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ArizonaSpartan Archive

View 0 posts and 178 comments by ArizonaSpartan on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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11

Maybe she banging her boss. Or maybe he wants to know why you had her arrested. Women don’t often tell the unvarnished truth to coworkers.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 03:14 PM
12

You were baby trapped. Face it. You shouldn’t have been involved at all with someone that young. You definitely shouldn’t have let her move to Spain. It’s all on you. Put on your man pants, pull out your man card, retain lawyer, file first.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 03:10 PM
1

She bought into the whole “he’s abusive” mindset that women talk themselves into with the help of their divorced friends and online forums. You’re cooked. File first if you are in a no fault state.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 11:48 PM
13

Go to court. She’ll get less. My ex thought she would get alimony. Instead she got a job, no alimony, and small child support. Then got told clean up her anger issues or the kids go to me primarily not 50/50. And now they’re old enough to decide where to live. She doesn’t yell at them and be as unreasonable as before.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 09:11 PM
6

If this is even true, then family over STBX. And it seems your brother knew your wife was no good. Don’t kid yourself, they didn’t stay at arm’s length because they like your sister better. I know this because I had the same problem with my ex. She isn’t a good person.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 09:06 PM
7

Let her spend time in jail. Let her career be ruined. You did neither and now she’ll think she can do anything to you in the divorce. Worse she will. Prepare to get screwed. Big mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 08:59 PM
2

I don’t have alimony, but I feel the frustration. Currently dealing with issues around Boy Scout Summer Camp for both boys due to her wanting to not follow the decree which stipulates Scouts doesn’t count against custody time and she can’t prevent them from going no matter whose week it is. She also was trying to show off her new looks at older ones graduation acting like her life was roses. Boys told me otherwise including she was fired and they refused to hike with her because she wouldn’t let…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 01:01 AM
8

There is no back. It will never be the glory days revisited. End it for your sanity. Emotional affair is cheating and IMHO she probably did the guy. Women never fully admit what they did wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 04:25 AM
2

If your outfit is doing PIPs I’d question even being there. Those are HR speak for we want to get rid of you. It’s sounds like it’s not worth the stress to me. Best time to look for a job is when you have one.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:50 PM
2

I’d place her in the same category as nurses. Which famous divorce lawyer James Sexton says “Do not marry”.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 03:48 PM
2

Drop her. Why is this even a question?
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 04:45 AM
5

Both genders of therapists favor females according to studies, specifically Mahalik et al 2012, but there are more. It’s called Alignment Discrepancy. I declined counseling throughout the divorce. Declined the court attempt at reconciliation as well.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 04:43 AM
1

Based on US immigration to leave the country, requires consent of parent not present. Ask me how I know, my ex is from China.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 04:36 AM
1

My ex is from China. Before I filed I had my son’s passports in my hand and then locked in a safe at a relative’s house. Then informed my lawyer. Your STBX cannot take your child to another country without your permission if you are in the USA.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 05:32 PM
2

Totally agree. I resisted the temptation to latch onto any women for this reason. I have seen a good friend go chasing women fresh off a divorce and it was not pretty.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:28 PM
2

Same. Knew her playbook through the divorce, lawyer was surprised I knew exactly how I’d negotiate. And she’s following the same playbook for custody. Hate to see it for my sons but at least they love being with dad and tell me often.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 03:27 PM
10

At 28 you’ve only started life. In no way are you cooked. Your kids are the most important thing right now. Don’t worry about attention from other women. There’s time for that later. I strongly recommend not dating or getting involved with a woman at all right now. Take care of your kids and yourself. Go be with friends or family if you are lonely.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 02:06 PM
2

Solid plan.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 11:19 PM
10

She’s up to something. No woman calls the sister of an ex for fun. She’ll fish for info and execute some kind of plan. Why is your sister going to lunch with her? That’s not right in my book. My sister has zero contact with my ex and probably wouldn’t answer a call from her unless it was regarding my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/26 11:07 PM
2

Darkness is broken light until you find the switch. Switch is working on yourself, personal goals (do not try to get back together, ever), workout, run, fish, whatever… and focus on the kids. Go forward, don’t look back you’re not going that way. Once divorce is in play it will not go away.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 08:50 PM
18

“swear nothing happened” = she had sex with him at least once, probably more. There is no 99% on this. It’s 100%. And that’s why women get defensive and cover for each other.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 08:44 PM
4

He’s screwing around 100%. She’s a gold digger. Nothing new here.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:33 PM
6

Money market = safe temp holding area. In the stock market = better but must be actively managed and have understanding of market forces, I’ve been having fun learning and doing this. Putting down an ex for a safe decision = stupid waste of brain power.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:31 PM
2

Sorry to hear about your problem. But I do say here regularly once divorce enters the conversation it almost never leaves the marriage conversation framework or thought process for men or women. The fact that he said the things you indicated means his commitment level is not what you think it is. He needs to do some work too, not just you. It’s both in for 100% .
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 05:13 PM
3

Let me be brief. NO. Court didn’t order it, she can F off.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 04:02 AM
14

Opposite. I left her due to emotional abuse, lack of intimacy and her outright refusal to grow as a human. I filed the divorce and had her served at home.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 03:11 PM
4

She’s gay. For now. OP will post again in 6 months.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 02:34 PM
3

Your mistake = stay at home dad expecting to pay the bills as a musician once divorced. Did you stop to think being a stay at home dad would be the death of your marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/26 04:52 AM
2

This. Bigly. Twice on Sunday. Divorce takes a mental toll no matter how much a man thinks it doesn’t when he files it, it does. I know first hand. You’re reaching for a replacement to what you are losing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 11:38 PM
4

She had a physical affair so I divorced her. It makes your principled stance a highlight.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 12:10 AM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:47 PM
5

Claude from Anthropic is better and it builds context faster and better. I did not use it for my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 04:54 AM
3

Divorced here in Phoenix. Ex tried similar. It’s community property and the court should find for OP. Unless she has iron clad something in writing, she/he said/agreed doesn’t hold up. It would not surprise me if the judge calls them out on it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 12:25 AM
1

Coaching. Ask him questions. Open ended ones, not yes or no. Something like this; How has the situation improved since they’ve been separated? What has she done to take him back? How does this benefit him to stay status quo? How does it benefit her to stay status quo? What scares him about signing? (drill into that fear) what can he do if (thing he’s afraid of) happens? Strong recommend writing the questions down and gaming it out. If you shoot from the hip without experience it may not work, be…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:10 AM
3

Co-worker romances are a thing. Are you sure the late nights at office involves work getting done?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 10:41 PM
1

This is the correct course of action. For extra spice you might want to make sure her APs wife finds out through totally anonymous means after he drops your STBX after you file, because 99% he chickens out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 10:31 PM
10

As I’ve said here a few times, once divorce enters the conversation it never leaves. She’s biding her time. Something changed, she quite possibly was monkey branching. And you both should have scaled the careers back.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 10:27 PM
1

My retainer, in Peoria was $5k and my total bill was about $15k. Some conflict but I had some leverage to negotiate with. Had some custody issues as well but she caved knowing children were of age to say where they wanted to live.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 12:49 AM
18

Just remember, no matter what happens any man that dates her doesn’t know her faults. You do and experienced it firsthand.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 08:02 PM
2

If you don’t have a support group, try to at least get a friend or 2. Gym is obvious place where at least you can chat with some other men. I had a good support network around me via Boy Scout dads and Bible study bros. That helped a lot, especially since some had gone through it. Reading got me through. I read a mix of history and non-fiction like Jocko Willink’s books. Podcasts are a good alternative. Order of Man is great, so is Diary of a CEO and so is Jocko’s. What hobbies do you have? Inve…
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/26 01:19 AM
3

Because when spouses know the goal is to get out some have reason kick in and will try to leave emotions out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:08 AM
6

You owe her zero about your dating situation. If your decree says inform ex when intending to remarry you must do that. Otherwise zero.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 11:59 PM
4

This. Get lawyer. File first. I did once she was trying to use divorce threats as leverage to continue emotional and financial abuse. I also didn’t mediate because I knew she’d ask for alimony which my lawyer killed that ask very quickly. I’ve said here a number of times, once divorce is in the conversation it never leaves. I did not move out until papers were signed. And the house was mine then I sold it per decree and she had to move out.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 03:19 PM
1

File. Walk away. Have her served at work if you have to. I wouldn’t tell the man. The truth always comes out. He’ll find out and will drop her immediately if he’s got a spine. If he doesn’t she’ll cheat on him. Deny alimony, ask for full custody or 75% based off her behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 03:06 PM
1

Mine was threatening it, so I gave it to her. She tried to backpedal when I said I had a lawyer. She was served, then tried to backpedal and I simply said tired of you yelling at me and kids, no sex, and you refusing to work.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 05:08 AM
1

You can’t know what she is thinking. Women like external order because their internal is disorder incarnate. And how does this benefit you if you did? It doesn’t. Don’t look backward, you’re not going that way. Ever again. Go forward. In a year or two you’ll be a good place.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 11:11 PM
5

The fact that she sent it to you and she is the one who filed should tell you something. I’m not sending my ex links to his stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 01:44 PM
2

I hate to go there but are you sure the new child is yours? Serious question. I personally would doubt a single conversation could result in this. Something more is going on that you aren’t privy to.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:42 AM
2

Many of us are old enough that we get one last try at getting it right. A good friend told me that, he got remarried at 48 and is just about to retire and his wife is awesome. Remember there’s a reason things failed with the ex, no matter who pulled the trigger on filing. Strong recommend James Sexton’s book and he’s been on Diary of a CEO podcast like 3 times. Famous divorce lawyer with a great view on why marriages fail and how to ensure they have the best chance at not failing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:38 AM
2

50% of my factor, she never initiated even once in 13 years. And I had plenty of opportunities to cheat with women who would have jumped on top from the start, and not get caught, passed on every one of them. Other 50% was emotional abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:31 AM
28

Go watch an interview with James Sexton the famous Divorce Lawyer. He categorically says people need to wake up - marriage is not a romantic comedy, it’s moments of glory and celebration, all the way down to terrible moments with a lot of work. I think modern women don’t grasp it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:23 AM
3

Maybe it was innocent because she’s not tech savvy. Conversely we all know some women cannot completely let go for whatever reason. I had a Facebook creeper who dropped me for another guy after only 2-3 months. And I had another one I broke up with for cheating and she showed up to my apartment in a Santa’s Helper costume at Xmas trying to get with me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 12:19 PM
2

Not disagreeing, read about it. His and her lawyers can work it out. I didn’t say go to trial. Mine was told about imputed and chose to get a job.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 02:25 PM
2

Do not mediate in my opinion. She’s wants the alimony. If she goes in front of a judge many of them will make her get a job from what my lawyer said. Using my lawyer, I do not pay alimony and the child support is very low, so low I raised it slightly. I did have to give up a big chunk of home equity but also was able to preserve my retirement account. I avoided any negotiation with her. Don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 02:00 PM
3

Lawyer tomorrow. File first. Block her parents. She walked, demand as much as you can get.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 12:44 AM
3

You’re being emotionally abused, like I was. Yes, divorce is going to suck especially in your situation but you will be so much more mentally at peace afterwards. Best thing you can do is consult a lawyer. You may be legally entitled to half the cash in the accounts, lawyer can confirm this for your state. That is your living money. If you can, move it, file and have her served. In my state judges for non-employed spouses to get jobs during the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 11:59 PM
7

Lawyer. Spend the money. You can bill her for shared expenses. I did to the tune of 10k. Also a lawyer will push for full financial disclosure and no what tricks she may be up to more than you (or us).
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 11:45 PM
2

You don’t need us to tell you to exit, or confirm it. You already wrote it. I strongly advise retaining lawyer, do your prep, lawyer will tell you what to do, serve her papers at home.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 10:48 PM
3

Being in a long term relationship is perfectly loving an imperfect person. That goes both ways. That being said, women will always be disregulated emotionally to a degree. Even the best ones can be “off” and needs some masculinity to bring some order. There’s plenty of books and videos on this. Put another way, men create a degree of order so we can build. Women are disorder wanting order so they can cope. Yin and Yang and all that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 05:26 PM
2

Yeah no.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 03:01 AM
8

Lawyer up. File. There’s no back from cheating and she clearly doesn’t regret it. It’s done. Over. Finished.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:37 AM
1

Therapy doesn’t work for men. What works for us is doing stuff to take our mind off things, work it out mentally while doing said thing, and it’s especially effective if it’s physically demanding to a degree.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 07:54 PM
2

Disciple equals freedom. Don’t look backwards you’re not going that way.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 07:52 PM
2

She did it intentionally. What kind of cold hearted person does that? Good riddance.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 07:49 PM
1

Once it goes physical it’s hard to imagine it not happening again. I’d separate and file. Postpartum or otherwise if she doesn’t realize she’s off the deep end then it’s time to separate at a minimum. I tell you from my experience as a man, once you think of divorce it does not stop until you finally file yourself. Things may get better short term but won’t stay that way.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 07:48 PM
11

Keep lawyer. It’s not worth the risk given what has transpired. Don’t use an AI for anything legal. Yes 4 AIs picked stocks and beat the market last year but that’s basically advanced mathematical probability. For legal stuff they are not as reliable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 03:30 PM
3

Was in same situation as OP and this comment is exactly what happens in AZ. Have to prove she was unfit which usually means physical abuse.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 12:00 PM
1

Totally agree and that’s what I did. I paid out more of home sale proceeds and avoided alimony all together and kept my retirement untouched.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 01:04 AM
5

This 100%. I also think that birth control is messing them up worse than is being revealed. Some studies have pointed to it but not definitively.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 05:20 PM
3

I was in very similar situation here in AZ. 150% you will be better off without her. Especially mentally. You will most likely be paying alimony and child support, both are simple calculations. But retirement payments and other things can lower those amounts. I was lucky on those points. She won’t be able to move out of state due to AZ custody restrictions, at least not easily. I’d strongly recommend consulting a lawyer who specializes in divorce. I did and it cost $300. Then I prepped for 3 mon…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 04:52 PM
7

The signs are all there, now you found the evidence. It’s done. Get a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 01:08 PM
1

I had her served on a Friday at 6pm long after sons and I were at a Boy Scouts Campout. That was the most enjoyable phone call of the marriage for me. And when we got back she had cooled enough so she wasn’t explosively angry. I simply said, “you drove me to it, you know once I commit I’m all in and don’t turn back”. She couldn’t kick me out of the house because I own it and was only name on the deed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 03:58 AM
2

Divorce. She wants the other guy to jump in with both feet before she divorces you and that will most likely be brutal for you. Get a lawyer, file, have her served. At work. No mercy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 03:54 AM
1

Discipline equals freedom. - Jocko Willink. So much truth in that statement. Also recommend Extreme Ownership.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 12:40 AM
10

If she did it once, she’ll do it again. File for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 12:37 AM
6

I did 7-7 based on extensive research (with and w/o AI) and after reading some posts on this sub. The handoffs of a shorter duration is what put me off, plus I had some leverage to make sure my guys are still going to Boy Scouts, jiujitsu and stuff they want. YMMV. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 05:13 PM
11

Start working out, walking something physical. Get a lawyer lined up now. You will not only survive but thrive as many of us have post divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 04:34 PM
1

At 5 months this relationship is not mature enough to warrant a marriage conversation other than a stated goal. I’d wait at least 18 more months before you decide to marry her or end it. Anyone can be not themselves for 6 months to a year. 2 years will reveal the real her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 08:43 PM
1

Mine nearly came to that until a friend of hers talked some sense into her. She still almost got wrecked by the court for not holding a job, child support and custody. I came out with retirement intact, 50/50 (but one wants to be with me starting next year) and no alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 04:46 PM
1

Get a lawyer, file first. Sell house, split the money. Do not let her try and keep it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 07:47 PM
1

I filed first and was in a similar situation. Get a female lawyer. Make sure she submits everything in discovery, especially bank and credit card statements. Point out in discovery where money is going make sure lawyer argues this back to her lawyer and the court. Be ready to sell the house and leverage money to buy down her half especially your retirement, I successfully pulled this off. Both my retirements are intact. Got less cash but am ok with that.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 07:44 PM
2

Amazon. Fly to visit. Show value every day, absolutely crush the job. Hope for transfer. If not leverage it to get a new job in FL then go back and lever back to transfer or resign nicely and move to FL.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 07:30 PM
12

Women have a collectivist mindset. Men are always the bad guys in a divorce. And she probably lied and didn’t mention the cheating or justified it. Just move on and crush life. I filed for divorce first and have no idea what she told others. And don’t care. I’m happy and my sons and happier without her screaming at us constantly. And I just learned she got a speeding ticket today. Karma.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 07:27 PM
2

My lawyer wanted me to stay since I paid all the bills. We then billed the ex for half the bills near the of the divorce. I don’t remember the name of doing that. Your state may differ.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 01:05 AM
5

I’d also add judging by the amount of divorce regret videos that they can’t work on themselves in the marriage means they won’t outside the marriage and are doomed.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 03:25 PM
10

Sorry for the loss to your family. I’d recommend beyond what others said to read Intentional Father and write out a plan for developing your sons and executing on it. And congratulations on some financial freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/25 03:34 PM
13

There’s various YT channels dedicated to finding ex-wife regret videos on TikTok and building videos about them. It’s entertaining to watch how they go from “I’m free” to “this isn’t what I thought, Chad banged and dumped me” in about 6 months to 2 years. Sometimes no cheating involved but it’s obvious they plotted the divorce so they could party. And when they talk about ex-husband finding a younger better looking wife it’s nearly delicious.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 01:55 AM
3

She cheating, emotionally or full on. She stringing you along. Get lawyer, file first. You’ll find out soon enough she’s got a gym bro lurking around. It’s tough to hear but most likely true.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 04:55 PM
3

Once divorce enters the conversation, even in anger, it never leaves IMHO. It was true in my case, and I filed first after months of prep and deliberation. I’d move the business back to family and don’t say anything to her. You may have to buy her out of catering company if you want to keep it. You could sell it before filing. I’d recommend stockpiling cash for legal expenses and consulting a lawyer ASAP, the lawyer might be able to advise how to move forward because your state may have specific…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 11:20 PM
2

Build a fund for legal expenses. Get lawyer. File first. Don’t leave the house. Sleep in another room.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 11:10 PM
1

You can recover all the costs you incurred on her behalf except the house is 50/50 usually no matter who gets it, YMMV. I can’t remember the name of the claim type but your lawyer will know and it’s common to ask for in this situation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 03:51 PM
3

Well done and great to hear you’re doing well! It’s a nice feeling when women give you the eye or chat you up, even when you’re not interested. Recently had this in church, and from a lady 15 yrs younger or more.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 03:45 PM
12

Absolutely on her and shows her lack of principles no matter how long you were married. Mentally healthy people don’t turn into this during or post divorce. I’d put money on her friends and social media influencing her. I know it sucks, but move forward and keep working on yourself and your goals. And she’s not your wife, she’s STBX. Good decision to file first. I did.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 03:41 PM
3

This sounds like a classic Mr. Nice Guy syndrome judging by your wife’s response. She also hit you with a low blow, which while possibly having some truth, she is using that to justify her behavior and lack of principles. Read the book No More Mr Nice Guy, workout, find a masculine hobby, stop watching sportsball all weekend, or if you don’t, find a sport you can watch 3-5 hrs a weekend, be assertive, and decide what your goals are and make progress towards them everyday. If you don’t “like” any…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 04:47 PM
9

Don’t leave the house unless the law compels it, get lawyer, file first. Watch her head spin. And start documenting everything now.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 04:32 PM
7

There will always be dishonorable boy men unfortunately. Society has allowed these men to exist because laws protect them. You endangering your freedom for some payback is not in the best interest of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 12:56 AM
11

My lawyer told me, take half the cash and move it to your own account. I realize it’s to pay for my legal bills but it saved my skin financially speaking. And I filed first after she mentioned divorce and alimony. You do have to declare the account in your disclosure. I don’t know your state’s laws, in mine since I took 50% of the cash it’s considered mine. Get a lawyer pronto.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 12:23 AM
4

Get lawyer. File first. I know it sucks. My ex said divorce and alimony after being emotionally abusive and trying to separate my sons from my extended family. I got a lawyer and filed first. You’ve done far too much and suffered for her happiness, and this what you get from her. She deserves a divorce filed by you. Willing to bet a judge is going to be mighty unhappy with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 12:19 AM
6

Best of luck! Report back, don’t leave the bros hanging.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:15 AM
2

I have exactly 2 people I would do this is with. And one is my sister, we were both emotionally abused by mom. The other is a close friend who brought me back to Christianity and effectively acts like a pastor without the title. The struggle is real, if you can’t find a safe person to vent to, then write it out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 05:05 PM
1

I don’t know your state, my 14 year old can chose where he lives. So while it’s a long time away perhaps that’s an option down the road. As for college, it’s good to prep for that but also realize he will make his choice. I’ve got one dead set on being a Navy SEAL and his college fund will go to prepping him for that and the other will probably go trade school which I can pay for no problem.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 04:35 PM
2

Hang tough. Find a hobby to occupy your time. Mine has been rucking (hiking with weight), hunting especially planning that for kids and I, and volunteering a bit here and there.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 03:35 AM
3

Agreed. I’d rather save a few hundred in child support and then use that for my kids in a responsible way than allow ex to possibly use that on herself.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 12:27 AM
2

If it means being able to give them their own bedroom, have more time with them, carry that cost more responsibly, and better part-time home environment, how is that shitty? Your perspective is skewed.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 07:53 PM
1

Go for 50/50 custody if that’s your state’s norm, it reduces child support. Get the 2 bedroom and make sure that is in your disclosure documents. If those are filed asked to submit an updated one.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:32 AM
1

FWIW, most affairs from the workplace are due to goal alignment from the job. When that stops or is interrupted that relationship will die, probably badly. I don’t have experience with this inside of marriage, but had a similar workplace romance that involved living together, I changed jobs she changed boyfriends. Also seen many cases of this.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:28 AM
1

Online Portal all the way. Especially if you can pay ahead by a month or more.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:24 AM
1

If he leaves now what does that say about him in a marriage? As others have said, he’s avoidant, that’s obvious. In my opinion he’s got issues with something you want, maybe kids so he’s “cycling” the relationship to reset that from happening sooner.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:50 AM
1

Sorry to say, drop her. Too many differences for long term success. My ex is Chinese, born and raised there, and wouldn’t do this with our kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 02:13 AM
3

I’d let her assume and she pays any and all fees if that can be done. Maybe if here equity she should also pay you half. Most likely she saw the interest rate and calculated the payment, then had shell shock.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 02:08 AM
2

I don’t know how old your kids are but for mine it was easily explained and they were very aware mom is too angry all the time (they were 12 and 14). Both wanted to live with me straight away. You don’t need her cooperation, mine was nearly held in contempt twice for not meeting paperwork requirements because she wanted to reconcile (while still yelling at me and kids every day). File the divorce, serve her. It’s really that simple.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 01:11 AM
2

In AZ they’re of the mind to force her to get a job, have seen it first hand and talked to other men where same happened to their ex.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 12:16 AM
3

Once divorce conversations enter the marriage it’s game over. And she’s disrespecting you. She’s stringing you to get the money. Lawyer up, review this with your lawyer, file for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 04:04 AM
6

Man up. File divorce. She will never change. Her family is trash.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 05:11 PM
1

I filed and stayed in the house to force her to move through the steps more quickly. It worked. I could have easily stayed with other family members but wouldn’t have seen my kids everyday. And she cut down on the yelling and screaming with them. She wouldn’t talk to me which was good for my mental health.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 12:14 AM
2

LAWYER. Now. She calculated the max or her para-legal did.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/25 09:20 PM
2

STBX is similar. I filed for divorce after 13 years. My mental health is better than it’s ever been. File now., move out if able.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 03:07 AM
1

Am 54, have 40 year olds hitting on me, 12 yrs different is not an issue, don’t let it be. And she friggin invited you! How can you not at least go forward and date her?
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:45 AM
5

Same thing I’ve said many times here - once divorce is talked about in the relationship, it’s over. Just walk. Or she will use any one of the silver bullet women divorce methods first.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:40 AM
8

Impute her income, I did it and it saved me from crushing alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:00 PM
7

Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 02:27 AM
12

Once divorce enters the conversation in a relationship it’s extremely difficult to avoid it. Even if it seems “resolved”, it will come back. I lived it. OP should file and move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 07:27 PM
11

Bye bye girlfriend. She’s evil. Why would she want kids if she can’t deal with a 2 Year Old?
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 01:15 AM
1

After being threatened about twice a year in order to her way on things, she finally pushed too far on a few issues and I filed first. She was not happy. You need to file.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/25 12:44 AM
3

You are definitely an involved dad as described in Intentional Father. Read that book and you’ll learn a few things to help you out. They are still young so you’ve got time on your side.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 09:33 PM
3

Walk away, file for divorce. She will do it again. Respect is gone.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 05:12 PM
6

Fight back. If mom has money tell your lawyer, get that admitted and looked into. If she quit her job there’s a record of it, get that into the equation. My ex was refusing to take higher paying jobs which she has unique and rare qualifications for (language fluency). My lawyer asserted I think it was called implied income so my alimony calculation went way down and I paid her out of home equity when it sold. House = sell it. If she’s out of the house living elsewhere - stop paying all her bills…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/25 08:11 PM
8

Numerous studies out there talk about how birth control alters women’s attraction to men and which men they are attracted to vs not being on it. It’s a real thing and could partially explain a number of things we’ve seen societally.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 10:08 PM
2

Absolutely can’t recommend these enough.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/25 01:32 PM
11

Mine completely ignored our sons for the most part despite being a SAHM. I did doctors, dentist, Boy Scouts, school stuff, teacher meetings, sports, martial arts and other things. Then she was completely mystified when they wanted to live with me because we do stuff together. She always fought on things to the point my sons didn’t want to do anything with her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 02:14 PM
6

I’m an Assistant Scoutmaster for my sons’ troop. I always buy when I see boy or girl troops fundraising. I probably have about the same cookie hoard as you. We buy up the poinsettias for my sons and give them as gifts. Thank you for helping out. The ex has never helped, been to Court of Honor (rank advancement ceremony), driven them to meetings when I was sick, or anything. And she wondered why they wanted to live and be with me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 04:16 PM
3

Word of advice from someone who was being emotionally abused, and had some amount of PTSD from it, if he’s walking on eggshells all the time - he needs to get out. I was fortunate in that someone I know talked to me enough about me having it, that I decided to get out for my kids and my mental health.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 01:14 AM
5

I think setting goals is important towards moving forward. Always be working towards 2-4 goals with somewhat concrete success measures. Physical ones are easiest obviously but can include mental ones.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 11:03 PM
2

You need to read Gatekeeper by Shawn Smith. It will help you filter out the ones worth wining and dining from the chaf.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 06:48 PM
25

Mistakes on so many levels. Yes wife is garbage. But letting another person into your marriage = stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/25 09:27 PM
17

Have a good friend, his ex cheated two different times, second time with a convicted sex offender and they have kids. He spent $30k and 2 years to get the divorce done, judge threw the book at her - he got the house, 80% custody, the kids hate mom and the AP sex offender, court ordered some strict things on her due to situation, he felt no pity. And ex does not realize AP groomed her. Good win dude.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 04:48 PM
1

Screw the trip. File papers now. Don’t let her enjoy anything about the trip. Retain good lawyer, get your share of assets.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 01:05 PM
4

Her brother needs to be dealt with. OoP, minimum. If you concealed carry, or can, and train, I would do so. As for her, fairly obvious she won’t give the girls back and is hell bent on getting her way. Let the law handle it. Get yours girls. Make the court dates, you’ll get full custody, she’ll get prison time, hopefully it’s federal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/25 01:20 AM
4

From experience, once divorce enters your mind it’s very difficult to stay married.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/25 04:26 AM
12

You are over reacting. A lot.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 03:41 AM
7

It’s zero business of hers. Until I decide she needs to know due to kids.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 03:48 AM
5

Mine were and are teens. They are happier without mom yelling at them every single day. And we run a more efficient and happy household.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:41 AM
1

Report to those states AG offices with evidence of prior rulings in other jurisdictions that she is committing fraud. Your own states AG might also find this interesting. And find out if you can civil sue her, not to mention check your state’s harassment statutes, as this sounds like it’s harassment. I’d ask for a re-hearing on custody in your jurisdiction based on the available evidence, fight for full custody with supervised visitation for her. And stick her with the legal bills if able.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:36 AM
1

The fact you posted this answers your own question. Spouses should not be in contact with exes unless kids are involved. I hold myself to that standard. If I saw one, I’d be polite and respectful but nothing more.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 02:16 AM
3

Make divorce final or very near that, move out, be single for a bit, read, workout, and maybe do some not serious coffee dates. Read Gatekeeper by Shawn Smith, I did after it was recommended here and it changed my approach to dating. The fact you are taken with a woman already means Gatekeeper is a must read and others have said that’s too fast. Completely agree.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 07:36 PM
1

PI and social media. The IP one can get you in hot water, I’m a pro IT person, don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/24 01:35 AM
2

My lawyer would not even give me an agreement to sign or pay money until I had moved half our cash to a separate account. I don’t underestimate that it was so she would get paid but it was a solid move to make sure I could support myself and my sons if things go bad or false reports were filed against me. I was also given a lengthy PDF going over AZ divorce proceedings, common court practices and what judges expect and want to see. I was strongly encouraged to read it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 04:17 AM
5

FORD. Talk about family, occupation, recreation, and dreams (goals). If the last one lines up with yours, all the better. Make sure she laughs and has a good time as best able since you may not know her well yet.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 08:42 PM
5

Gatekeeper by Shawn Smith you need to read it. Don’t get involved with crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 02:13 PM
1

This is the correct answer in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 04:10 AM
6

I wouldn’t worry if you’re established in your career, can manage your finances and get yourself in somewhat decent shape (basically your sh%t is together)- you’ll attract some attention. Best advice I can give is focus on moving forward and if your stuff is not together make it happen. In my friend group, a single hot mom law enforcement lady worked out I was divorcing (investigative skills an all) and I soon got some flirting which I kindly reciprocated. And I’m older than you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 08:20 PM
7

Oh… bad for you. I have a friend who married his divorce attorney from his first marriage. Then divorced her, fortunately she was mostly amicable and she made more than him. Definitely see a badass divorce attorney ASAP on the extreme downlow secret spy stealth.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/24 01:53 AM
2

I lived in China for over a decade. Chinese men can deal with bigger pressure far longer than other men in my opinion. However when they snap, it’s bad, like really bad. If the snap is from a relationship it’s 10x worse. They strike out at that “harmonious society” the government promotes. I’ve not seen this level of bad for quite a while.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:32 AM
1

I lived in China for over a decade. Chinese men can deal with bigger pressure far longer than other men in my opinion. However when they snap, it’s bad, like really bad. If the snap is from a relationship it’s 10x worse. They strike out at that “harmonious society” the government promotes. I’ve not seen this level of bad for quite a while.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 02:32 AM
2

A 1911 in .22 or 9mm? She must have made you insane. 1911s should only be bought in .45. Full stop. If you want a 9mm there are better options, personally prefer Springfield or Glock. And .22 is wasted in a handgun. I get you’re ranting and it sounds like you need some direction or purpose. Maybe have a good think on it. I also recommend range therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 02:39 AM
8

Gatekeeper by Shawn Smith. Read it. Work out your purpose(s) in life. Make sure hers align with yours. Or don’t marry her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 12:20 AM
3

We’ve all been there. The only way out is forward to the next chapter of life. Go to the gym, Seek out friends, Do stuff (hike, shoot, billiards, woodworking… etc), Read (Gatekeeper by Shawn T Smith, Discipline Equals Freedom, No More Mr Nice Guy, Can’t Hurt Me, Warrior Poet Way), Bible / Church / Prayer if so inclined, Men’s Groups Looks fade with time. Find your purpose and make sure the next woman aligns with it or has the same one.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 05:18 PM
2

I personally think therapy is not productive for most men in a divorce situation. As others have said the basics; work out, Bible (if inclined), church, friend groups, activities (meaning you do something not watch it) seem to work much better for men. I strongly recommend Gatekeeper by Shawn T Smith. I read it based on recommendations here and it completely changed how I think about women and relationships based on my purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/24 05:05 PM
5

I had some work to do in this area. I find Gatekeeper a much better fit for me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 01:35 AM
5

It’s done. Over. Finished. Start working through the grief, get in the gym, start divorce process. Move forward, don’t wallow in it, it failed. Zero you can do to repair it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/24 08:38 PM
8

No. Walk away. You deserve better. She’ll come out on the losing end. They always do.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 03:20 AM
4

Dating apps are hell and slanted in women’s favor heavily. Avoid. I recommend church if you are religious, especially bigger non-denominational ones. I had single women greeting me often, this past weekend it was like 4 times.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 01:21 AM
7

Deep six the whole thing. She is presuming marriage will fail and you are also. Not a good sign from either side.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 03:50 AM
7

Focus on your kids. She and he are both trash. She’ll get screwed over, abused, and he’ll end up in jail. Patterns repeat, they rarely, if ever stop.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 07:45 PM
6

In addition to Ashwaganda I recommend a banana in the morning, it kicks your overnight cortisol level down and dark chocolate (NOT an American brand) in the afternoon, as it will do the same. Your weight, hair, skin and mood will improve. I noticed similar changes since I filed. I’ve now started a consistent lifting workout and added supplements and the dad bod is almost gone. Definitely stress contributes to it happening.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 01:08 AM
6

Your path is forward. It may not seem better right now because it has ups and downs. Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 02:06 AM
1

Congrats! That’s cool to hear.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 02:01 AM
2

AVVO helped me thin a referral list from 3 to 1 lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/24 05:36 AM
1

Great advice. And get the passports! First thing I went for.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 04:07 AM
2

We’ve been there or are going through similar. Hang tough for your kids. Your feelings are important and need to be worked through. Get a lawyer, they will explain your options. Don’t go into this blind or completely reactive.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 04:04 AM
5

Unless kids are involved, don’t answer her calls. If kids involved, sort out situation amicably and cordially, as soon as she changes it to another the call is finished. Don’t offer details you don’t have to.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/24 04:33 PM
11

You should see when these kinds of divorced moms meet male Scoutmasters in Boy Scouts. Yeah lots of fun for me watching them meltdown when we don’t send pics from the mountains (no signal), don’t send updates from summer camp (8 days no contact) and have their sons shoot guns for a merit badge (under expert guidance of course). We have lots of fun with “yes he was cold and wet, all of us were, he had fun, he’s fine”, “no you can’t meet him for lunch while we are 25 miles from a town”, “yes there…
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 04:56 PM
7

Why did you even look at her account to see if you were blocked? With that much bad blood and a nasty divorce you’re better off to never give her another thought ever.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/24 02:00 AM
9

One really needs Cant Hurt Me, Extreme Ownership, and Discipline Equals Freedom to get the most sustained benefit.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 10:47 PM
2

Man up, go to wedding, find someone you can converse with, really it’s not hard I even did it in China across languages (and my Mandarin isn’t good). And hang out with said individual. As far as gf, you put yourself into this position. Gird your loins and sort it one way or the other. As far as you… you can change and improve. Again on you. Read No More Mr Nice Guy, because you won’t become an ahole that way.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/24 02:48 PM
3

Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:49 AM
7

The Bible also says reconciliation requires sacrifice and change by both parties. If she’s not willing to make concessions and changing then divorce is an option.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/24 04:29 AM
1

This one wants to soak her for as much as he can get and doesn’t care what it looks like. No idea what you can do, have you asked your lawyer for options?
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/24 01:24 AM
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