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DarbyGirl Archive

View 2 posts and 316 comments by DarbyGirl on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
384

LESSON LEARNEDDarbyGirl/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 04:18 PM
255

LIES MEN TELLDarbyGirl/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 01:07 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
53

They'll probably shut the sub down again soon. They tend to open it back up when they release a podcast then take it down again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/22 12:21 PM
80

Agree, it was very all over the place. I didn't even think the author clearly outlined her point other than "if he wanted to he would" is stupid?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/22 01:47 PM
149

That article made 0 sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/22 11:08 AM
3

it's not on the website. I think someone tried to port it over but I don't know how well that worke.d
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/22 06:16 PM
34

Same. I hate the site. I hate the layout. I hate the "threads" in boxes mismashed all over the page. I hate how the wix app crashes everytime I try to load comment threads. I hate how it seems to be a lot of low effort posting, which is what we were working on getting away from here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/22 06:15 PM
3

The wix app for me crashes anytime I load a thread with more than on "page" of comments
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/22 06:13 PM
101

Yeah, I rarely visit it now. I find the new site buggy and the wix app crashes everytime I load a thread.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/22 01:20 PM
16

try putting the browser in desktop mode.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/22 01:14 PM
85

They open up the sub every now and then but mostly they've moved to their website and abandoned reddit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/22 01:14 PM
12

I agree. I'd save a lot of money by renting out a room but mentally I don't think I could handle another person .
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:41 PM
7

Yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:38 PM
11

Having good neighbors is a must. I really lucked out with mine. They're all great and every single one have offered to help me with anything should I need it especially once they realized I'm on my own.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:29 PM
12

Yes. Some things need to be certain brands!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:25 PM
9

I LOVE my dishwasher! The one in the house I bought was broken and washing them by hand got old quick. I bought my Bosch with my work bonus and it's the best money I've spent. My brother thought I was nuts for buying one when I live by myself but the mental load it takes off me and the time freedom is worth every penny.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:23 PM
10

I have to say one of the good qualities of my ex was that he'd clean up after himself and clean as I cooked. His kids on the other hand.... We went away for a weekend once and came home to a counter and sink FULL of dirty dishes....with the clean dishes still in the dishwasher that they didn't bother to empty. To say I was wild was an understatement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 01:18 PM
141

I feel all this in my soul. I'd be regularly bundled up in a hoodie and several blankets and my ex would look at me and ask "you're cold?". No jackass I'm bundled up because it's fucking fun.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 11:44 PM
135

Allll this 100%. Also agree with leaving the bathroom door open (my pets like to "supervise" ), keeping the house as messy or clean as I like it, changing what I want, eating what I want and not finding that someone else ate something that I was saving for later or used the last of something without telling me. No smelling someone else's cooking smells and the only snoring I hear is my dog's and occasionally that of my 13 year old cat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 11:06 PM
4

Thanks! Hardest thing I ever did but SO worth it in the end
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 10:56 PM
2

Thanks, he very much did. I felt like I had an out of body experience when he told me that I shouldn't be upset about my dad dying. I couldn't believe someone could say something like that out loud.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 10:56 PM
32

You don't owe him anything. He's trying everything he can to get you to respond. Block his ass and ignore. Even if you ended it "the right way" who is to say he won't lie anyway. It was 4 months not 4 decades. You don't owe him shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 05:53 PM
21

I did the same thing when I was preparing and exiting. I completely shut down and grey rocked and made a huge effort to be at home as little as possible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/22 11:59 AM
56

My ex said I shouldn't be upset about not getting the raise amount at work I felt I deserved because "it's just business". Also said I shouldn't be upset about losing both my dad and my 10 year old cat in the span of a month because "they're in a better place now".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 08:55 PM
29

I had such a weight lifted off my mental state that I didn't even know I had after I decided to block my ex. 10/10 would recommend (unless you're co-parenting)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/22 12:58 PM
10

As I get older I also am almost as ruthless with friendships as I am with dating. In this instance him prioritizing his friends over our plans that had been in place for months would have earned him a drop from my life. Life is way too short to deal with this kind of bs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 12:27 PM
12

Agree. If I wanted to read drama every day I'd be on the subs that are about drama.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 12:22 PM
2

THANK YOU!!! It was becoming too overwhelming and actual discussion posts were getting buried.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 12:21 PM
24

Everything old is new again. Playboy logos on things were popular when I was a teenager (I'm 40s)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/03/22 12:08 AM
10

With my ex that was certainly the case to a point. He was resenting that I was putting in effort because he knew he was on thin ice and I deserved better. In his tiny mind if I was "brought down" a peg than I wouldn't find anyone else and leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 03:58 PM
54

Agree 100%. I've posted on here before about my experience leaving a 13 year emotionally abusive relationship. I communicated myself blue throughout the relationship. I communicated how it was exhausting to be the one to make all the plans and schedule all the dates and things we do. I communicated how I had pets when he met me, and that I'd always had pets in my life and always will have pets in my life. I communicated how insulting and frustrating it was when he'd ask if I wanted to "go get so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 03:37 PM
9

OH my god did you date one of my exes? He was a know-it-all that didn't finish university (because he didn't "want to regurgitate things he didn't agree with to do well in a class") that also ended everything with "you know what I mean?" or "you know what I'm sayin?". He couldn't be reasoned with and broke up with me because he "wasn't happy" and the only thing he thought he could change was to break up with me. Several months later he also emailed me asking if we could talk and begging for anot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 03:27 PM
31

Because they think they know "better". Or at least my ex did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 11:37 AM
40

Agree. I don't get the appeal. At all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 12:10 PM
20

Same. You said this very well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 05:21 PM
7

Thanks. One of many reasons why I could never live with her again. Ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 04:14 PM
40

Oh, I see you've met my mother. I left my ex of 13 years and she just adored him. I may as well not have existed when he was around. She kept trying to tell me the emotional abuse I endured "couldn't have been that bad" and then topped it off when she realize that wasn't working with "well just because you break up with him doesn't mean I won't call him when I need something fixed". This weekend, 5 months later she was out at my house and dropped a "oh I should drop out and see ex sometime". I t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 07:54 PM
2

It's sooo hard to explain to people too because it sounds so harmless. "Oh he just likes things a certain way". "Oh he's only trying to help". Those of us who have lived it, get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 01:33 PM
3

It starts off as constructive criticism but escalates to where everything is "constructive criticism"...which really amounted to control. It was everything from how the dishwasher was loaded, to how the towels were folded, to how the wood was put in the stove, to what ingredients I used in dinner, to how dinner was cooked, to how I cleaned the house....it got to the point where I stopped doing anything at all and ate in my car because if I couldn't do it "right" then why do it at all. Which even…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 09:40 PM
13

He's staying because he doesn't have the balls to break up with her and let her go live her life. He doesn't want her, but he'll be damned if he'll let anyone else have her. It's almost like he's pushing her to the point where she leaves and he doesn't have to be the bad guy, but if she ever does, man alive will the waterworks and lovebombing begin.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 09:38 PM
11

SAME. To put it succinctly he acted as if he hated me. And I didn't know at the time, I thought it was just a "rough patch" and did everything I could to "fix" it. Narrator there was no fixing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 09:34 PM
18

The goalposts will always keep moving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 09:33 PM
27

Preach. I'm glad you got out. It took me 13 years and about the same amount of time planning. I'm only 4 months out but I got my nails done last week for the first time in 13 years. I feel a little more like "me". But I really hope we both find our happy again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 09:32 PM
35

Oh it totally does. And it starts out so small. You barely even notice it at first and it just builds and builds. Like small as in, "why are you cutting the pepper that way, you should do it this way instead", "oh the dishes clean better in the dishwasher if you do it this way" stuff like that. Coupled with Questions that aren't criticisms persay but have this tone about them like you're an idiot and...yeah it's soul crushing. With my ex I got to the point where I could barely make any decisions…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/03/22 09:31 PM
130

I know so many women in their 40's who have ditched their LVM's and are totally rocking life (I'm one of them I like to think). Hell I'm even now starting to build and install stuff on my own, shit it's not as hard as people think. A good drill, a pencil, a measuring tape and a level is all I needed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 04:15 PM
55

He's allowed to be angry/upset with you but you aren't allowed to be angry/upset with him "you're too sensitive" Figures he should be entitled to come home to a spotless house but refuses to pitch in to get/keep it that way when you both work full time sees "just married" cars or people getting wedding pictures done and calls them "idiots" it's always the woman's fault a man is "trapped" with kids You are the one responsible for all trips, birthday planning, gift giving. He "doesn't care" or "is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 04:12 PM
73

Not to mention the amount of men that project their love of their balls onto their pets, particularly dogs where they refuse to neuter them because of their own attachment to their balls. It astounds me. You don't see women projecting their uterus onto animals. I don't get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/22 02:25 PM
24

My ex was like this. In his case it was both projection (he was cheating and when he wasn't cheating he was flirting with anything that moved looking for greener grass) and insecurity (knowing I could do better than him). Speaking from experience, there's nothing you can do to fix this. Every small thing you sacrifice (change your wardrobe, stop wearing makeup, no male friends etc etc etc) is just an excuse for him to keep moving the goalposts further and further and box in your light until you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 03:10 PM
18

My ex used to complain that I was "too independent". Which was really code for "not easily controlled" and "content to do things on her own" 🙄 . It's a form of negging really.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 02:55 AM
3

Anyone I ever knew that was in a long relationship then engaged, or a long engagement eventually never went through with it. I worked with one fellow who had a kid with his live-in girlfriend, I cant remember how long they were together before he finally popped the question (at least 6 year), but it was long enough that he got a lot of "it's about time!!" comments. I don't think the engagement lasted a year before they separated and he moved to a different province. I worked with one girl who ha…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 07:30 PM
25

I don't understand the super long nails thing, but it's their body, their choice and doesn't hurt me any. Like I don't get the hate either way, it's not your life, don't shame people for things that literally don't effect you, ya know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:10 PM
31

My ex used to always comment when I painted my toenails that I "didn't need to do that they look fine". Which was always really an undercurrent of control. I did it anyway because I thought it was pretty. That's what should matter. I would love to have my fingernails painted but a) I'm certain a 5 year old could paint them better than I an and b) I'm rough on my nails and they're thin so it doesn't last and c) I play violin and need my fingernails super short. I am treating myself to a manicure …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 05:08 PM
5

dating apps are a lazy man's way of finding a date.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/02/22 03:51 PM
17

I think something to remember is that it's super easy to make these decisions and judgments when we are on the outside looking in and not emotionally involved. As someone that was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 13 years, it's an entirely different ballgame when you are the one in the middle of it. I knew deep down the answer was to leave, but given the abuse, gaslighting, silent treatment, and love bombing I was subjected to, I had no confidence in my decisions when it came to my per…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:41 PM
9

You are doing the right thing by getting out. Please don't get your things by yourself. My ex used to go out of his goddamned way to prove me wrong. Like I'd drop it and tell him he was right but he'd still make a point of looking it up or whatever to prove he was right. Every time. It was so frustrating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 03:13 AM
8

And I knew something was off. But I was stuck at the time and limited on options so I just brushed it off. And when I found out my mind was blown. The first thing I thought was "Oh My God, It All Makes Sense".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 04:56 PM
48

Agree, if this is real that poor, poor woman.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 03:53 PM
3

I'd ignore. He's trying everything he can to get you to talk to him. Unless you are served with court papers ignore his ass and enjoy the fact you're living rent free in his head.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:33 AM
202

Signs my partner showed before I realized he was cheating: long "work" days lack of updates during the day where they used to be common (ie heading home now, do you need anything from the store) starting to treat you like dirt belittling you, making fun of you ramping up control, especially in regards to makeup and clothing choices acquiring new interests in hobbies
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 09:20 PM
8

a forensic accountant can be extremely expensive.. and then it drags the process out longer...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/22 08:34 PM
11

I had a similar mental list as I was scared he'd find a paper one. My list was all the actions that showed me he did not ever think of how his decisions affected me. It took me 3 attempts to leave. I'm glad you got out. Feels great!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/22 02:03 AM
23

My ex wanted me to tell him what he did wrong so he "knew for next time". I told him I wasn't having that discussion that at this point I was tired of talking about it. When I was finally out he begged me to stay then proceeded to list off a number of promises which include a number of things I complained about in the past that I was unhappy about. They know. They just play dumb.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 08:26 PM
28

Yep, I shouldn't have to always ASK. It's exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:21 PM
21

You can communicate until you're blue in the face but if there aren't consequences that you enforce they'll never listen. My ex would only ever listen to me if a) there were consequences or b) someone he respected far more than me told him the same thing. You can't love someone into listening.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:20 PM
67

My ex fit this picture. I have always been a voracious reader. I read before bed every night. My ex hated it. "Oh are you gonna read?" With such a tone too. He also had no empathy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 04:07 AM
7

Yep. I was reading through it and nodding, and nodding and feeling really validated. Like I was half floored to think this wasn't me, this wasn't in my head, this wasn't normal. It's HIM. I really felt like I was going crazy until I read that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/22 03:49 PM
153

Ladies if he never takes ownership of anything, never apologizes for anything, and always blames anything that happens on everyone else....run. Another book I really liked was Psychopath Free. There is a free chapter I think on Amazon and there is basically a checklist of behaviors. This checklist really hit home as my (now) ex ticked off a lot of those boxes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/22 07:22 PM
11

There was a legal advice post a year or two ago. A lady got pregnant and he didn't want her to have an abortion so she said fine I'll have it but you'll have to take care of it. She wanted nothing to do with it. He was looking for advice on how to force her to have custody of the kid because parenting is hard and he didn't think she meant it at the time. Dude got roasted in the comments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 12:19 PM
113

Spot on. Another thing I'd like to point out is, as hard as it will be take the emotion out of it. Treat it like a business transaction. Don't get drawn into drama, don't talk about anything other than the kids, keep it all to emails or texts so you have PROOF.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/02/22 08:25 PM
116

Girl, take more time off from dating. He's been pining after you for 4. Years. He ignored your request to go to a steakhouse. He's friends with your ex. You are trying to control who he's friends with. You overshared your history with your ex (NEVER share your trauma) You then "joke" that your date is going to do something to you? Like, I don't mean to be harsh but I think you're picking up on the wrong things and confusing boundaries with control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 04:49 PM
24

Oh man I looked at her replies on that post and she genuinely thinks all this is her fault. He has her so, so gaslit that she's not seeing logic at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/22 03:49 PM
159

He's probably the type to pout and guilt her or pester her and pester her until she gives in to get him to leave her alone. I've definitely been in the "felt obligated to do it to get him to leave me alone" position before. Sometimes the fallout from saying no wasn't worth it (he is now my ex)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 07:13 PM
123

You should have seen the argument I got into with a person on a post about how her partner was nagging her into shaving her vag. "she should do it to make him happy" totally missing the point about the actual problem (his inability to respect a No). This thought of "compromise" needs to be tamped down. Not everything is compromisable. Why should one person compromise and the other never have to? Like, just keep shoving yourself into a smaller and smaller box. It's fiiiiiiine.....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 07:11 PM
33

Yes! When I was gearing up to leave I made a mental list of all the specific actions and things he did that got me to this point. I was too scared he'd find it if I wrote it down. But I referred to it often when he'd guilt trip me and I'd start feeling bad. I'd tell my self "look at his history of actions, that's the truth, not the words he's saying now"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 03:38 PM
177

When I was growing up (I'm in my 40's) all I heard was "when you get married", or "when you have kids", and "relationships take work", and "divorce is bad". Even tv shows, movies, books, all have that underlying theme of "finding your soulmate" and "fighting for the relationship". So these young girls think it's normal. That these things are things everyone goes through and works through and it'll be alright as long as she keeps trying. I wish there was more dialogue about what relationships sho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 02:48 PM
19

Good. For. You. Stand your ground. You are not in the wrong here and his reaction is so, so telling. Hugs to you queen. I got similar unhinged messages from my (now) ex when I started wearing makeup again (because I started a new job and wanted to make a good impression). Like paragraphs of mysognistic BS indicating I was "looking for attention" and "all guys think like this" and, man it was surreal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/22 05:08 PM
85

I can definitely see that. My ex got very insecure at my first salary jump. Two years later I was offered another position wtih a 50% increase and he like lost his marbles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 03:16 PM
17

My ex tried that line too. "well I thought if I told you I was seeing someone else you'd come talk to me and figure it out". Play stupid games, win stupid prizes jackass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/22 02:02 PM
18

Jesus did we date the same guy? Christ my ex lost his goddamn mind when we broke up. He cycled from excited, to sad, to I'm seeing someone else, to trying to be nice to get me to stay, to coming into my office (I work from home) and crying asking if I never ever wanted to talk to him again. It was so....jarring. I really felt batted around from day to day. I felt the same way you did.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 09:00 PM
9

I am bad at replying to texts. My ex would really get insulted if I never replied. It was quite irritating.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 06:45 PM
12

I love Dr Ramani. Months before I started putting the pieces in motion to leave I found her videos on YouTube. I felt so heard and seen. So much of what I went through seemed innocent on the surface but pile it together and by the time I left I didn't even know who I was anymore let alone what it felt like to be happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 12:25 PM
8

My ex wanted to stay friends. He was bawling and asking if I never ever wanted see him again. I was still living with him at the time so of course I reassured him otherwise to keep the peace. He thought he could win me back by being nice...and this time this whole thing was HIS goddamn idea. Once I got moved to my house I blocked him and haven't spoken to him since. It is all about control with him. He wanted to still control me and I never felt I had the power to walk away. But I went to pick u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 12:19 PM
4

I haven't seen mine since I moved out. However I've been told he's since very much fallen down the right wing, antivax, anti mask, conspiracy theory rabbit hole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 11:22 AM
9

Exactly. I second guessed everything and never trusted him again. I started to grow tired of his shit a little quicker too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 03:10 AM
6

Oh agreed. She probably lashed out at OP because OP is a "safe" person to do so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 07:38 PM
92

I think it is important to remember that the solution is usually clear and obvious from those of us on the outside looking in. When you're in it, feelings get in the way - you remember what it was like at first, you pick out the good things he does, the "but I love him" features prominently. Fear of the unknown, a lot of second guessing yourself and gaslighting of yourself happens too. Deep down they know what the right step to take is - I did - but taking that step is super scary and it's easie…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 12:06 PM
19

I sing whatever I want and dance around my house - my pets think I'm crazy but they somehow manage to put up with me :) I'm not sad all the time. I felt very depressed and lonely in my relationship and that is now lifting My confidence is coming back. I find myself looking in the mirror more, and putting effort into playing with my hair. I'm enjoying being able to play video games again. I was given a switch as a gift and I've been having fun playing Lego harry potter and breath of the wild. I a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:28 PM
16

This is the best. Although I have a king sized bed, two cats and a dog so It's more creative angling than starfishing but its nice to have ROOM to sleep and stretch, and wake up feeling actually rested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 04:00 PM
33

I sing and dance for my pup and cats all the time now. They look at me as if I'm crazy but hey I'm having fun and don't have to go for a drive in my car to do a favourite song singalong anymore :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/22 03:57 PM
29

Yeah I agree. They're together 4 years, bought a house, and she's still a girlfriend?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:16 PM
64

Probably but we all know this guy will never exercise his custody because it's work
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:57 AM
101

Same. Christ. This needed a warning label.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:16 AM
43

There is no coming back from this. At all. He isn't happy and he's using this as an excuse to duck his responsibilities. The bright side is she'll likely realize how happy she is without him once he's gone. Hopefully.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/22 07:49 PM
30

If I'm with a partner long term, I want that commitment. Prenups are a thing and there are ways to structure them to protect both parties. I can't really put it into words why. I simply know it is important to me. My perspective does come from a bit of a different point of view; I didn't have that with my last partner, I was a forever girlfriend of 13 years. I tried my best to convince myself that I didn't need to be married. That it was just a piece of paper. All that did was make me resentful,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 09:32 PM
42

Same I love living on my own. I hated living with roommates, living at home, living with my ex. Heck I even hated being in an apartment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 09:21 PM
32

Yep and my ex sucked at giving them too so I always declined them. He'd just kinda lightly rub my back and call it a massage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:26 PM
44

"all you had to do was ask" was a statement I loathed hearing. I shouldn't have to fucking ask.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:25 PM
53

.Whenever she broke up with him, he acted like he had changed and acted like he is going to move in with her by sending her apartments he had checked out This must be in the playbook because once I broke the news that I found a house he started sending me listings closer to where we had lived He was jealous of that little dog, Mine was jealous of my pets as well. He was jealous when I wanted to do things with my brother. He was jealous if I went out with friends or went to activities. He was jea…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:22 PM
47

This is correct. Being the one to make all the decisions, plan all the dates/trips, decide what to order/make for dinner, get all the groceries, schedule appointments, take care of the pets is utterly exhausting. My LVM used to harrumph with "well I don't see what the big deal is", so I called him on it and stopped planning anything. He'd occasionally ask "do you want to do something tonight" and I'd give a non-committal answer. I stopped planning shit, I stopped buying/making food for him and w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/22 05:19 PM
8

My mom is here and we are painting my bathroom. This evening I am sitting down on the couch with my critters and filling out my dragon apothecary planner for next year and figuring out my goals with some nice appetizers and wine and snacks. I probably wont make it till midnight lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:55 PM
6

And even if you could go down the filing based on cheating or violence, you still have to prove it and it's often an "easier" road just do do it based on a year of separation. Then once the divorce paperwork is filed it can be easy for a vindictive party to drag out the whole process for years. So, I wouldn't unless the paperwork was signed. All you can do is hope he finds a new interest once you can file so that he's eager to get it over with. Best of luck to you :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:54 PM
1

Girl. same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:43 PM
2

Same. I had totally checked out and there was nothing left inside me for him. He had an absolute meltdown after I left and then started mourning. I flat out told him there was nothing he could do, promise, or say. That I had been through my feelings over the last several months and that part of me was gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:43 PM
1

This. Right here. I went through the exact same thing the first time he cheated. I never really trusted him again afterwards but I believed his manipulations. It took me 3 tries to leave him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:38 PM
1

Yep I felt the same way. He was so sorry. He was "gonna change". He kept it up for a few months then went right back to the way he'd been before. He lovebombed hard and I never really trusted him again .
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 04:36 PM
32

I wonder too if some of it is that when you are miserable at your job and streseed that men can almost sense the vulnerability and their savior complex kicks in. Whereas when you are secure, happy, stable, and kicking ass they are too intimidated to try
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/21 02:55 PM
61

You should watch the documentary they did on him getting his first Michelin star. He is downright abusive to his staff in his own restaurant
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 10:42 PM
43

Yep. I installed my new kitchen tap myself :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 03:20 PM
14

Congratulations! All the best in 2022!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/21 01:39 PM
7

Admittedly I grew up watching action movies with my dad. We used to snuggle up on the couch together and watch Steven Segal, Sly Stallone, Arnold, etc. So, I am a bit different in that regard where I love action movies and cannot stand sappy romance movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:21 PM
21

I agree. She hasn't watched the newer films and I don't know how she can constructively criticize something she's never actually seen. I think these films were well done, and I am an admitted Marvel fan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:14 PM
9

I have watched every single Marvel film. I love the series, I love the action. The only one so far I didn't like was Black Widow and I think they did her an injustice there with the script. Marvel isn't only loved by men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:12 PM
10

You can't constructively comment on a film you've never seen. You can't go on clips or trailers. You do not get the whole picture. I agree with ello on this, the newer films are not what you seem to think they are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:10 PM
7

I agree, I came to say the same thing. This spiderman is high school kids and closer to the comics. I think it pegs highschoolers pretty well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:07 PM
11

Glad she dumped him. Imagine being insecure over a PET. My ex was constantly trying to get me to give up my animals, or promise I wouldn't have more. Why? Because he was jealous of the attention I gave them and that they gave me. He hated my cats, but I had them when we met and he thought I'd "grow out of them". He was jealous of my rescue pup, I put a lot of effort into building her confidence and training her. He was jealous that she didn't just warm up to him and come to greet him at the door…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:03 PM
16

And swore up and down there was no other woman in the picture Preach. "SHE IS JUST A FRIEND IT WAS ONE DINNER". Oh really? One dinner? That you lied to me about who you were going with? That "friend" who you had her record her voice saying she was calling and set it as your ring/text tone? That "friend" you texted telling her she was your priority? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:25 PM
2

Thank you! I sure hope so.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:23 PM
2

Oh thank you, that's good to know it comes back :) I'm happy you are free too, it's both nice and sad to have people who have been through the same thing and can understand the subtleties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:23 PM
1

Thank you, I will see if I can track that story down (I don't have cable).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:22 PM
2

Thank you so much! Luckily the funds I used to by my home came from a previous employers RRSP program which was in a separate account and funded directly from my paycheck :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:21 PM
3

Thank you! It was so, so hard. Every time I felt overwhelmed (which was a lot) I took a deep breath and said "Okay. What's the next thing I need to do?". Whether it was sending an email, making a phone call, listing stuff for sale, I kept focusing on putting one foot in front of the other and getting through each day instead of looking at the mountain at the end. Thank you for the video camera advice. I was looking at putting in a doorbell cam but some unexpected expenses popped up and that mone…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:20 PM
1

Thank you so much. I'm hopeful it will make a comeback :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:17 PM
2

Thank you! I'm getting there slowly I think. I was dreading Christmas, but I blocked his texts and he hasn't shown up at my door (yet).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:16 PM
121

My friend's now-fiancee hired a photographer and set up an elaborate picnic at the beach with all her favorite foods, had roses set up, etc. It was super cute and thoughtful. It was a surprise for her and he loved setting it all up, he was so excited to propose.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:15 PM
52

Being in a relationship with someone who is constantly on call or travelling may seem really cool at first, but it's super hard on a relationship. After awhile you will get tired of them having to cancel for work, or never being home because they are travelling. As someone who used to travel for work...it's not as glamorous as the movies make it to be. Edit to add: no one should have to ask if they are going to make it official. You either are or are not in a relationship and there should never …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 04:09 PM
3

"we're learning to have better sex without you". Really? Is this true? Halleluiah! Buddy have at it. Unlike you I can be perfectly content never having sex with a man again. Never having to be pawed at at 2 am for sex when I'm exhausted? Never having sex just to "get it over with so he'll leave me alone"? Never having to be on guard all the time because the end game for you is always sex? Sign me TF up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 03:28 PM
56

Agree. They should be paying attention to you as much as we pay attention to them. Gift giving isn't something people are born good at, it takes time to learn how to do so like everything else. "I'm no good at picking out gifts" is just stupid and making you pick out your own gifts defeats the purpose of the spirit of gift giving in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 03:23 PM
7

Yeah, you have to go to the standalone post, a lot of "I went to the sub and looked at some of the posts and the posts are....reasonable?". I mean we do have some fringe elements that throw out a lot of hate against men, and come across as hostile. However we are nowhere on the level of "incel" and we do advocate for looking out for ourselves as opposed to blaming our struggles on the "inability to get a boyfriend".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/21 03:02 PM
89

That was an interesting thread. I did read the whole standalone post and a lot of people were actually defending fds which was nice.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/12/21 05:45 PM
18

I'm sure he spun her some woe-is-me tales about me. She can have him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 11:06 PM
6

Exactly
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:43 PM
18

I know. I was so insulted when he would blatantly lavish affection when I washed it off. That whole thing was really the beginning of the end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:42 PM
40

Agreed. Either that plan didn't pan out as expected or he wanted his cake too. I don't explain to people why I left, I just tell them it was a long time coming and leave it at that. I vent my frustrations here on FDS cause ya'll just get it. I told myself that he just liked things a certain way. That he was picky and a perfectionist. That it wasn't a big deal. I didn't realize how all these little "innocent" criticisms pick away at your self esteem until there's nothing left.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 05:41 PM
41

100% agree. He had flipped into being SO NICE and I felt SO GUILTY, I'm glad I snooped and I'm really glad my brother stepped up and kept telling me "whatever comes up we'll figure it out".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 05:16 PM
24

Thank you so much. Your comment legit brought me to tears. <3 Merry Christmas to you as well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 05:07 PM
73

I know! When he was on about the makeup I flat out told him I WORE MAKEUP WHEN WE MET. And he just wore me down until I gave up on it to get some peace, sometimes he'd have a temper tantrum over it, he'd be hostile and refuse to look at me, and then when I had a shower he'd be all over me. Looking back he was super insecure, I had taken a new job that was mostly with men and he was worried I'd level up. I told him multiple times that I felt like I was being pushed into a smaller and smaller box.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 04:59 PM
6

I just made a standalone post about mine. It's a rollercoaster. I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't live it. TL/DR - emotionally abusive, narcissistic lvm. breakup his idea, side chick in the wings, emotional rollercoaster ensues from him offering to helping me move, to begging me to stay, to asking what fixtures I wanted from our current home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 04:26 PM
10

they aren't my fave thing either, but I have seen women come in and pick out the charms they wanted as gifts or pick up a few booklets to give people with the ones they were looking for circled.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 08:38 PM
14

I had a friend who met someone through a facebook game. He was here and she was over in england. They talked all the time, eventually he flew over to see her and stayed a couple weeks, she came here for a while, they were long distance again, then he flew to see her and came home fairly quickly and that was the end of that. He would have been in his 30's at the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 08:36 PM
9

I think its more that they are having the hard time with reconciling their love for the person with what the person just did that was hurtful. It's a form of denial at its core. "He did this hurtful thing that I am having a hard time with. He's not sorry. But I love him and it would hurt more to leave him. What magic words can I use to fix this?" In this scenario she's still very young. I fully admit I was still a naive idiot until I hit my 30's and we are so inundated with "love conquers all", …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 08:30 PM
45

I have. I worked in jewelry back when Italian charm bracelets were a thing and loads of women were getting the charms. When Pandora came out it was the same. I worked with one lady who special ordered a number of bracelets and charms for her kids and grandkids. She put a lot of thought and effort into them because she wanted to give them one last very nice gift to remember her by.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 04:10 PM
86

Anytime I see "Long Distance Boyfriend" I cringe. So very few of these situations work out long term and so often its an extra lazy way for the nvm to "have a girlfriend" while putting in even less effort. Also it's one thing to talk to someone in text and video, it's another thing entirely in person where you see their full body language, they way they smell, their quirks etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 04:06 PM
112

my ex had my replacement lined up before we even broke up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 03:27 PM
6

Yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:20 PM
5

I watch it every Christmas eve! Heck Disney+ even has it listed in their Holiday Movies section lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 07:19 PM
8

my ex is in his 50's and sleeps with his mattress on the floor. Which is extra hilarious because he used to lecture his kids about the importance of having their beds off the floor and on a frame <eyeroll>
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/21 06:53 PM
8

My ex once regifted me some knock off frerro rocher chocolates for Christmas. Not only was I upset that be didn't get me a gift, but he regifted me something someone gave him, and this comes a month after criticizing my sugar intake. The dollar amount wouldn't matter. What would matter to me is that it is a thoughtful gift that shows he was paying attention in the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/21 03:07 AM
48

It's normal I think to feel that way. I'm an empath and it was hard for me to break up with my ex. I felt so bad that the was hurting. But you can't put someone else's feelings before your own well being. It's hard but it gets easier in the long run.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 03:55 AM
141

Yesssssss! The few times my ex brought home flowers I was still having to make decisions surrounding them. "Do you want me to cut them? How short? Is this okay? Which vase do you want them in? Do you want them on the table? Or do you want them here? ". All. The. Time. It was exhausting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/21 02:40 AM
1

I have a home gym but I subscribe to thewkout.com. Lisa is the bomb I've followed her for years. Her workouts are the shit. We lift heavy things and have fun. She has a number of challenges too I loved shred and build. Aaron does CrossFit and spin if you like those.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 02:07 AM
8

I was in an age gap relationship for 13 years. Aside from the things I've talked about in my post history (emotional abuse, controlling, selfish, cheating etc) one thing I don't see talked about is how they look down on you. You'll never be their equal because they are older and "wiser". They'll never take you seriously because "you're young and stupid". They'll dismiss your suggestions because they think you have no idea what you're talking about. Example, I once suggested that we needed more t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 03:45 PM
3

Girl. Same.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/12/21 02:09 PM
1

❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 06:30 PM
3

Yes it was plain rice with raisins. Why? I have no earthly clue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 08:18 PM
1

Yes that is exactly what he made.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 08:18 PM
1

My routines are what helped convince my doctor I had it. I explained my life. He said it sounded exhausting 🤣
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 01:11 PM
21

Thanks! My life is so much better now <3. I should do a standalone post about him, the red flags, and the utter craziness I went through getting out of the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:22 PM
84

It's all about control. His mother was very critical and controlling, and also super catholic. My mother was also very controlling and I had a sheltered upbringing as well so I was able to recognize it. I changed my controlling ways, and his didn't really show until I moved into his house. And then, when I was financially unable to leave, it ramped up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:18 PM
27

Lord you wouldn't want anythign he'd cook. He thought he could cook. He could not. He'd never cook anything how I wanted it, steak would be either underdone (because he likes blue rare) or way way over done. He was also the type to throw whatever needed to be eaten into a pan and eat that. He once made rice, which I'll eat, but I didn't realize he put raisins in it until he scooped it on my plate. I put it on his plate instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:14 PM
17

I never tried that. The closest I got was asking him to be home earlier than I actually needed him to be if we were going somewhere. I got to the point where he wouldn't do it so I'd walk over and do the thing myself (turn the wipers on, turn the exhaust on, refusing to respond when he asked me if I wanted milk, etc).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:12 PM
12

Fuck I hope not. <3 to you, I don't wish my ex on anyone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:09 PM
39

Oh yeah I know. Beyond passive aggressive. Like he made me cry at a dinner out once because he was complaining about other people and what he was complaining about was clearly directed at me, under the guise of "other people", and then when the tears started to fall he was all surprised and "OH! I didn't mean YOU, I'm not talking about YOU". Shit like that all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:09 PM
18

I'm in my 40's and I don't have many friends in general. I have people I talk to and chat with, but I don't have anyone I hang out with or comes over to hang out with me. I have a male friend in one of my community groups, he's married, speaks the world of his wife. We hang out in group settings though, I'd never hang out one on one. He's a bit more of a father figure I guess. I have one friend I've had for 20 years who is male. We chat a bit on messenger and he's always been my movie buddy, I l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 04:29 PM
33

It's so frustrating! He could be quick when he wanted to...and don't even get me started about him dragging his feet getting ready for bed and making a racket when he knew I was exhausted
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 03:57 PM
66

That'd be infuriating
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:33 PM
593

My ex used to do stuff like this, but not as extreme. It was things like refusing to use the windshield wipers when driving MY CAR because he "could see just fine" even after I asked him to. Refusing to hurry up when I was anxious about being late. Refusing to turn on the exhaust fan over the stove when he was cooking with a shitton of onions and curry (the scents set me off every time). Asking if I wanted a glass of milk...when he knew I had developed lactose intolerance. Constantly touching my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:19 PM
50

Yes this was my ex. He was very insecure but also had the "good guy" personality. Loved doing things for other people and "helping" other people, not because he enjoyed it but because he got supply and attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:08 PM
7

Here ya go https://youtu.be/Wh5Z-BXJTmY
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:44 AM
13

I am always looking for the time. I am very time blind. I really enjoyed my fitness tracker and getting my steps. Then I moved and my charger cord is...somewhere. hopefully. My ex had no empathy or sympathy. I forgot a lot of things. He just didn't understand. Hell it took me four goddamn trips to the kitchen to get damn fork one day because I kept getting distracted. That's when I made the appointment to get tested.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:42 AM
15

Routine is a big help. Huge. I used to lose things constantly, still do, but I got into the habit of ensuring the big things go in certain places all the time. So purse on the counter or on the passenger seat floor of the car. Keys in my purse or my right hand jacket pocket. Phone in my hand, my back right pocket or my left breast jacket pocket. Even evening routines like feed pup, prep pup food for morning, top up cat food, clean litter, shower (shampoo, rinse, condition, clip up hair, shave, s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:39 AM
11

Oh the stories I have... But thanks! Life has been so much better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 02:32 AM
77

Good. The whole story is crazy. Observe did a video recently analyzing some of his behavior in his younger years. It gave a lot of background info I wasn't familiar with beforehand. I'm still appalled his parents knew years ago and figured they could "pray it away".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 08:17 PM
69

I have ADHD and get distratcted/sidetracked super easily. My energy also drains pretty quickly as well. I'd often manage to get the dishes washed, set them to dry and then " oh I'll let these sit a minute and go do this thing" which turns into 12 things and several hours later. ADHD is hard to understand unless you actually have it. I didn't get diagnosed/medicated on it until recently. My partner was super controlling so leaving dishes to dry on the rack for any length of time was something I'd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 08:09 PM
101

This is awesome! The things I have been excited over: I bought an entire 3 bedroom house. By myself. I painted my walls. My living room/entry/kitchen/hall are all one color, my bedroom another, office another, spare room another, main bath another I can leave dishes to dry in the dish rack. Overnight. I bought a Nintendo Switch I stayed up till midnight, eating snacks and binging netflix with my dog on one side and my two cats on the back of the couch I bought a new shower head, kitchen faucet a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:08 PM
5

I always wanted to be married. I mean, when I grew up, that's what you saw, thats what "the goal" was. It was always "When you get married", "When you have kids", etc. My best friend and I would plan our weddings when we were kids. In my last relationship I still longed to be married. I was a forever girlfriend, and had convinced myself that I was okay wtih it..all while being silently jealous of other people who had engagements, and weddings and husbands. Why wasn't I enough? Eventually, I stil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 04:45 PM
15

Yeah, that's part of the reason why I haven't updated mine about anything other than my pets or the mundane. I can't be arsed. If you're in my life you know, I don't need to broadcast it to the world.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:23 PM
22

I've had to block so many people that came out of the woodwork when they found out I was single. Like that was the only reason. Had on ask if I wanted a FWB relationship. I stopped responding, got a "sorry if I offended you" and then blocked him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 08:22 PM
50

Do NOT wait for this to get worse. Go to your supervisor now, sit down and tell him that this coworker continues to make you feel uncomfortable. Explain why,
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:31 PM
10

Listen to your gut, make the fuss. Go to your management and tell them he is continuing to make you feel uncomfortable and has "accidentally" (and use the air quotes) brushed your chest several times. Ask to be reassigned somewhere else, opposite shifts, whatever you feel is appropriate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:29 PM
157

Saaaaame, especially if they're warmed
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 02:26 PM
134

Same. I'm known in my industry. I don't want to change my name ever. Plus all the paperwork involved!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 11:18 PM
57

So true. My ex was good at promising the moon and future faking. He never followed through on any of it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 10:25 PM
2

I could do without sex scenes entirely. I don't find they add anything. Give me the good old "fade to the curtains billowing in the breeze of the window". We get the point. They had sex. Whoopdedoo.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:05 PM
37

I think we always envy other people. I was once depressed because I wasn't in a relationship, then was depressed because my relationship was so different than everyone else's. Now here I am, in my 40's and single, and my life isn't how I pictured it. I just push forward and live my best life. Spend time doing things I like, indulging in my hobbies and doing what I want when I want around my house. That I own. That I can do whatever I want in, including curling up on the couch with ice cream, two…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 06:00 PM
54

He is a man child emotionally. He needs a ton of validation, he is super sensitive to the smallest things, and needs a ton of daily attention. He gets super anxious if there is more than 30 sec pause in a conversation, he can't communicate his needs, and in fact, does cry A LOT. A LOT. I'm all about men expressing their emotions, but I'm not into doing the emotional labor. Girl you buried the lead here. This is a huge red flag. Behavior like this, especially at his age, tends to get worse not be…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/21 05:55 PM
62

So True. My friend went through endo and she had a HELL of a time trying to get a hysto. All the doctors kept telling her she "might" want kids some day etc etc, and it wasn't until she stopped being nice and told one doctor something along the lines of "Well I'm not living nor enjoying my life now so why do you want me to wait". She got her hysto and is LOVING life now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/21 01:45 AM
7

Yes I'm triggered
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 03:54 AM
12

Yes. Because failing to contribute to housework, failing do to any emotional labour, refusing to put in any effort to plan dates because he "doesn't care what we do", and not putting meaningful effort into gifts for occasions/holidays (if he bothers to do so at all) while constantly groping your partner, attempting to turn any physical contact into sex, and/or attempting to half ass initiate during ridiculous times has absolutely nothing to do with it....
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 03:53 AM
11

Agree, and I bet he also shows no effort in other areas, such as christmas, birthdays and anniversaries.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 03:18 PM
13

And also be on the lookout for the men who do the great things at first...then when they have you hooked it stops. Keep vetting ladies, it never stops.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:51 PM
21

He's not happy, and he hasn't changed. I find the more that people post pics of themselves and their SO and how "in love" they are, how "lucky" they are....the unhappier they actually are. It's like they're trying to convince everyone else how great and wonderful their life is, because they want people to be jealous of them. I mean, look at Rachel and Dave Hollis.... Block his ass and move on with your fabulous self.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 02:48 PM
5

It's not but she's probably young enough to think that she can do something about it. I used to be that way too, and I was much older before I realized I have to just let it go and not get invested in other people's lives. I can't make anyone change, they have to do it themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:14 PM
6

Unfortunately it's on your parents to nip this in the bud, and some of this may stem from his friends and peers too. You're his sister and he's not going to listen to you until he's a lot older. My brothers and I fought and rolled our eyes at each other until they hit their late 20's. Just do what you can to not enable it, but don't be outright confrontational on it. Grey rock technique is your friend here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 07:12 PM
6

Yep this is definitely a thing. I stopped going to things like dinners and parties with my ex because he'd be so busy trying to impress everyone else that I may have not existed. I was often left out and ignored and flat out bored. He dominated conversation, and when I could get a word in edgewise he'd take right off again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 02:52 PM
7

Oh he is. Most of the top comments were super satisfying to read. Of course he won't change though. People like this never do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 02:32 PM
18

It was for me. Growing up to you did things with other people. All the time. It was really unheard of and worthy of gossip if someone saw Sally out to dinner by herself. I was downright scared to do things alone. Now I love it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 02:48 AM
14

Oh I KNOW I was a naïve idiot when I was younger. I led a sheltered life as a child/teen and if a male friend said "hey lets go see a movie together!" I always took it as face value...going to see a movie with my friend, while he thought "hell yeah date!". I got burned by that more than once before I realized I couldn't really be "just friends" with guys, hell I could barely be more than nice to coworkers.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 05:15 PM
2

In Case you aren't a troll here is a NY Times article on him. https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/18/style/jordan-peterson-12-rules-for-life.html
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 02:11 AM
34

If you're looking for magic words to get him to leave you alone...they don't exist. You really have to steel yourself and just flat out ignore his ass. It will be hard. It will take time. He will pull every string he has and push every button of yours to make you feel guilty and sorry. He will ramp up (I believe it's called an extinguish burst) before he finds other supply. What will help is writing down all the things, all the reasons you are walking away. All the hurtful words, all the snorts …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 04:16 PM
147

I found it. The replies are what you'd expect lol.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 02:20 PM
45

Yeah that's not a thing. Skipping your lunch to make up time for an appointment is one thing but leaving an hour early permanently isn't happening. Fun story once had a nvm new hire ask if he could do that during his first week. We were all a bit shocked. He quit several months later.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 02:34 AM
43

Same! I take myself to the movies regularly too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/11/21 05:41 PM
11

Girl, same. I was in a 13 year relationship that we mutually ended. And like you I was tired of the shit and just DONE. Had a few comments from people about how I didn't seem broken up about it. For me, that had happened during the relationship. Also he was on board and half giddy about the breakup until I bought my house and actually started packing to leave. Then reality hit and, well he's not doing well with this at all. Guess the grass wasn't greener for him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/11/21 12:23 PM
5

You have to remember too that the people that have great relationships aren't going around posting on relationship advice forums. If they are it's pretty rare. These people are here to complain about something and that does skew perception. They know something is wrong, deep down they just want someone else to confirm it, even if they don't realize it. Also, a lot of those stories are an exercise in creative writing, but I'm sure there are horrific posts that are genuine. Great men are out there…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:25 PM
31

I have to say I did get a chuckle out of her solution.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:18 PM
56

If this is what he admitted to imagine what he's hiding. Guilty people often admit to something lesser as a red herring.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 02:29 AM
14

Victim of emotional abuse here. It's not always yelling and name calling and insults. Here's some of what I went through in no particular order Criticism: It will start as small things. "you sure you want to do it that way?", "why don't you do it like this", "wouldn't this be better". These seem to be innocent. "he's just helping". What it slowly does is chip at you until you feel like you can't do anything right Other criticism: "You don't need to wear makeup you look fine without it", "you don…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 08:28 PM
6

This may sound lame but I love square dancing. Celtic culture is big here and square dances are good, clean fun. You meet so many people, everyone is so laid back and it's young and old that go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 02:12 AM
3

Thanks! I really enjoyed them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 06:54 PM
8

Hey Mods, this is unrelated, but are the weekly checkin posts going to come back or no?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 05:18 PM
19

Former PickMe here as well. I never had a boyfriend in school either, in fact it was years later when I met someone at work. I felt ugly and lonely as well. It didn't help too that I was brought up to be "nice", and not express my feelings, and to not "hurt feelings" either. I really internalized it way too much, and was so scared of saying no because the other person would then be upset and it'd be my fault. I stumbled across FDS in a post on another subreddit. Everything I had felt about every…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 03:52 PM
23

I irritate them until they answer me. Or I start copying people higher up. I'm polite all the time and often toss in "if it's easier to discuss on the phone I'm happy to set a time up, when works best for you?". Or, when I'm super irritated, I just schedule a meeting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:45 PM
5

I think it was a skit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:44 PM
6

I hate running through Pearson. At least the walkways make it tolerable if there aren't people on them just standing there for the free ride.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/21 01:15 PM
545

I had a counselor tell me straight up once when we were one on one that "you can't teach empathy". She was right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 12:33 AM
5

Nope you sure aren't. Towards the end it was a lot of "ugh just do it and he'll leave you alone" sex. He'd pester and pester, and the longer I'd deny the handsier and gropier he'd get in day to day life. I won't miss it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 04:25 PM
9

Like Fiction Friday! or something. It was the first F I thought of lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 02:00 PM
12

For anyone wanting some resources the seejanedrill has great short step by step tutorials on small things. DIY home renovision is another fave and the honest carpenter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 11:57 AM
2

You're doing great. Plan and brace for the worst case, and then anything else that's not is a bonus ya know?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 06:01 PM
2

Let it go. It's not worth the stress and drama. You took them, you shared them, you can't force anyone to do anything. It's a hard lesson to learn. If he tries to threaten you with them or anything else, go to the police and let it be their problem. Stop contacting him. Stop begging him for attention. Put your big girl panties on and move on. Take time off from dating, read the handbook, and focus on making YOURSELF happy. You won't be happy in a relationship ever if you first aren't happy with …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 05:54 PM
3

Ooh hon hugs to you first of all. I am going through this right now, and here's my 2cents for what its worth. This will all depend on your timeline and what he knows you know. - This is going to be very hard. Feel your feelings, go for a long walk and cry it out. Do whatever you have to do. But - keep it to yourself. - Grey Rock. If you don't know what it is google it. It's a great tactic to start distancing yourself. - Keep those screenshots, and make a list somewhere of all the reasons why you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 04:46 PM
68

I used to read those magazines all the time as a teenager. I'm in my 40's now and can't imagine reading them now. Such a waste of money.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 12:46 PM
1

I think it's because cats have pointy things in their paws and aren't afraid to use them as they see fit. My dog has boundaries too but she's not going to bite a person. My 3 year old ragdoll though...yeah if she doesn't like what you're doing....she'll absolutely let you know and probably not very nicely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/10/21 02:51 PM
17

My ex doesn't like cats. Never told me that until I wanted another one. He thought I'd "grow out of it". Me. Who has a picture of me as a little holding...a kitten. My dog likes my ex but is wary of him if she's up on furniture and he comes over to say hi. She doesn't like it when people completely invade her space and get over top of her. She has boundaries too and he just doesn't get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/10/21 09:20 AM
18

I've had this happen to me in Jr High (I was an unpopular, nerdy, gullible girl). I thought when I became an adult people would also act like adults. I was shocked to realize some people never matured beyond Jr High/High school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 02:50 PM
26

You know, that's just mean. And being a bully. Christ. I was the nerdy, weird, gullible, naïve, unpopular kid in Jr High and kids would do this to me. Girls would get guys to pretend to like me or they'd convince me that so and so liked me and then make fun of me behind my back about it. It was really humiliating. We're not in Jr High anymore ladies. We're above this behavior, don't be a jerk. /soapbox. Yes I'm triggered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/21 02:48 PM
34

She's freeeeeeee!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 10:34 PM
12

This is useful advice. I keep a mental list in my head. I'll write it out when I'm out
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 10:34 PM
15

He puts in the work everywhere else because he wants to. He doesn't want you enough to put in the work, he feels he shouldn't have to. He is actively checking out of personal responsibility to the relationship because he is disinterested in the work it would take. PREACH. I have lived this as well. In my case, he's only interested in putting in the work when I attempt to leave. This will be my 3rd attempt to get out, and I am determined it'll be the one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 06:38 PM
23

Congrats!! Also Sorry to hear as well. It's a weird feeling being both happy and sad to leave. Take time and be selfish to yourself for awhile. Good luck!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 06:20 PM
1

Oh yes I believe Gabby's case needed to be discussed, I just didn't need to see my feed flooded with 612 posts that were basically saying the same thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/21 06:17 PM
12

It's not legal in the US or Canada, but they do need a key for maintenance or if they end up showing the apartment if you have given notice. But some just don't care or are sketchy. Where I am there is a rental shortage, we have like a .01% vacancy rate, so some landlords are really taking advantage of it and a lot of tenants are scared to report things like maintenance issues especially if they have a difficult landlord that they fear may evict them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 01:05 PM
1

3 weeks to go until I move into my new house :) I finally got up the courage this week to tell my LVex that I found "a place". I never know which version of him I'll get for anything so I was worried about having a rough couple weeks. That may still be the case, but he went into "helping" mode. Which I'm leery about tbh, but at the same time....I may as well take whatever he's offering while I can - he's may not be in a great mood that day but if he commits to doing something that he can brag ab…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 12:28 PM
253

I agree. There's a lot of low effort reposting going on, and a lot of the same content being posted different ways (Gabby Petitio being an example, rest her poor soul). labelling and dismissal of women that post on relationships especially. These women are literally crying for help, their stuff gets screenshot, and then the pile on happens 100%. We shouldn't be shaming these people, they don't know any better because they haven't LIVED any better. We're all brought up on "love conquers all" and …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/21 12:12 PM
1

Me either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 04:02 PM
4

Ooooh he'll pull the same nonsense on her that he did to you. Men don't change. They just change tactics. You dodged a bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 04:02 PM
9

My STBX is the king of boundary stomping. It's truly a demonstration of how selfish they are and how they put their needs before yours.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/10/21 03:57 PM
1

Broadly I work in the support side of a particular software industry. I am stellar at troubleshooting, I keep at it trying different tactics until I figure it out or have it narrowed down enough to pass it on to another department. I got tired of other departments brushing off code issues as "support issues", and customer issues remaining unresolved that were with other people, so I taught myself to work in databases and troubleshoot the tables, data, and code that lives in the database in order…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:24 PM
13

I use the "humor me and try it anyway" line a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 12:06 AM
121

I get underestimated a lot in my field. I have been told I have the ability to link things together that don't seemingly go together. This often leaves me to telling someone how to fix something, them saying "no that's not possibly it", me arguing, giving up, then waiting for the inevitable "So..that thing...turns out you were right" after a few weeks of them banging their heads against a wall to fix it. I no longer argue now, I reiterate my point or rephrase it (I have adhd and sometimes I skip…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 04:13 PM
81

I spent so much time in my 20s thinking hook-up culture was where it was at. I feel it was hard not to when all the movies and magazines were also extolling the "freedom" and "empowerment" of hookups and "sexual exploration". hump me for 20 seconds or two hours Hahaha, but forreal though lol....and getting good at faking O's because they "needed" you to cum
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 05:04 PM
3

It's the same in Canada. Unless you have a prenup, as soon as you are married both your assets AND your debts are comingled and concerned marital assets. And in many cases if you want to drag it out in the courts over years and pay lawyers...it may be less expensive mentally and financially to just divide it and go your separate ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 01:29 PM
5

Yep, and here I am, buying my first house on my own, and my mother is hoping I'll find a good man in the neighborhood to "rescue" me. Christ.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 01:27 PM
3

Yep agree. I will Never Ever live with a man in his house ever again. He's got too much control and it will always be "his" house never "our" house.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 01:24 PM
12

Also beware of the one who "helps" but makes it your decision each time. What do I mean by this? My LVM ex was always asking me "Do you want me to <fill in the blank>". It was nice at first but over time it became EXHAUSTING to be the one to make every. single. decision. It eventually got to the point where he wouldn't do anything unless I asked him to first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 01:20 PM
12

Aww that's horrible. That poor girl :(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 01:00 PM
12

*snort* my LVMex used to preach to his kids about the need to have their bed on a frame off the floor....currently....he sleeps with his mattress and boxspring on the floor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 05:02 PM
2

I try to do a lot of stuff Friday night after work (because I have no life lol). So I get the vacuuming and scrubbing and stuff done and then I don't have to worry about it over the weekend. I usually do laundry when it's sunny out (I hang my clothes out to dry), and I try to remember to clean the shower and whatnot a couple times a week whilst I'm in said shower because its easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/21 02:55 PM
5

Yeah I'm tired of it as well. And of course police are going to miss the signs, men see everything differently than women do and in the end...she wasn't telling them she wanted to do anything, they were both compliant, what were they SUPPOSED to do? I also agree other missing people deserve as much attention as Gabby received. I wonder if she would have received this much attention if she wasn't "instagram famous".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 01:00 PM
3

Wow that was a ride. Lesson learned if they strongarm you from the getgo, walk. Realtors are a dime a dozen. My realtor was someone I knew from the music community. She was a sweetheart and we travelled over hells half acre over two days. There were houses we'd walk into and look around and she'd be like "um, I'd run from this one if I were you", or "this is a cute house but the mosquitoes...you could never be outside". Very honest and upfront. No pressure to pick anything. It's been great. I ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:57 PM
3

Congrats!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:47 PM
3

I hear you on the vacuum. I'd marry mine if I could lol. I spent a good chunk of change on it, but it's the best money spent. It's a Miele bagged vacuum. Attachments are in a cubby on board, the bags are heavily filtered to keep from spitting dust back out, the wheels roll nicely, the attachments fit nicely and the handles are light and nice to hold. The cord is super long and I can store it flat or upright... I love a good dishwasher too, I'm going to save up the coin for a good bosch one when …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:44 PM
4

Wow, he really showed his true colors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:41 PM
3

Good for you! We deserve better!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:38 PM
3

Thank you so much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/21 12:38 PM
7

Its so baffling. I feel like I'm doing nothing but BLEED money right now...I'm sure they told him about closing costs when he got preapproved. I'd be so shocked otherwise. I hope you find a buyer for your house soon! 11 days isn't that long, my kitties, pup and I will send good thoughts your way for a quick sale :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 07:36 PM
11

I don't get how someone can put in offers on houses and not make sure they have enough money for everything. I WAITED two months until I was out of my probationary period at work to even begin to do anything until I had the green light from my broker.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 06:13 PM
43

It seems to be so common about them complaining about their wives. I used to work in a call center back in my younger years and the amount of guys talking about how their wives were bitches was staggering.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:19 PM
5

I think that's Human design...I think you're right that it's course based and expensive
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 05:09 PM
18

Men NEVER stick up for the women. My LVM and I are separating and he had my replacement lined up before he finally decided to discard me (this was my plan, given his personality I needed this to be his idea to make my life easier). However his friends don't know this, and his ass thinks he's being sneaky running around with her during the day and taking her to his kids off grid cabin instead of coming home to change. NONE of his friends have said a single word to me about it. At all. They are co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 03:42 PM
5

Yeah it's getting a bit much, a lot of repetition too particularly surrounding Gabby Petito (rest her soul)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 03:38 PM
9

Thanks! I'm super excited and also super terrified. It's a weird feeling.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 03:34 PM
48

Thanks! I'm both excited and terrified, the first few months are going to be a huge adjustment financially but the numbers work on paper. I just have to trust that I can math :) The only way I was able to afford this place was because they way overpriced it originally, it sat forever, and it's an estate sale they accepted my lowish offer on to get out from under it. Needs work but I'm not afraid to learn. I'm now allowing myself to look at paint colors - things just lined up so well with it that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 03:34 PM
147

I used to work in jewelry ages ago and I've seen it all. Two stand out: the guy who came in and wanted a ring to "get her to shut up about it". No love in it at all. He was almost angry about it. #2 a girl I sold wedding bands to called absolutely bawling asking if she could come in and return them for something else...she landed home the day before to find out her fiancee of 7+ years moved out of apartment and ghosted her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:59 PM
31

Ugh that would be so annoying. Good for you for standing up for yourself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:51 PM
125

My house purchase is a lock! All the inspections were good (or at least what I expected) and I have a great mortgage offer! I am gonna be lvm free by Nov 1 :) Just have to survive the next month.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 02:50 PM
212

"that wasn't my intention! You're reading into this all wrong!" And "you are so sensitive"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 05:14 PM
24

Also beware of the DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) trick with an added occasional later bonus of apologizing for his behavior using all the reasons why he felt you deserved to be treated that way in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 05:35 PM
68

No, we have "thank god I got away" conversations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 05:28 PM
1

Thank you! I'm super excited
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/21 12:38 AM
52

He was named a person of interest a day or two ago. I don't think they can say he's wanted unless they have actual evidence. What they currently have is circumstancial at best regardless of his hiding. once they have cause of death I suspect that will change.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:28 PM
3

Observe on youtube did a great analysis of their body language. I agree with his assessment on what likely happened based on the body language seen and behavior in the videos. The whole thing is so sad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 06:23 PM
5

Saaaaame. I never thought I'd be one to put up with such bs, yet here I was because it wasn't always bad, and when it was great it was great. And it's those moments you keep jumping through hoops for hoping they stick.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 06:19 PM
6

Agree 100%
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 06:02 PM
11

I FOUND A HOOOOOOOUSE!!! I'm pumped :) Well, I'm trying to not get too excited as it still has to pass the home and septic inspections. Its 40 minutes outside where I wanted to be, but it's a nice little 3 bedroom bungalow on a quiet road with a great half acre lot. I got it for a song because it's an estate sale that needs some paint and elbow grease and has been on the market for too long for them to keep floating it. Hopefully my pup, kitties and I will be LVM free by Nov 1!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 05:58 PM
23

This is so sad. I used to work in jewelry and had an elderly lady come in because she had a clock that needed a battery and she wasn't sure how to do it. Her husband passed away and be used to do all that stuff. She was in tears. We took care of her for free for many little things like this. Just heartbreaking
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 10:20 PM
2

I think they do it to give them the rope to tell on themselves. You can see it in the Chris Watts statement that was given to the media from his front porch as well as with the Caleb Whisnant and Theresa balboa cases. In fact, in the Chris Watts case the neighbor told police something was very off with his behavior. With Caleb Whisnant, you can tell from his body language something is up. He's nervous, and you can see how the girlfriend keeps checking in with him to make sure she doesn't say som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 05:42 PM
1

They may be waiting for him to make a mistake or for further evidence to come to light. I'm sure they'll haul him in at some point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 05:37 PM
1

The Behavior Panel on youtube as well as Observe did body language analysis on him. It was very interesting. I fell down a body language rabbit hole and watching these guys gave me a few light bulb moments on why I felt something "off" with people, but wasn't sure why.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/21 05:36 PM
4

I am on vacation this week and my realtor has set up appointments to see four houses tomorrow and a couple more on Wednesday and Thursday!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 09:58 PM
18

Good for you! Your first point is exactly what is driving me forward. I can think of all the great things I get to do and if things are bad and I really start feeling for him I think of all the shit he put me through.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 06:02 PM
2

Thanks so much :) I go house hunting with my realtor next week. Fingers crossed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 04:17 PM
21

It's not so bad, I've been ready for this for awhile but I needed it to be his idea to go our own way, you know? It's a control thing with him. I'm focused on the prize at the end and all the things I will be able to do that I haven't (like wear makeup) and all the things I won't have to deal with anymore. I'm also terrified at the same time cause this is a huge financial commitment. On paper it's fine but..ugh. I'm more worried about when I do find a place and start packing and have a move in d…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 01:15 AM
17

Oh I am. Housing market where I live is shit and anything decent moves fast. I'm through my probation period at my new job and am getting pre-approval this week. Luckily he's got his sights set on someone else right now so he's not interested in me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 01:03 AM
6

Preach. There is true power in knowing you have options if shit hits the fan.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 12:37 AM
25

I'm right there with you darlin. All we can do is learn from our experiences and move forward better people taking less bullshit. I'm 13 years in with my lvm/stbx. Once I'm able to secure myself a home I'm gone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/09/21 12:34 AM
43

Yep! 50/50 isn't having a partner and my stbx was very similar. We went to dinner a few times and he'd refuse to reach for the check, super passive aggressive but wouldn't come out and say that he didn't want to pay. He just would ignore it when other times he'd grab it before I could. Once was my birthday meal. And he wondered why I was upset.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 12:30 PM
16

Thanks! I haven't told many people, mostly because I don't want word getting back to my stbx, but I am both excited and terrified.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 01:09 AM
37

I'm buying myself a house 🏠 (hopefully) . Enjoy the new wheels!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/21 08:49 PM
3

I'm glad you were able to get out. I'm in a partially similar situation with my STBX. I currently live in his house, and when he's in a lovebombing phase it's "our" house but when he's not it's HIS house. He doesn't tell me anything about his finances and for the longest time refused to let me pay for anything in the house (too scared I'd have some claim over it I guess). But then also got pissy that I wasn't just giving him money even though I tried to pay bills directly and he'd get mad that I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 01:10 PM
7

Yep. Also the flip side, is I have been told that I have the ability to link things together that don't seemingly go together. So I while I am a killer at troubleshooting and fixing issues, the downside of it is that when I tell people what exactly was wrong they don't see it and argue that I'm wrong. Me: "look the problem is here, we need to look into this/if you do z it will fix it" Them: "no that's not the problem at all, it can't be, it makes no sense" Me: "no it is, here's why" Them: "no it…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 12:56 PM
68

Saaame. Came to see what the fuss was about, stayed cause I've found my people
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 10:21 PM
11

I feel you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 10:15 PM
4

Yes her stuff is great!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 09:01 PM
9

Yep, it really explained a lot. And looking back, my dad was totally undiagnosed ADHD as well.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 09:01 PM
13

I was able to get my diagnosis from my family doctor, he had me take the DIVA questionnaire. However, I had to push HARD on it. I got a lot of "well doesn't everyone feel that way" trying to explain my issues on the first call, and tbh they do sound really generic. It wasn't until I went on a tangent in his office during my appointment to review the DIVA about how I didn't think it was normal to have to go to the kitchen FOUR times to get a fork because I kept getting distracted or how I have to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 09:00 PM
93

I had to learn BY MYSELF how to pass for normal ​ Same here. I was bullied HARD as a child and as a teen. I was often told it was my fault I was bullied. I had to learn to really reign in my personality to the point that I now just often sit and listen. At work, when I was in an office (I WFH now), I had to try super hard to stuff down the urge to pipe up into an overheard conversation because I knew the answer to the issue being discussed (I work in I.T.). Even now I can't really navigate group…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:59 PM
58

I was diagnosed in adulthood this year with ADHD. I'm in my 40's. I was a loud and busy kid, but I did well in school. I picked things up quickly that I was interested in, and I became the queen of the last minute "getting shit done" to the point that I became very good at writing entire term papers the night before they were due and scoring well. I was very good at teaching myself new things - for example I always wanted to play piano but my mum wouldn't pay for lessons until I was 13 (idk why)…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:52 PM
15

Ah the good old "if you want to do this thing I disapprove of go ahead" with the unspoken "and when you do I'll make it known I disapprove through cold shoulders, snide remarks, disgusted looks and be difficult in general until you decide that giving up on the thing is better than putting up with my BS" Edited cause my phone autocorrect hates me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 02:50 PM
9

I felt so uneasy when I first got together with my stbx and he was pushing me to quit my job when I went back to school. I didn't see it for the red flag it was but I am so glad I was independent enough to keep my job. His control popped up later on in the relationship but it would have been so much worse if I had quit. I also agree with socking money away that he doesn't know about. I read an article about having a f*ck off fund stored away and started one once I was able too. It was nice being…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 02:43 PM
11

Thanks for all you do I feel like I found my people here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 02:15 PM
24

Firstly, congratulations! "Anyone else experience anxiety picking a show to watch because your spouse would be mad you watched it without them? To the point where they are seriously angry even when they say they don't want to watch it now or whatever?" I experienced something similar but not the same. In my case he'd make comments, or continually ask questions, or make fun of what I was watching to the point that I only watch tv if he wasn't home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 02:14 PM
28

Wow this is coincidental but I had started watching a video Emma Thorne did on her. The Wife gets around the last bit by saying only men are allowed to preach but women are allowed to teach 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 09:08 AM
5

Prostate cancer is one of the easier cancers to treat, relatively speaking, as long as he follows doctor’s orders. True. My STBX's father beat prostate cancer twice and bowel cancer once. He lived until he was 91.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:26 PM
33

He has two feet and a heartbeat, if he doesn't like what she's making he can fend for himself. That'd be the stance I'd take and stick to it. I'm a picky eater myself (neurodivergent ftw) I mostly have issues surrounding textures (baked potato is fine, mashed is absolutely NOT). However I have put a LOT of effort into forcing myself to try new things at least 6 times until I give up. It sucks as often I have to suppress gag reflexes and choke things down, but I have gotten through on some foods …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/21 01:21 PM
1

I would pretty please like a flair
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 01:47 PM
20

I didn't realize there was something seriously, seriously wrong in my relationship until I started thinking it'd be easier to die then get out of the relationship. I hope she gets some help, I know all she can see is the hole she's in and not the steep ladder out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 02:25 PM
3

I've found Dr Ramani's channel on youtube so enlightening on these subjects. My STBX is an "amateur narcissist", but is more covert than anything. I never feet so heard in my life as when I was watching the first couple videos I stumbled across from her channel and she was describing so much of what I had gone through. So yes, I second this, more on this stuff because it is so crazymaking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/08/21 06:22 PM
2

Are you living with her or dependent on her for anything? Your situation sounds tough. Focus on doing what you need to to become independent and get out, and grey rock her as much as possible. Internet hugs hon.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 06:17 PM
19

I fully admit I was stupid throughout my 20's. Like, I figured I was all grown up and had it all figured out, but looking back....man I was dumb and naïve. She's also probably got a lot of "Nooo but they don't understand"....in her head. But we DO understand, because we have the life experience to see it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 05:47 PM
8

5 minutes? 15? Jesus, my "do it to get him to leave me alone" sex was usually 45 mins...MINIMUM. No wonder why I was always exhausted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 05:26 PM
14

Subtile mockery is a good one. My stbx does this a lot. I say I'm going to do x and I get a snarky "yeah sure" with an eye roll. Or I jokingly complain about my pets having to have expensive health issues in a short time span and I hear a muttered "well thats what happens when you have pets" - as if I'm an idiot. Agree on animal cruelty and it includes showing pets contempt, and calling the cat names like *itch, or "white streak of misery". It's super hurtful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:31 PM
2

Boundary violations - you saying no and them continually pushing, or getting mad, or guilt tripping to get their way. Sleep disturbance - my stbx did things like refusing to turn off the notifications on his phone at night, and deliberately staying up late making noise or taking his sweet fking time getting ready for bed - especially when I was exhausted and trying to sleep early. Guilt tripping - over everything. Especially over sex. Sabotaging - sabotaging your plans. You want to get up early …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 05:27 PM
17

I'm in my 40's now and usually shrug and say that I prefer to have animals. Neither of my brothers have kids either. We're all pretty independent, although I'd happily be an Aunt. However, when I was younger everyone would tell me that I'd definitely have kids some day and "it's different when they're your own". But talking to many of my friends that have kids...while they love their kids, a few of them wish they didn't have them at the same time because of the things they ended up missing out o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/07/21 01:42 PM
2

Thank you I agree with these soooo much. We are better than all this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/06/21 09:31 PM
11

Holy sheepsht. I had a "friend" that would pull sht like this all the time in front of other people, not just guys. I put up with it for far too long because she was a childhood friend.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:41 PM
7

It's especially great when they don't take you seriously until you lose your shit at them and then they listen. Which inevitably doesn't last long. They either need to be hit with a metaphorical 2x4 or have someone else tell them they're wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/21 03:26 PM
2

In my case marriage was almost your "goal" from the time you were little. I remember constantly hearing "when you're married". I remember planning my wedding as a child with my best friend. We'd dream of this magical day. Thinking back on it, there was never really an emphasis on what happened after marriage, kids were oft implied ad I knew when I was a teenager that I never wanted kids of my own. I liked kids enough, just not enough to have my own. I preferred animals. "When you get married" wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 03:00 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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