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Citadel-3 Archive

View 4 posts and 62 comments by Citadel-3 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

I agree with you there. Some people, after moving to church plants, then left our church because living in that kind of intense, super focused on discipleship and evangelism way was too hard. A lot of the things that they used to depend on for strength, like fellowship, friends, relationships with leaders, good weather or good traffic, etc. weren't there anymore in the new city. So I agree with you that it doesn't and didn't solve all the problems. The questions you posed are definitely interest…
/r/RPChristians12/08/20 12:14 AM
1

Thanks for the reply. "In the same way, I am suggesting you may have a ONEitis for your congregation that may prevent you from having a healthy relationship with it." That's an interesting point you're making, and I'll have to think more about it. "Or maybe you are - and if that's the case, what are you learning about how to make disciples that your congregation could benefit from?" I've been discipling and reaching out and doing direct people ministry for many years now. One of the guys I reach…
/r/RPChristians12/08/20 12:00 AM
1

The living arrangements also sound a lot like an extension of the college environment, which could explain why the culture you're describing has a greater feel of commitment to it - at least among the singles. Living in the dorms at college, there's a much greater sense of community than we get living in isolated family units in the suburbs. Instead of 5 minutes walking, you've got to hop in a car, and there's often a different expectation of the presentation of one's living space that affects t…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 11:16 PM
1

I see your point about this, and I do think this is a legitimate danger. Leadership has cautioned against this before in the past, which is actually one of the reasons we started more church plants. Our main church was getting too big, and too many people were too happy just staying in their corner and not growing spiritually, so by sending people out on church plants, they were forced to take more personal ownership over their spiritual life and stop being complacent. On a church plant, a lot o…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 10:43 PM
1

I guess you could call it control. I would just call it authority. Is it more authority and a more hierarchical structure than a typical church? Yeah, I think so. Does that make it wrong? No, I don't think so either. You say that people cannot develop their character and allow the Holy Spirit to change them if you're constantly being told what to do. But everybody needs to be taught what to do, at least at the start. That's the whole point of OYS, to write what you did, get feedback, and get tol…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 10:39 PM
1

Continued: Fourth, and MOST IMPORTANTLY: I don't see any indication that anyone is actually discipling anyone else. In fact, every time you talk about discipleship within this congregation I started to cringe because the context makes it clear that you're using the same watered-down garbage that countless other congregations do. To be fair, the watered-down version is still better than nothing at all, which is where many are still at. The biggest trigger phrase for me was: "centralized babysitti…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 08:47 PM
1

Thanks for the response. I have appreciated many of your posts on the sidebar and have found them useful. I am sorry that you did not appreciate my post, but it's understandable since there's obviously far more to say than can be said in a single reddit post, and so there's a lot of context and nuance that's probably being lost. First, many of my concerns would fall in the category of skepticism. Frankly, I call BS on any implication that the congregants are actually living up to even half of wh…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 08:46 PM
1

It's not quite that extreme, but yes there is a level of protection involved with both genders. Generally what happens is if either gender is interested in someone, he or she will ask his or her leader if that person is single. If it's a guy, he'll get a response and, if she's single, her contact info, so he can ask her out. If it's a girl, sometimes the girl will just ask the guy out too, but since girls usually don't want to ask and instead want to be asked, usually her leader will tell the le…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 06:16 PM
1

It's still the same SBC. We are definitely a part of the SBC. I know that SBC is most common in the south, but it's not only in the south.
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 05:49 PM
1

I'm sorry to hear that your mom went through that. It must have been hard seeing your mom like that while growing up, and it probably made you jaded toward church, Christianity, and authority figures in general. Now you have a deep mistrust of anything resembling authority, especially church authority. I think I might feel the same way too if I were in your shoes, having experienced the same things you did growing up. I hope no matter where you are, you are still walking with God, obeying his Wo…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 04:00 PM
1

Actually, I'm in California.
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 03:33 PM
1

We're Southern Baptist, and we're all over the US now. The state with the most number of churches is California, but we're also in Texas, Minnesota, North Carolina, New Jersey, Maryland, Illinois, etc.
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 03:25 PM
1

Thanks! We're Southern Baptist.
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 03:24 PM
2

Haha, I'll take it as a compliment for my church. I don't want to say the name though, since there's already too many people (as you can see, even in this post) who call us a cult/slander us.
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 07:17 AM
3

Well, looks like I can't convince you otherwise. My church isn't for everybody, and I'm happy you've found a good church. I'm happy in mine as well :)
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 07:09 AM
2

Haha, yes you sure can. A lot of people who come to our church often remark, "This is the first church I have been to where people seemed to really take their faith and the Bible seriously," or "People are so warm here, and it looks like there's just so much joy in everybody's lives," or "I don't know how you guys do it. You guys are like supermen." I think the truth is that radical obedience to God's Word will end up looking like a cult to the eyes of lukewarm Christians. Atheists think all Chr…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 06:12 AM
1

People just don't talk about it publicly. The community is tight knit sure, but there are better things to talk about than gossip and spread rumors about who's going out with whom. That kind of talk usually doesn't build unity.
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 03:49 AM
2

Perhaps there's a misunderstanding between us on the difference between rules and culture. Culture itself is composed of unwritten rules. For example, in an asian household, you're expected to take off your shoes when you enter. In American households, that's not the expectation. If you come to an asian person's home and do not remove your shoes, the host will ask you to please do so. If you insist on not doing so, which is your prerogative, then they cannot stop you. But you will probably not b…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 12:25 AM
3

That is, of course, if you are actually bearing fruit for God's kingdom (we'll assume that you are). I can see u/Red-Curious smiling from here. We are definitely bearing fruit. We've grown tremendously in size over the past 10 or so years I've been at my church, and most of that growth was actual organic growth, not transfer growth. Transfer growth is just where one church grows at the expense of another, which doesn't help Christendom as much. Organic growth is where unbelievers become saved an…
/r/RPChristians11/08/20 12:14 AM
1

It does require trusting your leaders that they have your best wishes in mind. Is that easy? No, which is why leaders are held to a higher level of scrutiny to be blameless. Their own lives need to be well-ordered, fruitful, and good. Just as Apostle Paul told us to imitate him because he was more experienced and practiced at imitating Christ than the people he was discipling, I also look toward my leaders as well as people to imitate, because they're more experienced and practiced at imitating …
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 11:41 PM
5

I didn't post my stats since this wasn't an advice post, and you can check my previous post if you want to see them. But I'll post copy and paste them here for you to see. Physical: 17% body fat, 5'9", 169 pounds, estimated 1 rep max: 180 bench, 280 squat, 350 deadlift Reading: read all of the sidebar, read through most of Deep Strength's blog Finances: 160k/year, no debt Spiritual: daily quiet time, prayer 2-3 times a week, currently teaching/doing Bible study with my family and some non Christ…
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 11:29 PM
1

It is in America. However, it's not a predominantly white church, and it's made up mostly of minorities. Although it's not as if the minorities are immigrants either, they were born and grew up in America. And I agree that these rules are restrictive for many. They used to be even more restrictive, but we relaxed some of them that were just cultural artifacts rather than having a biblical reason for them. Even still, some people do leave our church because of these, but that's fine since we're j…
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 11:26 PM
2

One reason is to keep hypergamy in check. If you have 10 guys asking a girl if she's single or available, she's going to want to branch swing. Instead, if those 10 guys asked her spiritual mentor, then her mentor just lets those 10 guys know that she's already taken. From the woman's perspective, she doesn't realize there are these potential other options, and is instead just focusing on her current relationship and asking herself if this relationship with this man can work and lead to marriage.…
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 11:20 PM
2

I'm glad you like it :)
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 07:08 PM
1

I hear what you're saying. And there is something to be said about having too many rules or being overly legalistic. Sometimes we have to look back and reevaluate, to figure out if we need more guidelines or less. I have no doubt that you can do this, StrongChristianMan. However, not everybody in our church might be able to, so for the sake of the weak, the strong should be willing to sacrifice some of their rights. See 1 Cor 8-10 for more discussion on this. Is eating meat sacrificed to an idol…
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 07:07 PM
2

So your church has extra-biblical "laws" or rules for dating and marriage on top of what the Bible teaches. It's not "laws" or "rules". They're part of our church's culture. Culture itself is neither good nor bad, as long as it's not unbiblical. What you might be used to we might find peculiar, and vice versa. What happens when someone breaks them? What happens if it's repeatedly? Same thing that happens when anybody commits a social faux pas, tell them that what they did was not wise and made t…
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 06:58 PM
0

Sometimes you sit together, sometimes not. Usually you'll sit with people you're ministering or reaching out to, to make sure they're having a good time at church and properly understanding the message. Other times you might sit together, but just because you're sitting together doesn't mean you're dating. Your leaders will know who you're dating of course, and you can choose to tell others if you'd like, but it's discouraged from asking directly exactly who is dating whom.
/r/RPChristians10/08/20 06:40 PM
2

Does this happen subconsciously to rising SMV, or is it something she consciously thinks about, as a response to dread? I.E. Does she think, "He's been improving himself a lot. I better improve myself too to keep up," or is it more like , "I should lose some weight and buy better clothes," without understanding why she herself would start having those thoughts?
/r/RPChristians24/06/20 01:10 AM
0

??? Are you replying to the right person or to the right thread? Nothing you're saying makes sense in the context of this post.
/r/RPChristians15/06/20 03:35 PM
0

Did you even read the post in full? Has your life been transformed by the gospel? What evidence is there in your life that the gospel has transformed your life, and what have you done for God? Are you mission oriented, and do you go to a mission oriented church? Have you ever been to a church where divorce rates are <1% and couples are generally happily married, with well-adjusted kids? Your argument is unsophisticated and I question how much the gospel has managed to truly penetrate your heart.…
/r/RPChristians15/06/20 04:25 AM
0

No, why would she be on birth control? Why would she need it?
/r/RPChristians15/06/20 04:19 AM
1

Oh sorry, I misunderstood and thought you meant 3x a week in terms of number of dates you go on. There's no stance or guidelines on frequency of sex in our church, that's up to the individual couple. 1x a week was in the context of date frequency. In terms of sex frequency, my ideal is probably 2-3x a week. More than that sounds a bit unappealing, while less than that is manageable too.
/r/RPChristians14/06/20 04:36 AM
1

Hmm, interesting. Our church's stance has always been that 3x a week is a bit excessive given the amount of time it takes, time that could be better spent on the mission / reading / prayer / fellowship. That's why typically it's just once a week, sometimes even once every other week when times are busy. Thanks for the advice. Your blog is great and I've been rcommending it to all my friends as well.
/r/RPChristians14/06/20 01:32 AM
4

Yep, my church is a good example of that. Extremely mission oriented, <1% divorce rate out of a sample size of probably 300-400 married couples.
/r/RPChristians13/06/20 06:04 PM
1

Here's some more context that may or may not affect your advice. I go to a church that's extremely mission-oriented. Our motto is that everybody is a soul winner, meaning that everybody who attends is expected to be engaged in active evangelism. It's not unusual for people to spend 20-30 hours a week on activity directly related to the mission, to the point where every once in a while, our senior pastor has to force people to scale back a bit to avoid getting burnt out and spend more time on rel…
/r/RPChristians13/06/20 05:44 PM
1

I do. I pity her and have a lot of compassion for her. I think she's acting in good faith to the best of her ability. I don't expect her to ever really fully heal. People don't generally heal completely from such a childhood. But if she's willing to continue struggling, and I see no reason why she wouldn't, I'm willing to stand by her and emotionally support her in the process. Some of the replies doubt it; I can understand where they're coming from. But I also have to question if those repliers…
/r/RPChristians13/06/20 05:42 AM
1

I replied to Deep Strength with this for more context, but pretty much the tl;dr is that she's literally learning how to interact with a man in a romantic setting starting from step 1, which is a lot more basic than you might imagine. ​ The replies are underestimating the seriousness of her issues. They're well-meaning when they say I should just go for more physical intimacy, but as I alluded to earlier, there's a deeper issue with emotional intimacy. For example, when we first started dating, …
/r/RPChristians13/06/20 01:34 AM
2

Yeah, it's definitely concerning. I told her that I would help support and encourage her, but that she's ultimately the one who needs to put in the hard work. She's been very appreciative of the support and knows she has to own her problems. I'm letting her leaders and her actual therapist help her with her issues, so I haven't given her any suggestions on what to do. I've just been reading psychology books to understand her better and have greater empathy for her. There's no definite timeline, …
/r/RPChristians13/06/20 12:57 AM
1

How much of these changes (e.g therapy for neglect and sexual issues) were prompted by you vs. her working on changing before you showed up? How much initiative does she show? It's probably 50-50. I didn't prompt her to do any of these changes, and instead she felt convicted based on some reading she had done, as well as through a suggestion from her spiritual leader. But we started dating right before Passion Week, and the reading happened during Passion Week, so it started literally right as w…
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 11:16 PM
1

She's going above and beyond to fix this issue now. I frequently get surprised by what she does, and am pretty impressed by her level of effort and zeal. I'm not concerned about her answering B. If she had really wanted to not lose me, she would not have even revealed details about her family or abuse, and just avoided talking about them.
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 05:49 PM
1

The lack of physical intimacy is not unusual in our church. I'm not sure what kind of church you go to or if you've ever been to an ultra conservative church before, but the expected norms are pretty different here. In addition, cultural norms are also different since it's a minority church. For example, displays of affection are rare even among happily married couples, most people are virgins before they get married, many events are gender segregated and when they're not gender segregated, men …
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 05:39 PM
3

I jack off plenty, so I don't think there's an issue there. I don't watch porn, but that's because it's sinful and disrespectful to God and to my girlfriend, not because I have no desire for it. I've struggled with porn in the past. I've never thought about low testosterone before, so I don't have much of an opinion on this. And when I said I would be okay with sex every other week, I don't mean that to be ideal. I just mean it would be something I would be willing to accept and can compromise o…
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 04:48 PM
1

You have a link? Curious to understand more about this mystery aspect.
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 04:20 PM
2

Here's a list of symptoms of BPD, taken from the first result of Google: An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all Periods of stre…
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 04:04 PM
0

Thanks for the suggestions. I've definitely been slacking on the weight loss part and need to be more disciplined about that. You mentioned that the sex standards are too low, but doesn't that depend a lot on the individuals? Do you think there's some kind of objective gold standard that couples should be striving for? ​ If you love her and you know that she's the best woman you can get, you wouldn't posting this. I do love her and I think she's probably the best woman I can get. I was debating …
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 03:52 PM
2

Can you say that if result was having sex a few times before she decided sex is horrible and never wants it again that you would still want her. That's a good thing to think about. When I do my bible study with her through Eph 5 and 1 Cor 7, I'll ask her about this scenario and see what she thinks. Thanks for the suggestion. ​ Finally get this one thing though your head: You can hope, but not expect her to ever heal from this and if after putting the ring on her you get a dead bedroom God still …
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 02:56 PM
3

Yeah, I already looked into BPD because I wondered about that too, but from what I'm reading about the symptoms, I don't think she has BPD. I did research into what she's telling me, and I know all her roommates. We all go to the same church. I asked her spiritual leaders about her, and they all corroborate her story, so I'm pretty sure she's telling the truth.
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 02:48 PM
5

Yeah, that's definitely one of my fears. I readily admit I'm unsure what might happen in the future, since I'm not sure if I'll end up feeling bitter or resentful 5 years down the line. There's definitely a risk there, and it's hard to say what the outcome might be. At least right now I'd be okay with it. I don't watch porn, and have been a virgin all my life, so it's not as if I can't control my sexual desires. That's why I said I'd be okay with relatively infrequent sex, although that's of cou…
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 08:00 AM
5

Yeah, she's seeing a professional Christian psychologist for her issues. That kind of past trauma doesn't heal easily, and I don't really expect significant change in the short term. She sees me as someone stable in general. She's commented that my mental and emotional stability has been helping her be more stable as well. From what I understand, this kind of trauma might never lead to full healing. But I'm optimistic that there will be some improvement, and I'm hopeful some improvement will be …
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 07:44 AM
3

She definitely has daddy and mommy issues. I'm pretty sure that's the root cause of a lot of her problems, and also what she's currently getting therapy for. I've been reading some psychology books on these topics, and it's been helpful in understanding her. You bring up a lot of good points. I should've clarified, but a lot of her reflection is on the resentment that she feels in a general sense, not just directed at the abuse or neglect she had experienced. Her leaders understand that she can'…
/r/RPChristians12/06/20 07:38 AM
1

There's nothing wrong with being a wage slave. Honest work is honest work. Red pill has nothing to do with working for a wage or not. If you read the sidebar you will understand.
/r/RPChristians18/05/20 04:27 AM
3

Be careful with the pursuit of wealth, career, or money. It's true that such things are not necessarily bad, but they're not necessarily good either. They're merely means to an end, but not the main purpose of life. From the way you're writing, it does sound like you're trying to rationalize pursuing wealth and money by saying it'll glorify God. It doesn't. Glorifying God glorifies God. Loving others, loving God, and making disciples is what glorifies God. Having a career, doing well in it, prov…
/r/RPChristians16/05/20 08:50 PM
1

Is this common? I thought prosperity gospel was just straight up unbiblical and a lie designed to get more tithing, but churchianity was something a bit different? I'm not really sure since the only church I've ever attended has been very solid biblically and have no idea nor experienced churchianity.
/r/RPChristians27/04/20 04:24 AM
1

I guess in my mind, love is very broad and you can never have too much love. Being a provider for your family, being attractive and taking care of your body for your wife and your children, having the right frame and godliness so people respect you and you therefore have the spiritual authority to minister to them and speak into their lives, all of these ways are demonstrations of your love. It's not very loving to your wife to live like a hippie and make no money, or very loving to your kids if…
/r/RPChristians24/04/20 06:27 AM
1

I agree, sometimes you need to speak the truth in love or correct others, or refuse some demand. But on the whole, we should strive for harmony and peace and servanthood when possible and appropriate.
/r/RPChristians23/04/20 07:49 PM
2

Yep, completely agree with you there that Jesus didn't die for me to wash people's cars. The moral maxim is to worship God and obey Him, which includes evangelism, mission, love, and service, among other things. Love and service without evangelism and mission would be completely misguided and make you no better than a secular charity.
/r/RPChristians23/04/20 12:42 AM
1

This explanation makes sense too. It's very reassuring to know that as long as I aim to be like Christ, pursue godliness and holiness, I'll become attractive to the kind of godly and righteous women I want to attract.
/r/RPChristians22/04/20 10:24 PM
2

This makes a lot of sense, and helps me contexualize why RPC is advocating for the things it does.
/r/RPChristians22/04/20 08:46 PM
2

Thanks for the illustration. This makes a lot more sense to me. From what you're saying, whatever your true intentions are, even if you don't intend for them to come out, they'll come out. Therefore, if you just focus on doing good and loving others and make only that your intention without worrying about how attractive/unattractive it is, paradoxically that will in itself become the most attractive thing you can do. Am I interpreting this correctly?
/r/RPChristians22/04/20 08:33 PM
1

Your comment makes a lot of logical sense. I 100% do not want anything to do with secular or promiscuous women, so if the secular RP advice is attracting those women, then that seems fine to ignore. The main thing I'm worried about is your comment about NAWALT/AWALT. Yes, the righteous Christian women that I want to attract and get married too will be much better at resisting temptation. But you want to swim with the tide rather than against, so as to make it easy as possible for them to resist …
/r/RPChristians22/04/20 08:16 PM
0

I totally agree with you there. I'm just wondering if that ends up coming up across poorly though. For example, the stereotypical Nice Guy would give gifts or listen to some girl vent in the hopes of getting something from her. But a Christian alpha, out of a desire to show love, would also do those same things. If girls have been trained either through culture or natural instinct to reject such niceties as a signal of spinelessness or a need for external validation, that's where I'm seeing the …
/r/RPChristians22/04/20 07:58 PM
1

Thanks for your thoughts. If things were completely up to me, I would not give gifts, or cook for others or help people move. I would instead be selfish and self-centered, sinning freely, because that's who I am at my core. It's unnatural for me to love because man is inherently sinful. Therefore, the reason I do those things is out of a desire to obey God, not because I like doing those things. Over time as I've continued to humble myself and obey God, I've gotten better at doing them, but it's…
/r/RPChristians22/04/20 07:54 PM
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