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Commercial_Border190 Archive

View 0 posts and 1,143 comments by Commercial_Border190 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

What’s the debate? This just reads like a diary entry
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/26 05:55 AM
1

I'm not sure what's going on with the 2011 data because those findings aren't replicated in the 2016/2017 or 2023/2024 data and I can't find the actual report for it. Based on the 2016/2017 data, when combining rape & "made to penetrate, about 2/3rds of victims are women & 1/3rd are men. They don't provide information about the number of perpetrators victims had, but 76.4% had only male perpetrators, 19% only female perpetrators, and 4.6% had a combination.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/26 08:46 PM
2

Where are you getting the idea that the CDC no longer collects data on being “made to penetrate?”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/26 11:38 PM
2

They choose who they date which narrows the pool of who will propose. They choose whether or not they want to marry the person proposing
/r/PurplePillDebate12/07/26 02:41 AM
5

The fact that he thinks women only enjoy sex with “the top 5%” of men is insane. Obviously more than 5% of men are married. Nothing the previous commenter said was contradictory
/r/PurplePillDebate11/07/26 01:10 AM
0

How often is it used in therapy? I’m not a therapist but I work in the mental health field and I have never heard a colleague mention patriarchy. I don’t doubt it ever happens but it seems like it would be rare and only brought up if it was relevant in the context of therapy. Or if the person is a really shitty therapist which unfortunately does happen
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:55 PM
2

It’s all a big nothing
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/26 02:05 AM
7

There’s clearly more issues in their marriage besides the single one discussed in this video. You have no idea how many or how serious the issues are that they’ve discussed in 2 years of counseling
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/26 07:04 PM
4

Actually I guess my question is more are they going on the dates to test if there’s a connection and don’t get there or they’re going into it knowing they aren’t actually interested?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 10:26 PM
4

How is it clear they’re just tolerating you?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/07/26 08:55 PM
0

How many women do you think are getting into relationships with men they aren’t attracted to?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 08:17 PM
1

That would make sense. Their assumption that that’s a common relationship dynamic isn’t though
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 08:08 PM
1

Agree they should be reciprocal. Don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone argue that someone should be interested in a loveless, sexless relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 07:58 PM
1

For a lot of men on this sub, yes. They talk about all those qualities like they’re just because women want to be “entertained.” As if it’s some negative aspect of women that we want to enjoy the time we’re spending with someone. Like that isn’t something all people look for in any type of relationship
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/26 04:44 PM
2

Ew wtf
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:29 AM
–

Yes, women should control their actions even if they’re on their period. I’m just as accommodating of my husband having a migraine as he is with me on my period. It’s not that complicated
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/26 03:26 AM
–

No idea who these people are but there are men who leave their wives in these same situations. Is that proof that no one really loves?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/26 01:59 AM
3

Some people suck
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 10:29 PM
2

I only see people agreeing that it was uncalled for for the person who was banned from a bar after just saying hi to a woman
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 10:01 PM
2

That’s not expert levels of decoding body language. It’s like body language 101. Body language is a major component of socialization so yeah you need to have some basic understanding of it in order to successfully interact with others. Obviously some people struggle with this more than others but they either need to work on learning the skill or accept that they shouldn’t be approaching strangers
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 09:41 PM
2

I read it as ( getting rejected) or (even ejected from the establishment itself only to be blamed by the women here.) Rather than getting rejected and being blamed. Are there examples of that in this post or are you referring to others?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 09:17 PM
2

Just because it’s more socially acceptable to approach people in bars doesn’t mean you’ll never get rejected
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 07:33 PM
3

The body language of someone sociable and open to engaging and vs someone in a bad mood or closed off to interacting is very different. If you want to approach people you need to understand that first.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 07:30 PM
–

I think a lot of women do, but people are usually on their best behavior in the dating stages. Then once they secure the relationship some people won’t put much effort into maintaining it
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 07:11 PM
0

I waited for an appointment time lol now I’m picturing her with a sign up sheet posted in the gym
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 03:58 PM
1

https://newcomb.tulane.edu/sites/default/files/MeToo%202024%20Report%20_1_0.pdf
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 03:48 PM
2

lol this absolutely happens. It’s like one of the top places women are harassed
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 03:32 PM
4

Body language
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/26 03:31 PM
6

How does abstaining from premarital sex reduce the likelihood of domestic violence?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 09:11 PM
2

None of those show that women rape as much as or more than men. Except in the context of staff working in jails/prisons. And that is absolutely an issue that needs to be addressed, but it’s not evidence of overall rates.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 06:12 PM
1

Can you link those studies?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/26 04:16 PM
3

What’s he doing that makes it obvious that being friends isn’t an option? If someone says “I only see you as a friend” continues to treat that person like a friend their actions are matching their words
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:43 PM
3

It is possible to get over your feelings for someone
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:39 PM
8

Plenty of people are perfectly fine with staying friends and letting the feelings fade. It’s up to the person with the crush to determine if they’re capable of that or not. If they say they want to stay friends but don’t actually want to, they’re the ones doing the deceiving
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:23 PM
21

I think you would have to define “stringing him along” because it’s different from staying friends with someone you’ve told you aren’t interested in. A lot of people seem to act like it’s the same thing
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/26 06:09 PM
1

They don’t break it down that far by type. I don’t imagine oral rape would be rare though
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 10:02 PM
1

Hm yeah that’s probably what I would’ve guessed too. The one study I linked does have 80% for verbal sexual harassment and 60% for physical sexual harassment (groping, stalking). For rape, it could be that people are only thinking of vaginal/anal penetration with a penis. But it also includes oral penetration and penetration with fingers
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/26 05:52 PM
1

The data is based on a nationally representative US sample. For the women I know closely the rate is higher ETA: what sounds realistic to you?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 05:39 AM
2

https://www.cdc.gov/nisvs/documentation/nisvsReportonSexualViolence.pdf
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 02:40 AM
2

And many experts share the data because it’s reputable. The criticisms you’ve shared so far either aren’t even referring to things reported on or are nonsensical. The definition is listed clearly in the very beginning of the report. It’s not a broad sexual assault definition. They use the term rape and it refers to forced penetration. Surely you can't believe that the figure refers to 1/2 women experiencing penetrative rape at least once in their lifetime. No, that would be the 1 in 4 number. Of…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 02:22 AM
6

lol so many comments here with completely unsupported claims while saying that women like to ignore stats because of emotional biases
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 01:06 AM
2

The CDC data with the 1 in 4 stat doesn’t go too much into socioeconomic factors. The do break things down by racial groups and that ranges from a low of 1 in 6 for Asian/Pacific Islander women to a high of 2 in 5 American Indian/Alaska Native and non-Hispanic multiracial women. I have seen studies that do look a bit more into income, education, urban vs rural areas and the rates don’t vary much between the groups. It’s like 1 in 4 vs 1 in 6.. Also, the 1/4 is usually presented a lifetime thing,…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/26 12:46 AM
7

I don’t see why breastfeeding would be different? That’s still time spent that’s taking a significant toll on your body. I’m not even arguing who’s “giving up more.” Just that the women who have been in both situations are the only ones who would be able to judge
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 10:59 PM
8

I was assuming the other comment was including pregnancy and breastfeeding as part of the demands being greater for women
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 10:06 PM
12

A lot of women don’t register theirs either because it’s often so normalized. I’ve definitely had experiences that took me years to conceptualize. The surveys also don’t ask “have you been sexually assaulted.” They ask things like “has someone grabbed your ass without your permission.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 10:03 PM
5

Can you point to what aspect makes it untrue or is misconstrued? I’ve read the reports
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 08:39 PM
6

Well since women experience both they would be the ones able to make the comparison
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 08:34 PM
7

Here’s some data that breaks it down https://newcomb.tulane.edu/sites/default/files/MeToo%202024%20Report%20_1_0.pdf
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 08:31 PM
3

Can you provide any data to support that?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 07:54 PM
3

And the statistics show that 1 in 4-5 women will be victims of rape. Not to mention other forms of sexual assault and harassment. Or non-sexual physical violence
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 07:53 PM
3

Women are using them on a broader area though so it might even out
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 07:46 PM
4

Some do. And it’s wrong when they do But that doesn’t mean that the risk of victimization is overblown
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 07:30 PM
4

Reports often use terms differently. I have another comment on this thread with two different reports that give the definitions and find that 1 and 4 or 1 in 5 women are victims of rape. They don’t include other forms of sexual assault in those numbers. For the 18-24yo stat it could be that rape is 4x more likely to occur in that age group compared to others
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 07:25 PM
12

It’s not. But I’m open if you have data where it is https://www.cdc.gov/nisvs/documentation/nisvsReportonSexualViolence.pdf https://newcomb.tulane.edu/sites/default/files/MeToo%202024%20Report%20_1_0.pdf
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 06:24 PM
4

Except you haven’t shared any accurate information about the probability to support your view that it’s exaggerated
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:31 PM
19

No, if you count thinks like groping the number is much higher
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:16 PM
4

It’s not about the odds that any one man is a rapists. It’s the odds of a woman being raped at some point in her life that’s concerning
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 05:04 PM
7

You are more likely by far to get in the car accident then almost anything else. Women are more likely to experience contact sexual violence. It’s 7 million female victims a year per the CDC
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 04:52 PM
10

The fact that a minority of men are perpetrators doesn’t negate the high victimization rate of women. The second part is what creates the discomfort
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:50 PM
–

Source?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:20 PM
64

Male violence statistics are real but significantly overstated relative to actual encounter risk. Can you expand on this? As for the data on your video game playing - the raw numbers don’t really mean anything if the person’s complaint is that they want to spend more time with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:18 PM
10

It’s a subset of both men and women who are going after people that create drama and make the relationship an emotional roller coaster. If you don’t realize that maybe you’re overlooking a lot of good women
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 12:47 PM
2

Not sure why hobbies wouldn’t be “consumerist” but clothes and personal care are.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 12:21 PM
2

I guess it would depend on how you’re defining “consumerist things.” I’d say that’d be more along the lines of entertainment which isn’t mentioned here. Plus how is “personal care” defined? Do tampons fall under that? And hair care products are obviously going to cost more for women
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 06:36 AM
6

That link doesn’t say what you’re claiming
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 04:26 AM
–

Hm yeah it’s tough because if you can’t read cues most others are able to it can definitely make the woman uncomfortable. Regardless of intentions. It might be something that you need help with from a therapist and/or family and friends. Some signs are looking/turning away from you and only giving short responses/not asking questions back
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 03:45 AM
–

socially stunted men will be creepy to them even if that man tries to be as respectful as possible. Can you give an example? Because usually awkward isn’t viewed as creepy unless awareness of boundaries is lacking.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/26 02:56 AM
2

This is basically every relationship I know. Minus the men being fashionable
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 06:11 PM
2

Yeah sorry I was being sarcastic. Have seen too many posts where some guys act like that
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 04:34 PM
3

Like playdoh
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 04:21 PM
2

Are you basing this on action movies or something?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 04:11 PM
3

I thought guys were just putty to be molded around the first woman who’s interested in him
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 04:09 PM
–

If you’re asked to pick you’re going to pick something. Doesn’t really mean you care.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 02:17 AM
–

They have to have room for you to hold them ETA: plus that’s only looking at insertable toys. Why would non insertable toys be popular if penetration was so important
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:57 AM
–

That’s a ridiculously small sample size. Also, you ask why there would be a penis size preferred? They had to pick one for the study. That doesn’t mean it’s a major factor. If you studied men’s preferred boob size you’d get something similar. Doesn’t mean they’d be unhappy with anything else
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/26 01:48 AM
2

Yeah it’s not uncommon
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 07:04 PM
3

Honestly I just find the dating stuff fascinating. I like learning about things I don’t and won’t have experience with And gender politics extends beyond dating so idk what being married has to do with that
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 06:48 PM
7

To the extent that you’re asking for in this post? Doesn’t sound like it
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:47 PM
14

Women are around men who are their boyfriends/husbands, friends, coworkers, neighbors, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 01:10 PM
16

Why is that better? It’s clearly frustrating you.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 01:03 PM
7

You want women who act like porn stars. That is not the average woman
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 01:01 PM
1

Plenty of women ask men out
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 05:23 AM
12

“Average women need to change. But I should just get to be average.”
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:53 AM
7

Well sex has a much more difficult consequence for women. So there’s going to be a biological deterrent to women constantly risking pregnancy. Especially with some random dude off the street who is going to be less involved in caring for that baby. If at all
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:33 AM
19

Why not change your sexuality?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:12 AM
9

So you also don’t want the average woman
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:11 AM
37

Male sexuality is not the default
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:07 AM
27

So you haven’t been ignored. You’re just upset that you’re not getting attention from the people you want
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:05 AM
17

You can’t just force yourself to be attracted to someone
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:02 AM
27

Most men I see in public are ignoring everyone too and just going about their business
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/26 04:00 AM
9

Women don’t owe men sex =/= women don’t owe anyone anything
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 09:34 PM
1

Haha it took me back to my college days of using 14pt periods to reach the page count
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 09:24 PM
23

The mental health field is majority women (both employed and volunteered) working on addressing a range of issues that affect everyone. Some of which disproportionately affect men
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:59 PM
1

Is there a word limit for posts? I would just be happy that it makes my partner happy. Otherwise don’t really care. But this will vary a lot person to person. Same as for men
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:20 PM
1

I never seen men asked those questions either. Close friends will talk to each other if someone’s making a bad decision. They might also talk through if they’re having trouble choosing between people. Why would I need someone to account to me for their relationship choices? I also don’t expect others to defend their reasoning for the financial, health, family, etc. choices they make
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 07:16 PM
1

Anybody can criticize anything. You keep telling people to think for themselves but your comments have just been basic common sense. You’re not as deep as you think you are
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 06:00 PM
1

You’re arguing that women should donate their time and bodies to other people
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 05:47 PM
1

There being a group consensus doesn’t mean that people lack independent thought. Multiple people can come to the same conclusion all on their own. It’s not fair that some people need kidney transplants. But you can’t force someone to donate parts of their body. What accountability are you looking for?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 05:26 PM
2

Women have understood that since at least high school. I don’t know how you could think we don’t. Women complain about having to sift through the men who emotionally manipulate to find the men who are emotionally mature and genuine
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:59 PM
2

Women are perfectly aware that attractive fairness doesn’t exist. That’s just common sense. That doesn’t mean we should distribute our bodies amongst all the man who want them. We’re human beings, not community property
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:54 PM
1

Agree that social dominance plays a role in attraction for some women. Think I misread your comment because I was only talking about social dominance not really being a factor in shit talking with friends
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:44 PM
-2

Someone not viewing you as a romantic prospect doesn’t mean they think you’re bad. I have plenty of male friends I love but have zero romantic connection with. I feel like if you think you could be compatible with 95% of the opposite sex then you don’t have much of a personality. Otherwise you’re just going to build resentment overtime as you realize how incompatible you are. Humans are complex. Why would anybody be compatible with a majority of people?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 01:19 AM
6

I would just notice that there’s another person walking by and then keep going about my day
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 01:08 AM
3

And where is the disconnect coming from where you think women are so drastically different to men? Everything you’ve said about men throughout this thread is standard human thoughts, feelings, and behavior. You’re gendering nostalgia ffs
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:36 AM
0

I really don’t think it’s a dominance or status thing. It’s just people being attracted to others with a similar sense of humor to their own. Women who shit talk with their friends will be drawn more to men who do the same. The man also has to be able to handle being on the receiving end of it
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:31 AM
3

You’ve already admitted you don’t interact or have relationships with women. So you’re basing your understanding of women on…?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:16 AM
3

No. They’ll be picturing the person and the build up to the kiss. Doubt many people give much thought to the setting at all How do you think men would answer that same question?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/26 12:11 AM
3

How many examples do you need people to give you? Try doing some brainstorming on your own
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:41 PM
2

Maybe groupies and puckbunnies. But they’re as representative of women as professional athletes are of men. Mine was at home. Pretty sure most, if not all, people I know just have a simple story
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 10:25 PM
3

First kiss. Falling asleep on the phone. Countless inside jokes. Hanging out with a group of people and we meet eyes across the room and share a smile. Lazy mornings in bed. Movie/tv marathons. Leaving random notes for each other around the house
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:44 PM
7

Do women not value things like…emotional connection and bonding? Is that the question here? I’m married to my high school sweetheart. I’ve had options. I’ve never cared about them. Most high school relationships end because people grow apart or they just weren’t a good fit long-term
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 06:26 PM
1

Responsive desire is specifically about sex. Most women will still be attracted to men who don’t reciprocate
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:56 AM
3

Discontinue the lithium
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:35 AM
3

Really? Because you’re complaining that women have stopped “working” toward their “duty” of providing babies and apparently that’s major crisis. You honestly don’t think anything would happen from losing the majority of nurses, teachers, secretaries, and caretakers?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 09:07 AM
-1

The claim is that your dating chances will be poorer if you are a miserable misogynist. Not that every person who has difficulty dating is a misogynist. You’re conflating two separate things
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 08:36 AM
5

What are you basing that on?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 08:08 AM
7

What do you mean by reporting? Official police reports - most women don’t report this way either. But we have data that is reported in anonymous national surveys
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 08:06 AM
3

Maybe to police but we also have data from anonymous self-report surveys
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 08:03 AM
7

There is data for men. CDC has a ton of it
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 08:02 AM
0

That is the case is many states. They’re typically the more liberal states with larger populations of feminists
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/26 07:53 AM
1

Maybe because the fact that physical attraction is a requirement for a relationship seems so obvious it doesn’t register as necessary to even say
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 07:48 PM
3

What are you currently doing to help?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/06/26 07:00 PM
1

I understood that. My point was that people whip out the phrase when it’s not warranted at all. It’s a case by case basis whether the statement is appropriate/necessary. There are also ways to address the overgeneralizations while still acknowledging whatever the initial issue is. That’s often missing in “not all men” responses
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 03:07 AM
1

I would still want to be married to my husband because I know he wouldn’t narc on me in slow periods. If he did I would sign the papers ASAP
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 02:15 AM
1

It’s still not a crime in all 50 states
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/26 02:06 AM
1

Women argue they will be taken less seriously as a result women take issue that it reduces them to purely their biological sex Not all women. Seriously though it’s pretty obvious you don’t literally mean all women here. Same with statements like “kids are loud” or “women carry purses.” Almost every time I’ve seen “not all men” it has just been to detract from the topic
/r/PurplePillDebate04/06/26 04:50 PM
1

The majority of violence comes from acquaintances (friends, neighbors, colleagues, etc)
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 07:50 PM
3

So like beards?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/06/26 07:22 PM
0

I’m failing to understand why this being a meta-analysis is an issue? What assumptions? They analyzed the data. “More research is needed…” is the most standard phrase included in every study
/r/PurplePillDebate01/06/26 06:26 PM
2

Yeah the generalizing is an issue especially with the fact that people like to pick and choose which generalizations accurate based on what matches their opinion. Your claim was that women want attention from attraction men (which sure some do) but it also implied that that’s the main/only reason a woman would post an “immodest” picture
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 08:00 AM
1

Me posting a picture in a bikini is the same as my dad posting a picture of me in a bikini and the same as a guy posting a picture of himself in swim trunks. Everyone is just living their life. Why is it that it’s only questioned when it’s an attractive woman posting her own picture?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 07:23 AM
1

lol I was the “and guest” to my husband’s high school friend’s wedding even though we were together before they were. Some people just think it’s easier to go with tradition. But yeah it’s definitely a common thing
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 06:34 AM
1

Why is men’s perspective more valid than that of the women who are actually on the receiving end?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 06:18 AM
1

No, SWAT is on the way
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:49 AM
2

Is every woman who has a different opinion dishonest?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:48 AM
3

Be for real. A woman can only speak for all of us when she agrees with a man’s opinion. Anything else she says is a lie
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 05:46 AM
5

Do what? Date? They do
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 04:43 AM
2

I honestly don't think I've ever been explicitly sexualized when I've been in a bikini or anything similar ie, “sexual interest clothes”
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:58 AM
7

Pretty frequently if you’re 8-23yo
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:53 AM
1

I’m not sure how my previous comment doesn’t answer that question
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:47 AM
7

Except everyone has different opinions. What’s modest? What’s regular? What’s extra?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:44 AM
2

For the same reason a guy hanging out on the beach with his friends is just living his life
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 03:24 AM
2

So then the question becomes why does she enjoy putting pics of herself in bikinis on Instagram. Not the person you asked and I can’t directly answer your question, but this reminds me of a time in high school when my dad posted a beach picture of me and my sisters on Facebook. My immediate response was “why the fuck would you post that?” It’s extremely weird when you realize that a man can post this picture without a second thought because all he sees is his daughters. Yet it’s second nature fo…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 02:59 AM
3

Totally valid. And although we wouldn’t work romantically I’m still able to see you as a human being!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 02:38 AM
5

Maybe rare for the average guy. But you’re failing to factor in the non-insignificant number of degenerates who are very active in their sexualization and often set their sights on easy targets (ex. children and girls/women who are modestly dressed and don’t exude the confidence that often accompanies dressing a bit less modestly). You’re thinking about how clothing affects the likelihood of sexualization based on your perspective. And not considering how that may differ from the women who are o…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 02:07 AM
4

And 0% possibility that clothing doesn’t actually affect the harassment girls/women face?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 01:51 AM
9

Right, because with a specific body type/level of attractiveness your body with be sexualized no matter what you do. There really is no way to get around it. Girls with large boobs have been dress coded just wearing turtlenecks simply for the fact that they can’t just take their boobs off
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 01:50 AM
5

How do you reconcile that with the fact that 99% of the sexual interest I’ve had forced on me is when I’ve dressed in regular, modest clothes? I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been explicitly sexualized when I’ve been in a bikini or anything similar *and this is not an experience unique to me
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 01:44 AM
9

I can tell you with 100% certainty with my lived experience with this that I have received significantly more sexualized comments on my body when I’m in a tshirt and jeans vs when I’ve been in a bikini or short dress
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 01:37 AM
6

Many men take action when girls are wearing clothes from the kids section. Notice how many pictures of just an attractive woman’s face are immediately sexualized online. Women are going to be sexualized regardless. So we choose to wear whatever we’re comfortable and happy in
/r/PurplePillDebate30/05/26 01:24 AM
1

It’s pretty inevitable that you’ll make somebody uncomfortable at some point in social interactions. But that’s definitely not the case for making others feel threatened or scared. If those are likely outcomes of you approaching people then you need to practice with a therapist and possibly family/friends before you’re ready to actually interact with people.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/05/26 04:08 AM
–

I do this. Gotta catch ‘em all
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 05:28 PM
–

That’s why I said some. And some men still struggle with reading the obvious signs. Or choose to ignore them
/r/PurplePillDebate28/05/26 01:12 AM
–

Do you have NT friends/family who could help you practice? You don’t have to be an expert at it but depending on how much of a struggle it is it can definitely make things uncomfortable
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 10:54 PM
–

Can you read a soft no? Unfortunately a lot of women have been trained out of being direct in ending a conversation. They may only engage out of politeness. Body language is important here but also noticing if she’s only giving one word responses, not asking questions back, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 08:59 PM
–

Something that’s always glossed over in these conversations is body language. The women online who are saying “don’t approach me” likely also have body language in person saying the same thing. Some people give off obvious signals they’re not open to socializing (headphones in, avoiding eye contact, closed off/turned away body language, etc.) and you really don’t need to be a mind reader to realize you shouldn’t approach them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 08:34 PM
1

In my experience the neutral/good encounters stick out in our minds more because of how rare they are. You’re right that most men probably aren’t the bad ones. But it can still be true that most women’s experiences are with the bad ones. They’re the ones who are perpetually single, most frequently approach women, and don’t read the room before approaching. Guys with better social skills who can gauge that a woman isn’t interested in socializing won’t approach as often so women have fewer experie…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 06:24 PM
2

How could you really like her if you know nothing about her?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 05:55 PM
3

Probably not. A lot of guys just don’t care as long as they get to shoot their shot
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 05:41 PM
2

They’re probably complaining about not being approached in more social settings. Not the grocery store/the middle of the street
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/26 05:23 PM
2

Nah it’s pretty simple. Like I’m sure if you were trying to make friends you wouldn’t stop some random guy on the street and immediately say “hey, can I get your number?” That’s the kind of thing women are annoyed and complaining about
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 03:15 AM
3

And I don’t think most women would have an issue with that (assuming they’re not wearing headphones or have other body language showing they’re closed off to socializing). They’d likely say thanks to the compliment and go back to what they were doing. If it’s somewhere with mutual friends people are more open to socializing and you can see how the conversation goes
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 01:11 AM
1

Idk can you?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 12:13 AM
3

Most women prefer average. There’s a reason there’s a special term for women who do prefer big dicks (size queen) that isn’t applicable to most women
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 12:10 AM
2

Most women don’t like sex to be painful, no
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/26 12:06 AM
2

The question was how would men initiate conversation with other men they don’t know
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 03:58 PM
1

That wasn’t the question
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 02:36 PM
11

You’re kind of proving my point though. Bad sex for women isn’t simply meh. It’s often uncomfortable or painful. And frequently won’t result in an orgasm for her. Not to mention the potential for pregnancy which disproportionately affects her. Sex isn’t cheap for women because it’s readily available. The risk/reward ratio is significantly different for men vs women.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/26 01:08 AM
1

Is it really difficult to understand why some people would be uncomfortable at being asked out by someone who pays you to watch their kid?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 11:16 PM
1

lol so men’s lived experiences are justified but women aren’t allowed to complain about their lived experiences of harassment without getting blamed?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 11:04 PM
2

How would you approach a man in public? Would you walk up to one who’s minding his own business and just say “you look cool. Let’s hang out.” No. That’s weird. If you wouldn’t approach a man a certain way you shouldn’t approach women that way either. If you’re at a park and see a guy in a band t-shirt it’s not weird to say something like “hey, cool shirt. Have you seen them in concert?” And then either continue or disengage based on their reaction. It’s the same with women
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 10:56 PM
3

It’s also funny that the evo psych people claim men and women are just so naturally different from each other…except for when it comes to sex. The one area with the most extreme biological differences
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:53 PM
1

Idk I mostly hear women complaining about too much attention from men
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 07:13 PM
12

Sure women have much easier access to sex, but not good sex. Men don’t seem to realize that for women no sex is better than bad sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 05:41 PM
1

I can agree with the sentiment. I definitely empathize with people feeling dejected because of a lack of interest. The original phrasing that people are being “treated like second class by women” came across like women being at fault for the lack of attraction. But it’s understandable that someone could feel less than in those circumstances
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 05:30 PM
4

Yeah it sucks to not have people romantically/sexually interested in you. But someone not being attracted to you isn’t the same as treating you like a second class citizen
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/26 05:04 PM
1

Still not seeing where she said that?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 02:30 PM
–

Why does it need to be casual to get these experiences?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/05/26 01:29 AM
5

Forced breeding in exchange for an “egalitarian” society? This doesn’t compute
/r/PurplePillDebate14/05/26 02:32 PM
1

You enforce the boundary by actually ending the relationship
/r/PurplePillDebate28/03/26 01:39 AM
1

Excuses for what? You haven’t even given any examples of behaviors women should be feeling bad and apologizing for beyond vague “judgment” they may have
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 11:12 PM
1

I’m not talking about women approaching men. I’m talking about men approaching men they don’t know for casual conversations. Men will also judge other men for this. There is no way to do this that guarantees a positive interaction I don’t think you really get how many negative experiences women/girls have with men approaching them inappropriately. Their guards are up from that so yeah occasionally somebody might get misjudged. And that sucks. I wouldn’t say it’s a high portion of the time though…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 10:14 PM
1

I don’t think other people’s cliquishness is your problem? I obviously have no idea about what’s happening at these events. My thinking was that if your friends were also having the same issues it may be more about those places not being the right fit (assuming you have similar personalities) rather than a social skills issue
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 09:18 PM
1

A lot of nuance gets lost on the internet. The people saying not to approach most often are also giving off signals in person that they want to be left alone (headphones, closed off body language, not really looking at anyone). It’s also the responsibility of the person initiating conversation to judge the other person’s receptiveness. A lot of this is getting overblown as a man/woman thing when it applies to all people. Is it normal to strike up a conversation with a man just walking down the s…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 08:58 PM
1

If your friends are having the same problems then maybe it’s more about a mismatch between the type of event and your personality. Maybe there are some geared more toward introverts? Or something activity based Honestly, kind of a crappy response from your therapist. They should know that socialization during a therapy session is very different from…social socialization. But it sounds like they’re just kind of shutting down the conversation
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 04:10 PM
-1

That’s pretty much already the case though (yeah exceptions exist because some people are just assholes). Just because someone’s approach isn’t inappropriate though doesn’t guarantee the other person won’t be bothered by it. That’s just an inevitable part of human interaction
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 03:47 PM
1

Probably wouldn’t be such an issue if more men made small talk with women with no intention of dating
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 03:10 PM
1

You know you like the way she looks. There’s a difference. There’s nothing wrong with finding someone physically attractive and wanting to get to know them better. But thinking you like someone you don’t even know is really superficial. Like “liking” a guy because of his paycheck
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 03:05 PM
2

Maybe you could take a friend with you to those events. Have you tried group therapy focused on social skills? (Genuine suggestion, not trying to be judgy)
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 02:55 PM
0

Acknowledging this wouldn’t mean people don’t still behave like individuals. It’s the same with striking up conversations with men you don’t know. Some will enjoy it, some will think it’s weird, and some will be really annoyed
/r/PurplePillDebate18/12/25 02:38 PM
1

Here’s some stats - specifically pg 11. “Physically aggressive sexual assault” like groping is 59% for women and 21% for men. Higher than most people probably expect. This report doesn’t look at the sex of the perpetrators though
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/25 05:32 PM
5

The best is a combination of quality time, acts of service, and physical. I don’t really care about gifts I don’t think your acts of service examples really fit though. Unless you’re talking about taking on an extra chore to help them out? Other examples would be making their coffee, grabbing what they need from another room so they don’t have to get up, draw them a bath, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/25 08:05 PM
1

But we haven’t done nothing. We have social guidelines in numerous places. There’s tons of posts on Reddit discussing them, there’s social skills books/articles/etc., there’s professionals who can help people navigate ambiguity. At some point, you reach the limit of what can be done
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 04:14 PM
-1

Where’s the black and white thinking? He’s pointing out that even with stated guidelines there will always be some social ambiguity. Which is why what OP is asking for isn’t possible
/r/PurplePillDebate13/10/25 12:33 AM
2

Whoa women don’t all act the same?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 08:38 PM
–

By being shitty partners and acting entitled to their wives bodies. Shockingly women aren’t very interested in having sex with those men There’s obviously tons of different reasons, but that’s the most common one I see
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 06:59 PM
3

They go about in pity for themselves
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 08:39 AM
–

Sure pretty privilege exists. But generally men aren’t labeled creeps just because they’re unattractive. They’re creeps because they’re overly sexual, ignore personal space, and don’t take no for an answer
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 07:57 AM
4

And the assumption of me approaching men is based on…? What part of what you said did I not listen to? You can’t generalize your personal experience to all men. Jesus Christ, the reading comprehension on this sub
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 07:47 AM
–

For the same reason men complain about being betabuxxed. No one’s even giving advice here. If you have to lie to get women to sleep with you that sounds like a personal problem 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 07:25 AM
–

Women losing attraction to men for crying is very environment dependent. It may be the norm some places but it’s absolutely not universal
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 06:41 AM
–

Eh I really don’t think it’s that uncommon. Women not wanting casual doesn’t justify men lying about their intentions. And it’s completely understandable for women to be upset that men are only interested in them for sex. Same way most men would be upset about women only being interested in his wallet
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 06:32 AM
–

I mean you could say the same thing about gold diggers. As long as you’re honest and upfront about it that’s all you can do. No matter what you do some people are gonna have a problem with it
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 05:46 AM
–

Can you give an example? Pretty sure sex is a normal topic of conversation in dating
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 05:42 AM
–

Wanting sex isn’t problematic. Expressing a desire for it really depends on how they go about it
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 05:21 AM
–

Women want sex too. The problem isn’t men wanting sex. It’s the way some men act about their desires for sex I have never seen women claiming that men are disgusting perverts just for liking sex. Maybe in super religious cults that shame sexuality
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 05:19 AM
2

Haha thank you - you too!
/r/PurplePillDebate11/10/25 12:37 AM
2

I never said they were the same thing. I was responding to two separate statements you made I think we can at least agree we’re just talking around each other and leave it at that though lol
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 09:30 PM
7

lol bottoms
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 08:35 PM
2

My argument is that it’s a weird leap to view people as poor just because they can’t blow $200 a week on therapy they don’t truly need. And that it’s shallow to only want to date people wealthier than you. That’s a pretty popular opinion. I’m not really sure what’s so confusing
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 03:33 PM
1

How does that work with a bell curve? I think someone just threw a shitty graph together to use as “evidence” for people who wouldn’t question it. Lol like seriously - 1 in 5 women would be satisfied with a dick the size of my forearm?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 11:55 AM
4

A lot of people do yeah. But fair enough. People shouldn’t be going into debt for a ring they can’t afford
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 11:50 AM
2

I never said anything about whether someone is “good.” Who someone is as a person = personality, values, etc. I also never said that’s the only thing people screen for.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 11:41 AM
2

Not sure how saying a partner doesn’t need to have higher wealth translates to not having any requirements? Obviously people want to date the gender(s) they’re attracted to. And most people will prefer not being in a long distance relationship. Ideology is also part of who you are so that’s already covered in my previous comment
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 02:21 AM
2

Because that’s a terrible indicator of who someone is as a person? Plus judging someone as poor just because they don’t want to spend $200 an hour on therapy for things they could work on themselves is stupid (assuming the person doesn’t need therapy vs just could benefit from it which applies to pretty much everyone)
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 02:05 AM
5

Reading your edit I really don’t think you should be trying to date right now. Focus on yourself
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 01:47 AM
2

Better for trashy people who care about that sure
/r/PurplePillDebate10/10/25 01:43 AM
3

Why not just buy a single $1250 ring?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 09:45 PM
5

Yeah lol I actually work in the mental health field and agree most people could benefit from therapy. Unfortunately it’s expensive and therapists are in very short supply
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 09:37 PM
7

Struggling to articulate it, but ruling out men who don’t need therapy seems bizarre. I also can’t even understand the reasoning for it. If it’s because they want someone focused on self-improvement, why does that have to be in the form of therapy? It’d be different if they said they didn’t want to date men who are anti-therapy
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 08:33 PM
11

I think a woman specifically looking for a man who is in therapy is a red flag
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 07:15 PM
7

I appreciate how seriously you’re taking this. Unfortunately it is super common and most of the time absolutely nothing happens to these men
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 06:39 PM
2

These are just more examples of men claiming what women like
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 06:19 PM
1

Loll no way are 80% of women wanting 8 inches. How accurate are they at guessing measurements anyway
/r/PurplePillDebate09/10/25 06:11 PM
–

Or some women like muscles and others don’t
/r/PurplePillDebate02/10/25 02:29 PM
2

Yeah it’s like reframing the narrative. Girls grow up in a world that constantly sexualizes their bodies without consent. This fantasy mimics how female sexuality is already often portrayed, but it puts the reins back in their hands
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/25 04:58 PM
4

She didn’t want to get involved because of fears about kidnapping and somehow the guy steamrolling her stated boundaries would assuage that fear?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/25 04:43 PM
1

So why not direct your question towards the men who act like that? You seem to already understand why women don’t give that attention since you yourself don’t either
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/25 02:44 AM
19

Most men don’t sympathize with women having baggage from other men either. Have you seriously not seen all the hate here towards single moms or women in abusive relationships?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/25 02:39 AM
1

You might need to reread the comments then
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/25 01:18 AM
3

I’ve seen guys break stuff just so no else can use them…
/r/PurplePillDebate01/10/25 01:13 AM
2

Are these men actually more knowledgeable or do they just lack theory of mind? People have different fashion tastes. Wearing something because you like it isn’t a non answer
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 09:24 PM
2

I’m already capable of understanding my thought processes all on my own. Yeah there are sometimes subconscious reasons people behave certain ways. And those can be uncovered. But people are generally able to determine for themselves whether an explanation fits or not. You can’t claim your own reasoning as fact for someone else. Acting like women completely lack awareness of their motivations that men are just magically more knowledgeable about is ridiculous.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 08:37 PM
4

Not all women are feminists. And some women do dress for attention. Others don’t. Women don’t all think and act the same
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 08:11 PM
3

Thank god women have men to explain our own thoughts, feelings, and motivations to us!
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 07:24 PM
1

I mean the person making the claims about the poor methodology should be the one providing the link, but here you go. I haven’t seen a press release, but the CDC’s website has the made to penetrate stats immediately following the rape stats for male and female victims. Nothing is hidden. It’s all extremely transparent
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 05:14 PM
1

I have read their methodology report. And the questions they ask are nothing like the example you gave. Yes, they use different terminology for rape vs. made to penetrate, but sex without consent = sexual violence for both men and women. You still haven’t explained what part of their report is supposedly misleading
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 04:36 PM
1

Yeah the laws vary all over the place and should be addressed. This discussion is about survey data though which isn’t based on legal definitions. You’re claiming the data is misleading but haven’t provided any evidence for it
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 03:53 PM
1

Yeah that would be misleading. I’ve never seen a survey collect data that way though
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 02:33 PM
1

What about the data is misleading
/r/PurplePillDebate30/09/25 02:05 PM
1

Yeah that was obvious
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 06:41 PM
–

You act like it’s weird to sympathize with people going through similar things as you. I felt a ton of pressure about my body from men and media growing up. So I also sympathize with the young men and women dealing with it now Not all women are the ones who body shamed you. Or who body shame men at all
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 05:48 PM
1

Going slightly off topic, but someone not wanting to date you is not the same as saying you aren’t “good enough.” You simply aren’t a match. It has nothing to do with your worth
/r/PurplePillDebate29/09/25 01:45 PM
6

I think people tend to be very black and white and overlook a ton of nuance. Like I would defend someone’s right to shove or hit back to defend themselves, but jumping straight to a punch seems like excessive force (at least generally speaking, I haven’t seen the video)
/r/PurplePillDebate26/09/25 05:24 PM
2

I don’t disagree with that but I think that’s also true for men. Emotional abuse is harder to detect and prove
/r/PurplePillDebate25/09/25 02:37 PM
1

I don’t think we’re having the same discussion
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 09:44 PM
–

Physicians recommend Tylenol. This tweet just sounds like a really poorly worded attempt to cover their asses. Even if there actually was good evidence against using Tylenol while pregnant, the way this is stated is so unprofessional and uninformative
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 08:24 PM
1

Except more than 20% of men have sex and relationships. Who said the majority of men were shitty and useless? All I’m talking about is what makes sex bad and why women would choose not having sex over having bad sex
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 08:09 PM
2

Yeah and those women usually also come from abusive upbringings, have low self-esteem, etc. so those red flags just seem like standard behavior to them
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 07:59 PM
2

Experience isn’t really a good indicator of whether it will be bad or not. Women trying to teach/guide a man also doesn’t necessarily mean it will be good. Plenty of men won’t listen to the guidance women give, or they try halfheartedly, or they’re just physically incompatible How is something that is uncomfortable/painful and results in zero pleasure better than nothing?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 07:50 PM
2

Plus even if they do want a relationship, most aren’t willing to start one with just whoever happens to come along
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 07:37 PM
3

I think the biggest misunderstanding comes from the fact that bad sex as a woman is wildly different from bad sex as a man. Men are imagining bad sex from their own point of view without factoring in the physical differences that impact women’s point of view. Many women do teach men what they like and if the men listen then they’re not having bad sex so that’s kind of a different topic
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 07:28 PM
5

Your initial comment called it a privilege to say no sex is better than bad sex. So I guess I’m not really following your train of thought. If you’re taking attraction and enjoyment out of the equation what difference does the other person’s gender make?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 07:01 PM
1

So women’s privilege is having the ability to prostitute ourselves? Men can do that too. There will always be someone willing to buy your body
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 05:47 PM
6

Bad sex as a woman is uncomfortable, painful, and results in zero pleasure. What exactly is the incentive?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/25 05:04 PM
2

Yeah there’s people who are shit at their jobs in every profession. If that’s all someone is getting from their therapist then yeah they shouldn’t keep seeing them
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/25 05:30 PM
2

I do agree that schools already have so much on their plates. But evidenced-based SEL programs have also been shown to increase academic achievement, decrease disruptive behavior, etc. and so it saves time and effort in the long run There’s also simple ways to integrate it in small ways throughout the day. Morning announcements, books read in class, highlighting leadership skills in social studies, having more intentional discussions about how to interact with each other beyond the general rules…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/25 05:27 PM
2

I do think it can be covered by insurance as a part of behavioral health. But it’s definitely variable and I don’t know too much about it Social emotional learning programs in schools are also a great option but unfortunately there’s a ton of pushback against it and huge budget cuts to school mental health
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/25 01:11 AM
8

It’s not specific to dating, but there are therapists who do Social Skills Training
/r/PurplePillDebate23/09/25 12:09 AM
0

So learn to mask
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/25 05:44 PM
0

I think part of that middle ground includes guys who are offputting due to invading women’s personal space, being oblivious to her signs of disinterest and continuing to push the conversation, and not understanding inappropriateness about where/when/how to approach. And I do agree it’s rough, and they’ve been failed by not being taught to develop that social awareness when they’re younger. But I also don’t think it’s fair for young women to have to be subjected to these interactions constantly. …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/25 05:22 PM
–

Can you link to examples?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/09/25 04:44 PM
0

Yeah I agree that expecting men to be hypersexual is a big issue. But there’s a lot of black and white thinking going on here. Just sticking with approaching, there’s an option between never talking to women at all and approaching every woman you find attractive and immediately asking for her number. You can have casual conversations with women in social contexts and potentially ask her out if it seems like you’re hitting it off. You may still get rejected but that doesn’t necessarily make it cr…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 07:37 PM
0

I’m not saying that doesn’t happen too. And I know some abusive women will call their partner gay if he isn’t in the mood for sex. But I think it varies widely by context. If guy hasn’t shown any interest at all in women some people will be wondering about his sexuality. But that’s also different from a guy not making overly sexualized comments about women’s bodies with his friends. Someone always choosing to hang out with their guy friends over their partner isn’t “not showing interest in a mac…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 06:50 PM
4

Where are men being mocked for not making unsolicited comments about women's bodies? From the dudes whose actions women are complaining about
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 06:23 PM
0

Yeah that’s a small percentage but it’s still a hell of a lot of people
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 02:54 PM
1

Yeah but those men will continue to have issues with how things are being tackled as long as they don’t get involved and work towards alternatives or simple modifications to what already exists. Can you elaborate on what you mean about the degree to which it would help or harm them?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 04:18 AM
1

Yes? But I wouldn’t consider telling your friends about some rando groping you at a bar to be any of those things
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 03:56 AM
2

lolll wut. I mean a guess you’re technically correct that a lot of men seem to think that’s how it should work
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 03:28 AM
1

Most women don’t do anything except talk to their friends about it
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/25 03:08 AM
1

Then why are the majority of people working and volunteering to promote mental health and suicide prevention women? If men cared, more of them would get involved too
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/25 10:49 PM
1

Recently? I usually see it recommended on AskFeminists. Someone mentioned issues years ago, but I haven’t noticed anything recently
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/25 10:28 PM
7

Social emotional learning programs in schools are good for this. Not very feasible with all the budget cuts in the US though
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/25 10:23 PM
2

Whats the initiative? Mental health, suicide prevention, restorative justice practices, and similar have already been a focus in Maryland schools. But it seems like a lot of people don’t count something as benefitting men unless it’s specifically labeled as “for men”
/r/PurplePillDebate15/09/25 10:12 PM
–

I think part of the issue is that a lot of times when men do talk about it it’s to move the conversation away from discussion of women and/or is dismissive of female victims. I would love to see more posts of men sharing experiences and the unique issues they face. Or posts that are gender neutral & encourage all victims to speak up
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 06:00 PM
1

You say not to read too much into it but then are also using it as an example of how men are poorly socialized. Maybe tell them not to read too much into it
/r/PurplePillDebate06/09/25 03:56 AM
1

So if he shares his feelings with her, she doesn’t reciprocate, he says he wants to stay friends and continues engaging in friendly behavior, she’s at fault for continuing to be friends with him? The person choosing to pretend to be someone’s friend has no agency or responsibility?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/09/25 02:47 AM
–

Maybe he's a mechanic and she'd like to get her car fixed for free. Maybe he has connections and she'd like to get backstage at the concert. This is something a lot of friends do. Including same-sex friendships. So where is she supposed to draw the line in understanding whether he’s doing something for her out of friendship vs he’s giving her “extraordinary benefits” out of romantic interest?
/r/PurplePillDebate01/09/25 06:43 PM
1

I’ve realized that men and women on this sub seem to have very different definitions of cold approaches. When I hear cold approach I think of 99.9% of my experiences with random men approaching me who immediately commented on my appearance/expressed “interest” without knowing a single thing about me. Yeah it’s also a bummer when you meet someone who seems like might actually be interested in friendship with you, but in my experience it’s infinitely better than the standard experience
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/25 07:54 AM
3

The majority of sexual harassment occurs in places like public transit, stores, walking home from school. As someone who has never been clubbing but can’t even count the amount of sexual attention I’ve received starting in early elementary school please don’t comment on things you have no idea about ETA: yes, we know most men don’t do this. That does not negate the fact that most women have multiple experiences with men like this. Both can be true at the same time
/r/PurplePillDebate31/08/25 07:26 AM
9

How
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 01:06 PM
16

I don't think it's that men are better at it, but that women are more susceptible to it. Many women are raised to give people the benefit of the doubt and always take care of others' needs before their own. Plus there's a lot of societal messaging that normalizes negative behaviors with things like "boys will be boys" or "girls are just more mature."
/r/PurplePillDebate13/08/25 12:54 PM
1

Maybe online?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 07:08 PM
1

Unfortunately yeah autism does make dating harder. Have you tried looking into any resources related to that?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 06:50 PM
–

Yeah I agree with that. That's not how it's being used in the OP or by the other user replying to me though
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 03:36 PM
–

I have only heard it used when referring to personality. Like he's not very friendly but once you get to know him he's a good person
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 03:18 PM
–

Yeah I'm aware of the phrase. It's not something anyone would want to hear their partner describe them as
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 02:56 PM
–

Who does that? I have only ever seen the complete opposite
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 02:55 PM
–

Well calling someone you would be interested in dating "rough around the edges" is pretty rude. Sounds like you're just settling for someone you aren't even attracted to because you can't get what you actually want
/r/PurplePillDebate12/08/25 02:20 PM
1

How does that work though with so many men viewing approaching as a numbers game? There's really not much incentive for a woman to go on a date with a random guy she knows absolutely nothing about. Maybe the rejection rates would improve if more men who cold approached actually took the time to make some small talk with the woman to see how they get along rather than jumping straight to asking her out
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/25 06:07 PM
2

Yeah that sounds like a really mediocre therapists. Unfortunately there's a real scarcity of providers and qualifications and areas of expertise are widely variable. I always recommend people read through the "about me" sections of multiple therapists' websites. It can help give you an idea of their personality and approach to therapy
/r/PurplePillDebate11/08/25 06:00 PM
–

Men think they can easily identify this just because they spot cases that are obvious to most people. Most often they're just assuming the relationship is caring or not but they don't actually have the private information to truly know that. Many times they're completely blindsided to find out a friend isn't as great as they thought he was
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 10:58 PM
–

It's not that it's hard for women to find a relationship. It's finding relationship with someone who actually cares about you that's hard Men could easily get into relationships too if they just find someone who only wants to mooch off them
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 10:22 PM
–

Me while thinking about one small task
/r/PurplePillDebate10/08/25 08:54 PM
2

Probably. I've called it out the times I've seen it. Again, a lot is dependent on context and how they say it
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 07:14 PM
2

I'm not disagreeing with that at all. I'm only pointing out an additional factor. Someone who's upfront about only wanting casual sex is similar to someone who's upfront about wanting a provider or someone to fund their lifestyle. Someone who lies and says they're looking for a committed relationship is similar to someone who lies and says they want an equal relationship
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 03:21 PM
0

I think it's more nuanced than that. It generally doesn't take that long to develop attraction but that doesn't mean a woman is going to act on it right away. A lot of other factors come into play What are you claiming is active vs passive sexual attraction?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 03:02 PM
8

I think it's understandable to feel insecure and a little frustrated when comparing yourself to top tier people. But once that turns to ranting and raving about an entire gender because more attractive people have more people interested in them it's just so ridiculous. You mean men would choose a one night stand with Scarlett Johansson rather than me if given the option? No way!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:54 PM
0

Most women don't see what they're doing with attractive men as "casual sex". Of course not. That's because most women aren't having sex outside of committed relationships
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:38 PM
2

Weird that they don't link to the actual study. I remember one that had similarly high rates but a huge percentage of them was someone hooking up with their ex which I wouldn't really count as the same. They also included a lot of cases of coercion which should be separately addressed
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:30 PM
2

It definitely can be. You have to sift through a lot of shit first though
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:21 PM
2

I agree with your second point to an extent. But if your only real interest in the other person is sex eventually that "love" is going to fade. And of course you're not going to survive a lot of life's difficulties if you just get along okay. If that's all people look for it's no wonder the divorce rate is so high
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 02:08 PM
4

Yes, absolutely. I think it's much harder to be empathic though when people overgeneralize and exaggerate. I feel for the men who struggle meeting new people and feel like dating apps that clearly suck are their only option. When they start ranting about how all women really just want gigachads or start mind reading that women with average guys are settling I lose all patience
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 01:57 PM
1

I think it's a bit different with people lying more when they're using someone for sex. When someone uses someone for money it seems like they're much more up front about it
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 01:42 PM
17

I'm not reading it that way at all. It's saying the women who do use men for their money are similar to the men who use women for sex. It seems like he's trying to explain a common complaint from women in a way that's more relatable to men to help them understand
/r/PurplePillDebate07/08/25 01:38 PM
2

Because thinking someone looks good isn't the same thing as wanting to sleep with them. Not all 50% will want to so it will be some number less than that
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 04:24 PM
3

Of course. The point is though that even if 50% of women agree a man is physically attractive, it's still going to be a minority who want to actually sleep with him. There are so many other factors that come into play so why focus on that single thing
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 04:19 PM
8

Men have been approaching totally unknown women for basically as long as the internet has existed. Even in chat rooms with no pictures. They definitely did it on Myspace all the time in 2004
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 01:11 PM
1

If that were the case more women would be thirsting over male models/celebrities. Yet tons of women still have no interest in casual sex with someone just because they look good
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 12:57 PM
2

Plenty of women don't engage in casual sex and aren't just "jumping on Chad's dick." This is not reflective of the average woman at all. She didn't specifically mention STDs (which yes women are more susceptible to). There's also pregnancy, vaginal tearing, getting pushed into uncomfortable positions, the risk of getting choked, slapped, etc without consent.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 04:00 AM
2

How does that contradict what I said? Which men are found attractive is going to vary from woman to woman. With more "objectively attractive" people having more people interested in them and and vice versa
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 03:52 AM
-1

Don't listen to that other bullshit. You don't need to be attractive to the majority of women for your partner to find you attractive
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 02:48 AM
8

I mean there are famous men a lot of women generally agree are attractive (no idea what percentage to guess at). That doesn't mean they have any interest in actually sleeping with them though
/r/PurplePillDebate06/08/25 02:43 AM
3

They're generally two different groups of women though. At that point it just sounds like being upset that your partner isn't something she's not. You either have to accept her as she is or decide not to settle
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 11:48 PM
3

Yeah there's a small group of men who some women are willing to have sex with based purely on physical appearance. But that doesn't make it true of most women. And the biggest disconnect here is that my comments were about getting turned on. Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you're immediately in the mood for sex right then and there
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 11:40 PM
1

Yeah there's a small group of men who some women are willing to have sex with based purely on physical appearance. But that doesn't make it true of most women. And the biggest disconnect here is that my comments were about getting turned on. Just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean you're immediately in the mood for sex right then and there
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 11:40 PM
1

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you yet! I really don't mean this to sound dismissive, but that's kind of just how dating is. Sometimes you have to weed through people who aren't a great fit before you find someone who is
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 11:30 PM
3

No it doesn't. Physical attraction is not enough for most women to get turned on by sight. And they're definitely not getting turned on by guys they aren't physically attracted to
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 10:47 PM
3

Weaponized incompetence
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 10:37 PM
3

Compliments, looking forward to talking/seeing them, physical affection
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 10:24 PM
1

Omg absolutely not. Sexual desire sure, but not overall attraction
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 10:13 PM
1

Yeah that's just standard relationship stuff, not "Chad treatment." Women want the same thing
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 09:55 PM
1

It's totally fine to want someone whose views of sex align with your own. The issue is really with the men who have double standards about it. Plus the terms "body count" and "used up" are just gross ways to refer to people
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 05:32 PM
2

The women chasing after NBA players and abusive celebrities are not representative of the average woman at all. Assuming that's what all real female desire looks like is severely skewed
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 05:24 PM
0

I have never seen a woman say bad sex is better than no sex. That is very much a male POV
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 05:18 PM
1

No one's talking about that though. Women complain about losing attraction for partners who is consistently not pulling their weight. Not after a single random instance
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 05:12 PM
1

Do not use the * if you're not willing to post the definitions the study used, it's cheap. Why do I need to post the definitions in my comment when they're readily available in the linked report? The interview questions can also be found on the CDC website. They specify alcohol/drug-facilitated rape as occuring when you were "too drunk, high, drugged, or passed out" to consent to sex. Coercion isn't included in the rape statistics I gave so I don't really see how it's relevant to argue about. Wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 04:19 PM
16

I don't think you can limit it to who has casual sex. You have to expand it to include anyone who wants casual sex
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 02:22 PM
6

Yeah it seems like a lot of guys wish their partner would get turned on just from looking at them. And I can understand why it makes them feel insecure that their partner doesn't. But it just doesn't work that way for most women
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 02:05 PM
1

I'm assuming that's based on police reports? Like 95% of rapes are never reported. According to the CDC 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7* men experience it in their lifetime. *when combining rape & "made to penetrate"
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 12:32 PM
1

I think it's less projection and more people being influenced by the "men always want sex narrative." Possibly with morning wood the assumption is that they were having a sexy dream I do agree that consent should be taught to everyone
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 02:17 AM
3

Rape isn't rare
/r/PurplePillDebate05/08/25 01:52 AM
17

Women don't just sit around cuddling and talking about their feelings. Both men and women do shared activities with friends. Both also just sit around talking with friends
/r/PurplePillDebate04/08/25 07:55 PM
13

I agree for the most part but also think it's a bit more pronounced for generalizations of women. A lot have very limited exposure to different women (even within media) so the stereotypes seem to be a bit more pervasive and ingrained
/r/PurplePillDebate02/08/25 02:44 AM
2

Yeah I just don't think stereotypes are a good reflection of reality. And people really limit themselves if they're overly reliant on them
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 12:56 PM
1

Idk my experience has been the opposite. The most empathic people have all had really rough upbringings
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 12:33 PM
1

I mean maybe with athletes but even then it's an overgeneralization. I've never noticed any pattern
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 12:27 PM
1

Sorry the wording was messed up in my previous comment. I was just trying to point out that the other commenter is only saying that those women aren't very representative of women as a whole. In the same way child sex offenders aren't representative of men as a whole. It doesn't make sense to use that as a gotcha of an entire gender
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 04:15 AM
0

Who said they weren't "true women?" They're not representative of the average woman but that doesn't make them not women. Just like with men, there's a wide variety of women
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 03:19 AM
1

Meaningful
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 03:12 AM
1

Glad you're rethinking. This is always where my mind goes when guys shit on women for missing red flags and not "choosing better." It's human nature to get suckered in by people with certain personalities. They obviously don't need to be Chads
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 03:09 AM
1

It can be just pictures or more of just like working on autopilot. Idk I do both I think. I'll either ruminate
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 02:59 AM
5

That still just sounds like high school stereotyping
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 02:19 AM
–

I'm not very familiar with modern forms of psychoanalysis but I will concede that CBT overemphasizes the present at the expense of trying to understand underlying schemas developed from previous experiences
/r/PurplePillDebate31/07/25 12:52 AM
–

Yeah but common sense that a lot of people have trouble with when in the depths of mental illness. Yeah a lot of people don't need it and that's great for them. But it's still beneficial for others
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 10:48 PM
1

Yeah reading my last comment back it does sound like I was taking it literally. I was probably distracted when I responded I just meant to point out that you are generalizing some men's experiences to the majority of men despite all the anecdotes from men who have never had these experiences. And also acting like it's an extremely rare occurrence for women despite them sharing otherwise. The point being there is zero evidence that one gender is disproportionately effected. We just know that peop…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 10:40 PM
1

You're saying it happens 99% of the time. I'd say that's a fairly universal claim to make. There is no evidence that one gender disproportionately reacts negatively to the other's vulnerability unless you only choose to listen to the anecdotes that fit that narrative and dismiss any that don't
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 09:25 PM
7

I'd say most people in general lack empathy. Some of the most empathic people I know have all those other traits too. And vice versa
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 08:56 PM
16

I'm not aware of any correlation between height/energy/lack of anxiety and empathy. This just seems like you met a couple guys like that and decided to generalize all of them
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 08:11 PM
1

And everyone I know has had the opposite experience. Or no issues with being vulnerable on either side. None of this is universal. People all act differently
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 08:05 PM
7

God a sim whose only traits are good and loyal would be so boring. The pets have more personality than that
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 07:54 PM
0

The toxic part is when you bottle up your emotions and they end up spilling over into everyday life. If you don't want to be emotionally vulnerable with your partner then just find a woman who doesn't want that either
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 06:27 PM
1

I'm not talking about emotional outburts either. Many men will also be dismissive of or criticize their partner for crying. And some will leave or cheat if the woman is depressed. Individuals of each gender act in myriad ways. I would imagine local culture/norms and upbringing heavily influence whether a woman will have a negative reaction to a partner crying. I don't know a single couple where the man has never cried with his partner
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 06:01 PM
1

Some guys definitely leave women for being too emotional or "dramatic." Or sometimes the woman will leave after never getting any support (and these men are usually so surprised it seemingly came out of nowhere). Or they stay in the relationship and the woman keeps suppressing her feelings. It may sometimes be expressed differently between the genders but it all still boils down to lack of respect for the other's vulnerability.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 04:56 PM
1

Romance is a broad category. Most of them have less sex than a typical HBO show. Many don't even have sex
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 02:46 PM
0

Sorry you had those experiences. What kind of body language was it?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 01:35 PM
1

Most women also have negative experiences being vulnerable with partners. It's not a gendered thing. It's a human thing
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 01:31 PM
2

I think there's so many different reasons people struggle with dating and people frequently talk in generalizations and default to the reasons they see most frequently (guys not putting in bare minimum effort). Particularly in online discourse it's difficult to have more nuanced conversations when everyone is coming from vastly different backgrounds and experiences and doesn't have as much information about their audience. I'm sorry you've been struggling! I'd try not too take some things too pe…
/r/PurplePillDebate30/07/25 01:11 AM
–

why would women be complaining about how they don't want attention they weren't getting in the first place?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 07:06 PM
1

I'm wondering if its more about different views of socialization (on average) between neurotypical and neurodivergent people rather than between men vs women
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 05:24 PM
1

Wouldn't that be the same thing as reacting to the visual stimulus of another person's body?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 05:01 PM
–

Wow that is so inappropriate. Report her
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 02:53 PM
1

I find progressive muscle relaxation helpful. You can find scripts online
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 02:06 PM
1

If you're close enough with them, ask them for some feedback. Maybe see if there's any singles events in your area
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 02:04 PM
2

Oftentimes it's no one's fault. Some people just have a smaller pool of matches so it takes more effort to find someone you mesh with
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 02:01 PM
2

I mean women already know and have been saying this. It ties in with confidence and self-assuredness
/r/PurplePillDebate29/07/25 01:56 PM
2

Is your knowledge of women purely based on 80s blockbusters?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 02:59 PM
1

Don't most men play videogames? Most women don't care. The issue is when a guy plays for 10+ hours a day and ignores other responsibilities or is basically checked out from the relationship
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 03:47 AM
2

Working moms exist
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 03:40 AM
1

Physical books are definitely better overall. I usually have a physical, ebook, and audiobook that I'll switch between depending on the setting
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 02:58 AM
2

I watched a couple under the hashtag and people are always calling them fake which is odd to me cause they're pretty representative of how things usually go
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 01:34 AM
1

Yeah but that's also part of why everyone's so miserable
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 01:02 AM
1

I read a lot. I enjoy it so it benefits the quality of my life. I also feel like it's beneficial for understanding different perspectives
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 12:51 AM
1

Oh yeah there are still definitely shitty therapists unfortunately. But a lot of that also gets weeded out after undergrad
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 12:47 AM
–

Psychology majors cover a wide range of people. Some of whom just want a generic degree. The people who go on to actually work in the field spend years in graduate studies and going into debt. It's not that they don't want solutions, but mental health is complex and there is no easy answer
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 09:00 PM
–

Therapists don't tell people things. The purpose would be to work through the shame with the therapist. Challenging the thoughts of shame that person has about something that wasn't their fault. Practicing coping with negative emotions in healthy ways
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 06:27 PM
2

Wow second one was an asshole
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 01:42 PM
–

This is like 90% of the cold approaches women experience
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 01:29 PM
2

That's actually not what I said at all. People can learn about and empathize with other people's perspective and experience. It just becomes more difficult through brief snippits of text where people think they're talking about the same thing but in reality aren't
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 11:27 AM
2

I've always empathized with the fact that it's difficult and uncomfortable for a lot of men. But there's also a lot of men who think the only reason to talk to women is because they're interested in her physically. I think these types of conversations are particularly hard to have online because with only a few sentences to go off of, people read things differently based on their own personal experiences. A lot of women are coming from a background of men only being interested in how they look. …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 02:22 AM
-2

No one's claiming it guarantees results. But is meeting new and interesting people really "getting nowhere"
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 01:06 AM
2

no one with a sane mind approaches hundreds of random women. I agree. Unfortunately there are men like this and they're the ones women have the most contact with. I think "cold approach" covers a range of different behaviors and most women's experiences are with the negative options (immediately sexual, trying to engage when she's obviously not interested, etc). So, based on differing experiences, it seems like men and women tend to have different pictures in their head when thinking of cold app…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 01:03 AM
1

Or men heard women sharing about all the instances of harassment they've faced and rather than rather than having sympathy for how common this is for women, some men decided to take it personally and take it to the extreme of "any interaction with a woman is harassment" which no women ever claimed
/r/PurplePillDebate24/07/25 12:43 AM
1

Yeah my mind kind of went right to it causing a scene (probably cause in the picture the guy looks like he might tweak out on you). But it could also just be the date saying "excuse me, we were here first" and the guy rolls his eyes and walks away
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 09:49 PM
6

I don't think someones sensitivity to criticism is necessarily related to their willingness to accept it. Being sensitive to criticism could also motivate someone to improve. Someone who's less sensitive to it could also just have a "your opinion doesn't matter" attitude
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 09:30 PM
1

It would depend on my mood. Most of the time I feel like it's just not worth it. On the positive side now you have a couple extra seconds to talk with your date lol
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 09:05 PM
2

Yep. The ability to not escalate a situation is a good skill to have
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 08:33 PM
1

That's not a gendered thing though. Thats almost always the case when comparing romantic relationships to same sex friendships
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 08:20 PM
4

Data says that lesbians are most likely to have experienced domestic violence. It doesn't indicate that it is more likely to occur in lesbian relationships though. Many people have been in straight relationships before coming out
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 08:17 PM
5

Lol I was thinking the opposite. Women and girls are criticized constantly. And a lot of times it's "just a joke." But the more you hear the same types of negative comments the lower your tolerance for them becomes ETA: The majority of women have been verbally and sexually harassed and it often starts around puberty. I'm not sure where this fantasy world of sheltered women is. Hallmark channel?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 08:10 PM
1

And you also see how those same women act when they're dating "average" men to be able to make the comparison?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 07:24 PM
1

What percentage of women do you think are settling for men they aren't attracted to?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 06:51 PM
2

I think the level of caution most women have is often misinterpreted. I very rarely (maybe once) see women talking about being in actual constant fear around all men. And usually women are responding that she should go to therapy to work on that trauma. For most women I think it's kind of like a frequent background noise of heightened awareness. Often subconscious. Similar to how a lot of cops/military members choose to sit facing the door when they're out.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 05:51 PM
1

Whether something is harassment is entirely dependent on what's said and how you approach. Women not wanting to be asked out while they're running errands doesn't mean they're calling it harassment. It just means it's annoying. Most people in general don't like other people stopping them for conversation while they're grocery shopping
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 05:29 PM
1

Yeah but you don't think having multiple previous negative experiences affect how cautious women are when faced with strange men? I don't think most men are like this, yet maybe 8/9 out of 10 times I've been approached by a man I didn't know they've been inappropriate. Not always to the level of harassment, sometimes it's just being overly familiar or trying to keep pushing conversation when I've tried to disengage
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 05:20 PM
2

So do you feel empathy for the women in your major who more likely than not have had these experiences? Although there's more societal messaging about supporting female victims of sexual violence, it doesn't usually work out that way in practice. Most female victims receive similar treatment if they share about their experiences (although the way it's phrased in generally different. The overwhelming majority of victims regardless of gender don't make police reports.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 05:11 PM
2

Ugh I'm sorry for your experience. Yeah I get how it's difficult to wrap your head around if you've never experienced it, but that's no excuse for not listening when women tell you about it. The constant dismissal as exaggerating or "oh that doesn't actually happen here" is infuriating. Had one guy on this sub convinced I was lying about my experiences just because he's never personally witnessed a grown man catcall a child.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 05:04 PM
1

What is an example of something ridiculous you think women generally consider harassment?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 04:55 PM
2

Here's a report Personally it's happened a couple dozen times starting in childhood. Usually on the street or at school. I don't think I know a single woman who's never been sexually harassed or assaulted.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 04:42 PM
–

Two men's issues I see brought up a lot are suicide and homelessness. When I look around at the people working and volunteering to address those issues I see 95% women. At what point are men going to provide the same level of support to men's issues that many women are already giving?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 04:29 PM
–

And what about the women who see hatred of their gender 24/7, have actual experiences being preyed upon, and then are often dismissed when they have a chance to bring awareness to the topic? Yet it is still an extremely fringe (yet vocal) minority of women who actually hate men as a whole
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 04:18 PM
–

I agree that there are problems with the legal definitions of rape. There are also states where it's not considered rape to have nonconsensual sex with your spouse while they're sleeping
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 04:11 PM
2

Most women haven't been brainwashed into supporting it. Most women have experienced some form of sexual violence. Often multiple instances
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 03:59 PM
2

I think a lot of it has to do with size/strength discrepancies. And yeah physically violent reactions are pretty rare, but men shouting insults, groping, or just getting too close in your space is not uncommon. And especially if you've already had previous negative experiences you're going to be a bit more cautious in the future
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 03:45 PM
0

I remember women complaining about harassment. I have never seen a woman say that any and all approaches from a stranger are harassment She's definitely not underselling the consequences. 99% of the time there are none
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 02:40 PM
1

I think a lot of men heard women speaking up about all the harassment they've faced and rather than going "damn, I didn't realize this was such a common occurance for them" they made it about themselves and interpreted in the extreme of "now you can't even have a conversation with a woman"
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 02:28 PM
1

He said often and some. That's not a blanket statement.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 02:12 PM
2

I gave an example multiple comments ago. You're at a bar at talk to a woman about the band playing, make casual conversation, and if she seems to be enjoying it ask for her number. That's not harassment. If she's giving one-word brush-off responses and has closed off body language but you keep trying to engage her in conversation, then it's creepy and uncomfortable
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 01:27 PM
2

A person running errands or trying to get from point A to point B is not in a social environment. And regardless of where, if you approach a stranger it shouldn't be with comments on their body.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 11:54 AM
1

Yeah hiding your interest and being friends for months/years is disingenuous. Within the first few weeks is essentially what OP is advocating for. I agree it's better to do it early but it has nothing to do with her "attraction fizzling out"
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 11:45 AM
–

Some things are bestsellers just because people are curious about what everyone seems to be talking about. Doesn't mean most people actually liked the book
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 03:13 AM
0

Social skills and reading cues would prevent a man from starting a conversation with a woman in an elevator by asking her to his hotel room for coffee in the middle of the night
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 02:33 AM
-1

Women's attraction doesn't "fizzle out" just because she thinks a guy isn't interested. If she says no when you're friends she most likely also would've said no if you asked right away
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 02:20 AM
2

Yeah that's another article saying not to comment on women's bodies when they're walking down the street. Unless you think that's the only way to interact with women, it is not saying that all approaches are sexual harassment
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 02:13 AM
–

Even if she was underweight he shouldn't be nagging her about her eating habits. Especially in front of people. What a dick
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 01:35 AM
2

Articles like the one you shared that basically just says not to comments on strangers' bodies? That's completely different from saying any conversation with a woman you don't know is automatically harassment
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 01:29 AM
–

Thanks, I'll read through and reply when I have a chance. Can you send where you got the 4% of NIMH's budget in the meantime?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 01:11 AM
2

The thing is though that I've never seen women actually make this claim. I've only ever seen men confuse the two
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 01:05 AM
2

Sure, it may not be wanted and if you'd rather not do it that's fine. But equating all approaches no matter the context with harassment just dilutes the very real issue of sexual harassment that women have been speaking out about
/r/PurplePillDebate23/07/25 12:52 AM
2

There's a big difference between approaching women with "sup sexy" vs. striking up conversation about the band playing or w/e
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 11:28 PM
1

I think there's 3 groups of people who cold approach (in order of most to least common based on my experience): sexual harassers/creepy men; socially awkward guys who can't read the situation; guys who approach respectfully, make casual conversation, and can handle rejection gracefully
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 11:05 PM
1

I think there's 3 groups of people who cold approach (in order of most to least common based on my experience): sexual harassers/creepy men; socially awkward guys who can't read the situation; guys who approach respectfully, make casual conversation, and can handle rejection gracefully
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 10:24 PM
1

I think there's 3 groups of people who cold approach (in order of most to least common): sexual harassers/creepy men; socially awkward guys who can't read the situation; guys who approach respectfully, make casual conversation, and can handle rejection gracefully
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 09:48 PM
2

How often is that actually happening though? Just because someone is average looking doesn't mean someone isn't passionate about them
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 09:00 PM
1

What treatment? If a woman does something at 19 that she doesn't do with her husband at 30 it must be because she's less attracted to her husband? It couldn't be that she grew up and is no longer interested in it, that she tried it and didn't like it, or any other reasons that have literally nothing to do with the men? Women do make personal choices for their own reasons that have nothing to do with anyone else
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 08:55 PM
2

And you also can't claim it as fact that I'm lying just because you don't personally agree for whatever reason
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 08:43 PM
3

I actually didn't understand that you meant that. That's why I pointed out the distinction. The words aren't always interchangeable which is where I think a lot of this confusion about women "lying" comes from. I'm honestly not even sure what people are confused about at this point lol
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 08:41 PM
3

If by "denial" you mean understanding my own thoughts and feelings better than some random dude on the internet then yeah sure
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 08:30 PM
2

I don't understand what you mean. Most people don't view being in a relationship with someone they're attracted to as settling just because their partner isn't a model
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 08:23 PM
3

It's kind of funny how much black & white thinking there is from the men on this sub except for anything that women view as more binary. The belief that attraction is the defining difference in women's choice to engage in different sex acts is so bizarre. It removes all agency from women and places their choices solely in relation to men
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 08:20 PM
2

There's more to attraction than physical appearance though. If you're attracted to someone, you find them good looking. But just because you think someone looks good doesn't mean you feel any attraction to them
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 07:59 PM
1

Women don't deny this though. They do things with men they're attracted to that they don't do with men they aren't attracted to. That's essentially the entire difference between platonic and romantic relationships
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 07:42 PM
1

Yeah that is an unfortunate possibility and there is no way to completely eliminate risks. You kind of have to find a balance between getting aquainted with someone and letting your interest be known early on
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 07:29 PM
16

I agree. I have just never actually seen that happen. What I have seen though is men claiming women aren't attracted to average partners just because the person making the judgement doesn't find the guy attractive
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 06:59 PM
38

That is already what most women do. And they get blamed for the loneliness epidemic, falling birthrates, not giving good guys a chance. Either way, people are going to find reasons to complain
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 06:51 PM
1

Reading some of the comments here and one of the other recent threads, I think a lot of men and women aren't really on the same page about what constitutes a cold/warm approach. For a lot of women there's a huge overlap between cold approaching and harassment or at the very least some level of creepiness (being overly familiar, pushing the conversation) because that's how we've experienced it 99% of the time
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 06:09 PM
–

What are you basing 4 on? Suicide is a top priority and one of the most heavily funded topics of NIMH. There are multiple campaigns specific to men's mental health issues. The only ones I'm aware of that are more targeted to women are for eating disorders.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 05:41 PM
2

It very often does. That is some of the creepiness women are referring to. You may not do this, but many women have had multiple experiences with men doing this or immediately commenting on their bodies
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 05:26 PM
1

I've seen a lot of men hear saying that, but I really don't think it works that way for the most part. If she's "friendzoning" you after getting to know you, it's generally not that she lost attraction over time, but that she was never interested to begin with.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/07/25 05:16 PM
15

Women are a bit turned off by being treated like glory holes
/r/PurplePillDebate20/07/25 03:42 AM
2

Thank you!!
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 03:07 PM
1

Here's the comment which also links to a couple other comments. It's mostly free resources like videos from therapists, tip sheets, and apps.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 03:06 PM
1

I'll share my personal experiences. Sorry I kinda need to trauma dump right now but hopefully it helps out things in perspective for anyone reading. I started getting sexual attention from my classmates in 2nd/3rd grade. Being humped by a group of them multiple times at recess and an attempt to grab my pussy (fun fact: it was around the same time that one of them gave me my first Pokemon card). Developed early so received frequent comments on my body from both peers and adults. Don't even rememb…
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 05:06 AM
6

It is to a lesser extent but yes men do experience it too. Men and women are equally unlikely to talk about it
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 04:02 AM
1

It is somewhat true. Psychology is a broad field. Only a subsection specifically focuses on therapy (both research and practice)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 03:57 AM
2

There are healthy ways to express anger and frustration. That's why therapy is helpful. You can learn to process and express your emotions in productive ways rather than bottling them up until you explode on people
/r/PurplePillDebate19/07/25 12:40 AM
1

Yup you got me. Some dude who's watched some YouTube videos is more informed on the topic than the person with years of education and work in the field
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 10:53 PM
3

Have you ever actually read any of the decades worth of treatment research that includes both male and female participants? Or is your knowledge of the topic limited to social media taglines?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 09:42 PM
2

I do believe men who say that therapy hasn't worked for them. What I don't believe is men making objectively false claims that therapy is based around "female psychology" and isn't effective for men as a whole. None of this is victim blaming
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 08:20 PM
1

I'm sorry you've been having a tough time! I've linked some informative/self-help resources in another comment here that might be helpful
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 07:17 PM
1

Can I ask where you're located and if you know the licensure of the therapists from the accounts you've heard? Where I am therapists are drowning in wait-lists of clients. They won't be affected by someone "firing" them
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 07:13 PM
1

the majority of women in generic talk therapy really aren't dealing with anything that is uniquely difficult. Lolll what are you basing this off of? Random Reddit posts? Women (and men) go to therapy for a ton of reasons: anxiety, depression/suicidality, PTSD, eating disorders, ADHD, autism, etc. ETA: If they're functioning normally then good for them. They don't need therapy. The problem comes when people suppress their emotions, think they're doing fine, and end up having explosive outbursts o…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 07:02 PM
1

I do recognize that there is a huge gap between the actual field of work and the average person's understanding of the options. Unfortunately I'm too swamped to be able to give a well thought out response right now, but the therapies I'm most familiar with are CBT, DBT, etc. for depression, anxiety, trauma. Some previous comments I've made on the topic with info/resources: https://np.reddit.com/r/psychology/s/TPsFDizInK https://np.reddit.com/r/AskFeminists/s/Z6PCqLi8Oz There's apps you can find …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 06:31 PM
0

There's a world of responses to people's problems between "yas queen" and "you're an incompetent loser." Therapists also work with clients to not think of situations in such black and white extremes
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 05:22 PM
2

Yep, and that's great for people who are able to do that work on their own! Not everyone is capable of that though
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 04:18 PM
3

Therapy is informed by psychological study. If you're seeing a therapist who isn't utilizing evidence-based practices, get a new one
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 04:11 PM
-1

This is a complete misunderstanding of psychological research. There are plenty of objective measures used (number of therapy sessions, frequency of engaging in self-harm behaviors, academic outcomes, etc.) Idk how you're only finding one longitudinal study about suicide when suicidology is an expansive field of study. Could you link the study you're referencing? I think what you're overlooking is that psychology is extremely complex and affected by a plethora of variables. No single study can a…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 04:07 PM
2

How is it feminine coded when many of the approaches were developed by men and the research in the field is conducted with both male and female participants? Therapy is equally effective for both men and women. Although, yes, therapeutic alliance (basically finding the right fit), is a large component. There do need to be more male therapists available for men who would prefer that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:54 PM
4

I agree that therapy is beneficial and better access to mental health care is strongly needed. But it's not such a simple solution. Women also attempt suicide more often than men. Suicide is a very complex topic that can't be reduced to "well just go to therapy." We can encourage people to be more informed and take better care of their mental health without contributing to gender war debates.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:49 PM
3

Therapists specializing in CBT do those kinds of activities with their clients. It's called exposure therapy. The issue is too many people have a stereotyped misunderstanding of therapy and are writing off a whole complex field that has evidence of effectiveness for both men and women. ETA: I just saw your comment about therapists in your country. If you're interested, there are plenty of free self-help resources online for CBT
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:39 PM
1

If all your therapist does is validate every thought you have then you need to get a new one. That is not what therapy is. Therapists should be guiding you to challenge maladaptive thought patterns and providing you with coping skills to manage negative emotions
/r/PurplePillDebate18/07/25 03:34 PM
1

How is that not denouncing? She's literally calling out the behavior. You're right. Feminist groups and women weren't calling it out. Neither were men. Why not point that out too? Harassment and rape were joked about on tv all the time in the 2000s. It took years and years of feminist pushback to have that denormalized. Hell look at who our president is. Idk how you think people are just getting "cancelled in a heartbeat" for sexism against women
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 11:52 PM
0

I think you're overgeneralizing men here. Many men don't struggle with understanding women's signs of interest/disinterest. Not that it's ever 100% accurate, but that's true of both men and women's ability to pick up on signs. Some men do really struggle with this and I feel for them. If someone has no idea how the other person might respond to their approach then they would benefit from learning more about nonverbal and subtle cues and getting practice with that.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:56 PM
-1

I think it's a little different when someone's had a significant experience like that. It's understandable to be a little more cautious than the average person. But if every woman who has been groped and/or raped refused to be around men it would be hugely problematic. Women can't even cross the street when they're alone without some men getting angry that they're being treated like rapists.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:39 PM
1

A phrase I often hear is "hold men accountable." And I think some people are taking that way too literally and personally. All it means is call someone out when they say something sexist. Don't stay silent, laugh it off, or scroll past. That's all that's being asked of allies. If you don't do any of those things then the statement is not directed at you. There are women all over this thread calling out the generalizations in the post. I never see a hate filled post generalizing all men (I'm only…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:24 PM
1

I'm assuming that if they're struggling that much with making friends of the opposite sex then yeah they likely need to work on their social skills. That applies for both boys and girls. Men are not the ones always initiating friendships. I don't think anyone I know would even be able to tell you who made the first "move" with any of their friends. Especially ones you make during school age.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:35 AM
1

First, not wanting to be approached doesn't even necessarily mean you think the other person is a creep. It mostly just an annoyance like a telemarketer. The people who are generally considered creeps are the ones who just come up and say things like "hey sexy," get too physically close, and/or continue trying to engage when I've tried ending the conversation. They make people uncomfortable even without any concern about being raped.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:28 AM
2

I don't think I personally do anything beyond just being aware of my surroundings when walking by myself. Usually when leaving work and it's dark out. I think this is just an unconscious yet pervasive thing women just naturally do as part of navigating a world where so many can easily overpower you. Things I usually see others mention are crossing the street or sharing location with friends with ubering or going out with someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 03:18 AM
1

how they hate any man approaching them in public and just want to be left alone at every place they go to. How is someone saying that even remotely similar to seeing all men as rapists? That's the extreme leap I'm talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 02:55 AM
0

The problem is there's nuance involved in what's socially acceptable. Even if a lot of women would prefer not being approached, it's still fine to give a note with your info. What's weird is getting a note from someone you've never seen or talked to who compliments the back of your head
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:55 AM
1

I can understand how it's confusing, but when women are talking about negative experiences with cold approaches they're not going to be closely monitoring their precise language used to make sure it has no way of possibly being misinterpreted by someone. They're venting their frustrations. Read the posts that ask women when/how it's appropriate to cold approach. There's largely agreement about the context. Someone's preference and general appropriateness are not the same. It's also not about the…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/07/25 01:41 AM
1

Yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 09:20 PM
1

I literally just said it's not 100% of men and anyone claiming it's all men would be ridiculous. You're getting angry about something that isn't even being said. It's clearly more than .56% if that's only based on convictions and you even admit yourself "some people won't press charges on your bully."
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 09:15 PM
2

Fair enough. I agree that the post is generalizing the whole gender. Rape is extremely hard to prove so claiming rapists are only the .56% who have been convicted is an extremely innacurate number. However, so is 100%. The truth is we don't know. What we do know is that 1 in 4 women in the US is raped in her lifetime. Over 80% experience sexual harassment. Many women have multiple experiences with various types of sexual violence. All men shouldn't be generalized as predators, but at the same ti…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 08:50 PM
2

Being cautious is not the same thing as assuming all men are rapists. Locking your door when you leave the house doesn't mean you think everyone's going to rob you. It's literally just a precaution that has nothing to do with judgement against any single person
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 08:16 PM
6

That's disgusting. There's a woman denouncing it at 3:53. Not saying that evens things out, just saying that yeah it was called out
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 08:10 PM
–

You guys take these things to such extremes. Women are complaining about sexual harassment or men being creepy when they ignore cues that the woman isn't interested in talking and you're taking it as a personal attack about all men everywhere. You're minimizing the very real and way too common issue of sexual harassment if you're equating it with simply saying hi to someone at a bar
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 06:54 PM
2

I'm sorry that was your experience. I do agree that bullying is a big issue that needs to be addressed. I'm a huge advocate for social-emotional learning programs in schools which can teach skills like empathy, understanding differences, etc. I think a lot of people who are still dealing with lasting effects from previous bullying could benefit from some therapy or at least some self-help work. I do agree that these issues aren't always the result of people not trying everything they can and tha…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 06:04 PM
5

I don't mean from a PUA. What's redpill about learning basic social skills?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 05:36 PM
1

Attractive women have people complimenting their looks/bodies all the time. A lot of times it's innocent comments but there's also a ton that's overly sexualized. For some of them it starts to feel like that's all people see them for
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 05:32 PM
7

If adolescent boys are finding it just as hard to make friends with girls as it is to a find a girlfriend, I would think they would need to get some form of social skills intervention. I don't mean that as an insult but there is likely something going on that's standing in the way
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 05:12 PM
3

Yeah I agree. I think a lot of adults are doing kids a disservice when they see them struggling socially and don't try to help them develop those skills. I think they generally mean well and are trying to be nonjudgmental/force them to conform, but it ultimately does them a disservice to not push comfort zones a bit
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 03:15 PM
4

It's hard to learn these things as an adult. I think reading a variety of fiction books with female protagonists written by women can be helpful
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:56 PM
3

And friendship is what we're talking about here. Truly being friends with women will help with your social skills. But if your bitter that those friendships didn't result in romantic relationships then it's a completely different dynamic
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:53 PM
3

I'm sorry that was your experience. Some people can just be plain assholes. But why not focus on the 10% who would interact with you? No one is going to be universally liked by everyone
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:27 PM
4

Yeah I get that it's difficult to develop those skills as an adult. There's plenty of opportunities for school-aged kids though. Which makes it particularly frustrating when some boys completely avoid anything having to do with girls with the exception of porn and then complain that they're struggling with women
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:20 PM
–

By learning to view women as more than just something to provide you with orgasms
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 02:03 PM
9

And platonic friends!
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 01:29 PM
1

Cold approaching isn't harassment in and of itself. The way some people go about it can be harassing or at the very least overstepping social norms. If men hear about women's experiences being approached in inappropriate ways and take that to mean they can't approach at all, I don't know what to tell you. Cold approaches aren't all equal. If you're respectful and only approach if the woman appears open to conversation, you're unlikely to have issues. Where/how you approach is going to have more …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 05:11 AM
2

No I don't think it's ok for people to be jerks to people who are being respectful. If all you're saying is it would be better if people didn't act like assholes than yeah I agree.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 04:48 AM
1

No but I'm saying if you approach 100 women some are going to politely brush you off, some are going to be a bit more curt, the rare cases will be the ones who say yes or have an over the top negative reaction. Approaching random men for small talk will work similarly. You can't expect all women to react the same to cold approaches all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 03:44 AM
2

Would you not be at least a little unnerved if you were pretty much alone at night with a man 3x your strength with a man who has already disregarded your boundaries and continues trying to romantically engage with you when you've asked him to stop?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 03:33 AM
1

I feel like it already is pretty universal considering the amount of variability among people. Humans are complex. People need to be able to adjust how they interact with others based on the environment, relationship, personality of the people involved, etc. People who struggle with this will need to work on developing those skills first. Potentially with a therapist who works with people on the spectrum
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 01:31 AM
1

Ok but you're one person. Try striking up conversion with 100 different guys at the grocery store. You're going to get varied reactions. That's how humans work
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 01:10 AM
1

Do you have any examples of women saying that? Yeah a lot of women say they don't like being cold approached, but I have never seen someone claim it violates consent. That makes no sense
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 01:01 AM
1

How about you let me answer your question before doing it for me? I would say a better a way to phrase that comment would be "she will most likely not find you creepy." I'm sure that commenter would agree that it was a generalized statement and there will still be some women it doesn't apply to
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 12:33 AM
2

Fair enough. But that's also the case for a woman accosting a man. But there's no way to enforce that nobody ever respond with a rude remark even if it is largely viewed as socially unacceptable
/r/PurplePillDebate16/07/25 12:07 AM
5

I didn't decide what was masculine. That's why I put it in quotes
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 11:44 PM
1

But your comparison is 2 things that aren't equal. Low n count =/= high n count. It's not hypocritical for men to not be attracted to "masculine" women.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 11:21 PM
2

That seems pretty extreme. Girls get catcalled all the time by grown men once they start puberty. There are almost never any consequences, but I wouldn't say it's seen as acceptable. I do think though if you personally see these things happening and do nothing then you're complicit in it
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 11:09 PM
2

Yeah people are influenced by society and their local culture, but I think you're underestimating the level of individuality people have. Even siblings growing up together aren't going to consistently agree on everything. People who struggle with navigating that are going to need to develop their flexibility
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 10:36 PM
2

The first 2 are bizarre. What's wrong with insulting a specific ex though?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 10:19 PM
2

Yah that's what we've been saying. There's a whole sub for it
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 10:15 PM
1

You're talking about two different things though. Becoming "friends" with someone you're romantically interested in isn't the same as becoming friends with someone and developing romantic feelings
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 10:08 PM
1

I think it's complicated because sometimes people just tend to make broad statements that they don't mean literally. Like "Omg I hate kids" after being stuck on a plane with a bunch of loud children. And sometimes when people don't put qualifiers on statements different people interpret in differently. "Periods suck" could be interpreted as them being awful for every single person or it could be interpreted as meaning a large percentage of women think periods suck or even just one woman saying i…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 10:04 PM
0

Most women in my experience do respond respectfully. Just because some women lash out doesn't mean it's seen as socially acceptable. There are plenty of established expectations for manners when interacting with people. Some people will choose to ignore them.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 09:46 PM
1

I'm not talking about individual preferences in men either. People already express broad expectations about what is/isn't acceptable when approaching people. But of course there's still going to be individual variation within that. People generally agree that places like bars/parties are appropriate places to approach. But that doesn't mean every woman wants to be approached when she's in those places
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 09:20 PM
0

The most common form of negative responses to being approached or just the most common reaction in general to being approached?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 09:02 PM
1

How to talk to men in a way that accurately represents what you want from them and expect them to do about it. These are individual preferences. You can break it down into more specific groups but people are still going to have their own unique viewpoint
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 08:55 PM
-2

Basic communication 101 is understanding that people are individuals and treating them as such. You can't come to a consensus on people's individual preferences
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 08:52 PM
8

Yeah a lot of them act like a woman being a little annoyed or curt with them means she's calling him a creep. No, people of all genders just aren't always in the mood to socialize. Accept it and move on
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 08:24 PM
2

What do you consider being "treated like shit?" I feel like a lot of people on this sub think it means someone simply not wanting to talk to
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 08:20 PM
4

They just don't confront each other enough to hash this stuff out. Hash what out? Billions of women can't just come to a single consensus on every topic to make dating easier for men
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 08:17 PM
–

Women will see you as a friend based on whether or not she's attracted to you. Being friends with a woman isn't what causes her to not be attracted to you. People fall for friends/acquaintances all the time. The problem is if you're befriending women for the purpose of hopefully dating them
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 07:55 PM
3

"one of the guys"
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 05:10 PM
1

I agree people shouldn't say it's easy. But I also think that when people say don't be a misogynist, slob, manchild, etc. they're just trying to give advice that could apply. They're not necessarily assuming those are the reasons for the person's struggles. (Except in the cases where they're obviously misogynistic in their post)
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 03:13 PM
4

It's about balance. Too much or too little of anything is going to cause problems. If someone hates all the sex they have in their relationship they should work on fixing it or leave
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 03:00 PM
9

Who defines ugly? Women aren't going to sleep with men they aren't attracted to just because there's no risk of STDs
/r/PurplePillDebate15/07/25 02:04 AM
–

Idk but when I was in my early 20s I got called four-eyes by a woman probably in her late 40s. This was after the guy she was with grabbed my friend's ass. Super classy group
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 11:47 PM
-1

You're treating both genders like a monolith. I'm sure you don't get along with all men either. Plenty of men also nag and complain all the time and plenty of women don't. If you can't get along with a single woman, then that's something you need to work on
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 10:23 PM
2

Yes! Many women have shared how relieved they feel no longer getting harassed as they get older and during COVID masking
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 10:04 PM
0

No one cares if a guy doesn't want to date an overweight woman. The problem is when they choose to shame and insult those women
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 10:03 PM
1

What does a guy friend offer that a woman can't?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 09:50 PM
1

I've never seen that happen. I'm not even sure what that would look like? What I have seen is men thinking their sexual desire is being shamed when women complain about being constantly sexualized
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 09:14 PM
1

How is the man expressing sexual desire? That's usually what's being shamed, not the fact that it exists
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 08:53 PM
1

7/8 for me -_____-
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 08:16 PM
4

No I'm not trying to downplay the experiences of people looking for love. I was equating the women to the toys in the case of men who view women as sexual objects
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 07:00 PM
7

I think a big part of the issue is that a lot of men are only viewing women as a means of sexual release. They jump straight from "girls have cooties" to endless hours of porn without ever engaging with women as fellow human beings. That's the part of male sexuality that women object to. they've been watching other men have sex with women for literally a decade a more and never them This just sounds like a child being jealous of another kid's toys.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 06:33 PM
3

Ohh gotcha. I think most people stick to giving actionable advice because when you mention luck some people will get mad that part of it is entirely out of their control
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 05:39 PM
0

...Really? You don't see men complaining that they've been lied to about being nice to women because they've been "nice" and haven't been granted a woman?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 05:29 PM
6

There is no step by step instruction manual to follow to guarantee you a woman. There are things you can do to improve your chances, but a huge part is just luck/chance
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 05:07 PM
1

Yeah most women aren't going to be cold approaching people so they're more likely to initiate in high school/college where they at least vaguely know the other person
/r/PurplePillDebate10/07/25 09:59 PM
3

Ok yeah we agree then! A lot of people on this sub have very black and white views which I think are hurting them the most. Like OP equating annoyance with labelling someone a creep. And then a lot of times they'll also jump from that to an overblown fear of landing in jail for sexual harassment
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 08:09 PM
3

The issue is you claiming that most women who say these things are only doing it for male approval. Do those women exist? Sure. That doesn't mean they're the majority
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 08:01 PM
–

My point is that after so many interactions of the same type (sometimes from creeps, sometimes not, but still unwanted), your tolerance for future encounters is lower. Like if someone randomly approaches you for the time, people will generally give it politely and it's no big deal. Then it happens a couple minutes later. And again. And again. You'll reach a point where your response is much more curt than the previous times.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:54 PM
–

That's what Jehovah's Witnesses do. I maybe have one unwanted conversation with a solicitor a year. If that. It's annoying but whatever. Many women have had dozens of unwanted sexual/romantic conversations a year usually starting in middle school or earlier. There tolerance for it is much lower. Especially if she's giving off signs that she's not interested in conversation
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:39 PM
1

That's what Jehovah's Witnesses do. I maybe have one unwanted conversation with a solicitor a year. If that. It's annoying but whatever. Many women have had dozens of unwanted sexual/romantic conversations a year usually starting in middle school or earlier. There tolerance for it is much lower. Especially if she's giving off signs that she's not interested in conversation
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:37 PM
3

The "I would never have sex on the first date" or "I would never sleep with X amount of people" etc women, who are you really saying this for? Themselves. This sub really needs to stop with all the claims that any woman who has different experiences or views from someone else is lying about it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:09 PM
3

Way to ignore the bulk of his comment discussing why some people are less able to spot those flags. Maybe you are capable of easily spotting every abusive person. But not everyone has the same experiences or way of viewing the world that you do. People interpret things differently
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 07:01 PM
5

A huge chunk of people who end up in abusive relationships have self-esteem issues and/or have experienced prior trauma so have a more difficult time picking up on those flags
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 06:56 PM
0

Was it the one where he complimented her braid but said something about "liking the back of her head?" That's creepy
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 06:50 PM
1

Now that I think about it, schools should start social skills and body language reading classes. I'm a huge advocate of this. They're called social-emotional learning (SEL) programs. Unfortunately in the US there was a huge smear campaign against them by conservatives
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 06:46 PM
–

Would it bother you if the Jehovah's Witnesses were coming to your house every single day and you had to answer the door even when you're just trying to relax and go about your business?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 06:41 PM
2

I think if you're in an okay relationship it can be pretty similar to friendship. But when you find someone you really fit with it's definitely an elevated experience. I agree with the previous commenter that getting into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship isn't a great choice. Unfortunately, that's what too many people do
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 06:31 PM
2

Fair enough. I was focused on the example given of "going out on a given night with the purpose to get laid"
/r/PurplePillDebate09/07/25 04:51 PM
-2

So why is that any better than having no crappy sandwich?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:25 PM
1

How is that not the discussion? It's in response to the exact same link you shared
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:24 PM
-1

It's a shitty metaphor. Bad sex can be uncomfortable, painful, and result in zero pleasure or benefit. That's not at all analogous to eating a sandwich with meat you don't prefer
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:12 PM
1

I replied to another comment citing the same thing. Based on those studies more men are having casual sex than women
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:01 PM
3

I've only seen studies showing the opposite
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:54 PM
2

Something can be based on sexist beliefs (women being too weak for combat) without it being a privilege for the other gender (the chance of being drafted). Some random individuals may claim that but I'm not familiar with any actual feminist theory that views it like that. That is one definite problem feminism faces - anybody can call themselves a feminist because they agree with one aspect even if their other beliefs don't align. Kind of like the difference between Christians who only celebrate …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:51 PM
-2

Bad sex for a woman is not comparable at all to a bad sandwich
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:27 PM
2

I mean that's kind of the point of discussion. Being open to information you didn't previously have. I'd never found any studies before talking about the rate of casual sex. Only studies about the average number of sexual partners which is pretty consistent with the average number of relationships people have. I do think these conversations just go in circles though because everyone has their own definition of what counts as "casual sex" and what a high number of partners is. Some women value ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:23 PM
0

There's a difference between having some anxiety (normal, healthy) and significant levels of anxiety (which is when it becomes problematic. Social anxiety disorder used to be called social phobia. It's the same thing
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 08:04 PM
3

I did. None of that supports the claim that women are having lots of casual sex. Unless you're also gonna say most men are also engaging in lots of casual sex. Then at least it's consistent and just different opinions on what constitutes "a lot"
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:37 PM
11

Well he kinda has to listen if she says this is what is wanted he cant just do whatever without her agreeing to it. Unfortunately that doesn't always work out like it should. There are way too many stories of guys choking their partners during sex with zero previous discussion. So if she wants a certain thing done then she can direct him on how to properly do it in the way that pleases her aswell. Many women already do this and have experiences with their partner getting angry, not listening, or…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:55 PM
3

My last anniversary trip was spent with my husband fishing for hours while I sat next to him reading. We both loved it. We're not interested in each other's hobbies, but since we're interested in the other person we can still have some conversations about them (sharing some interesting part in the book, talking about different fishing techniques) I don't think the issue comes from having different interests from your partner, but rather from never showing any interest in their enjoyment of the h…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 05:29 PM
9

The few women I knew who had casual sex (although definitely not representative of everyone) had a lot of self-esteem and mental health issues. If you're looking for sex to fill a void or provide your self-worth you're not going to have great experiences
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:39 PM
3

Yeah I was thinking risk averse on the more anxious side of the spectrum where even if they take the steps to minimize the risk they still worry about "what if." Definitely a ton of different variables that come into play
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:34 PM
2

I think probably both could apply. With people who are more risk averse being less likely to engage at all
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:21 PM
8

I only see women blaming men for the experience being bad when the man makes no attempt to please her or his attempts are based on what he thinks should work for her rather than actually listening to her. When a woman has a bad experience despite her partners efforts, I usually see them asking for advice about things to try or ways to talk to their partner about it without it hurting their feelings
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:19 PM
3

The first study cited recruited participants from Tinder so again that's not really representative of the population. The second study found 47% of young adults (ETA: 41% of women & 59% of men) had engaged in casual sex with 65% of those encounters being with exes. The average number of partners for women over the previous 2 years was less than 2. That doesn't really sound like women are having lots of casual sex
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 03:51 PM
4

The majority of women aren't on tinder though. No one I knew in college/around that age was having casual sex. Yes, obviously there are women who engage in casual sex. That doesn't make them representative of all women though. Same for men who have casual sex
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 03:09 PM
1

Neither am I
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:48 PM
5

Do you have any stats on that?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:47 PM
1

Sure women have easier access to it. But many find that the risks aren't worth the reward (if any) so the acess to it means nothing. What are you basing the claim that the majority of women engage in casual sex on? Just because most women aren't virgins doesn't mean they're having sex outside of relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:43 PM
10

Have you actually heard someone say that the draft is a privilege? Of course it isn't
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:38 PM
0

You realize "physical stimulation" can also be uncomfortable or painful? Most women don't orgasm from casual encounters. Someone using your vagina as a fleshlight doesn't feel good. Some women engage in casual sex because women aren't all the same.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:22 PM
3

Bad sex for women is often uncomfortable, potentially painful, and results in no pleasure. Definitely not better than nothing
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:15 PM
1

It's not a bargaining chip for security. Many women need that security in order to even feel comfortable enough to have sex with the other person. Having a man 2-3x your strength on top of and inside you is an extremely vulnerable position to be in. Not to mention risks of STDs, pregnancy, assault. Of course many women will need to feel comfortable and secure with their partner before being able to mentally relax and enjoy sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:07 PM
2

Yeah people's self-esteem gets turned to shit through cycles of abuse and they aren't able to think rationally or see things clearly. They aren't staying because their partner is hot. There are tons of unattractive abusers
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:49 PM
2

Because what's attractive to one person isn't necessarily attractive to someone else
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:36 PM
3

Lol love him like a brother maybe
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:35 PM
–

Lol it's not a US thing either except for a minority of people who are shallow status seekers
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:31 PM
1

Sure. I've never seen a study that measures the number of men or women who engage in casual sex. All I have is my own experience and anecdotes from all the women I talk to. Again, those tens of thousands of woman are different from the other billions of women in the world. Is your understanding of sexual harassment just based on memes? Of course. I can't "prove" that a woman is attracted to her husband when you've already decided for yourself that she must have settled. It is absolutely ridiculo…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:42 PM
1

True but that applies to most relationships. Or if it does it's generally that someone lost attraction for their partner because of other relationship issues. Not that they were never attracted in the first place
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 09:20 PM
3

I mean there's never any guarantee, but pretty much time and luck. Effort if there are things you can work on to make yourself more attractive (not even limited to looks). Of course people will have an easier time finding someone the more people find you attractive. But that doesn't mean you have to be attractive to a huge chunk of people to have any chance
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 08:39 PM
1

And you don't have a shred of proof that most women are engaging in casual sex or looking to hook up with multimillionaires. Different women are attracted to different things. If that's all we wanted we would just say it because then at least it would stop the bullshit accusations that we're constantly lying
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 08:29 PM
0

And how many women do you think this applies to? That also saying they grew attracted to him over time, not that they aren't attracted to him.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 08:08 PM
3

Women on dating apps aren't representative of the entire female population. Apps also use algorithms that push profiles that get more likes. That's not how any of it works. Women who aren't interested in casual sex don't want it with anyone. Regardless of what he looks like. The minority of women who do engage in casual sex are of course going to choose someone attractive over someone who's not attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 07:52 PM
3

Why would they say they're demisexual just because they aren't physically attracted to the other person? They just wouldn't go on another date with them
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 07:46 PM
3

Be attractive to your partner, yeah, that's pretty much implied when discussing romantic/sexual relationships. That doesn't mean a guy has to be conventionally attractive. I'm not attracted to any of my friends' partners. My friends are attracted to their own partners though. That's the part that matters
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 07:35 PM
3

Some women are interested in casual sex. Others aren't. We're different people. One woman having views/interests that don't align with another woman's does not mean women are lying.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 07:28 PM
3

Women are already being honest. That's why so many men are complaining about rejection. How many women do you think are actually dating men they aren't attracted to?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 07:25 PM
1

I'm basing it off the numbers provided in all the research I've done. I'm totally fine with being proven wrong but I'm just not seeing how it works out in the numbers. I found something else saying that 40% of assaults are reported to the police. So based on the FBI info for 2019 that would make it 2,052,955 aggravated assaults. If 75% of victims are men, that's 1,539,716. That's still significantly less than the 2.8million women raped in a year from the CDC report. It'd be nice if there was a v…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 06:44 PM
1

I fixed the CDC link. That's where the 2.8 million comes from. Looking back at the FBI link, the number is so low because they're only talking about reports made to the police. So all the numbers are actually underestimated, but particularly for rape. Only something like 3% of rapes are reported to the police. Rapists tend to be serial offenders I'd imagine it's the same for people who commit violent crimes. A man is more likely to be attacked going about his day to day business than a woman is.…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:53 PM
11

Lol only having sex in committed relationships doesn't mean you're demisexual. be hypersexual--only sleep with and date men you find very physically attractive, and don't give men you don't find attractive the time of day at all, sexually or romantically. That's not what hypersexual means either and this is already what people are doing. Most women aren't just getting into relationships with people they aren't attracted to.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:32 PM
2

You act like I'm arguing that women don't have more opportunities for sex than men. I'm not. That has nothing to do with what I'm saying
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:22 PM
2

That is not how the legal process works at all. Because the women who do try going to the police or getting lawyers often find it isn't worth it (most rapists won't actually be charged) but rather just retraumatizing. They choose to post about it anonymously online for the same reasons male victims do Yeah some people are awful. Not sure where you live, but every sexual assault organization in my area (as well as the national agencies) is available to help both male and female victims.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 05:03 PM
2

What exactly is worse about men's sexual experience? Most men have sex. And cum almost every time. And still think bad sex is still somewhat enjoyable
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:51 PM
1

I'm not too familiar with violent crime stats because there's so many different variables and levels to consider. I'm also having trouble finding anything about lifetime rates of violent victimization to compare to the lifetime rape rate. But according to the FBI, an estimated 1,247,917 violent crimes occurred in 2017. Let's just assume the victims were all men. According to the CDC, an estimated 2,857,000 women were raped in the 12 months prior to the 2016/2017 survey (most often by an acquaint…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 04:38 PM
2

that's literally all we're here for as humans. Yeah it definitely sounds like you're saying that's our only purpose. Sure, women can more easily find someone to have sex with. But who wants to have a ton of uncomfortable or even painful sex with a low likelihood of orgasming and increased likelihood of STDs, pregnancy, and SA?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:58 PM
3

Most women who are sexually abused also don't talk about it or receive support. Many who do actually share their experiences face a lot of backlash - shaming, blaming, not being believed. Society may claim to be supportive of victims of SA, but it doesn't really actually play out that way for individuals.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:46 PM
2

Yet more than 20% of men are in relationships
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:23 PM
2

Why do you think "looks mean almost nothing" is contradictory to needing to like someone as a human being beyond just their physical appearance?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 03:32 AM
2

What other measures? I'm not saying there aren't any advantages women have over men. Those definitely exist. I see this argument a lot but are 1 in 5 men victims of violence and murder?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 02:54 AM
4

Getting sex and getting decent sex aren't the same thing. Men who say sex is like pizza are absolutely coming from a place of privilege. But if you really think your only purpose is to reproduce then I truly feel sorry for you
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 02:44 AM
1

Whether it's dating, social dynamics, or even career opportunities, women often have a head start due to the simple fact that they're desired So what's the difference between this and your experience?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 02:40 AM
3

why does it exist
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 02:34 AM
4

Of course we admit it. That's why "the friend zone" exists
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 12:17 AM
14

Yeah I thought I was in a different sub when I commented. But I automatically have no interest in someone who is only interested in talking to me because they like how I look. If you have no interest in platonic conversation with women you're not worth talking to
/r/PurplePillDebate06/07/25 12:10 AM
19

Out of 50+ strangers who've approached me, only 2 of them made normal conversation with me. Not interested in any of them but I do at least appreciate someone talking to me like a human being and not just someone they like the look of
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 11:54 PM
1

I once saw someone comment that even when men and women like the same books the men are more interested in the world building/plot and women more interested in the characters/interpersonal dynamics so what would they even have to talk about -____-
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 03:28 PM
19

No. Just because something disproportionately affects women doesn't mean it only affects women. I'm not claiming otherwise. I'm sorry for your experience
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 04:11 AM
27

Right!? Whenever I see claims like OP's all I can see is someone whose 12th year was defined by cartoons and video games rather than being raped. Damn women really take it for granted
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 02:12 AM
44

I get that it's difficult to fully understand if you haven't lived it, but no sexual harassment, assault, and rape aren't simply "annoying" whether you're a child or an adult. That is many women's experience. Being constantly sexualized and preyed upon as children just makes your tolerance way lower in adulthood. The benefits absolutely do not outweigh the costs
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 02:00 AM
73

Do you consider being "desired" and "pursued" by boys and grown men when you're a literal child a privilege? I personally don't see how my only value being reduced to how sexually appealing I am to others can be considered being "catered to."
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:29 AM
1

Lol definitely not making it up and don't care about winning internet arguments. But you're right we probably just have completely different social circles
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:23 AM
–

It's saying that, since men are terrible, it should be super easy for any quarter-way decent man to get into a relationship. That's what the phrase means Interpret it that way if you want but I can guarantee you if you ask anyone who uses that phrase they won't agree that that's what it means. Sometimes words/phrases mean more than their literal definition. but before that being nice is the bare minimum and nobody cares about it, since the man isn't attractive enough for niceness to matter. But …
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:09 AM
–

Sure the phrase is an oversimplification. When talking about romantic relationships, for most people it's also implied that you will also need to be compatible with and attractive to your partner
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 12:00 AM
–

That's not what it means at all. Just because a guy isn't totally awful doesn't make him automatically compatible with someone. The phrase just means that a partner only doing the bare minimum (ex. equal involvement in parenting) is still going to be seen as something special
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 11:41 PM
–

I don't see how that's the same thing
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 09:22 PM
–

Ugh this drives me crazy. It's always been men doing this in my experience though
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 09:19 PM
17

What's the ulterior motive?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:50 PM
10

Yeah this isn't how women are raised in more liberal areas either
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 06:54 PM
-1

I don't read "I want a good guy" as meaning that's literally the only thing he has to have going for him
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 06:26 PM
5

Who is saying that just being a decent guy means you can easily get a relationship?
/r/PurplePillDebate30/06/25 03:56 PM
4

Aren't you arguing for traditional roles in relationships throughout the rest of this thread? Pretty sure there's a consensus already - people can choose the type of relationship they want. If men are lying to get into relationships, they can't complain when they end up in dead bedrooms or divorced.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/25 07:36 PM
5

I'm happy with my education and egalitarian partnership of 20 years. I do not want to live in a world where my choices are made for me
/r/PurplePillDebate29/06/25 06:14 PM
2

Lol I do this too sometimes. Ever notice how Scandinavia and the tip of Russia kinda look like a dick and balls?
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 07:43 PM
5

Oh yeah it's definitely going to be variable. Just pointing out that there's a lot of different scenarios within the 55% male breadwinner that means some of those wives are still providing for themselves. Another factor that isn't considered here is childcare costs. If one parent is home with the kids, the money they're saving on childcare should be counted in these stats as "income"
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 05:47 PM
1

Just because a husband happens to make more doesn't mean the wife is dependent on his income. She could still live on her own income
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 05:33 PM
2

The issue I have with this data is that "primary breadwinner" is anyone whose salary is more than 60% of the household income. But the couples could still be splitting the bills evenly which should make it egalitarian.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 05:30 PM
-1

Yeah because it's creepy. We're human just like men. We have a mix of good and bad qualities. Putting women on a pedestal is dehumanizing
/r/PurplePillDebate28/06/25 05:14 PM
2

If you can't even answer that basic question there's no point here
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 06:32 PM
2

Women stopped doing that the moment the got their rights Ok so who did all those things for the construction workers alive today? The birth rates are below replacement levels We're overpopulated as it is and the earth has finite resources. Frankly this sounds like a good thing
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 06:04 PM
–

Mindshift is a good free app based on CBT that can help you learn to reframe negative thoughts and provide challenges to push yourself out of your comfort zone
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 05:59 PM
1

Incel is equated with misogyny and used as an insult because there are self-identified hate groups on FBI watchlists. They're referring to those belief systems, not actually making fun of a decent person who's struggling to find relationships/sex. The word has evolved past it's literal meaning
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:57 PM
5

Sticking with the construction worker example. Who cares for their kids while they're at work so they can also grow up and become productive members of society? Who taught the men to read, write, and do math so they would be capable of doing their jobs? Who plays a huge role in providing healthcare if they get injured on the job? Who manages the secretarial duties to keep the business running? All of these roles are needed to keep society functioning
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:12 PM
1

So who has been doing those things for the past 100 years?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/06/25 03:04 PM
0

Yeah it makes sense that people's experiences are going to skew differently based on meeting in person vs online, age groups, if you're in a more conservative vs liberal area, etc. I agree that approaching is a tough one. A lot of women just aren't interested enough to approach someone they don't know so the rate of that happening is going to be much lower.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:29 PM
0

Oh yeah lol sorry for the whataboutism. The overall trend on this sub can get really frustrating. But both sides suck for different reasons
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 11:18 PM
-1

Are these real life people or on TikTok? In my experience, it is a small minority of people (man or woman) who act that one sided
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 09:30 PM
1

I do get that that really sucks. I just wish more of those same men could have some empathy for the women who's experiences with random men approaching them have been disrespectful or boundary pushing 40/50 times.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 09:05 PM
2

Not the person you asked, but as someone who works and volunteers in the mental health field, I would say this has been my experience at least 80% of the time. 95% of the time when it's specific to suicide. It's really disappointing. I used to get so excited the few times I'd see things attempting to raise awareness more broadly. But now it just seems to be a manosphere talking point (and props to them at least for getting people talking). And it definitely wears on me, as someone who has dedica…
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 08:51 PM
-1

Not all women are against gender roles. And not all men or women are against them to the same degree
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 07:59 PM
5

A lot of people will agree Henry Cavill is an attractive man. But I would be very surprised to hear that even a significant minority of women are getting turned on just by seeing him
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:31 PM
4

The study also found that they still messaged those men though so there's obviously more to attraction than a rating on a 1-10 scale
/r/PurplePillDebate26/06/25 06:17 PM
0

I think part of the issue with this conversations is that there's such huge variety in every individual's level of support needed and level of support they give to others. And so people are often too quick to generalize their experiences to a whole gender and then argue that it only goes in one direction. Some men/women are overly reliant on their partner for emotional labor, some men/women are dismissive of their partners emotional needs, some men/women are both, and some men/women are neither.…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 07:41 PM
2

I think this is an important topic but I'm too burnt out right now to give the type of reply this needs. But I'm bookmarking to come back at some point. I just want to point at though that you're misinterpreting the CDC data. The rates aren't equal, but that in no way means it's not as important. My intent is not to minimize the male side of the issue, but trying to be as objective about the data as possible. It's something like 15-20% of victims had only female perpetrators in their lifetime. I…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 02:55 PM
2

Yeah same. Like objectifying comments about random women they're eye fucking
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 12:30 PM
1

Yeah that can definitely be an issue. Although I'm pro therapy, I'll admit the field isn't without it's shortcomings. Are you in the US? When I have a chance I'll come back and share some of the resources I've used to help people find services or some self-help options
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 12:19 PM
0

No? The husband's and wives both work and split bills
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 12:00 PM
5

I'm not really sure how to respond to most of this because a lot of it is contradictory. I'm not sure if this is because of the fact that anybody can call themselves a feminist without actually upholding the values. Benevolent sexism isn't blaming men. Women can engage in it too. Putting women on a pedestal and acting like no woman has ever done anything wrong isn't compatible with viewing women as people. Where are you getting the information that 50% of rapes are committed by women?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 03:10 AM
1

They aren't. You don't need to explain my own field of work to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 02:54 AM
0

Gotcha now and agree! I often see people incorrectly using mental health services and social services interchangeably which is how I read your original comment r/menslib is a good space that's feminist adjacent but specifically highlights the male side of those issues
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 02:52 AM
1

There are also women in the street in places you aren't around.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 02:36 AM
3

Because women still exist in places even when you aren't personally around. Apparently this is too difficult a concept for you to grasp
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 02:27 AM
2

Most people are catcalling from cars so even if someone else steps outside at the exact moment it happens there's still no consequence for the catcaller. You think the fact that somebody could appear at any moment stops harassers?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 02:09 AM
-1

Can you expand on this? Mental health services aren't gendered or based on frameworks of women's systemic exploitation
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 01:58 AM
3

Wow it's almost like if someone can choose to act one way when other men are around and another when they aren't. This is such a basic concept. Your insistence on arguing so much against someone else's personal experience is so ridiculously bizarre.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 01:44 AM
1

That's not "by my own logic" that's your own "logic." There aren't men out on every single street at every single moment of the day.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/06/25 01:23 AM
2

Interesting how you think you know my own life better than I do
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 11:06 PM
2

Women don't think locker room talk is men sharing explicit details about their sex lives
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 11:02 PM
-1

Viewing women as purely good sugar and spice angels isn't good for anyone. That's just benevolent sexism. This is not what women have been asking for. Women should be seen as full individuals with flaws and shortcomings just like men. That's what it means to see women as people.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 10:59 PM
2

There's studies about women preferring taller men linked here all the time. There is no evidence or even logic behind the claim that women who aren't with taller men aren't attracted to them
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 10:43 PM
0

There are also homeless shelters for men or mixed. How is your second point gendered?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 10:30 PM
2

This has nothing to do with sides. Both generalizations from my earlier comment are from "your side." One has data behind it and the other doesn't
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 09:53 PM
–

No one's asking you to? The point I'm making is that liking the way someone looks is not the same thing as liking that person
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 09:27 PM
2

Well one is based on actual data and the other on mind-reading
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 09:24 PM
0

Suicide attempts are a complete separate category from self-harm (nonsuicidal self injury). People engage in NSSI for a numerous reasons including to punish oneself, emotion regulation, feelings of control, dissociation, and yes sometimes as a cry for help or as a manipulation tactic. None of this is included in the data on suicide attempts.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 08:42 PM
0

No? Finding someone physically attractive is not the same thing as liking them
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 07:44 PM
2

Sure but making generalized statements like "women are attracted to men taller than them" is different from claiming that any woman with a man who doesn't fit those generalizations isn't actually attracted to him
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 07:42 PM
0

Nope I work in the field. I am very familiar with the literature. I'll come back with the sources because I don't keep the hundreds of articles I've read beyond the abstract readily available for reddit comments with people who've already decided they're better informed. In addition to choosing more lethal means, other significant factors include men - more likely to be under the influence of drugs/alcohol when attempting, less help seeking behavior, smaller social networks, and higher levels of…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 07:39 PM
-1

No I'm just going to put more weight in the multitude of studies that rely on objective measures to paint a fuller picture of a complex topic
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 07:06 PM
2

You need to do both. Statistics can be useful for general trends but you can't use them as a blanket statement for every individual
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 07:03 PM
0

Fair enough, this is location dependent. This definitely isn't the case where I am
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 07:00 PM
4

Emotional labor exists on a spectrum. Any healthy relationship will require some level of emotional labor from both people. Whether it's problematic is based on the depth and frequency of what one person is expecting from the other
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:58 PM
2

Nope women have been complaining about this for decades. It's just harder to ignore when it's being discussed online
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:54 PM
5

It would depend on the problem. Yeah if somebody's telling you to go to therapy because you occasionally bitch about work that'd be an overreaction
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:50 PM
1

Adapt how? You can't just wish utopian worlds into existence
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:46 PM
2

You think women with rape fetishes would be shaming men who have a fetish of being raped?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:43 PM
4

You're just completely making up facts about other people's relationships based on how you feel about them. Stop projecting your own views onto how other people experience life. Most women aren't interested in sex outside of relationships. They get off by themselves
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:41 PM
1

You're just completely making up facts about other people's relationships based on how you feel about them. Stop projecting your own views onto how other people experience life. Most women aren't interested in sex outside of relationships. They get off by themselves
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:40 PM
-1

I didn't specifically highlight the expensive therapy sentence because it's still addressed in my previous comment. I agree most people don't have a lot of social safety nets. Can you expand on which economic safety nets men specifically don't have?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:34 PM
1

I didn't specifically highlight the expensive therapy sentence because it's still addressed in my previous comment. I agree most people don't have a lot of social safety nets. Can you expand on which economic safety nets men specifically don't have?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:33 PM
2

So a man can only be seen as "lukewarm" to his partner if the majority of other women don't find him attractive? You're basing other people's individual levels of attraction based on some group average? Sure outliers exist, but unless she's forced into it, women aren't getting together with men they feel "lukewarm" about. That's why many women choose to be single
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:28 PM
1

So a man can only be seen as "lukewarm" to his partner if the majority of other women don't find him attractive? You're basing other people's individual levels of attraction based on some group average? Sure outliers exist, but unless she's forced into it, women aren't getting together with men they feel "lukewarm" about. That's why many women choose to be single
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:27 PM
-1

A) then you're getting your information from unreliable sources rather than the actual work that's been done in the field. B) That shows that 57% of men's attempts are determined serious compared to 49% of men's. That determination is also purely based on judgement of the assessor. They give no information about how that judgement is determined. That method is also biased due to medical misogyny and the long-standing view that women are just being hysterical
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:21 PM
1

So then explain the range of average men in relationships
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:08 PM
3

No I will absolutely double down. Why do you think you're more qualified to speak on this issue compared to an actual woman who lives in the suburbs? We get catcalled and harassed by men starting around puberty. Just because they aren't doing this in the presence of other men (hm, think there might be a reason for this?) does not mean it isn't happening.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:07 PM
1

Ideally yeah. We're not there yet though. If even possible, that will require more decades of research. Unfortunately, the US government is cutting funding there so that doesn't seem likely in anyone's lifetime
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 06:02 PM
1

Any proposal for better solutions?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:53 PM
4

This is a clear disconnect between men and women. A lot of men's mental health issues are related to economic issues. There's clearly more to it than that if women are experiencing the same economic issues
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:52 PM
1

Things like mental illness?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:47 PM
-1

A) What are you basing that on? That is a total misunderstanding of the field. Which has largely been researched by men with both male and female participants. D) What studies? There are multiple reasons for the discrepancy in suicide rates based on decades of research and that's not one of them
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:40 PM
5

If all you're doing in therapy is venting, you're right, it probably won't work. Many therapists will be helping you with strategies to work through problematic thought patterns and managing emotions. I think a big part of the issue is people just hear "therapy" and think it's a one size fits all thing. It's diverse in the same way (but to a lesser extent) as medicine. When someone finds a lump and is told "go to the doctor" people understand that it may involve specialists and different methods…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:36 PM
3

They are.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 05:21 PM
3

Why are you assuming an individual woman is settling for a guy they're not attracted to just because other women aren't attracted to him? Can a man only be attractive to his partner when a majority of women find him attractive?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 04:59 PM
1

No women aren't confused by this because we see men as individuals with individual tastes
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 04:51 PM
-4

We don't like the same things! You act like you're being fed contradictory information when all it is is exposure to the fact that women are individual people with individual tastes
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 04:47 PM
0

Lol seriously? They may not be doing it in front of you but men are absolutely harassing women in suburbs. It is not exaggerated at all
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 04:33 PM
3

It's still rape though. I don't thinks it's really helpful to come up with a ranking system for all the different ways rape happens
/r/PurplePillDebate24/06/25 04:23 AM
–

Oh definitely lol finger gun is a great choice though
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 11:47 PM
2

Guess it depends what exactly you mean by "nerd" and "geek." Not all intelligent people are nerds and geeks. Not all nerds and geeks are intelligent
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 11:25 PM
–

lol that is a fantastic response
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 11:20 PM
1

You're allowed to end a date early
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:38 PM
–

I agree. A lot of people don't really think in critical or nuanced ways though. They just see men = horny. Which results in comments about how "lucky" a boy is to have been raped by his teacher. Or hear from men with lower libidos than their partners about the pressure and insecurity they feel from the reversal of the stereotype
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:25 PM
1

You don't compromise on sexual autonomy. Sex is something to be mutually enjoyed when both people want it A woman not exchanging sex for a 4 hour date is not a "lack of caring." You are demonstrating a lack of understanding and caring that women are full human beings and not sex dolls whose own sexual desires are secondary to men's.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 07:50 PM
–

Feminists don't care how horny you are. But blanket statements about men being hornier also contribute to the dismissal of male SA victims
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 05:55 PM
1

It's not being nitpicky to point out that you misused a phrase. It's pretty essential for people to be able to communicate effectively
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 05:45 PM
1

That is not what "your money is my money" means. That's just sharing expenses
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:46 PM
–

That doesn't mean the man is paying for everything
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:26 PM
3

Women wanting better media representation has absolutely nothing to do with men's preferences. Men can choose not to date overweight women all they want. It's only problematic when they're shaming people for not adhering to their personal preferences
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:19 PM
-2

That's some pretty black and white thinking. Not wanting bad sex doesn't mean you're upset about not having a sex god Ok? I don't think anyone's arguing that women don't have more options
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:25 PM
1

If women are enjoying reading about sex more than the actual experience of sex then they're having bad sex. Women being able to get bad sex whenever they want isn't a privilege
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:09 PM
3

Women do realize that about men's dating experience. Women are absolutely aware that men aren't objectified like that. Why does that make it problematic for women to complain about being treated it ways they don't want?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:59 PM
4

What's wrong with them being upset about men who were only interested in them for sex? Why did you want to defend them?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 01:08 PM
6

What part of her initial question was blunt and rude??
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:17 AM
3

Plenty of families with one stay at home parent make it work. It's not the financial dependence itself that's the issue. It's only a problem when one partner is a POS and uses their power to control the other
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 02:34 AM
6

You assume you have a good overall idea of that person. Sure you may have some surface level impressions that go beyond just how they look. But anything else you think you know about them is pure fiction
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 11:59 PM
10

The idea is that those words send a clear No, unlike the no thank you. There are also awesome ones that can end it with much more tenderness. "I think you're a really nice guy but I'm not really interested" is an instant zone that is a clear no. This makes no sense. "No, thank you" is the clearest direct no and is plenty polite. Many men would take the "nice guy" remark as an opening to keep trying to push her boundaries. The amount of coddling of men's feelings you're expecting women to do whil…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 11:54 PM
10

Oh yeah absolutely. Just curious about OP's level of self-awareness there
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 09:10 PM
24

He should've left the first time she said "no thank you" and kept walking. Why are you giving more weight to the boyfriend excuse than all the other times she explicitly stated she wasn't interested?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 08:57 PM
1

I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Try out the DBT resource another user shared with you yesterday
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 07:28 PM
–

After 20 years, this is the best advice. It's tough learning the difference between compromise and avoiding an issue. But if you don't you're just gonna build resentment
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 10:12 AM
10

I've never talked to a woman who said anything like that so I can't really say. Can we at least all agree that there's a middle ground (average) between small and big? Likely when someone says "good dick" they're referring to the overall experience and not his actual dick at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 09:53 AM
4

God thank you. I didn't want to comment because OP made it very clear married women's opinions aren't welcome. But why would anybody want to meet up with somebody they've never even spoken to?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 09:42 AM
0

Yup. There's multiple forms of therapy. If all you do is chat with your therapist like you would a friend then yeah it's not gonna be all that effective
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 04:48 AM
7

obviously being socially aware is key here. This is the real issue lol. This seems to be lacking in the majority of people who cold approach. That's was causes the biggest issue because they can't tell when the person they're approaching isn't interested in conversation. And they don't want to be approached with a "hey you're hot"
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 12:39 AM
10

You don't like her though. You don't know her. You just like how she looks. If you can tell from her body language she's open to conversation and approach and disengage respectfully it's probably not a big deal though
/r/PurplePillDebate22/06/25 12:20 AM
1

That tool doesn't really factor into the skill
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 10:52 PM
0

Some issues require societal changes and others require therapy. It depends on what issues you're talking about addressing
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 10:03 PM
2

Shallow cuts aren't considered attempts. That's non-suicidal self-injury. Not sure where you're located but those differences in how people are treated is not something that happens where I am. Why would impulsivity decrease rates?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 08:27 PM
1

Shallow cuts aren't considered attempts. That's non-suicidal self-injury. Not sure where you're located but those differences in how people are treated is not something that happens where I am. Why would impulsivity decrease rates?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 07:12 PM
2

True. But not all mental health issues are fixed by improving circumstances. They're separate but related
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 07:08 PM
1

Parasuicide includes more than just suicide attempts so not really sure what exactly you're asking. If you're asking why women have lower rates of suicide despite higher rates of attempts that's exactly when the second paragraph of my previous comment is about
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 06:16 PM
1

Ah I thought we were talking about mental health issues not social services which I'm not familiar enough with to comment on
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:47 PM
8

Can you link to where you're getting that info? I'm not gonna lie and say the field is perfect but there is evidence behind it
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:43 PM
0

I mean it depends. There's no universal "therapy"
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:16 PM
3

A lot of people feel better after venting or talking things out. That's not all therapy is though Not sure exactly what you're disagreeing with
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:02 PM
1

Therapy is more than just "talking it out" and is equally effective for both men and women
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:11 PM
1

Teaches you to challenge negative thinking patterns, coping skills, and building up small actions to combat anxiety (exposures). Mindshift is a good free app for it
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:09 PM
1

Women using it as a cry for help has no basis and is just a misogynistic assumption. There's also no evidence that men tend to wait much longer. Research in the field consistently points to the following reasons for men having a higher completion rate: more lethal methods, less help seeking behavior, smaller social circles, higher impulsivity, more likely to be under the influence of drugs/alcohol
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 02:58 PM
8

The problem people have is with the fact that a man's name is automatically his own but a woman's is seen as either her father's or her husband's
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:11 AM
8

there's no empirical evidence of it ever being "fully developed"
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 04:03 AM
0

Eh healthcare doesn't quite work like that. Agree on the psychological and social incentives but you don't have to be a therapist for those.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 02:18 AM
1

Lol that sounds very average male to me
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 02:11 AM
3

There's positive things being said about average all the damn time. Some people just choose to ignore it
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 02:02 AM
1

Well you've had a man confirm it so I guess you start believing it now
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:54 AM
4

There's already been multiple comments on this thread about why people use that insult. I'm not explaining it again. I guess that depends on what you qualify as "well-endowed" vs not. And are you lumping average with micro? Either way, anyone who is insulting your body is a POS.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:51 AM
1

I don't know that I would say a lot of time but they definitely do it more than women
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:44 AM
1

MindShift is also a great free CBT app to help combat negative thoughts and plan small actions to help overcome anxiety
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:40 AM
0

It's not about believing everything in the world is fine. It's about the ability to personally feel things are fine or manageable even when the world is shit. Therapists have no incentive for convincing people to go to therapy. They already have wait-lists. They're not desperate for new patients
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:32 AM
2

Plus they think women really got much say in it?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:23 AM
1

Depends. Some women have pain from intercourse or don't have much sensation during so won't care about it either way. For most others, unless you fall into extreme ends, size isn't a factor into whether you're doing it well. That comes down to technique
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:21 AM
1

Hm funny I'm also in a blue state but my experience is more like the previous commenters
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:12 AM
2

There are no good statistics on this topic. What observable trends? You don't know what's going on in people's bedrooms
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:07 AM
3

But just choosing to ignore the overwhelming majority of women commenting that they prefer average?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:55 AM
8

Do you not see him saying that the women he was with did not prefer it?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:52 AM
1

Yes, thank you! I was going to say similar. Women also have varying levels of sensitivity and don't all really care about PIV at all
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 12:50 AM
3

You just have to replace www with np in the link
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 11:20 PM
1

I'm "invested" in the fact that you can't accept that other people have experiences that don't align with your own. That's just pretty fundamental to existance
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 10:36 PM
1

Yeah but the sample is too small for any statistical significance anyway. And again, it's purely based on looks so that doesn't really translate to how it will actually feel. You usually aren't going to know the other person's size until after you've picked them. Essentially that's my argument yeah except I don't think weight or education are good comparisons since they have wider reaching effects. But I find it just as unhealthy for women to obsess over their labia
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 10:29 PM
14

I'm against the expectation for women to change their name. I don't care about whatever an individual woman chooses to do with her own life
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 10:07 PM
1

Yeah the insults are coming from the guys buying normal size trucks. It's not just teenage girls throwing around catty insults. Teenage boys are probably the group doing the most dick shaming
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 09:34 PM
2

I'm not aware of any good studies on the topic. Even if there is a great study that finds some average, there's still going to be a ton of variability around that so what difference does it make? "Fifteen women in our sample indicated that they had never experienced sexual intercourse." Towards the end. If they've never had sex how would they know what they would prefer the feel of?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 09:30 PM
0

Oral
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 08:26 PM
2

You're right, it does. Even though that isn't the actual intent. People aren't literally talking about small dicks when they say it, but they should still stop saying it anyway. It's like guys using "suck my dick" as an insult and as a byproduct degrading an act they actually enjoy receiving from women.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 08:12 PM
9

I can understand why many men have this insecurity and can empathize with it. The problem is when some of those men, rather than realizing it's their own hangup and trying to work on their self-esteem, want to just argue about how everyone else is lying
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 07:59 PM
3

This study is not rigorous. They asked 60 women (15 of whom were virgins) about their preferred size based purely on sight
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 07:50 PM
1

There's examples all throughout this thread
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 07:29 PM
1

Humans have varied preferences. Here's an example
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 06:54 PM
1

Every day? Why is it so difficult to understand that women are individuals and have varied opinions and behaviors?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 06:50 PM
1

Common based on....?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:57 PM
2

What negative characteristic am I applying to some of the group? There absolutely are men who say they don't have a preference
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:54 PM
2

What's most likely is that we hang around different groups of people. Theres 4 billion men in the world. Some of them are going to act differently than you and the people you know
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:51 PM
3

Cool another "that's not my personal experience so you must be lying"
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:42 PM
5

Different women care about different things. Some women care about size and some care about height. The issue comes when men take a portion of the population and try to apply that to the whole group. A lot of guys like big boobs. Others prefer small. Others don't really have a preference. Women here aren't going around arguing with men that all they care about are huge boobs. ETA: lol screaming sexism? I wasn't even calling you sexist
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:41 PM
5

We already know the man isn't going to listen to us so we aren't going to prove anything. I'm not into benevolent sexism, thanks. Women are people just like men. Some are wholesome and some are superficial. In some instances it could be not realizing you're an outlier. Doesn't really hold weight for this topic though because you can easily see it's the majority opinion whenever this question is asked. Lol you'd rather believe that women's point is to just oppose men rather than accept the fact t…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:23 PM
-1

No idea at a population level. But for those I know personally it's about 80%. And they're straight conservatives
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:07 PM
3

You can't extrapolate your personal experience to all of humanity
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 05:01 PM
6

Why is it that women are always seen as virtue signaling when their opinion is different from men's? What exactly do you think our incentive is for lying about this? It would be so much easier for us to just lie and agree with you
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:57 PM
2

Fair. Although he is claiming it's the majority instead of just 'many' which would also get called out from the other side
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:52 PM
6

Most women aren't going to orgasm because of your dick. She's gonna give sexual validation based on your skills and the overall experience
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:40 PM
2

Plenty of men make fun of guys with over the top trucks for "trying to compensate"
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:35 PM
4

So why do they always ignore our opinions on the matter? They care about their own opinion
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:33 PM
9

This is also a super small sample size and purely based on looks
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:28 PM
2

The vast majority of women have had multiple experiences of sexual harassment. So should I start claiming that the vast majority of men sexually harass women? Can you explain what the difference is?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:10 PM
2

No one's claiming that no woman has ever treated a man poorly because of their dick size. That doesn't mean most women are like that though
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 04:03 PM
2

Yeah and comments about dick size are usually about insecurity
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:58 PM
2

Guys do the same. A lot of people also use "big balls" as a compliment. Yet most people don't actually give a shit about the size of anyone's balls
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:55 PM
2

It's particularly interesting when it's pointed out and people still don't see it or make an excuse for how it's different. It's just human nature to overdefault to our own experiences, but you gotta at least try to work past that.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:52 PM
0

She already said they weren't. You're getting defensive about a woman who is standing up on your behalf
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:39 PM
1

It's reasonable to believe those posts (which in my experience are overwhelmingly the minority) but not the numerous posts of women saying they prefer average?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:34 PM
1

Lol porn that's primarily geared towards men?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:32 PM
3

Too big hurts. Some women will have a higher limit than others. And some women will enjoy it hitting her cervix
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:27 PM
1

Being well endowed is a point of pride for men. They're not exactly going to feel shamed by you calling it out. They'd just take it as a compliment
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 03:18 PM
0

Or maybe different women think and act differently?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 01:57 PM
1

Not just feminists and wives say it. Many men themselves also say it
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 02:32 AM
0

I've heard a lot of women complaining about men just doing it without ever discussing it
/r/PurplePillDebate20/06/25 12:11 AM
1

It might not look as "active" but it also takes phsyical effort to have your body penetrated. Clearly women are relevant to those men's satsifcation or else they'd just jerk off
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 09:30 PM
1

Women say both. The first when he doesn't even try to doesn't listen to her guidance. The second when she doesn't cum for any other reasons
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 09:15 PM
5

I do agree that the entire orgasm gap shouldn't be attributed to men
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 08:54 PM
1

Different women have different priorities
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 08:31 PM
1

Above average I guess. Lol but after seeing this scale I am very curious what actually comes to people's minds when they hear a number rating
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 06:18 PM
1

Is it a really religious area?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 04:25 PM
1

Yes, sometimes it is a cry for help. But there's a huge body of research that find the other factors I listed to be the main contributors to the gender differences
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 03:47 PM
1

I don't think I understand what you're saying? Both people should find their partner desirable for a relationship to work
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 03:44 PM
1

The data isn't based on men seeking help. It comes from national surveys where they screen all respondents for various disorders
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 03:05 PM
1

It is not most often a cry for help. There are many factors that contribute to the difference in lethality rates (methods, help seeking, impulsivity, using drugs/alcohol while attempting)
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 03:04 PM
2

Yeah I get how it's confusing because honestly I don't even really understand it. It just kind of is what it is. Not that I see those men as women, but I feel the same about them as I do about my female friends. Like I think they're catches and can see they're objectively attractive but I just don't actually feel any attraction for whatever reason
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 02:46 PM
3

Ah okay lol in all honesty I didn't actually read the article because of the comments about how bad it was. I was just going off of the TLDR
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 02:37 PM
1

I will say sometimes the honest answer really is just lack of chemistry. I've had attractive friends who who have all had great personalities but I just never saw them as anything more than friends 🤷‍♀️
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 02:33 PM
2

It's not always narcissism. Even mental health professionals experience compassion fatigue and burnout. All relationships need a balance in emotional support
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 02:17 PM
3

In my own experience and every woman I've talked to and pretty much every story I've read from women online, it definitely seems to be the most common reason
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 12:59 PM
1

If they're either super selfish or super generous in general then you can probably guess pretty accurately. But most people don't really fall into those extremes in their daily life so it's more of a toss up
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 12:34 PM
1

I agree with that statement but I'm not getting that from the previous comment. It's not like you can always tell whether the person will be selfish or generous before you get with them
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 12:31 PM
5

Sure. There could also be issues resulting from purity culture where the woman may feel too much shame to explore her body and so doesn't know what to tell her partner. In my experience though these women aren't generally blaming their partner for it
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 12:27 PM
4

Yeah that can also happen too. There's no one universal reason. Do you not see the irony that all of these comments are doing the same thing men complain women are doing when they share about their negative experiences opening up to their partner?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 12:22 PM
5

Yeah they could do that too. That doesn't mean the the other examples don't also happen too
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 02:19 AM
1

Ehhh not if you're not great at reading social cues. Another option would be leaning in then making a next move based on their reaction
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 01:50 AM
11

Strange assumption that all inexperienced men are generous and everyone else is selfish
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 01:34 AM
11

Whenever I see women discussing their lack of orgasms, if their partner is trying, they ask for tips about how to help their partner get them there. The complaints and frustration are usually only when the man doesn't even attempt or doesn't listen to her guidance
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 01:32 AM
0

only if he doesn't listen to his partner telling him that's normal for her
/r/PurplePillDebate19/06/25 01:21 AM
1

Honestly I can't see how porn would have a major impact on that, but it's also not something I've had personal experience with, so I'd be interested to hear the explanation. There may be a better word, but would you not consider men's role as requiring effort even though he's aroused and enjoying it?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 11:21 PM
2

All the people currently struggling to find jobs after college?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 10:59 PM
1

Yeah many women have tried expressing their discomfort with it to their partner who can be dismissive and just point to how common in is so the woman then feels like she's overreacting or in the wrong and accepts it like it's some compromise. And others genuinely just don't care about their partner using it or they also use it themselves
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 10:43 PM
1

since the entire onus of lasting long/delaying orgasm, being responsible for both your partner's and your own orgasm is entirely on the man. That's not due to porn though? I also don't think you can say men are entirely responsible for their own orgasm when they're achieving it through the use of someone else's body. Women's role in sex may not always appear as "active" as men's but there is definitely effort involved in having someone else inside you that a lot of men don't really seem to consi…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 10:36 PM
1

I feel like it's usually only brought up in the context of relationships. Contrary to whatever OP is going on about, unless they have a moral objection, most women don't give a shit what random dudes are doing
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 10:29 PM
1

Yeah your partner will need to like how you look. Nothing she said contradicts that
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 10:18 PM
0

Don't date someone you aren't attracted to. "Looks don't matter" is an oversimplification of the fact that you don't have to be super conventionally attractive for your partner to be attracted to you. And just because someone is very conventionally attractive doesn't mean everyone is actually going to be attracted to them. I know this will be really well received here
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 10:16 PM
2

Different women have different opinions lol
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 10:03 PM
0

You could say the same about sexual harassment statistics. Most women have had multiple of these experiences, but that doesn't mean all men are like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 09:52 PM
1

They're against both porn and masturbation? Not just against porn?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 09:48 PM
7

I don't think it's true for the majority at all. There are lots of different opinions on porn and various different reasons a woman might be against it. Also, being against porn use in your relationship isn't the same thing as being against masturbation. You can masturbate without porn.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 09:45 PM
3

Lol but when women do the same for the same reasons it's almost always framed as her neglecting her partner's needs. I do somewhat agree though. People shouldn't complain about having a roommate relationship in the bedroom when they have a roommate relationship outside of it
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 09:36 PM
0

I would say it's from frequent messaging like OPs that all they're good for is sex
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 09:31 PM
1

Maybe less for body image since many women will get that from other places. But there are plenty of women who get pressured into acting out porn fantasies they don't want, who have partners act out porn moves without any discussion or consent, or are made to feel like there's something wrong with them because they're not squirting or whatever other expectations of female orgasms their partner learned from porn
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 09:15 PM
1

People of any gender can uphold patriarchy. Anyone can reinforce gender roles. No credible feminist would claim otherwise. I don't see how this contradicts that it's a problematic minority of women though. It's similar to how almost every woman has had multiple experiences of sexual harassment, but that doesn't mean it's something most men do.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 08:56 PM
1

someone laughing at your jokes is so much better than getting a compliment
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 08:43 PM
1

CBT focuses on the interaction between your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Really good for anxiety. Teaches reframing negative thinking patterns, relaxation and coping strategies, and practice facing fears.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 08:23 PM
1

Ah that makes a little more sense I guess. Idk why they're so stuck on the belief that one person weaponizing their partner's insecurities is something that only happens by women to men
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 08:14 PM
0

Is there data for all this talk that people settling is the main cause of dead bedrooms?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 08:10 PM
1

Exactly! Unfortunately a lot of people are really judgementally about people who don't fit their preferences, so the people questioning you might be a bit biased thinking that's what you mean
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 07:38 PM
1

Yup. What the other commenter said. Some women are better with confrontation and other women are too willing to stay in uncomfortable conversations because they don't want to be "rude"
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 07:13 PM
1

Probably zoned out and didn't realize how close I got
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 06:55 PM
1

Loll what? Even women who are good with emotional openness are going to be put off by a guy who trauma dumps in the first couple dates
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 06:51 PM
2

As a woman who is a slouch when it comes to fitness, I agree these lifestyles are totally incompatible. Totally fair standard to have
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 06:38 PM
2

Both men and women internalize unrealistic body standards and expectations around sexual activity from porn. It can be psychology damaging for both
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 03:23 PM
1

Ah yeah the way that played out is insane. I will concede that since COVID a lot of ridiculous behaviors have seemed to increase and that would include stuff like this. I'll admit to having a bit of a bias since real instances of harassment and assault are often met with dismissal and disbelief but then I'm still expected to show more empathy to these overreactions (which still seem to be the minority even if they have increased).
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 02:10 PM
2

Eh I'll admit I may have had a bit of a strong reaction having come from from multiple other posts where women's experiences with sexual harassment were being downplayed as overblown (despite all the evidence showing otherwise). I mean is this the same thread where I shared personal experiences of myself and other women that almost never resulted in any consequences (also backed up by data) and got a bunch of downvotes for it? But I'm expected to show more empathy for a fear of hypothetical unde…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 01:52 PM
45

You mean women don't appreciate men who think they're only good for sex? Damn those high standards
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 01:31 PM
1

What are you going on about? The interactions I have with strangers that I find unpleasant or offensive are the ones where they become instantly sexual or handsy. And even then I'll just uncomfortably try to excuse myself from the situation. Is there a more friendly and pleasant way you think I should handle those interactions? Honestly I'm probably actually too nice about it. When strangers start a conversation with me about just a neutral topic of conversation like a normal human being I also …
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 03:03 AM
1

Ah yeah the way that played out is insane. I will concede that since COVID a lot of ridiculous behaviors have seemed to increase and that would include stuff like this. I'll admit to having a bit of a bias since real instances of harassment and assault are often met with dismissal and disbelief but then I'm still expected to show more empathy to these overreactions (which still seem to be the minority even if they have increased).
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 02:46 AM
1

Lol what? Where am I saying that all men sexually harass? I don't think that's the case at all
/r/PurplePillDebate18/06/25 02:32 AM
3

Thank you, I appreciate it :) To be fair though I do also agree with a lot of the other comments here. Those other explanations are often true in other instances. When people share about having had a negative experience without really sharing any detail (although that's understandable) people are going to fill in the blanks with what's been most common in their experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 10:46 PM
1

That sucks. Insomnia is brutal and I've never been able to find anything to help with that either. I'm not too familiar with it but there's evidence for the effectiveness of transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) for treatment resistant depression.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 10:16 PM
1

I don't think people are claiming therapy as a cure all when they suggest it. It definitely takes work finding the best approach and fit for you. I'm sorry it's been such a struggle for you. Sleep has always been the hardest part for me too. Your psychiatrists never tried different combinations that wouldn't make your sleep worse?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 09:18 PM
1

Gotcha. I think I understand what you're saying and it sounds similar for me. Like I can tell how conventionally attractive a person is but I don't feel any attraction towards them without some kind of chemistry. And then yeah if their personality sucks that kills it
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 08:59 PM
0

Unattractive men can do these things too. Women in these situations aren't staying because of the person's looks. They stay because cycles of abuse totally destroy your self-esteem
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 08:12 PM
1

Look at the vast majority of comments anytime this topic is brought up on women's subs. Although I'm sure there's still some women who don't fit into this description
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 08:07 PM
0

I can definitely say I can tell if a man is attractive to me or not at first glance...An average looking guy can become super hot to me if he has a good personality. Don't those two statements kind of contradict each other? Also, your comment reads to me like you're agreeing with her
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 07:59 PM
1

True there are women who do this while coming up with a justification for it. But I also don't think that every woman who says she's supportive is lying about it
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 07:51 PM
3

It's kind of like the reverse of the sexual harassment discussion for women. And probably the people who are more likely to comment are the ones who can't fathom doing that to another person
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 07:34 PM
1

I see a lot of men who say they don't know anyone who's experienced SA or rape. But most women don't generally share their experiences. I think that's part of why a lot of men don't seem to realize how prevalent an issue it really is
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 07:09 PM
2

Yep. To me it just doesn't seem worth mentioning that you want to find your partner attractive because...duh? I think another thing that confuses people is that you can think someone is physically attractive without actually feeling any attraction to them. You can also be totally attracted to someone who is objectively average or unattractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 06:41 PM
2

I don't doubt that many women can respond negatively to other people's vulnerabilities. Most people aren't great with emotional situations. I'm also not saying I don't believe him. I do. I'm just saying it blows my mind that some people's sexual attraction is so influenced by seeing their partner cry. That's so absurd to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 06:33 PM
2

Oh yeah absolutely. I'm only assuming based on the fact that they were/still are happily together years later or in some cases got together after the fact.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 06:23 PM
2

Yeah I agree. Actually discussing the details and feelings around it (whether you cry or not) would be the open/vulnerable part
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 05:08 PM
1

I can also see how it would be harder for men who have fewer people they feel like they could open up to. It would feel like more of a weight when there's a negative reaction. I would describe myself the same way but I know from experience that I don't react that way. And all the women I know have been through similar experiences with their partners without any issue. This is actually still the case even among the more conservative women. Not sure if it's due to living in a more liberal area or …
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 04:44 PM
-3

I'm sorry you had those experiences. I don't doubt you but I honestly just cannot wrap my head around someone reacting like that. Did they place a lot of emphasis on stereotypical gender roles?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 04:03 PM
0

Have you talked to women about this too? I don't think I know a single person (regardless of gender) who hasn't had a similar experience being vulnerable with their partner. I can see how genders roles would have an impact for some people. But I also feel like it's often overly attributed to a gender thing, when it's something pretty universally experienced.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 03:48 PM
1

You care about me so much that you did something that you didn't want to do just because you knew it would make me feel good. I think it's pretty similar for women. Like even if you don't specifically ask for it, you know it's not something your partner would normally do except to make you happy. I also see this conversation discussed a lot so the part I really don't get is how if men already know this is something women like, then why do they always seem surprised about it? The example in the O…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 03:33 PM
1

Interesting. I think for a lot of women it's more about the thought than the actual action. And without it it feels like having to beg the other person to show they care
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 03:00 PM
1

I think there has to be a balance. You shouldn't expect to never have to ask your partner for something. But you also shouldn't have to always ask your partner to do something. Do you think it wouldn't eventually bother you if your partner never did anything nice for you without asking?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/06/25 12:20 PM
2

I was thinking more of situations where someone is actually approaching another person. Your first example is one woman calling a guy a creep and all the men and women in the comments calling her out for it. So that doesn't seem like it is very socially acceptable. I couldn't get the YouTube link to work but it seems like a pretty reasonable mistake to not realize someone "staring" at you is actually blind
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 09:46 PM
1

I do small thoughtful things for my husband all the time. After a certain amount of time in a relationship you should have some ideas about what your partner would like. If there's something specific you would have to mention it first. Do men not also appreciate their partner doing small things for them without being asked? Like starting your coffee while you're getting ready or picking up a special treat from the store
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 09:22 PM
2

Any research on the topic. Videos showing men unfairly being labelled as harassers.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 08:01 PM
1

the number of people who have decided that any unpleasantness is harassment has skyrocketed. Do you have any evidence that this is actually the case?
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 07:38 PM
2

Many men absolutely needed to be doing this before. What's changed is women being more vocal about the harassment they face. But that's just dismissed as less important than men now having to have a little more social awareness in their interactions. Most people do respond either pleasantly or neutrally to unwanted conversations. Except for the occasional nutjob that any group has, rudeness is only in response to overstepped boundaries or harassment. ETA: For the edit to your comment - I'm not d…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 06:38 PM
1

If that's how women are reacting, then those men need to work on their social skills with a trained professional. You can't expect women to be subjected to unpleasant or offensive conversations and then get mad that they won't tolerate it. They're not practice dummies for you to train on. They are full human beings who more often than not have already experienced multiple instances of sexual harassment starting around puberty. Maybe they deserve a little more grace for their actual lived experie…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 06:25 PM
1

Many women just aren't really interested in hookups, so there's going to be a lot more competition for those who are
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 03:41 PM
1

I think a big part of it has to do with stereotypes about girls being more social than boys. People take more notice of a shy girl and kind of push her into more socialization which ends up helping her build those skills. Whereas with shy boys a lot of people will think something like "oh that's just how boys are. Let's leave him alone." Then those boys have fewer opportunities to develop their social skills
/r/PurplePillDebate16/06/25 03:35 PM
1

Are you including me in that? I'm actually agreeing with you
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:56 PM
1

Even if it may not technically be a crime, it's sure going to annoy a lot of people
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:47 PM
3

True. But then it's something people should focus on trying to improve rather than blaming women for it
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:45 PM
3

Maybe I've missed something, but I've never seen a viral video shaming someone for approaching respectfully. If you're worried that you're coming across like a creep when you approach, you need to build up your social skills before considering approaching
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:42 PM
1

all the data indicates the opposite
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:36 PM
2

I can empathize with how difficult things become when you struggle socially. But people (in general, not you necessarily) need to put effort into learning social skills rather than blaming women for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:26 PM
2

If you're talking about venting in the way I did a few comments previously, I'm not sure how that's the same dynamic at all. People are getting more upset about women anonymously venting about their terrible experiences than they are about the fact that this is such a commonplace experience for women. If you mean sharing videos of women being harassed, I really don't see the issue. There should be some kind of consequence for that. If you mean videos shaming men who are respectfully approaching,…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:10 PM
1

Based on the data, my own personal experience, and many others' experiences, both are extremely unlikely to make any report
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 05:00 PM
4

But if you can't have just a casual, friendly conversation with them how do you expect a date to go? You need to be able to talk to the other person on a basic human level without putting them on a pedestal because they're hot. That may be something you need to work on first before trying to date
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 03:12 AM
1

Most people don't even tell anyone about their experiences. And many who do end up telling friends or family members aren't giving any information about the other person. In the majority of cases it comes with 0 consequences of any kind. I think the messaging is more about not just going up to strangers and commenting on their looks or immediately asking them out. Read their body language first to judge whether they're open to talking or not. Then if you try to start a casual conversation, walk …
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 01:23 AM
1

This says nothing about the likelihood of a crime being reported to the police. It also says nothing about the likelihood of a report leading to an arrest. It does, however, show that the majority of these incidents don't actually result in anything. For non-arrested offenders, the probability of being formally charged with a crime is only 2%, while this probability increases to 12% for arrested offenders.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 12:48 AM
-3

Then please back that up with some data
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 12:09 AM
-1

Most people in general just don't like being interrupted by strangers. When it does happen I am more pleasant to them than guys I know who are generally more abrupt about ending the conversation. I'm not interested but if they're respectful, I nicely turn them down. If start off just with commentary on my body, I don't care what they look like, I'm going to tell them to leave me alone. Every woman I know has had multiple encounters of harassment and assault. Some rape. The only one who ever actu…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/06/25 12:08 AM
0

There are almost no consequences for the men who do actually harass and assault women. Fearing some major backlash for respectfully approaching women is completely overblown and out of touch with reality. That seems like something people should be speaking to a therapist about
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 11:57 PM
3

Do you have data to back up the claim that women are filing reports because someone approached them like that
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 11:50 PM
2

Yeah exactly. Even if most people aren't engaging in that behavior, you still have to keep in mind the broader societal messaging and the cumulative impact of all the seemingly small comments or jokes that are just waved off as "no big deal."
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 07:04 PM
1

Some people really seem to struggle with integrating the larger context in individual discussions
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 07:00 PM
1

I do agree it's much more prevalent at the high school/college ages. But by the time those men grow out of it it's already made a lasting impact on the girls who hear their peers constantly objectifying them
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 06:46 PM
1

oh that's an interesting point about STI panels that I didn't even consider. Correct, generally any national studies like these don't include prisoners. The CDC has raw numbers but it's a little clunky because they don't separate attempted from completed except for in the tables. And for men they separate rape (4%) from "made to penetrate" (11%). For male rape victims, about 77% had only male perpetrators. And about 57% experienced it as minors. Almost 30% (29.8% or 1.3 million) were first victi…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 05:56 PM
3

I think some people are way too obsessed with "masculinity" and "femininity." We're all just people dude. Both men and women who work from home face judgement for "having it easy." I can't even comprehend viewing it as a gendered thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 05:29 PM
1

I also wonder if part of that difference is due to male on male rape victims potentially being more likely to need medical treatment after the fact. I'll be honest, I haven't fully read this report yet and am more familiar with their 2018 one so I totally missed that they added that perpetration question. I am surprised that that's how they phrased the question though. There's evidence that people are more likely to endorse behavioral descriptors (have you ever forced somebody to have sex) as op…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:40 PM
1

True. I'll be honest, just reading your comment makes me clench lol but to each her own!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 04:26 PM
1

Ugh yeah my phone keeps doing that for some reason. I fixed it. Thanks!
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:48 PM
1

Unfortunately it's a really common misconception that I think contributes to the fear people have that they're going to face some wrongful legal action. If you're interested, pg 22 of this report shows how unlikely it is for people to share their experiences.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:26 PM
0

I would agree that emotional intelligence is pretty lacking in most people. But if you really think it's based on attraction I don't know what to tell you
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:17 PM
1

The statistics are based on anonymous self-report studies to reduce the factors that lead to underreporting to police. Yeah they're not going to be perfect but it's much more accurate than crime statistics
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 03:13 PM
1

You do realize most women also aren't making official reports of their sexual harassment, assault, rapes, right? Many don't even share their experiences with friends, let alone the police.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:56 AM
2

Why is it understandable for men to be defensive about potential harassment claims (which the data shows happens at an extremely low rate) but a woman can't be a bit defensive about potential harassment when she's likely had multiple prior personal experiences? You are the one making it about yourself and some unfounded hypothetical threat.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:38 AM
0

I won't comment on other women going into graphic details because I've never personally experienced it. But I agree women who do that are also wrong. Yes, locker room talk refers to horny objectification. It's been pretty common in my real life. Not saying it's something every guy does but it's definitely not unheard of
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:30 AM
1

Omg genuinely what?? That's some crazy leaps to make. I'm not going to act some over the top way just because I'm annoyed. I'm an adult. I'd say "ok thanks," maybe roll my eyes, then move on with my day. I don't care what a guy looks like. I don't want him approaching me with a comment on my body. If someone comes up to me to just start a casual conversation I'm not going to be offended. Even if I'm not in the mood to talk and don't really engage that doesn't mean I'm calling the other person a …
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:21 AM
3

If your views on human decency are influenced by women not wanting to date then you're not actually supportive
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:03 AM
0

Locker room talk doesn't refer to talk about personal sex lives. It's more like the comments you see everywhere on Reddit when there's a picture with an attractive woman in it. Immediate commentary about her body
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 02:01 AM
0

...I don't even know how to respond to this. Emotionally mature people don't react differently to someone opening up to them based on how attractive they find the other person
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 01:55 AM
1

No idea, you'd have to link it. Could be related to many women having this experience in college. Could be that kids at that age haven't processed their experience enough to feel comfortable sharing it. They could also be worried about unwanted reports being made due to the fact that they're minors
/r/PurplePillDebate14/06/25 12:18 AM
1

We can't. Unfortunately it's the best method we have. They take steps when conducting to survey to minimize underreporting (ensuring anonymity, phrasing items in an attempt to reduce bias) ETA: that's why it's important to look at multiple sources. It gives more credence when the same pattern is replicated in numerous studies
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 11:26 PM
1

That would fall under the first option
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 09:02 PM
1

Can someone explain the problem with not wanting strangers commenting on my body?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 08:08 PM
2

You're right. I should've clarified mental health meaning things like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. Things like domestic and sexual violence, while related to mental health, fall another a separate umbrella.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 07:38 PM
2

Even if that's the case when asked to choose some "ideal" size, the weight of that preference is so much smaller than all the other factors that come into play (emotional connection, foreplay, skill, etc.)
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 06:53 PM
2

You mean sex should actually be enjoyable for women!? Scandalous
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 06:43 PM
3

What I am saying is at least from social media western perspective people seem to downplay mens mental health and struggles due to privilege. That's because it's ragebait designed to drive engagement. And I gotta hand it to them, they have at least been much more effective in getting people talking about these issues. I promise you though there is a ton of effort being put in to address men's mental health needs. Special programs that exist are geared towards reaching men, veterans, LGBTQ, and m…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 06:39 PM
3

I see a lot of men in the US saying that there's no mental health support available to them. There is!! (Sorry for a bit of a rant but I am super passionate about this and also feel doubly attacked when I almost only ever see men bring it up as a man vs. woman thing.) It's not that society takes their mental health less seriously, but that men are less likely to make use of available services. The right also actively pushes against current efforts to destigmatize mental health and increase acces…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 06:19 PM
1

All the research I've seen shows that men and women are experiencing loneliness at similar rates. I've spent my whole life volunteering and working to improve mental health for everyone. It's something that needs to be less stigmatized as a whole. The vast majority of people fighting for this are women. I would love to see more men actually getting involved.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 05:55 PM
2

Yeah and even just looking at the literal definition it doesn't really seem to fit. a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. "education is a right, not a privilege" I feel like there's got to be a better word although I can't really think of one. I have chronic insomnia and so to me anyone who actually sleeps feels like they have a damn superpower. Feels weird to call it a privilege though when it's a basic human thing that should be some…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 05:37 PM
4

I think the word "privilege" can make people defensive because it comes across as having a leg up against other people rather than the other group dealing with a broken leg. Idk essentially the same thing but feels different to frame it as something extra vs something other people are lacking. It's a privilege to not have physical disabilities but it doesn't necessarily feel like one because it's not something "extra"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 05:12 PM
4

I agree with you but I think it's a difficult topic to discuss. There's definitely a difference between "I don't want to do this but feel like I need to to make my partner happy" and "I'm a bit indifferent about this but like that it makes my partner happy"
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 03:49 PM
-3

I think the issue is that most women start experiencing sexual harassment during puberty. After so many encounters like this, you become more sensitive to unwanted sexual attention. If some random guy comes up to me to tell me how hot they think I am, I don't know that I would necessarily view it as harassment but I'm still going to be annoyed by it.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 03:41 PM
1

I see two reasons women would get the "ick" they also aren't an emotionally intelligent person. Or at least not enough of one. Most people aren't unfortunately. Women may be better at this on average compared to men but that doesn't mean they're fantastic at it either man shared his feelings in an unhealthy trauma dumping way that is more appropriate for a therapy session than a relationship
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 03:33 PM
1

These numbers come from self-report surveys (which yes can also have some underreporting). They're not based on reports to police. The vast majority of rapes (regardless of gender) are not "officially" reported
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 02:57 PM
1

Women aren't lying about this. You already posted screenshots showing them being honest about it. Most women don't engage in casual sex though. For dating, you want to be both physically and emotionally attracted to your partner. Their personality matters less for a hookup so looks will be more important. I don't understand why this is so confusing to some people?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 02:47 PM
2

Both men and women have bad experiences being vulnerable with other people. I would say the main things people are referring to when talking about emotional intelligence in relationships is empathy and self-regulation. Be aware that different people interpret situations differently. If your partner shares that they're upset by something don't dismiss them just because you don't personally think it's worth getting upset over. Try to understand where they're coming from. Also being aware of how yo…
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 02:28 PM
-1

I think a lot of this comes from a misunderstanding of how attraction works for many women. We can see a physically attractive person without actually feeling attracted to them. That is where personality plays a larger role
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 02:14 PM
2

7 inches does hit the cervix for many women though
/r/PurplePillDebate13/06/25 01:51 PM
4

I'm sorry about your experience but what she was doing sounds like love bombing not people pleasing. People pleasers have a hard time standing up for themselves and have a tendancy to ignore their own comfort in favor of others' happiness
/r/PurplePillDebate10/06/25 02:11 AM
6

Yeah I have a very love/hate relationship with how easy it is now for the general population to access research articles for this same reason. Especially when they're only glancing at the abstract
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 08:23 PM
1

I live in liberal suburbs and there are absolutely still plenty of people reinforcing these ideas. Yeah it's way less than what it seems like is experienced in other parts of the country, but it's still pretty much a crapshoot on whether someone's gonna get called out on these things.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 08:14 PM
2

The meal one depends on how it plays out. Like if he's making all the meals for the two of us & occasionally makes something special, that's great. Is he going out of his way 3x a day making one meal for himself and another specifically for me? That'd weird me out. And it's not gendered because I'd be just as disturbed by a woman doing that
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 08:04 PM
4

I mean yeah most women don't want a man catering to them hand and foot. Lot of people seem to forget about doing things in moderation
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 07:49 PM
5

Lol whoops yeah I meant against gender roles/for removing them. I do agree that more people overall should be involved in fighting against them. It also gets complicated because there's different "levels" of feminism and people aren't always talking about the same thing. Like there's a big difference between someone who's a feminist because they believe in and vote for equal rights and a feminist who goes beyond that and is involved in advocacy and things like that. Plus there's a lot of differe…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 06:41 PM
6

I somewhat agree. I'm totally for removing gender roles. That's a huge part of feminism. As a whole, yes, they prioritize issues specific to women. There's a limit to how much a group can focus on before it becomes spread too thin and loses effectiveness. It took decades of feminists pushing back against opposition to break out of those gendered expectations. Most would love to lend support to men doing the same (and many already do). But more men need to become involved in spearheading those ef…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 06:10 PM
4

I think also being more conscious about word choice and understanding about how people's past experiences can lead them to interpret something differently from how you intended it. Especially when it comes to sensitive topics. And being more open to feedback about it. Sorry about your brother and I hope things are getting better!
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 05:47 PM
11

Where in the world did I imply it was too complicated to understand?? I actually think it's incredibly easy to understand and am honestly floored my the fact that some people can't comprehend this
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 02:45 PM
12

Pretty convenient to assume your experience of not having changes to your sex drive is reflective of all people everywhere so anyone who claims otherwise must be lying. Even when it's well researched and documented that libido is affected by numerous different things
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 02:24 PM
10

The inverse being losing they're sex drive over time in the relationship? That's possible for both men and women for many reasons that have nothing to do with being dishonest. But yes I agree if a woman intentionally engages in sex she doesn't want just to land a relationship that's also wrong. I'm sure there's women who do that but they're the minority compared to women whose sex lives change for various other reasons
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 02:10 PM
2

Absolutely agree about overcommunication. I don't understand how so many people don't even consider this option
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 02:03 PM
4

For mobile there's 3 dots at the very top right of the main sub page. Click that and it gives you the option to change your flair
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 01:39 PM
13

Which is why the woman was upfront about the fact that her expectations go against the norm. It is then up to the guy whether he wants to continue that relationship or not
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 01:37 PM
4

Man makes claim about women's nature with no source: makes a whole post about it Woman makes claim about women's nature based on her own lived experience: source?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 01:30 PM
0

Women message men in the 90th percentile 5x more than they message men at the 50th. Men message women at the 90th percentile 5x more than women at the 50th ETA: just because the women aren't initiating the conversations as often doesn't mean they don't interact at all with the men <90th percentile who message them first
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 01:40 AM
3

It creates a very fine line between pleasantly stimulating and overstimulating/uncomfortable
/r/PurplePillDebate09/06/25 12:14 AM
-2

They both follow a similar pattern. Women just happen to get way more messages overall. You think if it was men getting all those messages they'd respond equally to people of all attractiveness levels?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 11:31 PM
1

Absolutely. Unfortunately seems like most people choose the coercion or cheating route instead
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 09:43 PM
1

It can also just be due to a drop in libido for numerous reasons that have nothing to do with your partner (mental health issues, aging, stress, etc)
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 09:32 PM
1

Lol what? You're the one assuming I assume you proved something. I have no idea what I said that could even be interpreted that way
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 09:08 PM
1

So anyone who doesn't agree with your assumption must be lying? What kind of incentive is the fact that somebody reads my comment and approves of the socially acceptable opinion I'm sharing as an anonymous stranger on the internet? That does absolutely nothing for my life And just because a wife is lacking sexual desire at the specific times I gave examples of doesn't means she's completely lacking sexual desire for her husband. People have reasons for not being in the mood for sex that have not…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 08:44 PM
1

That article you posted actually shows the opposite For males, the impact on the incidence of sex in the past 30 days and cohabiting status is slightly larger than for females
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 08:36 PM
5

Definitely agree with your second paragraph. I'd also add that the statement is pointlessly gendered. Putting "for men" makes it sound like they do work for women. They don't work for most people. It's just how it looks that differs between the genders
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 08:09 PM
1

I'm not saying it's a 50/50 chance. Different people are going to respond differently. Why is it easier to believe your assumption that most women would be upset based on no experience of it happening when you have 2 women telling you that's not how they would react?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 07:58 PM
1

Honestly that sounds preferable. I can see it having different results depending on how it's done. Guy initiates then: A. Wife isn't in the mood and just wants to keep watching the movie. Husband still feels worked up so he goes to masturbate. Then he comes back and they continue cuddling and watching the movie. Lol might feel a little awkward at first but otherwise all good B. Wife isn't in the mood because she's stressed or not feeling well. Instead of supporting/comforting her, husband leaves…
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 04:31 PM
3

It might not be the majority, but there are plenty of cases where it's only a few days/weeks. Someone who feels pressured into feeling like they can't say no to sex for a week or two because they're sick or for whatever reason will eventually develop a sex aversion which will cause long-term issues
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 04:10 PM
1

The amount of emotional support changes over time
/r/PurplePillDebate08/06/25 03:58 PM
7

I see a lot that's somewhat in between. Where a lot of people are expecting their lower libido partner to just flip a switch so the higher libido person can get more enjoyment from it. A lot of them don't seem to realize libido just doesn't work like that for a lot of people
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 09:28 PM
1

Fair. I'll admit I usually say things like "no one" when I actually mean a really insignificant number of people. Or are you saying it's pretty common for people to think dating is just as easy for ugly people as it is for attractive people?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 06:10 AM
1

Yes many women who have been raped don't think it's worth going through to report because it's a traumatizing process that oftentimes ends up with nothing actually coming of it because it comes down to a he said she said situation that is difficult to prove either way. So a lot of people will try to just move on and put it behind them. Too drunk to consent meaning slurring words, throwing up, and someone starts having sex with you before you've even processed what's happening. It's not the same …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 04:38 AM
1

I think it just comes down to how attraction differs (on average) between men and women. Like I honestly don't even understand what you mean by specifying physical attraction vs simply attraction. It seems like for a lot of women most guys are just kind of neutral and then their personality bumps it up and they become more attractive to you. There are definitely some people who are single because of their personalities, but that doesn't mean that anyone who's single has a shitty personality or i…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 03:39 AM
2

I recently mentioned to someone that I felt like they were often turning the conversation back to themselves when I talked about things rather than asking questions or anything. He explained that he was doing it as a way to relate experiences and figured I'd also add in if there was more I wanted to say. I explained that it made me feel like the things I was sharing were less important than what he was and that the focus had to be on him. It was a really helpful conversation to have. I actually …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 02:56 AM
0

How does reading make you a woman?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 02:29 AM
1

Why would those reasons be more valid for sexual assault as opposed to rape? That survey has a separate measure for coercion. They ask about rape in terms of use of force/threats of force and being too drunk/high/passed out to consent. People would be more supportive of that not because of a men vs women thing, but because the consequences of rape are more harmful than paternity fraud (and I definitely don't mean that to minimize that paternity fraud is wrong). If it was 2B to reduce the male ra…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 12:48 AM
5

There are numerous national surveys that report 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 women. Yeah rape has an extremely low reporting rate that's really not surprising. There's a lot of shame involved and also a heavy burden of proof that most people don't think is worth going through with everything involved in reporting. Many people who have been raped don't tell anyone about it. The 40% report rate you mention is referring to both rape and SA
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 12:12 AM
0

True. I don't think anyone argues that's not the case though
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 10:41 PM
1

Adding the physically attractive still doesn't change anything though
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 10:40 PM
1

In what world would that not be sexual assault? There's a sub for that & I'd recommend looking at the resources there in addition to what others have said
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 08:04 PM
3

Only including rape it's about 25% of women. So paternity fraud is still nowhere near as common. Although I agree 5% is obviously way to high
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 05:43 PM
0

The second part of your comment isn't a contradiction though. A person doesn't have to be conventionally attractive to have their partner find them attractive
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 03:40 PM
–

something like social emotional learning programs being integrated into school curriculums? I would love that
/r/PurplePillDebate06/06/25 12:50 AM
-2

In my experience men have been more likely to do this. In reality I feel like it's probably about equal
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 08:25 PM
3

Both men and women who simply believe they are smart are always trying to showboat and one up other people. In my experience it's more common with men. Most people who are actually intelligent don't go around boasting about it. Although yeah there are definitely some who are pretentious
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 01:30 AM
12

That analogy makes no sense. Women don't think their intelligence turns men on. And they don't care for it to. They do care that their partner appreciates their accomplishments and the things that make them who they are. In the same way many men would feel appreciated by their partner celebrating their lifting successes
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 01:19 AM
7

Most women do understand their success is a personal thing and don't care about what men think of it. I've literally never met a woman who wanted a man to be a provider and protector. Intelligent women don't want special treatment for it
/r/PurplePillDebate25/05/25 12:33 AM
1

How exactly is feminism being abusive?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 08:04 PM
0

I only see women shaming men for that when they're being rude about those women not when they just have that preference. Especially if those men are fat and old themselves
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 07:46 PM
1

Like the guy in the post? Yeah they'd both suck regardless of gender
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 07:11 PM
4

So a roommate?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 06:34 PM
1

Lolll I just put my own info in that website and got 0%
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 03:26 PM
2

But the reality is that most women aren't interested in casual sex. And those who are are going to have a lot of options to choose from so obviously they're going to go for the best looks. That's something people need to just accept as a fact of life. I also think that when people are complaining about lack of success or matches they should be more upfront about whether they're actually looking for relationships or just hookups.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 03:19 PM
0

Lolll how am I throwing other women under the bus? Your original comment said women being seen as ugly is correlated with depression. I disagree with that but agree with your rephrasing that feeling ugly is correlated with depression. Those are two totally different things. I'm plenty aware of the data around body image and mental health, just none that supported your original claim. Plenty of objectively attractive people have body image issues regardless of what others think of them. And vice …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 04:42 AM
2

Femininity lives in the now but we're also looking at patterns but also masculinity is wrong for keeping track
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 02:51 AM
1

Ew yeah that was hard to watch. I think you captured everything wrong with it!
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 02:45 AM
2

I think it's also difficult when you see the same things blaming women over and over and if you notice similar word choices used it lowers your tolerance for what you're willing to put up with. See a bunch of posts about women living life in easy mode & you're gonna have less sympathy for a guy struggling to have casual sex. Not sure if that's the post you were referring to. But I have seen posts on other subs of men asking for feedback on their dating profiles and women are usually kind and hel…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 02:14 AM
1

Yeah that does seem to be what OP's arguing but I don't agree that it's based in reality. I will say though that people do respond more negatively to men's issues when they are used as some kind of gotcha or blamed on women. I see virtually no men involved in suicide prevention efforts but I see the statistics thrown out on women's subs all the time. I love the discussion getting normalized though in spaces where it's actually meant to be productive.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 01:49 AM
1

I just don't think that particular example really works. Like I also don't know any guys who would be comfortable picking up hitchhikers and would also probably be at least a bit hesitant of getting in a car with a stranger (besides Uber). It's not like I have a fear of men coming to my house to do work or like being alone at a gas station at night or something
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 01:19 AM
1

I agree empathy shouldn't be expected in return. But that's completely different from becoming less empathic to people who treat you like second class citizens
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 11:09 PM
1

I don't view men with the thought that any one of them might rape me. I wouldn't view the driver as a rapist either but I also don't think getting in strangers' cars is worth it. When 1 in 4 women has been raped in their lifetime it is a very real and present threat. It's even less likely that my house gets broken into, but it's still seen as perfectly normal that I lock my doors.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 10:10 PM
4

I don't think women can do that while some men are saying shit like this (OP, not you). All the women I know are extremely empathic towards men. Or neutral at worst. But constantly seeing shit like this on top of multiple experiences of harassment, abuse, or belittlement really kills it.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 09:59 PM
2

Glad you pointed this out because even as a woman I didn't even notice this point was overlooked. It's so ingrained in our society that female sexuality is largely about what it does for others and much less on her own enjoyment
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 09:08 PM
2

Nah I'd rather walk 10 miles than get in a car with some strange man and risk sexual assault. When a significant portion of the women you know have been SA'd you're going to be more cautious of that
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 08:33 PM
8

Because those things aren't still happening today?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 08:19 PM
3

I don't get attention now. I'm sure I could if I tried but I'm not interested. Imagine you had to start kicking groping boys off of you when you were 8 years old. I absolutely prefer people being completely indifferent to me now. I do agree though that people finding you so unappealing that they avoid you would also suck. We're looking at this from two completely opposite ends of the spectrum. Just because you don't find the invisibility positive doesn't mean women are going to have the same vie…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:52 PM
3

And then when that attention isn't even an option, many of these women are suddenly "relieved"? Possibly. Or perhaps it's just a rationalization. Or perhaps they do actually feel that way as a result of menopause and they're just no longer interested in sex so, who cares. It is absolutely a relief to no longer feel like you constantly have eyes on you. To no longer feel like people's interest in you is solely based on your appearance. To no longer scrutinize your own body because you know how mu…
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:30 PM
2

I'm not talking about wanting to be found attractive. I'm talking about the excessive value placed on women's attractiveness at the expense of overlooking their other qualities and personhood
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:24 PM
1

I'm not talking about wanting to be found attractive. I'm talking about the excessive value placed on women's attractiveness at the expense of overlooking their other qualities and personhood
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:24 PM
1

As a woman who started getting less attention after college, it is absolutely fucking fantastic to no longer have my body being constantly oversexualized
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:22 PM
5

do you have sources that being seen as ugly has a high correlation of depression in women? Also, being seen as ugly is different from being average or unnoticeable
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 07:14 PM
1

It could be painful, uncomfortable, degrading, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 01:15 PM
3

The average single woman is more likely spending her weekend drinking at home with a couple friends. Sometimes they might even mix it up and go to a bar instead. Women going out partying all the time are not representative of women in general
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/25 09:41 PM
1

I don't think changing your style is changing your personality but it is changing what you're allowed to express of your personality. Which is fine for someone to ask of you in a professional setting but not for your personal life
/r/PurplePillDebate22/05/25 08:27 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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