TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

Data_Fan Archive

View 5 posts and 154 comments by Data_Fan on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
5

It takes discipline, strategy and money. Judges know the majority of plaintiffs claims are bs, but they need evidence, so work on setting her up so she hangs herself in court, then they will move to your side.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 11:54 PM
2

You will be far better….
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 11:32 PM
3

I blocked mine. You should too
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 11:40 AM
8

This is a great opportunity for you. Document and record everything, that you are living/co-exiating peaceful ly and sharing parenting. Because if accusations start flying, you will be on the defensive and wil absolutely need these records, or she will likely win. Also, marital property is divided at the time of filing, so get your shit together. Make sure everything that is non-traceble is in your possession. And if its traceable, get the documents to prove it in case she tries to take it. It s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/25 04:38 PM
2

Why would lawyers and judges reform something that their livelihood depends on?
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 05:15 PM
2

So far, no spent more than I did. I was sole bread winner and paid for both sides of a 5 yr divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/25 06:56 PM
5

Bad advice because it’s so obvious, but the point is valid. Marital assets are basically split 50-50 at the date of filing. Before that, it doesn’t matter except for brazen behavior like above, which accountants can track But accountants can’t track smaller amounts of cash. So slowly and steadily create a cash pile. $100 here, $20 back there….If you do $100/day and filing is two months away, that’s $6000. If they ask, it was just daily expenses. Impossible to prove.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/25 04:25 PM
1

Before you move, get a cash hoard that she can’t touch. She’s ahead of you on divorce prep.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 12:35 PM
1

Worked for me. I have wonderful relationships with all four, and they do not speak with her all.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 01:46 PM
3

It's an industry with judges, lawyers and lobbyists who make good, easy money off it. They don't give a sh!t about you. No way its going to change
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 11:44 AM
3

My ex choked me & I called the cops. She had filed two fake DV charges against me before this. Neither stuck. So I called to get it on record. She initially admitted it to the cops, then denied it in Court and got off. What it did was open the Courts eyes to what was actually going on. She never tried to file false charges again, so it accomplished something.
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/25 10:19 PM
8

So there's a back story here obviously. And there's definitely a way out. Child support is what it is, and don't mess w that. Alimony is different and can vary based on evidence. My gut is to pay the alimony directly to the ex, and not the bank. If it's her home it's her responsibility. I also wouldn't sign the quit claim. If she files a motion for the Quitclaim while you are financially compliant, she will look pretty stupid in front of the judge, but you risk being in contempt. Note lawyers wi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/25 04:39 PM
1

Understand that everybody benefits, except the male. Lawyers on both sides get more fees. The Judge can nap through the proceedings before aquitting. Any change would have a negative impact on the industry, so its not going to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/25 05:37 PM
3

I disagree. Being a dick is a natural part of a deposition. Be very polite and very literal….it allows you to misrepresent whatever you want: “Is the sky blue?” -> No “No?” -> Yes “Yes it’s blue?” -> No “Yes or No, is the sky blue?” - Yes and No “Yes and No?” - Tonight it’s black Frustrate the fuck out of him, then take the lay ups “Do you love your wife?” -> I will always love her “Were you ever unfaithful?” -> I always have faith in her “Did you hide income?” -> everything was disclosed every …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/24 05:29 AM
4

I did that. I had some assets she couldn't get. She hired abusive unethical lawyers who lied and said they could get it. So she burned most of our marital assets in her failed attempt to get them. I didn't care. Shes really stupid so I prepared for it. The kids money was also protected. Im very happy with how it worked out despite the huge losses. Obviously every situation is different and you need to guage your willingness to endure, but its there to consider. The main benefit was that her atte…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/24 11:58 AM
4

I’m a high earner, so the numbers pale anything here. I don’t want to say…just understand that if someone wants to drag you through the mud, a scumbag lawyer will latch on and create ways for drain your finances….its awful.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/24 11:28 AM
2

Second this. All your good behavior and great work will pay off when the divorce is over. Meanwhile things will suck because you are forced to deal with a really bad person. At the end she will be stuck with who she is, and you will be free to love life. As far as the "woman thing", I'm still conflicted. It strikes me as often a "money thing", where a bad person thinks they can exploit another through the perverse ways of the court, in this case, family law. The perpetrator is right in that the …
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/24 12:19 PM
1

Your thinking about the farcical shit to come is correct, but keep in mind the Courts are designed to screw you, and will likely succeed. Note a quick claim deed transfers the your rights to the property without defining what those rights are, so Judge could find that marriage conferred rights to half the house to her, and there's nothing you can do about it, except for settle before it gets to that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/24 07:06 PM
9

I think you are a smart troll. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 01:19 PM
4

Alimony. No child support. I got the kids
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 12:37 PM
6

I lost half my retirement to the c#nt, but thats 2018, and the stupid ____ took five years to settle and at least another to execute the agreement. Meanwhile, the assets have appreciated 4 fold, so effectively she gave me an interest free loan that covered everything with plenty to spare.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/24 03:46 AM
2

Very well said.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 12:22 PM
2

That you understand its a game is a good start. But recognize you are playing a game with the Judge, not your cunty ex. When the Judge sees you are not playing by the Court's rules, you will get hammered. If you want to succeed do not provoke the judge's wrath, who doesn't share the same opinion of your ex. So go to the next level of chess. Withhold the data that will show the judge what a cunt your ex is. You know her better than the Judge. What will trigger her to do something stupid or show t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/23 04:31 AM
4

You absolutely can win. Sounds like she's taking a page out of the standard playbook, and judges have seen this a million times and can usually sniff it out. Simple things: 1) Document. Document facts that directly contradict her accusations. If she says you are a danger to the kids, document, via email/text whatever, that she wants you to engage in child care - pick them up at school, take them to sports/lessons, watch them while she's at work. Any of those things directly contradicts her claim…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:00 PM
2

You are a judge?
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/23 10:25 AM
10

Do as much as you can before filing. Establish a "status quo". Judges like to defer back to it.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 11:47 PM
4

Judges have all sorts of stupid prejudices that are essentially corrupt. One is against pro se litigants when he/she can afford a lawyer. The want the lawyer to get the business, and they are offended by commoners "playing lawyer" (judges went to law school too).
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 03:18 PM
5

The marriage paradox. Being in love, romantically, forever, is understood to mean that the marriage comes first, that youll commit and make sacrifices of all sorts. And you do, to back up your words with actions. That eliminates you as an individual. You dont matter. Only the marriage does. It sucks
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/23 01:04 AM
0

Thats the right attitude Prenups are rarely worth it, so long as you keep your accounts separate and save all your documents Its 50-50 like alot of things in life. Go for it Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/23 01:19 AM
2

One of the problems with Reddit is people make ignorant assumptions about others..."your kids aren't actively thinking how bad of a mom they have" ...you couldn't be more wrong. My four are teenagers, and they lost all respect for her to the point where they don't speak, and sadly their outlook going forward has been affected. She could have handled herself better, and modeled better behavior, but she chose to go for nothing but $. Now she's facing the consequences of her actions. I may have bee…
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 10:21 AM
0

Because 99% of women are scumbags. This aint the patriarchy no more. Women can go out an earn just like men. And they should. Because if they don’t, they lose the repect of those they value most: their kids. Dont be like them
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/23 01:46 AM
-1

My thoughts are don't be a scumbag. If you want to leave, then leave and don't ask for support. You want your kids to know that your ex is paying you, and you expect them to respect you and model your behavior? It's humiliating to live a life in which you are unable to support yourself and your kids. If you think you need more money, go earn it and make your kids proud.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/23 10:10 PM
2

It's more nuanced than that.....
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:24 PM
2

Im NJ. Five years and two months out. Just started trial. I want to help those who are following behind me manage the horrendous stress - emotional, financial and otherwise - of this messed up system. I learned alot. I know I will be OK, unlike how I felt several years ago. I would like to help those who are following behind me. Reach out if interested. Specific to NJ....
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/23 04:23 PM
1

Did you really want them to stick around? If they aren't blood, they aren't permanent. After you've had the beauty of a family, the next most meaning thing are close relationships..Plural !!
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/23 06:36 PM
3

Absolutely not
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/23 11:56 AM
1

I disagree. Standards are standards, not worth much. She wants to look at your dirty laundry; you want to look up her skirt. She finds that offensive. So what? People offend eachother? Next. Move on
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:44 AM
3

This is it. You care, so more than anything, be yourself. There is no failing about loving your children. The rest is small stuff. Be very proud you are a dad and have such great love to offer. Your kids will remember that forever. You are in good shape.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/23 01:35 AM
1

Absolutely no problem with.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/23 08:17 PM
3

Understand you post is a slew of contradictions.....you are so smart you out-smarted yourself Yes the patriarchy exists, for better or for worse, and yes its changed considerably in response to one of many challenges to social structures through the years... But so what? It is what it is. People rebel against, people take advantage of it, from both sides, because that's part of human nature in the game of life. None of that is much more than a rationalization of why you choose to live like a mon…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/23 12:29 PM
1

I always wonder what percentage of time people say the opposite of what they actually mean or want. In conflicted negotiation, I think its very high, so that they can "settle" and wind up with what they actually want.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/23 01:03 PM
2

Eliminate reimbursements of any kind. It inevitably perpetuates the he owes/she owes conflicts.....
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/23 11:42 AM
1

This is good summary. Most Judges are aware of the "double dip" where you buy your wife's share of the asset, then pay support based on the full earnings of that asset, but some are not. That's one of the things a good lawyer should do for you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 03:26 PM
1

Mine "decompensated" as they say, moved over a thousand miles away.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 02:58 PM
1

Jails aren't big enough
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 07:01 PM
1

Assets typically, but not always fixed on the date of filing. Occasionally it can be the date of separation, and thats where the lawyer would be helpful. You do not need a lawyer to file, so without cash, thats what I would do right away. The lawyer will help later to fix the date. There will lots awkward and impossible moments. Don't let that stop you. Divorce is really only about money, so you are in the right..good luck
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/23 01:30 AM
1

You got this. Go no contact, and keep collecting those OFW messages for your court appearances. Do NOT ever give her any material to use. Judge(s) will figure it out. She will dig her own grave. Narcissists and crazy-makers are surprisingly predictable so you will soon be able to anticipate her actions and reactions, and prepare accordingly for your best outcomes. The only word of caution is that it takes a really long time. Far longer than you ever expect. Courts are slow, and judges don't alwa…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:34 PM
1

This shit pisses me off. Alimony between two capable wage earners is bullshit, regardless of the sex. If you are single, or soon to be, get the fuck out there and take care of yourself. If you wind up taking alimony from her, then you are stooping to their level. Don't be that person. You will be far better off for it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:55 AM
2

Awesome and to be clear on #5.... Its better to go no contact as much as possible, and communicate through a third party platform like Our Family Wizard. All emails are admissable in Court, and its not as hard as you think. If you are the cool one who doesn't respond she will ultimately put incriminating stuff on there. Turns defense into offense.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/23 02:36 AM
11

In her support request, mine asked for a $1200/month handbag allowance.... Judge shot it down
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/23 08:58 AM
1

I waited for her to file . I think its to my advantage, because she presents first and gets cross-examined first. All the made up shit is going to be ripped to shreds. There won't be much left when I take the stand
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 02:38 PM
1

The only way to trust a lawyer is to radically lower your expectations. Regard them as you would your dog, and your money as dogfood. They will demonstrate loyalty, offer nebulous companionship and eat the dogfood whenever they possibly can. Doesn't matter what you think, what the immediate outcome was, or what your expectations were. When the food is there, they will try to eat it any way they can. Knowing that, the solution is to keep them on a leash. Do not let them lead aimlessly. Any action…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/23 01:45 PM
1

View lawyers the way you view your dog. Keep them on a leash at all times, don't let them do anything you don't want, and don't worry about what they think; they will still be your dog.... The work lawyer should just be used as is, then when you hit 20 hrs, switch. Tell the expensive lawyer what you are doing and why you are doing it. If he/she whines, ignore it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 10:14 PM
2

Looks like she got 770 and you got 440. Two explanations: The arbiter disagrees with you valuations, or he/she doesn't and gave her 70% rather than 50%. Alimony depends on how much you earn after tax. depending on jurisdiction can be 20-25% of after tax income. Do you make 20k/month. If not then the arbiter "double dipped" a common error where you essentially buy out her share of the business but continue to have to give her alimony from it. You'll need a lawyer for that
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/23 06:36 PM
1

This is called sympathy from the choir. Imo they more than suck, but I'm sure you are being nice.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 03:46 AM
1

Best way to save it is to prepare to walk away. She's behaving like this because she can. She may or may not know what the repercussions could be, but she probably doesn't care because you allow it to be this way. You are working out to stay physically healthy. Put the same effort into your emotional health. I'm not saying this will save the marriage, but you will be healthier, and thats what really matters
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/23 03:37 AM
8

When it's revealed that you "lost 5K gambling", Judge will assign that marital asset to your debt column, and then find you in disfavor for the rest of the proceedings. Probably the dumbest thing you can do. As others said this is a public forum, so discussing it is probably the second dumbest thing. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men19/01/23 11:40 AM
5

Dime a dozen. They actually prefer them to the real ones, because the real DVs can come back to bite them if they don't identify it and manage it appropriately. Wasting months of your life is nothing to them, and kids can get over it. Not that all of them do, but they can. Thats good enough.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/23 01:02 PM
2

Simplest thing is to reverse the script. Instead of saying marriage is for love and divorce the business of resolving a marital contract, say the opposite. You are entering a contract with an individual. All your interests must be represented accurately and fairly for it to be a successful business. After that, best wishes, and if you are in the 50% who get divorced, it will be for love, because you are likely to get forked. If you pretend you are not entering a business contract with your partn…
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 05:43 PM
1

A general rule is that whatever you put out in advance you will NEVER get back. It may be worth it if closure is near, but in this case it looks like you will be pouring money down the drain..
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/22 04:34 AM
3

I can double those numbers, and more. All the advice above is sound. Neither the narc nor the courts want a trial, so you have to fight for it. Its the only way out. Regarding the kids, just hang in there. A true narc will give them up when they are no longer of any use to her. Mine took the money and moved thousands of miles away, leaving the kids with me.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 01:09 PM
2

Understand that if you don't participate in parenting your two year old for several months, the Judge will likely look unfavorably on your petition for 50-50....
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/22 11:30 PM
0

If she has already filed, then she has a claim, and you can't put it in a trust without a challenge... Hiding it is very hard with forensic accountants on your tail, but not impossible. Though you can't afford to get caught... Probably the best thing to do is put it in a 529 college savings account and dare her to tell a judge that she wants to take it out to pay herself. Judge will hate that and side with you most of the time...
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 02:23 PM
2

I heard about 20-22% of gross if ex is stay-at-home in NJ. So the number of years makes the biggest difference...
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 02:10 PM
1

Go Pro Se - self represented- at all times when not in court. Substitute the lawyer out after every appearance. They know you have means and they want your money so they will always sign back in when you need them, which is only for Court hearings Do not ask them for advice. Only consult them for legal questions and court rules. Recognize that your STBX is going to listen to her lawyer who will be offering the same self serving crap. Do not respond to any of it. Let her realize on her own that i…
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 12:20 PM
1

He's actually a good attorney. He's prolonging the process and running up your bill, making his boss quite pleased. They are total scum. The first thing they do is determine if you have means to pay and then how much. The second thing they do is make sure you pay them. Your lawyer obviously determined you have means, so all he has to do is deflect the blame to your ex and her lawyer and he's on easy street. There are ways around this, but its not easy
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/22 09:41 PM
1

Welcome to the game. Of course the fuckwad lawyer is going to ask for everything, because that's what they do Remember he's a fuckwad lawyer and he does what he does because its a game. So just relax, and play the game. Obviously she's not going to get more than you earn because that's not sustainable. So start to document what is sustainable, and start to negotiate. It's going to suck, but you will be free...
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 11:53 PM
3

Ghost her. While you are in her presence, it called greyrock. When she speaks to you, look her in the eye, but do not say a word. So she knows you hear her, but are completely disengaging from her. She won't get it at first because she's used to getting a response from you. But no more. And when you are not with her, go no contact. You can start limiting it to two text/calls per day, then one, then one every other day and so on. All that time and energy you free up can be spent on things you enj…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 08:06 PM
2

Bill Eddy is the world's expert on this, and he has published a series of very helpful books
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 02:33 PM
3

The primary point of a lawyer is to make money. There are situations where they can add value, but that's not their objective. Your demographics and situation appears to be one where they are just going to run up your bill. But keep in mind that Judges are lawyers too, so if you don't play nice in the sandbox, they will make sure you pay one way or another. That's the way it is. It's not their fault you married her, and you are hurt anyway, so their need to make a living isn't a game-changer. Th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 11:46 AM
5

Don't rock the boat. Tell gf to deal with it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/22 11:40 AM
1

Yes
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/22 12:54 PM
1

Lawyer up. Know this is a broken record for Family Court Judges, so a half decent one will not take the bait on first bite. You must prove/demonstrate you are not a potential harm to her or her kids or else the TRO will stick. Use your lawyer to make the case. Lack of evidence, heresay, inconsistent w your record of exemplary behavior and you should be OK. Phase two is false accusation and abusive behavior on her part. They don't often pursue this, but if she keeps it up, they will and you might…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 03:38 PM
2

You are correct
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/22 02:17 AM
1

Yup
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/22 02:04 AM
2

What you asking for is advice about breaking a law. That's kind of crazy on a public forum, so expect responses that span the spectrum. Its one of those things that no one can really tell you how dutiful you should be, and what your tolerance is for the risk and punishment of getting caught, not dissimilar to deciding how fast you want to drive on the highway on any particular day. To stay on this analogy, this is an unfamiliar road. You don't know where the speed traps are and how vigilant the …
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/22 05:33 PM
1

The only thing that matters is getting to the goal line. You can actually do whatever you want when you want. If its after filing and the Judge gets pissed and fines you a little money for beaking a rule, it's actually OK if its gets you divorced faster. I understand this is not typical advice, but everything you do should be focused on ending it asap. Do not cancel a credit card because you think it will save you money (because it won't); cancel it if you think it will get her to settle or get …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/22 09:16 PM
8

I'm concerned for the kids. It's better to keep the kids out of it as much as possible. All that crap will come anyway without their involvement, and it spares them the trauma. Remember they are 50% her and if she hangs w low life you should do everything you can to stay on the highest road possible. You are the only constructive role model they have. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/22 02:57 PM
1

....i pay $20k/mo in support and I have all four kids 100% of the time while working full time. She's in Florida living alone, pretending to be happy while screwing me The Court doesn't always get it right. It's foolish to expect them to. If you have the kids,,you won....
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 02:18 AM
1

Usually the consult is free and the two of agree or not to proceed together
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 05:26 PM
2

Best thread I've seen here. thanks
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 03:20 PM
3

Date to fuck Lots of decent women share your interests. Chivalry is required, but you'll get laid and can judge whether its worth it. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/22 02:45 AM
2

Easy money
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/22 09:27 PM
-1

I would man up and make the 2K on my own. Spousal Support is abused way too often, and the less of it there is, the better. And why do you want to be hitched to her anyway? Move on. Get away and enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 06:45 PM
3

Im not in Colorado, but I can tell you, you are way too granular. Nobody is going to see it as you do, not SBTX or the Judge. So asking us to comment is sort of silly. Yes there are guidelines, but those depend on critical issues, like custody and parenting time. So the kids will be drawn into the fight, lawyers will take over, and this goes fubar, and you lose most of what you are talking about now. So it doesn't matter. If the other side wants to make an offer, strongly consider it and you are…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 11:47 PM
1

Fantastic Attorney is an oxymoron
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/22 03:28 PM
5

4 1/2 yrs and 1M...
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 02:26 PM
10

I'm four and half years into a contentious divorce. STBX refuses to settle or negotiate. Trial keeps getting post-poned due to COVID. Over ten pre-trial motions for everything under the sun. Legal bills have exceeded 1M and I have nothing to show for it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/22 12:31 PM
1

Sounds like you are just beginning! While you are 100% correct that attorney's aren't "needed" in family law, they have an insideous way or worming their way in and making it go fubar. I don't really have any advice. Just know it's going to happen. Good luck. Stay strong.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/22 09:45 PM
1

I did that too. Unfortunate because they really don't like it. They found you in contempt because they determined you had the money, knew you owed it and knowingly refused. If you continue to argue any of those points, they will screw you even more.. I took responsibility, apologized sincerely to the judge and came out OK. I actually got my support obligation reduced, but I was lucky.. Be smart
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/22 06:44 PM
1

What firm?
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 11:31 PM
3

Six years is also favorable I'm in Morris County
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 01:40 AM
5

Its love when you go in and business when you come out. Total scam
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 01:38 AM
5

That sounds about right. My lawyer told me after al the BS is done, the NJ Court rules pretty consistently in the 21-23% range for high earners. There could be exceptions, but most of the time and money sucking shit is only worth a few percent. You aren't getting a deal, but you aren't wasting money and you can move on more quickly
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/22 01:34 AM
6

She's using divorce to try to punish you, for whatever reason, and unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. She's obviously unstable. Just remind yourself it's ultimately her problem and you will be OK when its done. Focus on your health above all else and you will be fine. Unfortunately there nothing you can do about the money; its marital assets and if she wants to blow it up before its legally over, she can. Separate the importance of mental and physical health from financial well …
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 03:19 PM
1

Its easy to say "get a lawyer" but I recommend the opposite. A lawyer will certainly fuck up everything, and in the end you will still be single, but w alot less money. 9 of 10 lawyers will find problems and create more problems rather than fix anything. Your child will be harmed. If you want to play hardball tell you want 20k more or you will get a lawyer, then settle for ten if she counters.....
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 04:18 AM
4

You are on the right path. When you're in a broken marriage, you condition yourself to NOT look at the (awful) writing on the wall; once separated, you have to break that behavior AND feel the pain of your reality - an extremely difficult combination to address at once and on your own. I estimate it took me 12-18 months, but I've been so pleasantly surprised at how wonderful life has become, and my personal growth for having gone through the process is something I cherish. Be strong, get well, a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/22 09:37 PM
2

Go to the mall and buy them frivolous material things. Your idea of bonding doesn't really matter to a teenager. Their idea of bonding is what they are thinking about, and they are indicating that quality time is going to the mall and buying frivolous material things. Listen to them, and show them that you are listening to them. That's bonding. I transitioned to that approach a while ago and things have never been better. The materialism may not be ideal, but its just a phase, as is the divorce.…
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 04:52 PM
5

It works both ways. All kids benefit from both parents. The parent who insults the other is also insulting the kid, who is 50% of each. Do it and you will be burned badly long term because the kids figure that the other is never as quite as bad as you feel they are right now, and they will resent you for it. If you love them at every opportunity, and let other be a jerk, they will be yours long term, guaranteed. My experience. An older boy and three daughters. Wife was awful, verbally abusive. I…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 08:41 PM
2

My joke: They say possession is 90% of the law...The other 10% is divorce
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 11:56 PM
6

My STBX choked me. I refused to fight back because I knew she was trying to bait me into hitting her. So I called the cops. They filed a report and called DYFS because the children were in the house.... I did get a temporary restraining order, but was told I had to leave the house because she was the primary parent! Later I tried to get a copy of the police report, but was denied because it was sealed by the county prosecutor since it involved domestic violence. No matter that I was the victim o…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 06:02 AM
1

Agree in part. My experience is that everything you say and do will be spun and used against you, no matter what. That's what attorney's are paid to do. The way to play this game is to bait her into writing "notes" about what she thinks she has/wants/needs or more importantly, can earn. Get her to admit she can earn 60k so you can use this against her later. But I do not recommend getting an attorney until an appearance in court is necessary. They will be sure to destroy any assets you have accu…
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/21 05:49 AM
1

Not enough billable hours?
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/21 07:13 PM
1

If she's been abusing you during the marriage, it will continue and likely increase during the divorce. Prepare to lose everything she can get her hands on, and try to squirrel some stuff away that she can't so you have a decent chance at starting a new life. Then focus on your physical and mental health. That's all you can really control. Do the right thing by the kids, but they are going to suffer, and you can't prevent that on your own. Feel the pain, process it completely. Don't try to avoid…
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/21 08:42 PM
1

Well said.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 03:37 PM
1

The lawyer's only value, if any, is in Court. They know the rules and procedures that would trip up a common man. And that is important and probably worth their big hourly fees But most of what they do is push letters, emails and documents between court appearances. None of that is worth a cent. So do this work and save the lawyer for court hearings. To do that in my state, you file a substitution to be self represented, and put the lawyer on a consultants retainer. Like putting a dog on a leash…
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/21 12:47 PM
1

I agree w OP. Lawyer's cost stupid money, and 90% of the time they are not worth it. The family court system is broken, and there's no certainty that a lawyer can make it right. There is certainty that you will get a big bill. Economics should always be considered with the preface of "get a lawyer". And the dilemma is you can't ask a lawyer if your situation would benefit from one because they are biased - they want your business - and they really can't assure you of a valuable outcome. They are…
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/21 02:12 PM
3

Yes. This is where Family Court loses all credibility and respect. Judges say and do alot of stupid things in court, and we're told its to protect the children. That's their mission. Then they put children in these impossible, unstable situations, which in this case, they lose their father. Very ironic this murdering tool is/was married to a judge and thinks this is how things go.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 10:59 PM
1

You don't have to be enemies, but alot of people use that as a support of their decision to divorce. They can't be OK w the idea that you are two adults with a normal range of positive and negative qualities that used to love each other, but don't any longer. They need to hate and blame you to take the focus off themselves as an equal partner in the breakdown of the marriage. Its their problem, a sign they haven't done the work to move on successfully. You need to make peace with that too, so yo…
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/21 06:10 PM
5

I got ambushed too, badly. 1) Custody. Establish status quo with the kids. Document your optimal role, whatever it is, so that she can't claim more and take the kids 2) Money. Get separate accounts, and start funding them. Once shit hits the fan, its the only thing you will have. Pay off as much marital debt as you can with marital funds before they dissappear. And document whatever joint accounts you have at the time of filing and/or separation. Some say take the marital money, and women often …
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/21 12:56 PM
2

Yup She not valuing you and your children's future appropriately. Its far more likely to get worse rather than better
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/21 01:34 PM
3

I've been in it for almost 4 years, and its just a weird world. Note that "horrible" is a judgement so you are essentially judging the Judge, which is generally a useless excersize. Judges will say that if someone comes out of a hearing with a smile on their face then they've done something wrong. Indeed I did that years ago and paid for it handsomely. Whats more pertinent is to understand who family court judges are, and where they are coming from. Some are true civil servants and deserve respe…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/21 12:02 PM
16

Facts are indisputable. Know before you go. But I differ on the conclusion. Don't let a fucked up legal system control your life. It is not your fault and only of consequence to you if you let it. A stupid bitch who uses the system for the aforementioned reasons is just that - a stupid bitch (most on this forum have had one), and again not your problem unless you allow it to be. OP is right that you work on yourself and be the person you want to be, but if that person wants to have kids and be a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/21 12:10 PM
8

Why are both pussy and divorce so expensive? Because they are worth it. Editors note: the OP is correct, but what's the purpose of working on yourself if you're not going to enjoy the fruits of your labor?
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/21 08:35 PM
1

Since no two divorces are the same, its impossible to say... What you need is the emotional control to deal with a former lover as an adversary without making mistakes. Its harder than it sounds, and the mistakes are what kill you (figuratively) . The process permits the female to be emotional and make mistakes, but can severely punish the male for same. So if you can get that for $300 its a very good deal, but I'm skeptical.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/21 11:12 AM
3

I'd say its about 10-100 times better than being married! The women are interested in meeting you, unlike the ex, and you will like and be attracted to and have relations with some of them. If your experience goes negative then it probably means your not ready, and step back until you are.....
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/21 11:03 PM
1

Very well written. I wish I had read this before I got sucked in.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/21 01:56 AM
2

That's her problem. Not yours. You have beautiful child and are going to do just fine. Enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/21 02:10 AM
1

Yup. Mine's the same So goes the dysfunctional marriage, so goes the dysfunctional divorce
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/21 07:42 PM
1

Yes. Judges and attorneys are dumb. They don't really care as much as you think. They get paid the same either way.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/21 07:47 PM
1

Certainly prepare for divorce before you decide. The better prepared you are, the better you will be, and if you don't decide to,its because you made the decision thats best for you. Either way you will be better off
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/21 10:41 PM
3

And add to that some access to therapy. Podcasts, though not personal, are abundant and free. Enduring a divorce is similar to mourning a death. Preparing yourself emotionally is the key to managing all the good advice above. Good luck
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/21 01:53 AM
4

I'm on my second attorney. I just stopped responding to my prior lawyers requests for payment. They know what "fuck you" means without it being said. Its just part of their pitiful world My ex has been through ten or more lawyers because she's fucking crazy. She yells and screams and fee arbs everyone, and there is still another moron ready to sign her up. They are dirt and they know it. Its pure business. Handle it accordingly
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/21 03:13 AM
3

That tax law change will not be rolled back. The former structure was abused. Someone else can be more precise, but the difference between deductions reported and alimony reported amounted to billions of dollars. Blame the provider for deducting too much, or the receiver for not reporting it, no difference. The government is using this rule change to close the implied tax revenue deficit, and they are nit going to give it back, ever
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/21 12:51 AM
1

Im on your side, but you do have to have a good reason why she should support you. Your kids are 16 and 18; if its not clear to me why you can't work, the Judge is equally likely to ask. Its a game. If you don't have a good reason, you're dust. Use your lawyer's advice
/r/Divorce_Men19/02/21 03:22 AM
2

My divorce proceedingz are approaching three years. STBX is trying to make it as awful as possible. Not sure if this is a guide for you, but she was generally succesdul for about a year, because the Courts err on the side of women and children, but after a year or so, Couts/lawyers see through the lies and tire of the antics, so now its a drawn out process of letting the capsized boat sink. i checked out a while ago, stopped caring about scumbag lawyers taking all the money; thats what they do a…
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/21 01:26 PM
1

Since the allegations were dismissed in your favor, you should only feel obligated to talk about them when you are comfortable doing so. This does not sound the time. You should not be harmed by this anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 12:36 AM
0

Comments above are all true, but what do I DO?? I hire their kids to odd jobs, babysit, feed pets, shovel snow...something easy. Then I pay them, maybe a little more than going rate, but add on a good tip for excellent work. That info goes straight back to the parents and pretty much eliminates any issues..... And no, I don't care what the neighbors think, but its a win-win, because I get some work done
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/20 07:25 PM
1

I agree. There's good reason for Child support, but not alimony. Any able-bodied human, male or female, can move on and take care of themselves
/r/MensRights04/05/20 03:38 AM
2

If you have alimony past due, and the means to pay, almost all court proceedings to obtain payment would not be found in your favor. On the case at hand it comes down to who should get paid first: your lawyers or your ex. If its found that you should pay your lawyers first and subsequently don't have money to pay alimony past due, you may get a temporary reprieve, and then argue that alimony should be reduced because of a fundamental change, but thats really a moonshot
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/20 08:10 PM
10

I'm in a similar situation, but its four kids and two years. The struggle is unreal. The good news in my oldest turned 18. Within a month he completely rejected his mother and now lives with me. I got three more to go. My strategy has been not to play into the alienation. Just offer love & support and support & love. Like you're a grandparent, happy to see them whenever you can. My evil ex spins everything negatively in the worst ways imaginable, and I don't acknowledge any of it. Just don't giv…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/20 10:23 PM
5

Yup. I got a crazy stbx that refuses to settle. She filed two years ago and trial was scheduled for June. Now its postponed indefinitely.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/20 01:13 AM
1

How did you do it?
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/20 12:46 AM
4

Prepare, prepare, prepare SInce she's vindictive, assume her behavior will be pretty bad. And since she a gambler, she will want as much $$ as she can. SO before she has any clue, inventory everything! And as it "disappears", document it. Once confronted with her behavior, she will be more reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men29/02/20 09:09 PM
1

The answer is clearly based on economics: the is no "gender wage gap". The is individual variance around a mean salaried position. And the difference in gender behavior, behavior and productivity, both present and future, result in an assymetry. I've seen hospitals replace lote of Men with lower paid females, and sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't. In the end its about what organizations performs best and what "gender wage gap" allows them to be most profitable And I've females ascend to m…
/r/MensRights27/02/20 12:27 AM
3

That freedom is a ways away. Stay focused. Absolutely do NOT let the next round of abuse trigger you into doing something stupid. The judge's eyes on you from here on out
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/20 05:02 PM
1

I would like to join you on this. I have encountered some laws that are outright punitive, and create preserve incentives for trials. Specifically, in NJ, Brown VS Brown eliminated the minority shareholder discounts used in business evaluations during divorce. All other non-divorce evaluation situations use the well-established discount, approximately 20%, that a minority shareholder holds due to lack of control of the organization. It less valuable for sale on the market. But not divorce. If yo…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/20 12:13 AM
4

That's pretty typical. Its patriarchal, so the burden initially falls on the male. Thats just the way it is. Learn to accept that part then prepare for the next step. FWIW, my initial hit was much, much worse. Indescribable. I appealed and lost. So after you take that hit (because you have no choice), start to collect all documents necessary to demonstrate that your STBX is a vindictive cunt who is exploiting the system for her selfish benefit. Get proof, not accusations. Documents and third par…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/20 05:44 PM
0

Are you really asking a bunch of divorced guys?
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/20 05:56 PM
3

Agree with this. Lawyers talking to lawyers gets nothing done and costs everyone a fortune. Someone who is doing what she is doing is not going to heed to her counsel anyway. So your lawyer is doing the right thing. Whether she is performing well may be another question, no way to tell based on what you said First, get control of your reality. Your STBX is actively and probably successfully alienating you from your children, because the fucked up patriarchal court system essentially permits it a…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/20 02:56 AM
1

Its not one article. Its a significant field of academic study. And you can look at the converse too, amougnst corporate boards with the most dysfunction, there is a higher percentage of homogenous boards. I don't know if there has ever been a board made up of exclusively white women, but I bet the results would be the same.
/r/MensRights24/01/20 05:39 PM
0

Yes. That is in response the initial work that showed the effect, and they go on to say that the better performance may be attributed to the culture of diversity, not just the diversity. From an investors point of view, thats basically the same thing. Bet against Goldman's all you want. ​ And to be clear, "diversity" is not synomynous with "women". My bias is that effective diversity can be achieved without women.
/r/MensRights24/01/20 05:28 PM
-1

It's not my data Google "Performance of diversified corporate boards"
/r/MensRights24/01/20 03:45 PM
-5

Does it matter what the explanation is? As an investor, I want to make money,so I want diversity. When it comes to money, who here thinks Goldman's doesn't know what its doing?
/r/MensRights24/01/20 03:38 PM
-5

I'm pro-men's rights, but Goldmans is correct about this. Considerable data exists to demonstrate that companies with more diversified boards perform better. Its not an argument anymore. So all investors, male or female should support this.
/r/MensRights24/01/20 02:18 PM
1

The failure of my last marriage (I say "last" instead of "first" for therapy) was extremely similar. 17 years w 4 Kids and my wife's long painful downward spiral into psychologic and personality disorders. Been recovering for two years by focusing on what I can control and coming to a profound understanding of what I can not: my failed marriage. The pain was incredible, and there's still alot to process, especially with the kids. Buts its clear from your really well written biopic that you have …
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/20 03:14 AM
3

FIrst, its better to have the best attorney you can find. Second, a male is probably better. ​ I initially thought I should get a female to shed the appearance of chauvenism. So I hired a marquee female. Turns out she wasn't very good, or least blew the first hearing. Worse, when I got mad, she took offense to me! She couldn't stand up for me in court, but she thought it necessary to stand up to me afterwards? It got very stupid very fast, and gender had alot to do with it. I fired her, got a ma…
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/20 04:09 PM
1

They changed their name to 4 1/2 guys......
/r/MensRights11/01/20 01:20 AM
2

Only way is to tell him/her that you have no income or assets, but then they probably wont work for you. ​ Kidding aside, its a business, and a really crappy one at that, so the only real reason lawyers enter the field is for $. If you want them to do something for you, they will charge you. With that in mind, 1) Make sure your retainer has a minimum 0.1 time charge. Thats six minute for an email or phone call. Otherwise its a 0.2 minimum, which means they charge you twice as much for the same w…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/20 08:50 PM
1

My STBX has done something similar, involving Kids, 18,16,14,13 in all aspects of the divorce to get them to take sides. It is alienating some of them. Know that its a reflection of an unhealthy mind and the children will ultimately realize that and need therapy. Do what you want, cut their funds etc. in the short term, but I think abandoning them will make it much worse. Do the right thing. As an example, my 18 yo told STBX that she was a dumb c*#t for carrying on this way, prolonging the divor…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/19 01:54 PM
1

Keep lawyers as far away as possible.......
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/19 03:22 PM
1

I'm in a similar situation. Been on OFW w abusive STBX for over a year. Blocked all other communication and that helped alot in the beginning. But now she's carrying on on OFW. Just checked and there 894 messages there, most of which are threatening and abusive. What should I do with them?
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 10:17 PM
4

Went to DV court w/ my STBEX after she choked me. Judge determined that because I was physically bigger, case could be dismissed.
/r/MensRights22/12/19 06:10 AM
1

Start out by using a lawyer as a consultant. DO NOT sign a retainer upfront. If you do the two lawyers will initiate motions to consume all of your disposable income. Then they will go after the equity in your house. You can work pro se with/against the opposing lawyer until the first court hearing, then retain your lawyer. It will save you alot of money and make it clear to your lawyer that he/she can't take advantage of you. Lawyers have very little value if they are not in court
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/19 03:12 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter