| Upvotes | Title | Category | Author | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 267 | To Those Who Are Afraid of Their Instincts | STAY WOKE | BarbwireBoots | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/09/21 03:33 AM |
| 117 | When You Become Strong | STRATEGY | BarbwireBoots | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/10/21 06:34 AM |
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Why staying in a toxic relationship makes you NV (lower than LV) when you have childrenThe biological imperative is a choice. I judge parents harshly. Look in your local walmart aisle for justification. When you choose to bring a sentient, suffering life upon this world carelessly and because your simple, animalistic mind cannot handle your own mortality, you are a creature at its basic carnal level. Bring it into an abusive one, and you deserve hell. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/10/21 05:44 AM |
| 0 | Why staying in a toxic relationship makes you NV (lower than LV) when you have childrenThis is the line I was trying to draw in my own comment. And not even to go as far as “beating the child bloody.” Disparaging remarks, threatening behavior, a general toxicity, drug/alcohol abuse, etc. Allowing the child to live in an environment wherein the wife/mother is abused and demonstrating that as a model for relationships. I know smart, capable women can get wrapped up to the point of blindness in DV. Like I’ve said, it happened to me as a young woman. To this day I cannot believe I all… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 04:50 PM |
| 2 | Why staying in a toxic relationship makes you NV (lower than LV) when you have childrenDV is complicated (regarding leaving), but in my opinion, people also have children too quickly with each other and often flagrantly, with no thought about what it means to bring a consciousness upon this earth. The minute a relationship sours, the man cheats or abuses, or if it is shown that a singular child is too much of a stressor on the relationship’s health, I 100% judge the woman for deciding to have more children with that same man. Yes, I know access to birth control and abortion is a p… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/10/21 04:35 PM |
| 29 | Repost from another sub - this just shows how not having high standards is self defeating & we must strive for relationships that benefit usAmen. My comment may border on victim-blaming but as a woman who has always known I would not have biological children (by choice) due to the physical changes it has upon the body plus the commitment of giving a child the kind of care one is due from a parent’s choice to bring a sentient consciousness upon this very flawed earth, I wonder why some women put themselves in a position to be so vulnerable by having a child, more than one, or back-to-back, rendering them exhausted and physically dimi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/10/21 11:52 PM |
| 43 | "You will end up 40, alone and desperate, because you so stuck up". A teardown of one of the most common negs out there.That whole “hitting the wall” thing should be considered a warning for men. Let me tell you how the women from my graduating class, (almost 30 years ago) myself included, look fantastic and seem to have control over their lives. The men look worn out, overweight, balding, no style (frumpy), and aged. They may have money but let me tell you, not a woman from my class who divorced their first husband had any trouble finding husband no. 2 - a much improved model. Something else about women in their… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/10/21 07:51 PM |
| 53 | Sis needs helpI need to sharpen my eye because this didn’t even occur to me. Upon reading your comment and reflection, I can see how this is a good possibility. The supposed OP did seem like an awful glutton for punishment. I would hope by 35 most women would have enough life experience not to expose themselves to that kind of potential humiliation. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/10/21 09:06 PM |
| 103 | Sis needs help9/10 chance dude is a narcissist. No reason to believe otherwise and plenty of clues he is. OP needs narc rehab. Bless her. I hope she learns it didn’t matter who his next target was, it was never going to be her. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/10/21 06:53 PM |
| 75 | Are y’all watching Ted Lasso?Plus, the women in that show aren’t rivals. They bonded and became close instead. Even when Rebecca introduced Keely to her old BFF, Keely hugs her instead of the usual “omg competition for friendship“ trope. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/10/21 04:54 PM |
| 37 | Queens, we have angered reddit again...😂 The comments are really nice.Hear, hear! I‘m in the same situation as you. Happily married for over 10 years, abuse from LVM/NVM in the past. I don‘t want other women to go through what I went through. You (general “you”) know you’re doing the right work when the people who need to hear it the most get upset by it. If this sub angers you, you’re the one who‘s got the problem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/10/21 04:50 PM |
| 7 | 6 days on NC.. broke it on the 7th day today.Alcohol is dangerous for this reason. Lowers inhibition. You‘ve been doing well. I hope you bought the lingerie for yourself and not in preparation for your next lover. You’re vulnerable right now and people can sense that. There is no such thing as true closure. A broken heart is a broken heart and he will never change to make you feel better about it or him. Consider this a “bullet dodged” Stay the course and one day you’ll look back and say “what on earth did I see in him?” Trust me, it will … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/09/21 10:21 PM |
| 18 | I am going through a traumatic event. Need support.This almost exact thing happened to me 20 years ago. I’m reading it and …remembering. If he is a psychopath, which he likely is (between the abuse and his chosen “lifestyle”), then yes, she is in immediate danger. Get away immediately. Church or shelter ASAP. Let go of the idea it’s the lesser choice. Right now there are no choices but survive. When you get back on your feet, do not date or engage in a romantic relationship with ANYONE as you will still be a very easy target emotionally. Predato… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/09/21 04:05 PM |
| 4 | Needing advice and supportBiologically, your brain is still developing. Technically you’re not out of adolescence yet. So be sure to cut yourself some slack. His garbage can be deprogrammed. The pain you feel today *will* fade. I promise. Protect yourself. You are precious. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/09/21 01:27 AM |
| 4 | Needing advice and supportHoney, you will be on my heart. Take the advice offered here. You have far too much life ahead to live it like this. It doesn’t have to be this way. Believe that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/09/21 01:24 AM |
| 44 | Are we clear? Any questions?Mixed bag & tricky subject. I keep guns. My husband doesn’t fool with them. I have them for home protection mainly. Got my conceal carry license, but I don’t take one with me often, unless I’m going to be on a short road trip alone. But I grew up in the south with guns in the house and am comfortable keeping one by the bed. I think my husband was more worried about having guns than I was, lol. To each their own, but I think it’s obvious too many criminals and yahoos have access due to the laxity… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/09/21 06:22 PM |
| 223 | The level of mental gymnastics hereIf she were a true tradwife, those shorts wouldn’t get folded from the floor - they’d be laundered first. I’m being sarcastic, of course. As a happily married woman, I’m glad to do laundry because my husband pays all the bills and I don‘t work. But I don’t shake his night shorts out and embrace them. Lol | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/21 01:38 AM |
| 31 | Make sure he’s complete because if you build a man, they will leave.She’ll figure it out one day, the hard way. I just hope no one takes her “advice” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/09/21 01:28 AM |
| 72 | Let’s create a megathread: What is one of the best pieces of advice you’ve learned from this sub that has blown your mind or had the greatest impact on your life?Chasing a man is essentially saying “I will be your doormat” akin to “begging” It’s an old adage that men like to pursue. Not the inc3l way of harassing and stalking and berating, but pursuing, showing the woman what he has to offer. (of course, bragging and arrogance is not the same as confidence and trying to show what he brings to the table) Same goes for trying to get a long-term bf to marry. If you want marriage and he doesn’t, there’s your answer. And yes, there will be a quality ring invo… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 09:48 PM |
| 115 | Thinking about being married to any of my exes fuels my single hood🤢Thank you for asking. He was consistent. Paid for everything. Never wondered where he was or what he was doing. Invested in me and my well-being. His mother accepted me as her own daughter. His kids were good to me and I love them. Said he loved me every day, was proud of me, physically affectionate. Hard worker, good earner. Same value system (political, non-religious, marital, financial) Doubts: When he and I first met, we both had old habits to work through but age and dedication did a lot of… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 07:21 PM |
| 184 | Thinking about being married to any of my exes fuels my single hood🤢Mine were alllllll losers. No wonder why I had a “I’m never getting married” mindset until after two years of knowing my now-husband. I was shocked when I realized I wanted to be his wife. Jail, DV charges, other crimes, serial relationships after the fact, etc. I just pray they didn’t spawn. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 03:47 PM |
| 2 | To Those Who Are Afraid of Their InstinctsHoney you’re welcome. Be strong out there. ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 03:41 PM |
| 14 | How do you date man while knowing their depravityI wouldn’t even try. I would, however, start a woman-only, cat filled commune. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 03:29 PM |
| 34 | How do you date man while knowing their depravityI don’t see how you young ones navigate this world. My youth (1990s) was bad enough, and that was before the internet. If I had a time machine, I would say this to my young self, holding her still so she would listen: Stay celibate as long as possible. Figure out why you think you’re “missing out” if not getting male attention. That right there is the ROOT ISSUE Focus on a path that brings you joy and try to find financial independence through it. Value quality female friendships and cultivate t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/09/21 03:27 PM |
| 7 | To Those Who Are Afraid of Their InstinctsThank you ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/09/21 02:19 PM |
| 42 | FDSers who are married to or dating HVM, what brought you here?Hi! Fifteen years happily married to a wonderful HVM (who I’ve called this to his face, eliciting a humorous response). Somewhere on this site had a link to this page (sorry, I forget, probably the XChromosome) and I clicked. Man, how I wish I’d had this in my 20s. I’m in therapy still dealing with that old garbage now that life seems relatively settled. It’s getting better every day, though, and this site, along with other resources, has been a great addition to the validation I need on my path… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 11:51 PM |
| 7 | Kicked out my LVM roommate. I feel like I can finally enjoy life again 😄They were awesome. I met my husband during the time I lived with them. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 04:47 PM |
| 15 | This woman I reached out to on a sub wants your thoughts and opinions on her situation.Were you, in the relationship, secretly harboring desires and plans to exchange this man for another? No? Was he? Yes? And in a gross, manipulative way? Yes? If you smell smoke, find out if your house is on fire. That is not being psycho. That’s knowing there is a red flag blazing and protecting yourself from it. You probably wouldn’t have gone looking if he hadn‘t projected his guilt by looking first. And I have a feeling those parts you omitted compounded your suspicion. Perhaps, if you haven’… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 02:11 PM |
| 10 | Apparently having an emergency savings fund as a woman and not explicitly saying so to your male partner is “financial infidelity.” 🤨🙄Oh, absolutely. And I hope she doesn’t marry this idiot. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 02:01 PM |
| 1 | Reality vs FantasyAgreed. It‘s stunning and refreshing to see the truth laid so bare. A jagged pill to swallow at first, perhaps, but ultimately saves one much heartache. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 03:38 AM |
| 2 | Reality vs FantasyThank you so much. 💜 She is our pride and joy and being her stepmom has been an incredible gift. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 03:33 AM |
| 48 | Scrotes really think they are entitled to do whatever they want in public spaces no matter how annoying it is to everyone else.Whenever my husband and I hear one of those loud cars I turn to him and say, “Well, hun, I know who I’m leaving you for.” It always generates a good chuckle. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 03:22 AM |
| 6 | Reality vs FantasyOh, I just love your advice. One of the big reasons I decided to join. (and I’m sure you know the “you” whom I address is not you, but the general “you”) It is not an easy lesson to learn, is it? I got lucky and have been happily married for 15 years. I’ve told my husband he was the answer to a wish I didn’t have the encouragement to make. How could I, someone so kind and loving, be such a magnet for predators? The answer lies in the question! Once I became a stepmom to a young girl I began tell… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 03:06 AM |
| 34 | Reality vs FantasyBeen watching a lot of documentaries about social problems in the UK and I read this whole post keeping them in mind. Today I started one wherein a “mom” of two little boys lived in total squalor with a shirtless lout who moved in with them only a few months after meeting. Total winner, I’ll say. The British equivalent of CPS had a regular watcher on the house who came by to observe and make sure the kids weren’t starving or rotting from gangrene, I suppose. As I watched, I had FDS in mind (pret… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 02:32 AM |
| 195 | Apparently having an emergency savings fund as a woman and not explicitly saying so to your male partner is “financial infidelity.” 🤨🙄Is this dude putting a ring on this woman’s finger? No? Not yet? He can STFU She’s paying her end. What’s he spending his money on? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/09/21 01:34 AM |
| 15 | Kicked out my LVM roommate. I feel like I can finally enjoy life again 😄Female fixer-uppers are not good roommates, for sure. I‘ve had a few of those, trying to help someone out. Needless to say, the friendships were ruined and I was left with the cockroaches. (Folks need to put their damn food away!) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 11:51 PM |
| 62 | He locks her out of the house, because men are literally the worst.I’m sorry you went through that and glad you got out. Before the days of cell phones, abusers could call into your station at work directly, tying up your line and making you upset on the floor. Men like that also have a huge inferiority complex. They don’t think they can succeed and so they certainly don‘t want their woman getting all high and mighty thinking she’s better than he is. I had a below-negative-value-male ex who claimed he bled a pint of blood every time he took a poop. It kept me w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 11:39 PM |
| 125 | Kicked out my LVM roommate. I feel like I can finally enjoy life again 😄Girl do I have a story for you. Many moons ago, I was single and needing a roommate situation. Found a house near campus that had two single males and one man/woman couple. I met the couple and one of the men but the other was AWOL for a week. All in the house was just fine until our missing mate returned. Suddenly, as you reported in your story, there were 3:00 a.m. drunken cooking escapades that apparently entailed the half-assed frying of eggs that landed atop every level surface in the kitch… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 11:23 PM |
| 47 | He locks her out of the house, because men are literally the worst.This seems written by a young person. Run, honey. Run. Are his legs broken? Does he need mommy and daddy to stick up for him against his big, bad working wife? Please tell me she doesn’t have children with this man. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 10:57 PM |
| 250 | He locks her out of the house, because men are literally the worst.“They love to monkey with you at your job.” 100% bingo. Your job is your livelihood, and potentially your freedom and independence. If a man can compromise that, he knows he can keep you under his thumb. It also makes the woman feel extra anxious, putting her in a position of answering “what is more important, me or your job?” If you don’t feel secure either at home or at work, you’re always a little off-kilter and easier to manipulate. No matter what this woman does for work, no one respects he… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/09/21 10:53 PM |
| 3 | I feel like this needs to be said, but let’s stop praising men for doing the bare minimumThank you. I traveled a long, hard road for many years. Did everything the wrong way for quite a while. I paid for it. It makes my head shake to think about it. But there is hope - whether that means partnered or not. I truly believe boundaries, self-respect, and bettering oneself is key. The losers will weed themselves out if they’re not tolerated. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/21 09:32 PM |
| 3 | Keep Your SilenceBeing a stepmother, I can tell you the mantra of “choosing battles” is a serious (and often maddening) practice. But one must realize that remaining no contact and only confiding in well-known, trusted friends is the best practice. Even passive-aggressiveness is classless (unless executed by someone as deft as Julia Sugarbaker). Most instigators dig their own metaphorical graves, anyway. Let me tell you who squawks and squeals. People who have something to prove because their actions don’t speak… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/21 09:19 PM |
| 44 | I feel like this needs to be said, but let’s stop praising men for doing the bare minimumThank you for this post. As a slightly “older” woman, happily married to a HVM for 15 years, I am suspect when I see posts praising these kinds of acts. For instance, my husband only brings me flowers on my birthday. He’s not always tip-top where his socks go. I make all the meals and do the dishes. Sometimes he asks me to bring him a drink. But you know what? He pays all the bills. I am a housewife sometimes, a worker sometimes, and a student sometimes. He hugs and kisses me every day, always s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/21 05:54 PM |
| 79 | What was your moment of clarity?Ya know, every single dude I was with before my husband was either LV or NV. I had terrible self-esteem and no good judgement whatsoever. I can’t say there was ever a “lightbulb moment“ for me; I either got dumped or had to move away so the ”relationships” ended that way. On the other hand, when I met my husband (after two years of celibacy), I knew a good thing when I saw it. I’d had a chance to learn and grow and he was so markedly different than those who came before I was rocked off my heels… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/21 05:35 PM |
| 4 | [A LOVE LETTER] Thank you all for helping me escape my batterer.Congrats to you. What you have done to escape is inspiring. Even though my abusers are far in the distance and I’ve been in a happy marriage for 15 years, I still recently bought the Lundy audiobook as a means to try to understand what happened to me (and how I “allowed” it to happen). Listening to it occasionally in the car, I’m struck by the apparent playbook these predators use. Yet they all think they’re one of a kind. Truth is, they’re from the same mold. Figure out their method, and you’ve… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/09/21 03:23 PM |
| 1 | Destroy the concept that your teen years are supposed to be fun and once you hit 25, you’re old and it’s over. Some of us had to heal from trauma during our teen years and our 20s (30s, 40s, 50s and so on) and would like to begin a good life without constantly being told it’s too late.A hearty round of applause from this GenXer, my friend. Solidarity. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/09/21 03:38 PM |
| 1 | Destroy the concept that your teen years are supposed to be fun and once you hit 25, you’re old and it’s over. Some of us had to heal from trauma during our teen years and our 20s (30s, 40s, 50s and so on) and would like to begin a good life without constantly being told it’s too late.May I add my voice to this chorus. I am mid 40s and do not feel discouraged by getting older. This time in my life is spent getting fit, eating better, anticipating grandchildren (my stepdaughter has expressed her desire to have children, so I do not push it on her), working on and finally releasing long-endured NVM traumas by having treatment, indulging myself with things like non-surgical facial treatments, keeping close women friends, being closer to my parents and enjoying my husband. I am a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/09/21 03:14 PM |
| 2 | Weekly FDS Check-inHi. Like you, I am also married, and I am also here to upvote posts in the sub and work through some of my old NVM garbage. I was attracted to my husband upon first sight. I didn’t need to be “convinced” he was attractive or worth giving a chance. It was immediately apparent. Self-doubt may sometimes be deeply ingrained. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a world where giving the benefit of the doubt or looking on the bright side yields positive results. The proof is in the pudding. A woman will kn… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/09/21 02:42 PM |
| 1 | What are your personal pickme horror stories from hell?My heart goes out to you. If you are concerned, child support should in no way affect custodial arrangements. If you file through the state, the state should garnish his wages without any further action by you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/21 03:35 PM |
| 1 | True Crime DiscussionWas really into learning about the profiling techniques (John Douglas’s books, for instance) and when life scraped too closely to actually dealing with psychopaths I backed off for about 20 years because I couldn’t handle the triggers. I’ve been on antidepressants for a while now and since have been able to pick up reading and learning about the criminal mind again. My husband (HVM, 15 years married) and I watched Dirty John season one about a month ago and it was practically a handbook of red f… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/09/21 02:46 PM |
| 1 | Care to share examples of HV behaviour from the men in your life?Hi. New account, this is my first comment. Been reading FDS on my other Reddit account but took the advice here and made a new account just for this forum. I’m in my 40s. Have had many years of NVM and ZVM before meeting my husband 15 years ago. Following are the attributes that caused me to believe he is HV and worth marrying (after a lifetime of believing I would never get married): 1) never made me wait for contact. He initiated all contact. Called/texted when he said he would. There was no m… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/08/21 07:51 PM |
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