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ChatRoomNinja Archive

View 3 posts and 41 comments by ChatRoomNinja on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

You can always make more money, but you will lose the childhood years to build time and bonds with your kids. Does the freelance job preclude quality time with your kids? Probably not... may not even diminish it that much, only you can answer that question, and even then there's a lot of variables.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/21 10:04 PM
2

Earnings history and potential matter. Most times this is negotiated outside of a court room, as it's a real roll of the dice once you get in front of a judge. I've heard (via a men's group) cases where it's gone dramatically and expectedly one way or another. The benefit of negotiating this topic is control - you don't have to roll the dice. Of course if you're likely not to regain employment and/or don't have a dramatically better earning potential... stalling and going to court may work in yo…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/21 06:28 PM
1

Curious to know why, specifically First off, are you sure she not on title? It's VERY rare for a person to be on the mortgage note and not the title (illegal in most states). A mortgage by definition pledges the home's value as collateral to the debt. You can't pledge collateral you don't own. State laws can be unique here but in all likelihood that refinance gave her a stake. On the bright side for you, if you owned that home before your marriage, and were the sole payer/owner for most of the m…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 01:34 PM
2

She wants the positive and not the negative. Family time and financial support - clearly wants it. It's selfish but it makes sense. The question you need to ask is what YOU want. Offer what YOU want. If you want a place to go for Thanksgiving, go ahead and do it. If you want her to have a new pair of pants (why would you?) then do that too I guess? You have to flip the switch at some point. You can find common ground with an ex, either things you both want, or trades you're willing to make. But …
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/21 03:25 PM
1

Hard to say on trial dates, courts are really backed up, can vary widely. As for equal custody, a lot of states won't give fathers 50/50 until at least two years old, sometimes later. As long as you don't have any past history with criminal charges, violence, drugs, etc... you should expect 50/50 in the long run, but possibly not until 2-6 years old depending on circumstances and what judge you get.
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/21 03:01 PM
1

IANAL but I have a male friend in NJ who went through this, kid was still an infant though. After consulting with an attorney they compromised at 3 years old. Not sure if that's what the judge would have ordered anyway but I got the sense it would have been along those lines. He's on the hook for alimony for two years, so the time and money line up (basically it means he pays more / gets less time for the first two years, and then it reverts to less money - just child support and not much of it …
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/21 02:57 PM
2

You'll get that regardless... your apartment will be YOURS. Your time with your kids is YOURS. They can't just drop by and tell you what to do, even if you're next door. So just be aware you'll get that space no matter what.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 05:20 PM
2

In my case, it's the ex that moved across town (for good reason, I supported it, closer to school and her sister), and I stayed back towards the old home area but switched to an apartment. Honestly it's a coin flip, I hate being further from my kids. I can't leave work early enough to make a lot of the after school activities. And I'm not sure how badly I'm really needed, unless it's a special day (which of course I'll never miss - just saying EVERY day gets problematic with work). But I stayed …
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 03:40 PM
2

Officially... 3 weekends out of 4, with a week at holidays (alternating Thanksgiving / Christmas) and a week at summer (my choice, can pick any week during school summer - usually I go for 4th of July). Unofficially I pinch hit a good bit more, because that only adds up to about 1/3 of the time. Was important to us both that kids have stability around school nights and not a ton of back-and-forth packing suitcases and bags and shit.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/21 06:27 PM
3

Take a deep breath. Short answers, yes/no when you can. Do not lie or be untruthful AT ALL. Do not offer extra info, let your lawyer prompt you for that. Your lawyer is not an idiot despite what you may think, if they hold back a punch, it's because they think they're better off playing nice. Side bar with them if you have to, but let them do their thing. Courts tend to want to lean 50/50, maybe with a small bias for mom when younger, and keep the child near the marital home / prior residence. I…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 01:03 AM
18

The comments are worse than the post, holy shit.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen20/10/21 08:44 PM
1

It sounds like she never really forgave you for the affair, likely staying together for logistics and/or the kids. Now that the older two are 21 and 18... perhaps going to college or will soon, and the third child is 9 and growing more independent... it's an easier thing to consider. I'm not intimately familiar with military pensions, but you're likely in much better standing today than you were before. So all these factors align to make this a better time for her to divorce you. The hard part i…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/21 06:20 PM
5

IANAL. You can request and will likely reciieve alimony / spousal support given your income differential. If both kids are high school age, it will likely not last long, until they both turn 18 at most (probably far less). The expense of her apartment or new lifestyle is completely immaterial. Assets will be split 50/50 unless it's a debt/asset that pre-dates the marriage, or is inheritance. I wouldn't worry about pissing her off, it sounds like she's completely changed and given up on you anywa…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/21 10:24 PM
2

Assets always split 50/50, unless you can document its an inheritance or the asset pre-existed your marriage. You can negotiate how you balance that... I'll take this car, and these two bank/investment accounts, this one credit card... but everything gets tagged with a value and you just divvy it up to a point where you're balanced. What makes these meetings interesting IMO is when you start talking about child support and spousal support. That part is highly subjective and where you really do h…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/21 05:13 PM
1

I think it comes from a strange, social media-fueled, "clean lifestyle" thing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/21 02:59 PM
5

Nobody forced you to get married in the first place, you entered into that contract freely. Not the state's problem you were unaware of the consequences.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 06:33 PM
6

While a somewhat humorous take... that's a horrible misrepresentation of Due Process. Not granting a divorce is tantamount to contractual and financial enslavement. Due process is the state's obligation to respect the rights owed to a citizen. The right to be, or NOT be married to a person, is one of those rights. The state only gets to control some aspects and terms of that separation, but nothing changes the fact that divorce is a right they must protect. The Due Process clause in the Constitu…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/21 03:52 PM
3

Bootcamp? Delete Facebook, hit the gym, lawyer up There, good to go.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/21 03:32 AM
18

She has a law degree YES. Jesus Christ yes get one today.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/21 01:00 PM
2

Divorce lawyers having a FIELD DAY now that we're on the back side of COVID lockdowns...
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/21 03:17 AM
2

This is actually a very sad / authentic confession.
/r/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen10/08/21 12:45 PM
1

IMO women in their 20's and early 30's are focused on either being child-free, or having their own children. You may do well to date up a few years, there seems to be a cutoff age where they've either given up, or have kids themselves. At that point I feel like it flips a little.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 01:38 AM
10

This is the way
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/21 12:16 PM
3

I regret it only because of the kids - breaking hearts to young to understand. I'm not sure I'll ever believe that we didn't fail them. They deserved better. Should I have stuck it out for them? Would they have been better served by the fiction that was our marriage?
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/21 03:08 AM
2

I hope she reaps what she has sewn Got some good news for you buddy. This is going to go well for you. It's abandonment if she left, unless you signed anything saying otherwise. And if she out-earns you... unless it's only by a small margin... yeah she's toast if you want her to be. No need to be cruel, but make sure you get everything you need.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/21 12:01 PM
27

It's revisionist history. They fell out of love, and want to pretend it never happened instead.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/21 05:33 PM
2

Lawyer will want to be put on retainer, that's generally $1500-3000 for a decent divorce attorney. You can try to pay them $200-300 per hour simply to become an official client and have them write a letter on their letterhead asking the same question. That will have more teeth than just you asking.
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/21 02:23 PM
4

Well it's not as if there weren't drawbacks to the 90's too. A/S/L???? I've seen that phrase so much I've got PTSD.
/r/seduction13/06/21 02:13 PM
4

First, establishing residency takes 6+ months in most states. This will require her AND the kids to go with you, and actually live there. Second, unless there is an extremely good reason why, and your wife is extremely stupid, she'll talk to a friend or a lawyer and they'll tell her to pump the brakes HARD. You can't force-change her residency, and that immediately chains you back to California. Third, residency changes and motivations can be challenged in court. IANAL but I read a story about a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 03:07 PM
4

You'll never get away with it. Sorry man, I don't mean to crush your dream here but you need to take this splinter of hope out of your head ASAP. You're getting divorced in California and it's going to suck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/21 02:50 PM
3

Tell him to save evidence, lawyer up, and get ready for an expensive fight. His wife is a danger to the children. Nothing else matters. He needs to act like a loving father and get his kids the fuck away from that monster. If he can document HALF of this shit he'll get full custody and a restraining order in most states. PS: Don't let yourself get dragged into it. Keep being a good friend, maybe let him stay a few nights as he gets his situation figured out. But this is his fight, there's a diff…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/21 03:21 PM
19

You can give it to her or the lawyer, your call, that's how the game works.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 02:50 AM
2

Can't speak for Canada, but in the U.S. all marital assets are divided equally in most cases. That would include any future pension benefits (but there's a lot of complications). You're unlikely to be screwed, in fact, she'll likely be the one screwed. And I wouldn't suggest skipping any bills/expenses and trying to hide money for yourself, at least in the U.S. that generally does NOT go over well with the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 04:15 PM
8

Medical insurance doesn't factor into CS In my state it does. And it's REALLY significant.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 12:19 AM
11

Not Ted Lasso but I absolutely think some of the drama you see on TV gives this inflated impression of what giant gestures of love are realistic for 40-50 year old adults. Or how easy and carefree a divorce can be, how quickly you can just pick up and move on and find that next great successful relationship. It warps and skews the mind into focusing on what you're NOT getting, and lulls you into a false sense of security over the next step. In that sense, not so different from a porn addiction.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/21 01:57 AM
2

Anger is the easiest clue... do you speak about the ex angrily? How often and over what topics?
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 04:16 PM
1

Probably yes. But it could simply be some immaturity.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 06:14 PM
1

I think you really need to examine WHY you're unhappy. If it's her, what is it about her? Feeling trapped as a young married guy who didn't spend enough time dating in their teen's/20's is common. You didn't take the time to explore other people. So on the one hand, maybe you're thinking the grass is greener for others - you may be wrong. On the other hand, you may be settling for an uphappy life and have the chance to get out easily, now, while it's early and uncomplicated.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/21 03:12 PM
11

so my suspicion is it's financial It is. In my state there's a threshold (actually less than 50/50) but if you're below it... your child support payment pretty much doubles.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/21 08:48 PM
1

do not agree to anything less than 50/50 residential custody I keep reading this, but have no idea how to make 50% of the overnights happen. My job requires travel, and I regularly work long and unpredictable hours. Consider I make 2x what she does, aren't I going to be dinged for child support no matter what?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/21 08:15 PM
1

13 years, kids 7/10, I have masters she has bachelors. Splitting the house and 401k for the tax basis is an interesting angle I hadn't considered. My thought was that it's fair (the house equity is roughly the same as my 401k). That lets her keep the CASH and buy something smaller - and buy it outright (SHE had this idea and it is her goal). So she has no housing expense. In turn I'm hoping that can be considered with the child support / alimony side of things, I'm agreeing to a payout that lets…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/21 12:28 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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