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Complicatedlogic Archive

View 0 posts and 158 comments by Complicatedlogic on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

Nothing will happen. It’s not right, but that’s how it is. She should be charged with rape, but she won’t be.
/r/MensRights29/07/25 07:48 AM
2

I didn’t take it. And I regret it. Know what, she would’ve took that extra money and laughed at me. Who you are now isn’t who you’ll be once you’re healed. Take the money, you did your part to deserve it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/25 01:50 PM
3

She’s not going to be the bad guy in her version of her life story. You’re enabling her behavior. Why load up your truck bed and haul stuff over to someone’s new house, someone who tries to make you look bad on social media at that? What message are you sending her?
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/25 11:57 AM
28

OP, you’re going to see her doing a lot more things to get a man, that she should’ve been doing to keep her man. And, you can’t let it get to you. She’s a person just like you, she has to figure out her new life just like you. She doesn’t want to be undesirable, so let it go. I was mad about stuff like this for a long time, then I realized that shit ain’t got nothing to do with me anymore and thinking about it only gives her power and wastes my time. It takes time, so I get it, hopefully you can…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/25 10:13 PM
28

If she makes more than you, as long as you’re in a 50/50 state, she should owe you child support and possibly alimony. Talk to a lawyer asap. I turned down both alimony and child support trying to be a nice guy, don’t be a nice guy.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/25 09:15 PM
4

Go on the date. It’s just a date.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/25 03:11 AM
10

Nope. They’re both playing games. Does she miss you or the stability you provided???
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/25 02:07 PM
2

It’s not worth it. She’ll make your death about her anyways. Live.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/25 12:37 PM
5

It sounds like she had a lot of control in your marriage. She doesn’t get to have that anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 08:37 AM
16

You’re being too nice. She has to do her half. I was like you. If I didn’t take a step back and realize I was giving someone the keys to my peace by being so damn helpful, I’d still be a mess. Until you stop helping her and just do your part, she will continue to do this, because you’ve shown her it works. How you feel right now, on here posting because you’re confused is exactly what she wants, you confused.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 02:42 AM
10

Something similar happened to me. Two years out of it, it’s much better and I’m able to see and accept things for what they are. So, my advice is stay on the high road, even if she does things to upset you, keep being a good dad. People will see things for what they are in time. Do not visit her social media page, she will be posting things that will upset you. Whether intentional or not, it’s going to happen. This seems like a pattern for a lot of men here post divorce as far as what they have …
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 01:05 PM
4

Don’t need to meet him cause I’ve known him for over a decade. Ex didn’t know that when she had her affair with him. Maybe she did. I don’t hold it against her or him, I just don’t allow her in my life outside of parenting duties. You don’t have to meet anyone you don’t want to. There’s no rule that you have to accept bullshit in your life. In my case I know my kids are safe, so that’s all that matters.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/25 11:26 AM
9

Mines tried the same. She just wants to keep a safety net for if she ends up falling on her face. You’ll be the last one to know what’s really going on as far as all this goes, not because you’re an idiot, but because your heart is in the right place… Sad to say but “everybody plays the fool”. So don’t be one and play her game.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 04:39 PM
5

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 03:48 AM
4

Been there. Feel free to DM. It sounds like bullshit, but it gets better in time. A lot better. Reacting to things that she does to push your buttons is something you’ll also regret. If you’re a good person then just keep being that. And, sometimes people can see the situation we’re in better than we can, so no need to justify anything. Keep building yourself and don’t let the bitterness cause you to be the person that you aren’t trying to be.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 04:37 PM
9

I’d focus on myself. You can’t do anything to bring someone back, they have to intrinsically desire that. But, you can do things to respect yourself and keep your dignity in tact. It sounds like no contact would be good for your well being. Doing it to get her back is the wrong reason. Also, if she values going and finding herself more than continuing the journey with you, then you need to believe her. The longer you wait, the more time you waste, and there’s a still a lot of life ahead of a 60 …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 11:32 AM
4

As long as you’re honest with her and not leading her on, then I don’t see the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 07:47 AM
1

You feel lost cause you had her back, at some point she saw an opportunity to take advantage of you for that, and now you’re having a hard time coping with it. Once you actually realize what you went through, you won’t be as confused and you can start to rebuild your life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 06:21 PM
3

Muscular endurance routines. The formula is 15-25 reps, 3-5 sets, the amount of weight should be heavy enough to struggle with your last 1-2 reps, without risking losing your form. Rest period is 30 seconds or less. Depending on your body type hypertrophy routines work well also, but that’s for growth.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 01:24 PM
1

Also a trainer. Although everyone is different, eating properly and weight training properly is enough to show your abs.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 01:22 PM
4

IL court here. Ex was astounded that she wasn’t given her way and how fair things were. Everything was split evenly. Her response to us being awarded 50/50 “you must be sleeping with the judge”. IL courts were def fair! I had a lawyer though so I’m sure that helps.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/24 09:22 PM
6

When the wave of negativity and confusion really really hits you, press on, it gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/24 01:23 PM
5

Oh I get it. They don’t though, and that’s not our problem anymore. Thank God.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:32 PM
4

She thought you were still going to be her little helper huh
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 07:24 PM
4

Mines pulls similar stuff. I laugh at it. If they’re so happy with their new lives, why keep trying to find ways to irritate us, or send weird timed texts trying to discuss absolutely nothing… I mean asking her to not send her boyfriend to your house, and then her deciding to do it anyways is a boundary she decided to cross. For what reason? Idk man it sounds like you got yourself out of some drama.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 01:26 PM
3

Question is, are you happy? I get doing it for the kids. But, putting up with emotional abuse should be a boundary that doesn’t get crossed. What does that show the kids? How to allow themselves to be treated. The whole thing sucks man, but getting past the hard part of letting go of a bad relationship is better than being on my deathbed and regretting allowing myself to be treated poorly most of my life.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/24 10:36 PM
6

I’m not trying to be funny, but have you tried taking her to the gym with you?
/r/Divorce_Men18/09/24 09:05 PM
1

She sounds like a headache man. The indicator for me is the children. If the daughter wasn’t trying to leave to the point where she was frantic, odds are she isn’t being treated properly by the mother. I think as time passes you’ll start to reflect and seeing that this is always who she’s been. This is familiar to me. When you show indifference to her, she will use the kids. You sound like a good person with a lot of love in his heart, so she’ll definitely use the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 01:03 PM
6

She’s a good woman that doesn’t respect your boundaries and attempt at self preservation if things go wrong. And, if she won’t compromise on a very logical prenup, based on her feelings, then that should give you a preview of what’s to come.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 01:55 PM
5

That’s how I do it. My son likes it this way too. More parties more gifts.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/24 09:45 PM
5

Sounds like you want to try it. As long as it’s something you want to experience, be safe and enjoy the ride (no pun intended). At this point in life, who cares anyways, if you enjoy it then awesome. If you don’t, well at least now you know.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/24 10:27 PM
3

I do. I don’t talk to my ex though. Pretty sure EXML was told not to talk to me, she could care less so we talk all the time. I don’t pick sides or ask for that, I just treat good people well and appreciate when the same is done for me.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/24 11:44 AM
2

Like a check list…
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 03:24 AM
8

If she pushes you to get married sooner than you’re ready to. She should want you to be ready just like you should want her to.
/r/Divorce_Men21/07/24 01:37 AM
5

At a certain point you have to ask yourself “what’s best for me”. Hanging on to someone that doesn’t want to be there, isn’t what’s best for you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/24 11:10 PM
1

I don’t have any advice, but almost 2 years out I’m still a bit lost. The good thing is that, it doesn’t matter anymore. In time you’ll grow to be indifferent (I hope) and then you’ll be able to live again.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/24 08:51 AM
2

All you can do is be the best parent you can be. No point in worrying about something you can’t control. Hopefully that doesn’t happen though. But, if it is, it’ll come to light.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 04:52 PM
3

If it’s anything like what I went through, once you don’t give her access to you, and don’t allow her to dump on you, she will have to find someone else to do it to. Then others will start seeing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 03:17 PM
1

Sounds like you were the person she’d dump on. If everyone else thinks she’s great, it’s ok if you don’t. On average, she’s a wonderful human being, just not to you. I’m probably projecting lol.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 08:44 PM
8

That doesn’t mean she’s loyal to him. If anything it means you’re fortunate to be out of that relationship. And, I don’t think she was worried about his opinion, I think she was worried about his reaction.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 09:21 PM
3

First off I’m sorry for what you’re going through. It’ll hurt as long as you care. And you’ll care until you process everything you need to. So cry if you need to, get it out. There’s no shame. One day you won’t care anymore and you can have a life again.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:38 PM
1

Yup… fucking horrible. Dark. Lonely. Depressing. Confusing. Hard to eat. Hard to want to do anything. So imagine the person you’ll become when you fight through all of that….
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 01:21 PM
1

Mines does this too. Gets mad when I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t understand why she wants to have conversations with me. Whatever the reason I’m good. If I look look like an asshole, oh well. That’s my answer man. If you look like an asshole by limiting your conversations to being just about your kid, how are you wrong? She doesn’t sound very pleasant and it doesn’t sound like you owe her anything.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 05:21 AM
3

I was there. OP is right. It gets better, a lot better. I didn’t want to listen, but the best piece of advice I was given was to give it time and be patient with everything. Now I can look back personally and be glad I made it through all of that, because I came out a better person. I hope the same for anyone else out there going through it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 10:46 PM
7

All that matters is your peace. Honestly though, if you cheated, then I think you’re doing the right thing by doing what you can to help her. It’s the least you could do, and I’m not judging, just saying.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/24 06:41 PM
6

Affair fog is your best friend. Get your stuff in order and let her think she’s still playing you for a fool so she doesn’t catch on. It’ll suck emotionally for now, but when you’re healed up more you’ll be glad that her mind was where it was when it was time to agree to terms.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/24 07:52 PM
3

Nah fuck that. As soon as something else comes along for her to chase, you’ll just get humiliated again. You deserve better and better is out there for you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/24 06:14 PM
7

If you have to get pressured into marriage, you probably shouldn’t get married. And you have assets…. 1 + 1 = 2.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 07:13 PM
1

A year and a half bro. I’m 42. Facing what I sacrificed for nothing was not easy. But, life goes on. You’ll build yourself back stronger and better. You have a lot more life to live
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 04:57 PM
2

Yup, once you get past the darkness, and are able to truly see what you had to deal with (assuming you’re a good person) then you’ll be able to shift emotionally and let go of all of it. I didn’t believe it, people were right, it just takes time. My life is better, a lot better.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/24 03:39 PM
9

Ask yourself this, does she deserve you? I don’t think you’re equating your own worth bro. Stick to your guns and it’ll all get better in time.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/24 05:13 PM
5

This may not be popular, but staying positive didn’t help me. Getting angry helped fuel me to getting back where I not only needed to be in life, but much higher than I ever thought I could. I’m not rude or mean to anyone. I’m not violent. I just let the hate and pain I dealt with motivate me.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/24 05:00 PM
10

Man she made a choice. Dude that she cheated with should be feeling bad for her situation, not you. And, she shouldn’t be in your business
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/24 12:37 AM
4

It’s not worth it. The way it sounds like she has things set up, all you have to do is react from being triggered and she’ll flip that shit somehow right back on to you. You said it yourself, people are contacting you cause they know it’s bogus. People see it, let her make a fool of herself on her own and don’t play the game with her. It’s not worth your time or energy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 06:06 PM
3

She won’t. She might for a little while, but nah man she won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/24 12:24 PM
12

Mines got a boyfriend and now won’t leave me alone. Sometimes they need to specifically fuck with you. It’s weird.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 10:48 PM
2

If you build it they will come….. Mf you know what you’re talking about. 100%!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/24 01:38 PM
2

I was in the same situation. I’m not sure how your state is, but where I’m at I was awarded 50/50 without question. And since I was the stay at home parent I was given the option to receive child support and alimony. I turned it down, I should not have. You’ll be fine in court and can probably get more than you realize out of the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/24 12:00 PM
3

This comment right here would fix so much of people just realized it.
/r/MensRights05/05/24 11:44 AM
9

This is 100% what I’ve experienced. You cannot invest, only feed. Once again though, that’s just from my experience. I have friends whose wives value what their husbands have done for them. Kinda makes me wonder if I kept seeking out a certain type.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/24 07:12 PM
2

“Constructive abandonment” was what it was called. I’m in the U.S.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 10:23 AM
4

I learned in my divorce that withholding sex is a form of negligence and is actually something you can file for. I’m not sure how people (men or women) can think it’s ok commit to someone and then just start withholding sex.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/24 04:32 AM
2

Your feelings are valid. Only part I don’t understand is the last part. You’re worried he may mess around with a guy again? If he messes around with a woman would that be acceptable? I’m sure it wouldn’t. I don’t think you’re wrong for how you feel, but at the same time if he’s a good person and your best friend, idk I think you may want to try to change your perspective. Which is why you wrote this post lol. You’re a good girlfriend, I hope this finds its way to work itself out.
/r/MensRights27/04/24 11:19 AM
9

That’s not all women. You’re still angry about what happened to you from what it sounds like, I would be too if I lost what you did. I went through a similar mindset when I got back out there. My bias hurt my chances with some good women. Now that my mind is right, I see things with women differently. Yes, there are many that are as self absorbed as you stated, but there are many that aren’t. Get your mind right brother. I was there, I know 100% where you’re coming from.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/24 03:58 PM
19

“My life is not peaceful currently. It was with you, but I have to add that it was also hard just in case you think I have regrets. Also I have to add that you made me feel like a prisoner, remember you’re the bad guy here. I wish you the best though cause I’m a good person.” That’s how interpreted her words. The biggest reason I’m glad i got divorced is because I don’t have to deal with confusing shit like this anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 04:51 PM
5

You just afraid of getting hurt and abused again bro. Take your time and know that it’s not going to be an easy road. But, there’s a fucking reward at the end of that road, so it’s worth moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/24 01:41 PM
1

I did at first. It was stress mostly. I found topick hair fibers to be very very helpful as your hair will look fuller, and you’ll be more confident.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/24 10:49 PM
5

She drives his route for him? You aren’t a priority here. For some reason you’re missing this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 12:32 PM
5

Sounds like she’s the one doing the torturing. Sometimes they just want to hurt you 🤷‍♂️
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/24 01:04 PM
3

Time bro. Time heals. I’m a pretty masculine guy, would never dance, at my lowest point I decided to take Bachata classes. For some reason, that made everything better. I think for me it was because I allowed myself to change. I allowed my mind to break whatever shitty mold it became.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 05:51 PM
6

Sounds like it’s mental. If you could pick up before, once you understand the way the dating scene looks now, you’ll be fine. I was frustrated at first, now it’s pretty easy to talk and have fun with them. Only you can figure what’s holding you back, so give yourself a break and be patient.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/24 05:46 PM
3

That feeling would scare the shit out of me personally. I hope it works out with her OP!!
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 03:29 AM
2

Yes sir, I am. Thanks for that my brother!!!! And yeah man if I choose to be with someone in that way, I know how much I’m going to give. And, I know how much I could possibly lose, so I’m cautious with the women I involve myself with.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 10:20 PM
7

I’m also at about 1.5 years. Maybe I’m projecting, but is it possible that you just have a better idea of your worth and not willing to fall for just anyone? We have a second chance, maybe subconsciously you’re making the best of being single and filtering out people that wouldn’t be good life partners.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/24 09:50 PM
4

Nah, it’s ok to compliment your male friends, shit I tell mines I love them.
/r/MensRights27/02/24 01:03 PM
2

This is hard to answer since him not loving you anymore can’t be the only reason. I read a bit of your post history, I believe you have stated that you were accountable for your mistakes, or something like that. What mistakes? You may be innocent or you may have acted in a way that warranted this reaction from him. So, why did you all divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/24 01:57 PM
12

Don’t do the back and forth. It just lets her know you’ll fold when and if she’s ready to take you back. If you really would like to reconcile, your best bet is to walk away. If she wakes up and you want her back, great. If she wakes up and you don’t want her back, great. Win win. Walk away. It’ll hurt and she doesn’t care.
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/24 11:41 AM
11

I encouraged mines to go to therapy when we reconciled after separation. She waited 6 months, those were a great 6 months. After a few appointment with her therapists, she was a whole different person. I don’t believe that the therapists do it on purpose, but I do believe they hear one side of the story and make recommendations based on that. A few months after divorce she admitted that her therapist (former) had help guide her towards divorce, living her best life, you deserve more, etc etc. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 09:16 PM
10

I wouldn’t mess with her. Just catch her doing dumb shit and get as much evidence as you can. She sounds unhinged, don’t play the game with her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 03:24 PM
8

Like others are saying, her monkey branch broke. The “I don’t know what I’m doing anymore” comment you made stood out to me. Cause in my situation, having me confused was her goal.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/24 02:12 PM
5

This was good information. Thanks bot
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:05 PM
7

Payed most of the bills, handled all the childcare and housework. Cooked 95% of the meals. Somehow wasn’t doing enough, she didn’t contribute at all.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 05:03 PM
6

Tinder. Take good pictures. Look up how to take pictures. For some dumb ass reason all they need is some good pictures and some open conversation and they’re good to go. Assuming you’re like me and used to the old way of dating, the new way is easy and honestly better for us guys that just want some short term fun. I thought their standards were higher than before when I got divorced, I just needed a better camera with editing features.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/24 02:46 PM
7

She’s met some really good men but wants you to come back to her place???
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/24 07:23 PM
1

Tinders good, just have to know how to take pictures. Everything is superficial. Get a tripod, learn to edit (it’ll take you 10 mins) and then put yourself out there. And remember, most of their pictures are old, super filtered, and they mostly have only headshots for a reason. It feels hollow to be honest, but better than sitting around horny. There are a lot of women with the same mindset as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 02:10 PM
1

OP apologies if this sounds rude, but how can you be here considering taking her back if she hasn’t given you a reason why she wants to come back? I mean, if you weren’t considering it I’m assuming you wouldn’t post this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/24 03:43 AM
6

I didn’t want to go on tinder, I did recently, it’s been a great way to fill my time. If you get the looks you do at the gym (I don’t doubt you OP) then you’ll do well on there and you’ll find ladies that fit where you’re at in this journey. All mines knew I was still healing and not emotionally available. Physically though, I’m 42 and I’m using this little pp I got til it stops working…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/24 04:20 PM
7

If she’d rather live a harder life than be with you, as well as being decent to you, then you owe it to yourself not to care. I’m in a similar boat, I hate seeing her struggle, but if they’d rather live that life, it should tell you what they think about us.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:03 PM
2

Very true
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 06:52 PM
14

Right place, don’t delete. Sounds like she caught up in what I’m seeing a lot of lately. I’m sure many have similar stories
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/24 08:20 AM
6

There’s no time table man. Once you learn to accept it and move forward (it’s hard to move on, but you can move forward), you’ll start to heal. Also, until you let go of hoping she may come back, odds are she won’t.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/24 11:47 PM
9

She won’t respect you unless you walk away from her. She still might not, but then at least you’ll be done with having a disrespectful person as your wife.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 04:07 AM
5

I never see or hear any of that. If anything I’ll hear things like “good job dad”. 50/50 here and tend to have them more than that.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/23 05:13 PM
12

Projecting
/r/MensRights13/12/23 09:53 PM
4

Mines still does this over a year later. Don’t give in, especially if you want to reconcile. She wants to keep you in the mental space you’re in right now. You’re a person too, you don’t deserve that.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/23 01:28 AM
2

I’m literally going through something very similar. And you know what brother, I’m terrified to take my own fucking advice. But, I’ve been walking the path it sounds like you’ve been walking, and it’s got me nowhere short of insane. Find a way to give yourself space, it sucks, she’ll find ways to get you to want to talk to her. Mines still does. They’ll ask small questions in texts that should be pretty straight forward, just to get you to get into a conversation. Then shut you down later on. I …
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 04:46 PM
2

And that fear gives her leverage. Whether or not it’s something she’s conscious of, that leverage gives her no reason to say “I want you back”. You’re already there. Sounds like she still hasn’t forgiven you. She may never, but you gotta let her walk her path man. She knows where to find you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 02:09 PM
3

I’d like to think I’ve come to a similar point since being divorced. One year later I still get the mixed signals and it takes me away from focusing on myself. Man if she wanted to reconcile she would tell you, but you hanging on the way you are isn’t going to help you. Maybe she does want to be with you in some ways or fully again one day, that won’t happen if you keep getting baited back into a situation that it sounds like you’ve been in several times. The advice I keep giving myself is to le…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/23 12:47 PM
7

Is she different now? Her sleeping with another guy, getting out there and being single, might’ve been what she needed to appreciate you. I’m not praising her for it, but she was single. And, she runs back to you right after? Idk about getting remarried, but if you wanted to get her back at one point, maybe certain things had to happen for her to realize what she had. The toxic stuff has to end obviously and being mean to you and your child is a disrespect that cannot continue. But, maybe shift …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 12:14 PM
8

I honestly wonder what the catalyst is with this since it’s so common. Is it social media? Idk what it is but I’ve experienced this and I have several other friends that have too. She’ll wake up one day and say to herself “what the fuck am I doing”. Whether or not you’ll care enough to be there or not is the question.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 03:24 PM
11

This was a great answer. Shit man I needed this.
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 03:19 PM
3

Divorce judge was a woman, I can confirm, she wasn’t bias. She called out BS. Even told me I was a good father and a good family man. Ex did not like that at all.
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 01:10 PM
1

If you feel she was writhin her rights, then I’m assuming you two were ok if something like this had happened. If that’s the case, then maybe see this as her realizing whatever she thinks was out there, really wasn’t and she’s realizing her place is with you. Maybe it’s something she needed to experience to appreciate you. However, if it was a betrayal then that’s different. If you both had agreed to date but disclose whether or not you were physical, and she withheld that, then that’s very diff…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/23 08:40 PM
2

Lol yup!
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/23 11:18 PM
5

You know she’s regretting her choices if she sent that. Which is good. I understand no contact, but if she can make your life hard financially, I don’t see a problem with taking the high road and giving her a polite yet very very brief response. Until it’s over, it’s not over, so I wouldn’t give her a reason to flip out. Once the divorce is final, then do whatever. My 2 cents.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/23 08:54 PM
5

She always knew what buttons to push, didn’t she…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 01:47 AM
6

It took her cousin and sister staying with us, for her family to believe I wasn’t the abusive, lazy, good for nothing monster she would tell them I was. I guess when they start lying about you, they have to keep it up for appearances, then they start believing it as well. Also, obviously I support leaving an abusive spouse as long as that’s what’s really happening. Heck depending on the type of abuse the spouse should go to jail.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/23 11:37 AM
2

Yep, and expect delays. Happened to me, and I see it a lot on here. They file, then they draw it out. I don’t quite get it. But, I didn’t have time for that misery.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 03:41 AM
3

You’ll have to do it yourself. I did. If I relied on her help, I’d be going on year 2.5 of the divorce process with no end in sight.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/23 02:32 AM
13

Do not leave the house
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 11:19 AM
22

It sounds like she doesn’t want you at the moment, but doesn’t want to see you with anyone else either. She may want you in time, but not if you come off as desperate. Let her be, work on yourself, obviously other women like you so you must be doing something right.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 08:17 PM
2

42, I didn’t realize how much of my time and myself I was wasting in my relationship. Still friends and what not, but will never ever enter into that financial arrangement ever again.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/23 03:29 AM
1

It won’t work out for her the way she thinks it will, I just went through this. She doesn’t realize she owes you alimony, mines was shocked when she was told she’d have to pay. She also doesn’t realize she will have to pay you child support, mines was also shocked by this. I’m assuming everything is on the up and up with you, if it is, get a lawyer. Maybe yours is like mines. She was so influenced by what she saw on social media and tv that she thought she’d get everything and I’d be living behi…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 01:39 PM
2

Bro I’m sorry you have to go through this right here. Damn!
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/23 12:39 AM
1

This. Once you confront her, she will go into survival mode. That won’t be good for you… The stress alone from that shit…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/23 05:15 PM
4

Sounds like she’s too proud to admit she messed up a good life. Delaying is one of the last bits of control she has when it comes to you. I’d consider getting the divorce done as soon as you can. I hope you get your freedom.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/23 10:07 PM
1

I was terrified of my ex too. I went through the bullying. The mf had my head all kinds of messed up. After moving out (after divorce) I realized that for me to be terrified of her said a lot to me about who I was at the time. Now the games don’t work, you don’t have to answer her questions, you don’t have to feel terrified, the ball is not in her court like she, and possibly you as well, thinks it is. Stay strong brother, she cheated, not you. So she has no right to question anything you do. Sh…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/23 12:10 PM
27

Sorry for your loss. Edit: I can’t spell lol
/r/MensRights14/05/23 08:54 PM
1

If the therapist was the variable, why not ask her to change therapists? If she goes to someone else for a few sessions and decides she wants to separate then ok that’s her decision. But, if she’s making this big of a decision based on a therapists recommendation, if it’s solely based on that, then she should get a second opinion before doing something that will negatively impact her family. That’s just my opinion and two cents for what they’re worth.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 09:17 AM
2

Doesn’t matter what she says about you, as long as you find your peace eventually.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 01:18 PM
6

You’re in for a lot of stress and drama. Stay positive if you can, it may be hard. Do exactly what your lawyer tells you to do. Sounds like you’re a decent person, so stick to your guns and make sure everything is as fair as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/23 12:08 PM
2

I turned down alimony and CS. She needed the money more than I did. I think every situation is different and it’s best to make a decision that’s best for the kids. Seeing mom struggle isn’t good, neither is seeing dad struggle.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/23 07:36 AM
1

Get a lawyer, don’t let her know you’re aware of what she’s possibly doing, play the fool if she is in an affair and hopefully the affair fog (that’s what they call it on here) gets her to mess up and try to take less. During our divorce I’m pretty sure wife was seeing someone, I wasn’t sure and like you I was too stressed to try to catch her. Even though we agreed to not see anyone, my mindset was “we’re getting divorced, whatever”. Then I realized she really really wanted me out so she could h…
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 01:10 PM
1

Lol yup, the phone calls when they come back to earth and realize what they threw away. Sucks that you have to stop caring about her for her to want you. Glad you’re living your life again!
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/23 12:23 AM
16

Not having to drive around the block 3 or 4 times before going inside because I don’t know what she’s going to be pissed off about now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 04:56 PM
1

Showed kindness at first cause you’re a nice person and love her, unfortunately that looks like desperation to them and they feed off of that. Once again this sounds similar as far as always taking care of them. I took care of my ex wife from 18-37. Put her through college, held things down til she could get that 6 figure job. And when she did, she wasn’t happy any more. I tried being nice, and if anything it made me look foolish (which is why I can relate). Fast forward, I let her do her strong…
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/23 01:21 PM
1

Go grey rock, deal with your emotions, hire a lawyer. I didn’t go through the exact same thing, but something similar with her thinking she could get whatever she wanted and could basically torment me til I fell apart. Well, my first judge (a woman) was not biased at all and was on my side. To the point where my ex thought I must know this woman. She didn’t realize she really wasn’t entitled to everything she thought she was. Sounds like you’re dealing with the same. Deal with that anger. Learn …
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 10:21 PM
3

She cheated on you, you left her but gave her chances, she wanted to stay with this other man post divorce to the point where she had your kids around him, you meet someone a year or so later, you have sex with her, and now you’re supposed to regret it??? No. This person that you used to call you wife sounds like she is very controlling and very manipulative. I think you know that, but that love you have from her is blinding you from it. That’s what I’m getting from this at least. If he didn’t p…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 05:04 PM
10

They always do over “there”. If roles were reversed though…. Ah how the turn tables.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/23 11:59 PM
2

If she wants all that free time then take on a higher stake in custody and put her on CS. Things will change real quick then. But, who cares what she’s doing. If she’s really that bad and that out there, isn’t it better for you to spend more time with the kids, instead of them with her? And, you don’t want to cause those same daddy issues you were complaining about. Feel me? When it comes to those kids it’s bigger than you or whatever life phase the X is going through. Good luck, stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 11:05 PM
2

Just make sure you don’t make any big decisions in that fog. And, be carful who you’re around. Remember, you’re not yourself right now. You’re going through something traumatizing and it’ll take some time.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 05:04 PM
3

Sounds similar to my situation. Put mines through college, came out, started making good money, then I wasn’t good enough. 2 months after the divorce she calls often trying to find her way back in after realizing how nice it was to have someone that provided a stable good life. And, I hope she finds someone that can provide that for her, since I won’t touch her. Once you move on, you’ll start seeing the things that your heart wouldn’t let you OP. Good luck man, it gets better.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 01:46 PM
5

Unfortunately, this is true in many cases. Let her go, but don’t let her back. You’ll never be able to experience any of that if you keep chasing though. My ex wanted me out BADLY, tantrums all of that. Now I get texts and phone calls asking if I want to hang out or sleep over. You won’t start to feel better and heal until you start letting her go. You may even see the change in her that you want to see. Personally I still won’t hang out or sleep over, she can find someone else for that.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 01:42 PM
2

Still living with her and have kids with her…. Yes definitely get her a present, doesn’t have to be Gucci (please lord don’t let it be Gucci), but your kids see you living with her, that’s the best example for them. Regardless of the situation always choosing the high road has helped me. Now I’m not saying be a sucker, if you caught her with another guy or something well, that’s his responsibility now. But, if she’s been respectful then why not?
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 06:03 PM
6

I heard something like that. Now when she calls and wants to vent about how rough life is now, I just remind her that this is what she wanted. Big day for you, get ready for the crucible.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 09:19 PM
1

For me it’s been great. I call them when I want, she calls them when she wants. If she wants to come over and see them, that’s fine, as long as she stays out of my bedroom. If I want to go over and see them it’s the same. I get invited to the bedroom, don’t go to the bedroom. I think it all comes down to the individuals and their experience with their divorce. Ours wasn’t easy, but at the end of the day our mindset is kids first. They’re used to seeing and talking to the two of you everyday I’m …
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/23 04:16 PM
19

Sounds like she gave up a good life to go try to live her best life, and things aren’t working out for her. Just wait til she realizes what she did. That’s when the phone calls start coming.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 12:53 PM
3

Start by not rating yourself a 6. You have value beyond whatever you’re looking at unless you’re a shit person, and you don’t sound like a shit person. Just saying, a self confidence goes a long way my brother. Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/23 04:01 AM
2

It almost sounds as if there an unspoken threat that if you don’t submit, you’ll be made to suffer. Sorry mate.
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/23 12:59 PM
2

Was in a similar situation. My life is much better than it was. Maybe you accepted her treatment for so long that she just thinks she can be the way she’s being towards you. Either way, her not helping you isn’t good at all. Especially if you’ve done for her what you said you have. Everyone is different, but I’m glad I left, there’s light at the end of the darkness. Just have to keep moving forward.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/23 05:58 AM
4

She sounds like a good woman. I don’t understand why you would do any of this to her now, regardless of your ignorance to the way things would work out for her and her family if you were to leave her. Maybe I’m missing something, but this sounds pretty selfish to me OP. It’s sounds like she has a lot more to lose than you do, what’s money compared to what you’re about to put her through? Does she deserve that? Idk but good luck man.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 06:01 PM
6

You belong here brother, vent on.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/23 12:49 AM
5

Run. She only wanted to stay when she realized she couldn’t screw you over. Happens a lot. The dude probably had her head all full of wonderful possibilities in the future. I think that’s what happened to me, but I have no proof unlike you. She acted the way yours acted. I walked away. Hurts less everyday. Happier about my decision every day. If you give her a chance, she’ll just position herself to out maneuver you in the future. Run.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 08:24 AM
3

She’s about to be in desperation mode, you’re fighting for your life now. So don’t trust a thing she says and don’t give her the benefit of the doubt. As I’m sure your subconscious has made you aware of this, she is not the person you thought you knew. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/22 01:46 PM
1

Don’t leave the house, get a lawyer. She’s trying to take advantage of you. Do what you have to do and GET A LAWYER, she’s maliciously wrong in this case.
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/22 04:08 AM
2

Understood! Ok just making sure. Sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 04:27 AM
1

It’s possible I’m missing something, I apologize if I am. Are you including your medical disability as a part of your retirement? I’m assuming if you were medically discharged they gave you a disability rating and are also paying that to you on top of your retirement.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 01:33 AM
2

Have you filed for disability? This isn’t divorce related, I’m sorry, but income wise that could help if you’re not already getting it from the military (assuming you’re eligible).
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 01:28 AM
1

Good advice? Get a lawyer and get out of there before she somehow finds a way to get you to pay child support for her 4 daughters. Hopefully she doesn’t get much alimony since you haven’t been married long.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/22 12:25 PM
1

Definitely talk to a lawyer then. At least for the alimony assuming you’ve done your part to deserve it. I luckily didn’t need it so I turned it down, but the courts don’t hate men like most people think. You just have to be proactive and don’t give her the benefit of doubt.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 07:10 PM
1

Makes that much more than you (you’re financially dependent on her), coming home all hours of the night (do you know where she is?), and drinking heavily? It’s time for you to leave man, I’m not saying she’s doing something behind your back with someone else, but these are some red flags that would make me wonder if I was you. Talk to a lawyer. Odds are you’re due alimony if she’s making double and child support if you get 50\50. Good luck op.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 06:08 PM
8

I filed, then she had a heart attack, some other CVD issues, so I pulled it and committed to making sure she had a peaceful and healthy life. I’d easily sacrifice my peace for the health of my children’s mother, at that time. 1.5 years later and her getting a new job making double what she was making, was enough for her to then file cause her life sucked because of me. I didn’t have enough ambition, even though we split the bills I take care of the kids, home, lawn, cooking, and whatever else is…
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/22 02:07 PM
3

Sounds like this is something she’s wanted for a while. This is new to you, but not to her. Walk away, do what you can to make sure things are as fair as you can if you divorce (good luck with that). If it’s meant to be, it’ll be, but it sounds like you also deserve better. Just my 2 cents, you’re a person as well, and you also deserve to be happy. Chasing her will not do that for you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/22 09:34 PM
2

That gaslighting is mind breaking. Once you realize what she really put you through and the absolute lack of care, concern, or respect for you, you’ll be fine. Just gotta take some time to see it and her for what it is and who she is. Which, is something that you don’t need in your life, and something that won’t allow you to be the best version of yourself for your son.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/22 12:14 PM
4

For women it is. There’s no benefit for men that I’ve experienced personally or that my married friends have shared with me either.
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 07:05 PM
11

Sounds like you do a lot and she needs to compromise. Your adhd is an issue for her? That’s literally a medical issue. I don’t have any advice, but you have my support and prayers brother.
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/22 06:01 PM
3

Why is it weird? When I was single for some reason women in their early twenties would constantly try to hang out, get together, and seriously tried to date (late 30’s). Personally I didn’t understand it. But, some things aren’t for us to understand. I hope you find peace and let all that go man. Our time on this planet is limited enough as it is, ya know?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 02:44 AM
7

Why do you care? It’s not worth letting her live rent free in your head is it?
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/22 01:59 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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