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View 2 posts and 57 comments by BooksAndCatsAnd on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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13

I try to be specific and tell him when I notice he’s caused something that makes me happy or benefits me. I give the appreciation that is due when I notice something appreciable. “Thank you for x” or “wow you made me realize z” or “that (item of clothing) always makes you look amazing” are some examples of my main complement format.
/r/RedPillWomen19/10/18 09:52 PM
1

I’m the opposite - warm skin, cool hair. I have highlights and make sure my colorist makes my hair warmer. I had warmer hair as a child and for whatever reason, it became cooler with age. I look ill when my hair gets too cool. YMMV but it’s a very simple thing to experiment with! Also, I found that saturation and softness are better predictors of which colors will flatter me, so maybe look into that as well.
/r/RedPillWomen16/10/18 11:42 PM
4

Ok so here’s the thing: I also have no father (he abused me severely and is out of my life permanently.) Relationships prior to my husband failed because I was still bitter and carrying low self worth. Once I resolved those issues sufficiently with years of therapy, they were no longer an obstacle to a healthy relationship. My husband is able to support me and remind me of the things I learned in therapy, we’ve raised a service dog to help me cope with the lasting PTSD, and generally unless you …
/r/RedPillWomen08/10/18 04:07 PM
5

Honestly i think this could be a great opportunity to have a conversation privately with your boss and say (calmly, concisely, and politely): I really appreciated the conversation you held about toxic behavior at work. I’ve been doing my best to employ a strategy of “polite and concise” in order to compartmentalize it and minimize its impact on me. Is there anything else you think I can do to ensure that I’m promoting a healthy environment and protecting myself and the firm from the toxicity? Yo…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/18 07:39 PM
5

I think it somewhat depends on the individual environment. I’m 24 and my first workplace out of college was an unsafe level of toxic to the point where all I could do was quit - no other actions I made could have any impact because it literally was to the point where someone threatened my physical safety because I had the gall to be female. Where I work now is a healthy but fast paced environment. 90% of my emails now are either “hi name, will do. Thank you, my contact” or “hi name, all set. Tha…
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/18 07:20 PM
9

I actually started using RP in a way at work before I implemented it at home. I work in very male dominated environments and while I do have a fiery get-it-done attitude within me, I recognize that most people don’t respond well to a “bossy” sounding younger woman. A lot of people speak out against the expectation that women be quieter, friendlier, and “nicer” at work, that there are very specific unwritten rules for being attractive but not distracting, and embracing these “hidden constraints” …
/r/RedPillWomen25/09/18 05:26 PM
3

To each their own. Hopefully none of us use this type of scale in a serious context. :)
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/18 09:19 PM
3

Experiences definitely vary - I personally live in a very large very liberal mostly atheist extremely promiscuous city, so certainly that’s a factor. Additionally, I know that my husband would never cheat on me, nor would he be tempted- the above mentioned scale is mostly a setup for jokes in bars, and generally gets utilized by our single friends. I figured it would be valuable for other ladies on this sub to see a window into the mindset they may encounter in the dating pool! :) But yes, don’t…
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/18 06:58 PM
63

My husband’s friends have a system where they rate (mostly jokingly) any given woman from 0-5. 0: no matter what, would not sleep with (disgusting junkie or something) 1: would do her, but you’d take the secret to your grave because it’s embarrassing 2: do her for the story (waitress at a restaurant wanted me so bad I did her in the walk in even though she was gross) 3: average girl you’d say yes to 4: your girlfriend/wife - amazing girl you’re thrilled to have locked down 5: someone you’d screw…
/r/RedPillWomen07/09/18 04:44 PM
5

Yes! Can confirm: many of my friends are my “dance friends”... I also have made friends by getting coffee with the other women in my office (we’re in a male-dominated discipline).
/r/RedPillWomen06/09/18 03:21 PM
3

Sort of? When we met, I'd been struggling a lot with my health and confidence. My now-husband inspired me a lot to get my confidence back up by working on my weight and fashion sense, so now it's kind of like I'm Cinderella at the ball, except really I'm just a hipster techie who lost several dress sizes.
/r/RedPillWomen22/07/18 07:40 AM
48

Rule 1: never be the one to bring up commitment. Rule 2: play the game so that he realize he wants commitment - this isn’t to say be manipulative but to say be coy & make it subtly obvious you’re a great partner and not a side piece Rule 3: stop trying to date & start genuinely pursing your interests... points if you can go to an event on your own so that you’re more approachable Rule 4 (which really comes first): put on your own mask first - self care has to be locked down before you’re ready f…
/r/RedPillWomen25/06/18 05:13 PM
1

It’s actually a lot harder than online resources make it out to be. I’m speaking from personal experience - my husband and I are going through the Green Card process right now. In order to qualify to sponsor your spouse, you have to meet income requirements (they vary by your location but for us it was income 2.5x the poverty level). Filing itself was not very expensive (we spent around 3k in total) but actually qualifying to get the green card is fairly difficult. You can review the various app…
/r/RedPillWomen20/06/18 03:20 PM
1

Parental sponsorship will increase the likelihood that you may be ultimately rejected... especially in the current administration I wouldn’t count on it. Can you try to get a green card through an employer instead? There are several IT consulting firms that have high numbers of green card based employees. Being from the U.K. as opposed to some of the more common countries could be an asset here as the green card by employment wait time is impacted by country of origin - there are tables you can …
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/18 06:31 PM
4

The hard part for you here will be coming to the US. Even if you marry, right now wait times are >2 years for “by marriage” permanent residency visas. Also, he would need significant income in order to sponsor you. Essentially, with your situation, this is not even possible. I married my husband pretty much straight out of college and we are going through this visa process now. I have a great IT job that has enabled us to take this path, and he has been actively job hunting for the entire proces…
/r/RedPillWomen19/06/18 05:20 PM
2

Thank you so much. I definitely want to chip away at his distaste for therapy in general, as it seems to be the avenue most able to help him. Funnily enough, this is actually a pretty small problem for us... our marriage is based on much deeper values and many times, this issue is actually “out of sight, out of mind” for us. It’s crazy to me that some people must marry for a smaller love to be able to think of divorce at a hiccup like this!
/r/RedPillWomen18/06/18 03:26 PM
15

Marriages when one person settles invariably fail. What you should be looking for is a”your man version 1.0” - the concepts are great but there are still bugs in the software (aka flaws) which will be improved over time. As first mate, your job is to help him go to version 2.0, 3.0, and so on so that he transforms over time into the best possible version of himself. Another poster mentioned starting as an “uncalibrated alpha” and their story is a really good example of what I mean. You find a ma…
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/18 04:08 PM
2

Thank you so much.
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/18 05:55 AM
2

I spoke with my grandparents (they went through something similar) and they also counseled patience. It’s definitely something I struggle with but it’s not as if this situation can go on forever!
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/18 02:09 AM
4

Thank you. It means a lot to hear that, especially here.
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/18 02:08 AM
2

Thank you - I had no idea this could be so accessible!
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/18 02:07 AM
2

Yes but I’m also encouraging him to do more since the weather is nicer now.
/r/RedPillWomen15/06/18 02:07 AM
6

Anyone traditional in an HCOL area is doing as you are. The days of living in a major metro area on a single income are pretty much gone. That said, traditional values include standing up for your man’s best interest and pushing back on him when he is slacking. He can’t neglect his responsibilities (the yard, in this case) and pretend like that’s okay because regardless of how traditional y’all may be, he’s agreed to do something so he needs to do it or renegotiate it (eg hire a gardener). Have …
/r/RedPillWomen14/06/18 12:35 AM
1

This actually makes SO MUCH SENSE for our specific situation. I struggle a lot with the idea of doing too much of the “hard work” on his behalf... I have the idea that making my own way is what has made me strong and I’m wary of having the relationship equivalent of the overbearing mother who doesn’t let the child learn lessons for himself & instead fixes everything for them. I also sometimes feel like if I do too much for him, then he isn’t the “leader” or dominant in our relationship anymore. …
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 09:41 PM
2

Ciao da California! Come stai? :) I’d like to ask the cards: Am I on the right path to help my husband “come into himself,” that is, am I on the right path to help him become more confident, to feel he can put himself out there, and to become more stable in his career?
/r/RedPillWomen12/06/18 05:30 PM
2

Honestly, target has an amazing selection. I bought most of my suits there for years until my style changed and I was looking for less coverage - my last order was from Zaful. However, the target suits still come out for active pursuits! Edit: also, in most beachy places, teeny bottoms are the norm rather than the exception. I would genuinely feel odd wearing more coverage than a Brazilian cut now & mostly wear high cut “thong” style bottoms! IMO keep the ta ta’s in check and show as much booty …
/r/RedPillWomen06/06/18 04:35 PM
0

Lucky me, I actually do enjoy it...
/r/RedPillWomen27/05/18 11:49 PM
6

I think you can look them up, they’re set by the National Panhellenic Council. It’s pretty detailed actually but basically they want sorority women to look better than their peers, lol.
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/18 05:12 PM
13

I ended up leaving my sorority for a variety of reasons (poor leadership, desire to graduate early, lack of strong sisterhood, bullying from other houses, to name a few). However, I did spend over a year as a full member. During recruitment you will get a vibe for each of the sororities, usually only 1-2 will be really party oriented. All sororities have a standards board that exists to make sure the sisters uphold the sorority’s reputation - low grades, excessive drinking, overly promiscuous be…
/r/RedPillWomen25/05/18 04:59 PM
12

I think this author points out an experience that many married people have, but she misses the mark on the cause. Both partners should be emotionally available in a healthy, respectful relationship. Responsibilities should be divided in a way that doesn’t cause resentment or involve one person feeling taken advantage of or degraded. It seems to me that generally, most relationships need a large dose of respect and pragmatism to resolve these issues. Why be in a relationship if you’re not going t…
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 10:41 PM
1

This is great advice. It can be a fine line to walk between being sweet/supportive and overbearing. Lucky you that your husband is a “deal with it head on right now” kind of guy... mine tends toward a procrastination style that can be described as “lazy scared”... that is when he’s scared he doesn’t want to speak about it, just go rock mode until it goes away. Not much scares him but working through a tough “gutpunch” is certainly challenging.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 09:54 PM
10

I have acrylics because otherwise they break because of my job. However I keep them fairly short, in a tasteful oval/almond shape... think something out of a 1950s-1960s polish ad. I also keep them a pinky nude color, which helps with the natural effect.
/r/RedPillWomen23/05/18 12:48 AM
2

We’re quite young and the hubs is going through something of a personal crisis at the moment, however: when he’s at his best, he naturally exhibits all of he alpha green flags, and works toward the beta green flags (some of which also come quite naturally). When he’s not at his best, he exhibits some red flags from both categories (but don’t we all?) IMO it seems like most of these red flags are psycho-emotional issues that anyone might experience temporarily... marriage is in sickness and in he…
/r/RedPillWomen22/05/18 08:24 PM
8

This is interesting to me, because it pokes directly at my particular situation... married in my early 20s to a mid 20s man, whom I adore and trust wholeheartedly. I’m a white collar breadwinner and while hubs has one more degree than I do as well as professional certifications, his industry alignment is blue collar. Being a corporate person at a desk would be his nightmare! Other people often treat me like I have married down, ignoring other aspects that make us work because they’re so shocked …
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/18 09:18 PM
5

I love your point “ask yourself if he would ever make a decision that would knowingly harm you two.” STFU is a challenge for me at times for a huge variety of reasons, but this reasoning applies to every situation!
/r/RedPillWomen21/05/18 08:30 PM
2

You may want to consider whether being friends with negative / intolerant people is a red flag for you in your relationship. I know it would be for me.
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/18 07:46 PM
1

These are toxic people. Make some new friends, or tell them their intolerance is unacceptable in front of you. I live in an area rampant with these types and their negativity will bring you down eventually.
/r/RedPillWomen17/05/18 07:28 PM
60

A study that was not peer reviewed or published has about as much validity as a quiz given in one’s living room, unfortunately. However, perhaps we can hope real research in this area may be conducted? It seems like it could be a great opportunity for PHD work since fundamentally our cultural expectations have changed over time, so the results would almost automatically be contributing new knowledge to whichever field.
/r/RedPillWomen14/05/18 03:56 PM
16

Do not undervalue your position - no one else but a wife can give a man a soft place to expand himself. What I mean is this: you can softly push him / encourage him to be his best self, and to go beyond his wildest dreams. Look up the statistics for how many CEOs have a stay at home spouse - highly successful people mostly have someone at home enabling that success. You sound well equipped to do that - keep it up and keep improving yourselves. :)
/r/RedPillWomen11/05/18 10:44 PM
1

Thank you. This was helpful.. while I’ve been doing 2 and 3 at a high level, I’ve been at a loss to engage with your first point until now.
/r/RedPillWomen09/05/18 07:22 PM
3

thanks for clarifying — sounds like it was unclear only because of the comment removal.
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/18 06:44 PM
1

This is very insightful. What would you recommend for women who perhaps found rpw after getting married, and want to address issues that fall under your checklist from a supportive standpoint - i.e. encouraging their man out of a “lazy scared” mindset or similar?
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/18 05:34 PM
2

Is there a plan to update these guidelines to reflect legalization in many areas? For example, if both are equal options, marijuana is generally much less detrimental than alcohol...
/r/RedPillWomen08/05/18 05:32 PM
3

Agree to disagree then :) I do concede that in today’s environment it may be that if you do not have high enough SMV there may not be men in your pool who are willing/able to commit.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/18 04:42 PM
12

Because in this case she’s been lowering her standards by choosing less stable men. For example, a man at 70k salary who blows it on drinks/travel and has plenty of baggage is irresponsible and immature. A man at a 120k salary who lives frugally because he’s saving/investing for the future is more stable/mature. Essentially there’s a base level of being “established” in order to have the maturity to even want commitment. If she’s not dating in that milieu she’ll only find boys, never men.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/18 03:46 PM
3

In this case, the opposite likely applies - start dating people who are a slight reach for you (stable, good career, attractive) etc.
/r/RedPillWomen02/05/18 03:31 PM
3

My man is a pilot so we literally refer to me as household “first officer.” Essentially the first officer is there to make sure the pilot has everything they need and to be a double check / extra awareness for anything that may be going on. They can fly the plane if the pilot is incapacitated but normally they’re there to take care of the things the pilot can’t do bc there’s only one pilot. :) that means I remind him as necessary in a cheerful, professional way and he absolutely expects me to ra…
/r/RedPillWomen26/04/18 03:11 PM
2

I think you will find easily many studies on this subject matter that can further your explorations. If you believe that the ideas promoted here may be beneficial, I’m sure you would be welcome to lurk and see how we frame things, as well as contribute within the standards/rules set forth by our mods... reddit is an open platform after all. There are many stories here of lives improved and while anecdotal evidence is not a rigorous standard, it is useful in a general sense to identify effective …
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 07:27 PM
5

We are all free to think whatever we want. I don’t argue with people about their strongly held values because that’s not productive. My husband and I see each other as equals. We also notice that we have different qualities/personalities/strengths and adjust accordingly. I think when you get down to the reality of day to day life, it’s about how balancing responsibility and engaging in respectful communication. Equality is best observed under static circumstances. The ideas presented in this sub…
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 07:16 PM
6

Same - submit and uplift is just way more conducive to a happy marriage than complain and nag.
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 06:42 PM
15

I’ll speak for myself to say that I hold more traditional values and like this subreddit for its ability to hold a discussion space for women with similar values to mine. I’m under 25 and married, but live in a large metro area of a deep blue state. I believe I will have the most happiness in my life by embracing my femininity and raising my husband up to lead our household. That’s actually really controversial where I live, so here is where I come to discuss with likeminded ladies. Edit: my pho…
/r/RedPillWomen24/04/18 06:28 PM
10

The idea that if you’re not on board for all of the feminist agenda, you’re anti-woman. There’s such a thing as being a moderate. Once I saw this I couldn’t take ANY of it seriously. In one ear out the other, lol.
/r/RedPillWomen06/04/18 10:05 PM
2

I haven’t been married as long as you, and my n count is actually higher than my husband’s, but I am both RP and was tested & confirmed high IQ at a young age. What has worked for us is determining how our strengths fit together to make a greater whole. My husband is the rock of our relationship, he’s calm & measured by nature, he protects us (we live in a semi rough neighborhood), he gets the first/best/largest cut of meat, and his word is the last word. However, he also recognizes my strengths…
/r/RedPillWomen05/04/18 05:16 PM
1

That makes sense. Obviously it’s hard over text but I got the impression that you were being rigid/intolerant/confrontational/judgmental... your values are admirable but maybe relax a little with others? Not everyone will respond well to being challenged intellectually :)
/r/RedPillWomen30/03/18 04:37 AM
1

The key is really having a crowd that shares your values, and deepening those relationships without affecting a “better than thou” attitude. You can stick up for underdogs without being obnoxious and bringing down other groups, for example.
/r/RedPillWomen28/03/18 04:47 AM
1

Drink something weak & have a good backstory. I’ve been in work situations where I can’t get away with anything but a “real drink” & I often say I only drink wine bc other spirits give me migraines & beer makes me sick. That way, I can sip wine all night & if someone gets me something it’s just more wine, which I can then sip and defend as “enjoying it”... nothing classier than a gluten free wine snob amirite? No one pressures you to chug your wine, you can toast with a sip, “a white wine for th…
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/18 10:01 PM
1

Hi, red pilled married millennial (23) living in a very blue (politically and bp) large city here. More than RP/BP, after a skim it seems like you’re really struggling with balancing warmth/competence, connecting with others (knowing yourself well enough to socialize and build deep bonds with appropriate groups) and portraying yourself in a diplomatic/friendly way. There are RP people all over this world, but until you resolve the above issues you’re unlikely to find them. Take a weekend, journa…
/r/RedPillWomen27/03/18 09:56 PM
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