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Actionreduction Archive

View 3 posts and 70 comments by Actionreduction on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Man! made an account just to post this. Blue pillers are a "dedicated" lot - caring so much about us. Can't help but feel the love.
/r/askMRP05/09/16 01:36 PM
1

Noob mistake
/r/askMRP04/09/16 01:14 PM
1

Yeah it's fair. I think more than the smoking I'm bothered by the secrets and the hiding.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 09:50 PM
1

No - I don't plan to hold this over her head - it will only cause resentment. It would be very BP to do that. Besides, I don't want to force her into good behavior. Only set the consequences and expectations pretty clearly. At that point, it her choice on how to move forward.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 09:48 PM
2

I take this as a graduation of sorts. I've been linked!
/r/askMRP03/09/16 09:23 PM
1

Will do. Thanks for calling me a faggot. I feel like I'm finally part of the club.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 09:22 PM
1

Right. I didn't want advice on helping her get over the addiction or debate whether it's there. I want to know what would be my best course of action.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 01:11 PM
1

Yeah as a bp guy I was always scared of setting them. Not any more. I am somewhat relishing this opportunity.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 01:09 PM
1

Yeah - I totally understand what you're saying. That's why I made it clear that not discussing it on vacation didn't mean I had wussed out on the conflict. It's going to be tackled just at my convenience.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 01:08 PM
1

Thanks - you said what was in my head
/r/askMRP03/09/16 04:30 AM
1

Ugh. I realize what you guys are saying - I said it is a Deal breaker but I never told her that it was. It wasn't set as a deal breaker before even though I thought so in my head. I wimped out - I was a bp loser. I am going to put this down now though.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 04:26 AM
1

It has been 6 years since I last saw her smoke. Do you think I should consider it an addiction?
/r/askMRP03/09/16 04:21 AM
1

Yeah I follow. The big penalty - she knows I will walk away if this continues. She has been on her best behavior all weekend. She said she will prove to me it's not going to continue. We shall see.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 03:29 AM
1

Not sure. I thought I smelled it a couple of times but she said it was her coworker. I bought it. She hasn't smoked in front of me in years. Even now she isn't craving cigs which makes me think it's not an addiction (yet). When we met, she was a smoker. When we were close to marriage I made it clear it was quit or nothing. Anything else was unacceptable.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 03:24 AM
1

I haven't before set the hard boundary that this isn't going to work for me. I don't know if there was something else you saw in my post?
/r/askMRP03/09/16 03:22 AM
1

I don't disagree with your observation - perhaps it will make her hide it better. I didn't tell her it was right or wrong. I said it was not acceptable to me. Smoking isn't just a bad habit like perhaps playing video games for most of your day. And of course, She is free to do it. I will make my decision accordingly.
/r/askMRP03/09/16 03:21 AM
2

Let me take a stab at this. Mods tell me if I'm off base. I think on the surface it might seem like its conflicting but it's not. Expressing your emotions like a man: "I'm disappointed" don't see anything wrong with saying that. Imagine if you were a boss and an employee was being a dick. You wouldn't just keep quiet would you? Stfu doesn't mean go radio silent. It means don't get into the argument. Stfu when she is shit testing you but otherwise you don't need to stfu. You stfu to not feed into…
/r/askMRP27/08/16 12:23 AM
1

Wanting to spend time with her is not inherently being in her frame, IMO. But did you offer the activity because she is into it? She should be asking to spend time with you. You're a busy man on a mission. Invite her but don't make her the subject of the activity. when she didn't show up... You did something else. All good. Where you lose frame is when you think you did something wrong, didn't pick up the phone, and then inviting her to spend time again, the tv show, depending on her approving. …
/r/askMRP26/08/16 11:02 PM
1

I'm 10 months into this, so I'm not completely 'fixed' but I'd like to help with some of this. Hopefully the pros will tell me where I'm wrong. You're right in recognizing this stuff as shit tests (subliminal). She doesn't respect your time or you. Don't hold it against her, but just recognize it as the current situation. You'll fix this, eventually. You're also very much in her frame. How do I know? Your post and actions have a common focal point: Her. Your plans are made around her. Watch a mo…
/r/askMRP26/08/16 10:06 PM
1

yup - this is an issue for me. I find myself higher energy in a group and low energy when it's just the two of us. I recognized this and have tried upping my energy to see if that helps but like /u/2gunsgetsome said - it's a vacuum. She likes low brow, slap stick humor, whereas that's not my style. Rather than continue to force it, I no longer worry about this. There are differences in interactions with everyone when you're one on one. It happens with my friends as well - some of them are open t…
/r/MarriedRedPill26/08/16 06:11 PM
1

She brought it up again this weekend while I was driving and I shot it down, and then buried it. She said we have to see a marriage counselor so I know you're serious about improving things. I laughed and said that's not happening. I know what I'm doing and don't need to see anyone. She pushed and pushed and I firmly said it wasn't gonna happen. She asked why... I said that it didn't matter. I am not going and you will just have to be okay with us disagreeing on this. She kept quiet and then sta…
/r/MarriedRedPill22/08/16 10:42 PM
1

This. It look me a while to get to this mental state. Remember that just because you have decided to cut your losses, doesn't mean you have to do everything alone. I made that mistake - kept doing more and more around the house as she lounged around. Now I point blank tell her what I need her to get done in the house (and since i'm moving on what have I got to lose?) and it gets done!
/r/askMRP18/08/16 05:58 PM
1

That's pretty good. Hadn't heard of the Eiserhower method before. I'll give it a shot. Another tool I came across: https://freedom.to/ Kinda expensive for a tool that just blocks the internet for you.
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/16 10:09 PM
2

Learning when to not STFU Part One: Learning when to not STFU Part Two: I'm new here, so senior members correct me if I'm wrong. You're trying to assert boundaries and expectations by talking about them very overtly. I hope you're setting boundaries with your actions. You're not gonna teach her anything by telling her about boundaries. I am setting a boundary that if you are going to be angry, I will not laugh at you but leave the room(or the house) and do my thing. No my warrior princess, I wil…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/16 10:04 PM
1

I've been putting some thought behind this. I think the primary problem is getting sucked into stuff I didn't plan for, or, getting distracted with stuff that didn't need my immediate attention (including this sub). This keeps me from the main tasks I need to get done that day, and then I'm always behind trying to catch up. Solution should be simple: Prioritize my day and Stick to the plan. At some point I'll have to try some techniques to focus on the task at hand. Pomodoro technique. Meditatio…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/16 09:05 PM
1

LTR is utterly confused as to what she should do, as she comes from a traditional orthodox family. Her parents do not know that we stay together, and if they come to know, her Dad will take the next flight to beat me up, pick her up from here and take her back home. another form of approval seeking - you're afraid of the consequences of their reaction. In some cultures, can be a real danger - parents willing to be violent at the slightest knock to their "honor" so I understand to a certain exten…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/16 04:31 PM
2

Needles to say , my stoicism was tested and I failed. Happens to the best of us and it happened to you. Curious, How do you handle it after? I often will own this type of behavior and make a diffusing comment: "Holy shit, did you see how angry I got?" That is usually enough to reduce the tense atmosphere, and (I think) shows I owned the loss of frame. Thoughts?
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/16 04:27 PM
2

I need to add in some yoga. Bought a mat, went on Sunday. Need to prioritise this and go at least twice a week. Yoga classes at my gym are full of hot 20-somethings and the wife knows this. Instant dread. Seriously, though, good decision. I find myself recovering quicker with Yoga. Anxiety: Been less stressed, so less anxiety. I'm slowly getting back to my happy place. I recognized that anxiety, for me, was caused by not having confidence in being able to handle whatever that may be. I do this e…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/16 04:19 PM
2

Finances - have a working budget in Mint which I regularly track. Managing finances was never a problem. A few years ago BP me tried hard to get the wife to manage them (The HORROR!!). Thankfully she declined and said that was my job. Thankfully! I shudder thinking how messed up I was. MAP - I realized in the last couple of weeks how my MAP and MRP progress was a covert contract. Read a great post by /u/Persaeus that changed my thinking. My improvements were measured against my wife's reaction a…
/r/MarriedRedPill16/08/16 02:20 PM
2

and when I'd come across old school guys who's wives would say, my husband never talks to me about his problems, I'd think what a stone cold loser. If he doesn't share the problems he's facing with his wife, he must have some real emotional issues. sigh. Now I know.
/r/askMRP15/08/16 04:15 PM
1

For me, it was when I stopped constantly analyzing and reanalyzing my wife's reaction to everything I was doing. I think I gave in to the MRP process and instead of running a continuous analysis loop, I assumed the marriage was dead. If it came back, great, but I am no longer trying to fix it or her. I am too busy fixing me.
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/16 03:25 PM
2

In parallel, I've been on a mini-cut, aiming to get from 17% BF to somewhere around the mythical 12% as per the Navy Calc method. I've used this as an opportunity to lead my wife - who is about 30lbs overweight - into dieting along with me. She has little faith in her ability to stick to the diet so I've invited her to "stick with me" and we'll get her to her goal together. Broadly speaking, her accepting my captaincy in any aspect of our lives has not been going well. I treated this as an oppor…
/r/MarriedRedPill15/08/16 03:13 PM
1

I think we all as MRP noobs start at the first version and eventually graduate to the 2nd version. PS: yes I think the discussion became a semantic argument.
/r/askMRP12/08/16 07:41 PM
1

Well I do agree ... Everything in life can eventually be traced back to sex. Edit: a bit more of a reply now It's not that i'm not expecting anything from my MAP (of course I am - why else would I be here), but the expectation of getting attention from women was the primary goal, and now it's not. Now I'm just trying to have fun, and it's getting me attention from other females.
/r/askMRP12/08/16 05:40 PM
1

Yes, it is. it's not a good MAP for increasing SMV directly but that doesn't mean it can't be a MAP. if you're trying to make the point that this MAP isn't working on alpha qualities and is not attractive to women, I think that may be a strawman argument and you might be missing the point I was making. Its a covert contract when there is a certain expectation attached to your MAP. You can work on attractive qualities without that expectation, just using attraction as a metric to judge performanc…
/r/askMRP12/08/16 05:13 PM
1

I am conflicted. A MAP is not to get women. A MAP is to improve you, which has the effect of getting you women. I don't think the increased attention for women can be the goal of your MAP. It's not women attraction plan. It might be a measure you use, but the point is you're doing it for you. The increased attention is a side effect, not the end goal. Edit: Thought about this some more. We're making somewhat different points here. I'm saying if you work on your MAP and when you dont see the desi…
/r/askMRP12/08/16 02:39 PM
1

The process of overanalyzing something, just pound my own mind into a pile of mush, and "puff" the answer appears to me is not unique to MRP and is just the way I process things. This is me. I spent the last 6 months analyzing why shit still sucked. Until a few backs when I just "checked out" and focused on having fun.
/r/askMRP11/08/16 05:47 PM
1

I think the issue is in the way the MAP is framed: I'm taking a cooking class because I want to be a better cook Vs. I'm taking a cooking class because I think that will make women attracted to me. The first one is for you, and is how you explained the MMA class example. The second is the covert contract. What makes any MAP activity a covert contract is when your measure of success is placed on something outside your control: other women, your wife etc.
/r/askMRP11/08/16 04:29 PM
1

^ this. When I first started reading MRP, I came across the time frame guidance we give: "Give it at least a year" or "Give it 1 month for every year you've been together" ... It's easy to confuse "it" as my marriage/wife. i.e. I'm going to work on myself for a year, and if the marriage doesn't improve I'm out. Recently I realized what a covert contract I had set up. I was improving myself with the hope that it will improve my marriage. Everything was being measured with that in mind. "I've been…
/r/askMRP11/08/16 03:53 PM
1

and order book on shit test What's the name?
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/16 07:10 PM
1

I had shoulder surgery last fall, and was into PT like a fucking maniac because the iron temple was screaming for me. Yup, I'm 15 days from starting PT, probably 1.5 months from the Iron Temple. I'm locked in, going to dominate PT. Just make sure you are doing this kinda thing all the time, and not just in response to her shitties. One interesting development in the last couple weeks has been her giving less fucks about where I'm going. Previously she'd question where I was headed, now I just ge…
/r/MarriedRedPill14/07/16 01:37 PM
1

Okay, fair enough. I'll give one example, and leave it at that (since we don't really have a disagreement). Jack implies that because there are such social costs of disagreeing, people are scared to say what they want. This is true. The article uses some bad examples to make his point. If you’re an employee, being found out as a racist can make you virtually unemployable in the age of search engines. If you have a business, you may be boycotted, and other businesses may cancel your accounts to a…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/16 06:07 PM
1

Most certainly I do. Which is why I thought your summary was great - it brought out the key takeaways from JD's post which I agree with. Edit: I should clarify, I follow the point he's making - that progressives say the men who disagree with them are afraid. However, the ones who're really afraid are the ones agreeing with progressives on everything. Yes - I get it. I don't think it is made clearly (because he rambles around it for a while). That's about it. There's also a few secondary points t…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/16 04:40 PM
1

Perhaps I'm off the mark on some it. I know he is addressing, as you put it, virtue signalling. I agree with that. I feel it's lost in the shuffle of focusing on the guys being afraid.
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/16 03:54 PM
1

First OYS post. I see continuing to post here as important in building my frame - keeps me focused on what's important - me. Shit I Own Dressing - this was never a problem. But because I work remotely I was sloppy in dressing when I was at home. I now dress at home like I'm about to head out. Steve Jobs always said people DO judge a book by it's cover (as much as we would like them not to). Shit I'm starting to own Diet - I had one bad day of eating over the July 4th long weekend. Most of the ti…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/16 03:50 PM
1

Your takeaway from the main article is on point. Glad to have read it. I'm going to voice a contrary opinion because I think this is important and if I hadn't read your summary, I'd have walked away with a slightly different opinion. The article content... its a mixed bag. I agree with the main point of it but it's muddied by this guy being stuck in his own version of being afraid/anger phase with progressives. I agree that you shouldn't let fear dictate your thoughts, but to paint everything as…
/r/MarriedRedPill13/07/16 02:20 PM
1

man this type of stuff just pisses me off - the behavior not your comment. If I have to leave her at home, and I have to be alone with friends and family, then what is she even doing in my life? Rhetorical question of course. Did that improve her behavior next time or has it become the norm to leave her at home?
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/16 10:52 PM
1

On the childish behavior: Have you tried treating her like the adorable, bratty little girl that she is? I think these are comfort tests, not shit tests. She wants reassurance from her daddy that everything is OK. If a 9 year old little girl was pouting and bitching and running around you would ORDER her to settle down and walk with you. Try it next time. She probably won't listen. That is when you give her the silent treatment until she apologizes. Hmm. I am thinking at this point, this bad beh…
/r/MarriedRedPill12/07/16 03:53 PM
1

Yup, the extra words - be a man of few words. It's not up for discussion. I start trying to lawyer... build up an argument, state my case. Old habits that I am aware of that still crop up. Something tells me you laid that wood right and the next day would have gone a little smoother. Today has been smooth. No mention of anything. I imagine if things are turning around, OLD stressful stimuli (family/company) can send her back. And you aswell, if you aren't on point. If I like my wife going on thi…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 11:24 PM
1

This is a very interesting perspective. I've tried ignoring her, and it hasn't worked. but providing comfort has worked in the past. However I revert back because It feels like rewarding crap behavior. Is there a way to communicate that if she wants attention, then she needs to find a positive way to get it, instead of making a scene?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 11:13 PM
1

you need to A) expect more of this in the future and B) prepare to put a stop to that shit earlier on. Definitely realized this myself and through your comments. Her finishing move though hasn't been done in that way for years. Enthusiastic. Some progress I guess?
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 11:06 PM
1

her nuke levels are a bit histrionic. I appreciate the steps. I've been poor at the communication part and just seethe inside.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 11:00 PM
1

Yes - she definitely wants attention. After i laid down my "i dont expect this from my wife" boundary, she turned her back to me, and i teased her - "oh baby didn't get what she wanted and she's mad" she turned over and started going touchy feely. While I'm going through this, all i can think is... W... T... F... how does this lead to a BJ?!
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 10:57 PM
1

Wait...you're saying that you were not happy at how she was conducting herself...and that you feeling that way is a problem?! Dude if she's being a bitch then being upset about that and stating boundaries on her behavior is THE CORRECT THING TO DO. You sound like you're asking "how do i not be internally mad when she's being a bitch" IE "how can I convince myself that her frame is ok with me." I wasn't happy that I let her behavior affect my internal state so much. It didn't show outside because…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 10:54 PM
1

There's a difference between shit-tests, comfort-tests, and plain bad behavior. Your wife was behaving badly. This was the observation I was hoping to get. Not so that now I can play the victim, but because now I'm better equipped to handle it. Shit test = AM, AA, STFU. but with bad behavior, using that just makes me look weak. Thanks. I wish to get to the point where your sample handling of the behavior is how I handle it 'live'. It doesn't happen like that when I'm actually in it, but when I p…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 10:44 PM
1

Yup, my reputation is important to me, which is why I've stopped sinking down to this level of crap outside the house.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 06:03 PM
1

Perhaps maybe early in our marriage, but I did resolve those matters by addressing it directly with my family. These issues seem more like nit picking - I've been doing more everything in my life, including keeping the house in good shape, cars cleaned, dinner prepped and she thinks I'm doing this to impress my family. lol, who cares. I still do it. The only thing I can think of is comfort. When we're out with them, obviously my focus and goal is making sure I show them a good time. This is when…
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 06:02 PM
1

Ha, as it turns out, it has been shark week this weekend, hence the bjs.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 05:57 PM
1

hey now, you're hurting my fragile frame. Seriously though, you're right. After a situation like this, I do allow it to consume more of my mental resources than I want it to. I was reactive to the situation and letting it define my actions, than taking control of it. I didn't do anything right there in the moment, but quietly continued to ignore. I recognize that.
/r/MarriedRedPill11/07/16 05:54 PM
1

but you know that women evaluate a man SMV relative to theirs on a whole plethora of factors as opposed to men (how hot is she.....). So IMO, your statement of "My SMV was never above hers" is both selling yourself short and calling your wife a dumb cunt. YOU ARE THE PRIZE. Internalize this thought like you did earlier in life; and she will likely believe it too. Truth. Maybe the shit tests have gotten to me where I started to believe her (she is the prize and I'm just lucky to have her). You go…
/r/askMRP05/07/16 06:01 PM
1

I've found this parallel (or lack of it) very interesting as well. At work, I operate with a different skill set. I say less than I have to, I listen, I let people come to me with a problem instead of trying to "sense" the problem by their tone or communication. I think it comes from confidence in my skills at work and being to handle stuff. I was looking for responses from everyone else I interacted with. In the last couple months, I noticed my tendency to do this got worse. Very true. did you …
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/16 05:49 PM
1

This was very hard to do initially, but I've stopped sharing work stories or any negative victim puke with her. she asks how work is going and I respond with "ok" or "work work work work work" (the song on the radio these days)
/r/askMRP05/07/16 05:31 PM
1

Yes - I definitely have done alpha badly for a number of years. I was always of the mentality "you're free to walk out anytime you'd like" but I don't think I had the SMV to really believe or pull it off. I am still doing it badly, but now I know a bit more about why. It's not all good, but I haven't argued with her in 7-8 months. completely ignoring any pressure (especially disapproval) from other people. Yeah - this still gets me. I feel this at home and (less often) at work. I've learned to s…
/r/askMRP05/07/16 05:30 PM
1

am not knocking working at home, but being "a rockstar" normally implies you are getting nonstop adulation/jealousy from co-workers and bosses. A whole lot of ego in this post. Well, work from home isn't the only situation I've been in. I had a regular, workplace gig for a number of years. I say rockstar because that's how my mid-year and yearly reviews have described me, from peers and bosses. I can understand the ego part - I was reading an excerpt of the book "Ego is the Enemy" and I have fal…
/r/askMRP05/07/16 05:17 PM
1

You're right - I get sullen and angry because I still blame her/women. I say I blame myself but inside I still bottle up a lot of rage from being played in High School/College - i've been in a prolonged anger stage for many years. It took me a while to recognize this as my anger phase that only shows itself when I'm vulnerable.
/r/askMRP05/07/16 02:34 PM
1

Thanks for the thoughtful reply and answers. Re:Alcohol - yeah its never 1 drink, but i don't drink during the week. Usually once on the weekend. My problem is stopping once I've gone to the 5-6 beer number. At this point, its like my brain stops making smart choices and instead defaults to my impulses. I've been reading a book about willpower (The Willpower Instinct - great book BTW) that defines this as not familiarizing yourself enough with your future self that will have to "pay" for my curr…
/r/askMRP05/07/16 02:30 PM
1

The "acted in kind" to her silent treatment, or shouting contests stopped once I realized I was doing it because the voice in my head said "you want equal? well then here's equally shitty treatment". My father-in-law advised me, as a man, you need to start being the leader of the family (he's got some RP traits and a strong frame). That really struck me hard. I'd been behaving like her instead of behaving like a man. I decided then that implementing MRP was my only choice.
/r/askMRP05/07/16 02:18 PM
1

second that. #15 is exactly me. in my attempts at "fairness" and "equality" I expected my wife to be responsible like I was. Expecting a cat to be a dog - well said.
/r/MarriedRedPill05/07/16 01:50 PM
1

I listened to the podcast linked by OP. The author talks about not letting your successes and failures define who you are as a person. I think the message of this book (while I havent read it) and NMMNG is similar where nice guys are so egotistical and protective of their self image that they will placate or hide their weaknesses or take their wife's disapproval of their actions as something to "fix"
/r/MarriedRedPill03/07/16 06:12 PM
3

I found the discussion on masculinity models very interesting. The Nice Guy model is one extreme and the asshole/jerk model is the other extreme (close to what the main TRP sub preaches these days), while Dr. Glover is focused on a third model that takes the positives of both. That's pretty much the essence of MRP.
/r/MarriedRedPill01/07/16 01:25 PM
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