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Badwater134 Archive

View 3 posts and 44 comments by Badwater134 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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6

Yes, I began finding 'hidden' alcohol around the home four years prior. She kept it to mostly wine around me but opted for the harder stuff in private. Add non-adherence to an SSRI anti-depressant prescription and it was a recipe for tragedy, which is how it ended when she took her own life three months after the divorce she filed was final.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 04:11 PM
6

Yes, and I believe it was to assuage her guilt for filing, for cheating, and to boost her feelings of moral superiority. Also to present the impression to family and friends that she was someone of great character and virtue. Her conviction was not as strong as she portrayed given that she took her own life just over three months after the divorce she wanted was final. How are those supposed to align with each other? Isn't such an act frowned upon in religious circles?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 03:54 PM
6

Perimenopause in early 40s; at age 43 lost her mom; became a social media-addicted, depressed alcoholic, cheating with colleagues, joint 'friends' of ours, and any guy that glanced at her. From highly-educated, well-respected professional and my super fit, adrenaline junkie adventure partner of 19+ years to taking her own life at age 45 in the span of a few years. Still doesn't seem real.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 01:24 AM
8

My XW filed for divorce after 19+ years and then took her own life three months after it was final. In the past year, I have learned that there was even more cheating, lying, deception, alcohol use, and depression that were going on behind the scenes than I was aware of; however, it's still proving difficult to not romanticize the good parts and compare relationships since to what once was. I find the anger proving most beneficial in getting through the lows, of which there are still many, but i…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 03:06 PM
2

#3 is the difficult one. I was always accused of being too private of a person, yet it now appears there was much I didn't know of someone with whom I spent 23 years and who claimed to be a so-called open book. I believe picking up the phone, engaging, etc. may only prolong the inevitable. In retrospect, there were subtle indications over the years of how much she disliked parts of herself and how much she feared aging. In some ways, I'm fortunate she did not do something similar to what ChipChi…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 10:45 PM
1

If I had the answer(s), perhaps it would ease the pain. Welcome to suicide loss.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 10:24 PM
1

I'm so sorry you had to experience that at age 26...absolutely devastating. I saw few to no warning signs over the 24 years I knew her either, certainly nothing that indicated there were ideations. The non-negotiable finality of it is what seems to be causing me a lot of difficulty. I (fortunately) don't have a lot of experience with losing those close to me. I had no problem gray-rocking her when I left but I also suspect I would have to fight that same urge to 'negotiate' with her. In trying t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 09:42 PM
1

Your point re: loss of a past, present, and future is poignant. It is certainly complicated in a way nothing I've ever experienced has been. I was wracked with guilt early but some of that has subsided as I understand she could have found a way to contact me if she ever wanted anything to do with me. Some things that happened in the months prior also leave me confused as to whether it was premeditated or impulsive. It's the not having answers why that makes it so difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 09:29 PM
7

Two years gone by and I am convinced perimenopause was a contributing factor in my XW's downward spiral that culminated in her taking her own life. The change at around age 40 was clear and I echo many of the comments below with respect to her behavior. It should in no way be dismissed and, when left untreated, poses a serious problem for some. Ultimately, they have to want to get better and take the necessary action to do so.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 04:28 PM
6

Thank you, Emperor. No...no kids. I did find EPTs tucked away in the guest bathroom - not sure whether there was an effort to trap me or to trap one of the multiple APs but it's very revealing. At age 45, it was likely a moot point but conniving, nonetheless. How easily she could straight-faced lie was truly incredible and leaves me wondering how much more I missed over the 19+ years. I disgust myself with how naive I was, thinking I was with a person of high character; however, the more I read …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/25 03:33 PM
8

Yes, trust instinct. I busted her getting out of AP's car and walking up the neighbor's driveway, only to return home 30 minutes later accompanied by them and tell me straight up 'I've never been with anyone else' and even crazier, ask me why I was acting strange. I don't even have the words. I later found nauseatingly graphic texts she had dumped to email, obviously in an attempt to cover her tracks in the event I asked to see her phone. I found out in October 2024 that she had been getting plo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/25 08:57 PM
3

No, she was in her mid-40s. And pills would not constitute 'violent'. I spelled out a few of the contributing factors above and while the influence of friends cannot be minimized, it was in no way 'all because' of that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 04:29 AM
2

She violently took her own life in July 2023, just over three months after the divorce was final - a combination of alcoholism, depression, and other factors, including what I have now come to believe was undiagnosed borderline personality disorder, which has far and away the highest rate of this outcome among the Cluster B disorders.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:57 PM
1

My Garmin Tacx smart trainer/app has been one of the few bright spots for me. I put in over 7000 miles last year, 4500 of them indoors on routes all over the world, including the big climbs of the Giro, Tour, and Vuelta. There is strength in suffering. When most everything else has fallen apart or let you down, the bike will always be there. I wouldn't say I slept a lot better because of it though.
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/25 12:07 AM
3

I can tell you from experience, this is not necessarily the case. Three months after our divorce (that she filed) was final, my XW took her own life. This was 18 months ago and although I still carry a lot of anger for what she did and how she behaved, there are difficult days dealing with the grief of unrealized potential of what could have been. If it's improving, it feels marginal at best. Be well.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 06:22 PM
2

I have seen quite a few parallels in your posts. It's been said here before, but it really does seem as though there is a loose script that plays out for many of us, albeit with differing degrees of severity. Yes, she had been throwing the D-word around for years but always phrased in the 'why don't you divorce me' sense in order to set up a victim narrative. The projection was off the charts on so many fronts, especially in light of more recent info I have learned. Eventually she filed in June …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:30 PM
5

I was fleeing my own home as well...driving with no particular destination simply to get some peace and to be able to call my mom or sister without being eavesdropped on. Often, she'd call or text asking, 'are you coming home tonight?' not more than an hour or two after leaving me no option but to leave. The lack of self-awareness was unbelievable. She became someone that was just not pleasant to be around.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:36 PM
3

Yes, in a violent manner three months after the divorce she filed was final. No metaphorical context.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 07:19 PM
4

Religion was a big sticking point for me as well. I could respect her right to belief but not necessarily the belief itself, and it became an increasing part of her life and friend group, although her conviction never seemed that authentic - more optics, virtue signaling, and the overwhelming desire to be seen as a 'good' person than anything else. She went on a couple of lengthy religious rants that confirmed we were diverging even further and faster than I thought. Her inability to get me to b…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/24 03:29 PM
2

Cycling was a big part of my identity before I knew her; however, we also did a lot of riding together, from touring midwestern states to singletrack shredding. I can't agree with this enough. Long miles and merciless headwinds will elevate the threshold of what you can endure and reveal that you are capable of far more than you think. Suffering, both physical and mental, lies at the heart of cycling, so mastery on this front can often translate well to other aspects of life. Recently crossed th…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 03:05 PM
1

Well, I found out about a grief support gathering slated for 11/13 here in our small town of 6000. I've never taken part in such, let alone in a group format, but part of me thinks I should at least give it a try. It just seems unsustainable on its current trajectory otherwise, as emotional fatigue and a fading desire to persevere push me incrementally lower, so I suppose there's nothing to lose. There isn't much left to take or much further to sink.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 04:33 AM
1

It requires an override of the innate survival instinct, which to me really drives home the recognition that the individual is not of sound mind. The premeditated vs impulsive act is something I struggle with, despite it making little difference. I was asked to go through photos and contribute to the arrangements too but politely declined. Several family members and once-joint friends reached out to me. I replied briefly with 'thank you for your concern'. The marriage was over, and I need not in…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 10:26 PM
3

I saw similar behavior...the carefully curated persona and idealized image portrayed to others while I got the resentment and vindictiveness once guests left or the door closed. I imagine some of her family and friends have had to choke on the realization that I may not have been the angry, philandering abuser that she had created in her alternate reality. The loss of control when I blocked, gray rocked, and moved out only infuriated her more. Her jealousy was all-consuming, and when I leveled u…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 10:06 PM
1

Thank you. Realizing that I am not responsible for others' happiness is indeed key but was not as self-evident as one would think, at least for me. Like so many, she had built an entire social media façade of deception, pretending to be blissfully happy post-divorce while a strikingly different reality lurked behind the curtain.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 03:36 PM
2

Thank you for the kind words. I'm sorry to hear you have been dealing with a related situation. Yes, I work as an engineer and have always been inquisitive and analytical by nature, the latter something that certainly proves challenging in interacting with women. I understand I can be intense and aloof; however, at the same time, I realize I am a very emotive individual (unashamedly so) and learning to temper that is no easy task. Friends and family have reiterated to me that I will never have a…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/24 03:29 PM
3

I got a lengthy shit-o-gram on what would have been our 20th anniversary; however, I didn't read more than three lines in before deleting it. In fact, she so desperately wanted me to receive it that she sent it from her school Outlook account, knowing I had blocked her Yahoo address and phone number. During the process, I made no acknowledgement of any significant days, holidays or otherwise. I had gone silent three months prior, and because she would rather have had negative attention than no a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 04:17 PM
11

Perhaps peripherally related but no less destructive is polyamorous female friends. I made it very clear I did not want this person (a teaching colleague of hers) coming between her and I or mingling in our matters in any way, but it was to no avail. My concerns were ridiculed, and I was told it was much ado about nothing, all while this person is sharing weekly tales of her exponentially increasing body count. The stability and security of a (at that time, 17-year) lengthy marriage was apparent…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 11:45 PM
8

I agree that this is manipulative and that those who are serious will say very little, sometimes even feign happiness. My XW cheated (I just recently found out it was even more rampant than I knew), filed for separation which I had converted to divorce, and in just over three months after it was final, had taken her own life. Never once during our nearly 20-year marriage had she expressed such intent.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/24 04:54 PM
2

Yes, it was but one of countless examples of projection, in which I was accused of exactly what she was doing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 01:57 PM
4

Excellent thread topic. She apparently forgot but had configured our desktop computer to automatically log in to her e-mail when it was powered on. It was through that that I found e-mail receipts for Bumble Premium. Later on, she also sent a two-month text history with him to her e-mail, obviously so she could delete it on her phone in case I asked to see it. There are some nauseatingly graphic details in there - I still have it but have never bothered to go through it entirely. She had also le…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 05:37 PM
2

Be wary of the combination of alcohol & depression. I'll spare you many of the details here; however, I began finding empty vodka bottles hidden around the home dating back to probably 2018 and knew she was not regularly adherent to her anti-depressant prescription. She would drink small amounts of wine around me but apparently was discreet about the rest. I never saw her drunk but certainly was on the receiving end of verbal tirades and massive mood swings. She used Venmo and Apple Pay to hide …
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/24 07:00 PM
2

I'll second that. You may let the bike down some days, but it will never let you down. On track for a record mileage year on the road...it was a part of who I was before marriage and something she could not take away. In retrospect, I should have gray-rocked immediately, but we also did a couple of mountain bike rides in the month or two after she filed. I don't think I grasped the magnitude of it all at the time. I've come to the realization that she was not capable of loving the way I wanted/n…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 01:27 AM
2

This was Sept/Oct 2022, before I moved out of state in Dec 2022. I was very fortunate to get out without significant financial setback, having to defend myself against false accusations, or being deleted in an impulsive act. At a certain point, it became a matter of self-preservation, and I was simply ready to move on. Divorce was final end of Mar 2023 and she took her own life Jul 2023. It's been a difficult year, to say the least.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 05:08 PM
1

I removed it from the vehicle and kept it until I moved out, leaving it in smashed pieces on the kitchen island. I was able to verify it was registered to her cell phone number. In retrospect, it had likely been in place for at least a month.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 02:06 PM
12

After hearing a faint chirping sound approx. 10 sec in duration when my Jeep would go into motion and researching what it may be, I found an AirTag tucked up in the passenger seat rail. The chirps were it waking up out of standby and the only way I would have found it, as I had not updated my phone software to the recent version at the time that notifies when one is detected nearby. Good on ya, OP, for finding it immediately. I wish I would have had a case to escalate, alas there was no TPO. Its…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 03:29 AM
3

Major props for the Rollins reference. For years, Hank the Tank has been fuel on my fire...this year, he's been a big part of my crossing the 4,000-mile mark by mid-year on my road bike. 'Come In and Burn' & 'Get Some Go Again' are staples for self-discipline, best enjoyed beneath the incineration of a 100° sun. SEARCH & DESTROY
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/24 08:51 PM
3

If it's Phil Collins you're listening to, may I suggest 'I Don't Care Anymore'. Unfortunately, I believe he has a significant simping problem, remarrying an ex-wife who cleaned him out once before. Too bad he didn't opt to live by the words he once wrote.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 12:33 AM
3

My ex-wife filed in June 2022 and took her own life at age 45 a year ago this past Sunday (07/07/23). I had gone no contact since October 2022 and relocated out of state in December 2022; however, I had heard from others that she had not been doing well dating back to March 2023, perhaps earlier, when I suspect the affair fell apart after no more than six months. She had crafted a false narrative for her social circle of how great divorced life was and had mastered the art of projection, complet…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/24 08:23 PM
7

My wife filed and created an illusory alternate universe celebrating her newly divorced freedom on social media, then approximately nine months later suddenly began disconnecting from many and resigned her position as mathematics department head/teacher before taking her life at age 45 nearly one year ago. She had discreetly been drinking a lot in the several years leading up to it and I later found out also cheating. As someone had said in another recent thread, 'she asked for a divorce, so I g…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 08:49 PM
1

This...100%. Always there for you and rarely, if ever, lets you down. It was also a big part of who I was pre-marriage, important to defining myself and my identity beyond relationships with others. Dopamine-fueled singletrack MTB is addicting as well, but in a different way from the solitude and introspective time spent over long distance on the road. The restorative effects on self-confidence, self-worth, and a host of other self-____ are immeasurable. Cycling can teach you some good lessons i…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 02:17 PM
2

Thank you for the kind words...time marches on.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:23 PM
6

An unequivocal ‘no’ has to be my answer. Married 19 years, then nine months after she filed and three months after it went final, my wife took her own life in July 2023. She had created an alternate reality with family, friends, and social media that she was happier than ever free from me and my narcissistic, controlling, and of course, abusive self, while behind the façade she was a depressed alcoholic, terrified of aging and likely suffering from borderline personality disorder. We had no chil…
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 05:21 PM
5

I experienced this very same thing in October 2022, tucked up into one of the seat rails beneath the passenger seat of my Jeep. I began hearing very faint chirps when the vehicle was first put into motion (indicating it was waking up from 'sleep' mode) and through some reading online, found out that it was an AirTag and shortly thereafter that it was registered to her phone. Like you, I had nothing to conceal but it was used to either track my whereabouts in hopes of catching me somewhere I ough…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 03:32 AM
2

Thank you. I am very familiar with CBT through my psychology coursework and have thought about how best to go about navigating the ups and downs. Did you turn to any medication to assist? In general, I do not like the pharmacological option; however, there may be certain situations in which behavioral and cognitive changes alone are not enough to overcome. Many days, I simply wish I could delete the entire 20 years from my mental hard drive. I never liked it anyway, but the adage '...better to h…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/24 10:30 PM
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