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Bermnerfs Archive

View 0 posts and 133 comments by Bermnerfs on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Similar thing, she had hidden about $50K in credit card debt and a personal loan. When we nearly divorced in 2024, I was blindsided and was willing to do nearly anything to fix the marriage. She took advantage of this and convinced me to refinance the house and use the equity to pay off her debt. I was very against this idea, but also wanted to make her happy so I reluctantly agreed. This also tripled our mortgage payment and interest rate while basically wiping out all of the equity we had buil…
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/26 02:27 PM
10

Just giving you the negative attention you're seeking. I hope it helps fill the emptiness in your soul, but I doubt anything will.
/r/EverydayMisandry26/07/26 03:45 PM
11

Are you ok?
/r/EverydayMisandry26/07/26 03:38 PM
1

Well, you seem to have your mind made up about how you plan to proceed. Just know you have more control over your life than it seems right now. She may have taken all of your material possessions, but she can't take your happiness unless you allow her to. A pet and a motorcycle can be enough to just keep your mind occupied. Listening to music can be therapeutic. Give yourself some grace, and know these feelings are normal and don't have to be permanent. It's just a matter of knowing your mind ca…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 03:32 PM
0

This is the way. When you start believing in yourself, knowing your value, and building up confidence, everything changes for the better. The sooner you are able to start this, the easier it will be to get thru this. I am still married but we have been on the rocks for over two years now. She was the first to ask for divorce and I did all of the wrong things. Acted weak, needy, begged for her to reconsider, and for whatever reason she stayed. Then I found out about the infidelity and everything …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 03:07 PM
1

I know it's not easy, but you really are leaning into the darkness. Are you in therapy? You seem to be in a bad place and that's understandable, but your ego is going to destroy you far worse than your ex ever could. The more healthy and positive your pursuits, the better your outlook and outcomes will become. Stay away from the hookers, stop listening to that voice in your head that is telling you to give up, if you're drinking or using other substances to self-medicate, stop that asap. Start t…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 02:33 PM
9

Going thru this now, and I was originally still protecting my cheating STBXW's reputation by not talking about her affair, financial infidelity, alcoholism, and emotional/mental abuse. Then I realized she already was spreading her narrative that makes me out to be a monster and her the victim, so I am no longer hiding the truth. I have told my family and friends what's really going on, and have contacted her AP's wife and told her everything and included receipts. I am not letting her narrative …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 01:56 PM
7

It may be a shitty place to have to take a stand against misansrist stereotyping, but I am glad you had the intestinal fortitude to wipe their presumptions clean. Sorry, I have to make jokes because their gender war BS has become so damn sad.
/r/EverydayMisandry18/07/26 03:21 PM
65

Whatever sub it is, it's clearly full of hurt miserable people who have decided to filter their entire existence thru a lens of trauma and hatred. People who are desperately in need of therapy, but don't because they refuse to see their way of thinking as unhealthy and toxic.
/r/EverydayMisandry15/07/26 01:54 PM
5

Are you 100% sure there isn't someone else? There's a lot of red flags in her sudden shift early on, and the loss of a job might have been the perfect cover to complete the betrayal and come out looking like she was the victim. I hate to say it, but someone here once told me "there's always another guy", I didn't believe it at the time, no way would my wife ever step out like that, she just wanted to be alone and we had our issues. I trusted her fully. Well, I hate to say it but the person who t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 03:43 PM
1

Sertraline completely obliterated my libido, I don't even know if it caused ED too, because it basically killed any interest in sex or even self-gratification. It's almost like being chemically castrated for some men. Thankfully after being off of them for a few years, I would say my libido had recovered to around 90% of what it was pre-SSRI's. Doctors really should be more forthcoming about these side effects when prescribing them.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 01:43 PM
54

Umm, aren't romance novels notorious for the male characters being a bit, um, problematic at times? Like Dark Triad behaviors and not respecting boundaries/consent?
/r/EverydayMisandry21/05/26 07:11 PM
7

I think you know the answer. Your child will be much better off with a single and financially struggling but sober parent, than two drunk dysfunctional parents that can afford more stuff. There's no good outcome for you or your child by going back to your wife until she finally decides to get the help she needs. You already know this, stay the course.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 06:34 PM
8

It always amazes me how far cheaters will go to minimize and downplay their own affairs once they get a taste of their own medicine. You should let her go. You cheated on her and she was willing to work through it, despite it completely upending her world, but now here you are unwilling to do the same for her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 12:22 PM
1

Tiktok and stuff like this?
/r/EverydayMisandry09/05/26 07:23 PM
3

Uhh, imagining your mother? Who is a 9 or a 10 with another guy? That's good that you don't think about that I guess. Not judging, just a little confused about this comment.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 07:20 PM
5

"Try to not dwell on the affair, if you want her back, then take steps toward." To expand on this - if you really do want her back, you have to be stronger than your instinct and ego. You must resist any and all urges to pursue or beg her to reconcile. It seems counterintuitive, but the best way for this to happen is to take all focus off of her and redirect it towards yourself. Therapy, mindfulness, exercise, eat better, focus on hobbies in your spare time. The more you improve thru self-growth…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 07:44 PM
2

You realize you're on a divorce sub right? It sounds like he didn't stay with someone who talked down and mocked him.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:13 PM
7

Unless I am missing it, this bingo card doesn't have their #1 hit. Accusing you of being an incel or saying "you have never felt a woman's touch" if you disagree with one of their toxic takes. It infuriates me just as much as the homophobic accusations they love to hurl.
/r/EverydayMisandry28/04/26 03:28 PM
11

"She may be an A-cup, but her confidence shows double D energy". Yeah, let's see how that would fly on a comments about celebrity women. You'd get crucified for it, and rightfully so.
/r/EverydayMisandry25/04/26 11:38 AM
6

Separation with plans to get back together or to divorce? If it's the latter, you shouldn't really care what she is doing now, while you're growing and improving yourself, it sounds like you're still focusing on her. You and your kids should be your only priorities right now. Let her crash and burn while you keep improving. Also, I wouldn't trust anything she is telling you. "Working on myself" is a very common excuse for someone who is secretly monkey-branching.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 04:32 PM
13

Start digging and prepare yourself for D-day my dude. It's an awful ride, sorry you're now in this club.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 05:34 PM
16

Connecting the worst members of society with one another has proven to be the most destructive impact of the internet.
/r/EverydayMisandry07/02/26 04:15 PM
20

Got to love how one guy posts a comment agreeing with how "dangerous" men are, but then he still gets attacked anyway.
/r/EverydayMisandry31/01/26 03:02 PM
7

She's keeping you on standby so you can catch her when the monkey branch inevitably breaks. Don't be anyone's second choice, preserve your self-worth and dignity and throw her ass to the curb. She is doing this shit because she believes you will be waiting by the door for her like a sad puppy dog if it doesn't work out with her affair partner. Prove her wrong, go full no contact, get a lawyer and file for divorce. Get your ass to a therapist, go to the gym, eat healthy, start practicing mindfuln…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 03:07 PM
12

She is expecting you to beg and plead with her to stay together so she can enjoy watching you collapse emotionally. You're carrying yourself with dignity, that runs counter to what she wants, so she is grasping at straws to make you out to be a villain to justify her decision. Stop apologizing and do your thing. She no longer gets the benefits of you as a husband. She wants "freedom" while keeping you on a short leash in case things don't work out the way she is fantasizing they will. And rest a…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:56 PM
3

The harder you try to convince her to come back to the marriage the more you solidify her internal narrative about you. She thinks you're weak, needy, clingy and will sit there waiting for her while she does whatever TF she wants. She is a cake eater, a selfish cheater who wants to sleep around while having you as a stable puppy dog waiting at home (aka having her cake and eating it too). I highly recommend you read the book "leave a cheater, gain a life". It will explain exactly what's going on…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 04:57 PM
2

He is just looking for an easily malleable able-bodied woman to manipulate into being his caretaker as he withers away. It sounds like you've already given this dude way more of your life than he ever deserved, why waste another minute thinking about him? There are plenty of great men out there that would actually appreciate you and treat you with mutual respect. Figure out why you don't think that you deserve a relationship like that instead of whatever this guy is.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 03:51 PM
5

Maybe get into marriage counseling. It sounds like she's checked out emotionally, she may not have cheated yet, but the risk of that happening is definitely worth considering. Usually they start to check out and rewrite history the moment they start getting some level of external validation. Remain vigilant and trust your gut, it's a very powerful intuition designed to protect you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 12:42 PM
14

This pretty much sums it up. Shaming men for basically following the natural order of human biology and sexuality while simultaneously participating in the same things. There are very real problems between men and women, but demonizing men simply for finding women attractive when they are presenting themselves in ways that are known to be attractive just seems so ridiculous when you look at it objectively. It's no different than shaming any other species in the animal kingdom for responding to t…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/11/25 05:42 PM
14

That he knows of yet. Usually the kind of conversations OP's wife just initiated have a catalyst, and it's often external validation from a random douchebag. I was here 15 months ago and everyone told me there's always another guy, I was in denial about it and thought she would never cheat. Well I now realize how naive I was. THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER GUY. They almost never work up the nerve to try and end the marriage until they have slept with or are preparing to sleep with someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/25 12:00 PM
1

I have pretty good luck making friends through hobbies. What are you interested in? Find some sort of groups around those interests and see if you can join. For example, I like mountain biking so I go out riding and have met some other people who enjoy the same. I also have some "online friends" I have made from other hobby groups on Facebook and reddit. They're not quite the same as in-person friends, but it's still nice to keep in touch with them and shoot the shit from time to time. There are…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 01:55 PM
1

I know the urge to just "try and fix this" is strong, but you can't fix her behavior or make her respect you from a position of weakness, clinginess, and self-pity, nor can you respect yourself in this state. You have two choices, continue being a sad needy man watching his wife give everything to some old creep or you can take control of yourself and start believing you deserve better. Stop worrying about her, stop sitting home while she's out disregarding you, and stop seeing yourself as a vic…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 03:19 PM
3

Damn what a shit show! After dealing with this myself, I can say for sure I would never want to inflict this kind of heartbreak on another person, even my unfaithful wife. Loyalty is one of my core values and something I can say makes me a person that is worthy of the same. It sounds awful for your poor friend who got sucked into that whole mess. It's a lesson though, don't get emotionally invested in someone in the middle of a divorce or just wrapping one up but haven't done the work to find th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 04:03 PM
5

Yes, as I said, I would have appreciated it, which is why I think it's only fair I do the same. I probably will do it anonymously, but it will probably still be pretty obvious who it's coming from since they were very discreet about it. I intend to make it sound like I was a 3rd party at the same trade show, but I am sure the AP will know it's me anyway. I am focused on my own well being and the security of my kids first and foremost. Disclosure to the wife will have to wait until the time is ri…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 03:27 PM
5

I have been grappling with this, it's wearing on my conscience and I have decided I will disclose this info to her eventually. I just want to make sure I have my affairs in order before I open that can of worms. I know nothing about her or the AP, so I don't know how it will be received and what if any level of retaliation will come back towards me or my wayward wife. I did find her online, I have her socials and cell phone number, I also have screenshots of my WW and the AP's linked-in in convo…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 03:19 PM
8

I have shared with my brother since he's the only person I really trust enough to open up with. My best friend works at the same company as my wife so I haven't told him, at least yet. I have trauma issues stemming from my parents, especially my mother, so while most people would want to open up and go to them for comfort, I want to stay as far away from her as possible when I am dealing with traumatic experiences. My father means well but he is a weak and sad shell of the man he used to be. He …
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 03:12 PM
7

I am going through this now. And while I always thought I would blow up her life and tell everyone if she cheated, I now am faced with the reality of this. We have three kids and she has a good career, so while it may bring me temporary relief to exact this kind of revenge, it will hurt me and the kids more in the long run. They still need a somewhat happy and successful mother, and I don't want to risk her losing her job and putting me in an even worse financial bind when the divorce starts. If…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 02:55 PM
1

I haven't heard of that book, is it about letting go of the feelings of wanting to control or change others? I am always looking for new books to help me better understand myself and my relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 02:33 PM
2

Good job on quitting drinking, that is not easy for a lot of people and takes strength many don't have. Stay with it, it's the best thing you can do for your mind, body, and inner self. I quit drinking in July of 2024 and it was the best decision I have made for myself, I lost 80lbs, started being so much more present with my kids, and regained clarity and confidence that had all been washed away by drinking daily. As far as your wife goes, you can't change her or her mind about the marriage. An…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 12:47 PM
-1

The best way he can man up is to focus on doing what's best for him. He is looking for ways to grow and become a better version of himself which will ultimately make him a much better father. Besides as he said, it's not really going to change the amount of time spent with the kids anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 12:11 PM
2

Hey OP, this weirdo is now using your post to claim you're a serial killer. . You should block this dude, he's not quite right upstairs and something about your post has triggered him it seems.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 12:18 PM
9

So you read all of the times OP asked his wife to respect his personal items and she completely disregarded any of his simple boundaries, yet you concluded he is a sinister person who needs to seek help? Clearly you don't understand what mutual respect is.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 12:12 PM
5

Thanks, I think it's important to look at the big picture and remain grounded. I think a lot of people on the left are starting to abandon logic for ideology and that's never a good thing no matter what "side" they're on. We are facing very real threats of fascism and a complete societal regression and we will never turn the tides if we continue to encourage our side to continue attacking men and silence them simply based on their sex/gender. We are pushing young men directly into the arms of th…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates27/09/25 03:58 PM
18

I am a progressive person and very pro-women. I will openly admit that a lot of men behave in very problematic ways especially towards women. But I have also seen a very strong anti-men bias taking over here on reddit and social media as a whole. There is a very real double standard between men and women here. Good intentioned men are having their voices shut down and are being accused of vile things for the slightest disagreement. I have been called a misogynist or incel numerous times for call…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates27/09/25 02:18 PM
2

Men aren't like that, your husband who sounds like an abusive controlling POS is like that. If you're in the US, you don't need his permission to divorce, nor do you need his permission to start working. If you are worried he is going to hurt you if you do start the divorce process, there are systems in place to help you. Start with reaching out to a lawyer and look for organizations in your area that help women trying to leave abusive relationships to see what your options are. If he is really …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/25 03:26 PM
15

Wow, I actually remember this post. Pretty sure I replied to some of the comments you pictured. It was so damn frustrating, so many entitled and unappreciative people spewing toxic opinions.
/r/EverydayMisandry05/09/25 01:12 AM
23

AIO, Marriage, Relationship Advice, AITA, all of those subs have such blatant double standards. The man is always in the wrong, even if it's clear the woman is the problem, it's always "this is only one side of the story" or "we must be missing some of the details". Yet when it's a woman posting everyone takes her word as the absolute truth and anyone that questions the narrative is downvoted to hell and demonized.
/r/EverydayMisandry27/08/25 01:08 PM
6

Dude, do you not understand how this game works? For the love of God, stop begging! Do not seem weak and needy right now, do not put her on a pedestal. That is the absolute last thing you should be doing right now if you want any chance of saving things. What you need to do is learn how to just show nothing but indifference towards her. Start focusing on yourself and what you want in life. You need to come across as confident and in control of yourself and your emotions. Coming across as weak an…
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 11:49 PM
8

Clint Eastwood maybe back in the day, but he has gone off the rails over the past two decades with his BS right wing nonsense. He's just slightly a better role model than Jon Voight and Mel Gibson.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates15/08/25 06:31 PM
2

I am, and we are stronger than ever. However I don't want to give you false hope. No two marriages or women are the same, but there are certain constants that they all share. If you want the best chance of turning things around, you need to be in the right mindset to make that happen. You can't beg, plead, or bargain for her to change her mind. She has to change her own mind. And the way that happens is by focusing on yourself, becoming the best version of yourself that you're capable of being. …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 05:05 PM
2

OP, I was in the same situation, walkaway wife and she was adamant there was zero chance of changing her mind. It wasn't until I stopped focusing on her and put all of my energy into myself that things started to change. 13 years of marriage, and she was done for the exact same reasons. I won't promise you that you have a chance to save things, but what I will say is this YouTube channel really helped me realize what I needed to do in order to make her see me differently. I watched as many vids …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/25 04:25 PM
13

Yup, fellow left leaning parents here. We talk to our three sons about the kind of content they will encounter online and thru their peers. We teach them to think critically and to be aware that certain groups are battling for their minds. Two of them are now teens, one is a pre-teen, none of them are hateful towards anyone. They are all very open minded and accepting of others. It's 2025, kids are going to have access to the Internet one way or another. As a parent it's important to understand …
/r/EverydayMisandry24/07/25 12:01 PM
2

Damn dude, why are you still living with her? She's manipulative, immature, and emotionally/physically abusive. You should be documenting these things to go scorched earth when you gather a strong enough case. It doesn't sound like she has your kid's best interests in mind and has no problem with weaponizing them and getting violent when angry. It sounds like you could have a pretty good case to send her packing without the kids or the house.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 07:04 PM
7

Sounds like a planned maneuver specifically to block you out and ruin the time you were looking forward to. Very spiteful, juvenile, and petty. Also shows she has zero issues with using the kids as a weapon to hurt you. Thankfully it sounds like your kids can see through it, at least for now.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 05:17 PM
3

Honestly, posting her photos online without her consent was really crossing a boundary that would end most marriages yet you seem to still think it's no big deal. You really need to talk to a therapist and work on your impulse control or you'll keep sabotaging future relationships with this shit. I get that you're struggling and hurting right now, but this marriage is toxic AF. What's really left to save? She has moved on, and you need to get yourself together and prepare for what's to come. If …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 12:36 PM
7

I joined this sub because I came dangerously close to having a "walkaway wife". Thankfully I did the exact opposite of what most husbands in that situation do, and it worked. I am one of the few lucky ones who managed to turn things around. I stay here because it helps me avoid falling back into the same mindset that nearly cost me my marriage, and I occasionally will offer some advice to guys who are in the same situation I was in. I know how painful and disorienting the "blind siding" feels. I…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 01:54 PM
19

Whatever you do, don't be reactive, don't beg, don't show weakness. Your ego is going to be telling you to cry, plead, try everything in your power to change her mind, but that's exactly the opposite of what you need to do right now. Doing that will just repulse her and make you look weak and pathetic in her eyes. Save your dignity and get out of the house as much as possible. Anytime you're around her you are indifferent, you are content, and you are focused on yourself and what you want to ach…
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/25 06:53 PM
3

The power of now by Eckhart Tolle has been huge for helping me practice mindfulness and to keep my thoughts under control.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 12:23 PM
7

OP, document everything, get evidence of her drunk driving with the kids in the car (past incidents if possible, try everything you can to keep them out of the car with her moving forward). Don't wait for "the big incident" where she hurts your kids or someone else. Get your ass to a lawyer today and start the process, and tell the attorney everything you've told us. Work on getting an emergency custody order for your children ASAP!!! Your children's lives are literally in jeopardy, stop moping …
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 05:48 PM
2

Sorry about that man.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 03:48 AM
1

Hard to say, I would have been crushed much more than I already was, that's for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 03:06 AM
1

Ok, it's easier just to link a comment I made recently in the divorce subreddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/oasktMboEb
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 01:13 AM
6

Yes, I was able to save my marriage. It wasn't easy, and took a radical shift in how I viewed the dynamic between us. It also required me to make some serious positive changes in myself. I found some very valuable advice from a YouTube channel called "Marriage Reset" and applied what I learned. It isn't a guarantee but there are some universal things that cause women to fall out of love, and marriages to fail. Knowing how these things work give you a better chance of fighting the ship. This assu…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 11:46 PM
8

What's funny is in her mind she "clearly" communicated her needs, through subtle indirect comments, actions, and facial expressions. The thing is, they check out a long time before telling you they want out. She probably started drifting mentally at least 6 months ago, but seemed fine externally. It's frustrating because men and women communicate so differently we might as well be speaking different languages. Men want clear and direct communication, women use passive indirect hinting.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 02:57 PM
10

I swear "gaslighting" has become the most over and incorrectly used term in the English language.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/24 11:43 PM
2

Sheesh, what a mess. First off, I am sorry to hear about your son, sorry to hear about your ex and the devastation to your children, and sorry that your current wife is making things difficult. I'd say to be a bit more patient with your current wife since she's under a lot of stress due to your son's condition. I am sure it's hard on you as well, and she should be doing the same for you, but that's not how some people operate. I'd also suggest making the decisions that are best for everyone. The…
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:51 PM
1

Wow, you're right! Better yet, she posted on the divorce subreddit a few months ago talking about divorcing him and admitted he is a great guy. She admits it's out of pure boredom! She got roasted then too. Poor dude, he deserves better than this immature, self centered woman.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 05:34 PM
5

I really can't believe how many people are brushing this off! It's absolutely abusive and completely unacceptable for a spouse to abandon someone far from home and cut off contact. Then her acting justified is the cherry on top. OP, make sure you document this incident and anything else like it. You need an escape plan, and be ready for her to play dirty once you put it in action!
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:22 PM
9

Forgivable? Make nice? She ABANDONED her husband and blocked his ability to get in touch with her. This isn't a case of someone losing their patience and saying something mean. This is childish, spiteful, and downright abusive. This is as unforgivable as things get in my opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/24 03:18 PM
7

It's unfortunate how self destructive some people become. Everyone talks about male mid-life crises, but we seem to rarely acknowledge that it happens with women as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 06:07 PM
3

The most important thing to do in this situation is also the hardest. You have to keep yourself together and stable or it only makes things 100x worse. That's why the first piece of advice everyone gives is to fully focus on yourself. Your health, mentally, physically, spiritually, financially. Get to the gym, start reading books about self improvement and mindfulness, get your finances in order. The mindfulness piece is the most important. You need to start training your mind to be as strong as…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 03:09 PM
4

This is the best advice here. Don't seem needy or weak, don't be responsive to her emotional outbursts. You need to be as stoic and indifferent to her as possible. You show emotions and tears to your closest family and friends, not her. Any weakness or neediness will just repulse her and cement her decision. Start working out, update your wardrobe, get into the barber. Start reading as much as possible. There are several books suggested on this subreddit that are excellent. When she does speak w…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 04:23 PM
8

TBH it sounds like you both are pretty selfish, needy, and have a lot of growing up to do. Get to a therapist and start working on yourself. Make the necessary changes to be the best version of yourself. Learn how to practice mindfulness. Take care of your mind, body, and soul. These are the the only things you can control. It's up to you if you want to disclose the affair, and it's up to her how she responds. You can look at it as "you're even" but I doubt she will. Trust is blown on both sides…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 03:43 PM
2

All excellent advice, #1 and #7 were the two that really helped me hold together, especially in the early days. I started going to bed early, waking up at 5:30 a.m. and taking a walk through the nearby state park every morning. It really helped set the tone for the rest of the day and helped me to stay level. I would listen to audiobooks while walking, I found "A New Earth" and "The power of now" by Eckhart Tolle to be the most helpful. There's something about being among the trees first thing i…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 06:11 PM
2

I assume he's the husband and English isn't his first language. s Sometimes people who aren't native speakers have trouble with mixing up he and she.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 06:37 PM
6

We as men have evolved to spend all day hunting, building shelters, protecting our women and children from predators and rival tribes. Our modern lifestyles have deprived many of us from this purpose and we are suffering greatly from it. This is why lifting weights, playing competitive sports, and spending time in the woods can have such a profound impact on male depression. It's also why so many wives are leaving "good men". While their husbands may be good providers they don't seem like protec…
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/24 10:09 PM
1

That's better than most get in a divorce for sure. It seems like she will be well provided for, but there's more than that. You don't see it as abandonment but she might. Otherwise you wouldn't be talking about sneaking out instead of sitting her down and clearly explaining it's over and why. It also sounds like you have a lot of wealth to protect. You may think what you're offering sounds fair and I agree it is, but if she feels scorned she could go for a lot more. Have you consulted a lawyer a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:25 PM
5

We're only getting your side of the story here. It's hard to say what is right in these situations, but I always think it's best to try and keep a family together unless things are truly awful. The conspiracy theorist stuff is a red flag for sure, it makes me wonder if she's not capable of changing, but also sounds like you may be seeing greener pastures with this new woman that could be clouding your judgement. If you really are that unhappy and want to leave, then I think it should be for your…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:14 PM
9

You've been married to her for a long time, and it sounds like she's an ok person, just very different wants in life. I get where you're coming from, but at the same time I also have a hard time with the thought of running off and abandoning a partner that you've been with for so long. I think you really should sit her down, explain what you're telling us and let her know you want to leave for these reasons. Maybe suggest marriage counseling to see if there is any way to compromise or if you're …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/24 12:05 PM
1

Gotta learn to be indifferent back, and try to stop having conversations like this. If she's really done, save your dignity. Focus on yourself, you don't need her. She doesn't care anymore, why should you? I know this is easier said than done, but it's really the only way to operate now.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 07:14 PM
6

Let her crash and burn into the ground while you become the best man you can be. It's only a matter of time before she slips up and gets bagged for possession. Then expect her to look to you for help and support. I also think you may be kidding yourself about the cheating, but who knows..
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/24 12:26 PM
52

That men are emotionless and women are always compassionate. Time and time again, in these divorces, the women seem completely heartless while the men are emotionally devastated. Men can't "flip a switch" like women seem to be able too. It's really changed my view on how things work in relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/24 05:43 PM
2

Damn, you're a glutton for punishment! I am not sure if the courts take your existing support payments off of your income, but I am pretty sure you will be on the hook to pay at least something to the second wife and kid.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 11:37 PM
3

I think you're looking way too far ahead. That's something you worry about way down the road. For now you should be present and focusing on the current feelings and events you're facing now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 05:38 PM
1

My brother, get this negative opinion of yourself out of your head. People like people who are confident, self assured, driven. Your problems are a self fulfilling prophecy at this moment, take control and choose your destiny! Start exercising and eating right, the fat will drop and the muscle will grow. Read books, specifically self help and mindfulness. Get out of the city and be with the trees. Find your true purpose and passion. You are in the best years of your life and will never get them …
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 04:57 PM
1

Unfortunately this is a very bad time for a divorce if a house is involved since the interest rates are astronomical. Ask if she can handle being roommates for another year, rates are expected to drop. Then you can remortgage at a more reasonable rate, pay off any shared debts, give her half of the remaining equity, and then you both can split amicably with a clean slate financially. Otherwise you'd either have to refi at 6%+ or sell the house and split whatever is left after everything is paid …
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 09:24 PM
5

It's different for everyone, but sounds pretty early based on your timeline. I'd suggest you first focus on yourself and make that a priority for a while. Rushing into another relationship shortly after the previous one ended usually doesn't go very well.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 06:30 PM
7

The courts view it as she spent her years raising kids and maintaining the home instead of building up her career. She would now be unlikely to enter the job market and earn a living wage at this point. Whether you agree with this doesn't matter, it's up to the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 01:17 PM
7

Make sure you are still focusing and working on yourself through this reconciliation attempt. If you focus all of your energy on her and the relationship, things will end up bad again. You are your #1 priority.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/24 12:45 PM
11

Dude, wtf are you even saying. I read this and your other post, cut this shit out! You're giving up on your kids and making dumb excuses, you need to man up and be a father! I'm not trying to be an asshole, but you need to hear this. Get your ass into therapy, start reading self help books, start taking care of yourself physically and mentally. This pity party crap is pathetic. You have it inside of yourself, stop hiding from your true potential!!
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:21 PM
7

Borderline personality disorder, an absolute nightmare of a condition that many husbands have to deal with. My sister has it and I watched it destroy my brother in law until one day he hit his limit and walked out on her and still hasn't come back.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:06 PM
3

Down 36lbs since she said she wanted a divorce. Lost a lot the first week from being too messed up to eat. I have since used that initial loss to gain momentum and started eating clean and exercising daily. I still have quite a bit to lose, going to start lifting next week when I sign up for the gym.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/24 11:11 AM
3

Pull the cell phone record and look for a number that she has been calling or texting frequently. You can Google numbers and see if you get a name. If you get nothing you can pay like 20 bucks to use the White Pages reverse phone number lookup. If she's clever though she may be covering her tracks by using a burner phone or something like a Google voice number. Still, cell phone records are a good starting point. I also agree with what others are saying, drop it and let her get comfortable again…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 06:09 PM
1

If you truly did nothing wrong then she is either extremely insecure or hiding something. You have children, did the changes in pregnancy make her self conscious about how she looks? Prior to this texting incident, how were things? Was there a lot of affection? Did you still show her how attracted you were to her, or did you get a bit complacent? I'm not blaming you, I just feel like we might be missing some context. Another question is how are you handling her current behaviors? Are you pleadin…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:55 PM
2

Dude, the book was written for you. You really should get it today. It's available in audiobook format on audible if you prefer that over a physical book. Read or listen to it as many times as it takes to sink in. You need this!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:41 PM
3

You move forward by hard work and determination. Take a good look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve better. There are no shortcuts, and no one is going to do it for you. Friends and therapy can help, but this is your battle to fight and it needs to start immediately. Not tomorrow, not after you hit some arbitrary milestone, you start right now!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:38 PM
6

Just read and commented on your post. Wow, I hope posting that is the first step towards healing the wounds that she has been leaching off for years!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:34 PM
4

Wow, if anyone needs to read No More Mr. Nice Guy it's you! My dude, you have good intentions but until you finally grow a set and start being a bit more selfish you will continue being her and everyone else's doormat. Posting this and admitting how weak you have been is a great first step, keep going!!!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 05:32 PM
1

Keep being a good honest hardworking man and the truth will eventually become evident. Those who choose to continue believing her vitriol don't deserve a second thought. Fuck 'em.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 04:31 PM
2

I don't disagree, he just needs to stabilize himself first and foremost. It's easy to lose control in this state of mind and make mistakes she will absolutely capitalize on. Focusing on what her motives are this early will consume any will he can muster. Leaning on friends and family is good advice. Let them see your emotions, let them be your outlet for grief. Don't let the STBX see any emotion at all. She will look for any cracks to exploit, don't give her that opportunity. The stronger he is …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 03:56 PM
5

Just focus on yourself man. Keep improving physically, mentally, and spiritually. If both of you truly have feelings and eventually decide to reconcile you need to make sure you have fixed your side of the problems or you'll just end up heartbroken again. Don't take her back unless she's shown the same level of growth you have. Even if you decide to stay with your current girlfriend you'll have a much stronger and healthier relationship if you address the shortcomings in yourself that caused the…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:44 PM
2

100% this. OP needs to avoid reacting with any emotion to her attacks. Don't feed into her games.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:34 PM
1

Not trying to be a dick but it doesn't matter what her motive is at this moment. This kind of thinking will only make things worse. He needs to get himself together or she's definitely going to destroy him while he's so weak. Her motives will eventually become clear either way. She's expecting him to implode while she picks away at his carcass. He needs to find the resolve to resist her attacks. If he starts showing emotional strength instead of weakness it will throw her entire game plan off. I…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:30 PM
3

You need to disconnect from her as much as possible. I know you're in agony now, especially since she took the kids from you. Go full no contact except via email so you can start building a paper trail and protect yourself. Don't get emotional via email, just stick to business. Let her lash out while you respond in a cool and collected manner. You have to get past this stage in one piece. In the meantime talk to a lawyer and get your ass to a therapist. if you can't find one go to your primary c…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:21 PM
2

She's going to say things that hurt, it's just their nature. Part of it is her subconsciously (or consciously) testing how weak you have become. Don't fail anymore of her tests. If you act indifferent to her, stop putting her on a pedestal I guarantee she will change her demeanor towards you. Stay level and non-reactive long enough and she may even start talking reconciliation. Then you are the one who gets to choose. Just make sure you are certain on whether you are done or want to try and work…
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 02:45 AM
2

That's good to hear! You're focusing on the right things, just know how easy it is to fall into emotional traps that can set you back. Keep grinding!!
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 02:39 AM
11

NGL, not the kind of thing you should be thinking about if you're trying to move on. The real question is, what's your playlist for motivating you to become the best version of yourself?
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 01:31 AM
9

How do you feel about your wife? It sounds like you're more upset about the thought of losing your house more than your wife. If that's the case it sounds like divorce probably makes sense. You might be able to keep the house, but you'll likely need to buy her half out.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 10:40 PM
8

I was in the same situation up until a few days ago, now things are getting a little better. Whether you want to try to work things out or end it my advice is the same. Step back, give her space, don't talk to her about how you feel, don't show her you're sad or anxious, don't show anger, just be level and stoic. Don't react to anything she says or does with emotion. Acting needy or emotional is repulsive to women when they've reached this point, just don't do it. Start focusing on yourself. You…
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/24 07:09 PM
1

Sounds like she was a great wife and you took that for granted. Unfortunately you breached her trust in a way that is nearly impossible to recover from. It's especially bad if you continued being dishonest. It doesn't matter that you never actually cheated again, you still behaved in the same way by continuing to lie about other things. Learn from this and don't make the same mistakes if there is a next time with a new woman. Not trying to judge or be harsh, it's just the honest truth, which I t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 10:02 PM
2

Keep your cool. I know it hurts and it feels like your world is ending, but it's not. Focus on yourself, start reading, exercise, eat clean, learn how to control your thoughts, and how to feel your emotions in a healthy manner. You're in a rough spot, this is the biggest test in most men's lives. You have to find your inner strength and stabilize. You can come out of this a better person, but it takes work. You don't stand a chance in this if you can't get your mind under control. You have lost …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 03:46 PM
9

The key to all of this is to not react. Just simply say "that's nice" and move along. She wants you to be jealous, she wants you to show weakness, don't give in to her twisted games. You don't need her, keep your dignity and be non reactive. Know your value as a human being. If she sees she's not getting a reaction, she will stop saying these things and move onto a different tactic. Or she will become apologetic and start trying to come onto you. Resist her games, STOP REACTING!! I can't stress …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 03:40 PM
2

Damn, sorry this is happening. Ripping the kids away like that is excessively cruel. I don't understand how someone can turn like that on a person they loved.
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 11:20 PM
2

There's definitely a few tricks that work with all women, one of which is pretending that you just don't care about any of this. I've been completely non-reactive the past few days, not pretending like I am angry or ignoring her, just going along like everything is fine for me and I've noticed a few changes in her behavior. I'm not going to fool myself into thinking she will want me back, but I also don't want her to think I put her on a pedestal. Just play it cool and they start getting weirded…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 07:04 PM
22

To expand on #2, DO NOT ACT NEEDY, DO NOT BEG, DO NOT LET HER SEE YOU UPSET. I am sure most of us fell apart when she dropped the bomb, I spent the first week acting like a sad puppy dog. I have finally got my feet back under me and have stopped reacting to her, and everyday it makes me feel stronger. You really need to realize your worth and keep your dignity. Crying, begging, trying to do "nice things" all repulse her right now. Just stop trying, accept it's over. If there's a small chance she…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 06:37 PM
5

And if you're a heavy drinker quit asap, I can't imagine how much worse I would be handling this if I was still drinking. I feel so much more alert, positive, and clear headed now that I've sobered up. Thankfully I wasn't bad enough to experience major withdrawal symptoms, but if you are deep enough in alcoholism try to get help quitting. You owe it to yourself. Exchange bad habits for good habits wherever possible. If you're fat like me, start eating better and walking. You need to be as sharp …
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/24 06:31 PM
1

Seven is pretty young to be home alone, but depends on the child's maturity level. For short periods it should be OK as long as they can be trusted to not use the stove, or get into anything dangerous. Four is WAY too young, and a 7 year old is nowhere near old enough to be responsible for a 4 year old. I don't think you're over reacting at all, but I'm also not sure what if anything could be done about it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 11:13 PM
3

I have always been a bigger guy, but had lost over 100lbs and was getting lots of attention from the ladies. That's how I met my STBXW. Over the years I gained quite a bit back since she has pretty bad self discipline and I kind of adopted that along with her. I'm finally back on track with eating well and exercising and to my surprise the weight is shedding just as easy in my 40's as it did in my 20's. The only difference now is I have a bit of grey in my beard, and I plan to embrace the handso…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 09:31 PM
2

It's funny because while I am sure both of us played our parts in this, our wives have somehow decided being absolute monsters is somehow justified. I'm sure their immediate family and closest friends will side with them, but once others hear the full story, see the honest changes we make, and see how impactful it is on the children, they'll realize that the wives have done far more damage than we ever did. At this point I have stopped trying to ask for another chance, stopped doing nice things,…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 09:06 PM
1

The only way you're going to get out of this hole is to truly believe that you're capable of building the life you want. If you continue to think that you are fucked, You will stay fucked. I know it's easier said than done, but anything worth doing takes a lot of effort. Sounds like you might need to start with some therapy and soul searching. Life has you beaten down right now, but you can and have to fight back!
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:07 PM
2

Mine hasn't been quite as bad, I'm still in the house with the STBXW and kids. I can't imagine how hard this would be if she took off with them, all I can do right now is focus on myself and spending time with the kids. I'd be going mad if I was all alone right now, I feel for you. Do you have any friends or family to lean on? I'm quickly finding out who the people that truly care about me are. My brother, his wife, and a couple of my good friends have been a lifesaver for listening to me vent. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 04:00 PM
2

I once knew this is how women could be, but she changed that for me. I really thought they could love unconditionally like I can, and for years she seemed to. It's very jarring how they can suddenly flip a switch and turn so heartless towards us after all of these years. We have done so much together, we made three children, built up an idyllic life, and none of that matters now. I cared for her after the birth of our kids, gave her so much financially and never once held it over her, let her ha…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/24 01:58 PM
2

That's the frustrating part, they are divorcing us because they wanted change, but now because it's past an arbitrary date, these changes make them even angrier. Unfortunately men try to use logic to solve irrational issues. You did a bit better than me in that she even considered counseling, my STBXW has made it very clear she has no interest in trying from the get go. I fully own that I am the cause of this. I isolated myself from her, showed little interest in affection or spending time toget…
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 09:20 PM
1

Thank you. She wants to make it amicable through a mediator, I want to be nice and peaceful, but at the same time I am so feeling so much spite and betrayal. She was mad about me, and we had some really good years. Unfortunately work stress, drinking, and depression turned me into a husk of the man I used to be. The cruel twist of fate is that this finally snapped me out of it, I feel like I just woke out of a decade long coma, ready to start life and cherish her the way I should have all along.…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 10:22 PM
3

I'm also dealing with this. Together for 17 years, married for 14. Three kids. It's the two week anniversary of her dropping the "D" bomb. Nothing I have said, no changes I am making are changing her mind at all. She has become so callous I don't even know who she is. I am to blame for a lot of this. I have owned it. I became careless, took her for granted, didn't show much affection or interest. Mainly because I was depressed and because she was impossible to really talk to. Anytime we talked i…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 06:14 PM
5

It's really hard to process, especially for people who have never been through this. They just slowly start slipping away without saying a word, then one day they're a completely different person. You try everything you can to understand how they could just flip a switch and turn so callous. You wonder how they got to this point without once speaking up, having an adult conversation. Then you're expected to keep it together and act rational as you're about to lose everything that matters in life…
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/24 05:53 PM
1

You've decided a broken home for our three children, a reduced standard of living, and emotional turmoil for everyone was worth the exchange for some fleeting dream of "independence". You've brought nothing but destruction to the family we built all for your selfish reasons.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/24 12:00 PM
1

It has helped me greatly, hopefully it can help you too. It's helping me to control my thoughts and emotions when they start to get out of control. I actually just started no more Mr Nice guy last night.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 04:52 PM
0

I suggest reading or listening to "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Really listen to what he says, learn to control your thoughts, learn to understand your emotions. Find your true purpose. My wife decided to throw everything away and create a broken home for our children all over issues that could have easily been worked on. If it wasn't for this book coming into my life at the right time, I'm not sure I'd be able to survive this. Letting go of ego and learning how to be present is a very po…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 12:45 PM
3

Don't feed into it. Don't react. Just accept it and show her you really don't care. I highly suggest listening to "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Learn to be a Zen master, find your inner purpose and grow from this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 06:47 PM
1

I get it. Currently helping my STBXW clean up the yard and fix up the house to get as much out of the refinance as possible. This house that was once my family's home is about to be the one last big cash extraction she can squeeze out of me before kicking me to the curb. I honestly shouldn't even be helping her but I'm using it as a chance to spend time with the kids as they help. I guarantee if I was the one that wanted the divorce she would be off sitting by the pool at her mother's.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 06:10 PM
10

I'm learning how to be present, mindful. I am exercising, I quit drinking, and most importantly I have decided that I want the divorce too. I am going to be financially much better off now that she can't waste all of my hard earned money. No more letting her have all of my paycheck while I get a small stipend. It all feels like a super power at the moment. She's in for a wakeup call when she realizes how much harder life is going to be with 60% less $ than she's used to.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 01:17 AM
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