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ADivorcedGuy Archive

View 0 posts and 50 comments by ADivorcedGuy on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
6

I know how painful this is, but you are only making it harder for yourself in the long run. You are allowing her to live rent free in your head and to continue to control you. I know it is hard to let go and move on, but that is in your best interest. Forget what she does / doesn't do, and build a life for yourself that truely makes you happy. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 12:22 PM
8

The day you realize that your life is your own and that you are now in charge of your own happiness is the day that you make a giant step in getting over your Ex. Welcome to healing man! Life only gets better from here... if you want it too.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 11:28 AM
6

It took about a year for me to start rebuilding my life and realizing that I was better off. I created a life that I enjoyed. Explored new hobbies. Changed my look and fashion. Forced on my carrer. And build a life that made me happy. 10 years later I married the woman of my dreams. We just celebrated 7 years married. There really can be happiness post divorce. But we need to work on being happy with ourselves first. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/25 09:02 PM
4

I am not sure I understand your question. Are you asking: "Why are you responding in the reddit divorce forums if you have been happily married for the past 6 years?" If that is the question, the answer is that I want to help other men that are currently going through a lot of the same struggles that I went through.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 01:46 PM
8

Sorry you are going through this. You have the right idea on hobbies, but everything you lisrlted Iis a solo hobbie. This means you are alone and probably living in your head. Find a hobbie that includes other guys and start to build friendships. That will help get you out of your head. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 11:30 AM
4

She has already told you, and shown you, what she wants. She wants out, so you ,either let her go, rebuild yourself and create a new life that you love as a singleguy... or... you struggle to keep the marriage aflot, fighting an uphill battle, take on more pain and battle scars. Which one sounds better to you? My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 07:25 PM
15

As others have stated, it is time for you to move on and rebuild your life as a single guy. Contact a lawyer, find out your option and file for a divorce ASAP. The longer you let this go the more pain you will suffer. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:55 PM
14

I took a year and a half to work on myself and figure out how I was as a single guy. Took up new hobbies, hit the gym, figured out my own fashion / style, bought and decorated my own place, etc. After I started to feel comfortable with my life I began to date. The apps were a great way to meet women. The key was to move it from the app to a real life meeting, coffee, dinner, hike, movie, something that we would both enjoy. I met several women this way. A lot were divorced, but I am a bit older, …
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 12:18 PM
3

I understand your pain and frustration on this. It is a bad situation and it sucks!! Having said that, you need to ask yourself, what is best for the child? He didn't ask to be here. He has no dog in this fight. He will inherent a name that he knows nothing about. He just wants to be loved. Your job as is to be the best father and role model for him that you can be. In the long run, the nane really doesn't matter. Show him what it means to be a good man. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 11:50 PM
7

The short answer is you need to make new guy friends to hang out with. Find new hobbies that you enjoy doing or expand on the hobbies that you are currently doing. Live music is a great one. I took up photography and started to go to bars with live music and take pics. Got to know the bands and shared pics with them. This is one way I got past the loneliness. Try things that sound fun and interesting to you that involve other guys. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/24 03:36 PM
3

Wow! Sorry to read this! My heart goes out to you man! The only real answer is, talk to a lawyer. There are way too many variables to consider and each case is different. Wishing you all the best!
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 03:49 PM
1

I took about 18 months. I had a lot of things to come to terms with before I started dating. I probably should have waited another 6 months for a total of 2 years. We all have different starting points, because we all have different wounds and baggage from the marriage. So times vary based on individual circumstances. The key I finally figured out was that is was not really about the time as much as it was about rebuilding my life into something that I truly enjoyed, as a single guy, without nee…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:45 AM
14

Honestly, if you jump into a new relationship too quickly and don't work on rebuilding yourself, you will more than likely just be trading one bad relationship for another. Take time to discover who you really are, what you really like and what you don't. Build a life that makes you happy as a single guy. Then look for a woman that fits into that life and brings you joy. If you do that you can find the best person for you. I followed this process and found the perfect woman for me. We have been …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 12:32 AM
2

Let me see if i understand this correctly. She had an affair, you got mad about the affair, she blames you for being upset snd yelling about her affair, you forgive her, move on and start working on repairing the relationship, she has another affair and now wants a break. Is that accurate? If so, you need to talk to a lawyer. Hopefully there are no children and you can make a clean break and start over with someone that will respect you. She does not. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 08:04 PM
2

I am sorry for your loss. I know that it sucks. You feel like part of you has been ripped out amd tossed in the trash. But you will get through this and it will get better. Take tome to grieve, but start rebuilding your life with things that you enjoy doing. Take on new hobbies. Join a mens group. Make new friends. Find new things that make you smile. You will get through this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/24 01:12 AM
2

Honestly, it really doesn't matter why she keeps doing this. She is not your concern any longer. You are a single guy now and trying to figuring her out will only cause you grief. When she asks, politely say no, document the ask and move on. Unless the conversation concerns the kids, limit all communications with her and work on being the best man and father your can be. Her saying that the kids want you to do something as a family is not communications about the kids, it is manipulation. My $.0…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 10:25 PM
4

Honestly, she is no longer part of your life now. Pay no attention to what she is or is not doing. That only causes you pain. Limit all communications to shared responsibilities, like children. Block all other contact with her. Then start working on yourself. Find new hobbies. Figure out what you want and don't want out of life. Rebuild yourself into the best man that you can be. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 03:59 PM
3

In this case it sounds like you put all of your thoughts and energies into one task. Dedicated a lot of time to it snd get goid results then get bored snd move to the next task. If this is the case, I would look at 4 or 5 things that you would like to accomplish. Dedicated no more than an hour at a time to that task, then stop with that task and do the next task. Spreading your energy like that will make you more rounded and stop the quick burn out. Give it a try and see if that helps.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 10:40 PM
6

She didn't want you, gave you the cold shoulder and tried to take you to the cleaners. You survived and found someone new to date. She sees you as moving on and being happy. She now says she wants you back. Dose she really want you back? Or is this a situation where she thinks you are happy without her, and this upsets her? Unless there is goid reason to think something has changed, I recommend that you don't go back. Also limit all communications to the kids. Her knowing ANYTHING about your lif…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 10:34 PM
17

It sounds like you still have healing to do from your divorce. 3 months is not a lot of time to process your new reality and to rebuild yourself. Start to figure out who you are as a single guy. What you like snd what you don't. What you want out of life. Find new hobbies that you enjoy doing. Take the time you need to heal and rebuild yourself until you are truly happy with your single life. At that point, you can start dating and you won't have the situation that you are describing now. My $.0…
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 05:21 PM
5

At this point, how she feels and what she says makes no difference to you. Your only concern is your child. The best thing you call do here is to limit all communications to the child. Nothing more, nothing less. If she trues to expand to any other topic, avoid the detour and pull it back to the child. Use text, nit calling. If she calls, send her to voicemail. She will leave a message. You can call her back if needed. Do not answer and be put in an awkward position. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/24 01:46 AM
3

I am leaving here a better man - Clint Black Time foe me to fly - REO Speedway Say something - A great big world Songs speak volumes to me. These 3 were big for me
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 10:08 PM
1

Find group hobbies around you that you enjoy. Things that you look forward to doing and keeps you involved. This will bring you friends. Do not date, just build friendships and work on being the best man that you can be. In your 50s, you still have a lot of time left. But it is timec o figure out want you want out if life. What makes you happy and what doesn't. What is acceptable to you and what is not. From there you can start rebuilding. Bur start with a group hobby or two.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 09:53 PM
2

You got this man! You are on the right path, just keep going.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 06:15 PM
1

Thsnks. Yes, this is the only way that leads to happiness and contentment with our lives as men. Being the best we can be, having a positive impact on ourselves, our kids and the people around us. If we ficus on this, every day, step by step, we will wake up one day and be amazed at how good our life is, compared to where we were when we started the process.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 04:48 PM
2

I am sorry to hear of the switch. It is painful to watch everything you thought was real just fall apart before your eyes. We are then wondering why. As a guy we are wired to fix things, but some things can't be fixed. Postpartum depression is a real thing and it can have disastrous effects for women that suffer from it. Has she been diagnosed with this? If yes, has she started treatment? I would expect that it would be gone, or mostly gone, after 2 years. So, this puts you back at square one. T…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 04:40 PM
2

I know it is hard to let go, especially if you are putting up a front for the kids. Then it becomes almost real again. But remind yourself that it is just a front. And it goes away as soon as the kids are in bed. Not a good way to live for you, her or the kids, in the Long run. For dating, take some time to figure out what you want out of life. That makes all the difference. I never thought I would be back in a committed relationship. I took about a year and a half to work on myself and build a …
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 08:56 PM
5

You are already on the right path by minimizing contact and setting boundaries. Glad to hear that you once had a good relationship and she was a good wife, but WAS is the key word. Regardless of what got you here, here you are. You are already at a place where you can be nice and respectful, but that should be the boundary. Keep all conversations around the kids only. If she wants to change the topic, or bring up old stuff, ignore the detour, smile and bring the conversation back to the kids. Do…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 07:54 PM
3

Very true! Post Divorce communications should be limited to shared responsibilities, like children. You are both single people now. Instead of spending your time and energy on her, invest in rebuilding yourself into the best man you can be. This is the true path to recovery and happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/24 07:32 PM
2

Based on my own experience, and the circle of guys I have known / coached over the years, a rebound right after divorce rarely works out and often brings a host of other issues. IMO. We are better off working on ourselves post divorce and figuring out what we want out of life and what we don't, before we start dating. This makes it much easier NOT to fall into a relationship like the one we just left and start that cycle all over again. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:10 PM
5

True, our Ex can do a lot of damage to us, IF we let her, but she doesn't tyipcally add a lot of positive value to our lives. So, we need to move on and limit communication with the Ex to shared responsibilities, like children. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 08:03 PM
8

This changes over time. At that age my daughter wanted mom. A few years later she wanted dad. She went back and forth over the years, but I was always there for her regardless. Today she is a grown woman and we have a great relationship. Hang in there and continue to be a good father. It will all work out.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 07:22 PM
5

Honestly, you are divorced now, so you are a single guy. What she thinks or says about you is no longer something you have to he worried about. She is no longer you concern. Assuming you dont have kids, you are now a free man. Use this time to rebuild yourself into the man you want to be. Discover new hobbies and things that make you happy instead of focusing on what she is saying / doing. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 06:55 PM
2

This is the way! Divorce sucks! It is hard to see any kind of relief or happiness when we are going through it. But you have the right approach. Working on ourselves and rebuilding our lives is the way out and back to happiness. Hats off to you man! You got this!
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 03:31 AM
9

Work on yourself and become "the one" that "the one" you are looking for, is looking for.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 08:57 PM
3

The best advice is to move on. From what you are describing, she was looking for a way out. She chose to use alcohol. If you didn't drink at all, she probably would have used something else. So, move on and focus on rebuilding yourself. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 07:40 PM
7

Sorry to hear this, but you have the right approach now, it is a business transition. The concert and money spent is a sunk cost. It is time for you to concentrate on you and figuring out what you want out of life.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 06:15 PM
15

Honestly, your friend and family network has little, or nothing, to do with the question of " am I with the right person and can I continue on with this person" You can always expand your friends. When I got divorced I had no family near me and my then couple friends all disappeared. I rebuilt my life and made new friends. That is the answer. Don't let current circles dictate what you do. Do what makes sense based on your current situation. My $.02
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:22 PM
3

I am sorry to hear about the divorce, but You handled this perfectly. You are in a much better place and have / will continue to have a great relationship with your daughter. That is the best thing we can do / hope for as fathers. Hats off to you man!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:44 PM
1

This! You are spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:18 PM
6

If you have done the work to rebuild yourself post divorce and are now in a place to date, great, if not, don't date until you are there. Assuming you are now in a good place with the life that you have, the question is what are you trying to accomplish with dating. If you are looking for causal sex, FWB situations almost always catch feelings on one side or the other. That is a slippery slope. If you are looking for someone that has thier life in order to share your good life, that is a great p…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 04:17 PM
1

Understood. I used to be very introverted when I was younger, so I can relate to struggling to meet people. Maybe try something like the meetup website to see if there are biking or hiking groups in your area. This way you be part of the group, but don't have a lot of engagement and can slowly get to know people, while still giving you something else to focus on that gets you out of your head. Does that work?
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 03:25 AM
2

Two months is not a lot of time to be separated. So, take your time and don't rush into anything major at this point. You sound like an active guy, that is a good thing. How about if you find a group to hike or bike with? Or some other hobby or sport that will take your full attention. The idea is to get your mind engaged so you are not stuck in your own thoughts and torturing yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/24 01:04 AM
2

You are not wrong. I was in the same situation and paid dearly post divorce. I also took the high road and told myself that it was just money and hsr I can always make more. Instead I focused on my daughter to make sure she had a happy childhood and had everything she needed yo become a successful and responsible adult. Today she is exactly that and we have a great relationship. I would not trade that for any amount of money. I had to reframe my view of being "the one saddled with all the debt a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 04:24 PM
0

Yes! I had this conversation yesterday. This term is so overused that a true narcissist falls through the cracks. It is quickly approaching "the boy that cried wolf" level. IMO, it is better to talk about the specific behavior that is in question vs labeling someone with a label that is becoming meaningless.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 02:34 PM
11

I am sorry for you man, but on the flip side, you are dodging a bullet, if that is what she thinks of you now, it will only get worse. Hire a lawyer immediately and share this story and the screenshot with them.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 03:54 AM
3

Good luck man. It seems like a lot, but it will be money well spent.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/24 01:43 AM
1

You have the right outlook post-divorce, crawl, walk and then run. That puts you in a good place for recovery. Here are my thoughts on our questions: “What are mistakes I should be careful not to make?” Don’t jump back into dating until you are comfortable with yourself and in a good place with life. “What are the good aspects of life after divorce?” Figuring out who you are and what you truly enjoy doing Building your confidence Discovering your style Building your own living space Furthering y…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 06:22 PM
2

Serious question, what would be the point? Based on the comment of “I am done with the manipulation and utter disrespect” I assume that the divorce is not amicable. If there are children, you should offer to help the children celebrate their mother, but if not, and you do open this line of communication, what good will come of it and what bad? IMO conversations with your STBXW should be limited to children and shared responsibilities. When you got married the two of you became one unit, now that…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:35 PM
-1

I am sorry for your pain and loss. I don’t want to dimmish your feelings of betrayal, and I will agree that infidelity is often a cause for divorce, but not always. There are faithful people out there. I was also married for 18 years (almost to the day) to a stay-at-home mom. Over the years we drifted apart and became roommates and then strangers and then divorced. This was many years ago and I still do not believe there was someone else. I know that this sucks, is a very painful situation and m…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 05:18 PM
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