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CharacterProper8732 Archive

View 1 posts and 93 comments by CharacterProper8732 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
46

CharacterProper8732/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 05:23 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

I disagree with A LOT of Dworkin's premises (I had to read a lot of her in college) but 1) she's a great writer and 2) One of her core conclusions about gender/sex needing to be excluded and separated from the other has some merit to it (the math she uses to get there is some gymnastics, but the end "ask" is pretty compelling.) One of the core reasons why I dislike writers like bell hooks is that they had all of the tools to dismantle arguments from folks like Dworkin, but chose to anonymize the…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates16/07/25 06:50 PM
2

**Thor GIF** "Is she though?"
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates08/07/25 08:32 PM
7

"Carrying a child also is a societal obligation for women" Wow, how pro-life and Christian nationalist of her.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates08/07/25 07:01 PM
0

Patriarchy is the reason, like it or not. This is one of the ways patriarchy reinforces gender dynamics while undermining men. I know it seems completely counter-intuitive, but ask yourself "What would actual equality look like in this dynamic?" and if it's not equal, it's reinforcing the status quo systems of oppression.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 01:37 AM
2

You are entitled to your non-abusive anger. And you're entitled to your space, your distance, but also your introspection and quiet. Your grief. Therapy! Books on male psychological improvement! (No More Mr Nice Guy, as mentioned elsewhere. The No Contact Rule is my favorite.) Going on dates and splitting the check! Building YOUR home! YOUR routines! YOUR life without this person! Let your wins be fuel for letting yourself know who YOU want to be. EDIT: God's wounds don't let women weaponize aff…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 06:56 PM
1

I've been divorced about a year, separated two. I go out and have adult times, but I'm uninterested in getting into another 'relationship' anytime soon if ever. Everything stays at arms length because I absolutely don't trust women. At all. Monolithically.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:38 PM
3

You can find codependency, sex, anxious attachment, tears, ambivalence. You might also find love. But the only place you're going to find love and security in any meaningful, life-changing way is going to be within. You handle that, you are immune to being hypnotized. Yeah, I haven't found it either.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 04:41 PM
2

Big agree on the book no more Mr. Nice guy. I also recommend The No Contact Rule.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:23 PM
4

I'm not going to sugarcoat this: when I see someone express the level of contempt and dismissal you're showing here, it raises red flags. In lots of cases here, when men are seriously considering divorce, there's a visible sense of grief or internal conflict—unless there's clear, identifiable abuse happening. Calling your STBXW "lazy and stupid" suggests a few possibilities: deep contempt, a breakdown in your ability to communicate, or something unresolved in you that makes this kind of speech f…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 04:54 PM
2

Gym is excellent. Diet is great. HRT is phenominal and I recommend it! Therapy is necessary. All of these support one thing: a healthy and responsive nervous system. You're dealing with Trauma™ and if the foundation of your house is crumbling, there's very little way of navigaing life and what you want because you're not 1000% conscious of what you're doing. EDIT: all of that cortisol in your body is not doing your ongoing health any favors.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 12:08 AM
9

https://www.instagram.com/fkndeliciousness/reel/C7_GdCVpkiJ/
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/25 10:26 PM
3

Agree—and I’d actually love to see deeper dives on how fatphobia shows up differently for men, women, cis, trans folks, etc. We tend to talk about fatphobia like it’s this one big monolith, but it’s really not. It gets deployed in specific ways across the political spectrum, depending on who the target is and what message they're trying to send. And honestly, a lot of the stuff that both lefty influencers and manosphere types start with sounds reasonable because it really is. It feels insightful…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates26/06/25 11:13 PM
15

Not sure why you're getting downvoted—your take is honestly pretty on point, even if it’s a bit blunt. You’re touching on something deeper: this whole debate around masculinity isn’t really about left vs. right—it’s about deciding what kind of man you want to be, instead of letting some influencer or culture war dipshit define that for you, let alone your wife or girlfriend or a whole phalanx of women. And let’s be real—both sides of the modern men's rights podcasts and news have things to consi…
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates26/06/25 05:06 PM
8

Fucking No
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 06:26 AM
4

I don’t entirely disagree with you, which is why I was really interested in finding something a little bit more meaningful in the accountability lapse
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/25 12:14 AM
14

She is asking for a divorce with more steps. I've said this before, but there's this weird belief when women tell their spouses that they're lesbian, that men will give them everything and then fade into obscurity. Lawyer up. Take what's yours. Get out. Now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 06:55 PM
6

Without a doubt, this guy (seemingly?) fucked up. He held accountability, and it's important that we recognize that, that we can appreciate honesty, and also recognize that we are all flawed. That it's not a death sentence and bullying folks for their accountability and reconciliation, more especially in this subreddit, isn't great and isn't appropriate. This gentleman’s STBXW has made her decision, and while it's completely understandable, it doesn't excuse his behavior, and she's entitled to i…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 04:38 PM
2

Oh my God. This is so true! Brilliant insight! If you don’t mind me asking about how old/what was your ex-wife’s age?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 02:24 PM
11

This is for much, much, MUCH later. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinderella_effect Just because you love someone doesn't mean they love your children. Prioritize your children first and communicate that to your partner. The best thing you can do is make sure that your girlfriend/wife DOES NOT ASSUME the role of a mom to your kids. Their friend? Absolutely. Should they show (EDIT:) each other due respect? Without question. Should he/she/they have responsibilities over caring for each other? Abso…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 06:05 PM
3

It's a tough feeling to bridge and explore—something I'm doing right now in therapy. "Why do I need to external validation to experience joy?" It's usually because of learned safety (at least in my case). Is she giving you what you want? And are the things you want minimized or deprioritized, are they given equal space, or are the things you want disproportionately prioritized over the things she wants? Getting that right is tough marital work!
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:39 PM
5

(Among a lot of other terrible aspects in my marriage) I did something similar—what I was really seeking was independence and throwing off our codependency. I didn't want to depend on her, and I didn't want her to depend on me. She took it very much like you did—"Why are you taking away reasons why you need me?!?" Do you get your self-worth from the idea or perception that your wife is with you because you provide for her? If you do, maybe think about healing around that. That being said—your wi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/25 10:23 PM
3

Once you make the decision, grieve to yourself, your counselor, and dear friends. Start saying good bye now to mutual friends—keeping those friendships is a fool's errand. Stay optimistic! It's phenomenal on the other side. And you deserve every bit of the relief of getting this woman off your books. And no matter what anyone tells you, you were a good husband, and she may be a great wife to someone, just not to you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/25 11:35 PM
14

Putting all of the suicide reach out things that you’re about to get deluged with aside and as someone who has been in your position before, let me tell you what actually sunk in as the best advice. Feelings of suicide have nothing to do with wanting to actually off yourself. It has to do with you not liking or needing or wanting to be in the place that you are right now. Your nervous system has been in trauma response mode for too long. Right now go to a CBT therapy meeting. Pay for better help…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 03:46 AM
3

I agree with everyone here: • Check your own actions. • Communicate ONLY in recorded environments. • DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH HER. • Therapy, community, self-care. • Think about, at least for the next little while, surveilling yourself. It's not out of the realm of possibility she tries to sabotage you or your home. Keep in mind she might be surveilling you and twisting the narrative.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:36 PM
3

This! A good conversation with good boundary making is probably the first step: "Hey lady! I really like us, but I don’t need this kind of energy because constant reinforcement is really fatiguing to me! It seems like you'd prefer that I prioritize your needs before mine, but I'm not interested in engaging a relationship with that dynamic. Here is what I'm going to provide, here is how I'm going to provide it, and if you're not interested in observing that while we're together, I need more space…
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 05:56 PM
2

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/1kacaq7/why_does_calling_a_man_on_his_bluff_always/
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/25 02:04 PM
2

Women do this no matter how reasonable they were, no matter how much they fucked up—nothing is ever a woman's fault (or even shared fault!) and they will deflect blame because they are incapable of the handling the scrutiny or accountability. I most definitely fucked up things in my marriage, things that I absolutely wish I could take back that did direct harm (for instance, keeping threatening divorce when she was terrible and I really should have just done it and been done with it) or asking f…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 05:28 PM
1

If you feed those feelings instead of your body, they will get stronger while you get weaker. My advice: focus on lean protein and veg. If you can't get those down, shakes, smoothies, and one meal a day. Something that lights up your brain and doesn't have sugar (mostly because empty calories and weird things that can happen with your metabolism with increased sugar). Don't worry about heavy things right now—they'll be waiting (weighting) for you when you're ready but long walks in nature, in th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/25 04:43 PM
18

I love you looking out for others! There’s a saying I really enjoyed and found very helpful: “Like likes like.” If you’re recently out of a relationship and are still finding your footing (but perhaps not yet fully healed), some women swoop in during this time because it’s an opportunity for them to gain the most “value” from a partner, while men are still more receptive and malleable—the “training” men have been subjected to in the past is still present. (“Somebody cooked here” is a phrase I’ve…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 04:27 PM
6

This is a deep illusion caused by the manufacture (either by you or them) of enmeshment and dependence. If you got to a point where you believed that you couldn't live without them, you're creating not collaboration but codependency. Something I relearned during my separation and in the last few years of my marriage is that a healthy relationship looks more like two individuals working together than one couple/unit and that the feeling of going back is more about certainty than it is about happi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 09:18 PM
5

I'm not saying your STBW is a narcissist or not, but let's put a pin in that label because it's really overused and used in a deeply pejorative way in order to simplify what is deeply terrible behavior. Sometimes, people are just assholes. I say this a lot, but the moment someone gets "sticky" (accusations of abuse, accusations of gaslighting, attempts to re-establish deeply toxic and codependent connections), just hire an attorney and let them do the communication because the amount of psychic …
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 10:22 PM
7

In all likelihood, and depending on your attorney, she may make too much for alimony. You'll have to pay child support. You'll probably just need to split the retirement—again attorney can handle this. Throw the keys to them, hit gym, therapy, kiddo classes (how old are your little ones?), learn to cook, etc. You make enough for that to be an easy option for you.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 04:04 PM
14

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but her behavior is a blessing: she's telling you exactly who she is and what she wants to do with you. You get to live a great life now without this terrible person in your life!
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 08:19 PM
2

Make no agreements, written or spoken. Record all interactions. Don’t move out of the house. Seek a therapist.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:46 PM
6

Are you legally separated? I suspect not given you said there are no legalities, but wanted to check.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:16 PM
1

When people tell you who they are, believe them. And if you're quiet enough, they'll tell you everything about how the view you, how the are going to treat you, etc., all of it. The biggest thing you can to do for yourself and against her is to thrive without her in your life. No More Mr Nice Guy as u/EnvironmentalAd3558 suggested is great. I also suggest The No Contact Rule by Natalie Lue.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 08:14 PM
2

I wanted the divorce and it still fucking sucked. But still, best thing that could have happened to me by every objective measure.
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 09:27 PM
1

https://www.instagram.com/realdanyang/reel/C_TW8uKu3Bd/
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/25 09:21 PM
10

I think extending your #3: They also tend to have better health outcomes. Brutal but true: Men need to get better at connecting and socializing with other men. Men need to generally get better at taking care of themselves, be self sufficient, and actually socially and aesthetically engaging (no, r/MaleSurvivingSpace isn't an appropriate level of living). Men need to be better at establishing their boundaries and hold them! Men need to STOP TRYING TO WHITE KNIGHT WOMEN. Stop paying for their bill…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/25 07:56 PM
12

Around half of folks remarry within five years of getting their first divorce and 73% within ten years with the average time between divorce and remarriage about three years. But 60% of those people get a second divorce. Folks move on but they usually come back to the same place if they don't change themselves. Let her be the example and cautionary tale.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 08:34 PM
2

I think dating is fine—relationship should really be at arms length for a while. Cohabiting, getting remarried, meeting kids, etc., really ought to be on a lot slower timeline than other things like going out, trips, sex, dates, etc. Intimacy and vulnerability sort of have to be secondary to immediate needs and healing. A relationship can be fine so long as some governors are in place that prevent you both from slipping into possibly volatile territory .
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 08:15 PM
7

I had a few scrapes there, but the mods are pretty good at making sure it’s not man-bashing/woman-bashing zone. I’ve certainly been guilty of pathologizing my ex, but it seemed like every other dude was a narcissist or every other lady had borderline when it turns out folks were just assholes.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 11:12 PM
5

No one is more evil than the most evil person in our own minds. This isn’t to say your stbxw isn’t a colossal POS and hasn’t wrecked your shit, but that your suffering might be coming from inside your own house. (https://www.shamashalidina.com/blog/pain-suffering-story). Imagine how much easier it would be if we moved towards just not giving a single turd about them. We might succeed, we might not, but boy howdy is it a waste to spend a single moment letting them have room rent free in your head…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 04:23 PM
6

Ask the court for an attorney for your kid's interest?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 04:29 PM
1

I think your point is insightful and I'll be thinking about it a lot. Thanks for sharing!
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/25 04:08 PM
22

Women in day-to-day life? Always gave them respect, open doors, etc., because I like behaving that way, not because they deserve it more than men. In personal relationships? I'm not doing the emotional work on anyone's behalf anymore which means they probably will always be at arms length. I'm not playing any games any more for any reason—they just aren't worth it. I would rather be single than be inconvenienced or contemptuous. I can be happy with myself and there's not a problem that I have th…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 05:29 PM
3

Let the attorney figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 07:52 PM
15

You know you and your situation better than anyone. The perimenopause 'argument' really boils down to women trying to avoid accountability for their own shitty behavior. If their actions aren't their own fault you can't blame them for them, right? What folks who argue this really want is for their partners to take the body blow for their midlife crisis. If they're not responsible for their actions, or their thoughts, or their feelings, what are they responsible for? For you—get sad, but also get…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 04:22 PM
7

There’s gonna be lots of amazing advice here, and more than anything I hope for you and your kiddo to have peace and love for as long as you can. I’m about a year and a half post separation, three months post divorce and here’s my advice: she doesn’t get to see you break. Don’t talk to her about anything emotional, your marriage, anything that concerns “we” in your marriage. Don’t offer her anything she isn’t entitled to and even then, only give it if she asks. Don’t be cordial; be cold. Don’t b…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 09:23 PM
4

The attorney is who you toss the keys to. See a therapist as soon as you can, don’t forget to BREATHE. You got this, my guy.
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/25 04:52 AM
9

Divorce is hard. It reaches deep inside the most intimate parts of ourselves and how we attach to people and ourselves. There's now a stranger in the world who knows your deepest details and secrets. It fucking sucks and it's ok to feel bad.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 11:55 PM
2

I got a semi-nice wood box for it and it lives there. I might get rid of it /I might not but it’s really just a tchotchke. Since I don’t know yet it’s just Gina live in limbo for a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 06:10 AM
7

I did, so glad I did.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 06:38 PM
3

All excellent points. Thank you!
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/25 05:57 PM
4

It's absolutely ok to mourn. It's ok to be angry. It's ok despair. But languishing, or rumination won't get you on first base and that's where you need to be. Just know someday you're going to wake up, and it will be like a switch is flipped. For me, it was the day after I gutted out a marathon. For one friend it was after he hiked Appalachian Trail. For another, it was knocking out a Murph. I can't tell you how you should feel. But I can say that it feels better over time, that sometimes the ob…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 06:55 PM
5

I think you're doing what you need to do—some small tweaks. Unless you have a specific plan with the courts for your kids, find a neutral location to drop off pick up. Keep going to therapy and try a different therapist, but try CBT or CBT group therapy. Online groups are great for this as it sounds like you're living in a sort of constant state of disregulation. Go on a vacation somewhere sunny. It doesn't matter if you leave your hotel or not—just sit somewhere with the sun on you for a little…
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/25 05:00 PM
5

IANAL and IANYL: Sometimes attorney's behave this way when they look at the overall possibility of what the net reward will be vs cost to you. If it's less than 20% difference, they slow walk or don't do it. You are correct, your attorney is asleep, but keep in mind they may also be weighing what it will cost you to pay them to go after certain assets and setups. The motion to compel indicates so much more. Get a new attorney if you can or (if you can afford it) speak to the head of the firm for…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 06:29 PM
2

Relationships are relationships and are important. But getting married for because you have more consistent and better intimacy? Oof. For some but really unfair to bring that expectation. And more often than not it's used as hammer or lever for manipulating, blinding, and making folks miniable.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 09:24 PM
10

I think you both make good points: relationships can be fantastic if you hold your boundaries. For me, the boundaries are "I'm not comingling finances (including splitting a home). I'm not giving up my dog. I'm not ever getting remarried" and these are articulated from jump. I also agree with u/itoocouldbeanyone —it was a blessing (for me I initiated, I freaked out, she held firm that we should divorce, and to be honest I can never thank her enough for that). I think the reason why you're maybe …
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/25 07:37 PM
1

Big same. Sometimes I'm curious about her but the effect of finding out is usually the same: this person I loved is actually a terrible person and my decision to leave her is paying dividends. I want to thank her every day for her shitty behavior because it's made the process of moving on so much easier.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/25 05:29 PM
2

"She gets the house that i have to pay off" Do you have an attorney? Where are you located? Hate is part of it—eventually you'll get to indifference. And you can fake indifference.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 11:11 PM
9

We really got along until we didn't. We both built resentment and I was the only one who wanted to talk about it and she stonewalled (what I perceived) or grayrocked (what she perceived). Glad it's over and I'm glad she took the people she took with her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/25 07:21 PM
12

People who throw around the term "narcissist" really mean "how dare he stand up for himself" or "how dare he not let folks manipulate him." The fact that that bothers you really is emblematic that you're not that. And her behavior reflects someone who wants to be able to throw that label around to avoid looking in the mirror, who wants an easy out. So, let her. See your therapist. See your people. Be honest about YOUR accountability of putting yourself in this situation. The moment she accused y…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 07:22 PM
1

ooph that last line. You are absolutely right.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 05:23 PM
3

Some folks, at the end of their rope, use "divorce" as a means of getting attention on the things that are important to them. When a spouse blocks access and doesn't address hurts, it's the only button that can get movement towards resolution. The problem is that if you hammer it, it's going to burn out the other person who is already in a burned out frame of mind. In my divorce, I wanted Meaning (intimacy, honest conversations, and repairing hurts) and Autonomy (didn't want her to do my laundry…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 05:15 PM
3

I heard something the other day from a YouTube divorce attorney (he's probably the one you're thinking of), and he said something that really sunk in. Paraphrasing: If we told someone we wanted to jump off a cliff, they would immediately ask, "Why?" If we told them we wanted to give away half of our stuff, our friends would ask, "Why?" But we say we're getting married, and we're met with support and "that's great! Congratulations!" as opposed to saying "why?" In addition, he said 'What is the pr…
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 10:54 PM
4

Be kind to yourself today, and don't stand for folks being unkind to you ever.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/25 10:26 PM
2

To be clear, I don't think you have a attachment disorder, just a different kind of attachment (which I think we all do). And in my experience quite a bit of it is a spectrum of attachment. As for your ex caring for her friends than for you—yeah, that's emblematic of someone who is just kind of an asshole to their husband. Sometimes we (and I definitely include me) have a tendency to pathologize shitty behavior. Like my therapist says "Sometimes, people are just assholes." I get that that draw f…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 08:58 PM
3

First I'm remembering Coach Beard in Ted Lasso and would like to underline this for you: "All people are different people." The reason why women are more prevalent in healthcare than men isn't because of any inherent quality—it's that the industry has a long history of supporting professionalization that is open to and actively supporting women (like teaching, for instance). (https://www.gale.com/primary-sources/womens-studies/collections/history-of-women-in-medicine) I want to be conscious of t…
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/25 07:47 PM
1

This is an host question: why is it your responsibility to make sure she feels appreciated?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 09:04 PM
0

I think they see their mother be a twat and they see their father stoically take it and then prioritize them and his mental health—a noble and healthy role model. Sure, they might be influenced by their mother, but children aren't a rope in tug of war.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 05:18 PM
1

For those first few weeks, CBT was a lifeline. I'm terribly glad I found it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 05:12 PM
14

I think you might be Satan. I don’t have kids, but everything related to my ex-wife is her business. I could give a fuck if she wants to mock me with her new boyfriend or girlfriend or plural or to her parents or whoever, she can do that. Because what she says and does has nothing to do with me. That’s the best thing about divorce: I don’t have to give a fuck about her anymore and I have the lawyer receipts to prove it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 06:19 AM
4

Don't. That's someone trying to draw you back into SOME KIND of dynamic—I think it's called breadcrumbing?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/25 12:42 AM
5

It seems like the dynamics of many marriages these days resemble this pattern (excluding marriages marked by blatant abuse and neglect). One partner feels invisible or unacknowledged, leading to the development of contempt. This contempt then seeks a reason to fuel it. When this happens to men, the response is often dismissive and judgmental: “It’s a midlife crisis! He’s a narcissist! How dare he!” Conversely, when it occurs to women, the response is usually more empowering and assertive: “Girl,…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 06:16 PM
1

The levers they have are on an escalator. If she won’t answer the door, the process server and lawyer can get permission from the court to nail it to the door, or wait until they go grocery shopping and serve them in a parking lot. A person really digs themselves a hole when they “refuse” being served and really is in their best interest to accept the papers. When you have documented evidence of obstructed service, they can’t turn around and say “I didn’t know” when you receive summary judgement…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:48 PM
1

Lawyer handled it. Was worth every penny.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 05:38 PM
12

She missed what you did for her, not who you were.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:08 PM
7

Same. Something I realized is that to an avoidant, or to a taker in a codependent relationship, a man who sticks up for their boundaries must look like a narcissist. Very much “ how dare you not let me exploit you.”
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/25 04:59 AM
3

I'll be honest that was me—I wanted a warm, caring, considerate 'uncoupling' but good lord was that a bad idea and I'm so glad her behavior was her behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:51 PM
5

Usually when folks have that much of a hold on you, it's not "them"—it's the things they did to keep you on the hook, dolling out affection like Pac-Man pellets just enough to keep you manageable and sculptable, but never enough to keep you content and growing or feel true security. And when they leave, we think that their happiness is our responsibility. This is really the deepest sign of codependency—she was a taker, and you were a giver (I'd wager). What's going on with her is her business, a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/02/25 04:45 PM
13

I don't have children, but I see the same things you do and I completely agree with you. It is orders of magnitude unfair to your would-be step-children to be introduced to their life with a level of insecurity their parent has, to say nothing of the things that are taken away from you. I have been on dates, since my divorce, with a few moms and the difference between "I am uninterested in finding a dad for my kids and holding my boundaries" and "A MAN! TO FIND SECURITY! YOU HAS HOUSE?!?!" is ni…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/25 11:13 PM
2

IANAL and I'm not your lawyer. Anyone can sue/take to court anyone for any reason—prevailing is another matter. If I were you I'd send verifiable correspondence to your ex wife stating your position and that if she enrolls your child in school without your permission you'll take all available steps to recover them. I would underline that you all have a great agreement with clear boundaries and you'd hate to lose that. This happened to my brother and I when we were young. My mother took us during…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/25 05:23 PM
8

Relationships are fantastic when you have good boundaries and don't compromise on them. And completely support their not compromising on theirs. And sometimes those are incompatible, and that's ok too! We all need more friends.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 08:03 PM
5

This is absolutely true. And even if it's not, having this realization is going to get you into a much better, healthier headspace.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/25 04:56 PM
2

The "relief" you'll feel is really about hurting her and making her family dynamic terrible (EDIT: and probably not even relief). I can completely understand that from a general retaliation mindset, but it doesn't really serve you in helping you feel better or takeaway what she took. The best thing you can do is become the person you want to be—if that person is vindicative, then by all means tell her family. But if you want nothing to do with this woman anymore, let that person become a memory.…
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/25 10:24 PM
2

Hell yeah. Therapy is dope.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 04:58 AM
1

I'm beginning to think folks just really shouldn't be married. There's study (https://www.unmarried.org/single-vs-married-who-really-lives-longer/#:\~:text=Getting%20married%2C%20then%2C%20does%20not,New%20York%20Times%20and%20Newsday.) after study showing single-women live longer and have better health outcomes than married women, and I suspect it's the same for men as well—we just need to learn how to create the same social bonds and groups that many women with healthier lives do. I think men …
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/24 03:38 PM
3

0-Yes you should tell her. She deserves truth and transparency as part of reproductive health decisions. 1-See number 0 2-it's very effective though you need to get it checked periodically. 3-It's usually covered by insurance. 4-Yes, if you marry this woman and she's going through the hell of IVF and it turns out you're just snipped I would say that there's some deep medical bullshit you're putting her through. 5- Yes, but it's not proven and and not consistent. Just tell her.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 07:29 PM
5

People can ask for divorce for any reason, good, bad, ridiculous or not. If I might make an unhealthy alternative—just make space for her to be estranged from them. She doesn't have to go to functions, she doesn't have to allow them in her home or have to be there when they are—put no pressure on her to conform or break her boundaries. Perhaps that feeling will fade, perhaps it won't, but it's an alternative to a nuclear action.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/24 05:27 PM
2

Call her bluff. Call the police. As said elsewhere, document everything.
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/24 10:13 PM
12

This toxic trait has more to do with her feeling good and continuing to have access to you than it is about helping you. I would suggest going no-contact if you can.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/24 04:53 PM
2

The question isn't whether will women still like you, the question is "do YOU like you?' Many comments here about focusing on the wrong thing—what a partner/girlfriend would want or not want from you—and the best comments here are about you focusing on the wrong thing. Get therapy! Be accountable and honest with your therapist and get to a point in your life where you can live in your own skin and life without being concerned with what a hypothetical partner would or wouldn't want. Guys with a m…
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/24 05:59 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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