM
29

Oh, yes, I recognize this. I dated a guy that asked ALL about my history and he was very interested in who dumped whom. I was so young and naive and I gave him all the details. I was big into transparency then. Luckily I had never been dumped at that point (breakups were mutual even if they were painful) but he still tried to throw past breakups in my face. My self-esteem wasn't great at that point but I still knew he was running a lame game. Turns out he'd been dumped by every pickme he'd ever …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 04:25 AM
59

Which is a really convenient excuse to subtly coerce you into the position of initiating. For his ego? So you can't say no later because you initiated? Pickme's beware, he's playing 3D chess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 04:18 AM
25

I was in this situation while hiking except I'd hiked down a cliff and on my way back up I realized that new meds were affecting my blood pressure and I was a little dizzy. I asked a group of young women just ahead of me to wait for me at the top to make sure I made it and they were practically giddy to help. Women want to help women. I made it fine but I was glad they were there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 12:28 AM
10

Oh man I thought this was Kids in the Hall but it all kind of blends together with Portlandia
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 12:22 AM
4

This is an important point. The breastmilk changes in response to the milk glands coming into contact with the baby's saliva (for nutritional content but also as an immune response to protect the baby). If the milk glands come into contact with adult saliva who knows how the nutrition and immune response will change, and those changes could be detrimental to the baby's health. This guy - there are no words.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 06:14 AM
1

I like your style! I've used YT to learn how to fix thinys around the house too, it's a great feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 07:41 PM
11

I've watched it several times. It is stunning in its honesty. I've been kind of emotionally wrecked during CV but I might muster the energy to watch it again this week. Also, I would pay good money to go on a museum tour led by her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 03:55 AM
8

I lived with a man who was never taught to clean up around the house as a child. Fair enough, those kinds of families exist. I won't fault a man (or a woman) for not being raised right. But it's 2020. The internet is a real thing that exists. There are articles, youtube videos, and reddit subs for every single interest under the sun that you could possibly want to know about. You could make an alt account and post under ELI5 "hey, my family wasn't great and I was never taught how to use a vacuum…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 03:48 AM
2

Yep! Cool Girl me def took it as a compliment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 01:09 AM
2

I'm well beyond the age of majority too. I had someone card me in the grocery store not too long ago and rather than give him the giggly "tee hee, I still look young, yay!" response that he was looking for I raised my voice and told him there is no way that he believes I look like I'm 20 years old. Yes, yes, "they're required to ask" but I don't even look like I'm 30 either. Tbh I was irritated that he was giving me a task by forcing me to dig out my ID. No one at that store ever cards me now, s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 01:05 AM
1

Don't forget to leave a yelp review.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 12:59 AM
21

"He claims his bad habits stem from a mother who..." JFC, can't even own that he's a lazy fucking slob for his own selfishness, he's gotta blame that shit on a woman too. How childish. I would love to attend his wife's divorce celebration party. I hope it's soon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 02:29 AM
5

Maybe he doesn't hit you, or your kids, but you beg your kids to be quiet in order to "not get daddy upset", even when they are in pain, or have a legitimate complaint like being hungry. Maybe he doesn't hit you, or your kids, but he has screamed at your kids for "being too happy" when they were happy. Maybe he doesn't hit you, but you are too scared to have important conversations with him about things like who will pick up the kids depending on your work schedules because you don't know if he'…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:11 PM
2

You should definitely hire a couple of people to help you pack. You will be much less susceptible to getting caught up in his conversation if there are other people there. You can just get a couple of people from CL to meet you out front, or look up moving services that specialize in DV moves (not accusing him of DV but those sorts of sevices have experience, they will keep you focused and get the task done quickly).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 10:55 PM
71

Sounds like he's married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 08:03 PM
24

Oh Sis, there is no other woman. He just wanted to be able to tell himself that he was the one who rejected you. Also it was a last ditch effort to find out if you would end up being a pickme. His lack of respect for your boundaries is appalling and concerning. You definitely dodged a bullet, and I'm glad it didn't go worse with him. Good for you for being firm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 04:55 PM
17

Closely related to "where is your sense of humor?"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 11:22 PM
5

I agree with this. She doesn't need as much contact as you do, but she isn't deliberately negatively impacting your life. Friendships ebb and floe in life, there's no reason to go oit of your eay to cut someone out when you can fo the slow fade. That way if you decide to reenter each other's lives in the future there's no animosity, it just means that each of your priorities have shifted and there is room for the other person in each other's lives again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/20 02:31 AM
3

I've lived this. The husband is a lost cause but did the mom teach the son how to thoughtfully buy gifts, just as she taught her daughter? Did the mom expect her LV husband to teach the son, and now she's disappointed that he didn't? You can't expect someone who doesn't know how to boil water to teach someone else to cook a gourmet meal. I've had my heart broken too many times by exes who didn't acknowledge special events. You'd better believe I am teaching my kids how to remember and acknowledg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 10:52 PM
18

He really thinks you're jealous of a drawing? No, he doesn't. He got caught, and he's trying to alleviate his shame by turning the the focus on you. Ridiculous. You're life is about to get so much better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:35 AM
136

I went away this weekend and I made my kids pack for themselves. Including the five-year-old. When we showed up at the pool the 5yo had trunks AND goggles. When we got ready for bed he had jammies AND he'd remembered to bring a toothbrush. And this jackass wants to call his wife an asshole, when he chose not to do something that literally a 5yo can do? How embarrassing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/20 04:18 AM
17

"This was not intentional".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 01:59 PM
11

I agree with this. In your post you suggest that you are feeling insecure about yourself, that is never a good position to be in when dating, as it can lead you to accept things that you normally wouldn't. That is dangerous as it may lead you to feeling more insecure or vulnerable later, which is just a harder place to set your life right from. Focus on improving your self esteem and self worth for a little while. Set a few small goals and when you achieve them set a few more, and then keep goin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/20 05:10 AM
7

"They scream that women are never straightforward in dating and never know what they want. " Projection. Only a liar thinks everyone else is a liar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 04:19 PM
15

I agree with the other comment, it's about not being able to distinguish different forms of rejection. I think we need to recognize that a lot of people, men and women alike, come from situations where they never had a good model for self-esterm, self-care, self-love. So before they ever got old enough to desire a romantic relationship they were already saddled with a deep foundation of rejection. And because they don't understand self-care they don't understand that the solution to their proble…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 12:53 AM
26

I hope you don't mind but I'm going to piggyback on your comment to repost a comment I made on another thread, because the word nagging has got me triggered lately, and I really want women to think about that word; "please realize that there is no such thing as "nagging" - what you are doing in those instances is asking for your needs to be met. I'll say it again - YOU ARE ASKING FOR YOUR NEEDS TO BE MET. That's it. Nothing more. Please remove the word "nagging" from your vocabulary. There is no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/20 11:09 PM
63

This is actually an excellent suggestion, even for those of us who have LVM as fathers. I'm so distant from my father that he never even enters my mind these days, but it is true that his poor example has shaped what I am looking for in a partner; it's just been so long since I've thought about it that I thought it was all my idea, lol! Only a LVM would attempt to standard-shame and LVM only respect other men anyway so this would be a good way to drop the mic on them and teach them a little some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 10:56 PM
205

This is the same kind of guy who sits around talking to his boys about "and you KNOW Imma make her sign a pre-nup!!!" while he lives in his mom's spare bedroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 04:12 AM
43

If I ask someone for help and they react in any way other than completely sincere, yes, that is a red flag. I use this test when interviewing vendors for home improvement projects, I avoid coworkers who have acted smug when showing me something, and I would (and have) remove anyone that did this from my personal life, family or not. I am not a child, I am a capable adult, and by asking for help I am trying to learn and better myself. What kind of asshole goes out of their way to block someone's …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:57 AM
16

I love this so much! I'm happy for you that you didn't allow your time to be wasted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/20 03:30 AM
33

She knew. I knew. You know when you're already taking care of a man-child and you have no room in your life for other children. I'll bet she wanted kids too before she got married and found out how "helpless" this guy was, and how much of the labor she would shouldering in this relationship. I feel awful for her, for the kind of life that she will never have because she married this guy. I hope that she survives and then that she thrives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 07:40 PM
6

Lol, yes! Like, do they want a medal for showing up?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 05:55 PM
20

I see this at church too. Parents will ask older elementary school aged girls to "play" with their preschool aged kids while they socialize. No one ever asks my elementary school aged son to do this, even though he's very polite and very responsible. Not that I would allow it either, but it's just ingrained in people to look for the girls to do this work. And don't even get me started on the fact that the church is super proud to make a public announcement when a high school girl begins voluntee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 03:53 PM
10

JFC. I'm sorry you went through all of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 03:48 PM
83

The worst part of this is when you have visitors over the female partner is the one that gets judged. And when people talk smack about her and how slovenly she is about keeping house, the dude will get embarrassed and scold her and say she's a LV partner because she doesn't keep house well enough. I had a guy do that to me in the past. He always wanted to have gatherings when I was exhausted. I made sure to let guests know how much overtime I'd worked that week, how I'd done the grocery shopping…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 01:45 AM
5

It's not about the pricetag of the date, it's about the effort of doing something where he is genuinely trying to impress you and get to know you. If he learns that you like fishing and so puts together a fishing trip and takes you to a beautiful spot and you share a fun and relaxing day, that's a HV date. A LV date is the guy who says "oh I like fishing too" and then shows up completely unprepared, gets you in the car and asks "so where do you want to go?" and then takes you to the local, overc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/20 03:29 AM
37

I lost my mother at an early age, and through support groups I've heard countless stories like this. Seven-year-old girls who had to learn to cook dinner as their mother lay dying and their father read the paper or watched the evening news. And then remarried six months after the mother had died to a woman who would not allow the child to display a photo of her mother in the house, or even mention her. Different kids, same story over and over again. Oh and don't forget that the stepmother had th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/20 12:10 AM
3

Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/20 11:34 PM
31

Ugh, yes, the downgrading. I didn't get cheated on but my ex was so traumatized/abusive. I tried to love him enough for him to get better, heal, etc. Tried to be understanding. Set aside his abuse and tried to look past it and instead love his wounded inner child... god I just want to slap that girl. Because he never attempted to heal himself, he never stopped being abusive, and every time he yelled at me, every time he put his hands on me, he respected me less and less for the fact that I would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 02:30 AM
8

I am humbled, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:14 AM
47

Thank you. Tbh, I struggle with understanding why women don't work harder to parent their sons this way. Other parents kind of treat me like I'm going overboard, or that I'm overthinking things. But I'm like "you're a woman, you've experienced poor treatment at the hands of men. Have you just resigned yourself to the idea that your son will one day grow up to be a man who treats women poorly, or attacks women?" Or maybe their husbands pressure them not to make their boys "soft". Or maybe they th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 01:05 AM
28

If we don't ask them to verbalize what they see and attempt to either make sense of it, or to learn to understand that those actions are not acceptable and break the social contract; if we don't say anything and the child doesn't have the opportunity to talk about it, examine it, question it; then they just accept those events, and that's how those events begin to get normalized. Like the HS teacher who also commented, I let my boys see me cry, I let them know that actions have consequences and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 12:49 AM
214

Let's not forget that an entire culture has raised countless generations of men to EXPECT to be abusers in their relationships, to their families. For just a moment, try to imagine yourself as a 9-, 12-, and 15yo boy. 9 is when they are still super sweet and loving (if they were ever allowed to be). 12 is when they start hitting puberty and naturally begin to shift into the process of separation from their parents, so they are a little more distant and hard to reach. 15 is fullblown puberty and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/07/20 09:19 PM
4

When such a man says the words "that's sexy" out loud he is trying to reassure himself that he is not intimidated by your greater accomplishments, when in fact he is. And he will spend his time with you tearing down your accomplishments and your character and your self-esteem in order to bolster his own, because he feels inferior. Such a man is quite dangerous. Give him a wide berth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 02:29 AM
25

"I don't want to be the one getting abused" LMFAO!! Oh, I'm laughing so hard I'm crying real tears. Fuck these power hungry assholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/20 01:46 AM
31

This is why I heavily edit what my sons watch. Because media is conditioning our children's expectations equally. Boys are being raised with the trope that they should be persistent and they will get the girl. Whether the girl wants to be gotten or not.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:20 PM
40

This tactic is discussed in the first chapter of The Gift of Fear, in which a woman descibes how her fear of appearing rude to a stranger ultimately led to her being raped in her apartment, and nearly killed until she took a chance and snuck out when he was distracted. Don't be afraid to appear rude Ladies! Because truly when someone is overstepping our boundaries it is not us who is being rude, it is that person. And we don't always know if they are just socially inept, or if they have nefariou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/20 10:16 PM
7

IUDs are not always without complications, and in practical terms it might be difficult for her to hide those complications from him (or even just the string, and if he feels it / finds it she might really be subject to violence). She needs to leave. But before she can get control of that situation she needs to read Taking Charge of Your Fertility and learn to read her cycle. She needs to keep a couple of Plan B in the house. And she needs to leave. Someone invited her to join us here, yes?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 05:51 PM
3

Yes, and in light of the other reply to my comment maybe I am being too generous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 04:11 AM
13

I didn't read it as she's trying to justify it, she said he's her soon to be ex. I read it like she's trying to warn others about the possibility of violence when exploration of bdsm crosses a line that a partner isn't quite conscious of.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:46 AM
35

She did call him her soon to be ex husband. She's working on getting herself and her daughter out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 12:44 AM
3

I tried to talk with someone about her speech yesterday, and how unprofessional his comments about her were, and the response I got was something along the lines of "she called him a racist" and "she provoked him" and "democrats always want to say..." blah blah blah, I stopped listening at that point. I had to admit during that conversation that I'd heard of his aggressive comments but I did not know the impetus of them, so I said that we should stop talking about the subject until I could bette…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 10:44 PM
6

Ladies, I truly believe this is a troll (not the OP, the person who sent the message). They're just hitting too many tropes for that to be a genuine "I'm a nice guy" message. OP, please don't waste any more energy on this nonsense. You've got Queen business to attend to!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 07:00 PM
5

LMFAO! I love your 👑Queen👑 energy!! 👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 06:47 PM
3

That post is all kinds of yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 04:46 AM
1

I read this neg as him saying he's actually looking for the "cool girl" who will prove to him that she is so cool that he won't end up grey, bald, or with ulcers because of her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 04:27 AM
2

Big ups on the awesome self-care routine!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:15 AM
6

I'm sure it's real. Well, the masturbating anyway. There was a girl in our 7th? 8th? grade class that would sit in the back row and masturbate in class. The worst part of that story is that we just sat away from her, but no one ever said anything to the teacher, so it went on for at least a period of months. She did lose friends and left the school though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 03:00 AM
3

I was furious with how my ex's family courted me, used my insecurities to assure me that I would be a part of their family and would be taken care of like a daughter, only to discover the hard way that this man was horribly abusive, and had physically abused all of his siblings and his mother. They really wanted to pawn him off on someone else so that he wouldn't be their problem anymore. He physically assaulted me and I kicked him out so he went home crying to mommy and daddy. They really had t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:47 AM
2

Where tf do guys actually learn these tactics? This is beyond PUA stuff, and it doesn't just occur in the thoughts of a normal person. I'm not a liar or a manipulator by any means. I've met some immature men but I'm starting to think that I am unaware of how bad things can get because it doesn't occur to me to do bad shit to people. It's a little scary honestly. Thank god for the internet, it's been such a good tool for helping me raise my consciousness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:28 AM
2

Also a guy like this def does not want her staying with her mother or anyone else who genuinely cares for her well-being.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:24 AM
2

Agreed. A thousand times.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 02:21 AM
3

I know a guy who does this too. He thinks he's demonstrating how fun he is by posting past trips or events, and will argue to the death that it's legitimate to post them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 01:40 AM
29

Your whole comment is excellent but "they think about something they did years ago that someone else planned for them." made me lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 01:08 AM
4

"They don't care if they love her or anything else, as long as she's willing to marry him." It's literally like they're talking about getting a dog. They just decide one day to get a dog and then take whichever dog comes along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:56 AM
8

Yes! And tell you that he isn't doing anything because he "just can't handle it", because he's "overwhelmed" or he's "just so scared I'm going to lose you" and now you are comforting him while dealing with your diagnosis. Don't forget that he's already OLD while he's sitting on the couch. And his profile pic is one where you were at his side but he cut you out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:53 AM
13

I did too at first but then I started to think that it was probably a cultural misread on my part. I'm from the US and not Indian, so I decided I was probably just wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:42 AM
109

And then they say that older women are bitter and that's why they are attracted to younger women, because they are more "fun". No, they just aren't broken yet. And I love that the ladies here at FDS are trying to keep them from getting broken.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 12:29 AM
3

It looks like it was written by a 15yo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 05:37 AM
4

I don't think he even considered that even if she did have sex with him, it wasn't going to be porn sex. She wasn't going to have porn hair and makeup and some weird outfit on. She wasn't going to make all of the noises, and she wasn't going to do all of the usual porn sex acts (I feel like porn is very formulaic). She'd likely present just like any other woman on a date. So even if he did get her to let down her boundaries, it was going to be disappointing for both of them. But that would hve r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 05:14 AM
12

EXACTLY. My first thought was "Why is she doing his laundry?". I have never done a man's laundry, and I don't let them touch mine either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:45 AM
13

And also he'll probably say it's her fault because she probably does the shopping and the cooking, so she wasn't looking after his health properly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 04:43 AM
5

Oh Damn, I love her queen energy!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 09:03 PM
19

Agreed, he's already breaking things and endangering the safety of her pet. Time to pile his shit on the porch and change the locks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:40 AM
64

Of course! The mom knows what a pig he is, she doesn't want his sloppy, leeching ass in her house either!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 04:37 AM
6

You were so polite. I think it would have been okay to say "you're quite charming but I think your gf needs your attention now".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/20 12:19 AM
4

I feel this so hard. Gave too many stray dogs a chance. No more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 05:47 PM
138

I truly believe that their goal is to find someone who will care for them in their old age, that they will not need to care for similarly due to being younger and healthier. The ultimate act of selfishness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/20 05:03 PM
1

This is lovely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/20 04:37 AM
6

Whew! Considering that it's typically the female partner that seeks out counselors and books appointments I'm gonna go ahead and guess that she's about to have a lot of openings in her schedule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 04:53 AM
36

Yes!! I have a lot to say about this topic, but this isn't a parenting sub. Basically, I don't do anything for my kids that they are physically capable of doing for themselves. How will they ever appreciate someone else's work or effort if they never put in any of their own? That way lies entitlement, and in the end not only do I not want those kind of (grown) children, I don't want the type of DIL's that would put up with that behavior from a man either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/20 04:30 AM
8

Agreed. I am more than just the sex between my legs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:59 AM
2

Gross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:54 AM
7

Me too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/20 03:04 AM
4

I don't think you need to discuss dealbreakers or say that you were incompatible because I think that invites questions that are inappropriate for early-stage dating. You can say "I was married but we wanted different things". If questioned further you don't have to say "he mislead me about moving to my hometown" you can say "I learned a lot from that relationship, and a lot about myself. For example I came to realize how important it is to me to move to my hometown", etc. So you're keeping the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 06:49 AM
4

Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/20 04:57 AM
190

You know those crappy metal bedframes cost less than $100. Sure, you can hear them squeaking and shaking but at least you're not down on the floor breathing in dust bunnies and covered in dog hair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/07/20 03:03 AM
9

Or their mom. But not their dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/20 10:15 PM
13

Agree, I've read that when complimenting people it should be about a choice that they made, not something that they have no control over. Ie: "oh, I love the color of your eyes!" will get a response of "okay, thanks I guess" whereas "I love that dress, it flatters your eye color" will get "Thanks! And look, it has pockets!" or some other enthusiastic response. Saying "good job on that report" won't elicit as much enthusiasm as "I appreciated that you took the time to elaborate on how ABC differe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 04:26 AM
2

Literally lol'd! I'm totally going to call them audacity pockets now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:11 AM
4

Literally lol'd! I'm totally going to call them audacity pockets now!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:11 AM
2

Literally lol'd!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:10 AM
3

Literally lol'd!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:10 AM
3

Fr. Back when I was younger and dealing with young guys every single broke ass one of them was talking about "she's gonna have to sign a pre-nup...." LMFAO. And I used to tell them too, "sorry, a pre-nup will only cover assets you had before marriage, this is a community property state, what do you think, you're going to find some girl who will sign away her rights to community property earned during the marriage?" It's important to note here that not one of them was looking for a wife who would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 03:09 AM
10

The world's worst cologne.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/20 01:11 AM
15

Yeah, they're probably the ones who contacted him and told him the camera wasn't working. Girl's probably his cash cow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:32 AM
7

They don't know where it came from. Huh. Meanwhile every vaccine contains human dna. That's common knowledge in that field. But no lets just call women sluts instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:24 AM
14

I would have sent it to him one penny at a time. Postage due.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/20 12:04 AM
63

Good comments so far but what I want to know is she says they contribute 50/50 to the bills but do they make the same amount of money? Because I would bet a dollar to a bag of donuts that she makes less than him, so percentage-wise she's contributing a higher percent of her salary to the household expenses. I think there are a lot of things that he loves about her, but I don't think he loves her. And that poor daughter too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 05:28 AM
32

I get where you're coming from but a person of integrity, male or female, doesn't just ghost if their intentions are genuine. They address the situation like an adult - "hey, we had a great date but I need to be honest with you I've been casually dating a couple of other people and recently I've begun to think that I would like to explore another relationship a little more deeply. I hope you won't take that as a reflection of how I may have felt about you, I enjoyed our time together. I'm wishin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 01:00 AM
7

I'd ask this woman who raised her to believe that these things indicate a good wife, her mother or her father? Her grandmother or her grandfather? Her pastor? We have to remember that times are different and especially for older folks the women had less opportunities to support themselves, and both men and women were raised to believe that women had to do all of these things in order to survive. I doubt very many of those women would romanticize their experience like this, but we shouldn't shame…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 07:50 PM
63

God my younger self is so guilty of this. Why are we raising our daughters with the idea that "boys are messy" and that's just a thing we have to accept? Why are we raising our boys this way? Taking care of your living space is a demonstration of self-respect. At least seeing a guy live this way is a clear sign of his lack of respect for himself and the women that he expects to clean up after him. Also, I appreciate a man that has a cleaning service because he's legitimately busy, but I have a r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 02:46 PM
36

Can we talk about how he glossed over the fact that she filed after she had a baby? A significant amount of the story is missing, no woman wants to get divorced when she has a baby at home unless she's being flagrantly disrespected. His story is so one-sided.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 12:44 PM
38

The thing is he isn't ruining her life, he's affecting his kids' lives. When he affects her livelihood he's taking food out of his own kids' mouths and clothes off of their backs. All for his fucking ego? He's a selfish douche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 12:41 PM
16

My personal interpretation has always been "Mrs - married, Miss - young + single, Ms - oh she ain't puttin' up with your shit!", lol!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 12:26 PM
13

I take issue with step 9 letters because yes it's supposed to do no harm, but after that it is just about the user. More often than not it's not about apologizing for the things that actually were hurtful, it's about the things that the user perceives as having been hurtful. Often those things are not the same. Given the details that OP has posted this letter is very craftily written in order to not put into writing anything that the writer could get into legal trouble for, which both insults th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 03:15 AM
6

I'm humbled, thank you for the nice compliment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:22 AM
31

I read the post earlier today too. I genuinely believe that he was angry with her for using the safe word and fucking up his ₩fantasy₩ rape.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/20 02:17 AM
12

We can lift each other up Sis!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 09:14 PM
57

I address this with my kids. Often children will say "I didn't know " or "I didn't mean to" or "it wasn't my fault". A lot of parents that I know will say "I know you didn't mean to honey, it's okay" or some version thereof, but I don't do that. I make my kids live in the truth - "um hmm, well, I'm sure that you feel bad about it now, but you have to admit to yourself, if not to me, that you were angry and you raised your arm with the intention to hit your brother. Yes or no?" Even if the other …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 06:42 PM
186

Maybe it's not a good idea to refer to women as bitches while you're trying to hook up. Ngl, Cool Girls would let him get away with it and even agree with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/20 04:01 AM
81

It probably wasn't even the dress she really wanted, it was probably just the one she had the nerve to ask for, that she thought he might agree to. I hope she finds us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/20 11:25 PM
37

JFC you just know this is going to be next trend in porn when incest starts to get boring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/20 04:37 AM
8

Omg! It sounds like it was such a horrible night, but you made the story so interesting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 06:01 AM
27

What tf is she doing his laundry for, to begin with? Do they not do oral? She never smelled the shit? Would he fuck her if she was leaving shit on the sheets? Would he accept her screaming in his face and telling him not to mention her nasty dirty ass? The cleansing cloth thing was passive aggressive though. The screaming in her face was him exhibiting shame, I get that. But it needs to be dealt with. And if he refuses to address it, time to move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/20 05:25 AM
34

Imagine dragging some poor unsuspecting woman into some other woman's job, just hoping for a scene, so that he can feel good about himself that "two women want him". Instead he found out that one doesn't want him at all, and realized that if the first one doesn't want him, the other would drop his LV ass too if she had any idea of what was going on. He contrived this situation to cause drama and it backfired on him so spectacularly that now he's dm'ing you begging for attention. How lame. And si…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 12:41 PM
8

This made me think of that football movie The Blind Side where the kid says "I've never had a bed before ", but I don't think he was proud of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 04:58 AM
14

I can't tell you how many times I have been called "arrogant", "selfish", "bitch" or some combination thereof just for stating my boundaries. Most often when I use the one-word sentence "No." Fuck 'em.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 04:17 AM
5

Don't ever be embarrassed that you are still in a learning process, we all are. Even if you think you are a newbie (I am too) you have valuable experience to share. When we hear each other's stories our conciousness of each other's experiences is raised, and we can better advocate for each other. Sometimes advocating for someone else makes us realize that we can and should advocate for ourselves. A rising tide lifts all boats. We lift each other up as we lift ourselves up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 04:41 PM
7

If you're talking about living expenses, assuming both partners are working for pay and that it takes two incomes to afford the lifestyle that you as a couple want together, it seems that the Suze Orman method is fair; she recommends that each person pays the living expenses according to the percentage of joint income that they each earn. For example, if one partner earns 60% of the total household income and the other earns 40% then that is the percentage that each person contributes to the bil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 10:47 AM
8

Brilliant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 03:36 AM
12

Oh yes that happened to me too! Tried to get me to move to BFE after his second divorce, a place where there were literally no opportunities for growth or success for me (and god only knows what kind of men, and I was just hitting "marriageable" age). He kept asking and I kept refusing... so he got married again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/06/20 09:56 PM
25

I was going to say that it sounds like her bf reads her posts, but I think you nailed it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/20 03:31 AM
18

You can get a blood test (via your GP or your OB) to diagnose whether you have MTHFR, which, if you do, you can further research about metabolism issues. If you don't have it, the copper might not be an issue for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 03:05 AM
170

If it was a copper iud it is very common that in some people the copper causes a heavy metal overload, they cannot metabolize and eliminate the metal efficiently, and then illnesses such as you describe can occur. Let me guess, she was told, by at least one but I'm guessing multiple doctors that her problems were all in her head. Fuck doctors who don't take women's medical health seriously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 01:07 AM
15

Yes, and OP please read The Gift of Fear to get a better perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/20 05:17 AM
4

Time to put on some Erykah Badu
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 08:51 PM
25

So fucking gross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/20 04:43 PM
58

I've had people try to walk into my house, on separate occasions. I wasn't hurt but it took the second incident for me to learn my lesson. I've been keeping the door locked for years. Same with the car. My cousin was stopped at a red light and someone crossing the street tried to get in her car, but she had the door locked. Keep your doors locked.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 01:01 PM
2

I agree that he probably thought it was a joke, but it was the doubling-down on a joke gone wrong that makes the whole thing tacky. If he'd just replied "bad joke, sorry" or "no, I guess that wasn't as funny as it sounded in my head" you guys could have moved on to a more interesting conversation. Men and women alike are socially awkward, and more so over text, I get that. But it's the individual's responsibility to catch their mistakes and learn from them, not to double-down like a child. I don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 08:10 PM
17

The thing about trusting your intuition is, if you do, 99% of the time you will never know if you made the "right" decision. Because you will not have stuck around long enough to figure out exactly what had your hackles up, exactly what the red flag was. So, since we are conditioned to be "nice" we second guess our own intuition. ALWAYS trust your intuition, even if you have zero idea of what exactly is the thing that is bothering you. And just tell yourself that you definitely made the right de…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 01:08 AM
2

Omg that truly is a good friend. I hope you are still in each other's lives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 11:32 PM
2

Oh this one has me rofl. My (now) ex was trying to threaten me, saying "if you dont (blah blah blah) I'm going to leave" and me, pointing, "there's the door, don't let it hit you on the ass!" and the fucking pickachu look on his face, I'll never forget it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/20 11:28 PM
2

What a fucking incel wet dream to come to FDS and mansplain to posters about how they could be happier in life if they didn't read FDS. I'm surprised he didn't tell you that you'd be prettier if you'd just smile more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 08:46 PM
2

Agreed. I think maybe a reply of "your pathetic PUA strategy isn't working" and then block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 08:42 PM
4

It's negging
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 08:39 PM
2

Lol, sorry, no disrespect, all I could really see is the top edge and I didn't recognize the characters. Speaking of Elle Woods, Reese Witherspoon has a great series on Netflix where she interviews women at the top of their field, it's very inspiring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 08:24 PM
5

Omg, I was with a guy for a long time, we went through a lot of challenges. He liked to watch a lot of reality tv, and one day based on something he was watching we got into a discussion. He said "you mean to tell me that if I cheated on you, you wouldn't forgive me? After all that we've been through?" I said "do you mean to tell me that if you cheated on me you would really expect me to forgive you? After every thing else we've been through?" This dumbass. He really wanted me to say that he cou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/20 08:15 PM
1

I don't use WA - that background of all of the pics of women, is that his background or is it on your phone? I assumed it was his, which just, seeing his words doesn't even matter at that point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/20 06:44 PM
7

Most people describe these men as "pathetic" but you used the correct word - they are predators.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 11:14 PM
7

🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/20 11:00 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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