TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

AdultishRaktajino Archive

View 0 posts and 75 comments by AdultishRaktajino on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Yes. The kids OP realizes he wants would tie him to this person for life almost.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 02:38 PM
2

Meet their requirements and apply. Usually a certain distance or live within X minutes of station. Many/most cover training cost
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 01:41 AM
8

Firefighting. Not a hustle but I'm a paid volunteer. Don't earn a lot but it's fun, challenging and expanded my social circle. Could always go full time depending on age, location, and still have time for other jobs I've done some consulting work here and there too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 07:47 PM
4

Certainly helps though if you did most of the parenting and night routine.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 07:42 PM
1

I assume you live in a community of some sort. Look for local community groups on Facebook, post that you're looking for sitters or or daycare. I think there's an app too, (care maybe? never used it). Whether or not you are religious, you could still find and attend a church. Many have daycare or obviously there are people you'll meet. Also reach out to the local school district regarding preschool/ECFE. Often found under community Ed. For you: Look into local clubs or sports teams. Softball is …
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 04:41 AM
1

You probably want an attorney. I've responded to a lawsuit before and did a couple other minor things. I still had my proposed agreement I worked with my previous attorney on. I've also helped my ex study a bit when she was in school. In the end, we pretty much had a settlement agreement already. I wish I had reviewed by an attorney but was getting pressed by her and the court to wrap this up. I mainly wanted 50-50 custody of the kids. While taxing, I wasn't completely screwed financially in par…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 07:22 PM
4

You can, it's called pro se. You're bound to follow the same rules of the court and know law and applicable case law. Not to mention how things may work in a particular district. I used a lawyer the first time when I filed and pro se the second time when she did. Yes, two divorce cases, same woman, we had a reconciliation. I went pro se the second time because I was broke and we had most things figured out. Also my ex was a newly barred attorney. She still fucked things up. Somethings she missed…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 03:13 AM
7

Honestly wish there were a public defender equivalent for civil actions/divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 01:33 AM
8

If you can't come to an agreement it needs to be liquidated. She may be sandbagging in the hopes the market falls and it becomes more affordable.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/22 04:18 PM
1

Regardless of the party/state thing, cameras everywhere are not necessarily a great idea. He’d probably be okay putting one where he sleeps (assuming it’s a separate room/area from her), mounting a vehicle dash cam, and mounting cameras outside the house. Emphasis on mounted or secured so they can’t be removed and placed elsewhere. If she’s willing to make false accusations of abuse, she’s probably willing to make other false accusations. For example, that he’s recording the kiddo in compromisin…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 04:43 AM
1

The younger one, you’ll have to put your foot down and stick to the schedule. You’re still pretty early in the separation and divorce it sounds, so roles are still being defined and boundaries are getting pushed (or in your case trampled). Build a routine. After a while of doing so you maybe can be more lenient. I’m guessing the older one drives or is close to it? If that’s something that interests them, it may be a carrot and stick for you two to come to an agreement. Stick to the schedule, goo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 04:18 AM
1

So many people recommend it, but honestly it can be horrible advice for men. It may work for a wife to get her man back, but not the other way around.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/22 01:09 AM
2

I’m not a lawyer. This sounds like a mess and is why you want things as separate as possible, as soon as possible. I’ve learned, it’s nearly impossible to remove someone from a joint account. It’s much, much easier to simply close it and open a new one. (Only took one account holder to close mine.) If he was awarded the joint account and the incoming dividends, he should have the right to close it. I’d call the brokerage and ask what happens if the direct deposits fail. If deposits fail and the …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 05:51 PM
7

Play up how sad you are, get her to feel guilty if able, have her agree to things with the hope that new guy is just around the corner waiting for her. Of she's in the affair fog let her stay there. Better then Vindictive and Attacking. I disagree with the faux-pity-party thing. She'll just think you're pathetic and twist the knife. At least mine did when I had the real emotions. There's some logic in the certain parts of the Divorce 180 thing, but more about detaching from her and moving on wit…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/22 03:56 PM
2

Living together while estranged/separated/divorcing is hell. I did it for nearly 2 years with a college try reconciliation in there too. It'll be a rollercoaster emotionally and mentally for everyone involved. Also, at times of perceived loss or gain, expect the drama to ratchet up. Don't neglect your health, focus on your own and your kids. Both mental and physical. Avoid alcohol. Eat well, sleep, and workout more if you're not, stay the course if you currently are. Many family friends will avo…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 04:39 PM
2

Yeah, I got the inspiration from a buddy of mine going through the same shit a couple years before me. Kids pick up on so much. Everything that's said and done, especially the drama. Sometimes they repeat it for attention and love, and sometimes just to push your buttons. My goal is all about shutting down the drama/gossip and getting them to be more empathetic and critical thinkers. All while making them not feel invalidated or silenced. Taking the high road without trying to paint her as the b…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 06:02 PM
3

Be a good dad and be consistent, and let them make their own decisions. I've told my kids basically the following in response to something that my ex said. "That is not true. I won't go into details about why because it's adult stuff and your job is to be a kid. You can talk to me about anything on your mind, anything that's bothering you, or if you have questions. However, don't feel like you need to tell me everything she says about me. I'm not going ask either. I can't control what your mom s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 05:38 PM
1

I'm not whom you replied to, but I stumbled upon this sub a while back. r/flipping I've considered doing the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 04:27 PM
1

#1 Rules about how your relationship will work now. How do you communicate, email, text, phone, app? How do you request a schedule change? Also think boundaries with your STBX. What if she's lonely wants to hook up? Which can be a fun yet bad idea. When something's broken, do you come help her or is she on her own? #2 Co-Parenting rules -Schooling, sports, schedules, bedtimes, hygiene. Shared calendar. Expenses. Rules between the houses. They both have to do with your daughter or you wouldn't ma…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 02:34 PM
3

That’s probably normal. I didn’t sleep or eat much for a while when I discovered my ex’s affair. I heard it once called the divorce diet. Treat it like you have the stomach flu. Simple foods, water, Gatorade, supplement with vitamins, and maybe meal shakes if you have to.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 06:49 PM
3

I’m not saying don’t try them. SSRIs are amazing and quickly effective for anxiety while slower to kick in for depression. The waves of anxiety early on went away quickly. Just know they have some side effects. Another weird one with lexapro for me was peeing. I’d have a full bladder and have to pee but couldn’t. Like “stage fright” or bladder shyness but even at home. Also, with generics I swear I’d get a weaker batch or manufacturer here or there. I’d say the biggest thing now is stay hydrated…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 04:10 PM
6

Meds can be a double edged sword. While SSRIs (Lexapro, Prozac…) are amazing drugs for many, I will never touch them again. They unfucked my anxiety and situational depression, but I also felt indifferent, complacent, anhedonic, and lacked ambition. Also, they nearly made me an alcoholic. I went from rarely drinking to craving it. They also messed with my sex drive and ability to orgasm. I could beat it like it owed me money for an hour and maybe come. My situation and life improved dramatically…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/22 03:53 PM
-1

About the only way I like Spam is in fried rice. Not promotional accounts spewing canned advice for traffic/karma.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/22 11:51 PM
2

Healthy meals.. yeah. I probably should work on that. Been a crazy past 6 months of training topped off with a move. I've been eating like crap lately. Luckily I have kids and cook for them half the time and will make it healthier. I used to do meal prep and will probably get back into it. (Aka cooking/prepping a bunch of stuff and freezing or refrigerating it) Made some pulled pork recently and froze a bunch and used a some in different recipes subbing in carnitas/pulledpork. Sometimes I'll jus…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/22 02:38 PM
1

Volunteering can help with some of those things.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/22 01:39 AM
4

For a lot of people church is a social club. Lots of virtue signaling, gatekeeping, happiness chasers, and hidden infidelity. With a dash pedophiles.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 10:54 PM
1

I left that sub a few months ago as I'm a few years out now and stable. I think we've interacted a couple times there and you seemed like a voice of reason. (The name stuck as I'm in MN also) It can be hard to get planted in reality in the shock and awe of discovering an affair or her dropping the D-bomb. Definitely can't help everyone. There's only so many times I can see someone make obvious mistakes or even the same ones I did.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/22 01:16 PM
2

If you do this and want to ensure you don't lose them in a fire or hack or something. Use the 3 2 1 rule. Three backups, two types of media/storage types, and at least one is off site.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 09:03 PM
1

Nudes and shit for sure purge. Other pics, I still have but only keep for my kids, in case they want them someday. My ex is technologically dumb so I could see her getting hacked or losing a lot of photos doing something dumb.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 08:56 PM
1

The shitty thing of it is how does it affect them now and in the future? And what kind of BS stuff did she shove down their throat to justify her actions or keep a lid on it? Is cheating normal to them now? She's modeled that keeping big dark secrets are normal. Are they more likely to do it? Do vows and promises not mean much? Maybe they'll end up ENM which is fine if that's what they truly want and keep it above board. Maybe they'll go 180 and be vigilant about the possibility in their relatio…
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 11:16 PM
2

That's understandable and I'm not judging or anything. We have 4 kids ranging from a Sophomore to a 2nd grader. Just pointing out how complicated things can get I guess. Mine has a fiance but when she was dating and in between guys, drama was high and I definitely felt like a target. I did Gray Rock and parallel parenting then and early on. Basically seem boring, stick to just the facts, and respond only to things that need a response. Keep your side of the street clean. (I'd just respond with "…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 04:04 PM
6

u/Traditional_Bell7883 covered most of it, but there's lots of other things and in-betweens. Logistics if custody is 50-50 or close. There's so many things to keep track of between two houses. Sports stuff, jerseys, musical instruments clothes, shoes, cold weather gear. Swimsuits. Prescription meds between houses. Preferences of products each should keep on hand for the girls/boys as they get older. Handling illnesses and medical care and decisions. Childcare decisions. Screen time. Punishments …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 03:01 PM
3

If you own any firearms, do some research. There are often both state and federal laws that apply. You don't want to run afoul of either. Often you can give them (and ammo) to a relative to hold.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 01:46 AM
3

Talk to some attorneys, and find one you like. Filing usually starts some important things in motion. Do whatever you can to settle out of court. You'll have important hearings you must attend and be sure your job is cool with that. If you have kids, they're your priority. 50-50 custody was the hill to die on for me. Unless she's a criminal or documented substance abuser, she could be a horrible mom and isn't likely to have less than 50-50. If they're of daycare age, expect sticker shock.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 09:00 PM
2

I hope you have a case filed or are working with an attorney on this as part of the settlement for the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 07:56 PM
1

This was back in 2014-2015 when it was somewhat more innocent or at least people more naive.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 12:32 PM
4

Carries her phone with her everywhere and puts it under pillow at night. This. My ex went from minimal phone usage to inseparable. She was always texting a "female friend." She slipped up and left the phone next to me when she went to shower. I saw a Kik message pop up. "Hey sexy.", or something like that. We didn't even have a dead bedroom. My story is pretty bad, but I'm not going to go into it any further here. At least with this account anyhow. Just accept it's over. You don't need the detai…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/22 10:47 AM
2

I have two in braces. Third on deck waiting who needs them and one in the hole who, if he doesn't need them I'm getting a paternity test.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 05:41 AM
1

Good luck! I considered joining but would miss my kids and I think I was hitting the age limit anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 05:37 AM
4

Your lawyer doesn't want you saying anything that could be used against you later or used to paint you in a negative light. They're looking out for you and trying to make their job easier. I get wanting to get support, but out in the open is not smart. People screenshot shit and it ends up getting back to the other person and/or interpreted in a lot of different ways.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/22 03:16 PM
7

The only action (or inaction) I regret is not kicking my ex to the curb sooner. We have a decent co-parenting relationship now, and yes she did some nasty underhanded shit during our divorce and separation. You go dark and interview divorce lawyers, and find one you like. Ideally one who's been recommended by a real person with a real divorce with kids, and not some BS glowing review on Avvo. Line up your support system, and put away as much money as you can to fund this. Start working on your r…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 11:00 PM
4

Bank accounts work the same. Easy to add, hard to remove. If you ever have to just close the account and open a new one with just yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/22 02:21 AM
3

I had my ex do this. It fucked me over. I just finally bought my first house since divorce 3 years ago. I probably could've filed for bankruptcy and had better credit than when my ex stopped paying for the house for months. This was just before the divorce was final, it was a mess.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/22 04:00 PM
1

Not for everyone, but firefighting. I was too old to do it as a FT career but I joined my volunteer dept. Applied for one while married but didn't get a position nor any support really from my career-student ex to keep pursuing it. Hard to go to calls when your parenting solo 100% of the time. Much easier when it's 50%.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/22 05:05 AM
1

Idk, maybe they still interact as parents or something. I'll still have one occasionally about my ex, but we did spend 14 years together and have 4 kids. Sometimes you just dream about weird shit.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 05:18 AM
5

It's not going to work the way you want it to (as in revenge). Yeah, their little fling is probably gonna end if caught. Then what? Does she know you know? If not, your best bet is radio silence and file for divorce. Make her feel rejected by you. You can contact the other dudes wife at some point. I did. Not sure what good came out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/22 04:59 AM
3

The only action (or inaction) I regret is not kicking my ex to the curb sooner. That is the little better I wish I could've been. You work on yourself, and it's not the stupid shit she identified as the problem with you. What the fuck does she know? She handled life's curveballs by hopping on other guys dicks. She's not qualified to diagnose other people's dysfunctions, let alone yours.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 09:34 PM
6

WTF is wrong with me? How could I put up with this for so long? Self esteem issues at a minimum. Probably feel unlovable and willing to put up with this. Were you military? Was she chasing the uniform and benefits? Question is: Do you pull the plug immediately and get financially wrecked or do you try to better your situation first to lessen the blow? If I were you, detatch from her mentally and emotionally, and improve yourself. Be the selfish one now, not selfless. Hit the gym and enroll in a …
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/22 07:22 PM
9

MLM boss babe shit. Nope.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/22 05:46 PM
3

GTFO before you knock her up. Beware, when you drop the bomb. She may go nuclear or into save the relationship mode. Fucking you over or fucking you stupid and promising change.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 01:08 AM
1

Volunteering is a solid option if you have a cause or two you care about. It could be coaching a certain sport or being a mentor to a kid who doesn't have a male figure in their life. I coach because I can spend more time with my kids that way. I'm a volunteer firefighter and it comes with some fringe benefits. Can usually find someone to go grab a drink with whenever. Also, the department wives often have some newly single friend of theirs they want to set you up with.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 10:05 PM
1

My ex cheated on me with a couple married dudes who knew she was married. Could never do that to some other guy. The only married girls I've dated so far were separated, not cohabitating, and divorcing. Not some, "We had a fight revenge" or "It's over but he doesn't know it" BS.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/22 12:19 AM
1

It's a smaller community but I've met lots of people organically through coaching and the FD. While it's not why I do it, it definitely does expand my social circle and (I think) my status. Bonus, without having been raised here or attending church. Granted most ladies I've directly met are partnered up and I despise and never would knowingly facilitate cheating. There's some relationship churn and female friends I've been introduced to.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 04:32 AM
9

I should've done it sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 02:41 AM
2

For me it's a phase and it definitely lasted longer in financial survival mode. Paying my ex wife was a monthly reminder to never do it again. Budget is much better lately though. I've dipped my toe in and had a GF for a bit last year. I'd like to jump back in but I just don't have time right now. Maybe in a month or two. My excuses. (to be honest) Dad to 4 kids, I don't have them every night (50-50) but I see them pretty much every day. Kids are all in sports and I often help coach baseball and…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 08:23 PM
14

Full Water Bong
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 07:44 PM
4

Yes, I should've said fuck it and took it back. Now with everything inflated and people seeing dollar signs, probably not a great idea. If your credit isn't screwed, you can maybe buy something else.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 02:36 PM
2

For flights or long drives, snacks, travel games, tablets or other devices in within reason. (Coloring books or maybe new legos.) Break up the day into chunks and don't overdo it. Plan some downtime for everyone. Don't forget sunscreen and don't leave any special toys behind. Step out of your comfort zone and forge ahead for your kids. Do it for all us other dads who don't have the financial means for a big trip and those that don't custody. I'm looking forward to maybe this year (aside from cam…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/22 07:43 AM
4

You need to let go and honestly don't contact her about anything unless it's divorce related. Look into 'the 180' also, not as a means of getting her back but basically the parts about disengaging/detaching and moving on. Trying to be FWB with her, or whatever it was, doesn't sound like it's working for you. Grieve if you must, but pick yourself up and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/22 04:45 AM
2

If you can, try to cut back your work schedule a bit for months before filing. Your kids need you too and the extra hours can work against you both custody wise and financially. If you're paid hourly, you'll be expected to maintain that overtime income as the calculations will be based on it. If not, you're working for free.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/22 02:35 AM
3

I feel this.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/22 04:59 PM
3

50-50 for sure. I fought for that and wouldn't settle for less. On your deathbed you're not going to wish you spent less time with your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/22 12:58 AM
1

Keep it separate until she can get along. If that never happens, it's not on you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 12:29 AM
0

Dudes got a point. Do you get upset if your kid's sports go into overtime or extra innings? Gotta pad that stuff by an extra 20-30 minutes. Sometimes it takes 10 just to leave the lot if it's crowded.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 06:30 PM
3

No kidding. Unless there's a restraining order or something, just go. Kids remember who shows up regularly and how their parents make them feel, I know I do. I try to make everything I can, regardless if my ex is there. If OP waits until he's ready, it's just the kid that's losing out while he stays in his safe bubble. Learn to live outside of your comfort zone.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/21 06:02 PM
2

if she has legal custody and that verbiage is not in there, you will have to pay for each and every activity she demands This isn't true in my state. My ex forgot to include this in ours and it's biting her in the ass. I don't mind sharing costs of sports, but do draw the line on voluntary expensive school trips (aka vacations). Especially when I'm trying to buy a house and recover financially from the divorce. Unless your saying she demands he pay for it because he wants the kid in the sport an…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/21 04:09 PM
2

Shoot it if it does all three, but only during waterfowl season.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/21 09:27 AM
1

I exposed what happened to the only people I think deserved to know. The wives of the guys I knew about. Mainly so they knew what was up and could make informed decisions, like protect their health by getting tested. It does no good to go scorched earth right now as it sounds like the other guy is single.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/21 03:57 AM
1

Ask your attorney about a temporary custody order until your divorce is final.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 05:21 PM
13

My main regret is not divorcing sooner I suppose. I wasted time trying to fix something I knew was unfixable. I accept it and moved on. The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/21 12:04 AM
1

I am not a lawyer and suggest you book a consultation with one. I'd assume, essentially the sooner you file, the sooner you won't have to worry about it. In my jurisdiction, the date you are generally free from financial abuses of your stbx is at the ICMC or initial case management meeting.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/21 05:50 AM
1

My ex kept mine. No idea her plans going forward now she's engaged, nor do I care. It bugged me at the beginning but that was fleeting. The knife cuts both ways here, I could've changed my name if I really wanted to. Couldn't think of something awesome enough though to make it worthwhile.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/21 10:11 PM
3

Bonus is when it's a place you don't own right? "Let's waste time and money on something we have to undo before we move..."
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/21 05:42 PM
8

My reaction too. When you make like 85k and hand over 1600 a month of that, post-tax. Ouchie.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/21 04:20 AM
14

You forgot: 5. She needs you for money, health benefits and/or as a babysitter. I agree though, long term relationship exes aren't worth taking back. (Short term maybe if you ended it well) If you do try with your wife/baby momma (I did because of 4 kids) it's like the real estate location thing.. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, and don't be afraid to enforce them and/or walk away. I gave it the old college try for a little over a month and bounced when I knew there was no salvaging it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/21 02:20 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter