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AlexFromOgish Archive

View 2 posts and 72 comments by AlexFromOgish on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

This is excellent advice. It will help you sort out your thoughts from your feelings and help prepare you for the next time you bring it up with your wife. See also my other comment about things skills to acquire to best approach the hard conversations.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 06:17 PM
3

Google "Nonviolent communication" and also "attachment theory". If you commit to studying that stuff for three months, it will be a SuperMap to help guide your next moves, and even to figure out what you want your next moves to accomplish. (Doing therapy too shortens the ROI on this effort)
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/22 06:15 PM
3

If you have grounds to appeal (other than some attorney wants to convince you so he can get your money) then appeal. Otherwise, get therapy and deal.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 06:52 PM
4

Sounds like a good way to lose even more money in the long run, increase cardiac arrest risk, and fuck up your kids and your future relationship with your kids. The obvious financial cost is lawyers fees. Court costs. And since you're likely to lose anyway you still get to pay but might end up having to reimburse her for court costs and possibly attorney fees, depending. But that's just the obvious costs. If you hang on to the "fight" mentality, it will eat into every other part of your life, af…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/22 03:45 PM
1

Ok, all the best
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 10:29 PM
1

Trust you Lawyer and keep your cool. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 06:53 PM
1

When the day arrives that you think you have a winnable claim in court divide your chances by 10 if you represent yourself. In other words on that day you’ll need a good family lawyer. And since you know that right now your best move is to stop asking for free advice from us and instead hire the lawyer you’re going to use right now. That attorney will give you the best advice and as you document things that attorney can look at your documentation and teach you how to do an even better job. You k…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/22 02:11 PM
1

You’ve already told us your youngest is in college so custody is not an issue. That leaves property division and spousal support. Are you and your wife cooperating for a non-adversarial split or fighting? Redditors can offer opinions about the emotional impact of staying or moving out. But for legal advice you really need to see a lawyer. PS I just noticed you’re worried that she might sell the house if you move out. Are you on the deed to the house? Have you signed any divorce papers that talk …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 08:35 PM
5

Lasting affects like this is why mental health workers call it “trauma “. And PTSD isn’t only for combat soldiers. If you’re not now at some point when you’re ready consider getting with a men’s group or doing therapy or both and your next relationship will thank you. PS. I do have days when I feel great and I remember the great times and feel just kind of sad. Then there are other days I feel great and remember our bad days of dysfunction and I feel pretty much like what you wrote in your post……
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 07:57 PM
3

I’d rather be strong enough to be vulnerable again. John Wayne Chuck Norris male freedom is one thing But I’m looking forward to getting past that and leaving it behind
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 07:28 PM
2

Get on the website for the court where you would file and look around for pre-printed court forms. Print out two sets one for you one for her. Read them think about them talk about them ask questions. Look at your public library or bookstore for books about it in your state. If you really are working together you can hire a transactional lawyer to help you navigate The process. This lawyer can’t take sides of course so it only works if you’re really not fighting but that is that best approach wh…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 03:19 PM
3

Grief is like the ocean. It’s hard to know how far across it may be. And conditions along the shore change constantly from beautiful and welcoming to raging to the unexpected. Emotions aren’t really normal or abnormal they just are. And my first thought is trust your therapist. My goals for myself are to never fear looking inward; admitting to myself what if I find; And being willing to talk about it openly with others I care about. My goal for a future LTR is that they can do the same with thei…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 02:44 PM
2

On that bit about checking state laws, do not deploy cameras or Recording gear secretly without first talking with an attorney. Sure you can do some Google research but the one time I did look into this the penalties for crossing the line were potentially severe
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 11:30 AM
2

If you got into the relationship in the first place to medicate some sort of problems in your mental health this is more likely. After you get away from the toxicity if the original problems are still there your tendency to look for someway to self medicate might send your brain full circle. The occasional wistful memory of the good times is normal but if it’s a recurring thundering thought I’d recommend getting with a therapist to sort out what’s going on before getting involved with anyone els…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 03:29 AM
7

I worry a whole lot more about not learning and repeating past mistakes
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 03:04 AM
2

I’ve known a lot of attorneys. Being nice and being effective are Not the same thing
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 02:23 AM
3

Sounds to me like you’re trying to juggle a bucket of minnows without the bucket. It’s understandable and the best thing you can do when you’re all over the map like this is to see a divorce lawyer. Get an appointment at least a week out and spend the time before your appointment googling “prepare for first meeting with divorce attorney “and then do all of the things that are recommended in a number of articles. That way when you first sit down with your attorney it won’t be you all over the map…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 12:27 AM
3

Glad to help, broken marriages Are really hard. I have a couple more tips. For starters if you have any weapons trust them to somebody outside the house. And yes I know everything can be used as a weapon but of course I’m talking about things that are marketed as weapons. Next up find the national suicide crisis prevention hotline as well as your own local areas mental health crisis number and put those in your phone and write them on a card to stick in your wallet. And the self talk we do is a …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 12:10 AM
3

Getting enough high-quality sleep so you wake up feeling rested? If not it’s time for a visit with your primary care doc to talk about what’s going on. When I did that two things happened. I’ve taken nutrition classes and I eat well but to my surprise a blood draw showed that I wasn’t actually getting some of the B vitamins into my blood plasma because I lack some enzyme so now I have to take vitamin B shots. What a difference! The other thing is I have a prescription to take as needed a low dos…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 11:50 PM
7

Taking your account at face value makes me wonder if your lawyer was Any good
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:01 PM
1

Having her walk through the bureaucratic legaleses to figure out her options does nothing but make her stronger because that teaches her a vital skill for adult life. What she Does with that information is an adult choice and maybe she invites you to participate in making it, maybe not, but isn’t that up to her? Since knowledge is power, Why not encourage her just to collect information?
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:10 AM
1

If you mean divorcing in a straightforward way under the rules of civil procedure being in another country makes it less convenient and adds additional bureaucratic layers but so what? I think you’re looking for a manual on how to do this in another country While putting assets legally or fraudulently beyond your wife’s rich and I can’t help you with that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 12:09 AM
2

My God I’m dying laughing I could’ve written that myself
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:13 PM
1

Right I apologize for stupidly reading it wrong
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 04:02 PM
1

A little googling on deck collection and cold wallets turned up this fascinating read. It’s based on California law. In my sense after reading this and being so much familiar with the evolution of civil procedure and statutory law is this… Expect the law to create tools to come after cryptocurrency how long it takes for that to happen is anybody’s guess. Once the tools are created I also expect statutes of limitation will be tweet to allow creditors to reach back in time and claim assets that we…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:57 PM
3

The risk assessment for running is not a simple exercise but I agree with everything else you said about staying and just dealing with it
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:42 PM
2

You haven’t asked but if I may offer another opinion… College is for becoming an adult. Task your kid to get the rules of in-state tuition and figuring out for herself if she qualifies.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:39 PM
0

Chances are he would need the wife’s signature to sell the house
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:37 PM
1

Vague reassurance about circumventing legal procedure isn’t really advice especially when it omits any discussion of what happens when you get caught
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:36 PM
1

Divorce sucks. It sucks less if you approach it as a honest person. I know what I’m talking about both in terms of litigation and divorce but you’re right I know little about crypto except that it’s still property and if they can be found it can be looped into the court proceedings.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:11 PM
3

I used to make my living involved with litigation. If he’s gone she just put it in the newspaper and starts the ball rolling in his absence when he has not there to say anything or defend himself. She puts in a demand for property division and gets the order that she wants because he isn’t there to defend himself. The court enters a default judgment. Then her attorney hires an investigator to come looking for his assets anywhere in the world. It’s just a matter of how much of a War chest she has…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:09 PM
1

Well you’re right that half was a little ridiculous . If you honestly reported all of your assets what would your exit tax be? https://expattaxprofessionals.com/resources/renouncing-us-citizenship
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 03:07 PM
3

And if the OP‘s Wife gets expert help who finds him five years down the road and exposes everything and Sue’s not only for restitution from what should have been done in an upfront property settlement but damages besides…. And we’ll just ignore the possibility that some of the shenanigans are criminal… When this guys House of cards collapses and he loses everything how do you propose he Stay re tired then, older than 60? The best long-term financial future is non-adversarial divorce done just as…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 02:37 PM
0

If were possible to do what you’re saying Mexico would be overflowing with Americans trying to do the same thing. But it isn’t
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 02:16 PM
2

I’m guessing you don’t know the technical ins and outs of giving up US citizenship. It’s extremely expensive far more than divorce. As for a crypto you neglected to mention that putting assets in crypto does not protect it legally. If your wife can find your crypto accounts they are fair game in property settlement disputes. People are trying to use crypto to lie to the court about the assets they are holding but it doesn’t give them any legal right to those assets unless those assets go through…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 02:14 PM
3

Part three of three: If your wife has not already filed then you have time. I would put off your free time with the attorney and instead visit your courts website looking for pre-printed court forms related to divorce. Read a bit about it online. When you have an idea about how it will go start filling out the court forms yourself as much as you can. Leave anything blank you don’t understand when you finally meet with the attorney the more this kind of work you can do upfront the more efficient …
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 02:06 PM
2

Part two of three: spaceThen there is your desire to shield assets from her. So the first question is is it more important to you to keep that money for yourself or simply to prevent her from getting it? In the latter case if you go to some really inconvenient far away place and fight this you’ll spend a ton of money dealing with the fact that you are fighting from really inconvenient far away place. So if your goal is to come out of this with money running to Mexico will shoot yourself in the f…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 02:02 PM
2

Part one of three: When litigation happens the plaintive has to serve process on the defendant to get the ball rolling. People have tried to “evade service“ for as long as this system has existed. So the judicial system has created rules of Fairplay call Ed the rules of “civil procedure“. There are criteria the plaintiff has to meet as they try to serve process. If they do all that and still can’t serve you, then they go to court on their own (probably without your knowledge) and explain all the…
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 01:57 PM
1

You can ask questions to help you think but this is a terrible place to ask if something is legal. That’s what lawyers are for
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/22 01:38 AM
1

The two of you as a team spent all that time adjusting your lives and future planning on the basis of mutual combined income. So she comes to the divorce with a financial trajectory that is already designed engineered built and has momentum based on half that combined income. It’s that financial momentum the way we have engineered and designed our lives that requires half that revenue… You just take that away and suddenly there isn’t enough wind under the 747s wings to keep that plane in the sky…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 04:21 PM
3

Therapy or revolving mouse wheel, If you had a broken leg you would see a specialist right? Well then get on it
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 02:38 AM
2

One good way to prepare for the immediate crisis and putting yourself back together later is to get into therapy. Assuming you’re stable in terms of daily needs immediate goal with a therapist is to help you figure out what you hope to negotiate. Lawyers can give you advice from a legal perspective but the therapist can help you search your heart for what you really want
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 01:08 AM
1

A+ Advice
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 01:06 AM
1

I do not know of a single state where the parties in a dispute are prohibited from negotiating a partial settlement on their own terms. Courts only really review them to make sure no one is being unfairly screwed
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 01:05 AM
3

I used to make my living by being involved with litigation (not family law) but the principles are the same and this is excellent excellent advice
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 01:03 AM
1

A+ On the “listen to your lawyer” part
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 12:38 AM
2

The concept still exists but is more often called “ spousal support”. In PA The default formula calls for payments over three years where the person with the higher income pays half of the difference to the person with a lower income. It makes sense after all. When you were a team you had a combined income of whatever, this formula just continues the concept of “halfsies” For a reasonable time While each party picks up the pieces and starts new life. But that’s just the basic plan in the court r…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 12:30 AM
3

If you’re not sleeping well and waking rested take all these wonderful ideas and make an appointment with your primary care doc to get their help in making the needed changes. In my case when I’m really paying attention I do hydrate but I also change things up in the evening so I don’t have to wake up to pee. So here is a weird tip on that. About an hour before bedtime lie down with your legs elevated and comfortably supported for about 15 minutes. Blood will gravity drain and pass through your …
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 12:06 AM
3

All right then let me ask you this is the joy you get from extra time with your kids greater or less than your annoyance at being asked? If the joy is greater then why are you here complaining? If the joy is less why aren’t you complaining to her?
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 09:33 PM
1

I think there’s a typo in the first sentence. Shouldn’t read “I am allowing my ex to use me…”? I am separated not yet divorced. My wife and I are each other‘s first call when we need childcare, but it’s not assumed nor taken for granted And I say yes (with gratitude) at every opportunity when I can. Sounds from your post you need to tell her how you feel
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 09:02 PM
-9

Right… Problems in a dynamic relationship are 100% the fault of the other person. Got it. Sounds to me like you have plenty of baggage of your own and part of that is the pernicious baggage that prevents you from acknowledging it. You’ll always be stuck with that stuff until you decide to admit that there is a pile of shit you haven’t examined and worked through. You’re very wise to say you’re best off single at least for now while you start that project. A good therapist can help but find one w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 04:20 PM
6

Because some people got into hell in the first place because they were trying to medicate emotional issues and they have still not resolved them. so those needs will start making pressure and people who have not learned the lesson to do self healing will try to medicate those emotional issues again.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 03:17 PM
5

Give yourself permission to be right where you are in life. Divorce is a major crisis for most and the emotional recovery has no set script and no set timeline. Is there any thing else you used to enjoy and now are ho-hum about? Are you getting any kind of therapy to help you through things? We have reasons to not start divorce proceedings yet but I’ve been separated since spring. I was way too depressed to be interested in dating for a long time and I have zero interest in seeking a committed r…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 03:15 PM
1

Personally I would not sign a blanket acceptance of all future email service. But I would simply tell the other party that I would sign an acknowledgment for each individual filing. That way there’s never any hiccup when some email is simply lost or not noticed
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 10:18 AM
3

I don’t think this is about serving papers. If this is an uncontested divorce I suggest you ask the court clerk if they have a form to acknowledge receipt of service? That’s usually the cheapest and easiest way to serve papers when the two people are cooperating. In a contested divorce where there is a fight over property division and alimony, there might be a process called “discovery“. That’s when the parties legally demand each other provide documents and answer questions looking for hidden a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 09:22 AM
3

When you meet with the attorney you will be on the clock so remember it’s not a therapy session and they don’t need to hear your story yet. Stick to the big picture biographical details and clearly state what you would like. Then shut up and let the attorney ask the questions that they need answers for. That’s the best way to get the best mileage out of your lawyer dollar
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 01:54 AM
3

Talk therapy; for you and for kids
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 11:33 PM
2

That’s a huge nonsense generalization about stepdads abusing their step kids. Some do but then again so do some biological dads. I wonder if there are reliable Statistics?
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 11:33 PM
1

If you dread those things in a new relationship then stay away from new relationships because it’s too soon
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 10:11 PM
3

Grief is like the ocean. Little waves. Tides. Periodic storms. Unpredictable sudden tsunamis long time later and far away. Beware of self medicating by dating. Suggest committing to being single for a while and focus on your relationship with yourself. I didn’t say don’t date. Just be upfront with what’s going on. And you can’t be honest with partners unless you’re honest with yourself which is the hardest of all
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/22 10:09 PM
10

You don’t have custody of the 21 yr old adult (unless disabled) and in a few months you won’t have custody of the 18-year-old either. In your place I wouldn’t care about the new guys opinion about anything and would not take time to try to meet him, instead I’d ask my ex why it matters to her. And with that information I would decide what to do.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/22 03:16 AM
2

Sounds like you're well on the way to get over and getting through. FWIW here are some weird details about sleep and hydration in case your or readers don't know this.... I thought I knew about I really didn't..... One of my lingering challenges is waking really dried out and/or really needing to pee (sometimes both which is weird). What I learned is if you drink when you're thirsty you waited too long and are already in a hydration/dehydration roller coaster, so plan to drink the minimum 8cups …
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 03:55 PM
3

#1..... make sleep your top priority. Many factors go into better sleep. For me I knew about "sleep hygiene" but I stayed in deepening crisis until I talked about it with my primary care doc and he put me on low dose Trazadone for sleeping (https://www.healthline.com/health/sleep/trazodone-for-sleep). Once I got some (~5 hours) of sleep with the drug, I was able to take additional steps for better sleep... slashed my coffee by 80%, replaced sugar and simple carbs with planned nutrition at meal t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/21 01:21 PM
5

The way I deal with guilt is first to admit its there and talk about it with others. Second, is to not stop there. Try to set in words *exactly* why I feel guilty. The better I can define the ingredients that go into my guilt, the more I can look at them objectively and understand why they produce that feeling. Usually I discover faulty thinking, or assumptions, or messed up biases and focussing on better data and better thinking pulls the fangs of that kind of guilt. Therapy helps. And then the…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 01:29 PM
1

"Manipulation" is a bit strong.... all I've pondered doing is alerting her super close friends know these questions are afoot, and then shutting up, because I agree actually TALKING about MY STUFF with them is not going to help.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 01:20 PM
1

Oh of course its not all her! I'm well read on family systems approach to counseling and am willing to get called on my shit and try to make the needed changes. The reason I think she's keeping it locked away is because when we were happy she said that's what she did to survive a childhood abuse situation, hug the wall and be invisibile. And later that's how she survived at a tech minded university with 10 guys per girls. And finally, I'm skilled at getting people to share. But my efforts with m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 01:18 PM
1

I heard the stories and regrettably observed and even received the abusive behaviors when times were good, so am certain this is not a fabricated reality. If anything the problem isn't that she's putting it out there, but rather that she's burying it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/21 01:12 PM
3

HA! Love that bit about not confusing the two. Some lawyers will happily let you drone on about feelings etc while they run the clock to pad their billable hours.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 02:40 PM
1

Same boat here. #1 priority is get enough quality sleep. I mean that. If you're not sleeping get in to see your primary care doc ASAP. I just started low dose Trazadone, and am reading about "Sleep hygiene". It's like on the airplane they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first because otherwise you'll be disabled before you are any good for your kid. #2 priority is get yourself into your own individual therapy. If you stay together, you need to be healed and whole to succeed at that. If y…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 02:38 PM
1

We may be having difficulties, but my wife is a woman of honor and would drop any snake that gave such advice. Bet my life on that.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 02:21 PM
2

Who knew? Bless you my son that is SO helpful
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 03:15 PM
2

If Gramma can come stay at your place with the kid and your sibling could do that (uncle or aunt to your kid) why not your kid of legal adult age?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/21 01:54 PM
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