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Any-Original-1775 Archive

View 4 posts and 70 comments by Any-Original-1775 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Yea, some children also have a happy home life and still experience divorce. I think a lot of these statements, although there's some truth, are contextual but applied to all in an attempt to make us feel better about our failures. We never tried for our marriage and that's a failure. It's not for our child's benefit, it was for hers... and perhaps mine. Perhaps the die would have landed in such a way that the divorce is the best overall scenario... Maybe it wouldn't have. We will never know now…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 09:02 AM
3

It didn't need to be dysfunctional, we loved each other once. I just couldn't bridge that communication, she kept running away from "us". That's what gets me, the "better 2 happy households than 1 bad one"... Well 1 happy house is better yet. But no one is fucking trying anymore, they just fucking run It's done now, but I will never forgive her for betraying our vows and not fighting to see what was possible first
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:20 AM
2

Thanks a lot, I'll keep moving. That's all there is to do.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:17 AM
2

I don't know, she's from a divorced family... I honestly think it played a role in her perception of this divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:16 AM
3

I'm trying, following the 'recipe', it's only been 5 months... Time is the only ingredient now But... I hope there's an afterlife and she's shown how much pain her actions have driven. I've seen my failures, but she has hidden hers.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 04:01 AM
2

I never chased her or begged. She packed her bag, was gone 5 minutes later. We never spoke about our marriage again. 2 months later I texted and requested we talk. She got her mother to come round and call me manipulative. She died in my mind as anything but a callous stranger at that point. I'll be better without her, I was terribly lonely for many years. We love at different levels. My capacity for love is deep and hers muted. I'm too critical and driven, she wants easy going and living only i…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:59 AM
2

I feel like I'm becoming this alien misogynistic man, bitter against all women. I know it's such an unhealthy perspective, and not who I want to be, but there's this recurrent theme where women just act on these emotional veins of thought and never bother to sit and listen with compassion. I'm sure there's a reverse narrative against many many men, but it hurts to see all these marriages ruined by these callous women.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:56 AM
2

It's dog shit that we have to feel grateful that we weren't victims of lies and alienation, like it shouldn't be the absolute norm. The divorce is ultimately low conflict, but only because I refused to chase her or beg. I accepted she wasn't someone I could live life with once she ran away. I'm still deeply wounded though, and feel so much betrayal. Then once I saw that pain in our boy.... It was too much and it hurt me so much
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:53 AM
4

We've booked a psyche He's 7 I am 32 I don't know how to stop the hatred I feel towards her from moments like these. I wasn't even given the option to discuss our marriage. She packed her bag and left, never spoke about us again. It was very traumatic and the only healing I've achieved is through my own therapy and development
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 03:51 AM
4

I haven't blamed her, I'm "swallowing the pill" and lying to protect him. It's better for everyone including me, but when I'm away from them... I feel anger and resentment, I feel sorrow and helplessness
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:35 AM
3

We are organising a psych for him now. It's very tragic, I just reassured him it wasn't to do with him, and it's ok to cry... Im there for him
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:34 AM
3

He never knew the.fighting really it was hidden. And he still saw us as a happy family. He won't ever be grateful for the split.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:33 AM
1

Have you told her how severe the situation is. Have you given her a chance to seek help. Have you communicated clearly in no uncertain terms? Marriage is about compassion, patience and support. She is failing you, no 2 ways. But, always consider both sides. People don't choose to have mental health conditions, but they do choose what help they seek and the compassion they show for those that are hurt by it. Make a conscious decision on if you want to own the vows you gave and make that effort wi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:20 PM
2

If you tried for your marriage then time will help, if you didn't earnestly live up to your vows and try, then that dichotomy is a guilty conscience. Only you know the truth.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:14 PM
11

My wife packed a bag and walked out, I was shocked. We were having issues. I never realised the gravity until that moment, which is fine, it often takes 2 for it to fail. I asked to speak to her after 2 months of no contact. She got her mom to come and tell me I was being manipulative. 10 years together, apparently expecting a conversation when we have children was manipulation. That was it for me, I saw the evil and emotional gymnastics she had performed in herself. Zero compassion, zero loyalt…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 07:10 PM
1

I think a therapist, who isn't biased can help you navigate this. I wouldn't rely on advice here, even as a sounding board. Not for something so important. We are too jaded. Myself included Brotherman. Love you, good luck, you seem to be a good man.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:49 AM
1

Any tips on how to move on emotionally and how to let go of resentment/stop ruminating? That's where I'm stuck right now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:47 AM
2

My opinion isn't perfect, but... The question to ask in my opinion is what she's like with your SHARED children. If she's a positive mother figure (ignoring your relationship), if she's good 1 on 1... Don't deprive your kids of that. I'm not saying perfect, don't try write a narrative that's biased here... You need to be honest with yourself. If she's a dangerous mother, and you better be honest, not jaded... Then push for custody, if your lawyer agrees. If you take their mother away in some cap…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 01:10 AM
6

I'm so grateful I'm an Australian. It's extremely rare we pay any kind of ongoing support outside of the most egregious mismatches in income. No alimony, and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I pray for you guys in this subreddit. I'd have gone crazy. It's a testament to your mental fortitude that you endure alimony off the back of a divorce, government prescribed servitude. Edit: it's the fact that your spouse can literally choose how much work they don't want to do, and you just h…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:44 AM
1

Damn, 43 years. Sorry man. I had 11 years together, 18 months married. I'm grateful to my ex for leaving, not fighting over our money or custody... I'm upset with how she chose to do it, but I'm grateful she did it in our 30s when I would have just grit and bared it forever. Do you ever regret the whole process? Or can you accept it for the good it brought for many years you did have it?
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:39 AM
1

I agree.... But as an aside. A mismatch in wanting kids is a fucking huge, crimson, blood stained flag of doom. It signals the end times, blood for the blood god... It's literally the most fundamental mismatch.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:36 AM
13

BREAK UP I have just gone through a divorce at 32 and it's been the absolute worst experience of my life, and that's without us even fighting over money etc. it's actually been amicable. Do not get married, if you can't agree on kids it's an absolute cluster fuck of an idea. There is a good chance if you did marry, you will divorce, and it's even more likely that it wouldn't be amicable. It doesn't matter about any facts here outside of.... If she wants kids and you don't... That's literally the…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:30 AM
2

Just need to find the right person xD
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 03:20 PM
1

I'd love to try out the whole living apart together idea. Have a relationship that's exclusive, maybe spend time at each other's houses but have seperate houses.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 01:56 PM
2

Hey a ginger nice. Yea I am treating her normally. There's no fighting or passive aggression. It's amicable even if I didn't want this. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me like I do them, that was a hard lesson, but it's not necessarily a choice for them... It's just who they are. I do still experience resentment behind closed doors, I'm trying to learn to let it go, but it's difficult. I know it only hurts me, but I guess it's very human to have these feelings as well. Thanks fo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 09:31 AM
4

I just sent him a text saying I'd like to talk about it, that I've been having a hard go of it lately. The man literally said not to even give it a thought, and immediately started reassuring me and asking me about my day. It's good to have friends like that man
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 02:05 AM
3

Life's such a mystery, but if you can shed the fear, sometimes it can feel exciting! Yea I sent him a message this morning asking when he's free to chat. We will see how it goes, he knows I'm going through a rough time.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 01:50 AM
1

We are medical people :) I don't want to dox myself haha
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/25 01:23 AM
2

Thanks so much Brotherman, I appreciate the thoughtful response. I'm working up the courage to speak to my mate today. I was thinking of getting a cat as well! Thinking of a Devon Rex, people think they are ugly... But I resonate with them. I think losing control of my life has left me with this anxiety around anything that's unknown. I constantly want everything planned and fixed. I need to let go of trying to find the idea of what type of partner I'll find... Just live my life as it is now. Be…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 09:33 PM
3

Haha I hear you. I'll be open to any human and take my time seeing what merits they do or don't have. Won't lie, sometimes you wonder why a single Childless women wants to settle down with a man with a kid? I guess some will, some won't. I'm very conflicted about this commitment to my mate, but I can't carry the issue for 9 more months. Won't cope. That simple. I also wasn't a great dad when I did the work, I was absolutely exhausted.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 08:25 PM
3

Hey, how do you think I manage the impact seeing that commitment through is having on me? If the commitment ended in a month or so, that would be fine... But it's looming over me for the next 9 months. I'm thinking about just having an open conversation with him, try understand the impact me withdrawing would have. I realise the negatives it has, but I'm not coping well in my own life right now. When I did the work for him, j didn't show up for my son. I was really snappy and grumpy. I was aware…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 07:50 PM
2

Thanks for your answer mate. I hear you on the matter if talking to my friend. I've been hoping for this moment where either the decision gets easier or I feel it's absolutely the right thing to 'quit'. The reality is, I am letting him down and I have to accept that it is a form of failing someone I care about. I just know in myself, that things have changed like you said, and I don't think there's a perfect decision here. I'll speak with him, he's a compassionate person thankfully. I feel a str…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 11:23 AM
3

Don't fucking roll over and give her the house. Grow a spine bro! She's not faithful and you deserved respect and loyalty. Don't leave the house Get a lawyer Record everything Work on you
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 02:57 PM
3

Thanks dude, appreciate it. Love how we all have these dreams, a swift guy punch is the metaphor of choice! Wishing you the best :)
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 11:37 PM
12

Felt great this week, like after 5 months I had started to"accept" Well, I had a dream about us last night, woke up crying and now I'm depressed again. Hahahjaa, how fucked is that! I'm here with your brotherman, hold on, stay strong Make your routine, force yourself to follow it. Walk in nature, work out, eat right. Repeat What's made you most sad this time?
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 04:40 PM
1

We would split the day though... It's not like she wouldn't see him.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 04:17 AM
3

I'm sorry it's been hard for you brother. You sound like you have a heart that feels deeply for your children. Love hurts. I don't have the answers, as you can tell from my post. You got this my guy, and you sharing this helps all of us a little more. Life's not what I expected, but, I'm grateful to have it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 09:18 AM
3

Lol thanks Going to have to grit and bare this Christmas because of a certain context I can't discuss online. . But for future holidays I've decided I'm going to politely set a boundary. I think I'll tell her that I can't spend holidays together, I need to respect myself and my own emotional security. I also don't think it's fair on a potential future partner should that day ever come, and if it becomes tradition for our kids I can't just take that away... It's better it's never an issue. Lastly…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 01:55 PM
1

Thanks man, it all seems to be going well on paper... But I'll be honest, there's a deep melancholy there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:40 PM
1

Custody and financial separation are ratified by the judge. We decided on terms ourselves, just got it signed off for certainty. We are seperated in every aspect except the paperwork. We are legally required to wait a year. I agree, anything can change.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:37 PM
2

Thanks dude. I definately gaslight myself a lot about how she left, trying to justify her. That being said, I didn't do everything right. I did plenty wrong, I just don't see how it could end a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:34 PM
3

That's fair Brotherman, I wish you the best. Just be cautious, early days are prone to quick changes. Keep a level head and you'll come out on top
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:32 PM
1

That's true. When the new guy comes, Whatever platonic attachment that's there will probably be severed next. Right now I'm the safety blanket. I've already made certain shifts - generally delay responses for 12-24 hours - don't go in each other's homes - Ive withdrawn all the help I was providing in terms of advice. - the Christmas thing is solely about my kids. - I have a new luxury apartment, I've gotten back into shape, I'm going to therapy, letting new people and earning more than I ever di…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:30 PM
1

Hey for what it's worth, don't get in the way of her seeing your kids Christmas if she wants to share the day. You don't need a reason to start a custody battle, and a parent should always encourage the other parents participation. Not saying that isn't your sentiment, just think it's best you keep it in mind. Stay strong brother, you're in the very early days. DO NOT let her constantly dictate the flow of the divorce. She is still trying to keep you as an emotional safety blanket while she come…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:21 PM
1

She never cheated, to my knowledge. The sentiment stands though. I'm very conflicted. I think I'll just stay true to myself
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 12:08 PM
5

Yea mate, I'll tell her she's dreamin!
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:31 AM
5

I've come to learnt that you need to discuss and agree with a person on what's expected if a marriage hits hard times. I never should of assumed her commitment and capacity for love were the same. I'm not sure I'll ever love again, I hope so, I'm in my 30s and I realize now I've never known what it's like to be truly loved by another person... To feel like I was important to them and they desired me in their lives like I did them. Again it's humiliating I never realized this.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:07 AM
3

It's not, we have a very flexible.parenting plan. Thanks
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:01 AM
4

I'm having a lot of trouble with ruminating over the divorce, Ive definitely struggled to come to terms with why it's failed. Mostly because it involves me accepting that she is a totally different person to who I thought she was.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 11:00 AM
7

Because she refused to talk to me about it. She basically walked out. There's a little more to it, but I don't want to draw conclusions on her behalf without having heard her side of it. The conclusions I do have come from many many therapy sessions where I'm trying to find closure and also try to grow from the failed marriage. When I say humiliated, I mean I feel humiliated by how easily I could be discarded after a decade of loyalty and support for her. I'm not a perfect person, but, I loved h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:56 AM
4

It will 100% cause emotional pain, I would do anything for my kids though. So I'm at a loss on what to do here. It's all been really hard
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:38 AM
1

We are otherwise amicable, so it's doable, but I'm not sure on what's right for me as well. Ultimately, it may not matter what's right for me. My children are more important.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:37 AM
2

Ok, that's good to hear. I wonder how hard it was for them?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:36 AM
3

Things are otherwise very amicable between us. It just doesn't feel right to me. There wasn't any abuse, but, it feels dishonest to myself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 10:35 AM
10

Your son will see how she acts and know her for her disloyalty, regardless of how amicable it is. Act with dignity now brother, time to go inward, grow, get fit, find your style... Find new leave There's a long journey ahead
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 04:37 AM
2

Thanks Brotherman, I'd like to build a model. No idea of what, but just something small and finicky. Like a ship
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 02:17 PM
3

It's naive to think we are special and unique, but that's humankind right. The reality is our partners could all walk out, yes some more likely than others ... But millions separate every year. Next year could be anyone. I try not feed them the bitter pill though. They may as well enjoy what they have, I know I would love to be happily married
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 06:44 AM
1

Is there a structure to what you wrote?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 12:43 AM
5

Yea, my married friends aren't able to relate to me whatsoever. They sympathise and try to dust me off, but there's this betrayal and abandonment that came with her walking off. They don't understand it because they think their marriages are fundamentally different, but I've realised it can happen to just about anyone. I was shocked at how quickly and easily she left. You give yourself and sacrifice daily, and yet you can be disposed of so readily. What's the point of sacrificing a piece of your…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 11:36 PM
1

I'll try, I stopped journaling a few months ago
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 08:33 PM
1

Does the grief still come on waves? Seems like each week I have a new perspective or issue. It's exhausting
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 08:32 PM
3

Many tears ready, but j get the sentiment. I had surgery for a broken bone and destroyed ligaments 5 months ago. No martial arts for me, but I've gotten back into weights with fairly good success and ice just started jogging again, going to take a long time. I'm staying active, but that concentration like with BJJ isn't there. Between sets or when on a run/walk there's a lot of room to think.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 03:20 PM
2

Was it a gradual shift? Also, was the nature of your split more traumatic than most? 2 years is like 6 times what I've done. I don't think I'd have it in me
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 02:04 PM
3

I appreciate the advice. My brother basically dragged me out of my home and put me in my parents place haha. I hated it at first, but I needed it. I'm moving into my new apartment next month. Not sure how it'll go, but I'm excited. It's a great place and it's all mine. About 3-4 weeks ago was my lowest, just got this huge wave of depression. I just kept doing the non negotiables I set myself. Workout, walk, eat healthy, get out of bed as soon as I wake up, no matter the time. That phase passed, …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 12:30 PM
6

I'll just keep showing up each day. A little better, a little more experienced. This whole thing is shit, I try not to think of my future. I don't want to open up my life to someone, but I do long for that connection.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 11:58 AM
3

Looking forward to it. I like to think back to day 1 and I see how far I've come. I'm getting there, thanks for sharing brotherman
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 11:57 AM
3

Mines in the ocean as well, Australia
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:43 AM
1

Your post history :(
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:40 AM
1

Someone recommended him to me when I first separated. I gave that guy a hard time and just thought it was a red pill kinda crowd. I was wrong though, there's a lot of validity and truthful criticism of marriage as an institution there.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:35 AM
2

Unfortunately, I am now raising a child with my ex Life would be bliss if she wasn't growing on the side of my identity like some melanoma.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 06:33 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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