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BlueGoosePond Archive

View 0 posts and 36 comments by BlueGoosePond on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

Depends on the gym. The ones I have been to definitely have the "I'm just here to exercise and get home" vibe to it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 04:25 AM
10

What a shitty situation. It definitely sounds like she changed/grew apart from you after her mom's death. How long ago did the yoga/vegan chapter start? Did you get your own place already, or are you at a friends or a hotel or something?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 01:11 AM
1

Love seeing that this sub is consistent even when the genders are flipped.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:06 AM
1

Esther Perel says the average person will have three or four great loves in their live, and if you are lucky, they will all be with the same person.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:04 AM
1

I'm kind of pleasantly surprised to read these responses here. I was worried that the comments might flip because the genders are flipped.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/25 03:02 AM
4

The "7 year itch" is a phrase for a reason. Hmm...i think the only piece of advice I have is to tell you that love is a feeling as much as it is an action. To a large extent, you can choose to build the love. Maybe you didn't pick the optimal fit for your wife, but that doesn't mean you have to abandon ship. You, she, and your kids all deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 03:15 PM
4

To me this sounds like it should be the beginning of the next stage of your relationship, not the end of it. Are you guys around each other too much maybe? You have two kids together. I wouldn't break up a household because of these things that seem pretty addressable. Nobody has crossed any lines that can't be uncrossed. If you divorce, there's all sorts of side effects. Both of you will probably move on to have other SOs (or a series of other SOs). It's just a whole lot of unnecessary stuff fo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 02:57 PM
2

That's an interesting point. I think people contemplating divorce see others in their life who are divorced and that informs their decision. But that's only an outsider's view, and every divorce situation is different, so it's not the best tool to evaluate. That said, if my kid wants a picture with both parents I'm fine doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:24 PM
3

I think you covered everything except the psych and medication part of it. All I can say is that I relate. Trusting, always trying to see her point of view, bending over backwards to presume the best, and so on. This might sound kind of stupid for a grown man to say, but I feel like she kind of stole my innocence there. I think I will eventually be able to trust a woman again, but I am worried/annoyed by the fact that that future relationship won't get to experience that same kind of "purity" as…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 01:46 AM
1

You could always start a Discord. That's not quite the same as trained professionals, but it's something.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 10:01 PM
8

Idk men of Reddit, give it to me straight, what do you think, has to be at least emotional if not physical affair right? Does it matter? That's a serious question -- is this a distinction that makes a difference to you? It sounds like either way she was crossing some serious boundaries with you. I'd focus less on her actions and more on your boundaries. If your boundaries for physical vs. emotional are different, then I guess it's something you need to find out. Otherwise I don't know if it's wo…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:28 PM
7

Hey, sometimes it's a former co-worker. EDIT: Well shit, I commented this before reading the entire post. It actually was a former co-worker in OP's case!
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 01:14 PM
1

Agreed. Sometimes it can just be a part of the process, and we are all at different stages of it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 12:42 PM
5

Yeah, this sub kind of straddles the border between helpful advice and venting and toxic victimhood sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 12:10 PM
0

Sure, that's what the legal rule is currently So...that is a large part of the point I was making. Like 50/50 shouldn't be surprising to people because that's a basic part of the whole legal institution of marriage. where the man earns, let's say, multiple millions of dollars, I do think the argument kind of falls apart a bit in extreme examples like this. Devil's advocate though -- you said she's equally educated as you. If you had stayed home and she had worked, couldn't she argue that she wou…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 02:10 AM
2

I get what you're saying. You could do it that way, but then you're not treating the marriage period as a marriage. I think it could devolve into a really lengthy process of each person trying to assign a value to all sorts of different things. It wouldn't be a simple process at all unless the couple simply agreed on most of it -- in which case the option to do a mediated divorce and determine your own outcome already exists. Like /u/Xan-Diesel pointed out, virtually all of us go into marriage k…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 10:06 PM
-2

50% of marital assets makes sense to me. Sure, the raw financial cost may have been borne 80% by you, but it was while you were in a legal marital partnership. She (should have) provided some things of intangible value that contributed to it or allowed for you to be able to do it. That said...if you're talking about splitting pre-marital assets, inheritance/family property, or alimony going forward, that's a whole different thing. You said in another comment that you are amicable with her. Is a …
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 09:41 PM
4

I wrote in my journal a lot and tried to keep busy. I mostly stuck to my usual routine -- I didn't want to accidentally form some mental association between the divorce and some thing or activity. It was not a momentous occasion that I wanted to celebrate or mark.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/25 01:07 PM
5

Up next: You get blamed for letting them do it. Honestly, with your "soon to be" qualifier there, if there's any chance of reconciling you should take the chance now to make it crystal clear that continuing on the divorce path will irreversibly change things. Spell out the things that it will change. Make a list. You might be surprised at how many obvious things she hasn't thought of.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:52 PM
8

I just think there's compelling evidence that if it's at all possible to "make nice" like this with their mom, it does more than almost anything else you can control to lessen the negative impact of divorce on kids (which is absolutely real, and devastating). So I choose to do it, for them and for no other reason, no matter how shitty it makes me feel in the moment (and for a bit afterwards, honestly). Totally agree with this, but I sometimes fall into the trap of using this logic too much. For …
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 08:51 PM
4

As hard as the divorce has been on me (and her), I cannot deny the additional peace and stability our son gets to have. In our case, continuing to live together "for the kids" would indeed have done more harm than good I think.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 02:42 PM
5

She might like the current arrangement. She gets a punching bag to blame everything on, doesn't have to worry about doing things around the house, and also gets to enjoy the financial boost OP provides.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 02:13 PM
2

Great insight. I'm sorry I can't add much other than to say that I relate to your concerns. the only loss is the financial loss accrued from the legal proceedings to make it happen I want to comment on this a bit. There's the obvious scars on your relationship (which I'm sure you know and just didn't mention). But there's also the social impact. Your friends and family have witnessed this separation. Even if you two decide to go back to each other, your friends and family may not follow along. I…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 01:02 PM
2

I have a lot of weird baggage around the fact that my ex wanted the divorce but I was the one who drove the financial and legal process along. On one hand, I just wanted to have some clear boundaries. Are we married or are we not? I'm not doing this limbo thing forever. But on the other hand, she's expressed some regrets about the divorce and I do wonder how else things could have happened. I'm sure the reverse would be true too. I could be sitting here thinking "man, why did I waste so much tim…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 12:48 PM
3

Honestly, all of this has transpired over only a few months. Are you certain she isn't reconsidering reconciliation? Have you gone to any counseling? As far as initiating the divorce, is there any sort of "divorce mediation" or "collaborative divorce" option in your country? That way neither one of you is filing on the other, and you may be able to work out a fair agreement as far as finances and assets (and kids, if applicable).
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 12:41 AM
2

This is something that depends on where you live. In the US it would be fine so long as there was no restraining order or other court order, but your country may be different. Legalities aside, you may want to first decide if this is an effective strategy for whatever your goal is. It could sabotage any hopes at reconciling (if she sees you as not respecting her boundaries). It could help, if she sees you as having abandoned her. If you just want to move things along, it could help by aggravatin…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 12:37 AM
7

Questioning behavior is a pretty powerful move that's easy to forget.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/25 06:45 PM
3

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:58 PM
5

Do you know what you will do with the house? Can you afford to keep it yourself? Will you even want to? I'm struggling with this myself. I think the consistency is good for my son. And frankly it's cheaper/more convenient for me to keep it. But I think our marital history in this home creates fuzzy boundaries. She's not coming to my house, she's coming to her old home.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:56 PM
7

This has happened with my ex-wife. I feel bad for her, and I hate that her mistake in judgement has hurt all of us, but it's not really something that comes with an easy undo button.
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 02:55 PM
3

the LAST thing they need is for their father to collapse. Don't overdo this to the point of becoming a brick wall though. It's fine if they see you "bend but not break".
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 12:53 AM
2

I kind of default towards not divorcing, so take this with a grain of salt because obviously I don't know much about your situation other than what you have posted here. How recently did divorce get discussed as a serious option? Did this get sprung on her literally tonight? What else has been tried? Any marriage counseling or therapy for either of you? Obviously lots of arguing you mentioned, but that wasn't effective. I have a 6 year old daughter who I adore and never want to give up on and it…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:55 AM
2

I hear you. Sounds like a rough spot if people are giving you a rough time. I wouldn't let that get in the way of parenting though. Parents don't have to be friends to share numbers. the concept that I don’t really have the ability to be the leader on something like that I am curious how old are your kids? The level of mandatory involvement for stuff like this really varies with age.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 02:02 AM
6

So when the kids ask for a play date I feel like a poor father bc I just don’t have those relationships Unless they are very young, I don't think you need strong relationships with the other parents. Once potty trained, and certainly by elementary school age, you can do drop off play dates where the parents aren't even necessarily hanging out aside from some quick small talk. You can invite the kids to your place, or invite them to go to a destination together. "I'm taking Johnny to the park aro…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 01:23 AM
2

I’ll get over it. Just not right now. This is a pretty healthy thing to realize IMO! One of the things men get told in therapy a lot, myself included, is that we need to "feel our feelings". It sounds you are accepting that truth (as opposed to ignoring, minimizing, or suppressing the feeling). It does sting. It probably won't sting so much in the future. But it stings now, and you are right to not deny that it stings.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 01:31 AM
1

at the end of the year Things change fast. By then you may be living separately and well into your "new normal". If it helps, I am post-divorce and several months into the coparenting thing and my ex is trying to get us all to go to Disney in the fall and...I just don't really want to. It could go fine, but it also could go terribly. And I'm also just not that interested in spending the money on something I'm only somewhat into. If she "cut me" from it I'd fine. Let it be her thing she does with…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 01:13 AM
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