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View 1 posts and 821 comments by AcephalicDude on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

DiscussionAcephalicDude/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 05:42 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

By definition, yes it is discriminatory, regardless of what gender is doing it. The question you mean to ask is whether it is good or bad, fair or unfair. I think it's fair to have any discriminatory preferences you want when it comes to dating, it's only unfair and wrong if you exercise those preferences in a way that is unnecessarily rude or cruel. As for whether it is good or bad, that depends entirely on what an individual wants in a partner. Focusing too much on physical attraction means yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 06:40 PM
2

Poor guy
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 04:08 PM
6

Sure, but why is this a gender thing? Doesn't this go for both genders, that sometimes it's better to let go when you are already drifting apart?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 04:06 PM
1

I think you are understating how man red pillers do rely on evo-psych theories to back up their ideas about attraction and relationship dynamics, but I get what you are saying that those realities come first and the justifications for them are secondary
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/26 03:48 PM
6

It's not that they think they are getting real love, it is that they think love is nothing but a myth, all relationships are purely transactional, so you should go where you have the greatest transactional advantage. But yeah, that outlook is just as depressing as being fooled into thinking that the passport relationship is true love
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 11:21 PM
11

The saddest thing about the whole red pill philosophy is how it eliminates the concept of love and reduces relationships to pure transaction. That's why I don't label myself as purple pill even though I do think that red pill thought does provide some valid insights. On a fundamental level I think they are wrong for denying that love exists.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/26 10:40 PM
–

"The blackpill just says that women are shallow and petty people, why wouldn't women want that idea to spread?" 🤣🤡
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 09:24 PM
–

What about their comment was bad-faith? It was a reasonable statement of their position, not hostile or rude at all, and then you picked out two words from it, out of context, in bad-faith, so that you wouldn't have to address the core point they were making.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 07:50 PM
–

I don't think they agree with you, this was clearly an attempt to dodge the disagreement they have with your view. Why make this a debate post if you aren't even going to engage with disagreements? Pathetic.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 06:12 PM
–

If you hang out with cheaters all the time, the problem is the company you choose to keep.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/26 06:10 PM
19

How this sub works: 1) all people of my gender are exactly like me; 2) all people of the opposite gender are exactly what I think they are.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 01:53 PM
1

It depends, you have to weigh one consideration against the other, that's why the timing of the abortion is such an important factor. A brand new fetus to me is very difficult to empathize with because it has no consciousness, it is like trying to empathize with an amoeba. The empathy I feel for a fully grown woman who experiences reality in fundamentally the same way that I do is going to get much more empathy from me. But then when the fetus has developed to a point where it actually feels thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 09:03 PM
0

It's called human empathy. Holy shit OP is such a bummer
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 03:07 AM
–

Communication helps, but I would say being empathetic and noting their reactions without having to be told what's going on is also super important
/r/PurplePillDebate12/06/26 08:21 PM
4

And the insidious thing about the broad and incredibly obvious advice is that when you pair it with some emotional indignation like "also it's all women's fault" then all of the sudden they will think you are saying something new and revolutionary. This is how captain obvious becomes a dating guru.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 11:40 PM
3

I don’t think that redpillers and bluepillers actually differ all that much on dating. Both sides will tell you to get fit, practice good hygiene and care for your appearance, express confidence and high self-esteem, get your finances and your life in stable order, don’t fear rejection or let it ruin your self-esteem, etc. – all pretty obvious stuff for anyone. I think the real differences come with how each side thinks about what happens when a relationship is established, and what you need to …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 11:33 PM
32

The disclaimer is hilarious. "Ignore that I referred to women throughout my entire post, I am actually describing nobody in particular" 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 10:32 PM
6

Do you think every man is just like you? No offense, but this was just a very silly question that you could have easily answered yourself if you just thought about it for two seconds and maybe exercised a little bit of basic empathy.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/26 10:28 PM
14

Has OP researched porn genre preferences? Or are they just assuming that their tastes are representative of all men?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/05/26 10:09 PM
5

You choose what content your TikTok feeds you by what you engage with. If there is a gender war on your TikTok, it's because apparently that's what you like to see.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/26 07:59 PM
1

Yeah prostate stimulation is its own completely separate thing, totally different reason for being up there 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 06:15 PM
0

The anus has nerve endings that feel good when stimulated. As gross as it sounds to admit, shitting feels good. It's a built in natural incentive to not hold in your shits. But beyond the stimulation of the anus, it also helps tighten up the vagina and can make PiV feel better. It can be done without pain, you have to take your time and gradually stimulate the anus to accept the plug. But not everyone wants it or is into it, totally understandable. I just wouldn't be so black and white about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 04:20 PM
5

Mouths were made for breathing and eating food but I sure do love eating pussy shrug
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:57 PM
8

I didn't mean to imply that everyone likes it, just that a lot of people do and it definitely isn't what you see in porn
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:56 PM
-1

There's a right way to do it, usually using a smaller plug to help tighten up the PiV, but yeah the idea of just straight into the anus with your dick is dumb
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/26 03:40 PM
7

I'm here for it 🤣
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:21 PM
2

I think that justification is fair, so I would stick with her, especially since I don't like the butt stuff 🤣 I think it would obviously be different for anyone if the justification involves anything that feels like a personal slight, and if there is no justification at all then your own insecurities might fill in the blanks
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 09:21 PM
1

I'm just really confused as to why you're bringing up alimony in a thread about child support but OK whatever 🙄
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:19 PM
1

No there is no incentive to earn less money. Guideline child support maxes out at half of your net income, so at best trading support for income would be a wash and at worst you lose gross income if you would stand to get a tax refund. Also, just FYI child support and alimony are separate things. Alimony is another word for spousal support, and it has completely different legal standards for how much is ordered / how long it is ordered.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 03:47 PM
2

The "perverse incentives" are to...spend more time with your kids, and earn more money?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 01:54 PM
1

Primary custody doesn't mean you automatically flip the support. It works on a calculation of timeshare, so if you earn significantly more money then the other parent would need to have significantly little visitation time to owe you support.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/26 05:59 AM
-1

You are making some wild, broad generalizations my friend 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/26 02:44 PM
15

It's really simple actually: when you try to generalize the behaviors and attitudes of an extremely large and broad group of people, such as "progressive women", you are going to be constantly surprised whenever your general expectations don't hold up in reality
/r/PurplePillDebate04/05/26 06:16 PM
–

What's an example of an act of love?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 12:07 AM
–

I think it definitely can be Just like cooking a meal for someone could be an act of love, or it could be just an employee in a kitchen making a meal for a paying customer
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 12:06 AM
–

But now you are saying something different, sex can be seen as a demonstration of love without reducing love entirely to sex
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/26 12:03 AM
–

I think the replies from both ends of the spectrum are going to surprise you
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:58 PM
–

I think this is a good distillation of it, well said But it gets complicated because you can interrogate why another person's happiness makes you happy, and the reasons can range from selfish ones to deeper ones, from conditional to unconditional...
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:56 PM
–

I made a post addressing this about a year ago, just gonna repaste it here, let me know what y’all think: I find it very interesting that love as a concept seems to be conspicuously absent from a lot of the discussions about dating and relationships, especially from the more cynical redpillers in this sub. But even when love is invoked, we seem to take for granted that we know what that concept means to people. I think maybe one of the reasons why redpillers frame dating and relationships in pur…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/26 11:51 PM
1

You did? I don't see that anywhere nor do I know why my own preference matters, but personally I am a relationship guy
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 07:04 PM
2

I was talking about you, in case that wasn't obvious 😅
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 06:51 PM
2

lol this guy really just short-circuits if you deviate from his dialogue tree
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 06:03 PM
4

You didn't read my reply to you, so my answer will confuse you: Neither is better or worse because the only real difference is what you want It's not good or bad to want casual sex over a relationship or vice versa
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 06:01 PM
2

Did you even read my reply? Do you want to try that again?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 05:37 PM
7

I'm not sure I really understand the question, since there is probably a good deal of overlap in the qualities that are good for both and the most significant difference is what a person actually wants
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 05:33 PM
64

Or.... stay with me here because this is a wild idea..... it's not actually true that 90% of men want many casual sexual partners instead of a committed healthy relationship 🤯
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/26 04:45 PM
2

This is crazy, you don't actually believe this logic is sound. If I sold you a lemon (a faulty car) and the car broke down, you would never say "welp, I wouldn't have bought the car if I didn't want the car so I guess that's on me"
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/26 02:51 PM
1

That's your prerogative I guess? If you want to treat certain people like objects and other people like actual human beings, hey you do you. I don't think you have justified that different treatment logically in any sense though.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 09:34 PM
1

Sure and in this instance we are talking about people whose "usefulness" is their image (e.g. being attractive), thus why there is no hypocrisy in saying that they deserve respect even though they try to appear attractive
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 08:30 PM
1

My car mechanic wears a jumpsuit because it helps him stay clean while he works on cars So what you are telling me is that his jumpsuit is a signal to me that he is a car mechanic and nothing else, especially not a human being that deserves respect like any other fellow human being... otherwise why is he wearing that jumpsuit?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 08:08 PM
1

It's more that a human beings relationship to an object is defined strictly by its usefulness to us, and that's a really shitty way to treat other human beings It's like if I said that my car mechanic is only useful to me for fixing my car, so I don't have tl be considerate to him as a human being...that would be bad, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 07:19 PM
2

Treat them as a fellow human being that happens to look good / sexy? Not sure how that's strange or confusing for you...
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 07:15 PM
5

I don't think objectification is a meaningless term. It means you treat someone like an object - a thing that only has value in its usefulness to you and nothing else, that doesn't deserve respect or dignity or autonomy. It's OK to value somebody who is providing you with a service or entertainment, the question is whether or not that's all you value, whether you are still treating them as a fellow human being.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:24 PM
5

I don't even agree with this Do you think it's ok to treat a waiter like an object instead of a human being just because they're selling you a service? Or a cashier at your grocery store? Or a car salesman? Or a plumber? etc. If not, then why not have the same standards for a sex worker?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:04 PM
14

I don't think "don't objectify me" means "don't appreciate how good I look" - I think it means "don't treat me like all I am is my looks, i.e. like an object" I don't see any hypocrisy here
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/26 03:02 PM
–

True. And by the same logic, if you claim you want traditional, principled women who don't have casual sex and want to be a housewife that submissively respects and supports their husband, but you don't go to church, you don't really uphold any traditional principles yourself, and instead go to clubs to try to sleep with the easiest women you can find... you're doing it wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 06:06 PM
–

I have a suspicion that the reasons why people hate you have nothing to do with your height 🤔
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/26 05:54 PM
1

How is this not reasonable advice for people in general?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/26 03:42 PM
–

For real, it's bizarre the sorts of universal things that people will try to gender in this sub...like being mean belongs to only one gender? Really OP?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:40 PM
–

Those are insults you tend to use against someone who is being an asshole because you want to hit their insecurity, it's not actually because you care about their insecurity
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:38 PM
–

It's not really a gender thing, everyone is mean to short men, everyone is mean to fat women
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/26 01:37 PM
7

This is a lot of discourse to have about what people think of your movement when your movement is specifically about not caring about what people think 🤣🤡
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/26 03:15 PM
2

I sort of agree, sort of disagree. Broad generalizations based on gender are worth exploring, but only with the understanding that there are coexisting subcultures that deal with gender in very different ways, so really when you generalize according to traditional gender norms and behaviors you are only talking about the people who subscribe to that traditional subculture, and there is an entire other subculture that doesn’t follow those norms nearly as strictly and deviates entirely from those …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/26 03:39 PM
1

This is completely reasonable and nobody is going to disagree in the abstract, the disagreements will come from the concrete instances where this is applied. Who deserves trust, how much trust is freely given and how much is earned, and in what context?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/26 06:30 PM
-1

Not really, they are very different things physically, very different consequences / health outcomes, very different cultural justifications too
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/26 02:03 PM
–

word
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 11:00 PM
–

Is that true? I haven't audited the sub but I would have guessed that it's usually the most extreme redpill/blackpill/incel posts that get downvoted.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 10:10 PM
–

I’m probably not the type you’re describing in your post, I’m thinking the guys whose threads get massively downvoted and dogpiled are the ones with the most narrow and one-sided incel/redpill/blackpill views, especially the ones that express a lot of resentment towards women. But I will be the first to admit that, in terms of the basic psychology of online engagement, they are here for the same exact reason as I am: they want to confront the ideological forces that they believe are responsible …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/26 10:05 PM
2

Not trying to belittle you, just the opposite. I'm trying to highlight how important perspective is. You can live in the world you want to live in, it all starts with the mindset you choose for yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 10:24 PM
3

I'm sorry that that's the world you have chosen to live in, sounds like a sad, lonely place.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 03:27 PM
1

Thanks for the compliment I guess? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 03:17 PM
1

Unironically, yes, both. Dating in the private sphere really is a completely separate issue from wanting liberation and respect in the public sphere. There really is no contradiction in wanting traditional romance and wanting equal opportunities, equal pay, equal recognition, etc., in public life. And yes, woman will reciprocate romantic gestures in relationships. I feel very sorry for you if you've never experienced that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 02:28 PM
0

Weak
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 02:25 PM
10

This is silly. Wanting liberation and respect is obviously a separate thing from wanting romance in their romantic relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/26 02:24 PM
17

It's not a secret and I think most people, feminists included, would agree and acknowledge that there are ways in which women happily go along with and benefit from patriarchal norms. What you're doing is trying to overgeneralize the views and experiences of 50% of the human population. It's not that simple.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/26 04:37 PM
16

The rest of what he said is basically a bunch of generalizations which are only substantiated by his personal experiences It's not really sharing personal experiences that bugs me, it's taking those experiences and drawing conclusions about 50% of the human race with such absolute and uncritical confidence It's just pure arrogance
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 05:18 PM
–

So you don't like your sister or the women in your CS classes, and you are using those personal experiences to write off 50% of the human population? Are you sure you're the one being rational here?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/26 04:50 PM
–

What this post is basically doing is attacking liberal scientific consensus by ascribing it to a much more narrow group that can more easily be scapegoated or treated as a scary boogeyman. We have institutions like academia and media journalism that use processes of formal review and critique to form consensus around certain broad social and scientific topics. OP has a problem with how this institutional consensus challenges a broader constellation of traditional and conservative beliefs. But to…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/26 03:31 PM
13

Definitely, there are women out there that won't ever be able to maintain a relationship for all the same reasons that some men won't
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 06:44 PM
4

I think of bluepill and redpill as different spheres of behaviors and attitudes rather than opposing philosophies that are attempting to explain the same reality. There are contexts where redpill theory is right on the money and helpful to people trying to navigate those contexts, and same goes for bluepill.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/26 06:43 PM
7

What does this even mean? What does "slutty" mean to you? Because to me it would imply someone that probably wouldn't be satisfied with monogamy and wants casual sexual relationships with different partners. I would never call a woman that likes sex in the context of a committed relationship a "slut".
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/26 11:51 PM
–

"Women are shallow, their standards are too high! And no, absolutely I would not be interested in that rich, successful, talented and funny movie star! She looks weird, gross!"
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:57 PM
9

Maybe, maybe not, but before we go down that rabbithole will you admit that you were just completely talking out of your ass when you said this: The family unit came before religion and religion was adopted to support it, not the other way around
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:47 PM
6

You don't think saying "you're not a family" to a couple is invalidating that they are family to each other?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:45 PM
16

You're actually very wrong about that, people used to organize themselves into much looser "kinship groups" and the traditional "family unit" is really a much more recent invention, not just of Christianity but of industrial modernity.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:39 PM
9

Two people can be family to each other, it's really sad that for some reason you're trying to invalidate that
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:33 PM
–

Nothing you just said reflects any of my personal experiences, nor is anything you just said reflected in sociological or psychological research on attraction. What it does reflect is every manosphere influencer and video essayist I have ever heard bloviating on the topic.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:30 PM
31

Everything
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:27 PM
10

lol this is probably one of the saddest individuals I have ever seen post in this sub
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:26 PM
9

lol that's just sad, who hurt you?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:25 PM
18

Basically he's saying that human beings are no better than animals and we shouldn't pretend like we have any degree of autonomy or higher spirituality and we should instead just fuck and pop out babies to perpetuate the species because anything else is meaningless "hedonism." Personally, I disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:24 PM
36

How is a long-term, supportive, healthy and loving relationship a "short-term pleasure"?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:22 PM
–

Not just familiarity, but even basic associations, like seeing someone smile, or pet a dog, or perform some small kindness - these will actually influence how visually attractive they seem to us. This also doesn't work both ways between men and women. Men care about women's personalities and morals much more than women do. lol I just completely disagree. Not every single topic has to always be men vs. women you know? You can drop the gender war any time you feel like it and I promise you the wor…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 11:04 PM
–

lol cope
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 10:37 PM
–

Well, there's another dark reality, which is that you can use psychological manipulation to make up for all sorts of personal flaws, if you are smart enough and unscrupulous enough to do it...
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 10:34 PM
–

It's actually been demonstrated in studies, people with asymmetrical features are perceived as more visually attractive when context is provided to establish that they are really good people (e.g. smart, kind, funny, successful, etc.). Our subconscious mind has a ton of influence on our basic visual impressions. So when we take an "ugly" person, make them as visually presentable as possible, and then provide contextual associations with other desirable non-physical traits, we get an ("unconventi…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 10:32 PM
–

Exactly, I think people just aren't good at parsing out the actual physical limitations from the non-physical associations they have with what they're seeing. Our visual impression of a person is highly influenced by what we infer about the person based on what we're seeing. Greasy hair and stained clothes don't just look bad in an immediate sense, they also imply that you are lazy or immature or careless.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 10:23 PM
–

Whatever the inherent / physical characteristics are, someone will see them as cute and unconventionally attractive, particularly once they are cleaned up, presented well, and associated with a good personality. I truly believe there is no exception to this.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 10:20 PM
–

This guy is not ugly. First of all, he's a teenage kid and sometimes teenagers are just temporarily awkward, especially when it comes to acne, but also body type and demeanor. We shouldn't judge teenagers so harshly, that's just cruel. Second, he's got a cute face, despite the acne. Third, he could be even cuter if he was all cleaned up, with a more flattering haircut, nice clothes, etc. Fourth, our visual perception of him is biased given that he's a murderer.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 10:17 PM
–

Nobody is inherently ugly. Either you are inherently conventionally attractive, or you are inherently unconventionally attractive. People are only extrinsically ugly - essentially, ugly by choice. They fail to capitalize on their unconventional attractiveness through poor hygiene, unkempt / unflattering clothes or hair, a sour or unfriendly demeanor, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 10:12 PM
1

I think when people talk about how women (and men for that matter) should lower their standards, they are usually implying that their standards are so unrealistic or hyper-idealistic that they are setting themselves up for disappointment, as much as they are also disappointing the people they reject. This is because literally everyone has flaws, and when you are in a relationship those flaws come out eventually. If you reject people as soon as their flaws emerge, you're going to end up completel…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 09:25 PM
3

It just makes absolutely no logical sense why you would make paternity testing opt-out instead of opt-in. You claim that it is protecting men, but protecting them from what exactly? It's not protecting them from being held financially responsible for a child that is not their actual offspring, because they already have recourse against that by opting-in to the paternity test. So it's really specifically about protecting putative fathers that were too lazy, ignorant, or incompetent to respond to …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 06:43 PM
1

Sometimes, it depends on whether the person recognizes those accomplishments as a reflection of the person behind them, or if it is really just the social clout - regardless of what established it - that they're after. Because again, hypergamy has a negative connotation specifically because it is superficial and selfish.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/25 09:30 PM
5

The meaning and connotation of "hypergamy" is specifically that you are choosing a new partner for superficial and self-serving reasons, usually either money or social status/reputation. It doesn't make sense to use "hypergamy" to describe choosing a new partner based on preferences that are actually substantial and meaningful, like genuine feelings of admiration and respect for what the new partner does for a living.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/25 08:38 PM
8

Also, don't be mad that you can't catch flounder in a lake, or you can't catch tuna without a net. I actually know nothing about fishing so I can't say whether my exact analogy works, but my point is that people often don't consider lowering their standards given their circumstances.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/25 06:55 PM
2

I think women are just more emotionally complex and it makes it harder for them to give straight-forward advice or to cleanly summarize their feelings about a given person or situation. It doesn't mean we have to dismiss their advice entirely, but it's more about reading between the lines and looking for explanations for any contradictions. The inverse problem actually arises when men also oversimplify their advice and leave out a lot of the emotional subtext behind their interactions with the w…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/25 06:51 PM
1

I think it's not really that an attractive man's advice is going to be worthless to a less attractive man, but that an attractive man's advice is going to applicable when there is parity of attractiveness between the man and the woman. It's specifically going to be worthless when you are trying to start something with a woman that is more attractive than you. But there are still things to learn in terms of how to express confidence, how to subtly and respectfully initiate physical contact, etc. …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/25 06:47 PM
0

I can see that. I think men and women also being aware of their differences and ways of navigating things like stress. 100% this! Learning that the things that destress you might not work for your spouse and vice versa, that's so important to figure out and be mindful of.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/25 11:19 PM
2

Also, family/divorce law is so adversarial to men that wifing up a nobody just isn’t a smart move. It's not that the law is adversarial to men, it's just that the presumption of a 50/50 split of income and assets tends to favor women over men since men tend to earn more, statistically speaking. But it's a rebuttable presumption, all high-earning men need to do is require a prenup from their non-working spouse-to-be. Overall, I have seen women give a lot materially, and give up a lot materially w…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/25 10:57 PM
23

I'm pretty sure that studies have indicated that people do tend to seek economic parity in their relationships - especially for high-earning professionals, they tend to seek out and form relationships with other high-earning professionals. Personally, I don't care if my partner makes more or less than I do, I only care if they are as stable and self-sufficient as I am.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/25 10:37 PM
9

You should read about sexuality during the Victorian era. Sometimes the facade of propriety exists precisely because there is something intense happening underneath.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 08:11 PM
14

Being nice/gentlemanly is not automatically incompatible with being freaky. Very true. I have known some very nice, polite, reserved people whose sexual proclivities were revealed to me in a roundabout way, and have been surprised by what they get into.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 08:09 PM
1

Are you sure they're not maybe a little bit attracted to you? ;)
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 08:08 PM
4

Good response - basically just try to practice good social science, try to be as objective as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 08:07 PM
1

Sure, there are degrees that are tolerable and intolerable. But still, beggars shouldn't act like choosers, that goes for both genders.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 06:55 PM
9

Niceness and dating success: A further test of the nice guy stereotype. This is the only study I can find affirming the "nice guys finish last" hypothesis for dating, but the sample size is tiny (~190 male respondents, only 20 female respondents) and only consists of college-aged men and women. I also can't find the full text of the study, so all we have to go on is the vague statement in the abstract: "Results supported the nice guy stereotype. Lower levels of agreeableness predicted more less-…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 05:41 PM
15

I don't think the "good guy" archetype that people refer to is necessarily the kind of guy that would explicitly label themselves as a "good guy." I think it's more like guys that are excessively, performatively polite and chivalrous towards women. Like, guys that won't ever tease a woman in a friendly way, or challenge a woman with an argument when they think it's warranted.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 05:28 PM
8

His three-paragraph TL;DR is especially funny lol
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 05:25 PM
5

babygirl
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 05:24 PM
11

The more I see posts like these, the more convinced I am that the real problem with dating is that the sane, stable, emotionally healthy people tend to pair up, get married or at least stay committed, and effectively take themselves out of the dating "market." What you are left with are a bunch of broken people trying to match with other broken people despite being too egotistical to tolerate brokenness in others.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 05:21 PM
23

I disagree with the premise that hobbies and interests are "deep" whereas basic personality compatibility is "shallow." I think you have that backwards, I think that in order from shallow to deep it goes: looks/aesthetics < hobbies/interests < personality. I kinda agree with the basic point you are making about not getting hung up on shared interests / hobbies, but the advice isn't to be more shallow (e.g. fixate on looks) but to be more deep (e.g. establish a real connection, enjoy real chemist…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 05:59 PM
6

There's a difference between improving because you genuinely want to or you want to explore your options vs checking off some boxes to meet certain woman's demands. Not really. Pretty much every area of self-improvement that would make you more attractive to women is an area you should want to improve upon for yourself. Stop worrying about what women think and do it for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 05:52 PM
1

Women aren't the only ones recommending self-improvement to men. In fact, it seems to me that men are primarily the ones encouraging self-improvement. And it's not just to help them get women, it's because self-improvement is its own reward. Regardless of whether you end up more successful in dating and relationships, you will feel better about your life when you are a better person.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/12/24 05:48 PM
5

I think for the topic at hand, you'd want a more narrow statistic that specifically looks at people that are capable of working but either choose not to due to lack of motivation, or are unable to land a job due to incompetency - wouldn't you agree? I assume those are the negative traits that you are trying to say are prevalent among people? Check out this table, it should give you some perspective: A-38. Persons not in the labor force by desire and availability for work, age, and sex
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 07:52 PM
8

Ah, that's where the misunderstanding stems. It's totally understandable that you would think that the unemployment rate would just be opposite of the employment rate, but that's not actually how it works. The "employment rate" is also often called the "participation rate" to avoid this confusion - it measures the percentage of all working-age adults participating in the workforce. This means that if you are a full-time student; disabled; independently wealthy or retired; a stay-at-home parent; …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 07:43 PM
7

I also have no idea how you came up with the 40% unemployment number, that's so far off it's laughable
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 07:34 PM
3

I generally like people and would be friends with probably the vast majority of people. But dating and sex for me is based on compatibility, so the percentages are going to be narrow there. All of those different things you listed about the general population don't bother me much, nobody is perfect. What would matter to me is whether our personalities gel, whether I actually enjoy spending time with you, whether we have some shared interests and values, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 07:32 PM
5

I think you probably could cook - anyone is capable of following a recipe, especially if you choose something simple. But from your flair it looks like you are married, does your partner do all the cooking then?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 07:20 PM
7

I know both men and women that rely way too much on take-out and other instant meals
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 07:17 PM
4

Not to mention that cooking together is fun and a good way to enjoy some quality time together
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 07:14 PM
0

I think I know where the disconnect is. It seems you’re looking at it through the lens of just enjoying the company. I’m looking at it through the lens of “I know what my goal is and if you’re not gonna be part of this goal, then there’s no point in wasting time”. Not quite. I am saying that you should figure out the basic enjoyment part before trying to figure out lifestyle compatibility, because immediately asking about lifestyle compatibility makes you seem presumptuous and entitled and will …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 07:11 PM
0

You know why, you said it yourself: If a guy pulled this on me out of the blue, I would interpret it as trying to be asshole. You don't want to seem like an asshole so you don't immediately ask about these things. You don't want to seem presumptuous or entitled. It's also not really a relevant consideration when you don't even know if you like spending time with each other yet. What if the person would have been compatible with you, both in terms of personality and lifestyle, but they ditched yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:58 PM
1

Most people would find it very off-putting to be grilled on their lifestyle as a means of determining compatibility for a long-term relationship, when you have only just started dating. Usually, people think of the early stages of dating as being about establishing comfort and trust, just trying to find out if there is more basic personality compatibility and whether you simply enjoy spending time with the person.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:46 PM
3

Meal prep works even better if you are really a food utilitarian. The only real drawback of meal prep is having to eat the same meals for a week straight, but it sounds like that wouldn't even bother you. At the very least just stock your fridge with sandwich ingredients instead of eating out, you will save a shit-ton of money.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:42 PM
1

I think when you have been dating someone for a bit, you reach a point where you are trying to get a sense of their lifestyle and how responsible they are. It would definitely be off-putting to ask these questions very early in a relationship, but I think it eventually becomes appropriate.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:36 PM
16

Totally agree with this. I should start phrasing it this way, i.e. "do you like to cook?" - because if I'm asking, it's really just because I want to nerd out over cooking and food.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:34 PM
7

I always make homemade lasagna for Christmas and it quite literally takes the whole day. I make my own pasta dough and roll it out. I slow-cook my own beef ragu sauce, which takes several hours. That's most of the day gone even before assembling and baking the thing. It's not something I would ever do during the week, it's definitely a recipe for special occasions. But still, it's very easy to find recipes that will take up your entire day, and usually the time and effort pays off.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:32 PM
1

It sounded to me like you were implying that since men always ogle breasts even when they are covered, it wouldn't matter if they were nude. I would disagree with that, I think it's a silly argument. Of course nude breasts are going to attract an even greater amount of attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:27 PM
8

Some recipes are very involved and take all day. Or, some people will prep a whole week's worth of meals in one day - you actually should try meal-prepping like this yourself, it's a game changer. You free up an insane amount of time every weekday evening, not having to cook, clean the kitchen, or even think about what to do for dinner.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:23 PM
4

I get what you're saying, but I would frame it more as wanting to know if a person responsibly takes care of their diet rather than specifically being able to cook. You can plan meals and eat pretty healthy without having to actually cook much on your own. Also, the reality is that when you are cohabiting with a partner in a long-term relationship, you are going to end up dividing duties according to your individual strengths. I am better in the kitchen than my wife, but my wife is better with f…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:19 PM
6

Sure, but you can't pretend like that means people are indifferent to nude breasts, as if they sexualize breasts just as much when they are covered up. The taboo against nudity is still real.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 06:14 PM
2

Then you don't follow actual red pill theory, which reduces relationships to transactions between selfish animals
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/24 03:59 PM
1

I'm not sure how these platforms work, is there a bio or something you are reading to get more of a substantial sense of their personality? Or is it just swiping left or right on a picture?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 09:56 PM
5

Two can play that game. Red pill = I only have completely superficial standards and will fuck anything that I can objectify as an eight or above, and then whine to anyone who will listen about how women are shallow and hypergamous
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 06:44 PM
4

Personally, I tag myself as BP because I believe in traditional concepts of love and healthy relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 06:37 PM
8

Some actual, non-strawmanned bluepill responses below: Why do women consistently date guys that are unapologetically not faithful to them? Do they? Is this a real, consistent trend? Or is it something that just happens sometimes and you're fixated on it? Women file for 4 out of 5 divorces. I believe the statistic is more like two-thirds of divorces are initiated by women. In any case, the unfortunate reality is that more women initiate divorce than men because more women experience marital dissa…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/24 06:34 PM
–

But even with "bottom-tier" people dating it each other, it doesn't make sense. Hygiene is beyond basic, I think it would be fair to assume that almost everyone should at the very least not stink.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/11/24 07:04 PM
–

I don't think women are to blame or are accountable for the "supply and demand" of dating. I think the core of the problem is that 1) women are generally more interested than men in emotional connection and long-term relationships, as opposed to casual dating and sex; and 2) women are generally more capable of maintaining a healthy long-term relationship than men. This leads to a situation where it is actually the men that are the supply bottleneck, specifically the men that are both interested …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/24 10:43 PM
–

I think the misconception comes from the fact that women require more of an emotional impetus to really become attracted to a guy. It's easier for women to look at a physically attractive guy and just acknowledge as an abstract matter that the guy is very attractive, without actually experiencing desire for them. What really produces that desire is an emotional connection of some sort, whether it is admiration of their skills or accomplishments, the relatability of shared perspectives or experie…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/24 05:33 PM
–

I don't think it's just that men are hornier, I think it's also that men have greater emotional needs that aren't being met in their friendships with other men. Women seem to be less reliant on men because their friendships with other women tend to be much more intimate and emotionally supportive.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/11/24 05:25 PM
31

The problem is that the conviction rate on reported sexual abuse is ridiculously low regardless of gender. Only about 16% of sexual abuse incidents reported to the police result in an arrest, and only about 9% end in the arrested perpetrator being convicted. It's not really a gender issue at all, it is just that the nature of the crime makes it difficult to prosecute. Sexual assaults tend to be perpetrated by someone that knows their victim personally, and they tend to happen when the victim is …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/24 11:52 PM
0

What you are doing is this very immature thing that I see a lot of people do when they are new to relationships, which is interpret your partner's assertion of boundaries, standards, approval / disapproval, etc. as some kind of authoritarian attempt to "control" you. The reality is that when you are in a committed relationship, the normal things that you would do as an individual now effect your partner and you need to constantly take that into account. That's not "controlling" that's just what …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 05:52 PM
6

I was willing to make difficult changes in my life based on the theories. Such as losing weight, getting in shape, forcing myself to socialize, finding hobbies and shit. But this isn't advice that anyone should associate with the unique aspects of redpill theory, this is just general good advice for being a healthy and well-rounded person. What is actually unique about redpill theory is the framing of casual sex relationships as transactional and based on shallow evopsych "instincts" - which is …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 10:44 PM
6

Sure, I think what bugs me is how often redpillers take their frustrations with women in that casual dating context and claim that they are the same reasons why LTRs/marriages fail. Like if a woman breaks up with / divorces their partner because he isn't meeting their basic relationship needs, a redpiller might be very quick to accuse that woman of the same form of "hypergamy" that women might practice in the casual setting. I think people need to do better at staying in their lanes.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 10:37 PM
9

Red pillers give better advice for men that are just looking for physically attractive women to have casual sex with, that's a set of priorities where treating people like they act on animal instinct makes sense. But the evopsych argument falls apart when you start to push it as if it is actually a natural scientific fact about human beings. Blue pillers give better advice for how to establish a psychologically-healthy and fulfilling long-term partnership with a woman, which requires a willingne…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 10:24 PM
11

There's some truth to this, I think both sides tend to universalize their own perspectives, experiences, and priorities. I think it's true that blue pill guys like myself, that have only had a handful of committed relationships ending with a healthy marriage, have limited insight into what it's like to only date casually and only collect notches on your bedpost. But likewise, red pill guys have limited insight into how to make a long-term relationship or a marriage work. I think what's important…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 10:19 PM
–

But the truth really isn't that "fucked up". The objective truth is that circumcision causes a negligible amount of harm, in exchange for slightly more negligible potential benefits. Still a bad idea that should be avoided, but the more you try to blow it out of proportion by pretending it's the same as something as horribly damaging as FMG, the more you discredit the reality that it is a slightly bad idea.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 09:56 PM
–

I disagree that calling circumcised men "mutilated" will prevent future victims. I think it makes you seem like a fucking nutjob instead of a person with objective information about the harms of circumcision that should be considered.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 09:54 PM
-1

I don't think dictionary definitions fully capture the implications and connotations of a word, we should be thinking more critically about what people mean when they choose a given word. But even going by that definition you provided, the penis is neither destroyed, removed, or severely damaged by circumcision. It retains full functionality barring the extremely rare case of any complications from the procedure.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:36 PM
1

I don't think it's relevant what medical authorities do or don't recommend, what's relevant to this particular discussion is the intentions of the parents. 70% of American men then, it doesn't change my point in the slightest
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:33 PM
1

Infants don't have bodily autonomy, not when it comes to medical decisions. And regardless of whether you agree with the medical justification or not, parents that choose circumcision believe in the medical justification for it. I would say there is a narrow argument for calling it "mutilation" if the parents are convinced that there is no medical justification, but that there is a cultural or just an aesthetic justification, as if circumcising the baby is the same as piercing its ears. But I do…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:28 PM
1

I'm not telling people to circumcise their babies, I am telling a circumcised guy not to feel bad about being circumcised so long as he is functional and still enjoys sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:11 PM
1

The argument in favor of circumcision is that there is some evidence that it promotes better hygiene, and that it reduces rates of STD contraction - however, the statistical evidence for this is shaky at best, it only really becomes significant in third world countries where basic hygiene practices are lacking and STD rates are much higher. So yes, I agree that there is effectively no real reason for it. My real point though is that men that have already been circumcised are not "mutilated" or d…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:10 PM
1

I disagree that legal abortion is low-stakes. Women can literally die when doctors refuse to perform life-saving abortions for fear of incurring legal liability. I disagree that FGM is low-stakes. FGM creates complete insensitivity and sexual dysfunction in women.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 08:06 PM
3

Yeah, exactly my point. Sensitivity is subjectively relative, which is why the metrics you would actually care about would be sexual dysfunction or sexual dissatisfaction. The only studies that show circumcised people reporting higher rates of dysfunction / dissatisfaction are survey studies that invite confirmation bias. When you look at medical data on patients that are reporting dysfunction and dissatisfaction for therapeutic purposes, there is no correlation with circumcision.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 07:47 PM
2

it's an objectively bad, unnecessary procedure. I spent a good amount of time researching this, because I also once believed that it was both objectively harmful and objectively unbeneficial. I wanted to find all the best studies to show that it was causing a significant amount of harm to achieve no benefit. Instead, I found study after study showing that it causes a statistically negligible amount of harm and produces a statistically negligible amount of benefit - in other words, it is a very l…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 07:29 PM
0

The point is that it is the intention and the belief in the justification that makes something "mutilation" or not. Circumcision, like removing a mole, is at least thought to be a form of preventative medicine. Maybe they are wrong about that, maybe they are right - but either way, the intention means that it is not mutilation.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:58 PM
1

First, I would point out that the reason a lot of parents continue to do circumcision these days is because a lot of people - including doctors - believe that it improves hygiene and helps prevent STDs. The research on this isn't really conclusive one way or another, but it's important to acknowledge that the parents that are choosing to circumcise their kids at least believe that there is a health-related justification for it. Second, I think when you use the hyperbolic language of calling circ…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:49 PM
4

Survey studies are really bad for this. Medical data is better because 1) it eliminates the potential for psychological confirmation bias and 2) the sample sizes are much larger. The men that voluntarily report sexual dysfunction or dissatisfaction to a doctor / therapist for treatment purposes are not more likely to be circumcised.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:14 PM
-5

Measuring raw sensitivity really doesn't matter when the person has no alternative reference point for the increased sensitivity. All that really matters are rates of sexual dysfunction and sexual dissatisfaction, and you will not be able to find any studies that show increased rates of either for circumcised men. Believe me, I did a ton of research into this a couple years ago because I was convinced that circumcision was a huge deal. I really wanted to find the evidence to support my position …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 06:02 PM
2

Is removing a mole "mutilation"? What about clipping your toenails, is that "mutilation"?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 05:53 PM
2

I wouldn't worry about it. All of the studies show that circumcised men don't report higher rates of sexual dysfunction and are just as satisfied with their sex lives. You're really not missing out on anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 05:49 PM
0

I would never circumcise my own kid, I don't think the hygiene / STD prevention benefits are worth the risk of complication. But in reality, it's an extremely low-stakes and unimportant issue. It's negligible benefits vs. negligible risks. There is only a 0.2% complication rate and for 91% of the 0.2% the complications are just extra bleeding or leftover skin that requires a follow-up surgery. What I do feel strongly about is not calling it "genital mutilation." It implies that parents do it for…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 05:47 PM
0

If you asked me "hypothetically, what condiments would you put onto a shit sandwich" I would still just respond with "this hypothetical is disgusting" rather than engaging with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/24 01:05 AM
6

You don't have to feel sad for me, I'm happily married
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 07:11 PM
7

It's truly sad that you think like that
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 07:04 PM
7

Hypothetically I would tell this guy to spend the money on psychotherapy, because hypothetically he's gonna need it.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 06:55 PM
4

OK, so it's just hypothetically disgusting.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 06:54 PM
2

I agree, I find it distasteful on multiple levels: objectifying people with x/10 numerical ratings, defining the win condition as sleeping with as many women as possible, implying that you can use money to get women to sleep with you. It's all pretty gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 06:43 PM
6

The premise is already screwed up by defining success in the game as "N count" instead of just getting into a healthy and mutually-fulfilling relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 06:41 PM
13

So basically you just save that money to pay for bail? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 06:38 PM
3

Personally, I think that's only about half of the problem. I think there are a lot of men that want casual sex instead of LTRs, but there are also a lot of men that want LTRs but aren't capable of establishing them. They either don't understand or are not capable of the kind of personal stability that is a prerequisite for sharing your life with a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 11:33 PM
1

But you're not describing a hierarchy that is based on personality types, you are describing a hierarchy based on competency. A shy and empathetic CEO will still be a great CEO if he still makes his company a shit-ton of money. And a confident asshole will still be nothing more than a janitor if he doesn't have any other skills or education that are more valuable.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 07:01 PM
1

it’s astrology for guys Not quite. People like astrology because it's kind of a fun way to talk about your life, your aspirations, your relationships, etc. Nobody actually believes it is real. Redpillers, on the other hand, have deluded themselves into thinking that they are doing real science lol
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 06:50 PM
2

It's fascinating to get a glimpse into this weird little mental world that you have constructed for yourself
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 06:42 PM
14

The trick that redpillers like to pull here is taking something so incredibly obvious that describing it would normally be asinine, and trying to make it seem more profound and less asinine by exhaustively describing it in pseudo-science terms. Yes, people like when other people have well-balanced personalities and aren't either total sociopaths or total doormats. Great insight.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/24 06:05 PM
6

I was looking for the musician in this thread, found her lol Can confirm, men love musical women
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 11:40 PM
5

My wife has a very technical production job, which I think is hot - like I'm sleeping with the manager ;)
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 11:39 PM
–

Where is the lie? There was a trial. The jury was mutually selected by the prosecution and the defense. The jury heard all of the evidence and all of the testimony. They convicted your God-Emperor of sexual abuse. Case closed.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 07:00 PM
–

Nah, the Republicans compromised literally every principle they have ever claimed to hold by endorsing Trump. Law and order? Nope, they endorse a convicted criminal. Strict-but-fair immigration policies? Nope, they endorsed Trump after he sabotaged a massive, much-needed immigration reform bill that was drafted by fellow Republicans. Traditional values of home and family? Nope, they endorsed Trump even after he cheated on his pregnant wife with a pornstar. Democracy and free-and-fair elections? …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 06:51 PM
–

A jury convicted Trump of sexual abuse, making Trump a convicted sex offender. Keep coping, it's very funny to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 06:43 PM
–

"The judicial system isn't consistent or honest! Proof? Our God-Emperor Trump was convicted, what more proof do you need?!"
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 06:41 PM
–

Haha the "lawfare" cope, classic. It's hard to believe that about 12 years ago the Republicans were the party of law and order, now look what they've become.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 05:58 PM
–

You do it to yourself, actually. You spend all your time on social media, you teach the algorithm that your righteous indignation against a minority of "woke" leftists is the content you like, you get more of that content pushed in front of your face, and it warps your entire view of politics. Harris was not a woke candidate. She never brought up feminist talking points, she hardly ever mentioned trans rights or trans acceptance. She wanted to give you the child tax credit, a subsidy for first-t…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 04:43 PM
–

You're right, they're horrible liars. Trump is a convicted sex offender, not a convicted rapist. SMH
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/24 04:40 PM
21

The vast majority of incidents of violence against women are perpetrated by men that personally know the victim, most notably their partner or spouse. This is usually what women are complaining about, and it's not the type of scenario where other men are bystanders that could intervene. But to the extent that women complain about the potential of being randomly assaulted in public, with other men around as bystanders, sure, I would say that's a silly thing to complain about given how statistical…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 09:45 PM
36

We live in a civilized society. There is a vanishingly small probability that you would ever be in a situation where a woman requires your physical protection. All you are really saying is that you are giving up on your favorite power fantasy, and I don't think anyone cares one way or another.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 09:31 PM
5

Do you disagree that choosing a partner for a LTR is going to involve different standards and different considerations than looking for a hot girl to have casual sex with?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 05:30 PM
4

I'm trying to point out something that OP is kinda right about, which is that oftentimes men will be vague about what they actually want, which is why the advice they receive from women about how to get women seems off to them. What you did was you described some qualities you appreciate in a woman, but you said nothing about what the actual relationship with the woman should be like. So if a woman was to mistakenly assume that you were looking for a LTR when you were just looking for casual sex…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 05:01 PM
4

That's what you want in a partner, but not what you want from a partner. Are you looking for casual sex? A LTR? Something in-between?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 04:51 PM
1

Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/24 04:49 PM
0

We're talking about separate things. I'm talking about a personal investment in your career, as a lifestyle choice and as a means of fulfillment, because OP is implying that women can't both seek personal fulfillment in their career and also the fulfillment of being a mother. You're just bringing up the obvious point that having children is difficult if you don't earn good money and don't have good benefits like health insurance and maternity leave. Those concerns actually become less significan…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 10:53 PM
3

Is that your point here? That you need a good partner if you want kids? Well, yeah...what an amazing insight...
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 06:27 PM
6

In reality, you are only talking about a very slim segment of women that are invested in extremely competitive career paths where taking a few months off for maternity is going to completely derail them. Most professional careers that are worth being invested in are going to accommodate that time off and allow women to pick up where they left off once they're ready.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 06:24 PM
0

Except that's not my claim at all, I'm not claiming that it will happen automatically by continuing to focus on women's issues and I do want us to focus on men's issues.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/24 02:14 PM
-1

Yeah, ultimately it's not even really important whether or not it's a strong speculation to expect the left to move towards stronger support of men's issues. What's really important is to treat those issues like more than just talking points online to fire off against feminists.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 08:53 PM
1

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think this was a jury decision and I also don't even think the judge has discretion. Child support and paternity goes by strict interpretation of the law, which is why you end up with such an absurd result when these scenarios aren't contemplated in the letter of the law.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 08:49 PM
0

what guys like you view as "lack critical thinking" is anyone who mindless agrees with the agenda Yes, that's exactly what a lack of critical thinking is on the left: mindless agreement with an agenda, also known as dogmatism. There are stupid people on the left that are just "men bad, women good, do good things for women, nobody cares about men." This is what you get when you sign onto the agenda of improving conditions for women, without thinking critically about why women AND men suffer becau…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 01:16 AM
2

There are limits to that concern. I wouldn't impose the obligation on a man that has been raped I feel like that goes without saying, are you being honest when you ask me that question?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 01:00 AM
1

I am aware of that case and completely disagree with it. I would be in favor of exceptions in the cases of pregnancies that result from men being raped.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 12:12 AM
0

Men are actually not more emotionally expressive now, not sure why you would think that. Actually, displays of emotion like open weeping as well as platonic physical affection between men was much more accepted prior to the 20th century or so. Loneliness and lack of purpose are also important factors, but this again comes down to patriarchal values that feminists have also accurately identified. Men are treated as beings without inherent value, they must have a "purpose" or a "utility" or else t…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 12:02 AM
1

Its never going to happen becuase fundamentally actual advocacy for men means conceding central principles progressives fought for where wrong. I just explained why this is wrong, advocacy for men's issues actually completely aligns with the feminist ideological project of ending patriarchy, because a lot of those issues directly relate to what they describe as "patriarchy." For example, men's issues with depression and suicidality are directly linked to the "patriarchal" notion that men should …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 11:07 PM
0

Someone giving up their kid for adoption because they do not want to support it is not prioritizing the well-being of the child. No, it really is in the best interests of the child to be put up for adoption because they will suffer if they are with an incapable or unwilling parent.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 10:24 PM
–

He [Silverman] died as a warning of what happens to men who try to help other men. That's definitely something, and it's far less of a disservice than what the people who killed him are doing (smearing other men for not wanting to be bullied to death, like you are doing here). This is you, claiming that the lesson we should take from Silverman's death is to not help men because it leads to suicide. Unbelievably disgusting.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 09:05 PM
2

This is the last reply I'll waste on you, because your reading comprehension is so incredibly poor and I find your views to be absolutely morally repugnant. But my premise is not that support centers are bad but only that they struggle to stay open because they are under-utilized by men.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 08:49 PM
5

I don't know why this guy is flaired purple, because he has said some pretty disgusting reactionary stuff in this thread, like saying Silverman "died as a warning" to other men to never bother trying to help fellow men. So yeah, I called him out specifically. Screw this guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 08:47 PM
7

For those who are capable of a bit more critical thinking, which admittedly isn't everyone, there is an understanding that the feminist project of unwinding the patriarchy coincides with unwinding the same societal biases that hurt men, such as the expectation that we can't be good caretakers for children, or the way we are treated as disposal tools whose feelings don't matter. The understanding is already there and I think it will grow over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 08:26 PM
2

Doesn't really address any of my arguments but OK, you do you
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:53 PM
8

Fetuses are not children, although I am guessing we will have to just agree to disagree on that one. And to reiterate, child support and paternity laws do not exist to create the most fair outcomes for both mothers and fathers. They exist only to support the well-being of children. Yes, it is more difficult for men to enjoy consequence-free sex. I don't care, I care about children more.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:34 PM
15

Yep, the "paper abortion" or "financial abortion" is sadly too often a thing that MRAs advocate for. Instead of focusing on DV against men or the promotion of men's mental health, they want the government to subsidize their right to nut in women without consequence.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:33 PM
3

Again, that's why I posited this as a direction that will be taken in the future. There is nothing about feminist reactionary tendencies that strikes me as a permanent feature of the left in general, especially since the left already has a good number of people - men and women - that recognize the value in helping men.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:31 PM
3

Because the other side, e.g. people like you, literally want to maintain the problems that men face so that you can continue to have talking points against modern feminists. It's literally all you care about. You literally tell men not to bother trying to help other men because doing so will make you want to kill yourself. You don't actually care about men at all. The left will come around to properly advocating for men, because actual care is common among the left. It is completely absent in re…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:27 PM
4

Is suicide the same thing as domestic violence?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:24 PM
22

I disagree with "paper abortions" too, we can get into that if you want. Basically, I think our current laws on paternity and child support are designed to protect children, not mothers nor fathers, and I agree with that principle: we should prioritize the well-being of children above all else, and allowing fathers to "opt-out" of financially supporting their child only hurts children.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:06 PM
2

I think you're more or less right about what the excuse for men's advocacy looks like among the left today, but that's why I said it would be initiated by the progressive left in the future. There is a significant portion of the left today that is more evolved in its thinking and already recognizes why men's advocacy is important, and that portion of the left will grow over time - because generally, that's how leftist movements change over time. There is internal criticism, the thinking evolves,…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:04 PM
8

To be clear, nobody killed Silverman but Silverman. This is really important to understand. Yes, there were injustices against Silverman and his efforts that motivated his suicide. But suicide is a choice, and it is always the wrong choice. By using Silverman's suicide as an excuse to stop trying to advocate for men, you are conceding your autonomy and embracing powerlessness and implying that suicide is a justifiable choice in our society. It is just plain wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 07:01 PM
1

This sent me down a research rabbithole to find what the best men's advocacy groups currently are. Here's one that seems really based, at least so far: ManKind Project Global Regions - ManKind Project
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 06:53 PM
6

Why does everything have to come down to "biological predispositions" with redpillers? Not gonna lie, it's kinda gross. You're saying that men are never going to advocate for their fellow men because we are all mindless beasts that are competing for supremacy in our gene pool? Gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 06:39 PM
8

To be honest, she's kind of right. If you point to Silverman as a reason why you can't or shouldn't try to open up or support men's DV shelters, then he died for nothing and you are doing a great disservice to men everywhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 06:35 PM
21

Did he blame feminism? I think most of his note was blaming the Canadian government for not helping him with funding his shelter.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 06:34 PM
7

Silverman's story is incredibly powerful and sad, but he was not the only true men's rights advocate, and his shelter was not the only and the last DV shelter made for men. The real issue with DV shelters for men is on the demand side. Men are far less likely than women to avail themselves of these services, which makes them difficult to maintain separate from the facilities that primarily serve women. To any men out there that need to escape a bad domestic situation: please know that you can ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 06:30 PM
60

I would imagine that, in the hopefully-not-too-distant future, real men's advocacy will probably come from a progressive left movement with the support of both genders. For now, it is going to continue to be something that conservative men pay lip-service to as part of their true agenda, which is merely engaging in reactionary discourse against modern feminists.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 06:24 PM
40

I feel like this is a good answer and a lot of times the whole concept of compatibility gets lost in these conversations. People seem to want to create a checklist of objective features and characteristics that make a person desirable, so that they can hold people accountable for rejecting someone that has objectively checked enough boxes. That's not how it works in reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 03:44 PM
1

I think all bets are off when you're talking about online dating. I've never experienced it myself but everything I hear about dating apps sounds like a total nightmare.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 10:15 PM
3

To clarify, their position isn't that there are no good men but that the kind of men that they want are already in stable relationships, which makes perfect sense because what they are selecting for are characteristics that make a man capable of maintaining a stable relationship. Now, I will repeat what I conceded earlier: in the absence of any specific information we could just as easily assume that these women are coping and that the men they briefly dated aren't actually that bad and actually…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 09:08 PM
3

So when you say this: Either those women are below average, or they're lying about what they demand of men. You're really just saying "they're lying" and that's all your real argument boils down to? Just straight-up, no, they're lying? That's not very convincing, but OK.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:59 PM
4

What I'm saying is that I think I would probably look at my wife's friends and think they are average, whereas you would call them below average. And really this explains where your entire view comes from. If you only fixate on the very high standards and the entitled attitudes of very attractive women that you have incorrectly identified as the average, then of course it is going to seem like women as a general whole have unrealistically high standards and entitled attitudes. If you were able t…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:48 PM
2

That's usually women describing how they are now into completely different types of men now they are more mature Well, yeah. When a woman is in her 20's she isn't going to care as much about how stable or responsible a guy is, because all the guys her age are just trying to figure out their lives, just like she is. And when a woman is in her 30's and has the basics of her life pretty much figured out, she doesn't want a guy that still acts like he is in his 20's. She's not going to want a guy wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:38 PM
3

Sorry, I think maybe I'm being too vague about "self-care," it's a lot more than just basic hygiene. It's basically everything that an adult should be doing to keep their life in order and to keep small problems from exploding into big problems. Basically, women just need to know that if they get more invested into the relationship they're not going to be put into a position where they need to be your Mommy.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:34 PM
2

Nah, I've met some of the dudes these ladies are willing to date, they're average just like the ladies are average
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:26 PM
3

To me it sounds like that's about wanting to be with someone that's more mature when you also have become more mature? It definitely doesn't sound like it's about hypergamy based on looks alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:25 PM
2

I don't think anything I described qualifies as "chad lite," I think these are reasonable standards to have when choosing a partner. If I wasn't married, I would also be looking for a woman that has her own job, practices good adult self-care, is mature and emotionally stable, and is pleasant to talk to and be with.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:21 PM
1

That sounds awful, good thing women generally aren't like that at all
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 08:18 PM
3

When it comes to physical attraction, I think both genders just want a degree of parity. By definition, most people are average and most people are perfectly fine with average.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:37 PM
0

But do you think it is smart? Not smart? Realistic? Good idea? Bad idea? This is obviously what OP is trying to get you to weigh-in on
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:35 PM
20

Obviously it would be his own business, but the OP is soliciting your opinion on it lol
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:34 PM
1

Not really, I've seen the guys they bring around to get-togethers, they're not fit or anything. Just typical middle-aged dudes with dad bods and average facial features.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 06:19 PM
2

Either those women are below average, or they're lying about what they demand of men. Third option: when men assess women, their standards are way too high and they are actually just dismissing the opinions of average women. Also, I might agree that it's at least possible that these women have higher standards than they are actually admitting to - if it wasn't for the anecdotes they would share about their specific experiences and how their specific standards weren't met.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 05:01 PM
2

Yeah, none of that seems true from what I understand goes on in my own social circle
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 04:23 PM
-2

I'm married but my wife always has her singles friends over and I eavesdrop on them while they talk about dating. The way they talk about it makes it seem that there is a severe drought of men that are just basic and normal. Like, their bar is not high at all. They just want a man that has a full-time job; has a basic level of adult maturity and emotional stability; and is nice and pleasant to talk to. That's literally all it would take to get a date with them, but it sounds like every single gu…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/24 04:05 PM
0

Sure, I'm just trying to point out that there are times when this is a good excuse, and times when it isn't a good excuse, depending on the situation and the behavior. Cheating is never justified, there are no excuses for it so it's not an excuse there. But it would be an excuse for breaking up with a partner that can't meet your needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 10:38 PM
1

But we are saying it is not just an emotional need but also a biological need, in the same way that we "need" to exercise and get enough sleep. This is mostly due to our prostates, in addition to the other positive physical benefits that come from regularly relieving ourselves. It sounds like you would agree now that it is a biological need?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 10:35 PM
2

But what do you think people mean when they say it is a "biological need"? Do you honestly think they mean they will die without it? Or do you think they really mean that it is a more general "need" that relates to their body, like how we "need" to exercise or "need" to get at least 6 hours of sleep every night?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 09:10 PM
-2

Cheating is something that happens when people's needs aren't being met, whether those needs are physical, emotional, or both. It's never justified because you should always be honest with your partner and break things off before moving on. That said, sexual intimacy is important to relationships and a man that isn't having their sexual needs met is at least justified in ending the relationship and finding a new partner that can reciprocate.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 09:03 PM
1

JFC bro...no, just no. Regular masturbation is healthy, normal, and good for your prostate. Don't emasculate men for wanting to take care of themselves, wtf is wrong with you
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 08:59 PM
-1

That's a very strange, reductive thing to say. You don't think there are things that you do that are in the interest of your long-term physical health, but won't immediately kill you if you don't do them? For men, the big thing is prostate health. If we don't release regularly, it causes serious problems for us in the long-term. And that's aside from all of the positive benefits that sexual release brings, both physically and mentally. Not relieving ourselves isn't going to kill us, but it's gon…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 08:56 PM
-2

Why is this just a screengrab? We need more context than this. We don't know what this is in response to, what specific behavior is being excused. It sounds like this is about cheating on a partner that would never reciprocate sexual intimacy, if that's all it is would you say that's invalid?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 08:52 PM
1

This requires a lot more context, specifically you would need to assess this based on what sorts of behaviors a guy is trying to excuse. Like, if you are wearing some revealing clothing and a guy is absent-mindedly staring at your body, and he brings up his masculine sexuality as an excuse after you call him out, I think that's kinda valid. Excusing anything more serious, definitely not valid.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/24 08:47 PM
4

Mmm...no, dogs are not fun if they are poorly trained, don't respect your boundaries and wreck all your stuff. You have to train a dog to be obedient and respectful before the dog becomes a fun part of your life. Not saying that you need to train your partner to respect you as if they are a dog, I am actually saying that the analogy is just really bad but to the extent there is something true in it, it's that respect is necessary.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/10/24 05:23 PM
6

The even bigger problem is that nobody qualifies these statements as coming from their perspective. Everything is universalized as if it always applies to everyone. It's never "I prefer..." or "what I want in a relationship is..." or "what works for me is..." It's always "All men/women prefer..." or "what all men/women want in a relationship is..." or "what all men/women should do is..."
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 09:19 PM
7

We can try again if you'd like. The question I asked is whether women would be justified in withholding communication about their needs to their partner, given that there is a risk that their communication will be misconstrued as nagging? You responded by pointing out that sometimes men don't listen to criticisms, which is true, sometimes that happens, but do you see how that isn't an answer to my question?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 08:43 PM
10

Well, in this case we are communicating on reddit so our communication is entirely verbal and I have no clue what you're on about lol
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 08:35 PM
2

That's not really an answer to my question but ok
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:56 PM
2

Maybe you don't care, that's on you. But the reason why most people want to be charitable in their interpretations of other people's statements is because it's more convincing and more honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:27 PM
6

I think to show it's hypergamy you have to be able to show that she only left her partner for her new partner for those reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:24 PM
12

Are you saying that because this sometimes can happen, women are always justified in withholding their feedback?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:13 PM
1

First of all, given your uncharitable interpretation of one comment in this thread already I'm not going to take you at your word on another comment, I would need to see the full quote and context. Second, I don't think one stupid comment in a reddit thread is evidence of what the general consensus of the thread is. It seems like most people here recognize what reasonable obligations are in a marriage / LTR.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:10 PM
2

I don't know what "bluepill" means to you, but to me it just means that I have more of a traditional view of romantic love and relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:07 PM
3

Sorry, you're right, it's not "easy" in that sense. What I really meant by "easy" is that it is concrete, easily identified, and provides a well-defined path forward in your life even if that path forward is still very difficult. What is much more nebulous and uncertain is personal self-improvement, i.e. identifying why you are falling short of personal fulfillment and what you need to do to become the best version of yourself. It is quite often the case that people will fully reflect in this wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 07:00 PM
7

I said this elsewhere, but we should never judge relationships based on half of the perspective on that relationship. Our default assumption should be that both people fucked it up, and we should only shift out of that assumption when we have a full picture.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:51 PM
-2

I think it happens both ways, and what they are describing is at least worth considering. I've seen situations where people are dissatisfied with their life in general and they project their dissatisfaction on their partner rather than working with their partner on mutual self-improvement. Removing your partner from your life seems like an easier, instant fix, and then people come to realize that it was life itself that was difficult and now they have to deal with that difficulty head-on and wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:49 PM
1

I think they are just trying to point out that what OP is saying only applies when the woman is actually good and that all women can't be automatically assumed to be good. I think it's a reasonable point to raise. We often cast judgments on people's relationships after only hearing one perspective on that relationship, it's really something we should avoid doing. My default assumption is that a relationship failed because both partners failed to hold it together, and I only change that assumptio…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:41 PM
1

I think most people would agree that "hypergamy" really only applies to superficial things like physical attractiveness, wealth or social status.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:37 PM
16

The only thing I would point out is that this only holds true if the wife has communicated her needs and her disappointments to her husband and given him a chance to improve the relationship. Sometimes it really is blindsiding when she is withholding that feedback because she is avoiding conflict or her insecurities don't allow her to share her feelings out of fear that criticisms might be reciprocated. And then when it finally comes out, the resentment that has built up over time is too much to…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/24 06:35 PM
1

I said purely transactional. Of course there is a transactional element to relationships, but there is also an element of sacrifice in relationships, a desire to give of oneself to another with no expectation of return. The sacrificial element is either small and motivated by a simple feeling of empathy and connection with human beings, like holding a door open for someone as a gesture of respect. Or, the sacrificial element could be great when it is motivated by interpersonal love and a deep de…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 11:54 PM
12

Men are conditioned by society to respect women. Which is stupid because women have done nothing to earn respect and those who demand respect are the most unworthy of that respect. If a specific womam earns respect then she should be respected but women should not be respected in general. I completely disagree with this general idea that respect must be earned. I think the default is (and should be) that we respect our fellow human beings out of a sense of universal empathy, and we only lose res…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/24 03:45 PM
1

I just want to point out that there is no single monolithic form of feminism, nor is there even this difference between unhinged feminism and "we just want equality" feminism. Basically, all "feminism" refers to is any set of beliefs about what sorts of changes in society would help women become more free and empowered. It describes a shared concern, not a shared set of beliefs or prescriptions about that concern.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 09:27 PM
0

I usually just hear that complaint coming from whatever people were involved in the project trying to make excuses for their shoddy work, but I don't usually hear it being echoed broadly by normal people. But maybe it's because I'm not on Twitter and Twitter is always a massive dumpster fire of bad takes.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 05:43 PM
4

Was there much backlash against people criticizing that movie? I felt like that movie was universally shit on because it was just a really bad movie.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 05:26 PM
3

I would also point out that both men and women feel free to criticize men that display feminine characteristics, all the time. If you are a man and you are agreeable, submissive, emotionally sensitive, nurturing, physically petite, etc., then you are free game for everyone to talk shit about. We shouldn't think in terms of just criticizing women unfairly, we should be thinking in terms of criticizing feminine characteristics unfairly.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/10/24 05:24 PM
1

Isn't that part of the fun of a debate sub that is about dating and gender politics?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 06:26 PM
7

Can I ask why you flaired yourself as bluepill? Because this kind of fixation on instinctual reproduction strategies and quantifying people's value in a dating "marketplace" is very much a redpill thing, I just find it odd.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 06:25 PM
1

Don't you really just mean to say "I should aim to reproduce with the top 20% of men because that's what I want for myself"?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 06:23 PM
3

Then why complain about it not being fun, like OP is?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 07:05 PM
2

Sad if true
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 06:03 PM
13

That's fair, maybe just because you want to have fun doesn't mean that you will. But that said, don't you think that if you want to optimize your chances of having fun on a date, you should just focus on making the date as fun as possible? Isn't that better than fixating on how you are a 6 but your date is an 8 so there is a marketplace discrepancy that you have to make up for somehow, yada yada?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 06:02 PM
61

I think no matter what, if you are going into a date thinking about "sexual market values" and "relationship market values" you already aren't going to have fun. If you want to have fun, you should go into a date thinking about how to have fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 05:45 PM
4

Yup, I don't think your hypothetical of men being the child-bearing gender would change anything at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 05:10 PM
6

The point of a hypothetical is to test a principle to see if it holds up in a different situation. But you didn't actually test the principle because the situation isn't actually different. Because again, if your hypothetical is just that genders are switched, then you haven't controlled for gender norms in the hypothetical situation.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 04:51 PM
30

It's a very silly hypothetical. Most of our gender norms stem from the fact that women are the ones to get pregnant and give birth to our babies. If you assume that men get pregnant, then all of the same gender norms would follow, including the norms that make abortion taboo.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/24 03:56 PM
17

If they are about to get married and about to have a kid together, but they are quibbling over equal responsibility for the finances, to me that seems like a massive red flag. Especially since you said they both already have "substantial savings and inheritance" which to me implies that there is no real financial struggle that is stressing out both partners. Then why argue over it? Seems very strange to me, probably a reflection of deeper relationship issues that have nothing to do with money. L…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 10:13 PM
–

Nah, believe it or not a lot of men have self-respect and the stereotype of all men being sex-crazed idiots is just completely false.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 04:44 PM
–

There's absolutely no reason to believe this is a gendered thing. Everyone is biased towards attractive people, it's an incredibly natural and obvious thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 04:43 PM
–

It's really funny that it took me a second to realize this comment was about the reply to the meme and not the meme lol
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/24 04:41 PM
3

This complete misrepresentation of someone's point is one of the things I have trouble grasping: Yep. I'm a slut and I contaminate the dating pool. But I'm selfish and enjoy having fun!" And just generally the notion that women are accountable for lifestyle choices when they seek casual sex, but men are not accountable for the same lifestyle choices but are instead seen as the people you desire and want in your life despite deciding to sleep with the "sluts." It's just a baffling inconsistency t…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 05:49 PM
–

I think of it in terms of there being different social arenas or different "games" that people choose to play when it comes to dating. One of those "games" is the one where people objectify each other according to physical attractiveness on a number system, and then decide that they are obligated to take a lot of bad treatment and bullshit because their number is lower than their partner's. But not everyone plays that game. There is a different game where you actually have self-respect, and wher…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 04:41 PM
–

I'm not a psychologist and I don't want to speculate too much, but I think escalating risk-taking might suggest a lack of impulse control, which can be a symptom of a lot of different things. It also could just be a form of emotional dysregulation, like they are using the thrill-seeking as a coping mechanism. I would just be careful, and if you care about this person don't be afraid to tell them "no" and encourage them to get help.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 03:08 PM
3

How did anything she said indicate guilt? Such a weird take. Honestly, you fascinate me, I just can't wrap my brain around how you think about these things
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 02:57 PM
5

You can't have it both ways. You can't blame men for making choices that are incompatible with your own, but also complain about women ruining men that would otherwise be compatible with you
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 12:30 AM
0

That's the irony though, it sounds like she actually would agree with all of the important moral principles, it's literally just the existence of the sky-daddy that she might disagree with. And also, the dirty secret is that a lot of church-goers lie for the same reason. Faith in God is something that comes and goes in people's lives, but the commitment to a community that shares your moral values is something they would never abandon.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 12:11 AM
5

If all it takes is one "slut" to make an otherwise-good man a sexually perverted creep, why would you ever want to be with any man at all? It sounds to me like you think all men are weak-minded and weak-willed, like it is only women that deserve your criticism because only women can actually control themselves and be held responsible for their choices.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 12:05 AM
-3

Fake it. Sounds like a joke, but I'm 100% serious. Don't pick a crazy evangelist or pentecostal church or anything like that, but find one that looks like the people are pretty normal and just pretend that you share their religious beliefs. You will for sure find a good, respectful and reliable man that way.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/24 12:01 AM
12

This is a fair take, but I feel like the source of those degrading/humiliating sexual expectations in men are much, much more likely to come from porn than from other "slutty" women that they have hooked up with. Just because a woman likes to have a lot of casual sex with a lot of partners doesn't mean that the sex itself is what you'd assume it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 11:55 PM
1

You would say the same thing to me even if I was a woman? Weird
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 11:50 PM
–

I think it's normal to have kinks and to enjoy sex, what worries me about this description though is the constant escalation of risky behavior. To me that is a sign of deeper psychological problems. I would be worried about what happens when she wants to cross a line that is too far even for you, how is she going to react when you try to enforce a boundary?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 11:48 PM
–

You probably would be hurt, it's called pink-eye
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 11:44 PM
2

Just curious, if I had happened to be tagged as a woman how would you have responded to my view?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 11:18 PM
16

I dunno, I guess it just kinda sucks to say that women can't enjoy being sexually adventurous without being treated as if they are responsible for the struggles of all of the women that don't want to be sexually adventurous and instead want a committed relationship. I am a pluralist, I want a society where people are free to make whatever lifestyle choices they want to make without guilt or persecution.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 10:51 PM
6

This is quite the aggressive take, can I ask what exactly qualifies a woman as a "slut" in your mind? Is it simply wanting to have casual sex often and with a variety of partners, or is there something more to it than that?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 10:19 PM
15

True facts. If you think everyone is shitty, maybe you just surround yourself with shitty people...and also, just maybe, you surround yourself with shitty people because you yourself are a piece of shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/10/24 10:17 PM
2

No, I am saying that the law recognizes and protects the value of domestic labor, so if you are a married woman that stays at home to care for the kids, you are not "dependent" on your husband. You are doing necessary work, as is your husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 10:33 PM
1

The father is also dependent on the mother to care for the children while he works. Domestic labor has value, this is why stay-at-home spouses are entitled to spousal support in a divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 10:10 PM
2

I can understand not having respect for someone's desire to be dependent on a man's support, but why don't you have respect for women that want to be full-time mothers?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 10:05 PM
1

So?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 10:02 PM
0

I'm not justifying anything, I'm just pointing out how silly it is to use single headlines as evidence for any kind of general claim. Like in this case, using a single headline to support the general claim that approaching women is likely to result in women calling the cops on you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 06:43 PM
2

Should I go fish for a single headline about a creepy guy that actually did try to kidnap or rape a woman? Or should we both just admit that single headlines aren't really a meaningful way to discuss this sort of thing?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 05:05 PM
0

It's not that it's "creepy" it's just that the interest isn't there so it is obviously unwanted. And then it becomes "creepy" if the guy doesn't have the social skills to understand that and thinks persistence is the solution to the problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 05:04 PM
6

True, especially as you get older, responsibilities multiply and free time disappears, the people you interact with the most end up being the people you work with.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/24 05:02 PM
2

The thing about TRP is that it isn't really an ideology - or at least, it wasn't really conceived as one at the beginning. At this point it has become heavily conflated with ideological misogyny, but originally it wasn't ideological at all. It was more about creating an alternative to traditional dating advice that had more of a realpolitik understanding of heterosexual relationships, i.e. advice based on the power relations between men and women in dating. From this original perspective, the ad…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/24 09:16 PM
49

I would imagine it's a thing that still happens, i.e. a promiscuous woman will be an easier target for SA/rape if they can be put into a his-word-vs-her-word situation. But it probably doesn't happen as often as it would in your grandmother's heyday, I would like to think we have made more progress as a society than that.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 11:28 PM
-1

I dunno, it depends on what exactly you are referring to. I think some degree of gender-based ribbing is fine, in both directions. The archetypes of either a traditional man or a traditional woman both have their goofy flaws and it's natural for us to poke fun at those flaws in our culture. I do see how that can be taken too far and become toxic, inaccurate and unfair. If you are talking more about the prevalence of more sincere criticisms of either gender, the struggle is always that people tak…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 06:11 PM
–

Maybe you're a monkey, but I'm not. I am a human being, I am more intelligent than a monkey and I have more control over my own instincts and impulses than a monkey.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 11:22 PM
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The difference is where the stimuli is coming from. A drive is an internal stimuli, it is your own body telling you it needs nutrition. An instinct is how you react to the external stimuli, like the taste and smell of a banana. What makes humans fundamentally different from nearly every other intelligent animal is that our intellectual capacity is so strong that we can quite easily make conscious decisions that deny our instincts. We can encounter a pizza and a salad and choose the salad despite…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 11:21 PM
–

The hunger isn't the instinct, it is the drive. The identification of proper food is the instinct.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 10:24 PM
–

Not really, a biological drive is more of a direct physiological response to an internal need of the body, such as feeling hunger when the body needs nutrition, or breathing more heavily when the body needs oxygen. Instincts relate to an organism's reaction to external stimuli, like how a monkey would instinctually eat a banana even if it never saw a banana before because it will instinctually understand this to be food. The hunger is not the instinct, it is the drive; the identification of the …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 10:10 PM
–

My point is that the interruption and rejection of an instinctual response clearly signifies that the instinctual response is far less important and far less relevant than the cognitive processes that lead its rejection.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 06:50 PM
–

You're making my point for me, because you are a describing a rational, conscious thought process that intervenes on the instinctual sexual drive and guides a person's actual decisions. A person sees another highly attractive person and their instinct tells them to pursue them sexually; but they stop themselves because they rationally reflect upon their likelihood of success, given their own self-confidence and perceived attractiveness. This is just one example of how we override our instincts a…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 06:37 PM
–

It's not that instinct isn't a factor, but whether the stimuli that our instincts respond to warrants conscious processing or not. For example, hunger is not really considered an instinct but more of a fundamental biological drive and a physiological response to the body's need for nutrition. The instinct is how you respond to potential food sources when you are hungry. Obesity is a prevalent problem in our society because people instinctually eat tasty but fattening foods when they are hungry, …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 05:52 PM
–

Sure, but you have no grounds for connecting those differences to evolutionary / biological instinct. Those differences are better explained with contingent factors like a person's culture, environment, personal history, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 04:37 PM
–

There is no proven causal connection between "biological predispositions" and the behavioral differences between men and women. Only overstated hypotheses for behavioral differences which are actually quite minor. Men and women actually behave much more similarly than they behave differently, and there are multiple theoretical causes for those differences, most notably culture, environment and upbringing.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 04:31 PM
–

Not me tho
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 04:24 PM
–

Personally, I find these evo-psych theories to be very silly. Human beings are not animals. We have a great degree of control over our instincts and our desires are complex, intellectually and emotionally. Both men and women have complicated preferences when it comes to dating and relationships. But ultimately, yes, I agree, nobody should feel ashamed for being rejected. Compatibility is what really matters, and sometimes you just aren't going to be compatible with the person you want.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 04:03 PM
–

lol how much of this sub is people taking social media interactions way too seriously?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 05:05 PM
1

Maybe it's just me, but I don't take online communications as seriously as some people seem to. I think that just because we have tech that enables instant communication from anywhere at any time, doesn't mean that you are now obligated to communicate with people from anywhere at any time. So I don't mean anything personal if I just forget to reply to a text, nor do I take it personally when people do the same to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/24 05:27 PM
6

I think it's better to frame it as not putting your ego at stake immediately, and only gradually staking your ego as the relationship develops. If you approach to try to flirt and maybe get a date, you should not be taking rejection personally. The person you are trying to flirt with knows nothing about you, at worst they are rejecting superficial characteristics but it might not even be that - they might just not be receptive at all, for any number of reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 06:54 PM
5

Is that even common advice? To the extent anyone uses that phrase, I think they do it because it is a common phrase and not because they have thought about what it means. I think they just mean to say that you need to shake off rejection and not let it hurt your confidence or self-esteem.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/24 09:42 PM
2

If it's just that you want people to experience a bit of pain of rejection so they can also have more empathy, I guess that's OK
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/24 11:37 PM
0

You didn't answer the question, but you and I both know the real answer. Yes I did. You asked (paraphrasing) why are women averse to taking the initiative when men send them signs? And I answered: because sometimes women prefer feeling like they are the ones being pursued, rather than being the pursuer. Rejection damages the ego and most women are nothing but ego they got by being bestowed with desirability and universally positive reactions via nature's grace. They cannot stomach a slightest re…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/24 11:12 PM
-3

Not all women are against taking the initiative, but oftentimes they want to feel like they are the ones being pursued. Some people like pursuing, some people like being pursued, and this is slightly gendered with more women being the latter and more men being the former (but not universally). And in situations where women don't want attention, their discomfort doesn't rise to the level of "this guy should be murdered for doing this to me!" - it's more like "wow I wish this guy would leave me al…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/24 09:45 PM
9

You're not wrong about the signs being vague or ambiguous, but the real thing people should realize is that the stakes are low. If it ends up being awkward or you get rejected, you're not going to die. You're not going to be completely ostracized from society and spend the rest of your life alone. Just suck it up and take the risk.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/24 09:36 PM
7

I'm married and haven't had to try to approach women with dating intentions in a very long time. However, I'm living in a new town and I'm trying to make some new friends, so I have been hanging out at the local coffee shop about once a week. I don't think it is rare at all to find people, including women, who seem open to being approached for a casual conversation, I have done it myself on several occasions (albeit platonically). The real issue is that the signs are very subtle, and even with a…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/24 09:33 PM
1

There are actually a lot of different dating apps out there, app developers aren't afraid of trying something new with these apps. The problem though is that users want to be on the apps that have the most users, so it takes more than just a novel feature to attract users. Doubly true if you are talking about features that women might not want, since women are the biggest limiting factor to an app's success.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/24 09:26 PM
–

I remember looking at a study that showed how the greater the gap in a couple's attractiveness and income, the longer they knew each other before dating / becoming a couple. I think people tend to aim for parity when they are consciously looking for a romantic partner, but they are also more than capable of setting parity aside when they get to know someone. It's probably because it takes time to spot deeper levels of compatibility beyond obvious traits like physical attractiveness or income.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/24 03:44 PM
1

It's different because we typically think of misogyny as being directed towards a woman by a man. We use "internalized misogyny" to be more descriptive when referring to a woman that is directing misogynistic judgments towards herself and other women. I don't think it has anything to do with the permanence of these attitudes or judgments, since it is obvious that they are just attitudes and judgments.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 11:06 PM
2

I agree, so you've changed your mind on this? Men are treated as if that is who they are, without a possibility of changing.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 10:25 PM
6

So if I say "he IS hungry" - that implies some kind of permanent or innate condition that can't be changed?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 10:07 PM
2

Why do you feel like it is implied that a misogynistic man would be incapable of changing?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/24 09:39 PM
1

I think red pillers imagine that there is only one game to play, the rules of which are determined by nature, biology, etc. In reality, there are multiple games to play and you effectively choose which game to play and which players to play with according to your own beliefs and attitudes. So it's not really that redpillers are driving the "non-toxic" ladies into our arms, it's that those ladies were never playing their game to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/24 08:42 PM
3

I wouldn't say you're a horrible person or that you're a complete narcissist, but you're also not a very good person and you seem very shallow.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 08:13 PM
6

Fair, but also both people are complicit in communication. He should say something, she should say something.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/24 08:10 PM
-1

Why should this be something we try to generalize according to sex at all?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/08/24 06:05 PM
–

Are you familiar with the concept of "confirmation bias"?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/24 09:34 PM
–

Based
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/24 09:32 PM
–

You should check out this article from the American Survey Center on teenage dating and related issues: Generation Z and the Transformation of American Adolescence: How Gen Z’s Formative Experiences Shape Its Politics, Priorities, and Future - The Survey Center on American Life (americansurveycenter.org) This doesn't seem to confirm your theory that Gen Z men are dating less than Gen Z women, it seems to be a problem across the board. Here is a relevant quote: There are not sizable gender differ…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/24 09:29 PM
2

Not single, but I have read about how matchmaking and arranged marriages work in India and it really doesn't sound bad at all. It probably depends on how exactly it is done, but the best version of it is basically like a boutique version of eHarmony where a matchmaker sets you up on dates with a person based on compatibility, with the openly-acknowledged goal being to find a marital partner. The matchmaker also kind of acts as a counselor and mediator, helping each person figure out whether they…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/24 05:44 PM
–

Maybe that can be a fair criticism but I don't see how it should be applied here when all I referenced was "sexual curiosity." What I meant is that the bully is sexually curious - it could be about anything, it could be something as basic as they have never masturbated before - but they repress that curiosity. Then they see someone that is openly gay and that isn't hiding at all from their own sexuality, and it triggers their aggression.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 11:37 PM
–

The mindset I'm referring to, as I've said, is the idea that men are the disgusting gender and women are the beautiful gender: that on a sexual level, sex with men is like showering with swamp water and sex with women is a relaxing shower. Sure, but that's only one piece of it, right? There are lots of things that we split into a gendered binary: men are strong, women are weak; men are clumsy, women are graceful; men are stoic, women are sensitive; men are stern, women are compassionate; and so …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 11:33 PM
–

I think usually bullying is about the bully's insecurities. They can't deal with their own feelings of weakness, alienation, sexual curiosity, etc., so they project those feelings onto a target that they can then feel good about attacking.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 11:27 PM
–

I understand that all of these different judgments come from the same mindset, I am asking why you wouldn't call that mindset "misogyny"? I think that's at least one valid word for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 11:09 PM
–

Haha OK if you say so
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 11:07 PM
–

Is that really "mental gymnastics"? Or is it just a series of easy dots to connect? If being a misogynist means that you have very strict and traditional expectations for how women should look, behave, speak, etc. - is it not just a very simple logical inference to say that the inverse of those same expectations may be applied to men, such that you would be disgusted by an effeminate man?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 10:51 PM
–

I understand that you think that, I'm asking if you ever stop and wonder...is it really true? Do you ever stop and think "I've never actually heard a woman praise a man for hating on a gay guy, what if I made all of this up in my head? What if I just assumed that women think this for some reason, but it's not true at all?"
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 10:45 PM
–

I think that misogyny, as most people understand it, would include attitudes of disgust towards effeminate men that you are describing.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 10:42 PM
–

Actually, men lost the ability to keep the right to vote away from women. Men fought tooth and nail against the suffrage movement and were defeated like the weak cowards they are lol
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 10:40 PM
–

Women are the silent promoters of violence towards gay men. You ever stop and think maybe this bit is entirely in your head?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 10:38 PM
–

I'm not understanding the difference between a broad understanding of misogyny and what you are describing as a disgust response towards men. It feels like you are 100% agreeing with OP but you just want to avoid the word "misogyny" because it implies some degree of culpability for men.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 10:37 PM
1

I would either defer to the mutual decision of the parents, or just leave it to the custody court to determine which parent is best suited to have primary custody.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 06:47 PM
8

Sure, there are all sorts of contexts in which people can get trapped in abusive or toxic relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 06:06 PM
6

I think the sad reality is that people get into relationships with toxic or abusive people because their self-esteem is low and they feel like they deserve whatever they can get. So when a woman with low self-esteem receives attention from a relatively good-looking and financially-stable guy, she is more likely to think that she deserves being treated like garbage by him because that's the price she has to pay in order to be with someone that has those other positive characteristics. It's really…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 05:52 PM
–

I don't want to go through the situation of many women where they "build" a man and then when he is where he wants to be he leaves for another woman because they associate the previous woman with the time when they had nothing. I'm not sure this is something that can be avoided. Your 20's are a transition phase of life, and the changes in education/career and lifestyle are inevitably going to cause both you and your boyfriend to reassess your relationship. Maybe you will both grow in the same di…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/24 04:44 PM
–

Am I supposed to be washing inside my asshole somehow? I don't do that, nobody told me I was supposed to be doing that
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/24 05:53 PM
12

I wonder if any woman has ever actually experienced what you are describing here. I wonder if even you think that what you just said is actually real.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/24 06:15 PM
2

But why make this a gender thing at all? Most men don't want sex with just anyone, either. Most men don't buy prostitutes, just like most women aren't prostitutes.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/24 04:58 PM
2

It's obviously true that some women are going to want sex immediately, but generally that's not the case. I think we probably also overstate the extent to which men want sex immediately. I think both genders have a tendency to associate sex with a deeper form of personal intimacy, and as a result they see people that will have sex with anyone at the drop of a dime to be kinda gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/24 05:27 PM
-1

Holy shit, such a mic-drop comment, well said
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/24 05:19 PM
4

If you had to quantify it as a percentage, how much of the problems of drug addiction and mental illness are the fault of feminism / women's sexual liberation?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/24 12:15 AM
0

Again, you're acting as if it isn't occurring right now when you are in the middle of it and an active part of it. You are part of the reason why people are rejecting the Acolyte (an abysmal 17% audience rating on rotten tomatoes), and are embracing Deadpool/Wolverine as a great movie (96% audience rating on rotten tomatoes). Ironically, I think the Barbie movie is another really good pop-culture example. People think the Barbie movie is feminist, but in reality it is post-feminist. I won't go t…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 10:43 PM
11

Not my fault, it's the feminists fault, they won't let me be clever anymore
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 09:11 PM
1

I have a different perspective on what you are describing. Specifically, I think you have a blind-spot for how prevalent this newest wave of push-back against feminist cultural values has been. You seem to think that you are alone in a vacuum, the only man pushing back against new double standards that result from feminism being taken too far. In reality, you are part of a massive cultural counter-movement that has come to the defense of masculinity. These same talking points are everywhere on s…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 09:10 PM
16

Ah, the mythological pre-feminist past - truly a utopia! Sure, women lacked basic freedoms, but they loved it! They enjoyed only having one option for how they would spend the entirety of their lives! They enjoyed being second-class citizens with no social power! And the broader problems that exist today, like addiction and mental illness? They didn't exist at all, everything was perfect! In fact, the only reason why those problems exist today is because women can go to college, get jobs, choose…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/24 08:49 PM
4

The orgasm gap is that men achieve orgasm 95% of the time from partnered sexual activity, as opposed to 65% of the time for women (85% for lesbian women). I don't think a 35% orgasm fail-rate is enough to support the statement that "women get no benefit from sex" - not just because women are still achieving orgasm a majority of the time, but also because women (and men for that matter) don't need an orgasm to enjoy sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 10:09 PM
4

You can mischaracterize any kind of beneficial thing by merely quantifying the pros and cons without acknowledging the qualitative weight of the pros and cons. Eating food helps you live, but it comes with so many risks! You could become addicted to food; you could gain weight; you could get too much sodium or cholestrol and end up with cardiovascular problems; you could get sick from food poisoning; you could even choke and die! You're telling me that I should eat anyways, even though there's o…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 09:27 PM
0

Something can be a privilege and have drawbacks at the same time. This is like saying that a person that won free food for the rest of their life isn't actually receiving a great privilege because they might eat too much and get fat.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 09:15 PM
16

Weird take on what constitutes a "relationship" but OK lol
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 07:01 PM
3

Yup, I think relationships almost always either evolve or die. Maybe some people fit together like puzzle-pieces with very little need for adjustments, but that is the exception to the rule. In most relationships, you run into challenges to your expectations and standards, and you need to mutually decide what changes are or aren't viable and whether the benefits of continuing the relationship outweigh the costs. Keep in mind too that many times we don't even realize that we have certain standard…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 05:41 PM
3

Individuals might "think fucked up shit" - that may or may not be a big deal, depending on what exactly they're thinking and how long they will be able to keep those thoughts from being reflected in their words or actions. I mostly just object to the arrogant assumption that your fucked up thoughts must also be in every other man's head. Just speak for yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 05:34 PM
3

I have been married for 7 years and have been in a committed relationship with my wife even longer. I think we met each other's standards enough to begin dating, but as the relationship became more serious each of us had to decide whether to make adjustments to our standards and/or what we were willing to do to meet those standards. I don't think we got lucky in the sense that we each found in each other the perfect person that could give us everything we wanted, I think we got lucky in the sens…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 05:15 PM
6

men think fucked up shit Not gonna, lie this feels like a bit of a self-report to me lol
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/24 05:10 PM
14

Nah if anything people aren't being called weirdos often enough
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 11:33 PM
–

Shots fired at the mods, y'all gonna take that? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 06:38 PM
0

Not quite, I said I don't believe stories that strike me as illogical and therefore unbelievable. It is more than possible for a woman to provide an account of her rape in a believable and logically consistent manner.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 06:13 PM
1

For sure, but also, it is something you can work at and learn, just like you can work-out your body or do other things to improve your physical appearance.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 06:05 PM
-3

Sure, same exact principles apply. If the story seems illogical and unbelievable, then my default is not to believe it. If there is actual evidence of it being true then I change my mind.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 05:58 PM
1

Sure, but it also depends on your own standards for what women you approach. You might need to be a stud to be able to cold-approach a very attractive woman, especially in a setting like a club or a party. But I don't think you need to be a stud to cold-approach the cute nerdy-looking girl at the coffee shop. You just need good social skills and, like you said, be good at making conversation
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 05:53 PM
0

You can remove all of the qualifications and nuances to what I actually said to make it sound unreasonable, but I still stand by it completely. If someone sounds like they are lying because their story is unbelievable according to my own intuitions and experiences, my default assumption is that they are in fact lying.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 05:19 PM
1

Right, that's why social skills are important. You need to know how to break the ice and ask for the date without making it weird. But the idea that this is pointless just because you don't have an immediate guarantee of deeper compatibility is very strange to me. All relationships have to start somewhere, and there is nothing wrong with starting at a point of superficial attraction as long as you are open to developing it into something deeper from there.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 05:15 PM
-2

You're a lot more charitable than me. When someone tells an anecdote about people acting incredibly irrationally, in a way that I have never observed to ever happen in my own life, my default assumption is that they are lying to serve some ideological agenda.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 04:45 PM
0

But the point if approaching someone is to get the date, and the date is where you learn whether or not you have compatibility for a potential relationship. You're not initiating the relationship itself as soon as you talk to someone to ask them out.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/24 04:42 PM
–

You said that people are genuinely nice, I wouldn't call any of those people saying or doing any of those things "genuinely nice." I thought you were talking more about people that offer advice in good-faith and in a friendly manner, but don't realize that the advice is unwanted and carries an implicit judgment with it. But still, there is a confirmation bias. Obviously you will never notice all of the people that leave you to make your own decisions, whereas you are always going to notice the j…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 11:44 PM
–

Maybe, but that's not what the other person was describing at all. She was describing actual vitriolic judgments, calling women "bad mothers" or "parasites".
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 11:00 PM
–

Can I ask what region you live in? Maybe some places are more judgey than others, depending on the culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 09:22 PM
–

It's definitely easier to figure out when the people you want to live with are your actual family, and when you actually have good relationships with your family. There needs to be a lot of trust, especially if you end up putting your name on a mortgage.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 09:21 PM
–

I honestly think this is an example of a minority of assholes being the loudest people. I think a vast majority of people don't have these attitudes and are capable of understanding that people can make different choices for equally valid reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 09:08 PM
–

Personally I am all for larger, multigenerational households
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 08:56 PM
–

I'm not so convinced that the problem is that society does not appreciate or admire motherhood. Some of the attitudes that you describe certainly exist, but I don't think they are very common and are considered anachronistic at this point. I think the real issue is that, in a very practical sense, motherhood can be very isolating. Society has always been structured around the separation of the private sphere of the home, and the public sphere of work, culture, politics, etc. By its very nature, …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 08:31 PM
–

There are limits in terms of a lack of physical attraction, sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/24 08:22 PM
1

Sure, not the entirety of the system. From what I remember having studied this very briefly in college, a lot of the high suicide rate in Japan comes from the fact that they have certain education/job placement exams that basically determine the trajectory of a youth's entire adult future. This, combined with an insanely overbearing work culture, is a big contributor to high suicide rates. I don't believe these problems are necessarily related to their specific practice of having socialization t…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 08:07 PM
2

I like these suggestions a lot, especially the idea of financial education and teaching other real-world life skills.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 05:38 PM
1

That really needs to be the other half of your suggestion: no more social media for kids. Just ban that shit completely. I would say no social media whatsoever until you are in 9th grade.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 05:37 PM
7

It's fun to see all of these thoughtful, detailed ideas about how to improve education, and then there's still that one guy that has nothing to say except "woman bad"
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 05:35 PM
7

Mandatory participation in group activities. Doesn’t matter if it’s sports, hobbies, or special interests, so long as a grade is given for participation with a mixed group of peers. I said the same thing! I specifically mentioned that Japanese schools have a great model for structuring student socializing around extracurricular clubs, we should totally be implementing the same thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 05:33 PM
5

I think a big problem is that American schools tend to have a very hands-off approach to socialization. When students have their breaks between classes, they are just released onto a playground with minimal supervision and almost no sense of direction. This leads to some Lord-of-the-Flies socializing that breeds toxic attitudes and behaviors for both genders. An alternative I think could be really cool would be a Japanese-style extracurricular club system. Allow students to do whatever they want…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 05:30 PM
1

I think the reason why I thought you implied that personality attraction might be involved in the woman "starfishing" is because otherwise the hypothetical makes no sense: why exactly would a woman with 0% interest in a man, be it physical or personality interest, end up "starfishing" for him? But I get what you're saying, just in the sense that the mechanics of hetero sex make it possible for a woman to do this whereas they don't exactly allow a man to do the same. I guess that I'm just trying …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 03:52 PM
1

It just seems to me that you were implying that physical attraction would be totally absent with women, that they just "starfish" - I am saying that's not actually the case, they can get physically turned on by your personality, social status, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/24 03:25 PM
4

I think what is missing from your view is the reality that women have a tendency to get turned on by abstractions. Those factors that you think would make a woman want sex with a guy they did not initially find super physically-attractive, are actually often the factors that do turn a woman on physically: displays of competency or wealth; a funny, smart, kind personality; being attentive, responsive, considerate; etc. The same is also true of men, because it is actually more of a function of the…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/24 10:14 PM
2

I think people that will be dishonest in order to get sex are gross. Maybe not immoral, not evil, not horrible people, not equivalent to Hitler. But just...ew, you're really gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/24 09:11 PM
–

You want to have sex with trash? Gross.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 09:39 PM
23

I think men are getting better at emotional vulnerability and providing emotional support, especially to other men.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 06:47 PM
4

I guess in my experience it's just very rare to have a casual hook-up arrangement last that long without it becoming a deeper attachment, it seems to me that usually the novelty fades pretty quickly and both people lose interest if it is truly casual. But hey, if it works for you more power to ya.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 06:12 PM
1

But it is important to understand that people are not controlled by instincts, they choose to follow instincts. Specifically, we have new romanticized ideas about human nature and evolutionary psychology, fueled by "dating experts" and other media figures.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 06:09 PM
1

I still feel like your framing is wrong, using the word "suppression" implies that the instincts are primary and that we need to choose to "suppress" them. I think it is more accurate to say that our conscious freedom is primary, and instincts kind of just exist as an option we can choose. People also find ways to indulge instincts while maintaining their primary rational choices, like married people that indulge their sexual instincts by roleplaying with their spouse.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 05:52 PM
6

That's the strange part though, that you're spending months seeing a person that you supposedly don't like enough to formally commit to. I notice this a lot with guys: they will find contentment with a single woman and will spend A LOT of time with them without thinking twice about it, and it's only when you try to formalize their commitment to the relationship that they get cold feet, because then the future as an abstraction in their heads will freak them out.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 05:47 PM
6

What you call "suppression" I would describe as exercising human autonomy and freedom. This is a big philosophical difference I have with TRP. A lot of what they describe about a natural sexual instinct, and behaviors that align with those instincts, may be more or less accurate. But I think they go too far in implying that human beings are reducible to those instincts, when in fact the ability to consciously and rationally make decisions, even when they might run counter to our base instincts, …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 05:38 PM
7

If you're with the same woman for a few months, isn't that already effectively a commitment and you're probably just avoiding the label for some psychological reason?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/24 04:04 PM
7

I think most men also want a stable, loving and committed relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/24 09:58 PM
2

No, I don't believe either of these can be described as "imperatives." An "imperative" would be something like "you must drink fluids and eat food or you will die." What you just described are, at best, tendencies that might be informed by sexual instinct. But even then, I don't know that these attitudes and priorities are common enough to call them "tendencies."
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/24 09:57 PM
4

I think what tends to blow people's minds is the idea that people might have diametrically opposed values and priorities, and those values and priorities can work equally well for the people that act on them. I think finding happiness is all about understanding yourself, defining your values, and surrounding yourself with people that share those values and priorities and will help you uphold/achieve them. A lot of the drama people experience comes from being confused about what they actually wan…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/24 07:01 PM
1

I care bro
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/24 04:55 PM
8

Even if the hypocrisy and gaslighting claims are true and valid, calling them out still has nothing to do with actual solutions for men. In my opinion, that's the real point here.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/24 04:54 PM
1

Sure, but for what it's worth I do think something like a rotisserie chicken and a salad kit is actually a decently healthy meal. I usually do that once or twice a month, and then I end up making bone broth from the carcasses to use in a fancy soup.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/24 09:24 PM
2

On a personal level I agree, but that's just because I'm a bit of a foodie and the inability to cook probably reflects a disinterest in food. As a matter of principle, I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to cook, as long as it's not a weaponized-incompetence thing where the person is just avoiding their share of the responsibility of providing meals.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/24 09:06 PM
7

In my own domestic life, I think there is a difference between cooking food for my wife and just taking care of dinner for the night. There is a lot of thoughtfulness and extra effort that goes into cooking a nice meal, whereas the latter could just be picking up a rotisserie chicken and some salad from the grocery store.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/24 08:25 PM
3

Depends on what you mean by "normal." Do a majority of men have this insecurity? I would guess, probably not. Is it a relatively common insecurity, as far as sexual insecurities go? Yeah, probably, it's definitely not unheard of by any means. To me it seems like the reason for it is that some men really want to be solely responsible for their partner's pleasure / orgasm during sex, and the idea that he can't make his partner O but a toy can make her O is discouraging. Also, there is the whole di…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/24 10:58 PM
1

Hey at least he's honest lol
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/24 04:17 PM
2

lol the power fantasy of this hypothetical is so cringe
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/24 04:16 PM
25

I like nerds. And I don't just mean "they wear glasses and think anime and video games are cool so they're a nerd." I mean they are highly invested in their particular interests or hobbies, to the point where it is a major part of their personality, and to the point where they may be a bit less socially fluent (e.g. a bit socially awkward, not great fashion sense, were never popular and usually prefer to socialize around their hobbies).
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/24 04:13 PM
1

I don't have a long dating history. I had little crushes and flings until I was about 18 and started seriously dating my first girlfriend. At the time I was doing community college in town while she was a couple towns over at university. In a way, doing the long-distance thing made it last longer than it would have otherwise, we would be so excited to spend weekends together but when we went through a whole summer vacation together it became clear that we just weren't that compatible - lots of s…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/24 11:52 PM
0

Absolutely. Romantic relationships require compatibility: shared values, sensibilities, communication styles, etc. I think this is actually something that gets overlooked in the sub quite often. People will have experienced some genuinely terrible things in dating or relationships but they will miss how they themselves have attitudes and approaches to dating/relationships that attract those terrible people that do those terrible things.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/24 10:55 PM
1

It's a big world, none of us has the perspective to characterize it completely. But I'm the one trying to avoid doing so, you're the one trying to say your personal perspective represents the whole truth.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 09:12 PM
0

To be clear, I have no doubt that such feminists exist, somewhere, because again, feminism is nothing but a label that people can freely adopt any time they are talking about what would make life better for women. That said, I am an older guy, I have moved around a lot, I studied Politics in college, I am familiar with a lot of different cultural viewpoints and have talked with a lot of different people over the course of my life, and I see no indication that this view is common at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 08:56 PM
1

Not too unpopular? I personally have never encountered this position anywhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 08:08 PM
1

Did you even read the post? OP specifically implicates feminism in the lack of acceptance for male vulnerability.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 07:49 PM
1

I always hate it when people describe feminism as some kind of unified, monolithic political agenda, as if every feminist got a memo stating that the feminist policy platform is now to maintain a position of privilege over men and deny them the right to be vulnerable. In reality, "feminism" is nothing but a word that people use to describe literally any set of beliefs and prescriptions that seek to improve the quality of life for women. Some feminists might actually believe that they should expl…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 06:59 PM
–

I think even if it is true that we are all slaves to brain chemicals (I doubt that it is), it is still better to live your life as if you are autonomous; as if your thoughts and feelings have meaning; as if you are accountable for the choices you make; and as if you have an obligation to make choices in good-faith.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 06:44 PM
5

100% I relate to this, and it is truly baffling when someone says they outright hate music, it's like someone admitting to me that they have no soul
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 05:27 PM
3

I'm ashamed to admit that I'm the kind of person that is going to try to show people new music that I'm interested in whenever I'm driving for them. However, I will say that my favorite thing to do is to pick-up on what a person's musical tastes are and try to appeal to them with something they haven't heard before. And if I catch onto the fact that they don't enjoy my music, of course I'll change it or just let them pick something.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 05:25 PM
5

I'm a musical omnivore, so for me the only real red flag would be someone that has no interest in music at all or is just completely apathetic to it. I am such a massive music nerd that I am competent that I can find recommendations for new music for literally anyone that likes any kind of music at all, the only person I don't know how to engage with is a person that has no preferences whatsoever and perceives all forms of music as equally uninteresting background noise.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/24 05:22 PM
4

Sure, I'm just pointing out that it's not some sort of weird cuckoldry thing. I don't think anyone would call you a "cuck" for having a strong connection to the child you raised for 18 years.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 11:48 PM
12

Personally I think it's a fair question, I think it's testing the limits of how much redpillers are willing to reduce relationships to biological imperatives
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 09:34 PM
6

lol this is wild, I knew redpillers bought into a naturalized view of relationships but not to such an absolute extent
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 09:32 PM
2

Let's assume he's immediately self-sufficient. He calls you up on Sunday and asks if he can come over and watch football with you, like you always used to do together. Do you tell him to come over?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 09:31 PM
-5

Do you think it's maybe possible that you could be wrong, given that you're just guessing what your feelings would be in a very complicated situation?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 09:30 PM
14

I agree, I think it's equally pathetic when men or women give up agency over their lives and blame the opposite gender for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/24 06:28 PM
2

"if she is single you are competing with all the men, but if she has a bf you are just competing with one man" Do people really say that? What a silly idea, as if emotional connection built over time is no big deal at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/24 10:19 PM
6

I get what you're saying and I agree in principle, but in practice it can be really hard to tell whether someone is or isn't genuinely trying to be your friend. It sounds like it would require some mind-reading unless there are some really painfully-obvious signs. Like, have you ever watched the show Last Man On Earth? There is this very funny scene where Will Forte's character is pretending that The Shawshank Redemption is his favorite movie, immediately after the love interest reveals that it'…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/24 10:17 PM
3

lol yeah that sounds right to me
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/24 09:58 PM
6

lol I'm so confused you've flip-flopped between like 4 different things, the whole time it was just that taller men look sexier? I would have led with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/24 06:48 PM
2

So it isn't about health and it is about superiority (i.e. athletic competitiveness)?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/24 06:30 PM
2

I feel like romantic relationships are fundamentally different from your general position in society and your casual or professional relationships. It should be obvious that all romantic relationships are going to involve much higher standards.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/24 06:29 PM
5

What's your evidence of this being the norm? Because everything you described has been contrary to my own experiences, and nobody here has cited anything other than their own personal experiences. If it's just your experience vs mine, then I'll go with mine...or better yet, I'll just arrive at the conclusion that different things happen to different people.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 09:37 PM
7

You didn't fix it, you broke it. I chose those words for a reason. People in this sub have this awful habit of taking personal experiences and assuming they are universal. You might not want to believe it because it takes the wind out of your sails, but in reality people have very different experiences, people have a variety of different values and attitudes, you should always reject any statement of universality.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 09:26 PM
6

Damn the women in your life really suck, sorry bro
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 09:06 PM
0

Maybe, sometimes, but the person OP was quoting was clearly describing a full mental breakdown.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 09:04 PM
8

It's really sad you think that's true, I hope someday you find someone that supports you.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 08:41 PM
-4

No, women! Nuh uh, it's women!
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 08:40 PM
2

You don't think there is some middle-ground between "opening up" and having a complete mental breakdown?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 08:39 PM
4

Is there no middle ground between honestly expressing your emotions and "ugly-crying, lying in the fetal position and rocking, going to pieces, being unable to function"? JFC lol
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 08:38 PM
–

I think narcissism is only one possible explanation. People have fear of commitment that stems from all sorts of psychological reasons. I think it's actually going to be personal insecurity more often than actual narcissism, but either is totally possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/24 04:43 PM
6

Speak for yourself bro lol
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/24 08:55 PM
4

I think it's pretty normal with both genders for friends to take the side of their friend over their friend's partner when there is some sort of relationship conflict. You really think it's surprising that women get their girlfriends' backs? Not saying it's always a good thing, sometimes what your friend needs is some tough, critical support. Sometimes they need to be told that they're the one being the asshole. But I think men and women are pretty even in terms of how often they are willing to …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/24 08:54 PM
17

I agree, and that's how my wife and I operate our relationship. We make the same amount of money, we do the same amount of chores, we split our bills and spend equal amounts of money on gifts, etc. I will say though, what makes this lifestyle really easy is not having kids. I think when kids enter the picture, things can get a little bit wonky just because of the natural tendency for mothers and fathers to fill specific roles. Not that it has to be that way, it's just a bit more difficult to eve…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/24 08:50 PM
1

Agree to disagree, I guess. I see no reason why it's not possible to love someone that doesn't love you back.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 11:24 PM
1

No, "unrequited" literally just means "not reciprocated." It has nothing to do with whether or not a person is simping or is infatuated or is being creepy, other than that it might sometimes correlate with those things.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 10:50 PM
1

Maybe it doesn't matter to you, but it certainly matters to me. I would never want to live my life without any sense of my own agency or any reason to hold myself accountable for anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 08:47 PM
2

Even from the perspective of an absolute determinist, that's not true at all. The chemical reactions in your brain are triggered by / are in response to external stimuli. But again, it's really a useless way of thinking. We have to live our lives in good-faith as though we have agency, and we can't do that if we treat every concept as nothing but a chemical reaction in our brain.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 08:11 PM
5

All you are really saying is that brain chemistry is involved in our experiences. I don't really find that kind of determinism to be insightful or interesting in any way.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 07:00 PM
1

I would argue that love can't be reduced to emotions but is better thought of as the cause of those emotions. I think this chart provides a good description of how love makes us feel in an ideal scenario, but love also involves a lot of negative emotions: worry over the person's well-being, fear of losing your connection to them, remorse for hurting them, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 06:57 PM
2

I disagree. Love isn't always pleasurable or fun, oftentimes love involves painful longing, worry over the person's well-being, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 06:52 PM
1

I think you are describing how a healthy relationship requires reciprocity, but in my opinion neither the reciprocity or even the relationship itself is necessary for the common understanding of love. I disagree that society considers completely one-sided love to not be love, we typically just use the phrase "unrequited love." I also don't think that the difference between love and infatuation is the level of reciprocation, but is the depth of the feeling and whether it actually stems from a ful…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/24 06:50 PM
–

It's really sad that you think that's how it works, I feel sorry for you
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 10:19 PM
10

The explanation is simple, the practice is not, and the reason is right there in my explanation: you need to try. It takes a shit-ton of effort to keep a marriage going, believe me. Things fall apart because people get tired of putting in the effort and just stop trying.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 09:48 PM
6

I think that's a severely reductive way of looking at romantic relationships and especially marriages. The main problem of the transactional view is that it leaves no room for the concept of sacrifice, which is a key component of the greater concept of love. You basically don't believe in love, which is completely understandable, we live in a deeply cynical society. But the thing about love is that it creeps its way in, even when you don't think it's there and even when you think everything is a…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 09:44 PM
46

Sometimes I wonder if the people who write these big walls of texts about relationships have ever actually been in a relationship. Because all of this is framed as some kind of weird business transaction or a competitive game. In real life, you try to be a good husband and you expect your wife to try to be a good wife, because you both want to be in a good relationship with each other. It's literally as simple as that.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 08:19 PM
3

I think it's expected that people in debate subs like these are going to nitpick positions and always try to contradict and challenge even the most reasonable positions. I think being contrary is part of the fun for a lot of users here. I try to take it with a grain of salt.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/07/24 05:54 PM
1

Why does it matter if it is "natural"? By definition, being human isn't "natural" - we are the antithesis of nature, everything we do is our own unnatural invention.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/24 11:32 PM
5

It's kind of a weird question. I think if I thought that a woman genuinely wasn't into me then I would just break-up with her.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/24 11:26 PM
5

I kind of agree, but also I think that at a certain age it is appropriate to let go of the desire for passionate love. (Disclaimer: by "passionate love" I am not referring to sexual desire, or just wanting to fuck other people. I am talking more about that butterflies-in-the-stomach, love-at-first-sight feeling.) In the first place, it is very normal for people to lose the capacity for that feeling completely. As we accumulate life experiences we become overexposed to people's bullshit and we co…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/24 06:38 PM
3

I agree. I think pretty much any time anyone blames one gender over another for anything, they are full of shit. Both genders are complicit in each other's strengths and weaknesses. If men are more violent than women, women are complicit in that. If women are more manipulative than men, men are complicit in that.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/24 05:02 PM
2

Oh OK haha weird but good for you I guess
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/24 10:08 PM
4

Wait, you bought your wife? I'm not even sure what we're talking about now
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/24 09:59 PM
2

I love acid and shrooms but it's unfathomable to me that people are able to have sex on those drugs. They make me feel a lot of different things, horniness is not one of them. And physically they just make me feel completely drained. But hey, to each their own.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/24 09:57 PM
9

I think the fact that your lifestyle was chosen over homelessness in South America is not the brag you think it is lol
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/24 09:55 PM
2

It's because everyone here has a really bad habit of universalizing their own experiences. It's the simple thought pattern of "I like these things, I don't like those things, so these things are good for everyone and those things are bad for everyone."
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/24 09:53 PM
5

As a guy, that's what I wanted in a woman too. So many values and priorities just naturally seem to align when both partners come from good, loving families.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/24 05:10 PM
4

Re-read my comment and think about what I am saying. Does it sound like I am saying that having a hobby will make people attracted to you or get you dates?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/24 09:53 PM
1

I kinda agree. But it also helps if the person also has the same values and priorities as you.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/24 08:45 PM
2

My D&D group will often meet to have a meal and just talk about how the campaign is going instead of actually playing.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/24 08:43 PM
8

I think when you get into a long-term relationship, it does become more important to at least find something that you can share with your partner. It could be a super-involved hobby, or it could just be something simple like cooking together, having a favorite show you watch together, going on walks together, etc. Whatever it is though, it really should be reciprocated and I think it's a mistake to just assume your S.O. is going to jump into your favorite hobby.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/24 06:33 PM
82

I think a lot of "dating advice" overlaps with general life advice. The logic is pretty simple: nobody wants to be with a depressed loser that has no money and is a negative buzzkill, so you should figure out how to make yourself happy, how to be motivated in your work-life and how to be a positive presence in social situations before you even start to think about dating. Getting a hobby is one way you can make yourself happier, more confident, more pleasant to be around. It can also be a means …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/24 05:15 PM
2

Yeah that's fair. It's always healthy to extend patience and understanding to others for the things they can't control; and to hold yourself accountable for what you can control.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/24 05:53 PM
8

Instead of framing it as hormones having too much control over us, its probably better to frame it as not having enough emotional intelligence and self-awareness to control our hormonal impulses. The former encourages men to be complacent by naturalizing the problem, whereas the latter presents something that men can actively work on. You can become better at recognizing your own emotional state and assessing your relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/24 05:04 PM
5

This just doesn't make any sense. You people want to blame women for the imposition and encouragement of toxic masculinity, but then you also want to blame women for calling out all men as "toxic." You can't have it both ways. You can't blame women for generating a real problem AND for complaining about a problem that isn't real.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 11:45 PM
0

Why are you so desperate for attention and approval from people who despise you? It's so weird to me I'll never understand it. But whatever, you do you.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/24 03:06 PM
-1

I have no fucking idea how you managed to interpret any of that into what I wrote, but hey, you do you. Believe whatever helps you feel powerless and indignant, if that's what you really want.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:55 PM
3

Being a human being is all about denying biological impulses and embracing your autonomy. Even so, not every woman is some kind of radical feminist that will continue to call you toxic even while you promote a virtuous form of masculinity. We can't be complacent and wait for 100% of women to give us permission to change. We need to recognize the benefits of change and do it for ourselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:51 PM
2

Where did I say that the private doesn't blend into the public? That's actually exactly what I described. I feel like you're just being a contrarian at this point.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:29 PM
4

Sure, I didn't mean to imply that male teachers or coaches or whatever were a problem that needed to be fixed, more that they present a great opportunity to make an impact. Because ultimately, I think it's men that gotta teach boys what it means to be a good man.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:16 PM
6

To be honest, I have yet to hear of a metoo case where it doesn't seem clear to me that the man was a dirtbag that had it coming one way or another.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:11 PM
8

lol you Canadians need to get your shit together, every time I hear about a bad Canadian law or policy I always think "there's no way that can be real"....and then it is! smh
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:10 PM
9

Exactly. But also, the reality is that you can't be with your kids all the time. Kids are going to hang out with other kids, often without adult supervision. That's when the Lord-of-the-Flies bullshit takes hold. Maybe kids should just have less free time. We should be getting them into teamsports or music or whatever. Structure all of their interactions with their peers around supervised activities.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:06 PM
10

Our education system in general is HUGELY complicit. There needs to be much more intervention in how our kids interact with each other, but I also recognize that teachers can only do so much. One thing I think could really make a big impact is if male role models for kids like athletics coaches were trained more in how to foster healthy emotional support between the kids they coach.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:04 PM
4

Our society and culture is structured on a separation between private and public spheres, i.e. the home and society. Within the home we are (hopefully) taught to be loving and affectionate by our mothers, but eventually we are taught to behave differently in public. We are taught about social boundaries, we are taught not to treat every space as if it is our home or every person as if they are intimate family. The public form of socialization usually starts at school and I would say by the time …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 11:00 PM
9

It's not socialization, it's a conscious choice of those in society to reallocate resources away from young men and towards others. But that is a part of socialization, it's just the formal/institutional component rather than the informal and cultural component. The two parts inform each other, but I think it's the cultural form that is the driver because it is the form we consistently fail to recognize because it is far more abstract. Culturally, men are extremely competitive and don't make acc…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:56 PM
1

I don't think this is true, because we know what toxicity is because it hurts us even more than it hurts women. We know what it feels like to be thought of as physically disposable. We know what it feels like to be criticized for showing vulnerability. We know the pressures of being a competitor and a provider. We can change those things for ourselves, and if some women out there don't recognize it or don't condone it, who cares - fuck 'em. We don't need them, we have each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:50 PM
2

Women might be complicit to an extent, but I think it's primarily rooted in how young men are basically left to socialize themselves at a certain age. When I think of the experiences that were foundational to my own sense of masculinity, which I also had to work to unravel and reconstruct, it all came from the dudes I hung out with in junior high and high school. Being popular or just being able to "hang" meant showing a thick skin while you hurled insults at each other; scapegoating or bullying…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:43 PM
3

I think as men, it's up to us to re-model a new form of masculinity that is healthy. We don't need to "bow to women" or emulate their femininity, but we do need to step-up and start to encourage and enforce new standards for what it means to be a good man. We don't need women's permission or approval to do this; it doesn't matter if they believe that our problems are naturalized to our sex and can never be changed. We need to do it for ourselves and we need to stop over-reacting to whatever disa…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:35 PM
10

The two big things I would point out are 1) the declining educational and professional achievement of young men, and 2) the rising suicide rate of young men. I think these problems are a direct result of how men are socialized, primarily through their interactions with other men. But these problems also persist because people confuse discouraging this mode of socialization with just shitting on men as if they are naturally inclined towards these bad behaviors and problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:26 PM
5

Your OP was vague and you clarified it a little bit by describing things like "kindness, food, sex and friendship." But what about on the women's side? What are the specific expectations that they have of men, but that men don't have of women?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:20 PM
-1

We're in a difficult situation, because there are two truths that people have difficulty reconciling: men perpetuate a toxic form of socialization that leads to bad behaviors and bad outcomes; AND men are the primary victims of said socialization and toxicity. We need to change how men are socialized, i.e. how they are taught to interact with each other, how they are taught to handle their emotions, how they are taught to channel their impulses, etc. To change how men are socialized, we need to …
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 10:14 PM
13

I feel like this is very vague. What exactly are we talking about here?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 09:56 PM
1

Interesting. So you would categorize the insecurity of being unable to have a relationships with your own peers and needing to date people much younger than you as an acceptable and rational insecurity, like wanting to lock your doors at night? To me that's wild, but again, to each their own.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/24 01:33 AM
1

Oh I'm sorry I didn't know that I was supposed to read your mind and realize that you you don't believe in the premise behind your own question. My bad. But just to confirm, your intuition does lead you to believe that women would have been happier "before current financial, social, or legal incentives that made it easier to leave marriage or stay single"? I don't blame you for dancing around the question so much, I wouldn't want to openly answer "yes" to that question either.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 08:56 PM
1

What evidence do we have that women are happier in marriages now than they were when supposedly they did not have a choice to marry out of love or leave unhappy marriages? You're clearly shifting goalposts, because literally nothing you just described is in the question you asked.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 08:20 PM
1

Usually we think of insecurity as a psychological flaw that you should work on, and we usually don't encourage behaviors that are based on insecurity. But to each their own, I suppose.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 08:06 PM
3

OK, let's say that they are shallow or insecure, and that's their motivation. Would you consider that morally wrong? "Morally wrong" is perhaps too strong. I would say that it reflects poor character.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 06:01 PM
3

If they exclusively sought them out perhaps but if they just happened to hit it off with one I dont think it would get much push back in a world where looks were equalized across age brackets. Yup, this is basically my attitude as well. It's only when it seems to be an exclusive preference that it starts to seem wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 04:55 PM
2

I bet if we ever find a way to halt aging such that a 30 or 40 yo man has the same skin and hair quality as a 20 year old man then age gaps won't be as stigmatized as they are now. I'm not so sure about that. The idea that someone would be attracted more to younger people is at least understandable, even if it is quite shallow. But if you took attraction out of the equation and a person still exclusively preferred to date much younger people, that would be even more sus.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 04:29 PM
3

To me the issue isn't really manipulation or the potential for abuse - those things are possible in an age-gap relationship, but relatively unlikely. I think the bigger issue is that an exclusive preference for younger partners implies that they might be either too insecure to handle a relationship with an actual peer that has the same level of life experience or independence as they do, or they might be too shallow to be attracted to people beyond a certain age. Overall I just think it reflects…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 04:26 PM
0

Within relevant interest? Wasn't your whole post about the time before marriages were voluntary and divorce was legal? Why are you citing contemporary laws at me then? And JFC dude so much effort just to completely miss the point, maybe just try to communicate instead of the walls of text
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/24 04:58 AM
1

This is quite the insane rant, full of bad examples that are meant to distract from a very simple question: your intuition tells you that being forced into a marriage you didn't choose and that you will never be able to escape would actually make people happier? Yes or no?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 11:41 PM
3

Unironically, cultural evidence is good evidence. It demonstrates popular thoughts and attitudes at the time. In the absence of polling which was obviously never conducted, I would defer to how marriages are portrayed in cultural artifacts such as art and literature.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 06:11 PM
6

I think u/Financial_Leave4411 provided the best evidence we could possibly have for pre-divorce marital satisfaction, i.e. cultural evidence in the form of paintings depicting the negative emotions of women entering marriages that they did not choose and would never be able to escape. This is the best we can do because obviously in the 18th century they weren't doing polls on marital satisfaction. But I would also ask: why do you need evidence for something that is so incredibly intuitive? You t…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/24 06:08 PM
–

Assuming your premise is true (I have my doubts but whatever), why would your conclusion be that it's all women's fault? Why couldn't it be equally likely that men have a hard time dealing with rejection?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 09:26 PM
1

Exactly. You get actually ridiculed for the thing you are insecure about and it no longer becomes abstract - ironically, you worry about it less.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 08:08 PM
–

Is it just me, or was TRP a bit more theoretical and nuanced in the past? It feels like recently it has become more of a set of very broad frustrations with dating and relationships, whereas it used to be a very specific theory about "intersexual dynamics."
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 06:53 PM
–

You won't ever make progress on any of these issues because you frame them all as one-sided and project all of your frustration onto women. It's just a losing proposition.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 06:49 PM
5

The famous psychoanalytic theorist Jacques Lacan once said that a husband who is pathologically jealous from suspecting that his wife is sleeping with other men is still to be considered as a pathological case, even though his wife is in fact cheating on him. Even if (some) women really don't like small penises, men's insecurities over penis size is still neurotic. It is not the reality but rather the unreality of the imagined negative opinions that drives the feelings of insecurity and the neur…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/24 04:27 PM
–

Sex is fun basically no matter what.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:40 AM
–

post one what? im confused what do you want me to show you?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/24 03:37 AM
8

Well that's just silly, using you as an excuse to dodge his own family, of course he's gonna get caught lol
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 10:08 PM
77

No lie, I use my wife as an excuse to get out of stuff I don't want to do all the time lol
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 08:46 PM
3

It's really simple. When you get into a serious LTR or get married, your partner becomes the most important person in your life. You spend the most time with them, you cooperate with them in every aspect of your life, so you want to make sure to be very considerate to their needs and make them as happy as possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 08:46 PM
–

I don't think so, take a look and judge for yourself. Also, I'm not so worried about small sample size when the hypothesis that is being tested is itself highly intuitive. It just makes sense: people like nice people.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 08:34 PM
–

There are multiple studies demonstrating this through different experimental methods, this one gives a good breakdown of some of the studies in addition to its own study: Good conduct makes your face attractive: The effect of personality perception on facial attractiveness judgments - PMC (nih.gov)
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 08:03 PM
–

I never said it "created" attraction all on its own, my claim which is supported by these studies is that demonstration of positive personality traits actually boosts your physical attractiveness to women. This directly contradicts OP's claims that "moral character has no bearing on sexual success" or that "women don't want good decent men."
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 06:57 PM
–

Women say they find kindness and generosity attractive. Women date and marry good men all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 06:29 PM
–

Oh so they're all faking it? And you know this how?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 06:16 PM
–

I think we're getting off-track here because these are leaders of ostensibly good political movements. It's not at all the same as demonstrating interpersonal kindness, MLK Jr. and Nelson Mandela could have been total assholes to everyone around them and still be leaders of great justice movements. A better example would be celebrities that have an established reputation for kindness, generosity, etc. Keanu Reeves, Tom Hanks and Dwayne Johnson are incredibly beloved actors, and it's not just bec…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 06:05 PM
–

There have been multiple studies with different methods of conveying personality traits to the respondents, this study has a good breakdown of the different studies as well as its own approach confirming the same findings: Good conduct makes your face attractive: The effect of personality perception on facial attractiveness judgments - PMC (nih.gov) Sometimes these studies use simple personality descriptions, but some of them used more of a narrative approach where they described how the person …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:37 PM
–

Mr. Rogers was the host of a children's television show, kinda hard to sexualize him because of that. And maybe you're not aware, but Ghandi absolutely fucked. That dude was crazy horny and had all sorts of women. Look it up, it's wild.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:20 PM
–

Such as?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:18 PM
–

I don't understand the question. Are you asking whether people are interpreting kindness, friendliness and honesty as just a function of social status? I highly doubt that.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:16 PM
–

You're wrong. Women find the same men more physically attractive when they have knowledge of their positive personality traits (e.g. honesty, kindness, friendliness, etc.). Kindness is sexy. Personality manipulations: Do they modulate facial attractiveness ratings? - ScienceDirect
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/24 05:05 PM
27

I just think there are more constructive ways of framing the problem and the solution, given your personal experience with it. I'm also a married guy on the older side of Millennial, and I totally agree with the basic message that people need to focus less of gender norm stuff and more on establishing a real human connection. But I would never frame it in such a blatantly one-sided way, I'm just curious where that impulse comes from.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 11:30 PM
42

How can you be happily married and not only do you have all of these complaints about gender norms in dating, but you make them all one-sided and directed towards women? What is happening here?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/24 11:25 PM
–

You don't immediately trust and have an emotional connection with a person you just met. If you're saying that, then you really don't understand what we're talking about when we describe "trust" and "emotional connection."
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 09:05 PM
–

It's destabilizing if you have reached a point where the connection and the trust have been established, but you're still withholding.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 08:48 PM
–

It depends on what you're referring to when you say "means to an end." Usually, the "end" is the relationship itself. People withhold sex until an emotional connection is formed, so that sex can then become an act that expresses that emotional connection rather than merely being physical pleasure. But if people withhold sex as a means to manipulate or control the other person, then you're right - it can destabilize a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 08:43 PM
–

I don't entirely disagree, but what I think you are missing is that women find men's success and ambition to be attractive. They aren't sacrificing attraction in favor of stability, they actually find the stability itself to be attractive. This is a result of women gaining increasing social and economic independence over the past several decades. They still find money and success to be attractive, because it's one of those gender signifiers you describe: it shows that the man takes initiative, w…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 07:05 PM
–

This only makes sense if you assume that both the man and woman define a LTR in very traditional terms of the man being the provider and the woman being the nurturer. Those traditional standards are dying. When most people look for a LTR these days, they are looking for personality compatibility, shared values and goals, mutual support and parity of responsibilities, etc. This is why the statistics have shown that highly successful, career-oriented people tend to date other highly-successful, ca…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 06:46 PM
–

See? You do understand the reasoning perfectly. When you are looking for a deeper connection, you don't want to start off a relationship with superficialities. That could be sex, or it could also be fancy dinners or vacations.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 04:41 PM
–

Is that sarcasm? I don't get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 04:32 PM
–

I think it does tend to be the other way around, but that's probably because women are more inclined to want a LTR while men are more inclined to want sex. But it's not absolute, in reality it's complicated and varied.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 04:29 PM
–

What exactly is it you don't understand? You already explained the logic perfectly yourself. Sex is fun but rushing into it can destabilize a new relationship. So the more important the relationship is to you in the long-term, the more hesitant you will be to rush into sex, the more time you will want to spend on establishing trust and a deeper connection.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 04:28 PM
–

Men can and do make women wait for sex. When I first started dating my now-wife in college, she wanted to start having sex almost immediately but I pumped the brakes. I had just gotten out of a LTR, I was feeling vulnerable and didn't want to treat this new relationship as just a rebound.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 04:21 PM
19

This hasn't been my experience at all, the women in my life are great listeners and very empathetic
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/24 03:22 PM
8

It's not so much sacrificing passion as just not being all that interested in what people refer to as "passion." I don't think I'd be able to summon up that intensity of feeling because I'm older, I know people better than I used to, I'm no longer so easily enchanted by the attentions of new people. And I'm definitely not willing to risk my marriage to find out if "passion" is still possible for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 06:59 PM
17

Take a look at this: APA PsycNet FullTextHTML page It seems as though there a U-shaped trajectory for relationship satisfaction over time. Satisfaction tends to drop until it hits a low-point at age 40, but then it rebounds until it hits a plateau at around age 65. That said, I don't think the bottom-point of relationship satisfaction should necessarily be interpreted as the couple being "miserable." I think the high rate of divorce suggests that people do not tolerate misery for long. I think i…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 06:25 PM
–

Personally, I think a person's politics is a combination of their intelligence, their life experience, and their fundamental values. I wouldn't reduce it all to intelligence, but I do agree with u/SeveralSadEvenings that having a committed partner that lines up with your politics is highly preferable.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 04:09 PM
–

I think age plays a huge role here. I find that people in their late teens / early 20's tend to just be incredibly arrogant. They haven't tempered any of their beliefs or convictions with real-world experience yet, so they tend to have more radical political ideologies like socialism or libertarianism.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/24 04:07 PM
–

This article has a good breakdown: Successful Women Dating: Myths and Realities | Psychology Today
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 09:56 PM
–

Ah yes, I do believe that "asshole" is the correct technical term ;)
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 09:28 PM
–

I think it's a safe assumption that if you date or marry a person, you probably like them.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 09:27 PM
–

The prevailing research actually suggests that people tend to be attracted to other people whose level of success is commensurate to their own. Successful people tend to pair with other successful people, regardless of gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 09:08 PM
2

It's natural to fear long-term commitments, because the future is just an abstraction. A lot of men will effectively commit to a woman for years and years, but only if in the abstract they are taking it one day at a time. Ask them to accept the abstraction of years of commitment in advance and suddenly it becomes scary, risky, suffocating.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/24 05:47 PM
2

Most awkward people know that they're awkward. The people who are clueless are usually on the spectrum and need professional therapy to help figure it out.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/24 11:25 PM
-3

How do we communicate "who" we are, aside from displaying "what" we are?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/24 11:24 PM
23

they simply want their opinion told back to them by a woman anyone FTFY
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/24 11:06 PM
3

Can you explain what you understand to be the difference between "who you are" and "what you are"?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/24 11:05 PM
4

How much advice does anyone really need when it comes to dating? I feel like it's all so obvious. Put some effort into your fitness and appearance. Don't be weird, awkward, cringe. If you don't have money yet, figure that part out first. Really, that's about it. Doesn't matter if it comes from a man or a woman, the advice is all painfully obvious regardless.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/24 11:02 PM
4

OP is really just talking about perspective and judgments, they're not asking what should be allowed or whether we would "dictate who they can date." With that in mind, I think the whole "brain doesn't fully develop until 25" point is absolutely valid to consider. I think anyone that avoids their own peer group and exclusively dates people under 25 is at least a little bit sus,
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/24 04:16 PM
1

I acknowledge that such people exist, but you should try not thinking in absolutes. Some people have a double-standard where they pursue casual sex but then also get emotionally invested and stir-up drama. Some people have more self-awareness and can truly keep things casual. It is what it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 09:17 PM
1

People put varying degrees of emotional investment into sexual relationships at different phases of their life. It's not sociopathy, it's just people trying to have fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 09:03 PM
9

Nah I'm good, you can tell me about it if you want but it will probably just be a single anecdote that doesn't really demonstrate anything about how the system works broadly. I worked as a family paralegal for several years and I have seen divorces play out in every possible way.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 06:51 PM
1

I agree that it takes an extra degree of trust, but that trust can be based on real things that you observe about the person: their maturity, the changes they have made in their lifestyle or their career, the way they communicate and the values they express, etc. It doesn't have to be "I'll fix her" - it could just be "I think she's ready to give this a shot."
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 06:40 PM
1

Do you see how that means that you believe in marriage as an abstract principle, rather than something people should do to be happy? You are basically saying that you want people to remain married for the sake of being married, despite the fact that they could be more happy outside the marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 06:35 PM
6

No, I really can't understand because you haven't given any explanation. What is unfair about divorce? To me, the presumption of 50/50 division of marital assets is the best neutral standard the Court can use in the absence of a pre-nup. The standards for alimony are also fair, they provide the Judge with very broad discretion to consider every factor that you could consider to be fair when determining whether a spouse deserves a share of the income - which can also be determined in advance thro…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 06:33 PM
1

Why would I do it? Why would I share assets when I can just legally assert those as mine by paying for such assets in full? The issue isn't whether or not you decide to share assets, but how you legally establish how assets are acquired during the relationship and divided after the relationship. If you want to assert that every asset is yours because you paid for them all in-full, the best and most efficient way to do that is with a marriage and a pre-nup. Without the marriage and pre-nup, you n…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 06:29 PM
2

Sometimes staying trapped in a marriage is a bigger nightmare than the painful process of getting out of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 06:13 PM
5

Let’s back up and talk about what a marriage is from a legal standpoint: A marriage is primarily a property-sharing agreement where the presumption (unless otherwise agreed in a pre-nup) is a 50/50 division of assets acquired during the marriage, and a 50/50 stake in the income of the marriage. Marriage also creates other ancillary legal benefits and obligations, such as right to inheritance upon death of a spouse, and a presumption of fatherhood and custody rights for any child born during the …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 06:11 PM
2

But the reason why people get divorced in the first place is because they are miserable in the marriage. Making divorce even more miserable doesn't fix that.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:49 PM
3

I worked for several years as a family law paralegal. I have seen divorces play out in every way you can possibly imagine. They are almost always incredibly stressful for literally everyone involved, that's why I got out of that field of work lol
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:48 PM
0

It's almost definitely a sign that a person isn't ready for marriage, but it's not necessarily a sign that the person isn't ready for a committed relationship. People shift from casual dating to committed relationships all the time, and that first shift is always unprecedented according to their dating history. You have to look past the numbers and ask whether the person has truly experienced some kind of turning-point in their personal development that would make them ready for commitment.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:44 PM
2

I'm sorry, did you interpret anything I wrote as me hating myself or hating men? Where are you getting that from exactly? I was literally steel-manning every single one of these concerns.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:27 PM
3

I understand why a lot of men are wary of marriage given the statistical outcomes, but in reality you are more protected through marriage than without it - assuming that you are in a long-term, cohabiting relationship. If you live unmarried with someone for a very long period of time, comingle a bunch of assets and become co-reliant on each other's income, and then have to break-up, you are still in the same difficult position of dividing everything as if you were married. The only difference is…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:21 PM
1

Yeah, totally fair - just keeping in mind that people's standards are going to be personal. There's no right or wrong answer when it comes to number of partners or the length of relationships, it's more about establishing compatibility and setting expectations. So for you no relationship lasting longer than 2 years by age 26 is a red flag, for someone else it might be no relationship lasting longer than 6 months or something. Or someone might have the totally opposite standard, where they don't …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:14 PM
-2

It's tempting to be dismissive of these because they seem so surface-level, but really they do reflect deeper issues. Assuming "body count" isn't a double-standard, it's going to reflect some pretty deeply-held beliefs and attitudes about sexuality and fidelity. It's also going to call into question whether a person is capable of/ready for commitment. "Not accepting you're wrong" is just a loaded way of saying that the communication is poor and that there are a lot of defensive barriers standing…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 05:07 PM
3

Incommensurate lifestyle is a big one. You don't have to share every single interest or every single preference, but you do need a similar work-life balance and at least some overlap in the things you like to do recreationally. Another big thing to look out for is codependency. If the roles of "giver" and "taker" are too static in the relationship, that can become a big problem in the long-term. Finally, I think differences in political orientation are a red flag. It's not that the political dif…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/24 04:56 PM
5

Technically all of this is subjective since we are talking about human relationships. The question isn't whether my opinion is objective or subjective, but whether it is normal or abnormal.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 10:08 PM
2

The reason why the Drake scenario would make me nervous is because hanging out with a celebrity feels more like an exceptional experience in which people could rationalize doing exceptional things. Going on a vacation doesn't feel the same to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 08:06 PM
6

Let's say that you trust your girlfriend, you let her go on the vacation, she comes back and admits that she cheated on you. But she explains how she was drinking, she was swept up in the fun, there were attractive men everywhere, nobody was around to hold her accountable, etc. Does that mean you would forgive her for cheating, and instead blame yourself for "letting her" go on the trip? My point here is you can't have it both ways. You can't treat cheating like it's an inevitability, AND hold y…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 07:03 PM
7

More open? Sure, but still ultimately responsible for exercising self-control. Unless you're saying she's so drunk that her judgments are severely impaired, in which case she's probably being raped.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:56 PM
4

Now you have a new hypothetical that ups the level of temptation and risk by introducing celebrities and drugs into the mix. Being uncomfortable with that would be totally normal. But a beach vacation with the girlfriends? That's something you should be comfortable with or else your relationship needs some serious work.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:53 PM
4

Hey, I just think it's kinda cucked to stay with a woman that you don't trust not to cheat on you. I don't think that's asking for her to have an "iron will" or anything like that, just a basic modicum of self-control and respect for the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:51 PM
5

So now we're talking about rape? If OP was like "I'm really worried about my girlfriend going on vacation with only other girls, because she's going to be impaired from drinking and might get raped" - then that would be a more understandable anxiety to have.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:48 PM
10

Which is it though? You want a woman with moral integrity such that she is loyal and respects you and won't cheat on you? Or men aren't attracted to morals so long as they get sex and intimacy?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:46 PM
13

And yet you demand morality from women, such that they're not allowed to cheat and not even allowed to go on a vacation where they would be tempted to cheat?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:37 PM
8

Right, but in that case she is dumb because she doesn't understand how other people are going to act when she's driving a lambo in a bad neighborhood. If she goes on vacation, gets hit on and then cheats, the problem isn't that she was too dumb to expect that she would get get hit on. The problem is that she lacked integrity, self-control, and a sense of loyalty towards her partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:35 PM
9

That analogy sucks. In the topic at hand we are trusting the girlfriend not to cheat, in your analogy for some reason we are now trusting criminals not to steal? That's not even close to being the same thing. Try again.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 06:21 PM
9

If that's really your view then I guess you just gotta learn to be OK with being alone
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 05:46 PM
13

Nah, he has said elsewhere that you don't need to break-up with a GF you don't trust, you should just try to control her instead lol
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 05:44 PM
19

No, it sounds cucked to stay with a girl that you are sure is going to cheat on you at the first opportunity. That's just sad, man. Show some self-respect.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 05:41 PM
22

lol posts like these are so silly "women are GARBAGE but I NEED THEM in my life AT ALL COSTS!!!1!"
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 05:36 PM
13

Why would you want to be with a woman that you don't trust not to cheat on you? Sounds totally cucked to me, just dump her and find a trustworthy woman. Or if you think all women are untrustworthy, then fuck them all. Just be alone.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 05:35 PM
54

If you can't trust your girlfriend to go on a trip with her friends without betraying you, your relationship is already fucked. You should just break-up with her pre-emptively and find someone that inspires your complete trust. Either that, or the problem is you and you need to work on your insecurities.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/24 04:59 PM
1

I don't know the full context of the quote, it's hard to tell whether she is offering up this "advice" because she really finds it important, or maybe if she was just prompted through an interview question or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 10:37 PM
0

Sometimes what makes a person fun is mutually exclusive to what would make them a good partner. Being wild and impulsive is fun when you're out drinking or having casual sex. It's not so good to be wild and impulsive when you need to be relied upon for support.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 06:59 PM
1

Right. I think if we are interpreting her charitably, she is saying that if and when a woman is ready to start looking for a long-term partner, she should probably adjust her dating standards so that she can identify the kinds of men that make good committed partners. But before she reaches that point, it's perfectly fine to date any sort of man that they think would be fun to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 06:22 PM
2

Maybe. She says "when it comes time to settle down..." - I think it might be a bit uncharitable to assume that she means that every single woman should want to eventually get married.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 06:14 PM
2

But I think you are ascribing your own motivations behind dating on every woman that dates. In reality, some women are looking for LTRs and some just want to have fun without a promise of commitment or heavy emotional investment.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 06:06 PM
3

I think the point would be to have fun
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 04:53 PM
3

I'm not sure if she's really saying that there is a positive advantage to "dating loads of different people." I think she's just pointing out that the things that make dating fun are going to be different from the things you want to look for in a committed partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 04:51 PM
3

Someone tell me if they think I'm wrong, but the way I interpret this is not that she's positively recommending that you date as many guys as possible. It's more like she's saying that it doesn't really matter who you date, so long as you're having fun with it. But when you are ready to look for real commitment in a LTR, you want to look for the characteristics of men that actually want a real partnership and stop focusing on the characteristics that are sexy and fun in a dating context.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/24 04:48 PM
10

It's not really a gender thing, it's really just that some people value their independence more than others. Also some people have anxieties about the future. They could spend decades with a person so long as they do it one day at a time, but the moment you give them a projection of their foreseeable future they get freaked out. I recently just experienced that myself. We just bought a house and signed a 40-year mortgage, and now I'm realizing that I'm probably gonna live in this house for the r…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/24 10:31 PM
11

I agree with u/opinionrater. Only the hyper-ideological freaks would show up and it would be a mess.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/24 04:38 PM
8

If we're being real, it's probably more a combination of safety, awkwardness, and disinterest.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/05/24 04:37 PM
5

Does it feel really bad when you love someone that doesn't want to be with you? Sure. Does that mean they need to involuntarily be with you? No. I really hope you understand that.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/24 04:25 PM
14

You think love means that relationships suddenly become involuntary? That's an extremely dangerous view.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/24 04:20 PM
5

If a generalization isn't 100% always true, then it's 100% false, right? That's how it works?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/24 04:09 PM
32

This is just bait, but I'll bite. Relationships are 100% voluntary. Nobody owes anyone anything at all. If both people get what they want out of the relationship, it continues. If someone is dissatisfied, the relationship ends. It really is that simple.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/24 04:07 PM
4

10/10 shitpost, love to see it
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/24 04:05 PM
7

That's fair, I guess it depends on the dynamic two people have and what turns them on. For me personally, it's difficult to be selfish during sex, I need to know that she wants it too or I just don't get much out of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 04:43 PM
3

But I think you would at least try to hide the fact that you're not actually into it at that moment, right? Because it's a massive turn-off for most people if they catch-on that their partner is completely checked-out during sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 04:27 PM
3

Isn't that exactly what her point was? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 04:26 PM
1

I think men and women often disconnect in the sense that men see sex as a routine need for a physical release, whereas women need more emotional, contextual build-up towards sex. A lot of times a woman will turn down a man when he asks for sex because he hasn't done anything to establish the mood. It starts to feel unfair to women when, instead of reacting to the rejection by making the effort to gradually turn-on their partner, a man will instead bypass that effort by requesting "a quick handy"…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/05/24 04:24 PM
13

The point of the original hypothetical is to demonstrate the fear and mistrust that women have for strange men, due to the prevalence of sexual violence against women in our society. I think if you adjust the hypothetical so that both the bear and the man are significantly more dangerous, then you aren't really examining the issue of fear and trust anymore. You are now doing a qualitative comparison of two different fears: would you rather be eaten alive by a wild animal, or raped and murdered b…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 06:34 PM
8

What is the point of this hypothetical? What are all of the added details supposed to demonstrate to us?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/24 06:13 PM
–

That's not meant to be a defense of her or something, I try not to weigh-in on people's relationship drama because nobody ever gives you the full picture. My point was just that women might want attention and availability from men, but that doesn't mean they will prefer an unemployed man just because he is 100% available.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 10:41 PM
–

I think that people also over-correct after a failed relationship. If she was unhappy because work was taking all of your time and attention, it makes sense that she would over-correct by dating unemployed losers that have all the free-time in the world. But that's not likely to be a sustainable arrangement either, most women (a lot of men too) don't like holding all of the financial responsibility in a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 10:20 PM
–

That's a sad story, I'm sorry that happened to you. But I don't think your story indicates a trend. Women usually don't want an unemployed man. I think what you're really getting at is that women do expect a degree of availability and work-life balance, especially in a more serious committed relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 10:07 PM
–

Sacrifice is how you demonstrate non-transactional love in a relationship. It can be difficult to spot sacrifice in the actions of others, because we obviously can't read minds and it's always possible that they are actually motivated by some expected reciprocation from you. However, you can always spot a genuine willingness to make sacrifices in yourself. With some honest self-reflection you can assess whether or not you do things genuinely for the well-being of your partner, or whether you are…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 10:04 PM
–

Ok then by your own admission it's just never accurate to call an ideal a lie, because you are only ever referring to a potentiality and you can never lie about something's potential. Even a moon can potentially be made out of cheese. I know that it's possible to have deep, non-transactional connections with others because I have experienced such connections with others.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 09:51 PM
–

If the ideal is completely impossible to ever realize, maybe you could call that a lie. Like if I said that an ideal moon is made of cheese, but no moons are ever made of cheese, maybe you can call that a "lie" in some sense. But we're not talking about anything impossible, we are just talking about people forming a connection that runs deeper than an exchange of benefits.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 09:40 PM
–

I get what you're saying but I still think it's more accurate to just say that a person has unrealistic ideals. Calling an ideal a "lie" is just unnecessary moral loading, it implies a malicious intention rather than a genuine-but-flawed belief. The "lie" would have to be found in some statement of fact about a relationship that is informed by the ideal, but not in a statement of value about ideal relationships in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 09:36 PM
–

An ideal is neither a lie nor a truth, it is a desired possibility. I'm not "lying" when I say that an ideal relationship is one with a deep connection and not merely a mutual exchange of benefits. You might say my ideal is unrealistic but you can't say I'm lying about what I want.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 09:06 PM
–

It's OK, we're making great progress by wokifying Disney and weaponizing the education system to turn all our kids into trans furries. The resistance will be cancelled in due time.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 08:49 PM
–

You frame this as a lie, but I think it's a valid ideal. Nobody wants their relationships to be purely transactional, we all want to believe that we can establish deep connections with each other. Big-brained people can hold onto that ideal while also recognizing the reality that nobody can perfectly fulfill our ideals, and we do need to prepared to make "transactional" compromises in order to make a relationship work. It's only the people that are 100% idealistic or 100% transactional that are …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 08:47 PM
–

True, as a feminist I definitely want all the men to be cucked, weak, depressed morons. I think about it all day, how sweet it would be if all men were powerless and unhappy forever. I direct my every thought and action towards making that dream a reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 08:43 PM
–

True, because if you think about it all the actionable advice you can give a person is extremely obvious in the first place, and the most likely reason they haven't thought of it themselves is because they are in denial. It feels like when most people ask for dating advice, what they really want is for you to tell them why it's not actually their fault, why they don't actually have any control over the situation. If people are really being honest with themselves, they'll already know that they n…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 08:37 PM
–

There's no such thing as good dating advice, because the most difficult aspects of dating are not dependent on your choices and actions. You can't choose to be compatible with a certain personality type you encounter; you can't choose to have feelings that you don't actually have, nor can you choose for someone else to have the feelings you want them to have. On the other hand, the advice that is actionable is also incredibly obvious and therefore useless. Go to the gym, put some care into your …
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/24 08:28 PM
–

It's the classic problem of the loudest, most obnoxious and most contrarian voices over-representing a group on social media. Everyone is gonna ignore the feminist on Twitter saying that we need to pay attention to men's issues, everyone is gonna engage with the feminist on Twitter saying that men are inherently garbage.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/24 06:11 PM
2

You would be surprised by how powerful one moment of temptation can be. Not everyone has the self-control and mental fortitude to remember their loyalty to their spouse when someone else is grabbing their attention in the present.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 11:35 PM
2

That's not what "emotional cheating" refers to. Checking out and withholding intimacy aren't good things to do, but cheating - emotional or physical - involves a third party.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 11:31 PM
4

Has that ever happened to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/24 03:14 PM
30

I don't think I would ever assume that a woman is "probably up for sex" just because she's wearing something sexy. I would assume that she wants to arouse people, that she wants that sexually-charged attention - but that's not the same thing as wanting sex. For women it seems just as likely that they would be looking for an ego-boost as looking for sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/24 10:34 PM
–

She doesn't get a wave in the hallway so actually she's the one that was rejected? Bro, those are some impressive mental gymnastics.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/24 10:27 PM
4

I would still commit because having sex with lots of people is gross and getting really good at having sex with one person is a lot more fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/24 08:29 PM
10

It's actually more like 37% and it has been on the decline in recent years.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/24 07:06 PM
5

It's a big world, people do all sorts of things and nothing you described is so bizarre that it would never happen at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/24 06:59 PM
1

I think sometimes people are playing the wrong game according to what they actually want. People claim that they want a LTR but then they only play the game that rewards you with casual sex. Same is true for both men and women. If you want a LTR, play the game that rewards you with a deeper and more meaningful relationship. Stop going to the club and start going to church. Stop rating people on a numerical attractiveness scale and start paying attention to people's personalities. Stop trying to …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/24 05:53 PM
2

I hate to break it to you, but this is not a passing trend. There are thresholds that we have crossed that we will not be able to un-cross, most notably the fact that women have entered the workplace and are financially self-sufficient. Men and women still need each other, but what they need has changed drastically as a result. We need to learn to be actual partners with each other in a more holistic sense: financially, but also domestically, emotionally, spiritually, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/24 09:04 PM
2

I believe the reason people are urged to find themselves and become rooted and grounded in who they are- is so that they have a better chance at actually experiencing unconditional love. Absolutely, I 100% agree with this. It's especially a relevant thing in this space, because a lot of dating advice is centered around building up self-confidence, which is really good. But I think it also has to be about building up self-knowledge - really understanding who you are as a person on a deeper level …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/24 08:17 PM
3

Ultimately, love is just a word that we try to use to convey a very complex human phenomenon. I think a good place to start is by contrasting how we use the word "love" with how we use the word "like." We definitely think of "liking" as conditional - we don't continue to "like" things that no longer satisfy us or provide us with enjoyment. But you seem to think that "love" is just a quantitatively heightened form of "like" and when we're not "in love" we really just "like" our partner. But is th…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/24 07:10 PM
8

The fact that you think you need to choose a single absolute strategy suggests neurodivergence more than anything else lol
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/24 11:25 PM
2

Obviously you need a balanced approach and you need to be sensitive to context clues, implicit signals, differences in individual personality, etc. This is why dating advice is almost always bad. There is no reliable formula for it, there is no way to replace social awareness with a fixed strategy.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/24 11:23 PM
2

I am pretty sure that you would need to prove both the coordination and the malicious intent of the Facebook users, which I don't know how you could possibly do. All the users need to do is say "I was being honest and/or was honestly mistaken; I didn't coordinate anything with the other users, we were just talking about the similar experiences we had" - and that's where it would end.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/24 05:26 PM
9

Defamation is pretty hard to prove in court. Not only do you need to prove that the person made a false statement about you in public, you also have to prove that they made the false statement due to maliciousness or negligence, and that the false statement has caused substantial harm. Most internet shit-talking (like "he has a micropenis and watches scat porn") isn't going to qualify as defamation, because the defendant can always claim that their statements were not factual but were opinions; …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 06:12 PM
6

I think you're ignoring that most people are capable of exercising judgment as it relates to preferences. A woman not wanting to date a very short man is going to be judged a lot less harshly than a woman not wanting to date a 5'8 man that is still three inches taller than her. A woman that has a career and expects her partner to also have a good career is going to be judged a lot less harshly than a woman that has no job and expects her partner to be super rich. To the same extent that these pr…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 04:18 PM
2

I think maybe "invalid" is the wrong word to use here. What people really mean is that certain preferences reflect poorly on your values and your character. You're still entitled to those preferences and they're not "invalid" - but you also can't stop people from making judgments based on what those preferences imply.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/24 04:10 PM
5

But is it the therefore a good idea her parents to tell their daughters to try to find the one and get married in the early twenties and tell the sons to keep playing the field as they wait? No, because the mental framing of a "sexual marketplace" is already setting you up for a failure of a relationship. Tell your kids to be real, honest, respectful. Tell your kids not to treat other human beings like merchandise with a price tag. The rest will come naturally.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/24 09:12 PM
1

Probably it will reduce the likelihood, how could it not? But I agree with other people that sometimes cheating happens for reasons other than horniness, like validation or thrill-seeking.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/04/24 05:12 PM
5

Just to clarify for everyone else, OP is framing this news story in the most alarmist way possible. Macron made a really vague statement about not being able to rule out the possibility of sending French troops to Ukraine, and French officials followed up clarifying that troops would only be sent to train Ukrainian forces and would not engage in combat (if troops are sent at all). The Russian defense minister responded with an equally vague comment that sending the troops will "cause problems wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/24 04:01 PM
9

It's all good. I know it's hard to take responsibility and improve your own circumstances, but I believe in you. You got this.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/24 09:23 PM
8

So you're just here to cry about society? Boohoo. It is what it is. If you want to do something about it though, that responsibility is still on you. Make better choices, find better people to be around.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/24 09:14 PM
10

It's a big world out there, filled with all sorts of different people. As human beings, we tend to filter the people we interact with based on our own values and priorities. This is especially true in the internet era. If you feel like you are constantly running into shallow, manipulative women, the problem probably lies with you and the way you filter the people you interact with. You want a nice, genuine, loyal woman? Log-off the dating apps. Stop chasing casual sex. Go to church and meet a ni…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/24 08:56 PM
9

Yes, but my question was: what's the point? Who cares about a particular type of difficult or shallow person?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/24 08:15 PM
23

I never understand posts like these. Surely this person doesn't believe all women are like these, or even all women on social media are like this. So they're just describing one particular archetype of women that they don't like. But what's the point? How is this interesting, insightful, anything at all?
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/24 07:01 PM
2

You've never caught anything?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/24 11:22 PM
4

You're really hooking up with bar randos every other week? That's gross lol
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/24 11:20 PM
6

The whole "single women are happier" thing comes from that Paul Dolan book. I haven't read it and wasn't able to find a solid review of its underlying research, if anyone has anything on that I would be curious. However, I did find the below study that looks into the happiness of single people in general: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9523881/ The study quickly reviews the research on single vs partnered people and there doesn't seem to be much of a difference in their happiness. …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/24 05:01 PM
21

I don't understand why it is relevant, interesting, or insightful to strip the entire context of modernity from the analysis. Do you think we're gonna go backwards in time to where men can club women over the head and drag them back to their cave?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/24 04:23 PM
1

"Romantic feelings" means different things to different people, but I would guess that for most people it's something you build up over time. This makes it hard to date based on those feelings. You don't start with the feelings, you see the potential for them and date to try to see if they can be built up into a proper romance. That said, I do think people tend to go about spotting the potential for romance based on superficial preferences. It probably helps to be more focused on personality and…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/02/24 07:09 PM
2

I honestly think that the immigrants that come here with radically different values are highly unlikely to start dating outside of their community, especially if they are first generation. So it's not going to be much of an issue. I think we also tend to overstate our differences with immigrants quite a bit, based on things like language, religion, or even just geography. A Syrian Muslim might not actually be that different from a socially conservative Christian, for example. A lot of it depends…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/24 07:35 PM
–

Here is a study that looked at attractiveness and commitment in heterosexual couples in Austria, Germany and Switzerland: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886921001409 It seems that perceiving your partner as attractive will apparently lead to a higher level of commitment, but perceiving yourself as attractive will make you feel less committed. Here is another study that finds that physical attractiveness is correlated with relationship dissolution: https://onlinelibrar…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/24 05:53 PM
13

That doesn't really get to my hypothesis though. There may be a discrepancy in stated and revealed preference for intelligence/ambition over physical attractiveness, but then you would just be supporting the claim that attractiveness is the strongest determining factor. You aren't supporting the claim that being a stupid dickhead is what attracts women and gets you laid.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/24 09:57 PM
33

I would be curious to see how this high school data relates to household income. Because it's a well-established sociological fact that lower income people are more sexually active and more likely to become pregnant at a younger age. IQ also correlates pretty strongly with household income. I'm wondering if instead of the explanation being that women aren't attracted to high-IQ men, the better explanation is that lower-income people just tend to have more sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/24 09:26 PM
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I don't think women would say no to their AI boyfriend coming with a Bad Dragon attachment tho lol
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/24 07:30 PM
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We are certainly living in interesting times lol
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/24 07:25 PM
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This shit is wild. They have this in the US too, but my understanding is it's mostly young men using it. And what's crazy is that the app I read about a while ago started as more of a talk-therapy app, but it was the user's interactions with the AI algorithm that gradually pushed it into a romantic/sexual direction, and at a point the devs just said "fuck it, it's a virtual girlfriend app now."
/r/PurplePillDebate20/02/24 05:49 PM
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This post is like a bingo card of bad evopsych takes and hilarious "get off my lawn" reactions.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/24 05:58 PM
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If you just mean that being objective is kind of like a dogmatic religion - sure, I guess that's true. If scientific objectivity is religion then point me in the direction of the science-pope so I can kiss his ring.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/24 01:09 AM
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I won't deny that some people cherry-pick or fall back on anecdote when faced with conflicting studies, but ultimately it's the people that are dogmatic. Studies are objective - or at the very least, objectively assessable. If you have two studies arriving at opposite conclusions, you can objectively assess which should be more representative according to methodology, sample size, etc. There are epistemological rules for doing this. Worst case scenario, the differences can't be resolved and you …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/02/24 12:54 AM
1

I got a social science degree. There are epistemological problems with the discipline, sure. But most people don't understand them and just hand-wave all of the evidence out of political convenience.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/02/24 06:53 PM
5

I don't think I have seen people spam studies without linking it to the post in some way, but I see why that would be annoying. I also don't see a lot of opinion posts that I would characterize as "clear and concise."
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 09:02 PM
13

I don't understand. You prefer conjecture and anecdote to studies? The former seems much, much lazier to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 08:39 PM
12

It's understandable that people want to talk about their personal experiences, given the personal nature of relationships and dating. The problem is that people take their individual experience and project it as universal, without actually looking into it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 07:47 PM
31

Literally everything I have learned has been by actually trying to look up studies to assess the various premises that people raise in their half-baked, fired-from-the-hip opinion posts. Sometimes people don't know they are wrong; sometimes they just don't know to what extent they are right, or why they are right.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 07:41 PM
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Probly time to take a break from the internet tbh
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 07:06 PM
8

I understand why they visit those subs, it's usually because they are looking for perspective. What I don't understand is why you would visit those subs and then bitch about their content, that's what truly baffles me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 07:05 PM
0

Sure, I guess it might be true that Gen Z men are still more open-minded than older generations. But what's interesting is the growing divide between genders within each generation. It goes from 4% difference for 55+; 6% difference for 35-55; 7% difference for 25-34; and 11% for 16-24.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/24 04:26 PM
20

You're probably thinking of the graph that's in this article: https://www.ft.com/content/29fd9b5c-2f35-41bf-9d4c-994db4e12998 There is also this Gallup polling in the US, but this one shows men staying liberal at the same rate while women are the ones becoming more liberal: https://news.gallup.com/poll/609914/women-become-liberal-men-mostly-stable.aspx#:~:text=Trend%20from%201999%20to%202023%20in%20percentages%20of%20men%20describing,.%2025%25%20of%20men).
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 09:54 PM
63

For those who may want to challenge the premise, take a look at this study: https://www.kcl.ac.uk/policy-institute/assets/emerging-tensions.pdf Survey was limited to the UK but it seems to show a growing divide between Gen Z men and women in terms of their beliefs about gender. I think there is some truth to the claim that Gen Z men hold women in much lower regard than older generations.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/24 07:30 PM
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Well at least you're honest about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/24 12:01 AM
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lol hilarious reply
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/24 11:46 PM
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if it takes breaking some girls' hearts to prevent a fascist takeover then it might be worth exploring. You would be fighting fascism with fascism at this point.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/24 11:44 PM
1

It's complicated. On the one hand, it's a really good thing when a married couple models a loving relationship for their children, as this will go a long way towards ensuring the children will establish stable loving relationships with their own. But on the other hand, marriage is a challenge and maintaining a healthy relationship is in no way guaranteed. Just like parents can model a good relationship for their kids, they can also model a bad and toxic relationship. I think maybe a platonic par…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/24 05:42 PM
19

I think most people understand that going from friendship to romantic relationship is basically a high-risk / high-reward gamble. High-risk in the sense that you are likely to ruin the friendship when you let them know you have feelings for them. High-reward in the sense that you are already friends, you already know you enjoy spending time with the person and have all the ice-breaking out of the way.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/01/24 09:35 PM
2

None of us have independent, individual desires. We are born already immersed in a hall of mirrors; everything we want is a reflection of what other people want. There is no inner source of pure "nature and instinct," no desire that comes to us from only a single reference point. It's all monkey-see-monkey-do - this is a completely universal truth for human beings.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/01/24 06:36 PM
7

I feel like I don't need to address any of them because the same point applies to literally all of them: some people are like this, some people are not. It's a big world out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 05:12 PM
4

Right, but are you calling people "victims" when they are legitimately trying to fight their oppression? What's your process for telling the difference?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 05:11 PM
9

The "victim mentality" accusation really puzzles me. Like, wouldn't it be more pathetic and more of a "victimhood" mindset to just take abuse without reporting it, without fighting back against it? Isn't the attempt to hold your abusers accountable actually a demonstration of strength and independence?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 05:02 PM
16

Too many broad over-reaching generalizations in this post to count. I would just say that society's perception of both men and women (and the relations between the two) is evolving. As a result, there are a variety of conflicting perspectives and attitudes out there, but the overall trend is moving in one direction: recognition of women on equal terms with men.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/24 05:00 PM
1

I feel like at that point you aren't talking about advice, you are talking about commiseration. And commiseration can get ugly when it also involves scapegoating an extremely broad group of people (women).
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 09:22 PM
1

How are failures supposed to give advice on how to succeed to other failures? Shouldn't the failures welcome the advice from successful people?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 07:37 PM
2

Yeah, there's clearly some dialogue missing between those two statements. OP probably said a lot more than just "I want to date more" and it indicated to "them" that they really need to sort out their mental health first.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 07:28 PM
5

Truuuuu
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 07:25 PM
5

It sounds like you're missing a crucial step in the dialogue where you say something that indicates to the other person that you clearly need therapy.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 07:24 PM
3

But do you agree or disagree with u/IronDBZ? Do you think that red pillers tend to see men as having agency to change their situation, whereas women are an unchanging constant source of the problems that men face?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 05:16 PM
2

What political change do you think would be relevant to TRP?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 05:14 PM
8

Qualitatiively speaking, it doesn't get better than after a dozen times. I dunno dude you might just be bad at it if this is true
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 03:03 PM
2

You can become an alpha sex god in the eyes of your specific partner by practicing with that partner. Learn what they like and execute.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/24 12:29 AM
2

I think guys are usually honest when they say they enjoy how things have been happening in bed. Honestly, the mechanics of sex are just easier for us in a lot of ways, we are just easier to please. If you are also satisfied, then it's OK to just let it be. I think sex still gets better naturally over time, because communication isn't solely verbal - it can also be in how you respond to each other physically. Keep this in mind because you can non-verbally give responses when your partner does som…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/24 10:52 PM
46

I think what people need to keep in mind is that sexual compatibility usually comes through communication and practice. Getting into a LTR means that sex will almost definitely improve drastically over time, assuming that the partners just communicate with each other and are reasonably attentive to each other's desires. Sometimes when I hear people that have no interest in LTRs talk about having sex with a lot of people, I wonder if they even realize how qualitatively different sex can be when y…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/24 09:38 PM
7

I didn't say your comment made me feel bad, I said that I have literally never experienced any of the things you described about women from this sub.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 09:50 PM
9

Literally not a single word you typed corresponds with my experience on this sub, but OK.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 09:32 PM
10

What do you mean?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 06:21 PM
119

If I had to guess, I would say that most women in this sub are here because they just think the topics of dating, sex and relationships are interesting. I don't think that means that they necessarily aren't attractive or well-adjusted. But yes, always take internet opinions with a grain of salt. That goes for everyone and everything online.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 05:25 PM
8

Absolutely agree, this is the correct answer. Cheating can mean different things to different people, it's communicating your boundaries and holding your partner accountable for any dishonesty.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/24 12:05 AM
0

I thought I was pretty fair in my assessment of the "manosphere." Specifically, I draw the line at talk about physically, emotionally or financially abusing women. I care about young men so it's important to me that we prevent them from becoming sad, isolated incels that have given up on the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/24 01:06 AM
3

You should read the report. The effect of this content on young men is very real. I care about young men and $700k across all federal tax payers is like $0.000000000000000000001 from my paycheck. I'm totally cool with this.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/24 12:44 AM
0

I think the DHS has every right to fund orgs that are seeking to prevent radicalization and by extension violence and terrorist attacks. The key question is whether this "manosphere" content should be characterized as a form of "radicalization." I would say the worst of it definitely is, but probably not all of it, maybe not even most of it. I think most "manosphere" types are just selling hustle-culture while complaining about women in a mildly misogynistic way. I personally don't know of any c…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/24 12:19 AM
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I don't think people generally say that other people can't have their preferences and standards. I think it's more that people judge each other's preferences and standards as fair or unfair; substantial or shallow; realistic or unrealistic; etc. And we all should make such judgments on a case-by-case basis. It's going to depend on the degree of the promiscuity; the other person's past and whether they are applying a double-standard. The worst examples are where two people will have an equal sexu…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/24 06:58 PM
1

It's possible. I have a study that says that men care less about personality / more about physicality than women, but it's based on a survey. You brought up a study that shows that women report preferences for attractiveness less than they actually prefer attractiveness in practice. But what would we find if men were tested on reported preferences vs actual practices? Seems like that's the piece we're missing now.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/24 04:54 PM
1

Yes, because we have collectively decided that men are shallow by default. It's only women the society is clueless about. No, I think that was just beyond the scope of the study. We need more information. Not because we are biased to hate men but because we reserve judgment until we have evidence - right?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/24 04:41 PM
1

That's interesting, this would suggest that women claim to value physical attractiveness less than they actually value it in practice. But this study doesn't include a comparison to men's preferences.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/24 04:22 PM
2

I would attribute personality more to trust and emotional connection but I believe personality is directly referenced as well, you can read the full abstract if you'd like and give me an explanation as to why it's irrelevant. Other studies would be welcome as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 09:03 PM
12

Yes, psychology studies are often done by survey. Also open to reviewing any other studies that people provide.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 07:40 PM
13

Seems like this is generally true, here is a study I found: https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0250151 From the abstract: On average, females rate age, education, intelligence, income, trust, and emotional connection around 9 to 14 points higher than males on our 0–100 scale range. Our relative importance analysis shows greater male priority for attractiveness and physical build, compared to females, relative to all other traits.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 06:45 PM
1

Do double-standards exist and are they applied in favor of women over men? Yes, that happens. What you really want to know is: does it happen enough to constitute some kind of general trend? Maybe. But why does it matter? Even if there wasn't such a trend, you still can and should call out any double-standard you find.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/24 05:28 PM
14

This is so true! Part of the problem is that a lot of men want the value of domestic labor to remain invisible and unrealized.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/24 05:23 PM
2

The West tends to have a more secular / less traditional culture. You really don't know that or are you just playing dumb?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/24 05:20 PM
1

I found this article on the topic, relevant section quoted below (emphasis added): Several reviews and meta-analyses of the existing research on conformity and leadership in men and women have now been conducted, and so it is possible to draw some strong conclusions in this regard. In terms of conformity, the overall conclusion from these studies is that that there are only small differences between men and women in the amount of conformity they exhibit, and these differences are influenced as m…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/24 06:29 PM
1

I would love to be the recipient of the longer text. I like knowing that my romantic partner cares about me. Maybe that just makes me a simp, idk.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/24 07:36 PM
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Imagine getting pregnant and having a child to spite someone. That never happens.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/01/24 03:09 PM
1

You would have to show me some examples. I suspect a lot of those women you are describing probably do buy into New Age spirituality to some extent. But I have also heard the term used by Christian conservatives in order to describe the traditional passivity and domesticity of women as something sacred. It means different things to different people, and this is actually consistent with how anthropologists originally came up with the term to neutrally describe the role that femininity plays in a …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/24 06:54 PM
1

I think your understanding of the "divine feminine" is subtly off. It is not meant to describe the deification of existing gender roles or characteristics, but the opposite: it describes how existing spiritual or religious beliefs shape a society's gender roles and characteristics. In a Western context, the "divine feminine" is thought to be relatively stunted, particularly in Christian theology where Eve is responsible for humanity's fall from the Garden of Eden, and the positive model of femin…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/24 06:26 PM
2

That's not how it works. When you are raised in a toxic environment, you develop toxic coping strategies that become extremely difficult to shake. It's not a conscious doubling-down, it's a subconscious survival reaction that needs to be dredged up to the surface in order to be confronted. It sounds like OP is doing the work.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/24 06:03 PM
2

That sounds super healthy dude, I commend your self-awareness and good luck moving forward.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/24 05:40 PM
9

But what maybe you don't realize is that nobody wants to talk about politics in most social situations. It doesn't really matter what your orientation is, politics is an intense topic and it makes people uncomfortable. People usually only talk about politics to people that they trust and that they know will either agree with their values, or will at least be tolerant of disagreement. It doesn't surprise me that hiding your political orientation from your ex-wife led to you getting divorced, that…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/24 05:08 PM
15

Maybe just chalk this up to different people having different experiences, but whenever I am socializing and someone brings up politics, 99.9999999% of the time it is a conservative that wants to whine about "woke" culture - and everyone else just wants to drop the topic immediately because it's a fucking buzzkill.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/24 04:57 PM
2

If you read closely, I didn't make that promise. I actually said the more important thing is that kindness is its own reward. My advice isn't about guaranteeing that you end up with a woman, it's about living a good life so that if/when you end up in a relationship it will be a healthy and fulfilling one - and if it doesn't happen for whatever reason, you will still be OK because you have opted-out of defining your self-worth in terms of how many women you have slept with. Because honestly, even…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/24 10:43 PM
1

This is exactly what I mean about shifting your perspective. As long as your goal is to find some means to "buy" a girlfriend, or as long as you define success as "who gets more women than who," then the redpill advice will always be the best for you. But you don't have to accept that framing, it's entirely up to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/24 09:58 PM
4

Am I a bluepiller? Because I do share this "delusion" that if you are a kind person and you are fun to be around, you will eventually meet a good match organically. I think this is supported by studies that have shown that exhibiting kindness will literally make women perceive you as more physically attractive. But more importantly, I think being kind is its own reward and doesn't need to be justified by whether or not it gets women to sleep with you. That said, I think redpillers are also corre…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/24 11:56 PM
4

lol that escalated quickly
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/23 09:31 PM
34

I don't understand why wanting mutual support from a partner would be considered narcissistic, can you explain that bit?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/23 07:24 PM
3

Yes, it is possible! But it’s also difficult to attain, and this is because the old cliché is absolute true: you need to love yourself before you can truly love others, and the same goes for your partner. There is obviously a lot of vulnerability and a lot of fear of rejection that comes with dating, which is why a lot of people turn dating into an ego competition. Instead of the goal being to form an intimate connection with somebody you genuinely admire, the goal is warped into maximizing conc…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/23 07:22 PM
6

Nothing you described though has anything to do with "getting stuff done" so I'm confused.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/23 06:56 PM
12

What is masculinity to you? Because to me it sounds like you equate masculinity to being a creep and an aggressive asshole.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/23 05:42 PM
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Haha nice
/r/PurplePillDebate22/12/23 12:40 AM
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If you need me to spell out the point of the comparison, I am happy to do it for you, I know it's very very complicated and difficult to understand. Try to read slowly so you don't get a headache: Just because you enjoy something that is extraordinary - be it gorillas at the Zoo or strippers at a club - doesn't mean you want that extraordinary thing to be a part of your daily life
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/23 11:51 PM
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No, but I think they are cute in an analogous way that I think my dogs are cute. But I still wouldn't want a gorilla in my home.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/23 06:28 PM
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If I go and see a gorilla at the zoo and I enjoy the experience, does that mean I want a gorilla as a personal pet living in my home?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/23 06:12 PM
0

I need a more submissive partner FTFY
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/23 04:18 PM
4

Not sure if it's common or not but even if it is, fuck that.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 11:41 PM
8

Brother I feel like you're dehumanizing yourself when you refer to yourself as "low value". You're better than that, trust
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 11:36 PM
4

To be clear, I was actually being genuine when I said it was a shame that "passport dating" has become associated with Tate. I have a good friend that met his current wife in Indonesia. He was sick of fickle American women; she wanted to avoid getting locked into an oppressive Muslim marriage; it worked out great for both of them.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 08:15 PM
6

I know too many people in normal, honest relationships where both partners have commensurate levels of success to believe this is true. And even if it was, it's not why Tate says that he prefers "non-Western" women: it's not because they are more grateful for the greater degree of socioeconomic success, it's that they are more docile and more willing to accept abuse without resistance.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 06:24 PM
24

I guess it's just a shame that you have people like Tate telling everyone on social media that they prefer international women specifically because they are easier to abuse and manipulate. Edit: sorry guys I don't have time to go clip a bunch of Tate videos so that we can litigate the exact language he used when he glorified domestic abuse. I guess I'm just a cucked feminist mistranslating the words of a gentle and wise human being.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 06:01 PM
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By "chemistry" I assume you just mean personality compatibility, i.e. it's easy to get along with the person and the vibes are always good. None of that means you can stop communicating with your partner, in fact communication is going to be exactly why you have good chemistry.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 04:21 PM
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Absolutely wrong. Chemistry is not a replacement for communication.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 04:17 PM
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I think it's absolutely the case that sexual partners "train each other up." That's obviously true if you are in a romantic relationship, but it's even true if you are having regular casual sex with the same partner. This is because there isn't one single correct way to fuck. There are definitely things not to do, but the rest is all about catering to the preferences of your partner, and it just takes time and practice to figure those things out.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/23 04:16 PM
10

I think the problem lies in TRP’s descriptive vs prescriptive statements. The overlap between TRP and other toxic incel communities is with the descriptive end, i.e. the speculative evo-psych theories about how contemporary norms and feminism have created an “unnatural” dating situation for men. People get this far with TRP and then let their imaginations run wild with the sorts of prescriptions that could be implied from their (un)naturalized view of dating – broadly speaking, the implication t…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 10:40 PM
9

I think it’s important to realize that feminism is not and never has been a uniform ideology. There are massive ideological fault-lines within feminism, and the biggest one is this: should the dichotomy between feminine and masculine roles in society be done away with so that men and women have completely equal opportunities? OR, should we instead take feminine roles and characteristics and elevate their value in society? Or to put it more simply: should feminism be about proving that women are …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 07:54 PM
1

But that's not the point at all. The point, if you actually read my post, is that domestic labor does have some value to a relationship and protecting that value is why marriage laws exist.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 03:22 PM
1

I disagree, there are a lot of tasks that fall under “domestic labor” even without kids: shopping, cooking, house cleaning (routine and deep-cleaning), laundry, home decorating, arranging for home repairs and maintenance, managing the marital finances and budgeting. It’s like any other job where you can probably slack a good deal and get away with it, but being good at it means working constantly and the results will be reflected in how orderly your life is. I also didn’t mention that there is a…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/12/23 12:00 AM
1

I kinda agree with the idea that there is a disconnect between the emotional and practical (legal) concerns of a marriage. When you are in love you aren’t thinking about what happens if the relationship falls apart in the future, and this leads to some unfair outcomes. And when you try to protect yourself legally by accounting for the worst case scenario, it can feel like an emotional betrayal of your partner-to-be. That said, I think you mischaracterize the legal nature of the marriage contract…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 11:24 PM
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This is why I don't go to the club lol
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 11:10 PM
3

If you want a relationship just because it means you are going to get consistent sex, you are being extremely naïve. Relationships are A LOT of work, and sex – even really good, frequent sex – comes nowhere close to justifying the work you will do and the compromises you will make. You should only get yourself into a committed relationship if you want the things that come with a relationship that have nothing to do with sex: intimacy, understanding, emotional support, financial & domestic partne…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 10:10 PM
2

I have heard this a couple times now but I'm not really familiar, what is it exactly that redpillers are saying about men in their 30's? I just know that it's completely normal to feel a lot of turmoil and pressure throughout your 20's, and most people get their shit together in their 30's and start to enjoy their life a lot more. Certainly true for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 06:49 PM
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Maybe that's true to some extent. But ultimately if you suck to be around because you're a dick, you are either going to end up alone or in extremely toxic relationships. Don't be a dick, be kind and fun instead.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 06:21 PM
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I disagree. They say that they find kindness attractive when polled, and then they actually find kindness attractive when you put them into a double-blind study. Seems consistent to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 06:02 PM
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You're objectively wrong, there are polls that show that kindness is super important to women and also double-blind studies showing that demonstrating kindness literally makes women perceive you as more physically attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 05:21 PM
28

I don't think either is praised, except in these weird "dating marketplace" circles. Most real people disapprove of either men or women being so shallow.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 05:06 PM
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Maybe, but truly the most important thing is to be kind and be fun to actually be around.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/23 05:04 PM
3

I think OP is half right. People do need answers, but they need individual answers for dealing with individual people, not general answers that purport to explain a broad generalization of people. It's always better to learn about what makes an individual tick than to lazily apply some general archetype to them, especially when those general archetypes are so discouraging (e.g. women just want money and status).
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 05:33 PM
0

But then how do you know? Is it something you know or is it just something you think might be true? I prefer not to psychoanalyze people and just take them at their word.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 04:35 PM
0

I never once heard a woman say that but ok
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 04:10 PM
2

It's not that vague if you understand the reasoning, i.e. they don't want to feel like they're your mommy or that they're responsible for helping you get your shit together. They want a partner that is at least their equal.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 12:08 AM
9

As a guy I'll take the chubby girl with a good job over the unemployed skinny girl any day, just sayin'
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/23 12:07 AM
2

Oh, if it's actually that broad then why would it be impossible to value yourself?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 08:32 PM
36

I don't agree with redpillers on much, but I would actually agree with the idea that your 30's are almost always going to be much better than your 20's. People who have all of their shit together in their 20's are the exceptions, not the rule. If you keep at it, I am sure that you will find things fall into place for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 05:19 PM
8

Do you think people are referring to money when they use the term "self-worth"?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 05:17 PM
10

This is so true! I’m lucky I married my college girlfriend, I don’t know how I would go about dating today. That said, I’m having a similar problem when it comes to making friends at my age. We recently moved away from the town where all my established high school / college friends are, and I’m just not sure what kind of regular social gathering I can attend to start making new friends. At one point I tried Friday Night Magic at my local card shop, but I found that those guys would literally nev…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/23 11:55 PM
–

It might seem like redpill types are everywhere but in reality they are just a vocal minority on the Internet. Nothing about them is normal.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/23 08:04 PM
–

I challenge the validity of your premise. I think in most developed / secular countries you are going to find a split in people that want relationships based on traditional gender roles, and people that want a more balanced relationship with an equal partner. It is going to be mostly in less-developed or religious countries where traditionalists are the majority.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/23 07:21 PM
1

According to what law?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/23 08:55 PM
5

She didn't do anything illegal she's just a creep
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/23 05:51 AM
3

I think being human negates our animality, by virtue of our self-consciousness (the ontological term). I don't use the term sentience because that has a biological rather than ontological connotation, and some animals do have at least some degree of sentience.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/23 01:20 AM
2

I disagree. I think being human means rejecting natural instinct in favor of self-conscious ideals. That's fundamentally what separates humans from animals.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/23 12:41 AM
2

I'm confused, how is that a disagreement to what I wrote?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 11:46 PM
3

Keep in mind that gender roles, while socially constructed, are so deeply and immediately ingrained in us that we may as well consider them to be "natural." Of course, human nature is to break free from human nature and to exercise our own self-consciousness to become something new. Patriarchy being "natural" in some sense doesn't mean we shouldn't throw it out.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 11:30 PM
5

It's silly to say that any group "created it" let alone pinning it on half of our species. Our anthropological history "created" it; history "created" it. Nobody controls such things, they only make the narrowest of decisions within the context that is handed to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 11:28 PM
1

Can I ask why it matters? We're not animals anymore, to the extent we still have animal instincts or other characteristics they should be ignored in favor of our own human consciousness and self-determination.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 11:26 PM
6

What Kelly did was much more extreme though. Maybe Chris Brown is a better analogy but even he was worse, he's still pretty popular though. I think there's just a gender-neutral acceptance of pop stars being scumbags.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 10:58 PM
5

I mean, just like R Kelly still has fans after pissing on little girls, I think she is going to retain fans and keep doing her thing. But she definitely took a lot of heat, it's not like people just ignored it.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 09:50 PM
2

Those aren't examples, those are just a list of general assertions.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 08:32 PM
4

Not trying to pretend that men aren't more violent or more intimidating than women, but ultimately it's the context and not the gender that makes the situation scary. Two people approaching you could mean anything, like maybe they want to ask for directions or something. Two people approaching you late at night in a bad neighborhood is scary, and it would be scary because of the neighborhood and the time, not because of the gender. Two people approaching you brandishing weapons is scary, and it …
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 07:45 PM
4

No idea I think that would be scary either way. Technically men are bigger but in either case you can't fight off a whole group of people so it doesn't really matter.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 07:33 PM
3

You have no concrete way to prove that's the case though. You just assert it and since it's so general and non-specific there's no way to refute. Just list some examples of actual instances where society fails to hold women accountable for bad actions. You should be able to do so if it's a real phenomenon.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 06:54 PM
1

When did I blame men for anything? That's some mighty fine shadowboxing, you have great form
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 06:44 PM
4

Frankly I think it's kinda retarded to try to blame half the human population for some kind of generalized behavior. Choose specific instances of bad behavior and test whether the actors are being held accountable.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 06:27 PM
7

Why would you be afraid of either if they are just walking around? lol
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 06:21 PM
31

Maybe the problem is your own superficial judgements of people's value. Maybe the shy guys have something to offer if they are just given some space to express themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 06:19 PM
11

It's a difficult hypothetical because I think part of the reason why Swift is so popular is that she keeps her image super clean and is incredibly image-savvy. Makes it hard to imagine how her fanbase would react to such a massive fuck-up.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 06:06 PM
13

I don't think Swift ever forced her employees to shove cash into a strippers g-string though.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 05:50 PM
8

Here's an example: Lizzo getting cancelled for being a fuckin creep to her crew.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 05:36 PM
4

I think a big factor is that women tend to have very deep and fulfilling friendships with other women. There is a tendency – not absolute – for men to have more superficial friendships around shared interests. There’s nothing wrong with forming friendships around shared interests like going to the gym or playing video games, but the downside is that the shared interests leave less space for organic conversations and emotional support. I think it’s more common for women to meet up with a friend l…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/23 05:34 PM
2

People of both sexes are too diverse in their personalities and their attitudes to ever even get close to being able to generalize them in this way.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/23 06:25 PM
7

Sex makes babies Sex is also fun and enjoyable Some people want to have fun enjoying sex without making a baby But when a baby is born, it needs money for its care MY ARGUMENT: it’s more important to care for baby than it is to have fun sex Financial abortion provides less care for babies Financial abortion only protects men’s opportunity to have fun having sex without being obligated to support a baby Through abortion, adoption, safe haven laws, etc. – women can have fun sex without being oblig…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/23 10:37 PM
7

You don't think it's normal to feel uncomfortable when you're being stared at? I would have thought that was pretty much universal for human beings, but here we are...
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/23 09:26 PM
0

I have ADD and sometimes I subconsciously anchor to something visually stimulating while I am trying to consciously think through something completely unrelated. This could just as easily be a pretty lady as a piece of art on the wall or the view outside a window. Not really an excuse for that behavior but just an explanation.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/23 09:24 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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