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BlueMountainDace Archive

View 5 posts and 443 comments by BlueMountainDace on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

The people who may have made those arguments are idiots. I work. I’ve been sexually assaulted. I’ve been raped. Most work is not traumatizing. Most of us, especially the folks posting on this sub, don’t live or work in truly deplorable situations. How dumb.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/26 04:26 PM
3

Both people should change after having kids…after all it’s one of the most life changing things that happens to average people. There is a definite period, maybe the first year of your first kid, that takes a huge amount of adjustment - both due to the early challenges of having a kid and figuring out who you are as parents and as spouses. But we are two kids in - 5 and 10mo - and we still have lots of romance in our life. Neither of us expected our romantic life to the same as it was before kid…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 11:29 AM
1

True that!
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 08:45 PM
2

Which part?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 07:50 PM
24

Parents teach you both by what they do and what they don’t do. My dad was home my whole life. He wasn’t perfect, but that is normal. He’s just a human. From him I took his good qualities and improved upon his bad ones. I also found other older men who had qualities I admired in my life and learned from them. No one is perfect and we shouldn’t expect them to be.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/26 01:10 PM
3

Submission and domination are more about the emotional and mental. Nothing to do with penetration or anything inherently. Like when my wife is on top, she is being penetrated, but she is in control.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 04:21 PM
1

No, something feeling amazing doesn’t imply submissive to me. Having sex feels amazing and it doesn’t feel submissive at all. As for the why the prostate massager feels submissive, I think it’s because the position I’m usually in when it’s used on me. It doesn’t feel submissive when I use it on myself. Just pleasurable.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 04:04 PM
7

When my wife and I have sex, I don’t think penetration is inherently bad or degrading. It can be depending on what mood we’re in, but it isn’t inherent. I’ve never been penetrated by a penis, but I’ve used prostate massagers and there is something submissive about how it feels. But it’s in a good way. A. It feels amazing and B. It’s nice to give up control. I’ve never felt my wife did sex out of obligation. Ive never wanted that. I’d rather have less sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/26 03:49 PM
23

I don’t think it makes sense to keep hobbies to only a specific sex. Why prevent men or women from enjoying all the different hobbies. But I do believe there is value of male-only spaces. I’ve made one recently that is a dad-group where we get together with our kids and do fun activities. Kids can be of any sex. No mom’s allowed though. Moms have plenty of Mom-only spaces.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/01/26 08:16 PM
3

The issue is that you, or someone like you, is asking random strangers online about dating advice. The advice isn't the issue. People can only give you advice based on what they have experienced and seen and if that doesn't match your reality, then their advice won't be useful. I've received plenty of good advice for dating and relationships from both women and men, but I knew them in real life. We could have a conversation about it, and they were aware of my life and what is going on. The only …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/26 03:21 PM
1

No. Getting to know someone isn’t becoming friends with them. Like what? I met my wife a year or two before we started dating. We’d see each other at parties and stuff. We were acquaintances who knew each other through mutual friends. When someone says make more friends, join a volunteer org, etc, the idea is that you are out in a position to be around a somewhat similar people who are not brought together in a cold environment. It isn’t binary to either ask someone out the moment you see them o…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 11:14 PM
2

And that’s the whole problem! Many people see it as the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 04:30 PM
2

I’d say it’s somewhat similar. Most people, if they’re investing at all, are usually just putting money in their 401k type of account which is our most common retirement account. If they are wealthier, they’ll also expand into regular brokerage accounts or real estate type things. There is a growing population of, mostly men, who are looking to get rich quick. Betting on sports, meme stocks, and crypto coins. And I’ve read enough stories of men who manage family investments losing it all on thes…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 02:57 PM
6

You’re conflating things. People say “make friends” about making friends in general. If you have a wider social circle, you hypothetically have more people you can meet or be set up with and you don’t have to depend on cold approaches. As for the other two, volunteering is the same as making friends or joining a hobby club. The goal is to increase the number of people you’re coming into contact with without it having to be a cold approach. And I’ve never heard of telling someone to go to a pumpk…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 02:55 PM
2

I don’t think that’s true. For better, and often worse, investments and finances seems to be things men own in households because it is relatively easy to do or “exciting”. It’s about the far future and while a smart investor will do boring stuff, lots of men out there are trying to be the next Buffet, Crypto millionaire, or wallstreets bets guy. Every guy I know who is the breadwinner manages the finances too. Even in my group, when a woman is the breadwinner, it’s still the guy who manages. Wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 02:42 PM
8

Yeah, that was just a tangent. I was referring to OPs post with the first paragraph. The advice is not to cold approach women with the goal to make friends with them. The advice is to cold approach to ask them out.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 01:34 PM
50

I think you have the order a bit wrong. It works like this in most cases: Meet girl, find her attractive, ask her out, grow feelings for her, marry her, have 2.5 kids, etc. You still do becomes friends with your wife/husband cause you should both like them and love them. I think when people says, “go make friends” it’s more that as you make more friends, you expand the group of people you can meet organically in warm settings.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/26 12:57 PM
–

People who are very online will almost always have stupid takes that do not reflect the real world. Those videos you see where some influencer is asking girls about their preferences or if it’s okay to approach women IRL? Those 5 women are out of probably 50 that have normal answers but were not picked for the video because it wouldn’t get views. Listen, I’ve worked in the most progressive spaces you can think of. I work in abortion rights right now. I’m the only man in my almost 60 person team.…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/25 12:50 PM
0

In planning a vasectomy in the next six months. Have the two kids I want. Don’t want any surprises.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/11/25 08:38 PM
–

Yeah, absolutely sounds like it
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 10:50 PM
–

Yeah, then something he did before or in the real prompt led to this
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 10:50 PM
–

AIs are trained, but how they work is by using statistics to guess what to say next based on the prompt.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 10:14 PM
–

When you used the same prompt? Or when he used them. In his experience it said Mom every time which goes to my second point - something about his prompt led the AI/LLM to give him that answer.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 10:12 PM
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The response an AI gives you is based on two things. One is any biases that the people who built it have that might get engrained in the AI. So, it is possible that all the AI/LLM you used were built by people who would be biased for a mom over a dad. More likely, though, is that AI/LLM is essentially using statistics to guess what it thinks you want to hear, so maybe there was something in your prompt that "told" it to go in one direction vs another. But yeah, it is very possible that it inheri…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/25 09:41 PM
6

The role models you want and need to thrive are not online. They’re in your neighborhood, your school, your place of worship. Those are real people who have gone through what you have. Go to them. They’ll help you figure it out.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/09/25 03:44 PM
1

A. Those books are for women, not men. So, something is appealing to women about marrying/dating a billionaire. B. Not really. I don't think I've ever wanted to be a billionaire. While it must be undoubtably be nice to be that rich in some ways, it also seems like most billionaires are depressed or unhappy.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/09/25 02:42 PM
4

I agree with the first part but not the second part. I don’t like the idea of these parents going to jail and further out of their kids lives. But I also don’t want to taxpayers to be in the hook for people who can’t find a job or won’t find a job - whatever the case. Instead, parents who aren’t paying, for whatever reasons, should be made to do community service and jobs training. Then either gov pays or their wages are garnished once they have a job to repay the gov.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/08/25 10:35 AM
–

No, I ageee. OP thinks otherwise
/r/PurplePillDebate14/08/25 11:10 AM
10

Are those guys actually not successful? Idk if that’s true. But if you’re looking at social media, maybe you’re right since everyone there is meant to be polished. IRL, I know tons of union guys and vets who do plenty well with women and men.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 05:29 PM
3

Naw. You don’t want to see it but that’s okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 09:26 PM
4

So? Is he one of the most trusted people on the planet who convinces millions of people to invest in him?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 05:47 PM
8

I’m the opposite of an Elon Stan, but he has tons of social fluency. His wealth is based on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 05:18 PM
5

Do clubs and bars not exist anymore? That’s a good place to meet a partner or ONS.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 08:27 PM
12

I grew up in a town with lots of wealthy men (and families) and almost across the board, husbands and wives were similarly educated and driven. In particular, every successful entrepreneur I knew growing up (NW in 10M- 1B+) was married to women who were highly educated. I did not see a lot of rich men married to their secretaries or some other working class equivalent.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 01:13 PM
19

I think you’re describing what happens in any loving relationship- whether marriage or friendship. You just start seeing the best of that person.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:07 PM
–

Men, like any other group, aren’t homogeneous. If you’re in that to 10%- life has never been better. If you’re not, the data does show lots of ways that a combination of society and those men are falling behind. Less healthy, less educated, less social system. I recently joined the board of Big Brother in my state and the amount of young boy looking for a big is huge. Almost 2:1. This tells me that either those boys or their parents see that they need more real life role models. I saw it when I …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 12:24 PM
1

As ready as we'll ever be! Our daughter is pretty invested in this, so we might have a good little helper!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/25 01:58 PM
5

My wife (34f) and I (35M) have been together since 2014 and married since 2019. We have one kid (4F) and one on the day any day now. We've lived through being laid off, her medical training, parents dying, plenty of stuff. I think the big thing is that the majority of users here think that things are black and white and that their is a "formula" that explains everything. There are absolutely patterns that data can show you, but those don't define any individual interaction, and most of the folks…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/05/25 05:41 PM
3

This sub has made my romance so much better because I can appreciate how unlike most of the people on this sub my wife and I are.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 01:29 PM
2

I've been approached a handful of times. Mostly the ladies were similar to me in looks. Twice they were women I didn't find attractive. Once, my wife, was way more attractive than I was.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 12:28 AM
1

I don't think it is just an issue of men changing their standards. Those women have to reinvision life as well. My wife is a doctor. I have a bachelor's degree. She is going to outearn me, in all likelihood, for the rest of our life once she gets done with training in May. Two things have to happen at the same time if the issue exists with either any individual man or woman: Those men should lose the idea that they have to be the financial provider or "man of the house" and see that it can be th…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 03:16 PM
1

I've basically been the same person with every woman I dated. Looking at who I was and what I "offered" it looked like this: 7/10 - good looking, but not too good looking. Friendly, charming, flirty, good conversationalist Very giving in the bed Ambitious but not fully consumed by work. I was making $35k/yr when I met my wife who was going into medicine. Family-oriented Adventurous and someone who helped them get out of their comfort zone Someone who is supportive of them and their goals Someone…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 02:39 PM
–

I think what is wrong with 50/50 is that it isn't something that exists. No relationship is evenly split and if you want it to be that way you're going to be constantly bickering and fighting about who should be doing what. Instead, a couple just has to get all the things done in a way that they, not some arbitrary rule or social convention, find fair. So, when I hear someone say they are looking for 50/50, it just makes me think they've never been in a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/04/25 07:51 PM
–

Agree that this plays a big part in the whole thing. Rejection is scary and it is not fun. I still remember getting rejected the first...five times I asked girls out. But, two things helped me whether they were cope or not: I stopped taking responsibility for being rejected. Being asked out is just one part of that persons life and a million other things could be going on that made the say no. So unless I really fucked it up, no sweat off my back. Nothing that is worth having comes without rejec…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/04/25 07:17 PM
1

Half the things posted here are really only things I see on the internet. In my real life, many friends and I were "late" having sex, and no one ever made fun of us for it. Friends who did have a lot of sex were never made fun of, but rather we'd ask them to figure out how they pulled it out. The only thing you're missing is that if you spend enough time on social media and let the algorithm learn what triggers you, then you'll constantly see content that is triggering.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/04/25 02:42 PM
1

Marriage is awesome if you take the time to really figure out a few things first: What do you need out of a relationship that your partner can offer What do you offer a potential partner in a relationship that fits what they need Do you know how to be yourself so that you find someone who likes you for you rather than something you might provide If you do those three things, you're going to find a partner who fits with you and who you fit well and who is going to build something with you. Having…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/25 03:32 PM
6

You should only ask advice from people who you'd like to emulate in that certain context. I'd never crowdsource dating advice because the majority of people are bad at dating and I don't need their bad advice. I've absolutely asked people I know for advice on dating who I've seen are good at dating or good at being in relationships, and its almost always been good, useful advice.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/04/25 02:50 PM
6

I'm one of these, almost to the dot, with my wife. I have a bachelor's degree and have been the sole and then primary breadwinner in our family for the last 10 years as she navigates medical training. Thankfully, it'll be over soon and she'll be the breadwinner. Granted that I've always also been the primary home manager and childcare provider because of my flexibility, I think it'll just stay that way when she becomes an attending. We're very happy with our arrangement. As for how will it affec…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/25 04:15 PM
4

Absolutely a "your mileage may vary" type of thing. With any of the women I dated, a traditional set up would have been a dealbreaker. I also didn't want that. I just grew up seeing a different model of what a relationships could look like and it just feels normal to me. We're not 50/50 and I think that is a bad litmus test for equality. But my wife and I tackle things as a team and our division of labor is based on our reality, not any predetermined scripts.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 03:03 PM
1

I see a passive person as someone who takes no stake on who they are or what they are into. They're a "nice guy" who goes along to get along. Someone who is actively living who they are is taking action to do that vs just being pulled along.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 07:19 PM
1

Being who you are cannot be passive because you're being and doing. You don't be yourself by just existing. Being yourself is doing something and doing it proudly and not hiding it from potential partners is an active thing to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 06:50 PM
–

Sex is something that should be good. I don't, and have never, wanted to have sex just for having sex. It isn't fun and it isn't good for me. I want sex that is passionate and connected. It is one of ways in which I can experience intimacy with my wife.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/25 03:05 PM
1

It is passive to be who you are? I don't think so. Owning who you are, what you love, your hobbies, etc is very active. Changing those things to create the illusion of a man who you're not seems dumb and short-term thinking.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 10:33 PM
2

"Be Yourself' isn't about being passive or anything. It is about not trying to change your likes, interests, etc to pretend to be someone else to get a date or whatever. While it will be harder to find someone by "being yourself" the person you find will actually fit with you vs just being someone you cannot have a genuine, authentic relationship with.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 10:29 PM
9

I think that, unfortunately, for most men, it comes down to looks and attraction. Everyone I've ever dated has approached me. I guess it is like anything else - if you want something, you go get it. If you don't really want it, it can come to you or be ignored.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/03/25 03:42 PM
2

It isn't binary. You can and probably should ask men and women for advice knowing that no one is going to be a single source of truth and that what works for one person might not work for someone else. Asking handsome men for advice can be tricky because they're handsome and what works for them might not work for an average or ugly person because of their halo effect. Its the same as asking a rich person what worked for them forgetting that they won't talk about the luck they had along the way. …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/25 07:17 PM
1

yep!
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/25 02:20 AM
10

This is basically it. In context it is good or bad. If someone you're dating tells you that you're husband material, as I've been told, it has always felt great. To me it speaks to a deep level of trust, comfort, and attraction. Which woman doesn't want to marry their prince charming? If some random woman told me that...idk how I'd feel. It is like being told by someone who is rejecting you that you're actually a catch and just need to meet the right woman.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/02/25 03:57 PM
1

I wouldn't date someone who did that. I have, though, always been a provider financially for my wife and family and do it happily. But my wife never expected it or demanded it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/02/25 04:38 PM
13

I actually think it is good for people to be open about wanting or not wanting prenups. I didn't want one and neither did my wife. I'm not sure how I would have felt about a potential wife asking for a prenup. If you do like prenups though, this is an absolute win - you know which women/men to avoid. For you, you're dodging a big red flag. As an aside, given the age most people get married (late 20s/early 30s), they're not likely to have any significant assets (median net worth for those under 3…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/01/25 07:48 PM
7

A. You’re far from normal with the amount of spending because you’re looking for a sugar baby or something. B. Most people, for better or worse, aren’t in a financial position to invest 20k a year especially in their 20s.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/01/25 07:52 PM
–

(Some) women do get pleasure from PIV and orgasm from it. Also, for men and women, orgasm isn’t the only thing that feels good about sex aka foreplay stuff. I know that out of the four women I’ve dated/my wife, only one of them didn’t orgasm from PIV and that was likely more due to me finishing too quickly. Additionally, and get your mind ready to be blown, you can actually do clitoral stimulation during PIV!
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 01:26 PM
1

There is data on this that I read in a book called "Get Married" by Brad Wilcox. What it showed is that the men who women liked the most or were happiest to be married, were a mixture of both. They wanted someone who was strong and could take care of things but also someone who wasn't shut off completely and an island to themselves. They recognized that being provided for was more than just physical or financial, it was emotional too. So, do what that what you will. I personally have never heard…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 07:30 PM
7

Hookups are not just looks though. That opens the door, but hook ups are just getting caught up in the moment with someone you’re also gelling with. Someone who, in the moment, is attractive, engaging, charming, and exciting.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 01:53 PM
1

I wouldn't. Not because I need my wife/partner to be wealthier than me or something, but I don't want to be with someone who fits those attributes you describe - directionless, uneducated, etc. My wife was broke for most of our relationship, but she was also in medical school. That is fine with me because she has a goal she is working towards. But if she was a bum, no thanks. Frankly, even if she didn't have a job and still was engaged in community things or home things, that is fine. But a dead…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 03:33 PM
3

The only edit I’d make is that I disagree on the money piece. Maybe it depends region, but where I live (myself included) most of the non-traditional men don’t make low to mid-range. They all make good money and don’t attach their monetary success to household roles. It’s a separate sphere. Additionally, I’d say they (we) look at providing more broadly than traditional men/women. The best thing my wife has ever said to me (she is an ER Doc) is that when shit hits the fan and she is feeling overw…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/24 06:23 PM
32

Making $120k from a “no name liberal arts college” actually does feel pretty impressive to me. Plenty of folks from better schools with probably better degrees making worse. Also, iirc making over $100k puts you in like the top 10% of income. Let people be happy.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/24 02:59 PM
2

You’re looking at a really narrow definition of “providing”. As a Dad who is both a primary earner and the primary parent/home manager, my experience is that work has been much easier to manage than creating a good home environment for my family to thrive in. What works for your family works for your family.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/11/24 01:15 AM
–

I've seen this too many times. In my close friends groups and in my wife's close friends group, at least in the context of relationships. My guy friends always warned me when I was getting into a bad relationship. If I didn't listen, they let it go, but they were always right. When it came to our friends who were women, the opposite. They never gave good advice to their other friends, even when it was obvious. 10-15 years later, what do I see? The women are the ones who get into bad, dead-end re…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 05:47 PM
3

There is no formula other than what works for both partners leaving neither feeling like they are being taken advantage of. Let me give you a few real-life scenarios of how these things net out: My cousin is a SAHM. Her husband is a partner at a major consulting firm. She does all the housework and childcare. She wants it that way because she enjoys the work and her son has a severe allergy which requires her to be cooking for him every day. I met my wife prior to medical training. Over the cour…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 03:30 PM
6

The ideal future is to let people navigate their relationships in a way that fits their needs. There isn't a right way other than what is right for the two people who are in a relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 04:20 PM
–

I don’t think so. You need those serious relationships with to learn what you need in a relationship. If you wait too long to start getting into relationships, you’re going to miss out on valuable time to gain experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/11/24 04:54 PM
5

There are actually a few already out there. My favorite is American Institute for Boys and Men headed by Richard Reeves. There are a number of other, probably local, ones across the US. A number also focused on fathers. Washington State is actually trying to set up a state commission for Men and Boys and I want to work on one for Mass.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/11/24 10:34 PM
43

Easily #2. I can be financially independent and choose what I want myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/10/24 12:03 PM
7

Yeah, just the way I was raised. If someone is hurt or needs help and you're not rushing to the ER, you can stop and help.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 02:24 PM
2

Definitely woman A. Sex is important to a relationship, but there is a lot more that is more important for the long-term. If I had to pick, which I don’t IRL with my wife, I’d pick A.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/10/24 04:07 PM
–

I don’t get why people don’t get this. There aren’t and 100% rules. Mileage varies in all things.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 01:23 PM
–

You’re the third person or so to make this kind of comment. Listen, there are no real hard and fast rules to life. Nothing will 100% apply to everyone. But, it seems pretty obvious that dating apps blow for lots of folks and we did just fine before them.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 01:23 PM
–

It’s good that you had a good experience, but it seems pretty obvious that most people have a bad experience on OLD. And I don’t think that meeting ppl in real life means you won’t meet crazies, you’ll meet them anywhere, but if you’re a normal person, it should be fairly straightforward to get someone’s vibe irl
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 01:19 PM
–

lol, your mileage may vary depending on you as an individual. Most of my friends met their partners because we were in clubs or hobby groups that expanded our social circles. That leads to being invited to parties. And you definitely don’t have to be a “regular” at a bar. Maybe that’s a you problem.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/24 01:17 PM
22

I disagree, not because you're necessarily wrong, but because OLD is a deathloop for relationships. Despite what some men or women might say here, the best place to meet folks is IRL at bars, parties, or joint activities. Nothing will or can replace (at least in the current OLD state) meeting real people. And, the sad truth, is that the folks who can't meet people IRL probably won't have any luck on OLD. I had plenty of success meeting folks in real life, but OLD resulted in one, mediocre date. …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/24 07:51 PM
4

Right, but I'd rather live in a world where I can also be a chadpreet than one in which I have to be born as a noble or king.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 03:55 PM
10

Is that actually the case? I feel like when I read about more traditional cultures, the monogamy is really only for lower status folks and the high-status people still just do whatever and whomever they want. Like didn’t most nobles and kings have harems?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/24 02:53 PM
1

OP, I agree with you and there is a book called “Get Married” by Brad Wilcox that thoroughly looks at the massive benefits to men, women, children, and society when they’re in stable marriages. This is not the place to ask this question just because it’s probably where the folks who’ve had the worst experiences with dating come. Their personal experience is real, but it’s all they can see. Any data you show, the goalpost will just move. Read the book, you’re right.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/24 05:40 PM
13

I’m in the US, but we’re both kids of Indian immigrants. We’ve been together (married now) for a total of 10 years. Early dating, I paid for things. As we got more serious we basically took turns. Once we were engaged, all our money was pooled, though during med school she didn’t work and I was the sole earner. Since then, in residency and fellowship, I’ve been the primary breadwinner, but all our money is pooled so she’s contributing what she makes. Next September, she’ll become an attending an…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 11:37 AM
1

I think one thing is generally true for asking for advice - ask advice of people you want to emulate or be. Asking random people how to become a doctor won’t help. Asking my wife would. Similarly, you shouldn’t be asking every woman for advice about women. You should ask the women (or men) who are or are with women like the one you’d like to be with. Across my dating life, I got wonderful advice on dating, gifts, dressing, etc because the women I asked were generally similar to the women I dated…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/24 10:44 PM
7

Yeah, absolutely. I'm lucky that all the girls in HS that I asked out after thinking our friendship was more were really gracious with letting me down. We continued to be friends and it helped me better understand all the dynamics at play, preparing me really well for going to college and knowing the difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/24 03:33 PM
30

At least in youth, I think it is because most young men (and this was me) have very few friends who are girls but want to be in a loving relationship. And whenever a girl becomes a friend, we (I) see it as something more than just how girls are friends. And we catch feelings. The more we interact though with more women, we should be able to figure out the difference between a woman who is being friendly and one who is being flirty.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/03/24 03:14 PM
1

If you somehow manage to either live in LCOL or have a really high income in your 20s, then I guess go for it. Most young people live in HCOL and have low income in their 20, so it isn’t a good idea to have a kid early. While you’re right, you’re never fully ready to have a kid, you still shouldn’t be wholly unprepared either. Being financially stable in your context should be table stakes because kids cost lots of money. So, sure, a really slim population of people could successfully young, mos…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/24 02:00 PM
1

Do you know any liberal men in relationships? What you described that Liberal Women want is literally what every man I know does - whether they're liberal or conservative. Aside from the last line about paying for dates, you just described any man who is interested in a long-term committed relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/24 08:45 PM
7

When times are good, it can be easier. You just gotta do you and you don't have to think about anyone else other than yourself. When times are bad, it is harder. People are not islands. And since we don't really do communal living anymore, a partner is the most likely type of support any of us can get.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/24 12:46 AM
1

I agreed to it and have been doing it for almost 8 years during my wife’s medical training. For many of those years I was the sole earner and sole homemaker. Today, with her in fellowship, I’m the breadwinner, primary parent, and primary homemaker. The first and second part won’t ever change. But the breadwinner might swap to her when she finishes training. But that’s a year and a half from now and I’ve got plenty of room to grow.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/24 11:15 PM
1

Having a kid is hard and expensive. That is it. And if you think that the world is getting worse, then you're likely not to want to have a kid anyways.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/24 07:58 PM
17

Everyone dunks on influencer, but they get paid and sponsored because they understand people. A while back I hired a woman I used to work with at a previous job to do an influencer gig at my new companies event. She had an audience of our target market. I shadowed her and saw how much work goes into each photo, video, and piece of text. After her campaign was done, the KPIs we set went through the roof (applications and 90-day hires) went through the rough for that audience. Well worth the cost.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/12/23 07:44 PM
1

My grandfather didn't explicitly say it, but he did always stress how much better my life was as a kid in the US than in the village he grew up in Pakistan's Punjab prior to partition. He had to leave home when partition happened, shaved his head/beard to stay safe in India and built himself up in New Delhi. He did well and made sure that his kids, with particular emphasis on his two daughters, had the best possible education so they could leave India and come to the US. He always stressed how m…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/23 06:17 PM
0

Right, exactly. People can choose to act towards you however they want. Someone with self respect won’t deal with that shit. Someone without self respect will yeah abuse.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 09:25 PM
2

Having self worth isn't saying, "I'm worth $xyz". It is knowing that you are a valid human who deserves respect and dignity and that you won't be walked on by people. Don't be dense.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 06:19 PM
11

All those things you're calling BS aren't perfect solutions. They just put you in position to meet more women. Yeah, you still have to be attractive or charming or funny or whatever, but ultimately, to meet and date women, you need to meet women. Enlarging your social circle through hobbies or more friends or whatever just increases your chances of meeting a woman who finds you attractive and charming. Its like applying for a job. If you only apply for one job and you might get it and you might …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/23 02:15 PM
0

That would be terrible advice, but it isn't the advice anyone gives. Frankly, as I see it, it is a response to people saying they're not having luck, not a baseline goal to accomplish before trying to meet women. If you're having no success with women, the only thing you can do is work on yourself - your game, your career, your looks, etc - but the advice isn't to wait till you're a retired 60 year-old millionaire.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/23 05:36 PM
11

I mean they are a set of walking red flags that high status men have been drooling over and regular dudes like
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/23 10:46 PM
13

Have you heard of Kim Kardashian or any of her family?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/23 10:17 PM
10

The split of work or anything doesn't matter at all. All that matters is what the two people in the couple decide they want. If they decide that there is a reason the full-time worker should do a lot of housework, then fine. If they decide the full-time worker should do no housework, fine. Whatever the situation, as long as both partners come to it together, it is fine regardless of what outside observers might think. Two IRL examples: My cousin, her husband, and their son. Their "agreement" is …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/11/23 07:16 PM
6

I mean, I don't have an abusive, gaslighting wife. We've got a strong trusting relationships and nothing like that has ever come up between us. Unless she was in a car crash that scrambled her brain, her coming at me with that kind of accusation would most likely be borne out of some change in me.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 07:41 PM
14

For better or worse, most parents assume the other parent is not going to sexually abuse/molest their child even though, IIRC, people that know your kid are most likely to sexually abuse/molest your child. If my wife seriously considered that I did it and wanted to get them a medical exam, I would feel like a failure because something I've done or some pattern of behavior, has made my wife think I'm capable of having done that.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/11/23 06:16 PM
1

It’s huge. I don’t think I’d have married my wife, or she me, if our parents didn’t really like us. To feel otherwise, unless you have abusive parents, is dumb and naive. Frankly, a good partner wouldn’t want it for their partner because you’re going end up constantly being in the middle and that’s not a good place to be. It’s poor life planning to ignore your parents. They often know you better than you know yourself and can see the red flags you can’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/23 03:57 PM
1

I don’t think people call regular virgins incels. Incel is like a personality type - bitter and misogynistic. Not saying there are folks who shame men for being virgins, but the thing people are dunking on when you’re an incel isn’t that you’re a virgin. It’s that you’re nuts.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/23 01:36 AM
1

TIL that I'm a Modern Trad Guy. I'd say that, in general, the Trad guy. Because most people in general are not like the "Modern Guy".
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/23 03:49 PM
5

As the soon-to-be lower earning partner (just waiting on my wife to finish her fellowship, I know a ton of couples where the wife is in medicine and the husband does something with lower earning. The ones I’ve seen move into Attending status all seem to be pretty normal and have delightful relationships. It likely is true what those two doctors you know said - that their husband do contribute. It’s likely they’ve been together for much of their training process and that they handle a lot of thin…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/11/23 01:09 AM
1

I’ll admit that in UMC and so my experience is different. People cohabitate for a lot of reasons and I’d guess there are good predictors and bad ones. If you end up moving in because you’re poor or about to be homeless, then that probably isn’t a good foundation.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/23 05:49 PM
10

I think it is the other way around. Back in the day there was enormous social pressure to get married and people either were pressured into it or did it because "it was the thing to do", the "next step." I see that far less today. When I see the couples that are married, they spent a long time dating, living together, and aligning on their value and what the future looks like for them, before getting married. What the future actually holds, we can't know, but my best guess is that marriages will…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/11/23 09:00 PM
4

Completely applied. Both of our parents immigrated from India to pursue graduate degrees. Both of us grew up in the Northeast US (MA and NJ) in top public school systems. Both of us went to good universities in MA. We're both tall. Our only real difference is in educational attainment - I only have a BA and she has an MD. That said, I'm probably in the top few percent in my field and have received a ton of awards and honors in my field so I think it evens out.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/23 05:40 PM
3

Most of them were in college and had no progress on their path. I met my wife two years after college and was making $1500 a month with no benefits. Very little going on. She, on the other hand, was getting ready for med school.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/23 07:03 PM
5

Idk. Most rich and successful (not always the same thing) are around rich successful women so I don’t think it’s hard to find a good woman for marriage. I’m on the poor end of my friend group and I’ll clear around $220k this year. Most are doctors who make between $500-700k. None of us had any trouble meeting great women who, outside of the 2/3 surgeons in the group, make similar amounts of money and have a similar amount of success to their wives. And out of the 10 of us, 50% met their wife bef…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/23 06:35 PM
6

I think you have a very narrow view of what life was like in the past. Outside of a short span of time in the West and for the very wealthy, everyone worked and toiled. The idea that men were the only people working while women sat around at home is obtuse if you meet anyone who is poor. I'll give you that marriage today is about lot more than it may have been in the past because many of us have left a life of scarcity. But, your idea that married men throughout history have been similar to SD i…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/23 04:49 PM
1

Preselection was like a snowball for me. I had zero experience prior to college but joined a dance team as a freshman. Became friends with attractive women and it was “high-status” for the Indian community. Ended up eating a attractive woman and, even though we broke up, I was able to date and eventually marry an gorgeous woman because I always had those hot friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/08/23 01:04 AM
1

I had opportunities to which I never pursued. I’ve hooked up and gone on dates with non-Indian women, but they all ended quickly because I already knew what I wanted my partner to look like, value, and be.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/23 11:12 AM
0

Okie dokie.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 07:19 PM
1

Yep! It is probably a byproduct of me being on an Indian dance team. Even though I had non-Indian friends throughout high school and college, I felt most myself among other Indians. I also was never really looking for flings or ONS, and so I knew that if I was dating someone seriously then they'd have to share the same culture as me.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 06:39 PM
1

In the US, 5' 10".
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 04:42 PM
-1

Lol, then that seems like a you problem. Most men are not high-status and will never be high-status yet they've always been getting laid and getting married. You must be terminally online to think this. As for charming and romantic - you're also just watching too much TV or something. There isn't anything inherently romantic about flowers or chocolate or whispering sweet nothings. But, I'm not your parent or your peer group so I'm not gonna educate you about what being charming and romantic is a…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 04:40 PM
4

Meh, maybe but I'm Indian and have had no issues. Race might be an issue based on your own preferences. I only wanted to marry another Indian person and being Indian proved no difficulty. This is just porn brain. Unless you're real tiny, most women won't know how big you are because no one can eyeball it. I spent my whole life thinking I had a tiny penis only to find that fit all my partners just great.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 02:18 PM
2

The advice has always been the same and if you didn’t hear the advice growing up, you just had weird parents: Get a good job Be fit and athletic Be charming and romantic The only thing that has changed since then is that women aren’t locked into shitty relationships like they were in the past. People can no fault divorce and take BC so that they don’t get stuck with a man or woman they don’t to be with. So that just means men have to work a bit harder and can’t phone it in after marriage. It is …
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 02:01 PM
2

It would probably put a big strain on us because we have a kid in daycare and if she got sent home then I’d get slammed. My wife works in the Peds ED so she’d probably get pulled into more shifts. I work from home so I’d have go part time or something. The only thing that could help avert that strain is that my wife’s parents are retired and would likely come up north if we had a lockdown. My Dad and sister are also here so maybe they’d move in or something to spread time with our kiddo.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/23 11:59 AM
2

There is no rule here. It’s just what works for the couple. I’ve earned more than my wife our entire relationship. I’ve always been in marketing/comms and my jobs aren’t exhausting. My wife in the other hand has, until now, worked more hours than I do as a med student and then resident. Only now as a fellow, does she work less hours than me. But I still do the majority of the household stuff because my job isn’t exhausting. I sit on my ass and use my brain a bit. Her job is emotionally, physical…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/08/23 12:14 AM
22

100%. I’m leaning towards no more kids (we have one) but she is leaning to one more. If she came to me in a week and said she didn’t want another one, I’d get it done asap.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/23 09:15 PM
1

I'm married now, but when I was dating, I generally looked for folks who were plus or minus 2 years. Those were the folks who were most likely in the same stage of life as me (college and early career). If my current relationship ended somehow, then I think that age range might be a little broader. I'm a parent and content where my career is, and I think women probably plus or minus 5 years would likely be in a similar stage of life as me.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/23 06:03 PM
2

Hehe, thank you! I just got back from Italy and took a cooking class that provided a lot of inspiration!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/23 05:31 PM
8

I'd do exactly what I'm doing now except that I'd be more diligent about being a good cook so that my wife doesn't have to cook as much of our weekly meals. As someone who is traditionally attractive and has become well-off and has had my pick of women, I never felt much of a compulsion to sleep around. I saw, growing up, that your choice of partner has an outsized impact on many parts of your life - health, wealth, career, etc - for better and for worse. And, based on that, I was really just fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/07/23 03:09 PM
1

I guess I answered the question poorly. What I really mean is that, to me, being a man means to do that. Whether that is "masculine" or not, I don't know. But to me, that is what a man should do. I think women should do that too, but I don't think it makes then masculine or something like that. And, to your point, you're right - doing what I said just makes you a good person. And, in addition to that, it is what my conception of a man should do which isn't exclusive to what anyone else should do…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/23 07:28 PM
4

I think it is pretty straightforward - understand your values and live them with integrity while treating people with respect.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/07/23 03:20 PM
3

People who have sex don’t find it as important as people who don’t have it. If you either have a lot of game or you’re in a healthy relationship, then you’re getting the sex you want. And once you’re getting it, there are other things that become more important.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/23 08:38 AM
1

It’s kind of like squares and rectangles. All people put on the friendzone were friends, but all friends aren’t out in the friendzone. It exists. I’ve been in it. You can get out of it with enough time apart. It happens for good and bad reasons. I’ve also friendzone women.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/23 08:09 PM
0

Good point. I’ll rephrase, “minority on this sub”
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/23 04:47 PM
2

Fair, and that causes problems. In college we had a friend (woman) who was dating this shit guy and we all knew it wouldn’t end well, but when we (some guys) tried to tell her, the other women told us not too. They eventually got married and then, after two years, got divorced. To your point, they “took her side” because she told us she likes him. This is also happening right now with one of my wife’s friends who is dating a total loser who won’t give up his “dream” of running a staffing agency …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/23 02:27 PM
6

I used to think girls had codes for their closest friends when I was younger, but I'm not so sure anymore. I always thought that women would tell a friend when their partner was wack, but in the last 10 years I've rarely ever seen that happen. Conversely, when I dated one woman who was really bad for me, all by closest guy friends had an intervention and told me the truth. I didn't listen, but they were right and we eventually broke up.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/23 02:04 PM
28

The fault here isn't with the men sharing their emotions. The fault is with women who, even if they theoretically want men to be more expressive, fall back into traditional social norms when that happens and shame or leave the man when they do it. I know it doesn't have to be this way. I've only had positive experiences expressing myself with partners. But I recognize that, sadly, I'm in the minority.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/23 01:54 PM
1

What was the joke?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/23 10:01 PM
1

I don’t get what you’re trying to say…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/23 08:10 PM
2

Is that a real guy?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/23 07:23 PM
–

Definitely love the drama
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/23 07:05 PM
15

When I'm around pregnant women, if there is something I can do within normal social bounds to make her more comfortable, I'll do it. I'll give them my seat or ask if they need help lifting something heavy (deboarding an airplane is a good example). I've always been this way, but watching my wife go through pregnancy really cemented that if I can make their life a bit easier, it is a no-brainer. Pregnancy is miserable.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/23 03:38 PM
4

I think there are two sets reasons: Fear if loneliness. If a man is afraid of that, he’ll be likely to try and wife up at the first chance he had whether it’s the right choice or not. I think this is a big reasons behind divorce because one or both people will eventually realize that being alone isn’t the worst thing in the world. Compatibility and alignment - this sums up a lot of different factors like looks, values, culture, outlook on life, risk profile, etc. Especially if you’ve had a few l…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/23 05:12 PM
2

Attractive people will almost always end up with attractive people. One may be more or less attractive than the other, but they’ll both be attractive. In my life experience, the only time there have been huge mismatches from a looks perspective within a couple is if they’re childhood sweethearts or belong to a small religious group. I honestly don’t see a lot of rich/ugly guy and attractive woman, though I’m sure they exist plentifully.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/23 04:49 PM
1

You've taken my post incorrectly. It isn't his fault. It is the woman's fault. And Bell Hooks, who you've quoted one single line to call stupid, says that women, including feminists, are in the wrong when they react that way. I too think they're wrong and it is not the man's fault that he gets dumped. It is the woman's fault. But, that is the culture. And it is both women and men who shame men for opening up. So if the culture is going to change for men to become fully themselves, it means men a…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/23 06:17 PM
1

All of y'all are so binary. Either you're a stoic or you can't stop crying. The world is not black and white and there is a whole spectrum of how you can express yourself. You really think the majority of men have become really expressive and that is why dating sucks? If you do, then you're living in an alternate reality. And, women take part in male acculturation, right? So they need to change too as I addressed in my comment.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/07/23 06:14 PM
5

Not at all. I’m in my 30s and know many many women in their 30s via friends groups, work, and my kid’s daycare, and there are tons of for, attractive women out there who can get it.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/23 03:26 PM
2

Show me that. We’re all raised in a culture that tells men not to be vulnerable. Why would it be a biological thing and not cultural?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/23 08:23 PM
5

Yeah! Sadly, though, I think this fix isn't just about men. It is about the whole culture.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/23 06:38 PM
26

I'd want to make it more culturally acceptable for men to express their feelings. You constantly hear on this sub and others how when men finally open up, the deluge is overwhelming and it frightens away their partner. There is nothing natural about that. It is because men and women are raised to think that men can't show any vulnerability. And, as bell hooks points out, even feminists who talk about wanting the men in their lives to be vulnerable have that deep-seated cultural code triggered wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/23 05:48 PM
3

​ What makes her a great mom? I had a great mom (RIP). She was just really encouraging of anything I did. It didn't matter if it "fit" into our culture's view of what things were worth doing - she just wanted to see me excel at anything I wanted to excel at. She also shaped how I view family dynamics in a positive way. Do you feel that your mother has shaped your expectations of what a woman should do as a partner, wife and mother? She did for what a partner should do as a wife. I used to have a…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/23 03:01 PM
1

I don’t know if this is a class difference or a cultural one, but I’ve seen both play out really strongly in my BIL/SIL relationships. Brother-in-law, like me, is UMC child of Indian immigrants. Whether it’s cultural or class-based (probably both), we’re raised to follow opportunity where ever it leads us, like our parents did. His wife is someone whose family has lived in the same town for 3-4 Gen. Between working and middle class. Refuses to leave the region she’s from regardless of what oppor…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/23 11:45 AM
2

My standards: Respect: There has to be a mutual level of respect. Without that, things will fall apart really quickly Family: Family is important to me, so they should have a deep, positive relationship with their family Attraction: I know we all age, but my partner should be attractive to me and vice versa Ambition: I want a partner who aspires to something greater. That could be a lot of different things. It could be being the best Mom or becoming a Doctor. The aspiration doesn't have to be in…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/23 04:45 PM
22

That isn’t what is happening. The one night stands that we talk about on this sub always misrepresent one thing - the people engaging in them are drunk or high or both in the vast majority of cases. What this results in is men getting a quick nut, women likely having shitty sex, and potential exposure to STIs and pregnancy. It’s not worth it whatsoever. Since we all basically acknowledge that women have more complex triggers to want to have sex, it makes sense that people who are trying to be in…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/23 10:44 PM
8

There are very few men who are thirty that anyone would confuse for a twenty-year-old.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/23 04:51 PM
1

If either partner chooses to stay with an ex when they have other friends to stay with (which is implied by your scenario), I think either partner should have questions. There are other options, options with which there is no sexual/romantic history, right? And despite that, the partner is choosing to stay with the person they have a sexual/romantic history? I'd find it weird in either case. I don't think men would be gaslit if their girlfriend was staying with an ex, let alone when they have ot…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/23 04:17 PM
1

The advice can either be to be yourself or to be someone else. Most people don't like to hear "be yourself". I actually think that is the right advice, but only works for folks for whom being themselves gives them a broad attractiveness. Otherwise, for most men, being themselves really narrows their choices in a way they don't like (understandably). Since finding that niche woman who would like them as themselves, the only other option is to change to broaden their appeal.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/23 04:14 PM
3

Here are mine for my exes and for my wife: Intelligent and funny. I put those together because I don’t have any interest in being someone smart who is too serious. Smart with money. I don’t want to date someone with a bad relationship with money. Even in a short term relationship, I’d want the woman to be aligned that spending every thing or trying to “Keep Up with the Jones” is dumb. Ambitious in her career. This might actually just be a proxy for being independent, but I have goals and aspirat…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/04/23 04:55 PM
8

I don't think this has to do with #MeToo. Maybe for some weird dudes who think everyone will accuse them just for looking in their general direction it did. But there is a more straightforward set of problems: Lockdown - in the states that actually locked down, it messed with social gathering. I lived in Texas during the pandemic and there was no lockdown. Work From Home - a lot of these mixed gatherings, at least for me, happened as a result of people meeting at work or networking opportunities…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/04/23 02:55 PM
1

So? This is a weird sub where most people either have an outsized bad experience with dating and want to convince everyone that their experience is by universal or it’s the opposite. An average person is likely not going to bother with this place.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/04/23 11:22 AM
16

You won’t find a good answer here. All the men here are either way above average or way below average.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/23 06:05 PM
3

I like having my beautiful wife and my super fun toddler and having sex with my wife on a regular basis. The relationship, which includes physical and emotional intimacy is what’s important to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/23 04:37 PM
37

Stop making shit up. Maybe some obnoxious woman on TikTok said this, but the only one I could maybe give credence to, and this would be when people are most immature in their teens, is voice breaking. 99% of women aren’t going to care about any of these things. But, there is one value to this post - if a woman does get ick from any of these, it’s an easy way to vet them out of your life.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/23 01:43 PM
9

Why does this sub have the dumbest and most black/white thinking. What point are y’all trying to prove with these inane questions?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/04/23 11:51 AM
3

Homosexual - no concern at all. Transgender - not much concern, but I’d want to learn more about it. My wife has treated plenty of trans kids and I know a handful of trans people, but since it’s such a new topic in the cultural consciousness, I’d want to educate myself by talking to more trans people and more pediatric doctors and my kid to understand. I’d come from a place of curiosity and not knowing since I know very little about the human body and what the process entails.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/23 11:14 AM
3

I think it’s more that kids who go to more prestigious schools are, because of the things I mentioned, less desperate and “know” things will workout compared to people who don’t go to as prestigious schools.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/04/23 10:56 AM
11

I wonder how this works into the parallel - people who go to prestigious universities often know that blindly applying to a million jobs is a dumb way to find a job. Either by virtue of their internships, mentors, or career guidance offices, they have an inside track or know that it’s far more worthwhile to apply to a few places with a carefully crafted approach of resume + networking. Is there a parallel for that?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/23 11:57 PM
3

There is zero benefit to women from hookup culture unless they have really low self-esteem and only seek validation from sex. Otherwise, it’s not worth it. At best, if they’re lucky, they’ll have good sex. Mostly, they’re having bad sex drunk men who are just in it for themselves. They’re putting themselves at risk of getting pregnant or getting STIs even if both parties are taking precautions. And since most hookups are going to happen when people are drunk, they can get very unlucky and find a…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/23 01:22 PM
1

Huge agree - it is the most cliche and useless advice. It is all about respect. If partners don't respect each other, then all the talking won't solve a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/04/23 03:53 PM
3

Whatever it is, I want them to be comfy. My wife likes wearing floral print clothing and scrubs (work), and she is comfy and I love that. I had an ex who was into modeling, and she loved wearing heels and tight dresses. Loved it. Another ex was into politics and mostly wore professional attire - loved that too.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/23 06:35 PM
0

You’ve made something up in your head and you’re stuck there. I went to college and unless a man was totally ugly or socially inept, they could meet women in social settings.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 11:02 AM
1

Oh, I’m sure. You’re definitely right. I’m just curious about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 12:06 AM
4

I'd also be curious, behind that stat, what the time investment is or how many asks occur in each case. More people might be meeting online, but are they are also likely spending more time trying to meet people via swiping, texting, etc. From a time ROI perspective, I wonder which is more effective for more people, and my guess is that the answer would be meeting people in real life.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 12:02 AM
6

"Don't approach women IRL." is a short but nuanced sentence. It is less about approaching women in real life at all and more about being able to figure out if/when a woman seems to be wanting to not be approached. Is it always easy to tell? No. If you're at a bar, club, or party and a woman is hanging out with a bunch of her friends, it isn't always obvious if she wants to be approached or not. To figure it out, you'd probably have to make some kind of eye contact or which may give you a hint. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/23 12:00 AM
4

There is already a series of classes where one of the main goals is to learn social skills - daycare, preschool, and kindergarten. It is all about developing social skills because you're not supposed to really learn anything super deep there. As you grow up, there are, or at least were, spaces where you develop these skills - extracurricular. Join a sports team to learn how to interact with people of your same sex. Join other rec classes - karate, arts, music, etc - and learn how to interact wit…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/23 02:42 PM
14

Maybe not men overall, but I think that smart, successful, attractive men do care a bit. Maybe not because of the job itself, but because they can afford to have high standards to find someone attractive and high-achieving (not the same as high-income). Also, I think certain careers can be attractive. My wife is a doctor, specifically a Peds ER doc, and I think it is attractive that she has what it takes to save lives. I think its attractive that she has drive and ambition.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/23 06:43 PM
1

Yes they do. Of my major LTRs, two approached me, including my wife. The first was my first major girlfriend during college. We'd been friends for almost a year (freshman year), and towards the middle of second semester she mustered up the courage to ask me out. I'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and, while I liked her, I didn't want to say yes because I didn't know if I'd be saying yes because I liked her or because it was a rebound. After I had more distance from the bad relationships, …
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/23 06:38 PM
0

Idk, maybe I’ve misinterpreted it, but I think having female friends, especially attractive ones, had been super helpful with meeting women. Idk what the phenomenon is call, maybe halo effect or something, but if hot women like you then you’ve probably got something going on. Since we’re just talking about lived experience, this is mine.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/03/23 01:16 PM
1

You're right, the drive to attain power or status does have to come from a love + control over yourself. That is why you're best off, as you are, focusing on the things you can control first. But, once you have that kind of foundation, it is table stakes for power + status. Then attaining either power or status requires being able to work with others. As for mindset, I can only tell you what worked for me. For me, it's love. The work I've done has always been rooted in making communities stronge…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 01:55 PM
1

I do think that will happen, but as you point out, in the future. We’ve had waves of innovation before and the smart thing to do is learn how to master it now so that when the scenario you’re talking about hypothetically occurs, you’re on the side which doesn’t get laid off. In fact, status and power built now is probably what would help you weather these changes in the future since I don’t think they’ll happen too quickly. Ultimately, all the AI stuff is tools that need to be purchased. I’ve wo…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 01:27 PM
1

Good for you! As for AI, I’m in marketing and have similar concerns. The key, which will actually help you attain status + prestige faster, is that instead of fearing the AI, embrace it. Make it your partner. Help it do grunt work for you. I’m not a software engineer, so idk the parallel, but in my case I know marketers who use all sorts of AI tools to build the basic pieces of content - blog, video, subject lines, etc - using AI tools and then improve upon them themselves. Takes what would be m…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 12:44 PM
1

If you’re starting at 0 and strategizing to become more attractive, both Power and Status rely on other people while getting fit, becoming more self-confident, or having better style rely on your own decision making. For the first two, to go from 0 to 1 or 5 or 10, you need to have other people working in your direction. For the latter few, you can get from 0 to some number higher just by relying on yourself. If you’re having trouble with women to begin with, it’s easier to rely on stuff you can…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/23 12:15 PM
4

I would have had a much better and more purposeful life without porn. Not only did it wrack me with insecurities about my body, specifically me penis, but it also shaped what I thought sex looked like in a negative way. Without porn, I'd have at least not worried so much about my penis size, would have let sex happen probably more organically in terms of how the actual act went, and would have wasted far less time masturbating when I could have been doing other more productive things.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/23 01:53 PM
1

Power is relational and status is relative. Power is being able to influence others and the world around you. Can you make people laugh? When you have an idea do people follow you? Are you a gatekeeper to a group? Are the decisions you make at work consequential? All of those things are forms of power. To gain those you could develop a friend group around yourself or could take a leadership position in a hobby or something you're passionate about. You could work + network your way into a job whe…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/03/23 01:50 PM
1

You’re still not answering my question. Does that not require something of the woman?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/03/23 11:21 AM
1

Like I said, listen to whoever you want to do. Don’t complain when someone judges you.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/23 10:24 PM
1

And what does that look like to a man? In that case is nothing required of the woman?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/23 10:22 PM
1

Fair enough. What do men go on dates for?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/23 07:15 PM
1

Listen to who you want to be. I guess if you want to be Andrew Tate, then listen to him. If you want a loving, long-term marriage, then why would you listen to Tate who isn’t in one? Find men IRL and talk to them. Frankly, you don’t even have to talk to men in good relationships, you just need to talk to men who you think are honest with you and, more importantly, honest with themselves. Find the mentor who is good at what you want not who is just really loud. Everything I learned about relation…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/23 11:21 AM
0

So what do men go on dates for? To ruin their lives?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/23 11:13 AM
4

Big mistake! Idk any man in my group of friends who been paying for everything for so long
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 11:28 PM
4

Y’all are out here paying for all the dates years later?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 11:22 PM
6

Yeah, it is. If you’re three months or a year into a relationship and you’re still paying for all the dates, that is on you and is definitely not a societal expectation. You’re just feeling sorry for yourself.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 10:30 PM
2

If you’re paying for dates all throughout a relationship then that’s on you. After the first few courtship dates, I always moved to 50/50 or taking turns. That opening courtship aside, you think don’t expect women to bring stuff to the table that makes their life easier?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 10:24 PM
1

I know my preferences and I act based on them. When I was single, I'm sure we talked about it a bit, but I've never talked about my preferences with women before. I just never asked out or approached women who didn't fit my preferences. And, if someone - man or woman - has an issue with things that would be my preference...well they can have that opinion, but I don't care. I'm the only person who has to live with my partner so the only person whose input I need in finding a partner is my own.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 07:22 PM
2

Lol, I don't even know how to answer that question. Friends like to catch up with each other because friendship is a different relationship than marriage. My wife works in medicine while I'm in tech and so she has co-fellows and attendings who can mentor her in the direction she wants to go in or understand parts of her life that I don't.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 06:02 PM
1

Why?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 05:54 PM
2

The question was about a good friend. Frankly, I wouldn't have a problem with my wife going to dinner with someone who isn't even a good friend who was a man - like her boss or a mentor at work or something or someone who she wants to learn from. But, you're a random stranger from Reddit so it ain't the same. With you, it isn't even about being insecure. It is more me not wanting my wife to be in an uncomfortable situation where a random is forcing her to go to dinner with him.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 05:49 PM
14

I don't disagree with the premise, but do men not want that? Like, if you're going to enter into a relationship, while there is always work, no one wants their partner to be a drain on them.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 05:44 PM
2

I've got no problem with my wife having friends who are men and she doesn't have any problems with me having good friends who are women. I've never really understood why people would feel this way. If you don't respect/trust your partner, then your relationship is already on shaky ground and you may as well not be in it because it is almost unavoidable for that to lead to further fractures like resentment.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 04:22 PM
1

For a 5, no, it won't make a difference. But for someone I find attractive, them having what I'd consider a badass career does make them more attractive. I thought my wife was hot from the first time I saw her. Now she is a Pediatric ER doc and that does make her hotter in my eyes.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/23 04:16 PM
12

After my wife gave birth, I think it was 9-months before we had sex. Honestly, it was mutual. She almost died during pregnancy. And she went right back to work after two months to complete her medical residency. Having a kid is exhausting. Having an 80hr/week job is exhausting. Even having a regular job is tiring. We had all sorts of obstacles along the way which added to the emotional and physical exhaustion we both experienced. And, ultimately, I wanted to wait till my wife was ready to have s…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 04:00 PM
–

A month is not a LTR… But, the only thing that causes instability is the relationship and one’s maturity. My wife and I are both attractive and, especially when we were younger and first dating, got hit on by the opposite sex regularly. But we have a good relationship, are attracted to each other, and are not impulsive children.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 02:42 PM
1

I’ve ended every relationship on good terms. Still find all those women attractive, but it doesn’t matter. We’re adults and have boundaries and moved on amicably.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/03/23 12:43 PM
11

Stop! You’ll scare them away if you ask them to read actual books about how things happened!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/23 06:07 PM
28

It is inaccurate, especially in the context this phrase is used. A small amount of men did these thing and, I’d guess, in many parts of the world and for many centuries women were involved in all these things too. The average dude on Reddit saying these things didn’t build shit. Most of us didn’t build anything. Billions of men throughout history didn’t build much either. Also, idk what y’all imagine women doing this whole time. So you think they just sat around popping out babies and eating foo…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/23 06:06 PM
2

Fair enough, though a lot of the best sales ppl I know were not your stereotypical sales guy. Much more low key and analytical
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/23 12:33 AM
2

Go into sales! Much better way to make that kind of money than Medicine.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/23 12:17 AM
2

No, sorry, that is the average salary once she is done. Right now she makes $70k.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/03/23 12:14 AM
1

She is doing Peds ER doc training and will be done in 2 years
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/23 11:08 PM
5

I put in my wife’s stats once she is an attending: $280k+ 5’11”-6’1” 29-33 years Asian Not obese Chances were 0.0000857%. Winner!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/03/23 09:09 PM
6

That’s too bad for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 08:38 PM
7

This reasoning is why marriage is so wack. If you're in a happy, healthy relationship with your wife, you're still using all the same skills you used to meet her. Of course, if you're the kind of guy who gets lazy in a relationship or married, then yeah, you'll be at a disadvantage because you've let yourself atrophy, probably in many ways. But, I can say for myself and many of the married men I know, we still date our wives all the time. And while I'd hate to lose my wife via death or divorce, …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/23 08:32 PM
1

It’s such a stupid idea. There is a small sliver of men who will be better of in their 40s. Most will be in dead end jobs, be obese, and be just as they were in their 20s and 30s. There is no magic glow up for most people in general. The small sliver of men for whom dating is easier in the 40s than earlier is the small sliver of men who in their mid-20s to mid-30s decided to figure their stuff out, get healthy, and focus on their careers. Those dudes might look better in their 40s than when they…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/23 01:40 AM
2

My wife is 31 and I'm 33. I don't think I'd want to be in a much bigger age gap than that. After five years, that is a whole high school of different life experiences. I don't want to date a kid or an old lady. And, idk, there are definitely attractive younger women, but my wife is hella beautiful too.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/02/23 05:12 PM
1

Iirc, divorce rates are actually down recently because marriage rates are down.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/02/23 08:16 PM
1

Bro...what world do you live in? Maybe you need better friends. When I was in college, my bros and I were constantly encouraging and building each other up. Whether it was giving tips at the gym, date ideas, or just giving feedback on why a situation did or didn't go well, we were always our friends' #1 champions. At least at college, and usually a few years after, there are so many single girls that there is no need to "fight" over women. If you're fighting with your bros about women, they're n…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/02/23 06:08 PM
15

I opened up to my partner a thought I was having that I believed made me a bad son. My Mom had cancer and, towards the end, she really wasn’t herself anymore. She had dementia and was unable to care for herself anymore. This was in stark contrast to who she was prior - a powerful, successful, woman. It came to a head at an anniversary dinner. I’d been thinking that I wanted her to be freed from the cage cancer had put her in. Meaning I wanted her to move on. As we sat at dinner, those thoughts w…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/23 04:22 PM
2

There is no such thing as 50/50. There is only what works for the family. Yes, I cannot birth my daughter and I didn't have all the associated health burdens of being pregnant and giving birth. Since my daughter was born, though, I've been her primary caretaker, brought more money to the table, and manage our household. Hopefully, it won't always be this way, but my wife is in medical training and those demands are real.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/02/23 03:25 PM
1

Weird teeth is a huge turnoff for me. Bigger than anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/02/23 06:34 PM
1

I think you're missing how a journey of changing your mind happens. It rarely happens in an instance. Especially with the folks here who are stubborn and, I think, often operating in bad faith. But, if you've done any communications or narrative work, the goal isn't to change someone's mind in one video or post. It is to flood someone's brain space with the same message over and over and over and over again. Even if it is a message they disagree with, if they hear or read the message often enoug…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/01/23 01:38 PM
2

"High Value" gets thrown around a lot, but it really just means someone who adds net value to your life. There are tons of ways that people add value to their partners life and it doesn't always have to do with income or chores or penis size. Each relationship is between two individuals who don't care about the average X Y or Z. They are negotiating a relationship between themselves. They're deciding what the "High Value" is to themselves. I mean, I don't fit any of the 6-6-6 nonsense red (or bl…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/23 02:18 PM
2

I’ll be honest, the thing missing in most lives that would make the biggest difference is a village.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 10:41 PM
1

Even if your dad was home and active, like mine was, they're only one role model for being a man. I never fell into the manosphere, but I was quick to recognize that my Dad didn't have every answer. There are plenty of valuable traits I learned from him, but I had leaned on other men in my life - uncles, family friends, grandparents, etc - to become who I am today. Some aspects, like dating, I learned a lot about from women. You're never going to learn everything from one person. I mean, maybe y…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/01/23 06:59 PM
2

I want to explore all the things that life has to offer with my partner. We have our first child who is 20 months old - I want to experience all the joys, sorrows, and frustrations that come with parenting. My wife (31) is about to finish her medical training and I'm excited to see what her life is like now that she is just practicing the kind of medicine she wants. I'm (33) hitting my career stride back in my home state and want to see how I can make life better for folks in my community and st…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/22 07:44 PM
0

What? The question is asking what I would do. And my Dad’s story is instructive of my upbringing and attitude towards how a man should act when his long-term partner gets sick. That is exactly what the question was. Idk what’s up your ass. EDIT: the question specifically references an illness that causes things like hair loss or weight gain. Cancer causes many things like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/22 10:59 PM
6

I think it comes down to their personal experience. Many people have had really bad experiences when it comes to relationships. You get the raw end of the deal a few times and don’t get any guidance on how to do better and it kind of crystallizes negative views about the other gender. It is also just an easy way to process that it isn’t my fault (and it isn’t always your fault). So no matter how much I can talk about why my relationship works (and the immense amount of work it takes) it doesn’t …
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 02:48 PM
12

Having been here for a while, a lot of the time when people in good relationships talk about what it takes to find a good partner and build a good relationship, it gets overlooked because it isn’t a red/blue thing. There isn’t a template and averages don’t matter. Having a good relationship is incredibly difficult and requires a lot of work. So it doesn’t often fit into the binary that most folks here want to talk about.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 02:18 PM
25

Married for 4 years, but been together for almost 8. Have a kid and have moved, job hopped, and had crises like parent deaths. We have a strong, fulfilling relationship and are aligned on what direction we want to go in as a family in a lot of areas of our life. I come here mostly to read all the shitty takes.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/22 02:12 PM
1

Readjust to what? Being dependent on men in a world that doesn’t work the way it used to in the past?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 05:53 PM
8

The dumb binary of men either being toxic assholes or boring losers is a cope from the red pill. We come in all flavors and having an “edge” doesn’t mean being an asshole. When you want to enter the real world, we’re here to greet you. If you find it difficult to “readjust” to women having control of their own lives and jobs, that’s too bad. You’re an adult and whatever lies you were told as a child don’t control you. Grow up.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:35 PM
4

Naw. Women have always worked in societies forever except for a brief slice of time in the modern western world. The damage isn’t that women are working. The damage is that some weak ass dudes don’t want to readjust.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/12/22 01:32 PM
3

No. I answered the question as myself, whose wife had never been terminally ill or anything. I added the story about my Dad who actually experienced the scenario in real life and how he responded. He had no idea whether my Mom would last 1 year or 15, but he made his choice to be by her side regardless. Also, she developed breast cancer almost 20 years into their relationship, so he didn’t know she was terminal.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 11:16 PM
40

30+ married. No. My wife is beautiful, but that isn’t the only reason I married her. No one makes me feel as loved, supported, and safe like she does. When you get married, you should know what you’re signing up for. You need to get your shit in order - will, beneficiaries, etc. Not that I needed this, but I’ve, sadly, seen how this plays out in my own life. My mom developed breast cancer right when I finished college. Over her 7 years with cancer, it ravaged her body, her mind, and spirit. Thro…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/22 12:48 PM
5

Being one of those men, I don’t think women view it negatively. I’ve never had a ONS because it seems like a risky and probably unfulfilling thing to do. I also grew up seeing how much a positive and negative impact your relationship can have on every other aspect of your life, so I wanted to learn the skills to be a good partner and identify a good partner. I personally see my focus on a relationship as an abundance mindset because if you’re serious about it there is so much more depth in every…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/22 03:29 PM
3

Hard disagree. If that were the case then MC and UMC folks wouldn’t regularly, if not largely, pairing up during college or graduate school. As for the word, success is also relative. Especially in the working class, no one is expecting their prospective partner to have a house. Be financially independent, sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 09:24 PM
2

I wonder if this is because of who your community is, not women. Like, I’m in the UMC and most of the folks in my community went to medical school. So the women in my community are looking for people in their similar class - aka UMC, educated folks. Is there a huge trend of working class women looking only for 6-6-6? I doubt it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/22 07:54 PM
1

Homie, you’re reaching. There is not lots of women who are getting with the same dude on a regular basis. The dudes in college who are having lots of sex are having lots of random hookups. They don’t have some harem of 20 girls they meet up on different nights. If you think they do, then you really have no idea. Have a good weekend.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 08:51 PM
1

Beauty is beauty. If someone is insecure about dating someone taller than them, that is their loss. Of my serious relationships, two were either taller or effectively taller. My wife is a inch taller than me and one of my exes was tall but also wore heels which made her taller than me. There is nothing unfeminine about being tall.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 07:49 PM
1

The OP question was specifically about a lot of random women. Not a casual hookup which is a type of relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 06:13 PM
1

There are no absolutes, but most women are not having random one night stands sober.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/11/22 01:54 AM
1

It’s not. I’m a grower, not a shower. Even then, I’m maybe average at full grow. Doesn’t matter though cause every woman I’ve been with has been enjoyed the experience and, ultimately, I can’t do anything about the size. I definitely used to have insecurities about it, but that was mostly internal. I think SDE or BDE originated with the idea that big = good and small = bad from a purely physical perspective and that having a big one made you confident and a small one made you insecure and maybe …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/22 06:08 PM
9

I don’t know what’s not to like about women generally speaking. For every one woman I’ve had a bad experience with, I’ve had hundreds of good experiences with them. They’ve helped raise me to become who I am today. They’ve helped me grow and learn. They’ve been my mentors, teachers, and bosses. I’m married to one and she’s one of the best people I know and is my best friend. Love women. Love men too.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/11/22 03:28 PM
7

All the money my wife and I make goes into the same accounts (checking). All our bills get paid from there. All the money for our post-tax investing (IRA, Brokerage) goes from there too. This hasn’t ever “benefited” me because I’ve always made more money than my wife so more of “my” money is going towards all our living costs. The other value I suppose I have is that if stuff needs to get done, just get it done. I do most of the household and child-related stuff. Mostly because I work from home …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/11/22 02:13 PM
1

666 or 6666 aren’t real. Someone posted about it a few times on women’s subs and some women on OLD may have it in their profiles, but in both cases those populations don’t remotely represent the majority of women. If it were remotely true, then there would be virtually no relationships at all because while one of those 6 might be easy to find, the combination is all together too rare. It also seems that women are more likely as a whole to save than men (though they invest less). I’d guess people…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 12:38 PM
3

I’ll be honest, what you said may be the case for most men, but I don’t think it’s how things are for men of my socioeconomic background unless it’s for a ONS.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/22 10:54 AM
2

If you ask someone out on a date, you should pay for the date. This obviously puts men as the people who are going to pay for the date, but if you're going to ask a stranger or even someone who you kind of know, to take time out of their life to do something, you can cover drinks or dinner. Most of my relationships, especially once we started dating, we would switch off paying for dates. But in the beginning, since I'd ask them out, I'd pay. If they offered to pay, I appreciate that, but always …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 05:24 PM
3

At the top - no woman is going to want to date this kind of a guy. Maybe he has some good raw material like being intelligent or nice face or something, but there isn't going on. I'd do the following: Talk to their parents about wanting to make a change in their life and asking for support for the next six months beyond what they've been doing already Learn how to drive a car - parents can help teach him or give him a loan to enroll in driving classes. Once you can drive a car you are eligible f…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 03:30 PM
4

For real. I find it super attractive that my wife is a doctor. Her brain does work.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 02:07 PM
10

Most UMC men, like myself, would pick hot + smart over hot + dumb. And yeah, I probably wouldn’t date an intelligent woman who was unattractive because, at least for me, it hasn’t ever been a challenge to find both.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/22 02:05 PM
3

You’re not trying to date/marry women or men. You’re dating a woman/man. So, yes, you might have stats that say women X or men Y, but the man or woman who is in front of you is an individual and you should treat them as such. There is no blueprint for how relationships work. 50/50 split might sound nice, but it’s meaningless. Couples have to see what they’re working with a decide how to split up $$, chores, etc. Get off OLD. In most cases, since it’s a purely visual medium, its going to be hard …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/22 06:04 PM
1

K.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/22 04:53 PM
2

Totally. If you’re cheating, you’re putting your partner at risk in multiple ways. Not high value.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/22 04:42 PM
2

That’s lying, and I don’t think a HVM will lie to their partner. If you can lie about cheating you’re going to be lying about a whole lot of other stuff too.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/22 04:41 PM
4

I know most of the men here think of HVM as 6-6-6 because a few women on FDS or OLD write about it. If you actually read the FDA wiki or whatever, it goes pretty deep into what they think an HVM is. Whittled down, though, it’s a man who adds value to your life. A man who cheats on their partner is making, or will make, his partner’s life worse, thus he can’t be high value.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/10/22 10:59 AM
4

This is a niche debate sub which is going to attract, for the most part, people deeply unhappy with their dating life. If you’re someone in a happy, stable relationship, you’re most likely not going to waste your time here. That is, unless you’re bringing popcorn like I am.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/22 12:21 PM
4

No worries at all! Have an awesome day too!
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 07:08 PM
5

Haha, I am straight. Also married to an awesome woman who has all three of those
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 07:04 PM
5

Attractive - tall, nice teeth, etc Ambitious and intelligent Family-oriented Yep. All three.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/22 06:06 PM
2

Honestly, everything you listed determines the attractiveness of a woman to me. My wife is tall, a doctor, engaging, independent, funny and physically attractive. I don’t think I’d find someone attractive if they didn’t have all those things. If I was into one night stands, then some of those things would drop off, but since I never have been, looks don’t cut it for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/22 07:43 PM
12

…we don’t. You’re living in a made up world.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/09/22 08:18 PM
1

You’re missing that a relationship is not two individuals. It’s one unit that grows as you have kids or get pets. No one should be deferring to a husband or wife or kids. The adults should be pulling in the same direction because that is what is best for the family/couple. Being confident, cool, collected should help with that because then the man won’t be insecure and try and “win” or “seize authority”. Instead, the couple will decide what works best for them. In my life I’ve seen all sorts of …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 04:58 PM
5

There is this app called Kama which does guided meditative masturbation. Super relaxing and not much happening in my mind’s eye.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 01:35 PM
5

Mostly my wife.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 01:30 PM
5

I don’t watch porn, but I do masturbate occasionally. On a regular week, maybe once. On a stressful week, maybe 3-4 times. There isn’t anything wrong with masturbation and I think it’s actually a healthy method of self-care in moderation.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/22 12:01 PM
2

Peaking is actually pretty biological and the average man and woman peak in their twenties: Brain processing power peaks around 19 Strength peaks at 25 Bone mass peaks around 30 By age 19, the average American is as sedentary as a 60 year old The only thing which doesn't peak before you're 30 is income, but then the median income of someone in their peak earning years is around $60k. Since the average person isn't super hard-working, they've peaked in most contexts well before 30. I think it is …
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/22 01:42 PM
13

I don't think either of your claims track in for a specific sex. I think if a man or woman are 30 and haven't figured out how to get into a relationship, then yeah, probably something is up with them if they've been trying to find one. I do know folks who just were really focused on building their career and didn't want a serious relationship, but when they pivoted, it worked out fine. If a woman, or man for that matter, has a string of relationships that didn't work out, I don't see it as equiv…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 03:40 PM
3

Sure, though in my circles, which is generally UMC, it tracks that as we’ve gotten older we’ve figured out our shit.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 01:24 PM
6

100%. If I weren’t married, I’d still want to find someone in the same stage of life as me. I’ve never been into ONS, and so have no urge to just sleep around with women much younger than me. Also, I gotta be honest, I think women my age have a certain swagger from experience and accomplishment that I find very sexy. My wife is a bad ass and that gets me going.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/09/22 12:26 PM
1

That is why I have health listed there as well. If I wanted to just have sex, then health is all you need and the benefits associated with it. It is table stakes, but I don’t consider that high value since it isn’t hard to be baseline healthy.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 01:47 AM
2

Appreciate you. Too many folks here aren't getting laid and so their standard for HVM is just can you get laid a lot or not. Folks who get laid know there is so much more to life than just sex every once and a while.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 12:26 AM
2

They're not right. Those things all change your sexual marketplace value. The market isn't a one-way street. Businesses know who their target audiences is. Being hot is just a really broad target audience and you get what you target. I'm not looking to hook up with a bunch of random chicks. My target audience was much narrower, and all of those things placed me in the right position to meet the women I want to meet.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 12:25 AM
2

OP literally asked what my opinion is. He is only right if all you want is a bunch of ONS with ugly chicks. Also, I disagree with your premise - all of the things I mention change my desirability for the better for the women I want to be with. Just cause y'all have low standards doesn't mean the rest of us do.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 12:24 AM
3

A. OP asked what my opinion of an HVM is. B. Either way, I disagree with you. I think all of those things I listed contribute to having more sex and getting what I wanted - a committed relationship. Being out in your community helps you meet lots of people and build social capital. Being financially independent allows you take risks and is the bare minimum for any person in general. If you're not financially independent you should work on that before trying to get laid or married. Treating peopl…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/09/22 12:21 AM
34

Various women and men will have their own definition of what they seek from a man they find high value. Your best bet is to define it for yourself and live to those standards. From that perspective, I think a man is high value if he: Contributes actively to his community - volunteering, boards, local office, etc Is financially independent - careers aren't for everyone. I'm on a type of ladder and can see why it is unhealthy, so I'm not going to put that on anyone else. But, at least be able to t…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/22 06:00 PM
4

32 Male, married. Warm/cold approach at club, bar, or party. Hobby clubs can work too for a warm approach. I’ve been both approached and approached women I’ve dated and my wife approached me at a birthday party at a bar. Don’t worry about roles and worry about what feels right in the moment. A lot of it cannot be planned. Treat people like people, not like they’re part of some hive mind. Think about how social proof impacts how people see you. If you can have friends who are women who are laughi…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/09/22 01:14 PM
1

In order: Agreed - dating apps are too lopsided and, at least the ones I've used in the past, don't give many options for anything but pure, visual stimulus. So yeah, average men won't do too well. Disagree - a cold approach works. You just have to do it in the right place. Cold approaching in a grocery store, gym, library, book store, museum, etc won't work - even if you're attractive. That only happens on TikTok, TV, and Movies. In real life, the best place for any man to cold approach is at a…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/22 02:20 PM
1

Yeah. It’s totally normal. Most women, period, are not hooking up and having ONS every night. Go to a bar, have a drink or two, flirt with the girls. That is what’s worked in the past and that is what works post-COVID.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/22 03:35 PM
2

Serial monogamist until I got married. Still met all my girlfriends, and wife, at bars/clubs. That said, with one exception, they were folks who I'd met via friends prior to dating. Even the one I didn't know prior to dating, I met because my Mom suggested I meet her. We met, had chemistry, but it was only after going to a bar with her on a date that things really started moving.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/09/22 02:05 PM
2

I think of it more like a “positive feedback loop”. You go out drinking, meet a woman, have sex, gain confidence. Now you’re more confident the next time you go out drinking and you’ve possibly made that woman into a hook-up buddy. The only dudes I know who had sex without having to meet women at bars are the guys who met women through shared activities and got in relationships with them. I’ve rarely seen, even from the Chadiest men I know, random hook ups with sober women.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/09/22 11:04 AM
3

I mean, that in addition to what I listed above, is a pretty good strategy for finding a life partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/22 08:51 PM
13

Maybe it is also red pill advice, but it's also like...idk the playbook forever? Was there ever a time when being fit and social and meeting women at social events wasn't how people met folks?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/22 08:15 PM
1

Yeah, that is totally fair and I definitely supplemented my own routine with some more arm stuff. But I haven't ever had trouble meeting women and I did it more for just gaining a strong body vs getting a sexy body. At the end of the day though, the best workout routine is one you can stick with. 5x5 basically was like an autopilot program for me. But, folks' mileage may vary. To your point, people should figure out their actual goals and then find the right program that will help them hit those…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/22 08:08 PM
14

Is that red pill advice? I think this is just how most people I know were raised if they wanted to meet women.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/22 07:42 PM
10

I think this is largely a class thing these days. I’m also UMC and I can’t think of anyone I know who is UMC who is a dude who wouldn’t marry someone at least as educated as them. My wife is more educated than me and I think that’s dope. I’ve personally never been too concerned with body count cause I’m with the person as they are today, not as who there before. There are some women who did stuff with me that they didn’t do with future partners. Some that did stuff in the last, hated it and won’…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/22 07:30 PM
14

Totally. I don't know where most people think "Chad" meets women, but whether it is online or in-person, it is likely around or at an event that has alcohol. I bet if you look at Tinder or other OLD data, we'd see that use goes up a lot on Thursday-Saturday because that is when young people party.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/22 05:55 PM
58

If you want to have sex with random hot women you need to be at least above-average attraction and charisma. So I'd do the following: Go to the gym and start lifting. The easiest workout routine I've ever done (from a repetition process) is the 5x5. Once you master the lifts, the progression is easy as long as you keep your body fueled, stretch, and don't overdo it. This workout won't make you cut, but since he isn't fat, he'll bulk up a bit and get much stronger. He can't change his height, but…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/09/22 04:15 PM
6

I got my ideas about women mostly through women in my life. I was born pre-internet and before platforms like reddit, youtube, etc were really prevalent. I also didn't watch a lot of TV so most of my opinions were only based on the people I met. Like with men, I saw that, for the most part, women are individuals and I've had bad experiences with women in varying relationship categories and good ones. Mostly good ones which, I suppose, is why I feel vastly different about women compared to most o…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/09/22 05:28 PM
4

I'm 32 and married, but I have had the same policy my whole life. I'm only going to have sex with someone who I'd think about being in a relationship with. When I was younger, there were probably 10-15% of women I met who fit that category.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/09/22 02:13 PM
1

Reconstructive surgery is leagues different than a gym membership or acne cream. I mean, I thought a rower ($300 bucks), and have a decent face and skin routine that costs probably $50 every month or two. Also get a haircut every other month ($70). But going to get an elective, cosmetic surgery is totally different from a price and danger perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/22 01:30 AM
1

“Just be yourself” isn’t the only thing you have to do, but given that most men on this sub complain about high divorce rates, it’s good advice. Yeah, every man should try and improve their looks, financials, etc in a healthy manner. But, if you want to meet an actual partner, you should be yourself to find someone who actually wants to be with you. If you lie, and if they lie, then don’t be surprised or upset at high divorce rates.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/22 02:53 PM
1

Ok.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 05:49 PM
3

I highly doubt it. MAYBE a single male who is in the UMC, but most people have tons of other expenses that eat into that salary before they get to spend 100k on non-necessary cosmetic surgery. Definitely 0 chance some random guy in the middle class is going to be able to afford anything like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 05:07 PM
8

Either getting rich or getting reconstructive surgery is much better advice. Even if that were the best advice, as people here constantly complain, getting rich is really difficult and reconstructive surgery is expensive, thus you need to be rich before you can get some sort of reconstructive surgery that will make you taller or whatever you think is wrong with you. Getting a social circle is not outdated advice especially now that the pandemic has subsided. Even if your friends have paired off,…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/08/22 02:48 PM
9

Not one of those three professions you mentioned, but I do work at a high level in the political/non-profit world. I am married to a Doctor and most of the folks I'm friends with are either doctors or Finance. What I, and most of my male friends look for, is pretty straight forward: Is the woman attractive and fun to be with from our perspective? Are they smart, ambitious, and have a career of their own? Depending on which of us you ask, this is either a screener for a woman who values education…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/08/22 04:38 PM
3

You don’t know everything about anyone when you first meet them. After meeting them I’d make an educated guess based on identifying at least some level of 2-3 of those things I listed. As I got to know them better, I could figure out (to the best of my ability), if they had all five things or not. For example, one of the first women I dated had #1, #3, and #4. So we started dating. As we got to know each other better, I found out that while she was quite independent (#2) and Indian, wasn’t reall…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 06:18 PM
1

I definitely can't go to prison. I'm too pretty for it. Fuck around and find out is literally how we live our lives. Get in a car? Fuck around and find out. Eat food? Fuck around and find out. Yeah, if you want to be scared that a woman will say something which is far less probable than them not saying something cause you (and not you, but a general you) are not a creep who is taking advantage of them, then that is your choice.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 04:54 PM
2

Yeah - it is all about your personality and risk appetite. And you're right, those guys are sketchy as hell and disgusting. The point of my post is that so many men think its impossible to meet women and then bring up "Chad" who gets girls all the time. But "Chad" isn't meeting women at coffee shops, grocery stores, and libraries (except for in TV shows and movies). He meets them at a party, a bar, or a club. So if you're going to complain that women don't treat you like "Chad" but don't actuall…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 03:17 PM
2

I agree that COVID made those things tougher for a time, but most states are open and I see folks younger than me/without kids, going clubbing and to bars all the time. If a sober guy goes to a bar to find the drunkest girl to take advantage of, that is sleepy af. But I don’t think it’s sleezy to go to a bar and meet someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 02:51 PM
1

Well this explains why you’re lonely. You live in a made up world. Cheers.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 01:50 PM
2

No. I dated 7 women including my wife. Took time to refine my ability to figure out if they fit what I was looking for in a deeper sense. Some didn’t. Some moved to foreign countries. Some it just didn’t work out for other reasons.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 10:47 AM
2

Yeah, I never saw that my friends who had ONS had a lot of fun. That’s why I never pursued them. Goal was more to identify someone attractive and fun who id want to ask on a date.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 12:43 AM
5

They’re the same for me. I never felt a need to go and have lots of casual sex because the folks I knew who did never seemed actually satisfied with having drunk sex they didn’t remember. So I only approached women who, after getting to know them, I’d see have long-term potential. What did I look for: Intelligence, drive, ambition Independence Attractive Funny and outgoing Shared my culture (Indian) Worked out for me.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/08/22 12:41 AM
2

I'm 32, so I think I'm a mid-Millennial. I also went clubbing a bunch in college and for years after. I met my wife at a bar during a buddy's birthday party. I can empathize that COVID kind of put the kibosh on clubbing/bars for a while, but I've got tons of friends in NYC, SF, Austin who are younger than me who are all out and about at bars and clubs now.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 03:27 PM
1

Yeah, I wouldn't have a drunken ONS either because I don't see the value in it. But for the majority of dudes here who complain about not being able to meet women while some made-up "Chad" is scoring all the time, it's what they should be doing. Just don't have sex with someone who can't walk and talk.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 03:21 PM
3

Haha, it is absurd
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 03:01 PM
2

Nonsense. Unless the risk is getting rejected, then there are very few risks of meeting women in this spaces. You’ve made something up as risky which is totally normal unless you’re fishing to take home the woman who is blacked out.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 02:22 PM
2

Right. I mean, when I was still figuring out how to talk to women if I struck out it was fine. Get rejected and then go back to the friends you came with and have fun.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 02:17 PM
15

Traveling is great if you can afford it. I don't think I'd have married my wife is she told me she hated traveling. There is a huge world to explore and someone who thinks its suspect to travel and see all of it is a boring person in my eyes.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 02:15 PM
3

Yeah, again, this is my take too. Just don't take advantage of someone who can't speak, is throwing up, etc and you are in the clear. I don't know why they make it so complicated. Go to a party and meet people. You don't even have to be attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 02:03 PM
1

I think you said the correct answer though. If someone is blackout drunk, don't have sex with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 02:01 PM
1

Agreed, but your edit seems obvious to me. Go to a party/bar/club meet a woman and as long as you aren't staying sober to take advantage of them or looking for the woman who is blackout drunk to, again, take advantage of them, you have nothing to worry about.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 02:01 PM
5

Yeah, I agree. Spending four years in college should disabuse you of the idea that everyone "cries rape". Everyone is having sex and they all meet each other the same way.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 01:59 PM
3

100%. I’d think people should be able to judge if someone is blacked out vs had a few drinks, but maybe I’m wrong.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 01:02 PM
2

Appreciate the insight. I agree, it’s about how drunk the folks are.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 01:01 PM
7

Yeah, that’s my take too. I guess I find it surprising that most men on this sub never mention going to the one place where “Chad” is meeting women - the bars/clubs/parties. I know plenty of men better looking, fitter, and wealthier than me, but I don’t know any who randomly pick up women at a coffee shop and have sex in the bathroom sober.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 12:56 PM
5

Yeah, I’ve always felt iffy about ONS in general which is why I’ve never partaken. Too much risk to justify mediocre sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 12:55 PM
2

Drunk people meeting at a bar is rape?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 11:44 AM
2

True.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 01:14 AM
9

Furreal, the men on here constantly complain about how no one ever gives them compliments or physical attention.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 12:25 AM
2

As long as they do it in a friendly, not creepy manner, I have no problem with it. Shoot your shot, bro. Some things not to do which gay men have done to me: Look over the urinal at my penis and wink at me Lick the palm of my hand Take my tie and bite it while dancing near me I wouldn't do any of those things to a woman I wanted to get friendly with. I don't want any dudes to do those things to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/22 12:24 AM
1

Yeah, it sucks. But that's where the people are :/ There actually are a few easy ways to do ONS at home. Sadly, they both require explaining awkward things to your parents or friends. Either, "Yeah, my right arm is just naturally bigger" or, "No. That isn't a sex doll. It is a collector's item."
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/22 07:34 PM
7

Something which I never see much about on this forum is the place where most people find ONS. It isn't at the grocery store or gym or school. It is at clubs and bars and parties. I went to a big college and I rarely heard of women doing spur of the moment sexual stuff if they were sober. But, when you're even a super mediocre guy at a club or bar and you're drunk and the women are drunk, everything changes. Everyone is friendlier. Everyone becomes more charming. That is where the ONS happens. An…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/08/22 06:33 PM
2

Do you mean lonely or single? I’d say men are lonely because of their personality because loneliness is also about your friends and family. Unless the people around you REALLY suck, family and friends won’t ditch you because your ugly. If you’re talking about being single, then you’re right. That said, personality isn’t just about being charismatic or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/08/22 01:34 AM
5

I’m in this situation (or will be in 3 years). My wife will be a Peds ER doc earning much more than me now. I think you’re generally right, acknowledging that “less dominant” isn’t “submissive”. Someone who is going to dedicate significant time, money, and drive to accomplish something as difficult as what my wife or you are doing, most likely don’t need or want a man who is going to be controlling. I’ll also caveat that in these kinds of relationships that I’ve seen, the men (including me), oft…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/08/22 01:09 AM
2

Can a typical man do this?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/22 11:48 PM
3

I kind of feel it’s the other way around. I’m from a UMC background and the majority of people I know are UMC. I’ve never heard this much talk about how hard dating is from anyone. The on exception is a conservative friend who lives in SF. Maybe it’s a difference between people who grew up UMC vs became UMC later in life, because most people I know who grew up UMC have had no trouble and also see relationships as more than sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/22 11:28 PM
7

I think it's probably a bit of all three. I've met many, many men who thing any vulnerability is a sign of weakness and then become overly macho to overcompensate and "regain power" over their partner which can obviously turn off or drive away a partner. You've also got to be able to judge where your partner is when opening up. Most people, men or women, aren't ready for the total dump on the first date. Also, no one should feel pressured to reveal all their secrets or trauma early - it is proba…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/22 01:57 PM
2

Hopefully, you're in a good place today! And you're right - love does not conquer all. Love is important, but when things get tough, which they always do in every relationship, love isn't the thing that is most important. Trust, respect, and so many other things are needed over the long-term to overcome the waxing and waning of love that can occur as people continually readjust to how their partner has grown and changed. I've had the privilege of officiating a number of weddings for friends and …
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/22 01:51 PM
28

I am married and am not too worried. I think a big reason marriage suffers is because lots of folks see it like an Instagram Moment or a “thing to do”. They don’t take seriously what it is and what it means and what consequences can be. I think most people don’t spend enough time dating and understanding what they really want and what they offer in a relationship. So when they get married, the writing is already on the walls that they’ll get divorced. I’m actually sometimes surprised that divorc…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/22 12:58 PM
0

This is just what has worked for me. I've never done casual dating, but with the six or some women I had long-term relationships with, me doing the asking on a date really only happened in the beginning. And it makes sense because I was courting them, so I would pay. One of the women did ask me on the first date and she did pay for me. I asked her on our second date and paid. I'd urge men not to try and date around too much because, yeah, in most cases you're not getting asked out a lot and you'…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 08:29 PM
7

Dating - my policy has been that if I ask someone on a date, then I'm going to pay. I've never had a woman not offer to split the bill, but I'm not about that. If they ask me on a date, then they'd pay for the date. Whenever I've date someone for longer than a few months, we ended up splitting regular hanging out and stuck with the same rule for dates. Relationships: Until I got married, money was split by who made what. My then-fiance was a med student, so effectively my money was her money, bu…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 03:24 PM
1

Yeah, you get it. Sure, I can “raise” my daughter on tv and IG. But, if that is what I wanted, why would I have her anyways? For those folks, kids are just another item for the gram.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/22 11:22 AM
19

Not a woman, but y’all gotta stop trying to find formulas for everything. There isn’t a formula. People in relationships have to get the job done. There was a period of time where my wife was a medical resident working 80-100 hours a week. Even though I made more $$ than her and we have a kid, I never asked her to do anything at home. She did it on her own volition, but things just had to get done and trying to make a “formula” about what would work best doesn’t make sense. She’s a fellow now wi…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/22 04:39 PM
1

I'm going to disagree. Intelligence is a great trait to have. It hopefully keeps you from falling into the trap of wanting lots of ONS which are usually not emotionally gratifying, not memorable since most happen drunk, and can result STDs or pregnancy. Trying to have lots of ONS is a bad strategy if you want to have lots of sex. The best strategy is to find a compatible partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/22 08:09 PM
9

You should wait till you both feel ready to have sex. I never felt like having a one-night stand was natural to me, so I never had one. I have been in seven medium-to-long term relationships. For the first one we waited almost a year. Neither of us had ever had sex and we both were just feeling things out to make sure we were ready. The second one we had sex after the second date because we were both feeling it. With my wife, we probably dated for a month or so before having sex. There isn't a g…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 11:35 PM
2

I appreciate you, brother.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 03:26 PM
2

In what world is the average guy expected to look like Chris Hemsworth? Because the “ideal form” for a woman seems so “easy” to attain, there is higher pressure to attain it. All a dude has to do is not be fat.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/22 01:36 PM
–

If you were an "above average man" then you'd know that women do in fact "woo" men they're attracted to. Frankly, women woo all sorts of men in all sorts of ways. I've found that the wooing happens in different parts of the relationship. Men usually "woo" more upfront to show that they're looking for a relationship (if they are) and once both people are on the same page, then its mutual. If you're in a one-sided relationship, then you shouldn't be in that relationship. Frankly, outside of actual…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/22 05:55 PM
2

I’ve gotten good advice from both women and men. Dudes usually were able to see the woman I was dating objectively and call out if there were red flags. Women usually were most helpful in helping me put the best foot forward. I had friends who helped me figure out a good haircut and taught me about fashion. Some of you probably have the good raw material and a woman who is actually your friend will help you go to the next level.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/22 12:57 AM
2

Good to be self aware. I would encourage you to continue on the path but also explore tangential options like: becoming a therapist going into pharma specifically for mental health-related products companies like Teledoc or TalkSpace VC/PE funds that focus on the mental health space That exploration may lead back to medicine which is a noble thing to be a part of. Also, maybe head over to r/residency or r/medspouses to learn more about what’s upcoming for you and for a potential partner you may …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 11:36 PM
1

Not related to your question, but don’t go through with becoming a doctor unless it is the only thing you can imagine doing with your life. I’m married to a doctor and the majority of my friends are doctors and I’ve been with them every step of the way from college through fellowship. It’s only worth it if it is the only thing you can imagine doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 11:11 PM
2

Basic skincare stuff like daily sunscreen.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 09:47 PM
1

32M. Plenty of options even though I've gained a little bit of a belly. Highly successful and influential in my field. My face is as handsome as it was when I was younger...maybe more cause I finally figured out how to properly grow a beard and get my hair done. I don't know how exactly to quantify how many women have been sexually interested in me because. I guess I never found myself in a situation when I wasn't dating or in an ltr with an attractive woman who fit my social and dating arrangem…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/22 08:07 PM
2

This is great
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/22 05:53 PM
4

A. if you're on dating apps, you shouldn't feel guilty about feeling superficial. That is all you have to go off of for most people since bios can be...lackluster. B. "Normal people" of varying looks, personalities, education levels, etc pair off by building relationships. You meet people in common areas or through friends/family and then you build rapport. If there is some underlying connection (often starting with physical attraction), you build on that. Sadly, most people are lonely and so do…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/22 08:07 PM
3

Intelligence can mean a lot of things to different women, but I think it can be generalized to a few things: Are they funny in a clever, observational way? Can they talk about a wide variety of subjects at some depth or can they talk about a few things really deeply which the woman in question is either familiar with or interested in? Can they navigate social situations easily? Are they driven and ambitious + and do they have a plan for their future? And I think your last sentence is out of cont…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/22 07:08 PM
3

They might be referring to women who mostly have male friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/22 02:39 AM
3

I think, for the most part, our standards of our partner should roughly be, minimum, the standards we have for ourselves. So if someone doesn't have a college degree, their standard shouldn't be someone who is college educated unless they have some sort of equivalent experience or are trying to get something equivalent. Obviously, people can find an exception, but I think that is how we should hold ourselves. You seem smart and driven and it seems like you will lose the weight if you put your mi…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/22 08:05 PM
3

I appreciate you! Have a dope day.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/22 03:13 PM
1

I think it is mostly a cultural artifact of the past. Back in the day, if a woman was approaching men, I think she'd be stigmatized as a "loose" woman. Women were much more seen as the property of their father, so if you're a man and you want to date/marry someone, you have to approach their father. I think it then transformed from a thing that made sense in the context of the time to something that just became culturally assumed and socialized into. In today's world, I don't think it a man's jo…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 03:44 PM
18

This makes no sense. You're not trying to match all women. You're matching with one. And if you both do your job vetting the other person before committing, then it shouldn't be to big of a problem. There is no "perfect partner" so as a couple you have to decide what your actual dealbreakers are and what are things you'll learn to live with. If you're purposeful with how you go about picking your partner, this shouldn't be an issue.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 03:36 PM
18

I was given advice from a few different people and all of it helped me later in life once I got out of my own way: Dad - Be interested in things and learn how to talk about them passionately. Be charming. My dad is intelligent and handsome but grew up with a debilitating stammer. He had a lot of trouble meeting women growing up until he met my mom who was really outgoing. She kind of made up for his fear of speaking. Eventually, through lots of love and support, he overcame that fear and now spe…
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/22 03:21 PM
1

These are all from before I got married: 7+ 7+. I only used OLD for 3 months but held as many as the same standards as real life 7 Yes. I’ve purposefully never had a one night stand cause I’m not about that. But I’d say I had a 75% success rate from approach to short/long-term relationship. Now married.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/22 05:05 PM
2

Dating is awesome. Also, contrary to what a lot of folks have said below, dating doesn't end when you're in a relationship or married. Dating continues throughout life. At least I think it should.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/22 05:11 PM
1

Yea, you can have both. I know I do. I think the point is just that people should realize that, as you said, their mental health has a huge impact on how the actual fundamentals of the relationship will work out on. So definitely, people should look for the qualities they want in their potential partner, but they should also realize that all the shinyness won't make their relationship better in the long-term.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 09:07 PM
1

I suppose the only solution is that people should create space, or society should create space, where people have the time to actually reflect on their life. Answering "Yes" to the three questions is not easy and takes work on yourself. I don't think the point at all is not to look at those shiny things, but rather that those things are less predictive of long-term relationship happiness than being able to be a happy person as an individual.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 09:05 PM
1

I hear you - the point of the article isn't that none of those things matter. It is that answering "Yes" to those three questions is the best predictor of the kind of success that the author is talking about. Even answering "Yes" to all three still doesn't guarantee that you'll have a happy long-term relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 09:03 PM
1

The link I posted was not something the author of the study wrote, just what another person observed from reading their methodology and results. I also don't think they're implying that those things are shallow - they're saying that those traits are what we're all trained and socialized to look for in a partner. You've also totally misread the article. Their point, if anything, is that working on yourself to a point where you are satisfied, free of depressive personality traits, and have a posit…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 09:01 PM
1

Hmm, how attractive am I? I guess maybe 7.5? Growing up though, especially pre-graduating fro college, I was probably a 6 or something. I did spend a good period of time with what would probably be depressive personality traits - withdrawing from society, feeling hopeless, low self-esteem, etc. From sixth grade through senior year of high school. And for financial stability, as far as I know, I've always been financially stable. If we ever weren't as a family, my parents never let me know it. Si…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 08:56 PM
1

We do have that drive as we have biological drives for a lot of things. But the article I posted is about something specific - happy long-term relationships. And the question is, what factor is the highest predictor of a happy long-term relationship, and the answer seems to be that the best indicator is answering "Yes" to the three questions above.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/22 08:51 PM
1

We 100% do. That is partially the point of the article - the thing we look for doesn't always serve us best when looking for a long-term happy relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 10:42 PM
1

Haha, that is true. The article mentions Jacob and Emma as sexy names.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 07:17 PM
2

This probably isn't for 100% of cases because people are all different, but in most cases, if you think your unhappiness is that you don't have a partner, you probably have something deeper going on that you should figure out before finding a partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 07:17 PM
2

Lol, totally! I was hesitant to post this here because it does seem like many posts focus on short-term or casual dating, but I figured this would be an interesting piece to look at from an ltr perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 07:16 PM
1

Is a depressed person happy? Is an unsatisfied person happy? Is someone with a negative affect happy? I don't think so. Do we know people have a baseline for happiness?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 07:14 PM
1

You're right that they don't dive deep into what the data actually shows, they just allude to it. I personally haven't looked at the actual research, just at their article. I don't think it is fully counterintuitive. Unless Sally is a crazy psycho who is gaslighting or abusing John, John gets to choose how he is perceiving everything that happens in the relationship. I think it could be harder to explain in a person-to-person scenario, but I think text messaging is a good example. When someone s…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 07:13 PM
1

If you can't be your own partner, no partner is going to fix anything in a meaningful way.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:47 PM
3

100%. I think I've been a yes to all three for most of my life. I've been in toxic relationships with a very shiny woman and walked away cause she was pushing me to move into the "No" territory for some of the questions. Now I'm married to a very shiny woman and the "yes" are now "Yes!"
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:42 PM
2

yeah, idk what a sexy name is, but I know mine is not one.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:41 PM
3

Well, as the article + study points out, relationships are all different. Answering affirmatively to the question isn't a 100% guarantee of a happy long-term relationship. It is just the highest predictor. From my read of it, people who answer "Yes" to those questions honestly probably have relatively strong boundaries and a good idea of what they're looking for in their life for themselves. I think they'd be less likely to get stuck with an abusive and toxic partner. And, if they are stuck with…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:34 PM
6

Yeah, that is basically what the questions point to.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:31 PM
6

Well, they point out three specific questions - are you satisfied, are you depressed, and do you have a positive affect? These don't have to do with work or hobbies. They're about your mental state. How we each achieve those things is probably different and I'd guess we might even define them differently. But it'll take introspection for any of us to get there which is probably something most people don't take time to do.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:31 PM
3

Do you mean how does one, as an individual, find happiness? That I'm not sure.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:28 PM
12

Well yes, they are happier than other people, but specifically, they have happier relationships over the long term. People and lots of them are on this sub, focus on all sorts of traits that might be enticing and arousing, but are terrible predictors of future success in a relationship. As cliche as it is, if you work only yourself, the rest will work out for the best.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:13 PM
9

100% agree. No matter what a partner does, they'll never make up for what is already missing in you.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:11 PM
2

There isn't any rule for how this works. It comes down to how the needs of a couple. Maybe some of y'all haven't experienced this, but a couple is basically a team. And running a household is the game. So it is all case-by-case and a mature couple will figure out how things should net out. I've got plenty of examples of how these things can be wildly different: My wife probably works 80-100 hours a week as a medical resident. I work from home maybe 40 hours. I also make double what she does. And…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/22 06:10 PM
2

It happened once. It was the first woman I kissed. Was at my either my Senior or Junior prom and some girl asked me to dance, so I said sure. And were dancing and she kind of started rubbing my cheek with hers and we started making out. We were grinding, and she was facing away from me, so I never really got a good look at her, but I thought, "Hell yea, kissing a girl!" Super sloppy and I wasn't sure I enjoyed kissing. Probably both of us were bad kissers at the time. The next week at school a g…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/05/22 03:07 AM
3

I think people miss this. Is it easier to have lots of sex when you’re young, right out of college, have no house, or kids compared to mid-career, kids, home, etc. Couples need to find the balance that works for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/22 05:02 PM
4

Relationships require work the same way a career or health or investing for the future do. If you're not looking at the person's values and beliefs to see if they'll be a good partner for you to build a future with, you're going to have a bad time. Yeah, physical attraction is important, but it doesn't last forever - even for the luckiest among us. So if your relationship is only built on looks or superficial personality traits that will change over the course of any person's lifetime, then your…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/22 03:31 PM
1

Well, I asked the definition because tangible usually means things that can be touched...like sex, but since that didn't seem like a response you accepted, I wanted more clarity. Since you want to speak in generalities, men can benefit from the money that women bring into a relationship either from the job they have or money they previously had. Men can benefit from moving up in social class by meeting a woman in college. Men can cash out by divorcing their wives. Men can cash out by getting cus…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 03:04 PM
1

Well since you’ve used a definition of “tangible” which is in fact not how the word is commonly used AND you’ve taken the majority of benefits that people get from relationships regardless of gender, then you’ve basically decided you don’t want to change your mind. But since the word you actually want to use is sacrificial, which you may as well have used at the top instead of “tangible”, we can talk about that too. I’d say most of what you listed for a man providing a woman in your response to …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 12:49 PM
1

The “fluffy attribute” are actually quite tangible. I know this sub focuses so much on the physical aspects of relationships, and I kind of understand it because it seems like most of the men on the sub can’t get any, but marriage, at least to me, is beyond that. Yeah, my wife and I have sex and it’s a lot of fun (though we did take a long break post-pregnancy because her labor/delivery was particularly traumatic and we both have intense, exhausting jobs). But there are tangible benefits outside…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/22 09:40 PM
2

3/7 of the women I've dated approached me. It includes my three most serious relationships including my wife. I have no problem with it. FWIW, my first serious girlfriend asked me out after a year of us being friends and I said no. She wasn't a dick about it, didn't bring it up after she asked me out, and things kind of moved on as usual. A few months later, we got together after a mutual conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/03/22 05:40 PM
1

A generous person will be generous with everyone. Someone who has ulterior motives will be selectively generous with people they want to use.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/22 04:17 PM
1

My wife and I haven’t had any blowouts in our relationship so far, and that’s probably cause we never talk about our problems in the moment. From previous relationships we both learned that in the moment people can be heated and say things in ways they don’t really mean. So if we have an issue we’ll take a breather for a bit, calm down, and then come back to the table to hash it out. Sometimes it’s as simple as one of us being heard out and getting a hug and apology. Sometimes it is a discussion…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/22 04:24 PM
1

Sorry, not about the reading. About your second claim about trades and $$
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/22 03:26 AM
2

Classic
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 08:43 PM
1

I don’t have to. You’re arguing my point without providing any data. You’re more likely to own a house and be middle class if you have a college degree than otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 08:40 PM
1

Moving the goalpost. Are you more likely to have a job with or without college right now? Are you more likely to own a home if you went to college or not? Show me the data.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 08:38 PM
1

Do you have any data to back that up? I don’t believe most college grads are out of a job and it is probably more likely that you’re out of a job w/o one. As for the millionaire thing, I’m skeptical, but those kids were in college and had a good enough idea to leave. They’d already started that journey. So I think that isn’t a significant point against college. Every millionaire I know went to college +.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 08:36 PM
2

I don’t think the risk is greater than the reward. The average student debt is something like $40k. median household income without a degree is 47k. Median with a college degree is 100k. Seems like a good deal to me. For the record, college isn’t the only thing. You can go into the trades which provide skills, purpose, and growth. You can start a business which provides all those things to. You could even be someone who seriously aspired to get a streamer, though that might be a hard sell. But w…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 08:30 PM
2

Sorry, I responded to your comment way too early in the morning and for being curt. Essentially, though, we all look for signifiers that we associate meaning too. It is hard to understand what someone's character, morals, or values are without getting to know them. So humans use shorthands like education, wealth, social status, etc. to parse those things out. There are surely exceptions to all of that. Everything comes down to opportunity cost. Does someone who doesn't make a lot of money or liv…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 07:04 PM
0

I agree with the second part of your statement, but not the first. 80/20 might be the case in OLD, but I don’t think it is what TRP hyped it up to be in real life. Are there guys who can go the club/bar and get laid easily? Sure. But they only attract a certain subset of women who also want that. Between high school and college and being a young adult, the ratio of women I knew who were looking to get random sex at a bar vs not getting random sex at a bar skewed heavily towards not getting rando…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 03:58 PM
3

I don’t think there is any data to back up your claim. Do you have some?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 11:21 AM
1

That isn’t what I said or wrote.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 11:20 AM
6

Do you have data for this? I’m working on an article and worked I’ve that data.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 11:19 AM
2

I'm not sure if I agree with you fully. If that were the case then there wouldn't be the rampant notion of "welfare queens" and negative connotations around being a single mother.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/22 01:10 AM
16

Okay. Some of the links: College: https://nscresearchcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/CTEE_Report_Fall_2020.pdf Suicide: https://afsp.org/suicide-statistics/ Living with parents + less friends: https://www.americansurveycenter.org/research/the-state-of-american-friendship-change-challenges-and-loss/ Earning less: https://www.theguardian.com/money/2017/feb/09/men-earnings-20s-millennials-generation-x-resolution-foundation
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/22 10:25 PM
16

I’m out right now but I can drop a series of links for all those things. I personally don’t think it is a problem if women surpass men in all those things. My wife is a doctor and I only have a bachelors and we have no issues surrounding her being more credentialed or being a higher earner than me. But I think women do want a partner who has a direction in life and acts with purpose and the things I mentioned above usually signify that kind of a person. Of course you don’t have to have all educa…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/22 10:15 PM
122

I know this sub likes to focus on chad and stuff like that, but there is something to the idea of there being less "good men" today than in the past. Young men are falling behind in tons of metrics. They're going to college less, earning less, committing suicide at higher rates, having fewer close friends, are more likely to live with their parents, etc. Going to college, earning a high income, having friends, living independently might not be inherently good things, but they are signs of someon…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/01/22 05:33 PM
1

I think men "talk" themselves out of getting laid even before the talking starts. A lot of times the visual cues that a woman is interested in you get totally missed and so men who could meet a potential sexual partner don't even know there is someone in the room they could meet.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/21 06:04 PM
1

I know that, but you said it is unreasonable for a man to be charming and have a low n-count. For the above reasons, I don't think it is. And, frankly, if anyone thinks that all sex is good, then they just have really low standards for good sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 07:49 PM
3

I don't think it is unreasonable at all. Having lots of casual sex can be dangerous with the risk of STDs or pregnancy even if you use protection. If you've had a lot of sex, then you know that all sex isn't good, so there is no need to have a high count - find someone you're compatible with actually enjoy what you're doing.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/21 05:31 PM
2

I mean, maybe. What people get out of a relationship is what they get of it. If the man doesn’t feel like he is being taken advantage of and sees that he is getting as much out of the relationship as his wife is, then I don’t think anything wrong is happening. For making other women feel bad…I guess, but this seems like a relatively good use of social pressure to encourage people to ask more of their partner. I don’t see that as a bad thing. Also, I didn’t phrase it properly, but we came home to…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/21 10:38 PM
2

That’s your prerogative, and props to you for managing all that on your own! I personally wouldn’t be okay with that and when my wife came back from the hospital I tried to cover nights as best I could once our daughter stopped breastfeeding. As for the social stuff, is your problem with these women maybe trying to make other women feel bad about their husbands or you think they’re doing something to their husbands in real life? Like contributing to running my home doesn’t seem like me being whi…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/21 10:26 PM
1

I guess I still don't understand. How do you define being "whipped"? Is it going to a gender reveal or baby shower which is maybe a few hours of your life? Is that considered emasculating? Is "whipped" and "helps me more" the same thing to you or OP? Also, have you had a child or taken maternity leave? Maternity leave isn't a vacation. Not only are both parents learning to adjust to a new human in their life who is helpless in every way and needs constant attention, but mothers are also going th…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/10/21 10:07 PM
4

I mean, that’s what he wrote that men are being emasculated because of how they have to be involved in new ways today. Gender reveal is the least of what I object to that he said, “picture prop, nurse, etc and not doing things he is biologically set up to do.” “Now there is a push for paternity leave, etc.” Fuck gender reveals, all the other things are there to support moms through a difficult experience or, in terms of paternity leave, bring an actual parent.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/21 04:28 PM
10

Taking care of your wife emotionally and physically is emasculating? Going to a few events is emasculating? Aren't all those things acts of providing for your family? If a man feels emasculated by anything you mentioned, he wasn't much of a man to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/10/21 02:57 PM
5

I've never met women who follow this 6-6-6 rule that I read on this forum all the time. The only thing close is one woman I know who had prerequisites that their partner had to go to an ivy league. I've also never met women who sleep with dozens and dozens of men. Even the women who did sleep around more usually had FWB situations. I also know too many average guys who meet plenty of women who aren't tall, rich, or anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/10/21 09:50 PM
-1

Just wanted to chime in the Laffer Curve is totally made up. It was just something Laffer decided to scrawl onto a napkin at lunch one day.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/10/21 02:10 PM
7

The idea of needing new stimulation is so important. I've officiated a few weddings in the past and one thing I always tell the couple (and which my Wife and I live) is that the person you're marrying won't be the same person in six months, a year, five years, etc. If you're not ready to fall in love over and over (which seems to be the best part about marriage) then you'll likely be disappointed in marriage. You gotta be open to that to succeed in this part of life.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/10/21 06:46 PM
1

Upgrade would imply that she left him for me in this context. That’s not the case. There was probably 2-3 year gap between them breaking up and us meeting.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/21 02:24 PM
1

Her only ex was probably a six inches shorter than me. Very little resemblance.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/21 12:29 PM
1

I’m just saying everyone should do it. Like who wants to date down?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/21 12:28 PM
4

I’m not saying the jurisdiction will require one. But saying 70% of women file for divorce can mean a lot of things. It could mean all those women found a better man and left. It could also mean that all those women were cheated on. It could also mean that all those women were beat. It can mean a lot of different things so the stat on its own is meaningless.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/21 02:16 AM
1

To your first part, yes, but that is if. To the second part, no…because that’s not is happening?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 11:57 PM
1

The definition I had is sociological or educational background, but the TRP definition seems to be about looks. My definition covers a pretty broad array of things as “sociological” is defined as, “concerning the development, structure, and functioning of human society.”
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 11:49 PM
1

Why don’t those intangible things matter? And that’s my point. We can see that maybe one is more attractive than the other or we might know that one has a better job than the other, but that may have no baring in the inner dynamics of the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 11:29 PM
2

This is a helpful answer to me! I’ve been in a relationship where I was left for an older, richer guy. Also been in a relationship where we broke up because long distance changed what we needed. I think what may skew my view of this is that in my lived experience, aside from those two instances in my life, I really only saw hypergamy among the men I knew. The second instance for me made sense not in that I did something toxic but that my ex moved closer to home for medical school and I didn’t wa…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 10:54 PM
3

That feels really one dimensional but, and I’ll qualify this, good relationships are multi-dimensional. So this hierarchy isn’t as straightforward as that. Especially now that having a job isn’t just something a man can do.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 10:48 PM
3

Sorry, you’re right that these things are real and measurable. But how people weigh those things when it comes to what is important to them is subjective to them. I can’t tell you that your partner isn’t rich enough or hot enough or whatever because that decision isn’t based on what the outside world says. It’s based on your needs and wants.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 10:46 PM
3

But relationships are based on subjective needs of each partner, not some outside objective thing. So just because you or I don’t see something as being equal doesn’t really matter. Why would it?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 08:34 PM
6

Being open to an upgrade and that stat don’t correlate to one another. What are the main reasons women file for divorce? If the reason is “I’m cheating on my man want to an upgrade” then fine. But there are many valid reasons you can file for divorce.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 08:32 PM
1

What does that look like to you in a real life context?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 08:27 PM
1

Is that borne out in some research?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 08:25 PM
3

I don’t this is right unless you’ve somehow found a brilliant person who totally cons someone. Even if someone has more money or a better education or is more attractive, that’s only one vector of what people have to offer. I’d guess that in most cases both parties are finding something they need out of the relationship. In the old school sense from before women could work, there was definitely an exchange that benefited for the time period.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 08:22 PM
1

Do you think that sexual hypergamy is more an OLD thing or also in real life?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 08:20 PM
5

I’m not sure, but I did. At the time we met there wasn’t any part of my life where I was “ahead” of her. Maybe she saw something high value that I didn’t. We were distantly connected to the same friends group, so I don’t think it could have been something about social standing.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/21 06:57 PM
2

I’ll take a look!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/10/21 04:49 PM
1

If I understand what the M/W complex is was originally that men didn’t desire the women they respected (Madonna) and that they desired women they could debase (whore). What you’re saying is that now the same thing is happening to women where they don’t feel desire for men the respect and only desire the “bad boy”? I guess my issue is that I don’t see why those two people are mutually exclusive. Based on the CAD vs Dad descriptions that I suppose could be Madonna vs Whore I don’t see why at least…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/21 02:36 PM
1

Being told what is wrong? That they don’t fit into two buckets?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/21 01:40 PM
1

Thank you! And an FAQ would be dope!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/21 01:39 PM
1

Swiping/matching behavior
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/21 01:37 PM
3

If that were actually the case, then definitely not, though I find it hard to believe it’s that skewed. Almost everyone I know who isn’t already dating or married is on some form of dating app or service. Though I guess the pandemic could have skewed that ratio up. Last OKC data was 2:1
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/21 02:25 PM
5

How do we know when our assumptions are based on old or, in CAD vs Dad’s case, weird data?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/21 02:11 PM
1

Well, I work in the civic world and am a community leader. I suppose the best way to explain is through an example where my wife’s hospitals CMO wanted to get an audience with political leaders and reached out to me to connect them with the Mayor and our congressman.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/21 06:18 PM
3

I mean she is a doctor right now. I suppose to clarify she is a resident applying to fellowship.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/21 01:53 PM
1

Absolutely. I’d guess status is also relative based on where you are and the community you’re a part of.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/21 04:27 AM
12

What you said * 100. Also, money isn’t just money. Money is status. My wife is going to be a doctor and will likely make 2-3x what I make for our entire life together. That said, despite the income gap between us, I have a more high-status career. People want to be with people like them.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/21 01:34 AM
10

This is interesting. I remember reading an analysis (will look) about what it means to be middle class and how it isn't actually about how much money you make, but more about what your family is able to do. And to be able to do what 1950s middle-class folks used to do, you need to make like $120k or something. And that isn't something most people can do easily. So if anyone is expecting that kind of 1950s lifestlye, it just isn't goin gto happen for most people.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/21 10:02 PM
1

Is that more than the percentage of women who are single?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/08/21 03:53 PM
2

There seems to be a lot of bad faith descriptions of what a "High-Value Man" is according to FDS. Since maybe people are too lazy, here are two links to their actual definitions of what high-value men are: The Difference Between a LVM and HVM High Value Men and what it means to be one There seem to be a lot of bad faith descriptions of what a "High-Value Man" is according to FDS. Since maybe people are too lazy, here are two links to their actual definitions of what high-value men are. Honestly,…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/08/21 09:23 PM
–

someone tried ending all men?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/07/21 06:05 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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