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CoachBob19 Archive

View 1 posts and 61 comments by CoachBob19 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
37

CoachBob19/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 12:47 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
2

The “Wisch Kit” for Divorce Healing: EXERCISE, POSITIVITY, GRIEVE, LET GO! Exercise like your life depends on it (increase serotonin and dopamine, reduce cortisol), write down positive statements (affirmations, scripture, quotes), let yourself grieve (let yourself feel and go through stages) AND start letting go of her, become self sufficient and not clinging to her (ignore everything she’s doing, see yourself through YOUR eyes)!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/21 03:23 PM
6

Truth, we’ve become a bunch of Betas and don’t know how to lead our wives, keep them safe and secure more than with just a paycheck, and be the stud she thought we were when we met.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/21 06:30 PM
1

You’re welcome
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 08:25 PM
2

My recommendation then is to get an understanding of her love language asap and start pouring into it every chance you get. Example: if it’s acts of service, start doing dishes, mopping floors, whatever it takes to have her realize the effort and than you for it. If it’s words of affirmation (like my wife) I give her cards and notes every few days telling her how I feel about her, how proud I am of her, how beautiful she is, etc. Make sense?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 06:22 PM
1

Are you wanting to save it or are you agreeing to divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 06:12 PM
1

Where is she living the other part time? When women bring the D word up they’ve usually been considering and planning for 2-3 years before taking action. Sounds like her plan B is already in play and she’s going to let you twist in the wind and take care of the home as long as you allow it or take bold actions to get her back.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/21 02:24 PM
1

I was not a Christian when I sinned via divorce and accepting Christ has gained me forgiveness of past sins. I won’t make that mistake again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/21 06:17 PM
1

I may not be doing it right but this is how I believe it to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’d die for my kids but she’s the one I am with and will need with every day I il my last.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/21 12:53 PM
1

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭22:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/116/pro.
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/21 12:49 PM
1

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25‬ ‭NLT‬‬ https://bible.com/bible/116/e
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/21 12:48 PM
1

Read the Bible, it’s all there
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/21 12:05 PM
4

Similar story here, high conflict divorces are not good for anyone. I do my best to show my kids how much I love them and have their backs but they are also fully capable of handling life so I’m doubly blessed. Praying for you and your family brother!
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/21 11:00 AM
-1

That’s not what God says, I’ll stick with His guidance, thanks
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/21 10:57 AM
-1

It’s hard but I realized my kids are not the most important relationship in my life. God and my wife (remarried) come first. They are older but it still applies. As long as you’re providing for them and guiding them to the best of your ability when you see them, the rest is just our ego longing for connection.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/21 10:06 AM
1

Awesome brother!! When a man gets it, we all win!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 02:28 PM
1

My situation wasn’t as bad as you described but had the same impacts. Thank God I was pointed towards people that could help me see the truths about myself!!
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 11:32 AM
3

Exercise, meditation, massages, setting boundaries, the list goes on…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 11:12 AM
2

Some of these I personally experienced and some I’ve heard from other men I mentor through the storms. I will pray for you that your mediation is fair and peaceful and you and your family are better off in this next chapter of your lives.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 10:21 AM
1

Awesomeness!! It definitely is!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 05:48 PM
3

EXERCISE, POSITIVITY, GRIEVE, LET GO! Exercise like your life depends on it (increase serotonin and dopamine, reduce cortisol), write down positive statements (affirmations, scripture, quotes), let yourself grieve (let yourself feel and go through stages) AND start letting go of her, become self sufficient and not clinging to her (ignore everything she’s doing, see yourself through YOUR eyes)!! These four things saved me from a downward spiral. Good luck to you and I’m praying for you 🙏
/r/Divorce_Men23/09/21 12:33 PM
1

Dm me, I’m a Divorce Healing mentor for men and have been through it myself
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/21 10:06 PM
2

Find the Men of Honor podcast and consume as much of it as you can specifically episodes with titles like “save your marriage”, “how to love your wife”, etc. There’s great stuff there you can use to quickly make changes in how you’re showing up and hopefully she changes her mind.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/21 09:29 PM
5

Divorce is FAR from fair brother, my suggestion is keep it as non-confrontational as possible and keep her as happy as possible til it’s done because if her claws come out you’ll pay dearly. My experience: 8 years of alimony at $1400/mo. I made 100% Mie than she did as a SAHM.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 07:03 PM
4

Well reasoned but it’s not up to the court, it’s up to what her and her attorney want to take from you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 06:29 PM
2

Agreements are agreements, do not negotiate your kids
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 10:05 PM
1

Has she made comments about what you haven’t done, or could do better? Do you understand her love language? Are you using it? Do you go on regular dates or are work and kid stuff getting in the way? Do you break commitments to her, kids, and yourself that she would see regularly? These are just a few of the areas to look at ASAP if you want to try to save it!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:20 PM
0

Has she made comments about what you haven’t done, or could do better? Do you understand her love language? Are you using it? Do you go on regular dates or are work and kid stuff getting in the way? Do you break commitments to her, kids, and yourself that she would see regularly? These are just a few of the areas to look at ASAP if you want to try to save it!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:19 PM
0

Has she made comments about what you haven’t done, or could do better? Do you understand her love language? Are you using it? Do you go on regular dates or are work and kid stuff getting in the way? Do you break commitments to her, kids, and yourself that she would see regularly? These are just a few of the areas to look at ASAP if you want to try to save it!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:18 PM
0

Has she made comments about what you haven’t done, or could do better? Do you understand her love language? Are you using it? Do you go on regular dates or are work and kid stuff getting in the way? Do you break commitments to her, kids, and yourself that she would see regularly? These are just a few of the areas to look at ASAP if you want to try to save it!
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/21 02:18 PM
4

Divorce sucks and the process is horrible and slanted seriously towards mothers but the freedom you get after the dust settles is wonderful!!
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/21 05:08 PM
3

Don’t communicate unless it’s about and doesn’t the benefit of the kids. Arguing and anger are you losing a battle! Disempowering!! Stay above it, just business!
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/21 03:41 PM
2

One of my personal principles is to be impeccable with my word. If I’m going to do something or be somewhere I do not let anything get in the way of following through. I’ve found this dedication greatly improves my life and relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/21 11:04 AM
1

Why did you miss it?
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/21 02:17 PM
2

Agreed!!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 08:44 PM
13

A lot to do with the actual asshats that do abuse women and kids and we all get classified as guilty because we’re men.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 07:55 PM
1

We can only love others as much as we love ourselves. I recommend a book called Love Yourself by Kamal Ravikant. It opened my eyes big time!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/21 04:32 PM
2

Love can also be amazing with the right person, don’t give up hope
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 06:42 PM
1

The good news is it won’t take you as long to recover then. My breakthrough was when I was able to write her a letter apologizing for my contributions to the failure of the marriage and forgiving her for hers. I have no idea if she got it or read it but it helped me immensely.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 06:35 PM
1

You leaving her or she leaving you?
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 06:26 PM
6

It gets better man, hang in there. Focus on being positive and doing what you can to stay active and the endorphins flowing to combat depression.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 06:24 PM
1

I fortunately met her quickly after the divorce but realized I had work to do on myself. We saw each other off and in for 5 years before I felt confident I was ready to remarry. Been almost 3 years now.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 09:55 AM
5

Did that!! Which is how I was able to find a great woman!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 10:27 PM
2

Absolutely!!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 06:30 PM
8

My SECOND wife would bring me one with a smile! It’s all in how you pick them!!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 06:25 PM
1

Yes I left after 19 years, 14 of which I was her roommate. My recommendation for forgetting the sister and motivating yourself is self care and self love. I found through deeper work on myself that I had a trauma in my youth that formed an identity that I was unloveable. This is what kept me tied to her and allowed me to compromise myself for her. This was a complete waste of 14 years. Finding your own inner love and fixing yourself is the first step to breaking free from the mental jail you pro…
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 12:06 PM
3

You don’t give any indication of your age but I can tell you aside from having two amazing kids I regret marrying my first wife. I felt like she just wanted kids and someone to provide and never supported me. My point in telling you this is I thought my life was over too 8 years ago. But I picked up the pieces, got healthy physically, started exercising to increase dopamine and serotonin which are key to fighting the depression, got connected with a couple men’s groups where I realized I wasn’t …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 01:02 AM
2

As Yoda says, there is no try, only do!
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 05:50 PM
1

My recommendation, DON’T engage!! Walk away if she starts. Old saying goes: never wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty and eventually you realize he likes it! Stay clean and stay away as much as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 02:10 PM
2

I have a man in my men’s group who struggles with the same issues with his wife. He dove seriously into living the book No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. He says he’s better able to deal with her issues now while he continues to resolve his own.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 12:48 PM
1

Aside from her anxiety, what are your marital problems? All you say is “lots of problems” but it depends if those things are fixable before you go down this road of being alone in a foreign country just to be near your daughter. My huge assumption is that whatever your issues are with her could be fixable through self improvement of how you react to or responded her anxiety disorder among other things. My recommendation is to find a professional to talk to and work on your self love and esteem, …
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/21 10:51 AM
1

Be careful on the Xanax and anti depression meds for too long though. They can take the wind out of your sexual sails if you jump into any other short term relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 04:48 PM
3

Start exercising ASAP! The dopamine and serotonin are necessities for you to feel good enough to function and start getting your legs back under you. Second, start focusing on positivity in your life, not all the negativity you mentioned in your OP. Dwelling in the negative will keep you stuck there. 3rd, allow yourself to grieve the death of the marriage just like losing your best friend or a family member. It sucks! It’s painful and hard so let yourself feel and cry or whatever way you manifes…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/21 04:46 PM
7

Felt this pain myself 8 years ago, still hurts to see another man have to endure this system stacked against us. Praying for you to find peace soon brother!
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 10:06 PM
3

Use Legal Shield, monthly subscription is way cheaper than paying attorney hundreds per hour or Ive heard of free internet sources for documents and such but never seen any.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 10:00 PM
-1

Sadly this is happening and he can’t get his life prioritized to be with his son. Sounds like he’s stuck in a guilt spiral and is blaming you for his unable to get his act straight. Many dads would kill to have time with their kids and then men like this one make all of us look bad to the courts.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 07:56 PM
1

That’s true, and in recommend connecting with someone who’s been there to help guide you, a trusted friend or a support group of some kind. I’ve found those invaluable!
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 06:45 PM
1

Kids need both parents to have the best chance for life success. Even though she’s how she is they need some contact with her an God willing you’re departure wakes her up to get help for herself.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 06:43 PM
3

What’s his intent, to get time with his son or something else?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 05:33 PM
1

I don’t understand why it matters if she’s paying or not? What bearing does it have on the outcomes of mediation? If his attorney is good it won’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 04:19 PM
3

What are you afraid of losing that is still important to you?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 04:15 PM
1

Your kids are important but so is your sanity and companionship. Great women don’t come along often and if you are 100% certain this is the one you owe it to yourself to do what is necessary without putting too much (notice I didn’t say none) stress on your kids. Bring that they are so young they will adapt as your relationship grows with your new woman. Just take it as slow as needed. I am concerned you said separated, not divorced so that could add complexity here also.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 02:15 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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