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Burninator85 Archive

View 4 posts and 49 comments by Burninator85 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Child support gets my kids two parents that squabble over every overnight because mom is afraid her free money will go away.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 03:17 PM
3

I use OurFamilyWizard. Basically an email/calendar/ money application for high conflict parents. You both have to pay like $100 a year for it. To be perfectly honest, the program itself is shitty compared to free Google services. The real power is that it tracks everything and you can both see what the other is doing. Every email has a read time receipt, every exchange is on a shared calendar, shared bills can be put on there, and you can do shared info like Dr's names. If I had to pay some pers…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/19 06:40 PM
3

She might have an option for temporary coverage through COBRA, but that's up to her. When your divorce is finalized, you can send a signed copy to your HR people and its grounds for modification (life changing event). I wouldn't try to remove her from your plan until you have a signed divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/19 02:29 PM
2

If you file this motion, the judge is just going to berate you both for being petty assholes. And you'll lose all credibility with said judge. Obviously your situation is fucked and it is taking way too long for you to get moved back into your house. But, it's highly antagonistic to be hanging out drinking beer on the deck. You're just asking for a fight.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/19 01:20 PM
1

Obviously intentional to happen on father's day. She's sending a message that she doesn't want you in the kids lives. You need to contact her through email or text and set up a temporary custody schedule. If she tries to give you no time or a shitty every other weekend schedule, keep asking for more time and lawyer up. Be prepared, I have a crazy ex and spend roughly 10k annually on attorney fees.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/19 02:49 PM
2

This is a sad story and I hope all works out for you. The only advice that I can give is, be somebody your kids will be proud of in 10 years. I look at my kids and know that someday they'll figure out everything that mom did. And I wonder how they'll react. Will she be invited to their weddings? Or to hold her grandkids?
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 07:47 PM
2

Not a stay at home mom, actually has a decent income too. She's just the type that wants... expects more than her share. Was the type to NEED a 50k car while I continued using my junk yard mower. For some reason she's just blown away that this relationship doesn't continue to work that way.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 05:18 PM
2

Thanks. Appreciate the informative reply. All communications happen through text, through an app specifically for documenting everything including read receipt. The problem with paying half of the invoice is when she refuses the charges, it gets sent to collections and they come after me, because I'm the insurance carrier. I've given collections her name and contact info, and advised them that there is an order in place. They don't care, by paying half I've already acknowledged and accepted the …
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/19 02:14 PM
1

Yeah that piddly stuff will drain you. Remember that every time your lawyer reads or responds to something, it'll cost a minimum of $100. It'll take a bit, but you'll figure out what warrants a response and start making that decision yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/19 02:28 PM
3

Hope it works out for you. Blows me away how many women will move away and just assume that the kids come with them.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/19 01:41 PM
5

Divorce is so funny. I don't want you around anymore... Except to do man jobs and buy me nice things. Can you imagine the reaction if you sent her a letter demanding she do your dishes, otherwise you were going to hire it out and send her the bill?
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/19 12:20 PM
2

You don't make enough money to pay spousal support. Any lawyer worth half their salt could easily get this thrown out. If you want to scare her, start asking to split marital assets and debts. You take half the house and she takes half your debt.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/19 12:53 PM
1

Haha my ex did exactly that. The kiddo figured it out pretty dang quick. Honestly, just be happy he's not a scumbag. It does feel shitty, but it's what's best for the daughter. Your ex will continue to try and exclude you, but kids don't forget their parents.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/19 09:00 PM
0

Yeah, this sounds an awful lot like an exaggerated retelling of a husband who likes to stay out all night with the boys.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/19 09:05 PM
2

You sure can, but it's not easy or cheap for the average Joe. Last year I took a new, lower paying job and spent 8k so I could bring my kids to school twice a week.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/19 12:26 PM
1

The shitty part is when she doesn't want to give you more time with the kids because it will lower her child support payments.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/19 11:42 AM
4

Forgetting about her and moving on are two different things. I think what most people are really trying to say is, don't be a sad sack that sits there reminiscing of happier times instead of moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/19 07:14 PM
1

This. Don't worry about the kids replacing you, it's not going to happen. The hardest part will be the "honeymoon" phase. The boyfriend is spending extra money and effort to impress your ex and kids. Your ex is probably reinforcing this by calling him new dad, etc. It feels terrible, but the kids figure it out pretty quick. Do your best to make an unbiased assessment of the situation. Chances are, the new boyfriend is just a normal guy. Your ex will probably be feeding him a lot of negative stuf…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/19 05:33 PM
1

Yup as soon as she started trying to keep the kids away. Mine wasn't quite as crazy as crazy as this, but the second she started restricting time with the kids when it had no impact on her, that was it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/19 03:53 PM
1

I read this as you got your nails done. Hey whatever floats yet boat, buddy!
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/19 01:00 PM
1

Yeah, that's a pretty crazy agreement that I can't believe you got away with.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/19 11:30 AM
2

I was fairly close to your pay gap. 50k and 20k, she's was going to school. We were only married 7 years though. Not sure what the mediator said to her, but she walked out of the room crying and I didn't pay any alimony. It was awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/19 11:19 AM
4

Good list. I think the reality is that men are way less prone to making career decisions for the kids. Do you call in to work when the kids are sick? Do you leave early when daycare is closed? Do you take a lower paying job because it's 8-4 and offers more flexibility? All this means men tend to make more money and be less of the caregiver. Roles don't change in the divorce. You have to actively work to change them by doing the things listed above and being a more active caregiver. The shitty pa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/19 01:44 PM
1

Thanks. Might take a few months to get a judgement. These things take some time for the initial back and forth, my experience in actual court is it only takes a few minutes. My theory is that judges deal with he said/she said crap all day. How do you make a judgement based on that? Well...you don't. Instead you order evidentiary hearings, and the whole thing takes months and costs thousands. I might as well do all of the homework ahead of time and separate facts from opinions. Statistics are awe…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/19 05:28 PM
2

I think it's really common for it to get ugly when everybody takes a hard look at what their living expenses will be. They'll ask for alimony, for you to buy them out of shared assets, or maybe an early withdrawal of your retirement. What really gets ugly is when they see custody as an easy monthly paycheck, and I think that happens way too often.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 09:34 PM
1

I think it's really common for it to get ugly when everybody takes a hard look at what their living expenses will be. They'll ask for alimony, for you to buy them out of shared assets, or maybe an early withdrawal of your retirement. What really gets ugly is when they see custody as an easy monthly paycheck, and I think that happens way too often.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/19 09:28 PM
2

Yes. Go for it right away. If you settle for less to work better with your schedule, it leaves you in a hole where you need to prove it should be otherwise.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/19 01:36 AM
4

Very true. I categorized every specific instance. I use statistics. In the last two years there have been 9 instances of the kids being sick and me taking off work to watch them during her time. She has had 0 of such instances. Total parenting time awarded in current order is 34%. Actual total parenting time with sick/snow days is 44%. 18% of exchanges have a dispute regarding location and time. Proposed plan will theoretically reduce total disputes from 14 to 1 annually. Edit: Every specific st…
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/19 12:39 AM
3

Yeah it's pretty miserable at times sharing kids with a vengeful ex. Mine will do things like sign them up for events during my time, just so I have to break their hearts.
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/19 12:37 AM
8

I'm 35, got divorced three years ago. Better: I have a way better work/life balance. I used to work 70+ hours every week. I made a hard commitment that I would end that so I could be a Dad to my kids. Actually ended up with a healthy promotion in the end. My bosses responded way better than I expected to me suddenly taking unscheduled days off when I have a sick kid. I'm a better Dad too. I go to every school event, we read together at night, I take them on more vacations. My time with them had …
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/19 06:25 PM
2

I've never heard of anybody paying the other's attorney fees unless they do something purposefully against the law or decree. Actually, if you're under water with debt, both debt and assets are split. You can give her half your shared debt! Doubt she'd pay it, so you should take her half out of any assets you may have.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 09:06 PM
1

Sorry brother, it doesn't matter if she was cheating on you. It has little bearing on the divorce proceedings unless you had a prenup that specified it. If she's pregnant and says it's yours, I would say that you could easily make child support contingent on paternity testing. You will need to refile for a divorce decree.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 08:49 PM
2

Good points. There should really be a sticky on here.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 08:36 PM
1

This is very good advice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 07:05 PM
1

I'm going to be a bit blunt here. Your brother will most likely not be given full custody and be allowed to take the kids out of state unless it meets one of the following criteria: The mother is a scumbag. (Objectively). She needs to have a criminal or drug record. The mother is incapable of caring for the kids. (Objectively) Mentally or physically incapacitated, maybe if she was homeless. The mother agrees to it. Beware of any lawyer you talk to that uses terms like full custody. Especially if…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 06:10 PM
2

This is... the absolutely wrong advice. A "winner" is going to tell you your demands are reasonable even when they are not. They turn a simple mediation session into a multi day court battle, costing you thousands. And yes, your initial demands are probably unreasonable. A good lawyer is one that tells you when you are being dumb. Yes, you will be dumb and blinded by anger. They will say, "Listen, I know you want the TV, and we could take it to court and probably get it. But that is your only di…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 05:19 PM
1

A judge let's you do whatever you want, so long as both parties agree. You also don't need to follow the plan. The reasons to need one is to calculate support or to fall back on if you start fighting. My recommendation. Put together a 2/3 day plan to have in your decree and tell her you'll work with her on days she needs help. Neither of you can plan your work/daycare/school schedules for the next 14 years, so you need to be a bit flexible. Planning 12 hour splits leaves you open to some potenti…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 04:16 PM
1

I'm not going to lie to you, friend, you're in a bad place. The fact that you've accepted such a low level of visitation for five years means that she can pretty easily give you some extra holiday and summer time and it will be the same number of nights per year. Your best bet is to write down every school event you've been to, every day you took off work to care for them when they were sick, and every mid-week dinner you shared with them. You need to show that although your custody order says y…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/19 02:20 PM
1

Custody will work just like any other job. On drill weekends you'll need to work something out with your ex, or have an order that spells out something like a weekend trade. I think you would want to rewrite you custody agreement to cover deployments or active duty orders. Your two weeks annual training should also be written in.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/19 04:19 PM
2

I figured out mine was cashing her paycheck and depositing only half into the shared account.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/19 01:58 PM
3

I had a female attorney. She was great. I think you'll find many women in family law. I just googled family law attorneys in my area and interviewed a few. Most will have free initial meetings. They won't give you advice before you hire them, but you can certainly ask questions like how long they've been practicing family law or if they advocate for father custody. They will also tell you what their hourly rate and retainer (down payment) will be. You want somebody who primarily practices family…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/19 12:17 AM
2

Can't tell if you're being sarcastic, because obviously I haven't figured it out completely... Figure out what she's after (it's either money or keeping you from the kids) Figure out what you want (it's either money or having more time with the kids) Suggest a far more reasonable approach. Crazy exes will tend to exaggerate, so if they still disagree after you gave a reasonable option, good judges will always side with you. Make sacrifices to help your ex. I know. It so, so sucks. I know. But if…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 10:35 PM
1

So I've been divorced a few years and this is my normal path. It's effective at eliminating THIS problem, but tends to propagate more disputes over unclear parts of your order. I'm now finding the best way for dealing with a crazy ex-wife is not so much strict/brutal methodology, but being fairly political and choosing my battles. Trust me, it sucks ass. But the end results is that she tends to do a lot less "forgetting" about visitation and such, and much more asking if I want an extra weekend …
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 09:36 PM
1

You can get by way cheaper than that on food and irregular expenses. If you haven't divorced yet, start with the minimum necessities. You'll want to be raising some money for a lawyer, if needed. If you've never handled personal finances before, try an app like Mint. You can set monthly budgets and expenses and it'll tell you when you're in the red. As far as expense breakdown: Housing - Look at apartments in your area and plan to have a bedroom for you and each of the kids still at home. If you…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 09:12 PM
3

I agree a contempt motion is in order. The wording in the order could be better. It's written as "In even years I get the tax credit, in odd years she gets the tax credit. So she can try to play it as, well it's 2019 now so she gets the credit. We've been divorced a few years though and have followed the order as the year you are filing taxes for, not the year you are in. So I'd just have to provide the last few years of tax returns as evidence. Makes me a bit angry I had a fairly expensive lawy…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 08:10 PM
1

Be careful about asking for full custody. That can be viewed as you trying to take them from their mother. What you're really looking for is, "Moving out of state would have a major impact on the kids. I would like her to stay in her current home and continue our shared custody. If she is unwilling to stay, I am prepared to have the kids full time and they would continue to reside in my (their current) home. If this were to happen I would make every effort to provide reasonable visitation to the…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 07:45 PM
4

IRS Form 8332 - Basically a release of exemption claim The IRS does not care about your divorce decree. If you had the dependent for less than 183 days that year, you are required to enclose this form with your tax return. Otherwise, your claim will be denied.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 06:56 PM
1

It works the same way here. In theory it sounds fair, but in practice it's an absolute nightmare. The issue isn't winning the case, it's getting her to pay back that money. She probably doesn't have $4k to fork over for legal expenses, so you end up going back and asking for garnishment. So in reality you pay $6k up front and get it reimbursed slowly over the next two years. Meanwhile, you're trying to share custody and this whole thing puts tensions even higher and is miserable for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 06:41 PM
1

Minnesota
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/19 06:16 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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