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Bonsai-ninja Archive

View 0 posts and 82 comments by Bonsai-ninja on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

No you're not wrong to feel like you need "me" time. Gotta recharge those batteries brother. Enjoy the time you have with him as much as you can but dont forget to take care of yourself as well. Good luck bud.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 01:34 PM
3

The gym and running.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 02:00 PM
2

Amen brother. Putting one foot in front of the other everyday instead of giving up is what a win looks like sometimes. Don't give up fellas. Never give up.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 02:54 AM
3

I hit the gym more than I ever have. Listened to a lot of self help videos and motivational videos. Did a lot of self reflection and a LOT of talking to God. It's been a year and we're still finalizing everything but I truly feel at peace. I just can't wait for it to finalize so I can move to the next stage of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 09:50 PM
1

I agree and thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 12:52 AM
2

Well said!
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:03 PM
3

I'm financially stable, in good shape with a good job and I struggle with my value everyday. God and my kids are the things that keep me putting one foot in front of the other. I'm still cohabitating and hopefully finalizing my divorce here in the next few months and I'm honestly terrified at what my life is going to look like. The struggle is real brother. Just gotta keep fighting as best as you can and don't give up.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:02 PM
1

I'm on the same boat with this. My STBXW is showering the kids with gifts and basically letting them do whatever they want. This is clearly not good for an 8 & 11 year old but winning favoritism is more important than good values and making sure they don't become entitled.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:30 AM
2

Aside from the kids ages, this is exactly what I'm going through. I don't have any advice though as I'm also trying to navigate this the best I can. Good luck and I'll be keeping an eye on this post for may advice.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 05:29 PM
3

You need to learn to be happy with who you are by yourself. I know that can be a really tough pill to swallow. It took me 10 months of being separated (still cohabitating and going through the divorce) to realize and get to this point. With that being said once you decide to put yourself out there be cautious, guard your heart and set boundaries. I myself had and still have no plans on dating anyone until my divorce is final. I however I met a sweet woman who absolutely changed my mind about all…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 04:21 AM
1

I'd love to do the same however we have 2 kids and she's going for 70/30. At the moment it sucks but at least I get to see the kids everyday as opposed to weekends or every other weekend.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/26 06:59 PM
5

I'll be hitting a year this May 1st. It's been an emotional rollercoaster. I hit rock bottom at one point and questioned why I'm still here. But through Faith in God and my own stubborness to not give up on life I picked myself back up and told myself everyday "one got in front of the other, I'll get there eventually". Here I am today strong as I've ever been. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I'm still cohabitating and waiting for the trial to determine when we will finally split for good b…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 11:55 PM
2

I feel that man. I'm almost at a year of going through the process and I'm still cohabitating waiting for the trial date. Luckily I won't have to pay alimony where I'm at but it's still going to be rough with the finances. I hope you find a way through this bud. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 09:53 PM
4

Sorry to hear this my fellow brother in arms. I'm currently about to get hit with the same scenario and I keep asking myself the same question. Shit sucks. Work an entire career all for her to say she's entitled to your retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 08:36 PM
1

I completely agree
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 08:18 PM
4

I have plenty of friends to hang out with. I'm active in sports and go to Church so I have a community of people I'm around. No issues there. And I'm ok with being single. I just couldn't imagine living the rest of my life solo. I'm also not the type to just "hookup". Did that in my early 20s and it left me with an empty feeling inside. I say to each their own. If scorned dudes can write off woman for the rest of their lives good for them. I personally can't. That doesn't mean I'll get married a…
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 03:09 PM
4

I get where you're coming from but loving a dog and a woman are two entirely different kinds of love. I won't abandon the love for another woman just because my current marriage didn't work out. And maybe the next one will be another disaster but I won't give up on woman just because there are bad apples out there. My 2 cents though so who cares.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 05:03 AM
7

There's nothing wrong with being single however for me personally I enjoy having someone to protect, love and care for. I love connecting with someone and sharing experiences with them.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 03:05 AM
1

I'm coming from a marriage that had no abuse involved. My Wife and I fought probably quarterly. We would say our sorrys (almost always just me) and make up. The problem I believe is that Men are more willing to suffer through the worst because of who we are. I loved my Wife so much despite our arguments and fights. My love for her out weighed any BS we went through. For Woman, especially in today's society, I think they need happiness way more often than not. I can say with honesty that I was co…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 05:15 AM
5

This is the correct answer. GTFO and fast!
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/26 05:27 PM
4

I'll tell you about it. Married for 3 years, divorced. Remarried a year later for another 13 years all to have the rug pulled out. I should've listened to everyone who called me an idiot for getting back with my STBXW. Now my empire is crumbling and she gets half for doing Jack shit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:20 AM
3

Congrats brother! I'm 9 months in and praying this ends soon.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:18 AM
3

Yup that's how it goes with love. We commit a lot when we love deeply and when it's gone it hurts so much. It makes it even worse when betrayal is involved. It's good that you can look at the love you're able to give and see that some lucky woman out there will get it someday. Communication is a huge factor in a lot of these divorces. Unfortunately us men are not the greatest at picking up on things sometimes. It also doesn't help when woman are vague about what they are upset about or just outr…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 02:34 AM
3

Brother you are living my life right now. This is almost copy and paste what I'm going through. I'm waiting on her lawyer to agree to my settlement so I can finally move out and move on with my life. I hope you find peace once you move out and things get better.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 05:52 PM
3

I'm so sorry to hear that man. I found out in the last year of our marriage my Wife cheated on me the first go around. If I would have known that when we got back together I would have told her to kick rocks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 04:16 PM
3

This sounds a lot like my situation. We got another 13 years out of it and two kids. She hits what I believe is a combination of pre menopause and mid life crisis and walks away. I struggle with saying it was worth it because 19 years of my life are washed away. I got two amazing kids out of it though so there is a silver lining.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 03:17 PM
6

I feel ya on this. In the first month my STBXW was disappearing for hours saying she was just "going on a drive". Saturday comes and she says "I don't feel safe in the house I'm getting a hotel room", despite the fact she slept in the house prior to just fine as well as after her hotel stay. Then a sudden "work trip" comes out of nowhere out of state. Shit destroyed me knowing she's probably with her AP. I'll say this though, 9 months in and I don't care what she does anymore, I just want the di…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 08:25 AM
3

Exactly, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 08:48 PM
6

This is exactly how I felt. I'm going on month 9 of the divorce and I'm slowly feeling like my emotions are leveling out. It still hurts but I feel much more in control of what's going on than I did before. As for my role as a husband and a provider, I miss being there for my Wife. I miss knowing that when I wanted or needed a hug, I could go to her and get it. She's no longer the woman I fell in love with or married and I've made my peace with that. Rebuilding my life and being a great father t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 08:37 PM
8

I'm right there with ya brother. I think about my marriage that's coming to an end and the connection I had with my Wife and after all is said and done, I'm just not sure if I can open my heart to someone else again. I hope I'm wrong but at the moment it just doesn't seem possible.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/26 03:02 AM
6

This is what we all ask ourselves. You're not alone in this. I'm 8 months deep in my divorce and I'm just starting to find out who I am. It's a rough road man. The first couple months were absolutely crippling. But it slowly gets better. You have to find a way to work on yourself. Be it physical activity (this is a must IMO), a new hobby or finding something that can improve yourself, you have to start rebuilding yourself. It will get better. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep …
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 04:43 PM
4

Not sure if it's the same for you as it is for me but I've shed so many tears now that they rarely come anymore. It feels like emotional scarring. The pain is there still but tears come less and less. This is how I know I'm healing. Not sure if it's the same for you but I hope this is the case. If not I'm sorry brother, I wish I could help somehow.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 06:12 AM
13

Can confirm. Wife monkey branched in a marriage that was not that bad. I was more blind sided when she told me she had emotionally detached before the divorce even started ...which meant she had been planning to leave me for some time. Sadly in today's society with social media and ease of access to see what greener grass may look like, marriage means very little.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 01:52 AM
1

If you're referring to me or the husband as the parasite, I wasn't aware this "parasite" encouraged their Wife to do better. I paid for everything, gave her compliments daily about her beauty and was always affectionate. By no means was I perfect husband but to call me parasite is a joke. I certainly didn't deserve to be treated like a bank account nor did I deserve to get cheated on. And somehow this "parasite" will still end up losing most of, if not everything he built/paid for over the last …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 10:13 AM
2

Tell me about it. 8 months in and I just want this to be over so I can move on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 06:27 AM
1

Thanks bud
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 12:28 PM
11

My Wife betrayed me. Said she was emotionally disconnected before divorce was even initiated. She walked away from our marriage for her AP. She knew we were on a path of divorce well ahead of it. I'm one of those guys who was blind sided. Very few people in my life have stabbed me in the back like she has. I've dropped people in my life for less, she's gone forever in my eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 11:16 AM
6

I'm glad you are able to do this with your ex wife. However I'd be willing to wager a large sum of money that most men in this sub reddit want nothing to do with their ex. I for one will be happy the day child support ends and I never have to contact her again.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/26 11:03 AM
3

I feel ya on this man. I stay in shape, play hockey, love outdoorsy type stuff but I'm also a full blown nerd when it comes to video games, movies and TV shows. I have no ambition to make six figures or climb any type of corporate ladder or position. I make good money to do what I want for the most part. When I finally do hit the dating apps though I feel like I'm going to be somewhat boring or uninviting because I don't have some high ambitions in life. Sadly when my Wife decided to leave me I …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 01:19 PM
2

I'm so sorry to hear this man. That letter is brutal. I guarantee most men in this sub weren't perfect in their marriages nor did we see all the signs of needs not being met, but there is no way anyone deserves what most of us get dealt. Just know you deserve better and I'm rooting for you bud.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 11:00 AM
6

The "glow up" is so annoying. Funny how they couldn't do that when you were with them. If she's posting all that crap on Facebook I'd wager she's trying hard to appear happy. Not that it matters now but I'd be willing to bet it's for show. You do you buddy, keep your head up 😃.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 02:55 PM
2

I have no plans on looking back but I do think it will be difficult the first couple times seeing her with her AP.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 02:20 PM
5

Im somewhat in this boat. I can't help the feeling that I might get screwed again. I also can't imagine myself getting vulnerable with someone again. I hope this feeling goes away because I want to have a close relationship with someone again someday. I just don't know if it's possible.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 12:57 PM
8

I came here to give some kind words and insight on this but I think everything you said was perfect. u/KingJon85 Please don't give up. I was you at my 3 month mark. Divorce hurts so much but you can get through this, one day at a time. I'm at my 8 month mark with this crap and my brain still retreats to dark thoughts about what my Wife is possibly doing with her AP. However I will say, this used to bring me to tears and I'd have a breakdown. Now when my brain goes there, I acknowledge that I hav…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 12:46 AM
8

This is where I'm at currently. She's complaining that I haven't initiated a temporary order...except that she would have to agree to the things in a temporary order and she refuses 50/50 child custody. I myself do not want to be at the house with her anymore but I'm not moving until the settlement I've submitted gets approved by her and her lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 11:17 PM
2

I won't ever hold back when it comes to giving my kids hugs and letting them know I love them. They are my world and I constantly let them know how important they are.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 10:45 PM
7

I'm so worried my Wife is going to turn our kids against me. She's already coaching them while I'm gone. I love my kids so much and the thought of either of them not wanting to be around me hurts so bad.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 05:36 PM
4

I haven't hit the dating apps yet but I've read it's an absolute mess. Ghosting seems to be a huge problem. Guys don't get nearly as many hits because of the ratio of guys to woman. I'm not necessarily an introvert but my social skills are pretty bad. Once I get to know someone it's not bad but meeting new people is tough. If there is a way to make a situation awkward, I'll find it. As far as loving my Wife goes, I've come to the realization that the woman I fell in love with, married and had ki…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 04:25 AM
5

Damn dude this sounds identical to my Wife. I'm stuck cohabitating with this harpy while she is actively pursuing things with her AP. As much as it sucks and as bad as it hurts it is only making me stronger emotionally. I'm worried though when I get into my next relationship I may be too guarded to actually love another chick. I feel for you man. I'm stuck with at least 11 years of child support which means I can't cut her completely out for another 11 years. Fuck this.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 03:46 AM
8

Sorry to hear you're dealing with this. I'm in the same club. Wife said she had a "business trip" out of the blue. Went to a concert in a city you would not be alone in. Also like to get a hotel room for a night with some bullshit excuse. It's disgusting and some woman are absolutely evil.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 03:28 AM
2

I'm in a similar situation right now except I have no idea when things will be finalized or when I'll be moving out. I feel you on at least talking to other woman. Just having a conversation would be nice. With that being said it seems like most woman (understandably so) are very skeptical or turned off by someone who is still in the process of divorce. I personally wouldn't take the chance of ruining something good if you end up meeting someone you like. Up to you though. Good luck bud.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 07:27 PM
3

My Wife has chosen a career over the well being of our family. It sucks but it's what society and social media are creating.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 03:54 AM
9

This is definitely important for your clarity. For me this hasn't been too difficult aside from video games because I'm an avid gamer. However, I realize the difference between numbing myself with it and enjoying an hour session. The no dating is a tough one. It's one of the first things that came to my mind when my divorce started. I wanted to get back out there immediately. I love sex (who doesn't) and sharing my world with my partner. With all that being said I've realized I'm co-dependent an…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 09:36 PM
1

Homie it's a struggle. Almost all of our blowouts lead to me being accused of something that isn't remotely even true. Working on a settlement after new years but I already know she won't agree to it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 02:10 AM
3

Yup I've been trying to do my best to spend as much time with the kids as possible. Her and I are still cohabitating so I still get to see the kids full time. It just sucks having to see her everyday act like she's been over our marriage for years. Her phone is constantly blowing up and she disappears for hours at a time. None of this is helping me heal but it is what it is. Every day that goes by it gets easier. I'm sorry you had to go through that. This shit sucks so bad and I wish no other ma…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 12:57 AM
2

I told my Wife once in a heartfelt moment that I'd be nothing without her followed by "I love you with all my heart". I'll remember that moment for the rest of my life and I deeply regret it. I've never let myself be that vulnerable with anyone and it hurts so bad to reflect on that. Anyways, I'm healing as well and getting there. I'm glad to hear you're bouncing back. It ain't easy and it's a rough road. Good luck brother.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 12:44 AM
7

I never questioned my value in this world until my divorce. I didn't realize how much of my world revolved around being a husband and provider. I'm almost 8 months deep in this divorce and for the most part I'm back on my feet but man there are still days that hit me right in the chest. Posts like these though help a lot and give me hope so thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 12:27 AM
3

Merry Christmas
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 01:34 AM
3

Damn, this sounds a lot like my STBXW. Sorry you're dealing with this bud.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 08:00 AM
5

Merry Christmas brothers!
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 02:07 PM
1

Sadly it's not that crazy what I'm asking for. She keeps the house (equity is $230k) and almost everything with it. I get my truck and my pension. 50/50 child custody. Seems fair to me but what do I know 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 03:58 PM
2

Oh trust me I know. Around the 4 month mark I thought I was good. Then I crumbled and wondered wtf happened. That's when I learned what you said, healing isn't linear. I fully expect to have my moments but at least now I have a much better understanding of my emotions and what's happening.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 07:43 AM
4

I feel this so much brother. My STBXW is doing so many things that I had suggested when we were still good. We hadn't gone a on a date since the kids were born and we finally have a chance to drop the kids off at a friend's house and do something special. She says she isn't fully comfortable with them being there just yet. Fast forward to D-day and she's dropping them off there all the time with zero issues. I feel your pain so much with the anger, the loss and the sadness. I feel like I'm heali…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 06:54 AM
1

Problem is she's already seeing someone. I'm using this time to reflect and heal. Rebuilding my identity as well as I've come to realize I built my world around being a provider, protector....a husband. We've talked about what we both want out of the divorce and most of the finances are agreed upon except she wants my pension and primary custody. I want 50/50 and my pension and she keeps the house. I don't think she'd care if I started dating but I don't want her to use it against me. I also don…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 03:42 PM
1

I'll check it out. I filed back in May but it's heavily contested so I don't see this being finalized until late 2026. Cohabitating makes it difficult to move on and Im worried if I try to get out there right now my Wife is going to somehow use that against me.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 10:45 AM
2

Although I'm getting back on my feet, I really hope I have this much joy and enthusiasm for life once this divorce is finalized. This inspires me brother, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 09:21 PM
1

Thank bud
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:52 PM
5

Continuing to hit the gym and finishing reading "No More Mr Nice Guy".
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 06:48 PM
3

Oh trust me I know the feeling. I have a wedding photo on the wall from our family collage of pictures and when I look at her sweet smile it reminds me of the woman I married. The person she is today is something I don't recognize at all...fuck, break my heart just to think of it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 08:24 AM
5

Glad to hear she moved out. I can definitely understand as I'm currently sleeping on the couch most days. I pay the bills including mortgage and she told me I had to get out. I told her to kick rocks on that idea and that she can move out but she refuses so we're stuck together until we finalize the divorce. Probably won't be for another 6-8 months too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 07:26 AM
6

Yup. My STBXW has been acting....off for the last year and a half. Toward the end of it all I flat out asked her if she was emotionally cheating because she was acting so weird. She said no but once we had the divorce talk I could clearly see it's what she wanted and had wanted. I still don't know if she was waiting for the right time or just going along for the ride but I asked her if she still wanted to be married and she said no and that was it. I'm still going through the divorce process and…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 07:15 AM
8

From what I've read it seems woman tend to process all their emotions and the divorce before any decision to actually divorce has been made. Us men tend to get blind sided by divorce because woman emotionally detach before they make the jump. It's complete bullshit but it seems to be the standard these days.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 06:59 AM
4

I hear ya man. From what I've read divorce can make that happen. It's a serious trematic event you're going through. I would maybe try to start small everyday. 5 pushups with a smaller, healthier meal. See if you can do that for a week. If you can, build on it. Go 10 pushups and a little more food. I know it's tough but you can't let this beat you. Many of us are currently going through it right now and each day gets a tiny bit better. Each day you try to improve somehow a little. Personally I d…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 06:53 AM
5

I've never had a weight problem and I've always stayed in good shape however this divorce has set me into overdrive with working out and eating. I'm intermittent fasting (only eating in an 8 hr window) and have been absolutely killing it at the gym. It's been helping my mental fitness tremendously and I don't plan stopping anytime soon. Keep at it brother, we're right there with you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 06:27 AM
1

I feel this brother. I'm in the same boat. Last Christmas as a family. It hurts like hell but ya gotta get any of those harmful thoughts out of your head, ie "last Christmas". Your kids need you more than you know. Despite how you feel now I've read so many stories about how horrible life is at this moment in our divorces, our lives, but they will get better. It just takes time and some self improvement. Seek out ways to improve yourself physically, mentally and if you believe in God, spirituall…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 10:28 PM
12

Welcome to the club brother. 9-12 hr days with a an hour commute and work an off shift and I get told she needs more emotional intelligence 😞. Shit is depressing.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 09:24 PM
1

I get it man and yes I should be happy that I have kids at all and I am. However, I am looking at a woman everyday who wants primary custody (70/30) so she can afford our mortgage. I have a fear of losing my kids simply because I commute to work everyday for work. It's BS. I'm sorry you're in your current situation but you do still have time, especially being a guy. Obviously don't rush a relationship for the sake of having kids but you're only 37 and there is still plenty of time. I truly hope …
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 05:34 AM
3

Same boat with two kids under 10 yrs, it's a nightmare I have to live everyday. The light at the end of the tunnel is so far away too.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 06:28 AM
2

That's the spirit! I'll get there one day.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 03:04 PM
3

Bobs burgers and Archer eh, a man of culture I see. Congrats brother and good luck with the future.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 10:36 AM
3

I believe this was the case for my Wife as well. I think she started to emotionally detached when she started having an emotional affair. Now that papers are filed I believe she's turned what was an emotional affair into a physical one. Doesn't matter now but it still hurts know my Wife is physically engaged with someone else and we're not even fully divorced yet.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:33 AM
3

By the time we did therapy my Wife was already done, I just didn't know it yet. Sadly it feels like once they start slipping or make the decision to emotional detach, they are on path that they can't turn around on. I just wish that when woman did make this decision they would just let it be known right then and there. Then again it wouldn't give them the leg up when the time comes to split.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 05:31 AM
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