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Character_Hippo90 Archive

View 0 posts and 333 comments by Character_Hippo90 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

Try not allowing her to disrespect your emotions with uncertainty.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 11:43 AM
3

In the meantime try reading some books and articles on separation and divorce. Become self informed instead of relying on expensive suits.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:21 PM
6

Date solely for the fun of female company. Avoid commitments of any kind and be selfish finally.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 12:15 PM
3

Wait until you have everything lined up, paperwork and finances, before the blowup. Her reaction is unpredictable.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/25 11:40 AM
5

You're on a great journey of reinvention. Just remain chilled.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 01:43 PM
7

Absolutely not.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/25 06:40 AM
6

Too clingy, time to reevaluate and set solid boundaries.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/25 11:31 AM
2

"Twice bitten" and still haven't learned. The answers you're seeking won't salve the infidelity unless you remove yourself from the source. Why bother.
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/25 02:37 AM
3

You definitely can't "uncook" a bad meal but you can remember the ingredients that spoiled it. Staying will merely taint the relationship further so de tangle now and give the kids time to adjust.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 11:15 AM
6

Honesty, you're incapable of trying to renegotiate a love connection when there's zero reciprocal feelings. Your reality is blurred by selfishness/love, and only you can decide to continue suffering. Wisdom says seek a new /different direction.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:41 PM
5

DNA test and file for divorce as a preemptive strike.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 10:26 PM
15

Since you and her have no kids then there's zero reasons for you to communicate. Casual conversations only hinder progress.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/25 11:59 PM
3

Totally agree.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:58 AM
6

Pretending that everything is great is the worse conveyance one can make. Control what you can and ignore what you can't.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/24 01:30 PM
2

Being an adult means being responsible for our actions. The emotional betrayal exhibited by your spouse is NOT a matter of personal regret and should not be tacked on with self blame. She chose to cheat, period.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/24 09:19 PM
9

It's about time we heard something positive resulting from a divorce. All too often it's centers on extreme financial hardships and strained family relationships. Congratulations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 11:20 PM
11

It's really quite simple, as modern culture is defined by attitude instead of commitment. No one seems capable of handling difficult adjustments and so it's easier to bail out instead of confronting conflicts. I understand your crisis, just remain focused now on yourself and your kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/24 12:19 PM
5

Don't allow her to continue dictating your future. Thus far it's only led to sadness and emptiness. File and watch the change.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/24 05:50 PM
4

Don't stress about being vilified and focus more on the absolution of your marriage. Being proactive to distance yourself and preparing for divorce are crucial. It's about you now.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/24 10:53 AM
11

DNA test first on your daughter.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/24 07:05 PM
11

Living in purgatory is a conscious decision. It's totally up to you to decide how you choose to live.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/24 01:52 AM
1

You've got to rip off the band-aid and express what you're holding inside. At this point there's no love loss, and respect has absolutely no presence, so just being honest and raw won't really matter. Tell her how you feel, what you think, and where she can go.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/24 01:43 PM
15

STOP allowing her to dictate the direction of your marriage. You have options and it's imperative that you grasp the handles and make firm results. Don't play divorce, get divorced.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 05:48 AM
3

Divorce is a life altering experience, one that derails so much of a person's everyday activities, especially if they've been married a number of years. So, it's understandable to fine oneself having a different mindset. What matters is to keep the focus on yourself and your emotional growth.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 09:01 PM
3

You have to reach a point where unless it involves your child it shouldn't matter to you. Stop attempting to placate her issues by even listening to her bickerings. Just give it a break.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 12:34 PM
15

She’s not remorseful because she’s already checked out of the marriage and understands there’s no benefit to pretense. Your only option is to file and wipe your hands of her BS.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/24 12:03 AM
0

Her behavior is that of a single person, not one of a married individual. I would definitely confront her and let her know that you’re uncomfortable with her activities, especially texting men just to party.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/24 05:06 PM
21

Her "bright" options have all faded and she's desperate to reestablish the security of the marriage you once provided. This unfortunately is a classic symptom of those who are driven to explore on the other side of the fence. Continue to decline all offers and enjoy being free from such a callous soul.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/24 12:06 PM
2

Just keep the focus on kids and consistency and you’ll be fine. Discard the things you have no control over.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/24 10:18 PM
10

I did multiple times. Especially after she remarried.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/24 03:37 PM
3

Admittedly your fears and self diagnosis of being a chump have contributed heavily to such disrespect and infidelity in your marriage. And sadly it will only continue as long as you avoid serious confrontation and allocation of consequences. Take some of the advice offered, create a positive image for your children, and inact drastic changes now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/24 11:32 AM
5

Experiencing rejection is par the course for dating. And we as older men have to embrace the fact that our success percentage is already scaled down by divorce baggage and middle-aged relevance. Eventually you'll find the special note that solicits an eager response. Just keep fishing.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 05:39 AM
8

Time to go nuclear and retain your own attorney. Don't let your wife and MIL control the narrative of how the divorce plays out. You are entitled to spousal support and CS, period. Hire a shark.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/24 02:05 AM
1

Jump ship now (annulment) to avoid later financial burdens. Obviously you see and feel the profound differences, and add on infidelity, so any further delays will only impair you going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/23 02:18 PM
3

When a person recognizes a lifestyle change they will promise the world to keep things status quo. And once the ship has been righted they are prone to slide back into old habits. There’s no guarantees, only hopeful wishes. Either take a hope or act decisively.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 12:59 AM
3

A lawyer can best advize on when and how to have THE CONVERSATION with her. After crunching the financials you'll see what position you are in for retaining the home. Also, you may be warned to pause the business purchase until things shake out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 03:10 PM
5

The efforts involved in becoming a husband and a father are internalized, like the skills of learning to ride a bike. And although you or I don’t utilize these talents anymore, that doesn’t exempt us from remembering and fantasizing about them. It’s only natural to mourn certain losses, especially ones of emotional value. You have gotten over your wife, yet you’ll always retain certain fond memories. Nothing wrong with having empathy.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:54 AM
10

The invite is nice but the atmosphere it presents is abysmal. Reply back that you appreciate the invitation but you have other plans.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/23 04:11 PM
2

Until/unless you begin to accept the demise of your marriage you're going to remain stuck and unsure. So far you're operating on "IF", which is an insane way to live. Give her a divorce and take your life back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 03:50 AM
6

Just because a person has religious beliefs doesn't exclude them from being narcissistic, selfish, and/or entitled. True, having such may will them to strive to remain married, but at what cost to the spouse? A person's character is what's at stake, and that is shaped by so many things other than a belief in God.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/23 06:02 PM
3

Also while researching, research hormone highs or tingly feelings so that you can distinguish reality from illusion. Far too often people get caught up in a “love zone” that compels them to forego common sense standards. Enjoy your youth, date a variety of females, but consciously invest in yourself along the way. Another thing to consider is that having kids WILL legally attach you for years.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/23 01:50 PM
5

What I can glean from your post is that she extended herself physically, while you extended yourself financially. So her expectations are that you’ll always be Mr Money and she’ll be Ms Body who laughs and smiles at the appropriate times. Sir, relocate by yourself and reinvest in your life, because she is not the type of baggage a man carries long term.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 05:40 AM
16

If anything, learn that you can NEVER project your hopes and dreams upon the shoulders of another. Life is truly a private affair, and other than the smiles of our kids, we don't honestly know how or what our partners feel and think. It's crazy how we must go through our days merely capable of making assumptions, never assured of anything. Yet that's just the way it is. I'm sorry that you had to meet us in such a vile way, but here we all are, gaining knowledge with each tear drop.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 01:41 AM
3

Give her the "hand" at the start of any communications. Peace will come only from structuring solid boundaries and not by trying to appease her. She's not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 09:22 PM
1

Was just reading about this new dilemma called “walk away wives”, were women simply opt out for their best life. It’s normally a complete turnaround from the person you married. I guess now men must be on guard to this extreme change. Sounds like you tried petting a tiger and got attacked. It hurts but will all blow over soon.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/23 03:31 AM
3

"Breadwinner Syndrome" is the inability to escape the ingrained understanding that all men MUST provide for women. Sadly, most guys are comfortable paying for everything, except when the deception and lies surface. Then they're mess up and crying about how could she do this to me when I GAVE her everything. Guys, stop trying to purchase companionship. If you just want to spend money hire an escort...Your situation has all the markings of a Sugar Daddy Affair.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 02:54 AM
2

At times like this the noblest thing to do is remain silent, and let the lies, etc., run their course. If nothing disrupts your income flow and sleep pattern, ignore the trash as long as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 01:38 AM
5

So far she has been controlling the narrative and you've responded. The divorce, future possibilities, are all designed to advantage who? Snatch your reality back, determine your own destination, without hints of what might be.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 08:53 PM
2

Was informed by her doctors that she was unable to conceive.
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/23 12:57 AM
13

Before you get your thoughts wrapped up in making decisions you should have a frank discussion with an attorney. He/she can best advise you on how to fiscally proceed.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 02:24 PM
3

This post is a mental diet, it’s therapy for the soul. Even the effort to comment here is nurturing. Yes, we all have different stories , but we share the scars of divorce. This is an unfortunate brotherhood, yet one immersed in identifying and promoting a healthy return to a sane lifestyle.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/23 04:09 AM
7

Divorced young, so my dating journey hasn’t been serious except for a accidental pregnancy when turning 50. I inform early on what my intentions are, thus have avoided “deep” conversations about the history of the the EX. Casual meant just sex and more sex. Marriage taught me enough to know to never visit that park again.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 06:17 PM
8

With divorce comes change and although it’s difficult but certain “pretend” traditions should be jettisoned to avoid confusing the kids further. It’s hard enough on them to accept the separate households, so why must you try to act unified for a tree purchase that’s not going in your home? Let it go.
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/23 05:51 AM
8

A breath of fresh air to finally hear someone not crying but absorbed in their newfound direction. Congratulations.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 02:23 PM
2

I keep reading these posts of men slaving away for the women they love only to be “left” angry and divorced. The adage that men are to be the provider falsely influences males to ignore equality and self interest, in hopes for a positive return of devotion. Understand that you should be mad at yourself for believing you could manipulate someone to love you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/23 06:09 AM
10

The gist is that she expected “more” than you could deliver. And you tried desperately to buy her love until the wheels fell off. Typical results for a young woman not getting her material needs met. You have dodged a huge financial bullet in being married less than a year so take this as a great lesson on love and reality.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 12:49 PM
10

Time for "focus mode", a state where you prioritize your daughter, work, and dissolution of your marriage. Immediately structure finances as to require your authorization on all transactions moving forward. Slash hotel visits and don't respect her as a recipient of xmas gifts. Yes, it will be difficult, but you and your attorney can formulate a strategy that best leaves life manageable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 03:44 AM
1

A trust can be set up solo or with family/friends. A competent lawyer will help you navigate the particulars. Estate planning is the direction .
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 01:35 PM
1

Put your assets in a family trust , making sure that non- trust members have zero access.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 05:43 AM
31

The anger weld up in me from just reading that. Truly, any process that awards someone who lies, cheats, and steals isn't worth zilch. That's why marriage only benefits women. It a racket.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 03:09 AM
4

Parenting isn't a competition, it's an involvement where you're physically and mentally active in their lives. And as long as an effort is made towards their comfort that's all that matter. Your friend is correct about the love you give, so stop tormenting yourself about "what ifs".
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/23 07:20 PM
2

Seek out clothing that you’re comfortable wearing, avoid trying to be a walking billboard. Comfort equates to confidence, whether it’s sweats or a leisure suit, what matters is what you feel relaxed wearing. Just begin to slowly acquire pieces that you can interchange and expand once you decide on a select style. It’s about you, not a catalog or a magazine.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/23 03:09 PM
5

Love isn't a streaming service that you can pull up on demand. And for you to believe such can be bought shows a great deal of emotional immaturity. If after six months of groveling and still no progress, it's time to accept reality. Thankfully you're young and the lesson learned may influence your future.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/23 08:06 AM
2

Any sudden loss will reverberate for some time. I feel for and with you. Keep churning and don't lose sight of the bigger goal.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 08:40 AM
25

You’ve got to come to terms with your marriage being over and you have no say in who your ex shares her body with. Sure, it pisses you off , but life has to go on and it’s time you got your feet wet focusing on yourself. Fold that energy into recreating a better life and not one mourning the loss of your relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 01:37 AM
1

They look great but feel fake.
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 02:26 PM
2

Unlearn, become unemotional, uncaring, uninterested. Stop giving a damn, stop emptying your soul for nothing. Just say “fuck it” out loud.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 04:12 PM
1

Processing reality takes courage, especially when your life has been on autopilot for so long. It often requires being stubborn and selfish, making harsh changes that demand the same appreciation that you express. Acceptance of what you deserve is the start, it replaces habits that detach self-focus. It's a "U-TURN" .
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 02:49 PM
4

Until you have your sites perfectly lined up, don’t pull the trigger. Play dumb while silently plotting your own course. Be reasonable until things get stupid. Matters little about the infidelity, what matters most is protecting your pockets and kids. Let her get railed as it’s all a forgotten song. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/23 12:15 AM
7

The purpose of the exercise is to keep things complicated, thereby making it all seem to be your fault. It's a strategy played by females when they decide to dump us and blame everything on us , just to keep up a healthy appearance. Yes, we grovel and beg, only to be rejected and accused. If you show no concern, watch the knives come out. Best advice, disengage slowly, seek legal advice, and don't let RECONCILIATION enter your brain.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 01:26 PM
5

Being emotionally adrift is common at this stage, like a sorting process where your heart and mind are in conflict yet seeking resolve. Acceptance of this fluctuation is the first step to begin restructuring your life. An active schedule also lessen melancholy modes.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:34 PM
7

If an animal walked up to you on the street and lifted it’s leg and urinated all over your pants and shoes, how would you react? I’m guessing you’d be pissed and would have some colorful words to say. Now, transfer that image to your ex, who literally pissed on your dreams and contritions. She’s IS that nasty animal now, the one that truly doesn’t give a damn about you, your pants, or your shoes. Feel the humiliation and anger, and let that drive you to be repulsed.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 01:19 PM
2

Each of us who has been pained by divorce has lost a great deal of ourselves, our mental and monetary worth, and our vision. True, there's some relief, but there's also agony, especially if kids are involved. Yeah, the fiscal cost of the big D can wreck the pockets for years, but sometimes a new life is worth a hard "L".
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 01:37 PM
3

After two years of a lifeless marriage, I'm fairly sure each of you have run the numbers mentally that you're at best only friends. Asking a third party to gauge your experience now would merely be a replay of events. Save the time and expense, file and end the "what if" game.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/23 10:24 AM
7

The picking is the easiest part, it's the tolerance to except or reject the changes. We can scrutinized at the beginning and filter out the craziness, but we often can't foresee the hormonal, mental, and social influences that turn the meek into monsters. It's all a crap shot, some get lucky and MOST crap out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 02:00 PM
3

Anything is possible if you mentally renegotiate your realities. Normally we gravitate towards what we’re familiar with, and that’s understandable, but with a change in circumstances comes a change in outlook as well. First, make budgeting a priority and downsize your lifestyle to accommodate only yourself. Forego purchasing property with crushing interests rates and tackle a side hustle to secure savings. This whole experience is a solo endeavor, not one to be shared with a grubby female.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 12:01 AM
4

You're stuck on a memory, trying to regain a familiar pattern, while neglecting to thoroughly absorb those things which prompted a divorce and the dried ink that claims your marriage as being defunct. Your EX probably gloats knowing that she still has you slobbering for another chance! And here you are venting/crying on a site of "finally or soon to be divorced men" who want to heave at the thought of reconciliation. Please, wear a huge sign displaying your undying hope for one more opportunity …
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 07:46 PM
5

So, if you’re unwilling to cut off her credit card then I’d advise you to set an authorized spending limit, the lower the better. You should also avoid eating meals with her, do your own laundry, and purchase your own hygiene items. Create an atmosphere of exclusion, where conversations don’t exist and any sense of entitlement is lost.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/23 12:45 PM
6

Marriage often reveals those hidden negative traits a person shields. Once the “I do” gets said, it soon becomes “I will” do as I please. You’ve been on teacher mode from day one, without any improvements. She’s failed and it’s time to expel her from further damages. You have every right to call it quits.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 07:16 PM
8

You're not confused, you just hesitant to put an end to the lost cause. Two years and you've been absorbed in limbo. It's way past time that you file for divorce. Stop waiting for a ghost to scare you to act.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/23 03:08 AM
5

The bitter truth is that you are incapable of manifesting someone to love and appreciate you. These things are organic, not manufactured. If you’ve exhausted all efforts, maybe it’s a good time to go cold and indifferent. Just don’t say anything and if you do only give short answers. Instead of supplication, try a little aloofness. Now, if you get no desired results, just quit/divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 01:49 AM
11

Life events and the realization that I (introvert) prefer my own company more than anyone else. Plus, the ability to decide things without external considerations. It's also a cool excuse when negotiating where to go to do the deed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/23 12:18 PM
9

Okay, you've fought (begged) for the marriage, so maybe it's time to relax the theatrics and shore up your self esteem a bit by assuming a nonchalant approach. She's checked out, but apparently you didn't get the memo. You're simply allowing her to decide how things play out, without any argument, but what do you want other than her? You'll regret rolling over so easily. And an RV ain't cute.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/23 12:45 PM
16

Maybe a part time gig on the weekend or a few nights a week will supplement the budget. I had to relearn a bunch a thrifty techniques after my divorce, some being quite unbearable but nonetheless beneficial. And as for the dating scene, focus on developing an open dialog first, one that factors in financial facts so it's clear of what your status is. Also, don't be embarrassed by reality, use it as a way to filter out those who accept you and not your wallet.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/23 05:52 PM
7

I'm sure he'd rather have the cash. The stone obligates him into consider marriage, whereas cash has no definition.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:22 PM
1

Pension is income for calculation purposes, but SS can't be attached for any reason other than Federal Taxes and child support. Still best to consult with an attorney for clear understanding.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 05:33 PM
2

An ungrateful and argumentative spouse champions the call for a lawyer. And once she’s triggered (divorce) you can also forget trying to remain thrifty with savings and such. The half of assets WILL be assumed by her regardless, so it’s worth everything now monetarily to fight with going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 03:43 PM
2

When I read this the song, "What's Love Got To Do With It" popped into my head. For me, there's no emotion strong enough to make me tolerate such abuse. The disrespect alone would have me contemplating DV. Has she warped you that bad? You've got to flee the torment or you'll eventually wind up on a police blotter.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 04:47 PM
9

Your loving your wife has absolutely nothing to do with her focus and disinterest in you. Lions at the zoo would LOVE to eat you but can't because there's a physical barrier separating them from you. This is reality and the sooner you accept this the better you'll feel after all is said and done. And since you know her intentions, it's time for you to formulate an exit plan (with an attorney) that is beneficial for yourself and the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/23 05:15 PM
2

Only an attorney can detangle your mortgage situation and divorce. Don't listen to assumptions as laws vary by state. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:38 PM
8

All of your concerns depend on the state of residence. Laws vary, thus the reasoning behind a divorce can range from insignificant to significant. Your attorney will sort out the specifics as adultery has become a lesser grounds for divorce in most cases.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/23 03:04 PM
6

Yeah, you should be executing an exit plan while these six months elaspe. A quick division of finances to begin with and the retention of an attorney are a starting point. Next, avoid as much intimacy as possible as it will dull the senses. Third, installing surveillance cameras (check state laws) may validate your position should allegations arise. It's about preparing for seriously more crazy.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:26 PM
0

I'm saying that I don't discuss business.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 10:15 PM
2

Rapidly contact an attorney for the wisest advice. He will direct you best on how to proceed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:58 PM
1

A strong drink, dinner and the do. Whose gonna complain? Thousand ways to bypass legalities.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:50 PM
1

Too late sadly. lol
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:47 PM
1

At the conclusion of the date you graciously thank them for their time yet you feel further communication wouldn't be fortuitous. That's it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 06:19 PM
1

Sounds like you've stumbled upon a "soul snatcher", because she's already made you break your own self promise of no second dates. And, if you have to even ask if it's worth the risk, it's not. You've employed too much thought/feelings into this for it to be emotionally healthy. I'd say that a polite excuse is called for now as to why you're no longer available for round two.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:40 PM
2

Maybe by expanding your dating pool and establishing hard self boundaries regarding " no second dates", then maybe after awhile you'll fall into the groove of viewing/understanding it's all about temporary relief. Also, ingrain into your thought process the results of your last serious relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 03:17 PM
68

20 and 30 year old females are part of the so-called "modern generation" who grew up with social media. With that being said they tend to be heavily geared towards fashion, fun, and funds. Entitlement is also a part of their vocabulary. For guys in their 40s to have a "peak of a chance" they must have looks, or exquisite style, or very deep pockets. And when it all said and done the money is what keeps them interested. My slogan, "purchase the talents of a young attractive escort" as it will sav…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 11:49 AM
23

You aren’t in a position to influence a cheater once they’ve submitted to their AP. And begging only makes you appear weak and desperate. What you love is who they use to be, and those memories have you focused on repairing your situation. Let it go and work hard at co-parenting.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/23 09:57 PM
1

The hardest thing about communication is divulging fears because it leaves us raw and vulnerable. Yet it's necessary in this instance all around. You pretend happiness, while anguishing inside. Time to be open and honest, for you emotional sake.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/23 07:34 PM
1

Remember, she's no longer your life partner, and there's no reason to complicate divorce matters with physical intimacy. Sure, divorcing couples have sex, but it often leads to second guessing and regrets. Keep things amicable, don't feel obligated to or obligate yourself, and follow the sage advice of your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 07:16 PM
1

After over ten years of being tolerate, your status is not noticeable or worthy of respect. It's likely your presence is allowed because you pay the bills. Yeah, it's past time for a serious change and divorce sound like your only option.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 01:49 PM
2

If you have to chase after love or attempt to convince someone to see things your way, you’re struggling from a position of fear and desperation. These qualities signify a severe weakness, so unlike the confidence which radiates attractiveness. Until you pull yourself together, realize ALL the options, and take the focus off “them”, you can’t expect resolution. At best, your wife is deeply involved in a physical affair, and no longer wants you. This is a very clear and nasty indication “IT’S OVE…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 04:21 AM
5

You’ve complicated things with continuing with the affair. It reveals a level of selfishness which doesn’t translate well into you being a good life partner material for anyone. Avoidance has been your resume, at home and with your side piece. Logic says cut your plaything loose and try to reinvest in your marriage. Only after making a serious effort (unsoiled) can you honestly decide when to pull the plug.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 12:15 AM
7

Watch some sports and make a list of all the things you need to do to liquidate your STBX. Lawyer, bank, important papers, etc. Focus on you, not them.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 11:06 PM
4

Been single for a LONG time and can totally agree with this statement. Once you establish a certain boundary/routine and convey that to your "friend ", life becomes manageable and stress less.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/23 02:47 PM
1

Nothing in the rear view mirror but heartaches and pain. Sure, the tentacles are forever going to be feeling around in hopes of reconciliation, because she realizes that her foundation no longer exists and she is desperate. Ignore it all, enjoy your cat and kids.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 03:04 PM
2

Time to go hard measures. Next episode of driving while inebriated, call the cops and have her confronted by the authorities. Install in-home security to have a visual record of all encounters. Remember to stay neutral at all times., plus prepare via an attorney to have her served. She definitely needs a strong wake-up.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 02:35 PM
6

The emotional separation was the hardest. It's understood that "things" are replaceable, but there's no recapturing those intimate feelings now lost.
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/23 02:22 PM
2

When a person "checks out" and finally vocalizes it, the truth of the matter is that they were DONE months/years prior to saying anything. It's nice that you're trying to salvage your marriage, but at this stage it's a solo effort which requires more imput than you have available. Be smart, consult with an attorney and discover your position should/when divorce is actuated. Or better yet, file first to see her reaction.
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/23 01:25 PM
2

She's your ex, why worry how she feels? She's not your responsibility.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:36 PM
2

"EX wife tricks husband into financing new affair ". She knows your weaknesses and how to manipulate you via your son, please discontinue the allowances.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/23 11:25 PM
1

You’d know what love feels like IF you truly loved her. Unfortunately you’ve made the mistake of so many people who are indoctrinated to believe in the concept of marriage/children, you just went ahead and did it. Now you’re stuck, suffering and unsure. Side note; she’s done. Divorce and let both of you breathe.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 08:41 PM
5

A very wealthy older female who is only interested in companionship.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/23 05:38 PM
3

You didn't know her to begin with and I hope you've learned that not everything has to be rushed.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/23 09:29 AM
14

"CHEATERS REMORSE" Not too difficult to diagnose, as her entire lifestyle has been demoted to living with her parents. She dropping seeds of intimacy in hopes of you taking up on her offers of a meal, etc. Steer clear and remember she does know what buttons to push to arouse you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/23 11:17 PM
9

Not a POS. She is and the most sleazy kind. Don't look back.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 10:51 PM
3

Laws in certain jurisdictions don’t allow for habitation in campers unless zoned recreational/business. A spare room would be more advisable under the circumstances.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/23 02:19 PM
3

Your best guidance as of yesterday is to obtain an attorney, postpone any and all further conversations with your SO until after legal counseling, and start planning on experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. After undergoing TWO bouts of infidelity I’m pretty sure a divorce will come as a tremendous relief. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 10:43 PM
21

Did you honestly mean 3 months? I can’t phantom HOW this marriage even occurred with so much infighting going on. Your exit sign is blinking and now it’s time to walk, as you know nothing can sustain this problematic situation. Have your talk and try to end things amicably.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/23 08:14 AM
1

You both being single adults why don’t you have an open and frank discussion with her about your concerns. There’s nothing wrong with just being friends without all the gushy stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 09:09 PM
4

No response because football 🏈 is more important.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 08:16 PM
6

You should jump before the flames roar up. Waiting around is a mistake a lot make, hoping things will improve. And I sense that you also didn’t do a prenup, so you’re starting to literally feel a certain squeeze down yonder. Possibly, the alimony will be tied to years of marriage so it won’t be scorching.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 07:54 PM
2

Your children already sense the turbulence, so it's too late to attempt to mask what's destined to be an explosive process. As for the emotional struggle, at this point it's sadly the reality of life and one that has to be endured. The important thing is expediency, with lawyer assistance, power through these months determined to end things irregardless of "feelings".
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 11:17 AM
3

Why enter this under represented while your opponent(ex wife) is fully represented? Fair is having equal exposure IN CASE being amicable becomes adversarial.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/23 06:03 AM
3

You've got too much unimportant stuff swirling around in your head. Apparently you haven't begun to replace that missing void so you're daydreaming dumb scenarios. An extra hour at the gym might knock off some of that wasted time.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 11:28 PM
2

Prior to divorcing I would highly recommend that your father move away from the family home (hoarders domain). Understandably, this will invite some reaction, but it will also offer a glimpse of what to expect when the papers are served. He must beforehand consult with an attorney who will help him navigate what will be a cyclone.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/23 03:26 AM
2

Solid thinking because now you understand how fragile marriages are. And to subject a young human to our frailty is selfish and irresponsible.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 03:55 PM
7

Congratulations. Only advice that I can render going forward is to DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/23 07:08 PM
11

A spot on assessment for one segment, while the other female population just very casually hops into an affair with a coworker, who convinces them to leave their perfect husband. It's all a crap shoot what's going to knock the rails off a marriage, we just have to be more alert to the many variables.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 04:10 PM
0

You don’t understand because you’re not a female. And I’m surprised that in over twenty years together you’ve yet to realize your basic differences. We men are typical, we operate off logic. Women are strangely the opposite in that they function on an emotional level. You’re never gonna get the answers you seek.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/23 01:57 PM
6

Slippery slope with this one. From a religious perspective the goal is always to keep the family intact. Your confession would implode a fourteen year relationship. Also, your confession is a selfish act done to satisfy YOUR spiritual needs. Some revelations are best left unsaid, especially if they hurt someone.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/23 07:22 PM
1

What’s interesting is everyone has a peculiar aversion to paternity test because they don’t want any strange surprises. You’re no different. But, your conflict is quite close to home, so the knowledge of “whose the father” is hovering. Everyone has a different reaction to the results and you’re just getting started so don’t project your anxiety on others.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 09:11 PM
5

It's super cool that you're handy with the trades and know virtually every inch of your household, because now would be the perfect time for you and your daughter to decide on some personal remodels. These could be self-projects which would be self-satisfying as you transition living situations. Also a bonding experience.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 05:30 PM
1

Persons in jail or prison are not entitled to certain funds deemed income such as SSI, pensions, and misc. Since this is a legal settlement it is questionable, just like insurance won't pay claims if the beneficiary is incarcerated.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 04:02 AM
5

I've stressed how important it is to unbaggage all emotions prior to dating, especially following a divorce. A lot suggest the old adage about "to get over someone you must get under someone". This is reckless thinking and a selfish act which has no real promise of success. Sorry that you had to experience this exhaustive exercise first hand, but the lesson learned is invaluable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/23 12:44 AM
4

SERIOUSLY, far too early for introductions and key exchanged. All signs spell a desperate woman who is lacks on priorities and has absolutely no mature understanding of dating perimeters. She sees you as a financial babysitter and a toy boy that she can manipulate. It time to quickly bow out of this mad house.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/23 04:44 AM
3

Sounds like you honestly don’t want to get over her. You probably haven’t changed a thing inside your home since she left, nor are you doing anything to replace her absence. Just the pity in your post is throw-up worthy. Until you decide to let go and accept that she is a POS, you’ll remain stuck.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 10:18 PM
37

Prior to seeking revenge you should establish a sense of stability for your child. This means gathering an era of calm and focus that doesn't translate the negativities you're presently manifesting. All the anger and hostility would be of better use if employed towards self instead of at someone who doesn't give a care about you. It's difficult but beneficial to start erasing her from your emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 03:26 PM
4

Her exploratory journey has you being a lap dog to her whims. You're sitting on your hunches hoping things will get back to normal in some way, all while she dictates how the wind blows. Sure, going to the gym and studying for a better career are great moves, but your priority should be guiding your future instead of being lead. Make the situation complete, file and set the tone for how things go from now on.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/23 12:17 PM
9

Common thread in any marriage of significant years is a period of boredom/disconnect. A lot is due to a failure in communications, parenting obligations, and work conflicts. No where did you mention not still being in love. Maybe counseling, some intimate talks, date nights, and private holidays can reignite things, but boredom ain’t much to disband over.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/23 10:38 PM
3

Every situation is going to be different and a lot depends on country, state, and assets. In some circumstances a prenup can be overridden (ck. out some high price divorces). Regardless, it a financial risk anyway you look at it.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 11:26 PM
8

Why do something you fear? If you were to apply pro or cons towards marriage you already know the odds, so it’s all a negative picture by default. What baffles me is someone who “ATTEMPTS” it a second or third time, hoping for a better outcome. Cohabitation ain’t dead.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 10:50 PM
10

You became comfortable with the familiarity of having a certain presence in your life. It’s only natural to feel out of sorts when a drastic change abruptly occurs. You might compare it to changing from day shift to night shift, which is grueling transition. In time, these feelings will dissipate. Advice, rearranging furniture helps, plus changing the wall decor brings about a sense of new.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 01:39 PM
40

Simply tell the truth, which makes the details easier to remember. Omission leads to wondering, leaving things in a suspicious situation. Lies eventually kill themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/23 02:30 AM
2

Understand. Any NEW woman will be a treat so enjoy yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:07 PM
3

If you're into tight body types you may well be in for a huge surprise as most middle age women have everything you described in your wife's weight loss. Only very few women have the Instagram look, most have mom-bods that come with kids and aging. It may be time for you to refocus your interests a bit to be more accepting of change.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 12:53 PM
2

Yes, financially the grinder is in your future and you’re going to have to take a speed course in extreme budgeting. For the time being excuse yourself from the cheat market and accept the advice from your attorney on how to proceed in what will be turbulence for all involved. It will take time (possibly years) but with patience and sacrifice you’ll recover, and discover a brilliant person within.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 12:17 PM
1

For the time being remain focused on the kids and yourself. Let work and parenting be your central topic. Also, try to develop a new hobby.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 04:33 AM
7

Recently remarked that you can't safely move forward by constantly looking back. Your EX is yesterday and of no relevance for your future. NC is the only means by which to advance.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 12:58 AM
2

Or longer, depending on lawyers and jurisdictions.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 12:44 AM
1

Jump out now before the ten year expiration. If you delay, the divorce process might linger over the ten year mark and then you have to face more financial hits.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 12:18 AM
3

If you're unsatisfied and sure of your position then divorce should be in the equation. Not only is her disorder detrimental to yourself and to your children, but your repressed resentments may also be of possible future harm. Just try to be civil.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 11:59 PM
6

Avoid this “emotional entrapment” at all cost. You have yet to heal from the trauma of divorce and her loneliness will only guilt you into a compassionate state/distraction. Plus it’s not fair to any new budding romance.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 11:22 PM
14

This is the adage that women are indoctrinated with from a young age, while guys are encouraged to simply work hard. We're not mentored in how to form confidential relationships and how to express vulnerabilities. Sure, we have romantic agendas, but have no followup in case things go south. We learn by default and it hurts.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/23 12:44 PM
4

You will never fully understand the what and the why things play out the way they do, all that you can do is exist knowing that you have a purpose. Just like surviving your terrible accident, you were given an opportunity for recovery, which is tremendously vital for life itself. Appreciate your new chance and view your divorce as a challenge to do better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 03:55 PM
22

A marriage is a unit, not a “situation” where one works and other does nothing but smiles and says I love you. And you have enabled this madness. She will not change because her cuteness has captured a huge fish (you). Nothing left to do but the big D.
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/23 08:20 PM
2

The same way she learned English is the same way she can learn finances, letter by letter. Stop coddling a grown person, especially since you’re miserable doing it. Sudden change makes anyone change instantly, so change her existence by cutting of contact and ATM availability.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 12:04 PM
10

Nostalgia, remembering the good times.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 08:58 PM
9

You're digesting it raw early and you're correct with where things are headed. Cut your losses and try to remain friendly during the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 12:39 PM
6

It’s possibly a ploy for the sake of the kids. In-laws feel a moral responsibility to keep all avenues open regardless of the situation between you and your spouse. If they were to align solely with you, your STBXW could very well alienate them from the kids in the future .
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 03:00 AM
2

What’s the rush to become attached again? You just stated how you lost your independence while married, and here you are dancing around being emotionally isolated a second time. Yes, filling that void is tempting, but it’s also restrictive. Give yourself a while to recover, focus on yourself and not on what you and this new person have in common.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/23 10:31 PM
10

Doesn’t matter how many lies or how many men have run through her, the split will be calculated on your yearly earnings.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 10:01 PM
8

One of the number one things leading to a man’s downfall is our choosing a partner based overwhelmingly on physical attractiveness. Unlike our counterparts who seek security and monetary value, we want the aesthetics. And the price we pay, well we all know by now.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/23 03:59 PM
1

You’ve never had a true relationship, only a strained arrangement. And to suffer through it has probably heightened the unhappiness and unhealthy emotions too. Seriously, it’s time to bail.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 05:57 PM
1

If she is so lose with your pocket change maybe it's time to deposit your coins where they can't be touched. This is a hard process and you have to assume a bitter posture.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 09:43 PM
3

Don't hold out hopes that things will change much in the next ten or twenty years. As long as the prevailing compassion/judgements are maternally conspired men will eat the short stick in divorces. And that even goes to examples where the woman is the highest income earner, yet the courts won't acknowledge the typical division scale normally used and instead one that benefits the female. Men are romantics and HOPE they won't get burned, so they jump the broom scared but "SO IN LOVE".
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 05:56 PM
9

The ease of her cheating so soon after giving birth is very suspect. It's as if she was previously involved. That alone would make me question paternity.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 02:24 PM
4

FWB is a completely casual experience, without emotional commitments, just a fun time to relax and enjoy some physical intimacy. Your RULES makes it like a negotiated contract that stifle the spontaneity and excitement of getting busy. What you’re seeking is a relationship on the sneaky side.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 01:07 PM
7

You can’t fix what you didn’t break, so stop trying. Now would be a perfect time to derail it all, file for divorce, collect a DNA specimen for your child, and send her to the concrete pavement she craves.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 12:18 PM
3

The idea of re-creating a family again is quite novel, but it's truthfully a fanciful thought only. Far too much toxicity has evolved which makes a return to normal impossible. And TRUST is also a missing piece. Accept the change, be respectful, and remain resolute for the children solely.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/23 01:24 AM
1

You should never stop paying for essentials such as housing , food, and health care. Everything else must be filtered through your attorney, although the shared account is a must-go.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 10:44 PM
3

Shift all shared accounts out of her reach and set limits on all credit card expenditures. Consult with an attorney immediately, record any and all conversations going forward with your SO, especially ultimatums and threats of withholding intimacy. Take on a strategic posture since she has already began the process. It's now about you and your son only.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/23 03:46 PM
2

You know what to say and do, therefore you don’t need our opinion
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/23 11:50 PM
2

Until you start accepting that your relationship is over you’ll remain a MESS. Her actions have notified you completely of her future intentions. Force yourself out of your slump and regain a determined position. Also, no one respects a groveling person.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/23 07:08 PM
2

Time to go nuclear. Divorce is no longer am amicable process.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/23 08:44 PM
1

Unless you’re able to purchase a home for cash at the age of 45 anything less would be giving funds away to the bank as interest for the next ten/fifteen years. The smart option would be to live with your parents and save for retirement/ fun in the future. Plus your son would have a financial cushion of possible investments that you’ll be fortunate to make.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 05:50 PM
3

Your “family” has been volatile for years and likely to implode at any time. And with that being said you must now begin to focus on the afterlife of your marriage. It’s apparently clear that your SO has totally directed her tomorrow to not include you so let these six months be a catalyst for a more impactful life with your kids. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/23 08:28 PM
1

Simply because she chose to be with someone else doesn’t detract from your value as a person. Only you can decide your own essence, and that decision will determine your future. Mope and be lonely or radiate joy and attract beauty..
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 04:59 PM
6

If you’ve been on this thread for a while you already know how women can be highly manipulative. Everything is geared towards their happiness solely. If you learn anything from this experience remember that everyone has an agenda and love has no place in it. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/23 05:43 AM
2

The only thing holding you hostage is your pride. There’s no way in the world a person should tolerate DV. File a police report, go sleep on a friends couch, and go hard NC while you figure out your next step.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/23 01:07 AM
2

It's not up to her as in who decides to divorce, since you apparently have a voice. Stop allowing her to dictate your future, move aggressively to obtain a separation agreement and a divorce settlement.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 11:29 PM
4

You said all that and still wonder what women are like! The motto should be, “date until death” and never wed.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 12:19 PM
2

Yes, but check with your attorney to confirm.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 11:24 PM
1

The moment the clerk registers your filing the clock starts ticking.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/23 09:23 PM
1

Sorry for your situation, but for the sake of your child it’s time to FORCE some safe measures. Contact an attorney immediately.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 05:52 PM
2

Yeah, once is paralyzing, but twice is catatonic. Don’t pile all the blame on yourself as a marriage is a two person affair. Learn that it’s not about communication but open acceptance.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/23 03:23 PM
1

If possible, just have your ex exchange with you in a public space (service station/grocery stores). You should not be in there home, as it is their sanctuary. Just modify your visitation routine.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/23 08:15 AM
3

Sir, I must enlighten you about dating and appearance. What elevates how a person looks is the confidence they exude. Often, because of divorce, a lot of men lose their feelings of self worth. Yes, hobbies are great to have, but if you’re serious about jumping back into the dating game you have to step up your “swerve”.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/23 01:22 PM
2

Much depends on the "atmosphere" of the divorce process. Some are enmeshed in a very turbulent struggle; thus, dating might just be an unnecessary distraction. Others might have a simple uncoupling and so dating is just a normal transition exercise.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/23 01:12 AM
2

And she is just as toxic as your in-laws. Stop being intimate and be more proactive in the separation/divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/23 09:03 PM
1

If she hasn’t made even a slight attempt at correcting things I seriously doubt she will be volunteering to change now. The threat of divorce is an extreme tool to use for compliance and can be seen as abuse. Just file and be done.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 04:09 PM
2

Don’t let loneliness corrupt your thoughts. You’ve been annihilated already, so why even consider risking the torment again? New hobbies/habits will curve your crazy desires.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 07:13 PM
5

Typical “gold digger” response is to always be on the take. After the amount of lavishness that you poured on her, only a Rolex would have gotten you a kiss on the neck in that moment. She’ll probably never be satisfied. Annulment city.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/23 01:29 AM
5

You’re dancing on a cliff, trying to decide whether to jump into the abyss or remain planted on stable footings. And you can eject the notion of committing long term to Ms Never Been Long Term. She’s tumultuous. Continue dating.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 06:52 PM
1

I know it's difficult to not be bothered, especially with cohabitation such as it is. And as long as these arrangements exist you'll be biting your lip constantly. The alone time in bed can be better spent reading.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 08:03 PM
1

Stick to your guns and jettison the baby ideas.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:58 PM
1

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER announce offensive plans to the enemy, because it gives them leverage in their counter attacks. There’s nothing amicable to be had from her venom, so just proceed quietly with filing.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 10:48 PM
3

You decide whether you wake up “a fool” or become conscious with the understanding that your love doesn’t love you back. Everyone carries around a “one that got away song”, but not everyone is determined to live with it constantly playing in their head. Unless/until you make a decision to change, you’ll grovel in your pity.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 10:27 PM
14

Don't be a "rebound man". Her intentions were well defined when she signed those papers and only unraveled when her prince became a frog. She may now want you as a placeholder until another candidate comes along. Stay in your better place and coparent well.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 02:44 PM
1

Often we invest in the illusion of things hoped for, and when a marriage doesn’t align with that vision we feel conflicted. But the old adage still rings true, “don’t invest in something you can’t afford to lose “. Yes, thirty years is a milestone, but what lies ahead May overshadow it all.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 07:18 PM
3

You sound very much introverted, and as such you have difficulty dealing with radical changes. You’ve excused a lot and thereby the respect level has diminished significantly in your wife’s eyes. Yes, your comfort zone must change, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be a loner. It’s an opportunity to reinvigorate your life if you so desire.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 06:29 PM
5

The problem is not the distance, but the mental dedication you contribute to your ex. No matter where you go you’ll never get better unless you do better. Stop comparison shopping.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 01:11 PM
2

Wanting something is quite far from having it. When your wife started sleeping with other men, you lost the respect and appreciation of a spouse. She doesn’t love you period, and hasn’t for awhile. There’s nothing that can make things a family again, so just move ahead with a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/23 09:59 PM
2

I exit on the marriage suggestion and stick with dating exclusively. Why stab your self in the foot twice with commitments?
/r/Divorce_Men09/03/23 01:41 PM
2

The quality of life is seriously more important than what others think. Having a SO be unsupportive defines your future, and it will impact your entire life in negative ways. Don't just consider divorce but take the steps to initiate it as a display of how determined you are for a better existence.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 11:29 PM
3

I would seriously recommend your being evaluated for PTSD. Most of your post is difficult to track and I'm sure your spouse has been affected by the indecisiveness.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 10:51 PM
2

Often, in order to be a constant in your children’s life after divorce, takes a significant amount of sacrifices. Some fathers forego developing additional relationships in order to avail themselves whenever possible. Your ex is being as she always has been, manipulative, so you know how to placate her. As for the new situation, she is intelligent enough to pause your anxiousness, because she understands your unsatisfactory life. Slow down and put your children first.
/r/Divorce_Men07/03/23 10:16 PM
6

She is your past, not your future. Utilize your sentiments on those who truly matter.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 04:05 PM
7

Repression is not a healthy choice. It leads to resentment and worse. Your kids will feed off the negative energy both of you exhibit and will replicate it as well. Stop the bleeding, seek a divorce and structure your future in a positive way.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 03:06 PM
1

The more you wake up to the single responsibility of just yourself, the more joy you’ll discover.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 07:09 PM
3

You're partially responsible for the situation you're in because you NEVER insisted on her finding employment and you enabled her laziness, She is a product of your inability to set defined goals. So, whatever the outcome you'll be stuck taking care of her forever.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 12:11 AM
5

Seriously, what’s to prevent her from blocking you even if you pay for the internet? She’s playing dirty and trying to alienate the kids from you. Video/record all encounters, and be ready to go to court.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/23 02:38 PM
1

Your emotional crisis will only worsen the longer you delay filing. And your kids KNOW that they’re living in an unstable household, so don’t fret about seeking a solution. Also, this is the time to be selfish, especially since you SO has gone negative. From the sell of the house there should be adequate funds to begin anew. It won’t be easy, but worthwhile.
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 04:31 AM
6

I honestly feel bad for you, especially because I'm an introvert myself and I know how difficult it is to share. Sadly, you must sever this relationship before it further destroys you. It might pinch in the pockets but that's better than being slapped in the head.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/23 12:51 PM
41

Stop groveling for something that has long been over. How is it not insanity to be comfortable being a "meal-ticket" with ZERO return? And married women don't live with "guy-friends" just to be nice. See a lawyer fast and cut off all financial assistance to her and her friend. Tough times are calling.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 02:37 AM
7

Being a Christian and having kids is no barrier to suffrage, disrespect, and emotional alienation. So it should not block an attempt (divorce) to salvage what mental health you have left. Once the idea of leaving enters, it's inevitable that a hard dissolution will follow. So, instead of playing teasing mind games, consult an attorney to gain some knowledge of liabilities and such. GL
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 12:45 AM
14

And just a reminder, "everything changes eventually, so be prepared for the outcome ". What smells sweet today will sour in time.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/22 12:13 AM
1

All that I can say is "WOW". You certainly over-did yourself in trying to give balance to a lopsided situation. Cast her to the breeze so that she can be someone else's misery. GL
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/22 01:55 PM
7

Please take pictures and catalog these episodes. It will be important later.
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/22 11:23 PM
14

Adults swallow some hard lessons over time, and some of those experiences are extremely nasty. And yes, divorce coupled with infidelity is a huge pill to choke on. But slowly the scenes will become less as you fill your life with new memories. Just keep waking up.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 05:03 AM
12

No matter the monstrous love which you have for her, it can't change the type of person she is. At this juncture, you KNOW the truth of her faithfulness and devotion. She's not to be trusted. It's unfortunate that you didn't file before your income change, but now would be a perfect time to begin deleting her from your life. GL
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 04:43 AM
2

Haven't come across others linked to violence in this thread, so it might be a hard reach. But any self-help is of benefit, thus I can only suggest for you to continue healing and improving.
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/22 12:57 AM
27

Women your age have exclusivity on confidence. They are unafraid to openly signal approval, and will casually approach if interested. The eyes still hold the answers, so it’s vital to look directly in their eyes and await the gleam. Older women don’t hesitate, play games, or pretend interest.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 08:38 PM
2

You two are on different planets, discussing things that won’t shorten the distance between you guys. Until or unless communication is had that leads to viable intimacy, you’re wasting your energy, because at this juncture you’ve become roommates. Counseling might help, but also be prepared to make some serious sacrifices on your end if you desire to salvage your marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/22 03:11 PM
4

She checked out prior to her girl's trip to N O. You've just been the playtoy until she could finalize things. Stop with the questioning and plan your own future. Lawyer up fast.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 10:12 PM
15

She checked out prior to her girl's trip to N O. You've just been the playtoy until she could finalize things. Stop with the questioning and plan your own future. Lawyer up fast.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 10:12 PM
4

The freedom to no longer be responsible for another's daily response is oh so peaceful. Why would anyone surrender a stress free existence for confusion? Never go backwards.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/22 09:02 AM
4

Codependency is a tough place to be in. It causes self blame and blinds you with rose colored glasses. You are the only one sad and lonely, your wife has felt complete for a terribly long time, as she's had a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP with her friend for years. And the only reason she doesn't want a divorce is because you a her ATM, only. It's time to turn off the faucets, dry the tears and stop being such a soft pushover. She left, time to lawyer up, make a decision that you can control.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/22 02:19 AM
5

Once she is identified by the server, and subsequently handed the papers, she has been officially served irregardless of not reading the said papers. At her job by a deputy would be advisable, since it's in a public pace and others are there to witness it. Good luck, but be prepared for a dust up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 02:30 AM
3

Since you understand the negatives that emit from your relationship, and realize that a disconnection must be had, try to also accept the uneasiness that comes from a combative transition. Her mood changes are attempts to control and nothing more. Definitely, continue to stonewall her at every turn.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 02:28 AM
6

For whatever reasons, you may consider it an emotional affair but the reality is your wife is sleeping with the coach and planning for a separate life with him. Her dialog is dismissive of you , and there's no question that all respect is lost. Lawyer up fast without revealing anything, and slap divorce papers down so she can file those away with her "better alone attitude".
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 12:44 AM
4

I’d be surprised if anyone can survive unscathed. The emotional terror alone forces you to reset your vulnerable nature. Plus, it’s all involuntary, because it battles against principles too. Yeah, PTSD for sure.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 04:48 PM
1

Often, professional people are the most reluctant to accept advice, as they somehow feel elevated above the norm. You two need to get into couples counseling, especially with not being able to properly communicate in all these years.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 10:57 PM
10

Agrees to a prenuptial, has her own money, shared interests and hobbies, high libido, willing to learn and personally improve, knows when to shut the hell up.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 01:12 AM
6

She's bored and misses the toxic interactions with you.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 01:00 AM
3

Marriage benefits the government, women, and attorneys. It's an antiquated system to allow a woman status. In modern society it has no place except for those who subscribe to religious doctrine. Nope, men get another circumcision when the divorce papers dry.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 09:51 PM
3

Unless there’s kids involved, delete, delete, delete. Store the others in the a cloud for later gifting to the children.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 01:08 PM
1

We all were unsure about the outcome of divorce, yet we knew we had to immerse ourselves in it in order to regain a sense of comfort. The adjustment for the kids will be strange, but only temporarily because they are resilient. Your mental and emotional health is important, so don't tax yourself when you have options.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/22 05:07 AM
3

People are influenced by the company they keep, and if said company is into a negative critique of spouses, then it's a common bet that such talk WILL tarnish even simple discussions. Sadly, your wife has joined a collection of bitter women, and it is altering her perceptions. As noted, complaining is of no resolve, so your only solution is to demand not to have your personal business aired or you will consider it a major betrayal worthy of divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 10:33 PM
3

It's common to miss what you've grown accustomed to, it's only natural. But undoing damages wrought can essentially create deep resentments. No one appreciates being regurgitated on twice. Accept your choice and make the best of it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/22 07:32 AM
7

If she's keeping a tally of things you can bet that preparations are ongoing. Women plot, men respond. She's dictates your life okay, and you get treated how you allow someone to treat you. Your next activity should be divorce advice and financial segregation.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/22 02:27 AM
2

“NO SPARK,NO FIRE “, she might be great but not for you. Second marriages are common and the percentage for divorce grows with each “I do”. It’s nice to imagine great times, and it’s also smart to imagine hard times as well. Don’t do it.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 06:48 PM
1

Pulling the trigger is difficult at first, but it's better to do it now than wait for things to implode further. And since the kids know everything is not well, you're ahead of the contest.
/r/Divorce_Men26/09/22 02:46 AM
3

Yes, your attorney will amplify this and more protections.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 06:50 PM
5

You should be scrambling to alter your finances so she only has limited access to household expenses solely. Next, contact an attorney to learn your liabilities. Reveal nothing to her. Also, her weekly therapy sessions might really be another affair happening.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 06:09 PM
2

Your mental health is important to your occupation, and should you jeopardize that you jeopardize your career. You very much should leave a marriage that is not encouraging and is sexless. Life doesn’t need a partner who makes things debilitating.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/22 01:36 PM
2

End things abruptly, especially since being given an ultimatum is a direct challenge in opposition to your lifestyle. For any person who feels that their finances are at risk because of a relationship should do a u-turn, and shift your profile to dating only.
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/22 08:41 PM
1

Since your son is young and of a formative age, please try to enjoy and participate in every event of significance. Your EX is no longer your responsibility, so discontinue trying to influence her in any manner. Focus on being the best dad, and appreciate spending MORE time with him.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 12:29 AM
5

I think you’ve just got accustomed to a certain lifestyle and are afraid to face financial adjustments. Fear has kept many harnessed to unhappiness for years. It’s your decision, but it’s sensible to seek a divorce and gain some peace, than suffer because you’re scared to lose a few dollars.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/22 02:46 AM
4

Don’t worry about being drug on social media, be concerned about being physically assaulted in your own home. These mental health issues are nothing to take lightly, and to go unmedicated can/will only escalate into more violence. Quietly assembled things to initiate your divorce and have zero contact, only via attorneys. You are not her protector.
/r/Divorce_Men12/09/22 09:37 PM
2

She's non-confrontational and shares the bare minimum. But if therapy is a no-no, then you guys have even less of a chance surviving. Instead of asking about being happy, ask if she'd like to divorce. Can't scoot around that. Sometimes love just isn't enough, sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 07:21 PM
3

You're already out of the door, just looking for an extra push. With your ages and totally different lifestyles, I'm surprised that it's lasted this long. The limited communication is the killer though, because being unable to be heard is not a positive on any score. Go to Florida and find your future, but be honest and tell her a divorce is only right.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 06:36 PM
0

Can't see the financial aspect of coming after money, as you're a recent vet. There's has to be more than family influence to cause such drastic behavior. Maybe you should back off and reevaluate yourself. There could very well be PTSD going unaddressed. Take a breath and slowly check out all past and present situations that may have lead up to this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/22 11:41 AM
11

What you’re supposed to do is run quickly to an attorney and file while her head is full of BS. Stop playing the “wishful fool” and realize that she has already slept with her co-worker/girlfriend. Don’t beg, simply go cold, but be pleasant around the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 10:36 PM
2

Your silent departure will tell it all. Once she realizes her punching bag has gone, she'll explode for real. Wait until a time when she's out with friends, and slip out.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/22 01:04 AM
2

In your situation, nothing is for certain. The distance and character changes are too suspect to not be a cheating instance. Start getting your finances in order and contact an attorney to stay ahead of the game. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 10:55 PM
7

You need to seriously consider that the need for distance has a lot to do with infidelity. Sudden changes in behavior usually stem from outside influences, and your wife displays all the classic symptoms of someone having an affair. A confrontation is ill advised at this point, as you have no solid evidence, but just prepare yourself for more revelations.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 10:46 PM
1

Pulling the plug on a familiar reality is definitely a hard task. It's one that we never envision doing. But deep down you know that you are only hurting yourself by remaining in such a lopsided relationship. And remember, she hurt you by cheating. Your health and future are at risk if you don't stop procrastinating.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 10:24 PM
1

You're already fed up, so what else is there? Do you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 01:26 AM
6

It’s hard to contain your emotions right now but you need to redirect your efforts at obtaining a divorce. Confrontations do little to rectify a situation where lies dominate and infidelity is the source. Moving forward, just get your finances in order and treat her as the roommate she’s become.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 08:47 AM
6

If life didn't come with briar bushes we'd never know what it's like to be stuck. It's all a hard lesson, one that we probably hate to acknowledge, but one that we NEED to swallow in order to redirect/rebuild our existence. Good days and bad days keep us from becoming too complacent. It will level out in time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 12:09 AM
7

First, you look her directly in the eyes and say, “I’m tired of being depressed and abused, and for once I deserve to be selfish”. Then mention that it probably best for us to divorce while we still have time to enjoy life separately. This will stir discussion, which gives you the opportunity to explain your thoughts. Until you share your feelings, you’ll always be a push over.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/22 08:42 PM
2

Sadly, you sound like you married for beauty and not brains. This is the other side to a “pretty face”. You’ll never lose your daughter but you will lose your mind if you don’t get out now.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/22 12:41 PM
2

Paycheck to paycheck is just the reality of divorce, unless you're in the top 10%. But one of the first things to confront in the chaos is to reassess your own life and make adjustments for the better. You are no good for yourself or your child until you reorganize your priorities. And at fifteen, they can assist in realigning things. Personally, your living condition is a reflection of your mindset, and will remain as such until you tackle the issue. With the marriage over, it time to set new g…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/22 10:10 PM
20

A little MJ, an old father to a teenager, a narcissistic wife, and you have the ingredients for a mid-life crisis. It's too much for too short a period of time, and you're mentally panicking. Slow down, breathe a little, and try to unscrew what you've screwed up. Plus, lawyer up now, and remain solvent for your child.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 11:30 PM
4

This ain't the time to throw the "I screwed up " party, because the flood is going wash away all signs of familiarity pretty quick. This hurts, but not as much as the vengeance divorce produces. If you know it's coming, then you're already too late. Retain the best attorney for the worst time in your life.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/22 09:52 PM
5

Immediately file for an annulment to protect any and all assets. Afterwards, do commit to therapy as a way to cope with such sudden changes. Finally, allow her time to exhale, and possibly things may correct themselves. But, move fast with the annulment.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 02:21 PM
1

The court /judge may require a copy of your taxes going back three years, and from that will determine an average income.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 02:12 PM
5

Just delete the entire chat and initiate a new one with only those of merit. You may have to do this several times until they get the message.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/22 02:52 AM
13

You've served out your sentence and now it's time for your release. Most will understand that everything has an expiration date, so don't feel embarrassed. Much success to you on your future journey.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/22 04:16 AM
4

Don't give into this ploy. Once you start bending they'll expect you to accept being screwed all types of ways.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/22 03:25 AM
22

Since she's coming at you with a suggestion to separate, why don't you suggest that she start searching for a full-time job to help carry the load. Inform her that the guest room is available, and you have no intentions of leaving the home where your kids reside. Retain legal services to help you navigate what divorce means in your state. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 02:39 PM
8

One thing I learned early on is that you can't make someone love you. Pouring all your efforts into an empty shell still leaves an empty shell. You "knew" she didn't love like you loved , yet you gambled thinking you could win. And now you're left with remnants of an imagined belief. Give her the divorce, but fight hard for equality.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/22 06:02 AM
6

So, you've finally come full circle in understanding your "situationship", and are unsure how to proceed! In truth, you know it's time to depart, but you've gotten used to the familiar. Don't spend the rest of your life stuck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/22 12:45 PM
13

You are simply two people who barely tolerate each other. There's really nothing of substance holding you two together, except finances. Free yourself and her from further agonies, divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/22 12:18 PM
6

I feel you on the finances, it difficult to carve out a living when you're just barely getting by. The only solution is to grab a PT job for a spell , to help alleviate the monetary strain. After my divorce, I worked three jobs to help pay down debt and afford housing. For some of us, the exit is painful at first, but it get sweeter with time, as you learn to prioritize your efforts.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 12:39 AM
1

I can only suggest that you seek legal advice once you relocate. So much is unpredictable and your situation is very fluid.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/22 12:09 AM
3

Stock up on the grease, because with her not working, a young child, and probably a hefty mortgage, you'll be viciously screwed for years to come. The only solution is primary custody, and a cash settlement after selling the house.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 11:54 PM
4

No kids, both of you are employed, perfect time to jump ship. Don't move on the house just yet either.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/22 09:43 PM
1

There's no guarantee that the marriage can be salvaged, but your financial savings have a better chance of surviving than being with your SO. And since she has an inheritance, your loss in the divorce is greatly reduced.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/22 02:54 PM
3

You must do what's in your best interest. Divorce isn't about having a social picnic, it's a contentious ending to what should have been a lifetime agreement. We men often go into this situation hoping to keep things amicable, and when the gloves come off we're lost. So, sell the house, disrupt her playground, and fight for every inch of happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/22 03:13 PM
2

Love doesn’t equal substance when it’s not reciprocated. Collect your feelings and push hard the 60/40 split, otherwise you’ll be watching Cross Fit with cross eyes.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 08:16 PM
1

Your awkwardness will be visible to your son, and to anyone else who may happen to be near. Politely decline, expressing your discomfort at the prospect of such unresolved closeness.
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/22 01:42 AM
7

You have zero chance of anything unless you get your act together. You're going to immediately accept your situation and focus on regaining mental and physical stability. Retain legal assistance, acquire housing, and stop pining/whining for a treacherous narcissistic ex.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/22 08:56 PM
1

I got skinned in Florida some years back. Took my VA condo and was required to pay off all outstanding debts. Only thing I was partially glad about was the custody agreement. It’s all a racket.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 10:08 PM
3

And thanks for opening up. Your gut proved correct and now the fallout MUST proceed. You have a moral and medical obligation to find out who the child’s father is, and the child should be offered the chance to get to know him if able. By withholding this information you’re being terribly selfish and unwise. As for your partner, she also should be made aware of her deception, as there might be more that’s undiscovered. I understand your worrying about the unknown repercussions, but this pretense …
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 12:03 AM
13

You’ve danced around for almost a year begging for another chance, and now she says she wants to try again. Try what? Try deciding IF she can fall in love or try to indulge in other sexual pursuits! Give her a strong taste of decision making and hit her with divorce papers. Just her abandonment of the home is enough to show that she is unfit. And, smile nicely with your co-worker.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 09:41 PM
7

Yeah, and the clock is ticking for things to escalate further. The kids are definitely being harmed by your outbursts, so you might consider their feelings moving forward. Give therapy a try, or separate for awhile.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 05:26 PM
1

So true. And the main reason of why we end up getting cheated on. I think that as one matures they start to dispel societal constraints and evolutionary interests. Life has a cruel way of shocking sense into our libido.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 05:22 PM
1

Your mention of physical beauty is off putting when discussing a competent relationship. Yes, it’s nice to want eye candy, but usually that candy is bitter and sour just like your on again , off again girlfriend. Why not seek out the attractiveness of someone’s character first.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 04:57 PM
1

If you have kids and significant assets, use a solicitor only, as things will become challenging fast.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/22 02:00 PM
2

There’s absolutely no way that you can continue at this pace. In a few months/years your mental and physical health will collapse, leaving you unable to take care of yourself, let alone anyone else. You have to make the difficult decision to file for divorce immediately, showing documented neglect on your SO’s part.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 08:09 AM
1

Deplete the account but don’t close it out.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/22 10:45 PM
2

Wanting to resume a normal pattern of dating takes time, especially after overcoming a contentious divorce. And usually what we want never aligns with what we need. If you've been officially single for less than six months to a year, the likelihood of you being "ready" to date is suspect.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/22 05:12 AM
6

While you've been teaching, she been tending to extra curricular activities. And as you start to recover, hurriedly obtain an attorney before she hits you with more surprises.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 12:35 PM
2

Between your ADHD and her intolerance, you’re in a no-win situation. And until/unless you seriously address your inabilities, things can only worsen. Therapy and medications may help, and you’d be wise to invest your efforts into seeking help. I honestly believe this relationship is salvageable, but it’ll require open communication, complete admission of faults, and time. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 06:00 PM
6

It all sounds suspicious, as though any reason would suffice for an excuse to separate. Instead of focusing on your simple misdeeds, reexamine her activities leading up to this. Don't assume nothing. No responsible adult does anything without acute planning. Plus, saying she doesn't want anything to do with the money seems very telling.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 10:43 AM
2

Totally empathize with you on all levels. Have endured similar situations where I felt out of sync with my partner. Nothing hostile but just not on the same page. I’m an introvert as well and that’s a hard digest for any extrovert. Divorce is often the only remedy for peace and positive futures.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/22 03:15 AM
2

Been through this before. My oldest has gone through phases of no contact. At first I was annoyed but learned that it just her way of managing her life. Let time allow you to adjust and simply assure her that you’ll always be there for her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/22 02:39 AM
4

Stay strong. You’ve conquered a hard battle, so let nothing sway you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/22 09:24 PM
8

Because they benefit from divorce significantly better than men.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 09:20 PM
2

Sounds like a serious trap. She’s playing him solely for security. Don’t buy a car without test driving it first.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/22 03:43 PM
2

Similar, but I had the sense to bail. Consistency is key, without it you’re just living in a whirlpool. Escape and try again.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 04:37 AM
3

These are all things you need to discuss with your attorney. The safe bet is to aggressive, not lenient, and seek modifications later. A judge can always change agreements, but most competent attorneys should be able to draft things well beforehand.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 03:58 PM
5

Some people go to extremes, and commit atrocities, just for the sake of having things their way. Your EX is the perfect example of why men are so turned off by marriage. Let’s hope your son remembers who torched his home lifestyle, and tried to play victim. Good luck moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 10:22 PM
1

Hard call. Support payment is contingent on base salary, but with the extra cash from the sale (hidden) you'll have a little cushion.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 02:20 PM
0

You had some previous knowledge of your wife’s inadequacies prior to marriage, yet you still HOPED things would improve. And now that they have accelerated into the negative you contemplate a quick jettison. At this stage you could be charged with “child abandonment” since you enabled this situation and wish to flee. Yes, I understand your frustration at seeing the errors made, the results, and the emotional chasms. Not a simple fix but harsh penalties must be enacted. Serve and separate, go NC,…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 09:12 AM
1

Sounds as though things are already bad, so it's to your advantage now to jump ahead of the landslide by having papers awaiting her signature. My experience was worse because I just sat back while my EX executed proceedings, confiscated my VA home, and required to liquidate ALL debts. Yeah, take the offense early.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 02:38 AM
1

Block him everywhere and don't reply to anything he says, period.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 11:48 PM
1

Could be time to have the bitter conversation of "I think we should see other people". It's not like it's the end of creation causing, but maybe will implant some thought and concern.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/22 12:47 PM
14

Unless you are prepared to be a caregiver at such a young age my advice would be to have her get an exam for possible BP. Otherwise, a divorce beckons.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 11:46 PM
3

Lawyer up fast. Let no one control your financial future or custody situation without legal counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/22 07:13 AM
4

You’re playing emotional defense while she entertains an offensive betrayal. Time to flip the script, file and sale her comfort zone.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 02:45 PM
1

Individual counseling
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 05:34 PM
1

Urgency for IC is warranted. To allow your life as being defined by another is an unhealthy dependency.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 02:42 PM
10

There’s absolutely NO fairness when it comes to this type of serving. Her offense is to attack your compassionate will, thus rendering you insolvent. Your only option is a major counter attack, showing an outlay of financial support given over the years without benefit. A good lawyer will navigate this so trust their advice.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/22 04:40 PM
1

Consider your age when deciding to change careers, as most tradesmen apprentice are brought on at an early age due to years needed to solidly learn the craft. And most employers won't touch older personnel due to liabilities and health concerns. Plus, with less income also comes the chance of no benefits, especially insurance. Think wisely.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 05:04 PM
17

Secretly record her threat if possible. Engage her in a conversation discussing a garden plant or anything else but the critical topic, then slowly steer it to a what if scenario. Might take time but time seems to be all you have at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/22 04:07 PM
58

Zip, zero, not on your life…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 05:41 PM
5

Hahaha 😝
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 10:48 AM
3

Can't get over something by getting on top of something else. The drinking is the clue that things aren't centered and it's time to reevaluate your direction. Leave the ONS alone, slash the booze, and talk openly with someone about your emotions. Subconsciously you're in remission, but not fully healed.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 02:07 AM
19

Bribe someone to marry her asap.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 10:50 PM
3

True, but it’s fruitless to blame yourself for another’s actions. We can contribute to FEELINGS but actions are a separate initiative.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 05:48 AM
2

Yeah, she always said I was the best lover she ever had but wasn’t sh#t for a husband.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 05:43 AM
9

Not responsible for another’s decisions. And you have absolutely no way of controlling how a person obtains happiness. You can’t make someone stay in love with you either. You seem to not want to place the blame on your ex, although everything points to her as the reason for your divorce. Accept that people change and nothing that you could have done would reverse how things turned out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/22 02:38 AM
8

After thirty years since divorce, she has periodically called to remanence about the good times and keep me updated with what's going on in her life. And during both of her subsequent marriages we still occasioned to share intimate physical moments. Yes she regretted the split but understood it was a done deal for me.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 04:23 PM
2

Asked and answered. Hope you score well.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 02:44 AM
3

Sorry about your divorce but basic training will definitely harden your focus. Also be forewarned, service related relationship are rated the worst as for infidelity, false child accusations, and theft of wages. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/22 11:27 PM
2

That’s the wonderment of life. Some things may seem difficult to accept when they occur but later on it all makes sense. Wisdom comes “seasoned”.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 03:59 AM
7

Sounds as though neither of you are emotionally committed to this relationship and it’s only a financial arrangement at best. Best advice would be for you to discuss things with a legal advisor, weigh your options, and proceed with an honest quest towards happiness.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/22 10:31 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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