TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Brilliant-Tomorrow55 Archive

View 2 posts and 133 comments by Brilliant-Tomorrow55 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

Call the police and get a restraining order. That might help in the long run. She made you feel threatened. Do it before she does it to you!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 02:24 PM
1

Try to get divorced in Florida. No permanent alimony. But you can argue against the alimony since she's getting pension anyway, it goes towards income. With that said, start putting money to the side and ensure you're operating out of separate bank accounts right now so you can claim they are separate, not marital. Your VA disability money shouldn't be accessible, either. Get a vocational evaluation for her, she has to do it. That will help impute her income. My divorce cost me over $100k, just …
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 02:23 PM
1

Most states, 2 years isn't enough to register alimony. You'll probably split assets and be on your way.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/25 05:51 PM
1

So I made it clear that part of the reason I was divorcing was that she refused to work when she could. Helped make the point to the judge that she needed an imputed income, which goes a long way. It frankly doesn't matter if it's true unless she has written proof you told her she doesn't have to work. She's probably going to lie, you might as well lie in ways they can't prove.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 02:41 PM
0

I'm going to guess when they claim sexual assault? Or hitting the kids..
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/25 12:11 PM
1

Your sudden need for frozen peas on your balls might give it away. If she is a dr, she's bound to know the bag that comes with having kids love 40. But yeah, tell her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 07:32 PM
1

Right, only when she needs something.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/24 10:56 AM
2

I'd ask for 100, call her a fight risk, then make her settle for 50.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/24 05:34 PM
1

Lawyers are fuckin arms dealers. The family court system is going to destroy the institution of marriage. I don't know if that's bad or not, but it seems like it might be.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/24 04:57 AM
3

Best reply: Ditto
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/24 10:04 PM
4

Had me arrested for assault for pushing her hand off my keyboard while taking my timed, final exam for grad school because I told her we could argue later, after I finished. Waited for me to go pickup the kids from daycare, cook dinner for them, then called the police. Luckily we had it on video. She dropped charges and tried to apologize, to which I told her, too bad, it's over. And the Navy summarily dismissed the whole thing. She even sent medical records and letters to my CO. Didn't stop her…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 02:41 PM
3

Show me the hottest guy/ girl in the world, and I'll show you someone who's tired of fucking them. That's the way I heard it
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 03:20 AM
5

My ex was mad that I wouldn't continue listening to her fussing at me because I was taking my final, timed exam for my MBA at a military university. She started slamming her hand on the keyboard and threw her hand off. She waited til I had gotten the kids from daycare an hour later, started making dinner, then called the cops. I showed them the video of what happened (we had a camera in the house that SHE bought and put up lol) and THEY DO NOT CARE. Police are not there to sort out the truth. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 12:22 AM
8

Trust in a relationship is paramount. What shows respect is that she rarely requires you to use that trust and never on purpose.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 01:22 AM
4

Lawyers are everywhere, don't delay. You can switch lawyers later if the one you got quickly is an idiot. Important thing is to file immediately and do it aggressively. Some people say get a female lawyer because they can be vicious towards women, but I think for now, get A lawyer to start the filing. Cheap is probably fine as long as you get the basics in; she cheated and broke the marriage, you want the kids, the house, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 04:26 PM
10

Y'all need to end your Jerry Springer BS. You're trauma bonded. End it and focus on being a better person and let her do whatever she wants. At best she does it for attention amd drama. At worst, she's lost all respect for you. One of the worst logical blunders we make in relationships is the sunk cost fallacy.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 07:31 PM
2

If you two are just friends, it would be like going to a party where a friend goes as well. Except you two are upset with each other. You would still go on that scenario right?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/23 08:52 PM
2

If you refuse and end up in jail, she gets zero. It's worth discussing with her.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/23 06:43 PM
11

Dead Bedroom Fix by Dad Starting Over.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/23 06:43 AM
1

You do it for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 02:41 AM
5

Haha, cute. Try 6 years and over 100k
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 06:47 PM
1

Frankly, no. My kids are worth it, but you don't need government control of your life to have kids. I promise you, the statistical fact is that marriage is more likely to screw you over than her, even if she makes more and you care for the kids. And if you wait til you make more to get married, that's more income and assets you put at risk. I asked my gf this: what does a piece of paper that allows the government into our bedroom do for us that we can't get done on our own? Name change? Easy. Po…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/23 07:36 PM
1

That sounds like a situation I would not love. People screaming. I have a deep and sometimes loud, authoritative voice. But I prefer to be quiet most of the time. I give her a brief little taste of loud occasionally, but generally keep it low volume.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 02:06 AM
1

I had that experience with my ex, gf now loves sitting around and she just wants to get out of the house once on the weekend, but is quite ready to get back, too. Her ex is always doing something and has her kid at some random event constantly. Weird reversal, but I think she and I need to get our exes together.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 11:21 PM
1

You can feel badly about extreme measures later, when you are tucking your kids into bed and cashing your full paycheck.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/23 03:14 PM
1

This seems unhealthy, but if I were you, I would just learn to play guitar and get into bars and such playing small gigs. They'll be up front dancing for you and cheering for you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 01:20 PM
3

Women are the gatekeepers for sex, men are the gatekeepers for commitment. Marriage and, to an extent, cohabitation are institutions that make removing that commitment very costly to you. Removing sex isn't costly for women and often actually results in more commitment from a man. Move on, if she loves you she'll follow you. Be the leader. Ironically, if you stay behind for her, she'll probably respect you less and then not find you attractive.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 11:21 AM
3

She does, she's projecting so she can feel less bad. She'll be cheating within a year if she isn't already.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 04:47 PM
15

He blocked adults who disrespected him. FIFY
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 07:52 AM
10

Don't let this numbnuts bother you. If you were a woman, society would praise you. Your kids are adults, they can learn the hard way. Love them, be there for them, but never let them disrespect you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 07:51 AM
1

Technically it is also based on need. It's written in law in most states. But setting need based on quality of life in the marriage is kind of a shit way to do it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 05:41 PM
1

Personally I'd go, but keep my focus on the kids. Then when you get back be sure there's nothing else like that and start working out a plan to split holidays. With that said, if you think it will be a really bad time that makes it tougher on the kids if you're there, AND you're likely to be the bad guy with her family, just skip it.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 02:20 AM
0

"Does it count as dating if I only fucked her three times and her friend twice, at the same time?"
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/23 12:55 AM
1

My experience is that family court isn't going to dig too deep. Have cash stashed away somewhere in a place you'll never tell her. Put a parent's name on it if you think she might get a PI to dig in. Rent, don't live in places you own. Siphon rental income out to other property, but have that all in an LLC that someone else "owns." Essentially, don't allow her to ever know or see it. If she does find out, it may cause marriage problems and then she knows. Self fulfilling prophecy, potentially. M…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 12:48 PM
1

I was having this talk with my gf, who ended up taking it a little personally lol, that this assumption that a married woman not working has a) somehow earned a salary equal to half yours or b) that her staying at home somehow kept her from earning that much...all seems silly as a starting point. There's no way to know for sure that your wife COULD have made as much as you, or half as much. She could be a fucking moron and never had a chance to get away from min wage. Better spot to start is: wh…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 01:01 AM
2

What state would you file in? I ask because I'm military as well and you may have a choice.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 11:52 AM
6

Is this your first time telling her that you're over it, and why? Have you guys done any counseling?
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/23 10:44 AM
1

May not feel this way now, but you'll move on. Unfortunately, nothing is permanent. Good news: neither are your feelings. Feel each feeling and let them happen. Don't fight it, acknowledge it, then watch it pass. I'm one of those guys that has to be careful not to get too wrapped up in a girl. You might be one, too, and if you are, you've done 90% of the work recognizing it. Now find a better reason to live than someone other than yourself. And do the damn therapy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 05:48 PM
1

She seems like the best thing to happen to you right now. And for a bit she was. I've felt that way about girls and it always fades over time. You'll be fine, just let it ebb and flow: your grieving.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 01:02 PM
1

Do it now if you really need to do it. Only gets worse if you wait. Kids well react how they react, don't live your life based on their emotions. Most of them don't even know what they are wearing to school until 5 min before they leave.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 11:59 PM
6

We all die alone, my friend.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 04:12 PM
5

Don't bother if you haven't. There's nothing to gain from a govt controlled contract that you can't get from just having a girlfriend. Used to be women would say "he won't buy the cow if the milk is free." Nowadays? All milk is free and you have no need to buy the cow...she does. So don't sell it or buy it. You can find great women out there and if you're honest and upfront with them, saying you have no intention of getting married, and they're okay with that, enjoy the relationship if and until…
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 04:07 PM
1

Why? Seriously.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 12:51 PM
1

Kids are watching and learning. Do you want her to learn it's okay to be unhappy or worse, to be the other parent who's doing the things you hate? You owe it to her to try and work on it, but your spouse owes that back. That's all you can do and then explain to your kids one day that life isn't all fair and fun and choices have to be made. She'll understand, eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 12:06 PM
2

If it's your kid, pay the child support. If you don't want to do that, don't have kids or do it in a state with "fairer" laws for dads. Not being married can be a huge boon in this scenario. Likely no alimony or support, no sharing assets unless you mix them in a common law state. Custody likely won't be any harder to get than if you were married. Good luck finding women who will agree to all of that and still plan to have kids. If you do and you're ready to pay CS and be present, do it. Just un…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 11:11 PM
3

You have to love your kids. You don't have to like them. However, take into consideration that your ex has helped create their attitude. Stay above ground, keep enough contact with them to let them know you love them, but that you're disappointed. They'll eventually get it, or you'll just have to accept that your older kids are too far gone and focus on the young one. They have to choose what they want in life. You did your job in raising them. The 9yo can't help herself. That's mom and self pro…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 02:21 AM
3

The day I left, my occasionally debilitating GERD never occasioned again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/23 11:29 AM
1

If her only evidence is the kids, and there is no compelling reason, the Court likely won't take their testimony and she's left trying to prove it. You can always motion to keep the kids out of court based on the previous order and for their benefit. If she signed something, she may be screwed. Judges do wonky shit, but you have good standing to appeal if he reverses something you both signed.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 11:22 PM
3

Best response to that would have been "oh, going for the pity fucks, huh?"
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 11:13 PM
2

Mine did it to me because I pushed her hand off my keyboard while I was taking my final exam in grad school. She was banging on the keyboard because I kept my headphones on to ignore her due to the exam being timed. If she's doing this, she's opened up the door to make herself look insane. If it's not granted, go no contact and avoid her 100% in the house. The moment she enters your space after you tell her not to, have it on camera, tell her to leave twice and then call the police. What I regre…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/23 05:18 PM
2

As long as you can justify it, you're good.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 08:17 PM
1

Give her what she's asking for, not what you think it should be. She's a grown ass person and you should assume she's thought it out. You're not her dad there to protect her from bad decisions. Sounds like you'll be much happier without this person than you will 2 years from now when cheats. Get custody agreed to, keep it established or even advance it to more for you. Get it as a routine that they are with you more. Don't leave the house, don't pay her anything if she isn't working and living w…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 06:29 PM
3

I wouldn't low ball that much. Makes you look disingenuous. But def low ball with justification that's at least believable. Your only option is to assume they will do the same, in most situations. Be careful signing anything that feels bad just to avoid a worse deal. You could get better in court and if you sign it, it might not be reversible. Take what you want and ask for more so you have room to negotiate.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 11:11 AM
1

Give notice, 2 weeks, then do it. Anything you pay for now you will not get credit for later. Best to keep that money and force a judge to then start any payments to her. IOW, if you're paying 50 a month and it takes a while to get a support amount established, the judge isn't going to say 50x months you don't have to pay for when she does her affidavit. She's going to say she needs money for a phone and it will get calculated into your payment. Best to save the 50x, get told what to pay. Also, …
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 12:32 AM
10

You both are grieving the loss. Doesn't mean you shouldn't lose it. Ask yourself first: if I've done enough to make this work, if she is asking too much or isn't recognizing my effort so far, am I willing to keep giving, knowing that she's not unlikely to do better if I just give in? To me, it sounds like you guys are out of balance. She wants a career and to be a full time mom to your daughter. She despises you for being able to be full time dad. She may be regretting focusing on her career and…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 06:24 AM
4

At that income, she's getting next to nothing, especially if she can be imputed income herself. You're gonna pay something, unless you fight fight fight for split. File first in NY and that may make her come back. Ask a lawyer to be sure. Either way, you have expenses that will get deducted from your gross after taxes and I can't for one sec see you having enough to pay 900. Give her child support money for now, nothing else. Make a judge tell you what to pay before you offer to do alimony. She …
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:54 AM
1

Depends on the state and your expenses. Here, it's like no more than 35% of the difference and the payee can't end up having more income. Load up any expenses you may have. Everything counts and she'll do the same. 30 dollar haircuts every month, grooming products, memberships, etc. Try to get that leftover lower. Good news is, sympathy for her won't be high since she's doing well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 09:04 AM
1

You're good man....you need to get it off your chest and know that a) it IS fucked up and b) others have gone through it and come out ok It's shitty and it isn't fair and you will still be fine, I promise. Just adjust your life some, figure out what you're willing to part with and what you're willing to fight for. It sounds trite, but there's some pluses to this - I've had to start learning that money isn't everything and MAN! I didn't realize how much emphasis I put on money, both present and f…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:22 AM
3

This won't make you feel better. But it might. Over a 6 year divorce (after a less than 7 year marriage), I've paid over 100k to lawyers, and 10k of her fees and I'm still paying 3200 a month. I'm mad about it, but life is fine. I'm fighting it with an appeal because the judge broke the law. But ultimately, you'll be okay. Keep your head up and try to be positive and don't be afraid to hide some cash - if the judge doesn't look very hard at your ex, she won't be looking for yours. I didn't tell …
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:04 AM
5

Keep throwing motions at her, reconsideration, whatever. Make the judge believe you're going to appeal this after the decision, maybe she'll change her tune a little. You have rights if you're on the house....your lawyer knows this. He may be biding his time, I don't know. My lawyer is great, but I manager his responses to her lawyer in that I type them, I tell him what motions I want, and he advises because he can be a little too passive. He believes something won't happen and so he won't try i…
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:55 AM
7

I'd file the stolen car report anyway. Worst case is what? She gets harassed for her behavior? Me, because ya'll are on each others titles, file for contempt and motion to compel sale of vehicle. Tell your lawyer you can find a new lawyer if all he will do is email. Are you on the house? If so, motion to force sale to pay legal debts. Maybe get a new lawyer. If she makes twice yours, your lawyer should be counting his win....
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 12:44 AM
0

Thought she wasn't working. You're doing well, but she's gonna get a ton of support from you with that difference. It may strike you more when the lawyer tells you how much. For reference, in Florida, I make about 150, she got evaluated at 42, imputed cause she's a lazy bitch. I'm paying 2300 alimony and 900 CS. Now that may change cause the judge broke a law doing what he did, and I'm appealing it. But do the math and decide if that's something you're good with. Always try to get out paying the…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 10:11 PM
2

Yeesh. You're gonna be paying quite a bit. Best to start planning now how best to mitigate it. Stay in the house, but use it as a bargaining chip. Demand full custody and let her talk you down to 50/50 for some concessions. Get her evaluated vocationally. Judge will probably have to order it. I'd split the money into separate accounts and have your pay start moving into your own account. Send her a stipend monthly until the court tells you how much. Start low. You don't get money back, ever, so …
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 09:41 PM
1

I mean, you want to show you're just as involved with their lives as she is if you want 50/50 or better.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 08:27 PM
1

You're starting off of good ground. If you aren't already, and you want 50/50, you'll need to start taking in childcare duties. Check the guidelines in your state and make sure you can make a case that you at least are as good as her. Smart to keep stuff separate. Will make it less attractive to her to fight for it and more to just settle out everything. If the house is at stake, that becomes easier since it can be a set value to use for distribution. If it's all in your name, and you haven't be…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 06:47 PM
20

Same, especially now with the girl I'm with showing me a great example of how a healthy relationship can be. My ex started out with *some* red flags that eventually morphed into a huge one. I just wish I'd gone ahead and ducked out with the few red flags. But I think we're all told "Marriage is hard, no one is perfect, stick with it and it will be worth it." Which is incredibly bad for you if you don't have context. Should I have left when she bit me? Well yeah, but marriage is hard, work on it.…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 12:30 PM
4

Honestly, the impute may work for her (on you) but I doubt you'd get imputed 500k. Part of a vocational evaluation (at least in FL) involved the evaluator doing actual market research to find places hiring and, in some case, set up interviews for my ex. If you can show you've been searching for 2 years, actively, that will help, but it won't help if you've been offered SOMETHING and refused to take it. Catalog all your job searching and document it, dates, everything. Just write it down, get evi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 12:22 PM
2

If he was truly abusing you, it won't change, or it isn't likely. To answer your question, I did not, but I was the one abused and I initiated divorce. I could never imagine going back because I finally realized how bad she was. He may be fooling himself. Stay gone and let this initial feeling he has die so you can both get to the bottom of what you really want from life.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 12:05 PM
2

When you say Financials are separate, be specific. How so? What is the diff between your salaries? Are you in a common law state?
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 06:06 AM
5

It's a natural conclusion in a system where justice is naturally absent. Eventually something gives, whether it's like this or men just giving up on having kids so they aren't emotional prisoners for 18 years. That man was probably crazy, but be honest: we've all daydreamed about it. Because if a judge took away my right to see my kids, what else is left but to take back some control?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:26 AM
36

Anyone mad that a person wants to be alone sounds like a karen.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:14 AM
2

I personally would not, but there are factors I don't know. Have your lawyer file a brief with the court to say you want it stipulated that her 70% now will not advantage her when trial comes around. I don't know NJ but down in FL and VA, if you're that close to each other, you'll get 50/50. And she can't just move once you guys settle in without a judge's permission (as in, she can't change the circumstances...she could move but she would lose some visitation). Be careful what you settle for no…
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 10:16 PM
1

Get a vocational eval done. Ask the judge to impute income based on that. Document her refusals to get a job. Edit: also, have your pay go into a separate account and only send money to that account to cover basics. Cut her credit card off and tell her to get her own. Especially if it's got your name on it. Your lawyer is trying to win a case, which is good, but that advice isn't going to fix your credit. Tell him it's his job to protect you and your interests and if he needs help explaining to …
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 11:17 PM
2

If you haven't filled yet, get a separate account and have your pay go there. Start sending money to the joint account to cover bills. If she asks, just tell her you want to be able to buy surprise things for her. When you file, sell the car first, give her half, buy another car for yourself. Then yell Surprise!
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 11:13 PM
3

I split the account and had my pay move to my new account. Ex lost her mind, but was well within my rights. Do that now.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:49 PM
5

Consider the fact that you want your wife with this dude so she will be fucked and happy, ready to give in and move on. After you get what you want, drop the hammer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 09:37 PM
2

She had a stroke after we were separated a year, which made it drag out some. But more than it should have for sure. I had to fire my first lawyer, too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 02:02 PM
1

Mine took 6 years
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 03:47 AM
5

You cheated, you hurt him and you're surprised he's saying hurtful things and because of that you want to divorce him. You're the asshole here. If I fucked a black man's wife, I'd fully expect him to be mad and fume about white men for a while til he was over what happened to him. Would it make him racist? No...just hurt and lashing out. So in summary, you hurt your husband, you don't seem to care and when he lashes out because you hurt him, you want to leave. Good, leave. He doesn't need your s…
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/23 12:53 AM
3

Your marriage is a blip. She'll spend more on a lawyer trying to get any assets than their value. Split and take or leave nothing. That's the only real option here.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 01:20 PM
12

Bruh, either you say fuck that or you tell her, no problem, let me break it off with this side chick. Then let her sweat that for a month while you're still separated. THEN you drop her the bad news that there's no reconciliation after she's given you some good head. Play this one smart, bro.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 09:40 PM
1

Stop thinking she gets to dictate terms. You are an equal partner. Even if the house is in her name alone, you have marital interest. She left, but she's trying to reverse that mistake now by getting YOU to leave. Also, file sooner rather than later. There's no squirreling away money really. Just longer you're married and more she can get later. Edit: just because you believe you'll get a raw deal doesn't mean shit. Go get a lawyer now. Use joint account money to pay for the retainer, put down t…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 11:02 AM
0

Do you have kids with her?
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/23 11:20 PM
1

I'd seek a lawyer first and foremost. Necessary evil. Explain your financial situation, explain you have to make low payments. Most start with a free 30 min consult. If you're truly poor, your records will show it and you may even win money from her to pay your fees.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 11:02 PM
1

Sounds the same as me, I would leave the house and sleep in the car some place to get peace and avoid blowing up. Don't argue, just set boundaries and then grab the kids and go out for a bit. I have about 3 regrets in my life; one was not calling the police on her the day she assaulted me and ended up getting my daughter in it too. If that happens, get her arrested immediately. You'll thank yourself later. My ex was basically a horse in a barn fire. Sounds like yours too, and it won't get better…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 07:18 PM
3

Ok, if what you said is true, she likely wasn't raised well and sounds alot like my ex. The only good thing from that relationship was my kids. Not to say it can't be fixed, but it is going to be a huge, uphill battle to get her to act normal. Threatening divorce is shit behavior and I do suggest calling her bluff, if nothing else to see what she does. But she's been enabled to act this way, by her parents, her friends, and likely you. She probably doesn't even see you as the rock that she likel…
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 05:09 PM
5

First off, have you done counseling. I ask because before you do this, you need to be 100% sure. You didn't provide enough detail to give me a sense that it's beyond broken. Sounds like you just had a kid. That is a huge stressor. If you haven't, seek counseling together and separately. Nothing wrong with taking to a lawyer at the same time though, just to prep.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/23 09:22 AM
4

If you sign something, you may never be able to appeal it. If you're poor, she's offering this because she may have to pay you if this goes to court. Don't agree to this.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 07:05 PM
5

You need to date. There are better people out there who are good women and can give you perspective. It took me two more relationships after to realize what normal should feel like. With that said, you do also need to work on yourself. Work out, find a hobby, focus time on you and how to enjoy being alone. Date to help get perspective but no relationship till you've learned to be happy alone.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 10:25 AM
0

Just make life miserable for her to stay.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 10:19 AM
1

Who's name is on the title?
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 02:24 AM
7

Generally, visitation and alimony are separate. The nuclear option is always available and won't keep you from your kids. Quit your job, stop paying, work under the table only. It's the shitty path, but if this is what the court drives you to...do it. With that said, there are better paths, but I'm not sure I wouldn't take the nuclear option in your scenario. Zero incentive for the payee to do better.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 06:20 PM
1

Lawyers are arms dealers.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 06:15 PM
1

In the US, if you sign it, you can't appeal it. Fwiw.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 02:44 AM
3

My ex almost risked my career because she was mad. Dumb idiot almost lost her only meal ticket. They won't use it if you tell her it could cost you your job and her alimony. In any case, if she's shit taking you behind your back, it's through. She is convincing herself and others she should leave you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 02:35 AM
2

Appeal it?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 02:32 AM
6

I don't know about Missouri, but probably most states: definitely yes. It's been 20 years. If you'd divorced her at year 3 and said it's because she refuses to work, you'd be clear. Too late now unless it's a fault state and you can prove she's cheating.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 07:40 PM
5

You're so soon into this thing, don't go looking for release. Two reasons: 1) It could be a trap to get you into a "fault" situation 2) most importantly, you're gonna need time to get past some things and even casual sex brings potential for emotional bonds. You don't need that right now. My ex said that while we were married and while I doubt she was messing around, your wife may be doing it already or prepared to if she's saying this. You're better served agreeing and seeing if she does it...a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 02:57 PM
3

4th potential is exclusive use while he pays mortgage. OP, don't leave the house, stay in it to make it clear you're not just giving it to her, just in case. If she wants to sleep around, she can get a hotel like any self-respecting adulterer. Also, you're a millionaire, go get a lawyer now.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 08:14 PM
3

I think you did the right thing and really very mature. If she didn't want to be with you, she would eventually leave anyway...or worse, stay and make you miserable for want of children. My only critique would be to be careful if she comes back "ready" to settle down. You need to go out there and see what you want too. Don't get bogged down with how much you love her, give it the space and you'll see 1) if you truly loved her and 2) if you can find something equal out there. We get trapped in ou…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 06:49 PM
1

For starters, this could be a temp thing out of fear. Understandable but unacceptable. You've drawn the line and she had tested you and won. Personally, it's over for me. You'll likely not recover that respect, if she had it before. But moving forward with ending things could spark that respect and attraction. You'll just have to decide then if you want it from her. But if she hasn't slept with someone else, she's thinking about it. Get ahead of her: separate assets applicably for your country, …
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 01:18 PM
1

The rocks you kick up driving the high road fall down to the low road. You just keep driving, eyes forward. You have your kids and that's THE most important part. You've already won.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 10:35 AM
7

Mine was insane and I ignored red flags because I assumed "marriage is hard." It is, but acting like that isn't part of a respectful relationship. Took me a long time to realize it, but my ex did the same thing essentially. We have two beautiful girls and she was done with affection. Seems like this generation may be coming to a realization that some of the women's liberation movement wasn't healthy for marriages due to how our brains work and it's showing. More guys now choosing not to marry to…
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 09:54 AM
4

Just Google it. The Dead Bedroom Fix. Audio book is best I think. It will help you focus on you as a way to have better relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:12 PM
1

You're on your way to fixing it. I read the dead bedroom fix, gave me a ton of insight.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:09 PM
3

Ask your lawyer about calling the police. That could backfire. Document each instance though. If she's missed 30 days within 2 years, that could be a tough call. The key is that you keep documentation of it. Send her an email when she misses it asking why and keep responses if any. Get an app like ourfamilywizard to have a neutral platform that tracks contact and lets you add events and notes. Do that and she will probably start acting right. There's no magic equation usually, but if you Documen…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 11:06 PM
3

If it's court ordered and she's been denying it for more than 30 days, file for contempt or compel.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:35 PM
3

6 months she's been denying you time? File tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:31 PM
3

Anything you sign could be permanent and nigh impossible to change. Make the court say it and you can appeal. I just went through this! Hold your ground!
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:27 PM
14

You likely made the mistake, like many of us, of putting your wife on a pedestal. Some of what you feel is normal. Give yourself some space to feel bad, feel like an idiot, etc. And remember that women are people too.... sometimes they can be assholes. Makes it easier to see them less like a blob of hurtful mass and more like we all are...flawed. You're raw, it will pass if you don't put them on that pedestal in your mind.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 10:24 PM
2

I told my lawyer to not respond to hers too. He would send letters weekly, that mine had to read and charge me for...no sense paying to respond as well. Lawyers can be shitty human beings.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 04:05 PM
3

Yes, probably. Remove it now and apologize.
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 03:06 PM
2

She's a beast and Florida isn't a great place to marry, apparently. It's shitty to say, but I tell guys all the time now, before you marry, look at the laws in the the state you're likely to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 01:20 PM
2

I think what you got was that I've been married and learned from it lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:44 PM
3

In Bahrain? Probably next to nothing lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:43 PM
1

You are 100% correct. And my guess is that OP MAY be confusing sex and connecting.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:42 PM
1

How often does this happen?
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:32 PM
4

Just divorced after 6 years of litigation. Been with my girl for the last 3. Had to go through another shorter relationship to sort of get it. Making her the focus is the entirely wrong answer and it seems counterintuitive, but they just aren't built to be the focus. It makes them weird, for the most part. So I learned to do my own thing but also spend time with her and voila! She's horny. I also genuinely enjoy her company so that's nice lol
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:27 PM
6

I'm saying if you don't lay out expectations early, and often, she will do whatever she is FEELING and not what you think she SHOULD do. I've been very clear with my girl that if sex goes, I go. And this morning she rolled over, said "You wanna do me?" Because she knows what's important to me. But I also make sure to romance her AND do things like take out the trash because, guess what, the trash has to be taken out - and not just so I can get some. If you do chores with the expectation of getti…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 12:19 PM
1

Likely, but to be fair, this sounds like a little bit of bad on both sides. Marriage, in theory, and to most women, is more than a contract. He probably entered this marriage thinking one thing, her another. Had she known he just wanted sex, she potentially wouldn't have gotten into it either. Either way, it sounds like he just needs to pull the plug, cut losses and just hookup or hire live in hookers. Alternately, he could see what her expectations are, frankly, and decide if that's something h…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 11:50 AM
1

Split the bank account now, divert your paycheck into a completely new account. Pay the upfront for a lawyer, then, from what I've learned, if you have cash, they will distribute it. If you don't, they can't because it's not there. Take that as you will. I didn't report everything I had either and they don't ask. Keep your finances separate after you file or they will consider it marital. If she knows about an account, just report it. I would recommend you use your new account to fund investment…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 11:28 AM
5

If your attitude towards sex is this, you just want a hooker, not a wife. Edit: To be clear, I'm not knocking you, but a huge part of any relationship is management expectation. You guys aren't on the same page and so this will always be the case. What have you done or not done that reinforced her behavior and expectations? Definitely check out the Dead Bedroom Fix. Will help you immensely.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 10:08 AM
1

CA probably won't have jurisdiction for that short of a period. Get a lawyer and file in WA now, let them decide that WA is the place to file due to length of marriage there, etc. Be sure WA is a better place for you for divorce, through the laws, first. And take the kids with you and get back quick. Once you're there, you can say she decided to stay and you got em.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 07:19 PM
10

If he's letting her dictate his schedule, she has zero respect and will cheat, if she isn't already.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 07:17 PM
36

Bro, she ain't interested in his income. I'm not saying it's sex or passion... it could be psych control. But income ain't the thing, probably because it wasn't before. The thing is never the thing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/23 01:06 AM
1

The worst part is the massive transfer of wealth to people who are basically arms dealers: lawyers. And if the courts get it wrong, the lawyers get more money for you to correct it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 07:48 PM
2

Alimony/Support during pendency: 48k a year for that Lawyer: 20k a year on average, motions and hearings, then trial. Lots of dumb litigation stuff in the middle, like I told her not to do covid shots for the kids until some time had passed to be sure it was safe; she got them the first one and I had to get an injunction MAY end up owing 40k in assests, though it was 9 months since trial and most of what I had is gone or in the new house...so I'm not bothering to pay that She had to do zero trav…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 01:26 AM
3

Thank you and I'm hopeful since the judge seems to contradict himself so much!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 12:39 AM
3

Yeah, no...I love my kids and want to see them
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:43 PM
1

Don't establish a supportive relationship. She can take you back and say you have been doing it. Not saying she'd win, but it may be on her radar.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:30 PM
2

And what I make is actually much higher than what I was making just 3 years ago. So basically half my paycheck for 6 years and now 25% for 6 more (adjusted for taxes). And the judge wrote the decision with all kinds of land mines... like called her voluntarily unemployed and basically untrustworthy. But hey, here's the kids and the house and money. I think he didn't want to make the hard decision but left it easier to appeal his decision... great, but gonna cost me 10k more. AND it took him 9 mo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:22 PM
1

It was probably too long ago. She had a stroke in 2018. I filed in 2017 and we just finished up last week.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:06 PM
2

6 years
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 11:05 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter