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ButtsPie Archive

View 0 posts and 112 comments by ButtsPie on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

I don't know enough about factors in human attraction (instinct vs reason, etc) to have an opinion on that part. But I feel like it might actually be pretty hard to define "perfection"? I know there are some traits that are very popular overall, and some people might be considered attractive by the majority of a given population. But beauty standards can also vary wildly from society to society and even from generation to generation, so it seems there's at least a fairly strong subjective factor…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates03/06/25 11:53 PM
2

I feel like the education angle can be important too (for both boys and girls obviously), but I do like your framing and reasoning and that would be a great message to send! Someone else mentioned the styling of the poster too, which was a great point. I love retro styles in general but that look with that message feels like a strange combination? I think that contributed to the negative "vibes" for me!
/r/EverydayMisandry26/05/25 06:21 PM
2

Yeah, that does make sense about the length! I'm thinking even just having the "boys will be boys" written in full (maybe with the 2nd "boy" crossed out and replaced with the other phrase) could have been a good way to reduce misunderstandings?
/r/EverydayMisandry26/05/25 02:46 PM
13

I think it's supposed to be a play on "boys will be boys" — so instead of assuming that all boys have the same innate personality traits, it's probably trying to say "boys are just like other kids and can develop in all kinds of ways, so we should care about their education and give them good influences"? That being said, I totally see how it can send the wrong message! The phrasing comes across as weirdly authoritarian to me? Hopefully he can rework his concept to sound less negative...
/r/EverydayMisandry26/05/25 02:03 AM
1

It's a worrying situation but I think it's good that she's asking for advice, knows that there's something wrong, and wants to change? I haven't seen the post but hopefully she's getting some productive answers! (And eventually some therapy, etc.) It's always better and healthier IMO for people to seek help when they're dealing with these kinds of extreme thoughts/emotions or a warping of their worldview, rather than to keep it all in and let it fester.
/r/EverydayMisandry24/05/25 11:54 PM
3

I really appreciate your post and I think you have a lot of great ideas! I'm personally part of MR groups as well as feminist groups, and I don't think it has to be a competition or a zero-sum game. I'm not here to defend feminism or tell guys they're not allowed to vent or anything like that, but it does worry me when I see some of the discourse you describe since it feels like it can do a lot more harm than good (and of course the same often happens on the other "side" too, it's not just MRAs)…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates21/05/25 09:11 PM
2

I think it's ultimately a question of being "pro-choice" or not — it's totally good for people to have different preferences for their own bodies, as long as they don't force it on anyone else! From what I've seen of circumcision fetish communities, they often fetishize the lack of control/consent of the babies, which is really sad 😕
/r/EverydayMisandry15/11/24 05:58 PM
4

Fully agreed and thank you! Both of these groups deserve body autonomy and I don't see a reason to put them in conflict with each other.
/r/EverydayMisandry10/11/24 03:15 AM
3

Thank you for this!! Hanging out in communities on both "sides", I've been really worried about the rise of hatred and black-and-white thinking. I sincerely wish everyone who is suffering all of the healing, peace and respect that they deserve, but I hope we can stop using our pain to fuel even more hurt. There are much more fair and productive ways to spend our energy.
/r/EverydayMisandry10/10/24 07:48 AM
2

Part of the problem is that "feminism" has become an insanely broad category with many different definitions and offshoots! In my opinion its various forms range from "very fair/ethical" to "very unfair/unethical". Personally I think it can be a good idea to look beyond the word itself. Regardless of what labels someone uses or doesn't use, I try to identify what values they actually hold. Are they willing to be allies to groups other than themselves? Those are the people I want to surround myse…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates24/09/24 02:03 AM
4

I fully agree! Rather than just being a generic compliment, "I'm proud of you" has connotations that are just not relevant for certain contexts. Broadly speaking I would say it's very fitting for use by parents and mentors, and also oftentimes friends. But not so much for anyone else. I'm not sure what I think about the exact point/phrasing in the screenshot, but in a general sense I totally see how the phrase can come across negatively if it's used in an inconsistent or inappropriate way.
/r/EverydayMisandry01/09/24 07:29 AM
2

Yeah I get you! As others have said, I'm also looking forward to seeing other ideas if you have them! When I have more time I'd love to maybe get involved in creating stuff like that too. It's a cool form of acrivism that I hadn't really thought about much.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/08/24 03:32 AM
8

Maybe that wasn't your intention, but just in case: I recommend making your own art (or commissioning/requesting some) instead of taking someone else's. Not only would that be more ethical and less (potentially) legally problematic, but it would also allow you to get a design that's perfectly suited to the message in terms of dimensions, theming, etc! I love the idea of stickers and I'd love to display one eventually!
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/08/24 12:12 AM
18

Agreed — to me it came across as dismissive towards men!
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates20/08/24 12:07 AM
12

Two wrongs don't make a right! I feel like we can call out women who unfairly generalize all men without doing the same thing in return.
/r/EverydayMisandry15/08/24 03:46 PM
0

A lot of unhinged things are said, but I feel like the generalization is unfair!
/r/EverydayMisandry11/08/24 03:05 PM
2

Oh wow, I didn't know the laws could be so strict! I'm sorry to hear it caused you all that trouble!
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates04/08/24 12:17 AM
1

Yeah, that's definitely an issue with passing down hyphenated names! I've seen people handle it by dropping one of the two names but I imagine that must be a very tough decision. It's a tricky system in general because there's no perfect solution where everyone gets to keep their own name while also matching everyone else in the family, so it's all about finding a compromise that makes everyone happy. In our case he already has kids with his own last name and we don't plan on having any more, so…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates03/08/24 11:49 PM
3

Possibly! Personally I really like that term. I think I remember using and seeing it a few times in the past and I'm getting motivated to promote it more from now on, especially since it has the benefit of being a bit more self-explanatory. I agree that "toxic masculinity" has been especially problematic with the ways in which it can be used/interpreted. Though I'm not very active in feminist spaces, I do sometimes engage with people there. Sadly as you point out there is often misandry and an "…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 10:53 PM
1

I think there is a problem of definitions when it comes to concepts like these. For example I would argue that there is such a thing as "toxic masculinity" (and "toxic femininity" as well), but because those terms can have multiple interpretations that sometimes conflict with each other, that's not a very useful statement on its own. If I instead say: " Some aspects of traditional masculine/feminine standards cause harm to those who are being forced into those norms, which also has negative repe…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 10:02 PM
1

Quebec, Canada! Yeah, I totally agree — honestly I think the inability to change our names might have been a blessing in disguise. The more I think about it, the more it seems like it could have caused a lot of trouble. Our relationship is so strong that I'm not worried about that at all, but theoretically in case of divorce it would be awful to have to revert everything back too! For now we're happy to just think of ourselves as having joined names but leave our legal ones alone.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 08:46 PM
2

Thanks! It seems I don't have access to that source, but I'll see if I can find it elsewhere. Anyway, knowing now that some questions are reversed, I think I have a pretty good idea which ones are which. I agree with you that it generally seems fair to both sexes and I think I would personally score high on it. Some of the items stumped me because they make predictions or assertions that touch on sociology/politics/economy, which I'm not educated about (and I don't have a US perspective). But ma…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 08:34 PM
1

I don't really see a singular "it" when it comes to feminism or similar movements! In my experience they are always fragmented to some degree, and there's always a subset of members who spread harmful or inaccurate ideas. I've witnessed it in every community I'm a part of — feminism, intactivism, pro-choice, MRA, as well as ones unrelated to gender or sex — and I never make excuses for them just because we ostensibly have the same "label". I always try to counter prejudice and flawed logic when …
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 08:04 PM
3

I'm not sure I understand. What do you mean by "as long as you label yourself as a feminist, you'll make excuses for it"? Would you mind giving me an example?
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 07:27 PM
2

I see, that's interesting and makes so much more sense! Thanks for the correction! I'm not sure if I missed something on the page or if I'm seeing an incomplete version, but I only saw a list of the items and then the rating scale at the end (no interactive elements or additional details), which is why I got so confused.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 04:52 PM
1

A side note that might be interesting to some: in some parts of the world they don't even do name changes for marriage anymore! Where I live, getting married is no longer considered a valid reason for a change in last name regardless of either spouse's sex, so I couldn't replace mine with my husband's even if I wanted to. (We were actually hoping to hyphenate both of our names as it would have been perfect for us, and we were surprised/disappointed to find out that it's not allowed)
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 04:47 PM
1

What I'm confused by is that for all of these statements, a high score (complete agreement) means "a strong feminist position"! Even stranger is that these broad generalizations and restrictive gender/sex roles are expected to be rated highly, but then one item states that "Stereotypes of men and women hurt everyone". That just seems contradictory. Edit: it seems the rating scale is potentially inverted for some of the items, which would explain the "contradictions"!
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 04:27 PM
4

My intention isn't to argue, but I just wanted to give my input: I personally consider myself a feminist and it doesn't stop me from also identifying as a male advocate! My husband is in the same boat, and it's never been an issue for us. Edit: I want to clarify a bit — my main point is really that beyond surface-level labelling, it's possible to actually support causes on both "sides" and contribute to positive change. (I find the distinction important because identification to a group or label…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 04:10 PM
9

Some of these items are really confusing to me! Just looking at the first section, I see this one which is very reasonable, fair and uplifting: — A man who has chosen to stay at home and be a house-husband is not less masculine than a man who is employed full-time. And then this one that makes a broad and extreme negative generalization about a fairly normal act (which many couples agree on without issue): — It is insulting to the husband when his wife does not take his last name. Also random st…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates02/08/24 04:02 PM
1

Wow, that is really heinous. Sadly social media sites tend to be awful at enforcing their own content policies... I'm not convinced there's even a real human looking at each report (some of the violations I've seen on FB in particular were shockingly blatant and still got the OK even after I appealed the first decision)
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates01/08/24 06:22 AM
2

Thank you, I wasn't sure if I worded them well! I do like your idea too; even if I don't find it useful to rely too much on labels or 'membership' to a group, I think that just the act of making those new labels and groups can be a great way to take a stand against toxicity in the existing community (and hopefully lead to some productive discussions).
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates01/08/24 04:59 AM
10

There are definitely different subgroups of feminism and some are on average more egalitarian than others. But a big problem with these kinds of labels is that there's no way to reliably keep them "pure" — there will always be people who misunderstand a definition, who interpret a word differently, or whose actions don't align with their stated values. My point isn't that we shouldn't still try to create nontoxic spaces, as I think that's a really important thing to do! But in my opinion it migh…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates01/08/24 04:33 AM
3

Yes, that's exactly what I meant, thank you! I had initially put quotation marks around "being right", and then I ended up removing them without realizing that it would change the meaning of my sentence. I agree with everything you say and I think you phrased it wonderfully. Humans can be very vulnerable to confirmation bias and it's something we should always watch out for! Ultimately no group is fully immune, by we can cultivate communities where people try their best to be rational and learn/…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates09/07/24 03:44 PM
3

There's no reason for me to dislike a conclusion if it's truthful, reasonable, and conducive to improving the health and happiness of people! Unfortunately my own experience has been that people discussing this kind of data are often not doing so with a clear mind and an unbiased viewpoint (as unbiased as a human can be, at least). I've seen prejudices, unfounded generalizations, all sorts of logical fallacies and even outright insults/hatred cropping up in the arguments made about how we should…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates09/07/24 03:17 PM
4

I'm not denouncing the findings themselves, but the ways in which people can misinterpret or exaggerate them.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates09/07/24 02:43 PM
5

Thank you!! You touch on my biggest issue with these discussions: they tend to involve overgeneralizations and unnecessary reinforcement of stereotypes. Of course there's nothing wrong with observing trends and noting differences between the average male or female person in a given population, but those findings are misused (and their significance exaggerated) alarmingly often. It's at the root of many sexist statements aimed at both 'sides'.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates09/07/24 01:19 AM
9

Fully agree!! Social media and porn can have negative effects on both sexes. Pointing fingers and arguing over who has it worse is a waste of our time and energy, and only divides us more (when we could instead be united in looking for solutions).
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/24 05:25 PM
2

Part of it is that I just enjoy discussion! This sub explores a lot of interesting topics, and in my experience, is overall very civil. It's a great place to encounter new perspectives and refine my reasoning (and as a bonus, it gives me opportunities to rave about my fiancé!) The other part is that my own relationship is amazingly fulfilling, and I feel empathy for others who don't have that. I'm hoping that by contributing to relationship-related conversations (and giving advice/support when r…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/01/23 12:42 AM
2

Sorry, I know you flaired it as "question for men", and I totally understand if my answer gets removed, but I just wanted to try offering my perspective as a late-20's woman engaged to a late-40's man. Personally, I don't look at it as "What can he offer me that someone younger can't?" It's more like "He's a wonderful partner for me so I choose him over anyone else, younger or older!" Factors linked to his age are ultimately not very important, and I'm much more interested in who he is as a pers…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 11:08 PM
2

It's certainly an interesting trend! I can't say I fully understand it, myself - I can't get enough of spending time with my fiancé, and while we're still living apart (he's in a different country and I have to prepare for the move), we're in video calls all day every day except when we have other commitements. But I can see why others who have different needs might want to do this, and if it works for them, that's great! I think there's always going to be people in both camps, and it comes down…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 10:43 PM
5

Totally agree with this! I honestly never really thought of other women as "competition" in the first place, so it would never have crossed my mind to make that connection to the body positivity movement. I just think it's wrong for people to be bullied and I want to take a stance against it, that's all.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 10:33 PM
1

This is a bit of a hot-button issue even in age gap forums! Personally I feel like the younger party's age matters a lot, as does the relationship patterns. I see a big difference between a 25-year-old and a 45-year-old who happen to click and get together by chance, versus a 40-year-old who exclusively pursues 20-year-olds. Ultimately it always comes down to the details of each individual situation, but I think oftentimes an older partner (man or woman) pursuing a young person rightfully raises…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 10:24 PM
9

I absolutely adore my nice and respectful boyfriend, and we just got engaged - I hope that event didn't cause any wildfires!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 10:05 PM
6

I would say, it depends on what you're hoping to get out of the relationship. In my experience, someone who shoots their shot a thousand times with a thousand strangers, not caring about being respectful, is usually looking for sex or a more casual relationship. On the other hand, someone who's respectful and considerate, and focuses on pursuing people they have good chemistry with, is usually looking for something stable and long-term. I'm oversimplifying a bit, but I feel like overall those ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 10:01 PM
3

Manipulating people is definitely not OK. But I've also seen folks who assumed they "had a shot" and ended up feeling led on, when the other party was only ever friendly towards them. Sometimes people set themselves up for disappointment, and it sucks for everyone involved (I'm not saying that's the case for the original commenter, but I've seen it happen to others and experienced something similar myself). We should be wary of (and critical towards) manipulators but also be honest about our own…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 09:31 PM
5

I was having a bit too much fun with the water faucet in the shower, it took me a while to finish and that's when I realized that I'd been completely blocking the drain while sitting on it... there was water aaaaall over the bathroom floor and even into the hallway and kitchen nearby, causing water damage to the wooden floor 😬 I was still living with my dad at the time and I felt so bad!!
/r/PurplePillDebate25/01/23 09:21 PM
3

My fiancé is shorter than you with an average-sized penis, and I'd strongly object to anyone calling him a "manlet"! I adore his body but I would love him just the same if he had a micropenis or no penis at all, or if he shrank and became 3 feet tall. None of his physical measurements are important in my enjoyment of the time we spend together. Someone who rejects you based solely on physical attributes would have been a terrible partner anyway. Why would you want a romantic relationship with a …
/r/ExRedPill21/10/22 06:29 PM
2

I certainly don't want to downplay that struggle! I'm sorry if any of what I said came across that way - I tried to avoid that, but I think with all the points I was trying to make, I got a bit careless. I do have a hopeful perspective, but I never want to be dismissive of the pain and hardships that people are in. To be honest, I haven't always had an optimistic outlook on love either; at one point during the pandemic, I was preparing to kill myself, and part of the reason was a fear of never f…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/22 11:21 PM
2

Thank you!! I totally adore and cherish him, and feel so much love and attraction between us. I'm moving to the United States next year so we can live together (I'm Canadian, so far we've just been visiting each other frequently) and it's incredibly exciting to know that I'll get to spend the rest of my life with him!
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/22 10:19 PM
2

I feel like I didn't fully manage to express everything on my mind in regards to relationships, but it's such a vast and complicated subject! We could probably write several books just about that, haha. I guess one of the important points I wanted to convey is that in my opinion, in the vast majority of cases, finding a relationship is not hopeless at all, but people will almost certainly struggle a lot more if they haven't already worked on themselves and their own lives to some extent (and/or …
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/22 09:11 PM
2

A large part of today's culture war is a war over language. Very true! I tend to attribute a lot of importance to semantics for the same reasons you mentioned, but I know discussing semantics can sometimes feel like a deflection or distraction, which I didn't want to do (especially since in this case it was a bit of a secondary point!) ​ So what do you think is there a person for everyone? Are interests distributed so hetrogenously?Also many people won't care about appealing to "most women" as l…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/04/22 08:56 PM
1

Totally agree with your first few paragraphs, and you have some great insights! I feel you about learning things the hard way, haha - but it forced me to really learn the lessons I needed in order to have this amazing relationship, which makes it all worth it for me! Hmm, you make an interesting point about testing! I guess, in a sense, we're all testing everyone else all the time, even without consciously wanting to. And I would be no exception, of course! That idea itself doesn't bother me. I …
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/22 09:05 PM
3

>how did you overcome this and change for the better? It mainly came from a desire to be happier/improve myself, and a recognition of what wasn't working in my life! I realized that sometimes when I had negative thoughts or emotions (insecurities, feeling hurt by someone's actions, etc), I would feel unable to voice them clearly. Instead, I'd withdraw from the situation, which just led to me stewing in that negativity, feeling even more depressed and resentful. If I re-engaged with the situation…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/03/22 02:47 AM
3

"Bonding and having fun" seems like a human thing to me, not a female thing! But these are hobbies that we also enjoy doing on our own - involving other people in them is just a bonus. And especially when it comes to gaming, having more people often just opens up new options (any board/video games with a minimum player count). It sounds like you have a somewhat narrow definition of what counts as a "real hobby", and your personal experience seems to have convinced you that it's almost impossible…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/22 02:19 PM
3

But our lives don't revolve around relationships? To me, hobbies are just things I enjoy doing in my spare time, not things I do to impress others. When I was in school playing video games, reading books, drawing etc with my friends, the role that these hobbies would play in our future relationships never even crossed our minds.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/22 02:06 AM
2

I had honestly never heard that before! That seems surprising to me since myself and my female friends already had hobbies before dating, and generally have hobbies that align with our interests and personalities. I have a hard time imagining anyone, male or female, who would base their hobbies around someone else's interests and not their own, but if it's an observed phenomenon, I'm curious to understand the "why" of it! Maybe in some cultures, women are discouraged from pursuing what they enjo…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/03/22 12:52 AM
5

Even when they say "i dOnt d0 tHaT" they in fact do that. What leads you to believe that *all* women who say they don't do it are lying? Edit: It's worth noting that many women don't exclusively date men, so "determining masculinity" is often not applicable in the first place. Personally I treat both male and female partners the same, and ever since I worked on my mental health and communication, I stopped expressing myself in ways that make my partner uncomfortable (which I see as being an unhe…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 09:52 PM
2

Congratulations! 😄
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 08:43 PM
4

You're right that gaming tends to be a little more withdrawn than a lot of other hobbies! There's always opportunities for in-person meetups - like game tournaments, gaming rooms at conventions, a Pokémon Go raid event or community day, or even board game groups/D&D for those who are also into tabletop games... But yeah, in our case it started online! We met in an online game and moved to Discord after a while. We've visited each other a few times already, and I'm preparing to move to his countr…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 08:23 PM
2

That hasn't been my experience at all! Several of my friends are moms and we game together, and they're always making really cool arts and crafts, and taking beautiful pictures, and making music, etc. One of them taught me how to play PUBG and still kicks my butt at it, another just shared pictures of a cool custom guitar she's making... we've made so many awesome memories in-between time spent with their kids - and sometimes even with the kids, when we all play together! Personally, I don't eve…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 08:14 PM
8

I don't use these kinds of "tests". There was a time when I could be passive-aggressive in relationships, but it wasn't part of a test, or a way to make a judgment about my partner - it was because I was hurting and I didn't know how to establish enough trust to be able to express myself honestly. I wanted something to change but I didn't know how to say it, so I would drop "hints" that often ended up being a lot more hurtful or provocative than I intended. This is thankfully not a problem anymo…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 08:02 PM
1

I'm sorry you're dealing with those issues! It's great that you can recognize some root causes of the problem - as someone who's struggled with anxious and depressive symptoms too, identifying harmful patterns is such an important step in getting better. I'm honestly impressed that you have the honesty and self-reflection to openly talk about it - I wish more people would do that! I really wish you the best in overcoming all that's weighing on you.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 07:45 PM
1

I was around 17-18, but it was with another woman 🤷‍♀️ the pill debate seems to revolve around male-female relationships, so I guess for the purposes of this discussion, that would be irrelevant. My first time with a guy was at like 23-24.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 07:32 PM
2

My partner knows about all of my past sexual relationships! I've never had any ONS so that doesn't apply to me, but even if I had, I wouldn't mind telling him. We are both very fond of honesty and acceptance, and don't see the point in hiding things from each other. I've never hidden it from previous partners, either.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 07:22 PM
1

That has not been my experience at all! I love to banter with my male friends, and I'm far from the only woman to do so. I've also definitely felt comradery between us!
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 07:16 PM
4

The women truly worth dating are women simply looking for a partner that can also be their best friend. Sex is only a small part of a relationship. It's only worth anything when you have a strong bond with that person. And any person looking for sex and sex appeal first likely won't find any true gratification or happiness in a relationship. I completely agree with this! My partner is my best friend, and I can't think of anything better than that! The trust and friendship that we have only incre…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 07:00 PM
1

And lots of women like video games, too! That's how I met my boyfriend (though we also have a bunch of other hobbies outside of that!)
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 06:12 PM
2

My perspective on it as a woman is that I want my partner and I to be able to spend lots of quality time and have fun together, so I love being with someone who shares interests with me! Also, my hobbies are the main way I meet people nowadays - most of my friends are from online games, for example. One of these friends eventually became my boyfriend! Without this mutual hobby, we would have probably never met. A shared activity and interest is a strong basis for a friendship/relationship. If I …
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 06:00 PM
1

Exactly this! Some people can't or won't communicate how they feel and what they want, oftentimes due to a combination of personal hangups and a lack of trust/communication within the relationship. This can easily lead to resentment, jealousy and insecurity building up, which almost inevitably ends up causing arguments and other negative (or even abusive) behaviour. I personally feel that it's best to date someone you have at least some hobbies/interests in common with (the more the better, in m…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 05:38 PM
1

I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Women don't have interests and dreams, they just pretend to in order to get someone to marry them?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/22 05:29 PM
2

Honestly, I mostly come here to talk about my boyfriend - I don't think I'll ever get tired of that! Our relationship is very fulfilling, and I enjoy sharing our perspective on romance and partnership. I would love to help others find the same kind of happiness we've found!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 09:06 PM
1

Personally, I don't think either sex should be forcibly drafted or kept from leaving. It's an injustice which I would be in favour of changing.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 08:42 PM
2

I'm in my late 20's and met my boyfriend about two years ago while playing an online game! We became best friends within about a year, and then started dating. It's by far the best relationship of my life (and his)!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 02:13 PM
2

It really depends on how we define "socially-skilled". To me, good communication would count as a social skill, and is one of the biggest things that I find attractive about my boyfriend. Both of us have learned how to express ourselves without attacking the other person and how to listen with an open mind, and it's made our relationship very strong!
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:34 AM
2

Good bot
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/22 04:23 AM
2

Hmm, I think I see what you mean! I still think it's a bit of a red flag to insult a partner, even out of anger, and that's not something I would personally ever do. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself or implies that they think you're "lesser" in some way, they're probably not a very good partner for you, in my opinion (unless they're willing to talk things out and make some changes). I guess what I was trying to say earlier is that it can be helpful to focus on the people who do like …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 02:25 PM
9

Zero in my case. I've only had sex within long-term, committed relationships (4 in total including my current one, which we're both confident is "the one"), and only 1 of those past relationships was with a guy. I don't think either of the men I have been with would be considered "alpha", but admittedly I'm not 100% clear on how that's defined!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 04:26 AM
2

I can think of several traits that contributed to me falling in love with my boyfriend and valuing our relationship so much, but honestly I don't think a lot of them are especially "masculine". Things like: open-mindedness, honesty, great communication skills, intelligence, humour/playfulness, enthusiasm about sharing hobbies, being supportive and caring... What I love about these qualities is that they allow us to be best friends and partners who fully trust each other, which is something I abs…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 02:29 AM
3

So just to be clear, a woman would be considered "not a virgin anymore" if she rubbed another woman's vulva, even if she didn't have anything done to herself? (I'm genuinely curious, since I've heard many takes on what constitutes "virginity" but haven't seen it discussed in PPD yet)
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 01:53 AM
1

How do you define virginity? Do same-sex relationships count? Does non-penetrative sexual contact count? Oftentimes when people say "N-count" they really mean "penis count" or more generally, "penetration count" - by those standards, I would probably have been considered to be a "virgin" in my mid-20s
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 01:40 AM
1

I wouldn't see anything wrong with it - to each their own! But personally, I don't find relationships with AI to be very fulfilling. They can be entertaining and even emotionally satisfying in a way, but ultimately they're very shallow compared to a connection with a real person.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/22 01:27 AM
0

Some women are definitely like that - but others are not. Sounds like you would be more compatible with women who don't care about size or just prefer average/smaller sizes, just as I am more compatible with people who enjoy smaller breasts and don't care that I'm not short and cute. Why would you want to date a girl who insults and demeans you, anyway? That seems like a red flag regardless of which part of you she's insulting.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/22 07:18 PM
1

My boyfriend has two kids in their mid/late teens and I'm excited to become their stepmom when I move in with him/get married! We all get along great. I have no issues with his ex, either. I might struggle a bit more if his kids were younger and/or if he had more, but I would still want to make it work. I trust my boyfriend to respect my boundaries and wishes if something makes me uncomfortable - that's really my main "condition". I know that we can always talk things out and find solutions thro…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/03/22 05:10 PM
2

A lot of women do care about height, but a lot don't. The numbers probably skew one way or the other, but it's impossible to know for sure. I do feel like we tend to hear about the negative stories more than the positive ones, especially in online communities like Reddit (and more specifically, communities which attract a very high % of people dissatisfied with their dating life). Personally, my boyfriend is significantly shorter than me and it doesn't change how I feel about him at all!
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/22 04:41 AM
1

The dating pool is full of people from both sides of the spectrum and anywhere in-between: there are those who see relationships as mostly (or at least greatly) transactional, and those who don't. So there are definitely potential partners who share your view! It's just a matter of meeting enough of them to find someone you really click with. I can attest that my own relationship is full of love, trust, and unconditional support. It's like being best friends but with a lot more commitment, much …
/r/PurplePillDebate03/03/22 02:24 AM
1

That is an interesting perspective! In my mind it is technically a kind of mutilation, as in "an act or instance of destroying, removing, or severely damaging a limb or other body part of a person or animal" (Merriam-Webster) - but I see how that could have a negative connotation and I can understand your desire to not be associated with it. I don't tend to go around calling people that anyway, but you've given me an extra reason not to! Out of curiosity, do you feel the same should apply to oth…
/r/ExRedPill28/02/21 06:13 AM
1

> We might be feeling this way due to gender roles and the shit we get pushed upon to fit. Definitely!! From what I've observed, gender roles on both sides are kind of a tangled mess, feeding into each other. For example, women traditionally being locked out of (or discouraged from) high-paying jobs, or even any job at all, probably also made things worse for men by increasing the pressure on them to be high earners. The overhyping of the "motherly instinct" both devalues fathers and contributes…
/r/ExRedPill28/02/21 04:46 AM
2

Do you have any hobbies? Play any games? In my experience, joining a hobby-related group is an amazing way to make friends, as the shared interest instantly gives you some common ground and an activity to enjoy together! Most of my long-term friendships have come from either hanging out in discussion/art groups about various media, or from playing online games. I definitely think it's easier to make friends (and generally interact) online, and nowadays there are more ways than ever to spend qual…
/r/ExRedPill28/02/21 04:23 AM
6

This is a very important question! There are many different definitions of "feminism", and I suspect that most anti-feminists are basing their views on the more extreme, sometimes downright toxic flavours. To me and many others, feminism is basically just one half of egalitarianism, with the aim of eliminating as many barriers and sources of suffering as possible for both women and men - under this definition, I think many/most people who aren't outright misogynists could qualify as feminists to…
/r/ExRedPill28/02/21 03:21 AM
1

Are you against intactivism? I'm just genuinely curious - it's the first time I see someone specifically call out intactivists, so I was surprised and wondered why you were asking about it. For the record I'm an intactivist (non-RP) but I've never been hostile about the subject.
/r/ExRedPill28/02/21 03:12 AM
3

Yeah, men do get a lot of unfair treatment. So do women. Instead of putting each other down with callous and manipulative tactics ("dread", name-calling, treating each other as objects...), isn't it better to try and build each other up? Personally I find that feminism and 'masculinism' (not sure if that's the correct term) can go hand-in-hand. I think having men and women in constant competition just makes things worse for everyone, and I'd rather see us work together.
/r/ExRedPill28/02/21 03:04 AM
1

Regarding the downvotes - Did I say anything wrong? I thought it was common sense not to make broad generalizations. I try my best never to make statements like "men are X", "straight people are Y", "conservatives are Z", etc., and I'd appreciate the same courtesy in return when it comes to the groups that I am a part of.
/r/MensRights25/02/16 07:03 AM
1

The only danger I could see with completely rejecting any form of the "yes means yes" principle is that in some cases (such as the one in the article), the victim might be somehow unable to say "no", whether verbally or physically. People might then say that it wasn't really rape otherwise she would have screamed and struggled, etc. I think a reasonable approach would be to take "yes means yes" in a non-literal sense - the person doesn't have to verbalize their consent like some kind of legal co…
/r/MensRights25/02/16 05:30 AM
1

But I don't understand why you interpret it as me redefining words when I've provided definitions from well-known dictionaries. This isn't all in my head, my arguments are directly based on these sources.
/r/MensRights25/02/16 05:12 AM
1

Sorry if I interpreted it the wrong way, it just seemed like your analogy could have also been directed at people who seem to want the sex at first but then back out of it for whatever reason. Unfortunately, a lot of people do still think that "if you turn them on, you owe them sex", so I guess I just assumed the worst when I saw the "deserved to be" phrase. But I agree that it's wrong to claim there was no consent when there actually was.
/r/MensRights12/02/16 05:25 AM
1

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree, since you don't seem to agree at all with the definitions of rape that I give (in which intent is not a key factor), and said definition seems to be the main source of disagreement between us. For the record, this is what I was using to define rape : "unlawful sexual intercourse or any other sexual penetration of the vagina, anus, or mouth of another person, with or without force, by a sex organ, other body part, or foreign object, without the consen…
/r/MensRights12/02/16 05:16 AM
1

"Rape is a crime." But should it be even when it's accidental? I mean, assaulting someone by punching them is a crime, but if you swung your fist in jest and accidentally punched someone you wouldn't necessarily be considered a criminal, just clumsy/ inconsiderate (not so different from an accidental rapist). I guess we don't have the same definition of rape - to me (based on the definitions I've been able to find), being raped means being subjected to sex against one's will. This would mean tha…
/r/MensRights10/02/16 08:40 PM
1

Yes, that is what I'm suggesting. Now, whether or not the accidental rapist should be considered a criminal is another story. It should definitely not be in the same category as intentional rape. But if the sex happened without the consent of the other partner, then it remains rape by definition, even if the person who commited it didn't know it was rape. I think it's similar to the difference between involuntary manslaughter and murder. Involuntary manslaughter is treated as very different than…
/r/MensRights10/02/16 08:03 PM
1

From what I understand, she said no a few times before the act, but not during the act itself. I see your point if you undress and then don't say no, but I'd argue that if a partner (male or female) is being extremely unresponsive, it's best to ask and make sure that nothing's wrong even if they already undressed. Failing to ask doesn't make someone a monster or anything, but it is rather self-centered and could lead to accidental rape in cases like the one described in the article (assuming eve…
/r/MensRights10/02/16 06:21 PM
1

Well yeah, if the man doesn't say anything, do anything or express any desire whatsoever to be sucked, I'd have qualms about doing it. I'd still want proof of consent, but it can come through non-verbal vocalizations and body language (not counting an erection) and doesn't necessarily have to take the form of an enunciated "yes".
/r/MensRights10/02/16 05:39 PM
1

While you're entitled to having doubts, I still think it's plausible that she really did freeze up. There are so many ways the scenario could have played out, even assuming that she did participate (maybe she undressed and then started saying no, for instance).
/r/MensRights10/02/16 05:35 PM
3

She says that she said 'no' multiple times before, but didn't say no during the act because she 'froze up' (this is what the 'never said no' bit refers to).
/r/MensRights10/02/16 05:31 PM
1

I was referring specifically to "I say to you I did not deserve to be robbed". It seems like you're making fun of people who say they didn't deserve to get raped. If they were never actually raped, that's another issue entirely, but anyone who does get raped doesn't deserve it. Obviously a woman (or man) who is very proactive, offers no objections and is not coerced can be considered to consent.
/r/MensRights10/02/16 05:29 PM
2

"It could explain how feminists are quick to jump to the "he raped me" narrative, it satisfies their fantasies." But wouldn't they be happy about the 'rape', then? If they're upset, then either it was a real rape (not a consensual simulated rape), or they just plain don't have any rape fantasies. I agree about regret in general, but it could also be about letting something be done to you (as with the woman here freezing up, she might feel like she should have done more even though at the time sh…
/r/MensRights10/02/16 05:24 PM
2

Yeah, I see what you mean and thanks for the warning. I used to use MRA or masculinist more, but I have to admit that I prefer 'meninist' because it sounds more like a direct counterpart to 'feminist'. I could just say egalitarian, but I feel like it's still too obscure.. I was aware that a lot of people use meninism as a parody of extremist feminism, but it was my understanding that some also used the term for actual men's rights? Maybe I just got the wrong impression.
/r/MensRights10/02/16 05:07 PM
3

Could you explain what rape fantasies would have to do with this? As someone who has them, I never saw any connection to cases of actual rape. The whole 'regret' thing seemed in this case to be a direct result of the (unwitting) rape - which seems like a very logical and predictable thing to regret.
/r/MensRights10/02/16 07:46 AM
1

I'm a feminist (also a meninist/ MRA) who wasn't raped. In spite of this, my views seem pretty complete, as I try to be fair in all regards and look at facts objectively (though I'll be the first to admit that I don't know everything - I keep an open mind).
/r/MensRights10/02/16 07:42 AM
-4

I'm very sorry that this happened to you, but please don't overgeneralize feminists. A lot of us do care about both men and women, in all scenarios where injustice takes place.
/r/MensRights10/02/16 07:40 AM
1

If one partner seems reluctant or exceedingly passive, it makes sense for the more active one to try and get consent, regardless of their respective genders.
/r/MensRights10/02/16 07:38 AM
-8

Are you seriously bringing back the 'women deserve to be raped in certain circumstances' argument? I thought no one believed in that sh*t anymore. (Of course, I don't think that men deserve to get raped either, for the record)
/r/MensRights10/02/16 07:35 AM
3

You'd definitely have a point if the guy was just laying there, not saying a thing, passively taking it. But if a man or woman is actively coming on to the other (as seems to have been the case here since she says she wasn't moving), it's safe to assume that they consent, barring intoxication/ extreme psychological difficulties that should be easily detectable.
/r/MensRights10/02/16 07:33 AM
4

I mean, I agree with your title, but I don't see how the article reflects that. Being completely fine with a sexual encounter when it happens and then changing your mind afterwards is very different from saying 'no' multiple times and then freezing up/ passively taking it.
/r/MensRights10/02/16 07:30 AM
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