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Bluetoes1 Archive

View 0 posts and 227 comments by Bluetoes1 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

Listen to your lawyer. Stop responding to texts and especially stop answering the phone. I would also suggest your record every in person interaction with her so she doesn’t try to silver bullet you. Listen to your lawyer and don’t use them as a therapist. Don’t be nice, it won’t benefit you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/26 05:12 PM
19

Here’s my advice 8 years out from a nasty divorce when the ex had an affair and ran off with her trailer park partner. Abide by the courts orders. Get the classes done, stay away from whatever the court orders you to. Then Go silent on her. Get away from her, don’t respond to texts, calls, don’t talk to her family or your church people. Every communication at this point will be an attempt to collect evidence on you. You need to learn to respond, not react. If you have to answer any communication…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:19 PM
11

Cougars and single moms have needs too
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 11:49 AM
2

Just support him.Let him know often it was the right decision. Tell him the quiet doesn’t = loneliness. If he is having any real difficulty with the situation, it’s ok to talk to a therapist. There is grieving involved in this no matter whether he pulled the trigger or her. He was with her a long time and grieving the end of the marriage is ok.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 12:23 AM
1

Brother, i am so sorry. Here’s some tough love from someone who has been in EXACTLY your position. She is biding time. She is doing things like talking to lawyers, moving money, setting up secret accounts, etc. i understand it is difficult but if you are sitting around hoping everything is going to be hunkydory in a few weeks, the odds are not in your favor. You need to really start protecting yourself. If you don’t, she will be fully prepared to screw you over and I guarantee she will try. Do n…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 06:43 PM
3

Get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 02:41 AM
3

First, I am sorry that all of this is happening to you. It is completely understandable for you to feel like you do. There are a lot of men on this page that have felt just like you. Again, I am very sorry. You are going to have a lot of feelings as this progresses. Since she lied about the abuse accusation, I would be careful with my interactions with her. On a brief search, I learned that Ohio is one-party consent state that means you can record her without her knowledge. In my state it is the…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 07:23 PM
1

I’m sorry you and your daughter are dealing with this behavior
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 08:44 PM
4

Attach it to the underside of your car and contact the police.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:05 PM
6

Dude, we’ve all been through this. Tell your lawyer you want full custody and full decision making and child support. Start negotiating from there. The gloves are off. I guarantee she is going to try to tear you down to the roots because she feels like she deserves everything and you deserve nothing. Don’t give in, don’t capitulate. Ultimately go for 50/50. Week on, week off, split holidays, alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas each year
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:29 AM
11

Don’t worry about it until you get served. You can’t control crazy
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 12:05 AM
15

She left because she is a miserable twat. I learned during the divorce that we were about 6 months away from bankruptcy and she found another sucker who she thought would save her. 8 years later, and they are paycheck to paycheck (a college professor and a nurse practitioner) and they are having significant money problems. Same problems, different sucker
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 04:23 PM
5

Don’t bother. He’s not the problem. He’s not the person in a relationship with you. Let it go. It’s the only way you’ll find peace
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 07:11 PM
2

What she did is called DARVO. Learn about it
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 02:46 AM
3

Invest in your kids, get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 02:38 AM
2

Take your time. But don’t let your past experiences ruin your future. I dated less than a year out of my divorce and I am remarried now to someone waaaay better, and nicer. But do it when you feel good about it
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/26 12:23 AM
7

I got one the minute I started seeing another woman. Totally worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/26 11:36 AM
2

Going through my divorce, my attorney was having health issues and asked for 2 continuances because of her health flare ups. It wan’t for anything but that, and due to how shady my ex had been, she wouldn’t allow any associates take her place. It was worth the wait for me
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 01:38 AM
13

First things first, your divorce is finalized, most of what I wrote below is for people in the midst of the divorce. Since you have been divorced for six months I would suggest a neutral email saying she is mischaracterizing what happens in your house and that she needs to mind her own business. After going through mediation 6 years after the divorce, I will tell you, the family court system is tired of your shit. These attorneys roll their eyes when they hear two grown adults bickering about ea…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 04:05 PM
6

Go for everything
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:56 PM
2

Happy New Years brother. You aren’t alone. There are millions of us out here who have endured the same pain. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I dealt with it at the holidays in ‘18. The wife had left in the spring due to an affair, and were divorced by this time. I fought for 50/50 and got it, but that meant alternating Christmas and Thanksgiving. I’ve since remarried and am very happy. Hopefully this will happen for you as well. I came to the conclusion that it’s not a holiday if the kids…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 06:54 PM
1

Watch out with that, my ex was foreign and I deal with a nightmare from her on a regular basis due to forced interactions with kids.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 05:23 PM
4

Okay, Texas, I divorced here. My first bit of information for you is to speak to a family law attorney. You get a bunch of jackholes here (including me) giving you advice from their own personal experiences. You need an experienced lawyer to help you navigate this. That being said, here's my 2 cents. Talk to the lawyer to see what your options are. Don't believe that you are screwed, you can set your path with the right attorney. If you can do it amicably, you can both go your own directions wit…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 05:22 PM
7

Ask your lawyer to subpeona her financial records. I’m sure you can show that she is financially in trouble and wants money. That’s typically why women try this
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 02:28 AM
4

You wrote a lot. I was done in the beginning summary, which really wasn’t a summary. I just dealt with this myself. My ex gave my oldest a phone when she was 6. I immediately said no. She is now 13 and asked if she could start bringing the phone over this last summer and I agreed with my daughter understanding that I can say no at any time and she agreed. What I expected to happen did and my daughter ended up being an unwitting spy and she was getting more than 75 texts originated by her mother …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 10:15 PM
22

Nope nope nope, that dude can kick rocks. And your ex trying to normalize this can suck it. Fuck that guy. Don’t ket her set the terms so she’s more comfortable. And make sure that guy knows he will should never feel comfortable around you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 04:25 AM
2

I would say, accept it is happening. I would also say, do not trust her, get your finances in order, figure out how you are going to do it, and watch the credit cards, and the bank account.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 11:57 AM
3

Go what you need to do to heal yourself. If it sticks, great, if not, it doesn’t
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 04:45 PM
10

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. This can only be bad. So many ways it can. What happens when you meet someone else? Are you welcome to bring your new partner? What I have told my children is that it doesn’t matter exactly what day we celebrate on, as long as we celebrate together. We alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving and it works just fine. The kids got used to it quickly and they look forward to each house for different reasons. You’ll find that very quickly you will not want to be beholden to her in a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 04:30 PM
9

Mine tried to say I was unstable to cover for her having an affair and running off with a married guy. She said. She was afraid of my because I was a former Marine who had PTSD and drank. The truth was that I was a Marine (not while we were together) and I did like to drink beer on the weekends. She added the PTSD because it sounded good to her and she thought it would make her justification better. It’s all hearsay, so do yourself a favor and don’t give her any fodder to use against you. Here i…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 09:02 PM
1

In my north Texas county they will only do a modification if the child support percentage ends up making a change of $100 or more per month. If she is not around, you shouldn’t worry about it. If you are concerned, you can contact the AG’s office and they can help you with any questions.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 12:11 PM
14

Use patience. Don’t make a scene. The relationship will go to shit at some point. I dealt with the same thing. My ex moved her affair partner in with her and my 1 yo and 5yo daughters ten days after we separated. It drove me insane. I was out if my mind. They are still together now, but are miserable and trapped together because neither of them can afford the debt they have built up on their own. Just wait, karma will come, but you have to be patient and you have to look for it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 10:18 PM
8

He tried to stop me from dating his ex wife. Because “it would look bad in the community”. So I ended up marrying her. Btw, my ex had an affair and left me for the guy. (Referred as Dr Dickhead, or the chomo)
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 12:01 AM
2

It did, through a lot of pain. But when it came time, I was done. What has happened now is the ex is EXTREMELY bitter because she has tried to vilify my wife with the kids. She has tried to put a wedge between all the kids. Because I told her years ago she will always be the villian in this story, as the children grow up and they get into relationships and they learn about people cheating (hopefully they don’t experience that) and they realize that is what happened to both myself and my current …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 06:42 PM
25

It does get better. I’ll share my story as it is ongoing. I too, agree with the long slow cold revenge, and I did it by creating a better life for myself and my kids. And there are some perks that came along the way. I figured out my wife was cheating in December of 2018. When that happened, I was destroyed. I pushed us to do marriage counseling, and she agreed, only to try to use the counselor as a third party to try to make me look bad in court. Fortunately, the counselor was ethical and staye…
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 06:03 AM
8

Tell her you want full custody and she will have supervised visitation. Say you want child support and full custody to make all major decisions. Use the argument that her decision making is flawed and she clearly cannot make good decisions for the children. There is no reason you can’t make a hard run at her.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 02:20 AM
5

Brother, I hope you fully enjoy the freedom and joy that will come with your move out. I don’t care how well you have managed that situation, I know there is a level of misery you have had to deal with. Congratulations on your upcoming freedom. You deserve all the happiness that comes your way.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:44 PM
4

I use it with my ex. It was implemented when we had a mediation due to her exploiting the broadness of the decree. She objected to using it for most of the mediation but her lawyer finally convinced her that it would protect her from the mean things she told the lawyer I say to her. It took about six months of freakouts and threats from her before she learned that I wouldn’t respond to her texts. She also had to learn what an “emergency” is/was. Waiting until the last minute to inform me of thin…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/25 11:44 PM
6

Not a thing. My ex moved her affair partner in with my 1 and 5 year old daughters 10 days after we separated. She still lives with him. The court didn’t give a shit. Don’t agree to anything you don’t want to do. Whether you made a mistake or not in the affair, don’t let any guilt affect your decisions here. This is a legal situation and you need to keep emotions out if it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/25 02:30 AM
10

She only wants counseling to try to use the counselor against you in court. It’s also another way to drain your resources. Go ahead and file.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 02:15 AM
4

I’m sorry you dealt with that. I’m glad you are looking for people to speak with about this. You should look into talking to a therapist. Find one that deals with trauma, and ask them about their experience with treating trauma. Whether you talk with a therapist or not, it will take time for you to work through this. You will have revelations over time of things they did to you that you will have to work through. Even 8 years after moving out, i remember things and realize how insidious some of …
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/25 04:44 PM
6

Good for you. I would suggest you try to start using a parenting app. It can help document all communications.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 11:37 AM
13

Congratulations. We do need to see more stories like this, so those guys who come here feeling so low can realize there are possibilities for success
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 04:55 PM
5

I’m sorry you have had to go through all of this. But now you know the rules. You don’t share anything with her about your plans. You don’t try to negotiate with her about anything. You can’t be reasonable because as soon as you want or need something reasonable, you will be told no or worse. If it is not in the decree, it doesn’t happen. She will be angry and she will lash out. Be prepared. She will try to provoke you. This is all suggested from personal experience
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 12:18 PM
7

Hey buddy, I’m sorry you are going through all of this. It sucks, it really does. And there are a lot of guys here who have been in your position. So, in terms of splitting the family home and other stuff. Remember it is just stuff. You are going to feel like you got screwed, because you did. But you clearly need to get out of this situation you, as well as your kids. You can’t let her drag you down to her level with the yelling and name calling, especially in front of the kids. You are going to…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/25 03:48 PM
1

Get a lawyer. Get one fast. She is plotting and she is planning on screwing you over.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 07:23 PM
5

You might want to talk to your lawyer. It was put in my orders that the parents can only live in one of two school districts.if she moves out of either district, the kids will stay with me. It prevents al that kind of malarkey. It looks like you may need to have a mediation considering she now makes comparable money and you don’t need to be giving up that $1k a month.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:33 PM
5

You do not. My ex tried to force me to pay “spousal support” when we got divorced. My lawyer scoffed at her.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/25 05:27 PM
1

Depends how the order reads. If order says exchanges can by done by assigned responsible adult he can’t do anything without a protection order against the guy. I know this from personal experience. Read the order, contact a lawyer if you still have wuestions
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:45 PM
5

I’m sorry you are going through all of this. I know from experience how difficult this is. I know you want to scream to the world about every little thing she has done. Sadly, it is useless. Nobody really cares about how vile of a person she is. Nobody gives a shit she is getting an abortion due to a seedy affair. Nobody could care less that she is a lowlife skank that wasted your time and your life as you worked your ass off and did everything you thought you could to make her happy. But you kn…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 08:52 AM
14

I can guarantee with more than 90% accuracy she won’t feel relieved and not cause problems. When my ex-wife and I separated to start our divorce, she moved her affair partner into the house with her and my 5yo and 1yo just 10 days after I moved out. I started a relationship a year later and she found out and lost her shit. She tried to tell me that “it would look baad in the community” if I was in a relationship. That was the start of 7 years and counting of ridiculous malarkey from her. So all …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 12:12 PM
1

This poster is right. Follow this advice. Next, record every exchange. Start from 5 pulling up until pulling off. Save all of it just in case. Sadly it will be like this for a while, but down the road, it will cool down. I’m sorry you have to go through this.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/25 12:16 AM
19

Fuck that bitch.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:53 PM
11

Save all of this stuff. Print out all the chatgpt text into a binder . Put all the divorce info into the binder. Keep running documentation on her affair and all of her craziness. The reason I’m saying this is not because of right now, but because of the future. I am eight years ahead of you and all of the same stuff happened to me. Just not the ChatGPT. But I have an eight year ex-wife who is just as crazy as she was when she went crazy and went running around with other men at the end of our m…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 06:48 PM
6

Not amicable anymore. This sounds bad, but this is a typical action if women when it comes to divorce. The initially agree to a collaborative divorce then someone talks to them about how they are owed so much and they need to get a lawyer. Then the lawyer sees a big check ahead. You’re going to need to get a lawyer
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/25 11:32 PM
1

I learned early on to live to the decree. That way, they have to as well. Since she wants to change her mind, especially based on the ex-mil, you need to be militant about it. You have to wrap your brain around the idea that you will not see your kids at certain times, but it is better that you know, instead of her repeating what she did. She will get very upset because you will be inflexible, but explain that it is the decree that she agreed to and since she is doing this manipulative junk, you…
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 11:08 AM
4

The school won’t affect your relationship with your children. You meed to be there for them. You need to get them when it is your custody and be present for them when you have them. When they get into their teens, things will change. Their independence will grow and they will spend less time with both parents. But you want them to come to you with what they need and want. That doesn’t have to do with the school. Be available to pick them up or take them to places or events they need to get to. B…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 04:53 PM
3

Good for you buddy. Divorce is tough, but as time goes on, you will feel better, these big things will get smaller in your rear view mirror. You won’t ever forget, but just chalk it up as experience. Hopefully what you learned during that relationship will help you do better in your relationship now. Keep working on yourself and put that last relationship behind you
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/25 04:48 PM
3

First off, I am sorry that you are going through this. Nobody deserves to go through this kind of situation. I suggest you speak to a divorce attorney as soon as you can. They will be able to help you in figuring out how to navigate this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 02:00 PM
5

Be friendly with him. Introduce yourself and shake his hand. Let him be the judge. Most likely, he won’t like you. But you can always tell him you don’t have a problem with him as long as he treats your kids well.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 02:07 AM
4

You’re going to spend more money going after her. Pay off the bills and move on. I know it is super frustrating, but she most likely did it on purpose. When things go bad for her and she comes knocking, remind her of them as you close the door in her face.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 09:42 PM
8

Hey man, I’m so sorry that you feel like this. But it is 100% ok that you do. You are clearly still in the grieving process and that is alright. I’ll tell you that it took me a long time to work through my emotions after the divorce. I still have a lot of anger to this day. (7 years later.) You clearly are a good dude. You take care of your ex even though you have 0 requirement to. That is certainly what I would do if my ex were behaving like yours does. But you are looking out for your son, and…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 11:19 AM
6

I would suggest you sell and move on. It will open up too many opportunities for conflict if you try to be her landlord. You need to make a clean break.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/25 09:53 PM
6

In Texas here. When my (now) wife was getting her divorce, she was a stay at home mom and teacher by trade. Her ex left her in December and filed for divorce in January. He made the mistake of changing his direct deposit and leaving her with less than $200 in the bank while not having a job and having 2 kids with her. Being a teacher, she couldn’t get a job until the following fall. That created an instant emergency hearing and he was ordered by the judge to pay all her legal bills, pay mortgage…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/25 08:05 PM
3

Have the lawyer handle it. Just give the lawyer as many opportunities/ideas of where the server can meet her. I had to take my ex to court for a modification and she was ducking the server and playing games with my lawyer. They finally caught her at a gym on a Saturday morning. Must have been embarrassing getting served in front of all those fat ladies doing the little workout thing with the coach. It didn’t have to go that way, but she wanted to play games. If she continues to refuse, your atto…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 06:23 PM
4

I’m sorry that you are suffering through this and enduring this pain. I have been where you are with a cheating partner. It is awful and you truly do get torn up. I want to let you know that although, your road is hard ahead of you, please please please endure. These times will be your lowest times, it will feel like the pain you are feeling is insurmountable. But you can make it through. You are in the right place with this group, as there are a lot of people here who have been in your position…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/25 06:06 PM
5

Both the ex’s were scheming to harm both of us. My wife contacted me to talk about everything that was happening and we began to talk. The first year we were in full defensive mode. My ex was trying to use the court to bankrupt me, while my wife’s ex was trying to terrorize my now wife. I began showing up at her custody handoffs to ensure he didn’t do anything more than he already had. My now wife was a sounding board fir me and a way of tempering my frustration while my ex was trying to frame m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 01:42 AM
5

50/50. I pay for half of my girls’ health insurance. On the other hand, my ex, who had an affair and is still with her ap, pays 100% of the private school costs for my kids. And, as a reql kicker. I ended up marrying her ap’s ex-wife, and his kids now live with me a majority of the time. My wife receives 25% child support from him.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 12:12 AM
1

I’m sorry that you have to go through this. Everything piled on like you wrote is very overwhelming. but you need to continue doing what you’re doing. You need to do it for your kids. This is an awful time for you, and you don’t know when it’s gonna get better but it will get better. I would suggest you get a therapist, either in person, or online. Just somebody who can give you validation as to the stresses that you’re going through and help you figure out ways to overcome them. But just like m…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 07:54 PM
2

Go for everything. She’s shown her true colors. Record and document everything. Do everything you can to keep from being one-on-one with her. Do not speak face to face with her. Tell her to email you. Record any interactions you will be required to have. Do not ket her know you are recording. She will provide you with plenty of documentstion. If you are sharing accounts, I would suggest you he careful. The money can disappear. Additionally, if you haven’t already, freeze your credit snd freeze y…
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/25 03:17 AM
2

Document document document
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 02:22 AM
9

It’s an intimidation factor and a money grab by the lawyer. At least in my southern state it is. Nobody cares about affairs. They are only concerned about the children involved. Get a good divorce attorney and be ready to see a bunch of garbage come across from her side. My ex was cheating and moved her affair partner in 10 days after we separated and nobody could have cared less that she moved a married man in with my 1 and 5 year old girls. But, from my experience, if she is subpoenaing people…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/25 01:36 PM
2

Make sure she can’t see or find any pics, or messages about this stuff. I guarantee it will be used against you. To her you need to be a monk until the divorce is finalized Otherwise, do what you need to to stay happy
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 08:53 PM
1

Make sure she can’t see or find any pics, or messages about this stuff. I guarantee it will be used against you. To her you need to be a monk until the divorce is finalized Otherwise, do what you need to to stay happy
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 08:53 PM
9

Don’t give in on the restrictions. You will regret it. She is clearly going to take a position out of state. But you have some things in your holster. If she needs to move for work, I suggest you go for primary custody. Your daughter can see her mom on holidays and the summer. She will be losing you, Her school Her friends Her consistency All by being uprooted. The court will listen to that. If you allow her to move out of state, you decree will be basically useless, you will have to file any co…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 06:43 PM
3

I’m sorry you are going through this. As you can see there are countless other men who have been in your shoes, having felt the same feelings you are now. And simply, it should get better over time. You will get used to the times you are not with your kids. You will find it to be times to be constructive for yourself or your new family, when that eventually happens. If it seems hopeless, i would suggest you find a therapist. At least to help you adjust. They can give you validation for your feel…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 01:05 PM
2

I’m sorry for what you are going through. Don’t worry about what others say. You are on your own schedule. You can grieve the relationship how you need to. I will say that once you meet someone else, and she makes you happy, it will be easier to move forward. You will always carry the scars, and don’t forget, but you can move on. You will be alright, when it is your time to be.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 10:18 AM
9

It doesn’t matter. Don’t make an issue of it. For the initial hearing ask for everything. Full custody of kids, full decision making, everything. Don’t say another word about it. If she chooses to ignore it at the initial hearing, the judge will make a default judgement and you will get everything you ask for.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:47 PM
2

The night we were at the marriage counselor appointment and she refused to acknowledge that the 3-page love letter to her affair partner was written by her. Even though it was in her handwriting and I found it in her nightstand.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/24 12:59 PM
3

Get a lawyer and counter with all the same things she is requesting. Don’t ask for 50/50, go for primary
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/24 02:41 AM
2

Go for 50-50. Then ask for child support due to the disparity in income. One of the purposes of the child support is to have the children live in similar circumstances between homes
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 12:13 PM
2

Live by the divorce decree. Learn to realize you won’t see (and maybe even hear) from the kids on some special occasions. I don’t know what you did for a restraining order to be put against you, but you should really only communicate in writing and not be switching and swapping dates. My wife was brought back to court and her ex used her kindness against her to say that she was erratic and wouldn’t follow the decree. The decree is created for a reason. Use it to enforce the boundaries you set.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 12:47 PM
8

My ex tried EXACTLY this. I only found out when I found a love letter to her affair partner. She had a plan by not telling me. If you don’t show up to the hearing, the judge will find a defeult judgement against you and all the terms she requests will be approved, and you are screwed. Get over the shock of it, your stbx is a horrific person and does not care one bit about you. Get yourself a lawyer who will fight for you, and I mean fast. And get ready for a fight. Go for every single thing. You…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/24 12:28 PM
10

Dude, stop talking to her. That she talks to you about some other guy is vile. It shows she has no compassion for you. Time to become a dick. You will thank yourself for it. Yes, you were betrayed and lied to. And sadly, she was probably fucking this guy well before what you think. She just decided ton start telling you about it. Get out if this marriage. There are a lot of great women out there who want to be loved by a guy who really cares about them. Find yourself a therapist to work through …
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/24 03:20 PM
1

It absolutely is a thing. My ex and I had a mediation for a modification this summer because she was explaining the broadness of our decree and I had to out a stop to it. She wanted a mandatory phone call each week (we are 50/50) so she could rattle the girls during my time. Well, I agreed, and then had to hold the line, because within 2 weeks of the mediation she was blowing up my phone with Facetime and phone calls. Then came the emails and texts. But another term of our agreement want to only…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/24 02:08 PM
9

Go ahead and file. File for 50/50 and make sure you can handle the kids on your own with no help from her. Get them in school or daycare. AT YOU TEMP HEARING, ASK FOR THE CUSTODY You WANT, as most judges will keep it that way at final. She’s going back on everything she said (very common), so go for everything you deserve. Go for half of her 401k and the house and anything else. She has signaled that she is coming after you, be ready and don’t give in, you will regret it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/24 09:36 PM
1

Well, something else important is to find a good therapist. I’m 6 years from my divorce and I still talk to my therapist that worked with me through the divorce. I can’t tell you how much it helped. I still talk with him 2 times a month.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 01:55 AM
2

Join a boxing gym, or jujuitsu
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/24 12:39 AM
1

Well said
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/24 12:30 AM
9

You are right, poor guy. But it’s not for you to get involved. If you were to try to say something to him, you will be accused of being bitter. You won’t be taken seriously. This guy most likely isn’t the last. Hopefully he treats your kids right and you can get along with him. Just sit back and be patient.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/24 02:23 AM
5

I think more importantly, you need to speak to a therapist. This will help you more than you trying to fix yourself on your own. Especially since you were clearly hurt so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/24 11:25 AM
11

Get a lawyer, your daughter is a minor, she doesn’t grt to make those decisions. If your stbx wants to move, she gets to do that without your daughter who is registered in school and has an established life. Fight tooth and nail for your rights. Fathers are important for little girls, more so than mothers
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/24 08:20 PM
1

No, they still just live together. The kids say that she isn’t interested in marrying him, and marriage is just a piece of paper snd doesn’t mean anything. What I get from that is that she didn’t realize how much a divorce costs when you screw someone over and they decide to fight back, and you end up blowing all the money you siphoned off on lawyers
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/24 06:44 AM
2

That’s where it get’s interesting. The is the ex-wife of MY ex-wife’s affair partner. Our children had the same piano teacher which is where they could have mini-dates each week. When I discovered my wife was cheating I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me, which she agreed. It turned out to be a smoke screen and stall tactic so that she could continue some of her things she was doing behind my back. She worked to drain my bank accounts, took the. She cashed out my children’s 529’s whi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 07:34 PM
1

I’m sorry you are going through this. I was in a similar circumstance with many of your same concerns. But, now, 7 years later, i am remarried and much happier than I thought I was. I had a 1 and 4 year old when she was caught cheating and then filed for divorce. I was so scared about the prospect of my girls growing up in two homes, and being children of divorce and all of that. But it all has worked out, mainly because it turned me into a better, more involved father. My girls live with me, th…
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/24 05:34 PM
5

Give it another chance. Have an open conversation about over another dinner. Get some more clarity on it, then make a decision on whether you want to see her again. I agree with the other poster that she could be testing you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/24 12:43 PM
2

You will be entitled to half of her 401k for all the money contributed during your marriage. Focus on the 50/50. Don’t argue this point. Let her be surprised. Finally, get an attorney, look at it as an investment in your children’s future.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/24 07:06 PM
1

That’s not always true. Some judges are old school, but a mediocre lawyer can argue no CS on 50/50 since time is shared equally. I personally pay no CS and 50% medical insurance. That is all.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:45 PM
2

Sorry you are going through this. Let me give you some advice from my experience, and you can use it to your advantage. You can always go for primary custody as well. Don’t think that the woman has all the power. GET HER TO AGREE TO 50/50 AT THE TEMPORARY HEARING. The reason this is so important is that generally, whatever is agreed upon at the temporary hearing is what is put into the final order by the judge. It will be much harder for her to have it changed, and your lawyer can argue this arg…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:43 PM
4

This, this and this. Keep your phone recording at all times. Don’t leave the house. Don’t worry about the evidence of cheating, divorce courts don’t care about that. You’re wasting your time with that. Protect yourself, don’t let frustration or aggression get the best of you. If she is behaving this way already, she’s going to get worse. I think the cameras are smart too, not just to prove your innocence, but also to show if she does anything to you. I’m sorry you are going through this. Be a go…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:30 PM
4

This
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 02:51 PM
4

Don’t do anything. I guarantee it will be used against you. Doesn’t matter if she moves in with another guy. You will be the bad guy if you do anything. Take it from someone who knows
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/24 07:08 PM
3

Just pay for it. Divorce sucks. Just do it for your daughter. Look up Coach Sam on Tiktok.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 12:35 PM
7

Most divorce courts din’t care about the reason you are divorcing. Make this a nothing burger to your stbx and get on with the divorce. Back off with this new woman until the divorce is final. If you must communicate, call her. Don’t stay at her house or her stay at yours. One of the stipulations of a lot of divorces is to be chaste during the divorce. That is my recommendation, just to keep the proceedings going and moving toward completion.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 06:15 PM
6

Army of Darkness is an amazing reference
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 02:19 PM
3

I was told that by my divorce attorney, she said to go for everything I want because that is usually what happens. We did 50/50. When I went to my final hearing, my lawyer just used the argument that it had been working and there was no need to change. My ex went ballistic realizing that my lawyer outplayed hers. Go for 50/50 at your temp
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 11:29 PM
14

Do the custody case.get the 50/50, and remember, whatever temporary orders go into place, usually ends up being the permanent orders. So get what you want from the start
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/24 09:24 PM
2

I found a hand written, 3-page love letter. The switch flipped and I was done.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/24 07:23 PM
3

Thanks, but no. It isn’t worth it to go after them. Although it can seem like it will be satisfying to see them get in trouble, it never works out how you want. OP needs to take the high road through the divorce and work to get the best deal, and not provide fodder for his stbx to use against him. She’s already going to throw a bunch of garbage at him
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 04:29 PM
9

Not worth it. My ex is a professor at a North Texas christian University and she clearly had an affair and her school couldn’t have cared less. The employers don’t care. Don’t waste your time. Bide your time and find something else to bring her down with.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/24 03:25 AM
3

BIG NOPE. No chance of reconciliation means no chance of friendship.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/24 11:35 PM
3

If you can afford it, go for it. Any help is help.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/24 01:11 PM
1

Hormone replacement therapy or testosterone replacement therapy. Hormone replacement therapy is also a term used to for treatment for women as well as
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 05:20 PM
2

Mine was 287 and they put me on it, they told me it should be around 900’s which is where I am now. Helped my libido Got rid of a lot of chronic joint pain Motivated to work out Better sense of well being. It’s worked out for me well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:09 PM
3

You might want to look into hormone replacement therapy. Exactly what you are describing happened to me, except for the ridicule from the ex. Your testosterone may have been dropping concurrently to all this happening and it could be low testosterone. It changed my lide and sex life as well.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 01:26 PM
2

You are exactly right on. I have believed and advised friends going through this stuff that their girlfriend or wife is cheating and they aren’t coming back from it. Then when I realized what was happening I did everything I could to try to save the marriage. We still ended up divorced
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 12:50 PM
12

Once a cheater always a cheater. She’s learned that the grass isn’t always greener, but just a different shade of brown. My experience has taught me that if you give permission for someone to come back, you have given them permission to treat you like that again. They may seem grateful that you took them back at the time, but subconsciously you have shown them what it takes for you to take them back. Additionally, if you do take her back, and then the smoke clears from all of this, will you trus…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 06:42 PM
17

She’s having an affair. Protect yourself. At this point, she’s made up her mind and you can only make it worse for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/24 02:57 AM
1

Two kids that were accidents to me, but not to the ex. I didn’t do it until I found out she was running around with a fat loser. When the divorce proceedings began, it was one of the first things I did. Definitely was the right decision. You won’t regret it
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/24 12:39 AM
2

Very well said. Hopefully you can feel like there is light now after a very long and cold tunnel. Good for you and way to encourage others, that’s what this whole subreddit is about
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 04:28 PM
4

Exactly this. If you are in the house together make sure you keep your distance from her. Do not let her get near you or instigate any fights. She will try to find an opportunity to call the police on you and they will automatically arrest you, then you will be dealing with a criminal case and a family law case. This is not uncommon, please beware and be very cautious
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/24 01:54 AM
3

I know how you feel on this. It won’t do you any hood to do that. If they did something really bad to you, just work to let it go. There is a karmic payback that will happen to her whether you believe in it or not. Sadly, you won’t know that it happened. But it will. You just focus on healing and moving on.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 08:37 AM
1

Ashwqgandha might be something you want to look into. It helped me with ruminating and gives me a sense of well being. It also helps me sleep. I was desperate during my most difficult times to get sleep. This helped and still does. I don’t take it every day, but I still use it. Hope this helps
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/24 10:28 PM
10

Hey brother, hang in there. You can do this. It’s all about the kids. And you can make it work. It doesn’t really get easier, but you will find your groove. You’ll figure out how to make it work for them. And they will see everything you did for them. Maybe not today or this year, but they will let you know. It’s ok to be angry, just don’t let the kids see. Stay on this sub and let people know how you are doing. We’ve all been in similar circumstances at some point, and hopefully we can help.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/24 02:38 AM
1

I was having this problem and am going through mediation now to tighten up the parenting plan because it was too broad and open for interpretation.(manipulation) Make sure you get all this lined out in the parenting plan. Check out Coach Sam on TikTok, you might want to donate consultation with her to help you out. https://linktr.ee/samanthaboss
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 10:25 AM
5

You’ll learn to let it go. Move forward and continue to look that direction too. You know she’s not living as well as she was with you. No need to look back. Seems to me that you had a good learning experience. Single moms are not the right decision for you. Over time she will fade, just like the memories of every other ex you have.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/24 10:29 PM
3

I started with “I want 50/50 at least, and she said she will do everything she could. I got 50/50, no child support, no spousal support and I pay have the insurance, $157 a month. My brother had just gone through a divorce a year ago and his terms were that he wanted the same. First three lawyers he went to all said he would get standard possession and to just prepare for it. He wouldn’t accept those answers. He ended up getting 50/50 so I took his advice. Texas is moving towards a standard 50/5…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 04:30 PM
2

DON’T move out! I’m in Ft Worth and have 50/50. When you interview lawyers, let them know that is non-negotiable. Some will just automatically say you have to do standard possession
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 12:06 PM
4

Sorry man. I know exactly what you feel. I’ve been divorced for coming up on 7 years. I still get extremely angry anytime my ex is around, and even more so when my children talk to me about what she is doing to/with them when they are in her possession. I’ve even had a therapist first the last 7 years as well. I’ve told him I still see him for my rage issues coming from the ex. Btw, I have been remarried for 4 years and she still finds ways to piss me off. Hopefully you can find peace, but I’m j…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 03:29 PM
6

I would suggest you have your phone video recording at every encounter. Do not let them know you are recording, just hold your phone down to your side with the camera facing out. Be nice but stand your ground. If he approaches you, and worse, touches you, just speak to it where the recording catches as much as you can. Then contact your attorney and request a temporary restraining order against him, and ask for him to not be allowed around your children due to violence. See how that works out. S…
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/24 07:00 PM
1

Learn about gray rocking and yellow rocking. Sounds like you are going to need them for the next decade+.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/24 03:19 PM
2

You don’t need to wait. My wife’s ex took her to court 4 months after their divorce finalized. He kept her in court for two years after that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/24 02:04 AM
3

This is nice to read.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/24 07:26 PM
4

I learned the hard way that there is no middle, and there is no reasonable. She lied to your face about the counseling and filing (mine did the same). She went and got a strong attorney, she plans on fighting. You need to fight for everything, if not for you, for your children. If you give into everything you can end up in a very bad situation financially that you cannot get out of. Get another attorney, look at all of this as an investment into your kid(s). Every penny you spend keeps those kid…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 08:11 PM
1

If you can dream it, you can do it. And you won’t have any mystery charges on your credit card
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 09:58 PM
1

It’s just a matter of having the kids. It may also make for mending of fences over time and can help getting both sides to coparent better, which is always better for the kids. If it feels like you are being taken advantage of, but you understand what is happening and it helps your relationship with the kids, there is no problem with it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/24 07:09 PM
2

Once again a troll posting where he shouldn’t. Looking at your posts it looks like you are starting s divorce now and it is clear you don’t have a clue about what you are talking about. I hope you get what you deserve out of it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/24 08:13 PM
7

No, we were still legally married at the time and in my state, a spouse can sign for the other. My lawyer sent me to the police, who said their white collar crime division was too busy to even interview me. Then I went to the FBI and they laughed at me because it was not a large enough amount of money for them to pursue. So I got a second attorney who went after the company I used to work for for negligence. They pushed back and we started the investigation and working through it , the legal fee…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 11:32 PM
6

Brother, Take peace in knowing that it does and will get better. There are many before you who have gone through what you are going through. Including myself It’s good to hear you are feeling better. You will go through a lot of ups and downs, but please know that you will end up coming back up higher than the downs over time. If you focus on your kids, being there for them, showing them that they have a safe and stable parent, you will heal faster. You can help your kids to see that things can …
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/24 09:54 PM
1

Great advice. Meet with a lawyer asap. DO NOT GET I VOLVED WITH ANYONE WHILE DIVORCE IS PROCEEDING. Listen to everything your lawyer says, and push your lawyer for the most you can get. I’ll tell you from personal experience. Don’t think there will be any guilt about the affair and that you will walk away with everything. The court does not care about affairs. They care about the kids. Expect your stbx to come at you with entitlement that she is owed everything and you get nothing. There will be…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/24 05:56 PM
6

My ex moved my 2 year old and 5 year old in with her affair partner 10 days after we separated. They had opened joint bank accounts 4 months before and cashed out my daughters’ 529’s. I was heartbroken, but quickly turned into anger. I never missed her after realizing how she was scheming behind my back. Sounds to me like she doesn’t deserve you. Don’t look back, and focus on taking care of your daughter. She will need you. (Also, put in your temporary divorce documents that you don’t want your …
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 11:14 PM
3

Your feelings are valid. You do what you feel you need to do. That is all
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/24 11:40 AM
3

Hey, you are not a failure. Your marriage ended. This is a tough time for you, but it will get better. Be a good dad, and be there for your kids. Nothing else matters. As the kids grow, that will be the proof on what kind of person you are. The marriage doesn’t reflect on who you are as a whole, the children do. Be there, and be the best dad you can.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 09:49 PM
17

This is a typical DARVO tactic. My ex did the exact same thing with the teachers. She had the affair, she ran off, she filed for divorce, she got her way. But what she didn’t get was a whipping boy after the fact. She didn’t like that I was no longer very agreeable to every whim she had, so then she didn’t feel safe because I told her no. But I will tell you, now, after 6 years, I am being told that I am the reasonable parent and the one they hope to be able to call when they need to talk to a p…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 07:46 PM
3

Just be a good dad and the kids will not be swayed by those other guys. I have 50/50, and my girls (5&2 when we divorced) not only haven’t fallen for the ex’s affair partner’s attempts to out “dad” me, but they also have gotten to the point where they complain about him quite frequently to me. All I have done is love my girls and be there for them. You are their dad, and unless you are horrendous towards them, they will always look to you
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/24 11:58 AM
12

I’ll tell you my opinion. Nothing is going to happen. My experience was that my ex forged my signature and sign a full distribution for my 401k from my last job. My lawyer suggested I contact the police. They scoffed and said to get a lawyer to handle it. My lawyer then suggested the FBI, that agent pretty much laughed, saying that since the amount was so little, they won’t proceed with anything. If it’s not 7 figures they don’t care. Finally, she forged my name again and cashed out my daughter’…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/24 01:22 AM
15

Good, she needs to understand you are not hers anymore
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:45 AM
19

My wife cheated on me. I was devastated and felt extremely betrayed. We have 2 girls who at the time were 5 and 2. I wanted to make it work for the girls but she just became more secretive and it gave her more time to start stealing and hiding money. My experience has been that once a person cheats, their relationship with you is over. They will never look at you the same (neither will you, about them), and if you take her back, you are sending her a message that she can do things this heinous t…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 02:27 PM
9

Head on over to r/NarcissisticSpouses and start learning. This is very familiar to me. You will never get an apology. And she will never stop smearing you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 03:55 AM
18

What’s changed. You’ve been fighting for eight months. This is just a hoover to see if you will come back.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 04:24 PM
5

You have a great attitude. Try to keep it as long as you can. All of this can become very taxing on you emotionally. Fight for the kids. Get as much time as you can. If you can get 50/50 or more, do that. You won’t regret it. The best thing you can do is have your kids with you at least half of the time. The reason I say this is by reading what has already occurred, you are going to get smeared in your children’s eyes. Anything you do, miss an extra-curricular, raise your voice in frustration, a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/24 04:21 PM
16

An affair is a serious thing. Your guilt and sadness are well earned, and that you realize that is good. Having been cheated on and my marriage broken up because of it. My ex has never accepted responsibility, but instead has run a six year smear campaign in an attempt to make me out as the bad guy. Don’t do that to your wife. If you really feel remorse, make everything easy for her. That doesn’t mean you have to give more than she needs. But if she wants it, make the divorce easy for her, and l…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 04:04 AM
2

Yep, I’ve still got 11 years before the youngest is eighteen. But I don’t expect it to end there. There are still college issues. Weddings. Everything where she can make all about her and ruin everyone else’s experience. Then there are grandchildren. And with her, I am certain that she will do everything she can to try to continue smear my name as their father and grandfather, because that’s what she does.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/24 03:48 AM
3

Congratulations! I fought a hard battle too, to end up with 50/50. Just look at the money as an investment in your future. I was told by someone that he had to fight for every second he could get either his kids, because he didn’t want to take the risk of his daughters coming to him later in life and asking why he didn’t fight hard enough for them. That became my mantra. And you succeeded. Sadly, you will probably have many hard fights ahead head of you from what you wrote. I am 6 years divorced…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/24 01:42 AM
6

My ex’s story was that since I was a former Marine, I had ptsd and was an alcoholic. Apparently if you drink the beer your wife buys you, you’re an alcoholic. Mind you, I was never in combat. Anyway, that’s her story for her little coven, but when it came to court, it was just more blather the judge wasn’t interested in. So, as long as she doesn’t bait you into anything, and get you arrested, it will never come up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 01:12 AM
0

Ohh, I absolutely do.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 03:24 PM
10

You have every right to be upset. Hopefully it will get easier over time. You need to block everyone you see in those pictures on social media and I would suggest you get off social media all together. Additionally, say goodbye to all those “friends”. If they are out with her and the guy who broke up your marriage, they aren’t your friends. There is no walking a line of them being friends with both of you. You need all this for your mental health and for your ability to be able to move on. Look …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 12:17 PM
7

Go talk to a lawyer. Find out what they can do for you
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 11:48 AM
5

Holy shit dude
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/24 01:59 AM
6

Just my two sense having been through a divorce. If you are going to divorce, many attorney’s will advise you to stay chaste during the divorce proceedings. It makes it cleaner, your wife won’t be able to come after you and muddy up the proceedings. Try to keep that in mind
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/24 06:40 PM
1

Well put
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/24 09:26 PM
26

You are right. She also convinced her affair partner to pull his out and hide it away as well. They also attempted to take out loans in my name and applied for credit cards. Had I not caught on, it would have been much worse. They were extremely upset when I caught on and collected the loans as they were deposited into the joint account. I moved the money and never said anything. I put freezes on my credit and the applications stopped. But, there is a twist. I was contacted by the affair partner…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 05:06 AM
12

My ex forged my name and did a complete distribution on my 401k. The court said we were married so she could do it. She hid the money away in a secret account and I never got a penny back. Oh yeah, she cashed hers out too so I couldn’t get any of that either. Finally, she emptied out our daughters 529 as well. Good woman, huh.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 04:40 AM
5

I removed her name and only her number pops up. I did put the abominable snowman from Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer as a pic for her.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 12:28 AM
5

I’m sorry man. It is tough to go through. But this too shall pass. You will look back in a whole and realize it was all for the best. Enjoy your buzz, and don’t wallow. You are a better man than to allow it to take you over.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 12:51 AM
2

You don’t have to be in a relationship. Or you can be, when you are ready. The important thing is to give your kids stability. I was single for 2 years. I couldn’t be luckier in the woman I ended up with. She has 2 of her own kids, and is amazing to my girls. She is actually more loving and caring to my girls. They love her, and she loves them. But if you raise your kids by yourself that is completely ok as well. There are no specific rules on how a family looks.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 12:18 AM
1

Don’t back down. Fight unreasonably and fight hard. Go after everything you can. Now is not the time to be nice, it will cost you dearly. Every judge is different, mine preferred 50/50 custody. The judge of someone I know told his lawyer not to show up at court because the judge already decided the guy would get the standard 1st/3rd/5th weekend schedule. His judge didn’t believe in 50/50. But now is not the time to be nice, she is coming after you, you need to push back harder to protect yoursel…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 12:14 AM
4

Move forward. All the mean shit and insensitive shit she told you during that harsh time, is what she truly feels. It will quickly slip back into that if you give her the opportunity. If she has become more interested and attracted to you due to what you are doing, then other women will be too. She had her chance, she threw you away. Don’t look back, for now. Get out and get away, and after some time, then look back, and see how close you got to messing up by going back with her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/23 01:07 AM
2

I can say, I had a fair judge for my divorce. I had a female judge who did not want to listen to anything about sob stories of how bad of a guy I was, and how terrible and all of that. My ex threw motion after motion after motion to try to financially wear me down. In the end, the judge did not want to have a hearing so she pushed our hearing time from 10 AM to 3 PM. I was later told she did this, so that we would negotiate instead of standing in front of her. My ex-wife was trying to threaten m…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 05:26 PM
1

Dude, do not give up your rights to your son! You will regret it. She has no more rights to the child than you do, that boy is half of you. Get a lawyer and get moving on the divorce. Don’t Tell her a word about it until you have her served. Protect yourself, because looking at it from my experience, your marriage is already over
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/23 02:14 AM
3

If you take her back, you are giving her the green light to do it again. And she won’t feel as guilty the next time.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/23 01:50 PM
2

I’m sorry you are going through this. Find a lawyer. Obviously the divorce is not going to be pretty. Recording you will do nothing for her. Just learn to stay cool. Talk to a lawyer without her knowing and go for as much as you can, because it sounds like that’s what she is going to be doing. This will be a difficult time for you, but go into it strong and be prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 01:29 AM
1

Check out narcissists subreddits. Your ex is doing many of the things mine does, with the smearing and recruiting of flying monkeys. It will help You understand what is happening. You are also doing the right thing by being the better person.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 12:26 PM
19

DO NOT DO THIS. That is all
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 06:58 PM
8

THIS.. look at it as an investment in your future. If you are going to lose half your 401k, pull from it to pay the legal fees. You will just have to split a little less. She is going to get upset and hit you with a lawyer at some point. So you better have one on hand yourself
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 02:37 AM
1

My ex-wife forged my signature on a 401k distribution form, got the distribution and then sent it to a secret account. They never provided the docs for the account and the judge never even questioned it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 07:53 PM
16

This is great advice, but get a lawyer. My ex started with a who message of kindness and 50/50 split for custody of children, and with everything going 50/50 property wise. It was a ruse, once we were into the divorce, she sent motion after motion to take everything from me, including my girls. It ended up doubling the amount of time for the divorce. Her excuse? “I have a right to change my mind” So added to this person’s excellent explanation, I am going to say GET A LAWYER! Look at it as inves…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 12:11 PM
1

Bring it up in therapy. Exactly what you wrote here. Work through it, or if you guys can’t, you may need to be looking in another direction.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 03:45 PM
9

It’s called their satchel of sorrows
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 12:15 AM
1

Don’t bother. If you know she’s cheating, and you aren’t willing to accept it, find a lawyer and get started with the proceedings
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 06:40 PM
1

Step up and get a lawyer. File. I have experience with this, my ex planned on screwing me over. Here was her plan. She filed for divorce and did not tell me. Her lawyer offered to have me served but she declined because she told him she would tell me, and she would have me sign the acknowledgement document. Her plan was to not tell me, forge my signature, and then when the initial court date arrived, I would not show up. That would result in a default judgement, she would get full custody of the…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:22 AM
4

Let her go and let it go. There will be many karmic revelations in your future. Focus on yourself and your kids at this point. Sounds like she has begun to learn the grass isn’t greener, just another shade of brown.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 08:16 PM
1

Borrow money from a family member or friends. Get a lawyer fast, because you are going to need one.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 08:35 PM
6

Yes she did, then after we separated and she moved in with the guy, she quit and gained it all back
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 02:28 PM
17

Same shit happened to me. I ket people know she had an affair. If people want to think I’m petty and think I should let it go, it tells me what kind of people they are.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 02:56 AM
1

Get a lawyer, for something like this, don’t take advice from a bunch of yahoo’s like us.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/23 12:23 AM
3

This this this. Get a lawyer, if you are worried about money, look at it as an investment in your children. My ex started out all nice then wasted $20k of my money filing modifications after modifications to end up with exactly what we agreed to at the temporary hearing. EXCEPT, she agreed to pay all private school tuition for the girls. She’s much happier now, and I’m happy for her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 11:38 PM
9

Emotional affair Letting the truth slip out a bit at a time due to guilt on their part
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/23 11:34 PM
1

This. Mine says we can each sign the children up for 1 extracurricular per child and we are required to pay half. Anything beyond and the parent signing up is required to pay 100% if not agreed to.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 06:36 PM
2

Same thing happened to me. Ex moved in with paramour 10 days after we separated. Courts don’t care unless someone gets hurt. Moving a 5yo girl and a 2yo girl in with a guy you’ve know for 5 months and been running around with seems to be a problem, but not in the courts’ eyes. Just hang in there. Make it known to your attorney, he may be able to use it later on.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 04:20 PM
2

Hang in there. It is VERY difficult. But it will get better. Just be there for your kids. Sadly, you will adapt to being away from them. You will learn how to be productive when they are not around, and you will really learn to appreciate your time with your kids. I’m sorry you are going through this, most of the men here are in the same boat. You have a bit of a support group here, please use it. Hang in there
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 12:07 PM
10

Good for you! Leave a mark, so she remembers.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 12:43 PM
3

I’m sorry this is happening to you. You need to protect yourself. She sounds like she is already gone. You are going to go through some pain, but you probably need to divorce her and move on. It sounds like she has some issues and you can’t fix them. I agree with the guy who said get a std test and then a paternity for your child. I’m going to tell you something else, she is not the love of your life. She is a woman you love right now. But you deserve better, and you will find her. You don’t des…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 12:40 PM
1

No, he wasn’t the one in the relationship who violated your trust. Although he is not totally innocent, he is not the one who holds the blame.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 04:42 PM
3

Dude! You are normal! You are now part of the majority with a divorce. If you ex is a decent person, you guys will heal over a few years and maybe be able to be friends enough to share events with your son. But you have provided him a home, and stability, and that is what is most important. I learned being a single parent isn’t bad. It actually strengthened my relationship with my two girls. Just be available for your son, and you’ll be ahead if the game. In terms of dating and sex, it will come…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:30 AM
1

Call for a well check and tell the police what she told you
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/23 01:21 AM
4

Apparently, it was my fault that my ex had to go to hotel rooms with men and do things under a bridge. She will never accept responsibility because she doesn’t see that she did anything wrong by having an affair (and possibly multiple affairs). She thought it was ok and didn’t look bad that she moved her lover into the house 10 days after we separated. But I am the bad guy that she has contantly said I’m mean and evil because I keep boundaries and she doesn’t like that she can’t run all over me …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 08:18 PM
3

If you expect a difficult divorce, you might want to wait. Lawyers will tell you that you need to be chaste for leverage in the divorce. I learned this the hard way, wife who was having affair found out I was talking to a woman and lied her ass off to get my lawyers to scold me and not use her affair in court. (“You are both the same” - can come up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:40 AM
6

I’m sorry you are in this spot, it sucks, and most of us on here have been through it. But I’m going to tell you this from my personal experiences. Get a lawyer now. Interview a few. My suggestion is to find an experienced female lawyer. If you can find one that was on the city’s/county’s board for family law, that’s even better, because they will know all the judges. Then tell the lawyers that you want everything. Start from the unreasonable, and negotiate down. Be the one who files, there is a…
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/23 02:22 AM
1

Letting go is hard. I’m remarried now and have moved on, but I still have anger and get my adrenaline kicks in when I have to interact with her in any way.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/23 03:00 AM
8

They are called flying-monkeys. You have to learn to move past them. They aren’t worth your time. I remember the pain of those days, but they will pass. Look to one or two friends who are close to you. If you don’t have them now, well, you have time to make new friends. I was reminded of the phrase, this too shall pass, and it will. The best way to move on is do that. Occupy your time, fill it with walks, running, working out. Pick up a hobby, get out, meet people. This is all possible, just get…
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/23 12:04 AM
2

So, no contact is no contact. You are not able to do no contact since you have a child together. You need to learn to greyrock. Look up the term and learn the principles behind it. Do not respond to any of the texts. They will fade over time. She is trying to push your buttons and provoke you. She is trying to get supply from you. If you aren’t familiar with that term you need to look it up as well. If you don’t have a lawyer, get one. Get a paternity test ordered to prove the kid is not yours. …
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/23 03:38 AM
1

So, reading your information, I see a red flag that is going to be a problem. You said the two of you agree on everything except the child support. In my personal experience and what I have read from others here, this is where the train goes off the rails. Here is one example: wife says split everything down the middle, you go your way, I go mine. You split custody of the kids 50/50 and all is good. Then she comes back asking for support. You are now defensive because that wasn’t the arraignment…
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/23 08:36 PM
2

I started seeing a psychologist when I discovered my ex-wife was having an affair. I am still seeing him to this day (5 years) and it has been one of the best decisions of my life. He coaches me on my stressed and issues. He has helped me navigate a divorce where my wife constantly lied, tried to say I was a violent alcoholic to gain favor with the court, and tried to bankrupt me through divorce court. He feels as close to a friend as possible while giving me invaluable advice and assistance. If…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/23 10:18 PM
2

Sounds like that divorce is about to be that slap. You are doing the right thing. It will get worse if you don’t. Your daughter will be sucked into this as she gets older and the longer you wait, the worse it will be. You are your daughter’s hero, be there for her.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/23 02:07 AM
2

Dude, you need to accept that she probably never loved you and you were a source of some sort of supply for her. Attention, money, etc. I had the same thing, together with my ex for 15 years. She cheated and left me after 5 months with the guy. Moved my children (5yo and 2yo) in with the guy 10 days after we separated. She had no empathy or concern about anyone but herself and still does not. My daughters are props for the look she wants to have as a “tiger mom”, and I spend a lot of time emotio…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 03:54 PM
4

Don’t move out. Always looks bad to the courts. If she wants a separation she needs to move out. But let her know she needs to get a full time jobs and figure iut what to do with the kids while she is working
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/23 12:59 PM
13

I have the same kind of issues with my ex. The main thing is indifference. Make her irrelevant. If you have to cut iff the mutual acquaintances, I would suggest that for your mental well being. As far as the 19 year old boy, try to have a conversation with him. You can learn what he has been told, and you can correct him. If he chooses to believe you or not is his decision. But remember, it’s a 19 year old punk that has no bearing on your life. Just focus on your kids and ensuring they know who …
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 02:19 PM
1

There’s nothing wrong with being single. I married a woman 2 years after my divorce but I can clearly see how I could have stayed single. My best friend separated from his wife the same month I did from my ex and he is still single and doesn’t see ever getting married again. His kids are grown and his career is really taking off. He likes having his own place, where he isn’t beholden to anyone. From what I’ve seen online is more and more men are over the relationship part of their lives. I can u…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/23 01:18 PM
2

When my wife had an affair, five years ago, she suggested we go to a marriage counselor. She only did that because she was trying to find a professional third-party that she could use against me in court. After three months of therapy, we finally had a confrontation in the therapist office, where she admitted to the affair, and I decided that divorce was the best thing for us. I went through an emotional crisis for the next two weeks before I contacted the same counselor and asked if he would se…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 02:05 PM
2

Stay strong. Find a therapist, even if just over the phone to talk about this. It will affect your health. Get through this hardest part and it will smooth out after you are out of the house. I’m sorry that you have to go through this.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/23 01:03 PM
1

They need to talk to a lawyer. When I was divorced my ex tried to financially destroy me so she kept putting in motions to change our agreements before it was finalized. That cost me 20k because of someone mad that she didn’t get more from me. My new wife, sat across the table from her ex and they hashed it out for about $5000. And hers was still a hostile divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 02:34 AM
2

Dude, it definitely varies. My ex had an affair Nd left me for the scumbag. They still live together today and she actually tried to get my daughters to call him daddy. It has been 5 years, and I even ended up marrying that guys ex-wife, so his kids are now my step-kids. It isn’t top of mind anymore, but I still have anger boiling up when I hear about the bag of shit trying to tell my kids about right and wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/23 02:12 AM
1

Talk to an attorney about this. In my experience, I will say you will regret if you were too generous. Do you want to leave with as much as you can
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 04:34 PM
1

Courts don’t care about infidelity. They are only concerned about the well-being of the kids. Your lawyer might be able to get you a little more, but typickally it is a non-issue
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 03:26 PM
8

I’ve been there. 5 years later and I am still dealing with her and her bullshit. She cheated and tried to insert her new schlub into my place, including trying to get my 2 girls to call him “daddy”. Do it right, find a therapist and begin selfcare. But here is the thing, go hard on the offense. Don’t back down. Go for everything, and ask her to leave since she is the one stepping out. Tell your lawyer you want full custody, and child support as a starting point. Have no mercy and try to get ever…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 11:45 PM
4

Hang in there buddy. You will feel better over time. Sorry that you have to go through this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/20 11:41 AM
3

Document everything. Most states now are no fault when it comes to divorce, meaning she most likely won’t lose anything due to the affair. Just cover your bases and take care of yourself. Make sure you take care of your health and your mental well-being. It is a long hard road. However, you will be better off in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/19 12:23 PM
1

As an added note, look up the grey rock method. Show no emotion and provide no stimuli when dealing with the STBX. It will be difficult at first, but any less drama is better.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/19 05:02 PM
2

You’re doing everything right. Hang in there and stay strong. I had a similar situation. Ex had affair and asked me to leave. Said she wanted 50/50’until her boyfriend lost custody and had to start paying child support. The ex then tried to get full custody so she could make up for her lost money. I had/have a great therapist who I have been going to since the start of the divorce. He said that I should fight for every minute with my children, so I made a pact with myself, “not one more penny, a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/19 11:16 AM
1

If you are splitting 50:50, you will each be required to pay for the child care for the children during your time. At least in my state. As far as her leaving them alone, you need to document every time it occurs. I would suggest you speak to an attorney as soon as possible regarding this.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/19 05:07 PM
2

No, but that is what was told to me just 2 nights ago. I am in the same position as you, just some time ahead of you I think. My ex lives with the man she had the affair with, and he does things like pick up my kids from school and daycare when my ex can’t. I have a 2 yo and a 6 yo and just found out tonight from the older one that the boyfriend is bathing my children when my ex isn’t there. But I can’t do anything about it. I can’t go kicking in the door, I can’t go kneecapping him at work. Bec…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/19 01:37 AM
1

Just remember, you can’t be a good father if your are in prison
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/19 12:28 AM
3

I am a single father who went through your same situation last year. However I did not work nights. Background: My wife had an affair and her and her boyfriend had created elaborate plans to take advantage of me and the boyfriend’s soon to be ex-wife. I have 2 girls, 6 & 2. My lawyer told me at the first hearing to get a 2 bedroom apartment and to get child care for the girls. I searched about 20 daycares and found one that took children on alternating weeks. I also found a day-camp for the olde…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/19 02:11 PM
8

47 yo male. Turns out I was not happy with the ex. I was just going through the motions. But More importantly I found out how terrible my ex was with money. She had been siphoning off money and taking out loans for years. So really I learned that the hemorrhaging that was happening could be stopped. Most importantly, my relationship with my 2 young girls has grown by leaps and bounds. I have a 50/50 split for custody and when my girls are with me, they are only with me. It is amazing the closene…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/19 07:51 PM
5

File for divorce first! Do not hesitate. It is a slow process but there are many advantages to filing first. Talk to your lawyer about what you want for custody terms. Get those into the divorce suit. If you have not done anything wrong like hurting her or your children, or getting arrested, or drugs, your chances for 50/50 custody are good in many states. Don't second guess yourself. Get prepared. Talk to your lawyer about how to go about the changes, such as moving out, school, etc. You need t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/18 10:39 AM
3

I am going through the same situation with you. However it may not be as bleak as you think. At least in my state the state wants and believes the father should be involved. This is a southern state, typically conservative, but the state still thinks both parents’ involvement is very important to the kids. Actually what she is doing looks bad for her in the courts eyes. Just document every time you try to see your children and are denied, and document every attempt at contact. Also take some tim…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/18 01:37 PM
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