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BeneficialAbalone578 Archive

View 0 posts and 73 comments by BeneficialAbalone578 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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4

While this is certainly an option, and a decent one, just be aware that $200k in pretax 401k dollars does not equal $200k in “paid out for equity in house” post tax dollars.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 03:46 AM
9

Lol (literally), damn, ouch…that was good.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/23 10:39 PM
2

I’m sitting here on the couch reading this while watching basketball (kids with her tonight) and just remembering how rough and long it was. But it does get better man…life is good now!
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 11:43 PM
3

Re Lawyers: you wouldn’t necessarily have to retain one…but you could still talk to one or more and drill down on your specific scenario. Honestly the 50/50 thing is pretty gold. TX sucks because you aren’t going to get that unless she “says okay” to it. Otherwise the best you’re going to do is noncustodial extended standard which is ~42% time but it means you have a lot less time/days during the school year. This was an important consideration for me at the time because my X doesn’t seem to be …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/23 01:08 AM
-4

Ha, I’m just going to downvote the comment here for the audacity. CS is still a thing in 50/50 as much as many would like it not to be, and in a lot of cases seems like it’s logical that it wouldn’t be. So here’s likely situation if you had lawyers and/or didn’t come agreement. OP, not that you’ve given your exact salary but just rough numbers (and this is going off of couple years ago so they’re prob a bit higher now)…if you make around or above $140k (and don’t have other kids or weird situati…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 10:15 PM
1

Understood and so do I, and it was a rather painful point of contention given the rise in home prices during the dates of marriage. I’m simply saying it depends on location because I didn’t pay her anything based on the current value of the house (but $40k on principle pay down and another sum for property improvements). But I certainly shelled it out for all the appreciated holdings in a qdro from investments prior to marriage to make up for it…to your second topic.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 05:44 PM
1

I don’t see where OP listed a location. There certainly is a difference here between unrealized and realized “equity”. At least in my state, the current value of the previously owned property would have no bearing. The mortgage pay down and any property improvements would. Saying equity in general is a bit confusing. As with most things OP, the best thing you can do here is get a free consult with a local lawyer and get specific answers to your law question. Doesn’t mean you have to use them…alt…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/23 04:30 PM
4

Well if you (or her) spend it all as soon as you earn it, go for it. But don’t plan on building up any sort of savings/retirement and keeping it all on your apparently impending divorce. :)
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/23 02:18 AM
1

OP said wife was “added last year when they refinanced”. Who knows what that means. To the deed? Probably not. To the mortgage proper, most likely. Or maybe she just signed the mortgage paperwork as a non participating spouse (don’t know the correct verbiage) for homestead purposes. That last option is certainly a thing in my state. So first there needs to be some clarification there. In any event, saying wife is going to get half equity or that the house is that much of a shared asset at all is…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/23 06:02 PM
2

Ok cool, yeah that’s def 50/50 and awesome for you. I have the same custody arrangement. From everything I’ve learned over the past few years, that seems very odd for the judge to do that unless directed. I’m definitely no lawyer, but judges won’t do that normally because 1) it’s not tx law/standard and 2) because of that it opens everything up to appeals. Recent TX house bill 803 attempted to get closer to standard custody 50/50 but it didn’t pass. You said you can’t afford more lawyer bills…do…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 02:05 AM
1

What u/AttemptScary4550 is saying is correct. You keep saying 50/50 but I think you’re getting bad info. The only time you’re going to get 50/50 shared custody in tx is if you and baby momma agree to it specifically and it’s written in the custody agreement that way. And it doesn’t sound like she’s agreeing on anything. Judges aren’t going to do it, it’s not the way it works. Are you sure it’s not called standard or extended standard custody anywhere? If it were 50/50 and based on your other com…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 12:22 AM
1

Well on the plus side at least now being much older and hopefully a little wiser, I’ve learned all the hard lessons I can handle to avoid paying hundreds of thousands to them to go away.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 09:49 PM
7

I’m 1.5 months into dating who I’m sure is the kindest woman I’ve ever met. She’s always laughing, smiling, and so damn nice…it’s really intoxicating. Oh, and also hot. Makes me smile every time I talk to her. I don’t think it’s a long term thing for either of us for a few reasons but that’s okay. I’m loving it while it lasts.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/22 02:24 PM
5

Don’t tell/force her to move out. She lives there too. Suck it up, gonna get worse…but it’ll get better eventually. Going for the long game here man and gotta take the high road. If there’s a chance she’s going to go crazy and say you’ve assaulted her, then it might be good for you to leave. Since you don’t have a lawyer yet, I’ll add one more specific for you…you want a lawyer in your county. Sometimes people get recommended someone elsewhere and while they can be capable and good, it’s just no…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/22 10:57 PM
6

Quite a wicked business model refined over time.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 06:07 PM
3

She’s definitely going to get 1099-k forms from Venmo/Cashapp and the like starting this year so she can’t try and hide that money. It might be painfully late for your purposes at this point though, so it’s still going to involve lawyers.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 01:40 PM
2

This is very location dependent. In my state, which is not 50/50 by default…the custodial parents income doesn’t matter at all. OP stated only seeing children weekends so I’m assuming it’s not 50/50 or at most an alternative schedule.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/22 01:33 PM
1

I’d roll with this option. Nobody cares about your money as much as you do. Lawyers serve a purpose and there’s good ones out there but it’s still a business built on billable hours. From my experience those “little” things like making even the bank account contributions is going to fall through the cracks at maximum and at a minimum be extremely low on the totem pole of things the lawyers will worry about. Plus if you make it a point, they can start mediating over it and there goes a grand to m…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 05:08 PM
3

The thing about divorce decrees is once they’re in place, they’re significantly harder to get changed later than when you’re “dueling it out” in the first place. Not that you’ve said child’s ages but it’s inconsequential …kids and life after divorce lasts a long time. Schedules change. I would suggest not burying yourself into a suboptimal schedule hole from the onset, regardless of her work schedule. And I’ll just add this on here, per your one other comment thus far. Although it depends on you…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/22 03:33 AM
2

That’s not how it works.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 04:07 AM
2

I would definitely ask a lawyer specifically how long you would need to be in the new job for it not to be an issue with the financial calculations and/or what the odds are that it’s an issue in the first place given the need for the move to support effective single parenting. It looks as though in NJ it’s very favorable for 50/50 split time custody (that’s better than a lot) and alimony prob at your marriage length / 2. Disregard the notion of not paying her cs or alimony. Little chance that’s …
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 04:06 AM
3

Been there, feel for you, and wholeheartedly agree with you. Not a lawyer, but this kind of thing is going to be very state specific with regard to the formal laws, so you’ll want to provide your state at a minimum on the off chance you would get someone responding that has gone through something similar and cares to share their experiences. Anything else you read, take with a grain of salt. Some of this plays itself out in mediation. Some of it depends on how amicable she is. Some of it depends…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/22 01:29 AM
1

Hopefully she hasn’t “turned” your daughter against you recently and is playing that with the long range move. Daughter should be set in her high school there at the family residence. But agree with the daughter having a strong say, and courts won’t do much when you can’t all but forcibly make a kid go somewhere in the first place (in my state anyway).
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/22 03:58 AM
1

Potentially, regarding custody/time split of the 16yr old anyway. Moving an hour away from the family home…is she interested in split/primary in the first place? You mention msa, so lawyers already in the mix? Something like “advantages” there is likely location/situation specific.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 09:17 PM
1

Upvoting and replying to you because I have before and you have the answer within the answer (and I’m just being pedantic to make the point). Answers will certainly be shared here, however none of them are truly useful because this is all too detail specific for Reddit. OP needs to talk to lawyers in his county and only listen to them and hire them to move forward, and probably not cheap ones, just my experience from discussions with a few. Pay now or pay later.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/22 01:50 AM
1

Generally speaking: parents’ residences locations to each other and school, each parents differing levels of involvement in school, school work and extracurriculars, parents attitude toward each other, ability/functionality of coparenting, friends of children (location/timing), child’s activity schedules with regard to parents schedule, parents lifestyle and differences between, parents work schedules itself could come into play depending on situation (painful but true). And at some age child’s …
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 07:05 PM
1

Fewer exchanges is not the only factor in deciding visitation schedules.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 02:36 PM
1

I think you’re doing it right. I wouldn’t entertain 7/7 until prob 9 but just my opinion. To me it’s excessively long between seeing the other parents, which trumps trivial stuff mentioned elsewhere here like the chance of leaving something at the others house. And pickups/transitions, at least for me, are done primarily from school/after school daycare so there isn’t a big difference from the parental side. Kid maybe, but haven’t found that to present itself as an issue thus far.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/22 02:31 PM
0

Saying it flatly isn’t appropriate is a little much, I think. There are benefits/downsides to both arrangements and depends on the living situations and locations a lot of the time. Works for some, not for others. Better for some kids/ages and better for some parents/schedules. Talking to lawyers about it is okay, albeit pricey. Family counselor better.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 08:45 PM
2

Ok so you’re way early on anyway. Ourfamilywizard is the often recommended and/or defacto enforced. I don’t a ton about it but have seen good things and would recommend if there’s much chance at, well, escalations, post divorce. It has subscription fees. For myself, I use an app called splitwise to track shared expenses. You can upload images/receipts right along with the expenses there. It does the trick. And those expenses are agreed upon things…daycare, extracurriculars, school crap. It’s not…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 08:39 PM
1

Everything throwaway said sounds spot on. Sure anyone can ask to be reimbursed, doesn’t mean they’re going to get it and they wouldn’t in court unless it’s spelled out in the decree.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 08:28 PM
2

OP, is the D completely amicable? Lawyers involved based on what you’re saying so this will all kind of play itself out. You mention the temporary custody arrangements. Child support? Alimony? Are you two going to agree on that stuff?
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:48 PM
4

No
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:45 PM
5

Incorrect. Some of it would likely be spelled out in the divorce decree, and some of it is probably pretty gray area. Legally you need to do what’s in the divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:43 PM
1

It probably can’t really hurt to try unless they messed it up initially. I will be when the time comes, although my cs was calculated in my favor by x’s lawyer plus reduced even a little more as a compromise on something else she wanted, long story. So it probably won’t do me any good. I’ve got a buddy who’s x is a nurse that was working minimal hours while married and he’s paying out the nose. She’s of course full time since and pretty senior and I keep telling him he needs to fix it. It’s one …
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:39 PM
5

I’m not totally knowledgeable on the specifics even in my state because I haven’t done it, but you can do it here without involvement from lawyers at the 3 yr point I think. Lawyer can also assist but that would cost money of course, though shouldn’t be much. Anyways…it will be state specific so your best bet is to start searching online for your state. Yes it’s definitely doable in cases where her income is taken into account for the cs initially, and especially if there’s substantial change li…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 05:21 PM
1

Sounds like you haven’t discussed this with a lawyer? This may be somewhat location dependent as far as specifics go but assuming the house was purchased prior to marriage (engagement means nothing) and she’s not on the deed or mortgage…the property is yours. You may/will have to pay her out for some house related things for the time period of marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 02:56 PM
1

She said I ruined her birthday. Which I thought was pretty ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday. /s I always liked that joke. I can’t actually remember anymore. I remember times specific times when I thought wow there’s no trying to go back now, but that was already after I’d made the choice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 09:33 PM
2

Dayum. Don’t even know what to say.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 09:30 PM
2

You haven’t provided any numbers so nobody here can pretend play with the numbers for you. Your lawyer can though, along with the mediator to the extend that it comes to a resolution. Hope that your lawyer is good and try to forget about it for a short time. Nothing is happening right now. Discuss with your lawyer what you’re interested in and tell him to tell you what you can expect. Divorce is a long process and sucks hardcore. On the plus side, you WILL come out on the other side and there WI…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/22 12:16 AM
6

This is going to be very FL state specific and a lot of those details you’ve mentioned matter as you are aware. Make a couple free appointments with local divorce lawyers. They are the only ones that can give you real and accurate answers. As you’ve mentioned, her name only being on the deed and that prior to marriage could be a problem. But it’s going to be resolved in the divorce and I’m guessing as Florida is an equitable distribution state it will end up being sold and divided out to some de…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/22 03:52 AM
3

Good update, thanks for sharing. While my divorce is long gone, these kinds of things would have been interesting to read while going through it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 02:15 PM
2

Ten years seems to be the alimony line in TX but a lot of that kind of stuff is in the lawyers/mediators hands. As someone else mentioned, TX is one of the better states in not screwing earners over on lifetime/expensive spousal supports but cs can be pretty high and 50-50 is not standard. Speaking strictly from a financial standpoint (outside of everything else you’ve said about her) the cs thing is the primary reason why you will want to seek primary or full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:10 PM
1

Sounds fairly profitable if I was a demented hot twenty something woman with an eye for picking out suburban single guys that didn’t know what prenup meant.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 04:18 AM
8

Well it hasn’t been said yet but as most of these post go, you need to talk to a local lawyer…actual a couple to get an idea of your options. And assuming you are in a one party consent state (Google that, confirm with multiple sources), continue to pile up video, photo and audio recordings. Keep a journal. You may need it, you may not but can’t hurt. Only reason you’re still in it is the kiddo?…well now it can be your mission to have the upper hand by being rigorous and organized with it to the…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 03:31 AM
2

That’s….insane.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 02:02 AM
1

If it’s your name/ both your names…it’s not really in your best interest to keep it that way regardless of her ability to pay going forward with child or spousal support. And of course this is a crap time to be in the position right now given interest rates. In the end it’s on you, but there’s a lot of potential pitfalls you can absolutely hosed on. Which you said in your last sentence…but just backing that up. Divorce sucks, a lot of things change during it, but don’t let her put you in a terri…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 01:58 AM
1

As long as you purchased before marriage as you said, it’s yours legally with divorce in TX. You should have to pay her half the reduction in principle of mortgage from the marriage date and also half of any improvements to the property (that can get ticky tack but try not to let it because it just becomes lawyer hourly fees). In a short marriage presumably those aren’t much and may be completely disregarded. Get that mortgage and other documentation ready on your own beforehand to save time. Ch…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 12:52 AM
3

Did it a couple years ago, mostly because I had had another surgery and was already over max spend on insurance so it was basically free. It wasn’t nearly as bad you read and I didn’t really have any pain at all after leaving other than a little soreness two days later. Didn’t affect me in any way. Might as well go for it. At the time I was already sleeping on the other end of the house from the now X, so not like that was an issue. I have a friend that had his undone, or so he said once, when h…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 07:03 PM
3

Now it’s for real.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 01:49 AM
4

You can say that again.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 08:06 PM
3

You haven’t provided much for details. Hard to say whether it gets messy or not. Maybe it does because a lot do but without kids and a short marriage there’s not much to get messy about. Go talk to a couple lawyer with free consults and learn. Doesn’t mean you have to use them. If your car is your largest marital asset then yeah, maybe lawyers are a bit much. Sell the car, she’s just a co-signer.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/22 12:05 AM
4

Yeah, don’t move out. US? What state? First step, sit down with a couple lawyers. She doesn’t have to know. When it comes to a lot of household crap, outside of just dividing stuff up…there’s a thing called useful life that’s nominally used for taxes/IRS but holds true in asset division to some degree. In other words your $5000 2 yr old “tech” isn’t worth that anymore. No fault doesn’t necessarily mean 50/50 everything, there’s a lot of leeway to a lot of things. Keep that in mind. Back to the l…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/22 03:54 AM
1

So basically a zero interest loan from her?
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 10:41 PM
3

This. Screenshot texts and get all records you can and keep a written log with dates/times, context and events that transpired. Hell as you’d describe it I’d prioritize taking them out to eat in order to get a receipt. Establish a pattern. You’re not coming close to modifying a custody agreement without those things. Even then it’s iffy, so best to have a discussion with a lawyer about what it would take.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 04:09 PM
1

A) agreed B) damn, sorry man. That’s insane. C) To a point yes you do shovel it to the lawyers. And beyond that you create an irreversible amount of hatred and despair between the former spouses, especially so if there was a chance at a fairly agreeable divorce. I will throw out one thing for OP fwiw, but this is a stretch and I’m merely typing for disclosure…not really sure I would suggest pursuing. Not sure how long wife has been in software dev and if she’s full time whatever but that salary …
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 03:02 AM
1

Tacking on just to agree.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/22 02:48 AM
2

Alimony is in no way definite in a 5-6 yr marriage. However a quick google search shows TN to have a lot of flexibility and seems to be very pro-alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 04:46 PM
4

Child support is not alimony. I don’t know this for fact but I’m guessing the money you mention she (or really her other son) gets from survivor benefits won’t be used in any calculations as that is for/to the son, not her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 04:42 PM
5

Sorry to hear it. Divorce is very US state specific, as well as child support…there are a lot of variables. It also takes a long time to finish, most of which you don’t have control over (referencing your timing comments). Find a couple local lawyers and get a free consult. Start googling state laws. You can probably find a child support calculator or rough guidelines online but don’t take it as set in stone. You can get divorced semi-cheaply if you and spouse are agreeable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 01:16 PM
8

1) you are likely breaking the decree. Decrees are pretty gray in a lot of areas but this one could be seen as fairly vindictive. Not that one incident matters but continual patterns can work against you in a bad way. 2) i think it’s tough really to offer a good opinion on something like this with just a few paragraphs from you, without the whole relationship context. I totally get where you’re coming from but overall I’d just let it go. Personally even though I get along fine with my X, I don’t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 01:43 AM
2

Already so many good comments here and sounds like you’re on the right track, just wanted to say keep your head up and listen to your lawyer. It’s expensive and sucks but in your situation especially it’s hugely important. Obviously she was trying to keep your head in the sand. One note I wanted to point out, which you might already know given you have lawyer now, but hasn’t been mentioned yet is that TX is not 50/50 standard child custody and has the stigma to lean heavily toward the female for…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 07:07 PM
1

What guns? Sold most of those a long time ago hunny bunny. Maybe she can just give you some of that community property paycheck to pay your bills? /s Personally I’d just do it, document it yourself and worry about it down the road if it becomes a deal. Because seriously if she’s going to make it a deal then it’s going to cost more lawyer hours for her (and you) than it’s worth and literally her paycheck is an easy pushback against what you’re talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 08:56 PM
3

I dunno, I suppose I can see it. I’m not going to hate on your idea outright. Kid cool wife not, so why not roll with it. She can be artificially inseminated. I’d be talking to a couple different very experienced lawyers before entertaining the idea further though. If 50-50 is your states standard and you have close to even income there’s likely not legally much to lose there assuming you have a good divorce decree outlining the arrangement for kid 1. I feel like the other big thing to think abo…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/22 07:06 PM
3

Yeah I’d drop one for now since kid is young. At least til everything is settled, and maybe til school age if nothing else. Based on your comment history, I’m guessing wfh is doable so you can certainly sacrifice sleep but that’s a beating long term. Could try and pick up some freelance work at some point too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/22 02:39 AM
2

Your paragraph about alimony is going to be state specific so even if someone answers that here, take it with a grain of salt. Those are definitely lawyer questions. There’s likely guidelines/formulas and then wiggle room for lawyers to work in. It probably has little to do with what you think you can or should afford. Generally you can’t buy a house until you are divorced because then she’s going to own half of it…cause you’re still married. There are ways around it, just involves the lawyers u…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 07:36 PM
1

Sorry about your situation. I don’t have good answers to your questions other than don’t know, it depends, it depends. I just wanted to say based on what you’ve wrote…I’d venture to say just forget the no lawyer thing. Unless she’s completely ignorant, as vindictive as you make her sound she’s going to get/have one when the time comes. Lawyering is a business and an annoyingly expensive one to hire. But there’s no way around it at your point and you are indeed going to get destroyed if you attem…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 07:16 PM
4

Location matters here to some degree. But as the other comments have already said, talk to a lawyer and you will get real answers you can trust. Generally speaking debt incurred and assets gained during marriage are going to be split (again what state you’re in matters) and painfully as it may seem no you’re not going to be credited for much of anything.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 10:05 PM
1

No I don’t, disregarding the relationship or lack thereof, it was probably a good age to do it. He had already started school and has awareness of his surrounding but not a complete understanding of everything. But my circumstances were particular because there was another child in play, not mine, that I think made the transition a heck of a lot easier on him because he was already used to seeing it. Now all that said, an abusive relationship isn’t good on anyone and has to have long lasting neg…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 09:49 PM
6

This and lemmings answers are correct. Basically it’s going to be difficult as cs and other expenses are treated somewhat differently given courts probably aren’t tracking both. And you don’t want to be seen as not paying cs. Keeping records and receipts is what you need to do. And it’s the long game. Lawyers/court is expensive right, so it’s not worth it to do it now or for what you’re describing (unless you’re simply wanting to send an expensive to both parties message). But it adds up and eno…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/22 10:01 AM
1

I understand the “never expected my life as a new dad…” more than you could know. How did it ever get this way? I managed to stick it out til smalls was five years old and it progressively getting worse, although based on your op, it sounds like your situation accelerated faster than mine. I made the divorce decision and planned it out but that’s a long story and she was already there as a dull bump on a log at that point (outside of the freak outs). Hang in there!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/22 01:36 AM
1

Your story mimics a lot of what I went through, eerily similar. It sucks, gonna suck more…but you’re not alone. I don’t personally like giving general advice like “get a divorce!” based on one post but that was the end of my own marriage story and that’s the predominant advice you’re going to get here. It’s doubly hard with the small kiddo. As far as the job goes, yeah the insurance part is a pain, to the point you might have to switch some things up. But she has a job which from a divorce persp…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 01:19 PM
5

This is the only real correct answer. Overall it’s a metric crap ton of risk to find out though.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 09:50 PM
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