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Bagman220 Archive

View 0 posts and 429 comments by Bagman220 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

I think love can last a life time, but relationships don’t. Every relationship is just a short term commitment until it either lasts or doesn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 08:23 PM
1

There’s gotta be a reason for that my dude. Get on the apps, take care of your body, improve your social status, but I feel like the older you are, the harder it gets. So do it while you can.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 06:31 PM
3

I felt some of this and none of this… I have full custody of 4 younger kids. It’s non stop work most days. I work my job, take care of the kids, clean up the house a bit, and then I have my doctoral work I’m doing to try to further my career. I also have a recent girlfriend. Yeah it’s tough, it’s a grind. But divorce is not a death sentence by any means. If I was still married I’d probably be fat, lonely, and broke. Now I’m just broke with a hot girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 04:03 PM
3

I did the same thing, bunch of dates with a bunch of women for the first year just to see what’s out there. Eventually settled down with one, and we’ll see where it leads.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/26 03:58 PM
17

0 My ex owes me 650 a month which she doesn’t pay. I have full custody of 4 kids, including 1 that isn’t biologically mine. What can a guy do 🤷🏻‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 08:51 PM
1

I got pregnant before getting married. Ended up getting married a few years later, knew she wasn’t the one but I stayed for the kids. Got divorced eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/26 09:05 PM
8

Yeah, so I decided to get a full-fledged girlfriend. So far so good she comes over and stays 3 nights a week. Hangs with me and the kids, and doesn’t interrupt my routines.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 12:32 AM
15

Bro. I’m 36, I have full custody of 4 kids. I assure you I dated a ton of single moms but only recently stepped into the world of dating childless women and that is freaking awesome so far.
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/26 11:58 PM
1

I paid about 10k out of pocket. Piece of cake when your ex leaves town.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 05:51 AM
8

I found out that one of the kids wasn’t biologically mine. Infidelity could be excused, but raising a child as a result of infidelity is where I drew the line. I kept the kid, got rid of the wife. Currently have full custody of all the kids including the non biological kid too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 09:31 PM
3

I filed for divorce. My ex was miserable, hated her life, decided to get up and leave in the middle of the divorce, moved far away, I got a default judgement, got the house, the cars, kept my assets, and got full custody of the kids. Now I get to date a hot young blonde who is giving me a second chance to mess up my life!
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 11:20 PM
4

Just throwing this out there, but you should definitely explore casual for a while. You’re not even legally divorced yet. With that said 3 dates in 3 weeks is pretty good numbers. Keep it up and you’ll eventually find someone decent. I typically spend a week or two texting someone to establish the relationship to see if they’re even worth going out with. I also have 4 kids, so I don’t have time to waste. If they don’t seem worth it from the get go, then I wont entertain them.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/26 01:52 PM
1

My ex wife let me keep pretty much everything. My first divorce cost me like 10k out of pocket, I bartended on weekends to cover the cost. Worked out fine. I might not be so lucky again in the future, but I’ll be prepared, and definitely pushing for a prenup just in case.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 02:03 AM
1

Yeah why not? I’m 36 and there’s some hot 30 year old woman that wants kids and to be my wife, I’m game:
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 01:46 AM
1

I did get lucky, but luck is when preparation meets opportunity. I’m not saying I didn’t get scared or hurt in the process, but I kept my assets, got full custody, and I’m young enough to where I can afford to start over and try again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 09:37 PM
4

Some of us didn’t get fucked over. I divorced my wife. I survived, I could do it again.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 08:46 PM
1

When I jumped into the dating pool I had mostly good experiences. Lots of dates, lots of sex, and overall just good women looking for a good man. I found dating single mothers to be really rewarding. Then I started dating a woman who didn’t have kids, and wow, total game changer. I went from not wanting to commit to any woman, to willing to commit to marriage and kids again(hasn’t happened yet, but I could see it.) It just takes time man! You’ll get there.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 02:19 AM
6

Today I learned “collaborative divorce” means paying for yours AND your ex’s lawyers. This doesn’t sound very collaborative. A collaboration would be agreeing to terms and having a lawyer review the agreement. That shouldn’t cost more than 2-3k for both parties. I paid 10k for my divorce, my ex paid 5k for her lawyer. My lawyer handled everything, my exes lawyer dropped her for not paying.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 11:49 PM
2

I get it, it’s hard. But the way you spelled everything out, it sounds like a no brainer to me. I have 4 young kids. My ex wasn’t great at all, but I couldn’t let her go because I was worried about how she would handle the kids on her days without me. Well sure enough she couldn’t handle them, she gave me full custody and she ran away. Life works things out whether it’s the way you want them to or not.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 11:45 AM
6

Bro just get divorced. No need to write a book on reddit.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 04:14 AM
2

I get it man. I stayed with my ex for the kids. It was about whatever I had to do to keep them safe. But at some point, enough was enough. Now that I’m single I’m able to be the man I am with no restraints. It’s great, but it’s not pure happiness. I think the happiness is yet to come, but I’m still building for it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/26 01:25 AM
11

We see it all the time, exactly like you described. The woman wasn’t happy. Who cares if the man was cleaning the grill, taking care of the house, paying the bills, none of that matters if the woman isn’t happy. This simple fact makes relationships lopsided. But I took things into my own hands and divorced my wife because my happiness matters too. I wasn’t going to waste time with someone who was never going to be good for me. It goes both ways. Men can leave when they aren’t happy, women can le…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 03:10 AM
1

Know the laws, know the system, use it to your advantage. That’s why women take as much as they can. I just got lucky and had a woman that didn’t want anything. As men we have to know the risks, too many men walk around blindly and then wonder why they are “blindsided” when their wife wants a divorce after 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 03:07 PM
1

Sure 50/50 at best when your ex is fighting against you. When your ex doesn’t fight back, then it’s easy. But if the system was “rigged” against me then I wouldn’t have gotten it easily.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 12:50 AM
1

The system is not rigged against men. I got full custody of 4 kids, pay no alimony, and my ex pays me child support(or at least she’s supposed to, she’s behind but whatever). I would say that it’s rigged against the primary provider, but I was also paying all the bills and I still came out ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 12:07 AM
1

12 months and 10k. Very easy for me.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 10:01 PM
2

My life has been pretty bipolar with high highs and low lows. But the most stable time in my entire life has been post divorce. I managed to get full custody of the kids. I kept the house and all my assets intact. The only thing that changed was my ex-wife moved six hours away. From there, she can’t do much damage anymore. So now my life is filled with managing the chaos of the kids which I was already doing before, but also opening the doors to more freedom when i have time. No more high highs …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 07:53 PM
7

My ex and I still text daily. She lives 6 hours away, and only comes to see the kids every couple months or so. Our relationship is better this way, she can’t hurt me from far away, the kids are safe with me, and I’m not legally tied to her. We can still be friends, it’s just a different friendship now. Some couples can’t make this work, idk how I do, but I do.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 03:16 AM
4

Unmarried women with no kids that are 10-15 years younger, aren’t exactly the kind of women that jump into bed with a 36 year old with full custody of 4 kids. Idk where you’re finding women, but a woman like you described will easily put you into round two anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 08:05 PM
0

If he could, then why didn’t he? He chose this woman, and accepted her kids for a reason. For whatever reasons he chose her, that’s what they decided makes being a stepfather dad worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 06:13 PM
8

Where is the benefit of being a stepfather? Idk you get to bang their mom seems to be the obvious answer.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 05:46 PM
7

Yes. My ex drank a lot. She was also a bartender and enabled her to drink more, and on the job. It was a big part of the divorce but not the reason for the divorce ultimately. If she was drinking and functioning it would be fine. But when she would drink, she ceased to function with her family.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:54 AM
6

24 with 2 kids? You’re probably going to meet other young women with kids, or other young women that want kids. It’s not like you’re in your 30s or 40s where you’re dating women who have older kids. When I was 22 with one kid, I was single for a couple years, then I eventually married his mom. The dating pool kinda sucked and I agree it was tough. But now I’m 36 with 4 kids and the dating pool is much worse.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 03:58 PM
6

Just get divorced. The longer you wait the worse it will be. I know you want to keep it together for the kids, but if that’s the plan why not just stay living together after the divorce? The longer you wait the more assets you will have to split, the more alimony she may be entitled to, and more importantly you’re throwing away valuable years of your life.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/26 03:54 PM
7

I was married about eight years. My success is that my ex didn’t want anything. She gave me full custody of all 4 kids, including one non biological child, I kept the house, cars, and almost all the assets. I’ve been dating a lot, working on my doctorate degree, and exercising a ton. Im in a better spot today than when filed for divorce but, it’s not because I got rid of my ex.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 08:54 PM
2

My ex moved to another state and left the kids with me, I didn’t want full custody but I got it by default. I don’t see how that’s fair either, but I rather have it this way than any other alternative.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 08:34 PM
6

I have full custody of my 4 kids. My ex is supposed to pay me 680 bucks a month, but she’s paid twice in the past 6 months. Money is tight, but I keep my expenses low and I make a decent living from my job. I can’t save a ton, but I still spend enough to enjoy life and do the little things with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 07:49 PM
3

I jumped in right away, why waste time? Wasn’t looking for something serious, but just been having a lot of fun.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 11:48 AM
2

That sounds made up. But I guess I don’t know the laws everywhere just the general advice of never leave.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:35 PM
6

Well, she’s not your ex-wife yet a lot’s going to happen between now and then. Also she can’t kick you out. You don’t have to leave. Never leave especially if kids are involved.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 11:00 PM
5

I got full custody of 4 kids. I’m not solo traveling with them or myself anytime soon.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 06:47 PM
0

See at that point, why even fight back? Like I get fighting for your kids, but fighting for yourself over nothing? Nope. But you’re right, these narcissist women will do everything in their power to “win.” Even when there is nothing to win.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 02:32 PM
3

300k on divorce is insane! I paid 10k over the course of a year, and got full custody of my kids. What is she doing that is costing you money, what are lawyers charging you for, why not just represent yourself at this point?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 12:55 PM
3

My ex is a self diagnosed BPD, and I agree, she fits the description of someone with BPD. But she threw everything away, gave me all the assets, gave me full custody of the kids, and then ran away after I decided to divorce her. She’s the opposite of what OP described. She’s nutty, but not the conflict type nutty. I think it’s more of the narcissistic personality disorder that acts like OP describes.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 03:53 AM
3

Well, that’s like it’s almost easier to get into a relationship when you’re in a relationship. I feel like there’s more stigma. I feel like they see it more as “if you were a good dad why did she leave?” Then I have to explain why I left her and it’s a slippery slope how you respond. But like anything, you have to work on and practice the approach.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 02:05 AM
12

I was only with a couple women before I got married, but since my divorce I’ve picked up a bunch off the apps and from the bars. It’s not that it’s “easy” it’s just that is much “easier” than when I was in my 20s. Somehow being a single dad with full custody is a major turn on for them, plus having a decent job, and still in shape is a plus. Only thing that sucks about it is sometimes my ding dong don’t work. Few drinks before a hook up seems to solve that problem every time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:06 AM
5

You ain’t wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/26 01:04 AM
6

Only a specific type of person follows this template. I don’t know exactly what it is, but it’s a personality type.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:38 PM
1

Okay cool, now I have a whole new anxiety unlocked
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 07:08 PM
1

[ Removed by Reddit ]
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 06:45 PM
2

I don’t have the time to be able to invest fully into a relationship. Aside from the time, I don’t even know if I have the capacity to invest in a full-time relationship since I have full custody of my kids. It’s not easy to get a babysitter for a night just to be able to meet someone off a dating app and get it out of my system, but it’s far easier than establishing a full time relationship with someone. And once you have that person on your roster, I find that they tend to stick around if they…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:46 PM
1

FWB is just hooking up with a friend in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 05:43 PM
9

As a single dad with 4 kids, I pretty much only date women with kids. Not really sure how to avoid it. I’m 36, my dating pool is super narrow, I’m not going to make it more narrow by looking for women without kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 12:28 AM
1

I thought one of the better parts of my marriage was that we never combined our money. Her money was hers, mine was mine, she gave me a small portion to pay for utilities and what not, but that was that. Because that’s how we handled things in marriage we handled them the same in divorce. Hers was hers, mine was mine.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 04:48 PM
1

I lost 10k in court fees which I paid for by working a part time job, and I paid out about 10k to my ex per the court order. I kept everything that was mine, she kept everything that was hers, I also kept the house too, and have full custody of the kids. If she would have went for half of everything, I would have lost maybe 100k instead of 10k.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:55 PM
1

They’re not against fathers by default in my experience. This is the silver bullet tactic, it’s a guaranteed way to temporarily win. Order of protection, claims of abuse, withholding the kids. As long as the father fights for his life, then he will usually “win” which is hardly winning, if he gives up and then the woman wins as it was intended. There’s little to no protection against this method.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 02:27 PM
2

The gambling was recreational, she was a bartender and after work she would hang out and throw some cash in the slots. Not a big deal actually, but it was part of it. With that said, my ex has some undiagnosed BPD but she won’t ever seek treatment for it, she knows it’s an issue.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/26 02:03 PM
5

I said for so long that I stayed with my wife for the kids, but it was more than that, it was stability, comfort, regular sex, and overall fairly simplistic life. But I divorced my wife for the alcoholism, gambling, infidelity, and for her lack of effort in every day life. It gave me perspective about what to look for an my next relationship, but being single made me realize I might not want a next relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 02:46 AM
12

Well said, I’m glad I picked a partner who didn’t give a fuck. She left me everything, including the kids, and she owes CS. People often say pick better, but no, I picked right for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 01:24 PM
2

100 bucks a night, 800 dollars a month for watching your ex wife’s kids? Thats free money.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 03:50 PM
12

After 25 years? I’m guessing you’re in your 50s or close to it? I wouldn’t waste anymore time. Get out and move on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/26 12:18 AM
3

Unfortunately people change
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 03:53 PM
2

Yep that just happens. Some people grow apart, some people grow together.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:41 PM
6

Who are we to judge others and call their reasons stupid? How is their reason any more or less valid than someone else’s? I am all for fighting a good fight, but fighting over reasons why someone can divorce it’s kind of a moot point. Energy would be better put towards fighting for father’s rights and more custody options. Perhaps more support groups for fathers? Not complaining about why women divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 12:50 AM
8

She was an alcoholic and not a very good mom. And that’s why I have full custody of the kids and she lives 2 states away.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:50 PM
23

It goes both ways though? Men can leave their wives for whatever reasons? I know because I left my wife. It went far beyond “we grew apart” but that could simply be a polite way of saying it so I don’t have to delve into the details. Also, why do you care why others divorce? It’s one thing to come asking for support and feeling down about your situation, but to blame it all on social media is a very cold take.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 10:03 PM
5

I started my divorce in the fall of 2024, finished it fall of 25. I was with my ex on and off for 13 years, married over 8. We have kids together, but I have full custody of the kids. I’m tired and burnt out, I’m lonely, stressed, etc. The typical answers of “work out” and “take care of yourself” don’t apply because I’ve been working out for over 20 years and I have my diet dialed in. I’ve dated a bunch over the past year but, sex isn’t the answer. There’s just an emptiness feeling knowing that …
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:05 PM
7

King size, more than enough room for me, and room for additional person whenever that event happens.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 02:10 PM
1

I got divorced in October. I owe thousands for 2025 because even though I’m claiming the kids, the withholding for married vs head of household is huge.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 01:01 AM
1

Mine was 10k-12k and took 12 months. The first 8 months went nowhere, the last 4 months was a default judgement because my ex had her lawyers drop her and she never found a new lawyer so she gave up and I got everything.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 12:49 AM
1

No not exactly. There was a few pieces to the story, the biggest things were that her alcoholism got worse, she stopped caring, she wasn’t helping much with the kids, she was working a lot of hours at a part time job that didn’t pay much and then staying late after work just so she could drink and gamble and avoid responsibilities. Her and I still love each other. But it’s one of those things where our love is better at a distance where she can’t hurt me or the kids. She moved a couple states aw…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 03:46 AM
1

Then you’ve got a really good chance, but the 0 child support is unlikely depending on the state, most judges I’ve heard will say that it’s for the kids and you can’t waive CS. But good luck, sounds like you’ve already got it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 11:41 PM
3

Ex didn’t want them, and she moved far away
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 09:36 PM
3

I have 100% custody of 4 kids. My ex is supposed to pay about 700 a month. I owe no Alimony, and my ex let me keep pretty much all the assets that were in my name. It was a very lopsided divorce in my favor but my ex was fine with it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 07:02 PM
3

36 and I’m definitely not waiting. The trick is to not “start a family” again.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 01:36 PM
2

My ex left it here when she moved out, I have it in a ziploc bag in a kitchen cabinet 🤷🏻‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 06:49 PM
1

I’d replace future with food and those would be my 5 Fs
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 08:18 PM
2

Agreed, won’t stop enjoying the small moments! But I have my kids full time so I don’t get too many of those days, maybe 1-2 a month?
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 07:55 PM
3

Well I gave my ex the mini van in the divorce since it was paid off, and the sedan is too small for all of us, so yeah, SUV it is. And no strip club, just went to the bars and stayed out all night and my mom took care of the kids for me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 06:39 PM
4

One of the big things I did was leased a new suv and then a smaller thing was a divorce party where I had a night out with some buds. Nothing crazy, the grief has been on going, but things what I wanted I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 05:57 PM
1

Completely agree. I’d probably stay away from those that do scream the loudest. Although, I do have a thing for the toxic women, so who knows maybe they’re the ones I’d be more attracted to lol
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 03:34 PM
10

I’ve been dating single moms for a year, and surprisingly none have said anything like that about their exes. They mostly say they were all useless and they admire me for how much work I do as a single dad. Only a small percent of the population are actually narcissists, so any woman who says that you need to be weary of.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 02:31 PM
6

Fleeting moments of happiness. When I filed for divorce I wasn’t expecting to get full custody of the kids, I thought a nice 50/50 split or she would have the kids on weekends. Nope, she left them with me. The extra stress and hardship will probably send me to an early grave, but the fleeting moments of happiness are worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 03:35 PM
3

I have 4 kids. My ex moved 6 hours away so kids are with me every day. I have to focus on other things, if I slow down it gets hard to deal with. I’m going back to school next month for my doctorate, I read, play video games, I write and produce music, and I work out obsessively. Plus there’s seasonal stuff and holidays to always occupy my mind. All that stuff is fun but then there’s all the daily stuff too like the chores, dishes, laundry, just stay busy and you’ll eventually forget about it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 06:17 PM
8

I have 100% custody of 4 kids. Would be great for my ex to take them 1 day at least, but you can’t make other people parent if they don’t want to.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/26 04:30 AM
1

Has the custody order been established? If yes, nothing you can do. If not? Why don’t you take the kids and move them back to your house?
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 12:41 AM
2

Depends on what is in the agreement, child support is one thing, but my divorce agreement also says she needs to pay for half of health care expenses and after school expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 02:28 AM
21

File police report that she locked you out, that’s illegal. Then file an order of protection against her immediately. That way she may be the one that gets removed. Do not be passive now because YOU WILL get steam rolled, you’re already getting steam rolled.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 10:02 PM
5

Me and my ex were on and off before marriage, so it was only a matter of time until the marriage ended. But when the time was right I filed, even though I initiated it, it hurt losing my friend and my partner. Her and I maintain our friendship, but she left me with full custody of the kids and it’s hard to do it alone. I struggle with the loss of freedom too. So part of it is losing the old life, but building the new life feels so good some days!
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:16 AM
2

This is a great point. My ex gave me everything so I hardly hold a grudge against her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 06:16 PM
4

I’m still friendly with my ex, it’s not an issue for me. Some guys don’t do well with that. It’s all up to you. Sounds like you’re not comfortable, so don’t do it…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 06:15 PM
1

I wouldn’t want that type of marriage either, at least me and my wife were still smashing up till the day we actually got divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 01:51 PM
2

My kids were about that age. They really don’t care. To make matters worse (or better), my ex lives 2 states away, and my kids are still largely unphased since their lives aren’t negatively impacted. You might be surprised how your kids react. Maybe should have told them sooner so they have more time to sit with it and easy them into it?
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 04:31 AM
6

I stayed in the toxic marriage for a long time, but then I decided it was time for me to leave, but the outcome wasn’t either of the options you presented. I kept the home, and I see my kids every day, but I get no help from their mom who ran away when I filed for divorce. Trying to raise 4 young kids all alone is very difficult. I miss my marriage and the family together. And looking back my ex wasn’t that bad, she was bad, but not bad enough to justify doing this alone. Despite me saying that,…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 02:50 AM
3

Put the ball in their court. Let them know you cheated, if they want to have more sex, you’re happy to stay, if they’ll accept you. Seems easy too me? You’ll get it off your chest, and let them make the decision if they want to make it work.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 06:27 PM
10

I’m a man, I won. I have full custody of my kids. My ex and I stayed together long enough for me to get my life in order. So the time together was worth it. The love between her and I is still there, but yes she has moved far away and moved on, and I am here still thriving in my own little world I’ve built. I think I had just prepared for this. I knew the day might come when I’d have to move on from her. I watched herself dig a hole, and I just made sure I was capable of climbing out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 04:35 PM
1

So you’re telling me you didn’t smash on the first date?
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:02 AM
1

It was a marital asset, but it was a default judgement because my ex didn’t show up to court. So at that point, she had no say in how the assets were distributed, how child support would be calculated, or how alimony would be calculated. It was basically the judge just gave me what I asked for.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 03:08 AM
5

Yeah you have to basically advocate for your self. Both sides “can” drag it out, sometimes you’re just at the mercy of who you’re fighting against. If their lawyer wants to drag it out, it forces your lawyer to drag it out. Sounds like you were smart and you were prepared to play the game.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 03:07 AM
1

Super blessed. No alimony owed, and she owes me the minimum amount of CS which she hasn’t even paid, but whatever. Keeping the kids and the house, and the assets was enough of a win.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:37 PM
4

I got extremely lucky in my divorce. After I filed, my ex walked away from everything. In default judgment I got to keep the house, no buy out, no refinance because her name wasn’t on the mortgage. It was on the deed, so they ordered her to sign to get her name removed, but yeah, overall I got the absolute best case scenario.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:25 PM
6

This is why I don’t like lawyers. You guys can sit there and fight and fight, and there is no way of knowing until you actually go to court and either win or lose, but either way, lawyers drag it out and get paid.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 11:22 PM
4

Why not have the kids all day and give them to her on weekends? Then she might owe you child support. You say you don’t want to take the kids away from their mom, but why are you letting their mom take them away from you? Get more days. Pay less support. More time with the kids. It’s a win.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 08:23 PM
1

There’s no way you’re going to prove it in court that she had an STD and intentionally spread it to you. And that’s if you even have an STD. And let’s say you test positive, how do you know you didn’t get something when you were younger, before you got married, do you get tested regularly or have you ever been tested?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 03:33 AM
3

I can relate to some extent… I still love my ex wife, buts it’s because she didn’t ruin my life. She walked away and took nothing. But now she’s a nobody, and I’m desperately trying to be somebody. I have to be the heart and soul of my house raising 4 kids all alone. And I also have to find time to go out of the house and date and be somebody. I have to build my life alone. It’s hard. You and I are on different paths in life. But I wish you the best either way.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 08:54 PM
2

My ex wife and I never had any “friends” together, our friends were always separate and all my friends remain my friends. Now since starting my divorce in 2024 I have even more friends than ever. I’ve met so many more people, made great memories and cheers to many more!
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 01:20 PM
2

I mean yeah, everyone can only tolerate so much. We all have breaking points. Done means you are past the breaking point. Do they have to try, do they have to exhaust options, no. Anybody can be done at any point for any reason. There is no catch all explanation other than done means done.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 11:35 PM
11

Yep. They have no idea what’s in store for them. There’s plenty of women out there who work and will take care of the house. There’s also men who will work and take care of the house and kids too. It should be a partner ship of both people pulling the weight both financially and non financial.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 07:11 PM
2

My ex was an alcoholic, she’s still an alcoholic. Wish I could say it gets better, but in my experience it doesn’t.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 04:04 AM
2

The helpless like a child thing is what got me. My ex is useless on her own, and that scared me with kids involved. She ended up giving me full custody of the kids, and now she lives with some other guy 6 hours away. But ever day she’s still calling or texting needing help with something. It’s not my problem, but it’s also not not my problem if it affects her ability to visit the kids and get her CS paid and things like that. So yeah it’s definitely hard when they’re incapable.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 05:50 PM
5

You’re not set up to be a full time parent. I have full custody of my kids, but I work from home. That makes it doable. In your case with a 4 year old, it might be in your best interest to make it work with your wife for as long as you can. Just don’t get her pregnant again, and work on adjusting your life and your job so that if you do get divorced, you’ll be able to make it work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 03:24 PM
5

Damn, I can’t imagine moving in with another woman, even after a year of dating. I have 4 kids. I definitely don’t want to bring a woman and her kids into my life like that. Short term flings and doing adult things. I’m good with that.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:58 PM
3

Sometimes just paying for the apps one time will move you to the top of the list. Women don’t swipe as much as men, they also have their choice of guys messaging them on Facebook and the apps, etc, it’s really a numbers game. Use all the different apps, spend 5 minutes a day swiping, and if you do match then you need to move fast, can’t play the pen pal game, otherwise these girls will have a new man by the end of the week.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:47 PM
0

That’s probably true too to some extent, but I like to think that women mature at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:45 PM
1

The whole point of my comment was that women in their 20s and 30s were sleeping with idiots, now if you’re half way decent they’ll sleep with you too.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:01 PM
0

First part yes, second part no.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 08:47 PM
4

Yeah don’t catch feelings and it’s a breeze
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 07:39 PM
4

Dating apps are pretty hit or miss, but when you match, it’s easy to hit. The young kids on the internet talk about how women have these crazy high standards but all the women I meet were busy getting their backs blown out by idiots and are just looking for a decent guy at this stage of their life. My biggest issue is that I just don’t have that much time to date. I have my kids full time. So dating is limited to when I get a baby sitter a couple times a month. It’s worth it, but sometimes it su…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 07:34 PM
7

Idk bro, I’m 36, I have 4 young kids. It’s a tough position for me because like you’re saying most women either have kids already or want kids. I don’t want anymore, but I have no problem dating a woman with kids, so that opens the doors a bit for me.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 12:22 AM
5

It’s Christmas, so let me give you the chatGPT It can hurt you in custody disputes Courts often favor the status quo for children. If you move out, you may unintentionally show the court: You were okay not seeing the kids daily The other parent became the “primary caregiver” That can make it harder to argue later for equal or primary custody. Even temporary moves can be framed as abandonment of parental responsibility. You may lose leverage over the house If you leave: The remaining spouse contr…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 11:11 PM
4

I had my first kid at 22 and just got divorced a few months ago at 35. Same boat as you. I ended up with full custody, so my path looks a little different. I dont have a lot of freedom to explore who I am and what I want out of life, so my purpose is built around providing safety and security for my kids and myself. So doing things like fixing up the house, maintaining good relationships with family, and I’m going back to school to get my doctorate degree to help build some financial security.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 03:48 PM
9

It doesn’t say you’re unlovable anywhere on it. Just fyi.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/25 05:37 AM
7

Was married for 8 years. Ex was stay at home mom here and there but usually worked part time at night. We have 4 kids. No alimony ordered. The ex didn’t want anything and she let it go to a default judgment. She also gave me full custody, and she owes child support, she just hasn’t paid any.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 06:53 PM
0

She screwed me over in some ways, not others. Example, she gave me pretty much everything in the divorce, the house, assets, my retirements etc, I got to keep everything no 50/50. I also have full custody of the kids. All that is great. But she also moved far away and left me with all the responsibility of raising 4 kids alone, in addition to one of them not even being biologically mine. But while she screwed us over, she didn’t try to entirely ruin us in the divorce. Forgiveness is also a power…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 03:55 PM
5

I’m a divorced dad, and have full custody. And while I don’t introduce my kids to the people I’m dating, I talk about my kids all the time. They’re a major part of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:26 AM
10

Yeah getting laid is the best part about being single
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 01:27 AM
1

Yeah, if she wants to? Free to come and free to go, just as a man, but not without consequence.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 01:02 AM
1

Now you speaking my language, hell yeah brother
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:57 AM
1

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that everybody has a conscience. Free will, I’m not sold on. I think free will is often an illusion, there’s only the illusion of choice and while we may be free to choose, our choices are often influenced by external factors.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:56 AM
-6

I’m just calling it like I see it. If I’m wrong then I’m wrong, but I’m just pointing it out to him that when people say these things it’s usually some sort of internal issue or conflict. Sometimes we pick the wrong women, we learn from it and move on. Some people don’t learn from it and keep repeating the same mistakes. If this guy wants to quit the game, that’s fine but I feel like there’s plenty of opportunity out there to find peace, love, and happiness in continuing to play the game.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:53 AM
1

A grown female?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:49 AM
-6

It’s perfectly in place. That’s what we are here for, support right? There’s clearly something wrong here and I wish I could help support better, but without knowing the details of what these women are doing to him there isn’t much I can say. But when people come out with generalizations like all men are bad or all women are bad, there’s an underlying cause.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:46 AM
0

Which part do you disagree with?
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:41 AM
-9

I’ll be honest with you here… when you say “every woman in your life has let you down…” that’s a you problem. There’s something within you that’s causing that. My ex really screwed me over and we’re still really close. All the women I’ve dated since the divorce have been great. I have great relationships with all female women in my life. I don’t get the drama, nagging, or narcissism. If you want to celebrate where you are in life, and don’t need a partner and all that, then I’m on bored. But whe…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 12:14 AM
5

I jumped into dating right away. Haven’t jumped into a “serious” relationship yet, but that’s more so that I have t found the right person rather than me not being ready. I can’t imagine remarrying though, doesn’t seem worth it to tie myself up and put myself at risk.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 10:27 PM
2

Well, there you have it. Some judges might deviate from the formula, but if you don’t have money, you likely won’t go to trial. Just come to an agreement, fill out the forms, and submit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 08:11 PM
4

What state? Use the alimony calculator and use the child support calculator to determine how much you might have to pay. Yes it’s very possible you won’t make enough to pay your own bills, on the days you don’t have kids you might need to work a second job. It will be tough, but don’t stay in a relationship too long just because it’s financially necessary. But I do understand trying to stay for the kid. Hopefully you can work out 50/50 with your ex, and you can file for divorce without lawyers. …
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/25 07:33 PM
3

Similar situation. Nicely said. But I have also found that there are many women who want to smash me like I’m their first crush. And why not spend your life keeping that freshness and freedom?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 07:08 PM
2

I think you’re on to something here 🧐
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 04:01 AM
3

Nah they all come to my place, I got my own snacks
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 03:42 AM
3

All I know is that I’m into single moms.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 03:28 AM
1

Game theory, art of war, art of the deal, whatever you want to follow is fine, but you still need to master stoicism and focus on your reaction and maintaining your peace while dealing with the unknown.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 10:23 PM
4

Only focus on what’s in front of you. Divorce involves a lot of game theory, if I do this she might do this, if she does this I should do that. Unfortunately you’ll always be guessing. Basically the only thing you can do is make the best decision with the knowledge you have. So knowing that, focus only on what you can control. Don’t worry if she says “I’m gonna do this in court” okay… wait till you actually get to court and tackle that problem when you get there. There’s often lots of empty thre…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 02:25 AM
2

Within a couple weeks of filing divorce I was out talkin to women and getting numbers. It helped that my ex and I were still having sex for a few months. Then I found someone to be a friend with benefits, been going well since then and I’ve even managed to land a few other hook ups. If you want it, go out and get it. The world won’t wait for you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 04:17 AM
3

Seems like men win so rarely in these situations that everyone wants to take the “you go girl, get that bag” approach. But I’m with you. OP even says he’s just going to burn money just to fight it out of spite. I don’t agree with that, but we all have our own opinions I guess.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 08:12 PM
0

“I’m down to burn money just to win in court” I can fucking read bro, and that’s why I’m asking this man what he wants.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 12:50 PM
3

I think then I say hurt, it’s just more about the difficulties of doing it. The days are long. It’s hard. The divorce is whatever, I filed for it and got everything I wanted. But I just gotta stay busy and let the days pass.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 05:02 AM
9

Also taking it day by day. I work out obsessively. Take a walk every morning at 6:30 before I get the kids to school. Take a walk on my hour lunch break at work. And then either hit the gym after work or take another walk after dinner. Watch my calories. I feel like it’s the only thing I have control over in my life. I also was working at a bar part time for extra cash, my mom was helping baby sit for that. But now I’m asking her if she can help a couple times a month so I can date. I’m going to…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 04:28 AM
19

My wife gave me full custody. That’s the hardest part trying to do this all alone. I was already doing it all alone for the most part, now it’s just official. And she’s gone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 04:03 AM
0

What are you trying to accomplish here? You got divorced? You’re throwing away money. You got 50/50? Go be free dude, let it go…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 03:01 AM
4

It’s tempting to burn it all down. Have fun, but just remember that there is more fun beyond your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 08:29 PM
3

Pretty much this.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 12:51 PM
2

Never anything from bumble, couple matches but none I liked. Nothing on Badoo, plenty of fish, duet, or the other misc apps I’ve tried Tinder I finally got 1 date after almost a year on the app. I actually like this girl and we already hooked up, so good chance it might turn into something. Facebook dating, 2 hook ups, 1 lead to a short term fling/FWBs. Hinge, 1 hook up, and a couple dates. I feel like hinge has the most potential but it’s still hard to match.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 12:50 PM
1

Yes, childless women will love a good dad! Single moms also love dads with kids. But if you’re not interested in having any more kids, those childless women want nothing to do with you. They’re not going to raise some other women’s kids and not get kids of their own. I have 4 kids, so dating has been interesting.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:02 AM
1

I’m an extroverted man. About to be 36. It’s hard for me too. Do you have kids? I think that’s the biggest difference maker in whether it’s hard or easy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 11:36 PM
1

I was with my ex for 13 years, but I have lots of female friends and just friends in general, I always have topics. I also bartend part time and have worked in sales so maybe that’s a secret advantage? All that aside, I feel like before I actually date anyone I’m usually texting them and even calling them on the phone. That way the ice is already broken before you even get to the first date.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 03:58 PM
2

Yeah, my ex and I were on and off ever since she got pregnant with our first child. I tried to keep it together and we went back and forth for years until she finally settled down. She got pregnant again and we finally did it for the insurance. She did always tell me that if we ever got divorced, it would be easy. And I was convinced. Turns out the divorce was very easy. She let me keep everything including the kids. No long drawn out battle.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 04:24 PM
1

Unexpected yoda lmao
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/25 04:16 AM
2

Yeah, for real man, they just come out of nowhere sometimes!
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:32 PM
2

Nah me and my ex are on good terms she gave me everything in the divorce and we’re still close friends. Not re opening any wounds.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 11:31 PM
6

I’ll be 36 in a couple weeks. I went out with my dad to see a Pink Floyd cover band. We don’t ever drink together or hang out much, but we had a few drinks, he had more than a few, there was a lot of hugging and crying. Called my ex wife on the way home and cried to her too. She was in town for the weekend to see the kids (she lives far away and I have full custody) and when I got back to the house we talked a lot and ate food. It was a good weekend. But god damn was I emotional out of nowhere.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 10:59 PM
1

I’m never gonna say never but right now I’m enjoying the short term dating game. Every new hook up or connection feels like you’re starting all over again, and it’s actually kinda nice.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 03:48 PM
2

I’ll tell you that I feel stuck, lost, and don’t know what to do AFTER I divorced my wife. It’s not really any better on either side of the fence.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 07:15 PM
7

I think there’s a lot of 30-year-old women who haven’t found their person or had children and they’re just looking for somebody to settle with which is going to lead to a lot of divorces in the next 10 15 20 years. Just speculation.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 01:07 PM
1

It’s true, affairs mean nothing. You usually won’t get any more or less of the assets, you won’t get more or less parenting time, you won’t get any more or less child support. Most courts don’t care who did what.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:49 AM
6

I got back in the game right away. I’m it going to waste my best years! With that said, it’s slow going, so my best years are getting wasted anyway…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 03:05 PM
2

Yeah, I think you nailed the issue. Being a good father attracts women, but those women who are attracted to you often want kids of their own from you. If you have one or two kids, it’s probably fine but I have four. Step dad, I could do. But, but kids again? No.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 01:03 PM
-2

Vasectomies aren’t flawless either
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 12:44 PM
-12

My ex-wife got fixed after the fourth kid. I will never get a vasectomy. But I am done with kids. So if single me has an oops or something with the wrong person, they can deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:07 AM
7

Who would pay $15,000 to have more kids. Insane.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/25 04:05 AM
1

I get the idea, it’s a mindset or perspective shift, but I do feel trapped. I thought divorcing my wife would give me some freedom that I desperately desired. Well it backfired and here I am. I wouldn’t want this to be the other way around where I abandon my kids, I don’t want 50/50, but at least give me a weekend off once or twice a month. But no. So now I’m leaning to live with this. Im enjoying watching the kids grow, life is short and this phase although seemingly long, it’s also short. But …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 12:55 PM
1

This is a good framework. What was my purpose before I met my wife? Nothing I was just a kid. And then we had our first child and I was only 22. Now I’m in my mid 30s with full custody of four kids, and I am trapped in the identity of a single dad. I am a person too. But I just don’t have the opportunity to be that person. So lately I’ve been struggling to find purpose for answer the question of “what is next?” Or more simply, what can I do today to help discover who I am. I think Victor Frankel…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 12:14 AM
1

I’m practical so I went with a Honda pilot. Pretty good lease special so I hopped on it. I’ll either buy it out at the end or probably just lease another pilot. I don’t drive a ton, but I didn’t see the value in getting something used.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 10:56 PM
2

I’m a cheap ass too, and you’re right those sliding doors are missed. But I feel like a king when I drive around, and it reminds me that I’m more than just a single dad, I’m my own person.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 10:40 PM
1

I think more recently I have had a revelation, and I am beginning to enjoy the peace! I think flings and having more female friends might be the more fulfilling life style. I’ve had success having a FWB this past year, but that’s more of the short term solution for a long term problem. Also you’re right about the mini van lol. I just got rid of mine and bought a new SUV!
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 10:17 PM
1

Hard to get dates and hard to find time to date. Idk what my future holds, but it’s looking more and more single as the days go by. I have my kids every day. If I had some form of 50/50 it would be easier, but I still think it’s tough to meet women. And I am coming out of my divorce in much better position than when I got married. I make more money, better shape, better career, smarter more educated and still in my prime age. But yeah, single dad with 4 kids isn’t appealing when you don’t want m…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 09:18 PM
3

Better to get divorced at 55 than 65. Get back out there, learn from your mistakes, don’t get married again.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 05:06 AM
2

Yes, I have full custody of the little guy. Doesn’t know his real dad, his mom left him with me, I’m all he has.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:03 AM
9

She was an alcoholic and wasn’t putting in any work around the house or in the relationship, she dropped out of nursing school and was wasting all of her time bartending and gambling after work. Then I found out that our youngest child wasn’t biologically mine. We had already tried to divorce years prior, but we stayed together for the kid, then I find out the kid wasn’t even mine?? But we always had really good sex and we’re still really good friends. She let me keep everything in the divorce a…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:02 AM
17

Damn I’m jealous. Dating new chicks has just made me realize my ex wasn’t that bad. I mean she was bad, but just better than I gave her credit for.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 04:55 AM
3

I don’t know where you heard that advice from but I haven’t seen anything like that posted on these divorce forums. I still think you should try to buy her out of the property. But you will not do that until after the divorce and the terms are agreed-upon. And why would you give her 80%??? 50/50!
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 03:42 PM
5

So can you buy your ex out of the house? Can you refinance and pay her out her portion of the equity? Then you can live there and try to keep your kids in the same school. Can you get more than every other weekend? Yes absolutely. Go file now. Say you want majority custody and prepare to fight in court or work out a parenting plan with your ex that gets you close to 50/50. Most cases don’t actually go to trial. People settle way before they go to trial. Just don’t leave the house yet. Number 1 r…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 03:26 PM
7

I have full custody and it is very difficult to parent. I’m almost envious of the dad that’s have a good 50/50 plan. The all seem happier and are living their best lives. Same with the women. But when your kids are on your back 24/7, you’re responsible for everything, and every bill. It’s brutal. My mom watches them for a few hours on Saturdays when I work my part time job, that’s nice to get out of the house, but it sucks having to rely on someone else for help. On the plus side, I don’t have t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:43 AM
1

Yes, you should absolutely not leave the house. I’m not a lawyer, I’m not giving legal advice, but still, you shouldn’t leave!
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:26 AM
1

Sounds like you are going to end up getting caught in the silver bullet divorce. Heres the chat gpt answer: The advice to never leave the house during a divorce usually comes from lawyers who are trying to protect your legal, financial, and parental rights. Here’s why it’s so important — especially if the home is jointly owned or has kids involved: ⚖️ 1. You could lose possession or property rights If you move out, your spouse might gain “exclusive possession” of the home. Even if your name is o…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:14 AM
1

There’s a number of reasons. Primarily determining status quo for custody battles.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 01:12 AM
7

Dude never leave the house! Rule number 1 of divorce. Never leave the house!
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/25 12:54 AM
4

Sounds “equitable” for her, definitely not equal. Divorce sucks. At least you make good money.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 02:21 PM
1

There’s a couple different tiers of dinner between dennys and 60 dollars a plate. But yeah, if it’s those two options then neither.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 07:24 PM
2

Idk man, the way I always see it is that women choose who they want to date, men choose who they want to marry. Women have tons of guys in their inbox and have their choice at any moment, how many women do you have in your DMs? Probably not many if any, and if you do then you just might be the prize.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 05:08 PM
1

Well that’s just upper class nonsense and if you’re paying that much for meals then that’s on you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:11 PM
-1

Because it’s not about taking you to the cleaners. The law says 50/50 in most states, the law has rules for CS and Alimony etc. The law sucks and most women will want their basic entitlements, men do too in situations where the woman is the high earner! I’m only 36. There’s still plenty of chances that I will get married again in the future, but it will not be to a woman who wants to be a stay at home wife or a woman who doesn’t have a decent career. If her income isn’t close to mine or potentia…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 03:22 PM
1

Damn. My ex gave me everything full custody of the kids, all of the equity in the house, all of my retirement, she just asked for some cash to keep her afloat while she transitions. I put 7k cash in the court order, and judge agreed to it!
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 03:19 PM
1

A pint is anywhere from 2.50 to 5 bucks. 10 beers = 50 bucks. How much more do you need to drink on a first date? Say she wants cocktails at 13 a piece? Okay she has a few, you have a few beers. 100 bucks, okay not bad.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 03:15 PM
1

I married a waitress/bartender, it could have ended horribly, instead it turned out that she wasn’t chasing the money
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 05:36 AM
2

Dinner and drinks is like 100-150 bucks, why wouldn’t I pay? Look I got enough baggage I don’t want them to think I’m a cheap ass. It’s an opportunity to show them I’m not broke and to not give them any doubts. One or two dates a month like that won’t kill me. Sometimes it’s a few cocktails or beers and it’s 50-60 bucks.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 04:49 AM
1

It was only ordered in the last couple months, she’s technically only a month behind. Not worth taking to court yet. If it was 6 months from now, yes. But we’ll see where we are in a few months, she just started a new job. I think wage garnishment would be the next steps.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 03:54 AM
2

I’ve been saying that for a long time. If the roles were reversed I’d be getting squeezed!
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 03:29 AM
2

I’d say I love it up to the last 5 seasons. Basically after Covid the show hasn’t been good at all.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 02:15 AM
1

Dude, Grey’s Anatomy is awesome. Love that shit
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 11:29 PM
12

When 80% of divorces are initiated by women, it’s easy to think that the divorced man was the problem. If he wasn’t the problem and he goes on to say he was cheated on, or she was abusive, then often times someone might think the man must have not been that great or he was the reason she cheated. There’s definitely a stigma. But also, you have to know your audience. Women in their 20s and 30s are wanting to get married and have kids of their own. If you’ve already been married and or have kids, …
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 05:57 AM
3

She doesn’t make much money, and hasn’t been paying. Can’t get blood from a stone as they say.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 03:46 AM
4

Lots of women in their 20s and 30s want to have kids. I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m struggling in that range, it’s because they all want more kids and I don’t. I have too many,
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:45 AM
5

Thank you brother. Best to you as well!
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 02:03 AM
4

I’m divorced now. I have my kids 24/7. She doesn’t have any custody. She moved far away.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 12:25 AM
9

It’s hard. I have my kids full time though, so little opportunity to go out and try. I’ve had some success on the apps, but overall I think my best years are going to be trapped in the house with my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 09:47 PM
1

This is how it’s broken down for me so far. If sex is discussed before the date, it’s probably gonna be a sex date. If sex isn’t discussed, it’s not going to happen on the date or probably ever.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:16 PM
4

Look, dude you are single and you get to dictate the terms of your life now. If you’re getting into arguments you need to ask yourself why you’re with that person that is arguing with you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:02 PM
2

I guess the nice thing is that we have the freedom now to decide what we want in our lives.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 08:00 PM
4

I’m 35. In a perfect world, I have maybe 10-15 years left in my prime. Beyond that, who knows but I know I’m enjoying what I got.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 07:27 PM
1

Just because you have a meaningful relationship with somebody does not mean you need to have children with them nor do your children need to be involved
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 07:13 PM
3

Avoid settling at all costs! That’s my goal. I stayed with my ex because of the kids. I got her pregnant a few months into our relationship and it has just been disastrous throughout. Wont get trapped with someone financially, wont have more kids, wont get married, just pure good old fashioned relationship fun.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 07:12 PM
2

No worries, I don’t mind answering! The judge didn’t have a problem with it because it went to default. Means she didn’t show up to court, and the judge approved the default judgement. She couldn’t defend herself because she wasn’t there and her lawyers dropped her, plus me offering some cash to her in the settlement made it look like I was at least trying a little bit to be fair. I could have probably lost 100k minimum, I walked away paying 7k, AND she owes me child support which she probably w…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 09:11 PM
3

There were assets, but my ex didn’t fight me for anything except she asked for some cash afterwards, and so I included it into the default judgement to appease her.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 08:25 PM
3

I spent about 10k on lawyers. Ex didn’t retaliate at all, she gave up, her lawyers dropped her, and it went to a default judgement. So I got everything. If your ex is going to fight, then it’s probably not worth it. I knew my ex wouldn’t fight, and worst case would be 50/50 custody. Wasn’t expecting her to spiral and throw it all away though.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 07:39 PM
3

I’m a month out and struggling to find my own purpose. I know I’m a dad and I know I have full custody, I know I need to be here for my kids everyday. But I am more than just a dad, it sucks that this is what my life has become confined to. I want to go out, I want to do projects around the house, I want to do a lot, but I lack the money and the time to get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 06:20 PM
3

Yeah, I’m gonna chime in here. After I filed for divorce, my ex went off the deep end. Her alcoholism got worse, and I watched her throw away her life, her job, and abandon her kids. Yeah I have guilt. Maybe I shouldn’t have filed. But you get to choose if you want to live with it or not. I ended up with full custody of 4 young kids. It’s not a great situation, and I don’t think being divorced is better than if we stayed together. But it’s up to you to make the choice and figure out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/25 05:47 PM
1

You asked some good questions. Do I need more kids? No. Do I want more? Maybe? Am I doing therapy? Not currently, I’ve done it in the past, many years worth. Not interested in returning. I am doing my best to be a great dad. My kids haven’t done any organized sports because my ex and I never were able to devote time to it, but this next year I want to get my kids more active. We play outside a lot now and go to parks together. But that aside that is for them, not for me. For me I like to go out.…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 10:20 PM
1

I feel very lost. Not because my ex was my life or that I was madly in love with her or things like that. I’m just a normal guy trying to survive. But I just don’t know what life looks like now. I’m mid 30s, I have 4 kids that are in my care 24/7, so do I go out and find a new wife? Do I start a new family? Do I want a new family? Should I get a girlfriend? Do I just do casual sex? No commitment? Who am I? What’s next??? I’ve been working on myself and my life. I’ve been working out religiously …
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 09:48 PM
4

I don’t think it’s wrong to admit it’s both, same for a woman. I wanted my kids and didn’t want to pay support because then I knew I wouldn’t be able to provide for them the same. I was able to get full custody and my ex owes me CS, but I would gladly give up the support if she would take them on weekends or something. And same for a woman, they want their kids AND they want the money. It’s not wrong to want both, but it is wrong to accuse someone of only wanting custody to avoid paying.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 05:38 PM
3

Similar boat, my ex and I didn’t have a “bad” sex life, it just was never “perfect” but that’s cause we had kids and never had much time. My ex knew exactly what she needed to do, and now I find that having newer partners or thinking back to older partners, none of them were ever as good as my ex. Even during the divorce process, the sex was better than ever. I don’t have any advice for you since I’m dealing with the same problem, but sex isn’t everything in a relationship and I’m sure there are…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:45 PM
9

All in all, my lawyers cost me about 10k and money to my ex was 10k. No alimony. She owes me child support, and I got full custody. I picked up a part time job to cover my lawyer costs so that’s covered. It will take about a year and a half of her support payments(if she pays them) to make up the 10k I paid out to her. I got lucky in my divorce. It’s barely a blip on the radar in the grand scheme. But for most men, especially those who aren’t prepared, a set back is ruin!
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/25 02:21 AM
2

My situation was pretty amicable. My ex was heartbroken that I left her and so she drank herself silly and then abandoned the kids and everything else in her life. She let the case go to default and gave me everything. We’re still good friends and text everyday, she kinda screwed me and everyone over by running away, but she also gave me everything, so it cancels itself out.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 04:32 PM
7

I have never heard it put better. Structure your relationship so that if it ends, you aren’t ruined. That’s exactly how I had my marriage set up, and my life from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 03:31 PM
–

I’ve been lifting weights for 20 years. It’s good advice for everyone. But hasn’t really helped me with my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/25 01:16 AM
2

That’s funny, cause I tried to get my ex to finish her nursing degree, but no she dropped out a couple years into it. She just lives on some guys couch, she has no bills since he owns the home outright and utilities are dirt cheap, her income is minimal, and the judge imputed full time minimum wage and she doesn’t even work full time. My ex wasn’t a trad mom or trad wife, but she is a dead beat now. I don’t hate her though, I got to keep like 95% of the assets, and my lawyer/court fees were cove…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:44 PM
1

Yeah, unfortunately, there’s nothing I can do. Courts can’t make someone show up for their parenting time. if I put 50/50 in the agreement and she didn’t show up, all that does is fuck up the child support calculation. But the child support ordered is minimal since she doesn’t work much but I’d much rather her be here with the kids than collect a few bucks from her. Basically grounded 24/7… feels like I’m being punished for choosing divorce. Now with that said, I absolutely love my kids and woul…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:00 PM
1

Exactly this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 02:24 PM
1

Thanks brother, it just forced me to adjust my perspective on things. Originally, when I filed for divorce we discussed 50/50 or that she would have them every weekend. But half way through, she just got up and abandoned everyone and everything. So this is my life now.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 11:58 AM
18

I think there’s a stigma around a man who gets divorced. I feel like a lot of times since women typically file, it’s assumed the man wasn’t good. If you explain your story that you were cheated on or she was toxic and abusive, then women look at you like it’s your fault that she was toxic and abusive or they just assume if you were a better partner you wouldn’t have been cheated on. Personally, I don’t find any issues with r/divorce. I still peak my head in there regularly. I just have issues wi…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 03:05 AM
2

See that’s my problem. I have my 4 kids 24/7. It can easily be over 10 years until I have the freedoms to do those things you suggested. So if I’m confined to this little world, it’s much easier to bring someone along with me. Sure, I can get a babysitter once in a while to go out and date, but a steady hey let’s do this or let’s do that together is much more enjoyable.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 08:52 PM
2

Sounds boring. I work from home, have full custody of 4 kids. Having a woman or companion around would make life a little less lonely. It’s not about NEED, it’s about the want. But wanting it under the right conditions, like don’t get married and don’t get them pregnant.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 04:59 PM
3

It really depends on what your agreement looks like. Are you gonna have the kids 50-50? Are you gonna have them every other weekend? Are you going to have them every day? Are you staying in the house? Are you moving out? Are you selling the house and splitting the equity? Was she a stay at home mom? You might have to pay alimony. Are your wages similar? Then depending on the child arrangement you may or may not have child support. Can you afford to get crushed by child support and alimony? If yo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 02:41 AM
2

I never shared accounts with my ex, and won’t share with future partners. Saves some headaches, and never caused any.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 11:14 PM
3

I was also divorced a few weeks ago, and also about to turn 36. Pretty similar there! But outside of that, our experiences are quite different, but I think our views of things are similar. I’ve had a few hooks ups this past year, but I can tell the quality of those connections was much lower than what I’d prefer to see long term. You probably have a lot more options than me, you’re probably open to having kids or want no kids, and that opens the doors with more potential partners. But either way…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 07:23 PM
1

I see it as being the better person. I’m not holding any grudges or letting someone walk all over me. I just enjoy being helpful. Making eggs is no detriment. It’s not like I’m going out of my way for her. It’s a simple act of kindness, and it went a long way in helping me get what I want in my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 11:43 AM
2

I always do/did everything for my ex. That’s just the person I am. I would have cooked her the eggs too. Don’t think I’ll ever change.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 07:03 PM
3

That’s shitty and makes no sense. My ex was an alcoholic, I filed for divorce and she abandoned the kids. Doesn’t complain about me or make me out to be the bad guy, but she’s just gone. Idk how you’re handling all that, but I know I’m not handling it well hah
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 05:02 PM
2

Yep absolutely! Many men are trying to rewrite that narrative, but go on any social media and you’ll see women screaming and crying about how useless their baby daddies are.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 03:27 AM
6

I have full custody right now, and I do kinda regret filling for divorce. I thought we’d go 50/50, but after I filed my ex just dipped. I don’t want to be a single parent, but alas the show must go on.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 01:17 AM
1

In most places, it’s gonna get split 50-50 anyway. But that’s not the reason why you shouldn’t leave the home. It’s typically related to custody issues and maintaining the status quo of who the primary caregiver is. For all we know as soon as he moves out, she is going to tell her lawyer that the ex moved out and doesn’t see the kid.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 11:34 PM
8

Don’t leave the house then. Could come into play in the custody battle. She might tell you “oh she will go with you” but as soon as lawyers start talking about child support, visitation, etc etc, things might change!
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 11:03 PM
3

Do you have kids? It’s always recommended that you never move out, never move out!
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:38 PM
1

So are you only moving 30 minutes away?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 03:43 AM
1

That’s the plan. I spent too long getting crushed, time for me to fight back!
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 03:17 PM
8

Oooo lots of things, here’s a few. Dropped about 40 pounds, trying to do another 15-20, not because I’m “fat” but because I’m really close to being lean and having that 6 pack look. Instead of looking like a fat guy who got skinny, I look more like a skinny guy who put on a few pounds. Need to push a little further and get that chiseled look. I intend to start my doctorate degree. Already accepted into a school to start in the spring. This is a life goal. I got to keep the house (and all the equ…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 02:54 PM
2

I got married in my late 20s and divorced by mid 30s. My ex also ran off after I filed for divorce, so I can relate to that too. I still love my ex because she did what she told me she would and let me walk away with everything, the house, the retirements, the savings, and she left me with the kids. She could have taken half of everything and then screwed me over, but she didn’t. I am also going through my sort of first post divorce breakup. It’s really frustrating and difficult to find someone …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:10 PM
1

And what if they get divorced in 10, 15, or 20 years when he is 50 years old?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 12:05 PM
0

Lots of people tried to give advice that worked for them, and it would not have worked for me. I followed my heart, and I followed my mind. I worked with my ex, gave her what she needed to get moving, and in the end she let me keep everything, the house, the assets, and gave me full custody of the kids. You might not get anywhere near as lucky as I did. But treating my ex as an enemy would have helped. Shitting on her, and letting her be an adult on her own would have only hurt me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 01:00 AM
5

You can follow this play book, do all those things and you are still gonna have tons of feelings and tons of baggage and tons of emotions. I’m just gonna share an alternative perspective using your frame work… Fuck that, go have friends. Dogs take too much time. Therapist cost too much money and don’t tell you anything you can’t figure out on chat GPT or with a good conversation with someone who has been through it. If you have severe depression, anxiety or another mental health issue, skip the …
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 11:32 PM
2

Usually child support is based on the formula. That formula does not take into account the assets or the dissolution of marriage those are separate events. You can’t usually say hey lower my support and I’ll give you more home equity, that might be able to be worked out under the table after the fact. Same goes for parenting time, you can’t say hey I’ll give you more house but I want more or less custody. A judge can deviate from the formula if there is a reason or an agreement between both part…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 05:41 PM
1

Ummm what? My first comment basically says keep what’s yours. My second comment says the same, doesn’t matter if it’s husband or wife who earned the money, they should be able to keep what they earned.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 08:55 PM
-1

Okay so she saved while you paid bills, that’s understandable. I don’t care about gender roles, for me personally I look at who’s earned the assets and who should keep their assets, but that’s not how the law works. I know that. There’s always a fight when lawyers get involved. You’re probably entitled to half if it goes to court, it probably won’t go to court and you will settle long before then.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 05:23 PM
-6

Why not just keep what is yours to yourself? You keep your 401(k) and bank account accounts and she keeps her 401(k) in bank account accounts and then you split the house 50-50? You said there is about 150 K of equity so why not simply take 75K and call it a day? I know you are entitled to more technically, but do you really need to fight over it?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/25 05:06 PM
4

I wasn’t married at the time, but something similar happened to me. I had my first kid at 22 and his mother and I were on and off for several years. She would break up with me sleep with guys and then I would fight with her to get back together because I thought it was best for the kid. Years later, we eventually got married and had more kids. But it was only a matter of time until I found out one of the kids wasn’t biologically mine. Finally divorced her and got full custody of all the kids. I …
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 06:25 PM
11

Congrats. My freedom just started. Divorce was finalized last week and my ex owes me child support going forward. Ready for whatever comes next.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 12:14 AM
2

No I’m only 35, I exercise and have been exercising regularly for over 20 years and diet and do recreational activities, and I feel old as fuck. Feeling old doesn’t just go away by exercising. We all go through experiences in life and age at different rates.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 12:13 AM
1

Younger making less than 15k per month? Lmao. Like 90% of the population?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 10:05 PM
14

At least you know it’s not your kid. I didn’t find out until years later. Kept the kid, got rid of the wife. Have full custody now too.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 08:51 PM
5

Since its late, I’ll give you the chat GPT answer: “When people say “never leave the house during a divorce,” they usually mean don’t voluntarily move out of the marital home (if it’s jointly owned or rented) before there’s a clear legal or strategic reason to do so. Here’s why that advice exists: ⚖️ 1. You might lose your claim to the home If you move out, the court could interpret it as abandoning the property or being fine with your spouse having exclusive use of it. That doesn’t mean you los…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/25 02:53 AM
22

Never leave the house, dude what are you thinking??
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 11:18 PM
3

Why can’t you agree on custody? What does she want, what do you want?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 02:24 AM
6

I divorced mine cause she was an alcoholic. She left me with 95% of the assets and gave me full custody of the kids by letting it go to default. She moved away. I’m moving on. All these same story scripts are ridiculous. It’s almost always “after kids my wife had PPD” or something similar. I can’t imagine being so in love that I could easily be blind sided. It sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 01:32 AM
14

I have 4 kids… full custody. It’s fucking hard. Not trying to rush through life, but sometimes it feels like it would be cool to fast forward the hard parts.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 10:59 PM
3

My ex moved in with another man, 6 months into our divorce. Not a big deal cause I was sleeping around about 5-6 months into the divorce. All good!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 09:17 PM
1

Lmao I did sell cars for a bit when I was younger, but no I’m not a dentist. Must have been some other guys cousin.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 03:20 AM
3

Damn bro that was your cousin? They couldn’t wait like 30 more seconds!? Ruined my night!
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 07:39 PM
1

You definitely can agree to each keep your own assets, if it’s signed off by both parties, and the judge is sure one side wasn’t coerced or forced into agreement then they will most likely sign off. 100k and 1000 in the 401k not a big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:34 PM
1

Divorce cases only go to trial like 10% of the time. That means that 90% of divorce cases are resolved via mediation or a settlement. So don’t let the courts decide is the moral of the story. If it’s amicable according to OP, then no reason to worry.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/25 11:23 PM
2

Condoms kill it for me, so I don’t know how to overcome that hurdle. But if your ED is due to performance anxiety, they say viagra won’t help. For me I always like to have a few drinks before the act, and that does help.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/25 01:26 PM
6

I have full custody of my kids. I can get out like once a week or once every two weeks if I’m lucky. That’s not good for a relationship. But I have still managed to hook up with a few girls, just need to line up the dates and the expectations beforehand. Find a single mom that is also short on time and has similar needs.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 11:48 AM
7

I’m gonna go with late 30s and unattractive
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 10:25 PM
4

Married 4 years? You shouldn’t have to pay alimony. If anything it will be very very short term.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:57 PM
6

Mine is pretty successful too. I got full custody, I’m not playin CS or alimony, and my ex let me keep pretty much everything. If you take care of your lady, and pick the right one(or wrong one depending on how you look at it), then they won’t snatch everything or want the kids in divorce. You live and you learn.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/25 02:13 PM
-2

You used your kids to catch your wife cheating?
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 12:34 AM
6

Look you’re 52. It’s definitely not over for you. Plenty of options. You can still go a little younger, can go a little older, you’ve got your money, your retirement plans(if divorce didn’t ruin them), plenty of love to go around if you kept yourself healthy. Just keep your head up and play the game!
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 03:49 AM
3

Isn’t there more men on the apps than women?
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 03:17 AM
2

My ex moved out of state with someone she had only met once. They’re in a relationship now. The difference is that my ex left me with the kids and I’ve had full custody for a few months now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 02:28 AM
2

If you’re the higher earner you’ll get screwed. If you make the same amount and have equal time that’s the only case where support isn’t owed. I made almost 4 times as much as my ex, but I had them Sunday - Friday so she would have owed me support. Now she just gave them up completely and I have full custody. So she should owe me money, it just hasn’t been entered yet. Will be next week.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 12:01 PM
2

Similar situation. Been smashing a single mom, she’s cool, I feel for her, but I can’t be in a relationship right now because I don’t have the power to dictate the terms. I have full custody of my kids. I don’t get many nights out. If I’m going to be in a relationship, I want regular dates and regular events together and blending families. I’m not gonna do that. So FWB it is.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 03:45 AM
2

I just saw something about this phenomenon. Sometimes the first break up after a long term relationship, will hurt more than the long term relationship. Don’t know what the psychology is behind it, but probably has to do with the loss of what could have been.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/25 03:43 AM
3

This right here. Everyone’s situation is different, the “don’t get into a relationship” is just generic advice that may or may not apply. Now just don’t get married again lol
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/25 12:27 PM
5

See that’s where child support doesn’t make sense. If you have them 50% of the time you are incurring the same cost to raise them as the other person, why should you pay more? Well because child support math I guess?
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 11:20 AM
1

This.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 08:02 PM
1

Usually when a man complains like this he is often met with the type of response that says “you made your bed and now you have to lay in it.” So I’ll give you that tough love perspective. Sorry your husband sounds like a dick, but you married him. You had 3 kids with him. You didn’t learn after the first that he wasn’t going to give them baths? Second and third obviously nothing changed. Then, you say he treats you poorly, is this recent? Or you just ignored it and had more kids? What were you d…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 06:34 PM
2

Not OP but makes me happy to see others recommend celebrating. I’m bout to have a crazy divorce party.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/25 03:53 AM
2

They’ve been married for 2 years, don’t have kids, done therapy, this is definitely a scenario where the grass probably is a lot greener on the other side. One of them has issues with the other person, and either they or the other person has actively agreed to try to work on it by going to therapy. But these might just be two great people unable to make it work together.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 03:42 PM
1

But that’s the thing. We did fight. We spent 6 months trying to challenge paternity for one the the kids. Then judge sent us to mediation. Went for 3 hours. Then a couple more court dates we had to pay for, then her lawyers dropped her. Then another court date where we filed for default. Another court date where the judge agreed to default. Then a final prove up hearing. In total, 12 months. 10k for me, she wasted 5k on her lawyers that didn’t do anything. I’m not saying my case is every case. T…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:52 PM
0

Where are all these numbers coming from? 50k in mediation? We paid 600 bucks each. 200k for her lawyer? I’ve paid about 10k total. Someone else posted yesterday saying they spent 200k in legal fees. This isn’t typical.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:09 PM
3

I also took a part time job to help cover the lawyer fees. After the first year and the lawyer fees are gone, I think I’m ready to take my weekends back.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 05:01 AM
5

Same. I just got a new Honda pilot.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 04:58 AM
5

This is what I’m talking about!!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 03:24 AM
2

Good point, my ex got pregnant from a guy she worked with. Now she’s gone and I have full custody of their kid. The woman that are forced to go back to work are the ones that get bitter and claim you don’t provide for them. The women that want to go to work are likely to be the ones that leave you for someone else. And the ones that want to be stay at home moms will complain that you’re never home. We’ve seen it from all angles.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 01:51 PM
8

This post is soft and weak. Seems like you’re just projecting your own issues out there as a catch all for why women cheat. Maybe your wife cheated cause you didn’t work out or got soft, maybe she just didn’t love you any more? We don’t know why women cheat, sometimes they tell us, sometimes they don’t. But this some major victim mentality and a lot of coping. Vent all you want on Reddit, I do it every day. I’m all about the personal accountability and taking responsibility for where we made mis…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:07 PM
3

Letting your wife be a stay at home mom was your first mistake. To any other guys seeing this, never let her be a stay at home mom!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 11:59 AM
5

Objectively my ex is not a good person. She’s cheated, lied, got pregnant from another man, and then abandoned the kids after I filed for divorce. Do I still care about her? Yeah. I spent years of my life with her. We had kids together. We were so young when we got pregnant with the first, we were together when our oldest had cancer, we have been through bad shit in our relationship and always reconciled, so why is this time any different? Well this time I decided that even though I care, I am d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 11:48 AM
–

Not a lot of cocaine at restaurants in the Midwest. Although I hear they love meth up in the UP.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 02:30 AM
14

I’m a single dad, full custody of 4 kids. It’s tough because I am in my physical and sexual prime, definitely need that release at least once every couple of weeks. Best advice is keep trying the apps till something clicks. Get that connection and build some friends with benefits. If you don’t have a ton of time to date, it’s great to find other single moms looking for the same thing.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 02:29 AM
3

That’s all great, but sometimes the problem is meeting single women. For example I go to a bar and there is very rarely anyone out late at night, I live in a boomer town. I go a couple towns over and it’s all 45-55 year old women. Living in the Midwest, there isn’t a ton of hot, single 25-35 year olds. So no matter how appealing you are, if the pool is shallow, you’ll have no luck.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 02:26 AM
2

FB dating is where I found my FWB
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 02:05 AM
5

When divorce men turns into gay men
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 12:51 AM
3

I’m with you buddy. Even though I divorced my wife, I still think it’s stupid that she just latched on to someone that will give her another free ride. Motivation comes in all different forms. I don’t care if it’s a revenge body, a revenge glow up, a revenge career change, or picking up a hotter woman. Whatever you need to do to make yourself feel like you win. Healing is overrated, winning is overrated too, but the beauty about life is you get to pick!
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 07:27 PM
5

I’m 35, final divorce papers will be signed in 2 weeks. I got everything in the divorce, the house, the kids, the assets. My ex just let it go to default, she never wanted money or anything, so I got extremely lucky. I’m still young enough to where it’s likely that I will remarry, although I’m smart enough now to know what to look for. No stay at home moms, no low earners, no excessive spenders or savers, or worst case just make sure I have a prenup. Too many guys especially high earners are get…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 05:03 PM
6

Can confirm, my ex and I worked in restaurants for years. We have seen all sorts of infidelity.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/25 12:19 PM
3

Is she gonna be banging another dude in the house while you’re gone?
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 12:16 AM
1

But why would I change to seeking soul custody? I never wanted soul custody. But according to my lawyer, that’s how we filed. Like I said, it worked out in the end, but it was messy at the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 09:04 PM
3

I filed first, that’s what my lawyer did. Well it just pissed off and scared my ex, so we went from no conflict, to conflict. But from there it just went to default a couple months later and we’re all good now
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 08:45 PM
2

Hell yeah. I know I still went out with my wife for my birthday last year even though we were a few months into the divorce. But this year I’m fine riding solo
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 03:20 PM
2

I’ll probably get a baby sitter and go out for some drinks? Invite my friends? Get a good workout in? Play some video games? Idk man, what do you like to do? Go eat out and have a scoop of ice cream, it doesn’t have to be serious.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:10 PM
2

I kept the house and the kids in the divorce. Would be tough to find an apartment but if I did I would want it near some shops at least.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 12:53 AM
7

My divorce was really straightforward. It went to default after my ex let her attorneys drop her case. The hard part was that she ran away and I got full custody. I really thought being divorced would give me freedom, but all it did was lock me into a vicious trap of being a single parent. I love my kids more than anything, but my ex left just so that I wouldn’t be able to date or have time to do anything.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 11:37 PM
1

Makes sense, but how many times are they right? Are their exes really that bad? I’m just curious, I appreciate the conversation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 03:14 AM
1

Do they think it’s going to earn them sympathy points or something?
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 03:09 AM
3

Are you a lawyer or a therapist?
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 10:42 PM
26

I always get bitter about divorced single moms. They often get child support, alimony, every other weekend off, and then find a new man to mooch off of. Luckily, my divorce was easy and I got full custody, and kept just about everything financially, no alimony or CS. But I’m still bitter that other women double dip!
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 09:29 PM
1

Im in the same boat as you, it’s hard to watch another person drown. So feel free to keep helping them if it makes you feel better. I have full custody of my kids, my ex moved far away. She’s not a great person, but still someone that I loved and cared for, and she has children that love and care for her, I don’t want them to grow up watching me let her drown.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/25 09:22 PM
3

Yeah, I know what it’s like to work full time, and then have the kids full time at night. It’s exhausting. I opted for divorce, I still work and then have the kids full time. But no woman is leaching off what I provide. Idk man, figure it out, but be prepared to lose your kid half the time if you can even accommodate that working 60-70 hours a week.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 05:06 PM
1

Yep, many many times. Actually had the best sex after separation. She even moved far away, came back a couple nights and we still had sex. Haven’t done anything for a few months now though. We still talk, and she’s pretty awful, but I love her and we had a life together that won’t be replaced.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:50 PM
1

No. Why would the courts care if you save time? You don’t need to look “good” to the courts unless you’re going to trial. If you concede on decision making, then you’re just making an agreement before you even go to trial.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 04:43 AM
1

I’m sorry man, wasn’t throwing shade at people in your shoes, just saying I would hate to be in your shoes… but also, I can just as easily find myself in your shoes if I’m not careful.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 04:24 AM
1

This is brilliant
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 06:04 PM
13

I’m 35, have full custody of 4 kids from my first marriage and there’s 2 sides to this for me. For one, I’m young, I have a lot of life left and I would hate to go it alone. There’s still time to “have a family.” But on the other hand, my kids will be grown when I’m in my 40s and many guys will be on their second or third marriages wiping kids asses in their 40s. I really don’t want to fall in that bucket personally, so it’s best I stay away and avoid women.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 05:59 PM
4

He probably knows what he is getting himself into.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 05:56 PM
2

Sounds like a Texas thing ha
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/25 12:14 AM
3

I believe if there is no custody agreement that is the typical canned answer they always give.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 11:51 PM
2

Yeah I don’t think marriage is a goal again. I don’t have that desire to have a “family.” I have my family, I can’t see any reason to add to it, other than partnership. Having a partner that makes similar money to me and wants to join forces to build a life, that would be fine. Also, I can imagine companionship will be a bigger factor when I reach my late 40s and 50s when my kids are grown and I’m not ready to die. Just things I think about, but in this moment I’m still young and just trying to …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 03:26 PM
1

50/50 is different. Your time is valuable with them. But when you have them 24/7, it’s kinda like a night or two away won’t hurt. 5 kids is a lot… though. Idk how you do it, 4 is hard enough.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 02:13 PM
3

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 04:09 AM
3

I’m 35. Full custody of 4 kids. Ive had a few hooks ups this past year. I can’t see myself getting to the “long term” relationship status again. It’s hard to find someone compatible, and it’s even harder to invite someone into your life when you have so much going on. I’ll keep dating where I can, but I think it’s just me, my kids, and I.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/25 04:08 AM
2

It’s crazy, but it’s life. We all have wild twists and turns, but we’re all just trying to survive.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 11:44 PM
3

Short story, not good. Long story. I told my ex that I wanted to get divorced, I wasn’t happy with her alcoholism, and she was so depressed and distant after her dad died, she was checked out, so I checked out. I found someone else, only had a few dates, but we had great sex and I fell in love. My ex was the one who filed before me. She turned out to be pregnant so we got back together. Fast forward about 4 years later and I found out she got pregnant from another man as the baby wasn’t biologic…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 10:42 PM
1

I mean yeah and no. It’s hard to raise kids by yourself. Keeping my money is a plus though.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 08:34 PM
1

I’d almost say to expect the opposite. My ex was similarly not great at managing a household, instead of a nasty battle over custody and assets, she just gave me everything. Full custody, almost everything, the house, 401k, she just got up one day and moved far away. So with women like these, you never know what to expect.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 01:41 PM
6

Yeah, my ex was not great at cleaning or being a stay at home wife. I remember vividly there was like 2 or 3 shit diapers in my son’s room when he was a baby. I’d come home from work and be like why is it so hard to throw these away? Although when she went back to work at nights it was worse because then she would stay out afterwards drinking all night, then sleep all day. Luckily I work from home now and made sure the kids were fine while she was passed out on the couch the next day. But then I…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 01:34 PM
2

Standard possession is every other weekend? I’ve never heard that term before, but anything less than 50/50 should not be considered standard.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/25 03:03 AM
7

I was lucky in my first marriage, my ex let it go to default. I can’t imagine ever getting into another relationship where the woman isn’t working.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 07:07 PM
0

It’s cheaper to keep her. And it shouldn’t be.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 04:03 AM
5

Yep, top comment. No kids? That’s easy mode. This guy is under 30 too, he’ll move on and have plenty of time to start a family.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 01:38 PM
1

It’s going to depend on what state you live in. There’s a good chance you won’t pay maintenance. Child support often goes by how much time you have with the kids. Push for 50/50 at a minimum and there may be some child support owed, but it might end up being a wash since your salaries are close. Lastly, the part that sucks is the 1m in investments. Be prepared to lose half and then call it a day. Your ex can certainly settle for less than half. If you have a good settlement offer, and it seems f…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 03:28 AM
2

This
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:09 PM
4

I think it really depends on how they cheat on you or how they react. Were they having a secret love affair? Was it just hook ups? And how did she treat you afterwards? Did she cry and beg for you to stay or did she treat you like shit, did she make you feel small or meaningless? Women cheat for many reasons, so do men it’s not black and white. For me it wasn’t the physical act of cheating, but the fact that one of my kids wasn’t biologically mine. You can’t come back from that. Also, a little e…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 12:19 PM
3

Damn, where’s all the broke dads? Or dads that didn’t lose? My divorce is about to go to default. I’ll keep the house, my 401ks, savings, etc. Wife gets the used van and some cash. Lawyers got about 7-8k. But if I had to split half of everything? At most it would be 75k-80k. Also, since I’ll have full custody, she will likely end up being ordered to pay support, but I doubt she pays it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 08:21 PM
5

I was the one who filed for divorce and a few months into the divorce she had started to have online relationships and by about 7-8 months she had moved out of state to go live with someone else. I have the kids full time. I think I am more upset that she abandoned the kids than I am upset that she moved on. Placing 100% of the parenting responsibility on me has been really tough. But when she comes to town to visit, we are pretty friendly and cordial. She always admits that she still loves me, …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:36 PM
2

Look I’ve done my research. It doesn’t matter what I say, clearly you’ve made up your mind. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 09:12 PM
1

Less than 10% of divorce cases go to trial in the U.S. that means men and women are settling way before trial. If most women end up with more than 50/50 custody, it’s because men are giving up and settling for less. It all goes back to the people involved. If your ex is a vindictive bitch, then buckle up. If she’s a loser, then you’ll steam roll her. It’s all about how your ex and their lawyers want to play the game. There is a whole playbook for how a woman can ruin a man. File temporary restra…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 05:36 PM
-2

No property division? Sounds unfair to people who both pay into it? Encourage financial independence? Hell yeah, I want to be financially independent. Ensure equal custody? You know most guys that fight for custody have a high success rate and many jurisdictions are pushing for 50/50, if it goes to trial. Bring benefits for the kids? Like what? Accountability for child support? Sure, I’m with you on this, let’s make sure the money is going to the kids. Making divorce easy? Divorce itself isn’t h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 03:22 AM
2

Im not saying the system is or isn’t working. Im saying the system is what it is and the problem is your opponent.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 02:31 AM
2

Idk man. My ex just gave up and left me with everything. The kids. The house. Not asking for anything and letting it go to a default judgement. The issue isn’t he courts, it’s the people involved. Some men are shitty. Some men abuse their wives and they run. Some women are shitty, they lie and sneak their way through lives. Judges don’t have a crystal ball, they can’t weed through the bull shit, and they can only go by the facts in front of them and precedent set by prior trials. It’s all people…
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 01:04 AM
1

It’s in his name, it only damages his credit…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 05:34 PM
0

Taxation isn’t much different if you file head of household. My ex isn’t paying a mortgage or electricity, she just found a new man to leach off of. Luckily she didn’t want anything for me, otherwise she would be entitled to half of everything, even if she didn’t contribute to half of everything.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 11:51 AM
1

It doesn’t make both spouses poorer. Someone is always gaining and someone is always losing. 50/50 means leveling the playing field.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 04:16 AM
5

Sounds like he built his own life and welcomed a woman into it. Thats preferable rather than building a life with a woman.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 01:33 AM
1

Yeah I’m wrapping up my first divorce nearly unscathed. Default judgement, full custody, not too bad. I consider this my get out of jail free card. There’s no way I get this lucky again. With that said, I question what life looks like as a young single man with 4 kids full time. It’s sad and it’s lonely. Dating is okay. But it feels like I’ll be living a “hallow” life. Working towards buying a new house with someone is great, going on trips together, family vacations etc. Sure you don’t need to …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 12:48 AM
1

Oh yeah. For sure then, I believe it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 03:08 AM
5

Getting a default divorce because my ex stopped responding. I’ll have full custody of the kids, and pretty much all my assets minus a car and 10 grand. I’ve also spent about 7-10k in lawyer fees by the time it’s done. Also, why would my income drop? I think expenses increase, but earnings don’t go down just cause you get divorced. That’s a weird stat that I’d have to look into.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 01:28 AM
2

I’m just gonna say that putting yourself first and making you the priority, sounds like a very unfulfilling life. It’s okay to do it once in a while, but every day? Why? My kids inspire me and push me to be a better person every day. Now the question about love being real? Define real? Can you taste it, touch it, or smell it? No. Does it exist in your mind? Yep.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 10:41 PM
3

Shit that’s rough. I remember training for football in high school, deadlifted 450 with little training that summer. 20 years later I look better, but I get 225 on and blow my back.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 06:26 PM
3

Also tweaked my back doing some deadlifts but it was doing light weight warming up to go heavier… fuck being old
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 02:44 PM
1

She sounds like a terrible person, but what is with every terrible person being referred to as a narcissist? Either way, you can’t play nice. You have to be dirty or they will mop the floor with you. That means you will probably need police reports, and to file an order of protection, and even then, you’ll probably be looking at 50/50 custody at best. It’s really hard to forcefully remove a parent from the picture if they are adamant about being in the picture.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 06:16 PM
2

As a single dad with full custody I would love to “chill and stack resources.” That just isn’t a reality for me. Can stack a lot more with a second income, so I’m looking for that partner that wants to build a life, not mooch off the one I already built.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 12:00 PM
11

Hey I’ve got full custody of 4 young kids but I’m approaching my late 30s. Age is a little more on my side, but you’re kinda right. It’s a lot for another woman to take on. They either don’t have kids, and want kids. Don’t have kids, and don’t want kids at all, which is fine but what about my 4? Or they have kids, and want more. None of those buckets are great for a single dad.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 11:53 AM
3

I’m on a similar timeline. I should have full custody by the end of the year. Definitely lost a lot of battles, but I think I won the war in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 01:12 AM
20

I filed for divorce because my ex was an alcoholic, and hands off with all the kids and household responsibilities. She preferred to drink all night and sleep all day. She eventually abandoned the kids, and moved far away. She tells me she’s got a new boyfriend, but still comes back and tries to sleep with me. She’ll text me that she wants to move back home and that she’s miserable. But it’s just not satisfying enough. I’m waiting for the full crash and burn.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 01:43 PM
1

Sounds similar to my situation. Started super amicable. Full custody for me, no support owed by her. However, once I filed, she lawyered up, dragged it out for almost a year, and it’s still going.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 04:23 AM
2

I filed for my self once, didn’t finish the case, we reconciled. Then a few years later filed again, then I got a lawyer. I am almost certain that you will have to file a financial affidavit, even if you represent yourself, but that doesn’t mean that you need to follow it if you settle with your ex.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 04:06 AM
2

You just go to the county website. File the papers. File the appearance. File for a court date. Present to the judge. And it’s done. Obviously there are assets, but I’ve heard that like 10% of divorce actually go to a trial. They are usually settled with mediators and what not. The lawyers are there to protect you, your assets, and your kids. If you and your ex know each other and all the details, and you each agree to something, then that’s all you need to sign off. Now if she wants your pensio…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 03:03 AM
2

Depends on the state, but as far as I know, if a husband and wife “settle” outside of court, then most judges will sign off on whatever you agree to. With lawyers involved you’ll see where it gets ugly, because they will look at the settlement and be like, oh we think you can get more… and that’s when the shit show starts.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:45 AM
10

This read like what a 15 year old thinks a 40 year old divorced man does. Like… thumbs up for getting some but, ordering ramen, then going to a beer garden, then ordering tacos, then weed, then banging some 50 year old art owner, that sounds just kinda gross from where I stand. But don’t let me tell you my stories about going through divorce, and who I’ve done, I’m not any better. That just sounds like too much food before sex.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:35 AM
1

How are you getting 50/50 plus extra time?
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/25 12:45 PM
4

See it’s crazy to me because we never had a dead bedroom and I have just about escaped the divorce process without her taking anything. Yet, I still don’t think I would risk it again., this was my one get out of jail free card.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 10:16 PM
10

I got full custody. I was running around buying 4 kids back to school clothes and school supplies. I’m drained mentally, financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I get some help from my family for a day a week so I can go out. But it’s just not enough, it’s a real struggle
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 01:44 AM
2

It’s just strange to me. I have enough responsibilities with all my kids. I can’t imagine adding more to it. We tried to have a dog. It was too much for us.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 02:50 PM
6

I don’t know why people get dogs in general. My in laws missed so many birthdays and family gatherings because of “the dogs.” They all had like 3 or 4 dogs each and it was always their excuse for not being able to go anywhere or do anything. Not only that but they all eventually die and lead to them being “sad” and taking time off work and life. Plus the cost of them having surgeries, is in the thousands. I’ve seen too much of that over the past 15 years with them to ever consider it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 12:29 PM
2

I was in a very similar situation. As soon as we got lawyers the entire battle changed. They will tell your ex everything they can to slow down or delay the process, they will push for her to get more custody so she pays less support or gets support from you. My ex would tell her lawyers what she wanted and they would continue to advise against her wishes. I definitely recommend the mediated route, and you’re probably more likely to get that CS waived for your ex. Most people will tell you that …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 02:33 AM
1

I filed for divorce first, it broke my ex, and she packed up and left less than a year later. She’s gone. Left me and the kids, and lives with her new man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 01:24 AM
5

It’s been almost a year. I should have a default judgement done by the 1 year mark. Getting close the finish line. It will be nice to have the weight lifted.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 07:57 PM
3

That’s rough. We tried mediation too, but it only works if two people plan to stick to the mediated plan.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 02:08 AM
3

No my ex ran away. Disappeared. So by default I ended up with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 02:07 AM
5

I have full custody. I was doing most of the work. I had planned to get at least Monday through Friday and was going to fight for it. Ex battled it for a little bit, but eventually gave up, and she moved away. Avoid trial if possible. It’s expensive, and the outcome might sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 11:35 PM
2

Im in a situation similar to yours. Although it’s not cultural, the question about moving in together and moving forward has been coming up. My issue is more about wanting an equal contributor financially, and this person wants to be a stay at home mom with their kid, but would help with mine. Sex is good enough to keep her around, but at this point like the other commenters said, it’s time to enjoy the ride and let it play out don’t rush it or try to force a square peg into a round hole.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 12:46 PM
3

Good luck. Those things turn sour quick. But usually there are forms you file, and you can choose what options you want to do, but usually it involves refinancing by XX date.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 01:41 AM
5

How old are the kids? Old enough to watch themselves, or are they being left in danger? Assuming the kids aren’t in danger, and they’re old enough to watch themselves… then yes, you’re right, she probably was cheating or had something going on, she probably is getting good dick, she’s a woman, and she will get what she wants. Now that you know that? You’re armed and ready to go to war for yourself!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 01:40 PM
1

Yes, full custody is great. I am thankful everyday that it wasn’t a long drawn out battle. It’s not that I’m focused on her and what she’s doing, but I am upset that she is awarded freedoms that I won’t have. I work so damn hard to not be able to have a chance to be happy too. I’m lucky to have a mom that will try to help me out with baby sitting occasionally, it’s allowed me to sneak in a few dates here and there.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 01:09 PM
1

Yep! Failure isnt an option! We don’t get to quit!
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 12:43 PM
1

I definitely relate to being a single dad while married. Except my wife’s work schedule wasn’t crazy, it was just bad hours and she would go out drinking and gambling after her shifts. Then she would sleep all day and be “too tired” to do chores or house work. I look forward to the days when I get a sense of freedom, but those days are few and far between right now.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 12:44 AM
2

This is great for you! Everybody talks about the plus sides to divorce and being single after marriage. Unfortunately, in my situation I have full custody. So my ex gets to go out and live her best life with her new man. And I get to work a part time job in the weekends to pick up some extra cash to pay all the bills I’m left with.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/25 11:34 PM
11

My ex was never a bombshell, she was always a little chunky, and I was fine with that. Her alcoholism was very unattractive, but my desire to care for her and take care of her was strong. Plus it helped that her blowjobs were excellent. So I stayed in the relationship far too long.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 01:28 PM
2

That’s probably why she didn’t want to file. The longer she puts it off, the better position she’s in.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/25 03:43 AM
2

Oh. Well then I guess you didn’t have to worry bout that. I’m sorry about all your troubles, I dealt with enough shit with my ex too. Great idea to divorce her but I didn’t expect her to run away after I filed. Screws over the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 04:45 PM
2

I wonder if she fucked the therapist too?
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 04:35 PM
4

Idk what kind of mediation you went to, but mediation where I’m from was about discussing custody agreements and sometimes assets, not about who your ex is sleeping with.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/25 02:17 PM
3

My ex has BPD too, but she just ran away and ignored her lawyers. So the delays have run out, and the end is near. But that’s insane. Me and my ex don’t even have that much in assets to even pay lawyers that much. I been working a part time job to cover those 1000 dollar a month invoices.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 03:49 AM
3

How did you spent 100k in legal fees. I just don’t get it. My ex is mostly unresponsive but it’s likely going to a default judgment next month and I’ll get to basically write my own divorce. I paid 1000-1500 a month, maybe 6000 out of pocket so far?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/25 03:20 AM
1

Well apparently her attorneys dropped her, so now she’s gotta file for herself or get a new lawyer. She could always not file, and that would be greatttt.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/25 08:57 PM
2

I started dating about 5-6 months into the divorce process. I let them know it won’t be anything “serious” until after the divorce is finalized. But where I am in life, I might not ever want anything “serious.”
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 04:06 PM
1

Bingo
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 04:19 AM
1

Yeah my ex doesn’t communicate and her lawyers suck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 04:08 AM
1

Judge sent us to mediation. We did mediation. Wasn’t even necessary cause we agreed on things prior to mediation. Now it’s back on waiting for her lawyers to sign off. She should fire them, or they should drop her, one of them will happen first, and then hopefully I’ll get a default judgement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 02:23 AM
1

She borrowed money for a retainer. She blew through the retainer and stopped paying them. They’re probably banking on getting paid after the settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/25 01:07 AM
6

I told my lawyer it was uncontested. They filed and asked for everything and my ex got scared and got a lawyer because everybody told her to. Now it’s been a stalemate for nine months and I am just being bled dry by legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 11:47 PM
2

Even at 50/50 you still can owe money. But I agree with you, it’s better than the alternative of never seeing your kids and paying out your ass!
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 07:47 PM
3

The relationship wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst. I knew if I left it wouldn’t be good for the kids, but this is something entirely different than what I expected.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 12:45 PM
1

My ex is like 6-7 hours away. I have the kids full time luckily, because a 500 mile pick up and drop off would be a hell no. I think typical negotiation is to ask for way more than what you’d accept, and go down from there.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 05:55 AM
1

My ex did quit(a mediocre job), moved away, and is getting paid cash under the table now, so it’s going to be hard to get more than minimum wage based child support. So I get peanuts, lose up to half my shit, and am going to be buried with full custody. What I’m saying is that going forward, I want someone who is driven, ambitious, motivated, someone who wants to partner with me and take our lifestyles to the next level. That type of person won’t be the kind of person to just throw it all away f…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 04:04 AM
3

“You have no regrets? Like not even a single letter?”
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 03:55 AM
9

I posted recently asking a similar question. I did not expect my ex to runoff and disappear after I filed for divorce. I thought we would happily coparent. But now she’s abandoned the kids, and I’m trying to figure out how to survive as a single parent. If I could have predicted this outcome, I probably would have stayed with her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 03:53 AM
2

File now so that you request to be the primary parent. Then she might not be able to take the kids out of state.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/25 02:26 AM
5

I am in the Midwest and yes, they always advise against trial. But you can come to an agreement before trial and that’s the best way to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:54 PM
2

Ouch. It sucks because my ex and I were in agreement on pretty much everything at the start of the divorce. Now she moved away and said have whatever. Unfortunately, the law doesn’t work that way. And you still have to participate in court and pay your lawyer for every court date every month.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:46 PM
3

My invoices are totaling over 1500 bucks a month and they’re barely doing any work. If your case is highly contested or they’re doing a ton of work in a month then $2000 wouldn’t be unrealistic. However, I still think it’s really expensive and I would rather have them bill you monthly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:11 PM
6

I want a financial equal in my next relationship. That’s one of the most important things now. Number one, I don’t want to get screwed in divorce with a lesser earner, but I also want to have the buying power of a middle class family and not trying to scrape by on one good income.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 05:06 PM
1

I shouldn’t have said “plenty” of success. I should say I’m having some luck on the dating apps. Facebook dating has been good to me, it’s lead to some great dates. Meeting women in person is okay too, but I don’t get out much anymore. I’ve gotten some phone numbers, but those haven’t worked out for me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 04:49 AM
6

I’m 35 and having plenty of success dating. My concern is how I proceed forward. My divorce isn’t nearly as bad as others, but it still sucks and is scaring me away from even considering it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 12:45 AM
3

Damn, I feel attacked as the full time single dad… It’s really hard to manage a personal life when I have the kids 100% of the time. But she nailed it!
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 11:40 PM
2

Depends on the state. Look up what the laws are on alimony/maintenance.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 03:27 AM
1

If she was abusing them and doing drugs and couldn’t pass a drug test, then MAYBE she would get supervised visitation. But taking time off to go see her boyfriend isn’t going to make a judge rule against any custody. And that’s if this goes to trial. Most likely mom and dad sign an agreement for 50/50 anyway. My whole point is that using ammo against this woman likely won’t hurt her. Any time away from her kids is a win, in her mind.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 01:12 AM
2

Document everything and do what? Get full custody or 50/50 at worst? His ex probably doesn’t care, the more time he has with the kids, the more time she can get off with her new man. Women like this are worse than, the men who do this because they go against their own biological programming as nurturers.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:45 AM
6

My ex moved 2 states away to live on some guys couch in the middle of nowhere. She had her own place set up, she was living there just fine working, and seeing the kids on weekends. But now she quit her job and abandoned her kids to go live with some random guy? How does she live with herself? Idk I’m the good guy and I can barely live with myself, it’s much easier to be the bad guy than the good guy. She wasn’t working, she doesn’t have to see the kids, and she intentionally chooses not to pay …
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 12:39 AM
3

I did an hour of mediation. Asked my ex when she wants to see the kids. She picked out days and times. The next week I asked if she was going to see the kids on the days she picked, she said no. What’s the point of coming up with a schedule if she can’t or doesn’t want to follow it!? Mediation is such BS, idk why you went through 9 hours? That’s insanity, ours was court ordered 3 hours. And it’s an hour each day. Once a week. Still a waste if their lawyers don’t sign off.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 10:24 PM
4

Yep… I’m really sorry to hear about your ex, but this is exactly how life plays games on us when you think you figured it out. Best of luck to you and your family!
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 09:56 PM
2

Women have it easier in divorce, especially my wife who doesn’t even have to worry about the kids. I’m getting more resentful and bitter as each day goes by.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:50 PM
1

See now that is enlightening.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 02:27 AM
5

What would equality look like? 50/50. How do you do 50/50? Sell the house and split the equity or buy out the other person. The problem is, that isn’t always the best for the kids, so therefore there’s options. If you’re a good dad and able to have the kids, and care for them, then you’ll likely get 50/50 of the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 02:04 AM
15

Why would you leave your own house? Where do these women get off thinking they can just tell the man when he has to leave.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 01:07 AM
3

I see this advice every day on the internet, but I never know what it means. Obviously, OP can work on their addiction. But for the average person, who hits the gym, reads, has already advanced their education, excels in their career, has a great relationship with their kids, has hobbies, what else is there except to have that companion? Not something you can work on by yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 11:50 PM
6

I’m right there with you, mid 30s with full custody of 4 young children. No alcoholism, but lots of trauma from my ex who was an alcoholic. I can hardly leave my house unless someone babysits my kids. I can’t just go out on a Friday night and bring chicks home. I’m kinda trapped in a limbo, meanwhile my ex ran away and gets to live with her new boyfriend. I’m not super mad that some new guy is plowing her, I’m mad that I don’t get the same luxurious freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 11:49 PM
3

In most states divorces are NO FAULT. You can divorce for whatever reason. He can also file for some form of modified custody, or choose no parenting time. Asshole or not, it only gets worse the longer you wait. I personally stayed for the baby, got married later and had more kids. But it eventually fell apart and here I am wishing I divorced years ago instead of waiting. So my advice is bias and leans towards do it sooner than later.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 11:16 PM
3

The longer you wait, the worse it gets…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 10:20 PM
1

My wife is willing to walk away with less, but it’s so hard to get the lawyers to sign off on everything. It’s just costing more time and more money and not making progress when her lawyer is trying to convincer not to sign off on agreements.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 09:24 PM
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