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BeansDaddy2015 Archive

View 3 posts and 24 comments by BeansDaddy2015 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Part of me would say I'd look back and see if I did everything possible to make it work. Counseling, communication, anything. Aside from two people splitting, the money, the time, the heartache and then if children are involved, it becomes way more complicated. I was told that "peace of mind has no price tag" and in a way that's true but also, the "what if" comes to mind. My ex and I were together 17+ years with almost 15 in marriage. It kills me to this day but it had to happen. Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 04:28 PM
2

Go chat with a lawyer. In my state, most consultations are free or lowered hourly amount. It'll give you an idea of where you are, what you can/can't do and hopefully will give you insight to know what to do next. If she is recording you and giving "suggestions" on how the divorce should go, know that she is only saying to you what she believes will be in her best interest and your worst interest.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/24 04:55 PM
6

My ex did this. Granted, our son was very young, but I found out, by hearing it through the grapevine. I eventually did find out via a burner phone she had and some text messages she had on her main phone. Back then, after she moved out, took our son and did all that, I finally had all the details and served her divorce papers to her mom's house, after receiving, she actually called me and seemed shocked. When I called her out for what I found proof of, she was stunned silent. Now our son is nea…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/24 06:43 PM
1

Heartbreaking when kids are involved, especially a large family like this. I say that I'm sorry to see this happen, as cheating is not something expected and sadly hits like a shotgun blast to the chest. You could look at these two points of view. If your disdain for your wife is so apparent to her at times, then what stops you from believing that your children aren't noticing it too? You didn't say one way or another, but I'm just asking this because if you're reason to stay is ONLY because of …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 05:26 PM
2

I would go out with someone and a few days later, I would receive messages/calls/drop ins from my ex back in the day. She would drill me with questions about who I was with, pictures of the person not being someone she knew and all of this other stuff. Yes, she did NOTHING to hide the fact that she was stalking me and that people were seeing me out. Odd thing was, she was the one who left and initiated me to file for divorce in the first place LOL. Look at it this way. If she is stalking you or …
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 01:56 PM
1

Without knowledge of how long your divorce has been, some might stereotype you as "not being ready" yet for dating or because of how bad your divorce might have been, you might be also looking at their every move too intently, causing some anxiety. Realize that not everyone is your ex, although you can keep that in the back of your mind. Every person is different, how you choose to go to the next stage of life after the divorce, that is what will be key. Focus on you above all else and realize t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/24 07:15 PM
1

Here was the best part of paying off my child support. In my county, if you pay a lump sum, the recipient gets that full amount right away. Child support keeps track of it as "sufficing the judgement" but until the judge signs off at emancipation it doesn't matter anyway. But after that "final" payment, no other payments will go out. I confirmed with people who I know who work in child support and they validated. I told them don't be surprised when she calls when she usually gets a payment and d…
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 12:16 AM
1

The family court system it seems, at least from a US standpoint, is all about money. It seems they all do things to keep rocking the boat to make one parent made enough to drag the other in, which means more money spent into the courts. I mean, I think in my county, it's like $65 for a marriage license...yet, if you want to have something as basic as a dissolution, it's like $500 someone said and that's with no marital assets, kids or anything.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 05:33 AM
3

My hair is definitely more silver than black as it once was. I'm by no means a guru but I wished I had someone or a group like this back 20 years ago to help me and I didn't. I never would want to see someone fight through this stuff alone. The mental and physical toll can be unbearable at times. Support in numbers is so valuable.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 02:07 AM
3

All will work as it should. An old saying a friend told me is "dont worry about the other side of the street; that's not your problem. Keep your side of the street clean and it all work out". Sounds corny but it is very true in many instances.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 01:54 AM
6

I appreciate the openness and honesty. Let me be clear that my wife and I, we have not had the pristine, unicorn style marriage, in any way. Yes we fight, yes, we have had issues, external and internal that we have dealt with. We will both admit that we are far from perfect, but it works and what you see is what you get with us. As for the men who have been destroyed by "great women"; shit happens. I've had some amazing relationships in my life and then be screwed over royally, to some degree, w…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 01:53 AM
2

Isn't it strange how we ignore red flags that are so blatantly in front of us? Before dating my ex, I was in a short relationship with a girl that got pissed because I was going to have dinner with my mom and dad...she was invited and actually told me about it because my mom called her to tell her due to me at work and not answering. The red flag I got was after arguing with her because she thought I was going out to hook up with some other girls, as I walked out the door, she grabbed a knife an…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 07:00 PM
3

People react differently to situations. I feel that I killed myself for my ex. I worked my ass off, scheduled 55-60 hours a week, in a stressful and crazy job at that time. She stayed home as she had two little ones from a previous relationship (their father was not around and eventually passed) and when she got a taste of life where she could go out and do things, it seems that she thought the grass was greener on the other side. I got hurt at the job and had a surgery and was off work for abou…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:56 PM
5

I get it and no, there isn't any disrespect taken. Looking from the outside looking in, say, through my family and very close friends that have been around me all my life, they all clearly agree that my current wife is WAY better regarding a match. Ironically, she is completely opposite of me. I like rock and roll, she's country, like old country. I'm a night owl, she's a morning person. Those are some basic things of night and day differences with us, but we work, very well. When I met my ex, i…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:49 PM
3

Thank you for the compliment. Yes, getting out and being seen is great! Be around your close friends, enjoy life again. Take it slow. I know from experience that things can be going great, then something would trigger me or remind me of my ex and anger and resentment would creep back into my thoughts. All that did was ruin my progression and I had to start back over. Being able to have multiple different "support groups" around me truly helped me long term and I am forever thankful for those clo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:19 PM
2

Health is important. For the longest time, I was out hitting the bars, getting hammered daily. It was my initial coping mechanism. When I realized that I was getting too drunk to recover to truly enjoy my time with my son early on, I realized this was not the answer. I started taking him to the park, going for walks, volunteering to coach soccer camps and doing other things that were both physically and mentally rewarding for both he and I. As for dating...I remember telling my wife now that I w…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:15 PM
2

I feel that it is human nature to feel like it's your own fault when something tragic happens. Obviously, no one thinks that their marriage will end in divorce when they say their vows, but it happens. You can either sit around, mope and let it drag you deeper down into despair, or find ways to cope, move forward and reconstruct your life. Remember, not all women are like what you experienced. My wife today, of 14 years, she is a remarkable woman. Time after time, during the child custody battle…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:09 PM
2

You're welcome. I've been there, I've dealt with and steal deal with the ghost of days gone by. I appreciate life with my wife today and my daughter. Yes, I feel I lost my son but I am hopeful that in time, past angers and aggression will heal.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 06:04 PM
2

I feel for anyone, man or woman, going through something like this, especially with such a young child involved. Regarding how to deal with this, maybe look at it like not what you did or how you could have prevented it, but instead, think how maybe her being this way is her version of a coping mechanism. Pregnancy and child birth, knowing you have someone that you'll need to be there for 24/7 basically for the next 18 years can do a lot to a person. Hormone changes during pregnancy and after ca…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 02:59 PM
6

It's good to see something play out favorably for the guy side. Without knowing too many details, I'd say that first, I'm sorry the marriage didn't work out as planned. Obviously, no one wants to go through a divorce or even expect to do one when they say "I do" on the wedding day. Take care of the kids, stick to your boundaries and hopefully, even though marriage didn't work out, raising the kids in a loving environment will.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 02:49 PM
4

Sorry to see you going through this. It sucks, and it's nothing short of sad. In my situation as I stated, there was factual proof of manipulation on many occasions, from the GAL reports (yes, I had to pay for the GAL multiple times per the judge) and yet the judge declined to respect the reports of the GAL, who came to the houses of each of us and witnessed first-hand. It made me see how greedy the courts are. I mean, if the judge is going to make it mandatory to have a professional come out to…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 01:48 PM
3

For years, I had felt like I wouldn't have to deal with my ex and that was fine with me. I mean, we split when our son was under 2. Hell, our first year anniversary of our wedding, she wasn't even with me that day. By the summer of the year I filed, she was living with her mom, I was recovering from a surgery and when I served her papers, to her mom's address that fall, she actually called me and asked, "Why are you serving me with divorce papers?". Ummm, because I have physical proof of all the…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 01:44 PM
3

I just wish my son and I could work things out. I've tried to reach him on all fronts but to no avail. Wrote letters, text messages no answer, calls that just ring, social media contact and nothing. What hurts the most is that my wife and I have a little girl who adopted her brother and now as she ages, it's like he died or never existed because he only shows up in pictures from when he was like 15.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 12:15 PM
3

It's hard to say, but I know in generally, when the divorce started nearly 2 decades ago, I felt I failed as a husband, a father and just became a statistics here in the US on the "bad side". So when the finality of the whole thing was in front of me, I feel it just brought up those feelings again. Like "well here is your paperwork confirming the last piece of this battle is now over and you're no longer obligated to walking on eggshells with your ex spouse". Understand that in my state, every 3…
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/24 12:13 PM
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