Bulky-Percentage-243 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
65	What's the pettiest thing she did?		Bulky-Percentage-243	/r/Divorce_Men	17/05/25 01:49 AM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	I have come up with terms that are very reasonable and actually benefit her. Should I try to get her to agree before I talk to a lawyer? So child support isn't really negotiable, at least not in my neck of the woods. It's considered a contract between each parent and each child, not a negotiation between spouses. I'd research this more to see if its the case in your area. Giving up custody would mean more child support in my jurisdiction too. Everything else is negotiable in my state including alimony, equity, stocks, etc. DIY divorce is a thing. The trick is cooperation, avoiding cold feed, and filing correctly. Mediation is als…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/25 09:58 PM
2	On the Precipice of Separation A $5000 retainer got the ball rolling. It snowballed and became unstoppable by the three month mark. Make sure you're sure. Honestly, you may not be there yet. Your post has a bargaining vibe to it. Never use the 'D' word unless you're sure. It's a soul searching decision that should have absolutely no impulsiveness to it. If you're in the moment with a recent fight, bad day at work, etc or have any nagging doubts, don't do it. If it's bravado, like you have to push yourself into it, don't do it…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/25 08:50 PM
3	She keeps watching videos about avoidant personalities Pop psychology is pretty much just name calling and stupid internet memes at this point. My favorite is Gas Lighting. I'm not sure if people have seen the movie behind the concept. But it's stupid as fuck sacrificing the plot to a totally contrived "wah wah" ending.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/25 06:24 PM
12	What was the final straw that led you to divorce? We were heading out to a soccer game with her driving and my son in the back seat. I just had surgery. We got into a verbal fight. She started jerking the wheel, was all over the road, stopped in the middle of the street with traffic going 45, hit a curb, by pure chance drove into my kid's high school (not our destination but on the way). We got 100 stares from the weekend sports school kids. We were a spectacle in the middle of a mostly empty parking lot. She screamed for me to get out of the c…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/08/25 04:46 PM
10	Wife Crash and burn stories She thoroughly crashed and burned. It's so bad it's just guilt at some point. It's her own doing. She didn't like the guardrails. She got rid of them. And she went over the cliff. But the guilt is still there. Something something mother of my children something something.	/r/Divorce_Men	12/08/25 03:15 PM
6	Happy 50th bday to me. The divorce game sucks. Sorry you're in the thick of it. Hoping things improve for you.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/25 03:05 AM
5	Why do some dads stop trying after the divorce? Genuinely curious, I’m 19 and still waiting on mine Without details, it's hard to discuss. Was the divorce bad? A lot of men get severely penalized in divorce. They get hit pretty hard financially and emotionally, far worse than women in my opinion, but that's kind of a charged discussion. So life is pretty bleak. There's a large sense of hopelessness. There are problems upon problems and bad moods and depression. Most guys don't like to weigh others down with their problems or share this kind of stuff. So they internalize. And there are some aft…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/06/25 01:15 AM
12	Is it me or are most of these divorce attorneys lazy and guiding male clients towards accepting bad divorce settlements? My first lawyer punched numbers into the calculators and told me that's what I'd get. I felt like I had a lot that would help my case. Didn't matter he said. He shot down every idea. Second lawyer listened. But I had to do about 75% of the work. I did get some good tips and advice. But otherwise my lawyer wasn't good for much. He was perhaps best at being an inverse ATM. Turned out to be a good investment. We got alimony off the table in CA. That's my own biggest complaint about the judicial sys…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/06/25 05:56 AM
1	Worst divorce story you can laugh about now? Eh, I'll describe the process. My lawyer was worth the money. But it was a wild ride. She showed up in court (via teams) with the camera capturing the ceiling down to her eyebrows. And you know how the big square flips to the current speaker right? Every time she talked, the view snapped to her and her eyebrows did a little dance as she talked. I just got the giggles which wasn't cool at all. You know, in private, I kept telling her to move the camera to point down a little more. She said she ha…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/06/25 05:29 AM
1	Lost my kids over a peanut incident Reminds me of that NASA guy who left his kid in his car. I get the empathy. I mean, holy shit, how does that guy even begin his days you know? Luckily no one was hurt in OPs case, so it's a learning lesson. I'd hope it's not enough to change custody. But the courts love hypotheticals.	/r/Divorce_Men	01/06/25 04:27 AM
5	Seriously? An email? If it's over, it's over. The way forward is to rip the relationship down to nothing then possibly rebuild a few years from now on what's left. Otherwise, you'll be in a dramatic spiral of "free rent." But I'd liken it more to bed bugs. Definitely not easy to do. But inevitable for most divorces. I'd send her an email back as tho she was a water bottle delivery person. "Okay, how about 2:00 pm on Saturday?" Do whatever minimum is needed to turn her around without investment/engagement of any kind…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/05/25 03:56 PM
5	Not sure why I am posting this but posting it anyways My wife was not a team player. She knew this and she didn't care. Divorce was brutal. It was years. Dark. Ugly. Horrific. It had a huge effect of course. But it's been a net positive. Life is absolutely better afterwards. Difficult road. But a long overdue correction. Success has a lot of definitions. There's a lot of societal stress on money. But there are better metrics.	/r/Divorce_Men	27/05/25 10:45 PM
8	Dating Age Range As long as it's two adults, whatever. I wouldn't do a Belichick myself. -10 years is probably the line. Beyond that is sugar daddy land.	/r/Divorce_Men	14/05/25 05:46 PM
7	How to get mental clarity and energy back? My work productivity dropped to 20%. Worse, I had a bunch of professional credentials I had to study for. I failed two of the tests the first time around. I found some luck in pomodoro. But honestly. I kept my job only because I was surprisingly more productive (even at 20%) than my coworkers. Gubment job. Go figure. Plus no one else wanted to take on more work. Plus I have a skillset that others ... yeah, it's magic to them. They were happy letting me do my thing. I'm back to my old self. It to…	/r/Divorce_Men	14/05/25 04:22 PM
1	Projected divorce settlement State? Honestly, divorce is a little bleak for guys. Good news - you can see the horizon for child support. And custody fights. Both have a ton of games. Hopefully you can skip most of them. Bad news - defined benefit plans are difficult to split. I wouldn't split my own especially if it came with medical benefits. It'd be messy to say the least. I'd buy her out with the home equity. The calculation (present value) is a bit tricky. It's similar to a lotto lump sum calculation versus payments ant…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/25 06:32 PM
4	Divorce advice Find a good friend or family member and lean on them for logic. The emotions will be a rollercoaster. Disassociate if you can. Ultimately they'll be your emotions alone to manage, so might as well get a head start. Practice mindfulness. Acknowledge the emotions and upsets but make a conscious choice not to act on them. This saved me a few times. Every time I did act on something in my divorce, it spiraled. And it left me feeling a whole lot worse. Stoicism is like a super power eventually. Assum…	/r/Divorce_Men	13/05/25 06:11 PM
6	A different perspective on why women initiate divorce more often and monkeybranch It's nuanced. Social norms and court norms are similar beasts but otherwise as far apart as possible otherwise. Social norms focus on tomorrow. "We need women in STEM..." And court norms focus on yesterday. "Alimony has precedence." Both carry huge consequences in life. Both social and court norms favor women. They are not only encouraged to do better in the job market, they're also given a head start to represent their gender. I'm not arguing this is bad. I'm arguing that the courts should bala…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/04/25 03:34 PM
1	Should I get my ex to stop associating with my family? Walls worked well for me. My ex still poltergeists my family a bit. No big deal. She doesn't get many takers. And I understand if my family follow her on social media to get pictures of the kids. But there are limits. As soon as a family completes the triangle and connects me back to my ex, done. I don't care if it's as innocuous as a dye color change. That relative gets a few warnings then a solid brick wall. Zero games. I've only blocked two relatives out of 100+. Most are fairly emotionally i…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/04/25 01:49 AM
2	Pro Se I went with a solo practice. So, somewhere between. I have zero evidence to support this, but I felt a larger firm would be more focused on throughput that maximizes profits and minimizes effort while a solo firm would be more focused on their own short term goals (that new boat) while working half weeks. More head room in other words. My lawyer was well-organized, made a few mistakes, didn't quite have the polish of a large firm, but generally tracked everything well and listened to my strategi…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/04/25 02:57 PM
4	STXW Family I think the idyllic resolution where everyone realizes they made mistakes, come to terms with it all, sees the good in one another, still loves one another, and still invite each other over for Christmas is more myth than reality. It probably happens. But I think it's fairly rare. Husband Derangement Syndrome is common. Guys are on the hook for ruining the princess' life.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/04/25 10:33 PM
25	Recent text from ex-wife She probably had some upsetting event. And she thought you'd be a safe zone. Then she got mad when you didn't white knight. If this is actually what happened, you handled it really well.	/r/Divorce_Men	25/04/25 09:58 PM
5	Things get better sooner than expected, M40. M52, divorced 2.5 years. The biggest positive is rebuilding from bedrock. There's a lot to be discovered out there in life 2.0. And I can do it my way. It's been an adventure. New friends, new lovers, road trips, mountain cabins, national parks. New home. New silverware, dishes, furniture. It's clean. Five new guitars. (It's okay, I'm super frugal otherwise) Life is better. But that doesn't mean it's totally stable. My older son and I no longer see eye to eye. I think it's probably the end of th…	/r/Divorce_Men	25/04/25 12:26 AM
3	Emotionally just not getting better First, you're mourning. You have to keep that in mind that it's a path you can't step away from. Be kind to yourself. These things don't disappear suddenly. The best you can do is distraction. Otherwise it's just time. I'm dating on the apps. It's been a mixed experience. I'm either finding women who are too dependent or too independent. Plus it's a bit of a false economy and paradox of choice where women get disproportional attention and don't really value any one connection. Attention spans ar…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/25 06:44 PM
3	Just curious… for those who initiated the Divorce due to reasonings other than infidelity, why did you initiate? How is life, and your mental state now (post Divorce)? I couldn't get my wife to work to her potential. She definitely took advantage of me. I stuck it out and things never changed. Once divorced, she doubled her salary. I had simply asked her to keep up with inflation. It's kind of crazy how lazy and selfish dependents can be if given the opportunity. I would definitely try all therapy options. Money issues and unbalanced effort are extremely common in relationships. And jumping ship (a) costs a shit ton of money and (b) doesn't guarantee the next …	/r/Divorce_Men	24/04/25 04:24 PM
1	Am I wrong? The courts have stacked dockets in my neck of the woods. So this game would be frowned upon. Not that it matters all that much, but what's your legal custody look like? 50/50?	/r/Divorce_Men	21/04/25 03:25 PM
5	Need Advice! Absolutely this. And then delete this post and possibly even your Reddit account. People get ID'd on reddit all the time using nothing more than grammar and the moon's phase.	/r/Divorce_Men	15/04/25 11:41 PM
14	Did any of you find it impossible to ask her to do…anything? You know that movie Alien? Remember the thing that has like boney tentacles, half octopus, half scallop, two-thirds spider and all sorts of fucked up? And it latched on the poor unsuspecting astronaut guy's face? They tried to cut that spider thing off with a laser. And it bled acid everywhere and fucked up the ship. It bled acid down five fucking levels. Almost ate out the hull. That's some next gen battery tech right there. But bad news. Turned out this spider monster was a larvea or something…	/r/Divorce_Men	06/04/25 03:30 AM
6	Can't live anymore Similar story. 23 years together. I hit a peak of 270 lbs, withdrawn, anxiety through the roof. I felt like a chihuahua in all honesty. Yapping and ignored. I just couldn't get through to my wife how miserable I was. Her life was lived entirely through her perspective and she continued doing all those things that were causing me to crash out. I hated my job too but was stuck in college bills and being the primary earner (5:1). I spent my lunch hour pacing a parking structure. Divorce ironically …	/r/Divorce_Men	02/04/25 03:19 PM