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Apprehensive_Rip_201 Archive

View 0 posts and 48 comments by Apprehensive_Rip_201 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

When i was dating a 25 year old at 36, all it did was stress me out. She was highly demanding of my time because she didn't have a real job, kids, or a house to maintain. Nice girl, and extremely smart, but I had to tell her very bluntly that she was being too much. What actually led to us splitting up was that I told her I absolutely was not interested in having more kids- it was a mutual parting, without animosity, and we check in with each other years later. She ended up marrying someone her …
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 09:05 PM
1

Not many things I regret in my life, but I wish I could go back and not humiliate myself the way I did, begging my ex to stay.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 03:16 AM
2

If you divorce, you can easily get an injunction preventing her from taking the kids out of state. Be involved with parenting and keep records of your involvement- school events, trips, doctors appointments, etc.. This may come up in court someday. She can't just unilaterally move the kids away.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 03:10 AM
1

I wouldn't recommend it. I learned, after multiple failures, that my age window is other older millenials- maybe 5 years older or younger than myself. Basically people born in the 80s. People significantly younger just can't relate.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 03:07 AM
1

I mostly agree. Once you've been with a bunch of women they become way less intimidating, and you'll start to see the patterns (the hot ones are insufferable to be around, and nearly all women have no money/bad credit/total mess). Once you start seeing this stuff it really makes it easier to talk to people and sort through all the bullshit. Don't go out there looking to replace your ex, just go on some dates and don't rush into anything.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 01:10 PM
1

This is great advice. Mine called me one morning with a flat tire on her car. I wish I had heard this advice then.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 06:54 PM
1

People of that generation (just assuming you're around 40 and your parents are around 70, maybe i am way off) are just entitled. I deal with it too with my parents. They had their whole lives on easy street and see people struggling now, and assume laziness.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 04:59 PM
1

Don't assume that your friends were being avoidant because they don't support you or because they blame you. People who haven't been through it don't know what to say and just end up acting weird. Forgive them if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 04:56 PM
0

That's how they all are. She did him a favor by being open about it. This was a valuable lesson.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 04:54 PM
1

That is a while, I told myself I would avoid anything serious for five years but met someone after about a year who was in the same situation as me (same age and had her own house, job, and kids) Do your friends know that you are looking to meet someone? Do their wives know? You can casually ask a female friend or friend's wife for an evaluation of your self and your dateability. Maybe there is something simple you can improve that you just haven't noticed about yourself. I will warn you though,…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 09:11 PM
1

My friends were mostly very supportive except one who was weird and avoidant. Later on he told me his wife wanted him to stay away from me- basically that him being around a single guy would corrupt him against marriage or something like that. The reality is, my advice to people is normally to try to stick out even an unhappy marriage to avoid the mess of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 07:57 PM
2

I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for all the support I got from my friends and their wives.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 07:48 PM
2

How old are you? Being a single parent of multiple small kids is really hard, and it sort of just consumes your life for a while. If you're surviving, you're doing great. Just talk to people and make new friends. The rest will happen on its own. Just make sure you don't have unrealistic standards.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 07:44 PM
1

Not overthinking. You're thinking what we are all thinking. I'm 40, have my own paid-off house, and I'm definitely done having kids. Only way I would get married again, would be to someone who has their own money and job, is basically the same age and life stage as me, and who is fine with living at the house I already own. I won't combine assets again, and I won't risk setting the stage for alimony. Even then, not sure what the point of marriage would be, unless she has great health insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 12:44 AM
1

Many people would gladly trade to be in your situation. When you get married and have kids, it's all business- what the person looks like, if they are fun to be around, if the pussy feels good- those things need to go out the window. If she is stable and responsible, you are doing great. Don't put your kids through some bullshit chasing physical beauty, it doesn't last anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 10:58 AM
2

Sounds like how marriage is. Trust me, nobody thinks their wife is super hot after years of hearing them fart under the blankets or smelling their breath first thing in the morning. You have a decent, stable situation right now- she isn't cheating, abusing you, or wasting your money. I think you should stick it out and think carefully about the alternative. She hasn't done anything wrong, don't mess up your family. If you're really starved for sex, go see a professional, be safe about it, and do…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 06:41 PM
1

Let her go have her new single life of partying and travelling. You'll sacrifice and lose much of your social life, but your kids will grow up knowing who the real parent was. It's worth it. Play the long game. The more parenting time and responsibility she gives you, the better. Document it, you may need to show it to a judge one day.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 08:08 PM
1

This is a naive view, the same one I had when I was married and heard about others' divorces. Women lose attraction, get attention from others, and check out for good. Once it happens, she has already discarded you and there is no way to win a women back. If she does change her mind, it won't be genuine and she will cheat or just revert back to the divorce talk later on. You simply can't negotiate or reason your way out of this one. Working to provide for your family isn't being complacent, don'…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 08:04 PM
2

Are you willing to pay the legal fees to try? Does your ex have liquid assets to take? What reason did they give when they fired you?
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 05:09 PM
2

Same story every time. Cut the cord with her as soon as possible so you aren't around to see it (and torture yourself). Once you no longer live in the same house is when you can start to recover.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 04:50 PM
1

Don't focus on finding a replacement. Just live your life and see what happens.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 04:46 PM
2

I felt the same, like my ex was particularly cruel in a way that had to be unique. Unfortunately for others, it seems like it may not have been such a rare thing
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 04:44 PM
13

Cut the cord. Communicate only through email and only about kid stuff. Should have done this five years ago, but the second best time is now. I made the same mistake for almost a year, many of us probably did. Disappear her from your life and you will start to feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 09:36 PM
3

My marriage was perfectly functional, even good by most peoples' standards, and mine walked out after beginning going to the gym for a few weeks and getting attention from people there. She announced she wanted a seperation and was going out for all-night tinder dates within 3 days while I was home with our kids. It's brutal and makes you question your sanity and if your whole life was a waste. I survived, and you will too. Hang in there. It does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 01:50 AM
5

It does get better with time. Did you have a hobby that you wanted to pursue but that she didn't approve of, or didn't allow you time for? A house renovation you had been putting off? Now is your chance. Do all your chores during the days you don't have your kid, to free up time on the days you do. Also: Start getting pissed off. I made the mistake of trying to empathize with how my ex felt as she left, and it set me back for months. When I realized that the reason was, she is a cruel and selfis…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 01:16 AM
6

So, she did to you, what you did to your wife. Live by the sword, die by the sword. Sorry man, you will have to learn this lesson the hard way. Affairs always end badly. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 10:33 AM
10

Five years out and I feel mostly fine about the way things ended up. The one thing, though, that still makes me sick to my stomach is thinking about how I begged and pleaded my cheating ex to give the marriage a second chance. There is no way to go back and do things over, but if there was, I would never debase myself like that. At the time I felt divorce was unsurvivalable and that it would be horrible for my daughter to have her family broken up. Now years later, I have around 75% parenting ti…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 09:47 PM
1

I'm five years out and I feel mostly normal. I mean, I still think about it of course, but it doesn't hurt, and I've moved on. Don't rush it, and focus on your kids. My kid goes to her mom's house every other weekend and on tuesday nights. About twice or three times a month there's an evening where my daughter is with my ex and my girlfriend isn't staying over, and I'm alone in the house overnight. That part still feels weird. You'll probably notice a strange, vague emptiness that takes years to…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:21 AM
2

NJ family court was suprisingly simple for me. I never actually had to appear in person, just did my final appearance over zoom. Received the decree via email a day or two later, and the money started coming out of my checks within a month. Good luck though, you got this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:05 AM
2

The assuming you wouldn't be at least 50% of the time with your kids is weird.. All the divorced people I know do 50/50 except for one, and he has full custody because the kids' mom is messed up. When mine was ongoing, people were really awkward about it, trying to not overtly take a side. That finally faded and then later a few confided that they could see clearly who the good and bad person was, but they didn't want to say anything and stir up trouble. It would have really helped if they said …
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 12:30 AM
3

None of our exes ever believed they owed us anything, while you were sure you had built up a bank of goodwill with your actions, that you could call upon if needed. When you do things for a woman, you aren't building equity, or banking goodwill. They don't operate that way. Women simply don't feel obligation the way we do. I didn't know that either and it left me very confused. Now you know, and you can avoid making that mistake again.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 12:20 AM
2

Life's great choice.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:52 PM
2

My gf now (hopefully she never finds this) is just a plain jane. Normal looking but honestly not the body type I find attractive. I really like the chubby girls, this one is under 100 lbs. Not great in bed either, and very shy. She's not even as smart as my ex, and sort of naive and sheltered. However, she is extremely agreeable, just wants there to be harmony, and has never once argued with me or played any games. I used to come home wondering what kind of mind fuck i was about to walk into- no…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 08:38 PM
2

Plenty of nice, sane women out there. They may not be as attractive as your ex or the other crazies you dated. If you can lower your standards there, you will live a much less anxious life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 07:59 PM
3

Happened to me too, similar story. Consider it a high-priced educational lesson. I will never again let myself become part of a relationship with that kind of intensity. Only boring, stable women from here on out for me.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 11:37 AM
5

In my case it was more like she shopped around until she found new friends who didn't know me long-term, and would validate her wild mood swings and immaturity.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 10:40 AM
3

You sound like a great kid. It sounds like you really care and that you are highly mature. When you've been beaten down by life it takes many small steps to rebuild confidence. I would start by making regular plans with him, to try to lead him to just get out more. Go out to dinner, go for a hike, maybe a weekend road trip? Take him to a sporting event if he's into that. Unwanted divorce can leave a man feeling absolutely shattered and it takes years to get better. Tell him how much you care and…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/26 06:02 PM
2

You and me both
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 10:51 AM
3

Nothing wrong, it takes time, especially if you feel betrayed or disgusted by how your marriage ended. With time everything will return to normal. These people who are out there seeing multiple women, swiping on apps, or getting remarried soon after divorce, are the weird ones. You're fine dude. If you were married for a decade or more you're gonna feel weird for at least a year or two. And even then, it won't feel like that fairytale when you were young. When you're older and have kids and comp…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:40 PM
0

If you guys are functional, coexist peacefully, and are on the same page with finances and parenting.. I would say the correct thing to do is wait until your kids are older. I can tell you one thing, if you had married some hot chick who is fun in bed, but spends all your money and fights with you about anything and everything-- you would be far worse off. No sex is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Go see a professional on a regular basis to get those needs met, be safe abou…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 09:34 PM
1

It takes time. You won't be confident again overnight. Try to make some new friends in the meantime.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 01:31 AM
6

In the short term, no, I was much worse off. I lost about 300k of retirement savings and had to start paying for my own health insurance which is quite expensive (my employer takes like $800 a month just for single coverage). Long-term though, I learned to only spend money on things that matter, and be frugal in other ways. No $150 target and Costco trips and no endless amazon boxes on the doorstep. No more whining about the car not having apple carplay or dumb gadget purchases. She can do all t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 01:03 AM
3

Same here in NJ. No point.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:33 AM
3

I know the feeling. That really fucked with me, and the feeling hit me again when I found out she was pregnant with his kid. Life goes on. Make it your goal to be the best parent you can. Your child will remember her childhood as being with a dedicated father half the time, and a mother who was distracted with strange new men the other half. Mine is in high school now and there is a stark difference in how her and i get along versus how she views her mom. You just gotta play the long game.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:15 AM
3

I know how you're feeling and I've been through it. Just block it all out if you can. I promise it does get easier over time, and you just need to take the high road. Your friends and family and kid will remember who behaved respectably and who didn't. Seriously man, I know it's hard, but stop thinking about what she is doing. Go take a trip with friends, get some new pussy, do a home renovation. Take up working out or hiking or fishing. Just, anything but worry about her. You already know she's…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 12:06 AM
1

Who tf cares what color he is. Be the better parent during your 50% of the time and leave her in the dust. The less you know about her business, the better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 11:59 PM
1

I wouldn't remarry into this situation either but this guy is acting selflessly and probably really cares about his stepkids. No reason to insult him. Also, it's easy to say "stay single and stay away from single moms" when you have money, an accomodating job, or help from family. Some people don't have that and are looking for a new person to help with their kids. I get why some divorced men quickly get back into relationships like this. Also, some people just really like kids and family stuff.…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 10:48 AM
3

I actually don't regret it overall. My ex-wife stuck around during the years our daughter was young and needed a mom, and only left once she was 8 or 9- now I have a great, well-adjusted teenager who is like my best friend. If I had the option to push a button and get a do-over beginning in 2005, I probably would not press it, out of fear for a worse outcome. You could go back and marry a nice woman, who doesn't screw you over, and still end up with asshole kids, or health problems, or any numbe…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 12:48 PM
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