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BillyPilgrim75 Archive

View 3 posts and 319 comments by BillyPilgrim75 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

The answer is yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/23 08:07 PM
1

You mention the enlightenment, which brings to mind Hobbes who very red pillishly said the life of man is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. That was meant to justify sort of anti-democratic approaches to governing controlling the masses, much like some modern politicians who I'd swear had read Hobbes if they, you know, read. Maybe there's a picture book, but I digress. The nasty brutish quote from The Leviathan is Hobbes' most famous, followed closely by All Women Are Like That. His ide…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 08:56 PM
8

Maybe something like, "I've had a string of bad partners" or "I keep attracting bad partners, what might I do differently?".
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 07:38 PM
1

I don't mean this to sound superior or dismissive, but if you were someone who wanted and had children, you'd want that experience to be something those children enjoyed when grown. You'd want to share that with them as a grandparent. I like children, so I want more in my life. Wanting something that you had a reasonable chance of getting, and not getting it, tends to be painful.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 05:06 PM
9

I don't see the bases for a relationship as a transaction on one pole and unconditional love on the other. My attraction to a woman, which is driven mostly by my desire to have sex with her, leads me to select her as someone to interact with to see if she feels the same (initial attraction) and whether we click otherwise. In that sense we're both assessing what the other has to offer us, including but not limited to sex in most cases. But even the sex/lust part is an aspect of who she is and who…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 03:21 PM
1

I think you're seeing something in my response that isn't there. It hurt that they decided not to have kids. My point is that had they had children. there would be more people I have a special interest in navigating a pretty strange future.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 03:06 PM
5

I was going to ramble on beyond what you wrote, but that's exactly what I was going to say :)
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 02:53 PM
6

You make it sound like those crap outcomes are likely or inevitable. They're not, but to run with your thesis, In the strictest sense you bear some responsibility if a drunk driver crashes into you because you chose to drive your car. There's a logic to that. An empty, obtuse kind of logic. Wouldn't we rather put our focus on the drunk driver and on preventing further drunk driving casualties than blame the person he or she hit? That example is more extreme than choosing to enter a relationship …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 02:51 PM
1

See my response to u/AtTheEastPole.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 02:37 PM
1

I do. I'm quite old by the standards here and have grown children who have all (3) decided not to have kids themselves. I would have loved to be a grandfather and not having that opportunity hurts, but each year it hurts a little less.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 02:37 PM
6

I agree. People definitely exaggerate their natural tendencies at times.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/23 11:35 PM
20

I feel incredibly old, not knowing who Mr Beast is and only knowing Tate by reputation, and that's mostly the sick, criminal shit. And pity us all if there ever is a world where someone calling himself Mr. Beast is the most viable option for a young woman. No gun to his head when he chose that moniker. Maybe some irony?, but still. That's what he came up with. So on what I know, my daughter may some day become Mrs. Beast if I get a vote. I've lived too long.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/23 08:59 PM
1

What can anyone here or anywhere do for people who are left behind socially? Can you name some concrete actions that other people can do to change things for you and men like you (people like you since about equal #s of men and women are left behind and a small % of those women seem to expect someone to do something about it)? It's hard for you? It is. Now fucking what?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/23 05:14 PM
0

Interesting read, but I think you buried the lead in your post, or maybe didn't see it at all. It doesn't matter who has it easier. And how do you compare the real and additional anxiety most men feel needing to make initiate most of the early stages of any sort of relationship, with the real and additional risk women face? That doesn't negate the challenges of either sex, but it makes a comparison not very meaningful. But what I see is that men's heightened interest in sex, on average, is a fea…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/23 05:24 PM
8

And this commenter has replied to all your points, but you refuse to read it. You aren’t open to changing your view Very true.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/23 02:47 AM
2

Thanks
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 08:58 PM
3

;)
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 07:59 PM
7

Dating issues can include being unable to date at all. Men who struggle to date at all are pretty much the experts on men struggling to date. Not on the ways to overcome their struggles, but on the experience. And sure, by the time they get here those men may have or likely have spent time in places designed to poison their opinions of women and modern dating. If this site has any value it might be in being a slight alternative to that, and it might help the rare man to see that his difficulty i…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 07:43 PM
2

It's likely that men who are virgins hear women comment about virgins generally, and apply those comments to themselves. That's not totally silly, but he has two better options than feeling bad for or about himself upon hearing those comments. He can determine that someone making those judgments with no context is an asshat, or he can look at contextual, nuanced judgments and determine if the nuanced take applies to him. So as an example if a woman thinks that a virgin man is a relationship risk…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 07:24 PM
4

Can you do a TLDR?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 07:07 PM
8

Those are all valid concerns, especially men attacking women who tell them no. But not to be flippant, those men don't seem to be incels. Many incels seldom interact with women and will admit that they seldom or never ask one out. The OP's point is off base though. The average woman is more likely to be harmed by her partner, but incels and extremists and their beliefs are also dangerous, like any extremist group's members and beliefs.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/23 06:24 PM
5

It could also make the weakest ones dead, so there's that.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/23 06:15 PM
6

It also elicits support from people who are emotionally sound themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/11/23 03:31 AM
62

Sometimes we should be better than our biological parameters. The only thing better than stoically stuffing your normal human emotions is refusing to do that and taking a fuck you attitude with anyone who, you know, denies you your humanity. Which you're doing to yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/23 11:21 PM
6

It means being able to genuinely connect with other people.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/23 09:17 PM
–

I don't know, but if shame has a place in a community I think it's meant for people who rub shit on the bus seat.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/23 09:12 PM
–

can we just agree shaming someone for doing something that isn't morally wrong, is wrong? Yes we can.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/23 09:06 PM
–

It really sounds like you want more men to step up so you don't have to be single. Aren't you doing what single men get criticized for here, and that's expecting the people you'd like to date to change to meet your needs?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/23 04:16 PM
2

Political stances are shaped by world views and vice versa. I wouldn't want to be with someone whose world view I don't respect or who doesn't respect mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/23 06:21 PM
1

which social obligations? To be decent human beings.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/23 01:48 PM
1

It's not betrayal, it's disillusionment. The people who were disillusioned didn't create the illusion, but they did walk right into the "illusion store" and lay down good money for the story.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/23 03:28 AM
6

A lot of women fear men. Schrodinger's predator, abuser, pervert, etc. And I understand intellectually why women feel this way if they do. It still feels pretty crappy to be suspect based on my sex. And please don't tell me that doesn't happen. The OP's suggestion that this suspicion frees men from their social obligations is silly, but his premise has legs.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/23 03:05 AM
2

Out of curiosity, why are you or your views real?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/23 06:41 PM
16

Predatory, aggressive, emotionally stunted, perverted, sex obsessed.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/23 06:38 PM
–

It was a joke, a response to the assumption expressed here by some (not you) that social struggles can be willed away.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/10/23 03:36 PM
1

cripples and the elderly Really? It's "cripples and demented geezers".
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/23 05:54 PM
1

Who should have learned to walk in HS. They're just lazy.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/10/23 05:51 PM
5

If you don't like men complaining about the dating market, then avoid those men. Problem solved. You don't get to voluntarily spend time with men who complain and then complain about men who complain.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/10/23 01:51 PM
1

Simply brilliant
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 06:24 PM
–

Not to be entirely snarky (and then he proceeds to be) but your anxiety is no longer an issue since it can be worked on and changed, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 04:46 PM
35

Ok, so you admit men have superior physical stength to women - so men are superior there and therefore not equal to women. Glad you admitted that Are you really flexing because you can probably beat up a woman? Or physically control her? Good job illustrating the kinds of attitudes and beliefs that lead women to be wary of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 04:36 PM
2

Of course it's a fine analogy. Another one would be that people have a desire to post things on line. To connect with people, to share ideas, to maybe have a laugh. But some people are so bad at it that if there was a pill to make them stop commenting, it would be tempting to recommend it, but it would be the wrong thing to do. Those people may have a point worth considering inside their gem of an offering. Or maybe they're doing parody?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 01:41 PM
4

You may have a point, but can you really glean anything useful from the OP's ugly screed? She's preaching eugenics. As a troll as is her general approach, but still.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 01:37 PM
0

Shouldn't we keep them intact so we can do medical experimentation on them, though? We could set up a commission, like maybe the Commission on Ugly, Neurodivergent, Tainted folks. The commission's mission would be to identify, segregate, and make some use of these dregs for the benefit of the pretty. I think that's an idea worth pursuing. I nominate UB to head it up. I can see it now. UB, Executive Director of, um, that name is a little much. It needs an acronym......
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/23 01:32 PM
5

True. It's almost like you could conclude that the most spiteful men here are probably victims of trauma they haven't yet healed from. That's a dangerous thought, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/23 01:47 PM
2

Comments like, "The bar is on the floor" alongside comments like, "The average man is undateable to the average woman" is a starting point. I don't know that any single woman has stated this, though I think it's happened but that's beside the point. Those ideas combined are part of a collective assessment of men offered by some women, and some who grace this site with their presence. Respect, as opposed to attraction becomes the point when men accept that being dateable relates to character as m…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/23 01:35 PM
3

You're one of the men I was thinking of whose overall contribution here is more balanced, with an occasional lapse. And your comments are almost never hostile. It seems to me that you want to be heard more than anything, and you "snap back" most often when someone refuses to listen.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/10/23 02:40 AM
4

If a straight forward assessment of your behavior and character is emotional, then sure, emotional.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/23 12:36 AM
7

It can be tough to tell. Some men are so unhinged online it seems unlikely they're just venting their frustration. But others have moments that are harsh but in context of other things they write that are more nuanced or thoughtful they do seem like venting or just a bad day.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 08:59 PM
1

There are some parallels between the effect the relatively few women who hook up with men who are much more attractive than the men they date, and the effect of porn on most men's tastes. The parallel is that some people in each condition will be changed by the experience, and some won't. Some of a few seems to be more than some of a lot, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 08:54 PM
1

I do. Seeing a ht listed makes that a focus it might not be seeing a perso with height one aspect of who he is.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 07:38 PM
2

So you're a "truth teller". There's a kernel of fresh truth inside your rotting comment, but it's hardly worth looking for. The fresh part is that people tend to give advice that people can actually use. Get taller or get better genes doesn't fit that category. What your "truth" leaves out is that small improvements can make a person more attractive, and believing that you have some control over the direction your life takes can make you more attractive as a friend or a romantic interest. But yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 02:04 PM
4

we've invented the boiler plate that is etiquette I see ironic people. But your point is valid, however shitty the presentation of it. I recognize the danger of interacting with a man you're not interested in any longer than you have to. And while actual danger is real, it's rare, but awkward and confounding interactions are pretty likely from a man who wants to know "why?" Those guys are a preselected group. I would never want to know why a woman's not interested. If I never hear or read the wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 01:49 PM
2

i like harry potter because its about wizards Oh fuck you spoiled it.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 01:39 PM
3

The average reported height of men on dating apps is taller than the average height of men in any given area, suggesting that men mark themselves as taller on their profiles. This is common knowledge among women. TBF, it could be that shorter men are less likely to use Apps or OLD. It's also common knowledge among men that the women who use Apps or OLD select against short men.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 01:29 PM
5

I think it's more accurate to say that if you were open to dating men of various heights, you wouldn't use that feature. You have a point, but it's less significant of a point that it appears the way you stated it.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 01:24 PM
1

Please understand that Jim Jones was responsible for the deaths nearly a thousand deaths. Please understand that he used his social skills to lead those people to their deaths. I mean, we're talking about that fucking Jim Jones. Please tell me or someone again that good social skills make people like you, as if that is the relevant point about the massacre of 900 people. Please.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 02:31 AM
1

And church going, so when the pastor rapes their child they get high and all is well.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 02:18 AM
1

You said upthread that good social skills make you the opposite of a dickhead. You seem to be agreeing that Jim Jones had good social skills. Therefore............
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/23 01:53 AM
5

Yeah, I feel bad for her. She seems to be handling it well enough but it looks awkward or at least tedious. I have to think he really can't read her or he's concluded that a lack of interest is some sort of game women play, or a puzzle to be solved. It's kind of painful to watch on both of their behalves, really.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/23 10:12 PM
3

I don't want to contribute to the gender comparisons/battles but do you really want to stand by this? Seriously?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/23 08:11 PM
1

You were doing well until this comment. Do better.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/23 02:07 PM
–

I say this in kindness but please do stay alone. Men are already in tough shape as you say so please let them be.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/23 12:22 AM
2

Some men experience women like that once too often and that can be the reason they stop dating. I'm not saying all women are unable or incapable of being open, but some women are and maybe some men attract them or mistake that coldness for something else. Kind of like women can be fooled by surface charm. I'm decent at detecting those qualities but I wasn't always. I had a crappy nearly 20 year marriage and then a few brief relationships that taught me well what to look for and what to avoid. So…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/23 04:39 PM
4

I am 100% sure i will never be a victim of domestic abuse. Do you tell women at the DV shelter this? Like to cheer them up? You write with an authoritative tone verging on arrogance. I'm feeling generous so I'll stay with "verging". But consider for just a moment that you might be full of shit. Not that there's no truth in what you say or claim, because there is. But you seem to think you have all the fucking answers, and those answers are almost always simplistic and dismissive of the possibili…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/23 04:31 PM
3

Porn is to sex as junk food is to nutrition. It ruins a few people and damages most at least a bit.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/23 01:10 AM
2

All men are like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/23 03:53 PM
2

I'm curious why he should stop complaining?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/23 02:16 PM
2

Those are excellent ideas on how to deal with already damaged self esteem, and how we feel about ourselves is ultimately each of our responsibilities. I agree with that 100%. But self esteem starts forming at or prior tom age five and at that age is shaped almost entirely by parents and care givers, and continues to be greatly influenced by those folks and then peers become really influential. Remember adolescence? That anyone can come out of adolescence struggling to manage their feelings about…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/10/23 02:20 PM
26

You do realize that self esteem is shaped by externals, right. That's pretty fundamental.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/23 04:19 PM
55

Gotta say, the comments from men here are really annoyingly tone deaf. How thick must the rock you guys are living under be to not know that heavy handed message that a woman's worth is first and foremost tied to how attractive she is is every fucking where and starts fucking with women's self esteem before puberty. How the fuck is that about women doing this to themselves. How self absorbed must a man be to think that the way women's minds and souls are shaped at age 6 or 8 is something she cho…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/23 01:47 PM
1

That's part of the reason I spend so much time here, I think red pillers are an embarrassment to my gender and that there needs to be more men who call out and condemn such behavior. Your reaction and reasons for being here are stronger than mine, but not all that different in concept. I am sometimes embarrassed for my gender. In most online forums where men and women discuss dating the women men seem outgunned to me. Some times they, the men, have no point or make absurd assertions, and then I'…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/23 01:33 PM
1

This argument about protection and resources is outdated and silly, but a man whose wife loves him but won't have sex with him might have a wife with a problem she needs to examine. It certainly could be that he's alienated her or neglected himself in a way that makes him unappealing, but some women lose interest in men they claim to love and find attractive and have no real issue with. I read a study where the best predictor of a young woman losing interest in her partner was the length of the …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/23 02:28 PM
6

I agree with everything you said, except perhaps the last sentence. I don't think there's a persecution of sex, but I do think male sexuality is often seen as suspect. Because men are possibly dangerous on one extreme, and likely overly motivated to get sex even if it means some slight representation as a general rule. And the truth is that some few men are dangerous from the get go or dangerous within a relationship. And a greater # of men will do sketchy things to "get sex". And yet a still gr…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/23 02:20 PM
1

I think our desire for sex, like a lot of things, is an evolutionary mismatch with our current reality. With infant mortality, maternal mortality, and brief life spans for all sorts of reasons our ancestors forever were super motivated sexually just to survive as a species. We wouldn't be here otherwise. Now that life is fairly easy and orderly, that drive to have sex that is probably at least partly inheritable is out of sync with our reality. Especially in the west the last 100 years or so.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/23 04:51 PM
17

I'm fairly tall and I'm old and out of the dating world so I'm a mostly impartial observer. Saying that a shorter man dodged a bullet if a woman only dates men of a certain height is partly or maybe entirely a sour grapes response. Trying to make a relationship work with someone who's not into you is folly, so in that sense it's true enough, but...... Given all the hype around tall men it's hard to imagine a shorter man who doesn't have an occasional doubt about himself, and a rejection specific…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/23 04:12 PM
–

I agree. My "love is blind" comment to those first couple of seconds that can determine whether other things come into the impression. I believe that people who seldom or never attract or get signs of interest from the most initially attractive people they meet learn to be more patient and to look for qualities we like that might not jump out at us, including looks and other traits. We aren't blind and in fact we see perfectly well, but we choose to see a little more thoroughly than people who o…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/23 03:18 PM
0

Either way I'm sure those hormonal highs can be very addictive. I may be wrong, but you seem inclined to characterize a strong interest in sex as a form of addiction. Sex can just be something of great value without being addictive.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/23 03:00 PM
–

That refers to a common reference men make to what makes a man appealing. So being 6 ft tall, having a 6 pack, making a 6 figure income, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/23 02:57 PM
0

"Validation" is a kind of compromised word. What about "connection"? Especially in a loving relationship, but even in a casual deal, sex can lead to an intense feeling of connection to the other person. I have moments of connection where no sex is involved and those can be intense, especially with family, but it's a different kind of feeling. Sex tends to put me in that flow state where time and distractions and any self consciousness disappear. I can literally lose myself in those moments in a …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/23 02:31 PM
2

Sure. But most people start forming impressions based on how others look. I think people who aren't so attractive learn to choose from among the people who actually show some interest in them, and they're mostly not super attractive themselves. And to be blue pill for a second, I think needing to look below the surface does allow us to see good qualities we might not notice if the surface blinds us.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/23 03:50 PM
1

I'd counter that being validated in the eyes of other men is the safety they seek, because without it what are they?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/23 03:46 PM
3

But doesn't the red pill deny reality too. If blue pill is a thing it denies the bullshit of some adult fairy tale level wisdom, but redpill denies that regular people live happy lives despite not being exceptional. It's a false dichotomy for red pill, top 5% gets a Cadillac, the next 15% gets steak knives, and everyone else is fired.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/23 03:44 PM
2

Spumoni fucks/vanilla bucks :)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/23 03:39 PM
-1

But is being "top tier" (hate that phrase) the only way to escape being treated like crap? And if a woman treats normal men like crap, or a man treats normal women that way, who the fuck wants them anyway even if they deign to treat you well because you're attractive enough?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/23 03:38 PM
9

AF/BB is a myth. It's red pill propaganda so all the average guys who are in relationships are still losers in the end, and the incels who propagate the af/bb lies can feel superior to their looksmatched peers who do have sex and relationships. I agree. It's an elaborate "no true Scotsman" incel response to the clear fact that men just like them have sex and relationships. Among redpill adherents, it's 4 scarlet letters men wear to signal their complicity in women's evil manipulations of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/23 01:48 PM
–

Your point has merit, OP. Your language clouds that point, though. The word "privilege" is way too emotionally charged. In it's most common usage these days it refers to a benefit some of us receive not by chance but as a gift from some authority. I don't think that's what you mean. Also, the vast majority of people don't get, or particularly expect an "ideal" relationship. Most people want a relationship that adds value to their life by facilitating goals like a family, financial and emotional …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/23 02:13 PM
4

It seems men don’t know what to do with themselves if women don’t find them attractive. I agree. Why do you think that is?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/10/23 02:36 PM
3

That makes some sense, but for example can a great QB really teach the things he does instinctively? Any advice has it's limits. You seem to be genuinely curious, though, so credit for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/23 01:06 AM
1

I’ll bite though, why do they behave like that A couple of things. I want you to know that you were downvoted but I didn't do that. I generally think that's a shit move. To answer your "why" question, I think it's because people are jackasses, at least some of the time. My "so far, so good" remark wasn't me at my best, especially since looking at your history, you seem to be genuinely hurting. I think I made a weak joke at your expense, and I apologize. When I say jackass I guess I mean that we …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/23 12:50 AM
2

Sure they can. I think a better analogy would be a wide receiver (WR) talking about what makes a good quarterback (QB). For any non sports fan, the QB throws the ball to the WR while a defensive player is trying to block the pass and it's common to say the successful WRs and QBs have good chemistry. For sports fans, think about it. A good QB throws a catchable ball. He throws it on time. He throws the WR open, meaning he's creative. He reads the defense well and goes through his progressions (op…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/23 12:31 AM
22

This is a good point regarding the commonality of what constitutes a bad interaction.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/10/23 12:24 AM
2

I may add to this later, but the thing that really caught my attention was her ability to see me and her awareness that being seen was important to me. We were talking one day at that stage where two people know each other and are certain there's a mutual spark but it's still just a spark. She told me that she keeps a wall up around her so she can't be seen but she realized recently that she can't see others from behind her wall. Being a dumbass I thought to myself that I don't feel like she hid…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/23 05:42 PM
2

It has a context, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/23 04:34 AM
3

So far, so good then. Oh wait. Seriously, there are some unsupported and buckass crazy views here mostly from men, some women who are either crazy or satirizing men by talking about their own biology like it's destiny, and then some very jaded acting women, often responding to a vacuous and insulting claim about women, who occasionally show their true, not so jaded selves. If this place represents us all, we're fucked so you're no worse off than anyone else. If it doesn't, and it doesn't, then s…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/23 08:41 PM
1

At your liege, your crappiness.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/23 08:35 PM
1

A turd queen? That seems to be the only choice since I can't think of anything between those two poles🤔
/r/PurplePillDebate03/10/23 05:17 PM
0

You're essentially right. I'm not sure getting a message of interest from a woman who isn't attracted to me is going to make my day, though. Or lead to a happy relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/23 02:54 PM
1

A good relationship is pretty cool. I'm in one, so I know. The less conventionally attractive a person is, the more they have to work on themselves to see the attractiveness in others that isn't all that apparent. But they also have to vet very carefully on this issue of attraction in the hope that the other person is making the same effort to see them with a soft lens, or maybe they really genuinely lust for someone most everyone else can't lust for. I think at some point down the conventionall…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 09:19 PM
3

After X many years when you’re older, less good looking and you have that familiarity - you’re not going to have that same honeymoon passion That isn't a bigger issue really, just something that all couples face. I'm pretty sure that 2/3 of dead bedrooms occur when women lose interest. I don't know what that means, but it means something.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 08:57 PM
1

No one anywhere in my 6 plus decades has said that love is unconditional.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 02:48 PM
–

As to the distinction, it's because her BF is an actual person she has consented to sex with before. She has an established relationship with him. Her desire to bang a neurosurgeon is just that, a desire. She has no prior relationship except perhaps a fantasy one, and that's different. So the level of deception is different. Since you feel that lying about sexual history isn't on the same level as lying about one's occupation, why that distinction? I'm not personally concerned about anyone's sex…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/23 01:34 PM
4

You laugh at or mock men's "thirst", and there are times when the way men react to it is funny. This might not be one of them. Between our biology, g-rated societal pressures, and the near x-rated sexualization of everything in media, being sexless or mostly sexless through his 20s is kind of torture for many men going through it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/23 11:05 PM
7

You have a point in the extreme, but I think you're missing a point too. Sure, there's a limit to how many real options a woman (or man) might have that would be competition for someone interested in them and men especially exaggerate this. But it's also true that things have changed. 20 years ago a woman who wanted anything from a quick fuck to a long term committed relationship was mostly limited to the men she'd meet in person. Those people were probably men she knew through work, friends, or…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/23 05:45 PM
16

I'm and older man, but with the trajectory men and women have been on the past few decades, the average young women today is probably more together than the average young man today, with young being under 35. This is an observation and not an accusation, and in any other case it would lead to a call for solutions. That this call is faint if it exists at all circles back to why men are not as together as women. Men are responsible for their choices, but those choices are made in a context that's …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/23 05:15 PM
1

Somewhat playing devil's advocate, but this is a slippery slope. First, the guy slipping into the woman's bed raped her. The guy pretending to be a neurosurgeon did not. It's a crap move on his part, but not rape. As to the slippery slope, OP, do you believe a woman who pretends her SO is the father of a child is committing a crime? I don't but by your logic...... If 2 people have a conversation about sexual histories and a man or woman lies and that lie makes a difference in whether one of them…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/23 05:01 PM
1

This thread is partly aimed at doing just that.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/23 01:27 PM
1

The reason I focused on average men is that on PPD anyway claim to want average women who don't want them. Women on PPD who say they're average seem more content to not date the men who are interested in them. Average is a hard word to define in a way we agree on, but if average people are frumpy and a bit boring, I see average young people paired up all the time, so I know it happens. I suspect those men, and probably those women bring a little more to a relationship than frumpy and boring, tho…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/23 12:30 PM
8

I think that's a message men need to hear. Women here, especially when they're frustrated with some men's views, cryptically say something like "Most men" or "The average man" aren't /isn't worth her time. Men lazily assume that she means he's 5-9, or not a fitness model. Occasionally that's what she means, but not often. Anyway, thanks for responding.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 09:49 PM
2

Actually you answered my question. It seems you're saying that a man can be somewhat average in many areas but nor all, but his combination of traits make him interesting to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 09:41 PM
2

And men who have any sense operate about the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 07:44 PM
1

I think politics is a crucial one because it so often represents a world view. Education impacts that too. In my case anyway when I click with a woman it's often because our world views almost align, with just enough difference to create a little tension that keeps things interesting and sometimes leads to one or both of us broadening our view.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 07:42 PM
2

Your point about conversation makes sense. In your experiences have you seen these men interacting with others and if so were they more comfortable with them? The point being, were they perhaps nervous on a "date" or was it more a general lack of social skills?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 07:32 PM
2

What qualities do you look for to determine whether a man might be a good partner?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 07:28 PM
9

I don’t view a man and say yep average, pussy unlocked. I get that, and without meaning to slap back at you, most thoughtful men feel the same about average women they might or might not date. I do anyway. Some women who are not stunning but well put together and pleasant looking do nothing for me, and some I feel a pretty strong attraction to. Often it's because I know her enough to like her and we may click. Then she's a bit more attractive, then I like her more, and so on.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 07:25 PM
2

So is the first type of guy mentioned in your edit the one who likes to drink and fish? I get that. But it sounds like you might be interested in a pretty normal man whose interests and values align better with yours, and who maybe has some drive? I ask for clarification because part of the reason for my question is to push back on this idea that being average or typical looking in a way that might not jump off a screen on a dating app as hot is necessarily a death knell for a man's dating life.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/23 05:29 PM
3

Is this directed at the OP or anyone who may not feel confident?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/23 09:22 PM
1

That's all.....a shame. No wonder.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/23 06:48 PM
1

What was it about these men that made them bad relationship prospects? I'd imagine it wasn't the same in each man's case, but was there a trend?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/23 02:07 PM
1

What about making me a sammich? What's that worth?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 04:56 AM
8

That statement isn't true, but your critique of the OP's exposition is.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 04:53 AM
–

Men aren't angry at women because of women's attraction to only 5-20 % of men. Men are angry because women's attraction is more like men's than not. And it's not that men have been lied to about this so much as we've been complicit with women and even institutions like entertainment in exaggerating the difference in men's and women's attractions. Men have always wanted to believe that women are far less influenced by a man's looks than men are by a woman's. Partly by nature and partly by sociali…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/23 04:49 AM
3

I agree. As a hypothetical, if I had to choose I'd choose my wife.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/23 03:58 PM
1

But all men aren't handsome, just like all women aren't beautiful. Those descriptors mean something. But I think the effort is good if misguided in execution. Why do we need to look exceptional to be OK? It's not even necessary (advantageous, sure) to find love or a romantic connection, it's surely not necessary just to fucking exist. So using those superlatives feeds into hierarchy. Unless the point is to claim the words and make them less destructively powerful in our lives, which I could get …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/23 01:28 PM
2

That was my thought. Paving the way to feel good, or OK and contented about being mostly ordinary. And maybe finding some beauty in that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/23 01:21 PM
1

I was responding to the idea that women lack sympathy, and that's just not true. The man telling you that has way less genuine sympathy than the women encouraging you by sharing her personal, and painful story. And looks matter. Men's looks and women's looks. Better looking people have more people potentially interested in them and are more likely to find someone to connect with. If that's not your path forward, you'll need to find another one. Believing falsely that the person you want to get t…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 06:54 PM
3

Be careful what "reality" you accept. I'm a man for reference, and there's a barrier between men and women, and men are mostly responsible for that barrier. Sometimes through our crappy behavior like being overly aggressive in pursuing a women, or in response to a "no". Then more innocently men see very generically friendly or just courteous behavior as interest and this leads to awkward moments for women. I think men can be forgiven for this mistake, in part because initiating is tough and in p…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 06:31 PM
5

Why do you have to crap on a genuinely considerate comment from a woman? I think she has a point, as you've just demonstrated.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 04:30 PM
7

Having read content here for months I understand why you feel this way. It's a shame but kind of rational on your part. You sound like a good and genuine friend, by the way. I'm old now but as a kid and young man I was totally lost socially, but I have fond memories of the people who saw that and cared enough to make an effort on my behalf. Your post sparked some of those memories, so thank you.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 04:30 PM
1

If you're saying it's your responsibility that's essentially accurate
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 09:04 AM
3

having a non-genuine partner is far better than having no partner at all. Do you believe that? I find that prospect a bit sickening.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/23 02:07 AM
1

Sex is fun. On a pure pleasure level, the best sex I've had with a partner is as much pleasure as I've ever had. It adds genuine value to my life. Sex is a physical drive not unlike eating or sleeping although food and sleep are also physical needs in ways that sex isn't. Sex is typically an integral part of a romantic relationship. Sex with a partner we desire is so enmeshed with with our sense of self and our need for connection that it's essentially a psychological need. The above is true for…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/09/23 06:55 PM
1

Do you think the behavior of men telling you you're undesirable is pretty shitty? I do. I get why you don't feel much sympathy for them and maybe that's too much to ask. I would say that in my experience people don't wake up one day looking at a blank slate and decide to write on it, "Today I'll be an asshole". Something happens or doesn't happen and they snap a little and lash out often at convenient but undeserving targets. That doesn't excuse their behavior, but maybe it explains it. As I sai…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 08:26 PM
3

I agree, but I'm trying to draw out discussion that differs from "it's an observable difference" and WW went there without seeming to suggest denying women's autonomy or actively discouraging their choices. But I wonder if a combination of tech and the cultural energy that is fueling women ascending at a time when men are descending is doing more than just allowing women their choices. From a distance women's long overdue advancements seem to be part of a zero sum game, and the men who are laggi…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 07:49 PM
1

If inequity is a problem needing a solution, what would you propose?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 07:16 PM
1

It is literally people reaping what they sow in the vast vast majority of cases. How so?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 06:47 PM
1

The question is whether female selectivity has risen beyond what is justified. But who or what is the arbiter of how much of women's selectivity is justified? What would have to happen to make that claim?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 06:41 PM
3

I agree, but I'm curious about other's takes. There's some talk about unfairness which I can't see. It can suck and not be unfair.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 05:30 PM
-2

We disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 05:20 PM
1

That's an explanation, like hypergamy is. But is biology inevitable and so not unfair?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 05:19 PM
3

Using inequality in the definition of inequity seemed circular. I did say that inequity id unjust, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/23 05:10 PM
–

For both men and women, the qualities that speak to parenthood, like kindness and stability and steadfastness, sometimes pale compared with qualities that attract us to each other sexually. Either sex leading with their parenthood virtues runs the risk of attracting someone interested in parenthood, which logically seems like a great match, but matching up happily is based on more than logic.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/23 10:52 PM
2

And most women don't stand out. A man making an effort may claim that doesn't matter, but it probably does. He's not trying to stand out for the average American women, who might just look like shit herself.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/23 08:56 PM
2

Some bitter men here express their pain in harsh and ugly terms. While I don't like or condone that behavior, I understand the source. Other men and some women express their pain by trolling those bitter, hurt men. I see a minor distinction but little difference between the bitter and the trolling. Whoops, I've supplied sustenance.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/23 08:51 PM
2

If you call someone a liar, that's pretty much shaming them, don't you think?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/23 08:27 PM
1

I'm old but I'll answer for my 30 yr old self. I like that I'm bright and fairly eloquent. I'm well read and well informed, a decent athlete and graceful in general. I have a healthy variety of interests. Physically, I'm tall and have decent proportions. I have healthy enough self esteem in the sense that I know myself and I'm my biggest fan. I want good things for myself. I can be funny though often in response to someone else. I'm seldom the center of attention in a group or one to instigate t…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/23 07:50 PM
–

Aren't you speaking for everyone by saying that it isn't a need? And while sex may not be essential, I argue that for a person with a normal libido in our culture where sex is so constantly seen and discussed, it can be very important to people. That it's not to you might not sway someone who thinks and feel that it is very important. Like I said, that doesn't obligate someone to meet that need, and someone whose needs aren't being met may be able to find healthy ways to be content regardless. B…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/08/23 04:55 PM
3

I think you're right in many cases, but some incels are in a panic because they fear that no one they're attracted to will feel the same about them. That's no reason to become an incel with all the twisted ideology it entails, but feeling sad or even a little angry that your choices are or seem to be no one, or someone you're not attracted to, seems natural.
/r/ExRedPill24/08/23 02:57 PM
1

But I am extremely successful. Then why are you so consistently PO'd at men who aren't?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/23 02:38 PM
1

"Need" is defined as requiring something because it is essential or very important. In our culture a good argument can be made that sex is a psychological need for many men and some women. I don't mean not getting laid this weekend, but being in a chronic state of wanting something essential or very important that you can't have harms people. That doesn't obligate anyone to have sex with anyone else which oddly is what some men genuinely seek as a solution, so I get the aversion to calling this …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/23 02:17 PM
–

Surrender is anathema to most western men, even if it leads to peace. Especially if it does. And further, I'm not bringing a flute to a swordfight.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/23 09:28 PM
3

Is being unattractive ?wrong" though? Is the feeling part of feeling unattractive wrong even if it's more feeling than reality? When people are fucking up we can choose to call them lazy or we can choose to consider what they're facing that we may not face, like being genuinely unattractive in hard to change ways or having been genuinely traumatized and not having recovered from that. I think you made a shitty, emotionally satisfying for you choice in your OP.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/23 04:26 PM
1

Yeah, he's half way there. For a relationship to work we should each be the main character in our stories, and interested in each other's story.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 07:36 PM
0

All the advice is already out there though, isn't it? Take a realistic look at yourself and determine what about you needs work. Can you be more attractive physically, more pleasant and engaging conversationally, or more active in pursuing a social life? If so, do those things. That list may not be everything you could do, but the list for any one person is finite. Then that's all a man (or woman) can do, and doing that doesn't guarantee you'll find someone. Not doing that can guarantee that you…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 05:26 PM
1

Wrong comment
/r/PurplePillDebate21/08/23 06:04 PM
1

What should he call her?
/r/ExRedPill19/08/23 07:17 PM
1

I like this post and appreciate the effort you put into it. Your experience likely transfers in a general sense, though IRMV. My only critique is that your certainty about what is or isn't a good sign, like 8,9, and 12, are overstated. They're true in terms of %s, but these are areas where IRMV. Still, good topic.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 09:40 PM
2

This is a good response and adds some elements to the OP's list. You're actually responding to him with your points in a civil way. Not that you doing that surprises me because it doesn't, but there's little enough of this here that it's worth pointing out. The guy arguing with you isn't countering with his experience, but rather is telling you your experience is wrong. We see a lot of that here.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/08/23 09:37 PM
3

Because the men who attend these things want to see other men bang their wives in an effort to work out their insecurities. So the "she's hotter than me, and the guy she's doing is too, but she goes home with me so I win?" kind of delusional thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/23 08:32 PM
1

Maybe it's been asked and answered but before I read all the responses, what is a "quality man"? I can infer a non fuckboy, non misogynists, non con man, and non abuser, but I'm sure there's more to "quality" than lacking those crappy traits or tendencies.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/23 02:00 PM
13

Just here to say that the men who talk about women's nature, hypergamy as manifest destiny for women, and how women don't love like men, refer to women as "plates" or at least are fellow travelers with those who do. The fucking irony, you know?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/08/23 04:29 PM
5

I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 09:52 PM
3

So being a fuckboy means you had a choice. That's generally a good thing, even if you don't ever or stop exercising that choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 07:44 PM
0

This has merit. We have home and work, but few or no third spaces. Virtual just isn't the same. It fills a void, just like non nutritious food does, but it's not sustaining. But it's so fucking easy, so we don't even try to find or create third spaces. And there are no third spaces. Virtual just isn't the same. It fills a void...not sustaining...so easy so we don't.........
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 07:38 PM
14

I'm male. Women are more at risk than men, so there's that. And then not all attention from women is entirely welcome. So I think your premise is flawed.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 05:01 PM
17

No, they're way different. This is is nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 04:53 PM
1

Most women I know have at least one experience of having a something with a man who is way more attractive than the men they date, and whatever the man said he was interested in prior to sex, it turns out he was only interested in sex. This often happens when the women are young, and many learn that when some man seems to good to be true, he probably is. But they take what they learned and sort of inflict it on the men who actually want a relationship with them, and talk crap about "men" when th…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 04:50 PM
2

OP, do you have anything cheery to share. Maybe some war atrocities or dead baby jokes?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/08/23 03:01 AM
–

So get taller, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/23 07:27 PM
3

Who is out here saying a man must sleep with a woman to be validated? Men who want to sleep with a woman and can't find a willing partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/08/23 04:47 PM
1

This seems like a long way to go to arrive at amor fati. It is wise for anyone, man, woman or child, to embrace their circumstances. I just can't see that mildly crappy dating circumstances are "better" than mildly good circumstances. If I were a young man right now I'd rather be kinda well off rather than kinda not so well off, and find other ways to build my character.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/23 03:35 PM
3

Is this linked to unconscious entitlement? Or maybe to a conscious hope that he'll find someone compatible when he's already struggling with that?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/23 04:14 PM
1

I know this happens, but I don't know how common it is. I think like a lot of things, this one really is purple. More women are at least at times into exciting but ultimately unreliable and possibly bad men than blue pill people want to admit, and fewer times than red pill people suggest. So purple. And for men who aren't exactly dealing in abundant options, even a few options being off the table for reasons that seem sketchy is probably hard to take. So it can be true that women who are into ba…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/23 03:08 PM
1

No one is more zealous than a recent convert. Epiphanies are often more flash than substance, and that flash fuels their conversion.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/23 03:07 PM
–

So Trump isn't and never has been 6-3. Just sayin.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/23 01:47 PM
–

That's hot
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/23 01:44 PM
1

Overall you have a point regarding what women find attractive vs what they say they find attractive. I think there has always been pressure on women to make these statements, but they've always been at least somewhat suspect. One place where you're wrong is the comments your Aunts made. I'm in my 60s so probably their age, and I never for a moment failed to realize that my appearance was a factor for better or worse in my dating prospects. Almost all young adult men had jobs in the 70s and 80s, …
/r/AllPillDebate13/06/23 06:42 PM
-6

Sometimes I have sympathy for young men in a changing dating and relationships landscape. Then other times I go WTF? WTF? Men here and elsewhere speak of women in the grossest terms or with such blatant hostility. I don't know that the OP and his likeminded brethren in this thread's attitudes are responsible for their earlier dating struggles if they had some, but I'd wager their self pity and solipsism is real attractive now.
/r/AllPillDebate13/06/23 06:22 PM
1

But if a cognitively functional man won't ask for help in an emotional crisis, either because he can't see the crisis, can't imagine that anyone would help, or can't face the prospect of humbling himself in asking for help, either men are inherently defective or there's another compelling reason that so many men find themselves in this bind. The compelling reason is that men are raised with a different set of expectations than women. We can defy those expectations, but so many men don't, and som…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 05:40 PM
2

If I said that women in abusive relationships often refuse to leave, that would be an accurate statement, but my word choice would be suspect. Your word choice was suspect. Own it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 05:08 PM
4

Your comment indicates that you know why men end up killing themselves at about 3-4 times the rate women do, and have since at least 1950. In your empathy, you said we just refuse. Like the option is there and easily accessible, and we just "refuse". So again, why do you think that is.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 04:22 AM
-1

You made your comment. I just amplified it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 04:06 AM
7

Too often we feel like a failure for having to ask for help. I was decades into adult life before I could.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 03:45 AM
-1

So yes, loneliness is different. Women are willing to ask for help and support. Men refuse and get angry. When there's a sex based difference the explanation is either inherent in one sex and not the other, or there's a systemic reason for it. What do you think the difference is due to in this instance?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 03:28 AM
4

Somehow men get the idea that reaching out is a bad thing. So bad we'd almost rather die at times. Oh wait.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/23 03:05 AM
1

The idea that it's about confidence runs against my experience. I was 10-20 pounds over weight from age 10 to 19, then got in good shape one summer. For the first time I got some attention from girls (I was 19) and women. And by attention I mean overt interest and a couple of propositions from much older women. The weird thing was I could never handle it. I had been mildly avoidant but the attention made my tendency to avoid things worse. I guess I also didn't want to believe that a change in my…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/23 08:32 PM
7

This very much describes my relationship. I like, and I genuinely believe she likes doing some traditional stuff for each other, though neither of us are traditional overall. I will hold doors or be the one to get caught in the rain 365 days of the year. But one time we watched a woman get out of a parked car ahead of a man who had a little trouble getting out on the driver's side due to traffic, so she got 10 seconds ahead of him. She waited at the door to the building glaring over her shoulder…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/23 01:56 PM
0

Actually they tended to make him a clown. And when they tested the "attractive wife-goofy loser husband" themed shows, women liked them almost as much as men because they liked to see themselves as attractive and long suffering.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/23 09:30 PM
2

Reminds me of Dave Chapelle's take on The Count being a pimp :)
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/23 06:37 PM
2

What the fuck is "female nature"?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/23 06:31 PM
4

And Bird's on gear, so...
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/23 06:25 PM
1

Accepting that differences exist and impact our social lives, men's and women's even if in different ways is the best a person can do. Ideally we'd all agree on the differences and accept them and work with rather than against them, but an individual can gain some peace of mind from acceptance and can look for a like minded partner. Examples of differences might be that on average, women approach any type of relationship from casual to long term/exclusive with more caution than men do on average…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/23 04:36 PM
3

Good point about language. I believe market analogies are logically on target, but they miss any magic that may be in the mix, and as you say they shape thought in a direction that emphasizes winning and losing, winners and losers, too much to be helpful. There are social winners and losers by any rational definition, to be sure. Neither is anyone's certain destiny, though. And looking at dating and romance too much like a market or a purchase defines people too narrowly. There can seem that the…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/23 01:32 PM
–

Speaking of projection, look in the mirror.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/23 03:54 PM
–

I'll address your title. I'm honestly not sure where you're going with the text beneath the title. So if the 3 options are, Porn Repression (of desire?) Healthy relationship and the hoped for outcome is viewing women (and I assume relationships and sex) in a healthy way, then 3 would by far be the best option. Even moderate porn use, meaning not too much or too degrading, can be problematic. It doesn't have to be, but it can be. Repression never seems to help anyone. But what you've left out alt…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/23 02:10 PM
–

I addressed your points a couple of places in my comment; "Now men want a super hot hottie too and we also can't have one" And; "I'm not saying women bail when those things happen. Women probably have more staying power than men in most relationship stress situations. But I think it's what some men fear, that if she isn't as attracted to him as she could be to another man there won't be that glue to keep her around and interested, the glue his typically extra desire provides to keep him around a…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/23 01:31 PM
–

I'm not trying to trap you, and in fact it might be best if you don't respond to my comment. But what trouble's some men is your admission (not yours but the reality it represents) that you want the super hot hottie. It seems that if you could have him for a relationship, you would. Doesn't that say that you're more attracted to that guy? Doesn't that mean something? Now men want a super hot hottie too and we also can't have one, usually not even for a night. So men who are something like me and…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/23 07:53 PM
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I'll bet you are looking at data about a checklist preferences in a vacuum and concluding that because women respond more favorably in the abstract to a disembodied constellation of above-average traits this somehow means that they are unable to be attracted to very real men who do not possess all or most of these attributes. That a woman is not unable to be attracted to me is hardly a ringing endorsement of her desire for me. I live my life suspending disbelief in the somewhat reasonable and ve…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/06/23 07:11 PM
3

Your assertion makes sense on its surface, but it's based on a fact not in evidence, that being that women want men as much as men want women. I'm not sure they do.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/23 12:44 AM
3

I think it's just the opposite in many cases. Especially for men who aren't especially hot. I think on an unconscious level really attractive men can sort of leap frog the natural tendency most women have to be wary of men in general. Right up front his visible positives appear to outweigh his potential negatives. For men who typically don't make that kind of impression on women, being confident or funny or kind can be the visible positives that outweigh potential negatives. The caveat being tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/23 04:13 PM
9

In a lot of cases comfort precedes attraction. That's what I think she's describing.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/23 03:33 PM
1

I think TRP is selling something, but as a more reality based way of thinking, aren't you doing something like I listed above. You have your eyes wide open, you make what seems to be a reasonable effort to get what you want, and you appear to accept the general result that what you're shooting for is a longshot. If that whole experience leaves you feeling good about identifying what you want and need and making an effort to get it, whether you succeed in the short term or not, I think you're on …
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/23 03:31 PM
4

You can't have an abundance mindset if you're objectively unattractive to most women, it's just simply not congruent with reality. I get that, but I don't think abundance needs to be taken literally. I think the abundance-scarcity dichotomy is an effort to brand something abstract, like mindset, in more concrete terms. Less concrete terms like "optimism" are tarnished from overuse and misuse. I like the word "possibilities" but that has a new agey feel to it for some people. I think it's about s…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/23 03:02 PM
10

For men who don't tend to WOW women, curiosity is a prerequisite for attraction. It gives me an opportunity to be attractive
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/23 03:15 PM
11

Could it be that enough do that your thesis is flawed?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/23 03:13 PM
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But the ring is a square, so....
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/23 10:57 PM
2

I'm not sure that's the OP's point, but it ought to be. Men play a particular role in enforcing standards in women that may harm women. Women play a particular role in enforcing standards in men that may harm men.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/23 07:21 PM
3

I think that's self development, a normal healthy course of progress through life. Self improvement is often, though not always, based in part on a perceived deficit you need to correct or compensate for. That can be healthy, but it can become a kind of hamster wheel if your self esteem is shaky. You could "improve" just about anything, but do you really need to?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/23 07:51 PM
3

Both men and women are selective in their vision, though, especially when single and looking.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/23 07:59 PM
1

No, I'm pushing back on the idea that he needs to be AMAZING, which was put forth in response to the suggestion that weakness, timidity, and incompetence in a man is not generally thought attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/23 07:57 PM
7

No, like u/shmupsy I learned something :).
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/23 05:21 PM
0

Maybe be a competent adult or perish?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/23 04:39 PM
1

I disagree with your conclusion, OP, but it has some merit. Your conclusion being that this is widespread, or must be, and that the solution has to come from society. The issues you raise have a significant impact on men who are already on the margins socially. I mean men who are asking for advice are either struggling to date at all or are struggling to accept their pool of dating prospects, and looking for some way to improve that pool. I think the issues you raise have added to the number of …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/23 04:38 PM
0

I don't buy his entire thesis, but isn't he saying that the "doing anything about it" solution is harder to achieve in a context where ordinary non celebrity and non paragons of industry men are or seem relatively devalued compared to ordinary women?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/23 02:44 PM
8

But doesn't that support a part of the OP's thesis? I know your #s are based on your sense of these young men's lives, but your experience matches mine and your #s serve the discussion. Through some means we seem to have created a 3 to 4 fold increase in young men who aren't ready for an adult social life, nor an adult life in general in some cases. That seems like a lot, and if your numbers that I tend to agree with are double the real problem, we still have twice the issue we had 40 or 50 year…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/23 02:29 PM
1

If women (and men) on any large scale made a mistake it was in assuming that a man who struggled to get into a relationship was interested in a relationship with the a woman who might be interested in him. That means if the guy was not all that good looking, he'd seek out similar women. I'm not a fan of rating people 1-10 as some fact, but it can be illustrative. If a man who was about a 4 was consistently struggling to date women who were 3-4-5s, his issue was not his looks. Still isn't for the…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/23 05:33 PM
10

I'm male and in my 60s. At no point in my life did I ever believe that looks don't matter. I saw the way many women responded to conventionally attractive men. I saw the way women responded to me differently depending on how well my looks somewhat, ever so slightly, approximated the obvious ideals many women held. I saw this clearly by the time I was 18 or 19. To believe that men's looks don't matter I'd have to make a herculean effort to ignore all the evidence that they do and always have. I'd…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/23 02:31 PM
0

You're exaggerating a bit and selecting only evidence that supports your argument, but your stance is closer to the truth than the idea that "men were lied to" and the list of lies that typically follow.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/23 01:33 PM
1

Perhaps more opportunities to succeed, also? You know, the glass is half broken.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/23 11:40 PM
3

Like "All men are rapists".
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/23 05:25 PM
3

Some men who say they're red pill really believe that AWALT, and the THAT which they believe effectively reduces women to a pretty base version of a human being. So all women are base solipsistic, deluded, etc. By your logic, aren't women correct in assuming that ARPMALT (all RP men are like that)?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/05/23 05:22 PM
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Nice all or nothing take. A person cane be nice, or decent if you prefer as I do, and still be frustrated and imperfectly handle that frustration. It's like a healthy person can be sick at this moment. Or a generally clear thinking person can be confused.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/23 05:44 PM
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That would be frustrating. It's like telling someone to eat a food you like without giving any thought what they know about your tastes. And with much greater potentially negative consequences
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/23 08:35 PM
2

when you DO apply critical thought to the process, the people who don't usually interpret that as an attack on them Can you give an example?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/23 01:54 PM
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OK, so my little stop here was worthwhile :)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/23 07:08 PM
3

It may not work directly, but knowing why a person behaves differently can help people accept them socially, like into a group or club. That kind of social access does validate the person (social proof) and that may help romantically.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/23 03:35 PM
1

I see the correction below, but if your # was correct it still supports his contention that the average man he describes is actually a bit above average. I will add that many men do exactly the same corrupting of the word average, saying things like "I want an average, not fat girl with a nice face". That woman may be somewhat common, but she's above average, just like a 5'11" non fat pleasant enough looking man is.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/23 01:58 PM
2

I understand why you're frustrated, if that's what you're feeling. I get feeling out of step as a young man. I mean I'm old now but some of the stories here bring back memories. But if crawling is where you are, what else can you do? Short of a woman taking the lead in a romantic relationship what can you do besides start where your skills are now? And even if a woman took the lead, you'd still need to reciprocate and demonstrate some of the same skills needed to initiate and escalate. My questi…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/23 10:03 PM
1

There's some merit to your thesis, but what can a 20 something with little experience learn from it?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/23 09:53 PM
4

Likely meant making sure that sex was enjoyable, so experimenting with positions, technique, other kinds of stimulation, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/05/23 08:54 PM
1

Confirmation Bias
/r/PurplePillDebate06/05/23 05:19 PM
2

No. Cheating is a behavior, and not a loving one. Your feeling (love) can be at odds with your behavior (cheating).
/r/PurplePillDebate05/05/23 03:14 PM
4

I really like your comment. I agree wholeheartedly on the exaggerations. They kill the commenter's credibility up front or make the task of finding a possibly valid point that much harder. I also agree that many men aren't content with comments like yours. Or they see value but they're in an emotional state where they won't admit that. You may have planted a seed of understanding, though.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 06:24 PM
3

Is being alone really that bad? I'm male and I've operated on the assumption that "I can't afford to be choosy" and I've operated on the assumption that "I can't afford not to be choosy". Operating on the latter assumption has resulted in fewer but vastly better women in my life.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/23 01:55 PM
2

I think way too much is made of the 2009 data from OK cupid. But, it does seem to indicate that those women found a lot of very ordinary, well proportioned men unattractive. In the original write up they showed pics of the men who were so rated, consistently, and it was kind of a buzz kill to men like me who would surely fall into the 80%. And then women messaged those men anyway at a pretty normal distribution rate. Meaning some of the women were contacting men they found unattractive. Which of…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/05/23 08:19 PM
1

And I'm sounding like the empathy police, but what I'm trying to do is to point out how there can be another perspective on this. No one has to take that perspective, my perspective, but I still think it's important to share. As it's important for you to share your perspective. Take care.
/r/ExRedPill27/04/23 02:13 PM
0

I can't speak for the OP and in any case this seems directed at my comment, though I'm not sure why other than that I gave you a quote to pull to make your point. But responding generally, you, meaning you in particular or people generally can look at a man struggling with dating and ask "How does women having choices make you feel?", or you can be "How does not being chosen make you feel?" or "How can you better handle not being chosen?". Which questions recognize the humanity of the man who is…
/r/ExRedPill26/04/23 09:00 PM
2

OK, I'll step back a bit. This response is far more helpful than "so what", but I'll grant that even at about 125 words it may be more than some people want to read. I appreciate the more developed take, though. And though I agree with the advice, I'm not sure there's a particularly clear answer for the OP. If he measures his self worth by how women respond to him sexually, he's probably going to feel less worth than he imagines the men who women view as highly attractive feel. In the short term…
/r/ExRedPill26/04/23 08:47 PM
2

Are you being obtuse, or am I (if you're being Socratic)? I'm not a proponent of the 80/20 stuff, but clearly some men have far more sex than others, and it's not always or even mostly based on the men's choices. So if a man is struggling, explanations for his struggles that apply to all men and not just him are attractive. That's why they have appeal, and if a man has once given in to that appeal, he may need a strong counter to that idea to be rid of it and then believe it "doesn't matter". Yo…
/r/ExRedPill26/04/23 05:44 PM
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I would go as far as saying a lot more people would agree with most things progressives and the left talks about if the terminology and approach are both altered and are less combative. I think this is pretty well understood, but at times it seems like being combative is the whole point.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/23 02:14 PM
1

If the "someone" is someone you genuinely want, then the saying is metaphorically true, but as a practical matter not necessarily. All it takes is for your desires to be unconventional, along with your appeal being unconventional also, but not in a way that typically draws the person you like. You may be a puzzle piece that almost never fits any other puzzle pieces, attracted to puzzle pieces that are uniquely poorly aligned with you.
/r/ExRedPill20/04/23 01:44 PM
3

It's not true, and it diminishes men and women.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 07:38 PM
1

Well said.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 07:15 PM
2

Would you say the realization that “This person is not beholden to me because I have affection for them” the first rule of dating successfully? I think this is important. It sets the table for both parties to work to make this end less likely, if that's their mutual goal, or to accept it more readily and to be prepared. From what I've read many times women are just as surprised and often disappointed by their drop in interest as men are.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 07:11 PM
6

There are ideals, and then there's reality. Ideals are pretty extreme for both men and women. And media pushed ideals are not just rare people shown naturally, they're shown dehydrated and in perfect lighting and then retouched later before the pics are shown. Both men and women. Both men and women fall prey to the belief that a person who finds those images exciting can't find a real less ideal person attractive. But both men and women are capable of having an ideal person in mind, often a clas…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 06:05 PM
3

That certainly happens. I also believe you're responding to a shitty comment upthread, or maybe the OP. I get dizzy trying to trace the source of responses. Suffice to say the OP is bitter and his take, and posting history, are pretty telling. So I get where you're coming from. But there's likely a concern here that deserves a decent discussion. I know, this is the internet and reddit, but still. Studies that controlled for children and relationship satisfaction and even sexual satisfaction and …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 05:44 PM
7

I think there are studies that show that men and women get somewhat bored with their partners, but that women get bored sooner and to a greater degree, or at least to a degree that leads to them losing interest in sex. Like 2-3 years in, where men it's a decade or more. And this was true after they controlled for relationship and sexual satisfaction. Your advice is still valid, but I'd add that both men and women need to be aware of this tendency if they want the relationship to last. Even then,…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 05:12 PM
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I think it's a fairy tale version of reality. I don't say that to be dismissive. Fairy tales often express something deep within our subconscious. It (the fairy tale) may hint at something dark or a wish or a fantasy. So even when it isn't a real door opener to be "good" on some level maybe we all sort of think or feel it should be. And then dating and relationship advise to men in particular tends to encourage what amounts to good behavior. Being responsible, considerate, hard working, etc. Bei…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 02:59 PM
1

This article mentions the survey done by a site called openminded.com. https://www.askmen.com/news/dating/survey-finds-women-more-likely-to-propose-open-relationships.html
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/23 08:29 PM
2

I believe single men favor the idea of an open relationship more often than single women. But one of the biggest online poly communities surveyed members and in existing monogamous relationships, women suggested opening it 2/3 of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/23 03:39 PM
5

After I responded to her? I checked the history and you're correct on the dates. Also uses words like low tier, die lone, and other blackpill type jargon. S I think you're right all the way around. Now I'm pissed I participated.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/23 04:05 AM
11

You said he struggled to date, or at least you implied it. You're holding up his experience as a way for below average men who struggle to date to have a "fighting chance". If a man is lonely and struggling to deal with that, he may consent to something he wouldn't otherwise. There's some chance you're taking advantage of his prior loneliness and likely fear of being alone to have a situation that works far better for you than for him. And if he wasn't great at dating while single, he's very unl…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/23 03:32 AM
3

Does he see other women?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/23 03:19 AM
8

Are those really the only two options for not so attractive women?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 05:19 PM
0

Aren't fitness and posture superficial? They're fine things to like and even if they weren't, it's your show, but they're not deep, core aspects of a person.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 04:01 PM
3

I think I agree. I see TRP as the tune they whistle as they walk through the graveyard. No one really believes they aren't afraid. But what's the alternative for the men you mention. Being neurodivergent or having mental health issues doesn't change their wants and desires, but they kind of cruelly hamper the pursuit of their wants and desires. I agree that TRP is mostly ineffective for these men and even if it is effective some of it is ethically flawed, but there doesn't seem to be an alternat…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 03:39 PM
4

If a man (or woman) won't date people they have some attraction for because they believe they deserve better, then I'd agree with you. But if they can't find attract anyone their attracted to, what do you propose they do? Now creating or subscribing to a world view that makes their plight some sort of a conspiracy or ultimately anyone else's responsibility is unhealthy and maybe a little whack. But the sadness underneath those bad choices seems relatable to me. Maybe because I've experienced it,…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 03:20 PM
2

I'm no fan of the red pill and especially the assumptions it makes about women, or men for that matter. Do you believe that men who have their house in order can't struggle with women, along the lines I suggest in the comment you responded to? Or do you believe they simply won't reach for an extreme solution like TRP?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 03:15 PM
1

I'm male. I think we share responsibility for each other. But since men are typically easier to get there, the sharing is more important for women in most cases. Her responsibility then is to help me figure out how to help her, and mine is to be flexible and to listen.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 02:53 PM
2

For those buzzkills who exclaim "imagine trying to date people who share common interests" you may be missing the point. Maybe two. For men who have a history of struggling to meet women they're attracted to and who feel the same about them, there's a tendency to believe that appealing to a larger # of women is their best move. If only 5% of women might find me appealing, I need to find a way to appeal to 10% or 20%. They're looking at it probabilistically and there is a certain logic to that. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 02:24 PM
3

I think there are people who simply aren't attracted to the people who might be attracted to them. This applies to men and women. That doesn't mean that they won't meet someone today and feel some mutual interest and attraction, but in this moment that may seem quite unlikely due to their experience. That isn't necessarily related to trauma.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 01:40 PM
1

Your question is four days old but I just saw it, so I'll take a stab at answering. Q: Why would anyone (men) want someone who doesn't want them? A: Because they fear that no one they want, will want them. They fear that they can't connect with anyone they're attracted to. Some men really can't, but most men with this fear are legitimately struggling and letting the struggle get the best of them. I think we all (men and women) want similar things, and most of us get a decent amount of what we wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 09:19 PM
7

It's a weird stance to take when there's no current basis for it. Now if an overweight woman went on about not liking overweight men, that would probably give me pause. How much pause, I don't know, but some. Especially if her dislike went beyond aesthetics and included beliefs about their character (lazy, undisciplined, etc.) That would border on hypocrisy, unless she felt she was lazy and undisciplined too. Might still seem odd.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/23 07:59 PM
3

I've seen more overt hostility toward unattractive and especially overweight women than I've seen directed toward similar men. It may not be because women are more pure of heart, but rather, because they fear how a man may respond. But some men have little restraint and lots of hostility. I'm male but I've always been someone some women talk in front of. Like when I'm in a relationship and women know that, they talk pretty openly about their likes and dislikes in men in front of me. And being ma…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/23 02:04 PM
5

Thanks for the comment. The "focus on other things" flavor of response isn't terrible and it may be the best advice, but it's the kind of advice a hurting person often can't hear. So it falls on deaf ears at best, hence it's inadequate. It can be infuriating if the person hears it, but as a suggestion to give up, and that's how it's often heard. Silence, or acknowledgement are often better responses.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/23 01:32 AM
14

I'm not sure the RP is so much about hating women. It's not flattering in it's assumptions about women, but that's different. Incels, BP, MGTOW, tend to be more hateful. Your comparison to Qanon has some merit. TRP does feel conspiratorial. It does have the rage loop you describe where a fear that has some basis in reality is manipulated and exaggerated to sell a solution. And re Qanon, nothing really has a basis in anything unless you step back and ask "Can we always trust the government or aut…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/23 07:41 PM
1

Thanks for the discussion, OP. I'm old enough to remember pre internet when porn was less abundant and varied and cheap or free. I think my life and my feelings about sex and my sexuality were better prior to the hyper availability of porn. I've always gone periods without using it, or without using it much, but it still has what I believe is a somewhat unhealthy place in my life. It has an impact on how I feel about myself, how I feel about women and what they may like, and about sex in general…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/23 03:52 PM
2

This is a thoughtful take, and I tend to agree with it. That fear of vulnerability seems to be a current running through a lot of RP thought and advice. In a sense a relationship shows us who we are. For hetero men, a relationship and the women we share that with are like a mirror showing us who we are, as men are for women. Reasonably secure people may not like everything they see, but they're typically not surprised because they know themselves and at least begrudgingly accept being imperfect.…
/r/ExRedPill10/03/23 03:38 PM
2

No true Scotsman. Keep trying though, propyl21. You may convince yourself yet.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/23 09:45 PM
1

You pretty consistently insist that your narrative is THE narrative. Just like you accuse men of doing. Interesting.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/03/23 07:11 PM
2

Maybe through a pretty distorted lens.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/23 03:26 PM
3

Saying something like, Thanks, but I'm not interested" is best. A clear "no" with no wiggle room for negotiation. A bad rejection would be being cruel. Also not helpful to critique the person. First, it leaves room for them to say they'll change and to negotiate that, and second, your critique might not be useful. The idea that a rejection can or should provide data for the person being rejected is misguided. You may not be able to change the trait or life circumstance that the person states. Yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/02/23 03:24 PM
0

You seem to have many thigs figured out.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/23 10:25 PM
2

But you're way cooler than most people. It comes right through the screen at us. The coolness.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 11:32 PM
1

That's interesting. Thanks for responding.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 04:51 PM
1

Do you think other people would be able to tell which group the men belonged to? Not your friends because they're too close, and not through photos because they're too removed from reality. But imagine a group of women your age seeing those men out and about, so seeing them move physically, interact with other men and women, hearing their voice, and so on. Would that group be able to pick out the 1/4 group from the others? So do you suspect there was something objectively different about those t…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 04:01 PM
1

"The unforgiving minute" line captures so much of what's right about the way men are expected to make their way in the world. I'm on the fence whether it's asking too much or just enough, or simply conveying the expectation.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 07:51 PM
1

The lonely men and women can get together and discuss. For some reason they want everyone else to slum down and take them in like pussy and penis charity cases. I used the word "jaded" to describe your response as being pretty much done with the issue. Your words "slum down" especially seemed kind of harsh. But I don't think your advice is bad. It's probably the only answer, if it is an answer. It may not be much of an answer because odds are the woman in that "ugly" couple was no more attracted…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 06:28 PM
1

What do you think the WHY is or might be? I'm a little concerned the why might be natural.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 04:10 PM
2

Do you really feel this jaded about people who struggle socially, or do you adopt this pose in response to the hostile approach so many men take toward women here.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 03:43 PM
4

My point is, women aren’t the only ones whose libidos decrease. The study suggests it's more likely and more pronounced in women, though. I think the OP's effort to use this study to support his claim that all men or almost all men are being used financially is absurd. But the study does support the notion that women fall out of lust sooner and harder than men, on average. And that's after they controlled for factors that honestly are typically brought up to imply the man is responsible for her …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/02/23 03:14 PM
3

So you're ready to accept a world where some small but not insignificant # of men , and likely a growing # if your assessment is right, live a worthless life? That seems like a problem for those men and for the people they live their worthless lives around.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 07:31 PM
5

Which seems like something to talk about beyond simply assigning the value "normal" to their plights?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/02/23 07:17 PM
1

Times are different and some men face challenges their grandfather wouldn't have, but we suffer greatly from being too well informed. There's nothing so freeing as not knowing you can't do something.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/23 10:00 PM
2

I understand that despair, having struggled with it. I don't have an answer in the short term. I don't have any answer, except working on issues and behavior if those can be identified, staying in the mix of life as much as possible, and staying open to possibilities. I know that sounds vague, but it's what helped me. Of course a lot of specifics were filled in to flesh it out, but generally those are the steps it took. I wish I had an inspiring success story. I wish that for myself and for peop…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/23 12:41 AM
3

It can. Lots of people who are bitter or defeated are so for reasons that make sense, but who can do anything to help them, besides them? Maybe in a way they are victims of their circumstances, but even then the only healthy choice is to take responsibility for those circumstances and make the most of them. I know that's not an appealing solution for many people who struggle, but I think it's realistic.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 06:26 PM
2

That wasn't the proposition though, was it? The proposition was that men, implying something about our nature, would generally handle sexual abundance as well or better than women, generally. I see no evidence for that, and some evidence to the contrary. And that's in the context of so much discussion here, where it's posited that men are typically rational and virtuous and women are typically solipsistic children. Men are capable of true love, like fucking knights I guess, and women are whores.…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 05:22 PM
5

I've been rejected before for someone I couldn't really see as her better choice, but isn't the key phrase, her better choice? I feel some sting either way, but casting myself as a victim would just make it worse.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 04:05 PM
8

When you use a word like "denied" I wonder what you mean. There are lots of things I want but don't have, but none of those things were denied me. To me the word implies entitlement. That's a word I seldom use because it's so often used when frustrated or disappointed are more accurate and kinder. But your language really leads there. I'm generally sympathetic to men who can't meet their sexual and emotional needs, but I can't see where anyone has denied those men anything. And seeing it as deni…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 03:22 PM
9

The question you wondered about was whether men would take advantage of the kind of abundance women seem to have. "Would they?" to quote you. And of course they would. Men may have created religion, but that hasn't stopped priests and pastors from diddling boys and girls and young troubled women who come to them for guidance. Because they can. So yeah, let's be clear.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 05:28 AM
1

I'm a big fan of neither gender caring if they don't meet some random person's dating preferences. Why can't people just care about and try to find the people open to dating them instead of wasting time and energy focusing on the people who don't? I'll try again but with a different tack. People sometimes rail against other people's preferences because they're threatened by them. They are or think they are making a solid effort to find people open to dating them but having no luck. Their struggl…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 03:11 AM
3

Sometimes desire doesn't wane But often times it does. That's more the norm, and it's not always because people stopped caring. Stopping caring certainly can be the cause, but continuing to care and put forth an effort is no guarantee of mutual lust continuing.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 12:52 AM
3

That's a wise route to take. So is flossing, and saving money, and drinking responsibly, and lots of stuff. And lots of people don't do those things or don't do them consistently. Referencing the other user who seems to want to lord her desirability over people who admit frustration with being less desirable, in a comment replete with cute emojis, people shouldn't do that either. Yet here we are.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 12:39 AM
8

I'm relatively tall at 6-1 so this isn't something I deal with personally. And even though your sentiment, that men need to accept when someone isn't interested, is 100% on point you express it in a pretty dismissive way. Many women do. So if a shorter man is struggling to date his height probably has some impact, and when you or another women nonchalantly reminds him of that, he might respond from his feeling of frustration. That's the answer to your "why" question.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 12:30 AM
15

I don't believe that for a second. I'm male but the 10% of men who have options run through them way faster and recklessly than the somewhat larger group of women who have similar options. You can look it up. And men who don't have many options occasionally do some pretty fucked up things as a result. Women have the options they do precisely because men are much less discriminant.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 12:18 AM
1

I appreciate that, but I wasn't really offended. I think there's solid evidence that having Autism can make dating more difficult. I also think you're discussing this in good faith, so there's no problem there. I do think though that TRP has been coopted by people who miss the nuance of the message as you understand it. In some cases they ignore any nuance precisely because the concrete message is appealing. It's common enough on this site to see men motivated to almost go to battle with women, …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/23 06:40 PM
5

You're using the word "autistic" pretty loosely here. You realize men with Autism struggle socially, so you'd expect that men with Autism might be over represented among men drawn to dating advice. With that, saying AWALT knowing some of your your audience will interpret it concretely, is inviting that interpretation. It's like saying all African American people are like that, or all Jewish people or X people, when that is a negative, and watching racists come in and agree, and then continuing t…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/23 04:35 PM
2

Thinking every single person an any specific group has the exact same mindset or motivations is extremely idiotic. Isn't there an element of that thinking in TRP, directed at women?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/01/23 02:58 PM
3

I see your point OP. I'm male and I think men undermine their efforts in the way you describe, by alienating people who might understand their concerns if presented in a more balanced way. It's quite common. These men have poisoned the well from which some support might come. Now when a man makes an appeal for support that doesn't blame women or dismiss their real and present concerns, a lot of his audience seems to assume he's just masking his more virulent beliefs. I understand why people migh…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/01/23 05:46 PM
1

I think TRP pretty much says that there are ways to attract women but they require hard work. And by "attract women" TRP means better looking or more interesting, in their lexicon "higher value" women. And that's one of those aspects of TRP that's pretty true. TRP makes some wrong claims about women's nature (hate that term) and the extent to which an already aware man who has a clue can change his fortunes romantically, but then they've got something to sell.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/23 02:40 PM
3

I think the logical extension of my point is that it's so self evident that it's not debatable.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/23 02:25 PM
23

How is this news? I don't disagree with your stance, but you seem to be implying that this is some kind of recent phenom or maybe an injustice. As a man who might be a regular Joe on my better days, I have moments where I dislike this reality, but it is the reality. Applies to women also, though likely to a greater extent.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/23 10:20 PM
1

I think confidence has more to do with failure, or at least challenges, and how you respond rather than easy success. If Lebron James dunks on me, that's not because he's confident. If I'm from, say, Denmark where they don't play much basketball (maybe they do, go with it) and I'm in the US and a game starts and I'm invited to play to fill out a team, agreeing to play a game I'm unfamiliar with is confident of me. You can't be Lebron James. If you think that's confident, being told to be confide…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 10:01 PM
4

The foundations of security start in infanthood, As do the foundations of insecurity. A good upbringing can give you what amounts to a strong emotional immune system. A bad upbringing leaves you vulnerable to those emotional viruses we all encounter but which healthier people shake off after a few sniffles while the immunocompromised ends up bed ridden. I mean you're right. Mostly. There's a level of unattractive that men or women are going to struggle with unless their emotional immune system i…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 04:14 PM
10

With all the messages we (all people) get about sex and romance it's almost impossible to never feel some envy if you're not participating. The feeling is pretty natural and not something you can make not happen. What you do with it is up to you though. The problem isn't the impulsive thought "I'm afraid any woman I get with will have more experience than me". It isn't necessarily true or necessarily something to fear, but we all fear something that isn't really a threat. Or we greatly fear some…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/23 03:07 PM
1

Your choices are limited by who might choose you. That's true in any mutual choice (career, specific job, college, getting a loan, etc.). The word "choice" in no way means or even implies no limitations.
/r/ExRedPill07/01/23 08:31 PM
13

I can understand your anxiety on things so "measurable", but plenty of women (and men) fall for a person and not a set of characteristics separate from the person. Not that those characteristics never matter or don't sometimes matter quite a bit, but even when that's the case, they (m)atter until they don't. Edit: I guess "matter" is spelled with an M. Hopefully people understood.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 04:26 PM
1

I think most women care at least a bit about power. I think a few women care a great deal. Money is a sort of power in itself and is often construed as a result of personal power.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/23 03:49 PM
5

What you're looking for seems to be something like mathematical certainty in dating. The red pill purports to offer that, but even the self improvement aspects of trp only tend to improve your odds, so it's not really an answer. And rp thoughts on women simply don't help if you're looking to form a genuine connection. You may not like or be completely able to understand the nuanced nature of dating, but it would benefit you to basically suspend your disbelief and approach it in a less formulaic …
/r/ExRedPill29/12/22 04:04 PM
1

Are you saying men should compete for women?
/r/ExRedPill29/12/22 03:43 PM
7

Do you really believe that no one like you dates or is in a relationship? If you do, that belief is patently false. Holding onto false beliefs about women's preferences or requirements is pretty red pill. Rethink your statement that you're out, since you seem quite in.
/r/ExRedPill27/12/22 03:48 PM
0

I have two quarrels with the red pill as I understand it. First, it seems to be a cult of self improvement based on the notion that men need to be "better". The second is the manipulative tactics like you mention and the assumptions about women that justify the manipulation. Other than that.....
/r/ExRedPill20/12/22 05:14 PM
2

That's nuanced and thoughtful, though. It's much easier to focus on some admitted hyperbole and never have to be thoughtful.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 04:34 PM
2

And seemingly more understandable than modern dating ;)
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/22 03:30 PM
40

It's difficult for sure for a man (or woman) when their partner doesn't ever seem to want to have sex, but it's not abuse. Reaching for a dramatic term like that makes it more difficult to take your comments seriously.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 10:44 PM
1

No
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 10:33 PM
4

Men who believe there's something wrong with women because they, the men, can't connect with a woman are pieces of shit. Men who simply cannot connect with women are not. Even if they complain about it. Their complaints are tedious and I never know what to say in response, but depressed or very frustrated people are often hard to interact with, and often have a hard time seeing even the best advice as helpful.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 08:02 PM
1

This was my first thought, that women collectively are immoral if some men can't connect with them. It explains AWALT thinking and all that goes into it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 06:33 PM
3

People with actual abundance, like a one to one correspondence between what they want and multiple direct ways to get it, don't need an abundance mentality. They have actual abundance. An abundance mentality is about considering whether you've defined your need or desire too narrowly or weighed it too heavily among the things you need right now to be happy, or whether you've considered other ways to feel less of a scarcity. Scarcity can seem like you're drowning. Abundance can come from simply r…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 06:50 PM
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