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BlackDogBeer Archive

View 2 posts and 26 comments by BlackDogBeer on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
45

BlackDogBeer/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 11:29 PM
3

BlackDogBeer/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:06 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Ah, sorry, was relaying what she said "might" happen in that timeframe. I'm probably holding out some hope for that, but it's gone from 2 to 3 to 5 to 10. I've accepted that with the push of years it means never, so I'll live my life and she hers. Whatever happens, happens but no expectations, just regret.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 01:59 AM
2

I never said I had a plan for winning her back. I don't know if I even could. My plan is to make myself better for what I've identified in therapy to be an overall better person. That person I how to become may or may not be in line with what she wanted me to be and I hope she can see the change. There are other issues of resentment that she may never be able to overcome, and for as much as that sucks, I can't change the past and she may never be able to get over those. She's been with me for ov…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 01:16 AM
2

Hey, go F*ck off. It's been over five months since she finally told me, for an over 30+ yr marriage. We went through a separation a few years ago and got back together, but I know this time is different. I know what's happening and why. I know what comes next. I believe the person I've been with when she says she still loves me and that makes this harder. I believe her when she says she doesn't want someone else, she just wants to be alone and have her peace. I know when I move out in a few week…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/23 12:49 AM
1

Thanks for the info. I will check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 11:09 PM
2

I'll add to my library, but I'm not in the camp of this being her fault. There's fault on both sides but I know majority is on mine, and my relationship is not everyone else's. Some of us are not in the blaming her camp and don't want what we sowed, but that's the reality. Sometimes she has enough reason. Yes, the fact that she quiet quit /walked away doesn't mean she didn't give me the chance to change things. I just wasn't mentally in the place I am to make the right decisions for our family g…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 09:55 PM
5

You're doing the best you can. You will get to where you need to be. Good luck and take care of yourself and your needs.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 09:39 PM
1

I have zero negative feelings for her. She says I will, but I don't see it. I know her reasons go back for a number of years and I had the opportunity to do the right thing by her, but I didn't. What I've learned is that I was not mentally and emotionally capable of doing what I should have. I can't change how I acted or didn't act because that's who I was at that point. Do I hate that I can't change things or her impression of me? Fuck yes. Number one volunteer for a time machine please. I'm wo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 09:20 PM
1

LOL, and why most work emails fail to convey full meaning. Yes, I'm in therapy and identified things about myself that I want to change to be a better me going forward with or without her. Are they things I should've, could've worked on while with her, yes, but I wasn't there yet. I don't want to throw away a 30+ year relationship with someone that I love and think is a great person. We still love and care about each other and while we're going to start our new journeys, I want to stay in touch …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 09:07 PM
1

So I'm going to probably be an outlier in this conversation. I still love my wife and don't want the divorce, but I want things to be friendly in terms of hoping for a future. Can I be her friend? Maybe, but until she finds somebody else. I'm not going to be happy and will probably find it very hard to support her being with somebody else. Until that time whenever we have a chance to converse or be together, I want to do my best to be her friend, to be somebody that I wasn't, someone that she fe…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:47 PM
1

I'm more of an introvert, so I'm not trying to interject myself into other people's social groups. I just want to be a sociable person in the right situations but if I'm not with others and doing something myself, I don't want to be seen as that weird guy by himself.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:25 PM
1

Listening and enjoying. Thanks for the recommendation.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 08:23 PM
1

Added to Wish list, right next to 'Unf*ck Yourself' which has been there for awhile but I haven't started yet.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 02:56 PM
2

Thank you all for the comments. I get that I'm totally overthinking it and when I took the time to relax, meditate, and think about the different emotions and thoughts I was going through, it came back to what I'm dealing with around perfectionism/control issues. ​ Letting go and living in reality is somewhat new for me as will being alone. We've been together for over 30+ years and I relied too much on her for approval and validation, things that were part of my childhood programming. I feel li…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 02:53 PM
1

LOL, my dog is my current crutch for not walking alone on the local trails. Oddly enough, that's an activity where I'm fine being alone with my headphones on and enjoying being outside.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 02:40 PM
5

So you're saying it's a me problem. 😄
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 12:08 AM
1

It was weird today as a family similar to mine in age showed up half way through. Wife and husband introduced themselves and I would guess around my age. Just a feeling I got from the older daughters. Everyone was drinking so maybe just me over thinking. I have three adult daughters and overly protective of them but other people don't know that about you so, I'm probably just applying a stereotype or TV themes to the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 11:58 PM
3

😂 Yeah, that's not happening.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 11:53 PM
2

Understood, but still want her to feel comfortable in how things are handled and truly want her to have what she deserves. I wouldn't have been able to get where I am without the support she gave me. I know my mindset has to think about my future and my needs, but I still love her and will always want to know she's ok. Appreciate the advice.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 07:58 PM
2

Interesting take on it. Because of the differences in salary and expected inheritance from parents, she is concerned about her future financial stability and I think would feel better having it formally documented. Not that it's going to happen, but her fear would be me finding someone else and not following through. I get it and want her to be at ease. I pay for legal services as part of my benefits package, so going through that to at least consult with a lawyer and make sure I'm filling thing…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:26 PM
2

So only one of the distributions was released before the date of separation so she is definitely allowed that, the one distributed after and the future ones are in question. I don't want to leave her hanging. She put off having a career to take care of our kids and allowing me to grow to the level I'm at. Even having the RSUs doesn't feel possible without her support. Since we're over 50, thinking about how much longer we're going to work and how we'll survive in retirement starts creeping in.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 03:41 AM
1

That's another can of worms that neither of us understand since we're already in our 50s and "retirement" is supposed to be on the horizon. No clue of 401k or other pensions actually get divided and for how long.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:12 AM
1

Awesome, thanks. We're amicable but finding ourselves confused with my side of the financials.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:08 AM
1

Thanks. CrossFit was something I was going to look into.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:07 AM
1

When you say "strong community of folks my age", were there classes or sessions age specific listed? In my early 50s and want to get back to gym work but can see doing better in a group scenario than going alone.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 03:01 AM
1

💯% this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 02:57 AM
2

So we're not separated yet but papers have been filled. It was a 30+ year marriage and we don't hate each other. She admits she still loves me and that makes this harder. We were talking a couple weeks back and there was a question from her that we still get our freebie. It caught me off guard cause we haven't been together in almost a year. Would I be with her? Yes, but I'm still hoping for a future together in time. We are both over 50 and she doesn't want to date anyone. She needs her peace a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 02:47 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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