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BlueSkiesOverLondon Archive

View 10 posts and 707 comments by BlueSkiesOverLondon on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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18

I think you hit the nail on the head here. Same with worrying about feeling “obligated” to give him a second date or sex if he pays—when you know your worth, that feeling disappears! Working on confidence is a very important prerequisite to dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 12:27 PM
43

Why would you ever ask someone who is doing something nice for you (like paying for an outing) if they are sure? Maybe this is a cultural thing, but I find that pretty rude and condescending. I would never ask my friend if she was sure she wanted to buy me something when she clearly had already planned to. I’d just buy her something nice next time. The level of obsequiousness here is insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 11:37 AM
88

Honestly, the only red flags I see are that They moved in together without being married or engaged, and He was fine with her dropping out of college to support him. Both things FDSers know are bad, for reasons amply illustrated here. Man, this situation makes me sad for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 11:34 AM
7

Yeah, if you are afraid to tell him and need scripts on how to approach it, you know he won’t listen and doesn’t care. If he really cared, you wouldn’t have to communicate it perfectly. If he really cared, he’d have offered something already.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 05:46 PM
15

Click “about” under the subreddit banner at the top.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 05:45 PM
47

Well said! I never stopped to think why this might be the case before. I guess the cognitive dissonance is just that strong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 12:43 PM
151

Yeah, no one who doesn’t look at prices when they shop is excited about a couple hundred in petty cash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:15 PM
273

Lol his “Madonna whore technique,” as you describe it, is just how most women naturally are when they’re happy with and attracted to their partner in a serious, exclusive relationship. But that’s just it: easy sexual access to a woman has to be earned. It’s stupid to act like a man has earned that when he hasn’t. Just like it would be stupid to act like a financial advisor had earned your trust instantly and give them all your money the first time you two meet, in the hope that it will make them…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/04/22 11:21 AM
40

I can respect that you don’t like it. No movie has universal appeal. I don’t think it’s a “Boomer” movie, though. For one thing, my friends and I all love it, and we’re Millennials. For another, it’s not that old; it came out in 2002. I’d encourage anyone who is skeptical to give it a try.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 12:02 PM
150

I agree with most of this post, though I don’t think I agree that Black men naturally have different capabilities/talents than white men. (???) And I also think that, while difference between men and women definitely exists, it is two overlapping normal distributions/a Venn diagram, not two totally separate boxes. Name any traditionally masculine talent (other than the physical capabilities of our bodies, like running fast and lifting heavy objects), and there are at least a few women who excel …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 05:00 PM
14

I think it’s a misphrasing. We are genetically male or female at conception, but all embryos start out the fetal development process on the “female” path until the SRY gene of the Y chromosome turns on the hormonal cues for the “male” path. In genetic males who have defects in the SRY gene or androgen insensitivity, the embryo/child develops in a more female-typical way (in terms of fat distribution, bone structure, etc, and the balls may not drop) though it will obviously never be genetically f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 04:44 PM
101

It’s very clinical, for sure. Like it’s a standing physical therapy appointment with a COVID policy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 04:27 PM
406

Contra Dear Prudence, I suggest that he break it off with Alice so she can be free of him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:36 PM
8

Key word might lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 02:39 AM
61

I feel like if I was a lesbian, I might have a more positive opinion of men (maybe. Idk. Men are pretty nasty to lesbians sometimes). I’ve had so many negative experiences where I was mistreated in a dating or relationship context, or mocked for having crushes by the objects of my affection as a kid—men and boys taught me to fear their attention and go into romantic encounters with them expecting to be disappointed. When you really practice FDS, your opinion of men might even improve! That’s bec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 04:40 PM
22

Yeah, I agree it doesn’t really tell you much one way or the other. Some men like romances and dramas! I think people sometimes forget this. Men often naturally enjoy romance (they invented most of its tropes, after all, and they used to engage in it enthusiastically of their own accord). Doesn’t mean they’re HVM, but it’s not at all the same thing as having a porn addiction, any more than it’s the same thing for women to read harlequin romance novels. I do think HBO and similar make a lot of sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 03:02 PM
28

In my religion, both sets of parents give their kids up symbolically at the wedding/official engagement ceremony that can be part of the wedding. We used to do a lot of arranged marriages, and I think it’s a relic of that—showing the joining of families and the approval of the parents. Thus, personally, I’ve always thought it was odd, and a little bit mean, that the mother of the bride wasn’t included the wedding in any official ceremonial role. Like, I get if you don’t want your parents to give…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 02:56 PM
22

They should IMO, at least with Polanski. That guy is seriously messed up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/22 02:52 PM
72

If you do this, what you’re practicing is bad habits.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 09:24 PM
81

When the food at home really is superior lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 09:24 PM
1

Seconding this. After our first date, my now-husband stop using his app account actively because he was so excited (I found out later both of us had canceled dates planned with other people that week after meeting each other). He deleted the app two dates later when we discussed exclusivity. I think it happens naturally when people are certain they’ve found what they’re looking for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/22 08:08 PM
37

Honestly, the best way to vet this is to try to teach him a type of game he doesn’t normally play. LVM will bitch about wanting to go back to their games, or will get frustrated or bored early, whereas HVM will spend significant time trying to get into the game, or at least enjoying your enjoyment of it. The difference is that LVM want everything to be all about them all the time, and they have trouble with female authority. Source: taught my now-husband (an action/shooter fan) how to play Fire …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 12:49 PM
25

I love Turning Red! You should definitely watch it, it’s adorable, funny, and surprisingly heartfelt.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 12:46 PM
35

Similar to how a man must be marriage-minded to be serious about getting married, if you want to have kids you are looking for a man who knows children are important to him, and is carefully building a life where he can provide for them and be a present father and good role model. That means: • Taking steps to ensure he is and will be working a well-paid job with somewhat reasonable hours. Similarly, he should be saving a decent chunk of his money (or paying down debt), not a profligate spender.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 03:46 PM
13

I know how infuriating it must have been to receive this, but please 1) don’t post the responses/dms of random scrotes without commentary. This adds nothing to the sub but negative energy. Also, 2) consider turning off your dms, so you won’t be bothered in the future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 03:26 PM
31

I mean, I appreciate this comment for the smack down on this guy, and for the defense of the women who get lumped into the “whore” group, but stereotyping some women as the “Madonna” who doesn’t “know how to have great sex” because they are “the more modest type” isn’t it either… There are definitely women with higher and lower drives, and who are more or less interested in novelty, but when it comes to “types” of women in bed (and as one, IMO novelty =/= “great sex”), the main difference IMO is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 04:58 AM
6

Yeah, maybe at some point I’ll do a post on what DOESN’T automatically become marital property, to help my financially-independent queens. It’s tough to think of exploits, though—the only two that come to mind off the top of my head are inheritances and gifts made specifically to one partner. But there are a lot of common mistakes made (like making something that would have been considered personal property a joint martial asset by accident) so maybe that could be a post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 09:02 PM
15

Yeah, I cringe even imagining paying out spousal support to an ex-husband…if you have to divide a pie upon divorce, make sure it’s a big pie. Of course, keeping separate finances helps a lot if you don’t get divorced. You can do what you want with your own money without being watched and judged all the time. But it’s not insurance against a divorce settlement (unless you hide it from the court…which I don’t recommend, as that can totally screw you if it’s ever discovered).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 08:26 PM
1

Gosh, I’m so sorry for you, and your friend. It’s hard to watch someone you love get suckered by a conman. As an aside, why do they always push for threesomes/open marriage? It’s so gross and disrespectful, plus we all know they don’t respect women who agree. It’s similar to anal—saying you like it isn’t a flex, because what they really want is to find someone who hates it and break her spirit for a cheap power trip. Gah I hate even writing that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 07:44 PM
175

Yeah that had me dying. That’s not what objectified means.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 07:37 PM
44

Well yes, in a simplified fashion. Both the 300k and the 700k would normally be considered martial assets if acquired during the marriage, so both are on the table to divide up. Assets don’t always get split perfectly 50/50 in a divorce, but the husband would be legally entitled to seek possession of some of that 300k in court. If the wife is a SAHM or has made significant, measurable career/earning sacrifices to support the husband, she is probably entitled to more of his 700k than she would be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 06:09 PM
104

His girlfriend who said she needed a two-month break from him right before he was planning to moved in with her, so she could sow her wild oats or whatever. Yeah no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 06:44 PM
2

Well he doesn’t drink or do any drugs but has slightly different reasons than me, that’s all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/03/22 01:53 PM
101

Glad you’re listening to your instincts! If this bothers you, don’t settle—it’s a huge aspect of lifestyle and personality. I’m a radical teetotaler (no drugs/alcohol at all) and I found a HVM who was similarly minded. They exist!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:11 PM
44

Exactly. If you have a problem and to “solve” it, all you do is just change how you feel about it, that’s not gaining power. Social issues are not the place to get all Buddhist—we are trying to change the world around us, not become “empowered” by learning to “accept suffering,” “game the system,” or “lean in.” All of those are just coping mechanisms that keep oppressive structures in place. In most of the world today, the highest power is money, followed by influence over laws and social norms.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:07 PM
279

Uh I mean, working out and running doesn’t make you insane, nor is it unreasonable or unnatural. That said, some men are waaaaaaay too invested in their girlfriend’s workout routines, to the extent that they claim not to be attracted to her if she stops or slows down, and relatedly they sometimes think you’re automatically a lazy or worthless person if you don’t work out. That would make anyone act crazy. Source: am an extremely fit woman who used to never work out, so I’ve seen both sides of th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 03:58 PM
90

Wow. I read the no-paywall version u/confatulations posted, and it was very frustrating. My soft heart naturally goes out to lonely people, but multiple times I pulled up short because this guy had lost my sympathy. Like when he said his mother, the one person in his life who consistently loved him, tried to help him, and probably did 99% of the work caring for him, got cancer. That’s awful—my mom got cancer when I was in high school and almost died (she is fine now) so I know how that feels. Bu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/03/22 01:23 PM
5

As a “mentally disciplined,” woman who cares about fitness and healthy eating, this is the lowest circle of hell. The amount of anxiety and energy it would consume… DTMFA, girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/22 08:06 PM
117

Yeah this is not an equal distribution where both partners are helping each other “pick up the slack” lol. Homemade, fresh meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner is a huge undertaking. Plus I wonder who does the meal planning, grocery shopping, and dish washing and sorting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/22 07:44 PM
85

Men in general are terrible at debating, with rare exceptions (who usually actually trained at debate). They are so used to people just letting their wild generalization and assumptions fly by unchallenged.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 01:37 PM
200

Also, Vitalik tries to argue that there’s nothing wrong with “simple possession” of cp. Setting aside that there obviously is for a moment, are we actually supposed to believe that men just passively possess cp and never actually do anything with it? For real? How dumb do you think we are?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 01:36 PM
36

Exactly! No one needs to tell “Charles” that calling all women “sluts” is misogynistic and that’s bad. He knows this (or at least, he knows other people think this, even if he hasn’t accepted that they’re right). What he needed was some good, old-fashioned public shaming to remind him there are social consequences for behaving in a way that irritates and embarrasses everyone. And that’s what he got.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 01:31 PM
336

It’s me, “Omeid.” I’ve thought about it more, but I can’t make purchases, access rape on tape, or whip up a cyberbullying mob with my brain waves, so…nope, a laptop is not “an extension of my mind.” Jk about being Omeid, but seriously, it somehow still shocks me how obviously wrong this whole line of argument is, and how men completely fail to call each other out even in extreme cases.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 01:23 PM
21

How is it Molly’s duty to single-handedly Queer Eye this man? That’s far more pickme than anything she’s actually done—putting in all that free labor just because her male friend has a sadz and is too cheap and lazy to use Google and book a derm appointment/get a haircut/go to the gym/buy new clothes. From what I can tell she just told this dude he was too pushy and was scaring women off, and he rationalized that as “I’m just too nice!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 04:05 PM
31

Yeah my guess is “too nice” is his summary of her comments. If you reread and skip just omit “too nice,” you see she said he pursues women too hard and is too clingy and insecure. I suspect that’s what she really meant and his brain is just trying to soften the impact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 04:01 PM
6

You can bring a friend for moral support if you decide you want to talk to the police. That often helps. Yeah I’m not super tech-savvy either but depending on your tech, there should be tutorials showing different ways to filter messages. The important things are that 1) he believes you saw/heard the message and 2) you didn’t actually have to see/hear the message (at least, not every time it shows up.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 02:25 PM
40

I’m so sorry to hear about this. Rest assured we don’t blame you for sending nudes at 15–you were a kid, and we all grow and learn better how to protect ourselves. I honestly don’t think this would destroy your reputation if it got out, either—again, you were 15, a child. I think most people would be understanding and outraged on your behalf. That doesn’t mean you have to disclose this experience, just trying to help you with what I can understand is often paralyzing fear. Don’t assume if this g…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 01:46 PM
2

Eh, a gas station is kind of a grey area. Yeah it’s not made for socializing, like a bar, but it also isn’t a professional environment, like an office. Personally if a guy I wasn’t at all attracted to approached me in that environment like “hey, I notice you come here a lot, and you’re super cute and seem interesting, do you want to go out to a movie with me?” I wouldn’t be offended. I’d just say “No thanks. I’m not interested.” That sort of thing has happened to me several times (like probably …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 03:18 PM
378

Oh look at that! It’s the consequences of my own actions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 03:13 PM
100

They also didn’t give blowjobs, as a general rule.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 12:52 PM
4

That’s such a lovely way to look at it! Made me smile.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 05:10 PM
27

I was actually pretty sad when the boys got their growth spurts in junior high tbh—I couldn’t tower over them to intimidate them anymore! That was always fun. Most people don’t take women’s height that seriously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/03/22 04:50 AM
69

Thank you! That means a lot to hear from an educator.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 10:06 PM
77

Agreed. Ironically short women are also shamed and negged to kingdom come (patronizingly called “cute” and “little,” and “shorty,” people treating them like kids/teens) and every really short (like 5’3” or less) girl I’ve ever known well has told me she wishes she was at least a few inches taller. You can’t win with scrotes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 09:12 PM
70

I understand your wish to expose this guy to take back some control of the narrative. However, in your case I think you are still too emotionally involved. You’d be doing it partly as a bid for his attention (him squirming and feeling embarrassed and guilty counts as attention) and that’s giving him centrality. Right now the most powerful way to center YOU is block + delete. He wants you to come spend a weekend in a hotel with him? Well you’ll never know about it, since you blocked him on everyt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/22 07:54 PM
112

Ugh that’s so awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 07:28 PM
1

Fair enough. I hope I’m right, but I certainly don’t mean to dismiss the very real struggles of all the women, speaking English and other languages, who do suffer horrific abuse and don’t realize it’s wrong. The post is just so extreme that some thing in it feels “off” to me. It’s hard to explain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 06:17 PM
6

Also, the male version of the calculator including income is stupid, because it’s not that salient for most men. Most men would much rather she have an hourglass figure and made 40k. Not endorsing their preferences, just saying this calculator is artificially inflating their chances, when what they really want is rarer.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 01:55 PM
-5

I straight-up don’t believe this is real. She is so casual about mentioning “servicing” his friends; she seems like a native English speaker, and basically everyone in the anglophone world knows that is not normal and would be embarrassed to admit their husband forced them to do that. Not criticizing her if it is real since this situation would be 0% her fault, but the post just reads kinda voyeuristically. A certain subset of LVM thrill to stories of women’s horrible exploitation. It gets them …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/03/22 01:47 PM
73

God this is a much more work than just doing it yourself—which I’m sure is the point. It’s not remotely sustainable, which means over time she will give in to his strategic incompetence and just stop expecting him to try at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 12:45 AM
19

Yeah I haven’t. But I have met many men who are pretty easy to convince to wear sunscreen. That’s effort I’m willing to put in, if they actually follow through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 09:05 PM
110

Everyone likes validation. The trick to female socialization is that it teaches women that they should primarily be validated/invalidated based on their looks (and male socialization teaches men to validate or invalidate women based on their looks). This is why deceased or otherwise absent women are always described as beautiful first (“she was such a beautiful, brilliant, caring woman”), it’s the reason why beauty is referenced when complimenting other positive qualities about a woman (saying h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 07:55 PM
8

The equivalent entitlement to chivalry for male strangers isn’t sex. The very idea is ludicrous; sex is far more intimate, and far more valuable than chivalry. It’s civility. Women (and men) owe basic civility to people they meet in a social setting, unless that person has broken civility first by deliberately or carelessly being rude or making you uncomfortable. This is basic common sense. If men don’t think the civil, social attention and company of a woman is worth the price of a dinner, they…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 03:41 PM
9

But hey! “This isn’t an uncommon way to date!” Sadly he’s not wrong about that, but there’s a reason nobody put a “looking for a FWB” option on most dating apps: when the deal is actually laid out plainly like that, most women don’t want it. This arrangement is common because men trick and future-fake women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 02:47 PM
6

Read the handbook. Yes, it is as morally wrong for you to derive pleasure from the exploration of other women as it would be for a man to do it. That doesn’t mean your motivation is the same, or the psychological effect on you is the same, but it’s still the same act. FDS also challenges women to think critically about why we might enjoy or find comfort in exploitative things. I encourage you to try to figure out what role porn is playing for you, and try to replace it with something less inhere…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 08:24 PM
34

Honestly Anita was so accurate in her criticism that she’s still living rent-free in the minds of a LOT of male gamers all these years later. They just can’t get her voice out or their heads apparently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 11:14 PM
30

Ask him for mom’s birthday.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 03:16 AM
176

I’m a bit cheered that this woman seems to have persistent thoughts that her husband has issues abs is dangerous. I hope she listens to her gut and gets out of what sounds like a horrifying situation. It’s very easy for us to sit back and say we’d be able to leave a husband easily for saying something like this (I sure hope that’s true for all of us, including me!), but I think some compassion is called for. You never really know how strong your resolve is until it is tested. It can be very hard…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 03:10 AM
12

Exactly. If these guys are all about following biological instincts, they can’t be mad that women, especially older women, want to protect girls from exploitation. It’s just a biological urge for women to protect children, because after all, women are nurturers designed to be mothers, right, Steve? (To be clear, I’m not actually arguing all women are or should be compelled to be mothers lol, but historically even women who didn’t have kids of their own often served as a source of guidance and wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 02:50 PM
2

I love Angel, but only in his spin-off show. He is TERRIBLE, both as a love interest and just as a character (so boring, yet so offensive. How?) in Buffy itself. Joss doesn’t know how to write romance, because he doesn’t know how to see women as people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 02:38 PM
20

A good attorney is paramount for a case like this. Legal aid is wonderful and I’m so glad you’re getting it, but to be blunt many legal aid clinics are staffed by students and/or very overworked. You should keep them as a resource if you can, but also get a great paid attorney who can actually devote substantial time and expertise to your case. See if you can find someone who will charge a relatively low retainer, maybe for a higher portion of the settlement. I second the advice about a forensic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 02:33 PM
92

Well this is stupid. Also, teenage girls are not “beautiful, fertile women.” This phrasing is incredibly creepy and gross, but I would actually like to address it in depth, because I’m at my breaking point with these scrotes. I have a rant to get off my chest: It’s just a biological fact that your teenage years are not your most fertile ones—it takes the female reproductive system several years after the onset of periods to totally synch up and function smoothly—before that, miscarriages are mor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 07:59 PM
14

Ooh I love the word ostensibly. So subtly sassy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 05:11 PM
7

Exactly. OpenTable exists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:45 PM
16

Why couldn’t he have gotten her more flowers, or a small gift related to her interests instead of chocolate, or even a sugar-free snack (like a cheese plate or something)?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:42 PM
10

Wait, he loves her more than anyone else he’s ever been with, but also she’s a brat and he’s not sure if this relationship is worth saving? How much did he hate the other women he was with before? This post also ties in really well to the recent post about how men don’t like being dumped mainly because they want control and the last word. It’s not about her—he could barely be arsed to do anything for her when they were together and doesn’t even seem to like her very much. He’s mainly just upset …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 03:40 PM
37

I swear to G-d even this doesn’t work. Men get annoyed at the way that I speak, even about inconsequential things. I almost never use filler words and I have a large vocabulary, which apparently means I am out to get them. It’s exhausting, because it’s not just potential romantic partners—coworkers and acquaintances do this too. If they can tell you are smarter than them, it doesn’t really matter how you behave. They will invent some issue with it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:21 PM
47

Also, watch his understanding of her need for hobbies evaporate when they both have more responsibilities (so she has to choose it over spending time with him more actively).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:17 PM
15

Yeah, she’s working minimum wage right now. If he really sees them as a team, he shouldn’t be above minimum wage work either. The UK market has a ton of minimum wage jobs open right now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:08 PM
20

Right? If she wants a companion that provides nothing to her but company, dogs and cats are better company AND they’re cheaper.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/22 02:07 PM
6

It is just me or is “you are an adult and there are consequences to your decisions” ironically a very infantilizing and condescending thing to say to anyone? (No one says “well you were an adult” about basically anything except sexual exploitation anyway…it’s not like people who lost their houses in 2008 were lectured that they are adults who made decisions, though they were and did.) How dare you assume these women just aren’t as mature as you are, just because they disagree with what your peni…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:31 PM
252

I’m guessing he thinks it gives legitimacy and seriousness to their connection, because due to being her first partner he imagines himself as always being special or important to her. Which, given he made it abundantly clear all the years they were together that she’s not important to him, is pretty creepy and gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:29 PM
14

Exactly! It’s always awful! Never “I love him but he snores so much,” or “he’s perfect except he insists on singing loudly and is terribly off-key” it’s always “he murders puppies as a hobby/thinks people or color shouldn’t have the vote/refuses on principle to touch any cleaning or cooking implement because that’s ‘the woman’s job.’” Just…UGH. You know this ain’t it, girl.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:19 PM
33

Exactly! Source: I love pizza and really enjoy some (very few, because I refuse to watch anything porny or full of male gaze fanservice) anime. I also love flowers and dates. Even if I didn’t, there are other gifts you can get someone to make a holiday special (chocolates? Fancy card? Homemade pizza? Anime collectible figurine?) There is no “type” of woman who, based on her interests, is not deserving of love and effort.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:09 PM
4

Hmm. I think you absolutely can be loved by someone before you are your best self—as in, they can definitely feel that way about you, because they see the good in you. Though it is rare, sometimes men do fall in love with potential and/or deeply flawed people, just like women do. I also think it’s important to remember that even though we should all try to improve ourselves, you will never be a “finished product.” You shouldn’t put your whole life on hold until you are perfect. On the other hand…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 06:04 PM
11

Your husband sounds really sweet! Happy for you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 05:59 PM
403

Ugh, of course he makes sure to mention he was her first partner, even though it’s not at all relevant to his question…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 05:52 PM
394

Honestly the biggest issue here is how many names of women involved porn this guy knows just off the top of his head…how anyone can deny this preoccupation takes up a major portion of most young men’s mental space and energy these days is beyond me. It’s a huge issue and spills over into how they view everything else. I don’t really care about his critique. He shouldn’t even be that involved in the industry to know enough to critique the relative “performances.” Also LOL at “I’m not racist! I li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 05:49 PM
5

No. There are no sex scenes. There is a long “sexy dancing” scene towards the beginning but both people are fully clothed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 02:00 AM
19

Death on the Nile and Marry Me. Both were really fun but I would especially recommend Death on the Nile if you like the murder mystery genre at all—it’s really great, and a better Scream movie than the actual Scream movie we got this year (in that people keep dying while the sleuth figures things out).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:44 PM
149

My husband’s workplace has a similar vibe right now: all the men are either elaborately rationalizing why their girlfriends and wives actually don’t like Valentine’s Day and would hate to get a present (because who likes getting gifts, romantic gestures, or good food, amiright?) or trying to cover their lazy asses with Hail Marys. It’s truly sad. Meanwhile I have already been taken out to two movies this weekend (I am a cinephile), got a lovely and personally tailored present, a bouquet of two d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:14 PM
77

I still use “guys” too, probably more than I should. I’m very much not from the southern US so I’m not really comfortable saying “you all/y’all” but I know that is popular. You can also just use “you” in some situations (you can be plural as well as singular) but it does get confusing if the rest of the sentence doesn’t indicate the plural. Of the options you gave, I think “hey everyone/everybody” works well and doesn’t feel too awkward. “Hey team” is a little twee for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 01:15 AM
14

As someone who hates cooking but cooks a lot because I’m trying to eat healthy…yeah no, this doesn’t really exist. Anyone who knows how to cook even the basics is going to have a reasonable idea of how much time/effort things take, and isn’t going to be impressed by your baked chicken and potatoes, no matter how pretty they look. And most do the really fantastic-tasting “low-effort” foods take a lot of skill to make. But I welcome this dude trying, because the total lack of effort might inspire …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 01:42 PM
21

In this case, it’s the lack of thought that counts against!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 01:40 PM
215

Also, even if having sex too early doesn’t ruin a relationship, avoiding early sex does prevent you from having had sex with someone you’d go on to have a bad relationship with. I have a specific ex-boyfriend who I’m SO GLAD I never had sex with, not because it would have transformed him from prince to toad (he was already a toad) but because he didn’t remotely deserve it. I’m so grateful I protected my energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 07:29 PM
19

You make a very good point re: double eyelids and other “Eurocentric” features appearing naturally in many East Asian populations. However, I don’t know if I would use actresses as examples of “natural features,” as it’s often hard to tell who has had surgery of some kind (and it’s so widespread among the super rich and famous).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/22 03:35 PM
192

As a Star Wars fan, I feel called out 😂 This is hilariously accurate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 02:28 PM
17

Exactly. The truth is “feminism run amok” is just a useful bugbear for disaffected brocialists and social conservatives on the internet. But it’s a distraction. It’s like “immigrants taking all the good jobs.” Sure, there is a grain of truth there—feminists generally want women to have independent income or wealth, for self-protection, and many immigrants have jobs. But feminists (and immigrants) are not the reason you are poor, they’re not responsible for your lack of good working conditions, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 06:37 PM
7

Probably he means “stop being so assertive and wanting things from me. Just be feminine ie passively go along with whatever I want and we’ll get along just fine!” I got a lot of that from men when I was still dating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 03:07 PM
8

I was a little confused at the end because I thought he was talking to the 80% of unattractive men when he told them to shut off the fake masculinity and stop being scared of insects. Sadly I was assuming sanity not in evidence. Women aren’t at all encouraged to act in stereotypically masculine ways, unlike dudebros on the internet, but by all means dude, continue with your obvious projection—it aids our vetting. (To clarify, I’m not saying no women could be considered stereotypically “masculine…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:57 PM
39

Precisely. There is essentially nothing men can do that no woman can do (lifting heavy objects, running fast), even if the average woman is weaker/slower than the average man. There are some women who can absolutely wreck men in conceptions of physical strength, speed, or skill. Some of us also equal or surpass the smartest men in intelligence and creativity. But no man will ever be able to get pregnant, give birth, lactate, etc. This mean that if they want offspring, they have to convince a wom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:44 PM
49

Nobody (certainly no feminist conspiracy) is stopping women from being housewives today. The reason most don’t is that it frankly sucks—the hours tend to be as long as an office job or longer, there are no benefits, and there is no pay, just recriminations that you are spending “his” hard-earned money. You can also be terminated at any time, for any reason, with no recourse or severance pay, and you can’t put it on a resume. If SAHP/homemaker was actually so much better than working, men would b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:28 PM
57

For upper class people in my culture, arranged marriages aren’t fully arranged anymore, but are more like being set up on a date by the matchmaker/your parents. I think a lot of men are lazy and prefer to date women pre-vetted this way because: 1) one of the main reasons they may be trying to get married in the first place is that they feel pressure from their parents, and this way already know their parents approve, and 2) generally, since there is such immense pressure on women whose families …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:26 PM
68

I’m sorry that happened to you. You took on a really hard case. You won’t get through to someone who was groomed as a child with evidence that the thing they’ve built their life around isn’t worth it. Also, I find it likely, since she was groomed and the man is verbally abusive even to strangers, that Mary is also abused, probably severely. I don’t think it’s fair to compare abused women, even those who identify with their abusers as a survival tactic, to regular Pickmes, who could easily stop t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 01:12 PM
38

Bothering to write all this information down is more effort than most OLD matches deserve. Had the author considered making a version for men? They are the ones who are struggling to get matches.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/22 11:33 PM
8

I hate this so much too! Actually wrote another comment here mentioning it, so this must be fate. For instance, I’m a big Mass Effect fan, and I’m just going to come out and say it: Shepard is 1000x more interesting female, and should have been written that way from the start.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 05:21 AM
30

I fully endorse this. It’s fun! I went to a really progressive university, but somehow I was the only person (afaik) to use “she” as the default pronoun in my essays. I never understood why. It’s so much easier than “he or she,” is more elegant (and subversive) than singular “they,” and as a bonus it’s a great way to trigger men but leave them without any way to respond without looking like whiny little turds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 05:14 AM
1685

Not the point but I died when I saw his grand plan to get back at her for leveling up and leaving is…refusing to sign the divorce papers. I wish this guy a very happy “that’s not how divorce works,” and hope he gets held in contempt of court.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 05:05 AM
3

Yeah. I mean, 90 days is a good goal to start, and it helps eliminate some of the worst behaviors. But let’s be real, you don’t unlearn something you’ve been addicted to since age 11 in three months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 03:15 AM
1

Yes, but IMO it takes years “clean” before they are back to normal. They’ll never totally lose those thoughts, but after 5-10 years they’re pretty solidly “rebooted.” Most men aren’t willing or able to go that long without porn at a time, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 08:36 PM
44

This is a fun idea! I don’t really do music during sex. It’s distracting and can ruin my mood. But I do like to listen to romantic music to get in the mood with my husband. We dance to it sometimes (think “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” by Elvis, “Stand By Me,” by Ben E. King, “Your Love Keeps Lifting Me Higher and Higher,” by Jackie Wilson, “Nancy Mulligan” by Ed Sheeran). I think people forget that foreplay can be more than just touching. It’s setting the whole mood and stage in advance.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 04:54 PM
8

Exactly! But men have never understood grooming; they tend to think women who are hot roll out of bed hot and could eat or do anything and still maintain their looks. Many of them are happy to reap the benefits of a “high maintenance” hottie, but get annoyed whenever they have to witness her spending money or taking time on said maintenance. Plus they infamously cannot tell when a woman has had plastic surgery or even is wearing makeup, but loudly proclaim their preferences for “natural” women, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:35 AM
9

Honestly not a bad deal? I don’t really have much sympathy for men, but the closest I ever got was when I imagined what it would be like to be distractingly sexually frustrated all the time…honestly it’s ridiculous that men who (by their own admission!) can only think clearly about 2% of the time are given positions of power and influence. And they call us hormonal! I would never want to be a man, even with their immense privileges.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:28 AM
20

Yup! The one exception IMO is Tom Brady—he looks amazing now, better than in his twenties. But he eats a lot healthier now (apparently Giselle got him into it) so it’s probably just lack of bloat + losing the last of his baby fat. But even then, he still looked very good in his twenties. If you’re an unattractive young man, I have bad news for you…it only gets worse from here, physically speaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/22 05:24 AM
34

Right? Like it’s one thing to worry you might be missing out on a great connection, or wonder what your life would be like if you made diffract choices, but to just flat out say “I haven’t had sex with enough random women to feel like an AlPhA yet” is so cringe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:51 PM
71

It’s funny how guys who get offended when women do the mid-date phone call aren’t offended when employers needs to interview them or even impose a trial period for a job…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 01:30 PM
120

It’s crazy to me that he’s actually upset about the idea that his girlfriend may be the only woman he has sex with in his life. I grew up in a conservative area, and for women this was always seen as the goal. The double standards are insane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 01:28 PM
5

Maybe so. I’d like to see that, honestly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/22 01:09 PM
36

Exactly this ^ This reminds me of one post on a different subreddit about a guy who kicked his roommates’ cat, then got salty when the story went around and everybody started referring to him as “the guy who kicks cats.” Good sir, if you don’t want to be known as the guy who kicks cats, don’t kick cats. It’s that simple. There is nothing wrong with blaming people for things that are their fault. If your ex didn’t want you to blame him, OP, he shouldn’t have done something any reasonable person w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:12 PM
32

Agreed. Especially since having solid self-esteem =/= being hard or impossible to manipulate. You can see this with con men, who will lie to people fluidly and use psychological tricks to get you to lower your guard. Most of these tricks don’t involve attacking your self-esteem or insecurities—they’re far more likely to tell you what they think you want to hear. Not to disparage your journey, OP, because even getting to where your mindset is right now is a huge accomplishment!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 07:03 PM
11

Damn. I’m glad I asked, because that’s memorable, but much darker than I expected.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 04:35 PM
10

Right? You can see that she genuinely does love and care for her body (health) and pride herself on her presentation (style). Honestly I love the overall effect, I think she looks confident, cool, and super interesting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 04:13 PM
3

I completely agree with you about the harms of promoting hypersexuality. What happened to you was awful, and I hope you can forgive yourself for the girl you were. Have you considered becoming “born again,” so to speak? Not evangelizing for Christianity here (I’m not even Christian lol) just saying that if you are at all religious or spiritual, maybe your healing process would benefit from you ritualizing your commitment to a new life, where you love and honor yourself and your body. YMMV, obvio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 04:10 PM
4

The history of misogyny is surprisingly non-linear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:51 PM
8

Could you explain this proverb? I feel like I’m close to getting it but I don’t quite grasp it. Are you saying the proverbial pretty girls’ families suffered, or that they had no defenders when they were in trouble?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:49 PM
17

Another common one “you just don’t understand” “you wouldn’t/can’t get it” said specifically AFTER you have just explained in detail your reasonable understanding of the situation. This is his way of disputing your perspective without putting out an actual argument you can attack. It’s also extremely condescending if he says this regularly. Example: You: “I don’t think you should still follow your exes on social media now that we are together. To me that seems immature, and disrespectful of our …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:40 PM
20

Honestly, do not ask what you want to know directly. That gives men the chance to lie, and figure out your priorities by the thrust of your questions. Exception is basic, verifiable demographic info (like full real name, employer, height, weight, age, marital status, does he have kids or not, religion he was raised in etc). If a guy passes the basic demographic vetting and takes you on an acceptable first date,be pleasant and welcoming. Try to put him at ease. Then listen closely to what he says…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:35 PM
41

This is exactly it. I do think that, regardless of whether it is innate or socialized, women tend to be less shallow than men, and be attracted to personality more than men are. But men expect women to behave as if our sexuality is 100% personality based (or, often, as if it’s random, all-inclusive, and arbitrary, since a lot of these guys have terrible personalities too) when it obviously isn’t. I’ve talked to multiple men who just couldn’t understand why women would or should care about male b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:28 PM
113

Honestly, and I may piss people off here, but the various “archetypes” of seduction, femininity, female power etc are just buzzfeed quizzes (“which Disney Princess are you?”) with some psychobabble and eMpOwErMeNt glitter thrown over them. They can be fun, and if they helped you gain confidence or see yourself in a new light I would never want to take that away from you, but they are not to be taken seriously. Nor it is in any way essential to figure out which one you are and live by those “rule…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:21 PM
35

Also, I’ve literally never seen or heard of a woman using a cucumber. So that’s not a thing. Just putting that out there 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:55 AM
46

I completely agree, except that skill is not a privilege: it’s earned, which is why it can never be taken away from you. I think we should be realistic about how men treat women they don’t find attractive, but it should never distract us from our real objective: being so powerful—as a class and as individuals—that we don’t have to depend on scraps of men’s attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 03:47 AM
16

This one is my favorite too, because it sounds like a line from a 90s romcom. I was actually watching a romcom recently with friends and almost got kicked out of the movie viewing room for mocking the male lead this way: “SHE doesn’t understand meeeeee, baby! No one understands me like youuuuuuu!” Still worth it. He was too mockable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 07:28 PM
47

I can’t count the number of times men around me have gotten tons of praise and positive attention for saying what I just said not five minutes ago, to crickets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 07:22 PM
10

So glad to see this! It’s disgusting how little coverage her trial has gotten (compared to, say, Kyle Rittenhouse). But she and Epstein had a lot of really rich and influential clients and friends…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 03:40 PM
3

I always take the “well I never really liked him” approach, even when I did in fact like him. It makes the woman feel better, and if she was upset enough to break up with him, he probably wasn’t shit anyway. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 02:06 PM
13

Also, he waffles a lot: This Scrote: “Having sex with women is too much work!” Also This Scrote: “Uh I don’t mind the work at all I’m not a loser or bitter at all guys”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:48 AM
3

Only once—according to him his girlfriend cheated. He got into a new relationship a few months later, which is reasonable enough IMO. Don’t know if being cheated on is a typical “initiating a breakup” circumstance, though, since many men (rightly) assume that, even if you don’t want to, if she cheats on you you HAVE to break up with her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:43 AM
27

Oh my god lol, the plaintive pathetic “we already learned to cook for ourselves”! The humanity. Also, you don’t wine and dine “pussy.” Women are people. Unsurprised this dude promotes replacing women with actual objects, since we so stubbornly refuse to conform perfectly to his objectification.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:40 AM
70

I have a newsflash for these guys: no woman (except the 0.001% exception that proves the rule) actually likes giving blowjobs and anal. If men had no interest in these things, and porn hadn’t groomed women into believing men go crazy for you if you do these things, no woman would ask her boyfriend or husband if they could do anal, or if she could give him a blowjob. Because women. Do. Not. Like. Anal. Or. Blowjobs. We don’t have prostates, or a magical orgasm button in our throats. We don’t like…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 06:36 PM
3

Shame and guilt are both powerful tools, because 99% of people will respond to one or the other (or both). Shame being external and guilt being internal self-judgement. I see shame as being similar to all sorts of punishments—often demonized because wrongly applied, we should probably avoid their extremes in case the target is actually innocent, but there’s no reason to swear off any kind of social negative reinforcement. Shamelessness and entitlement are brothers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 08:13 PM
6

How it be world is being “out and about” presenting him from taking his medication? I assume it’s pills…I carry vitamin pills with me sometimes. It’s not hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 07:52 PM
5

There definitely is a lot more pressure. But I’m a bit socially dense, so the pressure has never really swayed my decision-making. I honestly don’t think about it that much. I have embraced the “vanilla” label, though. It saves explaining, and also, vanilla is delicious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 02:20 PM
7

Tbf a certain species of Very Online commenters who are not from the South also talk like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:52 PM
50

I talk a lot when I’m nervous, so the first date I ever went on from OLD (years and years ago), I talked the whole time, and he barely got a word in edgewise. Surprise surprise, he didn’t want to see me again. I felt bad, so the next date I went on, I talked very little, just smiled and ate my food. The guy talked A LOT, never asked me any questions, me then at the end practically begged me to go out with him again because I was “so understanding and cool.” I didn’t, of course, and I doubt that …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:26 PM
23

Ah yes, the classic “asking for a friend.” Gross.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:23 PM
258

I mean, men tell on themselves in this regard all the time, when they say they don’t want to date a woman with previous partners because she will be “damaged” and have “baggage”…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/12/21 01:30 AM
7

It doesn’t usually come up, since I’m married, except when I’m saying that a behavior is unacceptable. I think it’s fine to admit you think bad hygiene, for example, is a dealbreaker. That just helps normalize good hygiene, and it can’t really be faked very well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:58 PM
8

Uhhh I’d rather die alone than live my whole life with with an unemployed guy I’m not attracted to lol. And I say that as a married woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:56 PM
5

One of my biggest regrets in life is that I haven’t figured out a way to do the “I’m Batman” voice. But I’m still Batman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:44 PM
13

Oof. Well, at least he hadn’t managed to totally silence your instincts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:41 PM
38

Right? Can OP “not contribute” to my shopping? I’d like $500 lol. But I’m all seriousness, she needs to run, and make sure she takes the dog.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:39 PM
21

Oh I totally agree, in the same sense that turtles are faster than slugs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:36 PM
20

This exactly. Women are relentlessly socialized to over-express positive emotions, so men can feel better about themselves. Also, maybe it’s just the grinch in me, but I hate gratitude exercises for this reason. I’m properly grateful to G-d and others when nice things happen for me, but it’s actually totally okay to be unsatisfied with your life, as long as you act on it. I suspect the reason gratitude is so heavily pushed on women especially is that it’s a way of resigning yourself to the statu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:34 PM
19

As he should lol. Honestly, I really side-eye men who call me “mature” now (even though I obviously think maturity is a good thing). For most of them it’s either a porn term or a blatant attempt to groom you into letting them get away with absurd shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:30 PM
23

Sigh…stories like this make me want to bang my head against a wall. I don’t want to victim-blame, but if marriage is so important to you, why did you let him skate by for five years after you decided you wanted it? And had kids with him no less?! Any woman who can’t see how ridiculous and lacking in self-respect that is—flip the genders. If a man really wanted a relationship status change (breaking up, getting married, whatever), can you imagine him sitting on his hands for five years for the sa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 02:27 PM
14

Loooooool his wife fantasizing is what isn’t real—Kevin may be a real person, but presumably she’s not actually having sex with him. Whereas the people in porn are real, AND the acts portrayed really happened. Porn is way more real! So sick of this “it’s a fantasy” bs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:06 PM
6

Fr, they’re always asking us to justify why we should have rights, then they turn around and do this shit. More projection?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 06:57 PM
138

The age of consent in R+J laws is to have sex, not to get married. And I think OP is saying it should mainly benefit teen couples, not that it does atm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 06:04 PM
1

This is a good point, hadn’t thought of the inherent inequality in difficulty there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 04:57 PM
105

I prefer they have toys that don’t approximate a woman. Body pillows, blow up dolls etc really freak me out. But male vibrators, rings, heated lube, etc are fine IMO. A fleshlight is in the middle—it makes me unfortunate how disembodied and potentially objectifying “pocket pussy” is, but it’s a logical counterpart to dildos, which I think women are not wrong for enjoying. The real problem, of course, is that for 99% of young men frequent masturbation = porn addict. They have forgotten how to mas…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 06:04 AM
52

Exactly! Obviously no one is obligated to go alone with pet mom/dad terminology or take care of their partner’s pet if they really don’t want to. But I really feel she is pushing her anger and disgust for the guy onto the dog because she’s in denial for whatever reason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 02:49 AM
1

That is part of the problem, unfortunately—it can be hard to mock or comment on something without people just using your commentary as an excuse to get to that thing. A great example would be that film Cuties—the director claims that the movie was supposed to be a nuanced critique of childhood sexualization, but it still has waaaaaaay too much child sexualization in it. I’d be surprised if pedos didn’t use it as masturbatory fuel. Contrast with the rape imagery in Last Night in Soho, which is so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:57 PM
11

Pretty sure she’s making him leave her (“pack your bags”).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:47 PM
9

Exactly! I generally try to make a totally clean, surprise break for safety, but a woman is the best judge of her own situation—if she believes it’s safe to do this with this guy, it probably is. And come on, this is a hilarious way to make fun of him if he sees it, that takes her like 10 min max.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:46 PM
17

Yup. As if porn isn’t documented to make you more depressed (and IMO more of a loser though that’s obviously unquantifiable 😂😂😂).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:43 PM
9

I have trouble buying gifts for people. Here’s what I do: I make lists through the year for each person in my close family/friends. I make a note every time they are really excited about something I could buy them, even if it’s small (I have done baskets of small gifts before, usually is very well-received). That way, when I need to buy them something, I have ideas I can start from. I ask them. Most people are not at all offended at being asked what they want for a gift—some even prefer it. My s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:42 PM
6

This so much! As husbands have known for decades (if not centuries), if you keep expectations for your performance low (or at least, to something you know you can always meet, even if busy), you are setting yourself up for success. People will be surprised and happy if you do more, and they won’t react like a baby whose toy was taken away if you keep doing what you’re doing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 03:33 PM
11

Also, they like the idea of changing a woman to their standards/breaking down a strong woman. And they assume that feminists can’t get laid and are thus virginal and “pure,” whereas they assume half-naked girls have had other partners. Ugh. I disgusted myself just writing that. This is why we don’t ask them why they are like this. Their reasons are not fun or helpful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 02:57 AM
16

Win what? Genuinely asking. There is no one good life, so there isn’t one way to “win.” I say you win by achieving the life you want, and yeah you can absolutely do that, most of the time. There is no consistently effective way to beat men at power games they wrote the (unfair) rules to. But winning power games is not the point of life. That’s just a male mindset men are trying to trap you into. The point of life (inasmuch as you can trust a Reddit stranger to weigh in in such a thing) is to go …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/12/21 05:25 AM
1

Aww, that’s sweet. My husband is actually much neater than me, and easily his weight around the house, so I do a lot of cleaning to keep things up to his standards. I am super messy naturally, but understand the value of creating a welcoming space for your partner. I think more people should consider this.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/12/21 03:50 AM
1

Ever heard of costly signals? When people think you’re going to lie, they require you to actually give something up to prove you are telling the truth. Yes you can still lie, but it gets a lot harder and more inconvenient for you. In this example, the whole point is that women are not going to have sex with you as easily as they would if you were both younger. I doubt most would hold out for marriage, but plenty of them will wait several months or longer to have sex with you. Especially if they …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 11:37 PM
5

You’re welcome! I find it surprising how many people assume alimony is just going to automatically fuck you over. Like yeah if you were married 25+ years and she was a SAHM you are fucked, but that’s not most divorcing couples these days…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 10:07 PM
2

Yeah sure you can lie. But no one is guaranteeing you will be believed. Women over 40 tend to have realized men will lie to get sex—most also have a relationship and kids behind them so they’re not desperate to hook a guy with sex IMO…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 10:03 PM
3

Eh, for most of history many men have never gotten married or reproduced. It’s totally sustainable for society for a lot of men to be single. The “competition for women” won’t suffer IMO, because most of the guys opting out weren’t too competitions anyway and had little to offer.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 08:46 PM
1

It’s simply not true that if redpill assumptions about women are wrong, those women aren’t harmed. Having to constantly deal with bad behavior from men to prove you “aren’t that kind of girl,” is exhausting and insulting, men pursing stupid strategies instead of actually working on themselves means there are fewer eligible men, and the myths about society TRP spreads (like deadbedrooms just mysteriously happen in the passive voice, marriage is a scam for men, family courts are biased against men…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 08:43 PM
3

The main reason women get the kids 90% of the time is because men don’t want the kids. Less than 10% of men with kids getting divorced actually press for more custody than the mother wants in court—those who do usually succeed. As for child support, do you honestly think it’s cheaper raising the kids than paying? Custodial parents pay far more. I used to work at a legal aid clinic in family law, so I know. Spousal support depends heavily on the length of the marriage and whether she was a SAHM o…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 08:36 PM
3

Yes. Some additional pros: combining finances and the stability that comes with marriage allows a couple to build up greater wealth than they would otherwise, even controlling for their incomes and other factors (source: https://www.news.iastate.edu/news/2018/06/26/cohabitwealth). This makes sense—it’s often much cheaper to buy one of a thing and charge (for instance, a bed, a car, or a lease), but if you’re not married, it’s not always prudent to do so. I know several long-term couples who don’…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 08:28 PM
5

This is true, but in my experience 9 times out of 10 nagging is the result of one partner (usually the man) taking a passive/indifferent attitude towards things the other partner wants. I know plenty of men who, when their coworkers or bosses ask them to jump, they say “how high,” but their wives are trying to use cutesy little sticky notes to get them to remember to put their clothes in the hamper instead of the floor. That’s pure disrespect—any competent adult can remember these things, these …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/21 08:03 PM
182

I’m sorry, but no. LVM are obviously worse, and the fact that you’ve gotten desensitized to them doesn’t change that. You might be less surprised when a serial k!ller k!lls his tenth victim, but it’s exactly as wrong as k!lling the first. I agree that pickme women are sometimes awful and immoral people, and I sympathize with your frustration. But ultimately, as the term “pickme” indicates, they are doing this for male approval. If men didn’t enjoy or support this behavior, I believe we would see…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 05:04 PM
1

Nothing wrong with being set up by friends in theory. I think it’s a nice way to meet somewhat pre-vetted people. The problem is, though, that often the motivation of the matchmakers is just to help a male friend or relative who can’t get a girlfriend on his own. So they’ll set up dates accordingly to his preferences, without considering what he will bring to table or why women would want him (usually, women don’t, though occasionally there is a good guy who just moved to a new area/is getting o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 04:38 PM
16

Yeah. Far too many men see money as equivalent to worth. If they manage to become successful, they believe themselves morally superior. They also tend to look down on women (who as a class are poorer than men) and POC (who as classes are usually poorer than white people), and will believe they are entitled to their partner working harder than them on relationship/domestic/childcare EVEN WHILE PAYING 50/50 to “compensate” for their (perceived) moral failure of being poor. These men will drain the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 04:34 PM
11

I would say “About Time” is a great example of this. It’s a movie with a very sweet romance, and the main conflict of the movie involves the male lead’s relationship with his family, especially his dad and sister. (It’s hard to explain without spoilers, I’m just going to clarify that the family is not LV, just going through hard times.) It’s a family drama with romance and fantasy elements, really. Still a great movie tho.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 04:29 PM
58

This reminded me: whenever you feel tempted to take it personally, OP, just remember that 1 in 10 men think they could beat a lion in a fist fight (source: https://www.menshealth.com/uk/health/a36472555/10-of-men-believe-they-can-beat-a-lion-in-a-fist-fight-according-to-new-survey/). So, you know, it’s not personal. They’re just idiots.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 07:19 PM
148

What is low-key about it? He’s just racist.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 02:27 AM
30

My guess is that this is a neg? I think he is triangulating her with an imaginary woman who drinks apple juice. Or possibly he wants her to correct him just to get a response out of her so they can have a conversation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 05:39 PM
4

This is what I was thinking of too! Obviously this means your pet won’t catch every NV person, if they manage to fool you, but observing our pets can be a good reminder to honor our instincts.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 01:42 PM
32

I really hate this format on Twitter. They just grab photos of attractive women and use them for this bizarre dating sim/pickup line crash course without even asking permission. Another woman summed it up really well when she said it treats women like NPCs who are activated when you pass by.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 01:37 PM
91

Cause, effect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 01:34 PM
55

Can confirm. Almost all the men in my family are doctors. That demystified the profession for me REAL fast. Doctors often have knowledge and experience you don’t (and if they’re any good, they should be able to explain it to you in simple terms). They don’t necessarily have better judgement. You have knowledge that they lack, as well—you know yourself better. Also, a lot of doctors are jerks. Smart jerks, generally, but jerks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 06:08 AM
59

I plan to use a midwife for when I give birth too, actually, but I have a gyn that I like for other things. I wasn’t aware midwives did things like pelvic exams, though—that’s so cool!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 04:50 AM
631

I hope the mods let this stay up, because I honestly had never considered this before, and now will make sure to do it if a female relative of mine is ever hospitalized. You explain the issues with male doctors so well! I myself only see female OBGYNs, and I refuse to apologize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 11:00 PM
14

Exactly. The thing that gets me the most is she’s not even considering breaking up with this guy, as far as I can tell. For him not to take whatever action was necessary to protect his family’s dog and her puppies is itself an instant and ironclad dealbreaker. In terms of practical things she could do, she herself says the dog at one point broke free from the rope. She could easily have cut the collar and taken the dog to the shelter the next town over on the sly (or simply cut it loose—I think …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 09:14 PM
20

Please remember that deciding not to spend your life with someone isn’t mean, rude, or judgmental. It is clear that long-term compatibility is important to you, and you’re looking for a life partner. Don’t compromise what you want! Your choice of spouse (if you get married) is the most important choice you will ever make, because it affects every part of your life (health, wealth, happiness, family, even things like where you live and how the two of you spend your time together). This guy isn’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 08:19 PM
61

Yeah, as I said in the captions the main blame obviously falls on the dad as the owner, and then on the BF (as the owner’s family, he should have held him to account) but OP unfortunately has become party to this too through her spinelessness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 03:09 PM
119

I saw this post today on a popular sub (you can probably guess which one), and as an animal lover and FDSer, I was horrified. We often talk on FDS and in the handbook about the importance of boundaries. This is a perfect example of how boundaries, and living with integrity instead of compromising to get along, protects not only you but the people (and animals) around you. A high-value woman stands strong in her convictions, so she is free of guilt and acquires natural confidence in herself. She …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 02:59 PM
69

This comment was a red flag for me as well. Even if we take it at face value, it just means that he’s only interested in the chase. As soon as he knows you well enough, you will no longer be mysterious and “intriguing,” and you will lose his interest.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 11:04 PM
7

There are only two options here. Either 1) he is lying about the money problems, which means he doesn’t really want to marry you, OR 2) he is telling the truth about the money problems, in which case you should not marry him, because he’s in no condition to be getting married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 09:33 PM
31

The writing is so male, and so cringe. “Suck my titties?” Women would never. Also seriously resent the implication that women can (and therefore should?) heal all of men’s issues by providing sex. Just no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:58 PM
9

Dude is looking for a woman who has never been in a relationship before, yet is surprised he only gets responses from people who have busy lives and are pretty happy alone? Why does he feel the need to shame them for not being as desperate as he is? Just ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:24 PM
7

Misery loves company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:17 PM
55

“What is going on among us?” Ah yes, the complicated relationship dynamics going on between all two of you. This man is either an idiot or word-vomiting. Gross either way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 08:13 PM
23

Kinda makes you wish you could skip the first marriage part and just chill on a colony with a bunch of other badass women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:56 PM
56

Also, cakes are baking, not cooking lol. What a dumbass this guy is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:34 PM
30

In addition to what everyone else is saying, it’s more risky to date and marry potential. Potential doesn’t always pan out, and there’s a huge difference between being an ambitious, seemingly capable person whose wants something, and being someone who has already achieved something.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:34 PM
15

Bold of them to assume they are using logic when they argue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:54 PM
17

Apart from being infuriating, this list is also stupid, for one very simple reason: it won’t work. (Because we’re not actually children…) Like men are always complaining that women “never let shit go” and “bring up old arguments” and yet they think a 10 second distraction will allow them to instantly win arguments? Please. I don’t know a single woman dumb enough to fall for any of these. At least not permanently—she’ll just bring it up again 10 min later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:53 PM
56

Maybe this guy read the post earlier about the dog who attacked the guy during violent sex (jk obviously, but it is a funny coincidence).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 10:33 PM
29

I love Catherine, but I don’t think it’s fair to judge Henry’s other wives for being pickmes considering he was the king. You don’t say no to an absolute monarch without a damned good reason, especially if you’re a woman in Tudor times. The punishment would be harsh, and would probably fall on your whole family. Henry had a ton of affairs and even a well-known bastard son (Henry Fitzroy) before his affair with Anne, who is the only one I think can be somewhat reasonably accused of “seducing” him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:17 PM
35

Yikes, I didn’t know the nickname was tied to her probable endo. Don’t know how I missed that one but it makes the whole thing so much more awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:30 PM
31

This is brilliant. And we need a word for negative orgasms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:27 PM
46

I’m married, so idk if my answer will be broadly applicable, but I usually just set a very modest budget and then find something thoughtful and personalized within that budget. I know, I know, groundbreaking. But the thing is, men usually don’t appreciate expensive gifts (unless they’re sports tickets lol) the way women do. For one thing, they usually have no earthly idea what it cost (whereas women are usually pretty good at guessing that in my experience), and for another, HVM are not looking …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:21 PM
208

Oh man this is sad. But a good antidote for all the “settle for a man and be happier than you ever could alone” Christmas media…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:12 PM
52

The marriage and kid thing is especially sad because, from what limited accounts we have of her, Mary really wanted to have a child. As just one example, despite being forced into competition with Elizabeth and forced to wait on her as an infant, Mary was reportedly a very good and loving caretaker to her when she was little. She seems to have liked babies. It reminds me a little of Britney Spears’ conservatorship. Sad to think that, even in the developed world, men still exercise this sort of c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:09 PM
2

Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize this came across as arguing. I never thought you were excusing them—it was more than what you said made me think about something I’d been mulling over for a while. I think we’re in agreement. If my comment is confusing people I’m happy to delete it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:22 PM
111

While we’re talking about Tudor history, Mary I of England is infamous as Bloody Mary, because during her reign, she ordered an estimated 280 Protestants burned at the state as heretics because they wouldn’t convert to Catholicism. Now obviously that’s not good, and I’m not trying to excuse that, but the myth of the uniquely “evil” Mary leaves several important pieces of context out: Punishments were would today deem “cruel and unusual,” like being burned at the stake, were totally normal in Tud…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:44 PM
92

Not only that, but at one point Jefferson took Sally to Europe with him (as a slave in his household). Slavery was illegal in Europe at the time, so Sally decided she wanted to stay and be free. But Jefferson put immense pressure on her, reminding her of her family and friends back in Virginia and promising he would free her if she returned with him. It will surprise absolutely no one to learn he did not keep this promise—Sally was enslaved until she died. Truly disgusting behavior on Jefferson’…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 02:24 PM
6

Whoops I was super tired. Fixed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 12:35 PM
28

In addition to all the distortions mentioned, I’ve seen many educated people passing off as fact totally unsubstantiated rumors that Anne had a sixth finger on one hand. The absolute witch hunt this woman continues to face is unreal, as if the degree to which people force her into some benighted pickme competition with Katherine of Aragon and Jane Seymour (and the rest, but especially those two) as if only one of them could be the “good” wife. I’m a bit of a Tudor hobbyist, and personally I susp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 04:30 AM
28

Right? He apologized to the dog, and said he “got it,” so it very much reads that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 12:48 AM
19

I don’t really care if sex addiction is a real addiction or not. Just because you’re addicted to something doesn’t mean you magically lose all agency and aren’t responsible for your actions in pursuit of your “fix.” Anyone who has seen the inside of an addicting treatment center or program should know this already. I think addiction/problem use can be a useful framework for these discussions sometimes, especially when we are talking about predatory companies trying to market porn and prostitutio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 09:24 PM
39

Ah yes, the epidemic of (deadbeat dads) single mothers is proof that we need to restrict the freedom of WOMEN, the parents who stayed and accepted the limits on their own lives to take care of their children. If only we were remanded to the care of men, who, according to this example, don’t care about us or their children at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 09:19 PM
106

Assuming this guy actually is “cool with it,” I wonder if it might be because he agreed with the dog’s assessment (as in, he agrees he was harming the woman)? I’ve seen men show seemingly genuine remorse to the fathers of women they were dating, like they had damaged the dad’s “property” and wanted to make it up to him somehow. Is it crazy to think the same (un)logic would apply to a dog?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 08:29 PM
15

“Dainty”? How is something that’s a 10 out of 10 on the Mohs hardness scale dainty? (And what’s wrong with daintiness, ffs?)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 11:05 PM
15

Further evidence of the power of “don’t complain, don’t explain.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 11:04 PM
216

When I was younger I fully believed in the whole Emma Watson let’s-not-make-the-boys-feel-bad “egalitarian feminism.” As in, “the goal of feminism is to make women and men equal,” so I was willing to work with men on men’s rights issues as well. This would be a perfectly logical stance IF Men acted and thought like women and were actually willing to emphasize with us and work as hard for us as we would/do for them, and Men and women were (or should be) identical. I believe we should be equally f…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 11:02 PM
72

I never thought about rings before I got engaged. Still demanded a conflict-free, large bicolor sapphire (I initially wanted a diamond but the lack of color bored me 🤷‍♀️) in recycled 18k gold, because I wanted one. No regrets.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:26 PM
36

This! Ask for and expect the thing you want, in a relationship and out of life. Goodness knows men aren’t shy about what they want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:21 PM
86

So glad she’s loving her best life! Her account of her house and hobbies made me smile. Completely off-topic, but in what world is it cheaper to risk having 2 kids instead of paying for IVF? The problem with his request is the misogyny, not the added cost smh. This is the kind of brain fog being with a gaslighter inspires.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 06:15 PM
75

Seconded. I hope this was just inexperience and excess enthusiasm on his part. IMO perfume counts as a bath/personal hygiene product. It’s very personal, and inappropriate as a gift from anyone who hasn’t seen you brushing your teeth (so serious relationship, mom, sister, or close friend, basically).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 03:57 PM
26

This so much! I go to the gym 4-5x a week, have lean, built arms, strong legs, visible abs (not quite a six pack, lol, but I’m getting there) and everything, but it’s been really rough because every step of the way I felt like I was participating an an activity that wasn’t meant for me. And I don’t mean that I felt like an imposter, I mean that everything in fitness is tailored to men and their tastes. It’s tough to find comfy workout clothes made of high quality materials. Most of the popular o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:37 PM
61

I have also watched a lot of famous, well-regarded anime (FMA:B, Demonslayer, Attack on Titan, etc.). Know what would happen if I accidentally started a trashy, porny “fanservice” anime with a friend or family member? I would pause the anime after the first innuendo and be like “oof, well that was a dud. Want to randomly generate another one, or should we do some research first?” Like a normal human being. If he’s telling the truth and he didn’t notice anything wrong with the show, then he is a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:23 PM
16

Yeah what on earth is a cousin sister? I hope for her sake if she’s real that that’s a typo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:20 PM
115

Oh definitely! And honestly, I think for most men there is a great temptation to get “soft” because sleeping around, while more fulfilling for them than it tends to be for us (high status among men! Virtually guaranteed orgasms!) still isn’t that satisfying for most men long term. Most men want to be able to relax, to have a family, be in love, and have a woman who they can depend on. This is why I say most men are idiots: they don’t know what they actually want and are usually too lazy or cowar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:15 PM
76

And this is actually not that low, historically speaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:10 PM
115

Sis, if you need to talk yourself into it this hard, you know this ain’t it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:40 PM
6

I’ve always seen this is super cringey and desperate at best, patronizing at worst. Men don’t need your help with their self-image, and they usually don’t want it either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:36 PM
11

Not only that, but the only way entitled men learn not to take you for granted is consequences. Don’t let him take any free labor from you, OP, emotional or physical, and grey rock or ignore any passing misogyny he utters. Work instead on getting out from under your position as voluntold primary caregiver in a house full of perfectly capable alternatives. Show, don’t tell. Don’t tell him that he shouldn’t take advantage of women. Show him you won’t be taken advantage of. Don’t tell him to respec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:06 PM
9

Yup! Do not be his mommy about this. It is not your job to be his moral compass—that is emotional labor he his happy to outsource if he can, and whatever your intentions, if you are doing it for him he will never believe you when you say he has to grow up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:02 PM
370

I never know what to say to the old, ugly men who say they want a young, hot woman to be genuinely interested in them. Like ok, neat, mate…I want a castle in France and a pet tiger. Doesn’t mean that’s happening. I never know what to say, so I just ignore them. 100% success rate so far.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 06:41 PM
14

“This is so, so mean” is perfect, because really, that’s all you need. Who cares if something is or isn’t a joke? Mean-spirited humor is still mean (both the modern meaning of “mean,” vicious, and the original meaning, selfish or deficient). OOP, if you’re reading this somehow, you don’t want meanness in your boyfriend. Trust me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:38 PM
59

I guess that’s why the damsel in distress gets rescued from a dragon: they couldn’t think of any real thing a woman would need to be rescued from, so they made one up lol. Obviously I’m being somewhat facetious, but as a fan of fantasy books I’ve always been really interested in how magic changes fictional societies. Men and women have traditionally regarded magic very differently: women long for some “magical” power to free themselves from men, and men fear magic (especially witches) because th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 05:11 PM
1

When you are a teenager, if you do date (you probably shouldn’t) I would say one year older/younger max. There is a huge difference every year of development between 13-18. When you’re 18-22, I would say 2-3 years max (better two). You don’t want someone who will graduate university significantly before you and have time to establish a life without you, because men don’t compromise the lives the build single. 24-30 I would say 3-4 years, and after that 5 years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 07:08 PM
42

Oh ofc 🙄. How dare you exist and not be his ideal conglomeration of features.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 05:16 PM
125

Wait I’m so confused. What on earth is a Victoria’s Secret body? I assume it means a stereotypical slim, busty frame, but if so why would you be grateful to him for liking something that’s the literal beauty norm in the west? (Setting aside that attraction isn’t a gift, and you shouldn’t be grateful for it regardless.) And…I’m scared to ask, but…what exactly does he think is “hot” and trendy now? A hentai girl who looks 12? A sex doll? I can’t even guess, but I’m shook he’d say such an obviously…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 04:14 PM
5

Pretty sure he was single at the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 12:33 AM
4

Ewwwww ok yeah that’s gross
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 02:06 PM
14

Am I missing something? Where does he say he was still hoping to get into her pants?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 01:52 PM
3

I think that you don’t have to have the same views as the person you are dating, but both of you need to genuinely respect the other’s beliefs. Especially if you plan to get married and have children, if your kids ask why Dad thinks such and such will you be able to explain it charitably? Would you be upset if they had the same beliefs as him? Also keep in mind that most people are not that political. There may be issues they haven’t considered—abortion usually isn’t one of them, most people hav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 01:52 PM
26

OMG, I have the same shoes size, and I’ve also been told me feet are big. Nevermind that 8.5 US/ 41-42 UK is literally the average show size for women where I live. So ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/21 01:36 PM
178

That’s a possibility, but honestly this is so weird I feel like it’s more than that. My spidey sense says hiding a big secret.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:20 PM
11

Never listen to men when they try to do political analysis, sociology, social commentary, or philosophy. Extremely rare exceptions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 08:59 PM
91

I was watching an episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show with my dad a while back (he’s a fan) where Mary meets the “perfect” guy but it turns out he’s still married (he claims to have be separated, for two years). It’s presented as a huge betrayal, and everyone treats the man’s claim of separation as the transparent attempt to get into Mary’s pants that it is. The show is problematic in a lot of ways (as expected: the first episode aired in 1970), but it’s amazing to me how old this con is, and h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 08:55 PM
634

He doesn’t want other women to see that he’s married so he’ll have better chances to cheat/“trade up” and it’s really obvious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 08:51 PM
24

His English is terrible. He isn’t even good for that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 04:36 PM
12

Ah yes, the harams of slave boys in checks notes the author’s imagination. Seriously, I’ve done some scholarship into Chinese history and culture and I still have no idea what he was taking about. The only men ever in Chinese harems were servant eunuchs and young boys born to the exploited women. “Poly” anything is always and everywhere a mask for ruthless polygyny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/21 06:01 PM
17

You make a good point! I’d edit my original comment but I think I’ll leave it up so people can clearly follow our discussion.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 04:10 PM
13

Agree that making fun of other girls for liking girly things is very pickme and LV. But do you have any proof that your former friends were faking their interest in beer and video games (two very popular things along both men and women)? Seems to me they could just as easily have genuinely liked those things and been intolerant of girls who were different. That’s sadly very common at that age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 04:06 PM
26

Yeah, I don’t like this either. I see it more and more now that a lot of women are aware of the Not Like Other Girls phenomenon—a growing trend of lazily treating more “feminine” presentation and behaviors in women and girls as more authentic. Not so—plenty of women are authentically “masculine,” and there is no shame in not buying into the beauty and fashion industries we are sold. It’s great that we’ve internalized, as a group, that we don’t need to distance ourselves from stereotypically femi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 04:03 PM
72

This! Usually men who talk about sexual incompatibility are really complaining that their girlfriend/wife prefers normal, healthy sex whereas they want to engage in a kink she doesn’t like. It’s a term pretty much exclusively used by kinksters, since most men are self-evidently compatible with any woman they are attracted to (like, what besides not engaging in kink could you even do to be incompatible during sex? Really think about it. Baring the guy being so pornsick he can’t get it up normally…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:54 PM
68

I suppose that’s true. But usually if I was going on a date and someone else was paying I’d say “thank you for such a lovely evening,” or “thank you for taking me to x place” not “thank you for paying for me,” even though that’s partly what I mean. We don’t know if she said anything like that. I was just getting a vibe from the guy that he wouldn’t be satisfied unless she actually acted grateful for the money, but I could be wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:50 PM
51

Ahh, makes sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:47 PM
673

Untrue. Turning it off and back on again has a much higher success rate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:33 PM
262

Agreed about the lateness thing. But seriously, he’s surprised that she kept ordering drinks/food for herself over the course of their 6 hour date? I’m not sure what else he was expecting, considering that a) if you stop ordering at most busy restaurants eventually they will ask you to leave and b) it was a long, energetic and presumably thirsty conversation Alcohol costs money, as does food. If you can’t afford to buy them, you shouldn’t put yourself in a position where you have to pay for them…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 03:31 PM
13

I’m Jewish, and I appreciate you highlighting some of better aspects of the faith. But in the interest of honesty, I think we have to admit that traditionally, Judaism is a huge purveyor of purity culture and other misogynistic beliefs (see: laws surrounding menstruation, including that you can’t touch your husband or enter a shul while doing it, kohain (rabbis) traditionally can’t marry converts or widows because they’re not sufficiently “pure,” women can’t count for a minyan (number of people …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:17 PM
44

Yup. I’m Jewish, not Christian, but the looks I get from men when I refer to G-d as “She” slay me…like get over yourselves, women are equally in the image of G-d. If you are religious, I highly recommend this as a way to vet religious men. The good ones will be mildly curious or indifferent, whereas the scrotes will freak the f out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 12:10 PM
13

Oh yeah. That way when/if you ever want marriage and advocate for your own desires, they can say “but I told you I never wanted to get married, you knew what you were getting into, you can’t just change your mind/renege on our agreement!” And thus hopefully (from their perspective) shame you into accepting less than you want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 06:15 PM
74

Exactly. If it was really just about the expense/hassle of the wedding itself, they’d be agitating to be married at the courthouse, not saying marriage itself is pointless. The sole reason men want to avoid marriage is that they want to avoid any protection or benefit for you that comes at their own expense. It is that simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 01:52 PM
27

Eh, I would argue the idea that Asian women are “sweet feminine and submissive” is wholly the result of non-Asian men’s misperceptions (and their new obsession with Asian media like anime). It’s not based in reality. Never have I seen a group of less submissive women, and I mean that as a compliment. Many white men just seem to assume that if a woman is polite publicly that must be her actual personality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/21 04:11 AM
53

I also find it mildly hilarious that “woman” is hyperlinked. Like I get that the hyperlink probably just leads to more information on this particular case, but since most hyperlinked words in articles provide background knowledge for people unfamiliar with that thing, I am half expecting that link to take us to the dictionary definition of woman. That would be in line with the knowledge of our lives shown by Jack’s surprise.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 01:38 PM
35

My role models for “divine feminine energy” are cats. Cats are insanely beautiful and graceful, and can be very sweet and loving when they want to be. But they are also very self-reliant, and never do anything they don’t want to do. They have rock-solid boundaries and self-love, in other words. So yeah. If you want a “feminine energy coach,” buy a cat. You’re welcome.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 06:27 PM
3

That’s definitely a possibility. But idk, in my experience most people are pretty easy to please. It’s just a matter of if it’s worth it (it usually isn’t).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 06:43 PM
57

I’m married to a man who is a different race than me, with a different culture, religion, and nationality as well. The race thing has not been a big issue, but it has come up. Everyone in his family has been super nice to me, but they are an immigrant community very proud of their traditions, and sometimes they say things that are rude or inconsiderate to other ethnic groups (including mine) without realizing it (micro aggressions, essentially). It doesn’t bother me that much, because my family …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 02:13 PM
21

Believe it or not, I actually don’t mind my own period blood at all. But I don’t like other people’s bodily fluids—their blood or semen. I would never watch porn involving that even if I did for some reason watch porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 12:17 AM
21

They sure do. Honestly, I think they are pretty easy to please sexually in the sense that they’re easy to get off (so are most women, but that’s another discussion). But their entitlement is so great that they demand not only their needs but their every whim, however silly, unimportant to their pleasure, or inconvenient/expensive to us, be satisfied. It’s exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:20 PM
14

This is hilarious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:17 PM
17

Yep, lingerie is a gift for the man. And that can be fine for gift-giving celebrations, IMO, as long as it’s understood by both partners to be a gift for the man, and the woman receives a different gift for herself. That said, if you don’t want to wear lingerie (at all or for men), you are not obligated to buy or wear this gift for your man’s sake. It’s still a sexual gift, so your enthusiastic consent is vital. Too often, men will make it an expectation, which is a turn-off even if you were pre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:15 PM
120

Lots of automod-removed comments and downvotes on this one…seems like you made the lurkers mad, OP 😂 (Fwiw I agree completely. I actually used to identify as Demisexual and then I realized I actually was just Like Other Girls (TM))
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 09:09 PM
123

Yup. Like OP says, the lack of financial investment on his part is in itself a sign of disrespect. When I was a kid, my sister and I would often bankrupt ourselves (as in, spend months worth of allowance lol) on presents for our family members and friends, including each other. To this day, only my husband has gotten me nicer presents than my sister did when she was 14-15 😂. Once she even scored an extremely discounted Versace scarf. Compare to an ex-boyfriend, whose idea of a grand romantic ges…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 08:13 PM
43

Threaten me with cats at your peril.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 08:08 PM
5

Maybe she thinks that because many married couples completely share finances? That’s not really the same thing, though. It doesn’t require careful accounting to make sure your partner isn’t overcharging you, and it’s rare for a married couple to make the exact same salary. My guess is the restraining order doesn’t allow them to hang out, but if they stay out of sight in her house the police won’t notice and enforce it (whereas if they went out and got into an argument or something someone might …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 08:05 PM
5

Yup, can’t believe I have to say this, but if he has a restraining order against him (ordering him to stay away from ANYONE, but especially you), he’s not the one. I don’t care how much he’s cHaNged. I had a relative who kept dating a guy who threw a chair at her in a public place during an argument (and subsequently the police instituted a restraining order against him going near her). It didn’t end well. This is just common sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 08:00 PM
127

This is a clever and funny thought experiment—but maybe tag NSFW? I nearly spat out my food in disgust at the thought of smearing menstrual blood on someone’s face…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 07:52 PM
3

Not only that, but most people are pretty shit at cost-benefit analysis and rarely bother to practice it. Most people are led by their emotional reactions. Women are not smarter than men on average (it’s about equal) so this applies to them too. The main difference, as you said, is socialization—men are constantly told they should ditch women who aren’t bringing a lot of benefits to them so they internalize the feeling that they deserve better. Women are not taught to expect better, and it can b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 02:43 PM
8

If you’re pretty sure you want marriage (9/10 I reasonably sure for this stage in the relationship) maybe just tell him you are unsure about having kids. Tell him what you told us, that’s you are still unsure but leaning against it and you thought he should know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 11:31 PM
37

Yeah, same. I’ve always thought astrology was dumb but harmless, but the hatred it gets from men just because women like it is unreal. I would never make fun of someone for asking my sign, and I know most women would never make fun of the “dumb but harmless” hobbies men word vomit about (like, say, fantasy sport). It shouldn’t be difficult to extend some common courtesy. Also, true story: my dad used to read my mum her horoscope every day over the phone when they were dating. This was back when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 01:54 PM
64

I immediately thought of snail guy too! Ugh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 05:20 PM
8

Same. I can hear what people are saying, but sometimes it doesn’t resolve into words, so to speak. Like a blurry picture. Super embarrassing, because it’s caused everyone to think I am near deaf (and then I have to explain that I’m not).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:05 PM
460

I don’t love her any less! But she’s not my type and I’d drop her in a heartbeat if I had other options!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 01:15 AM
52

I love Lindsey!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:10 PM
93

I often wonder what the endgame is for pickmes who blame “easy” women for the behavior of promiscuous user men. Men who are only as faithful as their opportunities are terrible long-term prospects, because basically anyone can cheat if they are determined enough (and especially if these men are willing to secretly pay for sex). So every man will have opportunities eventually. You (as a HVW) are looking for someone who genuinely isn’t interested in cheap, easy sex. Someone who actually wants a co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 06:42 PM
12

“I love you to the moon and back! For 2 more years, maybe 3.” WTF??? 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 04:14 AM
193

Nah, just us. They tend to think that, regardless of their quality or self-esteem, they deserve to be able to do whatever they want with us.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/21 04:12 AM
6

How…is this possible? There’s really only one way to boil water, I feel like if you were totally guessing you could still do it properly (like you might use too much/too little water or the wrong heat setting, but it would still work more or less okay). Is your ex actually mentally functional?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:56 PM
25

Remember, ladies, men are smarter, more capable, and more rational than us…but also, they are totally incapable of doing the simple domestic tasks we perform. (/s, obviously)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:46 PM
5

Honestly, I don’t think it would stop DV. Men with DV don’t all have anger issues, many are cool and calculated. What they all have in common is just that they think they are entitled to control their partner. Many can do so without ever getting loud or upset. Still, eliminating men’s anger would be a fantastic start!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:38 PM
27

It’s really a lose-lose situation for older men: if an attractive young woman wants to have fun only, she’ll usually go for young hot guys regardless of their comparative immaturity (though, older predatory men certainly don’t seem mature to me). If she’s serious about compatibility and marriage, she’ll want someone she actually is attracted to and has life experience in common with = young guy again. The delusion is strong with these old guys.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 02:27 PM
20

I came to this realization when I thought about the differences between the words “sexy” (attractive to others sexually) and “sexual” (related to or desiring sex). Women are encouraged to be sexy objects of desire, but rarely are we encouraged to examine what we desire for ourselves and act on that. I think that ties in to what you are saying about confidence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/21 11:51 AM
24

You asked “what was wrong with [you] in the past,” so in the interests of your further healing, here is my guess: nothing. Well, okay, it’s possible your desperation was scaring men off. HVM in particular are very uncomfortable when they see a woman who is desperate for male attention (this is natural; think how uncomfortable we women are when men are desperate for our attention (even when they’re nonthreatening), then realize that’s even less discomfort because men pursuing women is the animal …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 02:09 PM
88

Like others here, I don’t really care what you do, as long as you are doing it for your own comfort. I will point out that, contrary to what you might assume, having “bush” is actually cleaner, assuming you even minimally care for it (as in, bath regularly and scrub it) because the hairs trap potential irritants and can prevent infections. In fact, shaving or waxing the pelvic area is a major risk factor for yeast infections, BV, etc because the purpose of the hair is to prevent those things. Yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 01:02 PM
131

If it really was blissful, there wouldn’t be an orgasm gap
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 11:45 PM
14

Been thinking a lot about the myth of Sisyphus lately in relation to this. The fact that men had to come up with an entire elaborate myth (Sisyphus) to explain the experience of working on a thankless task where the results of your labor are erased every day as soon as you are done proves they haven’t done enough housework. Being a SAHM involves enough repetitive, mindless, invisible work that men literally consider it a special hell (Sisyphus was in the Fields of Punishment for some sin I’ve fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 03:01 PM
58

This. Avoid men with tattoos they can’t easily hide with clothing (since men’s clothing is more covering, this just means on his neck, face, or wrists/hands). 9 times out of 10, it means he considers himself an edgy rebel. (Traditional/cultural tattoos from his culture are an exception, for obvious reasons.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:40 PM
41

For real. It’s very long and flowery and self-pitying. When I really feel like shit, I don’t feel like writing an elaborate soliloquy on why I am shitty. Guilt isn’t the opposite of pride. Humility is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:30 PM
2

I’m not saying women’s sport isn’t successful because women aren’t as interested in such thing. I have no idea where you got that impression. I said men don’t see sporty fit buff women they same way they see sporty fit buff men in other contexts. Schwarzenegger was so popular with men he was able to spin a whole film, business, and even political career off of his “brand” of appearing tough and macho. There are no similar stories of female bodybuilders becoming governors because men by and large…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:58 PM
15

I mean, you also don’t want his exes to hate his guts. But it’s normal and fine for them not to be in contact—especially if they didn’t know each other before getting together, why would they stay in contact after the breakup?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:21 PM
2

The only circumstances in which I think it’s ok for a man to be friends with his ex: They were good friends for a while before going out and the relationship was not serious/ended quickly. This happened to me once where I tried going out with a friend and after one date I realize it wasn’t going to work. But we were able to remained friends afterward because neither of us was invested in that relationship at all, and also we had an actual friendship to fall back on independent of romance. He has…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:18 PM
7

What I am trying to say is that women often can’t achieve individual success (or money) by mirroring men because men do not react to the same signals or actions by women the same way they would from men (due to misogyny). So for instance, Arnold Schwarzenegger has built a large part of his image on being physically fit and powerful. Women can do this too—we can train and eat healthy and bulk up and get huge muscles. But men don’t react the same way to bulky strong women as they do yo Schwarzeneg…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 01:09 PM
30

I’ve seen versions of this argument where they’re more honest and say that just all men are attracted children (still ick and incorrect), but it’s notable that this post says all people are, as if there are remotely comparable numbers of male and female pedophiles. Name the problem.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:12 PM
6

What I mean is that we will never get power as a class only by pursuing power as individuals. I don’t have a problem with women going into stereotypically “male” careers or having so-called “masculine” traits and interests—it makes me happy to see women breaking into more areas and gaining wealth. I myself used to be a tomboy and I’ve worked in heavily male settings. I do not think that women who live lives similar to successful men are necessarily emulating them, but OP’s post was about deliber…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 11:56 AM
14

My point is precisely that we need social power as a group, instead of individual women trying emulate men as a sort of “vanguard.” Still, point taken, it takes a certain amount of privilege to be able to follow a traditionally male path.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 09:57 PM
50

Yeah. Jesus. The part in the article linked here where the girlfriend tearfully asks Eric (the author’s husband) to “be her person” because she’s so lonely and has no one else…She’s latched on to the smallest kernel of affection from a married man (with another “girlfriend” besides her, even!) and wants to believe she is special to him. But it’s clear she isn’t.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 09:02 PM
51

I, too, am guilty of listening to Joe Rogan a couple of times because I liked his guests. But I don’t think I have anything to learn from him (or good ole cannibal Arnie). Truly. Women have been trying to “beat men at their own game” using male strategies in a large-scale way since at least the 1970s, with more sporadic imitators throughout history. (EDIT: what I mean by this is that some women have tried to break into male-dominated fields individually, develop mentee relationships with men, an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 07:38 PM
348

Interesting that Molly is living with them so the author’s husband can have extramarital sex on demand even in quarantine, but author’s other male partners live elsewhere…wonder why 🧐 (/s)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 05:57 PM
12

Yeah this would never work in real life though. Dream on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 12:13 PM
36

Oh the double standards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:53 AM
48

For those who answered depends, what does it depend on?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:50 AM
153

In my opinion, the biggest question for men interested in working women and “independent” women of all types is: would you be comfortable with putting her career or wishes above yours? Most men now expect women to work, yet they also expect that their wives will move around the country, defer promotions or work fewer hours so they can continue their career trajectory unimpeded. This is unfair and humiliating. Many women get attached to the dignity, status, purpose, and social opportunities they …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 04:17 PM
71

Not sure how far this goes to explaining it, but adult Korean men almost all use at least some skincare and most have since being teenagers, so they tend to have nice skin and fewer wrinkles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 01:21 PM
63

Couple of things: You don’t “have to” give your boyfriend or husband sex of any kind if you don’t want to, ever. So a sex worker isn’t getting paid to do what I have to do for free, her consent in being purchased whereas I (presumably) consented to sex because I wanted to have sex with that person. Why shame me for that? Decide, pickmes: is women having the sex they want because they want it sEx PoSiTiVe or not? Side chicks and sex workers (of which strippers are a subset) are “easy” compared to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 12:46 PM
8

Honestly, I’m happy. There was only a small chance he’d be convicted of the murder and then imprisoned for a really long time (I’ve seen literal multiple child r@pists get out after two years in my local jurisdiction), and only a tiny chance he’d face the death penalty for his actions (and even then, when the US government k!lls a prisoner, it can take decades). This way he got what he deserved in a timely manner, and can’t hurt any more women. If someone k!lled him I wouldn’t necessarily oppose…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 07:26 PM
52

How dramatic of a glow-up are we talking here, and what is required to maintain it? When I was younger (like first year of uni) I was really sloppy with my appearance, due partially to some undiagnosed issues (and partly because I just didn’t care). I barely even brushed my hair, my bras and clothes were the wrong size, I had easily preventable acne etc etc. I was clearly not taking care it myself, and I doubt many men were attracted to me at the point (not that that bothered me—I wasn’t looking…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 06:10 PM
7

Perhaps that is part of it. I certainly agree with what you say. My feeling was that the men considered the children to be part of a legacy more than people, almost like a house you build and then knock down. It was not uncommon for them to have met another woman and had children with her, whom they would treat much better and who they would assert—explicitly or implicitly through that treatment—were their “real,” new family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 04:04 PM
40

Right? If all he told her is that he has played in the past and knows how, it takes like 10 min to learn the rules.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 03:00 PM
18

Exactly what is the trap? Asking for exclusivity without making other commitments to you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 08:51 PM
3

This is off-topic af but “heaux” made me laugh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 07:21 PM
51

So so many men see children and child support as a privilege they are forced to extend to their ex. No, it’s part of your legal and moral obligation to keep the humans you created alive and well. This is not complicated, but for some reason, despite their blathering on about legacy, divorced/separated men often seem to see their children with their ex as an extension of her. I think it’s probably because they see her primarily as “mommy,” but I’m not certain exactly what the psychology on this i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 06:12 PM
2

Damn, yeah, that one is awful! Not a whole or you can do about “the head of woman is man” lol. I guess you could debate the legitimacy of the book (Paul wrote a long time after Jesus lived and a lot of what he said was probably hearsay iirc?) but I doubt most Christians would feel comfortable with that as a solution. So much for making fun of Christians; now the prophets thing, which affects Judaism too. According to the Talmud there were 48 (major, known) prophets and 7 prophetesses. This obvio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 11:51 AM
3

Excellent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 12:51 AM
10

Avoid having sex with him, and if possible avoid letting him know the reason until you are out. Fake a bout of crushing unrelated depression (you need a very plausible reason) and say it tanked your libido. Pretend to have a yeast infection or BV. Develop a cold if you normally give bjs. If you can get away with it, pretend someone close to you or a family pet died. Whatever you can think of. Obviously the not having sex with him part is more important than maintaining the cover as to why, but I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 12:44 AM
11

Well, if it makes you feel better, gaming was probably a colossal waste of his time too 🤷‍♀️ No but seriously, glad you’re out of that situation
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 09:04 PM
9

Honestly, it used to mean “any person trying to get married” lmao. Men talk about gold diggers as if 1) Dowry wasn’t a factor in a woman’s marriageability in most cultures for millennia 2) Women haven’t always cared about whether a husband could provide materially for them
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 08:57 PM
20

Yup. Honestly men who make 100k+ tend to do so in large part because they want to make themselves attractive to “gold diggers” ie HVW looking for a stable provider to have kids with. They are aware that the women they want to marry expect financial stability, and modify their own behavior accordingly. Not saying every guy making 100k+ is high value (they definitely are not), but it’s laughable how these guys can’t even do that, they’d rather imagine they’re in demand and then complain about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 03:24 PM
39

70K and he’s worried about gold diggers? Ah yes, women gold digging for the checks notes media US household income. Cause as we all know, gold diggers love to target average men! I could have made 70k if I’d stuck around at my first job out of college another year. And that job was 9-5, ie much easier than being 24/7 mommy bangmaid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 01:30 PM
5

I doubt there are million of examples of anything in a document that short. I’m aware that Google exists, I just thought it could be interesting to talk about specific quotes, since the original post is about the process of reconciling religion and FDS values (or discovering they are irreconcilable). Since Far_from_deceived hasn’t replied I assume she’s not interested in doing that, which is fine. She doesn’t owe me her energy. But there’s no need to but in just to add “google exists.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 03:33 PM
37

Your last paragraph is especially important, so at the risk of being repetitive, I’m going to try to expand on it. One of the biggest scams Patriarchy and similar power structures have pulled is to convince us that the victimizers and “winners” are morally superior to those they victimize; in other words, that power is in itself good. From this thinking it logically follows that you must be a “loser” if anyone exploits you, ever, and you must be cool, capable, and a “winner” if you’re able to ex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 03:10 PM
4

Nope, always wait to get in person. And never give men things to pacify them (unless you fear for your safety and are trying to get away obv).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 12:24 PM
12

I don’t even remember. That’s how young I was. It’s really everywhere in pop culture and media as well as common knowledge/“wisdom” among adults, which is depressing af.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 02:16 AM
6

Out of curiosity, which are the passages you mean? Since the three religions mentioned share some texts but not others, I am just curious whether the worst offending quotes are shared or particular to one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 05:00 PM
25

I’m a religious Jew, and I’ve found I can get out of most of the misogyny by not following the “oral Torah” aka the traditions and interpretations set down by ancient sages and rabbis. The full Hebrew Bible or Tanakh comprises the Torah (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy), Nevi’im (later stores of prophets) and then some additional writings and commentary called the Ketuvim. I disregard the Ketuvim for the most part, picking and choosing what I like and what to interpret as al…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/10/21 04:35 PM
62

Yeah for some reason a lot of men have taken pop culture characters who are genius assholes as proof that “If I act like an asshole, that makes me a genius!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 05:51 PM
44

I guess it’s more of logistically difficult, but contrary to what you’d see in porn or pop culture, you don’t have to choke on the penis to do a bj “right.” I would imagine the way I do it isn’t too different from cunnilignus in that I pay attention to the whole area in the buildup (so in this case balls and perineum too) and I rarely actually put anything deep in my mouth. It’s usually over in less than 5 min so it’s not hard. Gagging on dick is awful, but not in any way necessary.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 05:34 PM
40

I mean…it is an amazing strategy! Sadly not really replicable for most of us, since I’ve never met or heard of a man who didn’t like them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 05:32 PM
95

Yeah, this. I have never ever ever had the urge to go give someone a blowjob because I was sexually frustrated. But I do enjoy giving the occasional blowjob to my husband because I like his reactions (plus my jaw doesn’t tend to hurt like some sisters here…ouch) and I know he will reciprocate. My enjoyment isn’t “yay blowjobs are fun!” It’s more part of the larger experience.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 12:24 PM
46

My husband and I are 2.5 years apart and got together when we were very young (20 and 22), but it helped that we were both in sort of in the same stage of life. We dated through school and married shortly after our double graduation (he had just graduated grad school and I had just graduated undergrad). I was looking to enter the workforce before getting my graduate degree, so we got our first jobs together. The actual number is very important, but I also think that whether you are in school or …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 08:30 PM
1

Agreed. Besides which, if you actually marry a high-earning man (making sure to protect your own assets and prioritize your education and career) and subsequently realize that for one reason or another you will have to divorce him, you may actually end up with more money, depending on a number of details. Child support is a joke.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 07:25 PM
89

Agreed. You don’t have to be Buddhist about your love life. And honestly, the people who claim enlightenment through low expectations in dating tend to be the ones clinging most desperately to their attachments—to their subpar partners.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 05:24 PM
18

I don’t think you have to be abusive for this to apply. Even if you’re just lazy or don’t pull your weight, or just not very affectionate to your wife, kids will pick up on and internalize bad messages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 04:42 PM
113

Catch a man putting “husband” above his career in his bio lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 02:15 PM
6

According to the charts I’ve seen online at places like scarleteen, average size in the US (where many FDSers are) is 5.5”. I don’t remember the exact standard deviation, but I’d guess it’s reasonable to say a lot of them are somewhere between 4.5”-6.5”. However, there are always above-average and below-average members of the population. 7-8” is uncommon but it’a not super rare (kinda like asking for a dude over 6, there aren’t a ton but they definitely exist). I know it sounds like a lot…when I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 06:22 PM
17

I did too, and now I’m disappointed there isn’t a sermon type that involved preaching through the music of ABBA
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 06:15 PM
5

My plan is to “create a relationship” through the use of “small chat and monotonous discussion” aka talking to him. Also, why does he sound like he swallowed a thesaurus and a 19-century guide on deportment and etiquette?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 06:14 PM
26

Oh definitely it makes more sense for women to want men who can provide for them when they are vulnerable; but my point is that being a “good provider” is actually more “you” than being “beautiful/hot,” is, in my view.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 02:24 PM
15

Fr. Men have to be realistic; it’s not normal to wait until middle age to have sex (if you can find willing partners, which women almost always can even if these men can’t). If you wait to get married until you’re 40+, you’re probably not getting a virgin bride, because most young women aren’t interested in old men. And the women most likely to want to wait til marriage, religious women, are not going to be impressed by your 30-year adolescence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 01:53 PM
113

Men will try to claim that being high-earning isn’t really part of themselves (as in, since it’s external to him, it’s not his “true self,” for which he wants to be valued). At the same time, they treat beauty like an inherent essential part of women. They really see us as objects, so they don’t see anything wrong with just valuing a woman for her looks (would you feel guilty about valuing a flower only because it was pretty? Of course not, because from our perspective that’s what flowers are fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 01:49 PM
253

Reminds me of a line from Ted Lasso (from an antagonist character): “I’m very picky. Unfortunately, so are women.” 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 01:39 PM
253

Legit, when I learned this as kid I almost threw up 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:50 AM
14

Well, 1 in 10 men apparently think they could beat a lion in a fistfight, so… When they have nothing else, they always have the audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 11:28 PM
5

Yeah I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that the fantasy genre has well-known tropes. But just because a story has magical characters and a low level of technology doesn’t mean it has to be set in 1500s England. But then again, I’m guessing he just didn’t like that it was a matriarchal society and was looking for another excuse to complain
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 09:15 PM
38

Oh lord. My eyebrows just kept on rising through that description. In a galaxy far, far away… I write in my spare time and a while ago I had a similar issue when I gave I chapter of a story I was working on to a male classmate to look over. I’m someone who loves worldbuilding, and I had pulled a ton of different elements from Roman, Ming Chinese, and Victorian English cultures to create what I thought was an interesting and complex social hierarchy. I literally spent dozens of hours on that. His…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 06:26 PM
17

It’s very pandering, for sure. Look how sweet he is, appreciating her bad signing! The fact he posted it to Reddit is a little annoying. That said, I did laugh while reading it, because I’m musical and my husband cannot carry a tune to save his life—but he’s always composing and singing new lyrics to songs in honor of me and our cats, which I find really cute. So I can relate 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 11:40 AM
11

The pets thing is suspiciously specific. Why do I think this guy is the sort to get jealous of you petting your cat instead of petting him lol?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 12:43 PM
385

The subtle gaslighting of “I assume you care about your husband and want to stay with him.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 08:13 PM
61

Yeah, I fight with my husband occasionally and I’ve still never thought “this is so hard.” If your feelings of frustration and annoyance and just general negativity are persisting, or if they’re that frequent, it’s just a sign you two don’t like each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 11:10 PM
73

Wait, you think cunnilingus is perverse? I’ll be the first to admit many men only do it because they want to prove they are great lovers—and it’s certainly not incumbent on every woman to like or want it—but it’s a totally normal and natural thing to do and enjoy, that men (and wlw!) have been doing for millennia. I’m not sure why vibrators and fingers = natural and good but tongue = perverse and bad in your book. Goodness knows men can be porny and egotistical about fingering and sex toys too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/21 03:37 PM
212

That is a hilarious response, but reminder that we don’t tell men about the podcast or subreddit. Don’t give them your instruction manual!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 06:19 PM
22

I think part of the issue is the picture the vibrator as a “bigger dick” lol. I was involved loosely as an educator in some sex Ed trainings in my uni and you’d be shocked how many men don’t know that most vibrators are not shaped like dildos…not that there’s anything wrong with dildos, of course, but to their minds the world revolves around phalluses, so what else could women get off with? It’s so frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 02:48 PM
7

Do you think maybe that’s why he’s now fantasizing about a “harem”? 🤢🤮 Seems like he might be trying to say the thing he thinks will hurt her the most. Ugh this relationship and both people in it are awful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:56 PM
1

I agree that a community is necessary, but please let her be careful. If he finds her volunteering at a battered women’s shelter, he will definitely take punitive action (being reminded he is abusive will make him uncomfortable) and he will probably realize she is planning to leave. FWIW I would find a sneakier way to work (like from home or a library if possible) and make sure you’re working for pay. Leaving an abuser takes money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:53 PM
0

A true contradiction in terms lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:47 PM
7

Yeah nope, he’s in violation of multiple fundamental rules of Islamic marriage. But then, since when do all religious people actually live up to their religion’s moral code? I grew up in a very Christian town and never once saw someone turn the other cheek lol they were extremely petty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:46 PM
18

My husband is Muslim, and according to him this double-life, chronic lying to your parents thing is endemic in many Muslim communities. Sadly I’ve seen it with some of his relatives or acquaintances over the years so it seems to be true. In a way it makes sense, the full religious law can feel way too strict to teenagers, but if you develop the long-term habit of splitting your life apart like this and lying to everyone, you become just definitionally incapable of having integrity or loyalty. Th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:42 PM
2

Tbf Hollister is marketed at teenagers (literally girls).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:38 PM
3

I used to feel that way, and what helped me get over it was reading radical feminist literature (where they always use the word woman and women, so you get used to it). Developing a connection with the women of previous generations and their wisdom can help you form good associations with the word.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:37 PM
1

It sounds so bad! My personal lowest moment with this was learning my gay male friends used words like “f!shy” and “g@sh” when talking about women they didn’t like. Needless to say they’re not my friends anymore, but the constant denigrating terms from society is just relentless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:35 PM
3

Yeah sadly they might be interpreting this as flirty…the fantasy of the “mommy gf” 🤢
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:32 PM
2

Yup, female is an adjective only when applied to women. I am a firm believe that it’s only ok to use “females” as a noun when referring to animals (or potentially on scientific studies, though even there I prefer “female subject” or “female patient”).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:31 PM
3

I agree that it’s different when it’s part of a phrase or used as an endearment (like “sis”—we both know we’re not literally sisters, that’s not the point). What I don’t like is when other women use girl as the default term to refer to me (like, “that girl over there” or “there are 5 girls in my work unit”). That’s just perpetuating misogyny, no matter if men or women say it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:29 PM
2

YMMV obviously, but I don’t think you can avoid a lot of the mental and emotional labor (and time sink) of dating just by avoiding cohabitation. Plus the pool of HVM willing to see you only a few times a month for 3+ years is very small—usually the dudes attracted to this option chronically avoid commitment (even a non-marriage commitment, if you want a long-term HV partner instead). If I could do it again, I’d wait to date until I wanted to get married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:09 PM
5

Wonder if it was a public proposal because she knew he’d need extra pressuring to say yes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:04 PM
1

Honestly, I think you only tell them the reason if they didn’t do anything wrong per se. like “I’m breaking up with you because I changed my mind and I don’t want to have kids anymore, so I need someone who feels the same way.” If they did something wrong you don’t owe them an explanation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 04:02 PM
3

Yeah, the golden handcuffs: marriage edition. Hope she realizes peace of mind is worth every penny and can find resources to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 03:53 PM
180

An better example of this than heavy lifting, IMO, is men calling their mothers saints or angels. No, your mother is not an angel. She is a human being like you, who has needs, who makes mistakes, who gets sick, who feels angry and sad and scared and hungry and tired. The fact that she has treated you so well you believe she is angelic is not an indication of her natural feminine godliness (and How All Women Should Be All the Time TM). It is an indication of how hard she has worked, and how much…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 02:13 PM
642

“We’ve been together through all his bad times…I stuck with him through car wrecks, DUIs, arrests, angry drunk arguments over nothing, and this is what I get.” Well, yup. Not to be too harsh on this poor women, who is surely suffering enough already (I need eye bleach just reading her account of his insanity) but this is exactly what you get if you stay with someone who mistreats you despite all red flags. You get someone who will continue to mistreat you, and be a horrible partner. Girl, leave …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 02:08 PM
31

It’s a good mindset, but don’t paragraph it. Just block and delete.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 11:33 AM
7

Good company. I like to talk to people, but is usually get bored of any one person after a little while. I can enjoy talking to my husband for a lot longer than I can with normal people. For you, since you enjoy quiet, this might take the form of a natural understanding and sense of peace when the two of you quietly share space together. He should (pleasantly) surprise you sometimes. Life with any one person can get boring. He needs to be intelligent enough and take the initiative enough to brin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 04:59 PM
36

Same! I like both monogamy and literal white picket fences, lol. I think this need to constantly demonize monogamy to advance the reputation of mainstream polygamy/“polyamory”/“free love” etc speaks to a deep insecurity. I don’t need to resort to similar means of demonization to justify my preference (although I easily could, polyamory is riddled with issues), I just feel it’s a natural and healthy desire to want commitment and security from a man as well as love, romance, and fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 04:47 PM
23

Honestly, I think “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” are fine in a romantic context, because it’s a rather childish relationship. FDS as a group is not particularly fond of boyfriends. They’re men who believe they have exclusive claim over you but who have not committed fully to you. No. We have suitors and prospects (either in a rotation or considered one by one) and we have husbands. If you have a boyfriend and you need to explain the relationship to others, I suppose you could say he is your partne…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/21 04:43 PM
97

I’m honestly stunned that men (who are so often cynical about women in general and prostituted women in particular) are so willing to believe the women they are paying for sexual services actually like or love them. Like how ??? have you never heard of customer service/emotional labor (the original meaning of which was when you are expected to express a certain mood at work)???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 04:02 PM
33

This is accurate and the weirdest thing. I’ve rarely been asked “are you sure” when I was (and acted) unsure, but as soon as I’m confident I want something (be it even something tiny like a flavor of ice cream), it’s “are you sure?” and sometimes even “are you absolutely sure?” Like yes, what’s your problem
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/21 09:15 PM
10

I also did this in high school. Completely do not recommend. He rejected me in humiliating fashion and then started going out with one of my friends. Guys think they want this, but when it happens, they automatically devalue the girl who did the asking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/21 02:23 PM
31

I almost reflexively downvoted
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:54 PM
1

Wait, what’s the scam? (I know what he thinks is the scam, it’s just so silly. This is a normal relationship progression.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 10:53 PM
32

Add in the flip side, “I get to decide what your intentions were” and you get a situation where you are always malicious and wrong and they are always innocent (I say “they” instead of “he” because of my bitter personal experience with an abusive female relative, but usually it’s a he.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 02:58 PM
2

I hope so lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 02:54 PM
13

Anyone else calling bullshit on these numbers? They used to have sex 4 times a day? They work out 5 times a day?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 01:06 PM
6

Given how normal this type of thing is in a lot of self-defense and martial arts classes, I think it’s worth approaching him and asking him to stop. You don’t really lose anything if he doesn’t comply since you are already looking for a new dojo, and if he’s as good as you say, maybe he’ll surprise you. I don’t mean to put additional pressure on you because of your trauma, but personally one of the things I most struggled with on my level-up journey was learning to advocate for myself. If you fe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/21 01:04 PM
18

Right? If it was what she wanted, she wouldn’t need to be paid to do it, she’d just do it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 06:06 PM
2

I do, and I do sympathize. I think a lot of the issues in discussion of this kind of stuff come from a lack of imagination. Men think that if they were women, they’d have it easier, because what they’re really imagining is being a “woman” with the preferences and strengths of a man. They imagine that if they were women they’d still find terrible hookups appealing, as they do now, even though most women don’t. Women do the same thing, I’ll admit. We imagine our relief at not being harassed or ove…
/r/ExRedPill23/09/21 01:59 PM
2

No, I haven’t, because I haven’t had the misfortune to get married to a LVM. But I have had to “go to war” to get my respect professionally and in some other social situations (mostly with pickme women, sadly), so I feel your pain. Never let that spark in you die; don’t accept poor treatment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 02:31 AM
4

When I read this I literally said “oh my god” out loud involuntarily. The sign of healthy self-respect lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 10:51 PM
5

Maybe she just thought about it, and wasn’t good enough at hiding it? Many abusive men are really really good at reading the women they abuse. That’s how they know what will hurt most. The idea that she might have been getting ready to leave and he saw and killed her first haunts me…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 10:49 PM
4

This is absolutely true, and valuable advice. I just think we have to recognize it is hard to do for abused women. They don’t have to act perfectly to deserve our sympathy (though I’m not saying you are implying that).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 10:46 PM
7

This is brilliant. If you read the police and bystander reports it does seem like things were getting worse throughout the day—maybe Gabby finally hit her breaking point and was ready to try to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 10:41 PM
9

Reminds me of the phrase “a great dad is just a mediocre mom.” These men really don’t get the sacrifices needed to be a good parent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 10:38 PM
8

And Tiger Lily! Truly, the boy is a scourge lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 10:29 PM
20

Avoiding men when out alone at night is giving them the respect they deserve. I’ve been stalked (as in, a dedicated stalker) before, so I’m not doing this for my own entertainment or to power trip. I don’t know you, dude. You could be dangerous to me, I have no way to tell. As men always say when women complain, life isn’t fair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 09:36 PM
2

Well, you have amused me, so my tragedy is lessened.
/r/ExRedPill22/09/21 08:31 PM
1

In terms of fertility, most women’s fertility only starts to seriously decline at 34-35+. My mom had me at 30 and my sister at 33, and that’s perfectly normal. Obviously since menopause exists there is a hard stop to women’s fertility eventually, but the truth is that fertility is very individual, so it’s hard to predict. I know - few women who had healthy kids at 37, 38, 40, though they tend to be the exception. I also know a woman who went into full-on menopause at 36. Fertility in women also …
/r/ExRedPill22/09/21 07:17 PM
2

I mean, not being needy is good. Women will eventually be able to tell if you’re faking it, though. They key is to ACTUALLY have friends and hobbies and interests that make you feel like your needs are being fulfilled elsewhere. “Hot and cold” treatment is confusing, and usually if a woman isn’t that interested in you or has other good options and you confuse her, she’ll lose interest. So that’s a very bad strategy (as well as being emotionally abusive when it does work, as others have mentioned…
/r/ExRedPill22/09/21 07:05 PM
1

I do, actually. Women don’t usually swipe indiscriminately. We actually read bios, look at pictures and decide we are interested. If you get, say, one notification from the app of a potential match per week, and she’s actually somewhat suitable for you, you only have to be on the app checking your matches for like a min or two to decide if you want to chat. Your time isn’t wasted. Whereas if I have to wade through a ton of matches from men I would never be interested in (and I have no reliable w…
/r/ExRedPill22/09/21 06:15 PM
2

Assume you want to find a good match, and in fact you have a couple of them. How are you supposed to find that in the mountains (literally tens of thousands) of unsuitable men? Especially when men often ignore your stated preferences to match with you or end up at the top of your potential swipes list by messaging you or whatever? Like sure, if I wanted to use online dating for hookups and didn’t care what dude I got for that it would be super easy! But it’s also super easy for women to do that …
/r/ExRedPill22/09/21 06:08 PM
72

It’s a known bias on personality tests that the people who most enjoy taking them and thinking about their own psychology are themselves a distinct personality group. They tend to be analytical and introverted, among other things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 02:40 PM
20

Right?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/21 02:21 AM
13

Agreed. I’ve had some success with “explain why it’s funny,” but many dudes will thrive on any engagement and love to hear themselves talk. Silence and disengaging is more powerful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 08:10 PM
278

Do I need to see my objectified, male-gazed boobs and butt “in myself?” Nah, I don’t think I do. I’ll stick to seeing myself as a subject and an agent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 08:08 PM
7

Not only that, but male attention (like that from a male “mistress”/Other Man) is worthless currency lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:38 PM
8

Very curious—what are the “break-y” condom brands? DM me maybe so the scrotes can’t see? I’m married but use condoms are one of my primary methods of birth control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:29 PM
2

I’m so sorry you’ve been systematically gaslit and ignored while you were in pain! I had a similar situation (it ended up not being endo, but just really severe deficiencies/sensitivities, but I had a lot of the same symptoms). And I really want to emphasize and agree with your point. People need to stop saying it’s normal to feel a lot of pain on your period. It’s not normal. It’s normal to feel some mild pain and discomfort, of course, but anything beyond that is your body trying to tell you s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:27 PM
271

Don’t go to men with your deepest secrets and weaknesses. Yes, even HVM, yes, even men you love and trust. I don’t know if it’s socialization or just an inborn heartlessness, but if you cry or are vulnerable too frequently in front of men, they tend to get it into their heads that you are clingy, weak, and teary, and they lose respect for you. And even men who don’t intend to exploit you or devalue you are terrible at actually comforting and helping you, to a one. They make the worst confidants.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 07:21 PM
20

I also don’t “look Jewish,” despite my family being 100% Jewish for hundreds of years…people say the wildest shit in front of me too, so I feel your pain. And sometimes other Jews disparage my ethnic group, too, which is the worst.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 04:58 PM
79

Apart from everything else I’ve seen mentioned here, a porn-addicted man is generally really irritable. You are always doing something wrong, even if it’s not sexual they just have no capacity to bond and no patience. I wish I was exaggerating, but I’ve experienced this firsthand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 04:45 PM
44

And a vasectomy. Jesus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:38 AM
29

This, exactly. I am Jewish too, and I’ve gotten some version of “our religion is the better/complete/less sinful version of your religion” spiel from a TON of religious Christians and Muslims. Like seriously, Jews have been ignoring that argument for 2000 years, don’t act like you’re new.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 11:35 AM
3

I agree with the principle of getting a better man and always leveling up…but damn that link goes to the most pickme-ass shit I’ve seen this week. She defines a HVW as “high value in the eyes of men” (emphasis original). I would encourage you to find better advice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:43 PM
2

Nope nope nope. When you break up, block + delete immediately, and do your best not to see them in person again. This is the way—the only way to break up that hasn’t bitten me in the ass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 06:40 PM
54

Yeah, sadly this is what a lot of men are like in the comments section all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 12:07 PM
4

I’m not saying you were trying to manipulate her, my bad. I was just cautioning you against something I find myself trying to do (“what can I say to get her to do what I want?”) when I see my female friends of relatives putting up with shitty behavior from men. I definitely don’t think even that is on a level with what he’s doing, but what your friend needs is the strength to pursue her own health—if she’s doing this for you, she’ll never see it through. You might have more luck getting her to l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 11:42 AM
33

Also, in my experience when a man genuinely cries it will be much less dramatic than a manipulative cry. Men are socialized to hide their crying, so they’re not generally going to take huge gulping sobbing breaths and scream-cry at you (no shade if you cry this way, I know I do).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 10:41 PM
67

Word. Also, love “nex” for negative-value ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 10:40 PM
41

No, it’s not too much to ask. It’s just as well you are already planning to break up, because a big, socially charged change in presentation like this is easiest to get new partners on board with than to try and negotiate with a LVM who may already feel entitled to a certain level of performance. But either way, it’s definitely worth it to be able to feel comfortable and accepted as enough as you are. All those who think performative femininity is self-expression, take note—if you don’t perform,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 10:38 PM
2

I don’t have a problem with it in theory (ideally, every woman would be in a situation where the burden of birth and pregnancy doesn’t prevent her from working, and she’d have generous leave anyway), but as men are currently socialized they make terrible stay-at-home parents/househusbands as a rule. There are exceptions obviously (and as a younger woman I actually wanted to find a man who was one, so I sympathize with that desire), but most men who are ambitious, smart, organized, personable, ta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 09:14 PM
4

You should make a whole post about this, both from the perspective of helping women break free from this mindset and recognize it in LVM. Super insightful and interesting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 07:42 PM
1

I’d be happy to give up “Scrote” when men stop perpetuating terms like b*, c, s, w, sknk, motherf**, son of a b*, and all the other gendered insults they use to demean us. Edit to censor the terms, because ironically they ran afoul of the automod
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 02:23 PM
17

It’s actually not much work to vet. You’re going to have negative feelings when you’re being treated badly, whether you want to or not. Most of vetting is just acting on and being true to those feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 01:22 PM
18

Yeah, if I could do it again, I wouldn’t even try to get him to explain lol. Complete waste of my time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 01:35 AM
104

One guy I went one 2 dates with said on the second date that he didn’t believe in modifying your behavior to be considerate to others. I gave him multiple “outs” and he still doubled down on “any accommodation of others infringes on muh freedom.” I made my excuses and left, never saw him again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:40 PM
23

Engage with him as little as possible. When you have to engage with him, I’d alternate between grey rock and a strategy I call “blind them with positivity.” For instance: Brother: No one likes the WNBA, that’s why they’re paid less. You: Bummer. Brother: C’mon, don’t you think the WNBA is lame? Women are less athletic so why would I want to watch that? You: Oh I love the WNBA. A’ja Wilson is so cool. Do you know A’ja Wilson? Brother: Ew, why would I know that? You: continues to prattle on about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:18 PM
8

If you’re asking how you bring yourself to end the relationship with them, for me what helped was thinking of Marie Kondo’s advice about throwing away “sentimental value” items you never use anymore: you mentally “thank” the item for its service and the memories and then release it. Ending a relationship (including a friendship) is always sad, but it’s a part of life. If that relationship was ever positive for you, you don’t have to give that memory up just because you’re moving on. I’ve had to …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 08:12 PM
4

It’s okay to want love. Just keep reminding yourself not to settle for not-love: for being treated poorly due to wishful thinking. But don’t accept the misogynistic societal shame of being “desperate” or “miss lonely heart” (and thus gross) just because love and partnership is very important to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 02:15 PM
42

I just love the community here. I know it can be annoying to receive comments on your love life from well-meaning married people, but I also think it can be useful to have the perspective of women older and with experience of marriage/HV relationships (when you ask for it). I also benefit from reading and learning about FDS principles, because there’s no guarantee your HVM will stay that way for decades—even if he genuinely is that way at the start. Vetting is a lifelong process, and I’ve found …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 11:43 PM
280

Girl. Stop beating yourself up. Seriously, you didn’t make “an unforgivable mistake.” He just didn’t forgive you, because he was already looking for an excuse to get rid of you (see: nasty journal entries). We here at FDS are all about trusting your self-protective instincts. Your instincts were telling you this man is untrustworthy and doesn’t love you, so you snooped to find out if you needed to take action. You were right, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Furthermore, what is the backwa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 01:27 PM
18

Yeah, I could definitely see that…and maybe also some sign that he cares about her (after he’s shown that he doesn’t by ignoring her pleasure).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 10:28 PM
39

Spot on analysis—except I will say that I demand both orgasms and cuddling. It’s okay to want cuddles. They’re not a consolation prize.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 10:17 PM
3

Basically it’s when a child is expected to take on the caretaker role of their parent(s), either to take care of the parents or a sibling. Its a form of child neglect.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 12:58 PM
2

Honestly, I’d be careful. Others have mentioned parenting with a friend (especially a male friend IMO) is a bad idea and why, so I’ll just tackle being a SMBC. I’m not saying it can’t work, but it’s an uphill battle, and depending on how much money you make/have in savings, what leave policies exist where you live, and just the economy in general, it can be nigh-on impossible. The modern economy is set up for two-income families, by and large. I’m not trying to shame your choice, I just think th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 03:52 AM
10

Hell, even if it had no side effects, suggest hormonal birth control to a man and watch him lose his f*cking mind about “chemical castration.” Which, fine, but I don’t want to be chemically castrated either (figuratively speaking)! Hormonal bc has well-documented effects on everything from partner selection to sex drive to sexual function in women, so I really don’t know where men get off (pun intended) acting like they’re the only ones who have to worry about that shite. But I guess sex drive a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 03:33 AM
27

All I can say is, the couple on the right better not be having that “threesome” with the cat. Poor critter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 10:11 PM
20

Seriously. I think my apartment is bigger than this whole house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 06:24 PM
50

Is he still active on this account? Or can you find a more current one? Sometimes employees can be disciplined for social media postings by HR, but it would have to be recent/since his last warning.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:30 PM
228

You should bring the money/have the ability to pay on card when going out, so you don’t end up being arrested for theft if a man sets you up like this 😡. But if he pulls a stunt like this one, it’s worth trying to pretend you left your wallet at home. Anyway, here’s hoping her next expensive meal will be a celebration that she’s single. EDIT: people in the comments are saying they are married and have a joint bank account? Making this the weirdest flex ever on his part. Still gross behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 07:50 PM
41

A cohort of thoughts: I agree with bubblegumsparkles that the MIL thing is a serious issue. Might be worth breaking up with over that alone, IF he agrees with his mom about future living arrangements or won’t stand up to her and refuse her. You seem to feel strongly you don’t want to live with MIL—honor that. Are you not looking to commit to anyone right now, or are you not looking to commit to this guy? Either way, you should probably break up with him, but if it’s that you don’t want commitmen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 07:46 PM
65

This is also an excellent example of how the pickme mentality and surrounding yourself with LV platonic relationships can destroy your life. The despicable stinking selfishness of all her friends and family who want her to invest in a man—who continuously lies to her, endangered her health, plans to steal money from her (assuming some degree of shared finances upon marriage) and thinks her reaction to all that is the problem—just so they can go to a damn party and avoid secondhand embarrassment.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 11:43 PM
10

I completely agree. I think a lot of us are still unlearning our pickmeisha instincts, which maybe explains why a lot of the comments here saying Hermione shouldn’t have ended up with Ron immediately pair her with Viktor or Harry, who are both bad for her as well. Harry may not show his disapproval of Hermione outwardly, but in the books he has a lot of snarky internal narration about everything from her interests to her school anxieties to the presents she buys him. Harry is a passive-aggressiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 02:41 PM
8

I mean, we don’t know that, since he barley spoke English. Maybe he’s incredibly witty in Bulgarian. But yeah that age gap… 🤢plus they have nothing in common.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 02:34 PM
42

I think it makes sense, unfortunately. Hermione is a young teenager for most of the books and we can see that her insecurities still drive her in many ways. I think she was drawn to Ron for some good reasons (he’s somewhat funny, he’s brave) as well as some pretty bad but realistic ones (she is insecure about intelligence being the only thing she has to offer, so she likes being smarter than him, she enjoys being Barbara the Builder because it makes her feel needed). IMO, the really frustrating …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 02:31 PM
611

This is as good a place as any to leave a reminder that every single culture in the world today has a long and storied history of misogyny. Yes some cultures are worse than others in their treatment of women today, but HVM are always the exception in a misogynistic world. HVM are unusual and by definition buck cultural norms, so they can come from anywhere. Equally, any race/culture/religion/etc can produce NVM, firstly because they all have latent misogyny, and secondly because there would be s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 04:40 PM
15

I haven’t. Honestly I feel most people would be instinctively offended if asked this question point blank, because it implies they can’t figure it out on their own, or doesn’t think you bring anything, which is obviously really insulting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 03:20 PM
31

And honestly? There are much better fancy Mac and cheese options.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:41 PM
42

The Venn diagram is a circle lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:34 PM
64

Honestly? You want a man who doesn’t care that much about politics day-to-day, but cares about his fellow people and is happy to support your activism. You are perfectly free to set any political standard you want, of course, but in general I find people who always want to argue about politics with friends/family (especially men, who always have to be right about politics) exhausting. And I work in government.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:30 PM
119

I disagree with this post in that I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to date your “career mentor” or set a man up in a permanent role where he’s the wise teacher and you’re the naive little student. I really don’t want to hear financial literacy information on a date, and I’m not interested in trading my youth, beauty, fertility, etc for the “investment” of an old scrote. Like the title says, just run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:27 PM
3

Yeah, I’m not a Morganite person. Just heard they were popular among those looking for really cheap rings shrug but you get what you pay for, I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 11:35 AM
37

This is a very interesting and important topic! Perhaps another subcategory you could include in the series is fertility tracking/awareness? Understanding and tracking my own fertility and cycles really changed my life and made me feel much more in control. If you don’t want to include this, maybe I’ll make my own post (like a book report on TCOYF).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 12:08 AM
255

LVM are so controlling about women’s phones. They really can’t handle the idea that we might prefer to do things that don’t revolve around them sometimes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 11:09 PM
132

The statistic about 50% of marriage ending in divorce is really misleading, for several reasons. First, it lumps together all different types of marriages (first marriages, second marriages, fifth marriages) and participants. If you are getting married for the first time, the crude divorce rate is actually 41% (in the USA, where I assume you are due to the 50% statistic). Additionally, you have control over a lot of divorce risk factors before marriage. If you are educated and financially stable…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 05:17 PM
191

My husband and I got engaged when we were still poor students, and I got a beautiful 3K gold and sapphire ring. My husband considered it an essential expense. Honestly, I’m shocked this guy didn’t at least shell out a couple hundred for a pretty morganite or other semiprecious stone ring. If he wanted to, he would.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 01:45 PM
2

I’m stealing this😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 09:06 PM
44

This woman is asking the wrong question, because this guy isn’t a “50/50 man.” He’s a man who will do anything to avoid doing work, and doesn’t care about the burden he’s imposing on her. As a result, as she admits, this relationship isn’t 50/50, or even close to it. He’s just stingy and selfish, that’s all. That’s how almost all “50/50 men” actually are, when you tally up the work and money they and their partners each contribute. (Even if a real “50/50 man” existed, though, the answer is still…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 12:49 PM
56

The arrow is pointing to the wrong woman lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 10:44 PM
11

Run for the hills!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 09:09 PM
47

What do men think pads are? They are literally just clean, thick napkins. Man-babies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 05:59 PM
48

You first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 05:40 PM
40

Well I hear the sound of it is something quite atrocious.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 11:44 PM
18

A few scattered thoughts: •Never Google anything for men. •Never suggest date ideas to men who don’t have any. If he wanted to go on a date with you, he’d think of something. •Since when does having a flat ass = not taking care of yourself? He makes it sound like she was not performing basic hygiene. •An addict who is clean for a month isn’t really clean—they could relapse at any moment. Speaking from bitter experience here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 09:24 PM
5

“Thanks, I will!” Cats are the ultimate HVM IMO. My two sweet cats are smarter than most LVM, better behaved, and add much greater joy to my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:46 PM
7

Yup, yup! I have met men who legitimately thought that was what the author was trying to say.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:41 PM
20

I, too, expect all men in my life to perfectly and completely refrain from physically endangering or attacking me. I have never attacked or endangered a partner, so I naively assumed this was reasonable. Clearly, I am a spoiled hot house flower who expects the impossible. (Obvious /s)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:30 PM
67

This is why, despite loving midcentury glamor and caring a great deal about creating an elegant presentation for myself, I am extremely wary of “elegance coaches” or similar. Almost all of them want to constrain women’s behavior more tightly to the desires and convenience of men, instead of supporting the women’s expression.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 07:25 PM
9

Remember, your perspective is unique. Meaning, if someone has the exact same perspective/opinion as you on everything, they are lying to you. This is especially true of politics among the politically active, IMO; you need to agree with your partner on some fundamentals, but you can expect to have some disagreements at some point. If a man fronts with believing the exact same things as you, particularly if they relate to groups you’re a part of and especially if he’s going out of his way to learn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/21 03:04 PM
102

I had the same journey as you there. The SW industry is lobbying HARD to ensure we think the only two options are “legalize buying access to women’s bodies ” and “throw a bunch of marginalized and impoverished women in jail”. It took me far longer than it should have to find out about the Nordic model (decriminalize being a prostitute, but keep pimping or buying sex a criminal offense). Makes me really frustrated to think about now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 09:15 PM
10

No, but it did make me reevaluate my parents’ relationship. My dad was in the rare camp of being both a relatively HV father, hardworking, considerate, and invested in his daughters’ success, and kind of a LV husband (for reason that, in defensive to my mom, I won’t spread around the internet. It wasn’t anything heinous like cheating, though.) It was sad to realize this, but at least it has helped me be aware of how I can support my mother.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 03:24 PM
8

Quite apart from anything else, I can’t look at my ovaries or womb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 05:42 PM
194

My husband actually found FDS on his own (didn’t tell him I post here), and now he checks it every day for tea. He was already HV, but I do think he cribs notes from here in terms of date ideas sometimes. 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 03:26 AM
3

Take note of the huge red flag that is “we only moved in together because my lease was up.” I personally am in the “no cohabitation before engagement” camp, but regardless of your standard, it should be a deliberate decision that you both actively want, not something you fall into. That’s how you get trapped in a relationship for the sake of the lease/rent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 11:07 PM
11

Don’t forget the part where they assume all “creators” are bathing in cash, lol. Despite research showing most do not make much if anything—I think median monthly income for those in the “adult content” genre on OnlyFans was $240/month last year? Even when I was working for minimum wage, I would have considered that chump change for a month of work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 10:23 PM
10

Riiiiight.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 08:32 PM
16

Oof. You hit the nail on the head. He lied shamelessly to this woman, because he knew she wouldn’t become his loyal wife appliance unless she believed he loved her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 08:32 PM
48

Wait wait wait. Her parents died in a car crash, she had to leave the country (and he didn’t go with her) and he knew she wanted him to be more present, so he broke up with her? And now he expects us to feel sorry for him? For someone who claims she was his soulmate and “dream girl,” he sure let her go easily. Hell, I’ve had dream sweaters that I was more loyal to and worked harder to get and keep. My take is he only romanticized their relationship like this in retrospect, and at the time though…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 08:22 PM
58

You definitely did nothing wrong by asking a man you were already dating to date you lol. This is 100% on him—it appears all his HV behavior was likely an elaborate play to get you in bed. I’m truly sorry—I know how disappointing this must be. But it’s not your fault.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 04:22 PM
11

This! We should start responding to this argument with “I/we don’t negotiate with terrorists.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 12:45 AM
5

As far as I am aware, being married does not give you legal access to your partner’s money, but getting divorced from them does. Essentially, the legal system considers all the property shared martial property, but tends to assume that the married people can handle its distribution and management while they are still together. However, unless you enter the marriage with money or property protected in a pre-nup, it is very very difficult (if not impossible) to prevent individual assets (even thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:26 PM
54

Username checks out (the racist part, at least).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:17 PM
92

This is an excellent question. Maybe they were born in 1815? Oh no wait, that’s not a “between.” Maybe between 1518 and 1815? Or maybe his stupidity caused him to spontaneously age regress? (In other words, yeah I noticed that too. Weird sh*t.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:10 PM
85

This was too funny—clearly it did not go where those guys thought it would. Out of curiosity, would anyone be interested in a post on some of the natural advantages women have over men? It’s not strictly relevant to dating, but I know it was incredibly freeing and helpful for leveling up my mindset when I started to realize we have advantages as well as disadvantages.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 07:56 PM
4

The size element is something I never considered lol. Good point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 06:17 PM
36

Every single US President has presided over at least one war. I’m sure they’ll get Americans into another one promptly (have they pulled out of Iraq yet?). Point b is excellent and under-considered, take my upvote.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 02:59 PM
134

Being a SAHM definitely makes you unusually vulnerable. If your husband divorces you, gets sick or dies, or even just gets laid off or has to pursue a lower-earning career than planned, it can put you in an impossible position financially, For that reason, if you’re on the fence, I would reconsider. However, if you know it is what you truly want (key word: you!), or you plan to stay at home for just a few years, there are FDS-approved methods for reducing the risk. First, you need to especially …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 02:48 PM
12

I really love video games, but I do think I know why you recoil from “gamer” and the associated subculture. As whiskey_and_oreos said, gaming can often become an integral part of a player’s identity (especially with men, in my experience) in a way other hobbies just don’t, because they don’t have the same toxic subculture around them. Ever heard someone who likes to read call themselves a “reader” and start gatekeeping reading? How about watching movies—though cinema snobs exist, even most LVM r…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 04:08 AM
243

Given how many signs there usually are that a man is dangerous and gearing up for violence, I really wonder at why the media is so invested in this “there were no signs!” clown routine. It smacks to me of trying to avoid responsibility. No one in power wants to actually face how the cultivation of misogyny contributes to horrible violence. Then we might all have to stop being misogynistic, and we can’t have that /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 11:10 PM
34

News at 11.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 04:03 PM
426

This reminds me of that post about how redpillers think women couldn’t possibly reject 672 guys a year. I DON’T CARE if the man I’m looking for is unusual; I’m not looking for tons of men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 01:26 AM
419

Normalize hurting people’s feelings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/08/21 12:22 AM
2

Oh, I definitely agree. I’m not saying that because they can’t fully internalize and feel it as women do that they shouldn’t try as much as they can.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 07:38 PM
3

No, I haven’t felt a “spark” as such since I was a kid with my first crushes. However, I would caution you against choosing a guy just because he ticks boxes. You’re not obligated to date a man just because he’s HV if he’s not HV for you. You probably know subconsciously if you are interested in him or not. Do you ever find yourself avoiding him? How do you feel when you think about spending time with him? If he called you with a plan for a nice date today (and you were free) would you want to s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 02:32 PM
21

Nope. I’m convinced it’s impossible. And I say that despite having several HVM in my life—I just don’t think the oppressor can ever fully comprehend (and feel the full emotional weight of) the oppression they benefit from. It’s not their fault, at least not fully; their mind instinctively shields them from it, because it’s too painful and damaging to their self-image. This is why I don’t think men can/should ever call themselves feminists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 10:05 PM
2

This article: (http://logosjournal.com/2014/watson/) is a hilarious and sad display of how “sex work” is different from other work. It attempts to imagine what extending existing workplace protections to prostituted women would look like, and concludes it’s impossible. The nature of the job inherently puts the “workers” at risk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/08/21 11:28 PM
39

I doubt he wants her to talk to him for hours while he’s playing lol. This is such a desperate attempt to seem relevant to his life at all that my secondhand embarrassment is actually painful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 10:01 PM
72

Or, and here’s a thought, let’s actually look at the research on women’s number of sexual partners, which says that only a tiny, tiny fraction (less than 1%) have 30-35 partners OVER AN ENTIRE LIFETIME. So yes, men are that rejectable lol. (Also, the whole “she’s worthless devalued property” angle is gross, but we all knew that already.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:53 PM
50

Right? I’ve turned down thousands of men lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:50 PM
57

It really is projection. According to them, we: •Aggressively go after much younger partners •Are an echo chamber terrible at understanding or even stating opposing views •Hate the opposite sex despite being obsessed with them •say “vile things about women” •Are bitter because we can’t get dates Now, who does that sound like? Hmm…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 02:13 PM
152

Apparently, silence is a “brutal reaction,” but screaming and swearing at someone and calling them a child isn’t that bad. Just another ridiculous double standard. What did he think was going to happen? Even if she didn’t have the guts to leave him then, that kind of moment leaves a mark. You can’t forget it, even if you wanted to. The relationship will never be what it was, even if he somehow magically became a better person overnight. It was over, so she left. I hope she’s okay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 02:07 PM
39

Same, and I honestly think it must be. Basically all sex toys for women include clitoral stimulation, but these guys are probably too scared to actually buy a sex toy for their women so 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 10:22 PM
79

Right? It’s like they think “sex object” means “something/someone involved in sex.” That’s not what it means. It’s object as opposed to subject, as in, the thing acted on, not the actor. Masturbating makes you a sex subject, not an object.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 09:59 PM
40

That’s what I was going to say. Way to assume that I couldn’t find him creepy if I thought he was hot. I absolutely could, and have with men in the past. (Seriously, though, he’s not that good-looking anymore. He’s old and has let himself go.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 04:41 PM
10

Aside from the excellent points already mentioned, some purposeful physical activity, like martial arts, that makes you feel strong and capable and connects you to your body can really help with body insecurities and confidence problems. Highly recommend, even if you never intend to actually fight anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 10:24 PM
89

Similar to the way arguing that women should be able to sell themselves hides the implicit argument that men should be able to buy women, saying some women enjoy BDSM is a convenient way to hide the fact that men do as well. If there was no demand from men, most BDSM kinks would never be practiced. Think about what that means when most BDSM kinks and practices involve men hurting and humiliating women. What kind of man enjoys that, and why would we want to encourage him to nurture and act on his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 10:01 PM
81

How is anyone buying this dude’s protestations of virtue when he has a live-in girlfriend (before his divorce is finalized, no less)? What exactly do they think those two are doing, painting each other’s nails?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 07:29 PM
13

Don’t worry, their attempts at parody are hilariously inept. They really can’t get into our mindset at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 01:01 AM
62

Tell him to take a hike, sis. On his own. (Sorry, I couldn’t resist.)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 09:01 PM
21

What even is a success object? Unironically asking. There is a huge difference between success (which usually involves hard work and many other positive personality traits) and beauty (which can be highlighted/maintained but is ultimately unearned).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/08/21 12:17 AM
5

Without giving out personal info, due to my ethnicity I would also have had a terrible time in the 50s. Which means I’ve had people cause me of being self-hating because I like the clothes, which is sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 02:43 PM
9

Yeah, it’s really strange. Do these men not realize that we’re not actually from the 50s? I don’t have 50s attitudes, and furthermore, since I grew up later I also own/have worn the exact type of modern styles they’re shitting on 9 times out of 10. ETA also gotta love how they know nothing about actual fashion or fashion history. Their critiques are always hilariously bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 02:20 PM
14

I do this too. I love everything 1950s and early 1960s in terms of aesthetic: makeup styles, clothing, handbags, cars, music. But I’m a radical feminist and have no desire to actually live out the “tradcon” view of the 50s. I just like pretty clothes. This actually triggers men sooooo much, and I don’t know why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 02:06 PM
52

Mods please pin? This is soooo important.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 04:02 AM
70

Since I love fragrance, I just wanted to add: if you love a fragrance, wear it! Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t wear something because you’re not a man, or you’re too old or too young. It’s just scent (and the rest is just marketing)—wear what makes you happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 07:26 PM
3

The conversational equivalent of “I’m an open book” lol. And yet, none of them would respond this way in a job interview…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 06:58 PM
105

Okay I didn’t say anything the second time, but this is the third time this meme has been posted here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/08/21 03:08 PM
7

What I’m saying is you can’t deal with it or contain it, because your therapist is telling you she can’t be trusted. Get a referral/ask for someone else. You don’t have to disclose why (though you can if you want to), it is totally normal to switch providers and any reason is valid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 06:44 PM
123

I agree, it’s really a vicious cycle. 100% porn does not create these drives out of whole cloth—or no one would click—but it does make the situation worse. There’s a lot of research on escalation treadmill/desensitization and escalation as relating to kink.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 03:07 AM
67

No time machine schematics here, sadly, but I have vowed to pass on my hard-earned wisdom to any daughters I have (as much as they will listen lol), and even if you are not interested in having children, you can be a mentor for younger women in the future, at whatever age you wish!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 02:59 AM
85

You don’t want a therapist with an agenda—any agenda, even one you agree with, which is not the case here—that they are willing to place about your mental health and well-being. That’s what this therapist is doing by persistently trying to pressure and manipulate you into doing something you have stated you’re not interested in, and which will only harm your mental health. Your therapist is being unprofessional. Sadly, if you stay I predict she will only get pushier, and on more fronts. Thank he…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/07/21 02:57 AM
261

Of course, a true HVM doesn’t want someone “nicer” (ie, a doormat). Something I really wish I could have told my young pickme self as well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:26 PM
0

Well, I’m sorry you have an abuser in your family, but I’m glad you recognize it and are prepared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:29 PM
23

Glad you got out safely. When I checking the hook to answer one of the questions below, I saw that Bancroft noted the advice that claiming to be abused can mean he’s an abuser goes double for men who claim to have been physically abused by women (not most abusive women’s MO, but it is men’s). Usually the woman was acting in self-defense. I mention this not to shame you for past actions, but because I think your story is really helpful in illustrating this point for all of us here who have not (y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 04:16 AM
36

It is sprinkled throughout the book, but heartquestion6 is right that the most in-depth treatment is in Part I, Chapter 4 (“The Types of Abusive Men”) under the heading “The Victim.” ETA: that section also includes tips on how to tell if he actually was abused or if he just wants to throw you off the scent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:25 AM
14

Agreed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 03:18 AM
223

This is tough, because some men are abused by women. It’s rare but it happens. The issue is that claiming to be the victim of an abusive relationship is a known habit of abusive men. There is even a section in Why Does He Do That? about this. So for my own safety, I also am guarded/skeptical around men who claim to be abused, though I try not to show it if I can reasonably avoid that, just in case they are actually victims.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/21 12:53 AM
2

It’s pretty hubristic to assume you could ever create something that would act exactly as another person in your life would. What he’ll get won’t be his dead girlfriend—it’ll be his vision of her, flat and without the parts of her he didn’t understand or couldn’t know. There’s a term for men’s obsession with creating “women” like this in radical feminism: Pygmalion fantasies, after a Greek sculptor who fell in “love” with a statue of a hot women he made. This type of fantasy is the ultimate embo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 05:25 PM
8

I am married and plan to have several kids, and it still really annoys me when people ask me this question. It’s like they don’t realize that having kids responsibly take a a lot of saving and planning. The tone they use is like I won the lottery and they’re asking me why I haven’t collected my reward. Truly strange.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:16 PM
24

He’s not checking in because he cares about your health. He’s a stranger. He’s checking in because he wants to progress your “relationship” (ie keep you talking to him, maybe get to you meet up so he can hopefully have sex with you). He’s not worth the effort. Block him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:12 PM
35

I read it more as she was mocking FDS. She makes a lot of comments that come across as—height preferences are body shaming, FDSers think women can “do no wrong,” it’s ridiculous to expect a dude to have a bed frame (even though basically all women do for hygiene reasons), etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 04:10 PM
3

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve read “He’s very protective of his earnings,” I’d be able to buy myself an expensive spa day. It always translates to “he thinks I’m not worthy of his investment, and I agree with him.” Truly sad to see.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 10:42 PM
3

I agree, though since I live in an area that really observes pleasantries, I will often say “No, thank you.” Softens the impact without feeding my guilt like “Sorry, no.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 10:39 PM
46

This is very similar to my story. I was put on HBC (hormonal birth control) at 15 because of my horrible period pain, but I had all sorts of nasty side effects (migraines, depression, blood clots, the works). I quit HBC and now manage my pain with a low-sugar diet and supplemental magnesium. Honestly that’s all it took to see a huge reduction in pain; all I feel now is a mild discomfort. Doctors will often try to discredit your input or take control of your treatment from you. Always remember th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 07:42 PM
49

The larger message that is so important to receive here is to free yourself from the “guilt” of not performing exactly as men (or any particular man) want(s) you to. You don’t owe anyone access to you in any capacity (except arguably professionally under some circumstances), whether platonically, romantically, or sexually. Stop apologizing for honoring your own desires, and saying “no” to things you don’t want. Still loving this series—great strategy for dating and some thoughtful general advice…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 07:08 PM
8

Exactly why she should go to individual counseling, not couple’s counseling with a bf.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 05:59 PM
8

Add rock climbing and comedy clubs to the list. As for how to ask for them, you could just say you’re really interested in that thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 05:48 PM
10

This has been your semi-annual reminder not to mess with your vagina or vulva, lest your suffer nasty uncomfortable infections. I promise, you smell totally fine. The absolute state of the beauty industry 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 01:45 PM
19

One easy one is, does he use porn terminology to refer to sex or women? Many addicts have been addicted to porn and exposed to this language since they were little kids, so they genuinely don’t notice they are doing it. Some red flag terms are MILF, petite, tiny, frequent references to cup size (especially with way too many Ds instead of actual bra sizes), PAWG, bimbo, and many absurd terms for “breasts,” but I’m sure you can think of many more. Asking for sex without a condom. Admittedly, it’s …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 08:44 PM
7

This is a very abstract and theoretical title for what’s actually a very simple (if emotionally difficult) truth: this man is always going to be a liar. He has lied to you unceasingly and boldly, and shows no signs of real remorse or change (if you’re curious what those would look like, check out Chump Lady’s amazing article “Real Remorse, or Genuine Imitation Naugahyde Remorse”). The truth is there is no “cheating type” (besides “he’s male,” IMO). Cheating is a matter of moral character, not wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 08:35 PM
21

Men (and some women) always talk about the “value” of a woman’s fertility or virginity, as if both are not dwarfed by the value we carry in ourselves. We are not means to the end of creating real, important (male) people. We are the ends, ourselves. We have in us the same souls, the same desire for knowledge, for respect, for legacy and achievement, the same virtues that men venerate mostly highly in themselves. We (as a group) also have the capacity to bring life into the world, and even those …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 08:24 PM
5

Are you sure your friend is safe? This man doesn’t seem like the type to let go just because he’s been blocked and deleted. I think your friend should contact a domestic violence shelter/the police and get resources in case he tries to stalk her, which I am fairly certain he will.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 04:02 AM
21

Yes! This is exactly what I was trying to say, only more eloquently put.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 11:03 PM
140

If toxic masculinity is an excess of aggressiveness (since men are encouraged to be aggressive), perhaps toxic femininity is an excess of passivity (since women are socialized to be submissive)? Socialized spinelessness/learned helplessness that gets angry when challenged?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 09:31 PM
4

Interesting. I just assumed childfree was a nicer way to say childless, one that indicates that, regardless of whether this person wants children or not, they shouldn’t be diminished for not having them. Your explanation makes perfect sense though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:24 PM
33

I have a revenge fantasy I could probably include him in lol. So irritating
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:22 PM
23

Right? It’s like Chump Lady says—the person who was cheated on was often unhappy in the relationship too, and the cheater’s issues often made life worse for them. Yet somehow they refrained from fking strange. Somebody go get Scooby Doo—this is a gdamn mystery!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:20 PM
16

Silvia Yartiza knows what’s up lol. Men would never extend to you the deference they expect you to extend to them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:17 PM
101

Indeed. He could have perfect “game” and women would probably still smell his contempt a mile away.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:15 PM
72

Yuck, this looks so uncomfortable. Bring back the romantic presents and tender kissing to which I am accustomed, thank you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:14 PM
25

Obviously not. Stop rationalizing this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 03:12 PM
229

I don’t know if this has to mean you’re healed or damaged. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood for something. Sexual interest waxes and wanes over a person’s life, that’s pretty normal. I would say give yourself permission to feel what you’re feeling. If you change your mind later, fine, if you don’t, that’s fine too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 02:34 PM
28

Oh yes, the “highly therapized abuser,” to use the Why Does He Do That term. I’ve tangled with a few and they are AWFUL. Having the term for them and knowing their techniques changed my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:27 AM
24

This!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:25 AM
73

Today on “everything men say about women is projection” lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 12:24 AM
7

Why the scare quotes around period? Does this person doubt that menstruation exists?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 10:39 PM
22

Does it matter if he “actually needs space”? Step outside his head for a moment and back into your own. You are not getting your needs met. You’ve communicated this many times, likely in many tactful and assertive ways, over three years. It’s safe to assume that if you stay, you will continue to not get your needs met. That means it’s time to go. It doesn’t matter if your needs aren’t met because he doesn’t love you or because he’s doing vitally important work that will save humanity. You don’t …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 07:07 PM
45

I understand your concerns, but I do think the contributions of the type of conservative they are asking for could be valuable. Not all conservatives support removing sexual harassment accountability structures. Especially here on FDS, my impression is most women are younger, and that position tends to be one of the older male crowd. And while Republicans have been absolutely contemptible in terms of accountability for politicians accused of sexual misconduct, I honestly don’t find the Democrats…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 06:52 PM
8

Yeah, I agree on all counts. I can see now why you’d think it’s a date—it looks kind Like a booth, where I initially read it as a bar-style countertop.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 05:01 PM
23

This made me laugh. Disagree that she should leave, though, unless she has to. Why cede the ground if you like where you are? I just look them right in the eyes and say “I’m not interested. Go away.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 03:58 PM
63

Wait, that’s a real lyric? It’s officially beyond parody at this point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 03:53 PM
164

“Chore play” ugh. What on earth happened that doing your part at home is now considered a kink?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/21 03:50 PM
5

There is no shame in deciding that kids are not for you. All the difficulties you listed are valid, and there are doubtless many more that neither of us (two childless women) have thought of. That said, I would caution not to talk yourself out if kids just because it can be expensive or difficult to have them, if you truly want them anyway. Most of the worthwhile things in life are difficult, in my experience. Here’s a non-kids example from my life to show you what I mean: I am pursuing a career…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/07/21 05:04 AM
71

Yup. And it’s pretty pathetic as an explanation; if you can tell the girl is probably under 18, he can too. If only there was a word for people who were attracted to children…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 02:34 PM
133

I completely agree. It drives me insane seeing people on Reddit or just around the internet casually suggesting surrogacy to those unable or conceive as if it were just a matter of borrowing a cup of flour or calling a plumber.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 06:02 AM
2

Yea, that was my feeling as well. Pure wishful thinking, and dangerous to implement
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 08:20 PM
33

I know this isn’t the response you were hoping for, but if he’s saying this, you should stop talking to him as much as possible. We don’t do snappy comebacks on FDS. We refuse to reward bad behavior with attention. If for some reason you must respond, just keep asking him “Do you not care about my feelings?” Until he gives up. You don’t have to explain why you feel something to justify that feeling’s existence. Men certainly don’t. ETA I similarly recommend “You don’t have to understand, you jus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 05:24 PM
96

Choose her father and other male role models wisely. You want men who will treat her like a princess, yes, but just as important, you want men who will treat you like a queen. Social science journals are full of studies documenting the effect that her parents’ relationship—and men’s treatment of her mother—will shape her expectations of relationships in the future. Similarly, teach her to treat you with respect. You will be her primary female role model, and children are far more attentive to wh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 12:58 AM
1

You’re welcome! I honestly find the whole thing darkly fascinating, in a train wreck sort of way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 10:23 PM
10

In terms of “being seen as intimidating” what men are actually perceiving is your lack of interest. You are not interested in men. Of course your body language will indicate that! I am straight and when I am not attracted to a specific guy, my body language tends to show it. Don’t focus on making yourself seem more “open” to men. Instead, focus on the reason you are going out/at work/having fun with friends. Tell yourself “what he thinks doesn’t matter. I’m not here for him.” If you have insecur…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 10:16 PM
5

Huh, Google is strange about this. Without going deep into Jewish history, that could technically be the case (Haredi just means “strict”) usually you would only label someone a Haredi if they weren’t following a specific Hasidic sect. The Hasidim were founded a couple hundred years ago to reform Orthodox Judaism and elevate the spirit of the law—sadly, most parts of the movement got sucked back down into becoming the thing they were trying to defeat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 10:07 PM
4

Technically the Haredim are stricter than the Hasidim, but both are far more strict than the Modern Orthodox, which is what I assumed the woman was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 10:01 PM
16

Well if the group you are talking to is racially diverse, you can use BLM/“all lives matter” or Stop Asian Hate as an example of how, when your are talking about issues a specific group faces, it is actually very dismissive and insensitive to resort to whataboutism and generalities. But I would use this comparison sparingly, mostly because you don’t want to get sucked into the derailing, but also because some of these guys are racist too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 09:56 PM
84

Oh, I’m not recommending them—I meant I have read The Ethical Slut, More Than Two, etc etc and was not convinced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 06:17 PM
270

Agreed. Not to defend her behavior toward this girl, which was horrible, but...this woman is kinda the other woman. Poly/FFM threesome/ENM is just when your man cheats on you and gaslights you into thinking it was your idea, and nobody can change my mind (I’ve read all the books—and also seen it in practice).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 04:58 PM
125

Like SuitablePerformnace said, don’t engage with the talk or give it oxygen. If you can, flat out ignore these guys. If you must acknowledge something that was said (like “men face issues xyz”) say something like “I don’t doubt they do; however if you want to participate in this discussion you have to stay on-topic. We are talking about women’s issues today. You are more than welcome to organize a discussion about men’s issues on your time, but it is disrespectful of our time to derail a serious…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 04:30 PM
11

This is a minor quibble, but someone who is “a 5 on a really good day” (ie looks average on a good day) is ugly. I guess the larger point I’m trying to make is that when we as women are attached to a guy or invested in him being “one of the good ones,” we tend to idealize him and rationalize away his flaws. This story is a good example of why you shouldn’t do that—he will not be inspired to live up to your ideal portrait, so it does you no favors. My guess is this guy is really insecure. Being s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/07/21 01:42 PM
62

Not only that, he isolated her and pushed for serious commitments far earlier than normal, both huge red flags for abuse. I hope she gets out safely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 11:00 PM
19

My sister has struggled with disordered eating for years. I told a NVM I was dating some years ago about her struggles, assuming he would be sympathetic (note: do not do this! I threw my poor sister to the wolves without realizing it) and he said he was surprised because she “wasn’t skinny enough to have anorexia.” I asked him to elaborate, thinking maybe he just thought she looked healthy (she is now a healthy weight, almost perfectly average for her height) and he doubled down, saying she “cou…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 06:49 PM
43

Yikes, that is sad, but unfortunately not surprising.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 08:27 PM
65

The mothers we saw were typically pretty desperate, because we were a free legal aid clinic, so we only took on people whose couldn’t afford paid counsel. But generally speaking, the best thing a mother can do is build a good case that she knows the child and will attend to the child’s needs much better than her ex. Courts do not care about what the parents want (especially mothers, who they tend to take for granted), only what the child needs. Document every communication with a deadbeat dad, a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 08:26 PM
325

“In their minds, a single mother is already doing her job, while a single father is just temporarily doing a mother’s job until he can find a new woman to more permanently take up that responsibility of childcare.” This is precisely the problem. I used to volunteer at a legal clinic, and I can’t tell you the number of times our clients were women who had primary or sole custody of their kids and the father, after years of neglecting child support payments and ignoring his children, wanted to sue…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 06:07 PM
158

This is not remotely the point, but I love how all these scams always point to extremely specific numbers. You will be 500% more feminine? Uh, okay...how are you going to measure that? It’s almost like femininity is socially constructed and therefore has no fixed definition...🤔
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 05:58 PM
101

When I was with my most recent NVM ex (several relationships ago), I found myself seeking out happy breakup songs. But I was so deep in denial I didn’t realize what my subconscious mind was trying to tell me until months later 😅😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 12:25 AM
12

Also, even if true, why would it be a good thing to have no standards? Just means I am completely interchangeable with any other woman with a pulse. That’s actually off-putting; I’d prefer my partner be attracted to me, specifically.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:53 PM
8

It’s the worst of both worlds!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:44 PM
60

Ah yes, how dare women have even a single standard. Also, I second the diagnosis of creative writing. Every guy above 6 feet I’ve ever met ranged from happy to incredibly smug about the advantage his height gave him when dating lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:41 PM
26

I never said there weren’t disparities or obstacles; only that in every country there are far more L/Z/NVM than HVM. I mention this because I have seen women in “better” countries for finding HVM who have also never met any and have given up due to the low odds. You can, in fact, be privileged to live in a country where 1/500 men are HVM (compared to, say 1/5000), but in both cases you will need strategies to weed out the many. Hence this sub. I’m sorry if I came across as dismissing a real issu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:27 PM
27

I’m not going to answer that, since as I mentioned I don’t want to give out identifying details. I’ve been doxxed before. All cultures encourage NVM to an extent, anyway, though some are obvious worse than others. But HVM are always an exception, IMO. It’s not about numbers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 09:07 PM
53

Right? My first thought when he started asking questions was “Google exists.” There are entire industries that exist teaching people (usually women) how to cook, clean, shop, etc most efficiently. But why look it up when you can find another woman to do free emotional labor for you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:55 PM
133

They exist. I am married to one and happy to answer questions in DMs (don’t want to post too many potentially identifying details publicly). But I will also say, don’t assume that because you didn’t meet any your first 20 years, you won’t meet any your next. IMO it is almost impossible for a teenage boy to be HV, and older HVM will not be interested in a teenage girl. The key is finding venues to meet men that do some of the screening for you. For instance—if you meet a man through club or group…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:51 PM
279

Everyone is commenting on the post that she was inconsiderate to sell it because it was a gift. This is exactly backwards; it is because the sculpture was supposed to be a gift to her that his behavior is inexcusable. She has been trying to regain control of where her own gift (displaying her own image) is being used, and he’s not listening. When you give someone a gift, it leaves your control and enters theirs. Strange for some people to comprehend, I know. People have the right to sell their o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 12:25 AM
7

You could just say you are a liberal and a feminist, looking for other liberals and feminist allies to date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 01:45 PM
37

I don’t think you understand what we mean by “liberal feminist.” It’s not just a liberal woman who is a feminist. It’s a school of feminist activism (and not a very helpful or liberating one IMO).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/21 04:32 AM
111

“Annoying” describes this man’s behavior in the same way “damp” describes the current condition of the Titanic. Yikes
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 10:02 PM
11

As the auto mod says, there’s an excellent explanation of why FDS is staunchly anti-BDSM in the handbook. Tl;dr, you’re not abusive, and they are not your friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 07:09 PM
38

Luckily, it doesn’t seem to be working. The poor girl loves her mother and is distraught. Still, it’s concerning that she is willing to keep his secret, even just for now. That’s how the groomers get you—the longer you keep quiet, the harder to is to speak up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 02:05 PM
934

Upvoting because this is a sobering reminder of where women’s rights were recently (the 1970s was not that long ago) and why we can’t give up on women’s liberation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 11:07 PM
23

Completely true. You don’t have to say anything at all. My advice is just, if you do want to share something for your own reasons, keep it brief and vague. Even if you’re a virgin; there are guys who want to exploit that too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 10:58 PM
46

Not to blame that poor woman, but this is a teachable moment: never, ever ever ever tell someone you are dating details about your sexual history. If they ask, you can leave the truth vague (like, instead of “I’ve had two previous partners,” “I have some experience but not that much.”). Scrotes will exploit whatever you give them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 09:54 PM
41

Assuming this was real, the poster sounds soooo jealous. Who is this invested in the Reddit habits of their friends’ girlfriends? (And it will never cease to amuse me that libfems think a guy watching teen r*pe porn is a-okay, but FDS is a dealbreaker.) Also lmfao at “her involvement (in geeky things) is only skin deep.” Sure, buddy. Sure. You keep right on gatekeeping gaming from a woman you barely know. Because how could a woman like games AND nice dates?! It’s impossible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 01:36 PM
2

LG had me in the first half, not gonna lie.😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:15 PM
16

I have been following this series and am not disappointed—wonderful, thought-provoking stuff. What strikes me is the self-confidence required to receive with gratitude. Whether in a romantic, platonic, or professional context, and whether you are receiving gifts, services, or merely compliments, if you don’t believe you deserve it, you’ll make both yourself and the giver uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 10:13 PM
3

I honestly think that I would have eliminated this guy from contention back when I was OLD just off his profile—you can see his self-aggrandizing clichés, total lack of good spelling and grammar, and noncommittal bullshit right there. I’ll admit I was entertained by your analysis, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 06:10 PM
3

Look, I appreciate what you were trying to do here, but why exactly are you pretending to be a pickmeisha on OLD? Aren’t there better uses for your energy and time?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 05:56 PM
7

I expect my man to eat the food he makes for us. My husband is a hobbyist chef, and makes breakfast and dinner for us probably 4-5 days/week. And it’s delicious 😇
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 04:48 PM
2

Precisely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 12:26 AM
39

Precisely. The holier-than-thou attitude towards DV victims has to stop. Some posters here seem to think they are just as culpable for women’s situation as abusive men—which is classic misogynist victim-blaming.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 09:28 PM
5

Historically, Islam encouraged wealthy men to marry and support multiples wives financially because women’s opportunities to support themselves were limited. Now, of course, we have a better solution to that, so I personally believe that since the justification is gone it would no longer be religiously acceptable. Though I know many Muslims disagree 🤷‍♀️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 04:48 PM
223

Ah, yes, the feminist practice of “ending toxic practices that hurt males,” because feminism should be about men, just like everything else in the world /s.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 02:33 PM
55

Not the point do this post, but ofc she assumes dad is the breadwinner in the parents’ home. Also, she forgot $$$$ in makeup and nice clothes and shoes. Honestly if you don’t get money (or equivalent goods and expensive experiences) from your man for the beauty HE is consuming (through adorning you) it’s a massive pink tax. Why would I pay? I’m not attracted to myself lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 01:41 AM
79

Because of course. And watch the sub (which iirc is like 80% male) lap it up. We know why she posted this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 11:32 PM
251

This is absurd. There’s a reason religions with a history of polygyny (1 husband, multiple wives) have mostly switched to monogamous marriage. Even when it is religiously allowed (as in Islam), that doesn’t mean most women would be ok with it. Part of my family is Muslims living internationally where second wives are allowed—all are in monogamous marriages, and all would divorce their husbands on the spot for even proposing the idea. This isn’t a religion thing, IMO. It’s the lowest circle of Co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 11:29 PM
20

You’re spot-on here. That type of man typically has issues with women, but can sometimes (not always) make an exception for daughters (who are the Ultra Special Exception because they are not dateable or fuckable to him). Still, he can do a lot of damage to his children as well, by modeling a shitty relationship between their parents to them as the ideal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 03:39 PM
8

So...can the female Kakapos get around better? How on earth did the males evolve this way lol seems suicidal for the species
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 03:33 PM
24

One thing about Belle Delphine (who I agree would look her age in person) is that she uses filters and extensive photoshop and video editing to “de-age” her body and face when filming a lot do her content (especially the porn). She doesn’t look like a child, but she doesn’t look like a woman then either. My guess is she looks like what porn-addicted scrotes think “sexy children” look like 🤢🤮
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 03:31 PM
6

You know, there are degrees of friend. My instant is to say, you should be friends if you want to and there are no other red flags, but don’t get too close to her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 08:17 PM
3

Chump Lady has been an inspiration of mine since I stumbled across her blog some years ago. For those not familiar, she gives hilarious, FDS-compliant advice on how to ditch the cheater and level-up after infidelity. I’ve never been cheated on, but seeing her approach made me realize we give narcissists way too much air in relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 06:57 PM
139

Your idea is clever, and I like it for normal breakups, but in the case of a guy this disturbed, I’m team “line up your ducks, then disappear without warning as completely as you can with help from friends/a women’s shelter.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:34 PM
201

Forget NSFW, this is not safe for life. Literally. This poor gaslit woman needs to get out before he kills her (which, if I have any experience with abusers, and I do, he will likely try within the next several months to a year, now that he’s admitted to fantasizing about it to her).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:20 PM
46

In “The Gift of Fear” de Becker mentions this point too. He essentially says that men who come up to you in public and try to “help” you are automatically more dangerous than people you ask for help—because they’re already knowing an outsized interest in you, they’re more likely to be predators. I never let strange men “help” me when I’m running errands, unless I approached them first (which I only do if I have no other option). On the other hand, if any woman offers to help me I always take her…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:17 PM
21

Someone mentioned this in a strategy post last week, but this is why it’s a good idea to tell a guy you’re dating a fake insecurity (like if you’re insecure about your breasts and like your hips, tell him you’re insecure about your hips). See what he does with it. In your case, this guy behaved abominably, and you were just a kid. Don’t beat yourself up over it; I dare say every one of us has a similar embarrassing moment. It’s just how women are socialized—to let men steamroller over our wishes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:11 PM
42

This hit me hard. When I was a teenager I was put on birth control pills because doctors didn’t know how to treat my very heavy, painful period, so decided to just suppress it. I was absolutely miserable, but no one told me about any of the side effects or risks, so I didn’t make the connection between my misery and the pill until years later. When I was in my early twenties, I finally looked into how the pill works and the potential risks. It was like a checklist of my health issues, so I decid…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:06 PM
273

Oh my. I was...not ready for that level of disturbing content. Yikes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 12:58 PM
16

Oh definitely, you should never let a man triangulate you with other women. We should lift each other up! I mentioned this question because sadly when a man cheats sometimes his girlfriend or wife becomes obsessed with comparing herself to the other woman (because it could never be his fault, of course, he must be objectively right that his current girlfriend lacks something.../s).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 12:55 PM
34

Not to discount your insights, but IMO it doesn’t truly matter why scrotes do what they do. If you’re smart and analytical, it can be tempting to get drawn into investigating all their motives and psychology, but beyond what you need to know to protect yourself it’s a waste of time. All you really need to know is that, if he cancels, you are not his priority (obviously once in a blue moon someone really does feel sick or have a family emergency, but it’s honestly impossible to tell and not worth…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 11:20 PM
32

IMO the strategy is to wait until engagement, then move in (but maintain savings enough to move out if necessary if you can). That way you are making conscious choice and not falling into the convenience trap, but you can see what he’s like as a housemate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 11:15 PM
1

I’m normally somewhat skeptical of men speaking up on women’s issues, but he makes some good points that even I (as a very active feminist but not yet a mother) hadn’t thought of or known about. For instance, I was also under the impression that boy babies are significantly bigger. It’s crazy that they’re not, yet the girls’ clothes are significantly smaller, essentially fat-shaming the girls FROM INFANCY.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:42 PM
19

“Why have you stayed married to me for so long” ah yes, the eternal bond that is checks notes three years. That’s less than a degree!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:26 PM
8

Apart from being a red flag, this phrasing is just really cringey.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 05:13 PM
19

Definitely second the advice to watch the media he consumes. Not just porn, though you will need to warn him against porn sooner than you think (99% probability he will discover it by the time he is 10). But make sure he reads/watches/listens to media that portrays women in a positive or at least neutral light. Develop your social network so others can spend time with him when/if you are insanely busy and vet that network ruthlessly for pickmeishas. Also, if possible, identify some good real-lif…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 01:24 PM
9

You already know you made the right decision, OP, but I sympathize with the pain you’re feeling. I lost a friend to a similar issue (though in our case she was hell-bent on catering to a 60-year-old NVM boyfriend to “get ahead” in our career field...yeah that didn’t work out). Let yourself grieve the good times, and take what you can from the relationship to your next best friend (who I promise will come).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:31 PM
133

Funny how she starts out saying they took bad days out “on each other” but all her examples are HIM treating HER horribly, and he admits he thinks she will end up with another abuser like him...remind me why any of this is supposed to be aspirational? WTAF
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 05:23 PM
148

The post might be fake (who can tell?), but therapized NVM using “controlling” to shut down any attempt at a boundary is too real.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/21 01:09 AM
15

The best way to do it IMO is to decide beforehand what you’re going to do in all cases, ie no sex before x time or commitment (DON’T tell them the exact timeline or requirement, or it defeats the purpose), I only go on x number of dates with the same person a week, and so on. Just envision what you want in a relationship and then execute it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 07:31 PM
63

While I agree you should keep a cool head and not let infatuation blind you, you don’t have to run away from a guy just because you are feeling infatuation. You just need to consciously stop, slow down and correct yourself and avoid doing anything impulsive or attention-seeking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:40 PM
8

This woman is so uncomfortable in all her internalized misogyny she’s decided she doesn’t even want to be thought of as a woman, just an amorphous “person,” indistinguishable from a man. Now, there are many circumstances in which men and women should be treated identically (the application of most laws, for instance), but in relationships, all this does is obscure the ways in which she is different from her boyfriend, preventing her from getting her distinct needs met. This is on purpose, and it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 02:17 PM
3

This is a good point. I agree with modernmedusaa that we can prevent future abusers from going down that path by holding men and women accountable and changing the way society views women, but when speaking of a present abuser, the moral blame for his actions and the obligation to stop are on him. And they don’t usually change in any meaningful way, even after court-mandated abuser programs and jail time, so it’s safe to say their partners can’t change them, even by leaving them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 02:11 PM
14

There’s probably a reason you thought this would get you banned-it’s not helpful (or even clear? Like I know the exact phenomenon you’re talking about and it’s not relevant.) Can you edit to clarify?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 04:39 PM
33

This is...wow, that’s a terrible imitation 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 08:29 PM
73

Agreed, and the article I linked discusses that as well: “According to the report, a married father spends on average 6.5 hours a week taking part in primary child care activities with his children. The married mother spends on average 12.9 hours. Since two-income households are now the norm, not the exception, the above information indicates that not only are mothers working, but they are also doing twice as much child care as fathers.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 03:55 PM
151

As this article (https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffpost.com/entry/dispelling-the-myth-of-ge_b_1617115/amp) explains brilliantly, the reason men are less likely to get custody and visitation is because they are less likely to seek custody and visitation. Only 4% of custody cases actually went to court, and only 1.5% completed the custody litigation process. As the article states, “Mothers gain custody because the vast majority of fathers choose to give them custody.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 03:50 PM
9

Everyone makes mistakes. Often we as women are taught that our mistakes define us, in a way they apparently don’t define men. We are castigated as irredeemably basic/vanilla/crazy/bitchy/slutty/spineless and struggle to shed the label. I don’t want “pickmeisha” to become a label like that for you. Even if used to be one, it doesn’t define you. You don’t own the shame of the box the world tried to put you in. Do what you can going forward, and f*** the haters, including in your own head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 03:35 AM
1

What can I say? Men are trash lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 01:04 AM
24

Classic DARVO. “The problem isn’t what I did, it’s how you felt about it.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 12:43 AM
3

A few thoughts: Most men are actually pretty shit as friends for women, IMO. Take it from someone who had a ton of male friends when I was younger. As their female friend, you are always an outsider to some degree. Plus many of them are nice to you only because they harbor some hope of dating/having sex with you. Many men make good coworkers, mentors, or subordinates, though usually not better ones than women. I think this is because A relationship with more distance, such as a professional rela…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/21 12:37 AM
122

Yeah it’s a neg. I always just take it as a sign to end the conversation/relationship ASAP. Still incredibly frustrating though—it’s such an intrusive personal question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 05:33 PM
18

It sounds so weird! Which really makes you realize how desensitized we are to disrespecting women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 04:26 PM
4

Not to be rude, but what you’re describing doesn’t sound great, it sounds okay. Respect and decent treatment should be bare minimum. Only you can answer whether you’d regret breaking up with him. But I’d say that fact you’re having persistent thoughts about it indicates it is what you want. Unless you suffer from OCD or intrusive thoughts as a rule, you should listen to your brain when it tries to tell you something like this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 01:53 PM
18

Thanks for this content! Even though I’m married, I find guides like this incredibly useful for vetting everyone in my life—number 3 for instance sounds a lot like the process I had to go through setting boundaries with my family.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 10:30 PM
28

If you “work on yourself” so you can meet men’s standards, you’re just making it easier and more tempting for them to take advantage of you. For every improvement you make to your looks/health/wealth/status, you have to make a corresponding improvement to your mindset and value yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:33 PM
68

This isn’t a direct quote, because it’s been said before in posts on this sub (and it’s long) but reading the list of advantages an abusive man gets out of being abusive was what finally broke any sympathy or illusions I had about them reforming. As Bancroft says, it is possible for an abusive man to change, but it is extremely unlikely that he would want to. So the vast majority never change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:27 PM
32

I think it’s fascinating how resilient women’s bodies are. Our organs are able to move to make room, we grow a whole life support system, we can feed our babies after birth, and we’re able to survive one of the most painful experiences known to humanity (birth) by ourselves, if necessary. Yes, everything I described sounds scary. That’s fine, IMO, pregnancy and having kids is not to be taken lightly. But one takeaway for women is that we are stronger than we believe ourselves to be, and not just…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 04:44 AM
85

Oh definitely. And as other commenter have mentioned, the estimate of 25% is now quite outdated (the book was written more than a decade ago). It’s truly a disaster for women how widespread this has become.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 06:13 PM
58

“We didn’t want to ‘pick on’ the companies that used the chemicals” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 06:11 PM
43

*saving up for a ring (mistake in caption above) Just saw this on a certain sub (reminder not to brigade) and threw up my hands. Ladies, this is what we get when we bow to LV behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/21 04:26 AM
28

This reminds me of my mom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 04:33 AM
3

This...doesn’t check out lol. Even the example used—a lot of porn focuses on how the woman very much does NOT want it/is in pain/is scared. One of the many sickening things about porn—but it shows the “fantasy” men are being sold isn’t just about being desired, it’s about exerting power.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 06:03 PM
2

Definitely yes. The Madonna/whore dichotomy was first diagnosed in patients who couldn’t be attracted to their wives because they saw them as the opposite of the “loose” women they wanted to have sex with. It’s really a conundrum for misogynistic men who wasn’t to avoid being rapists: if she likes sex then she’s obviously not worthy of having sex with (/s, in case that wasn’t clear).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 04:58 AM
34

Not only does quantity not mean quality, but it’s not even really quantity—many of those men would not really be interested in serious relationships with you if you asked them. They’re just trying to cast as wide a net as possible for sex. If that’s not what you’re looking for, wading through their lies is a Sisyphean task.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 10:12 PM
73

This is absolutely true. You can’t buy respect. Conversely, the sons I’ve noticed treating their elder mothers well tend to be the sons of HVM and HVW who took no shit when they were growing up/young adults (expected their sons to do chores and organize their mental and emotional labor like women, called them on any entitlement, and demanded to be addressed with respect at all times).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:11 PM
147

This man literally contributed nothing of value, to that conversation or her life, then patted himself on the back (“I have never felt so mature IN MY LIFE,” really?). Also, wanting to be seen as a hero and Acknowledger of the Humanity of Women (say, by a public forum like Reddit, by the woman/girl herself, or by coworkers) counts as an ulterior motive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:08 PM
8

Reddit analytics can break down the gender ration of users on subs, in case you need more data to determine who is probably a man. Ultimately, there’s no way to be sure without doxxing, which many women will obviously not want to agree to for safety reasons, but with dedicated moderation you can hopefully catch most of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/21 07:05 PM
154

Oof. You could not be more right. My sister has an eating disorder from almost exactly this sort of situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 10:22 PM
25

Girl no, this is not a “wake up call,” this is the cycle of abuse. I hope she gets out safely before he gets tired of his act.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 09:23 PM
752

She wants to know how to explain it to him, but he’s leaving midway through the first sentence. He knows, he just doesn’t believe or care.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 06:35 PM
35

He BIT her ARMPITS? Damn. Every time I think I’ve figured these f*ckers out, they find a new way to be awful. Never underestimate male depravity, I guess.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 03:54 PM
48

“All these intricate-looking braids and hairstyles that, I’m assuming, their mothers did for them.” Not only can this man not Google, but he assumes all other men are the same and that taking care of his daughters should naturally default to women. Hence, he made this post, where he asks not a single real question (he wants advice on...how to practice without leaving mannequins with “creepy faces” around? Uh idk dude, maybe buy a mannequin with a blank face and put it away afterward? It is total…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 01:00 PM
10

Thank you for this extremely thoughtful and detailed post. If I may ask, how did you determine which elements of being a “Masculina” were true to your personality (if any) and which were a persona? Or perhaps I should ask, how did you decide what to change about yourself and what to keep? I’m a fairly competitive, assertive, and loud person, and I enjoy that about myself, but I think your analysis of the pitfalls of doing men’s work for them is sound (and I’ve never had a problem expecting men t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/06/21 02:10 AM
2

Love it when men do work for us without us asking. Rare and valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:13 PM
13

Dudes really be 100% confident about things they know NOTHING about.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 11:01 PM
284

As I saw another commenter here post, men objectify women, women personify men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/06/21 10:58 PM
23

I met my husband on OLD, but I want to caution everyone that that was years ago, and the OLD landscape has changed (worsened significantly, from what my girlfriends tell me). IMO there is no guaranteed way to find a HVM. It’s largely a matter of luck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 01:26 PM
3

Yikes, I’m so sorry about your ex. I tend to dress in comfy pants and sweaters at home. My husband never comments on it unless he especially likes a sweater, which is rare. I like that because when I’m lounging at home, I don’t really want to think about how I look. I think the key is to imagine what kind of environment will be restful and enjoyable for you at home. Do you want to be complimented on your clothes? On non-clothes related aspects of your appearance? Things not related to your appea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 12:02 AM
5

Yeah this was my experience as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/21 06:31 PM
5

An excellent point!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 10:42 PM
127

Disagree only because after-birth proposal is the obvious worst one: 1) making your experience of birth about him 2) you’re in pain and probably heavily drugged 3) you have to have an entire actual baby for the man with no commitment for this to occur Otherwise fire post 🔥🔥🔥
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 03:34 PM
107

“I’m having an argument with my wife and would like validation that I am right in never changing my mind about anything ever, because changing your mind is for simps. As are basic adult functions.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 03:26 PM
55

I love how the dude who created this actually thinks he has both these options. The poor women he based this hypothetical off of probably don’t even know he’s trying to rank their f*ckbility and income.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/06/21 02:58 PM
23

“Free speech/it’s a free country” ETA: And “my dear/hun/girl/other patronizing endearment” that is wildly inappropriate to the relationship and situation.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 05:04 AM
43

This seems low, honestly. But it’s a good conversation starter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/05/21 08:36 PM
22

This dude is just sorry he got caught.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 07:35 PM
12

You can make more money than this working at actual MacDonalds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 04:28 PM
21

What in the jesus.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/21 03:42 PM
11

“I was initially sure...but I’m starting to question myself a bit.” BZZT! No, always listen to your instincts about what you do and don’t want to go with your body. Your instincts are trying to protect you. Don’t think twice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 08:22 PM
71

Isn’t that the point of reversing these lol? It’s shocking, isn’t it, lurkers, how humiliating and vitriolic these ads are? But I’ll bet you weren’t feeling it until it related to you. We’re so conditioned to accept abuse of women that that’s just blasé now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 06:40 PM
24

In no other area would we consider consent sufficient justification for abuse. There’s a reason you can’t hire someone to kill you, sell yourself into slavery, or sign a contract to sell your internal organs. Consent is not enough to prevent harm.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/21 03:17 PM
5

The correct answer is B and C. Sadly men can think of you as a sexual prospect and still call you dude.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/21 01:01 AM
71

I agree that this is an excellent example of a toxic double standard. I don’t agree that submission is earned (???). Contrary to what dudes like this suggest, it’s not a “woman’s role” to submit 🤢 I don’t care how amazing or trustworthy a guy is, I want a relationship between partners. If I wanted to live with a guy and have to defer to his judgement all the time I’d move in with my mom and dad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 01:49 PM
19

YES! I’m really into a lot of “nerdy” hobbies (gaming, SF novels, complicated board games) and have had a lot of unattractive men hit on me because they thought I was their manic nerdy dream girl. They were much more nasty and entitled than the “jocks” who showed interest in me in high school and college. Massive chips on their shoulders because they thought my pussy was a consolation prize for being low status with other men. The unofficial LVM motto: When we have nothing else, we always have t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 01:35 AM
96

Their attitude often leaks through in the way they talk about porn when questioned—they tend to say they would never recreate the horrible things witnessed on a “real woman.” Like damn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 11:07 PM
54

Related to phone protectiveness, won’t give you any of his passwords. Gets offended and tries to DARVO you as unworthy of trust if you ask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 10:58 PM
19

I think it’s generally understood that “human” here means “a full person, with all the rich internal life, preferences, needs, and desires of any other person, who should be valued as such.” It’s like the word “humane.” One could argue humans don’t treat each other humanely, but we all understand what the word means.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/21 02:15 AM
6

I agree with other posters that this is a terrible thing to put on your dating profile, if you’re using OLD. That said...wut. WUT??? I’m dead. And the winkey-face...just...how. How do they find the audacity?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 08:46 PM
216

TIL men “protect and provide” without actually giving women money or defending them...what do I need a traditional man for again lol?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 05:09 PM
56

Wait...His wife is in a video justifying his behavior, and he’s FILMING A REACTION ON HIS WAY TO CHEAT on her??? The audacity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 04:57 PM
15

I second the advice of other posters—treat her the way you want her to treat herself. Find out as much as you can about her talents, interests, hobbies etc (or marshal your existing knowledge) and really try to nurture her. Show her how talented she is, and how much she means to you. Buy her food and nice presents (ideally related to said interests so she can grow), and plan outings together you think she will enjoy. Perfect compassionate active listening. Never judge her. It will take time, but…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/05/21 12:02 AM
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