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ButSeeriously Archive

View 1 post and 34 comments by ButSeeriously on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
13

ButSeeriously/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 01:42 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

I come back to this comment often. You were so right, and I am happy to say I am on the other side of this. Haven't spoken to her in 4 months. I focused on myself, reconnecting with lost friends, and picking up new hobbies. I am so much happier than I have been in years. I feel like myself again. Divorce paperwork was filed, uncontested. I already feel so grateful for the flood of support i'm receiving and the true feeling of freedom & independence. Thank you, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:09 AM
2

I understand both of you know that you could get into the room if you wanted to, by whatever means necessary, but I don't think that's the point here. She would not expect that to ever happen and maybe she is banking on it so she can make you look 'crazy' and 'agressive'. It's like she is baiting you. Don't take the bait. Separate, do not engage, and focus on yourself. She wants control and power. Don't let her have it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 05:03 AM
2

It sounds like you are beating yourself too much and allowing her to play the victim. You can't enable that shit. In the meantime, get a bidet for the other bathroom and get all of your clothes and belongings out of there. When she no longer knows she is inconveniencing you, it removes those nightly 'wins' for her. You're the rational one here, so don't let her bring you down to her regressive level. You've got this, dude.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 04:45 AM
3

ns you want to make. Tell your kid how your feeling. You are his dad. Happiness is not overrated. There's no contract you signed that she has control on what you do. My ex tried to lock me out of the master bedroom, but my I ended up removing the lock from the Master door while my STXW was out for a bit. Did it in record time before she got back lol she only noticed it was gone during another one of her routine narcissistic rage episodes. It was glorious.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/24 12:20 AM
1

Makes sense! Good on you for putting your foot down and staying patient.
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/24 12:03 AM
1

Lean on family & friends. Maybe reconnect with people who were lost to you after you put your focus on your wife. You'd be surprised at how much people actually give a shit. You can still have a connection with people, albeit not in a romantic way (for now), but you will still benefit from it. I am happy to hear things are getting a little bit better with each passing day; that is the most you can hope for right now. You'll get there, I promise.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:22 PM
6

My therapist gave me a good daily practice that I recommend to all. It's called the 'Three Gs'. Write down 3 goals for the day, 3 things you are good at, and 3 things you are grateful for. Try to do this every morning before starting your day. Since you are doing it every day, it is a good way to sit and think about everything when you are wracking your brain trying to think of an answer, especially for the 'good at' section when you think you've exhausted all answers. It can be simple as 'I am …
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:11 PM
1

Sometimes you just need a punch in the face to wake the F up. Lol.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:01 PM
1

That's not cruel. That is growth. Power to you, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 11:00 PM
8

Power to you, brother. My covert narcissist STBX did the same thing to me after she punched me in the face, was arrested, and I kicked her out. She weaseled her way back to me and sex-bombed the fuck out of me. Which was difficult to resist, because she is a smoking hot redhead and a FREAK in the sheets. I know now that it was all manipulation, and I never let her get too close. I ended up seeing it for what it was, I wasn't fooled anymore, and I played her game and used her right back and allow…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 07:28 AM
1

Update: I had a consultation with a divorce attorney, and I filed the paperwork a couple weeks ago through a Paralegal office. So far, so good. I am staying vigilant, though, I've rekindled long lost friendships with people I have not seen in years. I opened up to friends & coworkers that I have been lying to since July, and I have been in awe of the amount of love & support I have received. I was isolated for so long, and I felt ashamed to ask for their friendship again, but they have been ther…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 07:22 AM
3

True. She has deflected and now has you on the ropes. She did not take true accountability. This is not a person you want to be with, trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 06:49 AM
2

You aren't pathetic. You are the victim here. You are being controlled and gaslight. Buck up and hold your head up high.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 06:47 AM
6

Set your boundaries and stick with it. She is playing with your emotions and manipulating you during a very vulnerable state. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Protect yourself and create more distance, ASAP. You got this.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 06:46 AM
2

Just curious, why did you wait for her to file? Why didn't you file and have her served? It sounds like you wanted an out, but is there a specific legal reason you waited for her to file instead?
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/23 06:43 AM
1

It sounds like that was the straw that broke the camel's back, if she could leave you for this long after just an exchange of words. She sounds like she is trying to guilt tf out of you, so you will never speak your mind again if it even resembles criticism. It's control and manipulation. You are better off without her, honestly. You can't keep someone in your life who is putting your mental health at risk. Your life at risk. It will get better, but it will take time. Try not to contact her, bec…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:58 AM
13

Power to you, brother. I've been taking advantage of this newfound freedom as well. Go camping by myself on a whim? Hit up San Diego for a concert and stay the weekend? Have my female friends come over and stay at the apartment and play house with me? I can play VIDEO GAMES? SAY WHAT??
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:46 AM
26

The eggshells seem to be a pretty common denominator here. When you can no longer be your true self because you are so preoccupied with how your wife will react to the most innocent shit, you truly lose your sense of self. I know that I definitely lost my confidence and I no longer wanted to defend my words or actions when she jumped to conclusions rather than give me the benefit of the doubt. It wasn't worth the deflection, gaslighting, stonewalling, etc. She gave EVERYONE the benefit of the do…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 05:43 AM
3

I agree. Good things come to those who wait. I know you are excited but take some time to slow down. Don't put your rose-colored glasses back on. I can tell you are an intelligent dude, so continue to keep your head on your shoulders. I do want to say that I am really happy for you, man. You deserve happiness, and now you have it again and in a genuine way, and that is more than any of us could ever ask for. Best of luck with this new chapter in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 01:41 AM
4

Damn, dude. I feel this. I am separated and on the path towards divorce, but I reached out to a childhood friend of mine that I had a complicated high school romantic history with (i'm 33 now). It has been really great to reconnect, but the more we talk, I am seeing glaring similarities between her and my STBXW. Like, uncanny. Their shared trauma, abuse, family issues, etc. Regardless, I feel a very strong connection, especially she is also separated from her abuse ex just like I have. Trauma-bo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 12:23 AM
1

I'm in California. I inquired about an annulment with an attorney a few months ago and he said it is HIGHLY unlikely to get an approved judgement from the courts. I am going to get a second opinion, though. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 05:57 AM
1

It's a tough pill to swallow, for sure. We put everything we have into someone you think you could trust, and it goes out the window. At least we can say that we actually tried. They can't.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:49 PM
2

My wife punched me in the face, and she claims it was due to her alcohol use, but I now know it wasn't. It was because I was finally standing up for myself and criticizing her for choosing to drink herself into a stupor instead of going to marriage counseling. People like my wife & yours cannot deal with any type of criticism, no matter how valid our points are. They will always turn it around on us and play the victim. I called the police and had her arrested. And honestly, I think I needed a p…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:46 PM
4

I am really sorry you are going through this. I am going through a divorce with an alcoholic wife as well, and I just wanted to see if she has tried to go into inpatient rehab treatment? It seems like it might be the underlying issue here, but of course, there is no way for me to know if it goes beyond that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:50 AM
1

I honestly believe she is worth more than this incident of physical abuse. She suffers from chronic pain, Complex PTSD, anxiety, depression, & substance abuse. I am not excusing her behavior, but I do not believe she deserves more difficulty in her life. A felony on her record would ruin her. She & I are both scientists, and there is no way she will be able to finally start her career if she has that on her record. I don't want to blow up her life, I just need to get away from her so I can escap…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:46 AM
1

I appreciate you saying that, man. I have been trying to keep a rational mind with moving forward with everything, but I hit a few speedbumps along the way. I had tried to use logic & reasoning from the get-go, but my wife is an expert at manipulation, and she knows exactly how to tug at my heartstrings. She is still finding 'subtle' ways to get my attention, as we speak, even though she was the one who blocked me on everything in the first place. I'm gonna keep my head up and stay focused. Than…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 05:41 AM
1

Thank you. I am trying my best. I appreciate it.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 03:27 AM
3

I am actively trying to meditate on this, and I am doing my best to avoid fleeting defense mechanisms. Thank you. I will try to use the mediator/paralegal route and see if she is as agreeable as she claims to be
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 03:25 AM
2

The self-confidence takes a big toll during situations like this. I am codependent and I have an anxiously attached style when it comes to this relationship, confirmed through my therapist that I see on a weekly basis. Regardless, I do not want to turn these insecurity-based proclivities into my version of the 'truth'. You are right, she is not out of my league, and I need to put an end to that ridiculous narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 03:22 AM
1

Also, it's worth mentioning that I kicked her out of the apartment immediately after the assault; we have not lived together since 7/17/2023. We are separated and she has not lived at this apartment since then. I am thinking that works a lot in my favor as well, right?
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 08:17 AM
3

That's a great idea. I will already keep her half separated out for when the time comes, and I will use mine for a lawyer. Fortunately, the Agency I work for provides a benefit of a free general legal consultation service, and for specialty attorneys in the network, I get a free 30 min consultation and then 25% discounted legal help from a divorce attorney. I hadn't been too worried about this becoming a contentious divorce, because she has claimed over and over again that she does not want any …
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 08:00 AM
2

Thank you, sir. These assurances mean a lot to me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 07:45 AM
1

I am in the process of getting divorced and I did the same thing. We have been separated, but I was easily enticed into partaking in situations that I knew would lead to sex. No matter what assurances she gives, there are ALWAYS strings attached. Don't fall under her hypnosis
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 01:30 AM
19

Continue to be cautious. Don't get 'roped in' to it. If you feel something is not right, then trust your gut & your rational mind. If not, chances are, you will be in for a world of hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/23 01:26 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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