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Ark161 Archive

View 0 posts and 91 comments by Ark161 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Man, you are fixated on “what if” and letting a good thing go to waste because if it. Like, let’s be 100% real here. Your wife is hot, devoted, and basically what every dude looks for, and you are trashing it because, “I want to be single”. That is the kind of bullshit women over at r/divorce spew. The fact that you are thinking on things that failed in the past as a template of what should be the future shows you are really not setting yiur priorities straight. But for real, you are a guy parro…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 04:49 PM
8

I cant speak to mood swings, but I can tell you GLP1s can cause anhedonia. It is basically the inability to enjoy things. It is because screws with the dopamine, because eating tasty food = dopamine. I know this, because as a dude giving GLP1s a go, I was PISSED no one ever mentioned anything about it. Like, legit freaking livid, because it is somewhere between feeling nothing (numb) and feeling depressed. IT SUCKS. Might bring up this is a known thing, therapy, reducing the dosage might help.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 06:27 PM
6

for me, I would say it was about 6 months after she said she wanted a divorce. It, was not an easy thing to do. I still wore it as a necklace for a bit. It was kind of a comfort just to have it on my person. The ring was kind of a big deal to me. It was a promise, and I may not have been the best husband at times, but I always have been a person of my word.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 03:15 AM
3

I used to. Hell, she was my best friend for the better part of 13 years. It was hard to let that go. I wont lie, it kind of made me feel like it wasnt a total loss at the time. It made me think that even though things didnt work out, I wasnt a villian in this story. I know I wasnt the villian, it was just nice to have that level of validation in the back of my head. Well, in the back of my mind, I knew eventually it would end. I knew there would be a day that comes, where that friendship takes t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 08:42 PM
1

This is what I mean by being our worst judge, jury, and executioner. Like you, I went on Wellbutrin to help level me out for her. I had a strict no MOAI/SSRI policy because growing up I had some REALLY bad experiences with them. But, I thought she was worth it; so I took the plunge. Like you, I tried to remain agreeable. I helped her move, I did all the work to get the house sold, I hired the fucking lawyer for fuck sake. It is a special kind of hell to have to carry your own cross like that. I …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 03:33 AM
7

Hey man, I feel you and it is alright to feel like shit about this. It is a shitty thing to go through and it completely fucks your world view. I will say this, though I was also lucky enough to have an amicle divorce, and I was told to be greatful, it honestly didnt help. 12 years together, through thick and thin. I swore I was doing everything I should be doing. I accepted her for her; flaws and all. I was never a sex pest. I tried to take her feedback on improvement. I did everything I knew t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 10:31 PM
3

Bro, just fucking sell the thing, cut the profit down the middle and call it solid. I get it, you want to be fucking done, but that is one hell of a loose end. Just get it on the market, sell as is, maybe low ball it a couple thousand. Shit, I put my house on the market and it sold in 1 weekend. Closing and everything took a month. Then we went to the title company to sign everything, they split everything down the middle and had it documented/notorized. easy peasy. provided it to the mediator/c…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 10:15 PM
4

No clue man. Right now, i'll be honest with you, im kind of feeling done with the whole thing. Like, the level of trust I put into my XW required me to basically tell my gut to fuck off every day. Shit, it took me a long ass time to understand and accept the bullshit that my XW pulled. I was in a sexless marriage and I thought I was being the good husband for sticking it out ya know? Granted, im not saying it was 100% her fault because I absolutely played a part in the marriage falling apart, bu…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 03:46 AM
2

This is a place were most guys come who have been done dirty by their ex-wives. I dont think you are going to find much sympathy here. Not saying it is not possible, just kind of strange place for you to seek validation. You took issue with other people being more agreeable than yourself You saw him as neglecting you when you were pushing away Given your statements, I would find it difficult to think you would believe anything he said so long as there was any evidence that YOU could percieve; re…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 01:25 AM
5

Here is how I dealt with my XW having a new guy friend. It was a suckerpunch to the sternum and knocked me on my ass way harder than I thought it would. Honestly though, the hard part is accepting that it is. You dont have to like or agree with it. It fucking sucks, but rather than like telling someone in the rain to not be wet...think of it like you had this kick ass show or concert you wanted to go to and it got rained out. Yeah, it fucking sucks, but you are kind of just at the mercy of it al…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:17 PM
4

First, I am sorry you are going through this. It is probably the single most shitty feeling to experience. Now, for the real shitty part. She's gone man. I hate to say it, but she has chosen to abandon your marriage. You do NOT have to be okay with any of this. You dont have to hate her, but you dont have to agree with it either. There is no "seperation" period. There is no "time to think". She is actively choosing this of her own will. No one is forcing her. I would even question how much of it…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:06 PM
3

"she asked for an open relationship." - BIG FUCKING RED FLAG #1 "our son was diagnosed AU/ADHD" - That shit is genetic, might need to think about that with both of you in mind. Bro, you are getting stuck in your head. You are doing the thing where you start seeing things as YOUR fault because that is the part you had control over. Trust me, as someone who wasnt perfect, but suffered from similar things and had the exact same thoughts, I get where you are coming from. This is one of those things …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:23 AM
5

Honestly, you yearn for what used to be. You dont have to hate your ex, but if she was the one who pulled the trigger, what is done is done. Be glad for what was, but dont let it cloud your view of the big picture.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:02 AM
1

Here is the thing man, it is an end of a chapter; not the whole damn book. I know it feels like it and I presonally am not going to shit on you or anyone for feeling like that. Take inventory of yourself and try to not fall down the rabbithole of would/could/should. You had good times, you had bad times, and now it is time for a new path. It isnt easy, and im sorry if anyone gave you the impression that it was. It is hard. Like, probably the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. It turned the vo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/26 12:11 AM
4

I cant speak for you, but in my story, I missed who we were, and I would give any part of me to understand where shit went wrong. I fell for her at her worst and when I was at my lowest. We grew, we overcame life struggles, and I thought I was doing everything right. I have such clear memories of us laughing and being stupid together, but thinking back on it, I reralized I was just hoping that if I held on long enough, we would get back on track. If I did the work, we could be like that again. Y…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 10:55 PM
1

Sorry for taking a minute to reply. Yeah, I am by no means saying it is easy. Hell, I still struggle with it 2 years later. However, I knew she was more social than I am and that she has a far more esablished support network than I ever would have. So I know if shit were to hit the fan, he would be taken care of. That was kind of my priority when looking at the situation. Also, she gave up her cats for me...So there is no way in hell I would be able to take our dog. I felt terrible about the cat…
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/26 09:08 PM
4

Friend, I was in that boat and honestly, it takes time; more than we like. The hardest part for me was accepting that the divorce didnt mean that I fucked up. In all honesty, of her own admission, there was nothing I could have done to change how everything panned out. Here is the deal though, you have to look at it at a very base level. Like think of you as a person. You have your whole life you have lived before her, with experiences and things that made you the person you are. Now, you have s…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 03:28 AM
8

First off, im sorry man. This kind of thing sucks more than anything has ever sucked before. It is on par, if not worse, than losing a family member you were close with. My situation was with my ex wife for 12 years (2 before married, 10 married). She left, I had to prep the house to sell, I basically had to do everything with the divorce. It was, not a great experience. HOWEVER, I give her the respect she has earned by not being a complete bitch. She was my person 100%, and even two years after…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/26 03:10 AM
4

Here is how I saw it. You cant change the fact that this is happening, but you can determine (to some extent) how it happens. It is obvious she wants to save face. Honestly, that needs to be said if you are being made out to be the bad guy in some way or another. However, at a certain point, it goes from "I dont understand why this is happening", to "Fuck it, it is happening, so long as X,Y and Z, I can get through it". So agree to it on the agreement that you both understand either of you is no…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 02:00 AM
7

CALL COPS NOW. Do you think the same grace would be given if she was in your shoes? I mean, out of state to visit family? again, if you did this, how would that play out if she demanded you not do that? I hate to say it man, and it sucks beyond anything imaginable, but she crossed lines. Best thing you can do is get this on record with authorities, and protect your kid.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:45 AM
2

I mean, is it unreasonable to attribute those as factors? Like I was thinking about this the other day, in how social media has made everyone hyperfixated on their "brand" and in turn, made everyone a bit more conceited/self-absorbed. I am by no means saying it was the sole cause, but it sure as hell contributes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:40 AM
6

I'll tell you what I did last year; my first christmas alone. Give yourself grace, plan ahead if you can, but if not, that is okay. You will see you being alone as a failure. You will feel like a fuck up and probably go to a dark place. But you know what? You are here still, just going through a really shitty time. It is okay if you dont do anything for christmas. Or maybe make it a goal to decorate for yourself. get a cheap tree and put up all the decoration your spouse would be upset about. Yo…
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 03:56 AM
5

Aight, so first off, you are trying. That is what matters. It doesn't feel right at first, like, something just isnt sitting right. But slowly, over time, you start getting back into the groove of things. A lot of it was forcing myself to actually do the things I used to enjoy regardless of her being around. The thing that kind of broke me? Shaved Ice...I know it sounds stupid as shit, but that was something I always enjoyed getting with her, and eating it alone felt like fucking cheating. It...…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 12:20 AM
1

I appreciate the support and am putting along. I know I got off way easier than a lot of people, and really, I think it is more the state of the world/society taking its toll. Money is just money, but it is more that I know I probably wont find anyone else or even be able to afford a house anymore; even though I make 6 figures with no kids. The other part of it all is, I just have zero appetite for bullshit. Like yeah, getting laid is great, but after sacrificing as much as I did for the sake of…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/25 12:58 AM
7

It took my sanity, my health, my hope for a future, financial security, nearly everything I had worked and sacrificed for. Then it gave back nothing but cynicism and regret. I had survived on my own prior to her, I would survive afterwards. I had been sacrificing for so long, trying to make things work, that it all seemed lilke a waste. Maybe im regressing into self blame, but I cant even enjoy the "freedom" of being not married.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 05:28 AM
12

My problem was that I saw the red flags, but I let her tell me otherwise. That is one of the larger things I came to terms with to help get over all of this. Like you, I think back and I remember very clearly us laughing together, and feeling like what we had was genuine. I still cant put my finger on when it started exactly, but I think getting that granular is only to our disadvantage. My take away has been that, ultimately, it was on them. They don't get to claim that we are poor communicator…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 03:49 PM
4

" I was also the one staying home and watching our little one while I worked so she didn’t have to go to day care and add another cost. I should have been a better provider." My guy, you were working AND watching the kid. How was that NOT going above and beyond. The cost of daycare alone could easily average out to another 250+ a week in expenses. It is easy to blame ourselves, because that is what wee have control over, but it sounds to me that she built up resentment and this is how she is jus…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/25 07:31 PM
1

There is no "rule". It has to do about your own mental wellbeing and reducing the likliness that your divorce will fuck up something new. For some people, 1 month:1 year rule is fine. Others, well, some of us got so burned that the idea of dating is just not viable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 07:02 PM
11

Nothing you can do will prevent them from leaving. Even if you honor your vows. Even if you accept their faults. It will mean nothing when they choose it to mean nothing. Thinking back on it, we were happy with the bare minimums in life. We would watch shitty movies and crack up together; then at some point something changed. It was like the day we got married, something shifted. The crude jokes stopped, the smaller acts of love mattered less, and sex slowed down to a crawl (then eventually stop…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 06:57 PM
5

I'll say that when my wife said she wanted a divorce, it didnt even hit me until a couple of days later. I was expecting something to come up, for her to say she had eyes for someone else, or something along those lines. Ultimately I was in the same boat for, god, maybe 6 months-ish? However, in my time since, I have learned that we tend to reflect on the things we could have impacted because that gives the situation reason. If we fucked up, then we deserve it. If we did something wrong, we can …
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 05:23 AM
3

About 3 months ago I suffered from a medical emergency where, in short, I died. My divorce took a toll on me that accelerated my heart condition and yeah....no pain, no warning, just one second I was taking my dog out, and then next, I wake up in a hospital about two weeks later with several tubes hanging out of me. Im not fishing for sympathy, just sharing in hopes of conveying to you that I am grossly aware of what medical fear can do to you. I have literally spent the past 3 months as a "dead…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 01:20 AM
2

Good to know that you have a plan with your care team. You went from brain (serious), to testicular (if caught early it is really a meh ordeal). Kleinfelter is a chromosomal disorder that would have manifested MUCH sooner. Work with the doctors, keep an open mind, and for the love of god dont google symptoms. Everything leads to cancer and/or death. Like everything else, it is just another piece of bullshit to overcome. Hang in there my dude and try to not get stuck in your head over it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 07:30 PM
7

- Brain tumor: that would go to a neurologist or oncologist for potential MRI/CT, probably a PET scan. Unclear what endocrinologist would do. - Your wife cheated because she chose to cheat. It sucks, but your situation was not the cause; just an excuse. - So long as you are alive, you can rebuild. I say all of this as a guy who won the lotto and my divorce with my wife was probably the cleanest to ever exist. IT was basically prenup without a prenup. That being said, the stress and emotional tol…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 07:49 PM
6

To say it is "complicated" is doing it a massive disservice. As far as a relationship goes, we are done. As much as I would want things to go back to the way they used to be, I know that will never be in the cards. Though I will say that I want her to be happy. I know I fucked up in some places, but there was also a lot that wasnt my fault. That was the hardest to come to terms with personally. I got lucky, like, REALLY lucky. There wasnt any real animosity or spite, we both try to respect eacho…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 07:37 PM
2

legally speaking, she is right on a technicality. I am not sure how it works in the UK (assuming since GBP was used in another reply), but until everything is submitted and passed, you are in all technicality still married. Sure, the social contract is broken, but legally it is a whole different level of crazy. So there is a chance that, since the divorce has not been legally filed to break the partnership. It creates all kinds of problems, but I 100% understand the WTF of the situation. My ex w…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 07:15 PM
14

It looks like the 10 year mark strikes again. Similar story with my marriage. Dated for 3 years, lived together for 2 2 of them, married for 10, and like clockwork she reached the "I just dont love you like that anymore and I cant do it". Now, my situation as incredibly "unicorn" because there was no one else. Personally, I feel it is the fact that comparison is the thief of joy. You have people spewwing complete non-sense on social media to validate their poor behaviour and, unfortunately, it g…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/25 07:26 PM
3

I dont know about feel-good, but fun movies that wont send you into a bad place. - Mars Attacks - Twister - Any Godzilla movie - Independence day - Ratatouille - Scott Pilgrim Vs the World - Kung fu Panda - Airplane! - Naked Gun - Hot Shots! - Hook - Nacho Libre - Scary Movie (stupid, but good switch brain off content) - The Mummy - The Sand Lot - Anchorman - Coming to America - Big Trouble in Little China - Ferris Beuller's Day Off - Shrek - Shaun of the Dead - Hot Fuzz - Fantastic Mr. Fox - Ba…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 12:30 AM
1

Except for that part at the end where he is talking with god. I dont think this would be a good recommendation and might take you to a not so great place. I speak from personal experience on this one.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 12:16 AM
7

either she buys you out, or you sell, it is that simple. Either she can do it now, or the courts can force her to do it minus whatever legal fees rack up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 01:43 PM
5

The "improved you" came at great cost. Also "...I want her to be happy but just not with me, go do your thing and flourish but she doesn’t want to. She’s had 2 failed relationships since the divorce and decided that it’s me or no one..." I get this man, but really her statement was more than likely made out of jealousy and to screw with you. Yeah, it isn't fair, but you put in the work. These things are always 50/50 and there is a reason you couldn't (or wouldn't) make the same growth as you are…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:30 AM
6

It has been about a year. I didnt really have a say in it. It was happening whether or not I agreed with it. It wasnt due to infidelity or resentment, but I wish it didnt come to this.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 04:31 AM
6

First, you need to go to therapy and work your shit out. I am not saying that as a “nut up buttercup”, but as a legit you will think you are fine, but you really aren’t. Trust me, I accelerated a heart condition by about 10 years because I thought I could handle it. I literally died before undetermined I had to eat my pride and hash some shit out. There is absolutely no shame at all. Your focus should be now and the future. The past has gone and can be learned from, but only from a point of refl…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 05:45 PM
-1

The post was OP expressing frustration on how his former spouse could have so many hookups at once with such little effort. Hence why I said, all a woman has to do is open her legs and some guy will find his way there. Most dudes, unless you are what I will call top 10%, don't have the luxury of hookup culture. Also, guys have to put a LOT more effort in hooking up.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 02:42 AM
0

I had to speak to worst case scenario to speak in good faith.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 11:03 PM
6

Allow me to share my experience. Since the day my XW said she wanted a divorce, I have been at my lowest. I am talking infantile, screaming in the dark, absolute shamble of a person. I still cant say how I managed to get through it. The whole process took a year and I felt like I lost everything that mattered. Hell, I still feel that way sometimes. Part of the reason I slip back into the intrusive thoughts is because mentally I have already pulled the trigger a hundred times. When I am in that m…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 10:38 PM
11

This is probably the most crass thing I will post, but this crosses my mind almost every day. Almost any woman can spread her legs and have someone between them within days; if not sooner. There are guys out there looking for untethered strange, and the apps make this exceedingly easy to be "available". Her actions speak more to her character than yours, try not to sweat the small stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 10:19 PM
8

I won't get a penny. Uh, why? Was the house not a marital asset? That would entitle you to 50% of the profits. She wanted separation and was fully ready to upend your lives until she realized that was not a good idea. Get a lawyer, she owes you money, and move on with life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 08:31 PM
1

If I am being honest, it took me a good 9-12 months to be semi-okay without kids and an ammicable divorce. I still get panic attacks and am kind of mentally messed up over a lot of it, but after a year, I am starting to slowly get back to my baseline. Which isnt much, but it is miles better than I was. One step at a time friend, one foot in front of the other.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 02:58 AM
2

I am going through this currently and I decided it was best for her to keep the dog. Yes, I got really attached. Yes, it kind of killed me a little inside, but ultimately I got him for her in case something happened to me; health problems. I’m going to say, to the point, let them go. It hurts, it sucks, and feels wrong in every sense of the word, but it is the only way you are going to be able to move on. Standing on business only goes so far, and at a certain point you have to say “fuck it”.
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/25 06:36 PM
1

I dont know man, having groups that kind of ignore the bodily autonomy of women doesn’t really do much to garner favor from them ya know? The echo chamber is something that we all fall victim to at some point because who doesn’t like to be validated by others? I mean shit, that is 70%+ of our society.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 08:56 PM
4

I am bar none probably the most fortunate person who had the conversation regarding my divorce…the why. Turns out, it was that it didn’t meet her expectations of what marriage was going to be. That was it. Maybe a lot of people leave because they have this false sense of what marriage is, what it provides, the fact that sometimes things are going to suck. Here is also the “I could have gone pro” equivalent mentality. Like resentment builds up and rather than trying to things better, it just fest…
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 07:08 AM
8

You don’t need to apologize for being a “a downer”. Shit sucks and no one should get on your case in a place that is meant to support those who are going through a rough time. There is nothing to be ashamed of, but mental health wise you are still in a rough place. My personal struggle with this has had me lean into acceptance of my own presence and integrity over validation from a partner. Like yea, do not get me wrong, I want nothing more than to feel the comfort and warmth of another person w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/25 02:36 PM
13

I asked this honestly, but why the actual fk would they care? Their interests are money, money, and money. Yes, they got screwed by the system and STILL they are on top. They were not grossly impacted in the same manner you and I would be. They are CEOs and celebrities; we are cattle to them.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/25 05:19 PM
11

The fact that I couldn't fix it. The fact that I legitimately thought I was doing right by her. The fact that she was just....done. The promises we made counted for nothing. The trials and pain we had supported each other through stood for nothing. Then there was the mental version of me 12 years ago saying, "I told you so. That is what you get for relying on and trusting someone that much".
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 03:08 AM
2

I cry because there is still regret, some part of me that feels like I fucked up because I couldnt save the marriage. Then there is the helplessness of knowing there was nothing I could have done. Then the hopelessness that I thought I did everything I should have done, and still everything went to hell...so what is the point? I have no one to cry to. It is just me...in my apartment. Sometimes the silence of no one being there snaps me out of it in probably the most toxic way imaginable. There i…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 01:36 AM
3

I will be the odd one out and say that it will get to you eventually. It may not be reoccurring, and it may not even be all that bad, but it is an adjustment. That is your space, and though it might feel "empty", that is your space now. Getting back to living for yourself is one hell of an adjustment, just dont let yourself go dark. Go out, get back to your roots, and find happiness
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/25 01:02 AM
11

We sign stuff this Friday. I had to schedule all the shit because she just bailed. At least we can hopefully move on to the next chapters of our lives
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 11:49 PM
3

I will probably acknowledge it, for the first one or few after divorce, but nothing in regards to gifts or such. Ten years with someone that held some pretty great times, so like you said, if not just out of expressing decency. That is just the person I am. If my STBXW wants to be a snot about it, I am not going to be upset for trying to be nice. I will just know such acts in the future are not going to be taken as me just being kind, and follow through accordingly. Personal opinions aside, it r…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 05:40 PM
7

Separated for about a year now, and frankly I don’t even know where I would start with dating. The trauma is still there, and being okay with your own company can be, difficult. I’m still working on it, as being okay with my own company is my prerequisite to even consider dating again. It is no where near as bad as it used to be, sometimes I just get super stir crazy and go for walk or drive. Other times I will draw, or work on music, or workout. That is the plus to all of this, it is 100% us wh…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 05:40 AM
8

Yeah, it is kind of crazy how some people just get in their head and let it fester until it becomes some kind of infectious wound. I am fortunate in the fact my STBXW at least admits that she is partially at fault for our divorce. Accepting that has been a bit of a struggle, but with time and reflection, I have gained some clarity. Like your case, my STBXW went from standard everyday wife to stonewalling and treating me like I was some kind of monster. Literally out of left freaking field, nonch…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 11:11 PM
2

Oh absolutely, like 200% and I know exactly what that trauma is. That is one of the reasons why here wanting a divorce hit me like a truck, because I knew her trauma and was 100% accommodating and understanding of it. She had experienced being taken advantage and even graped. She had a terrible drinking problem and was very self destructive. But even with all that, she still tried to be the kindest person she could. Though what would happen is she would freeze up any time there was a conflict an…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:52 PM
6

I am too jaded to "love" like I loved my ex. The fact I tried to do everything I thought was right, I showed up, I gave my marriage literally everything I had, and it still failed because of how she felt. I didnt have any say in the matter. There was no discussion or fight over it. She said it, and poof my life gets royally fucked...yeah, I was an idiot to think I was the exception. Sure, I may grow fond of someone again, I may even come close to what you could approximate to be "love", but to s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 11:08 PM
1

First off, step back, take a breath, count to 5, exhale. Being angry is part of the process. You are hurt, and anger is a very real product of hurt. You are focusing on retribution. You want those who hurt you, or cause hurt to you to acknowledge they played a part in this bullshit play you are now a part of. The problem is, she planted a seed in your head that they are all part of the problem. Remove her statements from the equation. Were there part of the problem? I mean, sure, drama is always…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 10:26 PM
6

I wouldn’t say “friends”, but we are civil for the most part. Ultimately she is the one that left. She nuked the marriage and she was the one that forced me to stop “loving” who I thought was my person. The one person I thought I could trust to get through the bullshit with. That “betrayal” will not be forgotten. However, she did not cheat, she wasn’t abusive, and her only fault was refusing to work on the things that made her unhappy. I struggle with it, some days are worse than others. Most da…
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 04:08 PM
2

Lot of hurt talking in this thread. Only person who should be blamed is the cheating spouse/ex. They are the sole point of failure on that timeline. No one can say anything or do anything that would “make”someone cheat.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 03:44 PM
9

I won’t say that it is completely cooked, but there is absolutely some toxic people in there. I saw the “thousand cuts” part of your statement and was like, “No fucking way…”. I knew there was something off about that broad. I go over there because there are people who really need a sanity check. Otherwise it is one giant fuck-off echo chamber and sure, who doesn’t like to be validated, but one who does not understand the beast risks becoming one themselves. All it takes is a few people to call …
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 09:29 PM
3

I personally have made the effort to stay off the field. Like, any approach is met with, “hey, I really appreciate the approach and am very flattered. I am currently going through some things, and I am not currently dating”.; or something to that effect. Haven’t gotten too much blowback because I’m very up front that it is me in a rough place and not that person; even if it is.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 06:35 AM
3

Sorry you are going through this man. It is an absolute mindfuck to see the person you thought would be your person just, not be there. Sounds to me like you tried to do the right things, but sometimes people just…change. I’m in the middle of a divorce where basically it is the same deal; no cheating, no abuse, just futures stopped lining up and she became a different person. Beat advice I can give you is write down how you want this to go down. What are your wants and goals for this to happen. …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 06:29 AM
1

Pffft she is playing games and wants to go to the streets. She “isn’t happy” and thinks there is more excitement in the world. Don’t buy into her bullshit because it is nothing more than just that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 01:16 AM
7

Friends is a very strong word. I would say civil at best. If she called me in a real emergency, I would probably help her. There wasnt any infidelity, and it wasnt like our marriage was totally miserable. I don't hate her, but I will probably never get over being abandoned by the one person I trusted enough to marry. It is a mistake that won't happen again.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 06:07 PM
4

That is the shitty part about free will man, sometimes people make choices that completely fuck other people over. I know it is hard to not go down that rabbit hole of "what did he have that I didnt?" or "what would cause this?!?!?"....Realistically, she made a choice to discard your dedication and screw some other guy. Im not 100% familiar with chain of command or support within the armed forces, but I would think given the frequency of these kind of things happening, there would be some kind o…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/24 05:59 PM
5

So you did a thing, she egged you on and it took how long before you snapped? This isnt the same as your dad; not in the slightest kind of way. You were backed into a corner and if this is the first time you ever lost your shit, well, that is actually something to be proud of. Im sorry it has come to this, and it will absolutely suck, but you are not becoming you strive so hard to prevent. This is not routine, this is not malicious on your part. She made her choice to be unreasonable and push yo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 10:21 PM
3

Oh every day my guy. I feel like I am driving the whole damn thing even though she is the one who wants the divorce and let me tell you, I am so over all of this. That being said though, I still find myself saying that it didn't have to be this way. Every time I go down stairs, I think of her watching her TV shows and playing with the dog. You say you don't care, but part of you still does, otherwise it is a non-issue. Whether or not it is a conscious choice to care is a whole separate ballgame,…
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:50 PM
6

This makes me grateful that even though I am getting shafted in some ways in my divorce, we are mostly amicable and mutually want to avoid that bullshittery.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:36 PM
20

For some people, there really is never a good enough. There is no such thing as relationship equity. You can do everything right, and still end up getting divorced for some arbitrary reason.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/24 04:07 AM
8

Nope nope nope man. She was the one who went nuclear on the marriage, she was the one that wanted to seperate. She fucked around, now she is finding out
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 02:16 AM
5

Just do a Google search in the number. There are a lot of sites that give to approximate locations of owners or even names of the line owner like caller id/white pages. It was the first thing i did when my wife decided to divorce me just to be sure. Went through an entire month of to/from and didn’t see anything. Only thing I can think of it that she was using Facebook or oft her social media, but that is no longer a concern, because frankly I don’t care anymore. Sure the closure would be great,…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 02:47 PM
3

If one never finds out, then what does that matter? If she made her choice, and there is nothing you can do to impact that choice, then say fuck it. In reality, her reasons could be legit, or they could be utter dog shit like so many people on here deal with. She could just be bored, but in the end she chose to torch the marriage rather than work through it. Personal understanding and growth are what matter and frankly looking for reason when there probably is none is a fools errand. An example,…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/24 04:02 AM
8

How to cope with this is different for everyone. A lot of people will say that there is someone else ,or that you just need to cut her off entirely, but I’m going to suggest the opposite of those. First, do not assume anything, that will just make you bitter, paranoid, and probably put you in a less favorable position. If possible, ask time to be dedicated to discuss the nature of the divorce, what that means, and the logistics of it all. Set boundaries and mutual rules to abide by. I guess the …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/24 06:59 PM
1

And I have touched a gas stove when everyone told me it was hot. We fuck up, sometimes it is small, other times it is life altering. There is no shame in acknowledging you overlooked red flags, but more important to understand why you might have overlooked them, or thought they were small. A lot of life is Messi g up, learning from it, and doing/being better. No one has the answers, no one has all their shit figured out. That was probably the biggest “ah-ha!” In my life when I found out that no …
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 02:04 AM
3

Hey, first, you goofed. You are probably right in the fact she will move on but that needs to serve as a reminder man. So what can you do to make amends? I guess own it, understand that though you are ready for another relationship, keep yourself in check. Not asking you to air your laundry to Reddit, but I guess you need to understand the underlying reason you cheated and how to rectify that. People fuck up man and you owning it IS the first step of doing better, being better. So if your ex is …
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 11:28 PM
1

Ay friend, I say this with love but you gotta trust yourself first. I know that sounds really fucking dumb, but you are looking back in a lot of things and drawing lines where there might not be any. You can’t help what your parents did and frankly, they probably did you dirty. That isn’t your fault; personally took me a long ass time to understand that. My dad walked out when I was five and when he wanted to meet at 17, I told him that I didn’t need an apology or a reason, but that he needed to…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 11:22 PM
2

Sounds like anxiety attacks. I’m day 80-ish and exact same thing. I’m not in the greatest shape, but there are days I can’t even play with my dog because I feel like I’m going to fucking die. So you are probably getting by, but you aren’t resolving that part inside you; which there is nothing wrong with that at day 104. You are yearning for something at a base level, probably closure of some sort. But for clarity, I ask this, if she hurts, if she doesn’t hurt, how does that apply to the pain her…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/24 11:49 PM
3

Yo man, you aren’t alone. However I wa t to highlight that though the waves are suffocating, you still manage to break through them. That is something I struggle with too at 36. I have a bad heart and it is only a matter of time before it shits the bed. Even if I could afford to get it fixed, it is still a time bomb. I miss my partner, the person I was ready to die with; but it is okay to grieve. You are working on you and that is great. There is just a person shaped/sized hole in your soul at t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/24 12:55 AM
8

This happens to us guys a lot. We pour everything we have into our families and then "poof", all gone. If she is a civie, that might play into how that pans out. if you are both enlisted, then that is a can of worms I have no idea about. But as far as coping, only thing I have obtained from my personal divorce is that acceptance gives some level of peace. I am not saying that you have to like it, or even agree with it, just accepting that it is a thing. More importantly though, seek legal counci…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 04:50 PM
7

Fuck that noise, you did the right thing. Do not let anyone try to gaslight you into believing otherwise; and they will absolutely try. I preface this with consult proper legal council; I am not a lawyer. You might also want to get a restraining order if the house is marital property. But, I CAN NOT STRESS ENOUGH, seek legal council ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/24 03:35 AM
5

I only know the iphone way but, select contact at top of screen, hide alerts, change ringtone to a recording of silence, disable haptic ring for user. It is a mute/ignore the long way around, pretty much everything but blocking them. A stern, " please for the love of christ, could you fucking chill it" (in so many words) and then to the void he goes.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 12:36 AM
2

I use it as working through my shit by helping others get through their shit. It has helped me develop a more rounded view of empathy. It also gives you perspective that you arent alone and in some(a lot of) cases, this completely out of the left field thing hasnt just happened to you. There is validation with the expectation of honest feedback. Sure, we are online randos, but just that little bit can mean the world to some people.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 12:29 AM
3

Hang in there friend. I know this is going to sound incredibly fucked up, but sometimes it is just an endurance run….just survive. I’m not going to tell you it gets better because I cycle through all the stages of grief multiple times a day; it is miserable. Though I can tell you this, you do exist, and that is worth something. You are hurting and part of your life has been ripped from you. Even small things help. I haven’t touched my computer or consoles in a month from depression. Sometimes ju…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/24 02:35 AM
0

If she is expecting 10k a month, that is levels of absurd that I can’t even begin the wrap my head around. Like at what fucking point would that be justified? I mean sure a judge could order it in the divorce decree, but any lawyer should ask on what grounds is this person entitled to 1.2 MILLION DOLLARS?! There should be some “prove that is what you need post your own contribution monthly…” IANAL but there as probably a worksheet or something for your state you could use to get some kind of ide…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 08:39 PM
3

My dude, you got out through the wringer. I can’t for the life of me think if any lawyer that would let you get hosed that badly. I can’t imagine what that is like. Focus on you man, shit is done and hopefully karma will come calling for her at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/24 08:23 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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