DazzlingEcho6475 Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
1	What were your breaking points? We had gone through a cycle of cheating on her end, reconciliation, emotional hell, cheating back to reconciliation, for about 10 years. I asked myself the question before her final AP "does she make me the luckiest man on earth?" Ouch, that perception hit hard. Filed after finding out about the last one	/r/Divorce_Men	28/12/24 09:32 PM
10	She wanted this…why is she increasingly so hateful? All I can offer is she has a miserable, pathetic, empty existence. Mine just recently weaponized my kid in an attempt to start a fight with the kid. I've said nothing to her in months, I don't fuel her jabs, but I almost lost it to this. I had to block her and do some damage control with the kid. So my x thrives on conflict, and she lashes out when she loses supply. I wish I could turn the other cheek but using the kids? Your ex is devoid of empathy or morality. You aren't. It isn't fair. Stay s…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/12/24 09:29 PM
2	How did you deal with living together right before the physical separation? It was about shit. Since she was cheating, she suddenly decided to start getting up 2 hours before anyone else to shower and prep so she could meet him before work. She did NOTHING around the house, didn't help with the kids, amd monopolized all the downtime going good knows where and leaving the kids with me for days at a time. I shoveled most of the crap in the house onto her sleeping spot on the couch. I stopped paying for her car and that woke her up a bit. I also stopped telling her any pla…	/r/Divorce_Men	10/12/24 01:17 AM
9	I'm struggling with not seeking revenge. I can tell you from experience that it doesn't matter. Whatever you want to tell her, or get off your chest, or you think even hurts her still....write it down in a journal or email or something and keep it to yourself. Not being harsh, but I'm trying to help your sanity. As others will also say, she doesn't care. She just doesn't care. Since she is a cheater, her brain isn't wired in morality, or goodness of character, or empathy with others. She doesn't feel guilt, just occasional shame, and i…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/12/24 01:27 AM
2	Sudden divorce How long ago did you move? Most states have a time frame for establishing residence. If it's only been a few months or less than a year, I think you can file in your last location, amd make her have the decision to move back, or she leaves your son with you. Consult an attorney, as I am not a legal expert	/r/Divorce_Men	18/09/24 10:54 PM
1	Obsessed with lowering child support Oh my god, my first reaction to that was "that's is sickening!" Hopefully you are in a good financial spot that it was actually proportional.	/r/Divorce_Men	09/09/24 01:22 AM
1	Obsessed with lowering child support This is intersting to me. Do you have actual 50/50 custody with calculations based off that? I'd be in a similar boat. Make about 2k more than the ex, with 50/50 and 3 kids, I pay $200/mo plus controlled costs and Healthcare. If I had to go to visitation I'd be over $1200/mo My time with the kids is every other week, and I actually have them probably a bit more than that, but I love and value the time with them, and she knows that. The $200 I pay her barely covers a week groceries for her, and s…	/r/Divorce_Men	09/09/24 01:19 AM
1	I’m pretty sure divorce is nearing. What can I do now to hedge a little bit of money now to protect myself? Yoy could start attending church and making "cash donations" No one will keep track of how much you actually donate and how much you keep yourself You can always negotiate, maybe draw up a settlement agreement where you voluntarily take on maybe half or 3/4 her debt in exchange for keeping the house or something. You'll be in a vastly better position if you swing that, even giving up some retirement. If you can keep the house, the money you lose can always be made back I also would urge you to f…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/09/24 10:23 PM
5	Barely surviving The doom scrolling gets you, and I get pissed at myself every time I do it. I started going to the library and started checking out books I normally wouldn't have before, either something in a field I'm interested in, or books on different social environments to kind of stimulate my thinking. I now generally have several books around at all times, and when I catch myself doomscrolling, I put my phone in the charger and pick up a book. The discipline also has started to help with going to the gym…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/09/24 11:16 PM
2	I’m struggling. Separated wife is guilt tripping me. Am I crazy for still caring about her? Doubting myself for wanting a divorce. Oh man, I am so sorry you are going through this. I will run through my experience, and hopefully spare you some grief. My stbxw cheated repeatedly through the marriage. After finding out about it, I desperately wanted to reconcile, as we had a child at the time. Through almost a decade, we went through this pattern, about once a year, things got really bad, she would threaten to leave, but never actually did it. She would get mixed up with some guy at work. After a month or two, it would fall a…	/r/Divorce_Men	27/08/24 05:37 PM
10	What are the top things that you don’t miss You sir, have experienced the exact same garbage as I have. I will not miss the constant stress of feeling accountable to a piece of garbage that never had any accountability for anything she did in her life	/r/Divorce_Men	27/07/24 01:50 AM
1	Financially, how difficult is/was it? Same here. Mine refused to leave and carried on with her AP for for the last 4 months. She kept saying she needed the 401k settlement she get to move out, but someone loaned her money and she found an apt she will be moving into in an week. Can't wait....good riddance. Soul crushing isn't the word I'd use though. She systematically dehumanized me over the last several years of our marriage.... the proper term is "imasculating"	/r/Divorce_Men	24/07/24 04:01 AM
8	She wants to separate but still live together Great suggestions here. I would also add that you stop enabling her. No chitchat, no talking about the day, no emotional support. She wants to be single? Break off as much as you can. No family trips... it's either you and the kids, or her and the kids. She is getting ready to leave more fully, whether it is physically, or she is getting ready to cheat. She said the marriage is over, take it at face value and get moving, you have the advantage of setting a head start here.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/06/24 07:12 AM
4	Let Go Of Who You Remember Them To Be Thank you. While this is just a really shitty thing she did to you, and I really am sorry you had to endure this, I think it's s very important statement about the reality of your spouse leaving you. It seems most of these WS are so deluded, they think everything will keep revolving around them, and their lack of conscience knows no evil depth of hell. She did what she always did.... acted selfishly. If nothing else, you reinforced for me that I will never again help my STBXW, so thank you. This…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/06/24 12:29 AM
5	Wife Wants To Be "Best Friends" After Filing And No Hope of Reconciliation This is the kind of explanation that really sets the whole picture on why there should either be real legal ramifications for a WS, or marriage should somehow be redefined in much less crushing consequences of failure. The person you picked to be your most trusted, closet confidant, tears the literal fabric of your relationship to shreds by betraying that exact trust. Then, they get to emotionally and financially wreck your life at a whim because divorce is so easy. Then, after they unleashed an…	/r/Divorce_Men	02/06/24 10:54 PM
1	Sleeping at night I didn't take anything. For about a month, I'd keep waking up in the early morning because that's when she was forced to get up and take a shower ro do her sneaking around. I still occasionally wake up early, after 3 months, but it's not that frequent anymore. The bad days aren't as frequent either. I'm just waiting for everything to be over so I can fully get her out of the damn house...that will put me in a much better place Not much help other than you just have to endure the body's process. …	/r/Divorce_Men	31/05/24 07:54 PM
3	354 text messages over 10 days w/ some guy and she still denied cheating How I found out about this final (for me) cheating partners as well. I happened to notice that she had 11,000 text messages for the month of March. Her normal text load is around 3 to 4k texts. One number dominated that list. I estimated around 3 to 400 texts a day, from way early in the morning to past 10 at night. Shockingly, she still denied it at first. I've managed to stop looking at the phone logs, because, what's the point, but they text several hundred times a day, and still talk on the …	/r/Divorce_Men	30/05/24 07:02 PM
2	How to deal with my stbx during our divorce? I deal with a similar stbxw. Unfortunately there aren't any guaranteed ways to really deal with someone like that. The suggestions so far of formal communication only is a great place to start, and what you've done so far is good. Don't let her start an argument and keep it going, especially with rational points. In my case, she doesn't have a shred of respect for me, so she will tear into me, and if I don't answer she will do things to make my life more difficult, usually by not helping with th…	/r/Divorce_Men	30/05/24 11:12 AM
3	Can’t tell if my STBXW is projecting or actually delusional Lol, good on you! The repercussions will probably hit her hard. Mine initially was fine with 50/50 custody, but now she is really trying to talk me out of it. I've heard "it's not as easy as you think it's going to be" more times in the last two weeks. For some reason, I suddenly can't figure out how to either live by myself, or figure out how to care for the kids on a weekly basis, because, I wasn't the primary breadwinner for 10 years or anything. She hasn't even come close to figuring out her…	/r/Divorce_Men	24/05/24 04:21 PM
3	Can’t tell if my STBXW is projecting or actually delusional That seems to be standard, doesn't it? Mine has repeatedly shown no accountability either, and blames me completely for "having to find someone else to fulfill her needs". That is also the reason now that the kids need to be up earlier because her schedule and income doesn't really allow her to operate differently. She's kind of mad I didn't just stay the good little paycheck I was supposed to be. The horrible part, if she hadn't destroyed any goodwill I had left by cheating, we would have been …	/r/Divorce_Men	24/05/24 03:23 PM
3	What happens if you refuse to sign the the divorce documents? I also live in a no fault and equitable state. Basically, how you can expect this to go: Either spouse can sue for divorce. Nothing will stop it now. Uncontested makes it go much quicker, cheaper, and usually more equitable if both parties agree and sign the settlement. If you don't sign anything, you force the next steps, which is usually mediation, arbitration, and finally trial. Once the trial hits, the judge will make all the decisions for you. His ruling will generate the decree. Whether yo…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/05/24 01:54 PM
2	Mother's day I wish I was kidding. The irony is, she has always been an amazing gift giver	/r/Divorce_Men	10/05/24 01:34 AM
2	Mother's day Got nothing for father's day last year either. Last year for mother's day, the kids and I got her some picture frames with artwork they made, and a card. I think she threw them out. She criticizes all the gifts she gets. If the kids ask, I'll get them a card to sign	/r/Divorce_Men	09/05/24 09:42 PM
1	Coming up on a year since separation heading to official divorce. I was 37 when my first was born, and got 2 more after 40. I was at a point too in my early thirties where I thought I was never going to have a family. 14 years later, staring down the barrel of divorce, I almost wish I had changed my attitude much earlier, and found someone more in line with my values. Life has a funny way of working itself out around your desires. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, and getting pieces of my old self back may help with a future relationship. Things look blea…	/r/Divorce_Men	08/05/24 05:41 PM
1	So you want Reconsiliation.. Serial cheating on her end. The first time she did it, she came home crying and told me all about it. We we went through some counseling, and for about a year, things went OK, but I had a tough time with re-establushing trust. She felt it was MY responsibility to atone for the wrongs in the marriage, and when I struggled with resentment over her infidelity, we got distanced. She had no empathy. So she separated and had a short fling with someone of Tinder. At this time, I also found out that she…	/r/Divorce_Men	05/05/24 02:27 PM
1	So you want Reconsiliation.. Your original post hammered in almost to the emotion everything I've gone through in this whole process. The push and pull has been really difficult to suppress, because you just don't want the marriage to fail. I also operated several years under the wrongful assumption i was saving her from herself. You sum up a conclusion that came to me about reconciliation in your last sentence there about winning. Do I want to reconcile with my wife. No. I answered one simple question. With everything that…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/05/24 11:51 PM