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ComplexDetective2770 Archive

View 0 posts and 32 comments by ComplexDetective2770 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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0

It's nice to see at least one voice of reason here. I think there is a massive confirmation bias here - the guys who are still bitter and bruised and angry at their exwife or the world for not working out the way they wanted are more likely to be hurt again, and we're seeing that in many of the other comments. If you look at all potential partners seeing the damage they may cause you and the conflict they will bring to you, then that is all you will see. If you take the time, heal yourself, and …
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 11:28 AM
11

My friend, The fact that you are saying you feel shame for how you are reacting to your ex-wife now is a good thing. It means you are aware of how toxic and destructive your current mindset is, for yourself as well as for those around you (including your ex-wife) and you want to change it. Are you speaking with a professional? At the moment, it sounds like you are still moving through grief and you have gotten stuck at the anger stage. You are hurting, and you want to hurt the person who made th…
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 09:47 PM
0

You seem very sure of your conclusion, but it doesn't line up with the evidence or with how professionals are trained. Human bias and accountability struggles show up in everyone, not one gender. I'm not interested in pursuing a debate where the other party will invent evidence to support their position, so I'll leave it there. Take care.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 12:56 AM
0

I think you're defending an indefensible position that gender has a direct and absolute correlation with ability to be accountable. Based on very limited evidence, if any at all. But don't let facts get in the way of your opinion, mate. I don't have time to drag you out of your ignorance.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 11:21 PM
-1

Hmmm... Maybe, being a guy, you are just not in the conversations where women are comfortable being vulnerable and honest about their part in relationships or marriages ending... I have platonic relationships with women who have divorced. They are just as introspective, maybe even moreso, than men in the same situation.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 10:59 PM
2

Nobody is ever the villain in their own story. Whether male or female.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 09:42 AM
4

C'mon man. "How come you left it so late?" Do you need to twist the knife? OP knows the marriage is done, why put more in him?
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 09:41 AM
3

I think that's a bit of an unfair take. We don't consciously control who we are attracted to. If OP was physically attracted to his wife when she looked one way and finds himself less/not attracted to her now she looks differently, that it completely fair and understandable. Plus, you're well outside of your lane in thinking that once someone is married they shouldn't undertake individual counseling. That's utter bullshit. There are tons of legitimate reasons why a married person could benefit f…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:08 AM
4

I appreciate the advice. But I am neither gentle enough on the eyes or have the self-confidence to really be out there, even if just looking for something casual. And I would worry that either I would be leading them on, or worse - I'd catch the feels because someone might actually show me some affection which I know I have been craving.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 02:40 PM
3

No. I'm 2 months into my separation. Under the same roof as we prep for mediation. I have thought about it, but it's more a want for comfort/familiarity than anything else, and I wouldn't want to have sex with her if it caused confusion about the separation. Which is irreconcilable. Not due to cheating, but baggage I brought in with me, and patterns which were unhealthy for both of us. I miss physical intimacy, but not enough to risk undermining the first good and healthy decision I have made fo…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 02:07 PM
1

I'm just helping you with your sword
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 05:17 PM
0

Whatever you need to tell yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 03:58 PM
0

And yet ... your comment was a generalisation?
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 12:22 PM
1

Generalisations can be dangerous. Especially based on things like gender.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 07:55 AM
6

"DO NOT ANSWER" I changed the ex's name to that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 05:01 AM
3

Yes. I use it to trauma dump, and to share the internal self talk which, if I let be the only thing I hear will drive me into a shame spiral. It's not a substitute for a professional therapist, but it is an outlet which will never get tired of listening to you, and which you can delete at any point and not worry that you have overshared and overburdened your friends with. It's part of this complete healing package: counselor, ChatGPT, friends.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/25 07:10 AM
4

She had berated me and verbally attacked me for asking for basic considerations in the house - closing the door so the end of the house where I basically lived (due to snoring) wasn't a freezer. I told her that I wasn't happy, and I needed to think. I resisted falling into the cycle of apologising to try to re-establish peace, and sacrificing/diminishing myself and my needs/wants. I was willing to meet her halfway, but I decided to stop overcompensating. We went on a (pre-booked) family holiday …
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 01:47 AM
2

Sorry to hear, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 01:35 AM
10

Might be wrong number, as it looks like half a conversation. Might be deliberately "random" trying to fish for a response. Might be drunk/drugged. Will be her problem - not yours. Ignore or block.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 08:18 AM
1

Brother, I'm there - massive anxiety that no response means they are running away from you. Do some research on Attachment Styles. From what you've shared here, you have an Anxious/Fearful Attachment Style. I do too.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 07:00 AM
21

Talk to a family lawyer. It sounds like your Ex isn't able to provide for your son even with you making child support payments (who knows where that money is going?!). Ask for full custody, even a temporary order until the Ex can prove that she can support herself and your son. Maybe look at having the child support order reversed as you'll now be shouldering 100% of your child"s expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 02:13 AM
2

It is a tough position to be in, seeing your girlfriend working through that inner conflict. Raising or supporting nieces/nephews is great, but again, there's a difference when they're your kids, or your partner's kids. You can't hand them back. And being a step-mum/step-dad you get your share of the responsibility for the kids, but significantly reduced (and possibly non-existent) agency/decision making rights. But if your girlfriend has simply said she's out, it's going to be hard to address t…
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 03:11 PM
3

I think a big factor here is that, whilst you have had years to settle into being a parent, your girlfriend has gone from zero to one hundred in next to no time. That's a massive adjustment in her life, and change is stressful. Only because there are so many factors at play, beyond what you're sharing here, it's worth you speaking with a therapist to support you through these changes. Including how you can support those around you as they are also affected by these changes.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 01:29 PM
5

Pretty sure Martin's sharing roster for Radioactive Man #1 was less complicated than this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 08:31 AM
9

Regardless of your son's wishes, you have to report this domestic violence. Your ex, his Mum, overstepped a line and committed a crime. A report of battery will help reinforce the need for the restraining order. And if she does attack again, and you are put in a position where you have no choice but to defend yourself (with minimal effective force) then a legal history of her being the aggressor will help. Reporting violence is nothing to be ashamed of. If your kid was attacked, by anyone especi…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:36 AM
3

Any form of abuse can go on either direction - male on female, female on female, male on male, female on female, etc. It doesn't need to have it's own name to be abuse. These additional names identify forms of abuse as they become more prevalent as a way to help communicate the way that abuse manifests. Regardless of whether the form of abuse we experience has its own sub-classification, it is real, and it is something which therapy can help unpack and heal.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 09:03 PM
5

I'm not sure whether it's the laws around marriage which need to change, or the commonly held perceptions of what marriage is/isn't and what expectations are/aren't reasonable of your spouse. I think alot of us get married for reasons which make sense when we do it, and when we look back make no sense as we divorce. And I'd almost suggest that counselling, even for healthy couples, before marriage so that expectations which are so deeply ingrained into our minds that we just presume our fiance k…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 07:04 AM
3

There's a time, a place, and a motivation. This failed all three, and I am of the opinion that it would never satisfy all three.
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 03:21 AM
1

I get it - I understand that you see telling the truth as being you living your values. I will simply counterpoint that the needs of our children sometimes mean we have to make choices which are for them and not for us. Even if they ask for the truth, and your values demand you give them the truth, it doesn't always mean that the truth is the right/healthiest thing to give. Or you can give the truth, but with the edges ground off. Instead of "Your mother cheated on me", the same truth can be tol…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 11:09 PM
4

How would telling your kids help your kids? All it would do is hurt your ex, when you shouldn't care about how they are feeling anymore - that's the benefit of making them an ex. Kids aren't a fulcrum to apply leverage across.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/25 10:40 PM
1

So how much direct experience do you have in cuckoldry?
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/25 03:06 PM
2

I'm 45, was together for 10 years and married for 3. I initiated my divorce a week ago. So my advice might not be worth shit, except to say I was flying solo before this. Guys need a purpose. Get involved in a local volunteer group, where you can focus on doing something productive and constructive. Guys need social connections, but the best way we get that social connection is when it is a side effect of doing something purposeful. You'll make friends, you'll have a reason for being, and you mi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 08:01 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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